The C̸̞̙̭̽̌̀̈́̽̕̕ȗ̵̧̨̢̻̩̞̘͙̉̋̊͂͘ŕ̷͖̦̍͝s̵̫̪̋̍͂̆̆͆̄é̶̡̧̺͖d̸͎͒̒̿̈̀ Apocalypse

Inside the cardboard box was a 14”, hard, white horse dildo, as well as a combat knife, a backpack filled with survival gear, oh ... and ... an m9 Beretta? I looked closer to make sure I saw right. It was an m9 Beretta, and next to it was a bag of magazines. A 9mm Beretta! A GUN! I GOT A GUN! YESSSSSS! Celestia and Luna had used their magic to bring me a loaded gun from Earth! I tried to ignore the horse cock.

“Well, what’s in the box?” Twi asked.

“Oh, uh … uhm … it’s nothing. I’m just gonna nonchalantly take this box outside and hope y’all grow disinterested immediately. Ciao,” I said, picking up the box and walking toward the door.

“Yeah right,” Twi replied, getting in my way. “What’s in the box, fuckface?”

“It’s just some stuff from my world, there’s no-” I started.

Dash stepped up and threw her front hoof up, knocking the box out of my hand. Its contents spilled out on the floor. Some of the gear fell in front of Twi and AJ, and the horse cock rolled in front of Rarity, whose cheeks immediately burned bright red. The pistol bounced in front of Dash. I quickly grabbed the knife.

“Nice cock,” Discord commented.

“Yeah,” Spike joined, “It’s even bigger than yours, D’mitry.”

I angrily kicked my horse dildo aside.

“So, you’re being dramatic for what now?” Twi asked, observing the things that spilled out.

“What’s this?” Dash asked, looking down the barrel of the gun.

“Oh, that’s nothing. Can’t hurt you at all.”

As she fumbled with the gun, it somehow went off, sending a bullet ripping through her forehead. Her colorful body dropped to the floor, blood splattering out behind her.

“Oh my GOD!” AJ exclaimed.

We all looked on in horror at Dash’s dead body as blood seeped out, creating a nasty blood puddle on the floor that flowed around the gun.

“What the fuck, D’mitry?!" Twi exclaimed, "You could’ve fucking warned her!”

Damn it, D’mitry. You just messed up the timeline. Everybody hold still.

**!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@R!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@($(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!**@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@!$(*&(*@!&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!**@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!**@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*)(#@@()@@**@@@(((@**

“What’s this?” Dash asked, looking down the barrel of the gun.

I held my head, confused about what just took place.

“Geez, what just happened?”

I looked over at Dash. “Wait, what?”

As she fumbled with the gun, it somehow went off, sending a bullet ripping through her forehead. Her colorful body dropped to the floor, blood splattering out behind her.

You fucking idiot.

**!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@R!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$!&$@!$(*&^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@()@@**@@@(((@**

“What’s this?” Dash asked, looking down the barrel of the gun.

“Lol. It’s nothi-”

Lightning pierced through the castle’s roof and struck me.

“Ow!”

As she fumbled with the gun, it somehow went off, sending a bullet ripping through her forehead. Her colorful body dropped to the floor, blood splattering out behind her.

God damn it, D’mitry! FOLLOW THE DAMN SCRIPT! I can’t do this forever.

**!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@R!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$!&$@!$(*&^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@()@@**@@@(((@**

“What’s this?” Dash asked, looking down the barrel of the gun.

“Don’t!” I exclaimed, snagging the gun quickly. As I did, my finger unintentionally brushed the trigger, causing the gun to go off and sending a bullet ripping through her forehead. Her colorful body dropped to the floor, blood splattering out behind her.

Oh my god.

The gun was pulled from my hands by what felt like magic, and I watched as it turned around. It somehow went off, sending a bullet ripping through my forehead. My body dropped to the floor, blood splattering out behind me.

The point-of-view shifted to Twilight briefly.

I am Celestia’s favorite student. I always will be. There’s no way anypony is taking this away from- Wait a minute. Who’s reading my thoughts?

Uhh…

“Reverse time already, shitface!” she exclaimed.

**!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$)(*@&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$!&$@&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(**@!&$(*&@R!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(*&@!$(*@!&$(*&@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(**@!&$(*&@!$(*&$(*&*@!*&$^!@*&$)(*@!&$@!$(**@!&$(*&@!$(*(*$&(@!$(*&(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*@!)(#@@!$(@(*$&(*@!&$(*!&@$*@!&$@!$(*@@@(((@**

“Don’t!” I exclaimed, snagging the gun quickly, and cautiously.

“It’s about time, you fucking moron,” Dash commented.

“What? You knew about it? That makes you the moron, moron,” I retaliated.

“Well, I knew about it after the Author had to reverse time FOUR fucking times. Jesus. Anyway, what’s your problem, D’mitry? What does that thing do?”

“Are you serious?”

“Whatever, nevermind, let’s move on.”

“So, Celestia wants you to use force?” AJ asked.

“I don’t know.”

I picked up the letter and kept reading.

I know you may think we’re crazy. Trust me, we are. But there will be an end to this. Use the force, D’mitry. Tell Twilight to get her cute little tush over here when it is safe. You all can come along too. We know there’s a spell to turn ‘em back to normal, but oh wow, even my wise ass can’t seem to figure it out. I can’t begin to tell you how frustrated I am about that. Stupid fucking shit. Anywho, we’ll handle the zombies when the time comes. Use the stuff at your own will. Just don’t be an idiot.

P.S. The horse dildo can be used for whatever. Just don’t bang it up too bad. It’s one of my favorites.

Xoxo
-Mol -Celestia

After finishing the letter, I let it float to the ground.

Twi huffed. "D'mitry, quit dropping shit on my floor."

I sighed. “Why can’t we just send unicorns and earth ponies to Cloudsdale while we try to find a cure?”

“What are we, slaves?” Dash scoffed.

“No, just D’mitry,” AJ insisted.

Dash continued. “We can’t do that anyway. Just as odd as it is that the unicorns have lost their magic, we pegasi have been losing our flight. At first, it was alright, as we could somewhat get to places with the uncontrollable barrel-rolls screaming Yeehaw, but now they are too heavy to even move.”

I sighed. “Yeenaw …”

Lightning ripped through the ceiling and struck me, causing me great shock.

“Thank you, author,” AJ said.

No problem.

So, the thoughts about Cloudsdale were knocked out of my head, splattering all over the floor. The others gazed down at the strange letters scattered about, but they vanished before anybody could mention them.

“Well then …” I tried to digest stuff, “Celestia wants us to head to the castle when we can.”

“Alright then,” Twi replied, “Before we go, I would like to waste as much time as possible here in Ponyville. Let’s gather as many ponies as possible and board up the two fucking windows in this tree fortress. So…”

She gazed around at everybody.

“... Rarity, you and I can search the library for the cure. Dash and Flutters, you two fuck off to the Everfree Forest and look for Zecora. Bring her here if you find her. Discord, can you teleport to the princesses to see if they’re okay? We’ll ignore your magic ability for now because you teleporting us to Canterlot would be a really boring plotline. If they’re okay, just come on back. Applejack…”

She looked at me for a second.

“... take your slave and scavenge around. Loot as many houses as you can and whip the homeowners if they don’t agree to come back to the castle with you. We have to move fast. This will be over soon.”

“Twilight, are you mental?” Spike asked.

“Apparently so.”

“Figures.”

I couldn’t help but wonder what the important princesses were thinking. If there was a cure to turn ponies back, why would I use force to kill one of them? It wouldn’t matter if they turned anyway, would it? I ignored these thoughts, because shooting ponies in the face might be stress-relieving for me.

That got me thinking about my bite. I had almost forgotten about it. I didn’t want to tell the others, because I didn’t care. If I died, then maybe I could take one of them with me. That’d be funny. Still, I didn’t feel any signs of turning, whatever that might be, so I didn’t think much of it.

“I don’t want to go with him,” AJ said, “Make Dash take him.”

“Okay.”

“TWILIGHT, what the fuck?” Dash complained.

“Sorry. Just get to Zecora quickly.”

The meeting adjourned and we all headed out the door. Twi let the ponies outside in. Our meeting was so important that we couldn’t be bothered to allow simpleton Ponyville residents to the safety of the castle while it happened. It's not like any of them might’ve had any useful information for us to go off of. AJ and Fluttershy ran with us until we reached the first house. They busted the door down while Dash and I kept running to the forest.

“Can we talk when we get to the forest?” Dash asked.

“Ok. Nothin’ else to do.”

We slowed down when we were in the Everfree. I found it odd we hadn’t run into any zombie ponies on the way. I disappointingly dragged my new horse cock, wishing I could smack a pony in the face with it. I also hoped I'd get the chance to blast one in the face with my new gun.

“What do you wanna know?” I asked.

“Did Pinkie have any drugs on her?”

“No.”

“Damnit.”

“Is that really all you wanted to know?”

“Uh, yeah. I could really use some drugs right now.”

“Me too. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I asked her quite a few times, but she didn’t have anything.”

Dash thought for a moment.

“Well, maybe Zecora has some herbs for us. We can smoke at her place maybe.”

“Sounds good.”

We continued to slowly jog through the forest. I looked around, knowing that we were getting close to where Pinkie had turned. Just like that, the author spawned a shadow through the fog. He also spawned a lightning bolt, which struck me.

Tell the story normally, moron.

Isn't that, like, your job?

Partially. I'm more of a scene builder. You're the story-teller. This is a team effort, damn it!

Dash and I came to a stop.

“Think that’s her?” she asked.

“Who the fuck else would it be?”

“Fuck you. What do we do about her?”

I thought for a second. When Pinkie was lobbing at me before, she had gone faster than I thought she would. There was a chance we could just sprint around her, but there might be consequences. I looked around at the trees. No sign of openings or pathways. Pinkie probably already noticed us anyway. It looked extremely creepy, you know, the forest, and every once in a while I saw stirring through the leaves.

“Maybe we just plow through her. I’ll slap her with my horse cock.”

“Hot,” she commented.

There was a slight grumble behind us, followed by footsteps. Both of us turned around to see a pony with holes in his legs, half of his gums showing on one side, and a chipped ear. He was splattered with blood, and his eyes were whitish as Pinkie's had been.

"Well, let’s get the fuck on then," she insisted.

"Letsa go!"

I started running towards her silhouette . We couldn't see her clearly, but I had a feeling it had to be-

GAASSSSSSSSSSSSSP
Oooouohuuhhhhohhuhuohhhhuouuuohhhohhh
noouoooouuooooooouooouooouuooo

We stopped in our tracks. There were now two of them in front of us. One of them …

… we hadn't expected …