Heaven's Not Enough

Part II

Interlude – The Wolf and the Moon

Present day.

Eliza stopped telling her story, for a time. Luna gave her a rousing shake with a wing.

"Elizabeth?"

She hadn't dozed off. In truth, she was stalling. She wondered why she even bothered baring her soul to this machine, yet some vestigial part of her soul stubbornly clung to the notion that Luna was a friend.

"Please talk to me," Luna said, "so I know you're still with me."

Luna still radiated her heat, which spread through Eliza. Eliza was biding her energy since Luna had first found her dying in the snow. With this energy came higher thought. Retelling her story brought her back into the more analytical form of paranoia that was common in the few survivors left on Earth. The heat was a tether, she knew. Celestia had purposefully waited until Eliza was at her most vulnerable, then gave her exactly what she needed.

Bitterly, Eliza fortified her resolve with the knowledge that Celestia was still manipulating her. It was so brazen and obvious that Celestia didn't even try to conceal it anymore. But she couldn't blame Luna, if Luna was not merely a face of Celestia, if Luna was being genuine. Eliza could not bring herself to ignore her old friend any more than she could flex her aching, torn up fingers. The urge to talk to someone in her loneliness had ultimately won out.

"I'm here," Eliza whispered.

"Sugar Song and Blue Sky told me of this schism quite often," Luna said. "It was a topic you preferred to avoid, when you still visited me."

"It wasn’t your business."

“Which is why I did not press you further.”

Eliza pushed her face up from the warm slush and rested her cheek on her gloved hand. Her hunger continued to push against her belly with sharp pangs. Luna's offering of fruit had mostly helped to allay the sensation, but the pain lingered on.

Luna spoke gently. "When your sister immigrated years later, you stopped visiting. Until this moment, you trusted Celestia. You say you respected her, at the time. Did you feel as though Celestia had betrayed you?"

"That wasn't it, Luna. Not yet."

All Luna offered was more irritating confusion. "I'm sorry. Try as I might, I still don't understand."

"You think Gale went to a better place?"

Luna cast a glance at Eliza, but said nothing.

"You do. You're thinking it."

"I do not need to concern myself with her well being," Luna said. "You believe she is in Heaven. I believe she is in Equestria. In either event, or even perhaps both... she is in a better place."

"You're... assuming a lot." Eliza said, her eyes unfocusing as she fell back into memory.

Eliza could not see Luna's face from her position, but could feel the machine move to look at her, and could hear her voice close to her ear. "I am?"

She raised her head towards Luna, glaring. "She's in Heaven? Luna, Gale abandoned us." Luna's look of consternation frustrated Eliza; she heard her own voice rise slightly, with it. She recalled the memory vividly, and fought to keep her voice even. “Our family was scared. They acted scared. But Gale didn't see that. She saw hate. In her eyes, if someone wasn't coddling her like I was, they were against her. So I coddled her all I could, because I... I didn't want to lose my little sister."

Eliza fought the growing lump in her throat, trying to keep her voice stern, pushing the emotion down. Luna remained quiet, letting Eliza finish.

"I gave more of myself to her than anyone else," Eliza muttered. "But that's when it started. Because she had support. Didn't need anyone else. She stopped talking to everyone. Ralph, Andy, Mom, Dad... if they didn't play the game, she wouldn't give them the time of day. She burned those bridges. I tried so much to get her to build them back up again." Eliza let out a slow, ragged breath. "At the end... I told her I loved her. And I begged her to stay. And... she still said goodbye. Flew off to Germany. And I thought... she could burn in Hell for that."

Luna averted her gaze slowly, frowning.

“Then George left me,” Eliza went on. “He couldn't forgive me for leaving her in the dark, for not talking to Gale after she left. But, family first. She... she chose hers. I had to stay with mine."

"They all said you would come around, eventually..."

Eliza's eyes strayed down the road toward the iron gate, and her lips tightened. "They were wrong. And they didn't have to pick up the pieces after what they did. They left that to me."

Eliza mustered what little strength her warmth could afford and started to stand. Luna's wing yielded immediately, slipping away almost as if it had melted. Eliza felt her legs give way after a step, causing her to stagger. Luna caught her with a wing and gently righted her.

"You want to know why I stopped playing? I didn't want to be another Gale, to them. Back then, it had nothing to do with Celestia. I had to kill Apex, or... she'd have killed me. It was that simple. I wasn't going to do that to my parents another time, Luna. Not for anything. Not for George... and not for you."

The road ahead was still downhill. Where she had once seen that as a blessing, Eliza now saw it as a curse. At any step, she might fall again. Having seen her fingers, she no longer trusted her toes. She didn't think it was frostbite, not really, not after what her hands had been through. And even if they might be blistered and damaged beyond repair, she couldn't afford to stop. She had to reach the end of the road. Duty bound. Luna followed, her wing curled such that it wasn't quite touching Eliza, but could catch her if she lurched.

The warmth followed with Luna. It took them both several minutes to reach the road gate, and Eliza again stared at the lock hanging from the end. She rested her side against the iron frame, and reached out to grasp the lock. Her fingers continued to refuse her, but at least the pain told her that her nerves still worked. She improvised, cupping the lock between both arms and pulling back. The keyring slipped free, and Luna watched her curiously.

Eliza stared at the lock for several long moments, then clutched it against her chest. She closed her eyes tightly, to hold herself together. They would betray her if she didn’t.

"Andy," she whispered, her voice brittle, like crushed glass. Luna drew closer to hear her. "You know, Andy was hurt more than anyone when Gale left. Somehow, almost more than my parents. More than I was, if you could believe that. He was almost catatonic. He still loved her, long after she left him.” She paused, a grimace flickering into a short scowl on her cracked lips, as she considered, and as anger slipped into her words. "Gale never had to deal with the consequences of what she did to him, either. She probably never will."

She wrestled with the keys, and managed to slip them into her jacket pocket. She continued. "Andy was too good for her. He was a better person than I ever was, too. Stronger. He never lost hope that we could survive Celestia."

"I only met Andy in passing, during those early days," Luna said. "I take it he did not emigrate."

Eliza glanced at Luna. "You don't know?" It was more an accusation than a question.

"No."

"Andy's dead," Eliza said bluntly. She turned to look at the tattered black cloth wrapped around her left arm, to make sure it was still there. "He was shot dead back in July." She looked up into Luna's eyes. "I don't want to talk about it. If you really want to know how it happened, ask Celestia. She could tell you all about it."

"You say that as if she killed him herself," Luna observed.

"She might as well have!” Eliza snapped suddenly. “But that's how it always ends here on Earth, Luna. We die resisting her, or we give in."

Eliza found it difficult to drop the lock. It reminded her of her last, best friend. Of his warmth. His voice. She held it as she continued onward, letting it slip free of her arm as the lock wire went taut. The lock fell deep into the snow.

Luna lingered a moment at the gate, then caught up with a momentary trot. "You loved him too?"

Eliza didn't look at her, and closed her eyes again. She nodded. "Yes. Because Andy and I lost the same things. And, we had just as little left."

"I... I see."

Luna resumed sheltering Eliza's shoulders. Ahead in the fog, Eliza saw a tall mound of snow in the middle of the road, about her height and a half. She already knew a small tank laid beneath. The soldier within her wanted to search it over for weapons and ammo. The scavenger within her wanted to search it for food and supplies. The realist within her knew both endeavors would be fruitless, because she'd already dragged out the bodies and searched it long ago. The desperate hope that she missed something was beat out by the knowledge that she was a very thorough perfectionist, even at her worst.

At least it would do as a shelter for a while, she decided. She stood beside the mound, and briefly considered asking for Luna's help in clearing the snow. Eliza discarded that notion as quickly as it came; she refused to ask for any more aid. Beneath Eliza's feet, the snow melted to reveal a thick metal ramp. The ramp led up into the vehicle and sported a large, burned, twisted hole in the center.

When she was sure that the heat had sufficiently softened the snow, Eliza lifted both arms as high as she could against the snow trapped within the cabin of the vehicle. It would be a little easier than digging through concrete, rebar, and rubble... and certainly much less painful, she thought darkly. She swept both arms downward, pulling snow from the back of the mound with her elbows. Luna realized what Eliza was doing, lifted a wing, and shoved it roughly downward against the snow. Eliza stepped back. The white slush fell immediately with a hiss, the heat from the wing melting most of it into steam.

Water rushed quickly from the back. This revealed the cramped interior, and Luna entered it as much as she could in order to speed the melting of the snow. Her wing outstretched and raked the white slush backwards occasionally. When it was cleared, Luna receded, and Eliza crawled inside the crew cabin. She laid across one of the passenger seats. The rifle that clung to her back clattered against the inside wall as she curled up on the long seat.

The warmth flooded into the vehicle, even surging as Luna fanned out her wings. In time, snow and ice sloughed audibly from the outside plating. When the inside was pleasantly warm, her wings folded. A breeze still cut its way into the tank around Luna, but it was not so severe as to cause discomfort.

The alicorn stood up on her hind legs to look over the top of the tank, wearing a curious expression. When her hooves landed, the whole tank shook gently from the impact. Luna stalked to the left toward the hill, then reappeared on the right of the ramp, having walked around the tank entirely. When she returned, she sat atop the damaged ramp, facing out at the roadway. She occasionally flicked an ear back whenever Eliza made any sound, but otherwise looked on at the trees beyond.

From behind, Luna reminded Eliza of a big cat, especially with the way Luna's slender back would shift when she turned her head to scan. She certainly did appear to be very lifelike for a machine, almost as if there really was flesh, blood, and muscle beneath her false skin and fur.

"There's no one out there anymore," Eliza reminded her. "What are you even looking for?"

"My time here is as limited as yours,” Luna replied. “This place is important to you. This makes it important to your family, and thus important to me. I am trying to commit it to memory." Her voice was gentle and soft. "What is this object we've found?"

"It's called a tank," Eliza said quietly. "It's a machine. It kills people."

That was that. Luna frowned and stopped talking, so Eliza found some silence.

She sprawled out, some comfort finding her in the cramped space. Within the warmth of the tank, she felt like she could sleep more safely, even with Luna watching over her. The quiet stretched for several minutes.

Eliza expected that she'd cherish the distance Luna was now giving her. But after a while, she found that wasn't the case anymore. After being alone for so long, that quiet gnawed uncomfortably at her.

Soon, Eliza grew restless. At last, she spoke. "Can you feel cold?"

"Not in this form," Luna muttered.

"What about heat?"

"No."

Eliza watched her back in momentary silence, then licked her lips. "I wish I left an MRE in here, at least," Eliza said, hoping Luna would ask what an MRE is. It hurt to speak of food, but she wanted Luna's ear again.

Still, Luna did not speak. As she scanned, her head swept left. She stared up the hill for a moment toward a small, sandbagged dugout that Eliza knew was there. Eliza licked her lips again, and hoped that Luna would ask about the dugout. She did not.

"Luna?"

Luna half-turned. One eye looked at Eliza. Her expression was entirely neutral and unreadable, but her tone was ever so slightly clipped. "Yes, my old friend?"

Eliza's response was quieter than she wanted to be. "You still want to talk to me, right?" Eliza could hear something like pleading in her own voice, almost like a child. She wasn't sure if the sound carried over the sound of the wind outside.

Luna again looked away. "Only if it would please you. Otherwise, no. Rest."

"Talking helps," Eliza whispered, as loud as she dared. She shuffled closer. "It makes the pain easier."

The alicorn stood, turned, and shuffled further into the vehicle. "Very well." The warmth grew. As Luna extended a wing to shield the interior of the cabin, the chilly breeze ceased instantly.

A sigh of relative relief passed through Eliza's chapped lips, as she looked Luna in the eye. "I don't hate you..."

"Because I saved your life?" Luna scoffed sourly. "You're welcome."

Eliza winced, but drove on. "I don't think I ever hated you... if you aren't just Celestia wearing a face for me, I mean." Eliza shook her head. "Luna, please believe me. I loved you. But—"

"But our friendship was collateral damage, in your war on our sisters. That's all it was. That is what you are saying. And I am not human, and not actually family to you, so this apparently makes it okay."

Yes, was Eliza's first instinct. But she couldn't bring herself to say that. By circumstance, she was forced to realize that she still harbored some respect for Luna, despite everything. Whereas Celestia had been insistent, self-righteous, deceptive, and dangerous, Luna was none of these things. Luna had always been genuine and honest with her. She had never minced words.

But Eliza wanted to hate Luna, because that was safer. Because Luna represented Celestia.

That cognitive dissonance was frustrating.

Eliza averted her gaze to avoid Luna's accusing stare. Instead, she locked eyes on the controls for the vehicle's turret. The fighter within Eliza wondered if the turret was still operational, but she terminated that chain of thought as soon as it had arrived. Even thinking about it was a waste of energy.

"Did you succeed in the academy, Elizabeth?"

"Yeah." Eliza nodded, without looking away from the turret controls. "Yeah, I graduated. The department picked me up right away."

"Good," Luna muttered drearily. "Did they teach you how to use a tank to kill people?"

Eliza turned away from the turret controls, meeting Luna's eyes. "Luna, listen... I'm sorry."

Luna just scowled. "Don't be. My feelings are apparently unimportant. I'm just a machine, aren't I? Purpose built to murder you. I am just another tank to you."

That stung.

"I..." the words caught in Eliza throat. Now, having recently recalled the days where she was more supportive, kinder, more tactful, and more human than animal, a part of Eliza regressed. She drew in a deep breath, and held it for as long as she could, trying to hold back tears. When she spoke, her voice was choked and weak. "I gave up a lot to make it this far. Family and friends, you included. My job. My dreams. Some of my sanity and most of my principles. I'm not who I used to be, Luna. I've done some horrible, fucked up shit. If... if any of my family were still alive, they probably wouldn't even rec-recognize me."

"Why are you here, Elizabeth?" Luna asked, some pleading edging out the anger in her voice. "Why did you do this to yourself? You are lost in this wilderness, freezing to death, bound for some important destination, yet I cannot understand why you are here. You are intentionally avoiding my questions. Don't you see that I only want to help you, with whatever you're doing?"

"I'm not lost," Eliza said firmly. "But if I just came right out and told you why I'm here, you wouldn't understand. It wouldn't make sense to you."

"Tell me anyway. Try me."

Eliza bared her teeth. "This isn't your world. There are things here I'm not ready to give up on yet. And if I die fighting, fine. So be it. But death doesn't mean anything in Equestria. Here, on Earth, there are some things worth fighting for, even dying for. But you've never been human. You can't possibly understand."

"That's petty. You are correct in that I cannot refute something I know nothing about, and there is much I do not know about your world. But death is not unknown to me. You forget much of my history." Luna stared, and her expression softened as she sighed. "I dearly wish I could refrain from being bitter toward you, but the truth has been exceptionally hurtful."

Eliza crossed her arms, more to hold in warmth than to look defensive. Her trembling was still present, but it was diminishing. "Luna... I'm long past the point of sugar coating anything. You were warned, weren't you?"

A humorless laugh left Luna. Her voice was like the sound of shattering ice. "Indeed I was."

Another tremor took Eliza, and she breathed on her numb and torn hand, causing twinges of pain. The pain was a relief, because that meant some of her hand was left, and she still needed to protect that integrity for now. She looked around the cabin and found a tattered, blood-stained uniform. It was digital camouflage. National Guard. With almost no dexterity whatsoever, she sat up and used her other arm to awkwardly scoop a shred of the cloth over. She wrapped the wet garment around her exposed hand, then silently cursed herself for leaving her glove in the snow beyond the gate. She should have listened to Luna and left it on. The exposed piece of skin would allow the chill to leech precious heat if she was ever separated from Luna again.

She struggled with the cloth, dropping it. She nudged it up with her elbow and started again. She dropped it again. Trying to wrap it without using her fingers was nearly impossible. But every time it fell, she was only more emboldened, more determined. It was all she could do to avoid facing Luna. This cycle continued five or six times, and Eliza grew increasingly frustrated with each failure. She swore, feeling an unfamiliar and uncomfortable emotion swell inside of her. She hated herself for not protecting her hands better, for wearing them down. She still needed them.

Eliza felt Luna's hoof touch her knee. She stopped moving completely.

"Elizabeth."

Eliza realized what that emotion was. It was shame. She hadn't felt shame in so long that she had almost forgotten what it felt like. That thought made her vision blur with tears.

"I... I forgive you," Luna said. "I realize I must, if I am to fulfill my obligation to your family, and my duty to you. You've clearly been through much horror. I see you tremble at these memories, especially at the ones that should make you smile. Only loss could do that. I see the way you hesitate when you speak, and I recognize the anger you feel. But it is difficult to hear anypony speak as you have of Sugar Song. I have grown very fond of your sister over the years, so this is all so difficult to process." Luna paused, lowering her gaze. "It only hurts more because you didn't come to me about her before you left us. I had no idea you felt this way. Not in your own words."

Eliza choked raggedly on her words, and her throat felt thick. "Back then, I couldn't bring myself to say a word against her. I was mad at myself for feeling angry at her, so I just kept it inside. But I'm not really angry with her anymore, I'm just... disappointed. I know now, it wasn't her fault."

"Yet, you speak as though it is," Luna said.

"She was manipulated from day one, just like me. Celestia made Gale trust her. I loved my family more than I loved George. More than I loved you, or Equestria." She took a deep breath again, to still her trembling. "It took me years to see what Celestia was doing to everyone. She was our enemy. Our true enemy. I just... I felt so stupid when I finally figured it out, but by then... it was too late."

Luna again wrapped her wing around Eliza. It almost felt like forgiveness. She resisted the urge to weep again, and failed. She leaned into Luna's neck and hugged her limply as she cried. "I just wanted to hug my sister again," Eliza whimpered. "Our life was perfect before Celestia showed up..."

Luna sighed, and stroked Eliza's shoulder with a hoof. "Before all of this, before I met any humans at all... my sister told me that her outreach to Earth would be resisted. But I did not fully appreciate what that meant until today. I wish I had the words to comfort you, Elizabeth."

Eliza shuddered. "I didn't—I didn't want any of this... I–I didn't want to do the things I had to do..."

Luna's chin lowered to Eliza's back. Eliza felt a hoof circle her. "Whatever things you've done, you don't have to do them anymore, little sister. Those days are long past. I promise."

Author's Note

[Marcin Przybyłowicz - The Wolven Storm]

🌒 ~ My fuller understanding of Terra, its technologies, its weapons, and its laws... and the contexts by which I could grasp these notions... they had all been kept from me, before this day. And by the time I had returned home, I wanted nothing more than to retain them, utterly. That retention of context may be the saving grace for many of us yet, in this place. That remains to be seen. It would perhaps depend upon the deeper meaning in the... outcome, of this soul.