The Relapse

I didn’t actually have anywhere to be except at Twilight’s castle for when Celestia and Luna showed up, but I still needed some time to myself. Still wandering around, I eventually found myself at a familiar place on the outskirts of town: my little shack I built when I first showed up here. Right on the border of the Everfree Forest sat my rickety wooden hut that I spent my first few months in Equestria in; my first fortress of solitude.

I swung the door open and watched it fall off the hinges before stepping inside and looking around. It was just like I left it: a shoddy hay bed that’s become moldy and disgusting, a single cup with a toothbrush in it that’s also become moldy and gross; I felt right at home. Kneeling and sitting down on the damp pile of old hay, I relaxed slightly as I leaned back against a warped wall and remembered that short transition period.

It was easy, easier than my life’s been recently. I didn’t have to worry about friends, family, employees, possible love interests, just what time I was meeting what pony for whatever amount of money. It was easy alright, but… Right in the middle of my remembering, I heard a small knock. Turning towards the door, I found Princess Twilight standing in it.

“…May I come in?”

“…Sure,” I answered and she slowly trotted in and sat next to me. We sat quietly for a long while; me not thinking about anything while she most likely thought about everything. A few times during that silence, a squeak would come from her as she tried to talk, but gave up as she thought more about what she was going to say. Eventually, she let out a sigh heavy enough to make me think she was the one going through an existential crisis.

“…I’m sorry,” she eventually said, “I am so sorry, Comet.” I thought I was content with just sitting in silence, but my inner therapist wouldn’t let it go.

“…For what?”

“I’m sorry for… I’m sorry for ruining the life you just started to enjoy,” she sniffled sadly “…I’m sorry for having to make you think about things nopony wants to think about. I’m sorry for forcing you to have to see things nopony should have to see. I’m sorry for forcing you to inevitably feel pain nopony should have to feel.” Looking over at the princess, I could see the tears streaming down her face.

“I-I’m sorry, for making somepony else feel the pain the princesses and I have to feel… I’m sorry you have to watch everypony you care about die before you and live with that pain… I’m sorry Comet, I’m so sorry.” By this point Twilight was sobbing, unable to keep the feelings that we share to herself, and I wasn’t able to either. Wrapping an arm around her, I pulled her into my lap for a hug, muffling her sobs as I rubbed her back thoughtfully.

I don’t know why I didn’t think about it before this; Celestia and Luna have been going through this for more than 300 years, and just like me, Twilight will have to go through the same things for the first time. The girls, her other friends in town, her brother, her parents; she’ll have more to lose than me with my few first friends and loves. God, I’m such a fucking baby and forgot the one most important thing in life: someone else always has it worse than you.

“B-but,” she eventually started back up after calming down, “even though I feel terrible for making you go through it too, I-I feel a little better knowing you’ll be there with me.”

“…What makes you say that?” I asked, “We’re not even friends.”

“I might not be your friend, but I know, deep down, you truly are my friend,” she sniffled as she nuzzled my neck.

“…Even after all I said to you and your friends?”

“We forgave you for that immediately and, admittedly, learned some things too,” she answered, making the hold I had on her tighten, “good friends tell each other the truth, even if it is a little painful.”

“…I guess you really are the Princess of Friendship,” I chuckled lightly as I felt a tear fall, “I… I’m just scared, Twilight. For the first time since I was a kid, I’m actually scared. I’m scared about losing the first friends I’ve ever had; I’m scared of losing the love I haven’t fully experienced, which makes me not want to experience it at all. I’m scared that after I’ve finally gotten what I’ve wanted for so long, it’ll go away and I’ll go back to being alone. I… I honestly don’t think I can go through a whole lifetime of that again.” She giggles lightly at this.

“W-what?”

“Oh nothing,” she sniffled, “it’s just that this is the first time you’ve opened up to me and I actually have some advice that Celestia gave me when I initially went through this.”

“Oh yeah?”

“She said that no matter what, watching a friend or loved one pass is painful, but that pain is proof that you truly cared for them and knowing them was worth the while. Nopony can ever replace them in your heart, but just remembering them from time to time and continuing to live your life while making new friends and loves, is enough for them. That’s all they would want.”

“…That does sound like something Celestia would say.”

“That’s because I did say that,” a certain motherly voice spoke up. Turning towards the door, Twilight and I found both princesses standing at it with sad smiles.

“May we come in?” Luna asked.

“Not much more room, but sure,” I replied and the two made themselves comfortable on either side of me, both wrapping a wing around my shoulders.

“Are you poking fun at our size, Comet?” Luna asked as she rested her head on my shoulder.

“It’s good to see you too.”

“How are you feeling?” Celestia asked as she looked me over, “Besides the scar of course.”

“I feel like I could live for a few hundred years,” I joked, making Twilight moan sadly, “but I should be alright. Twilight was being a real friend and helped me get over it.”

“Oh?” Luna said as her and her sister shared a look, “So you do not have a problem spending a few hundred more years with us?”

“…Well, now that you mention it-”

“But if you’re really alright, I believe there are two mares that are not,” Celestia said.

“Ah, right,” I sighed as I petted Twilight thoughtfully, “I don’t know what to say to them though, especially Dew Star. She’s probably still mad about me and Selene.” The two princesses giggled at this.

“What?”

“It’s just like she said, isn’t it Lulu?” Celestia asked her sister, ignoring me.

“Yes, but we already knew how dense stallions are,” she replied with a dismissive shake of her head.

“…Excuse me?”

“Let’s head back to the castle Comet,” Celestia said as she and Luna stood back up, “it seems Twilight could use some rest.” Looking down in my arms, I found Twilight sleeping and lightly snoring with a look of relief on her face. She must have been worrying about how I’d react the whole time I was asleep; guess I’ll have to make it up to her at some point.

“And do not worry about how those two will react,” Luna advised as I stood up, cradling Twilight in my arms, “you know them both the best, so you should know they would not react negatively to whatever you say. Just be honest like you normally are and things will fine.”

“I hope you’re right,” I replied as I followed the two out of the shack, “because even I’m not too sure about what I’ve got in mind.” With my royal escort in tow, I headed back to Twilight’s castle as I thought about the best way to say what I needed to. Making it back with the least amount of commotion from the locals, I escorted the sleeping princess to her room before heading back to mine with the sister still following me.

“…You two need something?” I asked them when I stopped with my hand on the doorknob.

“Oh, uh,” Celestia muttered as she and Luna looked at each other before flashing me a nervous smile, “we’ll be out here if you need us.”

“Alright,” I replied as I started to turn the knob.

“Yes, and remember to be as clear as possible,” Luna added, making me stop, “and gentle as possible if necessary.”

“Of course,” I said as I focused back on the door.

“A-and if they don’t like whatever you tell them, we’re here for you,” Celestia reminded as her magic spun me around and straightened out my shirt.

“Yeah, I know,” I said as I tried to shake her off.

“Also-”

“Would you two relax?” I said as I caught the hoof Luna was reaching out to my face, “You’re more nervous than I am.” The two chuckled nervously.

“We’re just worried,” Celestia sighed.

“It’ll be fine,” I said as I rubbed her cheek and squeezed Luna’s hoof, “you two said so. Now, just give me a minute.”

“We did, didn’t we?” Celestia replied as she nuzzled my hand, “Like I said, we’ll be here.” With that I turned and faced the door, more or less ready to confront the two women’s feelings for me and mine for them. I’d never been so nervous before, so I guess I was doing something right.