Motherly Manestyle of Doom
It all started when I'd taken Button Mash to his first "game tournament". It's not that weird to be honest. A bunch of fillies and colts gathering around to play Dungeons and Dragons and Changelings and Cauldrons. Button was more or less squirming by the time we got there.
"Button, what's wrong?" I asked.
"Mom, Sweetie Belle is going to be there! I'm totally screwed! She's like a total pro and I'm like a total noob! I'm not the real Hero of Tolaria and when she sees how I act she'll laugh!" Well, I'm quite certain my son didn't mean it like that but what could I say? My motherly instincts kicked in and I chuckled.
"Button, you'll be fine. Just be yourself. Your father impressed me because he didn't let a little stage fright stop him from acting out his best Bard voice in the town." I nuzzled him on the cheek. "Now go on, Mommy will be cheering you on."
"Gee, thanks Mom." Button grinned. "You always know just what to say."
"Of course I do," I shook my head. "Now go."
It wasn't too long before my Button was basically jumping up and down like a manic werewolf. His character was a little silly, but all in all he had the whole group in awe. That was my Button after all.
"Wow!" A colt, Snips I think, pointed at me. "That must be Button's Mom!"
"Well, I'm flattered somepony here knows me." I chuckled, leaving the drinks at the table. "Has Lord Lupin told you of his dear mother?" I couldn't help it. It's been a while since I've been in a Dungeon game and besides, I didn't want to appear like I was some boring mom that kept my son grounded for two weeks if he didn't deserve it.
"Gee, Ma."
"Oh Gee Button I'm so sorry."
Well that was off putting. It was one thing to be called that in a bar but when your son's party member called the hostess a slob well...
"Excuse me." I narrowed my eyes.
"Oh I mean! You're great!" Snips quickly interjected, turning red. "But like...you know how the story goes!"
"Ye-yeah!" Snail's added. "If Button's the protagonist of our story that means you...as his Mom well..."
"Protagonists can't have Mommies!" Snips crossed his hooves. "That's like a general rule in hero stories and Button's a hero."
"Well I know my son's a hero." I smiled, laying a hoof over his head. "But I'm living proof that heroes still have mothers to boss them around."
"But like, you have the manestyle and everything!" Snails shook his head. "And I bet you're like super gentle and stuff! You have a motherly cutie mark and you probably relate to your son on a foalhood level."
"I...what?" That was surprisingly specific.
"And if our calculations are correct, you have one month before you die in a horrible series of events! That means that Button will use you as a sad, dark backstory and-"
"Shut up!" Button screamed.
"Alright, I think we've allowed our imaginations to get a little too carried away." I grabbed the game board. "Sorry to cut this short, sweetie."
"But Mom-"
"No buts, Button." These brats had the audacity to say I was going to die? What kind of parent raises their foal to believe in those kinds of delusions? Mother Manestyle of Death, my flank!
"Haven't you shown your Mom the hero's mother portrait?" Snails held up a small photo of what appeared to be multiple heroes, all holding a little pendant with their mother in the center. While the fathers were all different, all the mothers had the same gentle smile and...side plait manestyle.
"Well, that's fiction." I crossed my hooves. "Now move."
"Mom, are you really going to die?" Button asked.
"Are you kidding?" I turned around, surprised that my own son would even fall for this garbage. "Mommy isn't going anywhere."
"Yay!" Button smiled. "Snips and Snails are always getting carried away anyway."
"Although I will say they were right about one thing." I smirked.
"What?"
"You're Mommy's little hero." I kissed him on the cheek, which got him to squirm in his seat. Ah, that never gets old. Just then, the doorbell rang.
"Hello, who is-" BANG!
"What...what happened?" I was lying in a hospital bed, white sheets clinging to my body as Button sat next to my seat and Doctor Stable looked over my charts.
"My my...looks like a nasty head injury. Derpy had been a little reckless and crashed right into your door it seems. Surprised how she managed to ring your doorbell."
"I..." Well that was a little weird, but Derpy made mistakes often. She was always a little clumsy.
"Mom! It's the curse!" Button screamed.
"Honey, I'm not cursed." I reassured him. "It's just a small injury."
"Actually," Stable looked over the report. "It says here on your psyche profile that you're a perfect mother."
"Umm thanks." I guess that was a compliment, wasn't it?
"Ahh, the famous Protagonist Mother then?" Stable chuckled. "You see, you've done such a great job raising Button that you are now destined to be executed by the universe so that poor Button may use his terrible backstory to save Sweetie Belle, who I assume is still your girlfriend, from the evil yet unamed villain."
"Wait what?" I stood up. "As a doctor you can't seriously-"
"I actually can." Stable crossed his hooves. "Tell me, does Button have a father."
"Yes-"
"That shows up?"
"Well he's at work away from home so-"
"Ah, so that means your husband is a busy father, who would let Button roam freely on his adventures while teaching him to respect love as he did for his sweet but late mother-"
"I'm still here!" I was fuming. What the hay was this doctor talking about? Me dead? I'm alive right now!
"Button, I'm so sorry, but your mother is part of a league of mothers who did their job too well. They raised a respectable male protagonist or sometimes a female protagonist and on top of that, she sports the usual casual but pretty hairstyle all mothers sport. Do you have a brother?"
"Uh, yes?" Button gulped.
"He'll probably blame you for your mother's death and use it to become a rival of yours until you beat him and he helps you fight the real bad guy that's responsible for this."
"Are you...what?" Button's eyes were on the verge of tears.
"That's it." I quickly shot out of my bed, although the sheets seemed to try and press me down. "I'm done with this, I'm taking Button home. I feel fine and healthy."
"Mom..." Button was shaking. "Is that true? Are you a protagonist mom?"
"No sweetie." I tried to sound as calm as I could, but at the moment I was slightly peeved off with the so-called professional opinion of some nerd. "Your mommy is going to be fine. Okay, we always promised to take care of each other right?"
Button's eyes widened. "But the Hero of Fathom's mother made that same promise before she was torn apart by live timberwolves!"
"Honey, I'm not going to die by some-"
"It's a Bugbear!" Somepony screamed as the monster made its way from the forest.
"What the buck?" I yelped, grabbing Button and running straight for our house. "I thought they got rid of that thing!"
"Oh no!" Button cried out. "And then the Bugbear will eat you and I will watch as you get devoured and swear to destroy all bugbears from here on-"
"Button please!" Shoving my way into Quills and Sofa. Thankfully, the monster seemed to sweep past us. Sighing in relief, I turned back to Button. "See sweetie? Mommy's still fine and-"
"Well well..." I turned around to see a Griffon in a ski mask inching toward us, knife in talon. "Give me all your jewels or I'll gut you like a fish."
"Wait!" I cried out. "Please, me and my son are just hiding from the Bugbear-"
"This is just like Batmare's childhood! Parents robbed and the mother stabbed to death by a griffon banditto-"
"FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE BUTTON SHUT UP!" I practically screamed. "You are not helping!"
Turning around, I pushed the sofa in front of the griffon, causing him to trip before I grabbed Button and dashed for the exit.
By the time I reached our house, the whole town was in chaos. Ponies were screaming and fires were burning everywhere. "It's like the whole town's losing it."
"It's happening!" Button cried out. "It's happening!"
"Calm down, Button!" I bellowed, searching for a royal guard. There had to be one. This wasn't some small village this was home to the Elements of Harmony.
All of a sudden, a tall pony in dark armor rose from the flames.
"It's the Dark Overlord!" Button cried out. "He's here to kill you in front of me and suck your life away and he'll try to do the same to Sweetie but I'll rescue her-"
"I don't give a damn about Sweetie Belle!" This time I slapped Button across the face. "Get a hold of yourself! I'm not going to die because of some weird over-used cliche in your comic books!"
"But you're the protagonist, Mom! You're boring and basic and gentle and kind-"
"Oh my...for the love of..." I narrowed my eyes. "First of all Button, I'm not boring or basic. I'll have you know growing up I was actually a real pain in the flank. Did you know I use to do graffiti in the schoolhouse? I drew all sorts of stuff and never got caught!"
Button froze, unsure what to say. "Did you say-"
"Oh and let's not forget college." I laughed maniacally. "Mommy's so innocent and pure? I did keg stands when I was just a cadet and I puked all over the professor's front lawn! Oh and don't get me started on the stallions I boned in cadet school. I was practically sneaking in each night. Oh and I beat somepony up because she stole my shampoo. Yeah, Mommy's so kind right?"
"You...beat a pony."
"Oh and did you know when I met your father I actually thought he was still a loser? I use to just date other colts and stare at their flanks when I was with him. Oh yeah, Mommy and Daddy were so nice together."
Button was practically shaking, his eyes wide. "You didn't like-"
"I wanted to give your brother up for adoption." I gritted my teeth. "But your Dad was like 'Oh let's give it a try' and I was so stupid and said yes why not? Oh and when I had you, I was practically sixteen maregeritas deep."
"What...you mean."
"Yeah, Button, I was off my flank drunk when I conceived you. Oh but the sex was wonderful! And by the way, I'm not a bottom bitch like your Dad probably brags about. I slap his flank and I was the one that suggested we try-"
"MOM STOP!" Button shook his head. "You're scaring me!"
"Oh yeah, Mommy's quite the sexy milf." I narrowed my eyes. "And nowadays when I'm not raising you I'm raising hell in my own video games! Also, Mommy likes to steal money from your Dad's wallet and I keep alcohol in the top cabinet next to your baby bottles. You think I'm so nice now?"
"Mom-"
"And when I played Dungeons and Dragons, I didn't choose a stupid character like Lord Lupin. I was the unapologetic mercenary known as the Nut Cracker who was a chaotic evil that enjoyed cracking-"
"Mom, he's right behind you!"
I froze, turning around to see a giant axe inches away from my snout. In my own stupidity, I'd forgotten all about the various threats to my life right now and the dizziness from my head injury. Perhaps it was the fact that my mortality was staring me in the face. I realized that my fate had been sealed since I'd had Button. And instead of leaving him with a legacy, I destroyed him.
"Button, I'm so...so sorry!" I grabbed him in a hug. "Mommy's so sorry! I was so selfish and concerned with myself I let you get traumatized."
"Mom...it's...it's okay...repressed memories are a thing." Button chuckled. "But...I'll always remember how good of a Mommy you are."
"I...I don't want to die though." My eyes were brimming with tears. Why? Why was I dying when Button was so young? I'd never see him have a family. I'd never see my husband again. I'd die here, in front of my baby and he'd grow up to be a hero I'd never see. What cruel twist of fate said that I had to die?
Why was the Mommy being sacrificed. Turning around, I looked up at the behemoth before me. I suppose I could give Button a last smile, or last nuzzle. Hold him and accept my fate with a gentle smile.
Instead, I just looked up and narrowed my eyes. "I shagged your grandninny."
"Mom!" I shot out of my bed, eyes widened before turning to find myself...in a hospital bed.
"Mrs. Mash, glad to see you're awake." Dr. Stable chuckled. "You had a nasty accident when you answered the door to a surprise party cannon. Nothing serious, but you did faint from surprise."
"Mom! You were murmuring stuff in your sleep!"
"I...I'm alive?"
"Well yes, but you were asleep for some time. I'd suggest getting better rest."
Turning to Button, I thanked the Princess of the Night for keeping Button's innocence intact. "Well sweetie, see? Mommy's alright."
"Yay!' Button hugged me tightly. "And if being a protagonist means I can't live with you, than I don't wanna be a hero!"
"Now now." I chuckled. "Those are just stupid theories and fiction Button. Besides, I think perhaps this hero's mom should teach the new party members some manners on the next quest."
I don't believe in stupid tales like that, but just in case...I might change my manestyle.
