“Can’t you try anything else?” Twilight asked.

Snowheart sighed. “I’ve tried everything I can, princess. He isn’t bleeding much anymore; he’s just in a coma. I’ll keep checking his vitals to be sure, but he should be okay for now.”

“Are you sure?”

Snowheart gazed at her with compassion. “Yes, hun. He’ll be alright. I promise.”

Twilight closed her eyes and let out a sigh of relief. She reopened them and looked down at an unconscious D'mitry.

Dumbass.

She shook her head, a looming, distant sadness canvassing her emotions. She wished he hadn’t done something so blatantly stupid, but it wasn’t that surprising. It was D'mitry, after all. While she worried about him, she still had to consider what was happening right now.

Dash, Spike, and the guards were keeping watch with their guns out, in case anybody else snuck up on them. Ever since D’mitry and Pete had their stupid little gun-fight-exchange, they'd all been pinned behind the ridge by a human in the window of the city walls shooting a gun at them. Damn degenerate. Luckily, he hadn't managed to snipe any of them.

The girl, whom Twilight remembered as Jen, had kept her hostage for a mere second or two before letting her go and peeling off toward the small, forested area on their left. She wondered where the girl planned to go, seeing as she'd run in the direction of the cliff and waterfall beside Canterlot's entrance. It was unknown whether or not any of the others had hit her with the bullets that went in the guns, so Dash was keeping a close watch of the tree line for now.

Twilight met eyes with Dash, who had a curious new gleam to hers.

"Can I just say something, real quick?" Dash asked.

"Not much else we can do anyway," Twilight replied.

Dash glanced at the forest line again.

"Human females look strange."

"I mean..."

"Agreed," Spike said. "Weird lookin' mothafuckas."

"Respectfully," guard Blaze joined, "they don't look that much different than D'mitry."

Dash snickered. "Yeah, besides the huge watermelons bouncing out of their chest."

Guard Drift joined as well. "And the huge butt bouncing behind them."

"You noticed that too?" Blaze replied.

"Hard not to."

The two guards looked at one another, both of them briefly glancing at Twilight as they subtly brohoofed one another.

"Wow," Twilight remarked.

The guards shrugged before quickly returning to their watch. No wonder none of them had hit her. The horny bastards were all too busy watching the girl's booty bouncing as she ran away. She shook her head.

For the next minute, Dash pestered Twilight a bit more about human females. Honestly, Twilight didn't know that much about them. She'd analyzed them a little bit with the other princesses, but they'd been more focused on bringing in a male to slave around AJ's farm. After Dash was done interrogating, Spike eased his way beside her.

“Twilight, where should we go?” he asked.

“I don’t know yet. It’s gonna be hard moving D’mitry right now.”

“Well then leave his ass here. Asshole will be fine.”

Smack!

Spike's head was sent forward from her hoof. He huffed, rubbing the back of it while she responded, “Enough. We’re not leaving him here. For all we know, that girl might come back and finish him off.”

“Ugh.”

“Yeah, well, you should have fucking hit her then!” Twilight exclaimed.

“We tried!”

"Yeah, well try harder next time," she scoffed, garnering rolled eyes from Spike before he got back to focusing on the ridge.

“We could carry him, princess,” Guard Blaze suggested.

“No,” Snow butted in, “we should probably keep him still for now.”

Twilight sighed. “I guess we’ll wait…”

“Why don’t we try and shoot them?” Dash asked.

“No, Dash. That’s too risky. We don’t have that many bullets, and you saw their sniper rifles.”

“Their what?”

“Uh… big, long-range guns.”

“Okay? Still... they seem to all suck at, uh, shooting...”

"They do, but let's not test it."

"Mmm... kay."

After a good fifteen minutes, no more bullets were exchanged via the guns. Blaze had poked his head up to see, and he reported not seeing any faces in the window. What was more surprising was that he hadn’t seen Pete either, despite raising his head up to make sure he could see over the ridgeline. She assumed this meant that Pete had stumbled his way back to the gate. Perhaps the humans were too busy working on him to retaliate…

“Blaze,” she called.

“Yes, your Highness?”

“Can you stay here and watch D’mitry while we go and take care of those humans?”

“Yes, your Highness. How long will you be gone?”

“We won’t be long.”

Spike responded, “‘Take care’ of the humans? What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Twilight? What’s the plan?”

She glanced around to make sure everypony was listening before responding, “Alright. So... they don’t have guns on us right now. I know there’s a bit of distance from here to the gate, but we can cover it in less than fifteen seconds. Nurse, you stay here with D'mitry. Blaze, you can cover us from here while we run. Once we’re at the gate, we’ll poke around and shoot our guns at them. After we know they’re clear, Drift, you’ll come back here and help Blaze haul D’mitry to the gate with us. Sound good?”

“Uh, no?” Spike said.

“Why not?”

“Twilight, you’re acting as though we’re hardcore military machines. We couldn’t even shoot that fucking bitch with the pink gun from damn near ten feet away. These things,” he replied, lifting his gun, “are really fucking weird. Mines heavy as fuck too.”

“No it is not,” Twilight scoffed, snatching the gun from his claws. His was about the same weight as hers. “It’s just a bit… big on you... is all…”

Spike rolled his eyes as he took his gun back. “Just call me weak. I don’t care. Regardless, even with my claws, which seem to fit the trigger better, I can’t aim for crap. Nevermind you hooved bitches.”

“You’ve turned into a real asshole lately, you know that?”

“Fuck you, Twilight! Of course I’m an asshole at a time like this! All our friends are fucking DEAD! Don’t you understand that?!”

“Spike, ple-”

“No, Twilight. You know what? I got a better idea. Fuck this world.”

Before Twilight could retaliate, Spike leapt over the ridge by himself and started rushing for the gate.

“SPIKE!”

"SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE THEDRAGONNNNNNNNN!"

Everypony looked on in bewilderment as Spike’s little dragon legs carried him first across the grass, then across the drawbridge. He wasn’t going very fast. They were so surprised by his sudden move that they were frozen in place until he reached the open gate, which took a solid ten seconds.

When he got there, he stopped and turned around. In typical Spike fashion, he put his claws to his ears and stuck his tongue out to mock them before flipping them off. Right afterwards, he turned back around and ran through the open gate.

“Oh my god,” Drift called, “He just ran in.”

“COME ON! LET’S GO!!” Twilight shouted, shaking out of her frozen state and leaping over the ridge. She didn’t wait to see if the others were following, as she was worried Spike might get shot in the face in this stupid little rush of his.

Ugh.

She was surrounded by idiots. She hoped the guards wouldn’t follow D’mitry and Spike in their dumbass endeavors. She cursed herself for growing such close bonds to two of the most brainless, stubborn twats in Equestria. Despite this, she continued forward, the threat of death looming around the corner.

During their gallop, she noticed a human head pop up in the window. Gunshots popped behind her, cracking over her head before smacking the wall around it. The head quickly retreated, allowing them to rush over the downed drawbridge and make their way to the gate. She noticed Pete’s blood trail following the same route.

In his random act of fury, Spike led them straight to the two human boys guarding the gate, who were hiding on the other side of the wall. Twilight drifted to a halt, but slid out into their view. The two boys looked just as terrified to see her, not even raising their long guns. She raised her gun as quick as she could, but the funky, human-sized piece of shit trigger wouldn't pull down until the barrel of the gun was already pointing over 20 degrees to the left of them.

BANG!

Fucking BITCH

She awkwardly twisted her hoof and fired off two more rounds that kinda got close to them. As she took these shots, Spike stood beside her, also flat-out exposed, and carefully aimed his guns. With his tongue sticking out, he popped off a round.

BANG!

Twilight noticed red explode out of one of the boys. By now, they had both turned around, and were actively running away. They didn't even try shooting back. They instead opted to run away, even though there were no places close-by they could run to. The nearest place they could hide was a nearby tower outpost, but they wouldn't get there in the next ten seconds.

What would happen in the next ten seconds is-

BANGBANGBANGBANBGNABNABANBGNABNBANG!

Yeah... the others had made it to the corner and joined her in gunning them down. It felt a bit evil, since they weren't shooting back for some reason. She realized how close they'd come to death, realizing the boys could have easily shot them both. Whatever the case, she was happy to see the fuckers fall to the ground as bullets ripped through their backs.

Kinda. She wasn't that morbid. She was just sick of these stupid boys making the apocalypse even worse. Regardless, these two wouldn't be a problem from now on.

However, Pete was still nowhere to be found. His blood trail mysteriously ended near the gate. She realized after they spent a few minutes clearing the area that he could be headed to the castle with even more humans.

They had to hurry. The Princesses needed them.

She sent Drift back to help escort D’mitry. While Snow insisted they shouldn't move him, they had little choice in the matter right now. The two guards didn’t have much trouble carrying the tall asshole across their backs, a frenzied Snowheart by their side. All of them trotted up to Twilight.

“Your Highness,” Blaze said, “Where do we put him?”

She sighed. “I… I don’t know yet.”

Spike, still coming down from his adrenaline-fueled, suicidal rush, replied, “Why not just set him aside in one of these buildings, Twilight?”

"Shut your mouth! Suicidal bastard!"

Whack!

Spike's head was launched forward again, causing him to ease off for now. As he did, Snow stepped up to her.

"Princess... his idea isn't all that bad."

Twilight sighed and bit her lip. She really didn’t want to leave him, but he was dead weight right now. The Princesses needed them now. She took a minute to think before agreeing to place D’mitry in a building attached to the wall of Canterlot. It was one of the smaller towers overseeing the gate itself, and held a small room on its first floor. The room had just a window, desk, and a chair. The guards carefully set D’mitry down in the chair.

Twilight couldn’t hold back a few tears as she brushed D’mitry’s limp arms. She only found the strength to pull away from him so she could smack Spike upside the head when he wouldn’t stop laughing about how stupid he looked slumped in the chair. The guards walked her out before gently shutting the door behind them.

Dash’s worried eyes met hers. “Do you think he’ll be alright?”

“I think so…” she answered, “Either way, we have to go.”

With that, they trotted out of the tower and began galloping through the streets of Canterlot. Both guards took positions behind them to watch their backs as they sped through the city. Keeping their speed up was important right now. As long as the path was clear, they had to-

BANG!

A shot rang out, but it was unclear where from. All Twilight knew was that it was intended for them, as it shot up gravel on the path right beside them.

“KEEP GOING!”

More shots blasted in the distance, seemingly echoing throughout the whole city. Gravel from the path shot up left and right of them. She swears she saw a flash right ahead, but was distracted when gravel started kicking up in front of them. She came screeching to a halt to avoid it, causing the others to crash into the back of her. Full of adrenaline, the group quickly uprighted again.

“FOLLOW ME!” Twilight shouted, turning to bolt inside of a house they were originally running past. The others followed until shots bounced off the ground right in front of the house. She tried rushing to the next house, but the same slurry of gunshots followed, even blowing holes in the front door. She took a second to glance up at the rooftops, noticing a few human heads responsible for shooting them.

GRRRRRRR!

She raised her gun and awkwardly began firing back at the head she saw, but more shots rang out around her. Shots cracked by her ear as she hastily continued zigzagging down the path in an attempt to get somewhere. However, as she did, she noticed a big cylindrical object bounce past her. She looked over her shoulder to see what it was, only for it to erupt in a flash of light and very loud bang. Blinded and deafened, she stumbled to the ground as she tried to recover.

It took a solid few seconds for her vision to return, but a loud ringing was taking over her eardrums. She glanced back at the others, who were similarly affected by the bang. As she tried to recuperate, she noticed Guard Drift come to a stand near the back of the group. He raised his own gun, but as he did, a flash of light erupted in his chest. She heard a muffled gunshot attempt to enter her ears as he fell over.

Then, as her hearing slowly recovered, she heard a male voice yell from the rooftops.

“STAY DOWN!”

Twilight glanced over at the others, who were similarly laid out on the path around her. Dash met eyes with her again, full of fear.

It was over.

Twilight wasn’t sure if these bastard humans were going to kill them now or not, but there wasn’t anything she could do. She defeatedly looked back at Blaze, who’d staggered to a stand to check on Drift. She then gazed up at the rooftop where the voice came from, noticing the boy pointing a rifle right at them. She grunted before shouting up at him.

“We give up! Stop!”

Silence filled the air for a few seconds before she noticed two human boys running toward them from the path she was attempting to get the others down. As the humans made their presence known, Twilight snatched Spike’s gun from him and reassured Dash that they’d be okay. Only Drift had been hit by gunfire, and from what Blaze and Snow were observing, he was in critical condition.

It wasn’t long—just a minute or two—before the six human boys surrounded them. None of them were Pete. They all carried those advanced rifles that D’mitry had told her about, and they all wore stupid bandanas around their heads and necks. She made eye contact with one of the boys, who looked quite a bit paler than D’mitry.

“Please…” she begged, “help our injured friend…”

The boy sighed before looking across at one of the others. When he spoke, he carried a strange accent she couldn’t quite understand.

Scottish.

Huh?

Don’t worry about it, Twilight.

“Yu damn retard, Tommy! Yu weren’t supposed ta’ hit ‘em! What were ya thinkin’?!”

“Sorry, Jack! It was a misfire. I was trying to hit next to him.”

As the two bickered, the other four quickly rounded up the guns Twilight and the others laid out on the ground beside them. One of the boys, slender and a bit taller than D’mitry, told her to sit up before patting her down. He took his time, brushing damn near every hair of fur on her body, causing her a lot of discomfort. It was only when the accent guy yapped at him to knock it off that he quit. She glared up at him, growing distaste as he smirked back.

“Phil,” Jack said, “Can ya check if these savages got ta David n' Caleb?”

The boy nodded and left. Twilight nervously thought to herself, Crap. What if they find out? What will they do when he finds their dead bodies??

The main boy, Jack, stepped up to her and smiled down at her. “Now, purple pony, where did ya put yer little’ human friend?”

Twilight gulped. She was even more nervous now about them finding D’mitry. What would they do when they found him? Would they kill him?? It seemed like that’s what they were after. Tears swelled in her eyes as she glanced up at Jack.

“Please! Don’t kill him!”

The boy chuckled lightly to himself. “That’s not my decision ta make, purple pony. Yu’d be betta off tellin’ me where he is. If he gives himself up, we may not haf to kill ‘im.”

She shook with a fearful anger. “I won’t! I won’t tell you where he is!”

“Ahh, yu want ta play it the hard way, do ya? Well then…” Jack said, raising his foot. Before Twilight could react, he swung it hard and blasted her in the face with the toe of his boot. She fell to the ground as Dash and Spike growled, struggling not to retaliate. Twilight shook her head, eyeing Jack from the ground as he continued. “...we can play it the hard way.”

Author's Note

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!

Unless you don't celebrate... or you're reading this in the middle of June. Either way, you know, enjoy whatever holidays you celebrate. Even if it's not going so good.

I mean, hey, it could be worse. You could be trapped in the middle of a zombie apocalypse in a completely different universe.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯