Old Rooms

Tears roll down by cheeks as I lock the door to the dimly lit room. I could hear ponies chatting outside. They had seen me run out of the dining room. The ponies that didn’t speak to me this morning. The ones that practically ignored me because they didn’t want to tamper with my emotions. Do any of my subjects actually love me? I turn up the lights and look around. I scream as I recognize the bed, the posters, the closed curtains. This was her room. Heavenly Love’s room. I back up. My tail pressed against the door. Why did I run to this room? It was a habit. Whenever I was sad, Heavenly would beg me to talk to her about it. “Expressing your feelings is a good thing.” She would say. “Come on. You’re the princess of emotions. You should know.” I could visualize her laying on her bed saying that. Love in her eyes. Happiness in her smile. My legs started shaking. “She’s not there! She’s not there!” I shriek as I collapse to the ground.

I wake up in my bed feeling nothing. Not physically, but emotionally. This moment seemed familiar. My curtains were open. The blinding sun shines through. I use my magic to swipe the curtains closed. Now the room is dim, like the rest of the community. Since I am the queen of emotions, most of the pony’s feelings are slightly imitating mine. The weather, not so much. I don’t control the ponies emotions, but when I am sad, it seems as if a dark grey cloud is hanging over Saddle Brooke. Suddenly I notice muffled voice talking from behind my door.

Slowly, I pull the covers off of my bed and toss them to the floor, being careful not to make a sound. I don’t want the ponies outside of my room to notice I am awake. I creep to the entrance of the room and place my ear against the oversized door.
“I just don’t know what we should do. The kingdom seems to be falling apart ever since Heavenly Love…” Immediately, I recognize the voice. It is Cristal Glitz. The maid. I don’t know her very well, but I know she was pretty close to Heavenly. We tried to make conversation but the conversations just… well they just…

“Died. You’ve got to admit it Crissy. This place will never survive if we keep referring to her as “unavailable”. She is gone! Dead! She’s passed on! And I’m pretty sure she’s not coming back. Who would want to after the ways things have been for the past several days. Our town has fallen critically ever since that sick tyrant has been alone.” Golden Dart fumes. His words are so ugly I can spit. I would burst through these doors and throw him across the room with my magic, but I can’t. I need to know what they’re talking about. What it is their keeping from me.

“How dare you insult Lovely Light! How dare you! I know we all are a bit… apprehensive about what happened, but there is no need for such disrespect. She’s doing the best she can.” I hear Cristal sniffle. “She just lost her sister.”
Golden scoffs. “Maybe she should show some respect for us. All she does is sit bawled up in her room sobbing like a filly.”

“She’s in pain!”

“I’m in pain! I’m piled under a million ponies problems. Since the queen hasn’t done anything about anything, I’m forced to solve all the conflicts myself! I’m the only pony who seems to be doing anything around here! Maybe I should be the ruler.”

"Talk about a tyrant!”
Golden snorts at Cristal. “At least I would be better than Lovely.” Golden trots away leaving the other ponies in the hallway to gossip.

The rumors. The lies. By the next day, probably everypony will know. They’ll know about what I’ve been doing for the last four days.
Everypony already knew Heavenly Love had died. I clearly remember the speech. That night, Polished Pride had made the announcement.

Attention all of the pony community. We have gathered you hear for some depressing news. Our Princess, Heavenly Love, is dead. She was found about two hours ago in an underground cave. She and her sister were held hostage there for over twelve hours chained in a prison cell. After we tracked them down, we found Heavenly Love dead. Queen Lovely Light was found by her still alive, but temporarily in shock. Queen Light was recovered and brought to a nearby health center while Heavenly was buried in the Ancestry Cemetery. Everypony is allowed to visit and give their final thoughts to Heavenly Love, as she continues off to paradise.

I was not there for the live reading, but I read the scroll. I have no idea how everypony reacted. Were they sad? Depressed? Angered? Happy? Happy about her death? No. Heavenly was an angel. She was kind, forgiving, and beautiful. She was absolutely flawless. There was only one person who would have enjoyed the death of Heavenly Love. The murderer. Their haunting cackles echoing off the walls of the cave. That wicked smile as it tortured my sister. I flapped my dirty wings and pushed off the ground, but I was weak and frail. I forced magic through my horn, but nothing came out. I was powerless.

I lean my head away from the door and stare into the distance deep in thought. I sat almost calmly. Tears flow down my cheeks. Tears of sadness. Heavenly Love is on my mind of course. I’m not angry anymore though. The old me probably would have been. But now there are two versions of myself. Two completely different ponies. The old me was strict. Not a bully, but strict. Also stressed. All I could thing about was paperwork and ruling. Heavenly would always take me out for dinner to clear my mind. It never worked though. If something wasn’t finished, I was definitely worried. The new me is almost… nonexistent. It seems as if I’m not actually here. I’m just a ghost. Alone, depressed and, horrific. The old me would have been angered by the doubt of my leadership, but now all I can think of is that… he’s right. I can’t do this! I’m unstable! I’m destructive. I’m practically a ticking time bomb. And if I don’t do this right, I’m going to explode and bring everypony down with me.

I’m not fit to rule this kingdom. At least not on my own. Heavenly Love was always by my side to guide me. She would show me how to handle a situation… peacefully. In return I would teach her things and show her things she didn’t understand. We were a team. We can’t do anything without each other. Could we? If I were the one who had died, would our kingdom stay the same? She would have found closure eventually. She would have been a graceful, elegant ruler. The kingdom would probably have been better than before, because I wasn’t there to lock myself in a room and shut my entire empire out. It’s my fault that our kingdom is falling. It’s my fault that our community is drowning in misery, and it’s my fault that she’s dead. Heavenly Love is dead because I didn’t save her. I let her die.

It’s my fault. It’s my fault.