Starlight Hates Pinkie Pie
“So I was all like but what if I take a Cherry and put it into a Chimmichanga? I could call it a Chimmi Cherry! Or a Cherry Changa!! What do you think? Chimmi Cherry or Cherry Changa? Cherry Changa or Chimmi Cherry? Chimmi Cherry? Cherry Changa? Changa Chimmi? Chimmi Cherry Changa?”
Pinkie Pie kept babbling on and on and on in her usual annoying way, bouncing alongside Starlight Glimmer as the two walked for what seemed like eternity. Twilight had suggested Starlight hang out with Pinkie as part of her Friendship lessons since Twilight was busy on royal duties, and Starlight had spent the least amount of her lessons with Pinkie compared to Twilight’s other friends.
This last part of course was not by coincidence, to say Starlight found Pinkie annoying was the biggest understatement in Equestria. Claws on a chalkboard was heaven compared to five minutes with Pinkie Pie, specially ALONE with Pinkie Pie. Starlight glanced up at the sky hoping a meteor would rain down and take her out of her misery, only to be met with clear sunny skies.
“Fudge Sticks!!” Starlight swore under her breath.
Starlight drowned Pinkie out as she continued along Ponyville Market. She could swear ponies passing by were giving her looks of sympathy for having to deal with the disease known as Pinkie Pie. Starlight had enough, there had to be SOME way she could lose Pinkie Pie for the rest of the day, or preferably the rest of her life. Turning the corner, the train station came into view giving Starlight an idea.
“Hey Pinkie, wanna play a game?” Starlight interrupted Pinkies monologue.
“DO I EVER!!” Pinkie bounced in place full of excitement. “What game do you have in mind?” Tag? Hoofball? Chess?”
Starlight shushed the hyperactive party pony with a hoof “I had a new game in mind, it’s called one way!”
“Sounds fun, how do we play? How do we play?” Pinkie Pie was shaking with excitement.
“It’s easy, you get on a train and take it one way!” Starlight explained shoving Pinkie onto the nearest train, apparently heading for Baltimare.
“I LOVE THIS GAME!!” Pinkie shouted as the train gave a loud toot of its horn and started lurching forward. “ONE WAY! ONE WAY! ONE WAY! ONE WAY! ONE WAY!”
Starlight waved goodbye as the train took the pink menace further and further until she was finally out of her mane. “Well THAT was easy!” Starlight congratulated herself as she turned and left the station. “I think I’ll go spend the rest of the afternoon at the spa! Maybe I’ll try the steam room Rarity’s been suggesting, or just my usual treatment of a massage and hot soak!”
“My favorite is the facial since I get to eat cucumbers!” Pinkie chimed in next to Starlight. “Although Aloe and Bubbly seem to get mad at me whenever I do that!”
“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!” Starlight nearly jumped out of her fur in fright. “HOW THE HAY DID YOU GET BACK HERE SO QUICKLY!!!”
“I don’t know?” Pinkie shrugged “That game was fun, let’s play Yahtzee next!!”
“I HATE Yahtzee!!!” Starlight deadpanned.
“Ok how about Monopoly?”
“That game killed my parents!”
“Hopscotch?”
“Do I look five years old to you?”
“Trivia Bingo?”
“I’m allergic to learning!”
“OH! OH! How about Duel Monsters?”
“PINKIE PIE!!!!!”
Pinkie gave Starlight a blank stare “I’ve never heard of that game before, how do you play?”
Starlight face hoofed so hard she nearly cracked her skull. She looked around hoping for something that might help her escape this nightmare. Plastered on the notice board in the center of town she noticed several advertisements for Trixie’s upcoming second repentance tour. At least this time her unicorn friend had shortened the name. Starlight had actually traveled with Trixie a few times this tour to help her perform her now most popular trick, The Moonlight Manticore Mouth Dive.
Suddenly Starlight got another idea how to give Pinkie the slip “Hey Pinkie, wanna see a cool trick?”
“Do I EVER?” Pinkie bounced on the balls of her hooves in anticipation.
“Ok, this is one my friend Trixie taught me, were gonna need a cannon and…….”
“Done!” Pinkie exclaimed seemingly pulling her famous (or infamous by Starlight’s standards) party cannon out of thin air.
“How did you…. Never mind!” Starlight rolled her eyes “Ok next I need you to climb into the cannon.”
Pinkie saluted and climbed into the cannon, shoving a pink buffalo helmet onto her head.
“Ok, now I aim the cannon like this!” Starlight used her magic to move the party cannon upward trying to think of the best place to shoot Pinkie at, somewhere far far away. The moon was preferable, but Starlight doubted Luna would appreciate it. Opting to shoot her at Canterlot Castle, she aimed the cannon toward the capital city and lit the fuse.
“Nice knowing ya Pinkie Pie!” Starlight closed her ears with her hooves as the cannon shot Pinkie forward with a resounding bang. She watched as a pink blur went zooming past rocketing its way toward Canterlot Castle. “Finally!” Starlight sighed with relief “Now I can enjoy the rest of the day in peace!”
“That was a cool trick, can we do It again?”
“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” Starlight spun around to find Pinkie Pie suddenly right beside her, eating a bucket of purple cotton candy. “HOW DID YOU GET BACK HERE? AND WHERE DID YOU GET THAT COTTON CANDY FROM?”
“They were selling it outside Canterlot Castle!” Pinkie answered stuffing a hoofull into her mouth “Wonna twy sum?”
“NO!!!” Starlight knocked the bucket out of Pinkies hooves “GET BACK IN THE CANNON!!” Starlight forcefully shoved Pinkie back into the cannon and fired it again. Once again she watched Pinkie zooming out of sight toward Canterlot castle, and once again spun around to find Pinkie Pie still standing right next to her.
“I don’t think this trick is working very well!” Pinkie tilted her head in confusion.
“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!” Starlight shoved herself into the cannon and snatched Pinkie’s helmet shoving it on her head. “FIRE THE CANNON PINKIE!!”
“Um, I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea…”
“DAMMIT PINKIE I SAID FIRE THE FREAKING CANNON!!”
“Whatever you say Starlight Glimmer!” Pinkie said adopting the monotone voice she had under Starlight’s mind control spell. She lit the fuse and the cannon launched Starlight forward with a loud bang.
Starlight felt her eyes water as the wind battered her face. Tree’s and mountains flew by in a blur as she continued picking up speed. Through her blurry vision Starlight saw she was heading straight for the upper floors of Canterlot Castle. Too late she realized this was a bad idea. The last thing Starlight remembered as she crashed into one of Celestia’s prize painted glass windows was the screams of several servants.
“I think she’s waking up now!”
“Oh thank goodness, I was so worried!”
Starlight swore she had heard those voices before, she cracked open her eyes but her vision was blurred.
“Starlight! Can you hear us?”
“STARLIGHT!!! WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T GO TOWARDS THE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!”
“PINKIE THAT’S NOT HELPING!!!”
“Twilight?” Starlight wheezed as her vision returned. The face of her mentor and fellow Princesses Celestia and Luna came into focus. “Am I in Heaven?” Starlight painfully turned her head and came face to face with the last pony she wanted to see. “OH NO PINKIE’S HERE, THIS MUST BE THAT OTHER PLACE!!!”
“Starlight you’re in Canterlot Castle!” Twilight rolled her eyes “You crash landed into Celestia’s throne room!”
“We believe you mean Celestia and Luna’s throne room!” Luna corrected indignantly.
“Whatever!” Twilight continued “And you managed to break both of your front hooves and crack your skull. Not to mention several lacerations along your face and hooves from glass!”
Starlight suddenly realized she could neither feel nor move her front legs, she looked down to find herself completely bandaged from head to hoof aside from her eyes and mouth.
“Buuuuuuuuuut on the bright side your already set for next Nightmare Night as a Mummy!!” Pinkie chimed in “You lucky stiff, I still have to wait till next month to get my costume…”
Starlight had half a mind to break every bone in Pinkie’s body so she can share her fate, but her own broken limb’s prevented her from doing so.
“Aaaaaaanyway” Twilight interrupted glaring at Pinkie “The doctor says you can go back to Ponyville next week, but you have to be on bed rest for at least a month! Plus, weekly visits to the Ponyville hospital for treatment!”
“Oh well…” Starlight sighed “I’ve got plenty of stuff to keep me occupied in my room back at your castle.”
“Actually the doctor says you can’t stay there…”
“WHAT???!” Starlight sat up in shock only to receive a world of pain in her head.
“Well all the rooms are on the upper floors, and given you can’t really use the stairs right now that would be impossible for you to get around on your own!” Twilight explained “Plus Spike and I aren’t always around so we can’t be there to help you…”
“Ok, so where am I going to be staying then?” Starlight asked confused.
“Well Rarity’s place has the same issue, Rainbow Dash lives on a cloud, AJ’s place is too far away from the hospital, Fluttershy’s house is being rebuilt, so that just leaves………”
Starlight’s eyes went wide with horror “You don’t mean………...”
“THAT’S RIGHT!!! YOU GET TO LIVE WITH MEEEEEEEE!!!” Pinkie cheered grabbing Starlight into a painful hug. “Were gonna have SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH FUN!!! I’m gonna cook us marshmallows, we can play board games, play with Gummy, eat sarsaparilla, drink hot chocolate….”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
