In the land of Ponies

"Um...me? Really?" I asked, utterly confused by the men in black suits in my home. They had marched in without so much as a knock or reason! And when asked what the hell they were doing they said they needed my help...

"Yes, Mr Jacobs, you. We went through many different candidates but you are the only one we can truly trust with this mission," one of the men explained. And I use the term explain loosely. They STILL haven't told me what it is they want from me.

All I got was a lousy 'We are they' excuse.

"Mission my left nut, look, either quit the riddles or get out of my apartment," I demanded. One of them simply smiled, setting his briefcase on my dining room table and flipping it open.

You know those crazy drug deals you see in movies? Where there's a big ol case of money. Yea, imagine that, but at least three times more cash.

"...You have piqued my interest kind sirs," I murmured.

"As you are aware from the news, we've made contact with several other dimensions through rifts recently discovered around the world. We've taken a look into many of them. Not all, but many, and deemed a few safe for travel," the brief case man explained. I simply nodded. Eventually they would get on with it and tell me what they wanted.

"But as these realms are deemed peaceful, we do not wish to send men trained to kill on instinct into these places. And then there is you. Army reserve, never called in for duty, in peak physical condition, a bit lazy, but you maintain yourself, which is honorable considering you have no reason to," he continued.

I admit, it's a little unnerving having someone know so much about me. True, a lot of what he is going on about is just public knowledge, but I KNOW they've been watching me. I mean come on, the Government is ALWAYS watching.

"So you wanna send me into one of these portals? Then what?" I asked, glancing at the pile of money. I was kind of low on funds lately. Playing Mall cop and occasional bodyguard didn't pull in as much cash as it used to.

"Right here, basically down the road, is one of the rifts. It has been stabilized on this side as well as the other side. Thus we've deemed it to contain intelligent life. The creatures there are...strange to say the least, but we are just as strange to them. We've spoken with their leader a few times and she has agreed that we may send an ambassador to live among them

If things go well, we can begin a practice of inter-dimensional travel, an entire new realm of possibilities in trade and a bright future for all."

"Hm, so I go live with a bunch of aliens and don't piss them off....And I get to keep that?" I asked, pointing to the briefcase

"This is the tip of the iceberg, simply to pull your foot into the door. You'll receive a monthly stipend from us as long as you maintain peace and reports from the other side. This is a minimum of four years you must sacrifice," he said, pulling a folded piece of paper out of his coat pocket.

"If you are ready, simply sign here and for the next four years, we will take care of all your monetary problems."

"You see, there's something fishy going on here. I'm not the ONLY guy in the world you could've picked. Whats the real reason?" I demanded, even as I grabbed a pen.

"We fear no one else has the strength of heart to remain in that realm. To be honest, I was the first candidate, but I failed soon after crossing over and had to return," briefcase man chuckled. It was strange, seeing that Men In Black stone face become the face of a normal man. Just what the hell was on the other side?

"I assure you, I enjoyed my time there. I just wasn't the best fit for a place like that. My military senses caused more than a few complications with the locals. But I am sure you'll do fine," he laughed. With a sigh, I signed away the next four years of my life.

"Holy fucking shit..." I mumbled, lifting my shades slightly and squinting at the rift.

"Stargate was right!" I cheered, pumping a fist into the air. The people around me simply shook their heads, double checking their machines and pretending to work. I'm no stranger to Military, I went through Basic after all and I still show up every other week to check in. Still, these guys could cheer up a little.

I mean, come on, how often do you get to stare down a REAL FUCKING STARGATE! I mean sure, it was a weird purple scraggly hole that looked like it'd been scribbled into existence by a toddler. I don't really know what kind of shape it is, it's kind of like a circle but its got all these weird jagged edges on it. I should get a sketch of this...

"Mr Jacobs, wonderful to have you here" Brief case man smiled. I'd recently found out his name was Alan. I like Alan, he's not afraid to show his human side under all that business.

"You do know you can call me Ryan right?" I pointed out. He shrugged, turning his shaded gaze to the rift.

"We still don't fully understand this thing. Their leader claims its magic. On their side of the portal anyway. Her top expert is working together with us to find a scientific side to it," Alan chuckled. I only shrugged, tucking my hands into my pockets.

"So when am I going through? I woke up this morning and my apartment had been totally raided by you guys and some dude was waiting outside my door to drive me here. I haven't even had a chance to eat yet," I whined.

"Dimensional travel does horrors on the stomach. It's best to go in empty and chow down on the other side." Alan explained

"Wait, I'm going NOW?!"

"The sooner the better, don't you think? Their leader has already put together a place for you to stay and you'll be in close proximity of her lead scientist we are working with. All you have to do is simply live your life there and show them that humans mean on harm to them and that we can co-exist," Alan explained, patting my back.

I gulped, staring at the tear in reality. That's what it was! That's the shape, like a giant demon had ripped a hole into the air with its freakishly gigantic disfigured fist. Should write that down...

"Well, no time like the present I always say," a female voice chimed in behind me. I spun and stared as she marched up to us, offering me a smile.

"Uh...Hi, you uh...don't look like a government official," I pointed out. She was dressed in a lime green top that left very little to the imagination, her toned light brown stomach out for the entire world to see. A pair of gray shorts finished off her outfit, along with sneakers straight out of Ash Ketchums' closet.

"Nope, I'm lucky contestant number two. What? Did you think only men could travel to other dimensions? Names Alice," she introduced herself.

"Ryan, right. Only MAN for the job...I should really pay better attention. Soooo, do you have your own place on the other side or what?" I wondered

"Yea, I'm actually a returning resident. Alan was my partner beforehand, poor guy nearly snapped a neck when he got spooked and we had to abort. I hear your house won't be too far away from mine," she giggled.

Damn I'm one lucky son of a bitch. First I get paid to just walk through this giant hole in reality to live on the other side, and now I get to go with this incredibly hot chick?!

There's gotta be a downside somewhere...Nothing is this perfect.

"Well, See ya on the other side partner! Don't panic and remember to breath!" She laughed, tossing off her shades and slipping on a pair of goggles, rushing the portal like a football defensive line with three seconds to go and a hunger for blood.

With a laugh she dove into the portal with all the grace of an Olympic athlete and was gone without a sound.

"Uh...do I need to go in like that?" I asked

"No, Alice just...really enjoyed her time over there. Couldn't wait to go back. Do good out there Ryan, I'd like to go back too ya know," Alan said with a sad smile.

"I'll do my best," I said with a grin, giving him a thumbs up.

"I'M GOING IN!" I yelled, not to be outdone as I rushed up the ramp and did my best impression of a panicking noob playing Dark Souls and rolling into the unknown.

I've never tried drugs, never been on an acid trip. But I imagine its something like jumping into another dimension. I cannot begin to imagine the wealth of colors and...is that blue? I can freaking TASTE BLUE! OH SHIT FALLING

"I guess I should've warned him about the drop. Sorry Princess," Alice chuckled nervously

"Well, he seems alright. And you sure he isn't like the last one Alice? I know Alan didn't mean any harm but..."

"No no, he's not like Alan. Alan's...like your brother in a way Princess. He's spent his whole entire life fighting and protecting others. Pinkie really shouldn't have tried to surprise him. I'm just glad no one was hurt," Alice sighed. I could faintly see a purple blur nodding beside the blur with Alice's voice.

"Important note...all passengers must travel with an airbag," I mumbled weakly, causing both blurs to jump in surprise.

"Oh! He's awake!" the 'Princess' voice exclaimed. Something...warm, surrounded me and I was placed on my feet, my vision slowly returning.

"Oh crap, they didn't give you goggles did they?" Alice realized

"Did I need em? Hell no! I'm fine, just...can't tell whats where just yet. So, where are we?" I asked, my vision slowly coming into focus. The purple blur slowly settled in before me. It was only as tall as my chest, with me being an average 5'7".

"HOLY SHIT ITS A UNICORN!" I gasped, reaching out and gently touching the tip of its horn.

"Actually, I'm an Alicorn, and please don't do that," she explained

"...It talks," I whispered to Alice. She rolled her eyes and cleared her throat.

"I can see they told you nothing. Ryan, this is Princess Twilight Sparkle, Alicorn Princess of Equestria, the realm you now stand in. She's royalty, and the scientist working with Alan and the others to figure out the Rift," Alice explained.

"Uh huh...Equestria...Princess...hm...So the aliens are horse people?" I asked

"Well to be fair, you're the aliens in this case Sir," The Princess argued gently. She had me there.

"Sorry, it's just a little...weird. I dunno what I was expecting, but it definitely wasn't horses,"

"Ponies, we're ponies," She clarified

"Right, ponies, sorry uh...Princess," I bowed, wondering if that were the right thing to do. She only shook her head and giggled.

"No need for that. You can just call me Twilight. We should probably get you settled in before I get distracted with the rift again," She said, shaking a hoof at me.

This is weird. I'm following this weird purple horse and HOLY SHIT SHE HAS WINGS TOO!

"Wait, you have wings?" I blurted out

"Yes, I am an Alicorn after all. We possess the magic of all three pony tribes," she explained proudly

"Right, magic, Alan mentioned something about that. So magic is real on this side of the portal? Can I use magic here?" I wondered, holding up my hands and focusing.

"I doubt it Einstein," Alice called out ahead of me.

"But magic is definitely real here. Everyone has it, Earth Ponies are strong, Pegasus Ponies are fast, and Unicorns possess the ability to cast spells," she continued, Twilight nodding

"You kept up with your notes," Twilight said proudly, Alice offering her a smile.

"Oh right, we're supposed to make reports an stuff right? What uh...what do we put in em?" I asked sheepishly

"Nothing important really. Just think of it like a journal. Write about your day and Twilight will ensure it reaches the other side," Alice said with a shrug. I gave a nod, deciding to actual take in my surroundings and was surprised to find myself in some giant crystal castle!

"Whoa, you're a real Princess huh?" I asked

"Hm? Oh! The castle, well, it's not just mine. But I lost my home in the battle before it arrived and it just sort of became home after a while," Twilight said sadly

"Battle? I thought you were peaceful creatures"

"We are, but just because there is peace doesn't mean there is no violence, no hate, no pain," Twilight explained

"I'll explain all of that to you another time if you want, for now we should show you your new home" she quickly changed the subject.

So there was fighting in this place, but it was a touchy subject it seemed.

"This is my house?" I asked, staring at the building. One could call it a cottage, except it was pretty big to be called that.

"Well I've experienced what its like being human and when Alice first came through we had to come up with something she could walk around in without hitting her head on everything. So we had a few of these built," Twilight explained

"Wait, you've been a human?" I asked, glancing at the Alicorn.

"It's...another long story. But I understand a lot more about you than you think," She offered with a smile

"Right...you'll have to tell me that one," I mumbled, taking everything in. I dunno how the hell they did it, but my Tv, games, even my computer, were up and running. Browser didn't work for shit though, guess there isn't any internet around here. But there was still power!

"So I take it Alice has her own place then?" I asked, glancing at both of them.

"Yup, was sad to leave it behind, can't wait to see how my garden is doing!" Alice squealed

"Applejack and Fluttershy took care of it for you, a few strange things started to blossom but they both seemed confident you'd be happy with how its turned out," Twilight informed her. I gave a shrug and flopped down onto my couch

"Hi!" a high pitched voice cried out beside me. I looked over to see a pink pony smiling at me.

"..." I have no idea what to say to this thing, but it's staring at me and that smile is starting to get creepy, and her eyes...it's almost like she's...scared of me.

"Pinkie Pie, this is Ryan, Alan's replacement. He uh...He's not like Alan, so surprises are okay, okay?" Alice said gently, placing a hand on the pink things shoulder.

"R-Right! Nice to meet you! I'm Pinkie Pie!" She introduced herself, hesitantly holding out her hoof

"Geez, what the hell did that guy do to you?" I mumbled, very gently grabbing her hoof and giving it a squeeze. She was shaking...What the hell did Alan do to this adorable pink thing to make it scared of me?

"Oh, n-nothing. Just a little tumble. I shouldn't have snuck up on him..." she chuckled a little too hard.

"He flung her over his shoulder and threw her into the dirt, if not for Rainbow Dash showing up I dunno what else might've happened," Alice grumbled, her normal peppy attitude turning sour. I swear, Pinkie's hair seemed to droop as her mood dropped.

"Eh, that's the problem with military guys. They've been trained to always be on high alert and ready to defend themselves. Now me? I'm just a lazy guy who couldn't make it in the Army," I shrug

"So they sent me here to show that not all of us are made of crazy, I don't expect you to lighten up to me quick or anything Pinkie. I've been flipped a few times myself and I'd rather not be anywhere near the guys that did it. But I hope we can be friends," I say. I have no idea where the hell the speech came from. It just felt like...the right thing to say.

And it seems like it worked, her hair bobbed up and her ears flicked up into the air as a far less creepy smile graced her face. Damn, why were these tiny horses so cute?

"Okie dokie! I'm holding you to that mister!" She giggled with a snort, booping my nose with her hoof. I went cross-eyed to look at her hoof, but as soon as I glanced at my nose she was gone!

"...Is that the Magic you mentioned?" I asked, looking to Alice

"No, Pinkie is just...special. Earth Pony magic manifests itself within nature, growing things and tending the land, as well as some crazy strength," Alice replied. I let out a sigh, leaning back on my couch and blinking as a hoof rested on my leg

"I think you'll fit in just fine Ryan. What you said to Pinkie really helped her. She's been locked up in her room ever since what happened with Alan...I don't know what brought her here to talk to you today, but I'm glad it did. I'll leave you two be, if you need anything, you can just find me in the castle," Twilight smiled before leaving.

"So, Day one?" I chuckled, Alice giving a playful salute.

"Go out, meet some ponies, experience the town, and uh, watch out for Rainbow Dash. Blue Pegasus, rainbow mane and tail. She's super protective of her friends and she's gonna flip when she sees you. We haven't had a chance to explain you aren't like Alan, she's...hard headed," Alice sighed.

"Right, go out and don't get killed by the angry flying lesbian flag," I mumbled.

This. Place. Is. Awesome. I found a fucking arcade! I mean, they only accept bits, so I had to instantly rush to the castle and beg Twilight for some cash since all I've got is big ol piles of American dollar bills.

Turns out there'd been a mix-up. They were still working on conversion calculations, so Twilight just gave me a bag of bits and told me to have fun. Not gonna argue that shit! This explains how they had power at my place, still wondering about the internet though. Is all of this powered by magic? A combination of magic and science?

I'd probably ask Twilight about it later, right now I had a high score to destroy. By now I had a crowd of kid ponies watching me tear through level after level, amazed by how I worked my hands over the controls.

That's another thing I need to ask, how do ponies play these things? You think they'd design some kind of thing that they could place their hoof in, like a harness or something, and bigger buttons to hit with their hooves. But my hands fit this perfectly. I mean sure, the joystick is a bit bigger than normal.

"He's on the last level!" one of them called out behind me. Last level huh? Best put on a show then!

A chant built up behind me as I reached the boss, dancing around its attacks and leaping over it. You'd think they'd make the last boss harder, but all I had to do was just wait it out and get behind it. After that, ending the game was easy. I happily keyed in my initials, but when the leaderboard popped up I noticed two scores above mine.

One was BM, and the other was SB.

"Wow, he took third...poor Rumble," one mumbled, the crowd slowly shifting away. Whoever this BM and SB were...They would know my wrath!

Cue stomach growl

Right, haven't eaten a damn thing. What do ponies even eat? Shit I'm not gonna have to eat hay for the next four years am I?

"Wow, almost topped my score, pretty impressive. But I guess those hands give you an advantage," a voice chuckled. I turned to find an average brown pony wearing a cap and smiling up at me.

"So which one are you? BM, or SB?" I asked, tucking my hands into my jean pockets.

"BM, Button Mash, King of the Arcade. SB is Sweetie Belle, she's the Queen," he chuckled

"Uh huh, aren't you a kid? Or are pony ages different?" I wondered

"I'm in high school," he deadpanned. Right, all of them are small horses. I really should ask Alice about this crap.

"Right. I'm Ryan, I'm uh..."

"Gonna be stayin' here for a few years right? Yea, Princess Twilight made a huge announcement about it, said not to be afraid of the weird alien. But you don't seem like much, hay, you seem like just a normal guy," Button said with a shrug, grunting as a white unicorn bumped into him

"Be nice Button," she grumbled at him before turning to me with a smile. Is it just me or are these things getting cuter by the minute?

"Nice to meet you Mr Human, I'm Sweetie Belle, and this rude colt is Button Mash," she introduced herself, her smile vanishing as she glanced at the aforementioned colt

"Actually, he wasn't rude at all. But nice to meet you and my name isn't Human. It's Ryan," I correct her. She shines another smile and looks at the game behind me

"Wow, almost tied my score. Took me a week to get that high on the board. Of course Button has all the time in the world to be here," she grumbled, glancing at the colt who chuckled a little.

"W-What can I say? The Arcade loves me," he boasted, grunting as a floating bag smacked him in the head

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" He yelled, glaring at her

"For skipping school to play games! If your mom finds out she'll kill you!" Sweetie yelled back

"I'm all for settling your problems, but should spousal abuse be a thing in public?" I joked, both of them glancing at me.

"Wait, you think me and him are...Ha! No, I uh...no," Sweetie Belle sighed, shaking her head.

"You argue like a married couple and you seem to have this place in common at least. Maybe I'm just reading the situation wrong," I shrugged.

"No, it's nothing like that. We've been friends since we were just little. We uh...tried being more than friends but me and Button are just a little too different in some ways," Sweetie Belle explained gently

"She's trying to tell you that I'm gay without hurting my feelings," Button blurted out, Sweetie Belle gasping

"B-Button!"

"What? What do I care if this guy knows? It's not weird," Button argued. Sweetie Belle gave a sigh of defeat

"Alright, have it your way. But don't miss school tomorrow...It was nice meeting you Mr Human!" Sweetie Belle waved before taking off.

What kind of ball of weird did I just walk into?

STOMACH GROWL. TWO,POINT.OH!

Right, food, damn it.

"Heh, you humans don't eat like ponies do you?" Button asked

"Not that I know of. I don't suppose you guys have burgers or anything huh?"

"We'll we've got Hayburger down the street, but I'm gonna guess you meant meat"

"Yea, you guys are vegetarians right?"

"Most of us, some ponies eat fish, some uh...eat a lot more," Button said with a shiver.

"Actually, if you need meat, I know a guy"

"The guy you know lives in the castle? This isn't some weird prisoners turned into food crap is it? I'm hungry, but I'm not eating a horse!" I argued

"Will you quiet down! No, it's not like that. Princess Twilight gets all kinds of crazy visitors from other places and THEY eat meat. Her assistant took a liking to it and he has his own stash of the stuff. I'm sure he'll share some," Button explained. I let out a sigh of relief

"Why not just ask Twilight then?" I wondered

"Because her supply is for creatures from other countries"

"I AM A CREATURE FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY!" I pointed out. Button stared at me and chuckled nervously

"Oh yea, I kinda forgot. You seem so...normal, for a guy with no coat or hooves or even a tail," Button mumbled. I let out a sigh, gasping as a blur of purple slammed into me. But this was a very different blur than what I was used to. This blur was my height, and was laying on top of me.

And those are legs, most definitely WHOA, BOOTY ALERT.

"Oh hey Barb, is Spike around?" Button asked with a smirk. Barb, as she had been identified as, sat up in my lap.

BAD BONER, GO DOWN. I don't even know what this thing is on top of me!

"No, he went for his afternoon flight a few minutes ago. Did you need something?" She asked. Damn her voice is soft, almost as soft as that rear...

As my head stops spinning I'm able to look up at the thing on top of me. Now...we've all had our fun on the internet, so you'll get what I'm saying when I say that there is an incredibly sexy anthro dragon girl in my lap and I don't know how to feel about it.

"Um, Hi, kinda under you..." I mumble nervously. She gasps and scrambles off of me, dusting off her scales and snatching up a few papers. Button clears his throat, flourishing a hoof toward me.

"Actually my new friend Ryan here is a meat eater and I figured Spike would be happy to have someone new at the table that won't gag"

She turned to me, staring at me with wide emerald eyes. Did she even notice me holding her butt? Do I want her to notice? One head most definitely thinks so, thank god for these jeans. Just baggy enough to hide my problems.

"You're the new human from the other side of the rift," she says slowly, marching around me while her tail drags behind her. I cross my arms, waiting for her to do something and finally she stops in front of me, reaching out and placing her clawed hand on my cheek.

"Your skin really is soft. Humans are pretty strange, just like the Princess said," she giggles. Its like freaking birds singing, damn it this world is drowning in cute! Alan's warning makes sense now. I have to resist the cute!

"Humans aren't really built like dragons, we're soft and squishy and easy to poke," I blurted out, her claw still on my face. It seemed razor sharp, but she was so gentle...NO! RESIST! REFUCKINGSIST!

She smiled, pulling her hand away

"Well, if you are hungry, Spike has some spare food. He doesn't get a lot of guests and I'm sure he wouldn't mind someone else helping him tear through it all before it goes bad. Even with the Princess' spells to keep it from spoiling, it won't last forever,"

"That sounds great!"

Holy freakin' shit that's a lot of meat.

"So, is Spike a dragon too?" I ask out of the blue, Barb simply nodding

"Mhm, he's the Princess' personal assistant. I'm just an understudy..." she sighs

"Aw come on, don't be like that. You work in a freakin' castle, for royalty! I don't even have a job," I say, trying to cheer her up

"Really? Isn't it your job to live among us?" She asks. Okay, so maybe I do have a job, but can this be considered a job?

"Yea, that's real hard. Go into another dimension and live there for a few years," I say with a smirk, earning a giggle from her.

"So, this is what you guys do when I'm gone?"

"N-No sir!" Barb spun in place, standing stiff as a board. I turn to see another dragon, just a head taller than me and carrying an arm full of gems. While Barb's green spines tilted over to the right, Spike's stood proudly upright...like Spikes. Wait a minute, are their names puns? God damn it.

"Barb, for the last time. I'm not 'Sir'. Come on, how long is this gonna take?" Spike sighed, putting a hand on top of her head

"S-Sorry, b-but you are my superior a-and..." she squeaked as he placed a gem against her lips.

"Eat, you skipped breakfast today. You can file those papers afterwards," he said as he walked by. She let out a sigh, holding the sapphire.

"This is Ryan, the human. He's hungry," She introduced me.

"Yo!" I wave a bit nervously. I really wasn't expecting another dragon. probably should've though. Kinda curious if these two are a thing, but last time I assumed that was with the colt next to me.

"I know, he's different from the ones me and Twilight met. You know on the other side of the mirror the skin colors are just as various as pony coats here. But the rift is an entirely different dimension!" Spike said excitedly as he dropped the gems and snatched up what I could only assume was a leg of some sort.

In an impressive show of dragon might, he let loose a brilliant flame, rolling the leg in his flames and holding it out toward me. I blinked, walking toward him and gasping as he dropped it in my hand.

"I-It weighs a ton!" I gasped, setting it on the table near the rest of the meat.

"Right, almost forgot, humans don't have dragon like strength, heh. I know we've already been introduced, but I'm Spike, Twilight's assistant. Nice to meet you," he smiled, holding out his claw. I hesitated as I shook his hand, scared he might crush mine. But his touch was just as gentle as Barbs.

"Wasn't expecting to meet dragons today. So you've seen other dimensions?" I ask as I tear off a piece of whatever this leg is and chow down. Dragon fire is definitely the way to cook things folks.

"Yea, it's a long story. But there's this mirror that acts as a gateway from this world and that one, and passing through it changes you. Twilight turned into a human, and I turned into a dog," Spike sighed, sitting on his pile of gems.

"But the rift is different huh?" I ask with a mouthful of meat.

"The rift is just a hole in reality with only Twilight's quick thinking keeping it from getting any bigger. That and the help from your side to keep it as it is. We've got a way to close it, but Twilight is always up for a chance at new interesting friends. So we're exploring options," Spike explained, tossing a ruby into the air and catching it with his tongue like a frog snatching a fly.

"Well that's neat," I mumble. Spike shrugs, scraping some of the gem from between his teeth, tossing it back into his mouth.

"And if you're wondering, she's my sister," Spike says with a wink

"S-Sir!" Barb cries out. A glance over my shoulder shows that she is in fact blushing. But her face is flushed blue. Button is just standing where I left him, looking like he's trying to hold his lunch.

Ohhhh, right, meat.

"Hey Button, thanks for everything man, you don't have to stick around you know," I offer. He shakes his head and puts on a strained smile

"I-Its fine. I'll get used to it in a sec, the smell just..." He rubbed at his nose and cleared his throat.

"Button hangs out with me pretty often, give him a minute and he'll be fine," Spike says. I just shrug and go back to my leg of whatever.

"Did Alice come back with you?" Spike asks

"Yea, she was pretty excited," I say through another mouthful. Spike smiles at that, standing from his throne of gems.

"Hey if you want I can have the Guard carry some of this to your house," he offers

"Where would I even keep it?" I wonder

"You didn't look through your house yet did you?" Spike asks. I shake my head no.

"That's fine, we'll just send it over and they'll help you put it away. I just keep it like this cause, well, thats what dragons do," he shrugs.

"Just how many dragons am I gonna bump into?"

"Just the two of us. And maybe a friend of mine. Dragons are kind of rare, Twilight hatched me when she was just a filly, and thanks to my friend, I found Barb and took her in. Most dragons are...harsh, to say the least..." Spike mumbled, stopping beside me and placing his claw on my shoulder.

"I can sense from you, that you're a gentle creature. But don't hurt my sister, or you'll learn just how harsh a dragon can be," he whispered, patting my shoulder and walking away.

"Barb! Keep an eye on him for me!" he called out as his massive leathery wings opened up. Moments later he had leapt out of a large window and was soaring away.

Did he just give me permission to date his sister?!

I sigh and sit at my desk, staring at the paper in front of me. Button Mash was hanging out in the living room, along with his friends.

Sweetie Belle was among them, the other two being Applebloom and Scootaloo. There's also Button's boyfriend Rumble Stormfeather. I have to admit, that's a cool name.

The three mares, as they've asked me to call them instead of just pony, or horse people, refer to themselves as 'The Cutie Mark Crusaders'

When I asked what the hell that was they explained more weird magic crap. Turns out when you are good at something you walk around with it proudly stamped on your ass. Which makes the name puns even worse. How the hell does a name match up with a Cutie mark? I should ask Twilight.

But I need to write this damn report...

"Day one...I entered the rift..."