Day One (Or the Day Luna Killed the Plumbing)
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Luna's Compendium of Clumsiness and Mischief
Day One (Or the Day Luna Killed the Plumbing)
“We thank thee for saving us, Sister.”
“There is no need for thanks, Luna,” Princess Celestia chided gently. “I imprisoned you, and I should be saying sorry instead of you thanking me.”
Luna’s face parallelled the floor. “And thus, we cannot thank thee enough.”
“You know you don’t have to keep speaking like that, right?” Celestia giggled as the two Princesses walked through the castle in their alone time, with Celestia giving Luna the grand tour.
Princess Luna turned to Celestia in confusion. “We… do not understand. Do our subjects not-?”
“Luna, watch out!”
But it was too late for the moon princess. As Celestia issued her warning, Luna collided into the floral display in the middle of the hallway, causing it to fall to the floor and shatter in a million pieces. The Moon Princess hadn’t fared any better, as she called out in alarm before rearing back and whinnying, causing her to fall on her back. The motion proceeded to trip Celestia, causing both sisters to lay on the floor in varying levels of pain.
“...Ow… Thou couldns’t have warned us earlier about the vase and flowers?”
Celestia groaned as she picked herself back up, glancing over at the shattered porcelain and scattered soil. Sighing, she helped her sister back up, said sister rubbing her muzzle and head as they both glowed a bright red in soreness. “I was too focused on you talking.”
“Thine excuse has no substance,” Luna muttered.
“What do you want me to say? That I wanted you to bump into that display, in turn causing the both of us to fall to the ground?”
“That’s what we thought you thought,” Luna grumbled. Celestia deadpanned.
“Luna, it’s been a thousand years. I’ve had a thousand years to grow up, while you’re still as immature as day one.”
“We are not the one who banished us to the moon,” Luna shrugged.
“That wasn’t my fault! That was yours.”
“Stubborn as always, dear Sister,” Luna said.
“Luna, you plothole,” Celestia pushed her sister gently, and Luna smirked at Celestia.
“We have only learned from the best.”
“And who would that be- hey!” Celestia began to ask before realizing, glaring daggers at her little sister. Her gaze then softened as she pulled Luna into a hug.
“Oh, how I’ve missed you, Luna,” Celestia smiled, her horn glowing softly as she quickly repaired any damage to the hallway done.
“We… I’ve missed you too.”
After they had both gotten a good night’s rest, the two Princesses of Equestria woke up and began to do their own things. With Celestia nearby in case Luna was still confused about anything, Luna didn’t have to worry as much. Upon feeling the need to relieve herself, she wandered over to the room that Celestia had pointed out the night before. Looking at the contents of said room, she couldn’t help but frown at the white chair-like thing in front of her.
“Celestia, we are having trouble maneuvering thine infernal cauldron. Wouldst thou come over and help us?” Luna asked, prodding the pristine basin of water.
“What was that, Luna?” Celestia called out from within her studies.
“We are not used to thine cauldron that thou callest a… what was it? A ‘toi-let’? Yea, thine toilet is being most frustrating.”
A ground could be heard emanating from outside of the bathroom as the ruffling of paper and the clop of hooves soon announced the approach of the Solar Princess. Standing in the doorway was the ever-elegant Princess Celestia, eyeing her sister with exasperation. “It’s simple, Luna. Just do your business and pull down on the metal lever on the side. That easy!”
“But why is there water in thine ‘toilet’, and wherefore is it planted into the ground? How will we dispose of it?”
“The lever does everything, Luna. It- er- sucks everything in, and fills it back up with water. It’s called plumbing.”
“But what of the abysmal hole in thine toilet?” Luna asked, “We do not think that it has what it takes to remove our bowels.”
Celestia merely looked horrified at the thought and whispered to herself, “Oh dear Faust help us all…” before shaking her head and sighing. “It will do the job.”
Luna eyed it once more with a certain measure of disdain before shooing her bigger sister away. “Times were much simpler before we were transfigured into that Nightmare entity and banished for a thousand years,” Luna complained as she shut the door.
“Yeah, well, it’s your fault for thinking everypony hated you,” Celestia said as she could hear Luna positioning herself.
“Was not! Thou art the culprit, sister! If thou hadns’t lured the good citizens away into thine gilded embrace, we may have not been tempted at all!”
“You keep telling yourself that, Luna,” Celestia muttered before she could hear Luna’s cry once more.
“We heard that, Sister! We will get back at thee!” Luna shouted. “One day, Sister! One. Day!”
Just then, she could hear Luna’s hoof meet clacky lever and the sound of flushing water. Just then, Luna began to shriek as she burst out of the washroom, shooting bolts of weak magic into the lavatory. “Celestia! The water is attacking us!”
Another beam of light into the washroom and Luna shouted in alarm once more. “EGADS! We were right, Sister, it could not contain us!”
Celestia nearly gagged at the smell and teared up before widening her eyes in realization. “No…” she whispered, before grabbing Luna in her magic and sealing every door near the washroom in the area. She began to shout.
“GUARDS! FIX THE PLUMBING IN LUNA’S CHAMBERS! CODE RED! CODE RED!” Celestia cried, all thoughts of remaining regal abandoned at the mere thought of Luna’s mistake. “THIS IS NOT A DRILL! DO IT IMMEDIATELY!”
Yes, no thoughts of sustaining an image right now. As guards began to rush past her, she could hear them fainting from the smell before they could even turn the corner. Shaking her head, she called out once more. “HAZMAT SUITS! GAS MASKS! THE FLAMETHROWER! USE THE ROYAL ARMORY IF YOU HAVE TO!”
“Release us at once, Sister!” Luna squirmed in Celestia magical vice grip.
Celestia merely growled at Luna and the blue alicorn shut up. With one thought left in her mind, Luna floated limp in defeat...
…
…
Buck...
Author's Note
And so begins my twist on a slice of life... Featuring Luna!
Because Luna doesn't get much love these days. Or, at least, I don't see many fics going on with Luna as the centre. If there are... Well, colour me wrong and give me a few from the past two weeks.
So, yeah.
Luna's Compendium of Clumsiness and Mischief
"Luna, you have to pay rent."
Princess Luna stopped what she was doing and turned to look at her sister with confuzzlement.
"Pardon me, sister?"
Celestia sighed. "You have to pay rent. You've been living at my castle which I built myself (with a little help) after you were banished for a year now and I've allowed it this long, but the time is nigh. You must pay rent."
Flabbergasted, Luna frowned. "B-but, w-what? Sister! This is preposterous. Making your own kin pay rent? What kind of lunatic does that?"
Celestia cocked an eyebrow. "Are you implying I'm as crazy as you, Luna?"
"No, sister."
Silence.
"Maybe," Luna quickly mumbled.
"Well, I believe you still owe me something."
Luna grumbled. "Seriously, Tia? You banished me in the moon for a millennium and yet you insist on some sort of payback for staying at your castle?"
"Of course. Do you think I let the maids and servants stay here of their own free will? I provide them a lodging and a paycheck, and they must in turn pay their rent as they serve me. They are free to leave my service anytime they wish. Or did you think that I was some sort of tyrant who would impose her will on a select group of ponies to do my bidding?"
Luna stumbled a little. "No! Why would you ever think I was implying that?"
"Because you still haven't answered my question about rent."
"Ugh," Luna moaned. "Fine! How many bits?"
Celestia's light smile quickly turned just a little sinister.
"Oh, you're not paying in bits."
Luna turned, a little confused, to look at Celestia, but did not like what she saw. Immediately, she knew what she was being asked of. Shaking her head, she pouted.
"No."
"Yes."
"No!"
"Get out of my castle."
"..."
"Well?"
"...fine..."
"What was that?"
Luna sneered at Celestia. "I said FINE!"
Celestia smiled. "That's a good girl."
"Shut up."
"You'll love what I have to offer on weekends."
"Don't rub it in."
"You know you secretly like them."
"QUIET, SISTER, OR I SHALL REMOVE MYSELF FROM THINE PRESENCE!"
"Oh, you're no fun."
"I'd still like to keep what remaining dignity I have left."
Author's Note
Don't get any ideas; it's Celestia's cooking.
