Raison d'Etre

I sat on the couch, sullen and moody. Sonata was droning on about this job at some bakery having led to possibly co-running a catering business of her own. Adagio was at work, thankfully. I don’t think I could have dealt with both of them, considering how chipper they’ve been lately. I scratched my leg, feeling the phantom kiss of my knife. It was calling to me, much like we had used to call to ponies. I hadn't slept well in a few days, which coincided with the last time I had drawn my knife from it's hiding place.

“And with any luck, in a couple years we could go into business for ourselves instead of being an offshoot of Sugarcube Corner!” Sonata was almost vibrating with glee, the silly sod. “And Pinks and I have come up with…”

“Shut up,” I muttered.

She paused, confused. “What?”

“Shut. Up.” I clarified. “You’ve been going on about this for hours, Sonata.” I tilted my head up to glare. “I. Don’t. Care.”

“Ari,” she started, her smile wavering.

"Don't Ari me," I growled. "You can take your offer and choke on it."

I stood up and stomped off to my room, shutting the door and slumping onto my bed. The anger and irritation melted away leaving depression and a twinge of guilt for yelling at her. She had just invited me to go out with her and ‘Pinks’ - whoever that was - to catch a movie, her treat.

And I had just told her that I didn’t care. Even though I did.

Tears built up, blurring my vision. A few sobs broke free and I leaned over and grabbed my pillow, holding it into me and using it to muffle the noise. After a few minutes, my tears had receded back to sullen depression. I lay in bed, holding my knife in my hand, contemplating using it to alleviate some of the grief but I was trying not to succumb.

Sighing, I sat up and slid the knife back into it’s hiding place. The only way to change my mood was to not retreat into hiding. I went out to the kitchen and found Sonata pulling on her jacket, flipping her hair free from the collar.

“What?” she bit at me.

Great, she was upset. I must have really hurt her, more than I realized.

“Sonata,” I started before looking away. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that I didn’t care about you, it’s just that…”

“You still haven’t gotten over losing it,” she said. “I get that, and if you would let me or Dagi talk to you or come out of your room for more than five seconds we could try to help you.”

I winced. “I’m not ready,” I whispered. “I wanted to be mad for a while, but I just wound up mad at myself. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually miss my sisters. Even you.”

I saw her eyes hint at the return of her smile.

“Maybe tomorrow, we can do something,” I said. “If you’re willing.”

“Tomorrow,” she said, the smile returning. “And I’ll show you what you’ve been missing out on.” She slid out the door.

I felt a smile tug at my mouth as I turned to get something to drink. I had barely opened the bottle of water when I heard a scream from outside the door. It wasn’t an unusual occurrence in this building, but there was something about the scream…something familiar. It resonated off my mind and I knew whose it was.

Sonata.

I burst from the door, looking towards the stairwell and saw my sister’s kicking boots being drug through a doorway. I shot down the hall, throwing my shoulder into the door that was had been shut.

The door exploded open, revealing a swart and unwashed man holding my sister down. He had already hiked her skirt up a little and was trying to force her legs apart. She was crying, fear tugging at her features as she tried to free her hands. The man turned and looked at me, a confused and angry look on his face, and his eyes were glazed with sort of gaze that said he wasn’t seeing the world as it was. He was high.

In that moment, I saw myself in him, my need for something to replace the Song, the things I had done to try to substitute it out. The need for the high just to continue on from one day to the next.

Sonata’s scream, still echoing in my head was answered by one of my own as I swung my fist at the thug, knocking him from my sister.

I threw myself on him, but I wasn’t just attacking someone that had just tried to hurt my sister.

He represented all of my failures at that point, every knife cut, every knot tied, every drunken night and snarled word to my sisters. I cried as I punched him, every night I hid from the world in my mind's eye. I felt a hand grab my shoulder but I shrugged it off, tears streaming down my face as I continued to rain blows down.

Two pairs of hands grabbed me by the arms and dragged me off the man. He was bloody, his lip split and eye already swelling closed. I saw the brusing and cuts, saw what I had done and felt cold.

I was dragged back to our apartment, the pair of arms belonging to Adagio and Sonata. Once the door was shut, I was released. I heard muffled words being spoken, but I couldn’t concentrate. I shivered with cold, the image of my sister under the man, the sight of the damage I had done to him.

What have I become? I wondered as I stared at my split knuckles. Not all the blood on me was my own.

I saw Sonata kneel down in front of me, lips forming my name. I grabbed her and pulled her in, holding her close. Tears continued to stream down my face.

She held me back as I poured out my grief. I felt Adagio’s hands on my back and head, stroking my hair.

And in my sister’s arms, I let it all go, admitting everything to them.

I stared at the statue, not believing.

"Are you serious?” I asked.

Sonata giggled and pushed me. “Just do it, Ari.”

“It’s for the best, Aria,” Adagio added.

I reached out hesitantly. I remember the angry red burns Sonata had on her hands for weeks after her one time touching the portal. But I could also see the improvements my sisters had made in the last month or so.

It couldn’t be so simple, could it?

Gritting my teeth, I slapped my hand against the glass, seeing it slide through. There was no pain, no fire. Just a warm feeling that flowed through me. I felt it encircle my thighs, my arms, every place I had ever drawn a line of blood.

It felt wonderful. It felt great. It filled the festering wound in my core, replacing it with a feeling of satiation.

And when it faded, returning me to the world, I felt whole. For the first time in who knows how long. Turning, I saw my sisters, and as I was reaching out to hug them when we were all encompassed in a light glow, all three of us lifting from the ground slightly. A bright line of magic speared all of us, linking us. Following an urge from deep within, I started to sing a note, Adagio and Sonata harmonizing with me. I saw a misty aura start gliding towards us, but when we absorbed it, it was different from all the negative feelings we had eaten for years. It was warmer, softer.

As we hung there, being fed somehow, I spied a young couple in the bushes off to the side, oblivious to the world as they made out. Their passions growing hotter as their emotions flow forth and joined the mist surrounding us.

The harmonizing stopped and we drifted to the ground, and around our necks were three new gems, sapphire blue and smaller.

I looked at my sisters, confused.

“Well,” Adagio said. “That was unexpected.”