The C̸̞̙̭̽̌̀̈́̽̕̕ȗ̵̧̨̢̻̩̞̘͙̉̋̊͂͘ŕ̷͖̦̍͝s̵̫̪̋̍͂̆̆͆̄é̶̡̧̺͖d̸͎͒̒̿̈̀ Apocalypse

I slowly disconnected my fingers from Twi’s back hoof. I heard her sigh, but time was up. The deal was half an hour. That was a long ass time to massage a pony, at least for me and my ADHD. Especially since almost all of it was used massaging her hooves. We were alone in her tent at least, since she kicked Spike out. I sat back on my knees as she turned her head back to face me.

“D’mitry, please. Five more minutes?”

“Bruh. I do not understand where this damn hoof thing came from.”

She huffed. “It’s not a hoof thing. Stop calling it that. Just because I like my hooves massaged doesn’t make me some kind of freak.”

“Whatever, Twi. Deals over, though.”

“Ugh! Fine. Get out,” she said, rolling over to face away from me.

I left the tent and made my way back to my sleeping bag outside.

Yeah.

I got downgraded from the tent. I mean... I guess it made sense, but I was still irritated by it. All this wasn’t my fault … forrrrrrrrrr the most part at least. Whatever. I eased my legs inside my sleeping bag, trying to ignore Dash sitting up against the tree beside me, watching my every move. She stayed quiet as I laid on my side and attempted falling asleep.

Then, about fifteen minutes later… I did not fall asleep.

Gah. Fucking shit. I tossed and turned for the next five minutes, trying to settle down, but I could not even come close to being tired. Maybe Twi was right about the whole noon thing. I tried to ignore this thought. As I rustled in my sleeping bag, Dash took notice.

“You awake, D?”

I rolled over and glanced at her with my good eye before whispering angrily, “What does it look like?!”

“Just askin’.”

“Yes, Dash, I’m awake.”

“Ah. Sorry about that. I know it’s tough. I’m the same way, but it makes my job easier. Ha.”

“Okay?” I muttered before rolling back over.

“D…”

“Oh my god,” I scoffed, rolling over to face her again. “What?”

“Geez. Sorry to twist up your panties, D. You’re in a foul mood, so nevermind.”

“I’m sorry, Dash. I’m just a bit ticked about everything going on. What is it?”

She sighed deeply. “I was the one that fell asleep on watch…”

“Uh, yeah? I already know that.”

“You do?”

“I saw you before I ran off, stupid."

"Oh... right..."

"Yeah, just cause I lost an eye don't mean I'm blind. I know it was you. It's alright. We all forgive you. That's what friends are supposed to do," I replied, putting my hands together in front of me before separating them as if a rainbow was emerging from in between.

Dash raised an eyebrow as she watched my performance.

"What the hell is that?" she asked.

"A rainbow, dumbass. Just pretend there's a rainbow in my palms."

"I think that might be the gayest thing I've seen you do."

"You got no room to talk, Rainbow."

She shook her head. "You are so damn retarded, I swear..."

"I'd rather y'all be annoyed as shit than down in the dumps. Works like a charm every time," I stated, winking as I put my magical rainbow in my pocket. She failed to hide a tiny smile.

"Well... I appreciate ya. Do you know if the others know too?"

"About what?"

"Me falling asleep on watch."

"I dunno, honestly. Whatever. It'll be alright, Dash. I forgive you."

"Thanks, D..."

“No problem, cuzzo. Night.”

“Night.”

I finally fell asleep after speaking with Dash. I don’t know how, but I thanked my lucky stars that I could finally rest in-

God damn it.

I appeared on a fucking mountaintop, and it was quickly becoming clear to me that I was in a dream. The mountaintop rose high, because that’s what mountains do. The mountaintop was also surrounded by mysterious fog. Thankfully, it wasn’t very cold, despite me standing on a literal ice cap. I could still only see out of one eye, however. Not even the dream world provided me with a replacement eye. What a crock of bullshit.

“D’mitry…” the wind whispered.

The wind whispered? Really?

Well, what else could it be? Damn.

Smh

Some of the fog surrounding me conveniently cleared to reveal Princess Luna. Was she flying? Walking on a cloud? Moon-walking? We’ll never know.

She was flying, buffoon.

Princess Luna flew toward me, a look of worry on her face. As she approached, I kneeled down to pay respect. However, as my knee hit the ice cap, I slipped. The ice cap was very small, and the drop was very steep, so I began tumbling off the side. Right after I fell off the edge, I felt a powerful force snatch me back up and pin me back to a stand on the ice cap. I shook my head as Princess Luna spoke.

“No need for that, D’mitry. I recognize your show of respect.”

“Okay. Hi, Princess Luna. Not to be a bother, but can’t you just let me sleep? I’m really damn tired.”

“I'm sorry to interrupt your little afternoon nap. I understand the whole day/night situation may be troubling you all. But, this is very important, so please be quiet and listen to me.”

She took a quick breath, making sure I didn’t have a smart-ass comment built up to interrupt with. Once she realized I didn’t, she continued.

“So... Princess Celestia is injured.”

“Okay? Is that why the sun went down?”

“What do you think?”

“Uh, I don’t know.”

She sighed. “I need you to start putting two and two together, D’mitry. Yes, that is why the sun went down. She should be okay now, though. I can’t say for sure.”

“Should? The fuck are you on about?”

“It's complicated. I can't explain in too much detail, but we've had some human problems. One of them got to her. Your kind are a bunch of assholes. She’s with some medics now, though.”

“What the hell does that mean? A human? What happened to them?”

“It's complicated, D’mitry. Anyway, that’s not the point.”

“Well it is now! Where’d the human come from? Are you guys spawning them in? What happened to them?”

“They’re gone! Okay? Enough questions. I can't answer them right now, and I did not come here for you to interrogate me. I’ve got a different matter to address with you, Captain Asshole.”

“What the f-... oh, I kinda like that one. What’s the matter though?”

“I brought you here to help you. Sadly, I cannot grant you wings…”

“Huh? Wings? Where the hell did that come from?”

She sighed. “Look, I don’t know. It was just a thought that crossed my mind. Sometimes I don’t control all the logic that happens there.”

“That sounds like a medical problem.”

“It’s not. You don't control all the logic in your own head, either.”

“Yes I do. I stuff tacos in my butt at night.”

“See?”

“Oh wow.”

Haha taco butt

Luna shook her head. “Anyway, wings would be useless right now-”

“Uh, no they wouldn’t! Hold on a minute.”

“No, D’mitry. I already told you I can’t give you wings. Drop it.”

“NO! Why not? Are you sure? Why not? What’s the logic behind it? Are you 100% certain, or is there a possibility? Please. I know it’s a random thought, but I would fucking love to fly.”

“I know, I know. I remember your whole tirade before Celestia spanked the hell out of you. That whole racist phase you had or whatever. See, I could gift you wings, but they would be useless now.”

“Why? Come on, try it! Let’s see. I want wings.”

“No, D’mitry.”

“LUNA! PLEASE! JUST GIVE ME-”

I saw the flash surround me as a lightning bolt scattered across the sky before annihilating me. It took me a second to recover from the shock, and I felt the invisible force from before hold me steady. This time, I saw the force was from Luna, as her horn glowed dimly.

“Wait a minute… you still have magic?” I asked.

“Sweet. Celestia. Why do you think we’re having this conversation? I’m not crafting wooden wings with my own hooves here. Yes, D’mitry. I have my magic. It’s fading like everypony else, but I have some left. I have a question for you now.”

“Okay?”

“Are you headed to Canterlot with the others? Don’t be too specific.”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Okay, good. Once you get here, I would like to pull you aside and mentally evaluate you.”

“Bruh.”

“It has to be done. Celestia and I have talked about it for a while. You are pretty damn stupid from time to time.”

“I just! Ah, whatever. Do whatever you want when we get there. Just don’t spank me.”

“Oh, I won’t. Not sure about my sister. Anyways, I didn’t bring you here just to converse. I have an offer for you.”

“An offer? If it’s not wings, I don’t really care anymore.”

She huffed.

Yeah, Luna, you probably shouldn’t have mentioned wings. That threw his little brain for a loop.

“I see. I think you’ll like this offer though. Even though I can’t give you functional wings, I can fully heal your eye for you.”

I stopped and thought for a minute.

“But, wait a minute. Nurse Redheart said that it could come back. Rarity used some of her magic on it after I got beat the fuck up. She fixed the lens or something.”

“Yes, I can see that, and I know. I visited Redheart’s dream last night.”

“Oh? What was she dreaming about?”

“Ummm... medical... uh... stuff."

I chuckled. “Yeah right. She's dreaming of me, isn't she?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, D’mitry. She’s dreaming about you. However, I had to-”

“Haha sweet! What’s the dream about?”

“D’mitry. If you interrupt me again, I will throw you off this damn mountain. It’s a dream, yeah, but you’ll still feel it tingle your nervous system uncomfortably. Quit interrupting me, understood?”

“Sorry, princess.”

“Okay. So, I learned about the likelihood of your eye coming back, and they kinda held it back from you. Your odds of it coming back fully are slim to none.”

“Bruh.”

“Yeah. So that’s why I’m offering to fix it with some of my remaining magic.”

I thought for another minute. My mind started wandering elsewhere though, wondering what kind of dream Redheart was having about me. I tried to peel away from it, but my ADHD threw me way off course.

“Hey, can you change my dream for me?”

She huffed. “D’mitry, focus. I’m not going to give you dreams about Redheart. Actually… you know what? I’m not offering you anything anymore—I’m giving it to you outright. Hold still.”

She started flying closer to me as her horn began glowing in the darkness of night.

“Wait!”

“No.”

She moved forward until her horn touched the bandage wrapped around my eye. I tried to back away, but she was also locking me in place. Was this rape? Well, I mean, not rape, but like, what’s the word?

What word? What are you talking about? This is assault at most.

Well, I’m being assaulted then! This is bullshit. I wanted wings! Or a dream with Redheart. I don’t know.

My eye felt a cold tinge as a weird sensation pulsed through it. The light from her horn glowed brighter until I was forced to close my other eye from it. For the next few seconds, the sensation grew until a quick, sharp pain raged through it. It quickly dispersed, and with a final, odd feeling pop, it was over. I blinked as Luna disconnected her horn.

“God damn it,” I stated, “I wanted wi-”

Luna forcefully shoved me backward, her magic not holding me up anymore. I quickly tumbled off the side of the mountain, feeling the uncomfortable pangs she mentioned before as my body thunked against the side of the steep slope. I didn't feel the actual pain pain, but it was enough for me to huff and grunt as I fell. Eventually, I was falling so fast that wind buffeted against me. I rolled as I fell, and I could see the ground quickly growing closer and close-

AHH!

I jolted awake in my sleeping bag. Fuck. I fucking hate that feeling. My heart thumped out of my chest as I slowly realized I was fine. I heard Dash speak beside me.

“Whoa, D. You alright?”

I sighed and sat up in my sleeping bag. She was still sitting up against the nearby tree on watch duty.

“Gah- I’m fine.”

“You’ve been squirming around a lot. Sure you’re okay? Wet dream?”

“I’m fi- what?”

“You okay?”

“Uh… yeah. I’m fine, thanks. Have you been guarding this whole time?”

“It’s only been 15 minutes, D.”

“Ah, damn,” I replied, laying my head back down.

“Well, was it a wet dream?”

“It wasn’t a damn wet dream!”

"You sure?"

"Uh, yeah!"

"Shhh..." she whispered, gesturing to the others.

"It wasn't!" I whispered, uh, loudly?

"Why were you moaning then?"

"What?!"

"You were moaning before you woke up."

"Bruh... oh my god. I don't know, maybe cause I was falling off a mountain?"

"Why would you moan during that?"

"Oh my god, Dash. It wasn't a wet dream!"

“What kinda dream was it then?”

“Well... Luna was there.”

“Oh. Yeah, she tends to invade dreams a lot. You know, we took her to royal court over it a few years back, but Celestia told us to kiss her flank. Oh well. That’s monarchy for ya.”

“Uh… okay…”

“Anyway, what did she say? Did she give you any news?”

“She gave me something else too…”

“You didn’t answer the fucking quest-”

She paused when I started unwrapping the bandage around my eye. I cautiously unwound the gauze as Dash shifted forward to see closer.

“No way…”

It took me a few moments to peel it off fully. My peripheral vision doubled and my left eye fluttered for a second.

“Your eye!! Holy shit!!”

“Shhh.”

“Sorry! But your eye! That’s great!”

I heard Twi’s tent nearby unzipping open. She poked her head out, clearly annoyed at being disturbed.

“Would you two shut the fuck up? Sleeping was your damn ide-”

She paused when her gaze caught sight of my eye. She squinted, taking a second to realize what she was seeing. When she did, her eyes widened.

“Sweet Celestia! Your eye!”

“Shhh,” Dash and I whispered.

“Sorry, sorry.”

Twi climbed out of her tent to come speak with us. As she did, I noticed Spike squirm in his sleeping bag next to the tent. He sat up angrily.

“Would y’all shut the fuck up?”

It only took him a few seconds to notice my eye. He was much less interested than Dash and Twi.

“Fucks sake. Who fucking cares? Well done, D’mitry. I’m guessing Luna did that? Congratulations. Maybe you’ll get lucky and she’ll jack you off in your next dream.”

The annoyed dragon huffed and curled back up in his sleeping bag. Little shit. Now you see why I don’t care for the little bastard, right readers?

Come on now, he’s going through a lot.

Oh, I’ll put him through a lot when I beat the shit out of him.

Lordy. Just play nice for a little longer.

Whatever.

Twi walked up to me, leaning down to stare at my eye.

“So, it was Princess Luna, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Does she have any magic left? Or did she use the remainder on your eye?”

“I think she mentioned having a little bit left, yeah.”

“Okay. Well, I’m glad she could help you then. We can talk more about this in the morning,” she replied. She eyed Dash for a second before leaning her snout right beside my ear. “New deal. I’ll let you sleep in my tent with me if you do another half hour.”

I thought for a second as Dash awkwardly glanced between me and her. She rolled her eyes before shifting to a different spot on the tree farther away from us. I looked back up at Twi, whose sparkly purple eyes beamed down on me hopefully.

“Fine, hoof freak.”