“Human, wake up.”

Blaze’s voice echoed in my brain.

“Huh, wha?” I replied, blinking out of my slumber.

I immediately felt the uncomfortable film of drying blood on my skin as I woke up. Sheesh… maybe Trix and I shoulda found a hose or somethin’ to wash ourselves off with before coming in here. I’d imagine her fur wasn’t doing too well either. Maybe we could soak in the prison showers before leaving, if they worked. Maybe I’d drop the soap w-

No wait a minute, maybe she would drop the soap and…

No wait. Nobody had to drop the soap. I could just…

God damn it. Nevermind. Forget I said that stupid shit. I was just a little in awe by Trixie’s sudden kiss. I hadn’t expected her to act like that, so I didn’t know what to think.

I also didn’t know how long I’d been napping in this tiny cell. I had fallen asleep immediately after helping Blaze tend to his injured, unconscious brother. We’d managed to patch him up, and thankfully, it looked more likely that he’d make a recovery. We just had to get him to Nurse Snow as soon as we could.

Either way, I got mad at the thought of Blaze interrupting my slumber because I had fallen into a dream, and Trix was there. She wasn’t bloody in the dream—she was wet, and I think we were about to do something.

Grrrr.

“What?” I scoffed at Blaze, “What do you want?”

He pointed at the cell door. Even with the flap closed, the jail was alive with the sound of the mob now. Muffled moans and groans could be heard seeping through the tiny, unseeable cracks around the metal door. In the door’s window was Trixie, who was now surrounded in a translucent blue sphere, her horn aglow.

She opened up the flap and leaned down to talk through it. When she did, the sound of the mob grew throughout the cell.

“We’ve got a problem,” she stated over the mob.

“Huh? What is it?!” I exclaimed, shifting to my knees and getting close to the flap, careful not to bash my nose again. When I got close enough, I could tell through her facial expression alone that Trix was growing exhausted. She looked drained of energy, even through the magical light of her forcefield.

“My magic. I can’t get these fuckers in quick enough. I can’t hold up the forcefield much longer.”

Shit.

I mean, who woulda thought? Fucking dumbass princesses. Stupid fucking plan. I grew angry at them for essentially putting us in this predicament. What would they ask for next? Fucking hoof massages? Oh wait… Twi probably would. I guess I’d rather be doing that now anyway. AhhHHHHh nevermind.

“Fuck. Well, what now? You wanna come in and wait 'em out with us?”

“Wait them out?” she repeated angrily.

“I… I don’t know. How else do we get outta here?”

“I’ve got enough energy to wrap us all in a forcefield, but not for long…”

All three of us looked at Drift, who was still passed out. Like I said, Blaze and I had done a pretty good job patching him up, taking as much care of his bullet wound as we could. He probably wasn’t going to bleed out anymore, but he was still dead-weight right now. Blaze and I met eyes.

“Blaze…” I said.

“What?”

“We’re gonna have to leave him, bro. Sorry.”

This set Blaze into a fury… orrrrrr a… a… blaze.

Hahaha!

Sorry.

Anyway, if physics allowed, I’m pretty sure Blaze woulda literally burst into a ball of flames on the spot.

“NO WE FUCKING DON’T! DO NOT SUGGEST THAT!”

“Jesus, bro! Calm down! What the fucks wrong with you? I’m supposed to be the crazy one. You psycho! Why can’t we just leave him here with a little food or something?”

“D’mitry,” Trix called, “I don’t think that’s a good idea. A lot of the mob might stick around after we leave. I plan on shutting the front doors behind us as well. We’d have to leave him locked in here too, otherwise the mob will tear throu-”

“Ok ok, I get it. What should we do then?”

“If you can help us lay him out across our backs, Blaze and I can carry him.”

“Ight bet.”

Leaving the jail went a helluva lot smoother than I anticipated. Trix did a fantastic job keeping us covered in her crazy forcefield spell. I’d only been nearly squished to death nine or ten times, maybe.

Yeah—it went fucking awful. Trix struggled to keep the forcefield large enough to cover us all. Occasionally, her lack of energy caused the forcefield to shrink, causing my tall, human ass to get squeezed down closer to them. We’d all tumbled and fallen over about three times after my tall ass was smooshed up against Drift and them, making it difficult to retain their balance.

Despite this, Trix did manage to keep the spell active. So, I guess it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I still didn’t enjoy my face getting plastered up against Drift’s sweaty fur, while also trying to keep my chainsaw’s blades perpendicular to me so none of us would get torn the fuck up.

Thankfully, we’d still managed to push through the jail and make our way out the front doors within maybe five to ten minutes. Any longer than that, and Trix woulda probably been forced to abandon the spell, leaving us exposed so that we could die a violent death, mauled and eaten alive. So… yeah… I’m glad Trix held through.

She wasn’t doing so hot by the time we made it out, though. We’d tried shutting the front doors of the jail behind us, but those violent motherfucking ponies still managed to bust through it. With Trix as tired as she was, she had to abandon the spell, opting for us to run away instead.

The mob was right on our tail at first, so I used my chainsaw to cut the brains of the best trotters out of their heads. This allowed Trix and Blaze to gain a safe enough distance from them for me to peel off, to see if the others had gotten to their destination yet.

Eventually, I made it to the front gates of Canterlot. As I ran through them and across the drawbridge, I noticed the train at the train station outside of Canterlot’s walls. The station sat off to the left, on a hill not far away, underneath where the Canterlot mountain grew to its peak.

It was strange that the architects of Canterlot had put a train station there, given that it connected to the station inside of Canterlot, but I’d been told the reasoning behind it in the past.

Apparently, city ordinance, along with Celestia and Luna’s decision-making or whatever, didn’t want a train station inside of Canterlot when it was a smaller city way back when. Some of the city officials at the time found great distaste in the loud ass steam engine rolling through their elegant, gracious town.

And, for whatever reason, when the town grew big enough for them to say fuck it and put a train station inside, they were too lazy to remove the one outside city walls. Talk about wasted taxpayer coins.

To make matters worse, the station’s layout made no damn sense. The wooden platform where ponies would wait for the train, and the small ticket booth building, were built on the other side of the tracks from here… meaning that traveling ponies had to cross an active railroad track to wait for the train. I honestly wonder if anypony in this world takes safety seriously.

Anywayyyy… the train stood tall on the hill, albeit facing backward toward Canterlot. Beside the engine, I could see Discord’s tall ass standing next to Celestia and a few others. However, no smoke or whatever was supposed to come out was coming out of the steam engine’s little funnel thing.

The train was off.

Fuck!

I wasn’t sure how much of a gap I’d made from Trix and Blaze, or how far back the mob was behind them, but we did not have time to waste. Either way, I guess we’d be alright. The others have guns and I’ve got a fucking chainsaw. I still wanted to be ready to go the second they got here, though.

I shifted my chainsaw to my left hand so that I could frantically wave with the other. Eventually, they noticed me. I kept waving regardless, shouting gibberish at them, as my breaths were too fast at this point to make a coherent sentence.

“SNBAUHFUKBAKHFSKSF!OISND!SSDSDSD!!!”

I kept shouting this gibberish until I got close enough to slow down. Outside of the train engine was Discord, Celestia, and Twi. I assumed Luna, Dash, Snow, and Spike were inside already.

The girls as well.

Awe shit. I’d forgotten about those fucking bitches. I wonder if the princesses will let me kill them after we interrogate them. Maybe I can even use my chainsaw!

Jesus

I approached Discord, Celestia, and Twi in front of the train engine. Celestia looked me up and down, noticing I was about 95% covered in blood that wasn’t my own.

“Holy fucking shit, D’mitry. I didn’t know the chainsaw would be THAT messy.”

I took a brief second, not only to catch my breath, but to chuckle to myself at the way all three of them were looking at me. It was even more amusing than when I’d found Blaze. That same shocked expression was really funny to me.

“Yeah yeah, well it was. We’ve got a big problem though. Is the train working?”

I saw Dash poke her head out of the conductor’s window, likely hearing our conversation. She exchanged a glance with Twi before Twi spoke for her.

“It is. What’s the problem?”

“START IT!” I hollered, startling all four of them. “The mob is headed this way!”

Dash widened her eyes before leaning back inside to get the engine started. A low hum began as it slowly rumbled to life.

“What?!” Celestia exclaimed, “We told you to lock them up! What happened?!”

“Trix ran out of energy.”

“Wh-” Celestia started, before interrupting herself with a hefty sigh. “I fucking knew that wasn’t going to work.”

“Then why didn’t you say something?” Twi scoffed.

Immediately, the two of them started bickering again. Just princess things. After only a few sentences of this, Celestia raised her hoof to stop the argument before turning her attention back to me.

“D’mitry. Where is Trixie now?”

“She’s on her way,” I said, taking a moment to very briefly explain the situation Trix and I had gotten into. I mentioned us finding the guards, and how she was working with Blaze to carry Drift here.

“Okay,” Celestia replied, “So about how much time do we have until the mob arrives?”

“Uhh… maybe a minute or two?”

“Shit. Well, let’s all get inside so we’ll be ready to go.”

The princesses led me to the train car behind the engine, which was an open, brown-colored car with half-walls spanning it and cutouts going to the roof-

Half-walls and cutouts? Really?

I don’t know how to describe it.

Try harder.

Ugh fine.

The car behind the engine was brown, and was unlike the others in the fact that it was an open-planned car with cutouts-

Lightning Bolt.

Ow!!

Try again.

Oh my god bro.

The train car behind the engine sat elegantly, cascading the ground beneath in its shimmering glow, the brown, tree-colored paint exterior rising graciously to the cherry pink roof, its windows amiss, cutouts-

Lightning Bolt.

AHHGHGHGHHH

Quit using cutouts to describe it, moron.

Oh for FUCKs sake. I can’t do it! Help me out here, Author!

Fine. How about this? We’ll just show ‘em a pic of what the hell you’re trying to describe.

Oh, we can do that? That sounds great.

Í̸͓͚͖̦̻͚͍̦̯̜͍͎̼͉̟͙̪̥̣̜̤̈́̽͂̋͌̾̏̔̐͑̀͐͘̚͝͝ͅn̸̡̡̳̜͎͉̖̙̺̹͌̒̎̋͝͝v̶̧̨̢̛̫̼͚̦̙̟̙̪͙̟̩̳̝̞̬̣̯͖͙͊͂̍͒̈́͆̑͋̐̈́̈́̒à̷̦̯̪̗̬̥͍̖͙͚̝͙̳̏̚͜l̴̢̧̡̞̞̼̼͙̣̪̖͙̫̪̓̄̏͆̑̆͊͒̉̀̎̅́͘̚̚͝i̴̡̢̧̠̫͉̙̖̮̝̤̗̫̓̾͗̎̌̏̀̿̔̉͊̅̒͗̊̉̇̚ͅḋ̸̛̦͉͓̟̰̊̀̍́́̈̇́̿̆́͒̽̈͆͠͝͠ ̴̧̨̢͉̜͈̰͖͍̖͗͑͊͜͜Ỉ̷̢̛̟̺̭̼̪̯͕̩͈̰̈́͗͌͊̑̑̂̊̐̌̈́͂͘͘͝m̸̨̨̛̺̘̺͇͕̙̪͈̮̖̋͊̎̂̅̍̌͝͝ͅa̶̢̧̨̡̛̜̺̭͚̯̖͙͈͇͉̲͉̠̹̞̤͈͂̄̆̊̀̈́̑̕͠͝ͅģ̵̰͈͎̰͖̺̗̭̟̆̓̅͒̽̿͋͝ë̶͕͖̗͉͍̻͒͜ͅ

What the fuck is that?

God damn it. Hang on.

https://imgur.com/a/7JPSiz9

What the fuck is THAT?!

It's the picture link. Just click on it.

What???

Nevermind. It shows them what you failed to describe.

…

Anyway... they had that train car’s side doors wide open, allowing us to climb inside. Without the station’s platform, the floor sat as high as my collarbone, meaning it was a bit more tedious to get up. I managed fine after tossing my chainsaw up, but the others had to help each other to get up. I worried about how difficult it might be for us to get Drift’s unconscious ass up here, but hopefully it’d be alright.

Discord hung out by the outside of the car while Celestia and Twi waited inside it for Trix and Blaze. Meanwhile, I made my way through the door leading to the following train cars.

Honestly, it was a bit stupid that we had to cross outside the cars just to get to the car we wanted. Why wouldn’t they just put doors on the side of the cars? I mean, that’s what the damn stations are laid out for anyway. Sometimes the architects of this world drive me nuts. Regardless, there were small, flexible walkways with rope barriers between the cars to ensure that passengers wouldn’t fall down between the cars to their certain, grueling deaths… so that was nice.

I crossed this wonderful design and made my way into the next train car, where the others were seated. The benches had somehow been rearranged in a layout reminiscent of a subway car, with the seats sitting along the sides. The colorful decorations and random ass ribbons the train used to carry were gone for some reason, leaving an unusually bare car.

I took in the scenery for a second before smiling at how everybody was looking at me. The two girls and boy were sat on the left side of the car, all of their hands individually tied together in front of them. On the right side were Luna, Snow, and Spike.

I was met with surprised eyes from all of them. It almost made me wanna rev my chainsaw to see if they’d freak the hell out. I couldn’t hold in a bit of laughter as I turned and walked up to one of the car’s windows to see if Trix and Blaze were at the gate yet. They weren’t.

“Goodness gracious, D’mitry,” Luna commented, “How many of them did you kill??”

“Ehhh. I lost count. Maybe a couple dozen?”

“That’s all? It looks like you’ve mowed through hundreds of them.”

“Haha yeah, this thing is fucking awesome!” I replied, fighting but losing against the urge to turn on my chainsaw and rev it.

RNNNNNNNNNNN!

RNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Everybody in the car flinched. Abby, who was seated closest to me, wasn’t a fan.

“You fucking psycho!” she hissed.

With my satisfaction temporarily filled, I flipped the switch to turn off the chainsaw before replying, “Damn straight. But don’t you worry, bitch—your head will meet these blades before long.”

“D’mitry!” Celestia exclaimed from behind, nearly startling the piss out of me. I flipped around to see her glaring as she stepped up to me, using her front hoof to gently push aside my chainsaw’s blades.

“What?” I asked.

“Do not speak to them in that manner anymore. We’ve been talking with them while you were gone, and they are willing to work with us.”

“Bruhhh-”

Celestia raised her hoof and set it on my lips before I got the chance to complain some more. “That’s an order. Understood?”

I sighed. “Yes, princess.”

“That’s right,” Abby mocked from behind, “Suck it, bitchboy.”

Celestia set her hoof down and glared at the girl, getting ready to speak out until I beat her to the punch.

“Can I kill that one at least?” I requested.

“No,” Celestia scoffed, before pointing her hoof at the girl. “Same goes for you. No more trash-talk. Understood?”

I turned around to see Abby drop her smug face before replying, “Yes… princess.”

“Good.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a tint of blue. I quickly ran up to the window again to see Trix and Blaze crossing the drawbridge with Drift over their backs. They looked like they were a bit slower than when I’d left them.

Right after crossing the drawbridge, Trix stumbled, causing Drift to tumble off their backs. Blaze was wiped out as well.

“NO!!” I cried, immediately dropping my bloody chainsaw and damn near colliding into Celestia to gun it for the door. She sidestepped, allowing me to dart through the doorway and cross the gap to get to the indescribable car.

I realized once I threw myself off the car, my boots hitting the grass below, that Discord and Twi were already rushing toward them. I followed them at my suboptimal human pace.

Discord reached them first and helped Blaze pick up Drift. Trix was still laid out, slowly squirming on the ground. While Twi rushed up to help Discord and Blaze, I b-lined it for Trix. She used her front hooves to slowly push her chest up, allowing me to see the wicked tiredness flooding her sagging eyelids.

Fuck.

How the fuck am I gonna carry her?!

She was too heavy for me to pick her up myself, but she looked to have just enough energy to pick herself up. As she did, Twi disconnected from the others to assist me. Discord and Blaze had managed to pick Drift off the ground enough to lug him around, so they rushed past us and up the hill as fast as they could.

Then… the newfound sound of groans and moans made their appearance. I turned my head to look through the gate… just to see them in the distance.

Shit.

We finally got Trix to stand up, Twi and I helping support her on either side. She was partially limping, clearly exhausted and ready to fall out.

“C’mon ya slow bitch!” I motivated.

I could sense that she wanted to reply Fuck you! pretty badly, but was too tired right now. I’d be amused if we weren’t now being chased by a hungry mob of zombie ponies. I started regretting not bringing my chainsaw, like, a lot. Stupid ass move. I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t think I was. I glanced back as we ran up the hill, realizing that the mob was crossing the gate now.

As I longed for my chainsaw, gunfire caused me to flinch. I looked up to see Celestia and the others firing at the mob, but I think I mighta still shat my pants a little bit. Oh well… not like anybody would see it with the blood all over me.

While we slowly made our way up the hill, the mob continued slowly closing in on us. I realized more and more by the second just how fucking close this was gonna come. I couldn’t calculate estimates and math stuff in my head, but I’d imagine, at this rate, that the mob would be damn near smack dab on us when we reached the train.

Regardless, we carried on. Gunshots cracked right over our heads as we did. For a moment, it seemed like everything was going okay…

…until Trix hollered out, dropping to the ground beside us.

I wasn’t sure if she’d just collapsed or what, but when Twi and I tried to pick her up again, I heard her grunting in pain.

“Trix! What’s wrong?!”

Through her pain, she muttered, “I’m hit!”

Right after she said that a gunshot cracked RIGHT next to my ear, causing a ringing to screech inside of it.

These fuckers!

There was too much going on right now to be immediately upset with them, but this was the last thing we needed right now. I really wished the princesses had used magic or something to somehow enlarge the trigger holes of these guns. These weapons made no damn sense for ponies.

“Hey! WATCH YOUR FIRE!!” I shouted up the hill, trying to ignore how muffled I sounded in my right ear. I glanced up at the train while we tried picking Trix up again, just to see Celestia leave the indescribable car to enter the one the others were sitting in behind it.

Well, shit!

I just told them to WATCH their fire, not flat-out STOP! I shot a glance back at the mob, who was still trotting on our tail. A few fallen zombie ponies seemed to be buying us a little time, causing some of the ‘living’ ones to trip, but we still had next to no time left to work with. We needed to get on that fucking train!!

Twi and I hastily picked up Trix again, who was effectively dead weight now as she squirmed in pain. We started pulling her up the hill by her shoulders, her hind legs dragging on the grass below. We were getting closer now, but so was the mob.

I also noticed the train was beginning to slowly back up, away from Canterlot. Dash was in the engine’s window, waving her hoof at us in the distance. We continued, but this wouldn’t be easy now. I worried about how difficult it would be getting Trix up on the car with it movi-

…

Holy Shit!

I froze when I saw the girls and boy rushing out onto the indescribable train car, Celestia trailing behind them. It wasn’t this that made me jump… it was the fact that they were all holding the RIFLES! All three of them set up on the car before aiming them up at us.

BANGBANGBANBNAGNBABGNAAGAG!

I instinctively hit the deck, causing Trix to stumble to the ground beside me. The shots rang out, and for a moment, I thought we were dead. However, the gunshots continued cracking above our heads. I raised my face off the grass after a few seconds to see that they were indeed shooting over us.

They were shooting the mob.

They were… helping us…

And… shockingly… their aim was proving much better. Who woulda thought?

When my brain finally realized this, I stood back up and assisted an annoyed Twi in picking up Trix again. We tried our best to ignore the bullets flying right over our heads as we continued rushing up to the indescribable car. The train was still moving slowly, but we picked up our pace anyway. We were still effectively dragging Trix along the grass now, but we had to.

Discord made his way back into view, slinking off the indescribable car to join us. He helped by picking up her dragging hind legs. We paced alongside the train but were struggling to lift Trix high enough to set her inside. Jen, who was still firing at the mob, stopped and dropped her rifle to help as well. She leaned down over the side, reaching out her hand.

I raised Trixie’s hoof enough to allow her to grab it, but this wouldn’t be enough. Thankfully, Celestia wasn’t being totally useless and reached out her long foreleg to grab Trixie’s other front hoof. With all five of us working together, we managed to lug Trix up and over.

By the time we released her, I realized just how fast the damn train was moving now. I glanced back as we paced alongside it, realizing that despite the mob getting held back by the newfound human defense force, they were still gaining on us.

As I tu-

Oop!

Splat!

Fuck!

My face splatted on the ground as I tripped over myself, since I wasn’t watching where I was going, I guess. I shook my head and picked myself up as quickly as I could, but now the engine was passing me.

“D!! C’mon!” Dash shouted through the engine window, “Get on the fucking train!!”

I hastily picked up my speed, all the while raising my left hand to flip Dash off. I could see the others helping each other in the indescribable car, but the train was moving fast as fuck now. I get that Dash had to accelerate to get the hell outta here before the mob ate us all, but damn!

I shifted to a full-on sprint. I could see the others starting to lean their heads out of the indescribable car, and they all started shouting… encouragement?... I guess. I was too focused on gunning it toward the car. When I met up with the open doors of it, both Celestia and Jen reached out to help me.

I grabbed Celestia’s hoof and Jen’s hand, digging my feet into the ground one last time to jump up. With their help, I managed to get my upper half onto the indescribable car. They then quickly pulled the rest of me in while Twi and the other girl quickly shut the car’s doors.

I could hear the mob approaching us now, but we’d made it just in time. I used this sudden moment of peace to roll onto my back and catch my breath, not even bothering to sit up from the floor. The sound of the engine and the click-clack of the tracks were growing over the mob as we accelerated backward from this mess.

“Good effort, speed demon,” Jen commented.

I shifted my gaze to my side, where Jen had similarly not picked herself up off the floor yet. She was instead sat up, smiling down at me as we met eyes.

“Uh… thanks…”

What a crazy couple minutes.

Author's Note

C̸̞̙̭̽̌̀̈́̽̕̕ȗ̵̧̨̢̻̩̞̘͙̉̋̊͂͘ŕ̷͖̦̍͝s̵̫̪̋̍͂̆̆͆̄é̶̡̧̺͖d̸͎͒̒̿̈̀ version is taking over for 2 chapters again. Can't help myself. Following chapter will be out in the next few days.