I had been wandering aimlessly for days. A Hill there, a dead tree there, you know how it is. Only so much you can say to describe this place before sounding like a broken record. Honestly after about 2 hours it felt like a damned scenery loop. I hadn’t seen another Pony for days, or anything else for that matter. Hills to the left of me, flatlands to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you. I mean me. Myself. I’m talking to myself again? Right, because that was so constructive to begin with.
I kept my wing raised above my head for shade as I let out a sigh, going over the line of thinking I’d been having the last few days. “Just keep going”, I said to myself, “It can only be so far to something”. Now it’s been 6 days since I split from the last of the group of Stud Wranglers or Stuff Roughers or whatever they're called that came North, I’m almost out of food and water, and I haven’t even seen a fuckin road yet. Just like the broken record that is this landscape, I bleakly said again “There’s got to be something past this next hill. There has to be.”
I crested the hill and wouldn’t you fucking know it, I was right. Finally. My wings fluttered a little I was so damn excited. Take that me 12 hours ago! I wasn’t going to die in the wastes after all.
…at least, I hope not.
I hadn’t found much, but compared to days of nothing but dust and bushes, a road was fucking fantastic. Dusty and old, it was at least something to go with in terms of trying to find anything. Roads were only built to go from point A to point B. The only reason a road leads to nowhere is because the road is broken. Now came the big question, left or right. To the left was something brand new to me, I think those are… mountains? That or it’s the biggest damn scrap heap I’ve ever seen. Fuck it I’ve never been to the mountains I’m going left. Not even considering right. Even as far as pictures are concerned I’ve never actually seen a mountain except for this one time I used an old painting for a fire, and i'm not even really sure that was a mountain so much as a hill. So yeah, I’ve got no idea what to expect.
Right as I got to it I took a moment to beat the sand out of my hooves. Sand on sand is fine, but sand under your hooves on asphalt? No need to torture myself. So I started trottin' on down the road. Soon enough I came to what I can only assume was a rest stop in the days before the war. Old prewar posters were scattered on the walls outside, ads for the various ministries that grew out of some 6 brightly colored mares. The dinky little place had a windmill outside spinning in the gentle breeze, which I can only assume had a generator on it because the damn place still had power somehow. I mean, barely, the lights were dim and at least one was flickering, but power is power. Most of the shelves were empty, but a couple of the refrigerators were still chugging along. All of the booze was gone, some bastards must’ve nicked it all in the days after the end of the war. A fair number of containers labelled milk clearly no longer contained milk but rather just this black substance I had no interest in sampling. In fact all of the remaining containers had that black shit. 200 hundred years will do that to juice and shit I guess, even in a refrigerator.
I went behind the counter and went in the back, which apparently nopony in the last few hundred years had thought to do because JACKPOT. An entire vending machine, still on, still cold and still like half full of junk food and drinks. HELLS YES. I popped a cold drink I couldn’t read the label on and the resultant sugar rush had me going up the walls for the next 20 minutes. I spent my sugar high searching through the back room. Mostly empty except for a few lockers I found that weren’t locked. 3 of the 4 had nothing interesting, somepony's old Wonderbolt Jacket, a hat, ammo for a gun I didn’t have (figures), and something labelled a challenge coin around its edge that looked fuckin sweet so I pocketed that beauty right away. After all, shiny is valuable, right? But one locker had this like, strap thing? A bunch of black straps in some combination with small rings that I think would’ve been polished at one point. I couldn’t figure out, but the metal bits looked varied enough to maybe be useful for repairing something, so of course I grabbed them.
But the weirdest thing wasn’t necessarily the straps, it was what happened when I picked them up.
DLC UNLOCKED: OF MASTERS AND SLAVES
TRAVEL TO THE HEART OF THE EQUESTRIAN WEST AND MAKE SOME NEW FRIENDS IN THE MOST UNEXPECTED OF WAYS
Talk about vague introductions. Something about the west? Whatever. I’ve no idea what direction I’m going anyway so I guess there’s like what, a one in four chance I find it on my own by compass reckoning? Anyways, I spent another like hour in the place cuz it was kind of cozy, stretching my legs and wings and other bodily appendages, and I swear there was an air conditioner struggling on its last leg or something but I am so glad it waited for me to show up. Poor thing was sputtering and clanking around until I gave it a good Kick with my hoof. Appliance Repair Extraordinare! Plus I took the chance to root through the rest of the vending machine for the best/still edible goodies and grab a few more cans of pop. This stuff is good in a pinch, plus it’s usually got some pretty good trade value for ponies in the wastes. Clean water is a nightmare to find on its own, let alone something sweet and sugary.
I stepped outside and decided my mountains idea was still a good idea, because my good ideas are always and forever good ideas and I stand by that, and I started trotting on down the way. I moved to start going down the road when something caught my eye. Towards the mountains, just above the horizon was a small box, or rather not a box but a building I hadn’t noticed before. I knew it couldn’t have been far til I started finding things! SCORE. I casually strolled toward the building.
What is this some dumb survivor movie? Well even if it was, I’m no dumb survivor, and I’m not going to go charging off at the first sign of anything like some desperate bitch. I meandered my way towards the building at my own comfortable pace and got about halfway there when something caught my eye. Movement is never a good thing when it’s just barely noticeable and barely in your peripheral, plus I hadn’t heard anything, so in order to catch my stalker off guard I tucked and rolled and spun to face
A lizard. A Damned lizard. Like not even a big one trying to eat my face off or suck my blood for the water. An honest to goodness lizard. Yeah sure it had two tails and nasty claws but the thing couldn’t have been longer than my foreleg. I walked up to it and kind of just stared at this abnormally almost normal creature I’d just wandered past in the wastes. It looked up at me cockeyed and then the little fucker scurried away before I could nick him. Quick little bastard.
Okay so I turn back to this Box building, and I notice that coming off the back are these 3 big tower looking things. Smokestacks would be my guess, so with that in mind the building I’m heading towards could be a prewar factory, and in the wastes like this who’d even know where it was? Then it clicked for me that because this thing is in the middle of fuckin nowhere, there’s a good chance it hasn’t been scavenged thoroughly yet, which might just mean some sweet loot could still be in there. And with that as my happy thought I kept trotting on down towards it. I climbed over a few smaller hills on the way to it, practicing gliding to the bottoms, and practicing flapping as i worked up the hills. Probably the only time i'll ever exercise, but hey it got me there quicker so i was okay with it. I don't know if i'll ever get this whole "flying" thing down, but thats not gonna stop me from trying. I took a breather when i crested the final hill, stretching my wings again before hurriedly trotting up to the shade of the building.
As I got closer I noticed that on this side of the building were several garage doors, so this was probably a loading bay or warehouse part. I ran up a little ramp of scraps on what was an old trailer, then jumped and glided down and landed squarely on one of the loading bays. I’s kinda proud of myself at that point, my flying still was a bit shit but my landings kept getting better and this was (to me) a great example of a good landing. I trotted on in and was met with an old warehouse, shelves stacked 3 stories high and then some, just filled with boxes. From the layout it looked like it was originally a foundry or something. Must’ve been a mine nearby at one point, thus the smokestacks. But later when we got all industrial and shit, some big store chain must’ve bought it and converted it to a distribution warehouse.
I took a few more steps in aaaand there’s the guys who probably broke in here in the first place. Or rather what was left of the 4 of them. Bones as dry as you could imagine, clothes rotted and clinging to them, all still around an old forklift it looks like they’d been trying to take apart. Looks like somehow the Gas cylinder for it exploded and took all the poor fuckers out.
More for me then! I thought with a grin as I started looking around the warehouse. It did not take me long to realize scavvers never made it in here because if they had the whole place woulda been stripped clean. This place had everything! Furniture, cleaning supplies, parts, you name it. Hell the aisle with the “Plumbing” sign could probably solve half of Equestrias water and hygiene needs. But of course I hadn’t found the fun stuff yet. Over on the far left side was a set of shelves like the rest but all the boxes had fallen apart, the food inside long since rotten away to dust. So I kept looking and hoping one of these rows of shelves said like “Sporting goods” or just simply “Guns and Ammo”. I found one labeled “outdoors and Camping” but all that had was like some tents and camping shit.
I was about to move on to the next aisle, then realized I could do with a portable shelter and went and grabbed the most expensive looking small “magically self-assembling” tent they had, which was a 2-pony tent but hey room to move around I guess. Not sure what prewar money was like, but it seems pretty pricey compared to everything else, at least 1000 bits more than any other tent there. I also went and nabbed the most comfortable looking throw blanket they had, threw it over me like a poncho and slung the tent strap over it on my back. I also threw the saddlebags over it for good measure.
Yeah it might not be super comfortable when I get out in the heat again but at least I look kinda like that main character from the “Bits” trilogy. I don’t think they ever said his name though cuz people just called him “the stranger”. Honestly “The Good, the Bad and the Pony” was the best of the three but I’ve heard people argue for the other two. Fuck them though, my opinion is clearly superior.
I fucked around in the warehouse for an hour or so, just digging through, seeing what I could find. I found a toy section with some nerf guns and I’ll be honest I fucked around with those for like 20 straight minutes of just firing darts around at nothing. Not nearly as fun as darts that explode, but this seemed like a quantity over quality type situation. Then I found the Mother lode. In their “Electronics” aisle I found no high tech computers, no pipbucks, No military grade Circuits, though maybe those were there and I just ignored them. No, I found several boxes with hand held games and the GameColts to go with them. I almost panicked when I realized they all needed power but then I remembered seeing some “Portable Solar Panels” in the camping section. 15 minutes later I was up on the roof at what had to be noon just staring at 3 GameColts getting their initial Charges. I’d grabbed a few games out of the box without really looking, so I took the time to look at them now.
Monster Friender 4 Ultimate
Explore a world filled with all kinds of Monsters! Befriend them and earn their trust- BORING. I threw that off the roof.
PokePon Sunbutt Edition
Travel a world filled with strange creatures called PokePons, train them and form your own teams to compete with other trainers! See now maybe this is one I’d like. Setting that aside for later.
Meteoroid Prime
Play as the Mysterious Bounty Hunter, Ponus Aran, in a hunt to save a world from magic devouring aliens. That’s a keeper right there.
My little Human : The Game
Welcome to the fantastical world of Earth, Home to humans and other surprisingly mundane and non-magical creatures. In a world without Magic, Learn to hone your Intellect in this Puzzle filled Brain Game, as you struggle to survive among other humans, some friend, some foe. Puzzles might be fun, keep the wit sharp and all. Plus I swear I saw a tape of its TV show somewhere back in my bro’s stash of Holo’s. Okay last one for now.
My little Human 2: 1942
Earth has fallen into a global war with Holy shit that series took a dark turn. Wasn’t this like a kids show or something? Dayum.
I’ll be honest, the second those GameColt’s finished charging I started playing My Little Human: The Game. And I played that damn thing through to almost the next morning, the sun would probably come up soon. It wasn’t so much that it had a good story or that the puzzles were decently challenging, it was more the fact that this simple little thing was just such a good distraction! I shit you not, when the battery finally died (managed to save before that thank goodness) it was only then I realized my stomach was growling and my mouth was so fuckin dry that it was sticking to itself. I had almost fuckin forgotten that I live in a wasteland filled with death and dry and radiation.
When I came to my senses I quickly drank a water and a soda from my bag and ate a couple candy bars to hopefully tide me over til I could find something else. I went back into the office and left a bunch of shit to charge on the roof for when the sun started to come up. I thought the aisle that said furniture might have something soft, but nooo it was all build it yourself tightly packaged shelves and desks and shit. So I grabbed the rest of the blankets from where I got my makeshift poncho, made a bed with those and a few cardboard boxes, which I crushed the second I tried to lay on them, decided I was too lazy to fix it and went to sleep. Figured I’d just get up early the following day to beat the midday heat. I had honestly expected to try and sleep through to the next day.
Unfortunately my alarm went off and… I don’t have an alarm clock. I sat up right quick, the high pitched shrill beeping piercing my ears with its annoying chirp despite its distance, but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from. I’d been asleep for maybe an hour or two but apparently that was enough to get me groggy and turned around. After a few moments of stumbling around in the crushed boxes of my makeshift bed, I started following where it seemed like the sound was coming from. Deeper into the office portion of the building, where I hadn’t gone for fear of death from boredom and desk jobs, I walked in on oh my LORD what is that smell?
I walked in on a corpse is what I did. Sitting all leaned back in a reclining chair was the remains of an old ghoul. Which is a weird thing to say cuz it’s almost like saying “I found the remains of some remains”. Anyways the old guy was just sitting there rotting away, but his goddamn alarm clock was going off. The Display was blinking 7:02am and the chirping was still going. I probably hadn’t heard it the day before cuz I was on the roof. I hit the damn thing hard, with half a mind to throw it across the room, but I was too lazy and tired and groggy to do that so I covered my nose with my poncho and stared to see if there was any good loot. An old rifle, unicorn stylized of course so no use to me. That alarm clock seemed solar powered, so I grabbed that just in case it was useful down the line. He had apparently died while playing a violin. Guess there’s some class to that, other than seeing the poor instrument rotting in his dead grip. My brother probably would’ve said one of his prayers or something. I just set the instrument aside on the desk, it’d stay together longer there than in a rotting grip, right? There’s some dignity in that or something. Other than that the grizzly ghoul had nothing of interest around him except for a shiny set of keys hanging from his waist.
I had no intention of touching him so I took the clock and went back to my bed and god damn I was too awake to fall asleep now. I flopped back onto the bed thinking I could just ignore my alertness and pass out again, but no, now I was conscious enough to realize how uncomfortable my broken box bed was. I kicked the edge of it as punishment for being uncomfortable and groaned as I lifted myself up and decided that maybe I should get ready for the day. I gathered my things, the rolled tent, rolled a blanket around that, and then made sure my saddlebags still had everything. I went up to the roof and folded up the portable solar panels, and put all the games I’d selected into my saddle bag, which was like 6 or 7, luckily they were small and came with a little carrying pouch. Thankfully my fancy new saddlebags, which had been looted from the camping goods aisle, were now more comfortable and surprisingly utilitarian, with pockets and organization galore. I was also pleasantly surprised at how light everything felt, either because it wasn’t heavy on its own or perhaps my many days in the hard wastes were finally making me tougher.
I grinned at the thought, flexed a little bit for my own vanity, and started to leave. I glanced out to see the sun hovering a few hooves over the horizon, some shadows cast by the hills but those majestic mountains suddenly looked both more intimidating and… what’s the word? Pretty? Yeah pretty, they looked pretty, I guess, and now I kinda wanted to see them up closer now.
This place didn’t seem to have the fallout damaged weather of most of the wastelands, and part of me wondered if it was its own waste prewar, and not enough to merit its own Megaspells. If that’s the case, what once was undesirable country might have become one of the nicest places around. There’s probably irony or something at play there, but I was too groggy to really appreciate it, let alone the sunlit mountains. I set out in the opposite direction I’d come from, following the old and broken road towards the mountains yet again. And now that I think about it, it’s kind of nice at this time. It’s quiet except for some noisy bugs and the wind, the ground isn’t hot yet, in fact it’s almost nice and cool, but the sun coming up warms my face just right. As I walked down the road, anyone who saw me might have mistaken me for a regular run of the mill “just another mare” kind of pony livin in the wastes, but boy would they be surprised if they could see me at almost any other time.
That stop at the Warehouse was probably just what I needed to refresh before venturing out again into this godawful wasteland. From the roof I had seen another building in the distance, and once again there was that dim hope that maybe this one had more sweet loot or something. As I got closer though I could see that this one was in ruins, half the building was just collapsed in on itself so I figured I’d just trot on through and have a glance at it. Probably nothing good with the building wrecked like that.
After about 5 minutes wandering through this place it had officially reached “Dump” status. Everything was wrecked or swiped. It looked like a hurricane or something had gone through it. I found an ironing board that was mostly intact. I didn’t really question why it was there, but seeing that it was on top of a mountain of scrap how could I resist? I hopped on and with a good kick I was sliding down the heap at a good pace, bits and pieces flying in my wake. I bumped to a stop at the bottom and realized that there were suddenly ponies here. I quickly thought of the best thing to say to the new faces that had all turned to look at me. “Sup.”
Author's Note
And so begins the Adventure of a certain Mare in the Wastelands far North of San Palomino.
This story revolves around a dear friends OC, who has their own story here on FiMFiction. But they would never post anything NSFW, so I will. My Hero shall therefore remain Nameless to protect the innocent, but to those of you who can guess who it is, good for you. ;D
