A loud chime interrupted Scootaloo from a pleasant dream where everypony was Rainbow Dash. Smashing her hoof down on the snooze button, she rubbed her eyes and glanced at her very old fashioned clock on the bedside table to find it was 7:00 in the morning.
“Why the hay did I set my alarm on a Saturday?” Scootaloo pondered to herself. Shrugging it off and deciding she might as well get up since she was already awake, Scootaloo dragged herself out of bed and made her way to the loo. After taking care of business she approached the mirror and set about brushing her mane. Her large purple eyes stared back at her through the reflective surface, her eyes were baggy from sleeyness, her teeth a brilliant shade of white that was the love of her dentist life, her raggy purple mustache growing out of her nostrils………………
“What the hay?” Scootaloo did a double take shocked. She reached up a hoof to her face and stroked her newly formed facial hair, it felt rough and wirely and made her look like she was part of some Barber shop quartet. Scootaloo shook her head hoping to lodge it off, but to no avail. Next she reached back up with her fore hoof and attempted to pull it off, only to be met with a world of pain and agony. “Ouch!” she exclaimed rubbing her upper lip. Completely at a loss, Scootaloo did the one thing any pony of her age and coolness would do.
“MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMY!!!!” Scootaloo raced down the stairs wailing. She reached the kitchen where her parents were already having breakfast and getting ready for the day. Her mother immediately upon hearing her daughters cries of anguish whipped around concerned.
“Scootaloo dear what’s wro………. What is that on your face?” Scootaloo’s mother reached down and touched Scootaloo’s mustache. “Is that a………...Mustache?”
“I don’t know!” Scootaloo sniffed “I woke up with it on my face and I can’t get it off!”
“Were you and your friends messing with potion’s again?” her mother asked sternly.
“No, we haven’t done that since the Love Poison accident!”
“Then how in Equestria did you get a mustache? What were you and your friends doing yesterday?”
Scootaloo thought back for a moment “Well first we went to school, we played tag with Twist, Pipsqueak and Featherweight, then we went to the club house to hang out.”
“Anything else?”
“We went to visit Zecora in the Everfree Forest!” Scootaloo nodded.
Her mother gave her a stern look “Scootaloo haven’t we told you NOT to go inside that forest?”
“We were just going to visit Zecora!” Scootaloo repeated “And Apple Bloom knows a safe path straight there and back. It’s protected from monsters by magic.”
Her mother shook her head in dismay “I still don’t think that forest is anyplace for a young filly to be, but we will talk more about this later. For now, let’s just focus on getting rid of that mustache!” She lit up her horn and took out a small pair of scissors from one of the cupboards motioning for Scootaloo to hop up to the sink. Scootaloo complied and her mother made quick work of snipping off the offending mustache until she was completely facial hair free. “There, that should do it!”
Scootaloo ran a fore hoof around her now Mustache free face “Thanks mom, good think you’re a Barber for a living!”
“I prefer the term Mane Stylist dear, but thanks” her mother smiled back at her.
“Anyway I’m hungry, do we still have any Cocoa Peb…….” Scootaloo was interrupted by a sudden itchy feeling in her nose, followed by a swoop sound as her purple mustache returned with vengeance.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHGH!!!!” Scootaloo and her mother screamed in union.
“What the hay is going on here?” Scootaloo screamed pulling at her mustache again.
“I….I’ve never seen anything like this…….” her mother stammered. She then rounded on the Stallion still sitting on the table reading his paper, completely ignorant of the panicking mare and filly in front of him. “WOULD YOU STOP READING THAT STUPID PAPER AND HELP US OUT HERE? YOUR DAUGHTER IS GOING THROUGH AN EXTENSIVE CRISIS OVER HERE!!!”
The stallion in question put down his paper and gave his wife a withering look before turning his daughter. “And what is the matter with her?”
“GEE I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE IT’S THE HAIRY MUSTACHE GROWING OUT OF HER NOSE? YOU KNOW RIGHT ON HER FACE? IN FRONT OF YOU? WOULD IT HELP IF I POINT?” Scootaloo’s’ mother angrily thrusted a fore hoof toward her mustache nearly clobbering her in the face.
The stallion stared at his daughter with an air of indifference. “I still don’t see what’s the problem?”
Scootaloo’s mother looked as if she was about to blow a fuse. “THIS IS NO TIME TO BE STUPID!
“Honey it’s just a perfectly normal stage of puberty, it’s nothing to overreact about.”
“SHE’S A GIRL YOU @#$% RETARD!!!”
Scootaloo’s father looked puzzled. “Are you sure?”
“YES I’M SURE, SHE HAS A F$%^ VAG$%^&A!!!”
Scootaloo’s father cocked his head “Does she really?”
Scootaloo’s mother’s right eyes twitched dangerously. Her lips curled into a maniacal grin as her horn ignited with green aura. However, on second thought as much as she wanted to, blowing up her husband unto a million pieces all across Equestria was probably not a good idea in front of her daughter. She took a deep breath and turned to face the young filly with a re-assuring smile. “Honey I’m sorry your father is such a waste of space. Why don’t you go down to Princess Twilight’s castle and see if she can figure out what’s going on, more importantly how to fix it.”
Scootaloo smiled back “Great idea Mom, see ya later! Bye Dad” Scootaloo waved and trotted out the back door. Her mother shook her head and returned to making breakfast while her husband stared at her thoughtfully under her night gown.
“Hey I just realized, you ARE a mare!”
[SMACK} the sound echoed off the walls as Scootaloo’s mother smacked her husband with the frying pan.
“Well I can honestly say I’ve never seen anything like this before!” Twilight pondered as she observed Scootaloo’s new mustache with a perplexed expression. “You say this happened after you woke up this morning?”
“Yes!” Scootaloo replied for the hundredth time that day “You know a spell that can remove it right?”
“Well first I have to figure out how you got it in the first place” Twilight lite her horn levitating several books down to her “If this mustache of yours can’t be simply cut off then I can only assume some type of magic is responsible, and until I figure out what exactly I can’t figure out the cure or counter curse!”
Scootaloo groaned in response “FINE, let’s get to reading so we can figure this out already!”
The two of them began leafing through piles of books, all of which revealed nothing about the mysterious mustache. After three hours of searching they had yet to uncover an answer when Scootaloo’s two best friends and fellow Cutie Mark Crusaders bounded through the door.
“Oh hey there Scootaloo, we thought we might find you here. Howdy Twilight!” Apple Bloom greeted them. Scootaloo only nodded in response not looking up from her book, while Twilight gave them a friendly wave. Curious Apple Bloom trotted up to Scootaloo and peered down at her face.
“Hey Scoot’s, is that a mustache?”
“No, it’s a miniature French Poodle!” Scootaloo replied sarcastically.
“Really? I didn’t know you had a pet Scootaloo?” Sweetie Belle replied obliviously “What’s his name?”
“That was sarcasm Sweetie Belle” Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “It’s a mustache, and if you two don’t mind Twilight and I are kind of a bit busy trying to find a way to get rid of it!”
“Can’t ya just shave it off?” Apple Bloom asked “That’s what mah brother does!”
“My mom already tried cutting it off, it didn’t work!” Scootaloo replied wearily.
“Wait, Big Mac had a mustache once?” Twilight asked peering up from her books.
“Yea, but Applejack and Granny Smith made him shave it off!” Apple Bloom replied “Something about bringing too many mares to the farm!”
Twilight briefly pictured a rugged Big Mac with a mustache bringing a blush to her face, however suddenly remembering the three fillies were still there she shook the image out of her head. “Um…. How nice.” She then turned her attention back to the problem at hoof. “Anyway I’m not finding anything in my books about magical mustaches. You three didn’t happen to mess with any magical artifacts or plant’s yesterday did you?”
“No we spent most the day at school, then hung out at the clubhouse for a while and then visited Zecora at her hut for tea.” Apple Bloom reported.
“And did you perhaps take any plant’s or potions out of her hut you weren’t supposed to?” Twilight asked giving Apple Bloom a stern look.
“NO, ah learned mah lesson after that whole Cutie Pox thing!” Apple Bloom promised.
“And let’s not forget the Love Poison!” Sweetie Belle chimed in earning deadpanned looks from her fellow crusaders.
“Ah’ve been trying to Sweetie Belle” Apple Bloom pulled a face.
“Well something you three did yesterday had to have caused it” Twilight gave Sweetie and Apple Bloom a once over “Although now that I think about it you two don’t seem to be affected by it!”
“SEE, we had NOTHING to do with this!” Apple Bloom exclaimed.
“Well what did you do AFTER you guys got back from Zecora’s?” Twilight asked Scootaloo.
Scootaloo thought back “Well I went home, found my parent’s doing some mating ritual on our dining room table….”
“What’s a mating ritual?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“FORGET THAT, what happened after that Scootaloo?” Twilight interrupted blushing furiously.
“Well my parent’s sent me to my room until dinner was ready, then we had dinner, I played some video games, and I went to bed.”
“Well none of that seems to explain how you got this mustache!” Twilight rubber her chin thoughtfully “Ok you said you three went to visit Zecora, what happened while you were there?”
“Well we helped Zecora make a healing potion for one of Fluttershy’s animals, had some tea, then we left!”
“That really doesn’t explain much either!” Twilight puzzled.
“Hang on, that was just Sweetie and Ah helping her with the potion!” Apple Bloom corrected “You were complaining the fumes were bothering your delicate nose and spent the entire time wandering around Zecora’s hut!”
“It’s a Pegasus thing, you wouldn’t understand!” Scootaloo stuck her nose up in the air.
“Ok well what were you doing while exploring Zecora’s hut?” Twilight asked.
“Well I tried on some of her mask’s, jumped up and down on her bed, found a box full of weird toys under her bed, oh and there was this weird flower on her window sill that smelled really weird.”
“Wait weird flower?” Apple Bloom repeated. “You mean the blue one by her door Zecora specifically asked us NOT to touch?”
“Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe!” Scootaloo sheepishly answered.
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Twilight shared a look.
“Poison Joke!”
The End
