Not another Alicorn!

by StarryPenName

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mystery, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 1952

You probably know those. The Mary Sues and Gary Stus of the world. Something magical happens, and they go to Equestria and become the "seventh element" or some BS like that. Well. News flash. It happened, and NOW MY COAT IS PINK. (HiE Parody)

When Julia is dared to skateboard down the deadliest hill in her neighborhood, she thinks she'll be fine. When she wakes up in Equestria, she has to find out why she's there, how to get back, and WHY THE HELL SHE'S AN ALICORN.

Julia, the seventh Element of Harmony, has to go and fix everything. And she can.

Right?

(Warnings: Profanity, HiE parody)

Published 2017-01-26 04:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-01-26 04:00:01 UTC

Chapter 1: I Just Woke Up

Chapter 1: I Just Woke Up

Of course it all started because of my brother. His name's Jon, he's twelve, and he's the most self-entitled brat. One of the things we both love to do is skateboarding. Seeing as I have four more years of practice at it than him, I'm better, right? Well, yeah. But when I get in the zone, I'm in the zone, even if you have to punch me to get me out.

Well I was playing truth or dare with him and his half-baked friend Zachary, by JON'S suggestion anyway, and Zachary says "Hey Julia, I dare you to go down Death Drop Drive!"

I'm pretty sure there's a GOOD REASON Death Drop Drive is nicknamed that. Actually it's usually called Electric Lane (No Outlet.)

But anyways, I'm a HUGE pegasister, and so into the community, and so I think, Well, Scootaloo manages to defy gravity on a daily basis so I can too! or something like that. So I strap on my stupid pink pads even though I hate pink, put on my amazing blue helmet that I painted my MLP cutie mark on (a lightning bolt with skateboard wheels, if you must know) and tied my plain brown, straight hair into a ponytail. I push off. And then I'm just

tumbling

tumbling

tumbling

all the way down the hill

then nothing

Where am I? I open my eyes. I'm lying down on my side, maybe I have a blanket over me? But what's around me is just a blue background, with stars? I look down to my chest. I do have a blanket -- no… that's not a blanket. It's wing-shaped, and a pale shade of pink. It gradates to midnight blue, which is the only forgivable aspect of it. I manage to sit up, and look down at my hooves.

Well, this is new. Also, my coat is the same shade as the wing which isn't so nice. Well, at least I ended up being a pegasus in what I suppose must be the afterlife. This happens in fanfic, right? Classic "Human in Equestria" trope! But… now to find a way to get out of here. I try to see my cutie mark, as an afterthought. No? No lightning bolt? It's odd. Just a simple design of a four-colored cube. Gold, midnight blue, dark green and deep brown. Nice colors, but I wish my coat were that gold color, instead of the nauseating pink. Well, there is coat dye… or magic. I decide to get up. Walking in equine form is… surprisingly easy, and I'm much less likely to fall over, as clumsy a walker I am in my human…form? life? I don't know. I decide to check out my mane. I pull a lock in front of my face. It's the same brown color as one of the colors in the cube, but on the end it's almost blonde. Well, that's okay.

I decide to try out my voice. "Hello?" It turned out deeper than I had expected and so I was probably like 20 in pony years. That's okay. I'm okay. What about my name? My OC name, Quick Wheel, didn't seem to fit. I'm not sure… If I meet any pony, I'm not sure what I'll call myself.

ZZZAP

...

POOF

"Are you sure there's somepony here, Luna?"

"Yes!"

"Why?"

"She's right there!"

I have to admit, I wasn't expecting this. Celestia AND Luna were here. And Celestia seemed to actually emit low levels of light, whereas Luna seemed almost like she was shadowed, while not having anything casting a shadow upon her. Also, teleportation is very loud, and probably you can't be teleported against your own will because it took a full ten seconds from the zap to the poof. I wondered what Cadence and Twilight did in the boundaries of "obvious alicorn aura" town.

"Hi…?" said I in the very questionable tone of voice people use when they aren't sure at all what should be done in a situation.

Celestia -- or CELESTE, which is her real name and apparently that changed in the translation between universes -- and Luna were too busy gaping at me.

"Hi? Princesses?"

Celeste snapped back and shook her head slightly, then stood straight again.

"Hello, Princess," she said quietly.

I automatically looked behind me, but no one was there. I slowly raised a hoof to my forehead.

No. You cannot be fucking serious. No way are you fucking serious that I'm an alicorn. Shit.

But oh guess what. I am. Not only that but my colors are an abomination of nature. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY KICK ASS THESTRAL OC?

Okay, I'm embarrassed to say that I broke down crying. Celeste, for some reason, showed no emotion, but Luna came towards me for a hug. "Twas just as hard a transformation for me as thee. I didst break down crying for a fortnight, if not more… twould ascension be an easier path no alicorn wouldst have emotional power to match their magic."

BEST PRINCESS FTW!

I cried with Luna for awhile more, then I parted myself from her comically sobbing grasp. I’m not sure what this is, but this is NOT canon. Whatsoever.

ZZZAP

…

POOF

I blinked for a second; everything looked so familiar. The buildings, the ponies, all had more differences (Lyra had a different mane-style than Roseluck, for example) but Ponyville was mostly identical to the show. I instantly turned to Princess Celeste.

"Hey, do you know of anyplace I can get coat dye?"

Luna stared at me quizzically. "What doth thee needeth coat dye for?"

"Oh, um no reason," I quickly said. For some reason no one was staring at me, even though it's not exactly NORMAL to have a bright pink alicorn who's not Princess Cadence walk through the town. That was when I became suspicious. But I wasn't too suspicious yet, after all I just got to Equestria. So I eagerly trotted up to Twilight's castle, where Celestia knocked regally on the door. Luna just shielded her eyes from the burn of light on shimmering crystal. I smelled pancakes, and I was excited to have some.

A servant answered the door. Which I found odd, seeing as Spike was kinda the door-answerer most of the time, but… that seemed at least semi-logical to me. He was still a kid, and in reality he probably wouldn't be cooking for Twilight, but mostly the opposite. So a servant answering the door wasn't improbable at all. She let us in, and Twilight trotted out of a doorway and waved to Celeste and Luna. Around her was the faint magenta traces of magic, and a burnt mana smell/taste/aura that's very hard to describe if you don't have the mana perception glands of a unicorn or alicorn. Within a few yards of her I felt the acrid scent of teleportation around her, and once she realized I was there, did a double-take, and got right up close to me, I felt my mana reserves themselves enlarge and fill up. (Mana reserves are the magical glands in a pony's horn that fuels spellcasting. After a pony's mana reserves enlarge enough the horn actually grows. This is one of the reasons Celeste's horn is so long.)

"Hi, my name is Princess Amicizia de Magica, fourth Regent of the Realm, Bearer of the Element Friendship, Wielder of Starswirl's Blessing, and Heir of the name of the House Twilight. You can call me Twilight Sparkle."

I bowed. "Hello. I don't have a name. The best I can give you is, um… hi? I'm an alicorn too? Nice to meet you, Twilight."

She sighed. "You don't have to bow… And we can work on the name thing. But I should probably teach you a couple of things about alicorn anatomy. You know, since I’ve been studying, and you look new to this game!” She giggled weirdly.

“I am new,” I said, slightly depressed.

(This is how I got my knowledge of mana reserves and why Celeste's horn is so long.) But after she taught me the basics of alicorn anatomy, I was actually aching to try my hand (hoof? horn?) at some spellcasting myself. I think I wowed Princess [insert long unnecessary title here] out of the water. First I tried simple telekinesis. I hovered a heavy gold ball above my head and began juggling six of them once I could. I began harder tricks and finally began fueling up a spell which would allow me to time jump a couple of hours into the future. I began casting it and a mana wind picked up, making the scrolls in the room crackle and swirl around me as I opened my wings and let the pure magical energy roll off me, ruffling my feathers, my mane askew. As my suddenly-white hot field began to engulf my vision, I felt myself floating upwards against my will as the cosmic wind emanating from my form buffeted Twilight until she galloped out of the room, her wing feathers askew and her own eyes blazing white like my sudden magical surge. I could barely see amid the light show ripping my chest apart, but as Twilight left the room, my mana reserves slowly drained as they were not being constantly refilled by her aura. I just barely got sight of a gold crown lying next to me before I passed out.

I woke up in a bed not my own. I opened my eyes and saw, next to the bed, an odd gold crown with a three-section gem design. It had an intricate design, similar to Twilight's crown… actually, exactly the same, save for my cutie mark on it. My eyes widened. I picked it up, and carefully put it on my head. It fit perfectly. I got up and opened the door, folding my wings tightly to my sides.

There were a couple of guards by the door, but I paid them no mind.

I was unsettled by how much everyone liked me, honestly — then again, this is exactly the kind of thing that would happen, or does happen, in all the “seventh element” fan fictions. I was just about ready to jump out the window and I contemplated it, but then I realized Twilight would stop me and then say something dumb like, “Oh, you really want to go flying, don’t you?” And then I would be STUCK.

So, I played along. I went down to the breakfast room, gazing up at the chandelier. Twilight introduced me to her friends, “This is Rainbow Dash—! Rainbow, say hello to our new friend!” And she was in the library for the rest of the day, trying to figure out how I got an Element of Harmony.

We received a letter from Celeste in the afternoon, and took a chariot to Canterlot.

When we were there, we galloped to the castle. The guards let us in, nodding, and we raced to the throne room— Twilight in the front, me behind her, the rest of the Elements around. The doors creaked open, and Celeste was on her throne frowning.

“Twilight, I believe with the seventh Element, we can bring your Elements of Harmony back,” she said with a serene smile. Then her demeanor shifted. “We will need them.”

Author's Note

Thanks for reading this! If you did read it! I don't know... But thanks! I really want to improve at writing and while this won't be an epic saga I hope that I'll be able to put out more, and longer chapters too! (also working on expanding this one before i put more out)