Fallout Equestria: A Glimmer of the Past
Princess of... Friendship?
Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship. I can't help thinking sometimes that my title is self defeating. Now, don't get me wrong, of course I'm immensely grateful to Princess Celestia for granting me this truly unbelievable honor. After all, ascension to princesshood is the dream of nearly every young filly. For many ponies, it's something to aspire to, like a light guiding you upward. Few ponies reach it of course, only Cadence and I ever managed to, but having idols and lofty goals are what inspires ponies to make their dreams a reality. But you see, that's the problem. Princesshood is a dream to most ponies, a step above reality.
As for the second part of my title, all you need to do is ask one very simple question. What is a friend? Well, I've been doing nothing but answering that question for the past two years. How do you summarize two years of experience, lessons and study into one, simple, concise definition? The Elements of Harmony are the obvious answer. A friend is honest, kind, loyal, generous and upbeat. But I wouldn't really be being honest if I told you that's all a friend is. A friend is anypony, anyone that's willing to take the time to understand you, to interact with you on a basis of equality and empathy.
Therein lies the problem with my title: "Princess of Friendship". Applejack often likes to tease me on my insistence on proper semantics, but I believe words have a power beyond their meaning. And in my title, the word "Princess precedes friendship, like it's more important. When ponies see you as a dream, an idol who achieved the pinnacle of success, how can you interact with them on an equal basis? How can you take the time to understand who a pony really is, if they're afraid of showing their true selves, in fear of disappointing their picture of perfection? Whenever a pony bows to me, even refers to me as "princess Twilight"... I feel like they're not seeing the real me. Rather, they're seeing a mirage, a perfect reflection of who they think I am.
A few months ago, I questioned what my role as a princess would be. I saw Princess Celestia, Luna and Cadence, hiding behind their mirages of perfection in order to please the subjects who so desperately crave an idol to rule them. Sometimes even I buy into the mirage, forgetting that I'm good friends with the real Cadence, and a proud student of Princess Celestia and Luna. [I wouldn't learn until much later, the single guiding truth of the world. Everypony has done something they regret. ]
Eventually of course, my question was answered with the cutie map, and it was determined that my friends and I would venture out across Equestria, solving friendship problems wherever they might turn up. It's a noble and ambitious goal of course, but I couldn't help sparing myself one, solitary selfish thought. In being tasked to create friendship, had I ascended making friends of my own? More and more these days, I can't help but be reminded of that sentiment. When I'm solving friendship problems, I'm often a moderator, a neutral party meant to create or replenish friendship where it was lacking or damaged. But a moderator is always seen above the fray rather than as part of it. I can't help but feel like I'm being put "above it all", because of my title. A friend isn't above the struggle, a friend joins the struggle and fights alongside you to conquer it.
I have my five best friends of course, but they all knew me before I became an alicorn. They can see the real Twilight Sparkle, because they saw me before the mirage of princesshood. The connections I make nowadays feel... weaker, more like acquaintances rather than friends. Now that I've been cast in the role of teacher rather than student, I often think of Princess Celestia. She's guided countless destinies, shaped countless friendships and made innumerable acquaintances over the centuries. Yet I can't help but feel an air of solitude around her. She has Princess Luna to confide in of course, but not many other close friends. Most ponies probably can't see past the mirage of perfection that encircles Princess Celestia like a halo of light, projecting serene confidence and grace along with an air of power. But even discounting that, how many ponies does Princess Celestia actually let get close to her, how many does she allow to see who she actually is? After all, if conventional wisdom goes: get too close to the sun, and you will get burned.
The changes brought by princesshood haven't just changed my role or my capacity to make friends, they've shaken the core of my beliefs. The cutie map sent me colliding straight into Starlight Glimmer. Equality. I used to believe, and still believe equality is centrally important to making friends. A pony first has to see you as their equal in order to truly connect with you. Maybe not equal in wealth or skill, but equally vulnerable and stoic. Princesshood has made that far harder, as ponies are much less willing to see me as their equal, despite my insistence that they do so. Discord himself pointed out how my alicornhood could be easily misconstrued as me thinking I was better than others, despite my insistence to the contrary.
But Starlight Glimmer takes equality to another level. She removed the very talents that made ponies their own individuals. I didn't want to admit it to my friends, but part of me wondered if she was right. In a world where everypony was equal, would status be a concern? Would ponies no longer feel belittled by my very presence, and more open to becoming my friends? But then I wondered, in a world where everypony was the same, what would be the point of even making friends? Without our unique personalities, making friends would be little better than talking to yourself (something Pinkie Pie is really fond of, gotta get her checked for schizophrenia at some point).
Still, my belief in an equal interaction spawning friendship was shaken. It feels as though alicornhood has taken everything I thought I knew about friendship, and either challenged it or made it seem out of reach. Princess of Friendship. As a filly, I worked. Studying gave me purpose, gave me a reason to wake up everyday. But now I realize it was merely a temporary filler for something I lacked. A goal. All that time I worked, but I never knew what I was working towards. I suppose in the end, that's why alicornhood was sprung on me so unexpectedly. Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I refused, all that time ago back on the starry plane. Or, what if Princess Celestia had never even offered me alicornhood in the first place. In not ascending to the role of teacher, would my relationship with my friends be stronger?
Of course, these are all theoretical questions. Questions that can't be answered without the involvement of something impossible like time travel years into the past. If Star Swirl himself could only manage a week, surely nopony could possibly do more than the greatest wizard in Equestrian history? Right?
