The Second Story Underwear Thief

by mayorlight

Rating: teen
Tags: Equestria Girls, Mystery, Principal Cinch, Shadowbolts (EqG)
Length: 2634

Sugarcoat investigates the theft of underwear from Crystal Prep's dormitory.

When a thief starts breaking into Crystal Prep's girls' dormitory to steal underwear, Sugarcoat may be the only one who can unravel the mystery.

A quick, silly read in the vein of classic animated shorts.

Published 2017-02-13 04:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-02-13 04:30:01 UTC

The Second Story Underwear Thief

Sugarcoat strolled through the main foyer of Crystal Prep Academy. Outside, the sun was setting over the city of Canterlot. It was still spring, but it already felt like summer. After spending her Friday afternoon volunteering at the animal shelter and joining Fluttershy for a light vegan dinner, Sugarcoat was ready to retire to her dorm room and wind down.

As she rounded a corner, somebody bumped into her hard enough to knock her flat on her bottom. She looked up to find Lemon Zest standing over her, cradling a small paper bag in her arms.

"Oh my goodness!" said Lemon contritely. "I'm so sorry Sugarcoat!"

"Remind me to never get into a mosh pit with you," quipped Sugarcoat as she picked up a smooth, reddish-orange piece of fruit that had fallen out of Lemon's bag. "I didn't know you liked mangoes."

"I don't, t-they're for a friend," stammered Lemon as she took the fruit and helped Sugarcoat to her feet. "Gotta run. Sorry again!"

With that, Lemon took off down the hall. Sugarcoat wondered what could be so urgent - especially for Lemon Zest, who was seldom ever in a hurry. She did not even have her headphones blasting like she usually did. Knowing her, she was probably up to some mischief with Indigo Zap.

Sugarcoat ascended the central staircase up to the third floor, where the student residence halls were located. As she walked through the girls dormitory, she came upon a visibly distressed Sour Sweet pacing the hall outside her room.

"Sour Sweet, what's wrong?"

Sour's eyes glistened with tears. "Somebody broke into my room!"

Sugarcoat's normally expressionless mask cracked. "When did this happen?"

"Sometime in the last hour," said Sour as she led Sugarcoat into her room. "I went down to the archery range for a bit, and when I came back just now, my room was like this!"

Inside Sour Sweet's room, several odds and ends lay scattered about the floor around her dresser. The top drawer of the dresser remained ajar, and the window was open. Sugarcoat scanned the room. "Is this how you found it? You didn't move anything?"

"Yes."

"Did the intruder take anything?"

Sour made a face as though she were swallowing something vile. "A pair of underwear."

Sugarcoat gave Sour an incredulous look. Somebody stole her underwear? It sounded like something out of a raunchy comedy film. Still, she could see that Sour was dead serious. "Only one pair?"

"Yes," said Sour as her face reddened. "A purple silk pair."

Sugarcoat examined Sour's door. The lock and its plate were still intact. Of course, if the thief had tried to force it, somebody in the dorm would have likely heard the ruckus. Sugarcoat turned her attention back to the window. "Was that open when you left?"

"Yes, to let the air circulate," Sour's eyes widened. "You don't think he...?"

"It's only other viable point of entry," said Sugarcoat as she walked to the window. "This looks like a classic second story job."

"Uh, we're on the third floor?" sneered Sour as her less personable persona emerged.

"As in second story man," said Sugarcoat patiently. "A thief who enters from an upper story window."

Sugarcoat looked out the window, which had a view of the Academy soccer field, where the soccer team was just finishing up its practice session. Below the window, there was nothing on the brick structure had could be used as hand or footholds, and no ivy growth. Sugarcoat turned around pensively.

"Even if a thief could climb up this wall, someone would have seen him from the soccer field."

"Who could have done this? A ghost? A gremlin? Spider-Man?"

"No clue, but you'd best go and inform Dean Cadance," said Sugarcoat as she walked back to the door. "And we'd better watch our backs if the culprit is still loose. Take care, Sour Sweet. I'll see you around."

***

That night, the peace of the girls dormitory was shattered by an earsplitting scream.

Sugarcoat awoke - she recognized the scream as Sunny Flare's. Hastily, she donned her eyeglasses and entered the hall to investigate. Several of her classmates likewise emerged from their rooms in their sleepwear. Sour Sweet still had her night guard in her mouth. Indigo Zap was armed with a wooden softball bat.

Sunny Flare burst out of her door, clad only in her nightgown. "There's somebody in my room!"

Indigo charged in. Sugarcoat followed, turning on the light switch as she entered. Sunny's normally neat and tidy quarters was in disarray. Her bed sheets were strewn about the floor at the foot of her bed. Her two pillows lay near the foot of her dresser - the top drawer of which remained ajar.

One by one, Indigo checked the closet, bathroom and even under the bed. "All clear! There's nobody here!"

Sunny Flare warily re-entered her room with Sour Sweet on her heels. Sunny eyed the window. "Could he have...?"

Sugarcoat and the others looked toward the window. It was open by just four inches - far too small for somebody to have squeezed through unless they were some master contortionist. Before Sugarcoat could examine the window further, a familiar austere voice froze her and the others in their tracks.

"What is going on up here?"

Standing in the doorway was Principal Abacus Cinch, clad in a dark mulberry robe and matching slippers. Behind her, several of their classmates stood in the hallway looking in.

"Auntie," started Sunny before remembering proper protocol. "Principal Cinch, somebody was in my room just now!"

While Cinch's voice softened, her demeanor did not in the least. "What happened, Sunny Flare?"

"I was asleep, and then I awoke and saw a shadow hunched over my dresser. I threw my pillows at him and ran for the door."

Cinch scanned the dresser and the pillows on the floor. "Did you get a good look at the intruder?"

"No, I only saw his shadow on the wall."

"Do you know if the intruder took anything?"

Sunny hastily sifted through each of her dresser drawers. "None that I can see."

Cinch stepped over to the dresser. Her icy demeanor shattered when she suddenly sneezed.

"He-CHOO!" Cinch blinked her eyes as she sniffed. She then shifted her attention to the window. "Did you leave that window open?"

"Yes," replied Sunny. "But only a crack."

Principal Cinch stepped over to the window. As she reached out to lift the pane, she sneezed again. Three times in a row. Her allergy to animals was well-known at Crystal Prep. Cinch slammed the window shut before turning back to her students. The whites of her eyes looked like bloody spiderwebs.

"It looks like our culprit was nothing more than a common squirrel," said Cinch, regaining her composure. "I'll advise the groundskeeper. Back to your rooms all of you."

The other girls hastened to obey as Sunny gathered up her pillows and sheets. As Sugarcoat walked back to her room, she noticed Lemon Zest looking out one of the windows in the hall.

***

Late the next morning, Saturday, Lemon Zest quietly stepped through the halls of the girls dorm. By now, most of her classmates would have left their dorm rooms - Sour Sweet in particular would be out somewhere with Sunny Flare. It was now the perfect time to do what she had to do.

After making sure nobody else was around, Lemon crouched down at Sour Sweet's door. From her blazer pocket, she pulled a large resealable plastic bag containing a pair of purple panties. Carefully, quietly, she slid the bag under the door - when it suddenly swung open. Lemon looked up to find Sour Sweet and Sunny Flare glaring down at her.

"You thieving swine!" screamed Sour.

Before Lemon could act, Sour was on top of her. Sunny picked up the bag as the other two girls struggled on the floor.

"You stole my underwear!"

"I didn't take your stinking underwear!" screamed Lemon.

"Care to explain this then, dearie?" asked Sunny, brandishing the bag and its contents.

My visual interpretation...

"She didn't."

The girls turned to find Sugarcoat standing in the hall with her arms crossed, heavy leather gloves covering each of her hands.

"Alright Lemon," said Sugarcoat. "Where is the monkey?"

Sunny and Sour exchanged puzzled looks before glancing back at Lemon who now had a downcast look on her face.

"I don't know," replied Lemon. "I'm looking for him now."

Sour released her grip on Lemon and helped her friend back onto her feet. Lemon pulled out her smartphone and brought up a photograph of a white-headed Capuchin monkey. "Two days ago, I found this cute little Capuchin in the park."

"Aw, how adorable," cooed Sour. "Until he bites your face off!"

"I was careful!" Lemon retorted. "He seemed friendly enough, so I sneaked him into my room."

"You brought a wild animal in here?" asked Sunny.

"She'd bring a dinosaur onto campus if she found one!"

"You don't know where he's been!" Sunny screamed. "What if he's carrying some mutated strain of the Ebola virus? You could have infected us all!"

"I think we would be all showing symptoms by now if it were," said Sugarcoat impassively.

Lemon continued. "Yesterday morning, when I woke up, my window was open and he was gone. I thought he'd just run off, but I left my window open in case he came back. When I returned after classes, I found Sour's underwear on my dresser. I didn't know it was hers until I overheard somebody mention it being stolen last night. I figured he must have taken it and left it in my room."

"A monkey that steals underwear?" asked Sunny incredulously.

"Probably something he learned from a previous keeper," said Sugarcoat.

"Looks like it," said Lemon sheepishly. "I'm really sorry for all this trouble. Right now, I just want to give back what he's taken, and make sure he's taken somewhere safe."

"We'll have to find him before we can call Animal Control," said Sugarcoat. "Lemon, has he returned to your room since yesterday?"

"Last night, just after the, uh, disturbance. When I went back to my room, I found the mango I'd left on the window sill gone."

"Do you have any more on you?"

Lemon Zest reached into a pocket and produced a mango slightly bruised during her scuffle with Sour Sweet and handed it to Sugarcoat.

"What good is bait if we don't know where he'll be?" hissed Sour.

Sugarcoat considered as she paced. "Wherever there is an open window and underwear to steal, he'll..."

Suddenly, a loud crash came from the laundry room, followed by somebody screaming, "Little booger! I'll get you!"

The girls recognized the voice as Indigo Zap's and hastened to investigate as the sound of objects being knocked about continued. Sour Sweet, being the most fleet-footed, reached the laundry room first. As she entered, something latched onto her vest. She looked down to find a pale fur-covered face staring back at her.

Sour screamed as she backed into a washing machine. The monkey let out its own shrill howl, revealing its long, pointy canine teeth. In one of its hands was a pair of navy blue boxer shorts. Indigo Zap stepped forward armed with the same wooden softball bat she had the night before. Lemon, Sunny, and Sugarcoat arrived as Indigo readied her bat.

"Sour," said Indigo. "Don't. Move."

My visual interpretation...

Sour frantically shook her head. "No Indigo, please don't..."

Lemon dashed forth. "Indigo, NO!"

Indigo took the swing as Lemon tackled her to the floor. The bat came down on the washing machine with a reverberating thud, missing both Sour and the monkey by mere inches. Indigo struggled under Lemon's weight as the monkey leaped off Sour.

"Ugh! Get off me Lemon! He's got my shorts!"

Free of the monkey, Sour turned her rage on Indigo.

"You could have killed me!"

As the three scuffled about on the floor, the monkey scrambled toward Sunny, running up her leg and around her waist before grabbing hold of her blazer collar from behind.

"EEK!" Sunny screamed frantically. "Getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!"

My visual interpretation...

Between Indigo, Lemon, and Sour scuffling on the floor and Sunny's shrieking, the monkey grew even more agitated. It was then that Sugarcoat gave a shrill whistle that got everybody's attention.

Sugarcoat locked eyes with the monkey, betraying no emotion. Slowly, she held up the mango with one gloved hand, then extended the other toward the monkey with an open, upturned palm. The frightened animal seemed to calm down a bit. After several moments, the monkey dropped Indigo's shorts, leaped down from Sunny and ran to Sugarcoat.

By now, several other students had gathered in the hall to see what all the commotion was. They immediately cleared a path as Principal Cinch stepped forward.

"What is all the noise now?"

Cinch gasped at the sight of the monkey snacking on a mango in Sugarcoat's arms.

"Principal Cinch," said Sugarcoat. "I believe we've found our intruder."

***

Principal Cinch wasted no time in contacting Animal Control. Sugarcoat and Lemon Zest kept the monkey pacified in the latter's room as they waited. Less than half-an-hour later, two friendly Animal Control officers arrived with a traveling crate. With the same care Sugarcoat demonstrated earlier, they coaxed the monkey into the crate without further incident. Lemon bid a fond farewell to her furry little friend.

"Don't you worry," said the first officer. "He'll go to a sanctuary where they'll take good care of him."

"Good work, Sugarcoat," said the second. "Say hi to Fluttershy for us."

"I shall. Thanks again."

Following the incident, Sunny Flare went back to her room to shower and change her clothes. She did not emerge until Sugarcoat texted her confirming that the monkey had been taken away. Even then, she would still not be at ease until she got a clean bill of health from her physician the following week.

None of the girls, including Sugarcoat, mentioned Lemon Zest's part in bringing the monkey into the dorm. Despite Cinch's scrutiny, Lemon managed to avoid being implicated. Officially, the monkey was a stray animal that had somehow wandered onto campus. Indigo Zap was quick to forgive Lemon, but Sunny Flare, Sour Sweet and Sugarcoat were not so lenient. In return for their silence, Lemon had to deep clean each of their bathrooms. Still, it was better than getting detention - at least she could groove through her playlist as she scrubbed the tile.

By the following Friday, Lemon had finished cleaning Sunny's and Sour's bathrooms, and was finishing up Sugarcoat's. Once she was done scrubbing the shower stall, she awaited Sugarcoat's final inspection. After a few tense moments, Sugarcoat gave a satisfied nod.

"I hereby declare your debt officially paid in full."

"Thank you again for your help, Sugarcoat."

"Hey Lemon!" Indigo Zap poked her head into Sugarcoat's room. "Heard you just finished your sentence, so I got you a smoothie!"

Exhausted from the last two hours of scrubbing, Lemon eagerly accepted the drink and savored its taste. "Mmm, what flavor is this?"

Indigo cracked a mischievous smile. "Banana-mango."

Indigo burst out laughing as Lemon gave her a flustered look. Without a word, Lemon handed the smoothie over to Sugarcoat, who in turn handed her a pillow. Indigo's and Lemon's screams rang throughout the dorm.

Author's Note

Well, this was something different now, wasn't it?

The inspiration for this scenario came from: (1) Edgar Allan Poe's classic The Murders in the Rue Morgue, (2) the movie Monkey Trouble, and (3) The Silk Panties Collector chapter of Kosuke Fujishima's manga You're Under Arrest.

Hope you enjoyed this silly little one-shot!