AKA Jessica's Luck

by Sense of Humor

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Adventure, Crossover, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 2151

A Private Investigator must battle the woes of her job while mothering a sassy earth pony filly.

Jessica Jones, fresh out of several months worth of trauma, is now working as a Private Investigator with secret abilities. She doesn't deal with the trauma like most would through therapy or group talks or even friends-- she seeks the company of a good bar to keep away her personal troubles.

Well, a small little horse just so happened to be in her apartment after a night of hard drinking.

Jessica has no idea how it got there, why it has a country accent and how to take care of it for now. Thankfully, she won't have too much time to figure out the answers to those questions, because the man who caused all of her trauma is back to torment her again. With the aid of old friends and one animalistic one, will Jessica Jones be able to stop this man once and for all?

Or is she going to lose her mind taking care of the stupid horse?

(Drinking and mentions of Bed Wrestling involved, along with other themes you might find in law order) (Also deep Pony/Human friendship over time)

Published 2017-03-05 20:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-15 03:58:15 UTC

AKA Howdy, Pardner

Lousy, stupid hangover.

One would think--especially someone like her-- that after so many blinding mornings filled with pounding headaches, this type of thing would be numb to her brain. She shouldn't feel the explosion blasting through every atom of her head, or the queasiness that laced the pain. Heck, she shouldn't feel the suddenly intense urge to rush into the bathroom so that whatever she drank last night wouldn't stain the floor. And yet, both feelings remained just the same every frickin’ time. On the bright side, at least none of these cons was enough to deter her from getting another drink later on.

Jessica gasped for air after the final dry heave died out on account of emptying her stomach, and wiped her thin lips with the back of her hand to look half decent to herself; she was never going to let herself get drunk enough to mix tequilas, barbeque and Budweiser ever again. She sighed after reluctantly agreeing with herself and decided to test out standing even though rushing into the bathroom had been proven anyway. It caused a larger blast of pain to throb in her cranium and gave her another urge to vomit, although she was able to fight this one. Jessica finally teetered back into balance and took baby steps back to her bed with the intention of sleeping off the remainder of pain in her body. Her phone quietly interrupted that by trumpeting a familiar ringtone and furthering the pain in her skull.

Lousy, stupid hangover.

“Triiiiiiiish…” Jessica herself cringed at the awful sound that was her voice. She coughed like a chain smoker for practically two minutes before sounding 20% more decent. “You almost never call me in the mornings...this should be good.”

“You’re actually awake?” A feminine voice popped, and it took a moment to remember that it was Trish. “I logged in and saw that you bought an @$$load of booze...with my money, by the way.”

“...” Jessica remained silent for a second as her throbbing brain tried to remember ever using Trish’s money; not a single mental image of that happening. “This...ugh...This is gonna sound convenient, but I don't remember using your card…” Her hands absentmindedly patted her jeans during the talk, and her left seemed to locate a thin rectangular bulge in her pocket. As if to comment on this, Trish spoke up again.

“Well, I put my card in your pocket after the first couple of drinks we had, and then I gave it to you. I specifically told you not to buy so much…” There was a confused pause in her rambling. “Wait, why'd you buy barbeque sauce?”

“Don't… Ask.” Jessica slurred and sat down on the bed with a huff of hair running past her lips. She glanced down the hall at the kitchen, trying and failing to recall what leftovers she had. “Listen, I'm sorry about all the booze...and the sauce...and the tequila...and the male hooker.”

Trish’s laugh was short, but warm to Jessica. “You didn't get a male hooker.”

“No….but maybe I tried to.”

“Hmmm. Well, I just wanted to call and make sure that you were still alive.” There were distant voices in the background of the call, and they sounded urgent as well as impatient. Trish cleared her throat. “And now that my check is over, I'm getting reeled back in for work.”

“Okay, hey.” Jessica stopped her, eyes closed in an effort to ignore the headache. “I promise I'll pay you back for all the stuff I bought.”

“On a private investigator's salary? Riiiight. I'll pass, thanks. See you around, Jess.” The phone offered snidely, before hanging up.

The raven-haired recluse finally set her phone down and reluctantly left the seat that was her bed, making a slow beeline for the haven that was her kitchen. Her sluggish arms opened the refrigerator with enough grace to cause individual glass bottles to shake around noisily, and her lips smacked together once she considered the bologna meat sitting at the bottom of the fridge. There was a great lack of cheese in the fridge, but she could make up for it with double the peppercorn. Her nose more or less welcomed the fresh smell of bologna when she opened the package...or at least, she didn't throw up, which was a win in her mind. After making the sandwhich in what felt like a year's span of time, Jessica halfheartedly poured herself a glass of Nesquik chocolate milk. At least, it looked like Nesquik. It could've been that cheap knockoff brand, but her head was throbbing too much for her to bother reading the label too closely. The woman settled down in her small chair, which sat underneath her small table in her crowded kitchen and helped herself to the sandwhich. Sunlight from outside was blinding for her momentarily, and made her hiss between bites at the feeling. When her vision finally cleared, she was able to survey her usual kitchen with the exception of a yellow coat crumpled into a ball on the side of her.

Odd. Not only did she not own a coat with that color...but it was too small for her. Jessica smacked her lips as she examined the ball of yellow more closely and noticed that it was more curled up than balled up. It also seemed to shift slightly every few seconds...like it was breathing. But jackets don't breathe, like, ever.

She reluctantly moved out of her half-comfy seat and inched towards the moving, curled up cloth. Something about it seemed familiar yet vague to her; she must've seen it when she was under the influence last night. One of her hands gingerly touched the furry shape and nearly lept back; it was breathing AND warm like an animal. Her brain tried to think of an animal that was yellow in it's pained state and failed to as expected. The more she more she prodded the thing, the more it began to roll over until it finally sprawled unconscious on it's back. Jessica narrowed her eyes in pure disbelief as she finally identified what it was.

A horse.

It was a f∆cking horse.

An abomination of a horse though. It had a relatively petite, small snout and mouth along with somewhat stubby legs that were curled in as if to keep itself warm. The hair of it's mane and tail was a bright scarlet color in contrast to it's yellow coat and to top it all off, the thing had extremely large eyes...currently closed. She estimated that if it were standing, it would probably reach the height of her knees.

Is it dead...? Jessica mentally asked herself before rolling her eyes. Obviously, Jessica. Everything breathes when its dead.

"Mmmph..."

Jessica reeled back in mild shock as the horse-abomination mumbled something under it's breath and shifted it's head ever so slightly. It's giant eyelids twitched, then fluttered, then finally opened up in a few sparse blinks. Bright, adorable green eyes lazily scanned the room with an unfocused haze until they slowly fell on Jessica and an eyebrow was raised. Jessica, in turn, raised an eyebrow as well and debated killing it before it did anything.

"...er...howdy, stranger!" The horse thing spoke with a feminine voice, perfectly soaked in a country accent, and nervously smiled. " Y' wouldn't happ'n t' be a human, would ye'?"

And that was Jessica's cue to black out.

Author's Note

Leave a comment if you liked and want to see more! I have great ideas for this story!

AKA New Pest

"...hello? Helloooo? Are y' dead? I hope yer not dead! We literally jes' met!"

And just like that, the headache roared back into consciousness and brought her along with it. Jessica muttered some unkind words under her breath when she registered everything physically; she was somehow back in her bed, yet she was underneath the blankets like before. And with a reluctant look around she discovered that other thing was totally wrong with her morning.

"Howdy ag'n, human!" The weird horse creature offered another one of those blindingly stupid grins, though this time it was evidently nervous. "Puh-leeze don't pass out ag'n! If ya want, I'll got ye sum water...?"

Jessica groggily pushed herself back until her shoulder blades leaned heavily against the wall. What type of grade A drug was slipped in her drink last night? She'd mentally go down the line of drugs she knew, but surprisingly, there were very few that she could recall. Maybe Malcolm could help her out with that later? No, best not to trouble him right now. And asking Trish about drugs would just worry her too much...it was only a horse she was hallucinating. Nothing like a genie or something stupid like that. Just a horse.

Said horse seemed a bit fed up with the awkward silence and broke it once again. "Er, Hello? Can ye' hear me 'r whut? Yer quieter th'n a ded cherry tree 'n a cave frum Appleoosa." The sentence streamed out from her pursed lips in an absolute hurry.

The woman blinked twice. "What'd you call me?"

The horse brightened up at the response, its cute little ears perking up quietly. "Finally, yer talkin'! Speakin' a which, what d'yoo call yerself? Mah name's Applebloom!" She posed for a moment, as if saying the name was supposed to ignite some fireworks above her head.

Jessica blankly stared at the pony abomination for what felt like hours; she sighed loudly and managed to peel herself out of the bed. "Okay. I'm not doing this." The woman stalked her way over to the restroom door and opened it with a newfound strength. "Whatever I drank last night was NOT tequila and I'm not going to deal with this type of hallucination anymore. "

"Yer hallucinatin'?! Whaddaya see?" Applebloom asked innocently and bounded around the bed, searching for whatever Jessica was referring to before stopping. "Wait a sec, why am I lookin'? I won't see anythang."

The private investigator narrowed her eyes at the creature, ready to snap at it in instant until a thought crossed her mind. If she was hallucinating, how did she pass out and wake back up to the same hallucination? She reluctantly to a step towards the creature and attempted to try reaching for one of the cute little ears, only for Applebloom to shrink back in confusion. So, instead, the human snappednher fingers and blinked at the flinch Applebloom involuntarily did. "You're... Real?"

"Eeyup!" The pony nodded childishly, eyes brimming with excitement. Excitement from what was beyond Jess.

Slightly doubtful of the answer given to her, Jessica crossed her arms. "Okay. If you're so real, how'd you get here? We don't have talking horses in this...I dunno, city? World too."

Now the pony frowned, petting her nonexistent chin in deep thought. Finally, the small thing shrugged. "'M not sure...Ah jes' kinda woke up here, Ah guess." There was a short pause and another bright grin. "Maybe I can figure out what's goin' on at a library! Maybe the' ones they got here'll be like Twilaght's!"

Jessica huffed impatiently; of the all the people to be given a talking horse kid, it had to be her; nothing awesome like a cartoonishly buff guy or a dragon-- just a little girl-horse-thing. Perhaps she really was a beacon for bad luck, after all. "Why the f&ck are you talking like that? Just talk normal. This isn't Duck Dynasty or some sh!t."

"Whaddaya mean talk normal? Yer th' one who's sayin' f%ck instead of buck." Applebloom crossed her arms, mimicking Jessica in a way. "An' ye still haven't told me yer name! Or where ah am!"

"Well excuse me, buckaroo, but I don't normally get loudmouth horses in the morning!" The human snapped just before her peripheral vision caught sight of the clock; 2:56 PM. She grimaced at the time and glanced back at the bathroom, then back at Applebloom. "Okay. You're in Hell's Kitchen, New York. I'm Jessica Jones. This is my apartment."

"...What's an apartment?" There was a horrifically adorable head tilt.

"As fun as it would be to spend precious work time explaining things to you, you're just going to have to work with that. Now, I'm gonna go freak out in the bathroom for a sec. " Jessica detailed, already sliding into the bathroom. "For now, don't move. I'll have to do some work and then I'll figure out how to kick you out."

Applebloom gasped and settled herself on her hooves in an instant. "What?! But we just met! An' I don't know where else I could go! You wouldn't really kick me out, would you...er, Jessica?" She asked as innocently as a faker could.

"...yep."

SLAM!

Author's Note

A short chapter, yes, but an appetizer to the next chapter, which should have more plot development. Stay tuned!