Not Again!by DreadnoughtChaptersSweet Apple AcresCastle of FriendshipThe Everfree ForestRevenge Is A Dish Best Served For TwoPonyvilleRevelationsSweet Apple AcresBig Mac slowly opened his eyes. He looked out his window upon the darkened landscape of Sweet Apple Acres. In the distance he saw the sky bright in the east, though Celestia’s golden sun still remained hidden by the rolling hills. Ignoring his urge to get up, he rolled onto his back and started to reflect. It’s Hearts and Hooves Day. A day to spend with your special somepony. Except Ah don’t have a special somepony. Last year Apple Bloom and her friends tried to set me up with Miss Cheerilee. Gave me that love potion. Wonder if they’ll try that again this year. They’d better not. Ah don’t want to go around making a fool of maself again. And Miss Cheerilee wouldn’t want that either. Nope, Ah just want a quiet day on the farm to get my chores done. The sun peeked over the horizon. The tiny bit of sunshine began driving back the night, illuminating the hundreds of apple trees and the farm buildings of Sweet Apple Acres. Big Mac noticed the sunlight on his wall. Well, ain’t no more procrastinating. Time to get up. Big Mac pulled off the warm covers and rolled out of his bed. Thud! Four hooves pounded against the wooden floor. Big Mac lumbered across his bedroom and down the hall. He began to descend the stairs, each creaking under his weight. One of these days, these stairs are gonna give way. Ah’d better fix them before somepony, most likely me, gets hurt. As Big Mac neared the bottom of the stairs, he could see the distinctive pink bow of his youngest sister, Apple Bloom. “Good mornin’ Big Mac,” she said. “Mornin’ Apple Bloom,” he replied. She trotted over to Big Mac. “Big Mac, today is Hearts and Hooves Day....” Uh-oh. Is she goin’ to try and set me up with Miss Cheerilee again? “...And I was wonderin’,” continued Apple Bloom as she walked up to Big Mac, “if you would be my very special somepony?” She produced the biggest eyes and poutiest lips Big Mac had ever seen. Ah, she looks so cute. How could I resist a face like that? “Eeyup.” Instantly her mouth cracked the biggest smile Big Mac had ever seen her give, and she leapt up and gave him a big kiss on his cheek. Big Mac felt a deep happiness inside. After the kiss, Apple Bloom continued to hang off the left side of his horse collar. She’ll let go once we all start havin’ breakfast. Big Mac walked into the farmhouse’s rustic kitchen. Applejack had her back to the two as she busied herself preparing the family’s breakfast. Big Mac sat down at the kitchen table, Apple Bloom continuing to cling to his horse collar. Taking a momentary pause in cooking, Applejack turned to greet the two. “Morning Big – Apple Bloom, what in tarnation are ya doin’?” She trotted over to towards the table. “Big Mac is my very special somepony.” She came up to Big Mac’s right side. “Well, that there’s the most ridiculous....” Applejack, Ah can’t believe – “...thin Ah’ve ever heard. He’s my special somepony!” She yanked Big Mac over by the horse collar and planted a big kiss on his cheek. What the hay? “No big sis,” argued Apple Bloom, doing her best to yank Big Mac her way. “I asked him first.” “Well I’m the bigger sister.” Applejack yanked Big Mac her way. “He already said he’d be my special somepony.” Apple Bloom yanked Big Mac her way. “Well, that’s 'cause he hadn’t had a chance to ask me yet.” Applejack yanked Big Mac her way. “What’s goin’ on in here?” Granny Smith entered the kitchen. “Big Mac is my special somepony!” said Apple Bloom. “No, he’s my special somepony!” countered Applejack. “Is not!” “Is too!” Granny Smith walked over to her three grandfoals. “You two knock it off. He ain’t neither of ya’s special somepony.” She paused to emphasize her point. “He’s mine!” She grabbed his horse collar by both hooves and yanked him forward to plant a kiss on his lips. What the F%#@! The three continued arguing and yanking Big Mac in their directions. By this point Big Mac was thoroughly confused. What’s wrong with them? Stallions joke about crazy mares, but this? My own kin? What should Ah say? What can Ah do? The three mares were hitting each other with their hooves, with a few missed swings hitting Big Mac. Ah need to get out of here until Ah can figure out what’s goin’ on. But Apple Bloom is still hangin’ on to – A powerful punch from Applejack dislodged Apple Bloom and she fell onto her flank. Well, that works. Now’s ma chance! Big Mac pushed Granny Smith and Applejack onto their flanks. Quickly he pushed Apple Bloom back before she could reattach herself to his horse collar. He bounded out the back door and sprinted across the yard. He raced into the barn and slammed the door shut. He placed the wooden bar across the door to keep it shut. Now what? Bang! Bang! The three mares were pounding on the barn door. Even behind the thick wooden door Big Mac could tell the three apart. There were the quick, wild bangs of Apple Bloom; the powerful, precise kicks of Applejack; and the weak, but constant hits of Granny Smith. He looked and saw the wooden bar bending and straining to keep from breaking. Whatever Ah do, Ah’d better do it quick! Looking around, he saw the stairs to the apple cellar. He rushed down the stairs into the dark basement, trying to determine his next action. He saw light at the other side of the cellar. He made his way past all the baskets of apples and reached the open door. He rushed up the stairs and flung open the cellar doors. He looked around and thankfully realized he came out behind the barn. Bang-Crack-Thunk! Big Mac realized that the three mares had broken through the barn door and it would only be a moment before they descended the stairs, crossed the cellar, and saw him standing in the cellar door. He took off as fast as he could to the apple orchards, hoping to lose them. Apple trees as far as the eye could see. Surely he could escape them in here? Yip! Yip! Oh, no! They got Winona trackin’ me down! Now what? The stream! Big Mac rushed to the stream that cut through Sweet Apple Acres. Without hesitation he leapt into the freezing water, praying that Winona would lose his scent. He splashed down the creek as fast as he could. He hoped the high banks, brush, and rolling terrain would conceal him from his three rampaging family members. If only he could make it to Ponyville.... Author's Note So I started working on this in the final days of my deployment. I wanted to do a Hearts and Hooves Day themed story, and this just sort of came to me. I have the story complete and will be publishing the following chapters over the next few days. Dreadnought Castle of FriendshipBig Mac ran towards Twilight’s castle. Behind him chased some thirty mares. Big Mac pushed himself harder. Racing up the front steps, he burst into the cavernous entrance hall. Big Mac slammed the door behind him and held the door shut with all his might. This was quickly followed by pounding on the door. “What’s going on Big Mac?” asked Spike. “Gasp - the mares of town – gasp – are after me. Gasp - Ah think it’s the same spell – gasp – that Twilight used on Smarty Pants.” Spike quickly locked the door. “You mean that doll Twilight enchanted so everypony wanted it?” “’Yup. Gasp. And Ah’m the Smarty Pants!” “I don’t think Twilight would use that spell again.” “She’s the only one that can help.” “She’s upstairs in the library. I need to go around and secure all the doors and windows. Go!” Leaving Spike behind, Big Mac sprinted across the foyer and up the steps. He ran down the hall and burst into the library. A purple alicorn looked up from the books she was reading. Putting the book aside, she asked, “Big Mac?” She stood up and started to fly over to him. “Twilight. Gasp. Ah need your help.” “What’s going on?” she asked, growing concern in her voice. “They’re after me!” “Who?” she asked with alarm as she reached him. “The mares of town. Gasp - Ah think they’re under the same spell you put on Smarty Pants.” “The Want It Need It spell?” “Eeyup.” “Tell me what’s going on,” she said. Big Mac related his experiences of the day. Well, perhaps he left out his sisters and grandmare kissing him. And he might have missed Pinkie Pie’s angry outburst at his dismissal of her affection. And he might have skipped Rarity attempting to seduce him in the shower. “Wow,” responded Twilight. “Things must be crazy out there.” “Eeyup.” Twilight led Big Mac to the balcony. “What are you doing?” “Stand back,” she said. “ I’m taking a look outside.” “Ah don’t think that’s a good idea.” Twilight opened the Prench doors and stepped outside. She peered over the railing to the unfolding scene of chaos below. “Twilight, look out!” A half-dozen pegasi were diving towards them. Instantly she raised a purple force field for protection. Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing! All the pegasi bounced off, sending them flying in every direction. Twilight quickly ran inside and locked the doors behind her. “I see what you mean.” “Eeyup.” He paused and looked at Twilight. “How come you’re not affected like them?” “If it’s a magical spell, alicorns have a high tolerance for enchantments.” She led him back to the library. “I’m going to scan you for magic.” Twilight focused and lit up her horn. Big Mac was surrounded by a purple aura for about a minute. When it ceased he looked at Twilight, but found her face a mixture of relief, shock, and horror. “What is it?” he asked with deep foreboding. “It is a magical spell. But, I don’t know what it is. I’ve never seen it before.” She turned and books began flying by her. “I’ve never read about anything like it in my books either.” “Ah’m sure ya can find a cure.” She looked over at him. “How can you be so sure?” “You’re the smartest pony I’ve ever met.” Twilight put the books down and walked over to him. “So, you like smart ones?” “Uh.” “Maybe we should spend time studying – together.” Oh shit! Not her too! “Uh, Twilight.” With a flap of her wings she was eye-to-eye with him and she planted a kiss on his lips. Big Mac froze for a moment, but his senses kicked in and he took off towards the exit. A few feet from the door there was a bright flash, and he appeared next to Twilight. He started running again. There was a bright flash. He was again next to Twilight. Run. Flash. Run. Flash. Run. Flash. Run. Flash. Ah gotta – Flash. – do somethin! Flash. She keeps– Flash. – transporting me. Flash. But what– Flash. – can Ah do? Flash. Big Mac thought. Flash. And thought. Flash. And thought. Flash. And thought. Flash. And thought. Flash. Suddenly he had an idea. Flash. But he didn’t like it. Flash. And Twilight wouldn’t like it either. Flash. But what other options did he have? Flash. He thought. Flash. And thought. Flash. And thought. Flash. There was no other way he could see. Flash. “Twilight?” Flash. “Ah’m sorry.” “Sorry about what?” she asked. “For this.” He turned and charged at Twilight. He ran into her, sending her reeling backwards in a daze. Big Mac turned and fled out the library and down the stairs. He could stay in the castle, but Twilight would recover - it was only a matter of time. He made up his mind as to what he was going to do. He reached the front door and unlocked it. Instantly the door flew open as a half-dozen mares fell in. Big Mac plowed through the mob. He sure was sorry. Mares to the left of him, mares to the right of him, mares behind him. Into the jaws of the mare mob he drove, bulldozing all in his way. Mares flew in all directions. His momentum was slowing. He made his way to the railing and leapt. He landed on his feet but stumbled. He got up and bounded away. Overhead pegasi were following him and behind him a mass of mares chased after him. He needed to lose them. But how? His mind had a flash of an idea. He turned and ran with all his might. Across meadows and over a stream he ran, tired all the way, but he kept going. In the distance he could see his destination. Mares were on his heels. Just a few feet more. He sprinted, and disappeared into the fog of the Everfree Forest. Author's Note Happy Valentine's Day! Happy Hearts and Hooves Day! I hope you enjoyed the story thus far. I incorporated a reference to a famous poem. Five gold stars to whomever can guess the poem! Check back tomorrow for Chapter 4! Dreadnought The Everfree ForestBig Mac wandered about the Everfree Forest. He felt lucky that the thick canopy of the forest concealed him from overflying pegasi. And the fog allowed him to slip away from the ponies chasing him. He also did everything he could to cover his hoofprints and remain as quiet as possible. But it had been some time since he had heard the mares pursuing him. He moved through the thick brush and hanging vines of the forest. Ah’m so tired. What time is it? Ah can’t see the sun. But Ah must have been out here for hours. Where am Ah? This looks familiar. This looks kinda like where the mirror pool is. Maybe I should create a clone and send him to take on a hundred mares! He chuckled at the thought. It was the first time he’d laughed all day. Somethin’s up ahead. What is that? A tree? A house? He saw a home in a hollowed tree, similar to the old Golden Oaks Library. That must be where Zecora lives. Big Mac turned and hurried in the opposite direction. He didn’t need a zebra chasing after him as well. ~~~ Big Mac continued wandering through the Everfree Forest. He guessed it was late afternoon. Soon it would be dark. He needed to find shelter and plan his next move. How long should he be in exile? How long would the mares be under this spell? In the distance he saw the ruins of a castle. That must be the Castle of the Two Sisters. He paused. They could be waiting for me in there. But Ah need to find shelter. Build a fire. Keep warm. He made up his mind and approached the castle. He reached a rope bridge over a deep chasm. Just my luck! Oh, Ah really don’t want to do this. Ah gotta keep goin’. He stepped onto the first board. It creaked, but held. He tested the next. It held. Slowly he made his way across the bridge. Snap! One of the boards broke, leaving his rear leg dangling over the chasm. He slowly stood up and cautiously continued on his way. He reached the other side and let out a sigh of relief. He approached the ancient ruin. Its curtain walls were crumbling, the moat was dry, but several keeps still stood tall. He’d never been there, but heard plenty about it from Applejack. He knew that there were all sorts of hidden passages and traps. Perhaps this would be the place to make his last stand? He entered the vast entrance hall. Rays of sunshine poured through holes in the roof. Broken columns littered the floor. He didn’t know much about history, but he felt a certain pain in his heart. It must have been such a beautiful place. And then with the rise of Nightmare Moon, grief and despair fell upon this place. Celestia abandoned it, trying to leave behind the memories. “Big Mac?” came a voice. He looked up and saw Princess Celestia standing at the top of a sweeping staircase. Next to her stood Princess Luna. “Big Mac?” Celestia asked. “Eeyup,” he replied. Damn! Show respect! He tried to bow, but his aching muscles made it difficult. “Eeyup Your Highness.” The two princesses flew towards him. “We have come to help.” “How do ya know?” he asked, standing up. “After you left Twilight sent us a letter.” “She’s okay?” he asked. “Yes, she recovered from your –” Celestia paused looking for the right word. “Escape,” supplied Luna. “Yes, from your escape,” finished Celestia. “Sorry ’bout that,” regretted Big Mac. “Twilight realized you had no choice,” confirmed Luna. “We heard that you ran into the Everfree Forest. We realized that the ruined castle would be a good place to look for you,” explained Celestia. “Come sister,” said Luna, “let us examine his plight.” “Big Mac this may feel a little strange,” cautioned Celestia. Big Mac stood there as the two alicorns lit their horns. He could feel a tingling sensation all over his body. After a few moments, they ceased. Celestia turned to Luna. “Twilight was right. There is magic at work here.” “Yes sister, something is making mares go mad for this stallion.” Celestia walked around Big Mac, looking at him. “I understand why they are so – attracted to him. He is muscular. And handsome.” She ran a wing across his back. Luna replied, “A perfect stallion.” Celestia turned to Luna, “As the ruler of Equestria, I lay claim to MacIntosh Apple!” “He belongs to me!” retorted Luna. “You will have to defeat me!” “With pleasure!” The two alicorns took to the air. They began firing magical blasts at each other, ducking and dodging salvos leveled by the other. Blasts that missed impacted the walls and blew bits of stone everywhere, raining down on Big Mac. Big Mac turned to run out of the castle, when suddenly there was an intense white flash. Momentarily blinded, slowly his vision returned. He looked up and saw Celestia and Luna no longer fighting, apparently stunned from the flash. He looked about. “Discord!” Author's Note I hope you had a good Valentine's Day/Hearts and Hooves Day. If not, well, I hope you had a great February 15th. Regardless, have an outstanding February 16th! So, tune in tomorrow for Chapter 5 and Friday for Chapter 6. Dreadnought Revenge Is A Dish Best Served For TwoNext Hearts and Hooves Day... Big Mac stared in the mirror. His red fur was carefully cleaned and his normally unkempt mane carefully combed. His usual horse collar had been replaced by a fine custom-made green sweater. Big Mac knew he was ready. He left the bathroom and headed down the hallway. He descended the stairs, no longer creaking under his weight after he reinforced them. He turned left and walked into the kitchen. Applejack turned away from the pie crust she was making. “Well, don’t you look handsome?” she observed. “Eeyup.” “You ready for your Hearts and Hooves Day dinner?” “Eeyup.” “Well, you and Fluttershy have a good time!” “Eeyup,” said Big Mac, a wry smile breaking out across his face. He turned and stepped out the back door. Applejack chuckled. Those two lovebirds had been dating for over a month. It started when he asked her out to a New Year’s Eve party. Now six weeks later things were getting serious. Maybe she would have Fluttershy as a sister-in-law shortly? Wouldn’t that be something? Applejack turned back to her pie crust. There was a bright white flash of light. The pie crust wasn’t there. Instead there was was a large green plant. Applejack looked about. All around her were ferns, palms, and vines. She turned around and the kitchen had been replaced by more vegetation. What the hay is going on? she thought. Applejack began making her way through the thick vegetation. She pushed aside plants and climbed over fallen trees. She wandered about for a while in the jungle. Up ahead she saw something blue. She pressed onwards and found herself standing on a beach. Beautiful white sand ran between lush green palms and the calm blue water. Gentle waves washed up onto the beach, then slowly receded back to the sea. In the distance a magnificent red sun was setting on the horizon. Over the waves and gently swaying palms Applejack heard something. It sounded like music. She turned and walked down the beach, the occasional wave sweeping up and around her hooves. Applejack continued on until she came to a clearing in the jungle. In the middle stood a small table elegantly draped in a white table cloth. It had two place settings, with fine china and two wine glasses sitting next to a bottle of iced champagne. Above hung a violin magically playing itself, its soft slow melody drifting across the evening air. “Applejack?” She looked to the other end of the clearing. “Trenderhoof?” “Do you know what’s going on?” “I have a pretty good idea.” “Would you mind explaining it?” “I think we’re supposed to have dinner.” She trotted over to the table and sat down. Trenderhoof walked over and took the seat across from her. “It’s nice to see you again.” “Nice to see you.” “Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Applejack,” he said hesitantly and awkwardly. She chuckled. “Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Trenderhoof.” Author's Note Could this be the start of TrenderJack? Thanks for reading Not Again! I hope you enjoyed the story. If you liked it, please check out my other comedy stories: Big Mac Speaks His Mind, Merry Christmas!!!, Now What?, Harmony Death Match. Keep Writing, Dreadnought PonyvilleBig Mac waded through the clear, cold water of the creek that ran down from the hills, divided Sweet Apple Acres, and flowed through town. His legs and chest were soaking wet and his fur had bits of the muddy bottom stuck to it. Even though he was a big muscular stallion, the waters chilled him and he felt extremely cold. He slowly moved over to the shore, carefully scanning the bank for signs of his sisters and grandmare. He let out a sigh of relief when he didn’t see anypony. He grabbed a tree branch in his mouth and pulled himself up onto the bank, his horse collar catching on some brush. He flopped onto the ground in exhaustion. He lay there resting, trying to get warm and dry. Ah sure hope Ah lost them. Ah don’t think I could fight them off. What the hay is wrong with them? Ad’d better wait a while before I go back there. After lying on the bank for a while, Big Mac picked himself up. He wasn’t much warmer, but at least a little drier. He lumbered towards town. Growl! Ah haven’t had breakfast yet. No wonder I’m feelin’ so tired. Ah need to eat somethin'. Maybe Ah can drop by and see cousin Pinkie and get somethin' from Sugarcube Corner? Up above the weather pegasi were clearing the morning clouds from the sky. Some were moving clouds out of the way, allowing more of the sunny sky to be revealed. Others were flying straight at the clouds, driving into them and breaking them apart into small pieces that quickly vanished. A blue pegasus trailing a rainbow-colored streak was particularly adept at busting clouds. Big Mac paused, feeling the warmth of the sun upon his wet and muddy coat. After a moment, he resumed his walk towards town. The hour was still early and very few ponies were out. He came upon a well known donkey pulling a cart. “Mornin’,” Big Mac said. “Mornin’,” replied Carnky. The two passed each other and continued on their way. What’s that? Cookies? Cake? Muffins? Ah don’t know, but it smells wonderful! That must mean – Big Mac rounded the corner and saw the gingerbread house that was Sugarcube Corner. Growl! He was so hungry he could eat the house! But instead, he continued on and opened the front door. He was greeted by a rush of warm air, filled with the smells of all the wonderful treats that were stocked at the sweet shop. He walked inside and found a pink pony behind the counter. “Morning Big Mac,” said Pinkie Pie. “Mornin’ Pinkie.” “You look hungry.” “Eeyup.” “Take a seat. I’ll get you some muffins.” Big Mac moved over to the closest table and sat down. Growl! Again his stomach made its presence and desires known. Pinkie returned quickly carrying a large plate of steaming muffins that she placed before Big Mac. He took a sniff and his mouth watered. Apple, blueberry, strawberry, cranberry, peach, cinnamon, bannana nut! “Ooo, let me get you some cinnamon rolls,” said Pinkie. In a flash she was gone and a moment later she laid a plate filled with hot cinnamon rolls oozing with white icing to his left. “Ooo, how about coffee cake?” She rushed out and came back balancing three large coffee cakes that she sat to his right. Before he knew it he had plates filled with sweet breads, danishes, crepes, and strudels. “Pinkie?” said Big Mac as she was headed back into the kitchen to get another plate of food. “Yes Big Mac?” “Thank ya kindly, but Ah think Ah have enough.” “Okey-dokey!” She came over and took a seat at the table. Big Mac took a bite of the apple muffin. Mmm. That’s good. Ah can’t tell Granny Smith that Pinkie makes better apple muffins than her. She’ll make me sleep in the barn for the rest of the year! Why’s Pinkie staring at me? She’s so quiet. Is she okay? “Pinkie, ya alright?” he asked before taking another bite of the muffin. “I love watching you eat.” Big Mac started chewing more slowly. “It’s just one of the many things I love about you.” Big Mac swallowed. “Big Mac, will you be my super-duper special somepony?” “Well, Ah think we’re cousins. It wouldn’t be right.” She shoved the plate of the cinnamon rolls off the table. The pastries flew everywhere and the plate shattered on the floor. “I said would you be my super-duper special somepony!?” Big Mac paused for a moment to think. “Sho' thin' smoopy-doopy. Could you make me some waffles?” A large smile broke out across Pinkie Pie’s face. “Okey dokey my red delicious apple!” She planted a kiss on his cheek and ran back into the kitchen. Ah gotta get out of here! Big Mac slipped off the stool and quietly walked over to the door. He opened it slowly and softly closed it behind him. Then he bolted from Sugarcube Corner. Somethin’s wrong with Pinkie! Maybe this madness runs in the family? Ah gotta hide. Maybe Rarity can hide me? Ah just hope she isn’t crazy as well! Big Mac reached the highly decorated and richly painted building that was Carousel Boutique, home and business of Rarity. He reached the front door but noticed the sign that read “CLOSED.” Maybe she’s in back? He rushed around back and found the door unlocked. He quickly slipped inside. He sat down on the floor, resting for a moment. Cautiously he peered out the window. No Pinkie Pie! He turned around and looked at the empty kitchen. Ah’d better let her know Ah’m here. I don’t want her to think Ah’m breaking in. He slowly walked around. “Rarity?” he called. He entered her living room, but didn’t see her. “Rarity?” He continued on into the boutique. “Rarity?” Still no response. She’s not here. Well, Ah don’t think she’d mind if Ah hid in here for a while. He laid down and within minutes was fast asleep. ~~~ Big Mac woke with a start. He saw the sun coming in the window and guessed it was probably sometime late morning. He heard the back door swing open and hoofsteps in the kitchen. Big Mac sat upright waiting for Rarity, or whom he supposed was Rarity, to enter. “What’s this?” came Rarity’s voice. “Did Sweetie Belle and her friends drag mud into my house? Sweetie Belle!!!” Uh-oh. I must have brought mud into her home. Ah’ll have to clean that up for her. Ah hope she isn’t too mad. The door from the kitchen opened, and the white unicorn stood in the doorframe. “Big Mac?” she asked in surprise. “Eeyup.” “What? Are you hiding in my boutique?” “Eeyup.” She approached him. “So the mud on my floor came from you?” “Eeyup.” “You’re an absolute mess.” “Eeyup.” “Would you like to take a shower?” A hot shower? Get all this mud off me? “Eeyup.” “Follow me.” Rarity led Big Mac from the boutique to the stairs. She climbed the stairs and Big Mac followed, the stairs creaking under his weight. They reached the top and Rarity entered what Big Mac figured was the guest bathroom. Whoosh! With a quick use of her magic the taps turned and hot water streamed from the shower head, the steam starting to fill the bathroom. “Take as long as you want,” said Rarity. “Eeyup.” Ah sure am glad to have a friend such as Rarity. Ah’ll have to do somethin special to show my ’preciation. Why’s she still standing here? “Uh, Ah think Ah’ll take the shower now.” “Yes.” “Uh, if y’all excuse me.” “I thought I might join you,” she said in a sultry tone. Oh shit! “Big Mac,” she purred. “I’ve always loved the strong silent type. And you’re the strongest, most silent stallion I’ve ever met.” “Miss Rarity –” “It’s fate that led you to me on Hearts and Hooves Day. Be my special somepony!” Big Mac pushed by Rarity and made a break for the bathroom door. In an instant he was levitating in a blue aura. However, he was heavier than anything she had ever lifted and after a moment her magic faltered. Thud! Big Mac slammed onto the floor. Meanwhile Rarity stood dazed after her overexertion. Big Mac scrambled up and ran down the stairs and rushed out the front door. The bright sunshine momentarily blinded him. He looked around and there were many ponies out at this hour. “Big Mac?” came a voice from behind him. He turned, “Miss Cheerilee?” “Is something amatter my shmoopy-doopy sweetie-weetie pony pie?” Oh shit! “Miss Cheerilee!” “Big Mac!” came another voice. He turned to see Bon Bon. “Big Mac what’s... oh, you’re so handsome.” “Big Mac!” came the voice of Lyra. “Be my special somepony!” Lyra was pushed aside by Bon Bon. “He’s mine!” Bon Bon was shoved to the ground by Cheerilee. “I saw him first!” Within a minute Big Mac was surrounded by a dozen mares. Earth ponies... unicorns... pegasi... all wanted him and they began fighting one another, throwing punches and kicking each other in the face. “What’s going on here!?” Rainbow Dash flew down and landed in front of Big Mac. Thank Celestia Rainbow Dash is here! “He’s mine!” came some voices. “He’s my special somepony!” yelled two mares. “Big Mac!” screamed other mares. “He’s my cutie-patootie lovie-dovie honey-bunny!” came a particular voice from the melee. “Get away from him you crazy mares!” she yelled. She flew up and threw her forelegs around his neck. “Haven’t you heard of MacDash!?” What the F%#@! Big Mac dashed from the brawl, galloping as fast as he could. He looked behind him and saw some twenty mares chasing after him, with Rainbow Dash in the lead. He picked up the pace, pushing himself even harded. Looking behind, she was gaining on him. He needed to lose them, and fast. Big Mac began weaving among the buildings of town. He doubled back. He took sharp corners. Yet everywhere he went the mares were right on his tail. Up ahead he saw the laboratory. He made a final sprint and opened the door. Quickly he slammed the door shut behind him. Wham! A pegasus shaped impression formed on the door. Big Mac breathed a sign of relief. “What’s going on in here?” asked a brown pony. “Doc, they’re after me,” replied Big Mac. “Who’s after you?” asked Dr. Hooves. Suddenly there came banging on the door and screams of crazy mares. Dr. Hooves threw himself against the door to keep it shut. “Quite the holiday, this Hearts and Hooves Day? Go out the back, I’ll hold them off as long as I can.” Big Mac slipped out the back and sprinted as fast as he could. He headed off towards the shimmering castle in the distance. Maybe this is a magic spell, like Smarty Pants. In which case there’s one mare Ah need to see! Author's Note As promised, here is Chapter 2. As you can see, things are getting out of ~~hand~~ hoof for Big Mac. Check back tomorrow for Chapter 3. Dreadnought RevelationsAuthor's Note Thanks for following the story to Chapter 5. Though this chapter may seem like a fitting ending, check back tomorrow for the conclusion with Chapter 6! Dreadnought Revelations “Discord!” yelled Big Mac. “Hello Big Mac,” replied the draconequus sheepishly. “Discord! You’re behind this!” “Actually....” Stepping out from behind Discord was Applejack. “...I’m responsible. I asked him to do it.” “What!” “I’m sorry big brother,” she said, staring at the ground to avoid having to look Big Mac in the eyes. “Applejack?” questioned Celestia. She looked up. “I love my brother. I want him to be happy. He doesn’t have a special somepony and I didn’t want him to be alone on Hearts and Hooves Day. So I asked Discord to make him more attractive to mares. I didn’t realize things would – get so out of hoof.” “Discord,” scolded Celestia. “Applejack may have asked you, but you should have said no.” “Well,” began Discord. “He didn’t want to,” explained Applejack. “But I kept asking him until he agreed to it.” Big Mac approached Applejack. “Ah’m glad you care so much for me, but you shouldn’t interfere. Ya know the chaos last year.” “Last year?” asked an eager Discord. A glare from Celestia quickly quieted the draconequus. “I know,” said Applejack. “Ah forgive ya,” said Big Mac. The two siblings hugged. “Well, I’m glad this is over. It is over, right Discord?” asked Celestia. “I’ve removed all chaos magic from Big Mac. Any attraction mares have to him are based solely on his natural charms.” Celestia looked at the group. “Well Big Mac, you must be hungry?” “Eeyup.” “Let’s get you back to Sweet Apple Acres,” said Applejack. “Granny and I will start makin’ a big ol’ supper for you.” “No need Applejack,” said Celestia. “I will have dinner made by the royal chefs and brought to Sweet Apple Acres.” “We can’t ask you to do that,” said Big Mac. “Of course we will,” said Luna. The two siblings looked at each other. “Would ya like to come to dinner?” asked Applejack. Celestia said, “Yes. And I’m sure Discord would like to join us as well?” “Me?” asked the draconequus. “I mean, I suppose I could rearrange my schedule to attend,” he said as he attempted to seem disinterested. “Now then,” continued Celestia. “I don’t think you want to walk back to Ponyville. We will transport you there now.” In a moment, four ponies and a draconequus were transported away in a bright flash.
Sweet Apple AcresBig Mac slowly opened his eyes. He looked out his window upon the darkened landscape of Sweet Apple Acres. In the distance he saw the sky bright in the east, though Celestia’s golden sun still remained hidden by the rolling hills. Ignoring his urge to get up, he rolled onto his back and started to reflect. It’s Hearts and Hooves Day. A day to spend with your special somepony. Except Ah don’t have a special somepony. Last year Apple Bloom and her friends tried to set me up with Miss Cheerilee. Gave me that love potion. Wonder if they’ll try that again this year. They’d better not. Ah don’t want to go around making a fool of maself again. And Miss Cheerilee wouldn’t want that either. Nope, Ah just want a quiet day on the farm to get my chores done. The sun peeked over the horizon. The tiny bit of sunshine began driving back the night, illuminating the hundreds of apple trees and the farm buildings of Sweet Apple Acres. Big Mac noticed the sunlight on his wall. Well, ain’t no more procrastinating. Time to get up. Big Mac pulled off the warm covers and rolled out of his bed. Thud! Four hooves pounded against the wooden floor. Big Mac lumbered across his bedroom and down the hall. He began to descend the stairs, each creaking under his weight. One of these days, these stairs are gonna give way. Ah’d better fix them before somepony, most likely me, gets hurt. As Big Mac neared the bottom of the stairs, he could see the distinctive pink bow of his youngest sister, Apple Bloom. “Good mornin’ Big Mac,” she said. “Mornin’ Apple Bloom,” he replied. She trotted over to Big Mac. “Big Mac, today is Hearts and Hooves Day....” Uh-oh. Is she goin’ to try and set me up with Miss Cheerilee again? “...And I was wonderin’,” continued Apple Bloom as she walked up to Big Mac, “if you would be my very special somepony?” She produced the biggest eyes and poutiest lips Big Mac had ever seen. Ah, she looks so cute. How could I resist a face like that? “Eeyup.” Instantly her mouth cracked the biggest smile Big Mac had ever seen her give, and she leapt up and gave him a big kiss on his cheek. Big Mac felt a deep happiness inside. After the kiss, Apple Bloom continued to hang off the left side of his horse collar. She’ll let go once we all start havin’ breakfast. Big Mac walked into the farmhouse’s rustic kitchen. Applejack had her back to the two as she busied herself preparing the family’s breakfast. Big Mac sat down at the kitchen table, Apple Bloom continuing to cling to his horse collar. Taking a momentary pause in cooking, Applejack turned to greet the two. “Morning Big – Apple Bloom, what in tarnation are ya doin’?” She trotted over to towards the table. “Big Mac is my very special somepony.” She came up to Big Mac’s right side. “Well, that there’s the most ridiculous....” Applejack, Ah can’t believe – “...thin Ah’ve ever heard. He’s my special somepony!” She yanked Big Mac over by the horse collar and planted a big kiss on his cheek. What the hay? “No big sis,” argued Apple Bloom, doing her best to yank Big Mac her way. “I asked him first.” “Well I’m the bigger sister.” Applejack yanked Big Mac her way. “He already said he’d be my special somepony.” Apple Bloom yanked Big Mac her way. “Well, that’s 'cause he hadn’t had a chance to ask me yet.” Applejack yanked Big Mac her way. “What’s goin’ on in here?” Granny Smith entered the kitchen. “Big Mac is my special somepony!” said Apple Bloom. “No, he’s my special somepony!” countered Applejack. “Is not!” “Is too!” Granny Smith walked over to her three grandfoals. “You two knock it off. He ain’t neither of ya’s special somepony.” She paused to emphasize her point. “He’s mine!” She grabbed his horse collar by both hooves and yanked him forward to plant a kiss on his lips. What the F%#@! The three continued arguing and yanking Big Mac in their directions. By this point Big Mac was thoroughly confused. What’s wrong with them? Stallions joke about crazy mares, but this? My own kin? What should Ah say? What can Ah do? The three mares were hitting each other with their hooves, with a few missed swings hitting Big Mac. Ah need to get out of here until Ah can figure out what’s goin’ on. But Apple Bloom is still hangin’ on to – A powerful punch from Applejack dislodged Apple Bloom and she fell onto her flank. Well, that works. Now’s ma chance! Big Mac pushed Granny Smith and Applejack onto their flanks. Quickly he pushed Apple Bloom back before she could reattach herself to his horse collar. He bounded out the back door and sprinted across the yard. He raced into the barn and slammed the door shut. He placed the wooden bar across the door to keep it shut. Now what? Bang! Bang! The three mares were pounding on the barn door. Even behind the thick wooden door Big Mac could tell the three apart. There were the quick, wild bangs of Apple Bloom; the powerful, precise kicks of Applejack; and the weak, but constant hits of Granny Smith. He looked and saw the wooden bar bending and straining to keep from breaking. Whatever Ah do, Ah’d better do it quick! Looking around, he saw the stairs to the apple cellar. He rushed down the stairs into the dark basement, trying to determine his next action. He saw light at the other side of the cellar. He made his way past all the baskets of apples and reached the open door. He rushed up the stairs and flung open the cellar doors. He looked around and thankfully realized he came out behind the barn. Bang-Crack-Thunk! Big Mac realized that the three mares had broken through the barn door and it would only be a moment before they descended the stairs, crossed the cellar, and saw him standing in the cellar door. He took off as fast as he could to the apple orchards, hoping to lose them. Apple trees as far as the eye could see. Surely he could escape them in here? Yip! Yip! Oh, no! They got Winona trackin’ me down! Now what? The stream! Big Mac rushed to the stream that cut through Sweet Apple Acres. Without hesitation he leapt into the freezing water, praying that Winona would lose his scent. He splashed down the creek as fast as he could. He hoped the high banks, brush, and rolling terrain would conceal him from his three rampaging family members. If only he could make it to Ponyville.... Author's Note So I started working on this in the final days of my deployment. I wanted to do a Hearts and Hooves Day themed story, and this just sort of came to me. I have the story complete and will be publishing the following chapters over the next few days. Dreadnought
Castle of FriendshipBig Mac ran towards Twilight’s castle. Behind him chased some thirty mares. Big Mac pushed himself harder. Racing up the front steps, he burst into the cavernous entrance hall. Big Mac slammed the door behind him and held the door shut with all his might. This was quickly followed by pounding on the door. “What’s going on Big Mac?” asked Spike. “Gasp - the mares of town – gasp – are after me. Gasp - Ah think it’s the same spell – gasp – that Twilight used on Smarty Pants.” Spike quickly locked the door. “You mean that doll Twilight enchanted so everypony wanted it?” “’Yup. Gasp. And Ah’m the Smarty Pants!” “I don’t think Twilight would use that spell again.” “She’s the only one that can help.” “She’s upstairs in the library. I need to go around and secure all the doors and windows. Go!” Leaving Spike behind, Big Mac sprinted across the foyer and up the steps. He ran down the hall and burst into the library. A purple alicorn looked up from the books she was reading. Putting the book aside, she asked, “Big Mac?” She stood up and started to fly over to him. “Twilight. Gasp. Ah need your help.” “What’s going on?” she asked, growing concern in her voice. “They’re after me!” “Who?” she asked with alarm as she reached him. “The mares of town. Gasp - Ah think they’re under the same spell you put on Smarty Pants.” “The Want It Need It spell?” “Eeyup.” “Tell me what’s going on,” she said. Big Mac related his experiences of the day. Well, perhaps he left out his sisters and grandmare kissing him. And he might have missed Pinkie Pie’s angry outburst at his dismissal of her affection. And he might have skipped Rarity attempting to seduce him in the shower. “Wow,” responded Twilight. “Things must be crazy out there.” “Eeyup.” Twilight led Big Mac to the balcony. “What are you doing?” “Stand back,” she said. “ I’m taking a look outside.” “Ah don’t think that’s a good idea.” Twilight opened the Prench doors and stepped outside. She peered over the railing to the unfolding scene of chaos below. “Twilight, look out!” A half-dozen pegasi were diving towards them. Instantly she raised a purple force field for protection. Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing! Boing! All the pegasi bounced off, sending them flying in every direction. Twilight quickly ran inside and locked the doors behind her. “I see what you mean.” “Eeyup.” He paused and looked at Twilight. “How come you’re not affected like them?” “If it’s a magical spell, alicorns have a high tolerance for enchantments.” She led him back to the library. “I’m going to scan you for magic.” Twilight focused and lit up her horn. Big Mac was surrounded by a purple aura for about a minute. When it ceased he looked at Twilight, but found her face a mixture of relief, shock, and horror. “What is it?” he asked with deep foreboding. “It is a magical spell. But, I don’t know what it is. I’ve never seen it before.” She turned and books began flying by her. “I’ve never read about anything like it in my books either.” “Ah’m sure ya can find a cure.” She looked over at him. “How can you be so sure?” “You’re the smartest pony I’ve ever met.” Twilight put the books down and walked over to him. “So, you like smart ones?” “Uh.” “Maybe we should spend time studying – together.” Oh shit! Not her too! “Uh, Twilight.” With a flap of her wings she was eye-to-eye with him and she planted a kiss on his lips. Big Mac froze for a moment, but his senses kicked in and he took off towards the exit. A few feet from the door there was a bright flash, and he appeared next to Twilight. He started running again. There was a bright flash. He was again next to Twilight. Run. Flash. Run. Flash. Run. Flash. Run. Flash. Ah gotta – Flash. – do somethin! Flash. She keeps– Flash. – transporting me. Flash. But what– Flash. – can Ah do? Flash. Big Mac thought. Flash. And thought. Flash. And thought. Flash. And thought. Flash. And thought. Flash. Suddenly he had an idea. Flash. But he didn’t like it. Flash. And Twilight wouldn’t like it either. Flash. But what other options did he have? Flash. He thought. Flash. And thought. Flash. And thought. Flash. There was no other way he could see. Flash. “Twilight?” Flash. “Ah’m sorry.” “Sorry about what?” she asked. “For this.” He turned and charged at Twilight. He ran into her, sending her reeling backwards in a daze. Big Mac turned and fled out the library and down the stairs. He could stay in the castle, but Twilight would recover - it was only a matter of time. He made up his mind as to what he was going to do. He reached the front door and unlocked it. Instantly the door flew open as a half-dozen mares fell in. Big Mac plowed through the mob. He sure was sorry. Mares to the left of him, mares to the right of him, mares behind him. Into the jaws of the mare mob he drove, bulldozing all in his way. Mares flew in all directions. His momentum was slowing. He made his way to the railing and leapt. He landed on his feet but stumbled. He got up and bounded away. Overhead pegasi were following him and behind him a mass of mares chased after him. He needed to lose them. But how? His mind had a flash of an idea. He turned and ran with all his might. Across meadows and over a stream he ran, tired all the way, but he kept going. In the distance he could see his destination. Mares were on his heels. Just a few feet more. He sprinted, and disappeared into the fog of the Everfree Forest. Author's Note Happy Valentine's Day! Happy Hearts and Hooves Day! I hope you enjoyed the story thus far. I incorporated a reference to a famous poem. Five gold stars to whomever can guess the poem! Check back tomorrow for Chapter 4! Dreadnought
The Everfree ForestBig Mac wandered about the Everfree Forest. He felt lucky that the thick canopy of the forest concealed him from overflying pegasi. And the fog allowed him to slip away from the ponies chasing him. He also did everything he could to cover his hoofprints and remain as quiet as possible. But it had been some time since he had heard the mares pursuing him. He moved through the thick brush and hanging vines of the forest. Ah’m so tired. What time is it? Ah can’t see the sun. But Ah must have been out here for hours. Where am Ah? This looks familiar. This looks kinda like where the mirror pool is. Maybe I should create a clone and send him to take on a hundred mares! He chuckled at the thought. It was the first time he’d laughed all day. Somethin’s up ahead. What is that? A tree? A house? He saw a home in a hollowed tree, similar to the old Golden Oaks Library. That must be where Zecora lives. Big Mac turned and hurried in the opposite direction. He didn’t need a zebra chasing after him as well. ~~~ Big Mac continued wandering through the Everfree Forest. He guessed it was late afternoon. Soon it would be dark. He needed to find shelter and plan his next move. How long should he be in exile? How long would the mares be under this spell? In the distance he saw the ruins of a castle. That must be the Castle of the Two Sisters. He paused. They could be waiting for me in there. But Ah need to find shelter. Build a fire. Keep warm. He made up his mind and approached the castle. He reached a rope bridge over a deep chasm. Just my luck! Oh, Ah really don’t want to do this. Ah gotta keep goin’. He stepped onto the first board. It creaked, but held. He tested the next. It held. Slowly he made his way across the bridge. Snap! One of the boards broke, leaving his rear leg dangling over the chasm. He slowly stood up and cautiously continued on his way. He reached the other side and let out a sigh of relief. He approached the ancient ruin. Its curtain walls were crumbling, the moat was dry, but several keeps still stood tall. He’d never been there, but heard plenty about it from Applejack. He knew that there were all sorts of hidden passages and traps. Perhaps this would be the place to make his last stand? He entered the vast entrance hall. Rays of sunshine poured through holes in the roof. Broken columns littered the floor. He didn’t know much about history, but he felt a certain pain in his heart. It must have been such a beautiful place. And then with the rise of Nightmare Moon, grief and despair fell upon this place. Celestia abandoned it, trying to leave behind the memories. “Big Mac?” came a voice. He looked up and saw Princess Celestia standing at the top of a sweeping staircase. Next to her stood Princess Luna. “Big Mac?” Celestia asked. “Eeyup,” he replied. Damn! Show respect! He tried to bow, but his aching muscles made it difficult. “Eeyup Your Highness.” The two princesses flew towards him. “We have come to help.” “How do ya know?” he asked, standing up. “After you left Twilight sent us a letter.” “She’s okay?” he asked. “Yes, she recovered from your –” Celestia paused looking for the right word. “Escape,” supplied Luna. “Yes, from your escape,” finished Celestia. “Sorry ’bout that,” regretted Big Mac. “Twilight realized you had no choice,” confirmed Luna. “We heard that you ran into the Everfree Forest. We realized that the ruined castle would be a good place to look for you,” explained Celestia. “Come sister,” said Luna, “let us examine his plight.” “Big Mac this may feel a little strange,” cautioned Celestia. Big Mac stood there as the two alicorns lit their horns. He could feel a tingling sensation all over his body. After a few moments, they ceased. Celestia turned to Luna. “Twilight was right. There is magic at work here.” “Yes sister, something is making mares go mad for this stallion.” Celestia walked around Big Mac, looking at him. “I understand why they are so – attracted to him. He is muscular. And handsome.” She ran a wing across his back. Luna replied, “A perfect stallion.” Celestia turned to Luna, “As the ruler of Equestria, I lay claim to MacIntosh Apple!” “He belongs to me!” retorted Luna. “You will have to defeat me!” “With pleasure!” The two alicorns took to the air. They began firing magical blasts at each other, ducking and dodging salvos leveled by the other. Blasts that missed impacted the walls and blew bits of stone everywhere, raining down on Big Mac. Big Mac turned to run out of the castle, when suddenly there was an intense white flash. Momentarily blinded, slowly his vision returned. He looked up and saw Celestia and Luna no longer fighting, apparently stunned from the flash. He looked about. “Discord!” Author's Note I hope you had a good Valentine's Day/Hearts and Hooves Day. If not, well, I hope you had a great February 15th. Regardless, have an outstanding February 16th! So, tune in tomorrow for Chapter 5 and Friday for Chapter 6. Dreadnought
Revenge Is A Dish Best Served For TwoNext Hearts and Hooves Day... Big Mac stared in the mirror. His red fur was carefully cleaned and his normally unkempt mane carefully combed. His usual horse collar had been replaced by a fine custom-made green sweater. Big Mac knew he was ready. He left the bathroom and headed down the hallway. He descended the stairs, no longer creaking under his weight after he reinforced them. He turned left and walked into the kitchen. Applejack turned away from the pie crust she was making. “Well, don’t you look handsome?” she observed. “Eeyup.” “You ready for your Hearts and Hooves Day dinner?” “Eeyup.” “Well, you and Fluttershy have a good time!” “Eeyup,” said Big Mac, a wry smile breaking out across his face. He turned and stepped out the back door. Applejack chuckled. Those two lovebirds had been dating for over a month. It started when he asked her out to a New Year’s Eve party. Now six weeks later things were getting serious. Maybe she would have Fluttershy as a sister-in-law shortly? Wouldn’t that be something? Applejack turned back to her pie crust. There was a bright white flash of light. The pie crust wasn’t there. Instead there was was a large green plant. Applejack looked about. All around her were ferns, palms, and vines. She turned around and the kitchen had been replaced by more vegetation. What the hay is going on? she thought. Applejack began making her way through the thick vegetation. She pushed aside plants and climbed over fallen trees. She wandered about for a while in the jungle. Up ahead she saw something blue. She pressed onwards and found herself standing on a beach. Beautiful white sand ran between lush green palms and the calm blue water. Gentle waves washed up onto the beach, then slowly receded back to the sea. In the distance a magnificent red sun was setting on the horizon. Over the waves and gently swaying palms Applejack heard something. It sounded like music. She turned and walked down the beach, the occasional wave sweeping up and around her hooves. Applejack continued on until she came to a clearing in the jungle. In the middle stood a small table elegantly draped in a white table cloth. It had two place settings, with fine china and two wine glasses sitting next to a bottle of iced champagne. Above hung a violin magically playing itself, its soft slow melody drifting across the evening air. “Applejack?” She looked to the other end of the clearing. “Trenderhoof?” “Do you know what’s going on?” “I have a pretty good idea.” “Would you mind explaining it?” “I think we’re supposed to have dinner.” She trotted over to the table and sat down. Trenderhoof walked over and took the seat across from her. “It’s nice to see you again.” “Nice to see you.” “Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Applejack,” he said hesitantly and awkwardly. She chuckled. “Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Trenderhoof.” Author's Note Could this be the start of TrenderJack? Thanks for reading Not Again! I hope you enjoyed the story. If you liked it, please check out my other comedy stories: Big Mac Speaks His Mind, Merry Christmas!!!, Now What?, Harmony Death Match. Keep Writing, Dreadnought
PonyvilleBig Mac waded through the clear, cold water of the creek that ran down from the hills, divided Sweet Apple Acres, and flowed through town. His legs and chest were soaking wet and his fur had bits of the muddy bottom stuck to it. Even though he was a big muscular stallion, the waters chilled him and he felt extremely cold. He slowly moved over to the shore, carefully scanning the bank for signs of his sisters and grandmare. He let out a sigh of relief when he didn’t see anypony. He grabbed a tree branch in his mouth and pulled himself up onto the bank, his horse collar catching on some brush. He flopped onto the ground in exhaustion. He lay there resting, trying to get warm and dry. Ah sure hope Ah lost them. Ah don’t think I could fight them off. What the hay is wrong with them? Ad’d better wait a while before I go back there. After lying on the bank for a while, Big Mac picked himself up. He wasn’t much warmer, but at least a little drier. He lumbered towards town. Growl! Ah haven’t had breakfast yet. No wonder I’m feelin’ so tired. Ah need to eat somethin'. Maybe Ah can drop by and see cousin Pinkie and get somethin' from Sugarcube Corner? Up above the weather pegasi were clearing the morning clouds from the sky. Some were moving clouds out of the way, allowing more of the sunny sky to be revealed. Others were flying straight at the clouds, driving into them and breaking them apart into small pieces that quickly vanished. A blue pegasus trailing a rainbow-colored streak was particularly adept at busting clouds. Big Mac paused, feeling the warmth of the sun upon his wet and muddy coat. After a moment, he resumed his walk towards town. The hour was still early and very few ponies were out. He came upon a well known donkey pulling a cart. “Mornin’,” Big Mac said. “Mornin’,” replied Carnky. The two passed each other and continued on their way. What’s that? Cookies? Cake? Muffins? Ah don’t know, but it smells wonderful! That must mean – Big Mac rounded the corner and saw the gingerbread house that was Sugarcube Corner. Growl! He was so hungry he could eat the house! But instead, he continued on and opened the front door. He was greeted by a rush of warm air, filled with the smells of all the wonderful treats that were stocked at the sweet shop. He walked inside and found a pink pony behind the counter. “Morning Big Mac,” said Pinkie Pie. “Mornin’ Pinkie.” “You look hungry.” “Eeyup.” “Take a seat. I’ll get you some muffins.” Big Mac moved over to the closest table and sat down. Growl! Again his stomach made its presence and desires known. Pinkie returned quickly carrying a large plate of steaming muffins that she placed before Big Mac. He took a sniff and his mouth watered. Apple, blueberry, strawberry, cranberry, peach, cinnamon, bannana nut! “Ooo, let me get you some cinnamon rolls,” said Pinkie. In a flash she was gone and a moment later she laid a plate filled with hot cinnamon rolls oozing with white icing to his left. “Ooo, how about coffee cake?” She rushed out and came back balancing three large coffee cakes that she sat to his right. Before he knew it he had plates filled with sweet breads, danishes, crepes, and strudels. “Pinkie?” said Big Mac as she was headed back into the kitchen to get another plate of food. “Yes Big Mac?” “Thank ya kindly, but Ah think Ah have enough.” “Okey-dokey!” She came over and took a seat at the table. Big Mac took a bite of the apple muffin. Mmm. That’s good. Ah can’t tell Granny Smith that Pinkie makes better apple muffins than her. She’ll make me sleep in the barn for the rest of the year! Why’s Pinkie staring at me? She’s so quiet. Is she okay? “Pinkie, ya alright?” he asked before taking another bite of the muffin. “I love watching you eat.” Big Mac started chewing more slowly. “It’s just one of the many things I love about you.” Big Mac swallowed. “Big Mac, will you be my super-duper special somepony?” “Well, Ah think we’re cousins. It wouldn’t be right.” She shoved the plate of the cinnamon rolls off the table. The pastries flew everywhere and the plate shattered on the floor. “I said would you be my super-duper special somepony!?” Big Mac paused for a moment to think. “Sho' thin' smoopy-doopy. Could you make me some waffles?” A large smile broke out across Pinkie Pie’s face. “Okey dokey my red delicious apple!” She planted a kiss on his cheek and ran back into the kitchen. Ah gotta get out of here! Big Mac slipped off the stool and quietly walked over to the door. He opened it slowly and softly closed it behind him. Then he bolted from Sugarcube Corner. Somethin’s wrong with Pinkie! Maybe this madness runs in the family? Ah gotta hide. Maybe Rarity can hide me? Ah just hope she isn’t crazy as well! Big Mac reached the highly decorated and richly painted building that was Carousel Boutique, home and business of Rarity. He reached the front door but noticed the sign that read “CLOSED.” Maybe she’s in back? He rushed around back and found the door unlocked. He quickly slipped inside. He sat down on the floor, resting for a moment. Cautiously he peered out the window. No Pinkie Pie! He turned around and looked at the empty kitchen. Ah’d better let her know Ah’m here. I don’t want her to think Ah’m breaking in. He slowly walked around. “Rarity?” he called. He entered her living room, but didn’t see her. “Rarity?” He continued on into the boutique. “Rarity?” Still no response. She’s not here. Well, Ah don’t think she’d mind if Ah hid in here for a while. He laid down and within minutes was fast asleep. ~~~ Big Mac woke with a start. He saw the sun coming in the window and guessed it was probably sometime late morning. He heard the back door swing open and hoofsteps in the kitchen. Big Mac sat upright waiting for Rarity, or whom he supposed was Rarity, to enter. “What’s this?” came Rarity’s voice. “Did Sweetie Belle and her friends drag mud into my house? Sweetie Belle!!!” Uh-oh. I must have brought mud into her home. Ah’ll have to clean that up for her. Ah hope she isn’t too mad. The door from the kitchen opened, and the white unicorn stood in the doorframe. “Big Mac?” she asked in surprise. “Eeyup.” “What? Are you hiding in my boutique?” “Eeyup.” She approached him. “So the mud on my floor came from you?” “Eeyup.” “You’re an absolute mess.” “Eeyup.” “Would you like to take a shower?” A hot shower? Get all this mud off me? “Eeyup.” “Follow me.” Rarity led Big Mac from the boutique to the stairs. She climbed the stairs and Big Mac followed, the stairs creaking under his weight. They reached the top and Rarity entered what Big Mac figured was the guest bathroom. Whoosh! With a quick use of her magic the taps turned and hot water streamed from the shower head, the steam starting to fill the bathroom. “Take as long as you want,” said Rarity. “Eeyup.” Ah sure am glad to have a friend such as Rarity. Ah’ll have to do somethin special to show my ’preciation. Why’s she still standing here? “Uh, Ah think Ah’ll take the shower now.” “Yes.” “Uh, if y’all excuse me.” “I thought I might join you,” she said in a sultry tone. Oh shit! “Big Mac,” she purred. “I’ve always loved the strong silent type. And you’re the strongest, most silent stallion I’ve ever met.” “Miss Rarity –” “It’s fate that led you to me on Hearts and Hooves Day. Be my special somepony!” Big Mac pushed by Rarity and made a break for the bathroom door. In an instant he was levitating in a blue aura. However, he was heavier than anything she had ever lifted and after a moment her magic faltered. Thud! Big Mac slammed onto the floor. Meanwhile Rarity stood dazed after her overexertion. Big Mac scrambled up and ran down the stairs and rushed out the front door. The bright sunshine momentarily blinded him. He looked around and there were many ponies out at this hour. “Big Mac?” came a voice from behind him. He turned, “Miss Cheerilee?” “Is something amatter my shmoopy-doopy sweetie-weetie pony pie?” Oh shit! “Miss Cheerilee!” “Big Mac!” came another voice. He turned to see Bon Bon. “Big Mac what’s... oh, you’re so handsome.” “Big Mac!” came the voice of Lyra. “Be my special somepony!” Lyra was pushed aside by Bon Bon. “He’s mine!” Bon Bon was shoved to the ground by Cheerilee. “I saw him first!” Within a minute Big Mac was surrounded by a dozen mares. Earth ponies... unicorns... pegasi... all wanted him and they began fighting one another, throwing punches and kicking each other in the face. “What’s going on here!?” Rainbow Dash flew down and landed in front of Big Mac. Thank Celestia Rainbow Dash is here! “He’s mine!” came some voices. “He’s my special somepony!” yelled two mares. “Big Mac!” screamed other mares. “He’s my cutie-patootie lovie-dovie honey-bunny!” came a particular voice from the melee. “Get away from him you crazy mares!” she yelled. She flew up and threw her forelegs around his neck. “Haven’t you heard of MacDash!?” What the F%#@! Big Mac dashed from the brawl, galloping as fast as he could. He looked behind him and saw some twenty mares chasing after him, with Rainbow Dash in the lead. He picked up the pace, pushing himself even harded. Looking behind, she was gaining on him. He needed to lose them, and fast. Big Mac began weaving among the buildings of town. He doubled back. He took sharp corners. Yet everywhere he went the mares were right on his tail. Up ahead he saw the laboratory. He made a final sprint and opened the door. Quickly he slammed the door shut behind him. Wham! A pegasus shaped impression formed on the door. Big Mac breathed a sign of relief. “What’s going on in here?” asked a brown pony. “Doc, they’re after me,” replied Big Mac. “Who’s after you?” asked Dr. Hooves. Suddenly there came banging on the door and screams of crazy mares. Dr. Hooves threw himself against the door to keep it shut. “Quite the holiday, this Hearts and Hooves Day? Go out the back, I’ll hold them off as long as I can.” Big Mac slipped out the back and sprinted as fast as he could. He headed off towards the shimmering castle in the distance. Maybe this is a magic spell, like Smarty Pants. In which case there’s one mare Ah need to see! Author's Note As promised, here is Chapter 2. As you can see, things are getting out of ~~hand~~ hoof for Big Mac. Check back tomorrow for Chapter 3. Dreadnought
RevelationsAuthor's Note Thanks for following the story to Chapter 5. Though this chapter may seem like a fitting ending, check back tomorrow for the conclusion with Chapter 6! Dreadnought Revelations “Discord!” yelled Big Mac. “Hello Big Mac,” replied the draconequus sheepishly. “Discord! You’re behind this!” “Actually....” Stepping out from behind Discord was Applejack. “...I’m responsible. I asked him to do it.” “What!” “I’m sorry big brother,” she said, staring at the ground to avoid having to look Big Mac in the eyes. “Applejack?” questioned Celestia. She looked up. “I love my brother. I want him to be happy. He doesn’t have a special somepony and I didn’t want him to be alone on Hearts and Hooves Day. So I asked Discord to make him more attractive to mares. I didn’t realize things would – get so out of hoof.” “Discord,” scolded Celestia. “Applejack may have asked you, but you should have said no.” “Well,” began Discord. “He didn’t want to,” explained Applejack. “But I kept asking him until he agreed to it.” Big Mac approached Applejack. “Ah’m glad you care so much for me, but you shouldn’t interfere. Ya know the chaos last year.” “Last year?” asked an eager Discord. A glare from Celestia quickly quieted the draconequus. “I know,” said Applejack. “Ah forgive ya,” said Big Mac. The two siblings hugged. “Well, I’m glad this is over. It is over, right Discord?” asked Celestia. “I’ve removed all chaos magic from Big Mac. Any attraction mares have to him are based solely on his natural charms.” Celestia looked at the group. “Well Big Mac, you must be hungry?” “Eeyup.” “Let’s get you back to Sweet Apple Acres,” said Applejack. “Granny and I will start makin’ a big ol’ supper for you.” “No need Applejack,” said Celestia. “I will have dinner made by the royal chefs and brought to Sweet Apple Acres.” “We can’t ask you to do that,” said Big Mac. “Of course we will,” said Luna. The two siblings looked at each other. “Would ya like to come to dinner?” asked Applejack. Celestia said, “Yes. And I’m sure Discord would like to join us as well?” “Me?” asked the draconequus. “I mean, I suppose I could rearrange my schedule to attend,” he said as he attempted to seem disinterested. “Now then,” continued Celestia. “I don’t think you want to walk back to Ponyville. We will transport you there now.” In a moment, four ponies and a draconequus were transported away in a bright flash.
