Screw Loose

by neutralmilk

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life
Length: 5841

Diamond tiara must suffer a whole summer with her sister. The sitcom.

Meet Diamond Tiara. She’s a stuck up earth pony who’s been given whatever she’s wanted whenever she’s wanted it. Her life has everything: riches, luxury, ease, and most of all, her best friend Silver Spoon. With the school year over it seems like Diamond Tiara is set for the best summer ever! Of course, that is, until her big sister comes for a nice, long visit to Ponyville…

Published 2012-08-09 19:34:03 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-19 14:49:29 UTC

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

“Blank Flanks!” Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon mocked in unison at their classmates Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. The orange pegasus before them puffed her chest defensively out while the others dropped their heads in shame.

“You want some of this?” Scootaloo said, attempting to sound threatening. Diamond Tiara watched, snickering, as Scootaloo unfolded her small wings to their full length and buzzed them excitedly.

“Oh puh-lease, put those things away.” Silver Spoon waved a hoof dismissively at the Cutie Mark Crusaders and turned to her friend.

“We dealt with enough chickens for one day when we fed Mr. Bockbagock at Mr. Waddles’ farm.” Diamond Tiara added, smirking at Silver Spoon. The pair started laughing again and turned to walk away, but not before watching Scootaloo shy away and retreat with the rest of the Crusaders back to their clubhouse.

“Good one, Diamond!” Silver Spoon chirped, trotting alongside the pale magenta filly.

“I know it was.” Diamond Tiara returned with a smile. “My Daddy has been teaching me how to talk to the… ‘underprivileged.’”

“Your Daddy taught you to insult other ponies?” silver Spoon stopped in her tracks, a confused look on her face.

“What? No, no, no! He told me to be kind and courteous to everypony I meet! But I’ve heard him talk to his workers in the factory and every time he meets with them he says mean things and they walk out of his office calling him ‘Mr. Rich’ and they work super extra hard!”

Silver Spoon fixed her glasses and pondered the thought for a moment. “I guess that makes sense…” She shrugged and they continued down the dirt path from their school into the heart of Ponyville, the two fillies talking the entire way.

“…And then my maid says: ‘But Ms. Tiara! That’s not a kangaroo! That’s a platypus!’”

Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara fell to the ground, laughing loudly. The fillies gasped for air as tears poured down their cheeks. “I-I ca-I can’t breathe, bahahahaha!” Silver Spoon cried, clutching her sides as she rolled on the grass, hiccups occasionally interrupting her laughter. Passersby watched the duo with confusion but ultimately left them alone, chalking it up to fillies being fillies.

“Oh Celestia, that was hilarious!” Silver Spoon said, finally calming down enough to complete a coherent thought without laughing. She rose to her hooves and brushed the dirt off her coat.

“Oh, you really should have been there, Silver.” Diamond Tiara smiled at her friend gleefully. “Speaking of which, are you coming over my house today? Daddy says I can have a friend over since I’ve been so good lately.”

Silver Spoon’s smile sank. “Well, uh, actually…” The filly began kicking her hooves in the dirt, not sure how to say what was on her mind. “I can’t come over to play today.”

“What? Why not?” Diamond Tiara was taken aback. Her friend always was always able to go over her house and did so quite often.

“Well… I’ve kinda been meaning to tell you this lately, but I guess I kept forgetting to.” Silver Spoon began again. She paused and glanced at her surroundings, taking in the sights and sounds of the bustling Ponyville marketplace. “My Dad’s going on this big work trip to Seaddle.”

“Wow, that’s really cool! How long is he going to be there for?” Diamond Tiara smiled cheerfully at the gray earth pony.

“Oh, well the whole summer.” Silver Spoon kicked at the dirt some more, a large dust cloud billowing up from the ground and flying directly into the fillies faces. The two coughed awkwardly.

“Well who are you staying with then?” Diamond Tiara asked, taking her tiara off of her head and blowing dust off of it.

“That’s the problem… I, well, have to go with him.”

“W-what?!” Diamond Tiara looked her friend, surprised. She hated to admit it, but Silver spoon was her best (and only) friend. Losing her for a whole summer would be appallingly boring, if not entirely unbearable. Silver Spoon looked back at Diamond Tiara sadly.

“I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d get upset.” She explained, guilt tinting her voice.

“Upset?” Diamond Tiara put on a false smile party to reassure her friend as well as herself. “Why would I get upset? Sure this puts a… a damper on some of my plans, but I’m sure I’ll find something fun to do while you’re away!”

Silver Spoon looked up at the filly’s foolish grin and laughed softly. “You sure you’re okay with me leaving?” Her voice was quiet and cautious, her caring side bleeding through her normally cold and prissy demeanor.

Diamond Tiara tried to resist the urge to pull her friend into a hug but decided against it. “Silver Spoon, you’re my best friend. Of course I don’t want you to leave. But since you have to, I’ll have to make it here without you until you get back.” The two fillies embraced each other in the middle of the Ponyville market, ignoring the bystanders and confused glances .

“I mean, seriously, how hard can it be to have fun all by myself?”

“I’m so booooooored!” Diamond Tiara groaned loudly, flailing her hooves wildly in the air. She lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling and silently praying for something, anything, to happen. She glanced at the toy chest in the corner of her room, now empty, its contents strewn about all over the floor.

Everything’s so much more fun with Silver Spoon. She thought to herself, pouting. The filly sighed and pulled a pillow over her face to block out her vision of the dismal ceiling. I miss her.

Suddenly Diamond heard a sharp knock come from outside her bedroom door. “Diamond Tiara, you get out here right this instant!”

She recognized the voice instantly as her Father’s and hurriedly cast aside the pillow. “Coming Daddy!” she replied quickly, dashing from her bed to the door.

“And that room had better be immaculate, missy!”

Diamond Tiara stopped in her tracks and eyed the heaping pile of toys, board games, and My Little Human dolls that stared back at her. She grimaced and sighed heavily. There was no way she could clean her room that quickly.

“Don’t give me that tone, young lady! You have to the count of ten to come out here!” her Father bellowed from outside the bedroom.

“Coming Daddy!” Diamond Tiara ran around the room, picking up every toy she could find and throwing them into a pile.

“One… Two…”

She looked at heap of toys sitting before her. She didn’t have enough time to put them all away in their respective shelves and toy boxes.

“Three… Four…”

I have no choice! She thought to herself, feeling sweat form on her brow. I gotta put them somewhere! The magenta filly glanced about the room in search of a spot to hide her possessions. Some where her beloved Daddy would never look. Ever.

“Five… Six… Seven…”

Diamond Tiara’s eyes darted about hurriedly and fixated on a small, wooden door on the far side of her bedroom. “The closet!” She galloped at the pile in a mad dash.

“Eight… Nine…” Filthy Rich stood outside his daughter’s room tapping a hoof gently on the hardwood floor in rhythm to his counting. From beyond the door he could hear his daughter scurrying and quietly mumbling to herself. He groaned and brushed a hoof through his mane, checking his watch.

“Te-”

“Hi Daddy!” Diamond Tiara chirped, looking up at her Father innocently. She noticed her namesake was slightly askew and fumbled with it for a moment, finally giving up and giving him a toothy grin.

Filthy Rich looked at his daughter, suspicious of the overly sweet welcome he received. He stepped into the filly’s bedroom and scanned his surroundings, noting the mess free environment and smiling. “Hmph. Spotless. What a nice surprise indeed. But honey, we need to talk.”

He guided his daughter to her bed and sat down beside her. She leaned on him lovingly and he let out a soft chuckle. “What is it Daddy?” Diamond Tiara asked sweetly.

“Diamond, I heard about Silver Spoon leaving with her Father to Seaddle for the summer.”

The filly sighed heavily. “Yeah, I miss her.”

“I know you do, sweetie. But I have some news for you.” Filthy Rich straightened himself on the bed and cleared his throat. “About an hour ago Mr. Spoon called me asking me to join him for half of the summer in order to help manage and, well, secure his investments.”

Diamond Tiara snuck a look at the smile growing on her Father’s face. She knew what was coming. She just needed to play her cards correctly and she’d be joining him first class. Diamond put on a mock frown and stared down at the floor. “W-wow. I sure wish I could go with you.” She muttered sadly.

Filthy Rich’s smile grew wider as he placed his foreleg around his frowning daughter. “Well…”

Diamond Tiara hugged her Daddy tightly and hid her grinning face. She struggled to contain her excitement.

“Seeing as you’ve been such a good filly lately, with only seven calls home from Ms. Cheerilee in the past three weeks and you actually managed to clean your bedroom, I think I may be able to squeeze you on the train with me to Seaddle.”

Filthy Rich had hardly finished speaking when Diamond Tiara broke free from her Daddy’s grip and jumped into the air, squealing happily and a large smile plastered on her face. “Oh, Daddy, yesyesyesyesyes! Oh thank you so so sooooo much!” She wrapped her forelegs around his neck and kissed his cheek.

Filthy Rich lightly hugged her and started laughing. “Of course we’ll need to start packing. The train leaves tomorrow bright and early!” He dropped from the bed and composed himself, ignoring his daughter’s continuing joyous shouts. “Now where’s your suitcase?”

“In the closet, Daddy!” Diamond Tiara blurted out, blinded by excitement. She hopped on her bed joyously, thinking about all the fun she and Silver Spoon were going to have in Seaddle.

In the closet, Daddy… The words echoed in her head. Suddenly her smile dropped from her face and she stopped bouncing dead in her tracks. The closet! She turned and watched in slow motion as her Dad trotted over to the closet and turned the doorknob, entirely oblivious to the mound of toys crammed behind the wooden door.

“Daddy, no!” She stuck her hoof out dramatically; but it was far too late. Filthy Rich yelped in surprise as an avalanche of discarded toys poured from behind the now open door onto him. Diamond Tiara stared, mouth agape at one of his hooves twitching sporadically, if somewhat comically, from underneath the mass of toys. “Ummm, Daddy? Are you alright?”

No response. His hoof twitched again.

Diamond Tiara waited a minute and clambered off of her bed onto the hardwood floor. She slowly trotted toward the open closet and poked her head inside, biting down on the handle of a small, red suitcase. “I, uh, found it, Daddy!” she proclaimed happily, a grin peeking from behind the suitcase.

The silence in the room seemed deafening.

“I guess I’ll get started packing then… Lemme just squeeze by here…” The filly mumbled while cautiously maneuvering herself around the mountain of toys. Just as she managed to clear the area she felt a hoof grab her tail. The filly screeched and bucked at the hoof wildly, turning only to find her beloved Daddy staring back at her, a black eye and a frown ornamenting his serious face.

“Ummm… hee hee?” Diamond Tiara attempted to put on the sweetest face she could muster, but in her fearful state produced an awkward grin. Sweat formed on her brow as she watched Filthy Rich slowly rise from the toy pile as if a zombie from the grave. Panic set in and she fought the urge to run away, instead choosing to trot to her Father’s side and plant a kiss on his nose. “Oh, um sorry Daddy!”

Filthy Rich glared down at his daughter, seething with anger. Although he didn’t speak, his message was clear enough to the purple filly who dropped her suitcase and quietly kicked it away from them.

“Diamond,” the stallion began fixing his mane with his front right hoof, which was shaking with uncontrollable rage. “What is… this?” He motioned a hoof to encompass the entirety of the mess.

“It’s… I… I was so bored!” Diamond Tiara explained defensively. She stomped a hoof down and puffed her chest out in an attempt to gain some sort of dominance. “Ever since Silver Spoon left I’ve had nopony to play with!” That’s good, Diamond. She told herself, an indiscernible smile of pride growing on her face. Play the victim and Daddy will have to understand!

“That may be the sorriest excuse I have ever heard!”

Diamond Tiara’s confident demeanor instantly disappeared as she fell flat on her back, startled by her Father’s outburst.

“Silver Spoon left five hours ago!”

Diamond Tiara quickly glanced on a clock that hung on her wall. Indeed her best friend had only boarded her train a short time before. Hm. Should’ve thought that out more.

Filthy Rich stomped a hoof on her floor, snapping her attention back to her raging Father. “You’re telling me that you’ve been so bored in one day that you’ve demolished your room already? And then you not only leave it a mess, but you try to cover it up and lie to me just so you could go on a vacation?!” He brought himself eye to eye with the filly, which only served to scare her even more. She tried to back away but found herself glued to the spot.

“Y-yes Daddy.” Diamond Tiara stuttered. She dropped her head, fighting back the urge to cry. “I-I-I’m really sorry.”

Filthy Rich sighed and brushed his hoof through his mane again. “Sorry or not, you can’t come with me to Seaddle. Enough is enough. You need to stay here and think about what you’ve done.”

Diamond Tiara felt her heart break as a single tear fell to the floor.

Ignoring his daughter, Filthy Rich raised a hoof to his chin. “Now where am I going to find a babysitter to watch you for two months on such short notice…?”

Ding dong!

Diamond Tiara raised her head at the sound of the doorbell echoing throughout her home. The magenta filly sighed; undoubtedly it was her newest babysitter waiting to be let in. She lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling and waited for the sounds of her Fathers hooves to approach the front door and greet the new pony. However, the house was entirely silent, save the sound of her own breathing and the faint knocking of a hoof on the oak door.

She sighed heavily and listened again as the babysitter rang the doorbell and continued to thump on the door. “Daddy?!” she called into the silent house. “There’s somepony at the door!” A minute passed and still the babysitter was outside, ringing the doorbell incessantly.

Remembering that her Father had left for the train station shortly before, the filly groaned at her misfortune and slowly dropped from her bed. She flicked her tiara into place and slowly walked to the front door, her hooves dragging behind her. As she reached the large oak door a feeling of caution washed over her.

What if it’s not the babysitter! she thought to herself. What if it’s… it’s a griffin! Or a draconemahnamahnas or whatever Discord was! Images of a villainous beast entering her home crossed through her head as she stood in front of the door, listening to the incessant knocking. I’d have to fight him off! I don’t think I could to that! Better play it safe and wait for it to leave…

Diamond Tiara stood by the door eying it vigilantly, wishing she was tall enough to glance through the peephole and check who was standing directly outside her home. Almost as if she were glued to the spot, she gazed at the door, listening to the rhythmic raps from the other side until they ceased.

The magenta filly waited a minute for the knocking to start up again, but was pleasantly surprised when it didn’t. A smile crawled onto her face as she turned her back to oak door and began trotting toward her bedroom. “Crisis averted. Good job Diamond Tiara.” She congratulated herself. “If only Daddy were here to see me now!”

Suddenly Diamond Tiara heard the front door creak open slowly. She stopped in her tracks, her heart racing. Wasn’t the front door locked?! She thought to herself quickly, too terrified to turn around and see whom or what was entering her house.

She trembled violently as the sun’s rays beamed through the open doorway, casting the shadow of a unfamiliar pony, its mane and tail billowing similarly to those of the Princesses. Images of horrible outcomes shot through her mind as she tried desperately to gallop away from the intruder. She listened as the sound of hooves echoed throughout the hallway, no doubt from the pony who was previously outside. Diamond Tiara gulped and felt sweat form at her brow as she waited her imminent demise at the hooves of this mysterious fiend.

“Hey lil’ sis!” an all too familiar voice called out to Diamond Tiara.

Instead of relief, a wave of dread poured over the filly. Oh dear Celestia. That voice, it can’t be… Diamond Tiara slowly turned around to find a magenta mare standing before her, a goofy hat sitting upon her head. Screwball…

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

“Guess who came to visit?!” Screwball called out cheerfully to Diamond Tiara, holding her front legs out before her, anticipating a hug. Diamond Tiara forced a smile and slowly walked over to her sister.

“Screwball,” she began, the mock smile still on her otherwise unenthusiastic face. “What a surpr- whoa!” The filly found herself dangling above the floor, her sister’s forelegs wrapped around her tightly. She attempted to wrench herself free, but her sister’s strength was far too much for the prissy filly.

“Oh, I’ve missed you so much, lil’ sis! And you’ve grown up so much!” Screwball swung the filly around wildly, ignoring Diamond’s grunts and squeaks of annoyance. “How long has it been? Two? Three years?” Screwball burrowed her face lovingly into her sister’s coat.

“It’s been…” her voice broke off as she began to wriggle herself free of her sister’s grip. “Two years and four months.” Diamond Tiara completed matter-of-factly, pushing Screwball’s face away from her. She successfully managed to push Screwball’s hooves apart and smiled triumphantly, only to fall to the floor with a loud thump. Screwball smiled down at her softly.

“Oh Deggy…” she began, reaching a hoof down to help her sister up.

“Don’t even think about calling me that!” Diamond Tiara shrieked in surprise.

“What?” Screwball looked at her, confused. “Since when did you change your name?”

“I’m Diamond. Diamond Tiara and that’s it.” The filly announced proudly, puffing her chest out. “It’s even my cutie mark, see?” She turned around hastily to show off her flank to her sister. The mare crouched down and began to eye the cutie mark, squinting occasionally and humming as if in thought.

“Whoa, that’s so cool!” Screwball said finally, breaking the incredibly awkward silence she had created only a short time prior.

Diamond Tiara folded her forelegs and smiled, a wave of pride washing over her. “It really is spectacular isn’t-”

“Almost as good as mine, eh Dégueulis?” Screwball swiveled around quickly, her smoky tail flying through the air and hitting her sister, sending her to the floor. “Oops! S-sorry Diamond!” Screwball grinned apologetically and winked at her sister, her plot still jutting into the air to show off her cutie mark of a screw next to a baseball.

The magenta filly rubbed a hoof against her head and slowly rose to her hooves. “Screwbaaaall!” she whined. “I told you not to call me that!” She crossed her forelegs and turned away from her sister, sulking. “I hate that stupid name.”

“Oh, heh, I guess you did. Sorry sis!” Screwball rubbed a hoof through her mane awkwardly. “I mean, who would’ve guessed that ‘Dégueulis’ meant ‘Puke’ in fancy!”

“Yeah, it’s truly a wonder.” The filly added sarcastically, annoyance tingeing her voice.

“It really was!” Screwball started up again, completely oblivious to her sister’s desire to move on. “Maybe if Dad took time to think up your name instead of just picking the first thing he heard from that fancy guy in the hospital waiting room, you’d have ended up with a nice name!” Screwball smiled down at her sister.

The filly looked back, upset. “Wow that makes me feel sooo much better. Thanks.” Diamond Tiara turned her back to Screwball and began to trot away toward her room.

“You’re welcome!” Screwball called after her, an unmindful grin on her face. Diamond Tiara stopped in her tracks and groaned loudly. She fought the urge to say something, instead choosing to continue her walk to her sanctuary, away from her sister.

“But Daaaaaady!” Diamond Tiara wailed into the phone, flailing her free foreleg wildly in the air.

“No buts, missy!” Filthy Rich shouted back. The stallion wiped a kerchief against his forehead, and rubbed his temples. Around him the Seaddle train station was bustling, business ponies and tourists chattering about their own lives. Standing across the way was Silver Spoon and her Father, the latter tapping a hoof impatiently on the ground, a frown adorning his gray face.

Filthy Rich quickly regained his composure and brought the phone close to his face. “Listen Diamond,” he said calmly. “If you had behaved better you would have been here in Seaddle with me right now. But you decided to lie to me and now you have to accept responsibility.”

“But couldn’t you have gotten somepony else to stay here?” Diamond whined. Suddenly a loud crash came from down the hall sending her jumping. The magenta filly dropped the phone onto her bed and quietly trotted to her door; she slowly peeked her head out into the hall.

Screwball stood up awkwardly on her hind legs admiring her bedroom. Diamond Tiara had seen it only a few times since her sister went away (mainly to look for the presents that her Daddy hid from her during Hearth’s Warming Eve), but she definitely didn’t remember it looking as chaotic as it now did.

The once fully furnished room now seemed almost entirely bare, not that it actually was. In the center of the room stood Screwball’s dresser and desk, the two pushed together back to back and books placed underneath each to make them almost even in height. On the top Screwball’s bed teetered unstably, swaying back and forth with each movement Screwball made on the floor below. A half-empty bookcase leaned against one side of the furniture pile haphazardly as if to serve no other purpose than to add to the chaotic nature of Screwball’s room.

The filly watched, bemused, as Screwball raised a hoof to her hat and began to spin the comical propeller sitting on top. Diamond Tiara smiled smugly at her sister and began to turn back to her own room.

Suddenly something caught her eye. The propeller hat began to spin faster and faster, as if by magic, as Screwball stood, grinning. Slowly, she began to rise off the floor, her tail billowing behind her. Diamond felt her jaw drop as she watched her older sister float in midair over to her precariously perched bed, landing on it with expert precision.

“Woo woo!” The magenta mare cheered proudly, pumping a hoof into the air. She smiled widely and fell face first into the cushions on her bed. In an instant she sat back up, opening her eyes to revel in her masterpiece and in turn noticed the glimmer of Diamond Tiara’s namesake from the hallway. Screwball leaped onto all fours and began to wave at her, excitedly, Diamond Tiara standing still, entirely in awe from her sister’s performance.

Just then, Screwball’s creation began to squeak loudly, her bed wobbling uncontrollably. The mare screamed out and shut her eyes as she tumbled upon the bed, desperately floundering about for something to grab onto for balance. Diamond Tiara watched as the pile of books supporting her sister’s handiwork gave way, sending the bed and everything else crashing into a large pile.

Screwball continued screaming, only opening her eyes when the loud crashing noises had ceased. She looked around only to notice nothing around her, but the barren walls. Confused, she looked down and glanced at her destroyed furniture, bed springs and splintered wood jutting out every which way.

“Oh jeez!” Screwball said, slapping a hoof to her face. “I forgot to turn this thing off!”

Diamond Tiara turned her attention from the pile to her sister. Indeed, Screwball remained in the air, her hat buzzing madly to keep her from falling.

Screwball gently poked her hat, the propeller stopping instantly. She plummeted to the floor, landing directly on the pile of broken furniture with a sickening crunch. Slowly, the mare raised her head from the splintery pile. “There! That’s much better!” She gave a quick wave to Diamond Tiara and turned her attention back to lounging on the heap.

Diamond Tiara sighed heavily and trotted back into her room, picking up the phone.

“Did you have to get Screwball? Couldn’t it have been anypony else?!” The filly groaned, diving onto her bed dramatically.

“Nopony else was willin- I mean able to babysit you for so long.” Her Father quickly corrected himself. As Diamond continued whining he found his attention turning once again Silver Spoon and her Dad, both of whom were motioning at him to hurry along. He smiled at them awkwardly and nodded. “Listen, Diamond-”

“Mr. Waddles?” Diamond interrupted.

“Too busy.” Her Father answered, sighing. “Diamond-”

“Lyra?”

“Remember last time she babysat? You broke every string on her lyre! Now honey-”

“Derpy?!”

Filthy Rich groaned audibly and facehoofed. “Listen, Diamond, you need to understand that your sister was the best choice in such short time. Besides, she just got out of… well…” His voice trailed off in search of a word so not to insult his eldest daughter.

“The nuthouse?” Diamond Tiara offered.

“W-what? No!” Filthy Rich shouted. He suddenly noticed everypony in the train station looking at him, confused at his outburst. He smiled awkwardly and pressed the phone to his ear, turning away from the on looking crowd. “School.” He whispered. “Your sister just came back from school. And it’s about time the two of you spent time together.”

“She’s crazy!” the filly cried into the phone. “She can fly! Earth ponies can’t fly!” Diamond Tiara lay on bed, silently waiting for her Father to respond.

“…. You’re lying. Now go have fun with your sister! You’ve kept me in the train station for far too long. We may just miss our chariot!”

“Daaaaaad!” Diamond Tiara began, stopping suddenly when she heard her Father’s phone click off. She tossed the phone back on to its receiver and moped. “This is the worst summer ever.”

“But Dad! I’ve been such a good girl this year! Can’t I go with you to Seaddle and spend the summer with my best friend?”

“No! I’m big, dumb, and mean. You’re staying here with your sister. And that’s that!”

Diamond Tiara cleared her throat after mocking her Father’s voice and grabbed the doll of the stallion from the floor. She looked at it briefly then threw it over her shoulder, sending it flying into the opposite corner of her bedroom.

“My sister? Alright, I guess it’ll be fun!” she said in her regular voice, making her doll dance happily. She quickly reached into her toy box and pulled out a purple unicorn. Frowning, she snapped off its horn and put it down on the floor.

“Hey Dégueulis! It’s been a while!” she mocked in an overly deep voice.

“I know, it’s been forever! I’ve missed you so much! But could you please not call me that? My name is Diamond Tiara now.”

“Diamond, eh? That sounds stupid. Now I’m going to go upstairs and destroy everything in my room.” Diamond picked up the once unicorn doll and motioned as if it were climbing up an invisible set of stairs.

“But sister! Why would you destroy everything! Daddy spent so much time and money to make this house so beautiful! It’s wrong of you to do that!”

“Ha ha ha! You’re such a foal.” The purple doll rocked in the air as Diamond fixed her sitting position. “Can’t you see that I’m crazy? Oh and I can fly! Even though I’m an earth pony!” Her voice was getting noticeably angry as she brought the toy to her face, staring into its lifeless eyes. “I like to disobey the laws of physics just because I can! And now I’m here for the summer to make you miserable! I’m just as dumb as-”

Knock knock!

“Hey sis!”

“Wha-whoa! I’m not doing anything!” Diamond Tiara swiveled around and quickly shoved the toys out of sight. She smiled at her sister awkwardly who looked back at her, a confused look adorning her face. Oh please oh please let her not have heard any of that!

“Uh, you sure?” Screwball asked, trotting into the room slowly. “I could’ve sworn I heard you talking to somepony…”

“Uh-uh nope! Not at all!” The fake grin widened as sweat began forming on her brow. “There’s nopony in here for me to be talking to! You must be cra…” Diamond Tiara broke her voice off and quickly scrambled in her mind for another word. “You must be hearing things. Yup. That’s what I was saying.”

Screwball appeared to ponder what her sister said for a moment, forcing the filly to smile even harder. Slowly a smile began to grow on the mare’s face. “Oh! Well that makes sense!”

Diamond Tiara exhaled in relief and rubbed the sweat from her brow. “So… What are you doing in my room?”

Screwball looked confused and glanced around at her surroundings. Her expression suddenly lightened. “Oh! I forgot I came in here!” The mare dashed to her sister’s side. “Well, I was wondering if you wanted to spend some time together, sis! We’ve got so much to catch up on!”

The very idea sent shivers down Diamond Tiara’s spine. “Well… Actually… I was kinda, uh, I sort of made plans? Yeah! Me and my friend have a play date latter today!” The filly put on a mock frown and hugged her sister. “Sorry, Screwball. I guess we’ll have to spend time some other day.”

“Oh… Well that’s fine! I guess I can get lunch myself today!” Screwball gently broke off the hug and turned around, trotting out of the room.

Diamond Tiara’s ears perked up at the sound of a free meal. Her stomach rumbled gently at the thought of some food. “W-wait! Did you say lunch?” The filly galloped after her older sister, bumping into her flank in the hallway.

“Yeah! I was thinking of heading down to Gustave’s for a bite to eat. But, since you’re busy I guess I’ll go myself today.” Screwball went into her room and began fishing around under the pile of broken furniture for her saddlebags. “Aha! There you are!”

“Wait… The Gustave’s? With the finest food in all of Equestria?” Diamond Tiara had dreamed of going to Gustave’s Fine Equestrian Cuisine for as long as she could remember. Her Daddy had gone countless times before for business, occasionally bringing small bits of food back for her, but she’d never gone there herself. All she knew was that it was the greatest food anypony could ever have.

“The one and only!” Screwball dug her snout into the heap and bit pulled out her saddlebags, only to turn and find Diamond Tiara kicking at the floor innocently, a frown on her delicate face. “Could I maybe go with you anyway?” she asked sweetly. “I’ve always wanted to go to Gustave’s…”

Screwball grinned. “Pshh, of course you can! Lunch is on me!”

Diamond Tiara leapt into the air happily. She darted to her sister and hugged her lovingly. “Oh yesyesyes! Thank you so much! This is going to be so awesome!”

“This is absolutely terrible!” Diamond Tiara cried, appalled at the rundown restaurant standing in the horizon. “I thought you said we were going to Gustaaaaave’s!” she whined, tugging at her sister’s saddlebag straps.

“We are! Gustave’s Sugar Shack!” Screwball motioned at the dilapidated building and continued trotting toward it happily. “I swear,” she began again. “Best food in all of Equestria. Those daffodil sandwiches…” Screwball licked her lips and shivered with delight.

Diamond Tiara trudged alongside her sister, groaning and sighing often and loudly. She had hardly ever been in that area of Ponyville before, preferring to spend her time in the high-class neighborhoods with the social elites. While she hated to admit it, she was curious about the ponies strolling happy and calm on the streets with them.

The filly gazed at the buildings she passed, their windows adorned with flowers and other decorations she had hardly seen on her street. Ponies smiled at her and Screwball, waving to the latter occasionally and striking up short conversations. Diamond Tiara stood around and kicked at rocks on the ground awkwardly, hoping for the rest of their walk to be silent and quick.

The inside of the Sugar Shack fared much better than the outside, but the unfamiliar surroundings still left Diamond Tiara feeling apprehensive. She gazed around the brightly lit eatery, eying the colorful ponies that sat around equally colorful tables with plates full of sandwiches, salads and myriads of other meals. In the far corner stood a counter with bar stools sitting in front, the stallion behind the counter serving glasses of what Diamond Tiara assumed to be apple cider.

“Sure is fancy, huh?” Screwball asked, rubbing a hoof on her sister’s head lovingly.

Diamond Tiara fought back to urge to say something and smiled falsely at her sister.

“Ha! I knew you’d love this place! Whatta you say we get a seat over there?” The mare nodded at a small table with two empty seats.

The filly nodded in response.

“So excited you can’t even speak!” Screwball announced proudly. “Now come on, let’s get you something to eat…”

Maybe this won't be so bad... Diamond Tiara thought to herself. The ponies she knows seem nice enough.

The two began trotting to the open table when suddenly they heard a voice from behind them.

“Screwy? Is that… is that you?”

Besides, Diamond thought, turning to face the pony. It's not like she's friends with somepony like Pinkie... Pie... Oh Celestia no.