Romance is Chaos

by zackepic22

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Discord, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4636

Draconequus seemingly falls in love with Ponyville's resident princess.

Twilight Sparkle, resident of Ponyville, and Princess of Friendship, has had many curious experiences with a certain Spirit of Chaos, but, at most, she's thought of him as an annoying, sometimes helpful friend.

So, imagine her surprise, when, during the morning of her day off, not only does the Draconequus disguise himself as a blaring alarm clock, but, professes his newfound love toward the princess, after reading a potentially suspect book on relationships.

Twilight was hoping to get some peace today...But, who knows how long she'll have to deal with the Chaos of Discord's attempted romancing of her?

Published 2017-01-31 04:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-02-01 16:22:26 UTC

The Horror(Or Comedy)Begins

Ringing, ringing, ringing. That's all that the mulberry alicorn could hear at the moment, even as she tried burying her face deeper into her pillow. Yes, it was going to be a pleasant, sunny, spring day, at least according to the weather ponies. But, it was her spring day! And, she didn't really even have anything important at all to do today. And, it was still morning! Honestly, she couldn't believe that her alarm clock would do this to her! Heck, she couldn't even remember setting it!

...Or, ever even getting a new alarm clock to be honest, after her changeling impostor had accidentally broken it.

With that realization, she lifted her head right up from the pillow, and turned it toward where the supposed annoying, ringing irritance was coming from— And, it was at that point that she saw not only the brown and grayish alarm clock, but the white eyebrows, the two eyes with the yellow sclera, the red irises of different sizes, the snaggletooth, and the especially terrifying—at least to Twilight, especially at this time of the morning—smile that it had on it's face.

"Hello, friend~"

Well, that caused the bookish alicorn to start letting out quite the high-pitched, resounding, yet comedic scream of terror. ...For approximately six seconds, before the draconequus, back in his normal shape, put a singular yellow talon finger up to her equine lips.

"Shhhshhhsshhhh, we don't need to wake up your little lizard assistant, or your overly magic-crazed pupil, now, do we?"

Twilight narrowed her eyes, and smacked his talon hand away from her face. "Discord!", she practically hissed. What was he doing here? At the very least, he wasn't usually this much of a pain in the butt. Sure, he could be an annoyance, definitely—even if he had helped out at least a few times in the past—But, he had never before come right into her room, while she was sleeping, and— ...Act as her alarm clock? Okay, honestly, even she was a bit confused by that. "What are you doing here? Why are you all of people hiding in my bedroom, watching me, and pretending to be my alarm clock?!" Twilight definitely sounded mad, but, also pretty bemused.

"Oh, Twilight~" ...He let out a joyful sigh, that only made Twilight further confused and terrified. "Sweet, sweet, little Twilight~" He hummed sweetly, before dracon-e-bamfing a book right into his lion-pawed hand, titled 'Relationships and you'. "Fluttershy bought me this book. She's been doing her best to teach me more about friendship and relationships, and said book covers more on the subjects~"

He hummed a bit, and started flipping through the pages, at which point, his face took on a more disinterested look. "Frankly, it's all a bunch of hogwash, hooie, and superfluous dribble that even I can’t get into." His expression changed to one of intrigue. "But, then, I found this section on 'love'. And, I have to admit, even though I never thought that I'd get into the subject, it's very interesting."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. So, this is why he snuck into her room, pretending to be an alarm clock? So that he could ask for her advice on how to woo Fluttershy? The mulberry alicorn sighed, not looking enthused about this idea in the least. Well, at least it could have been worse. It could have been like that time he had turned Smarty Pants giant, animate and sentient. She would not stop giving her hugs, no matter how hard Twilight had begged and pleaded with her. At least this time, Discord only wanted to know how to be Fluttershy's coltfriend.

"Well, I don't know why you couldn't wait until later for this—" Actually, she did. It was because he was impatient chaos. "—But, I guess I could try and help you court Fluttershy, if you'll leave me alone. Now, first, you—"

"Wait, wait, court Fluttershy?" For some reason, the draconequus' face twisted into pure confusion and bewilderment, and he held out both of his hands in her direction, shaking his arms continuously for a few seconds. "No, no, no, you've got this all wrong, Twilight! I mean—" He made a shrugging motion, as he started floating over Twilight's bed, toward the other side, even slowly spinning. "Sure, she's a great friend, and, I just loooooveeee our little get togethers~ But—" His irises bulged out, and his lips folded in, and he started making a whimpering sound. "S-she's just so delicate!"

He shook his head determinedly. "No, I'm afraid dear Fluttershy and I just wouldn't be a good match. You and I, however—~"

"..." Well, she stood—or, rather, laid, since she was still in bed—corrected. This was worse than what she had thought it would be. "Me?" She looked utterly shocked, especially as she pointed toward him. "You?" She chuckled, and shook her head. This was a bad dream. This had to be a bad dream. "No way. There is no way it would ever work out."

Discord hummed, before holding out the book again. "Well, that's not what the book saaaa-a-aaayyyssss~", he said sing-songingly, shaking the book back and forth. He opens it again.

"According to this book, 'Romance can be chaos. It's a bunch of ups and downs—' That's you and me, ups and downs~ '—with some twisty turmoil. Oftentimes, the one you will get together with is often the one you never thought you would be together with.' That's definitely you~ 'And, yet, even though you weren't close at first, at some deep part in your mind, you knew you were intrigued.'"

...Just what kind of pony even wrote this book that he was taking so seriously? Well, it didn't matter. "Discord, we have /never/ been that close. We will never be that close! Friends? ...Sure. Lovers? Never! Besides, you keep on targeting me with you crazy shenanigans!"

"I know! I didn't think it could be love either! But, that's not the only section about that I've read in this book. Lover? 'Person who you have interest in, despite your current feelings?' Check. 'Will forgive your various antics quickly enough?' Check! 'Someone you know can hold their own?' CHECK! 'Someone with whom you will learn mutual lessons, compliment each others' flaws, and become better people with?' Well, to that I say, CHECK CHECK AND CHECK!"

Twilight snorted, and rolled her eyes. Oh boy. "You honestly think that just because a book gave you examples that you think fit, that we're meant to be together...?"

"AYE! OHHHHH, IIIIII MUST PRONOUNCE MY UNDYING LOVE!" Using Chaos magic, he was now dressed in a tuxedo, with combed back, and had a little red silk box in his hands. "OH, TWILIGHT!" He knelt down infront of her, and opened the box, revealing a gold ring with a beach ball-sized diamond on it. "OHHHHHH, TWILIGHT, BEE MIIIINEEEEEEEEE~"

...This seriously could not be happening right now. "No." She flat out stated, a clear lack of interest visible on her face.

"...What." The draconequus looked dumbfounded, as if this were somehow an utter impossibility. "B-b-but, I did research! The tuxedo, the ring, the proposal—"

The mulberry alicorn leaned forward. Clearly, she was going to have to explain to him why this wasn't going to work. "First off? A ring with a diamond that size would break my hoof, which also makes it utterly impractical. Secondly, there are steps to this thing, Discord! You can't just begin with a marriage proposal right off the bat! It's just not something any sane pony would do!"

'But, I'm not a pony...', He muttered, starting to look a little bit down.

"Third? I'm sorry, but, I'm just not into you like that." She smiled kindly, not wanting to hurt his feelings. "But, I think we could still be friends."

"...'Friends'?", the draconequus muttered. "Friend?" He looked up, a humourous expression of outrage on his face. "FRIENDS?!" He snorted. "Twilight Sparkle, are you implying that I would not make for a good lover?"

"What? No, I—"

"That we could not make for a beautiful—both figurative and literal—couple?!"

"That's not what I—"

"Well, then!" He snorted loudly. "I will just have to prove you wrong!"

"Discord, will you let me ta—"

"No more words, Twilight! No more words!", he stated, both dramatically and over the top, clearly not having not heard a word she was saying. He stood right to his feet, and put a fisted taloned hand to his chest. "I shall prove myself, both for your honor, and mine! MARK MY WORDS, I SHALL BECOME THE DRACONEQUUS OF YOUR DREAMS!" And, with that, he was gone, right in an instant.

Once he had vamoosed in his typical Discord way, Twilight huffed in exasperation. Well, this was going to be one of those days that she had never asked for, and had definitely never wanted, now, wasn't it?

The Pupil's Problem

She did not want to get up. She did not want to get up at all. That was the alicorn's state of mind, even an hour later. If she had a choice whether to get up, and possibly have to deal with a delusional draconequus, or stay in her bed for the rest of the day to dream about calculus and magical mechanics that she felt she wanted to ponder more, she would, infact—to probably few people's surprise—go for the latter, instead of risk anything today.

But, of course, things just weren't going to be that easy for her. They were never that easy for her.

"Twilight?", called the voice of a certain ex—cult leader turned magical student of friendship. The mulberry alicorn didn't answer. Maybe if she was lucky, whatever Starlight needed could wait, especially since the unicorn should have been aware that this was her day off. But, then, there was a knock. "Twilight, are you up yet? I know it's your day off, but— Well, you see, I think I may have a problem. One that only you might be able to help with."

Well, of course. As if the universe hadn't played ping pong with her life enough just by Discord deciding that he was apparently in love with her, now she had to get up, and more than likely get out of the castle to help Starlight with whatever she needed to accomplish. Although, who knows? Maybe her pupil just needed help with another magical problem, and then she could go right back to bed.

"Be right there!", she called. Hesitantly, she started to get up, looking over at the window, as if the horror of lovey dovey Discord would appear in her room without her ever even realizing, until it was too late. Thankfully, though, whatever the doofy draconequus was doing, it seemed like it was no longer going to take place in her bedroom for the near future.

Once she was up, she started to stretch out a bit, including with her wings. Ough, now that she was actually out of bed, it sort of felt like she might have slept on her wings the wrong way. Definitely no flying for her, until she could get some decent circulation back into them. Groaning a bit, she walked over to her door, and used her magic to open the door a peek. Yep, it was her pupil alright. Twilight let out a yawn, and opened the door the rest of the way. "Morning, Starlight. Now, just what can I help you with exactly?"

"Welllll..." The unicorn looked down at her hooves, moving her upper right leg around anxiously. And, her face? It didn't look like she had even slept a wink last night. The unicorn looked up, and proceeded to show her mentor a fretful frowning expression on her face. "You see, Sunburst— Well, apparently, he has vacation too." And, that's when the unicorn's teeth start shattering. "He's coming here to Ponyville tomorrow, and, a—and, I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do!"

"..." Twilight couldn't help but blink, in both surprise and bemusement. This was a Sunburst problem? That was kind of weird, considering— "I thought you and Sunburst were doing pretty well. I mean, you both seem to become good friends again—"

"Twilight, I've only been seeing him at the Crystal Empire, where he lives! Of course I've been pretty comfortable talking and doing things with him there! But, like I said, he's coming here to Ponyville tomorrow!" The fretting unicorn started making panting noises. "He'll be seeing my natural environment!" Starlight started looking around frantically, as if there were eyes in the walls, her irises shrinking, and her eyes becoming as wide as dinner plates. Twilight couldn't possibly leave this issue alone. It just wouldn't be something that a responsible mentor would do.

The Mulberry alicorn let out a heavy sigh. Well, like it or not, it seemed that today was going to be at least somewhat busy.

"Starlight, you need to calm down.", the alicorn told her, genuine concern for her pupil apparent in her voice. "You and Sunburst have gained back a lot of ground together, and, that's definitely something you should consider before you start worrying too much. He's not going to care about how you live, or what your home town's going to look like. He's coming here for you, to spend time with his best friend in the whole wide world. There's nothing to worry about." An understanding smile appeared on the alicorn's face, as she nuzzled her pupil's nose. "But, if you need me to help, I'm always here for you. Anything you need."

"..." The unicorn sniffled a bit, eyes getting all watery, and a tear of happiness exiting from the figurative window sill of her right eye. Appreciation was pretty heavy on her face. "T—thanks, Twilight~" She started nuzzling her mentor's nose back adorably. "I knew I could count on you to help me with this." She sniffled, the unicorn's expression changing to that of determination, as she stood strong. "Alright, first things first. He's probably going to help me come up with and practice some new spell combinations. I need you to help me find some good spell books, not just from the books you have here, but, maybe from around town? I know Ponyville's not exactly the magical learning capital of Equestria, but—"

"It's fine. I do know some good book vendors that get lots of good reads from out of town. I'm sure I'll be able to find plenty of good books to help you and Sunburst!"

Starlight giggled a little, her laughter sounding a little bubbly for some reason.

"Thanks, Twilight~ I'll definitely never forget this! We'll talk more after you get those books~!" Starlight told her, skipping off happily, almost as if she were Pinkie Pie. Huh. It almost seemed as if the unicorn was hoping that this was going to be more than just some friendly fun.

Ah, well, it really didn't matter. However, as Twilight walked away, in the direction of Spike's room, maybe she would have felt differently about the plans that she had talked about with Starlight, if only she had noticed the lone draconequus ear hiding behind one of the crystal pillars nearby...

An unexpected occurence and visit

11:06 AM, Ponyville

"Uggghhh, couldn't we have gone out later, Twilight? I thought today was supposed to be your day off!", said the small purple and green dragon, huffing a bit at having to do some actual work on a day like today. Twilight did feel for him, but-

"I'm sorry, Spike, but, Starlight really needs our help.", she told him, as they walked through town, toward the main market area. "I mean, I know how you feel, I thought was just going to be able to have mostly free time today too. But, as it turns out, not only does Starlight need some help today, but, Discord- Well, let's just say, he's been reading a book—one that I'm not even sure was all that well written—and, apparently, he thinks that he's in love with me..."

The little dragon paused, stopping to give Twilight an incredulous look of disbelief. "Very funny, Twi, there's no way that Discord would-" However, he stopped, once he noticed just how serious Twilight seemed to be about that. "You're not joking... But, Discord?" He paused...Then collapsed onto his back, and went into a fit of laughter.

"BWAAHAHAHAHAH! D-discord? Really?!" He went back into uncontrollable laughter. After a whole minute of this, it was only Twilight's stink eye that snapped him out of it, and got him back up onto his feet. He cleared his throat. "Sorry. B-but, you have to admit-" He snickered, unable to help himself. "Only you could possibly have luck that bad, Twi~"

Well, Spike wasn't necessarily wrong, though, she wasn't sure about luck. She alway seemed to get attention from Discord whenever he seemed particularly mischievious, or wanting to test her. But, now, he genuinely seemed to think that he was in love with her, and that he could apparently win her affections, one way or another. She thought he was delusional, but, a delusional Discord could still be pretty annoying, especially depending on how far he decided to take things.

"I know, I know.", she said with a heavy sigh. "And, honestly, if it weren't for Starlight, I probably wouldn't even be out today at all! But, worrying about Draconequus antics is no excuse for not helping out a friend in need. And, Starlight definitely seems to be a friend in need. ...I really shouldn't say anything about this, but, I think that maybe she wants to get even closer with Sunburst than she already is."

"Woah, really?" Spike looked genuinely interested. "I mean, I can remember her being genuinely terrified at the thought of her meeting her supposedly successful wizard friend. And, I know they're friends again now, but, it's kinda hard to imagine the two of them getting together right now. Maybe you're just imagining how it seemed, Twilight."

"Mmmmmm, I suppose that I might have.", said Twilight, despite looking unsure. "But, you didn't see the way that she was this morning. She was all nervous, and worried. But, then, after I told her I would do my best to help her, she started doing her own little hops, skips and jumps."

"You mean like Pinkie?", replied the dragon, who was actually starting to look a bit surprised again. "That's freaky...", he mumbled. "Maybe you're right. Maybe she does have some lovey dovey reasons for wanting you to help. Not that I would know anything about the subject..."

Twilight giggled. "Oh, Spike, I'm sure you'll definitely learn more about it one of these days.", she said with a hum. "Now, do you have the quill and paper for writing down all the books that we're going to get?"

The dragon nodded, pulling out both a potentially long list of paper, and a quill. "By the way, did you know that the sofas from that one store are currently half off? That's a real bargain, you know."

Twilight hummed, pausing and putting a hoof to her chin thoughtfully. "I have been meaning to put in a new sofa for the library area, since one of the ones I already had was damaged, thanks to Discord and that party he threw in there with those Llamas."

"You mean Alpacas."

Twilight sighed, as she started moving along again. "Yes, you're right, they were alpacas. Either way, they were very fuzzy, and it took weeks to get all the fuzz off of the furniture."

Spike chuckled. "Well, look at it this way, Twi: With Discord around, you're rarely ever gonna be bored. One week, he's having a party with Alpacas, the next he's making your Smarty Pants doll all big and hug-crazy, and, then, the week after that, he's professing his 'undying wuv' to you. Seriously, Twi, crazy as he is, there's few ponies as exciting as Discord."

"I'm in agreement with him! Well, you know, except for the implication that there could ever been anyone as fun and exciting as I am~"

That voice- Twilight turned her head, and spotted what looked to be a suspiciously draconequus-like figure behind a newspaper and magazine stand counter, holding a newspaper right infront of his face. Narrowing her eyes, Twilight walked over to him, using her magic to pull the newspaper down, and sure enough-

"Well, hello, there, Twilight~" Yep, it was him alright, wearing somekind of cap. Suddenly, he started holding the newspaper right up. "EXTRA, EXTRA, READ ALLLLL ABOUT IT! DRACONEQUUS PROFESSES HIS UNDYING LOVE TO PRINCESS!"

Twilight groaned a bit, especially as he started attracting a crowd. Some ponies looked curious. Others looked confused. And, there were even a few ponies who were snickering at this. Walking over to the stand, she narrowed her eyes at him. "Is this really your way of trying to be the 'draconequus of my dreams'?"

The Draconequus snorted in what seemed to be indignation. "Of course not! This is just my way of making sure that Ponyville knows we're going to be a thing. I'm just trryyyying to make sure that noone's too surprised once I break the news that we're a couple. A good newsperson always seeks the truth, after all."

Twilight couldn't help but narrow her eyes. Really. Just because he was currently working at a newsstand somehow—she imagined that he probably either scared or bribed the previous pony who was working there away—he was now under the delusion that he was somehow a 'newsperson', instead of just a person selling news. But, honestly, it made perfect sense that he would delude himself like this, especially considering how he was earlier.

Sighing a bit, she shook her head, and raised an eyebrow. "So, just what is your plan here then?"

Discord let out a 'hoo-hoo-hooooooo~!' "Wouldn't you like to know, Twilight~?" He then proceeded to clear his throat. "By the way, this newsstand is now having a sale on tons of newly acquired tomes of magic~"

"...What." How did he-? He couldn't have- Had he somehow been spying on the conversation between her and Starlight earlier? Well, apparently, she just couldn't fully trust a draconequus not to try anything like that, right? She let out a heavy sigh, and then asked, "Well, would you mind showing me all of the books that you have then?"

Discord nodded, and- Thaaaaaatttt was a lot of books. So many, infact, that she could no longer even see Discord anymore.

"That's an awful lot of non-newspaper merchandise for a newsstand.", she said, sounding heavily suspicious "Are these from all the other booksellers in town? Shouldn't they be selling these?"

"Well, let's just say they were feeling a little-" He chuckled sinisterly. "'Tied up' today~" ...He was rubbing his hands together while grinning evilly, wasn't he? Even though she couldn't see him, she could just tell that that's what he was doing. "But, anyway, all of these are seventy-five percent off."

"Well, that's...Very kind of yo-"

"Also, with every tome you purcahse, you get a free magazine!", he said, dracon-e-bamfing one over to them. Twilight looked over said magazine, and- ...It was a picture of the two of them smooching. She looked inside, and- Poems. It was almost all poems, addressed to her from him.

"Every magazine also even has a different spell in the very back!", Discord pointed out, as if actually trying to give her a reason not to just take all the magazines, and outright toss them all in the trash.

"..." Twilight let out a heavy sigh. "Alright, fine, I'll take all of them."

...Was he squeeing right about then? "Excellent~! I'll make sure they're all delivered to the castle today by nightfall~"

Twilight facehoofed. She was going to have to deal with him for a while now. Every day. Wasn't she?

~ ~ ~ ~~

1:15 PM, Ponyville station

As the gamboge pegasus stallion, with a spiky sapphire mane and tail departed the train, saddlebags in tow, he took in a breath of fresh air, and let out a contented sigh. Yep, it finally happened: He, Flash Sentry, had finally gotten some time off! Honestly, it was like he couldn't do anything while on duty! And, it seemed like he was on duty all the time! Really, he was seeing her so often, yet, he didn't really get to interact with her at all! But, now? He was finally on vacation. And, where did he decide to go for his vacation? Ponyville, of course! He was finally going to get to really talk to the princess, not just make announcements, or little charming side comments, no! He was finally going to talk with her!

Of course, as he started walking into town, he knew he wasn't going to be one of those stallions who just tried wooing mares—or stallions—right off the bat. No. A good relationship involved getting to know someone, not pretending like it was love at first sight. Sure, she was definitely attractive, but, so what? He knew some ponies in the Crystal Empire who were attractive, yet could be despicable ponies, and giant pains in the flank. No, best thing to do while going forward was to just try and get to know her, see if they were even all that compatible.

...Of course, while he was thinking about it, he wasn't completely paying attention to the road. And, so, it was a bit of a shock to him to suddenly lose his footing over a bunch of leaves, and drop right into a fifteen foot hole, letting out a loud yelp as he did. He grunted at the hard landing, moaning a bit, as he slowly started to stand right back up.

"Well, it's certainly a nice day in the season of fall, now isn't it?"

Someone was up there. Looking right up, Flash couldn't help but narrow his eyes. "Discord! ...I think." He shook his head. "Anyway-" He narrowed his eyes up at him. "Are you the one who dug this hole?"

The draconequus snickered. "Guilty as charged~" He chuckled a bit, before his face turned a lot less humourous, and more frowny and disapproving. "I know who you are. You're the little pegasus who has twenty-four guard duty. The odd one out in the Crystal Empire military. The one who has dreams! Dreams of meeting the princess! As in, actually meeting her, not doing your adorable little 'charming' things, without any relationship development whatsoever. You wanna be friends with her, and fall in loooveeee~" He narrowed his eyes. "Well, I have news for you, dear Flash, it's simply not going to happen." He grinned evilly. "Because, I won't let it~"

Flash narrowed his eyes. "Oh, yeah? And, just how are you gonna stop me from meeting her? I have wings! I can fly out of this pit!"

Loud booming laughter from the Spirit of Chaos. Flash started to feel uneasy, especially at the draconequus' disarming smile. "Oh, I'm sure you could, Flash Sentry. But, see the thing is-" All of a sudden, the Draconequus picked up what seemed to be a large green blob with a face, and dropped it right into the hole. "You'll have other things to contend with~"

And, queue the girly screaming from down in the pit. "AHHHHHH, MY HAIR! MY TAIL! MY WINGS!" Even as Discord started walking away, he could still hear the screaming. "OH, DEAR CELESTIA, IT'S STICKING EVERYWHERE!"

The Draconequus started humming, snapping his talon fingers to make a net appear over the pit, complete with tent spikes, to make it all the more difficult for the stallion to try and get out. Discord definitely didn't need the distraction of competition. Now, he just needed to meet a certain 'powerful' unicorn to prepare further for later that night~