Failed Expectations

by FiddlesticksThePony

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Random, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1799

Not all is as it seems.

Spike is at the threshold of puberty. Not yet an adult, but not quite a child. So it goes to say that Spike is well informed about the birds and the bee and various other adult activities. But one day Spike is tasked with a duty that will forever question his innocence.

Published 2012-07-18 11:04:06 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-18 11:04:06 UTC

Let The Confusion Begin

The sun was shining, the birds were singing and Pinkie Pie is off causing chaos in a hopefully unpopulated area, just your typical uneventful day in Ponyville. Back at Ponyville’s premier library Spike had just finished building what he believed to be the world's largest house of cards; standing at a little over two feet it was quite the impressive feat. Seeing as how your average pony lacks the hands, dexterity, and time to even construct a house of cards Spike may have been correct, but all good things must come to an end. Without warning, a sudden gust of wind from an open window utterly destroys Spike’s elaborately designed house of cards, scattering its remnants across the room.

For some odd reason, Spike is seemingly unfazed at the destruction of his work. Hours of painstaking labor destroyed in an instant, and not even a single hint of anger could be seen on Spike’s face.

“I’m so bucking bored!” Spike bellowed to no pony in particular as he slammed both his tiny purple fist onto the desk in front of him.

“Keep it down Spike, we’re in a library!” Twilight responded from some mysterious corner of the library.

Spike began to flail around his limbs, an act befitting for a dragon of his age. “But Twilight, I’m so bored and there’s nothing to do.”

“If you’re so bored help me out over here,” Twilight suggested.

Intrigued by the possibility of alleviating his boredom with yet another mundane task, Spike raced toward the source of Twilight’s chocolaty voice with the speed of ketchup sliding on a rough surface. Strangely enough, the closer Spike made it to Twilight’s harmonious voice the less familiar his surroundings became, leaving him visibly confused. Upon reaching the end of the labyrinth, Spike was greeted by a familiar lavender mare standing guard before a door he’s never seen before.

“Twilight, we’ve lived in this tree for a good two seasons. I’m pretty sure I know this place like the back of my hand, so when exactly did this house grow another extension?”

Even after hearing Spike’s shocking observation Twilight still maintained a noticeably unsurprised expression on her face. “In reality the answer is extremely simple,” Twilight replied still maintaining the same blank expression.“The author just merely lacks the creative capacity to come up with a better location.”

“Okay. . ., that still doesn’t answer my question, but forget it. Now tell me Twilight, what exactly do you need me to do?”

Twilight pointed a hoof at the door that stood behind her. “Spike, all I need you to do is stand guard in front of this door and don’t horse around. I have some business to attend to in the archives, so if you need me I’ll be alphabetizing the records out back,” Twilight said before quickly leaving to attend to her books.

Once again, Spike was left in the company of himself with nothing but boredom and his growing curiosity. If it needs to be guarded then it must be important. Spike eagerly inched himself toward the door in hopes of alleviating his boredom and satisfying his growing curiosity. What harm could be done in having a little peek? Spike slowly proceeded to open the door only to be stopped by loud yelling that could probably be heard throughout the whole tree.

“Damn it, you’re putting it in the wrong hole again!” exclaimed a mysterious voice from behind the door.

“I’m sorry, but this is the first time I’ve ever done anything like this.”

At this point, endless possibilities rushed through Spike’s prepubescent brain; all of which ended in one logical outcome. Sure enough, Spike at the threshold of puberty has read countless “books” pertaining to the matter. But what were the chances, there was no way in Tartarus that those ponies could be doing such an unspeakable act right before him. Simply playing off the incident as just another instance of his ears playing tricks on him, Spike continued his painstakingly boring task of guarding a strange door with doubt rooted deep in his mind.

“It may be your first time, but you have to be gentler. You don’t want it to break do you?”

Not even two minutes have passed since the last incident and now this? All his doubt was now wiped away, and instead replaced with a plethora of hormones. Spike began to sweat profusely. Did Twilight know what was happening in this very room? Better yet, what purpose did this room serve? It must be one big misunderstanding, tons of activities involved inserting objects into holes.

Out of nowhere, the door slammed open beside him; derailing Spike’s train of thought. Out walked two mares drenched in sweat with wide smiles across their faces. “Well that was fun; we should do this more often,” said one of the mares as they strolled out of his sight. Spike now had irrefutable evidence before him; little doubt remained, but he would still need physical evidence in order to confirm his suspicions.

Unfortunately, due to distractions Spike was unable to stop the door from slamming shut in his face. If by any chance the ponies inside were actually doing the deed, it would be a terrible idea to just stroll on in. But wait, this is his home; he had every right to open that door, so what was stopping him? With renewed vigor, Spike boldly approached the door only to be stopped at the mention of his own name.

“Spike, good news it seems my number one assistant has already alphabetized and dusted all the records in the archives already.”

Under normal circumstances, Spike would be basking in this praise, but far more important matters were at hand at the moment. “Thank Celestia, you’re finally here Twilight.” Spike exclaimed, hoping to finally get some answers. “I keep hearing these weird noises coming out of that door, and just a moment ago two mares came out all sweaty and smiling. What the Tartarus is going on?”

“Calm down Spike, I’d be surprised if none of those things happened with all the chaos going on in there,” Twilight replied, giving Spike a reassuring pat on the back.

“Wait, you actually know what’s going on in there? Please tell me Twilight, I’m begging you,” Spike pleaded with what little sanity he had left.

“I would tell you, but you’re too old to be interested in these sorts of things. I’ll take care of this door, so go play outside or something Spike.”

Without so much as an answer, Spike headed outside in hopes of doing a little investigating of his own. Making his way around to the back of the tree, which has gotten considerably bigger, Spike had a perfect view of inside the accursed room through its various windows. Unfortunately, Spike’s perfect view was obscured by inconveniently placed, tastefully decorated, sheets of colorful fabric. With his plans apparently foiled, Spike began to head back to his tainted home with his head hung low; only to be stopped by a high pitched buzz coming from inside the room.

Spike quickly turned around and mashed his face into a window in hopes of overhearing some clues on what the buck the ponies inside may be doing. The buzz continued, but only in short bursts of differing lengths. Usually, the mysterious buzzing was followed by loud grunting, but on rare occasions the usual grunting and buzzing was instead replaced by festive cheering.

Spike had finally heard enough. The weird noises, the sweaty mares, the activities involving inserting objects into holes, and Twilight keeping secrets; it all finally made sense now, Twilight must be running some sort of love shack in the library. In the name of all that is colorful and decent, she must be stopped. With the speed of somepony with nothing better to do, Spike raced off into the house tree. Making his way to the mysterious room, Spike halted his advance at the sight of two young colts eagerly awaiting their turns to be let inside the mysterious room.

“TWILIGHT, YOU MONSTER!” Spike bellowed at the top of his lungs. “I was going to kindly ask you to put a stop to all this nonsense, but letting children into this place of ill repute. Now that’s taking it too far.”

Twilight gasped at the sudden accusation, but slowly Twilight recovered from the initial shock and broke out into hearty laughter. “Spike this is all just one big misunderstanding. I’m not running some kind of love shack, here take a look.”

With one mighty push, Twilight swung wide the door finally exposing the contents of the mysterious room. Inside the accursed room lay a single table surrounded by a dozen or more ponies. Upon closer inspection, what seemed to be a simple anatomical chart of a pony with a bright red muzzle and several cavities filled with small white plastic pieces, lined with metal, lay on the table. Suddenly, loud buzzing erupted from the table followed by a short pause which ended in festive cheering. Apparently, another more skilled pony successfully extracted a piece without utterly failing and setting off the buzz.

“Spike, all this time they were simply playing a friendly game of Operation,” Twilight disclosed as she gave out another hearty laugh.

“But the sweaty mares, the weird noises, and the things with the objects and the holes.”

“All just a game of Operation. These games can get pretty intense you know,” Twilight replied.

“But I still have so many questions,” Spike said as he gave Twilight a pleading look. “How exactly do ponies even play Operation with hooves? Who the Tartarus is Milton Bradley and wh-”

“Magic.”

Spike face palmed at the universal explanation. “Just forget it, if anyone needs me I’ll be squeezing a bag of lemons into my eyes over at Rarity’s place,” Spike said as he stormed out of sight.

Surprisingly, the two young colts still awaited patiently in line for their turn to play Operation. “Can we come inside now?” asked one of the eager young colts with a smile that could melt the coldest of hearts.

“Of course, now come take a seat,” said Twilight as she ushered in the two eager colts.

With no explanation what so ever, out popped Pinkie Pie covered in various breakfast cereals from a hidden trap door. “WHO’S READY TO PARTY!” Pinkie Pie announced as she made her grand entrance.

“Pinkie, wrong party!” Twilight barked, her face dyed a deep crimson.

With great disappointment, Pinkie quickly jumped down the mysterious trapdoor; disappearing as quickly as she appeared.

“Well that's over with,” Twilight said as she made her way over to the table with a twenty sided die in tow. “Now who wants to go first?”

The End