The Relapse

I woke up this Sunday morning with a strange feeling in my gut. Maybe it was something I ate the night before, or maybe having Luna visit me in my dreams does have a negative effect on me. Either way, I knew I was in for more something today. I slowly got out of bed and went through my usual morning routine minus breakfast. The princesses invited me over for brunch today since it had been a while since we’d last seen each other. I normally would have declined and enjoyed sleeping in, but the princesses somehow found out my weakness to breakfast foods, and I was only further persuaded by the fact that they have access to some of the best chefs in the country. By the time I was dressed and opening the door, I found my way blocked by a familiar mare.

“Wow, I’m surprised you’re up already. You ready?” Beth asked.

“Yep,” I answered as I locked my door, “is Dew Star coming?”

“O-of course,” said pony answered from behind Beth.

“Great, let’s go. A pile of pancakes and discussion about something I don’t want to talk about awaits.” Leading the two out of the apartment building, we took our time weaving through the recently refurbished streets of my neighborhood. Since I didn’t take up the princesses’ offer to move into the castle with them, they saw it necessary to fix up the streets and overall look of the former ghetto around my place. It was nice not having to smell trash and the rotting of something dead anytime I stepped out and having the weather actually match its schedule, but it made me concerned for the other neighborhoods in the same condition and what they might think. Luna eased my worries when she told me how an organization was created to take care of all of that and that she was overseeing it personally. Apparently it’s that easy to fix impoverished areas.

“You know,” Beth spoke up when we were a few minutes from the castle, “if you just show the princesses you’re open to the idea of maybe possibly having a special somepony, they might leave you alone.”

“That, or they could start introducing me to creatures and forcing me to go on dates,” I offered.

“Yeah, but would they really do that?”

“…”

“I-I don’t think so,” Dew Star commented.

“Everything else you’ve tried hasn’t gotten them to lay off you, so why not try this if you hate it so much?” She had a point. I’ve been fighting them on this for a while now and when I usually just give in with them, they back off and things seem to work out. My new office and employees are an example of this; instead of simply letting me put up flyers for the job and going through the whole hiring process myself, I let them do all of the recruiting and initial interviews. It admittedly was probably faster than my plan and managed to get probably the most qualified of creatures for the job, but they won’t hear me say that.

“…You might be right. Thanks Beth,” I said as I gave her ears a quick scratch, “but if this backfires, I’ll be taking that thanks back.”

“No problem,” she replied with a smile as we climbed the steps up to the castle doors. After navigating a few long and empty hallways, we found ourselves walking into a large dinning room with most of the space taken up by a giant oak table covered in food on the farside where the princesses sat. Making the long and awkward walk over to them, the second I saw Celestia’s eyes I knew what was on her mind; her usual motherly smile not hiding her true intent well enough from me.

“You’ve finally made it,” she greeted as she and her sister rose from their seats for hugs, “I was starting to think you wouldn’t come after all.”

“And miss out on this great food?” I replied as I hugged her, but felt a small jab in the back of my leg, “…I also missed you both.”

“And we obviously missed you as well, Comet,” Luna said as she hugged me after her sister, “I must again ask you to rethink living with us. Seeing you in your dreams is not the same as seeing you in pony-er, person.”

“At least you see him somewhat regularly, Luna,” Celestia said with a slightly peeved look on her face as we sat down, “this is the first time I’ve seen him since I dropped by the office the other week.”

“And you remember what I told you after that day, right?” I asked the solar princess firmly as I sat in between her and Luna at the head of the table.

“Yes; I’m not to go to the office unless requested by you or your employees,” she sighed as she looked at her hooves dejectedly.

“I know you just wanted to surprise me, but I think our clients were a little more surprised than I was.”

“I understand.”

“Great,” I said as I patted her on the shoulder, “now, let’s eat.” Not wasting a second, I reached out towards the plethora of food and took some of the bacon in front of me. For whatever reason, the chefs here at the castle make better bacon than I do at my own place so I always make sure to savor it despite there being more than enough for me and me being the only one to eat it. I somehow managed to get Dew Star to try some once, but she made me promise to not tell anyone; must be one of those cultural things.

“So, how have things been, Comet?” Celestia asked as she sipped on some tea.

“Business is good like usual,” I said as I fished a folder out of the inside of my jacket and her magic took hold of it, “that new griffon you sent me is doing surprisingly well despite the fact that she can’t talk.”

“There’s a difference between can’t talk, and won’t talk,” Beth spoke up.

“Oh, so why doesn’t she talk?”

“Did you read the file the princess gave you?” Beth asked, making me steal a glance at Celestia on my right who seemed to be absorbed in the papers I brought, “I’m pretty sure I told you to read it a few times.”

“Well, you know me; I’m more of a hands-on kind of person. I prefer actually talking to ponies myself to judge who they are.”

“What’s this?!” Luna interrupted with playful surprise, “You actually enjoy speaking with others?!”

“I said ‘prefer,’” I enunciated, “I’m still working on enjoying it. Anyway, talking with, or at her, didn’t tell me anything.”

“I suppose you need to read the file then,” Celestia poked.

“Yeah, yeah; I’ll get right on that, ‘Mom.’ Anyway, how are you two doing?”

“Ah ah ah, I’m not finished yet,” Celestia said, flashing me an all-knowing smirk, “have any important mares come into your life? Or stallions?”

“No,” I sighed dramatically, “you two are the most important mares in my life.” I don’t think I’ve tried flattery in a while.

“As sweet as that is Comet, as your family we can’t satisfy some of your needs in the way that a special somepony can.”

“Well, what if I don’t have an needs that need satisfying? Maybe just having a family and friends is all I deserve.”

“Comet,” Celestia said seriously, making me look her in the eyes and see the seriousness mixed with concern, “there is nothing you don’t deserve and I will do everything in my power to make sure you’re as happy as possible.” …That’s right; I forgot. I’m supposed to be focusing on my own happiness for once instead of tossing it to the side in favor of others’. The princesses have already done so much to prove that they genuinely love like one of their own already, so I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have them help me out with another thing.

“…Alright, I give,” I sighed as I leaned back in my seat, “I’ll keep an open mind. Just be ready when this doesn’t turn out to be the best idea.”

“Splendid!” Luna exclaimed with a clap of her hooves, “Then would you mind if we sent possible candidates your way?”

“Candidates? Already sounds like you’re trying to get me married, but sure.”

“Great! Then how about De-” the princess started to say before a banana was shoved into her mouth and down her throat by an unknown force.

“Oh shit,” I muttered as I quickly helped her spit the phallic-shaped fruit out, “the hell was that?”

“Ignore her outburst, Comet,” Celestia said as her sister regained her breath and wiped the spittle from her chin, “we’ll let you know when we have somepony in mind.”

“…Okay,” I replied as I sat back down and leaned over to whisper to Luna, “you alright?”

“Yes, thank you,” she said as she flashed me a thankful smile before giving her sister a death gaze, “this isn’t the first time I’ve had something shoved into my mouth.” My face went blank as I scanned my friends’ faces for any reaction to the possible innuendo, and their faces were a lot more vocal than mine. The rest of the brunch went smooth enough with a little room for a few more jokes and jabs at the princesses and I’s expense, but Beth and Dew Star seemed to enjoy themselves, so I didn’t care. Eventually, all of the food was eaten and the sisters saw out the three of us.

“Do come by more often, or at least let us visit you,” Luna said as we hugged.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“And if you ever need anything, don’t-”

“Don’t hesitate to let you know. Yes, I got it,” I said exasperatedly as I turned to leave, “see you two later.”

“We love you, Celestial Comet,” the two said in unison making me freeze. Slowly turning back around, I faced the two with what I’m sure was a noticeable heat on my cheeks and mustered the strength to reply.

“I… I love you too,” I said quickly before turning back around and marching down the stairs with my two friends in tow.

“Aw, the princesses wuv you!” Beth teased as we walked.

“Yeah, well you’re parents love you,” I countered oh-so cleverly.

“I know, but I wished the princesses love me too!” she continued as she jumped onto and clung to my back, whispering annoying somethings into my ear.

“Alright, thanks,” I said as I detached her from me, “I’ve already had enough of you and thankfully, I’ve got stuff to do so I’ll see you two later.”

“W-where are you going?”

“To the office to get some stuff. I’ll see you at dinner,” I answered as I started to leave.

“Oh, so I don’t get any goodbyes?” Beth asked.

“Goodbye,” I replied along with a wave without turning around and leaving the two around a corner. About fifteen minutes later, I was at my office in downtown Canterlot and was riding the magic elevator up to my floor. Walking right through the reception area, I made a beeline for my office and found the files I needed right on my desk. Selene: the most normal name I’ve seen since I’ve been here was written above the picture of a female griffon on the front of the folder. The newest addition to my small team of now certified practitioners and the only creature I’ve seen that speaks less than I do, which automatically made her my favorite employee even if she’s only been here a few days. Looking over the file, I found the reason behind her silence; as a child, her family had a brutal encounter with a crazed Minotaur while on vacation and she was forced to watch them die as she hid in silence. The Minotaur got away but was later found dead; apparently griffon flesh is poisonous and the Minotaur found that out the easy way when he ate them for whatever reason.

So because of all that pain she endured, she’s sworn herself to silence, but still has a desire to help others. I chuckled lightly at the small thought that entered my mind: she’s kind of like me. Shaking the thought from my already occupied mind, I turned to head out of my office but quickly stopped when I found the griffon whose life story I held in my hands laying on my chaise lounge with her golden eyes fixed on me. I either missed her when I rushed in or she slipped in when I was absorbed with my reading. Either way, despite the light browns of her furry body and blonde feathery head, I somehow didn’t notice her; I’m starting to become a little too complacent for my liking.

“Oh, hey Selene,” I greeted and she simply nodded as she got up from her spot, “don’t leave on my account; I know how comfortable that thing is.” She smiled lightly as she lay back down and I walked up next to her.

“Are you liking it here so far?” she nodded with a content smile, “Good, wouldn’t want my employees uncomfortable. None of the others are giving you a hard time, are they?” She put a talon to her chin in thought for a second before sitting up straight, then slouching and miming filing her nails as a bored expression sat on her face.

“…Candy?” I asked after a moment of thought and she replied with an enthusiastic nod, “Ah, I can see that, but you’re just going to have to tolerate it.” Selene’s head tilted to the side as a brow rose in question.

“Between you and me,” I whispered as I kneeled down to her, making her lean closer to me, “she annoys me too; I only hired her as a favor to a friend. She hasn’t messed anything up yet, so I can’t fire her yet but if she does, let me know.” Selene sat up straight once again and nodded confidently as I stood back up.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing; I just came to get this,” I said, flashing her the folder with her face on it, making her tilt her head and raise a brow again, “Why do I have this? Well since you can’t-er, don’t talk, I figured I’d read up about you.” She flashed me a ‘oh really’ look in response.

“And I mean that in the most non-creepy and strictly professional way,” I said unconvincingly, making the raised brow on her unconvinced face rise higher, “I swear.” She held the look for a few more seconds before silently giggling and flashing me a friendly smile that I for whatever reason felt the need to return.

“See you tomorrow,” I said as I opened the door to my office. She simply held her smile as she waved and I left her to her devices in my office. I just hope she wasn’t doing anything to that chair. I love that thing.