The Supervillain Flu

by TheDriderPony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Adventure
Length: 23896

Symptoms may include fever, sneezing, insomnia, and a desire to conquer the world.

The yearly flu has struck Ponyville once more and countless ponies are resting up at home, surrounded by used tissues and bowls of various home remedies.

Unfortunately, this year's variation of the age old sniffles has an unexpected new symptom: Spontaneous bursts of supervillianry.

Fortunately, none of them are any good at it.

Published 2018-09-06 21:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-11-16 20:28:35 UTC

Jackknife: Cutting to the Core

"Jeez, the things they can get away with printing nowadays." Spike took a long slow drawl from his mug, the piping hot coffee barely fazing his flame-treated throat. He flicked the newspaper so it stood upright again as his eyes shifted to another article.

"What's that Spike?" Twilight asked from across the table. Lacking dragon biology, she had to wait for her coffee to cool to tolerable levels and was spending the interim time focused on giving her toast as even a coating of butter as possible.

"It's this article," he replied, "Either somepony slipped it past the editors or they just lost all their journalistic integrity. It says there's a new type of flu going around that sometimes causes ponies to go crazy and turn evil. I mean, come on, if they're going for satire or even just a prank you'd think they would at least try to write something halfway believable!"

"Oh, you mean malpharyngitis?" Twilight asked through a mouth filled with toast, "That's real. I've actually been corresponding with a few Canterlot researchers about it. It's quite a fascinating example of evolutionary symbiosis."

"What?!" Spike exclaimed, his spit-take ruining both his coffee and the newspaper. "There's a virus going around that turns you evil, and you didn't think to tell anyone about it?!" He got up and began pacing frantically, murmuring half-spoken worries. "We- we need to get somewhere safe. A bunker maybe. We'll get our friends and some food and we'll wait out the pandemic! Yeah, that'll work. I'll need to get some gems, enough water to last us, oh and can't forget my comics..."

As Spike's mutterings became increasingly panicked and fevered, Twilight, without even putting down her toast, cast a spell. A blue aura formed a bubble around the small dragon as the air within it rapidly cooled. As the temperature dropped, so did Spike's speed and focus. Within moments his movements were sluggish, and his panicked rants devolved little more than disconnected vowel sounds.

As his breathing slowed, Twilight moved him back to his seat at the table. She swallowed her toast.

"There, now that you've calmed back down, do you want to wait for me to explain the situation before you start panicking?"

He nodded. Twilight refilled his coffee from the pot and passed the mug back to him. "Here. This should help bring your core temperature back up." He drank deeply as his movements started becoming more fluid.

"Everything's fine Spike," Twilight soothed his concerns. "Most reported instances are just hearsay. Either misdiagnoses or ponies who thought they could use a cold as an excuse to commit a crime. There are only a few actual confirmed cases. Even in those cases, the virus doesn't make a pony any stronger or more powerful than they actually are, though it does lower inhibitions, heighten aggression, and can cause acute cases of megalomania. Besides, even with that in mind you're doubly secure, since the virus evolved to be effective against ponies near exclusively, and doesn't seem anywhere near likely to make the species jump to dragons." She recovered from her long explanation with a sip from her coffee mug, only to find it almost empty. She grabbed the pot in her magic, only the find it empty as well as Spike swallowed the last couple drops from his fifth refill. He chuckled, nervously but good-naturedly.

"So even if somepony does get infected," he extrapolated, "The chances of them actually being a threat are still really low?"

"That's right. The only case in which it would really be a concern would be if the pony in question already had incredible magical or physical abilities before being infected, such as Celestia or Luna, but in their cases alicorn immune systems are more than capable of handling a little seasonal flu."

Spike nodded in understanding. Still, it was a scary thought to think that all it might take to bring back Nightmare Moon was a lucky sneeze. "I hope nobody in Ponyville catches it," he commented as he spread his sodden paper on the table as best he could, "With how easily everypony panics around here."

Twilight paused mid-toast-bite. That... was something to consider. Whether they be actual dangers or imagined ones, the average Ponyville citizen engaged in some sort of panicked stampede or riot almost once a week. She could picture the scenario even now:

Ponyville market, midday. The market is filled with lively hustle and bustle. Then a nondescript mare starts to sneeze. One sneeze leads into another, which starts off a chain that quickly devolves into maniacal laughter. The other ponies freeze; alarmed but curious. The mare rears up (or flies, in the case that she is a pegasus) and declares herself Overlord of the Marketplace, Queen of Produce. She decrees that any pony who does not submit a tribute of fresh vegetables shall be transformed into one instead, before returning to cackling. Despite the inanity of these statements, ponies run screaming from the would-be tyrant, knocking over displays, destroying property, potentially even hurting others in their blind rush to escape. Madness.

Twilight shook herself from her imaginings. As crazy as it was, for Ponyville, such a thing wasn't impossible. "On second thought, Spike, maybe we should go get the girls. Just to be ready in case a supervillain does pop up."

The walk to Sweet Apple Acres had been thankfully uneventful. The town was as calm and peaceful as one could hope. The pair had talked to a few ponies as they walked to get a feel for how the community was doing. Most of them knew it was flu season and a smattering actually had heard about the uniqueness of this year's strain. They were worried, but confident in Twilight and her friends to deal with any problems should they arise. A few ponies actually did have the flu though they showed no signs of developing any evil symptoms.

"So far, so good." Spike commented from atop Twilight's back, "Maybe we were being too worried after all."

The sound of something dragging alerted them that they were not alone. Over the crest of the next hill, they spotted a familiar orange mare towing a wagon of scrap metal.

"Howdy Twi, Spike." Applejack greeted with her usual warmth. Despite this, there was a faint hoarseness to her throat and a red irritated ring around her eyes.

"Applejack, are you okay?" Twilight asked, "You don't look so good."

The farmer sniffed, viscous mucous clogs amplifying and distorting the noise. "Ah'm fine. Just a head cold. But farms and fieldwork wait fer nopony."

"Do you want us to help? You really should be resting to help speed up your recovery." While true, Twilight also worried that too much physical activity might exacerbate her condition.

Applejack paused a moment, but nodded. "Actually, Ah could use some help. You mind helpin' me get this to the barn?"

Wordlessly, and little to no apparent effort, the entire cart of scrap rose into the air, its harness unbuckling from Applejack simultaneously.

"Whoo," the farm mare wiped a sheen of sweat from her brow, "Thank ya kindly, Twilight. That was feelin' awfully heavier than it shoulda been."

"Muscle fatigue is a common symptom of the flu." Twilight put a comforting foreleg around her friend, discreetly checking her for a fever at the same time. "Come on. Spike and I will help you with your chores so you can focus on recovering."

"Thank ya Twi-lah..lah.. lachoo!" The sneeze practically blew the hat off Applejack's head.

When they arrived at the barn, Twilight was surprised to find the entrance covered by a large curtain. She set the wagon down just outside it. "Is something going on in the barn?"

"Oh nuthin' much." Being more sensitive to temperature and immune to the virus, Spike had walked alongside Applejack to monitor her condition, just in case. "Just an idea Ah got in my head today."

She rummaged through the pile of metal and came out with a long lever. She attached it to a waiting mechanism on the side of the barn door. "Ah'll get back to you an' the chores in just a minute, Twilight," she explained, "Just let me take care of something right quick."

"Anything we can help with?" Spike asked.

"Oh it ain't anythin' fancy." She sneezed again, and when she opened her eyes there was a strange wildness to them. "I'm goin' to drop a thief in a vat of acid!"

She pulled the newly-installed lever and the curtain parted. Behind it was a hogtied pegasus suspended above a large tank full of frothing, bubbling, yellowish-brown liquid. If it weren't enough that they were friends, her iconic mane made her easy enough to recognize.

"Twilight!" Rainbow Dash cried, "Thank Celestia you're here! Applejack's gone crazy! She says she's gonna drop me in acid!"

Horrified, Twilight froze. This was beyond the things she'd imagined. She had failed to even consider the possibility of one of her friends becoming a supervillain. And to drop her best friend in acid: it was beyond mere villainy, it was downright, unabashedly evil! In the meantime, Applejack had donned a dramatic cape with high stiff collar. It would have been more impressive if it didn't seem to be made from old burlap sacks.

"Behold!" she declared, "Mah master plan!" She turned to Rainbow Dash, an evil glint in her eye. "Fer too long y've been takin' advantage of me. Too long. But no longer!"

"What. The. Hay! Applejack!" Rainbow Dash shot back as she struggled against her bonds, "For the last time, I have no idea what you're talking about! What stealing? What taking advantage?"

"Apples. Every day you take a nap in my trees and eat a few apples. Apples that are mine. Every day for years, you rainbow rapscallion! You know how many apples that makes?"

"I-"

"Six thousand apples! Six thousand and *cough!* two hundred apples!"

Rainbow Dash balked. "I- I thought we were cool about that! We had like a... an unspoken agreement. What, do you want me to pay?"

She chuckled and swirled her cape menacingly. "Oh you'll pay. Boy howdy, you'll pay alright."

Finally Twilight's brain rebooted enough for her to realize that she needed to step in now. "Applejack, it doesn't have to be like this! I understand you're angry, but there's a better solution! We can talk about this!"

Applejack turned and, for a moment, the evil cleared from her expression. "Twi, thank ya fer your help, but this is between me an' my nemesis. Ah got this." And then the fiendish expression returned as she addressed her captive.

"Well Rainbow Dash, any last words?"

"Yeah! Don't do it!"

Applejack tutted. "Pity. That ain't a very awesome way to end your memoirs." She pulled the lever.

"Nooooooo...!" Rainbow Dash cried as she plummeted to her doom. Her wings struggled uselessly against their bonds, failing to slow or redirect her in any way. She hit the acid with a cannonball-like splash. Twilight instinctively threw up a shield, protecting her, Spike, and the sneezing Applejack from the deadly spray, before realizing what she should have done with her magic instead.

"No..." Rainbow's mournful cries still echoed, "I'm melting! I'm melting! What a world, what a world!"

Actually, those weren't echoes. She seemed to still be talking. That fiend Applejack! She didn't even choose an acid strong enough to make it a painless demise.

"I'm melting... slowly... eventually. Huh. It always seemed to go a lot faster in Daring Do." The pegasus's voice had become less sorrowful and more confused. Twilight opened the eyes she'd clenched shut in horror. With her hooves free, Rainbow Dash was doing a decent dog-paddle in the vat of acid, confused but seemingly no worse for wear. "What the hay? How am I alive? Am I acid-proof?" She licked her lips. "Wait a second." She bobbed under, took a mouthful of acid (much to Twilight's horror), breached, and spit it out. "Is this.. apple cider vinegar?"

"Har hahahahahaha!" Applejack cackled as she rubbed her hooves evilly. "An' now ya see the cruel irony of yer fate! You ate the apples, and now the apples are eating you! Ahahahahaha... ha... hatchoo!"

Damp, sticky, and mildly annoyed, Rainbow Dash heaved herself over the side of the vat (which Twilight now recognized as the Apple Family Reunion Traditional Dunking Booth) and splatted onto the ground. Twilight reflexively removed the bonds from her wings, teleporting away the soggy ropes.

Still dripping, she stomped toward her self-proclaimed nemesis with a growl in her throat and a thoroughly peeved glint in her eye.

But Applejack took her anger (and apparent ability to survive a swim in the best acid) in stride. "Ha! You wanna wrassle? Come at me then, the both of ya! No one can defeat me! Ah'm invincible!"

"Ah'll get you! You hear me! If it's the last thing Ah do Ah'll have mah revenge! You ain't heard the last of Applejackknife!"

Twilight closed the door to Applejack's bedroom, leaving the irate farmer thoroughly roped to the bed. She turned to Granny Smith, who'd been fretting in the hall. "She'll be alright, it's just a symptom of the flu. Make sure she gets lots of rest and plenty of fluids and she'll be back to her old self in a day or two."

The elderly mare shook her head. "Ah ain't never heard of ponies turnin' evil from a little ol' cold before. But Ah suppose that's Ponyville fer ya."

Nodding, Twilight left the old mare to her ministrations.

Outside, Rainbow Dash was waiting. A few cannonballs in the lake followed by flying through several clouds had left her smelling only slightly of vinegar. "Are you sure we're not inside a Daring Do book right now? Or maybe one of Spike's comics? Because a cold that turns ponies into evil supervillains does not sound like a real thing."

Twilight nodded seriously. "It's very real, and not just in Ponyville either. I was actually just coming to gather you, AJ, and the rest of the girls in case there was an incident."

Rainbow Dash shook herself once more to remove the last drips of liquid. "Well you got one of us, and I can totally make up for at least two ponies."

"We'd better go check on the others," Twilight advised as a worried expression clouded her face, "I'd hate to think what might happen if any of them also caught the bug."

Marchioness Madness: The Ball in Your Court

Given how their group was larger now and the chances of an infected pony turning villain was greater than they'd first surmised, the group decided to split up. Spike went off towards Fluttershy's cottage while Twilight and Rainbow Dash headed to Rarity's boutique.

The trip back through town was just as peaceful as the first one had been. Roseluck was not building a flower empire with hypnotically controlled stallions. Nor was Pokey Pierce holding up the bank for their supply of free toasters. Cheerilee had not converted the school into a iron-hooved dictatorship and Photo Finish had declined trapping ponies' souls in photos of themselves. All in all, it seemed like any other normal day.

Until the music started.

"Dun~da~na~dun~da~na~dun~da~na~dun~da~na~dan~dan~dan!!"

It was similar to a drumbeat, but done a capella by a pony with slightly less-than perfect tempo. Hoof-beats sounded from around the corner of the next alley, as Twilight and company waited to see just who or what would come forth.

A moment later, a tiny unicorn filly came barreling around the corner, skidding on the dirt path as she attempted to make the sudden turn. She wore an adorable deerstalker hat and several layers of tattered thin jackets. Even as she ran she continued to to vocalize her own theme tune, the beat only hesitating every few bars for her to gasp and take in a sudden resupply of sweet oxygen. And when she sneezed, which was often.

She paused as she hit the main road and posed dramatically, shielding her eyes from the sun like an intrepid explorer.

"In a city gripped by fear and greed, on streets greased with melted ice cream and tears, who is left to look out for the little guy and see if he's got any bits on him? It's the surprising adventures of me, Sir Dinky Cran-Muffin Caesar!"

Twilight and Rainbow Dash struggled to hold in their laughter. For as much as a serious face she was trying to make, the filly only succeeded in making herself more adorable. The effect was amplified by her having to sniff every few seconds to keep her runny nose in check.

"In my continuing quest to find out who is behind it all," she monologued to no one in particular, "I've come across a startling series of clues which has taken me from the toy store to the bakery and all across town to this, very, spot." She punctuated her words with tiny stomps in the dirt. She checked left and right a few times as if looking for something before sneezing again and shouting back down the alley from which she'd emerged. "Keep up Gingersnap!"

"Coming!" replied a cheery voice.

A moment later, a grey pegasus exited the alley. She was dressed very similarly to the filly with her golden mane pressed down by a ratty beanie. Unlike her companion, she quickly noticed both Twilight and Rainbow Dash standing there. "Oh! Good morning Princess Twilight! Hiya Rainbow Dash!"

"Morning Derpy," they both greeted in their own ways.

"I've told you you don't have to use the title, you know," Twilight reminded.

"Mhm, I remember," the optically unfocused pegasus grinned, "But it does have a really pretty ring to it, doesn't it though?"

"Hey, so what's up with eh..." Rainbow Dash gestured vaguely to the filly who was looking around, behind, and under every loose object in her immediate vicinity while quietly continuing her monologue about injustice and secret societies of pegacorn overlords.

Derpy laughed lightly. It was a pleasant sound. "Oh that? Dinky's just caught a little case of that supervillain bug that's been going around. I took her to Doc and he said some exercise would help her body work it out of her system."

"She's got the bug?" Rainbow Dash leaned away from he filly, instinctively now a little cautious of ponies under its influence.

"Has she been doing anything... particularly villainous?" Twilight asked. She felt no reason to be immediately concerned. It was Dinky after all, runner-up in Ponyville's "Sweetest Filly" contest three years running.

Derpy shrugged. "Petty crimes mostly. A little pickpocketting, some minor shoplifting. I've been following behind her and paying everypony back. It's really been kinda fun. She's given both of us new villain names and created a huge backstory for herself that I can't even keep track of. She's so creative, I bet she grows up to be a writer someday." She beamed with motherly pride.

"You there!" Suddenly, Dinky was there, squarely in the center of their group and staring down Twilight like she was in a police interrogation room. "What do you know of the secret conspiracy of all the things that are behind the things which are bad?"

"I-uh..." the princess stammered, "What conspiracy?"

Dinky blinked. "Wha- What conspiracy?" she exclaimed with all the indignity of a child who has her opinions firmly entrenched. "The conspiracy, of course! The big one that explains why you can't stack ice cream more than five scoops high without it falling over, and why toast always lands jelly side down around Princess Celestia, and why all of our holidays seem to keep changing order! I've worked out some of it so far. I know it's all under control of the secret lunar communists from the Crystal Empire, those darned red caribou, and their secret atomic tobacco doodle! But the trail's going cold, and I need another clu- atchoo! Clue."

Twilight desperately glanced at Derpy for direction. Luckily, the pegasus caught on and began miming something which Twilight interpreted as best she could. "I can't say I know anything about that conspiracy." Dinky's face fell for a moment before she continued, "But if I could say things about it, then I might suggest looking at Bon Bon's sweet shop. There may be clues somewhere in the tuiles."

"Ah ha!" Dinky cried, "Quickly Gingersnap! To Berry Punch's Alehouse!" She dashed off in a flash.

"What the hay?" Rainbow Dash asked in confusion. "How the heck did she get Berry's from Bon Bon's?"

"Because candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker!" a small voice cried from down the road, "And there's no time to waste!"

Twilight turned sheepishly to Derpy. "Sorry, I guess my message didn't quite get through."

She waved it off. "It's fine. Berry's was actually what I was trying to mime anyways. I caught up with Berry Punch two clues ago, so she's expecting us with chilled juice boxes." She took a few deep breaths and stretched out her wings. "And hopefully Dinky'll decide to play with Berry Pinch for a while so I can sit down for a few minutes."

Before taking off, she tossed a few coins to Twilight from one of her many pockets. "And here's some bits to pay back what she just took from you."

"But she didn't-"

"Oh yes she did." Derpy tapped the side of her head knowingly. "I've always got an eye on her. Toodles!" And with that, she glided down the street after her villainous daughter.

The two stood in silence for a moment.

"Huh." Rainbow Dash finally broke it, "Well that was something."

"It certainly was."

"Should we just... keep heading to Rarity's?"

"I think that would be a good idea."

By the time they arrived at the boutique, Spike had already beaten them there. He quickly abandoned the window he'd been peering into and raced over to the pair. "Twilight! I think there might be something wrong. The door's locked and I can't see into any of the windows!"

Twilight nodded in acknowledgement. "I'll force it open if it comes to it, but we should still try normal methods first. How was Fluttershy by the way?"

"She was fine," he answered quickly, fretfully hopping from foot to foot. "But when I got there she was packing her bags. She heard about the side effects of the new flu and decided to wait out the storm at Discord's house."

"Discord has a house?" Rainbow Dash asked as Twilight parted from the group to try the door.

Spike gave her a look. "Yeah. Of course he does. Where did you think he lived?"

"I always figured he just, you know, wandered around," she mused, "Like a very magical hobo."

In a sudden burst of astounding improbability, a large portion of air molecules inexplicably transmuted themselves into a harmonica. Prior to their transformation, this particular section of air happened to be situated approximately fifteen feet squarely above Rainbow Dash's head. Gravity did the rest.

"Ouch!"

Meanwhile, Twilight was inspecting the boutique. It was quiet, too quiet. There was always some sort of noise about the shop, whether it be the murmur of customers, the mechanical hum of Rarity's sewing machines, or just Sweetie Belle singing. Yet today the whole structure was eerily silent. It didn't help the matter that the windows, though uncurtained, offered no glimpse into the building's interior. All that could be seen through the windows was a strange darkness that not even the sun seemed to penetrate.

She tried knocking. She tried calling out. She even sent out magical pulses in horse code. But there was no response from inside the shop.

"Alright Rainbow Dash," Twilight said after exhausting all possible modes of communication, "Force the door please."

"Not that I'm complaining, but why do I have to break it down?" she asked.

"Because if I break the door," Twilight explained, "Then Rarity has to fix it out of her own pocket. But if you break it, it's covered by her insurance."

The pegasus flew a fair distance away, allowing herself time for a good running start. A moment later, she sprang back, rocketing towards the door at excessive speed. She hit it hooves first, knocking it clean off it's hinges and flat onto the floor. Twilight and Spike stepped in after her, taking care as they walked on the door-turned-drawbridge.

"Welcome, darlings..." a familiar voice trilled, "To my court of high fashion."

The interior of Carousel Boutique was gone. That is to say, it had been replaced with a grand ballroom many times it's size. Three-story tall windows let glorious sunlight dance across polished marble floors. Grand tapestries hung between the windows all featuring a triple-diamond cutie mark. Magically animated ponequins meandered throughout the hall, each dressed to the nines in the finest fashions Rarity's wardrobe had to offer.

In the center of everything, Rarity reclined on her chaise lounge. She'd restyled her hair into a vertical marvel, with three tiers of curls like cresting waves. Her usual makeup was done to excess, leaving her looking more like a painted doll than a natural beauty. And then there was her dress. It was enormous. The gown was a complex affair of pinks, blues, and whites with a skirt so large she could hide two more ponies beneath it. Ruffles and bows competed for space with embedded gemstones while lace grew over everything like ivy. She sat poised in a picture of regal elegance before falling prey to a sudden burst of kitten-like sneezes. She dabbed at her nose with a hankerchief.

"How's she done all this?" Rainbow Dash whispered.

"Angry Architect's Dimensional Enlargement spell," Twilight whispered back, "It has an inefficient energy cost long term, but is an excellent spell for just a few days. Though normally it's used on luggage, not buildings."

Finally, Rarity's sneezing fit had come to an end. "Oh I do apologize. I seem to have come down with a sudden case of the vapors."

Twilight stepped forward. "Rarity, what happened in here?"

She frowned, but responded. "Oh, I'd merely come to a realization. For too long I've been living beneath my station. Whiling away my finite hours in toil while I could have been living in luxurious splendor." She cast a wide hoof to her surroundings. "This is much more fitting of a mare of my standing, don't you think?"

"We-"

"Ah, ah, ah!" Rarity interrupted. "One simply cannot attend royal court dressed like that. Allow me to help you."

With the faintest glow of her horn (it would be unregal to show effort) a mountain of loose clothing flung itself at the hapless trio, burying them completely. They fought valiantly, but in vain, as the quantity of clothing was simply too much. It pressed in from all sides, squirming and worming against them like snakes. After a minute, the clothing retreated back into it's hiding spots.

Not all of the clothing had abandoned them, however. Three outfits had stayed behind, having claimed wearers and taken the liberty of donning themselves.

Twilight now wore a two piece silver and mint dress which, while lovely, clashed horribly with her coat. It was accompanied by four gauzy, billowing sleeves which encapsulated her legs.

Rainbow Dash had, much to her misfortune, been chosen by Pinkie Pie's favorite Grand Galloping Gala dress (which had been returned to the boutique for resizing). Luckily for her, the dress was future-proofed (just in case Pinkie ever ascended into the Alicorn of Partying) and already had wing slits. Though she continued to struggle and fight, the dress adamantly refused to be removed. It's purpose was to be worn and the spell compelling it was powerful.

Spike had possibly been the most unfortunate. There were no dragon-sized clothing among the pile, so the animate clothing simply had to make do. The best it had been able to do was a simple foal's frock, plain and unadorned. Being designed for a pony's build however, it sat awkwardly on his bipedal frame, resembling a strange toga more than anything else and forcing his forelegs in an awkward T-pose.

Rarity noticed Spike, trapped in his toga, and her eyes narrowed. "Oh that will never do." She shot a bolt of magic at the dragon too quickly for anyone to react to. It hit him square in the chest. Immediately his gown transmuted into a fine suit, in classic Prench style, complete with tails, breeches, a cut-away jacket, and riding boots.

"There." Her soft smile returned. "Much more befitting of my court."

"Rarity!" Rainbow Dash screeched, straining against the dress "Get this thing off me! You know I'm a spring and Pinkie's a winter! It doesn't work!"

"Quiet you fool!" Rarity scowled back, "You are in the presence of royalty." Her expression softened slightly and her voice almost returned to normal. "And actually dear, you're a summer, so you can make a winter palette's colors work under the right conditions. Maybe some accessories..."

She shook her head suddenly and the haughty tone returned to her voice. "No, you're trying to distract me. Trying to make me forget my master plan."

"What plan is that?" Spike asked eagerly, forgetting for a moment that this was not a good time to be encouraging her.

Her smile was wide and slow-growing, much like that of a serpent. "I'm glad you asked, my darling Spike. Look at this glorious world I've managed to build here, and in only two days time. Imagine the wonders I could do if all of Equestria was as beautiful and regal as this." She fluttered her fan, as if the very thought made her dizzy with anticipation.

"It is my obligation, nay, my duty to bring the rest of the world up to my standards, even if I have to drag it kicking and screaming through the streets!"

"You can't do that Rarity." Twilight tried an appeal to logic and friendship, her two most valuable tools. "Everypony has their own sense of style and worth. You can try to encourage them to try something new, but it's not right to force your opinions on others."

The lounging mare snorted in distaste. "Pfft, Rarity, Rarity, Rarity. That's all you keep saying. That was my old name." She snapped her folding fan shut. "That was the name of the mare who didn't have the boldness to reach towards what she wanted and take it. The strength of will to do what needs to be done. I am no longer such a mare. I am," she stood up, allowing the full volume of her dress to assert itself, "The Marchioness!"

"And if you want to stop me, you'll have to get to me. But to do that..." she smiled and lit her horn, "Then you'll have to get through my court first! Attendants! Defend your Lady!"

In an instant, every animated wooden pony in the room spun around and began advancing on the intruders. Twilight and Spike held the door while Rainbow Dash took to the sky. Unfortunately some of the ponequins were pegasus models and had just enough magic to fly. Rarity- no, The Marchioness, selected a record from behind her couch and set it to play. A quick-tempoed waltz rang out crisply from the gramophone's horn and all the fashion-forward fighters began to move in time with it.

"Let the ball begin! Ohohohoho!" She declared as she tittered loudly into the side of her hoof before succumbing to a most unladylike coughing fit.

A pair of combat dancers swept towards Rainbow Dash. She dodged nimbly, but was almost immediately clipped by another pair coming from another direction. She dodged again as was once more assailed. It quickly evolved into a strange aerial ballet as the relentless charges forced the Wonderbolt to swoop, dive, and twirl to avoid being body-slammed out of the air.

Meanwhile, Twilight was having no greater luck. Magicless though they might be, each ponequin was still a conglomeration of metal and wood as heavy as any living pony.

Spike ducked under a sweeping hoof that had nearly tossed him into the far wall. "How is she this strong?!"

Twilight had been working hard on that very question. Rarity was a decent spellcaster, better than most even, and her fine control and ability to manipulate multiple objects was unparalleled in Ponyville. But that couldn't explain all this. The flu did not enhance magic capacity or skill, and this many iterations of the Come Alive spell, as well as maintaining the Dimension charm and whatever other spells she had going was beyond Rarity's ability. How was she doing it?

It took a ponequin in a long purple jacket and green tunic charging her through a ray of simulated sunlight for her to spot it. A glimmering reflection from it's forehead. The glimmering reflections were everywhere now that she'd spotted them.

"It's gems!" Twilight cried as she used a delayed teleport to let the warrior charge right through her position, "She's enchanted gems to power them all! That's why she's not getting tired or strained!"

"Of course." The Marchioness replied as she sniffled and sipped her tea. "It'd be uncouth to engage in such roughhousing myself."

Rainbow Dash swooped low to rescue Spike from where he'd been cornered by a group of high-stepping linedancers, airlifting him out into a less overridden section. "So they're never going to stop!?"

"Not for a long time!" This wasn't working. A fight against an opponent who does not tire is like trying to fight the sea, Twilight remembered from a book she'd read on warfare. They couldn't wait out the spell and they couldn't destroy the ponequins. They were still wearing Rarity's designs. She might have a touch of the evil, but she didn't really mean it. They couldn't destroy her work! But they needed to be removed. Suddenly, she had an idea. "Spike! Use your dragonfire! We'll have Celestia deliver the dresses back later!"

"Don't you dare harm my creations! Duchess!" The Marchioness suddenly screamed, "Do not let him interfere!"

"Aye aye, your majesty!" replied a small white form that came sprinting out from beneath her voluminous dress and collided with the equally sized dragon.

"Hiya Spike!" Sweetie Belle cheered as she pulled him into a spinning dance. The cutie mark crusader had not been spared Rarity's fashionable efforts. She wore a flouncy pink dress with a simple sapphire brooch and tiny golden crown. "Great party, huh?"

"Oh no," he groaned, "Don't tell me you've got the bug too?"

"Nah," she giggled, "I'm just playing along. This is the most fun I've had with Rarity in months!"

Seeing the opportunity to convert a foe to an ally in the fight, Spike took the chance. "Then you've gotta help us stop her! She's out of control!"

"Why?" She gave him a questioning look as they slid between two ponequins at the exact moment they swapped partners. "She's not doing any harm. And I'm having a great time!"

"But she's evil! She wants to drag the world into fashion kicking and screaming."

Sweetie Belle shrugged. "Maybe, but she's sort of... contained evil. She's been saying that for two days now but hasn't really done anything about it. Mostly she just sits on her couch, eats ice cream, and makes grandiose demands. She's not in any rush to expand her fashion empire outside the boutique. She's getting lots of rest anyway and I'm making sure she drinks enough and has her medicine. As long as nopony comes in the shop, she isn't bothering anyone."

Those... were actually sound arguments. He couldn't deny it. Rarity had only attacked once they'd invaded her space and effectively challenged her. Maybe... this was something they'd be better off left running it's course without interference?

"Twilight!" he yelled, "Sound the retreat!"

She sidestepped another dancer. "What? But Rarity-"

"Is in good hooves."

Twilight gave him a long look, noticing Sweetie Belle there as well, before nodding. "Alright. But you'd better explain once we get outside. Rainbow Dash!"

"Yeah?"

"Heads up, we're about to leave."

"Aw, and I was just starting to figure out their attack pattern."

With a swirl of magic about her horn, Twilight popped out of existence, leaving her dress behind. With two more pops, a fancy Prench suit and candy-themed dress also drifted to the floor, support-less.

"No!" the Marchioness wailed, "Get back here! Get back here and recognize my fashionable superiority!"

Sweetie Belle rushed to her side. "Worry not my Marchioness, they are fools not worth your time! If they wish to live in unfashionableness, then it is their loss!"

The Marchioness sniffed and blew her nose into her handkerchief. "Yes... Yes you're quite right Duchess. But they will learn. Once my empire covers all the land, they will know that fashion is justice and shall undergo a trial by style!"

"Of course, of course." Sweetie Belle patted her hoof comfortingly. "Now, I bet your throat is sore after all that yelling. How about some ice cream and maybe you can do my mane again?"

The Baroness of Bows, the Sultana of Style, the Khaleesi of Couture sniffled and smiled. "I think I'd like that very much."

Dr. Puzzler and the Mute Mechanic

Meanwhile, in another part of the town...

Bon Bon turned the key and locked the door of her Sweet Shop. She felt a little annoyed at having been open only a half day, but there was nothing to be done. No one wanted to buy chocolates when they were sick and besides, she had her own invalid pony to take care of.

On the way home, she stopped to pick up a few groceries. Orange juice, ginger pop, soup stock, and whatever other fragments of folk remedies she thought she remembered being good for a cold.

I hope Lyra's been doing alright on her own, she mused, Hopefully she's just been sleeping.

The lights were off when she opened her front door. Which was odd, because most of the rooms had large windows, meaning that somepony had intentionally covered up the windows so it would be dark. Bon Bon sighed, realizing she was probably in for another repeat of last night. Flicking on the light, she found herself face-to-face with the reverse side of a high-backed swivel chair. As the light came on, the chair slowly began to rotate.

"Hello... Bonnie." In the chair sat a mint green unicorn. An angry red scar crossed one of her eyes, marring her otherwise perfect complexion. She sat upright in an unusual, and frankly uncomfortable-looking position for a pony. Upon her crossed legs sat a white cat with a purple bow which she stroked slowly. "How nice of you to join us."

Oh no, not this again. Bon Bon took a deep breath and let it out slowly before responding. "Lyra, I have three questions. One, where did you get a cat? Two, how did you get that scar? And three, most importantly, why are you not in bed where I told you to stay before I left?"

Lyra only continued to calmly stroke the cat as she replied. "To answer your questions in order: I found it. It did not like being found. I feel weirdly compelled to do certain things."

The earth pony mare snorted. "Like last night when you felt 'weirdly compelled' to hold my mane care kit for ransom?"

"Which," Lyra interrupted, "You still have not paid. I wouldn't normally accept an I.O.U. for a ransom, but you have proven honorable in the past."

There it was again. 'Proven honorable in the past'. Another of those strange little turns of phrases that had been slipping into Lyra's vocabulary since her sickness had started. That and her sudden tendency to booby-trap the house like a poorly written character in an unlicensed Daring Do knock-off. "Mhm." She murmured noncommittally. "Let me get back to you in a week. So, you went cat-hunting. I guess exercise is good for a cold." Was that right? Medicine had never been her strong suit. "Was that all you did today?"

"Oh I have been most busy, most busy indeed. But now," Lyra steepled her hooves and grinned maliciously.

"I want to play a game."

Ah, and the games. The other strange quirk of her illness. Bon Bon smirked. "Well it's a little early in the day for Spy vs. Spy, and I think both of our catsuits are in the wash."

A blush spread across the mint mare's cheeks that had nothing to do with her fever. But she composed herself and continued.

Lyra gave her chair a slight magical push, just enough to roll herself off to the side. On the ground behind her sat seven identical leftovers jars. "If you go into the kitchen, you will find that your precious exotic coffee beans are missing. They are now inside one of these jars." She raised a hoof. "But be careful, as the other six jars contain deadly, deadly primed mousetraps!"

I wonder if she's even trying? Or maybe, though she driven to do these things, a part of her is trying to tone them down as much as possible. The former spy mused as her steel trap of a mind near-immediately found a solution. I mean, she put them on the carpet for Celestia's sake! I can clearly see that one is heavier than the others.

"What will you do? Will you forgo your most crippling of addictions, or risk having terribly sore hooves for the next few- hey! Let me finish before you- oh."

But Bon Bon had already moved forward with full confidence and taken the second jar from the right. With a slight shake, she could easily hear the coffee beans within.

"I'm going to make lunch." She announced. "Do you think you can keep down some vegetable soup, or would you prefer just a broth?"

"...Broth please." Lyra requested meekly, punctuated with a cough.

Bon Bon moved to enter the kitchen, but paused a moment before her hoof crossed the threshold. "I'm not going to find any more little surprises in the kitchen, am I?"

"Ah ha, your second challenge!" Lyra swung her legs wildly to awkwardly scooch her chair closer to the kitchen door, the cat jumping off her lap in the process. "Inside, you will find that all of the connections between the kitchen functions and their switches and valves have been mixed up. Can your neat, perfectionist nature deal with such chaotic illogicalness to successfully create a meal, or will you be forced to go and buy me an ice cream instead?"

Bon Bon peeked inside. The kitchen was a mess. Pipes and wires were connected haphazardly across the walls, floor, and ceiling. Luckily, six years of of bomb disposal training made it easy to see how all the new connections were set up. She could only raise a hoof to her face. "Lyra, did you get any sleep today? You were supposed to be resting. You know, so you can get healthy?"

"I am healthy!" she insisted. "You may not like it, but this is what peak-" but her final words were lost to a terrible coughing fit.

Bon Bon's gaze softened. She couldn't stay mad at her seeing her sick like that. "Go back to bed. I'll bring you your lunch when it's ready."

Lyra could only nod weakly and turn to trot upstairs.

That Lyra, Bon Bon mused with a shake of her head and a small smile. She's lucky she's so adorable...

Remembering the new layout of the kitchen controls, she turned the cold water faucet to ignite the stove's pilot light, and clicked the switch for the overhead fan to turn on the gas.

As she flicked on the food processor to begin filling a pot with water, she noticed a pony trying to get her attention. It was her neighbor, waving from her own kitchen window just a few feet away. Welcoming a bit of sane conversation, she more than willingly opened her window.

"Good day Bon Bon," her neighbor greeted, "Lovely weather we're having."

"Hello Octavia," Bon Bon replied. She and Octavia were not the closest of friends, but they made quite good neighbors. And given the... eccentricities, of their respective housemates, they each took some solace in having a 'normal' friend to vent with.

"Everything going all right with you?"

"Oh, as well as can be expected."

"Good, good." Small talk and formalities completed, she finally jumped into the topic she'd been dying to ask about. "So I've heard this new strain of flu has had some rather odd symptoms. How's Lyra holding up?"

"Oh, more of the same." Bon Bon smiled slyly. This is how most of their conversations tended to go. A bit of meaningless small talk that eventually devolved into an unspoken competition over whose roommate had done the most outrageous thing lately. "She's been setting up traps all over the house to try and force me into no-win scenarios. Like last night, she took the knob off the tub so the flow couldn't be stopped and locked me in the bathroom with it. She said that 'if I was so proud of my intellect, then I should use it to escape'.

"Goodness! Clearly you did, but how?"

"She left the plumbing tools under the sink and the window unlocked."

Octavia nodded. "Ah. Yes, I can see how that might simplify matters. On an unrelated note, might I borrow your secret spice again? I feel this dish is still missing the right kick."

With a nod, Bon Bon reached into a cupboard, behind the false panel, and retrieved a small vial of pressurized fluid. With a care and precision that only earth ponies learned how to do, she tossed it across the gap perfectly into Octavia's waiting hoof.

"Ta." With a light tap, she added to her dish two spritzes of the chemical weapon that had once incapacitated a Minotaur warlord's security detail. Not that she knew that, of course. The whole mission was classified and redacted.

She tossed the vial back, again landing it perfectly in the other pony's hoof. Bon Bon stored it away and reached for a knife to begin cutting up the vegetables for her soup. "But enough about me and Lyra, how's your patient?"

Octavia sighed. "Not terribly much better than yours, I fear. I keep having to save her from financial ruin."

The candy mare arched an eyebrow. That was certainly a teasing boast. "How's that?"

"She keeps taking apart all her expensive audio equipment to try and build robot soldiers with which, as she claims, to conquer the world."

For a brief moment, Bon Bon had a flashback to the mechanized foot soldiers of Tesla Coil the Technomancer. "Are they... operational?" She asked as a hoof reached dangerously close to her emergency beacon.

The cellist snorted. "Heavens no. Vinyl, clever and inventive mare though she is, is no engineer let alone a roboticist. At best she's created amusing figurines, some of which still function as speakers." The hoof was put away, leaving the beacon to its quiet slumber. "Still, it seems like every time I turn around I trip over another eight of them. Oh, and her sore throat's gotten worse. Poor mare can't even whisper now."

Bon Bon shook her head. "Terrible shame, and she has such a sweet and lovely voice too." Suddenly, her ears pricked up as she heard tell-tale banging sounds coming from the floor above her. "Excuse me, but I think somepony is trying to install a swinging blade pendulum over my bed. Again."

Octavia joking made shooing motions with her hooves. "Go ahead, deal with your patient." She grimaced. "I have a terrible feeling mine may have gotten up to something as well while we've been talking."

With that, Bon Bon pulled her windows closed and her head back inside, though not in that order. After a moment, Octavia did as well.

The cellist turned down the heat and plated a healthy scoop of the reddish-brown sauce she'd been simmering. Adding a golden tinged drink to the tray, she carried the meal across the house to where she could hear the slight *tink!* of metal on metal.

"Vinyl? I know you're up, so I've brought lunch."

She pushed open the door just in time to catch the end of a series of flashing lights. She set down her tray and turned to face her flatmate. Vinyl's eyes were bloodshot and in a constant state of watering. Despite the sweat plastering her mane down, her blanket was suspiciously pulled up to her neck and tucked in tight.

"Say it again, but slowly."

With an exaggerated sigh, Vinyl began flashing her horn on and off. When she had lost her voice the day before and she and Octavia had been experimenting with alternative forms of communication, they had stumbled upon a remarkable cosmic coincidence. Not only were were both of their fathers former military, but both had also drilled Horse Code into their daughter's heads from an early age. This discovery led to their current set up. Besides, their combined fragmented memory of the language was still clearer than trying to read Vinyl's hornwriting.

"No," Octavis replied sternly, "It's not ice cream, it's a vindaloo."

Angry, pouty flashing replied.

"I know you don't care much for spice, but my mother swears by this technique. Nothing will beat a cold faster than a spicy meal washed down with honey and lemon."

This earned her only more angry lights.

"Well you're not taking over the world on an empty stomach, that's for sure." She cast her eyes about the room as she realized that something was missing. "Hold on... Vinyl, what's happened to your keytar?"

In an amazing act of misdirection and subterfuge, Vinyl looked away and pulled her comforter slightly higher up over her face.

Frowning, Octavia darted in and grabbed the corner of the blanket in her teeth, ripping it away.

"Vinylll..." she moaned when she saw what was there.

It was a long centipede-like creature, its legs composed of keys cannibalized from the missing instrument. Possibly sensing light, it shifted on Vinyl's belly amongst makeshift tools and unused parts and lifted its 'head'. A power button flickered on and off a few times, like a cycloptic eye blinking. It walked in curious circles, never leaving the body of its creator, its legs playing scales and arpeggios as it moved.

"You're doing insects now? Wasn't the sea creature set unsettling enough? What's next? Birds? Dogs? Should I wheel in the refrigerator and your turntables so you can make a pony? Hey, stop taking notes! I'm not trying to give you inspiration."

The notepad dropped back behind her pillow as Vinyl's horn cut out, and on, and back out again.

"No, it is not for the greater good. I know you have these strange urges, but if you keep this up our house is going to end up looking like a roboticized reflection of Fluttershy's!"

Until that point, Octavia had not known that snark could be conveyed via Horse Code.

"Oh, is that how it's going to be then? Well you just earned yourself a second plate of vindaloo once you finish this one."

Vinyl grimaced and reluctantly levitated over a spoonful of the spicy mush under her caretaker's watchful eye. Maybe if Octavia would leave for a few minutes she could build something to eat it for her.

Author's Note

Interesting side note, I have apparently developed the powers of that guy from Inkheart.
By writing about characters with colds, I seem to have developed one myself.
*Atchoo*

Caponey and Morbits Break the Bank

"...given that the rate of manifestation of supervillain symptoms seems rather higher than expected, I find the effectiveness of our group of friends to be stretched thin. Therefore, please go and patrol the town, keeping an eye out for any suspicious or strange behavior. If you find a pony that's succumbed to their symptoms, do what you can to subdue them nonviolently or distract them until backup can arrive. Remember, they're not really evil, just sick.

Sincerely,
Twilight Sparkle (P.O.E.)

Starlight Glimmer set down the letter that had burned into existence in the middle of her lunch. "I guess it's just as well that the school's on holiday," she mused, "I can't imagine the kind of diplomatic incident it would cause if one of the foreign students got sick with evil."

"What does she mean 'patrol the town'?" Trixie held the message by a corner with her magic. The rest of her magic was busy parading the remains of lunch through a process of washing, drying, and storage. "Who does she think you are, Batmare?"

Starlight gave her a look. "Since when did you become such a comic book expert?"

Trixie fiddled with the letter and turned her eyes away. "It... may be the case that Trixie's guest room in the castle might also be where Spike keeps the overflow of his comic collection. And it may also be that Trixie has taken to reading one or two, late at night, when she is unable to fall asleep."

Starlight grinned, but said nothing. The grin said enough. "So this sounds like it might be interesting. You want to go 'patrol the town' for supervillains with me? Mix things up a little?"

Trixie reclined back in her chair as her magic finished up the last few dishes. "Trixie is... somewhat occupied now, and not in the mood for volunteer hero work."

"You can be my... uh... friendship deputy?" Starlight offered. She wasn't entirely confident that being a princess's pupil gave her any sort of power, let alone the power to deputize others, but a bribe was a bribe. And if she knew Trixie as well as she thought she did...

The showmare's eyes sparkled and revealed her true excitement. "The Great and Powerful Trixie accepts this position of power with the upmost grace and humbleness."

"Suure you do. Come on, let's see what it's like to actually take down a villain."

"This is boooring..." Trixie moaned. "We've been walking for hoours and there isn't the smallest hint of evil anywhere!"

Starlight rolled her eyes. "Trixie, it's been half an hour. Forty-five minutes tops. How do you possibly pull your wagon across the country if you get bored of walking this quickly."

"That's different." The azure unicorn straightened up. "Walking with the wagon has a purpose, to get from point A to point B. Not like this... aimless wandering through town, hoping we find something interesting."

Starlight nudged her. "I think you may have just gotten your wish. Take a look at that."

Off to one side, Town Hall seemed far busier than usual. Ponies rushed in and out so quickly they nearly collided with each other. There was a general rumble of noise and conversation that could be heard well outside it's walls. As well as shouting. Quite a good deal of shouting.

"It could be nothing, but it might be worth checking out." Starlight offered.

"Fine," Trixie consented, "Anything to break from this wandering."

When they got inside, the noise was even louder. The office was crowded, far more so than usual , and a by a lot of young stallions Starlight swore she'd never seen before. Not that she made it a habit to visit the town's hub of bureaucracy, but it was still a relatively small town. At the very center of it all was Mayor Mare, looking decidedly different today. Her usual collar had been replaced by a full jacket and tie, both pinstripe. She'd slicked back her mane with enough grease to make it shine in the light. At least the back of her mane, that is, for the front was covered by an equally pinstriped fedora. She also talked around a cigar she held in the corner of her mouth. It wasn't lit, in fact, the end hadn't even been snipped off. She just kept moving it from side to side as she spoke, like how some 'bad colts' would use a toothpick. She shouted orders at every passing colt with a strange affectation to her voice.

"And you tell Filthy that if he wants to see that sales tax kept down, he'd better start paying his protection money, see!"

Starlight and Trixie shared a look. It wasn't quite supervillainry, certainly not what they had personal experience with anyhow, but it certainly was out of the ordinary.

"Hello there Mayor Mare," Starlight greeted with only a slight nervous hitch to her voice. "What's... going on with you?"

"What's with all the goons?" Trixie asked with her usual bluntness. "Where did you even get goons? Trixie spent ages trying to get goons back when she... uh... back before."

The Mayor smiled, though her current fashion tastes made it look more sinister than she'd probably intended. "Nah, nah, no goons, ya see? Interns. Interns who'll do anything for the promise of employment, see?"

"Uh-huh." Starlight nodded in understanding, not that she did. "And what do you need so many interns for? What are you doing?"

"Why, I'm governing, see? I finally figured out why it seems so hard to get anything done around here." She paused to blow her nose violently into a thoroughly overused hanky. "Too many ponies looking out for nopony but themselves, you see. So I'm going to fix things, see. If the law won't back me up, then a couple of butch young stallions might."

Mayor Mare stood up to her full height (which was still a good half-hoof shorter than Starlight) as her impassioned speech went full monologue. "And then they'll see, they'll all see! Mayor Pencil Pusher from Fillydelphia, Mayor Pork Barrel from Whinnyapolis, even old uptight Mayor Marplot from Trottingham who thinks his town has more rustic charm than mine! No town has more rustic charm than Ponyville, see!"

Putting the Mayor's speech aside, as the rest seemed to be generally more of the same, Trixie leaned in to whisper to her compatriot. "So... what exactly are we supposed to do?"

"Should we do anything?" Starlight asked back, "I'm pretty sure she's infected, but weird motivations and shady practices aside, has she done anything illegal?"

"...because you know what they say," the Mayor continued, "Sometimes to make a beautiful omelette, you have the break a few legs, see."

"...Did she say legs?"

"I'm pretty sure she said legs."

"But so what if you have to break a few limbs or burn a few houses. If that's what it takes get my point across then that's what it takes, see?" She removed her fedora and placed it over her heart. "But it's okay, cause it's all for the greater good."

"The greater good..." all the interns murmured with freakish synchronicity.

Mayor Mare grinned as the two unicorns jumped. "I pay them extra to do that. Well, I promised to."

"Okay, that's enough. I am shutting this down." Starlight declared as she literally put her hoof down. All the unnecessarily muscular interns stopped moving and, as one, they turned to face their boss.

"Oh you are, are you?" Mayor Mare walked around her desk, blowing her nose once more in passing. Her voice dropped to a harsh whisper as she got right up in Starlight's face. "I think you might want to... reconsider that. See?"

"I.. I... why would that be?" Starlight's eyes darted, landing anywhere except the hardened eyes before her.

"Because this is my town, see? And I say what happens in my town. Maybe your taxes just up and disappear one day. Maybe you suddenly receive notice of several large high-interest loans taken out in your name. Who knows? Bureaucracy is more art than science. Sometimes these things just... happen, see?"

Starlight crumbled like a sand castle under the high tide of Mayor Mare's piercing gaze. Even with the 'experience' she gained as a guidance counselor of talking to ponies and trying to relate to them, this was too much. Had the mayor always had this presence that filled the room and made Starlight feel like a foal in a principal's office?

Trixie noticed the telltale signs of Starlight's self-esteem beginning to collapse and realized it was time to intervene. While she was, self-admittedly, not the best at relating to others, the one thing she could do well was out on a show. And assuming this supervillain virus played by comic book rules, then a bit a theatrics wouldn't go amiss. Perhaps a few words of advice from a former tyrant to a budding one.

She waltzed up to Mayor Mare's desk, cocky as anything, and leaned a lazy foreleg on it. "Mayor Mare, you seem to be under the mistaken impression that this is a social call."

The Mayor raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And what is it then?"

Trixie ignored the question and inspected the polish on her hoof. "You've got a nice racket here. Good plans, big plans. I can see a lot of bits passing through this office." She finally looked away from her hooves and made eye contact. "But you've forgotten something very important: your place in the pecking order."

Color seemed to drain from Mayor Mare's face. "You don't mean..."

"That's right." Trixie hopped around the desk and leaned back in the Mayor's chair. "We're here on the authority of Princess Twilight Sparkle." Rooting through a drawer, Trixie produced and put on a pair of sunglasses. "And there's going to be some changes around here."

"You- you can't possibly-"

"Trixie can and Trixie is." She cut off Mayor Mare's sputtering refusal. If a pony could have two special talents, then Trixie's secondary would undoubtedly by swaggering bravado. "The Princess's word is law, remember? What she says goes, and we have the permission to act in her stead." She held up the letter from earlier, just long enough for the signature and seal at the bottom to be seen before whisking it away in a flash of magic.

With a kick, she gave the chair a slow spin. "Don't you worry your little head though, the Princess isn't interested in shutting your operation down. You just need to learn to show the proper... respect."

"Respect? Respect?" Mayor Mare's voice practically shook in anger. "You come into my office, into my hall, in my city-"

"In the Princess's land." Trixie interrupted sternly. "The fact that you're still here at all is a charity that she does for you. After all, like you said, sometimes things happen unexpectedly. It'd be a terrible shame if you came into work one morning and found the whole town hall gone, replaced with a statue to her glory. She can do that. Trixie is not saying she will... but never forget that she can."

Emotions warred across the mayor's face. Anger, worry, even a small tinge of respect. Her body tensed, relaxed, and tensed again as options ran through her mind. She had been unprepared to have her own script flipped on her, and she well knew that that was exactly what Trixie was doing. Didn't make her argument any less sound though. After a long minute of silence, the Mayor bowed her head in defeat. "Alright, you've made your point, I see. What does the princess want?"

Now it was Trixie's turn to tense. Luckily the Mayor was still looking away. With a quick gesture, she motioned for Starlight to come over. She did and the pair entered a whispering huddle.

"That was amazing Trixie!" Starlight couldn't help but gush. "We have her right in the frog of our hoof!"

"Thank you," Trixie preened at the praise despite the circumstances. "That's years of acting and showmareship for you. But we have a problem."

She rubbed the back of her neck. "As Great and Talented as Trixie is, she was not totally sure that this would work. Trixie has no idea what to do now."

Slarlight's eyes widened. "You mean you came up with all that on the spot?"

"Yes! Trixie is the best at improv. Seriously though, Trixie has no idea where to go from here."

"Okay, uhhh..." Starlight's mind raced. What could she possibly say that would be believable and stop the Mayor from doing any unnecessary evil? "So, all this evil is a side effect of the flu, right? So once she recovers from the flu, she should be back to normal and not our problem anymore, right?"

"Sounds good enough for Trixie."

The two spun back around to the Mayor who had used the break to not-so-discretely blow her nose again. Starlight approached her while Trixie began edging for the door, just in case things went south. "Alright, here's what you should do. Shut down your operations for the next... ah... three days. Any schemes or rackets or exploits or anything. Then Twi- Princess Twilight will come make an assessment to decide just how much you should be paying her if you want to keep this operation running at all."

Mayor Mare growled under her breath, but refrained from complaining. "Fine," she spat before turning to her technically-not-hired goons. "Pack it in boys, you're getting a half-day."

One stallion raised a hoof. "Uh...I need to get a certain number of hours for this to count for class credit, so...?"

His boss rolled her eyes at his incompetency. "Just mark it as a whole day, see? I'll sign off on it."

His raised hoof dropped into a fist pump and a very quiet "Yes!". Starlight and Trixie took the chance to leave as everypony began packing up their things.

"I think that went rather well, don't you?" Starlight commented as she and Trixie trotted away from the much less busy Town Hall.

"After a few hiccups, yes. It occurs to Trixie that the hero business might not be so tough after all."

"Pull!" a voice suddenly called from ahead of them, "I said pull you whiny twerps!"

"But we're tired!" a nasally second voice replied.

"And hungry!" added a huskier third.

"You stop," the first one picked back up again, low and menacing, "And I destroy Ponyville. Now," there was a sound like something being smacked against a hoof. "Do you want to stop, or do you want houses, and roads, and neighbors?"

"Full speed ahead!" The other two cried, followed by the sound of something grinding against the dirt.

Starlight and Trixie shared a look. Whoever or whatever it was, it certainly sounded supervillainous. 'And I'll destroy Ponyville' isn't exactly a phrase that crops up often in normal conversation. Outside of smack talk from rival sports teams, at least. They thought about rushing forward to meet the threat, but there was no need. The grinding was getting louder and seemed to be coming from a nearby side street.

The first things two enter their view was two local colts. Starlight thought she recognized them, but only vaguely. Trixie however, knew them far too well. One was short and fat with a teal coat, while the other was tall and lean and colored like a banana just a shade or two past ripeness. Snips and Snails. The foals that had inadvertently led to her being run out of town for the first time. They were struggling to pull something that clearly did not want to move via a rope harness. Their hooves dug into the ground with every step, but they made progress, if barely.

Slowly, the thing they pulled came into view. To call it a cart or wagon would be inaccurate, as both of those have wheels. A large sled would be closer, but sleds at least had runners. This could best be described as a Princess sized bed, four posters and all, constructed of mahogany, gold, and red velvet. It was a beautiful piece of craftsponyship, with sculpted feline-esque heads and giant golden wings. The only less impressive parts were a section at the front where some sort of figurehead or hood ornament had clearly been broken off, and a portion along the sides where a pink paint job covered something up.

Trixie was about to comment when Starlight beat her to it. "Wow that is gaudy! I mean... just wow. Are you seeing this Trixie? I mean, what kind of pony does it take to even design something like that?"

Trixie swallowed her words, whistled, and looked absolutely anywhere else.

Meanwhile, the blast from Trixie's past continued to slowly slide along, finally revealing it's rider: A young filly with a pink coat, two-tone mane, megaphone, and thoroughly well-bedazzled box of tissues.

"Faster you nitwits!" she yelled through her megaphone, "Unless you like the idea of living in rubble!"

"Yes Diamond Tiara!" they both yelped as they struggled to pull faster.

"That's Princess Diamond you morons, get it right! Now," she turned the dial on her megaphone up a notch, "Tell me I'm pretty!"

"Very pretty!"

"The prettiest!"

Princess Diamond's bloodshot eyes surveyed her domain until they landed on two unicorns who were most decidedly not bowing in respect as she passed. She scowled at the insolent inferior lifeforms. How dare they not acknowledge her greatness?

Trixie broke eye contact from the filly's withering gaze and turned to Starlight. "Trixie will let you take point. This feels more like a guidance counselor case."

Starlight nodded and stepped up to the palanquin, the angry filly's eyes never leaving her. "Hi there!" Starlight greeted as disarmingly as she could muster. "Diamond... Tiara, isn't it? You don't have to to this. You're sick. Why don't you come down from there and we'll take you home. "

The filly scowled. "Don't have to do this? You insolent little bug, I want to do this! It's my right, my destiny!"

Starlight moved to back away, but suddenly found herself pulled even closer by a red aura. Since she wasn't very familiar with the filly, Starlight hadn't noticed that she'd swapped her silver tiara for a large golden crown with a red gemstone in the middle. A gemstone which was now glowing furiously. Diamond pulled their faces so close together that they were almost touching noses. "Look at me." she ordered, "I am your Princess now." She held up a strange black book in the aura of her crown's magic. "And with this on my side, there's nothing you can do to me. I can turn this town to rubble if I want."

She threw Starlight aside, back to the ground where Trixie stood in shock. "Okay," she groaned as she picked herself up. "What's plan B? Do we have a plan B?"

"The obvious solution for a supervillain is to fight them," Trixie said as a touch of nervousness entered her voice, "However the Great and Powerful Trixie feels conflicted about being asked to fight a small sick filly."

"Sounds to me like you're scared, lesser and forgettable Trixie!" Princess Diamond sneered from her high ground.

A look came over Trixie's face as her expression hardened. "...the Great and Powerful Trixie is over her conflicted feelings ."

"No!" Starlight cried, jumping between the pair, "We can't fight her! No matter how evil she is, she's still just a sick, confused filly. Plus, what if she's serious about a town-destroying superweapon?"

"Trixie is open to suggestions," the showmare said impatiently. "Would you like Trixie to find a rock for you to bang on her throne with? That worked so well last time."

Starlight gave her a stonefaced stare but said nothing. She cast a spell and the magic crown disappeared from Diamond's head and reappeared in Starlight's hoof.

"Hey!" the recently de-royaled princess protested, "Give that back! That was a birthday present from Daddy!"

"Oh." Said Trixie, embarrassed for having overlooked such a simple solution to their problem. She lit her horn as well and a black book appeared in her hoof. Another spell, and the terrible superweapon was transmogrified into a teacup.

"Noooooo!" her cries were a plaintive wail now, "Not Daddy's checkbook! Now how am I supposed to buy up the town then pay for it to be demolished to make way for my palace?"

Starlight rolled her eyes. Of course it was something like that. Why had she been so worried? All in all, it was only just a filly with an overblown ego. Both Twilight and the newspaper had said that the sickness didn't give you any special powers. She wrapped the still protesting Diamond Tiara in a magical bubble and hoisted her off her platform. "Trixie, I'll take her back to her house for her parents to deal with. Could you do something with this... thing?" She gestured to the golden monument of shame. "Also," she addressed the colts, "You can stop pulling now, I've disarmed her."

They collapsed to the ground immediately, huffing and puffing. Trixie offered them her tea, which they gratefully drank (even though it tasted ever so slightly of ink).

With two for two villains subdued or disarmed, both Trixie and Starlight were feeling pretty good about themselves.

If only they'd realized at the time that these events were only the overture to the main event, then maybe they could have stopped it.

But they didn't, and so the band played on.

The Inevitable C-Listers

"At last, at last!" cried a brown stallion as he emerged from his workshop. Time Turner (or 'Doc', to those who knew him well) laughed madly as he raised aloft his newest creation.

It was a strange blaster-like device that strapped to his foreleg. Crafted of sleek organic-looking black and green plates, it strongly resembled something made by a changeling. Or, if one was of a more macabre mindset, something made from a changeling. A glass vial full of clear water was inserted into the top.

"After countless days and weeks of toil, my device is finally finished." He tenderly ran a hoof along its polished surface as it caught the afternoon light. "Built to fully utilize the incredible capabilities of changeling biology, and fueled by enchanted water from the mirror pool, this is truly an invention that will rock Equestria to its core! Ahaha hahahahaha! Ahaha ha- *cough!* *cough!* *haaaack!*"

His monologue ruined by his own traitorous body, he dabbed away a small bit of spittle with his tie, carefully working around the stains from grease and other less pleasant fluids.

"While I was planning to gift this technology to the crown as a solution for free labor or unlimited guards or somesuch, today I feel oddly driven to use it myself. Hm, what a peculiar notion. I'll have to look into the causes of that later. But first, I suppose it might be fun to go and transform all of Ponyville into clones of myself." He chuckled darkly, "Oh wouldn't that be just fantastic! A whole town of nothing but me's! Imagine what we could accomplish. But such a brilliant device needs a fitting name. What to call it, what to call it... Aha!" He reared up and raised it to the sky once more. "The Me-intor!"

Doc paused and scratched his chin with his non-weaponized hoof. "Me-inator? I-inator? I get what I mean, but it really only works from the perspective of the one using the device."

Suddenly, before he could react, Spike appeared out of nowhere and smacked the device from his grasp as he ran past, shattering it to pieces. "Not today Doc!" the dragon cried, "There's no time! I've got bigger baddies to deal with."

Doc sighed, almost as if he'd been expecting this, and lowered his head. "Oh well, back to the drawing board then." He began to gather up the pieces of his demolished device at he called out halfheartedly, "Curse you, Spike the Dragon."

Spike raced on, barely acknowledging how he'd just saved the town from an eccentric academic's assimilation aspirations. There were more troubling matters at hand that clouded his mind, much like how the west end of town was clouded by an unscheduled mass of alarmingly low-hanging black clouds. Though his short legs couldn't cover much ground quickly, one of the great perks of being a dragon was great stamina. In the back of his mind, he was starting to regret Twilight's plan to split up to cover more ground. While it had proven true that most of the would-be-supervillains could be easily stopped by a single pony (or dragon), he had harbored a sneaking worry that at some point, they were going to come across one that they needed a group for. If he had learned anything from comic books, even outside the superhero genre, was that you do not split the group. Especially when there's multiple enemies about.

But, as much as how these thoughts teased the edges of his brain like a tempting itch, there was nothing he could gain from entertaining them. Could-be's and Might-have-been's didn't help anything when he had a job to do.

And so (with his favorite hero theme playing in his mind), Spike ran, slowing only briefly to quickly thwart the plans of whatever evil-afflicted ponies he encountered on his way.

In another part of town, Twilight was also heading for the ominous cloud mass. Having just thwarted a bank robbery (as in, the deluded stallion had literally tied himself to the bank and was trying to make off with the building), she was starting from the opposite end of town. Luckily, wings made for quick travel. She swept over the town, monitoring for any new and alarming cases as she went.

What was supposed to be a rare derived symptom had clearly become a predominate trait of the flu, which itself was rapidly becoming an epidemic. It seemed that everywhere she turned there was another budding supervillain trying to debut. To her great relief, however, years of peace had left the populace poorly versed in the art of villainy. So much so that many cases didn't even need her intervention. Most ponies were easily restrained by their friends and relatives, either with strong words or strong ropes as their monologues were drowned out by funnels of well-meaning herbal soup. Others were simply so ambitious that they defeated themselves, trying so hard to do some impossible task (such as one filly who had decided to conquer the world by holding her breath until the world gave up and presented her with a horn, wings, and crown) that they collapsed into congested, snoring sleep.

What worried Twilight were the few ponies who posed actual threats if they were to run loose. Though predominately an earth pony town, Ponyville had it's fair share of powerful unicorns, especially since it was the ideal place for graduates of Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns who sought employment away from the highbrow nobility of Canterlot. Not to mention quite a number of pegasi who had made it into the preliminary Wonderbolt trials, even if only a hofoful had actually gone all the way. Even putting that aside, there was Ponyville itself. It always seemed to have a way of... magnifying disasters beyond what they reasonably should have been. If something was going to go wrong, it would, without fail, go in spectacular fashion.

Unlike Spike, Twilight did allow her thoughts and worries to preoccupy her mind as she flew across town. So much so that she didn't even notice when she entered the territory controlled by a most fearsome foe.

"Halt, you!" A sudden hoarse voice cut Twilight's worries short. She found herself in the marketplace where a towering pile of fruit and vegetables had been gathered. Atop the pile, somewhat unsteadily, perched an overstuffed armchair, recently stolen as well if the nearby broken glass and grumbling antique store owner were any indication. On the chair sat a pink earth pony wielding a carrot-topped scepter and a furious expression. All around her tower, various ponies either prostrated themselves or merely cowered in fear, aside from two who stood like guards at the base of her monument.

"Who pass within the territory of Overlily! Queen of the Market!" The self entitled mare announced grandiosely, if roughly. "All who pass must pay tribute to my greatness! Any pony who refu- *ech!* anypony who re- *ech!*" She stopped trying for a moment and rubbed her throat, wincing. "Criminy, that smarts! Roseluck, could you..."

One of the mares acting as guards rolled her eyes, but complied. "Yes, Overlily. Queen of the marketplace." before adding under her breath, "And right pain in the flank." She looked up and made eye contact with the rather impatient princess. "Hey Twilight. So here's the deal-"

"No!" Overlily scolded with a voice like sandpaper, "Do it right!"

Roseluck grumbled something under her breath, but eventually started again in a more formal tone. "The Queen of the Market demands tribute from all who pass through her territory in the form of fresh vegetables, fruit, or flowers. Those who refuse, she transforms into vegetables themselves." She added in a low tone once more, "Not that I've seen her do that, but I've also never seen her like this before, so who knows."

"So... Princess," Overlily smirked, "Life... or Snack?"

Twilight looked at her with something between boredom and irritation. A crackling boom resounded from the dark clouds further on, distracting her for a moment. Finally, she made her decision.

"Look, Lily, I really wish I had time to help you with this, but today has just been crazy and I need to put priorities first so..." Twilight shot a blot of magic at the mare, causing her to slump out of her chair and slowly slide down the delicious mountain, "...just take a nap for a while. Sleep is very good for recovery." She turned slightly to address Roseluck and Daisy, who had caught their friend at the bottom of her slide. "Get her home and make sure she stays there. She'll be fine and back to normal once her cold passes." And with that, Twilight took off once more towards the clouds in the distance.

Ignoring the cheers of the 'liberated' ponies around them, Roseluck crouched down so Daisy could properly maneuver the snoring mare onto her back. She grimaced as she felt a thin trail of slime follow the path Lily's face took across her coat. "Oh she is so getting a earful when she's back to normal."

To say that Ponyville did not have a 'Pegasus District' would be essentially true, but technically false. Either way, it'd earn the speaker a sharp glare from any Ponyville resident, pegasus or not. What Ponyville did have was a section of the town that had more cloud-houses-per-building than the rest. This was due to them being located around the Ponyville Weather Bureau. Some ponies just wanted the shortest possible commute after a hard day of flying.

It was at the center of this unofficial district that trouble was brewing. A literal storm was also brewing, which was not indirectly related to the aforementioned trouble. The upper floors of the PWB building had been taken over and held hostage. The normally rigid and utilitarian design of the building (as far as it could be considered such, given the difficulty making anything out of cloud that wasn't at least a little whimsically wispy) had been replaced with a fortress of dark storm clouds. Lightning crackled between crenelations and arced across archways.

Pegasi hovered around the building in a miasma of anger, worry, and fear. Occasionally lightning would shoot from the building like a spear from an atlatl, forcing everypony to dodge out of it's path. While not deadly, least of all to pegasi, getting struck by lightning was still an experience anypony with sense would do their best to avoid.

The source of the lightning was a pearl-coated pegasus with a mane that looked like she had a color-blind pony for a hairdresser. Clashing stripes of neon green and pink competed for space as static buildup made every strand stand on end. She stood on the ramparts of her co-opted castle, hurling vitriol and criticisms to every pony present on a personal, name-by-name basis.

It was during her rant that both Twilight and Spike arrived in a remarkable show of synchronous timing.

"And you Raindrops! How hard is it to deliver the right could to the right place? Nimbostratus and cumulostratus are not the same thing!" She gave her castle a kick, and a bolt of lightning made a beeline to a yellow pegasus who dodged at the last second.

"That was one time!" the mare, presumably Raindrops, complained. "And it was three years ago!"

But her voice fell on deaf ears. Her aggressor had already moved on to another target. Seeing each other, Twilight and Spike met up to exchange intelligence.

"You have any luck?" Spike asked.

"I deescalated a few bad situations," Twilight confirmed, "But this looked like a big one."

"I'll say," Spike agreed as he glanced toward the tower where insults and lightning continued to fly in equal measure. "She seems a lot madder than most."

"Oh you bet she's mad." Twilight and Spike turned at the new voice. Thunderlane walked up from behind, his mane charred and still smoking slightly. "I mean, everypony knows Blossomforth has a temper, but it's never gotten like this before."

"Magical interference," Twilight summarized.

"Ah. Yeah, I guess that'd do it. You have any idea how to, I don't know, deal with this Twilight? This feels like it might be a friendship sort of thing."

Twilight hesitated. "I may have something. It's a bit impersonal, but she should be fine." Charging her horn for a moment, Twilight let fly another magical bolt of the sleep spell. But before it'd gotten even halfway there, a bolt of lightning snaked out and burst it into magical dust.

"No interruptions!" Blossomforth hollered, her face red with anger. Though some of it was flush from a fever that made the clouds sizzle then her face touched them. "I've been bottling this up for fifteen years and nopony is stopping me till I'm through! If you won't listen to your general manager and following bucking directions, maybe you'll listen to a generalissimo shouting orders! Now, who's next?"

Thunderlane sighed. "Thought so. That's what happens anytime somepony tries to get close. She's got a real talent with lightning. That's why she's head of the Ponyville branch after all."

"Okay," Spike began to pace, "So we can't get near her to disable her with spells or force. So if this was a comic book, we'd need..." His eyes lit up in realization, "A distraction!"

"Whoa! Now that's some crazy supervillain stuff!"

Three heads turned up to see who had spoken. As if answering the call, Rainbow Dash had appeared on the scene. Twilight immediately concocted a plan.

"Rainbow Dash, I need to hit Blossomforth with a spell so we can calm her down easily, but she's so focused right now she can pinpoint shoot my spells away. I need you to distract her enough that I can slip the spell past her defenses."

Dash nodded. "Alright, distract her. Got it. What should I do?"

"Just... be you, Dash." Twilight replied with a grin.

Confused, but nodding, Rainbow Dash took to the skies as Twilight readied herself to take advantage of the first opportunity she could spot.

Dash's wings beat hard as their carried her up and up into the airspace of the local weather HQ. She quickly spotted her quarry (though it wasn't like she'd moved) giving Cloudchaser a piece of her mind.

"...and another thing! When I say clear, I mean clear! Not 'mostly clear', not 'just a few cirrus hanging about', I mean clear!" She stamped a hoof and let more lightning fly, making all the pegasi scramble in response.

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath and, keeping in mind how she'd seen Princess Luna do it once, hollered.

"Hey Blossomforth! Why not pick on somepony on your own level!"

It wasn't exactly a royal voice, but it had the desired effect. Blossomforth turned her bloodshot gaze on the rainbow mare and narrowed her eyes dangerously. "You..." she hissed.

"Yeah that's right, me!" Rainbow Dash replied cockily, "Got nothing to say? What, am I too awesome and perfect for you to complain about?"

"You have missed..." Somehow, Blossomforth had managed to both hiss and yell at the same time. "Every. Single. One. Of your past two hundred and sixty three shifts!"

"Aaah..." Rainbow Dash blanked. All her plans of goading Blossomforth and annoying her flew right out of her head at the unexpected accusation. "The hay are you talking about?"

"Every day. Every shift. I see you on the roster, and not in the skies!" The hiss-yelling was really starting to creep Dash out. If Chrysalis had any spies in the crowd, she would have had them jot down the technique for future schemes.

"Wha- I... I don't work here anymore!" Rainbow Dash finally managed a rebuttal. "I quit like, almost two years ago! Because I joined the Wonderbolts, remember?"

"You never gave two weeks notice!" She screamed, "And you never clocked out!"

"I'm on the volunteer squad!" Dash cried, "I still help out when I'm not training! I see you like once a week! You never said anything!"

"And besides all that, you're lazy!" The words hit Rainbow Dash like a hoof to the gut. Never had anypony called her lazy, leastwise those who knew or worked with her. Distractible? Yes. Easygoing? At times. Awesome? Daily. But never lazy.

"I am not lazy!" She spat, some actual anger seeping into her reactions. "I was one of your best weathermares."

Blossomforth's wings buzzed as she left her post to go right up in Dash's face. "Even if you finish your assigned task, napping on company time is still slacking off!"

"Gotcha." Twilight whispered as she let her spell fly. Away from her cloud fortress, Blossomforth had no lightning on which to call and no clouds to buck it from. The spell hit her like a flying book, with much the same effect of immediately rendering her unconscious.

"Whoa, easy there!" Rainbow Dash folded her wings and dropped swiftly to catch the falling mare, easing her the rest of the way to the ground. Without her active influence, the extra portions she'd added to the building began to dissipate. Like a stretched piece of rubber the original building began to ease itself back into it's familiar shape. Pegasi landed all around, both glad that the incident had been resolved peacefully and worried about their boss.

"Don't worry everypony!" Twilight calmed the crowd. "It's just a sleeping spell. She should be back to normal once she wakes up and you can all have a good laugh about this in a day or two. Can anypony get her home?"

Thunderlad stepped forward. "I know where she lives. It's just down the street from me."

Twilight nodded and allowed him to take her sniffling, wheezing form. With the object of their interest leaving, the crowd began to disperse. They all still had jobs to do after all. Weather still needed to be coordinated and the headquarters couldn't be left to reform entirely on it's own.

"Hey Twilight," Dash asked once they and Spike were alone, "You... don't think I'm, y'know, lazy do you?"

Twilight smiled. "Of course not. You're one of the most driven mares I know."

"Totally," Spike agreed, "Though personally, I wouldn't mind a lazy day or two after all this is over." That earned him a laugh from the group.

"Ah, you and me both Spike." Twilight tittered, "Though I think we're probably past the worst of it. It should be pretty easy here on out."

Author's Note

And with all the pieces in place, now there's just the Big Finale.

Infinity Smash...

Infinity Smash

Author's Note

Sorry for the delay on this chapter, I had big plans for the finale and subsequently had trouble reigning them in. Also, I had to prepare a special treat to go along with this chapter (which made be found within) for which I had to teach myself how to use three new pieces of software.

Before you begin reading I would recommend that you do so on a computer rather than mobile. This chapter contains several embedded pieces of accompanying music which, though not required, I feel add to the action. Or just read it on mobile then check on the music afterward if that's what you want. I'm not your mother. As far as I know.

Infinity Smash

It was getting around that time of day where pedantic ponies start to argue about whether it's 'late afternoon' or 'early evening' when Starlight and Trixie met back up with Twilight and Spike. Neither group was in great condition. Both teams looked worn out and tired with manes that were fraying from stress and exertion. Except for Spike, who didn't have a mane, but whose head frills drooped in fatigue as well.

"Well, this is it." Trixie announced as she flopped to the ground. "Trixie has tried being a hero and decided that you can keep the job. Trixie is tired and worn out and fed up with ponies who can't keep their tenses in place when talking in the third pony!"

"I take it you've been dealing with a lot of sick ponies?" Twilight asked.

Starlight placed a hoof on Trixie's withers and nodded. "Oh yeah. A lot of small robberies, a couple of lover's spats turned magical arms race, and no less than four ponies who seemed to have taken inspiration from Trixie's act and stage character."

"You can't just say the same words as Trixie and do the same thing! Trixie owns to the rights to her persona and she will see them in court!"

Twilight hid a small laugh behind a hoof, but it turned out to be unnecessary as fatigue stole the air from her. "It's been nonstop for us too. It seems like every time we finish subduing a sick pony and getting them to a friend for supervision, another villain starts maniacally cackling around the next corner! It doesn't make any sense. The flu made it's way through Canterlot and they only had five reported cases of supervillainy in the whole city!"

"Maybe Ponyville ponies just are more inclined towards evil?" Spike offered.

Twilight snorted. "Well, that would certainly explain a lot. Still, despite this statistically ridiculous number of cases, the breakout rate seems to be dropping off, so I feel confident in saying that I think we can rest easy for the night."

And then the sun disappeared.

The sudden absence of the life-giving celestial orb was not, as one might initially suspect, the result of a tired white alicorn who just wanted to hurry the schedule up and go to sleep already after a thankless day of listening to nobles whine. Nor was it the action of a certain draconequus borrowing the heavenly body to use as an after dinner mint to try an remove the aftertaste of his own horribly mangled attempt to grill hayburgers 'the old fashioned way' for his house guest. The sun was in fact, very much where it was supposed to be. There was just an enormous figure obscuring it from Ponyville.

It wasn't so much a pony as it was the absence of one. A black void like a silhouette cut from the very fabric of the universe that sucked in all light. Except for the eyes. Its eyes were like pools of crisp, white starlight in the void; stark and attention grabbing.

Opening a mouth that was a darkness discernible even within the void, it spoke.

CITIZENS OF PONYVILLIE...

FOR YEARS YOU HAVE LIVED YOUR LIVES IN BLISSFUL JOY. FEASTING ON THE FRUITS OF PEACE AND SIPPING FROM A CUP WHICH RUNNETH OVER. BUT WHEN ONE LIVES ONLY IN LIGHT, THEY FORGET THE DARKNESS AND NO LONGER APPRECIATE WHAT THEY HAVE.

"What is that?!" Trixie cried, scrambling to her hooves.

"I don't know," Twilight replied as she readied her horn for combat, "But it looks... somehow familiar."

The figure reared up to even greater heights, now fully casting the entire town in shadow.

UNTIL TODAY, YOUR LIVES HAVE BEEN LIKE ONE NEVER ENDING PARTY. BUT TODAY, I HAVE DECIDED THAT IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE OF VENUE. TIME TO TEAR DOWN THE OLD DECORATIONS TO MAKE ROOM FOR NEW. TIME TO THROW AWAY THE OLD CAKE AND START FRESH. DO NOT DESPAIR, FOR EVERY ENDING IS BUT ANOTHER'S NEW BEGINNING. BECAUSE ONCE A PARTY ENDS, THAT'S WHEN THE REAL FUN BEGINS.

"Don't you think," Starlight began hesitantly, "With the shape of it's mane, it almost looks like..."

FOR I.

"No," Twilight gasped, "It couldn't be!"

AM.

"It is." Spike groaned.

AFTERPARTY!

With a roar that shook houses to their foundations and bent full grown trees like saplings, Afterparty announced herself to the world. Meanwhile, the ponies below argued over how to handle her.

"We can't fight her!" Twilight insisted.

"We don't have a choice." Starlight rebutted, "She's going to destroy the town!"

"But it's Pinkie Pie. She wouldn't hurt a fly!"

With Twilight having thoroughly cocked Murphy's gun with that statement, Afterparty smashed her foreleg to the ground, demolishing a block of houses.

"Yeah," Spike added dryly, "But she's not Pinkie right now. Just think of how much damage even normal Pinkie could cause if she went on a rampage, let alone one out of her mind on evil germs!"

Twilight's mind locked up as warring thoughts clashed. Save the town; that should have been her default priority. But to do that she'd have to fight against a friend, one of her first and dearest friends. Twilight shook her head. No, she couldn't think like that. It wouldn't be a betrayal, it would be... it would be... tough love. Yes! The conflict cleared from her mind like clouds before the dawning of her realization. It was for Pinkie's own good and the good of all the ponies in the town. Sometimes you had to be cruel to be kind, in the right measure of course.

"Alright." she declared with new strength in her eyes. "For her own good, and the safety of everypony in Ponyville, we have to take Pinkie down. Spike, you go get Rainbow Dash then help start evacuating any ponies that haven't already left on their own. Starlight, Trixie, you're with me. Remember: we don't want to hurt her, she's still Pinkie under all that."

Afterparty looked down at the group that charged on her position, horns lit and ready.

SO YOU'RE GONNA RESIST THEN? SO BE IT. I'D BE HAPPY TO TAKE THE TIME TO PLAY WITH YOU. AFTER ALL, Her gaping maw split into a predatory grin. NO ONE EVER SAID THAT EVIL CAN'T BE FUN!"

Three magical blasts fired towards Afterparty. One hit but was knocked away. Another hit and was absorbed to no effect. One went wide and somehow managed to miss the titanic figure that took up most of sky.

"Trixie, you keep her attention down here below while we attack from above." Twilight instructed as she took to the sky. Her body covered in a teal glow, Starlight flew after her.

"Sure," Trixie grumbled, "Just leave the illusionist defenseless here on the ground while you two powerhouses go together. I see no problems with this plan."

Still grumbling, Trixie began conjuring as many eye-catching illusions as she could. Fireworks and flowers, ghostly figures and random bursts of color and light. It worked, all too well, as Afterparty bent down to give Trixie her full attention. Seeing a giant foreleg lowering like an executioner's axe, she yelped and leapt aside, barely dodging it. She just managed to get her footing when she felt the air pressure increase as the other foreleg came into play.

In the skies, two very powerful magic users primed their horns. Twilight quirked her head to the side as she recognized her student's spellwork.

"You're using Cascade's Magical Disrupter?"

"Of course. What are you using?"

"Starswirl's Arcane Eliminator."

Starlight nearly faltered her magical hovering. "Star- but the power efficiency on that spell is awful!"

"True, but it's also so stably designed that it has no maximum output. I reasoned that it was worth the trade-off." She glanced down below where Afterparty seemed to be playing Whack-a-Trixie in the way that a cat plays with a mouse: timing her swings to only just miss the unicorn each time. "My current plan is utilize a single large blast, knock her out so she's no longer a threat, then deal with her size issues."

"Yeah, about that..." Starlight shifted uncomfortably, "How exactly is she so big? I don't think the supervillain virus could do this."

"It's Pinkie. I'm not surprised at all that she had a unique reaction, and I learned long ago that it's better not to question anything associated with Pinkie."

Starlight frowned. "That feels more than a little dangerously over-encompassing, but there's too much else going on for me to deal with that right now."

As their magic reached critical levels, the pair fired. Two beams of magic, one pink the other blue, raced towards Afterparty, sizzling through her mane and striking true to the back of her head.

"OW! THAT STINGS!"

Twilight's mouth dropped in shock and hung there. "Stings? It stings?!" she cried in disbelief, "That shot should have knocked a dragon out!"

"Got a Plan B?" Starlight asked nervously.

"Fire again! Fire everything!"

But blast after magic blast did little more than irritate Afterparty, and her swinging forelegs were making it harder and harder to concentrate on charging and aiming their spells.

"Hey! Did somepony call for air support?"

Rainbow Dash soared onto the scene and did a double-take as she realized just what she was flying towards. "Whoa! Is that... Pinkie?" She grinned. "That mare doesn't half-flank anything does she?"

"Dash!" Twilight called, "Our magic isn't having any effect on her and I'm running out of ideas. We need to knock her out, for her own safety and the town's."

Her worried tone was received with a cocky grin. "Don't worry, I'll hit her with my signature move!"

The pegasus shot skyward, in moments becoming a mere speck in the sky. A speck that suddenly started to get bigger again. Twilight and Starlight fled the impending impact zone, one of them grabbing Trixie as they went. Wisps of rainbow magic started to form around Dash as the angle of her mach cone grew smaller and smaller. Afterparty looked up and grinned as she noticed the rapidly approaching magic corona.

THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK!

With a speed and agility that belied her size, Afterparty dodged back a step, grinding a trench in the earth and putting her outside the strikezone. With not enough time to correct her course, all Rainbow could do was continue through with the maneuver. She pulled off in a screeching perpendicular turn barely a pony-length above Afterparty's defensively raised hoof and rode off on the Rainboom's shockwave. Despite being near the point of impact, Afterparty braced herself and weathered the blast, coming out the other side with little more than a ruffled mane.

"It's no good! No matter what we do she just shrugs it off!" Twilight yelled, "R-Retreat! Fall back!"

"Go! Go!" Rainbow Dash urged, "I'll keep her busy while you come up with a plan. Hey Pinks! Betcha can't catch me!"

Two unicorns and an alicorn retreated to a safe distance, panting and sweating with exertion, while Rainbow Dash busted out her full Wonderbolts stunt routine to keep Afterparty occupied. Once they were safely out of range, Trixie once more collapsed onto the ground.

"Ok..." she gasped, "This is it. I'm calling it. Trixie votes we submit ourselves to our new giant overlord and just get it over with."

"We can't just give up!" Starlight insisted, "We have to do something!"

All Twilight could do was shake her head despondently. "She's fast, magically and physically resistant, and outweighs us several hundred times. I don't think the four of us are enough. We need help!"

Just then, the air was filled with a noise somewhere between a zipper unzipping and water whirl-pooling down a drain. A portal of swirling colors appeared in the air just before them. With a quiet vworp!, the portal dislodged a yellow figure and vanished.

"Fluttershy!" Twilight exclaimed, "What are you doing here? I thought you were staying safe with Discord?"

The buttery pegasus nodded. "I was. We've been watching you keep the town safe from his living room. At first I felt okay just sitting this adventure out since nopony seemed to really be in real danger and you seemed to have everything covered, but this..." She glanced over to where Afterparty seemed to have devised a game out of trying to catch Rainbow Dash midflight with a pair of wooden poles. "I just couldn't sit back and watch while my friends were in danger!"

Twilight smiled, her heart warmed by the ferocity of the fires of their friendship. "Thank you Fluttershy, that means a lot. However," The ground rumbled as Afterparty shifted her weight in a long-stretched grab which only missed Rainbow Dash by a hair's breadth. "I just don't know how much one more pony is going to help. She's just so powerful!"

"Well, Discord did give me this, but told me only to use it if the situation looked really bad." Fluttershy shifted her wings to reveal a small white box tied shut with a red ribbon.

The earth trembled again and a nearby building creaked alarmingly. "I don't think it could get much worse!" Starlight commented.

Nodding, Fluttershy undid the bow and removed the box's lid. Immediately, her hopeful face became clouded with emotions. Apprehension, worry, uncertainty, and no small amount of fear. "Oh." The fear seemed to stand out prominently as she looked back to her friends. "Yes, this might help. But it's risky."

"There's no time to do things by half measures," Trixie warned as she fidgeted, her eyes constantly darting back to the dangerous game of cat and mouse going on unnervingly close by. "We need all the help we can get."

Nodding, Fluttershy reached into the box and pulled out... a hat. An artillery visor cap, for those who kept track of such things. Forest green with a black brim and red trim. The hat was soon followed by a pair of matching pants, boots, a belt, and a long skirted jacket.

Twilight gasped as she realized what her friend was about to do. "No, it's too dangerous. You remember what happened last time."

Fluttershy closed her eyes a moment, took a deep breath, and let it out with a sad smile. "It's alright Twilight. Just... when everything's over... help me remember who I am again."

Twilight nodded solemnly, as did Starlight and Trixie, even though they had no idea what she was talking about.

Wasting no time, Fluttershy began to dress. She pulled up the pants, followed by the thick-soled boots. Her wings slid through perfectly aligned holes in the jacket, lined with red piping. Button after button quickly sealed the pegasus inside her outfit, as did the cinched belt. A strange energy seemed to fill the air as she donned each piece, a static-like charge of anticipation that made her mane frizz and split and crinkle. Finally, Fluttershy closed her eyes and donned the hat. With a swift tug of the brim, it fit snugly into place as though it had been made for her. And when she opened her eyes... they were different.

Gone was the fear, the worry, the trepidation; even the timidity and kindness seemed to have taken a backseat. The void they left behind was filled with a steel that seemed to make everypony present stand up a little straighter. There was power in those eyes. A calm calculating gaze that seemed to take in the world, analyze it, and spit it back out in distaste. There was a fire there too, a ravenousness like a chained dog just waiting to be released.

Kindness was not home right now, and cold, efficient tactics had taken up residence.

"Situation report." Fluttershy demanded, her voice as hard and unwavering as an anvil.

"Uh, well, you put on a suit and now you're talking like one of the guard." Trixie offered, still completely lost as to what had just happened.

"From someone competent." Fluttershy growled.

Twilight figured out what she was looking for first, having met similarly minded ponies while her brother was in guard training. She needed the relevant information presented to her as quickly and efficiently as possible. "One major opponent." She stated, pointing to where Afterparty was starting to get frustrated with her game. "Infected with supervillain virus and about to start destructive rampage. Very likely Pinkie Pie."

Fluttershy grunted. "So nonlethal strategies then. Her strengths?"

"Very magically resistant, but not entirely. Strength proportional to her size. No signs of Pinkie Sense or her other usual abilities."

Fluttershy nodded as she tracked Rainbow Dash's flight and Afterparty's trailing movements. "And on our side?"

"My, Starlight's, and Trixie's magic. Rainbow Dash. And you."

The military garbed pegasus scowled. "That's it? That's all we have?"

"There's no one else left." Starlight insisted, "It's just us... and her."

Her scowl deepened. "Not good enough. You said it yourself, we're not enough." Her expression cleared for a moment as an idea came to her, an option she never would have even considered exploiting in her usual mindset, before she cleared her face with grim set determination.

"Alright, Twilight, fly high. Starlight, go low enough that she can't focus on both of you at once. Low powered spells, don't waste your energy, just enough to keep her attention from the town. Trixie-"

"Trixie... Trixie needs a minute to regain her stamina."

"Fine. You'd only get in the way anyway."

"Hey!" But her protests went unheard.

Twilight nodded in agreement, as the plan was similar enough of her previous one. "What about you?"

"I'll do what I can about some backup. Now go!"

Once again, Twilight and Starlight took off to rejoin Dash while Trixie gave up any pretenses and completely splayed herself out on the ground. Meanwhile, Fluttershy removed a banana-themed field radio from a pocket and extended its antenna. Static cracked for a moment before dying to a low background hum.

"This is Pine Cone calling Blue Fairy. I repeat, Pine Cone calling Blue Fairy. Do you read me Blue Fairy? Over."

"Yeeeello." A tinny version of Discord's scratchy voice echoed out of the tiny speaker. "This is Blue Fairy. What can I do you for Pine Cone?"

"We're getting figuratively slaughtered out here!" she yelled back into the radio, "We need reinforcements, back-up, anything and everything we can throw at this thing! We need you!"

"No can do on that last one," he replied, jovial as ever. "Can't directly interfere with this fight. Cosmic ordinance."

Her eye twitched. But before she could really tell him where he could stick his excuses, he continued. "But I can send you someone else to help. Anyone you want, even. Anypony or creature you can think of."

"Send in..." Fluttershy hesitated. She turned back to the battle, where Twilight and Starlight were still firing off their magic to little effect. Who could she call? Who would be best suited to take down a titan? A princess? A villain? Someone with brute strength or someone with incredible skills? She frowned as Rainbow Dash barely dodged a casually swung foreleg that could have leveled a building. Impossible. There was nopony. No one pony had the kind of power or skills or abilities to take down that behemoth on their own!

In a very literal sense (which was probably Discord's doing), a light came on over her head. Maybe that was it. That was the solution. She gave Discord her answer and his grin was audible over the radio. "Roger that, Pine Cone. Brace for incoming reinforcements."

She snapped the banana-phone shut and turned to Trixie, who was still trying to catch her breath. "Trixie," Her cool and collected demeanor suddenly returned, "You said before you know something of supervillains?"

"Huh? What? Ah, I guess?" The magician stumbled at the sudden segue. "I mean, Trixie has read a few comics, but she never claimed to be an expert or-."

"Can you tell me then," Fluttershy interrupted, "What separates a villain from a supervillain?"

"Er... presentation?"

A muffled explosion sounded in the distance. Trixie whirled around, startled, but Fluttershy merely laughed lightly. "That is true, very true. But there is one other thing."

From another direction, a second muffled explosion boomed, this one sounding less fiery and more like stone crumbling and shattering.

"A villain will do his dirty work and go, regardless of the actions of others or anything other than the focus of their crime. A supervillain..." A sly grin grin appeared on her features. "...hates being upstaged."

Rhythmic thumping echoed from one of the side roads, pounding and pulsing like a great drum. Trixie backed away in fear, cowering behind Fluttershy whose grin had not diminished. "W-Who... who did you call?"

Fluttershy's grin grew and grew until her face was split apart by a truly demonic smile and a mad fire filled her eyes. "Simple... I called in everyone."

"Hey you!" a voice cried from the rooftops. To the west, atop some unfortunate pony's partially destroyed roof, her burlap cape aflutter, Applejack scowled into the fray. "Y'all are blocking out the Sun! I need that for my apples. So you best get to shrinkin' right on back down where you belong or by golly I'm gonna give you such a wallop!"

And then Rarity's boutique exploded.

That's not to say that there was a fireball, but rather, the front walls merely burst outward from within. Ponequins spilled onto the streets, walking in jerky, mechanical movements as the huddled mob quickly aligned itself into ranks. They marched forward in perfect step, in dresses and suits and outfits beyond description like the world's most fashionable army. An apt description, given the circumstances. Soon, a palanquin emerged from the wreckage that had once been the front doors of the boutique, held aloft by a dozen ponequins in matching uniform. Atop it sat Rarity, or rather, The Marchioness, dressed in her finest and most extravagant gown. "Behold!" she declared, "My empire shall expand beyond my current demesne. Soon the world shall know the might of my fashion, starting with Ponyville." She then noticed Afterparty and gasped. "Starting with you! Black on black? This goes beyond a crime against fashion, this is Lèse-majesté against fashion! Lords and ladies of my court!" The ponequins snapped to attention. Snapping her folding fan shut, The Marchioness pointed it at the giant like a conductor's baton. "Remove that offense to style from my sight!"

With a rustle of wings Twilight landed next to Fluttershy and Trixie, who were still grinning and cowering, respectively. "What in the world is going on?" she asked, "Where are--" Cut off mid-sentence, she yelped and leaped aside as the ground began to crumble beneath her hooves. A moment later, the dirt fell away leaving a pony-sized hole out of which popped a gray and purple head topped with a spiked helmet.

"Ah." The mare stated. "Ponyville. We're here. So we did take the right turn at Stallbuquerque." She glanced up and noticed the towering figure of Afterparty. "Oh. This again."

She deftly hopped out of the hole and gave Twilight a courtesy nod before speaking back into the pit. "Alright boys, time to come out and meet your Aunt Pinkie. Take her down. Non-lethal only."

The ground rumbled for a moment before, of all things, a diamond dog burst forth. "Aye Alpha!" He cried before dashing off towards where others had begun to gather. A moment later he was followed by second dog with another cry of "Aye, Alpha". And then there was another dog. Then another. And another. Followed next by a particularly scrawny one which instead cried "On it, Mama Maud!"

Dogs evacuated the hole in an unending stream before eventually the final one exited. A very small smile crept onto Maud's lips, barely detectable except by those who truly knew how to read her expressions. "Good boys. Now make Mama proud."

Meanwhile, from the East side of town came a noise of clanking metal. A brief light show blinded those who looked at it directly as the low evening sunlight reflected off a sea of metal.

A veritable army of mechanical marvels came down the street in all shapes and sizes. Some were based on animals, ponies, and other creatures while others looked completely inorganic. Boxy beasts rumbled forward on 'borrowed' wagon wheels while others glided on membranous wings of paper and fabric. There was no consistent style or material; like a junkyard or thrift store had suddenly come to life and begun birthing creatures from whatever parts it consisted of.

At the center of it all was a mechanical pony as tall as Celestia but with a build that could rival Big Macintosh's. White fog escaped from vents on its legs, glossing the ground with frost as it walked. On it's enormous back sat two ponies. One sat coolly behind a turntable-turned-control panel, a wide grin on her face as her horn blinked a rapid sequence of lights; a pattern that many of the machines seemed to repeat. Sitting behind her was a very distressed-looking Octavia, who looked as though she was stuck in the middle of that one particular dream where she's about to perform a solo for the Canterlot Symphony Orchestra but she doesn't have her sheet music and her cello is a fish.

"I'm sorry!" she cried suddenly, seeing ponies gathered ahead of her, "I tried to stop her, but she built so many and then they all left the house at once! And she keeps building more as they loot the stores we pass!" But her voice was practically drowned out by the whirs, clicks, blips, and bloops of the sea of machines in which she was adrift.

Vinyl Scratch's cocky smile dropped as a thudding noise cut into the offbeat notes of her mechanically synchronized choir. She looked up as a shadow fell over her and her mount. Standing twice as tall as her mecha-pony was a bipedal magical golem made entirely out of sofas and quills. Through its face hole one could see it being piloted from within by none other than Davenport. He grinned smugly and waved, an arm and a wing of his magic mech suit moving in sync with his foreleg. A moment later, his smile likewise fell as a shadow was cast over him, much like he had done to Vinyl only a moments before. Mirroring her earlier movements, he turned to the right and saw an even larger figure.. This new contender had seemingly been built from whole trees with many small, wheeled mechanical parts at the joints. From within the small one-room building that made up its head came a battle cry that left no mystery as to its pilots.

"Cutie Mark Crusaders Zord Pilots! Yay!"

Davenport and Vinyl both stared, eyes wide and mouths agape. Only Octavia was able to actually vocalize a thought. "My word... How in Celestia's name did you manage to build that?"

"Magic," Sweetie Belle replied.

"Apple trees," Apple Bloom added.

"And a whole lot of tree sap." Scootaloo finished with a cheeky grin.

Sweetie Belle still wore the gown Rarity had given her when she was playing the role of the Duchess, only she'd removed the unwieldy skirt to reveal that it also had leggings built-in underneath. Applebloom and Scootaloo had been gifted similar dresses-turned-speedsuits in orange and cyan, respectively.

"Uh, Twilight?" Rainbow Dash said as she coasted in for a landing where the other round one combatants had converged. "We may have a bit of a problem."

"Yeah, I know. I can see the ponies pouring in from every street."

"What? Oh. Yeah, Them too, but that's not what I meant.

Twilight's eyes widened. ”Wait, then what were you talking about? “

She pointed to something behind Twilight and her companions. “Blossomforth is back, and she brought the whole weather office with her."

With a roar of thunder and crack of lightning, the aforementioned pegasus made herself known. As angry as ever, she rode atop her once-again remodeled place of work, this time accompanied by several other pegasi who looked as equally emotional as her. Between the group of them, they'd re-sculpted the entire Ponyville weather bureau office into a flying galleon like the pegasi warships of old. A mobile fortress thick with defenses and riddled with thunder cannons and lightning dispensers. The proud helm of their mighty battleship was sculpted like the skull of a pony and high energy static discharges arced endlessly within the sockets, lighting them from within and giving the whole ship a ghostly blue glow.

From across the road, a dapper stallion took in the gathering forces with a grim expression. "Well then," he said to no one in particular, "This certainly doesn't look good." For a moment, the armies of robots and animate clothing stands stole away his attention, but with a shake of his head he refocused. "They say it's a dark day when a good stallion goes to war." A shadow fell over him as Afterparty reared higher. "And this is a dark day indeed."

Time Turner knocked a switch with his hoof, bringing to life a pump on the strange device strapped across his body. A piston began to pulse, slowly pressurizing a large tank of water strapped across his back that glowed ever-so-slightly. He flipped another switch, this one connected to the strange changeling-esque device attached to his foreleg. It to hummed to life, illuminated from within by a green light as water flowed into it through tubes connecting it to the pack on his back. "And with a day as dark as this, I think we'll need as many good stallions as we can get!"

He flexed his hoof within the device and shot a stream of sparkling green-tinged water from its muzzle. It splashed onto a small decorative shrubbery, a post box, and some loose stones from one of the collapsed buildings. Moments after contact, all three began to glow, their forms beginning to twist and warp as they grew. With a sudden flash of golden light, they were replaced by three near-identical copies of Doc, excluding his strange device.

"Allons-y!" one cried as he was blessed with intelligence.

"Fantastic!" another grinned as he too join the ranks of sentience.

"Canterlot stands!" announced the third.

"You know what to do, lads," Time Turner stated. The three duplicates nodded, as they shared all of his thoughts up until the moment he pulled the trigger. As one, they all turned and ran towards where the other ponies were starting to gather while the original Doctor primed his device again and switched out the nozzle for multi-shot mode.

Across the rapidly filling plaza, Diamond Tiara's carriage entered the scene at high speed, pulled through the air by some unknown magical means. The filly herself was decked out in as much jewelry and accessories as could be worn by a pony at one time. Every piece of gold and gemstone she wore had the tell-tale glow of an enchanted item, her ensemble easily totaling a small fortune in bits and enough magical potency to put pre-alicorn Twilight to the test.

"No!" she snapped, "I am the biggest, most important pony in town and nopony is allowed to be bigger than me because I'm the richest and therefore the best! I'm the rich filly, I'm the one who wins!"

The Mayor trotted out of her office, a fedora tipped down over her eyes and a pinstripe jacket hung loosely over her shoulders, followed by a line of surprisingly muscular interns. She pointed to Afterparty. "Full salaried employment to whoever topples that eyesore in my picturesque city skyline!"

There were countless other ponies as well, pouring out from their houses and side streets dressed in all manner of ridiculous outfits and armed to the teeth with whatever they'd been driven to build, steal, or repurpose. Lyra Heartstrings rolled up on a tricycle, a mad grin on her face and a hacksaw in each hoof. Bon Bon stood behind her, decked out in full spy gadgetry restitched with an intimidating skull-and-snake logo. Daisy arrived atop of wagon piled high with produce pulled by her two friends who now wore armor seemingly constructed from other marketplace kiosks. Mr. and Mrs. Cake stood shoulder to shoulder, their manes wildly disheveled as they brandished a pair of razor-sharp knives and an overcharged culinary blowtorch. "Ah, what fortune!" They crooned to each other, "And just when we were about to run out of pies; what providence!"

"That's her!" Dinky Cran-muffin Caesar cried, leaning out a window, "It's her! She's the one!"

"Who is it now?" Derpy asked, her head poking out from behind her daughter.

"Her!" The smaller pony insisted, "The one I've been looking for. The one that causes everything! The one behind it all!" She began to climb out the window.

"What are you doing?!" Derpy leaped forward to catch her daughter just before the unicorn left the window.

"Don't stop me Gingersnap!" She snapped gingerly, "This is my chance, my one chance, to take her down and finally restore balance to the world's little ponies!"

"Oh no you don't." Derpy chastised as she pulled her daughter back inside. "I think you've had more than enough villainy for one day. You're letting the others take care of this one."

"But Mom..." She wailed, childish instincts bleeding through her character. "The evil!"

"No buts, Missy! You can stand by the window and watch, but no daughter of mine is going to get involved in a Citywide no-holds-barred melee against a giant monster from beyond Imagination."

A plaintive "Awww..." leaked out the window as it was pulled close from within.

The pavilion grew silent as the last few ponies and their assorted minions and subordinates trickled in. Tension mounted as the two sides faced off. In the center of the plaza, Afterparty: a veritable mountain of darkness armed with incredible strength and who knows what else up her sleeve. Surrounding her on all sides, the combined forces of Ponyville, bristling with arched collars, hastily restitched Nightmare Night costumes, and every weapon they could lay their hooves on.

OOOOH...!" Afterparty cooed, "SO MANY UNEXPECTED GUESTS. WE'LL HAVE TO MAKE THIS A FAREWELL PARTY TO REMEMBER THEN." She flexed and released a wave of pressure that left airborne pegasi reeling. A ripple traveled down her form. Like a mouse journeying down a snake's gullet, a bulge ran from her head, down her body, and up her tail. When it reached the tip, the end of her tail exploded in another shockwave that rocked the gathered crowd. When they regained their bearings, the threat before them had multiplied.

Pinkies. Countless normal-sized Pinkies clustered around the giant's hooves, dark as their creator and grinning and chittering madly. Trailing from each of their tails was a wiggling streamer of void connecting them to the main body.

The United Villains of Ponyville hesitated. Sensing the time for decisive action, Fluttershy handed Twilight a slip of paper. Surprised, Twilight instinctively read it aloud, her voice easily carrying across the battlefield to all those present. "A Royal Pardon for all the villainy of whoever manages to take Afterparty down!"

There was a moment's pause. And then, with a roar like waves breaking over the ocean, every single pony, creature, robot, and magical construct leapt into battle at once.

And the summoned army of partylings answered their cry for battle in equal ferocity.

The Marchioness's ground troops were the first to make contact with the enemy, given their freedom from the physical limitations of living ponies. They couldn't do much in terms of complex maneuvers, but they coordinated excellently with each other to form large bludgeoning masses.

After that point, the battle descended into pure chaos.

Pegasi swarmed around Afterparty like a cloud of angry insects, bucking, punching and hacking with whatever tools they had. The ground-based forces were no slouch either, pummeling and blasting their way through partylings with every ounce of dedication. It didn't take long for intuitive ponies to find a weakness. If a partyling's tendril connecting it to the main body was severed, the small combatant ceased to exist. Of course, the partylings soon realized this as well, and began fighting in small groups to cover each other's backs.

"I wish there was something I could do," Octavia said wistfully from the sidelines. Seeing all her friends and neighbors fighting for their town (even if they were temporarily evil) made her wish she, unempowered though she was, could do something, anything, to contribute.

"Fweee-Wheeet!" A sharp whistle caught her attention and she looked up just in time to catch a large object hurtling towards her. It was her old cello, one relegated to storage after her last upgrade, though it had undergone a startling transformation since she'd last seen it. Parts of the wood had been replaced with brass and cyan glowing strings now connected to a dangerous looking piece of machinery covered in magic glyphs. Vinyl winked at her as she tossed an equally upgraded bow.

A change came over Octavia as the bow landed in her hoof. Gone was the apprehension, replaced by a renewed vigor. The area around her eyes seemed to darken ominously, like the sockets of a skull, and her pink bow-tie melted into a blood-red ascot. "Thank you, M'dear! I shall make it a performance worthy of this battle!" Electric blue sparks flew from her hooftips as she rosined up her bow. She pulled the bow across the strings and it made an evil hiss, then a band of robots joined in and it sounded something like this.

As everypony became infused with energy from the invigorating music, Fluttershy rose above the battle, her skills borne from years of corralling animals translating surprisingly well into coordinating an army.

"Vinyl!" she yelled, "Concentrate your forces on her left side! Davenport! Go aid Applejack and Big Mac, they're pinned down! Dash! Coordinate the pegasi before you all run into each other!"

Across the battlefield, smaller battles broke out as ponies teamed up with neighbors whose fighting styles paired well with their own. Lyra gave her marefriend a look and the former spy shot her back a grin. Gripping the green mare under one leg, she fired a harpoon gun into the air. It caught Afterparty's foreleg in the midst of a wide sweep, yanking the two of them off the ground and after it.

"So!" Lyra yelled as they approached, "You like holding ponies' lives in the frog of your hooves, eh?" The rope began to retract as they flew over the giant hoof in a wide arc. "Well let's see how you like it with no hooves to hold them with!" Reaching out, Lyra dragged her hacksaws around Afterparty's hoof as the rope carried them in a shrinking loop around it. There was no blood but Afterparty roared all the same. Bon Bon cut their rope just before she and her partner were smashed beneath a second hoof, letting them fly free to land on a nearby rooftop.

Across the plaza, Lily threw her produce throne at the oncoming foe one piece at a time. Though small and light, she threw with a speed and accuracy that made it a veritable vegetable laser, mowing down partylings like a field of wheat. She cut down a rooftop trio who'd been preparing to ambush Cheerilee who'd been backed against a wall. Cheerilee nodded in thanks and continued boxing her way out with a pair of wrought-iron gloves.

Pegasi, some in formation and others on their own, made strafing runs to keep Afterparty's focus on the skies. Twilight was among then, adding her magic to the mix, as did Starlight from atop Snowflake's back. Blossomforth sailed her ship in a slow circle just outside of the giant's reach, firing off batteries of lightning and giving the squadrons a place to catch their breath between runs.

But as the battle continued, what had seemed like an even match at first was beginning to shift. For every partyling a pony popped, Afterparty seemed to spawn two more, while the defending side's forces only shrunk as ponies retreated from fatigue or injuries. And despite the best efforts of the airborne forces, Afterparty's injuries still amounted to mere scratches and bruises in comparison.

On the West flank, a Doctor duplicate received a heavy blow to the back of his head. With a gasp and a burst of golden light, he reverted back to wastepaper basket. Seeing his forces down one, Prime Time Turner pressurized his device for another shot... only for a bare trickle of fluid to leave the pipe.

"Great Whickering Stallions!" he gasped, "I'm out of magical reagents!" He dashed away from his compatriots and towards the front of the battle, where Fluttershy was still directing the battle like a mad conductor. "The cavalry's run dry!"

"I'm running short myself!" Lily added, her throne of ammo nearly spent.

Fluttershy scowled and clicked her tongue in distaste. "No good, she's got us outmatched in stamina. We can't make this a war of attrition. We need to end this. Now."

Her gaze scanned the battle, countless lessons from books of both history and fiction from her book club bubbling to the forefront of her mind as she sought a solution. Her forces were split along multiple fronts, attacking the partylings from every side as they fought to make their way to the main body. The main body, that was the key. If they could take out Afterparty, then the problem of her minions would fall with her. But she'd seen what happened the first time, before all the reinforcements had arrived.

...That could work. It was a long-shot plan, and required countless things to all work perfectly in sync, but it could work!

She hastily gave orders to a few dedicated runners before shouting out to the sky.

"Rainbow Dash!" Fluttershy barked as the prismatic pegasus dropped out of formation for more orders, "Get some altitude! We need something big to finish this!"

"I already tried a Sonic Rainboom, but she just-"

"Don't worry about that," Fluttershy cut her off, "Leave that to us. Just get up there and wait for a signal."

Rainbow Dash nodded and began to climb, higher and higher into the sky. Recognizing the move, Afterparty grinned. ANOTHER RAINBOOM? DIDN'T YOU TRY THIS ALREADY? ALL I HAVE TO DO IS-

"NOW!" Fluttershy shouted.

With a rumble, the earth fell out from under Afterparty's hooves, dropping her down a few feet. She shifted her weight to regain her balance, only to sink another level deeper. Holes popped up across the battlefield as Diamond Dogs fled their collapsing tunnels like rats from a sinking ship. Every time Afterparty shifted, she dropped deeper, till she was in a hole waist-deep even on her titanic height.

"CLEVER," she commented, "BUT NOT ENOUGH. I CAN ALWAYS-"

"Hit it, Crusaders!" Fluttershy ordered again.

The Crusadinator 9000 shifted into a power stance, legs spread and one arm braced with the other. A hand lifted up, revealing a hollow cannon three ponies wide. From the cockpit, three voices hollered in unison: "Crusader Ultimate Sticky Situation Cannon: Fire!"

A brown glob of tree sap fired like a bazooka, hitting Afterparty before she could even register it. She tried to dodge, only it was a moment too late as she found her left foreleg completely stuck to the ground.

"Diamond Tiara!" The filly who hadn't actually done much for the battle other than hurl insults looked up from her palanquin. "Attack her anywhere except her face."

The magically buffed filly scowled. "Nobody tells me what to do!" With a shriek, every artifact and charmed trinket on her possession began to glow. A pink beam of magic as big as the filly's whole body fired like a railgun straight for Afterparty's face. The behemoth reeled back as it struck, roaring in pain. At that exact moment, Blossomforth gave an order of her own.

"Abandon Bureau-ship!" Pegasi jumped off in droves as the entire vessel rammed Afterparty in the small of her back, filling her with electricity that briefly made her skeleton visible under her skin and making her arch her back.

As soon as the lightning faded, but while smoke still leaked from Afterparty's body, Vinyl and her robots made their move. They latched onto her free foreleg, pulling it back and out. One automaton linked with another, who linked with its neighbor, and its neighbor as well. In seconds the sea of machines had formed a single cohesive whole dedicated to the sole mission of hold this hoof right there.

Meanwhile, in the skies above Ponyville, Rainbow Dash climbed ever higher. She knew she didn't need to go this high, she'd done Rainbooms from half this height, but she wasn't taking any chances. Not when the situation was this serious. She slowly for only a moment as she heard the the crackling of a massive discharge of lightning below. Something big had definitely just happened. Was that the signal? She panicked slightly as she realized she had no idea what the signal was. It took someone else speaking for her to realize she wasn't alone anymore.

"Howdy."

The pegasus blinked. There was a green earth pony above her. Standing on nothing, wearing an ornate black dress, and hoisting a hammer larger than herself. "I'm here to give you the signal."

Rainbow Dash didn't understand how an earth pony was up this high, how she got there or how she wasn't falling, but she did know that this wasn't the time for questions. Besides, it didn't even register on the strangest things she'd seen today. So she simply nodded and began braking, readying herself to make the change from up to down. As she flipped, she felt her hooves land on something solid. She glanced up to see her hooves resting on the head on the hammer, which itself was cocked behind the filly's shoulder.

"Here, lemme give you a boost," she said before grinning alarmingly. Before Rainbow Dash could respond or even react, she'd swung the hammer and pegasus both, sending the rainbow pegasus shooting down at speeds it'd have taken another thousand feet of diving to achieve.

Afterparty blinked uneasily out of one eye, the other remaining shut. As hard as it was to tell from the outside, she knew she was taking damage. But she just had to hold out a little longer. A twinkling in the sky above caught her attention. Her good eye struggled to focus on it, and by the time she made out a blue pegasus with a rainbow contrail, it was too late.

There was no time to counter, no time to dodge, not that she could anyhow. There was only time for one last thought to make the unconscious journey from brain to lips.

OH PHOOEY...

The concussive force of the explosion of magic and rainbows raised a dust cloud that near instantly blanketed the plaza. Ponies grabbed onto whatever sturdy things they could to save themselves from being blown away. And when the echoes of the boom resounding off distant Mt. Canter finally died away... there was silence.

Ponies lay scattered about like the toys of a careless foal, groaning and wincing between piles of fried machinery, tattered garments, and shattered ponequins. Slowly, but assuredly, they began to pick themselves up and congregate by the crater.

For that's all that remained. A giant hole in the middle of town, singed and smoking, with neither hide nor hair to be found of its former occupant. No one said anything. No one could say anything. Then, cutting through the silence, was a scrabbling sound. A noise not unlike hooves seeking purchase on very loose soil and rocks. After a few moments, a pile of pink curls poked over the lip of the hole.

Pinkie Pie, short, pink, and sporting an impressive shiner, crawled over the edge and onto solid ground.

"Phew" she sighed before noticing the gathered crowd and chuckling awkwardly. "Er... Hi everypony. Boy, do I have splitting headache like you wouldn't believe!"

"Pinkie!" Twilight gasped and, through stuttering faltering flaps, hoisted herself above and past the crowd to embrace her recovered friend. "Oh I'm so glad you're okay! I never would have imagined that would have effected you so severely!"

"...Yes" Pinkie replied slowly, ". Which is definitely the thing that made me do everything. You must've, heh, knocked it right out of me."

Suddenly, a pony gasped and collapsed, followed quickly by another. One by one, seemingly every pony who had participated in the battle was falling on their hooves like so much dead weight. A sickly yellow miasma leaked from their bodies, slinking out of their mouths, their nostrils, and even their pores to disappear into the sky above.

"What's... happening?" Twilight struggled to speak, feeling bonds of fatigue fall over her like lead weights. She registered another pony's hoofsteps and managed to look up to see Fluttershy approaching. The explosion had stolen her hat and knocked her mane back into some semblance of it's usual long and loose style.

"It's the virus." She clarified, her voice also labored, "Discord... supercharged it... so everypony would have a reaction at once. Now... without his power... it's feeling the recoil... and burning out of our systems." She smiled softly, kindly. "Good news, everypony should be over their cold when they wake up."

"And the bad news?"

The pegasus's eyelids fluttered as she struggled to stay awake. "Everypony is going to be really sore from sleeping on the hard ground." With that, she collapsed, her mane and tail naturally curling around her like a blanket.

Twilight could feel it now even as Pinkie slumped out of her hug. Even before the big fight, it had been a long day, and as the adrenaline wore off she began to truly acknowledge just how physically, mentally, and magically exhausted she was. She fell to her knees, Pinkie's curls softening the blow somewhat. In her last bleary moments as darkness crept up the edges of her vision, Twilight noticed one pony that was still standing. "Please..." she whispered, "Sleeping outside... not safe... Get... others home..." And Twilight knew no more.

In a battlefield gone silent, her comrades and enemies littering the ground around her, a single mare still stood.

And she was not very happy about that.

"Great. Just great. Everypony else gets to take a nap, while the Poor and Worn-out Trixie has to stay up to ferry everypony else home. It's not fair! Why couldn't Trixie have been infected? Trixie would make a great supervillain!"

But there was no response to her arguments save for the soft snoring of ponies in recovery.