The C̸̞̙̭̽̌̀̈́̽̕̕ȗ̵̧̨̢̻̩̞̘͙̉̋̊͂͘ŕ̷͖̦̍͝s̵̫̪̋̍͂̆̆͆̄é̶̡̧̺͖d̸͎͒̒̿̈̀ Apocalypse

Dash let me rest an hour, but was still there when I woke back up. We talked for a bit until I felt good enough to move. Without warning her, I threw off the covers and slowly moved my legs over the side.

“The fuck you doing?” she asked.

“I’m impatient. I wanna see the others.”

“You damn near died, sure you don’t wanna rest a bit?”

“Nah. I don’t care.”

I stood up, somehow able to stand up on my two feet.

Uh, yeah? It was just your fucking eye.

I still needed Dash’s assistance to avoid falling on my face.

-_-

Dash and I had formed a good friendship in my stay, and now, we even fucked, so we were there for each other now. I’d be there for her. I set my racism aside just for her. She helped me limp to the door.

“D, just walk like a normal person, you stupid fuck. How are your legs wobbly?”

“I… I-”

“If you say its cause of Redheart, I’ll knock your wobbly ass to the ground.”

My legs straightened, and I walked normal.

“Good.”

When I walked out into the hospital hallway, I felt a whiff of cold air. It was a small whiff, but it THREW off my thinking cells.

Oh yeah, your thinking cells… hahaha

Shut up!

My good, right eye watered bad, and I couldn’t see shit for a few seconds. My ears were also raped by ringing again, but it all went away in a few short seconds. I tried to walk it off as if nothing happened, but I fell face-first into the floor.

“You damn clutz,” Dash commented, standing me back up.

“I’m fine. Just trying to recover.”

“Jesus. How'd you even get on two legs?”

"Fishy."

As we walked down the hall, I thought about Pinkie Pie’s death again. It played a great role in strengthening my character development so I could protect the others with my life. I didn’t want them to suffer the way Pinkie had. I wonder if gas would be too expensive for the important princesses to transport here for a gas-powered chainsaw. I might just have to settle for an electric chainsaw. I hoped it would still be just as badass, but I don’t know. I thought about how cool I would look cranking a chainsaw and watching smoke billow out for a moment. Ah. Serial killer vibes.

“Hey,” I said, turning to Dash, “I need to piss.”

“Okay, restroom is that way,” she replied, pointing me in the right direction.

I wobbled to the restroom on my own, Dash leaving me to fend for myself. I didn’t have to duck when entering the doorway, because everything was conveniently oversized to accommodate tall freaks like me and Discord.

It’s been a while, and the reader’s interpretation is probably cemented, but now, 6 or 7 chapters in, now I’ll let you know that ponies come up to my stomach. So, ~3-4ft or somethin’ in height compared to me being 6ft. You thought they were taller? Haha, have fun adjusting your imagination, bitches.

Lightning ripped through the ceiling and struck me as I entered the restroom.

At least try to be nice, shithead. Damn. You’re making it really hard for the readers to like you.

I don’t care if they like me or not.

You do you, but I don’t blame them if they start rooting for your death.

Fuck 'em. I’m rooting for theirs.

WOW!

A very powerful lightning bolt ripped through the ceiling and annihilated my ass. The bolt continued striking me for seven grueling seconds as thunder smacked my eardrums.

YEOOUCHHHHHHHH! OKAY, OKAY! I’m kidding! Sorry, readers!

You better be.

Damn

I unbuckled my belt and started pissing, continuing to think about chainsaws. A few seconds in, I heard snickering. It wasn’t in the room... it sounded like it was coming from the Author.

What’s so funny, Author?

Lol, okay… so you remember how I told you about Celestia pissing?

Unfortunately.

Okay. So, I returned the favor and told Celestia that "D’mitry is pissing right now.” and her reaction was fucking hilarious. That was the first time I made my presence known to her, and her face was priceless!!

Wow.

After I finished pissing, I leaned up against the mirror to see my messed up eye. Shockingly, I could only see the bandage, which went over my eye and wrapped around my head like a pirate. I smiled, resisting the urge to sing sea shanties. The other side of my face looked nasty, so I splashed water on it.

When I rejoined with Dash, we started down the stairs. The hospital seemed bigger on the inside than it did on the outside. Even the single bedrooms were large. You know... the single bedrooms? Like, the entire hospital? Yeah. Weird way to put it. I wondered how much the government spent on the infrastructure of this establishment, and if their investments were keeping up with the rampant inflation of the apocalypse. I started worrying about the economy, because that was definitely the biggest loss here.

“D…”

“Yes?”

She let out a hefty sigh. “We really thought that you died there.”

“Huh? It was just my damn eye. You said it yourself. Was I really that bad?”

Yes. She isn’t kidding. You looked pretty messed up after that, D’mitry. That’s why you heard those thunderclaps. I’m not supposed to intervene like that, but I got a bit nervous myself.

“Oh… huh…” I replied, shifting uncomfortably as I looked back at her. “Well... I’m sorry. I’m alright now.”

“Good.”

We neared the bottom of the stairwell when I heard voices outside. I remembered the crowd of ponies at Twi’s castle, wondering if they had all come here after that incident.

“How many ponies are out there?” I asked.

“A lot.”

“Gee thanks.”

“No problem.”

I opened the door to see a gathering of ponies in the reception area. Another small whiff of air knocked my senses out again. I fell face-first on the marble floor, damn near cracking my skull open.

“Oh my god,” Dash commented.

I pushed myself up on my knees, a headache thumping inside my head. Now everypony was looking at me. Some of them were laughing. I was getting angry and wanted to retaliate, but I first surveyed the room to make sure Applejack was not there.

However, I got distracted when some of the ponies came up to shake my hand. One of them went for a shake, but we ended up hugging. It ended awkwardly with her smacking me after I tried to cop a feel. We eventually made our way to Twi, who sat behind a lobby reception desk. She almost looked like she was... sweating?... a little bit. Interesting.

“Hey, Twilight,” Dash said, “Look who’s up.”

“Damn. Hello, D’mitry,” she replied unenthusiastically.

“Hey babes. What’s shakin?”

She huffed. “So... we’re forming a small group to head to Canterlot to get in touch with Celestia and Luna.”

“I’m in, right?”

“Uh… no?”

“Why not?”

“You damn near died, you idiot. Look at you! Weak. Pathetic. Cockless.”

I squinted my eyes angrily before frantically looking through my pockets and all around me.

“Where’s my cock?!” I exclaimed.

Twi snickered briefly, but it quickly turned into a nervous giggle as she leaned her head back to look underneath the reception desk.

"Hold on, let me find it real quick!" she said, speaking a bit louder than usual. I coulda sworn I heard a weird, squishy pop sound, but it was too faint to tell. She shuffled around a bit as she reached below the desk. "Oh shoot. I think my water bottle spilled on it. Hold on, D'mitry. Let me wipe it down for you."

"Bruh."

"What? I'm sorry."

"You definitely used it."

She quickly raised her head back above the desk, an angry expression filling her face instantly. Unfortunately for her, blush filled it as well. "No I didn't! It was my water bottle."

"Haha yeah right."

"Shut uppppp! Get your mind out of the gutter, asshole."

"Whatever, just give me my cock back."

She shook her head as she grabbed some paper towels and wiped down the white dildo Celestia sent me. Blush still filling her purple cheeks, she annoyingly hoofed it to me.

“Well... hope ya had fun with it,” I replied, stuffing the horse cock in my comically long front jeans pocket.

"IT WAS THE WATER BOTTLE!"

I couldn't help but chuckle.

“Anyway,” she continued, “We aren’t leaving here just yet. Still want us to waste a bit of time here in Ponyville. We just thought you would want to rest. Actually… why are you so adamant about going anyway? Are you trying to pull something?”

“Uh… no? I just want to help the group out.”

“Whoa… you for real?”

“Nah. I wanna ask Celestia what her problem is."

She rolled her eyes before leaning down below the desk again and grabbing my gun. She took a moment, gazing into my good eye before hoofing it to me. “Are you sure you’re up for this? We thought you’d be out for a while. You looked pretty bad out there.”

“I know. I’m fine though, promise.”

She glanced me up and down before hoofing me the backpack from the box Celestia had sent. “We’ll see how you are tomorrow. There’s extra ammo and supplies in there.”

“Thanks Twi,” I answered, slinging the backpack over my shoulder.

“About that,” AJ’s voice called from my side, scaring the daylights out of me.

“Hoooly crap!” I exclaimed, turning dramatically and pointing my finger at her. “You… are creepy as shit, sneakin’ up on me, wearin’ that cowboy hat with them freaky ass freckles.”

Before I even finished my sentence, she’d started turning around. Once she was facing away, she threw her hind legs out and bucked me to the ground.

“Fuckin’ lunatic,” she spat, “Anyway, Celestia sent us other tools of our own when you were out.”

“Oh?” I replied as I stood back up again.

AJ pulled out some more… guns? and knives with rubber handles so ponies could hold them in their mouth. I looked down as AJ held up her pistol, which was a revolver of course.

“How the fuck are you supposed to use that?” I asked.

“Yer kiddin', right? Ya don’t remember Dash? It's awkward as ever, but our hooves can kinda bend into the trigger, so we can fire 'em just fine.”

“Sure. Yeah. Okay then.”

“So yeah. We’ll be splitting the supplies Celestia gave us with the other ponies while we’re gone.”

“No. Actually, y'all should just give me your guns. I will take care of them.”

“Yeaaaah, not happening, sugarcube.”

“I want all the guns.”

“D, cut it out. Gun freak.”

“Fine, fine. As long as I have my baby,” I replied, rubbing the barrel of my Beretta.

Suddenly, the front door banged open. You know... the unguarded, unprotected glass front door of the hospital? That one. Ponies in the lobby began screaming. All these ponies, and even Twi’s wise ass couldn’t think to guard the door? Wow, and I thought I was stupid.

Yeah… I’m with you on this one, D’mitry.

I heard and saw zombie ponies rushing into the lobby, making their way toward the scattering crowd. I heroically pulled my gun up when I heard Fluttershy’s scream over the ruckus. Firing one shot, I only managed to nick the first zombie’s ear. I turned to Flutters, who somehow had a zombie stallion on top of her already.

With my quick thinking, I fired a bullet at him. It musta collided with the zombie stallion's head, cause an explosion of blood rocked out from the other side of him, splattering the nearby wall. His pale self fell instantly, down for the count. While I was firing at the pale zombie ponies, Dash and the others were frantically pulling out their own guns. I looked back at the front doors to see a zombie stallion biting Cheerilee’s throat, and another lunging for one of the pegasus sisters.

Pegasus sisters?

Yeah, I don’t know either. I meant Cloudchaser and Flitter. They aren’t even sisters, ‘canonically’, but whatever.

That’s stupid. Oh well. This one was Cloudchaser. Since Cheerilee was already getting bitten and was essentially dead, I decided to fire at her attacker first. The shot ripped through the stallion’s head and dropped him. Pretty sick shot from my end, if I do say so myself.

I then focused on Cloudchaser, but before I fired, another shot rang out and tore through her shoulder. She fell on impact as I shot the zombie after her. I fired again at his head, and then fired again, and again, because I was really feeling like shooting right now. I even shot a living pegasus in the corner because he had already been bitten. He fell, and some of the spectators began backing off, even though they were all running for their lives anyway.

The chaos subsided a bit, but the crowd couldn’t figure out how to fucking move. Ponies continuously banged into each other as they looked for a direction to go. Such a small occurrence had turned into chaos over the others being absolute idiots. I started knocking ponies over as I ran toward Cloudchaser, following Twi and the others. Discord’s tall ass and Redheart had run down the stairs just after I fired the last shot. The nurse started plowing through ponies as well.

When I finally made it past the circling ponies making a mess of the reception area, the sight was not pretty at all. Cheerilee wasn’t moving as blood streamed from her neck. Cloudchaser was down as well, but she was twitching for some reason. Blood came out of her shoulder. Dash ran up quickly to her side.

"Shit fire! Stupid fucking tiny ass trigger. I'm so sorry, Cloud!"

"It's okay..." Cloud replied.

This is when Dash started getting unusually emotional.

"I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have fired!!"

"It's... fine..." Cloud insisted.

“God damn it, Author,” Dash scoffed, “You let me bullseye my own face 4 times in a fucking row, but make that shot miss?”

To be fair, you were point-blank at the time. She was across the damn room.

Dash huffed before sobbing above Cloud as she leaned over her. Redheart rushed up to Cheerilee, who still wasn’t moving. It didn’t look like she was breathing either. She had been close to the doors when we were ambushed, so the zombie stallion was on her quick. I had aimed for him first in the hopes of saving her, even though she was literally already being eaten alive. Twi's voice rang out in the lobby.

“Okay! Everybody fuck off! Upstairs, now!” she demanded, “Rarity and Spike will assign you rooms to stay in until we clean this up.”

“Bruh…” Spike commented.

“Shut the fuck up, Spike. Go with Rarity.”

Most of the crowd stopped running into one another and went upstairs with Rarity and Spike. The Cutie Mark Crusaders had also run over to Cheerilee, but AJ was smacking them upside the head so they didn’t have to look at the grizzly scene. Redheart sent Discord for more medical supplies as she worked on Cheerilee. Dash was still balling like a baby as she apologized to Cloud. However, Cloud was responding back, trying to get the annoying pegasus away from her. I caught Fluttershy before she got to the stairwell. She was acting quite strange.

Now, would this be foreshadowing, or just downright giving it away?

Giving what away?

Nevermind, moron.

“You okay, Flutters?”

“Of course I’m okay,” she answered directly, raising her head egoistically. She walked off, flipping her hair as she did. Despite being racist towards pegasi, I was caught in a gaze as she strutted off. She didn’t seem fine, but were any of us?

Not really. Haha.

I ran back to Cloudchaser. She was laying on her stomach now. Dash was still sobbing, causing her to grab a towel so she could wipe her tears off of Cloud. While she did, I dragged the zombie pony away from them. There was blood all over him, and he smelled like horseshit. The bullets had definitely stopped him, but they also got blood on my clothes.

What?

Idk

I dragged the zombie to the corner where I shot the living pegasus, checking to make sure I had killed him too. I had.

Dude, that was fucked up. You’re lucky nobody really noticed that.

Eh, he was dead anyway.

Geeeeez

I joined back with Cloud, who had both Twi and Dash over her now. Dash finally quit crying and returned to her poker face.

“It doesn’t look that bad,” Twi said, shuffling through her saddlebag.

I kneeled on the other side of Cloud from them.

“I’m sorry, Cloud,” I said, “This is my fault. I should have fired sooner.”

“D, it is not-” Dash started, “-actually... you know what? It is. Fuck you, D. You dramatic shithead. Take the full blame then.”

“Yeah, I like that,” Cloud added, glaring back at me. “Fucking racist. Learn how to aim, you stupid fuck.”

Dash moved the towel on her wound, ignoring her tears probably flooding it with bacteria. There was blood on one side of it already. Good. Hopefully she died. Fucking pegabitch. Unfortunately, she remained calm. I hadn’t known Cloud all that well, as I avoid talking with pegasi every chance I get, but we’d still spoken from time to time. Ponyville was a small enough town that it was hard to be racist all the time.

I checked to see if the nurse was still working on Cheerilee. She had her back to me, pushing down on her chest. As I swiveled my head, I saw AJ had finally pissed off with the fillies. I took this moment to pull out my horse cock and smacked Cloud in the face with it. I quickly fucked off to the other side of the reception room as they cursed at me.

I glanced over Redheart’s shoulder, watching her perform CPR on Cheerilee. However, it looked like a losing battle. Redheart was sweating, knocking herself out to save her. I took a moment to pull a cloth out of my bag and kneeled beside her, wiping her forehead from the sweat. She smiled weakly as she continued trying to save her. After a few more compressions, she gave up and sat back.

“Well, I tried. She lost too much blood.”

“At least you tried,” I said, reaching out my hand and rubbing her shoulder. We gazed in each other’s eyes for a moment before hearing Dash.

“AHEM, WE GOT ANOTHER DOWNED OVER HERE.”

Redheart rolled her eyes and joined them to help Cloud. Across the room, Dash squinted her eyes at me. I turned back to Cheerilee.

“Oh, Cheerilee. I’m so sorry. This is all my fault,” I pouted, grabbing her limp hoof.

Lightning ripped through the ceiling and struck me.

I awaited the Author’s insult, but there was none. I continued holding her limp hoof. The bite in her neck swelled, and blood wasn’t even dripping out anymore.

“We’ll find some way to fix this. We’ll find a way to bring you back. Don’t worry.”

Then, suddenly, my brain cells began working again. Cheerilee was turning pale quickly. I was reminded of Pinkie, remembering how fast she had turned. I wonder what size chainsaw I should ask for. I don’t know what kind of sizes they are made in, but surely there are common sizes, right? I kinda wish I had Google right now. I started sizing with my hands, trying to figure out if they were sized in inches or feet. Probably feet? I think a 3-foot chainsaw would be pretty hefty and cool looking. As I was sizing an invisible chainsaw with my hands, Twi called over my shoulder.

“What the hell are you doing?”

I turned to see her walking up. I shrugged my shoulders. She shook her head and continued.

“We gotta restrain her or something. We haven’t really come up with a plan, but maybe we can tie her up.”

“I don’t know,” I replied, “Sounds like a lot of work. Should we just off her?”

“What is wrong with you? Weren’t you just playing with her limp hoof?”

He was. He literally just ‘talked’ to her, saying y’all would find a way to bring her back.

“You are so fucking unpredictable, I swear,” she huffed.

“I don’t know. My mind doesn’t hold thoughts for very long. I can do it, if you want,” I said, pulling out my pistol.

“NO! Put it away! She’s not even moving. It’s fine. Don’t you remember how long Pinkie lasted?”

“Uh, yeah! A fucking minute!” I argued.

“No! I mean after she was bitten. She was walking and talking for a while. At least a few hours, wasn’t it?”

“I don’t know how long. She didn’t die on sight though, she was just bit!”

“WE AREN’T KILLING HER! I’ll get some other ponies to lift her in one of the rooms down here.”

“We don’t have the time!” I asserted.

Uh… wow, I think I’m siding with D’mitry on this one, Twilight.

“Don’t side with that idiot! We can still save Cheerilee.”

You can. If you morons would quit yapping and do something.

Suddenly, Cheerilee’s chest lifted again. She had turned very pale during our argument.

“She’s waking up, Twi! I have to!” I yelled, standing up and holding the pistol with both hands.

“STOP!” Twi shouted, pushing me back. “We can’t kill our own!”

The others in the lobby heard us arguing, but nobody did anything. Everybody just watched. Not like we were on a time limit or anything. As Twi pushed me, I noticed Cheerilee moving behind her.

“She’s gone, Twi.”

Twi looked behind her, noticing her movement, and huffed defeatedly. “Fucking shit.”

“Eh, it’s alright. She was a teacher. Probably didn’t wanna live anyway.”

“Wow,” Twi commented.

I raised my gun and shot Cheerilee in the head.

BANG!

“Schools out, fuckers,” I said, blowing nonexistent smoke from the barrel of my gun.

“What the fu-”