Author's Note

Quick note:

The C̸̞̙̭̽̌̀̈́̽̕̕ȗ̵̧̨̢̻̩̞̘͙̉̋̊͂͘ŕ̷͖̦̍͝s̵̫̪̋̍͂̆̆͆̄é̶̡̧̺͖d̸͎͒̒̿̈̀ version is going to be taking the book hostage for a whopping 5 chapters. The C̸̞̙̭̽̌̀̈́̽̕̕ȗ̵̧̨̢̻̩̞̘͙̉̋̊͂͘ŕ̷͖̦̍͝s̵̫̪̋̍͂̆̆͆̄é̶̡̧̺͖d̸͎͒̒̿̈̀ Author (me) is pushing and shoving the Original Author (younger me) aside (how is this possible? I don’t know), because his (my) far superior C̸̞̙̭̽̌̀̈́̽̕̕ȗ̵̧̨̢̻̩̞̘͙̉̋̊͂͘ŕ̷͖̦̍͝s̵̫̪̋̍͂̆̆͆̄é̶̡̧̺͖d̸͎͒̒̿̈̀ version needs room to breathe.

Not spoiling anything, but we are also quickly approaching the point where the Original version was abandoned back in 2017.

(C̸̞̙̭̽̌̀̈́̽̕̕ȗ̵̧̨̢̻̩̞̘͙̉̋̊͂͘ŕ̷͖̦̍͝s̵̫̪̋̍͂̆̆͆̄é̶̡̧̺͖d̸͎͒̒̿̈̀) Fall Hazard

We slugged on, continuing our walk to the hospital. Maybe this time, we’d make it there without something horrendous happening. So long as we weren’t ambushed, willingly or not, we’d probably make it there just fine.

Before we set off, I’d gotten the chance to talk with Twi. She was pretty torn up about Spike, though, so she didn’t talk a whole lot. Most of my time with her was just spent hugging, since I was a good hugger, apparently. I could also tell that Celestia was dying to flame her for her stupid idea, but she was respectful in letting Twi grieve Spike for now.

So, we slugged on. For once, I was walking kinda normally. My legs had finally recovered, and I guess I’d gotten plenty of rest from passing out all the fucking time. Because of this, the princesses let me walk at the back of the group again, to keep an eye on everyone. And no, not Abby. Fuck y’all.

In front of the group was Trix, leading the charge. Behind her was Snow, still hauling the cart Flitter was in. AJ and Twi were helping Drift limp to her left. While he was up-and-walking again, I’d heard that he sprained his hind leg during the ambush.

When him, Trix, Spike, and the girls were getting overrun, Abby got herself tangled up in a bush. Jen helped to free her, but they all quickly got swarmed. While Trix was able to fend off a decent chunk of the onslaught, it was Drift who personally stepped up and bucked the shit out of zombie ponies back-to-back before they could reach the girls.

Pretty heroic.

Anyway, on the other side of Snow were Dash and Discord, who were both holding up Blaze’s hindlegs so we could walk on his forelegs. It kinda looked like they were wheelbarrow racing, which was pretty amusing to see.

Lastly, the important princesses walked behind them all. On either side of them were the girls, still carrying their rifles. Every once in a while, Jen would glance back at me, raising her eyebrows and subtly tilting her head to gesture across at Abby’s bubble butt bouncin’ up and down again. She seemed to be having lots of fun doing this.

Fucking bitch. I’d keep my eyes locked on her until she’d eventually give up. I kinda wish that conversation in the field never happened, cause I just knew her annoying ass was going to pester me for a while now. Maybe once we got back, she’d get jumped by a zombie pony and eaten alive or something. I don’t know, though—that sounds pretty brutal.

We continued slugging forward until we finally saw the side of the hospital through the trees. I was last to see it as the group very slowly walked out of the forest.

Shit.

It did not look good. On top of bullet holes and some busted-out glass windows, most of the bricks on the first-floor walls were burnt black, indicating a fire had broken out. Flitter had mentioned seeing some smoke while she limped to her escape, but we hadn’t expected to arrive at the aftermath of an inferno. Curiously, the hospital was still intact, and the second floor looked relatively unburnt.

As the group slowly came to a stop to analyze the unexpected scene, Dash dropped Lieutenant Blaze’s hind leg and darted around to the front of the hospital. Twi shouted after her, but she continued. AJ and Twi left Drift’s side to chase her, and seeing as though we’d arrived anyway, I left my position and darted after them.

“D’m-” Celestia started, until she realized I was already blowing past her. Jen had scooted out of the way as I ran between the two of them to follow the others.

By the time I approached the burnt-down remains of the lobby’s front doors, the mares had already made it inside. Once I rushed inside after them, I realized AJ and Twi had already tackled Dash in the lobby. She cried out for Scootaloo, but…

Damn… the lobby looked horrible. The previously white marble floor was burnt black, as well as most of the walls. The benches, chairs, plants, and desk that made up the lobby were charred to a crisp, their gray and black ashes scattered on the floor.

There had been a fire here.

You think?

Yeah. Pretty sure. On top of the burnt lobby, we noticed bullet holes across some of the walls. There was also a wall of the lobby that had collapsed, its bricks lying out beside the charred receptionist's desk. We could see a slight hole where it met the ceiling, allowing us to vaguely see the lesser burnt room upstairs.

As Twi and AJ tried to calm a sobbing Dash down, I stepped up and met eyes with Twi.

“Hey, so like, we probably shouldn’t be in here.”

She huffed, looking back at Dash. “We’re fine, D’mitry.”

“Uh, no? What if the roof collapses?”

“It’ll hurt,” she replied, keeping her attention focused on Dash.

“Bruh.”

She huffed again and looked back up at me. “Seriously, D’mitry. It’s fine. Flitter mentioned the attack was a few days ago. If the hospital hasn’t collapsed by now, it probably won’t just cause we’re in here.”

Hmm. She had a point. I guess we’d have to see if the Author had set up our demise.

You do that.

That’d be a dumbass death, just sayin’.

I glanced around, ready to grab my chainsaw sitting on my back in case a zombie pony came trundling out. I don’t really foresee that happening, though, since the fire looked like it toasted everything around us. It was honestly kinda surprising this building was even standing anymore. I frowned, because not only might this fire have burned other ponies alive, but it also mighta burned up Snow’s stash.

I noticed the others approach the front of the hospital outside, slowly making their way inside as they took in the wretched scenery too. I turned my attention back to Dash, who was still balling on the floor.

"Cuzzo, what's your problem? The fillies aren't even here."

Twi huffed. "We don't know that yet, D'mitry. There's no telling what we'll find here."

"Not my little gangster girls. They aren't dumb enough to sit around and burn to death."

Twi and I started bickering and debating the likelihood that the ponies we left here survived or not. As we did, an uncomfortably hunched-over Discord and limping Drift helped lug Lieutenant Blaze into the lobby. Once they were inside, they let him go, causing him to splat down on the ashy floor. I had to hold back laughter at seeing this. He wasn't having a very good day. At least his brother Drift helped clear out some ashes around him so he could lie down in peace, for now.

The others joined in the debate between Twi and me, growing curious as they realized my logic. If there was a shootout, and a fire broke out in the middle of it, surely everypony would get the fuck out of the building? There were plenty of exits, and the windows here weren't hard to roll open. We also didn't notice any bodies outside, human or pony. Kinda strange. Either everybody said 'fuck this' and skedaddled, or everybody decided they wanted to burn to a crisp instead.

After some more chit-chat and a little rest, the princesses broke us up to check the hospital. I was set up with Twi and Celestia, who I would help check out the side of the hospital we’d approached. We would check the second-floor section while Jen and Luna would check the first.

We made our way down the burnt hallway, passing by the torched rooms of the first floor. Luna and Jen broke off to check these rooms as Celestia, Twi, and I made our way to the stairwell. The stairwell wasn’t quite as burnt-looking as the lobby, but it still looked pretty rough. As we slowly made our way up the stairs, they started creaking menacingly below us. I stopped halfway up, eying them nervously.

“What if the floor breaks?” I asked.

“D’mitry,” Celestia called behind me. “Don’t worry so much. Did you ever read about Emerald Hospital’s great blaze?”

I shook my head no.

“It happened around six hundred years ago. Before Ponyville’s hospital was Emerald Hospital, which stood right below us. A lantern fell from the wall, causing it to burn down to rubble in just minutes, killing almost thirty ponies. Afterward, the local citizens and their mayor attended a meeting to discuss the causes and what could be done to prevent it from happening again. This allowed them to design a much more stable hospital. Introducing… Ponyville Hospital. Considering most of the walls are still standing, we should be alright.”

“Okay…”

I continued tip-toeing up the steps and opened the door to the stairwell, noticing the second floor was a lot less burnt-looking than the first. In fact, this floor looked pretty normal still, despite some blackened sections of the lower parts of the walls, and dark spots on the floor. Twi walked beside me in the doorway, noticing the same thing.

“Looks much better than the first floor,” she mentioned.

“Yeah,” I replied, stepping out of the doorway. “The floor looks sturd-”

CRACK!

I took a step that sunk my foot through the floor. Before I knew it, my leg was submerged as it cracked open. My whole body collapsed through.

THUD!

OW! Fucking SHIT!

I smacked the ground of the first floor, landing on my back. This caused it to hiss out at me, as my backpack and chainsaw angrily dug into it. I squirmed for a second before sitting up on my elbows, noticing Jen and Luna were checking out the room I’d fallen in. They looked back at me surprised before making their way over.

“D’mitry, you clutz, are you alright?” Luna asked.

“Gahhh- no. I probably broke my back and will never be able to walk again.”

Almost simultaneously, both of them rolled their eyes. I looked up at the hole in the ceiling I’d formed, noticing both Celestia and Twi’s heads carefully peek over the side.

“Are you okay?!” Twi called.

“I don’t know! What the fuck was that, Celestia? What happened to your story?!”

She chuckled. “I made it up.”

“Wow!”

“Sorry, dear. Are you okay, though?”

“Eh…”

I rolled over to my chest and pushed myself up, fighting the weight of my saw and backpack. I was fine. My back ached annoyingly, though. It was almost like falling off the swing at the playground—felt like shit and ruined your dignity, but you still didn’t want mama to take you home, so you faked you were fine to keep playing.

I wanted to keep playing.

“Hang on,” Jen said, glancing at my back as I spun around to face them.

“What?”

“Turn around.”

I turned around, twisting my head to try and look at my back so I could see what she was talking about. She stepped behind me and started brushing my lower back, underneath where my backpack sat. After a few seconds of brushing, I felt her hand go lower. I then felt this bitch’s hand squeeze my asscheek very briefly before she backed away.

“What the fuck?!” I exclaimed, whipping back around.

“Sorry, D’mitry. Just trying to get the ashes off of you.”

I met eyes with her. A stupid smile formed on her cheeks, hidden away from Luna behind her. Celestia and Twi weren’t looking down through the hole, either. As much as I wanted to rat her out to Luna and try to get her in trouble, I doubt Luna would really care. So instead, I threw Jen an annoyed, dissatisfied glance before walking back out of the room.

Fucking bitch.

Twi and Celestia met with me briefly outside of the room to make sure I was okay. Once they realized I was fine, we made our way upstairs again. I tried to tell ‘em we should say fuck the second floor and stay away from it, but they were adamant about checking it. This time, though, Twi walked ahead of me. I couldn’t wait to watch her fall through the floor too.

We carefully made our way around the hole I’d made in the floor and continued walking down the hallway. Most of the doorways in the hall were open, so lots of light from the outside was beaming in. We looked through the first door to the left and glanced inside the room.

“Damn.”

“Right?”

Surprisingly, the room looked unscathed. All its furniture remained. The only thing different was a few dark spots on the marble floor, and a couple bullet holes in the window. Despite this, there weren’t saddlebags or boxes present in the room, meaning whoever Rarity and Spike had assigned here got the hell out of dodge.

This was good. I guess it meant there were ponies that didn’t stick around to find out just how fireproof the hospital was. I don’t blame ‘em. Hopefully all of 'em did that.

Twi glanced up at me. “Do you think they extinguished the fire?”

“The boys? Probably not. The ponies here might have tried, but we don’t have that kinda luck. I don’t know if they could manage that.”

“Fucks that supposed to mean? Why not? If they did, it looks like they did manage to put it out. I doubt the fire got tired and just burnt itself out.”

“Then why did you ask me that?”

“I don’t know. I was hopin’ you might have something smart to say.”

I chuckled. “M'kay.”

That’s when a smart thought actually did enter my head. I looked at the ceiling of the room we were checking and noticed the sprinkler.

“Wait a minute. The sprinkler system! That’s what probably put the fire out!” I exclaimed.

Twi looked up at the sprinkler curiously.

“Ooooohh… I completely forgot about that.”

Twi and I walked into the room and glanced up at the sprinkler, noticing that the little balloon or whatever triggers it had burst. I also walked up to the hospital bedside and felt the blanket, which was damp.

“Hell yeah it did! Fuck yeah, baby!”

I took a moment to celebrate by dry-humping the air. Twi was happy too, but my completely normal level of enthusiasm made her shake her head and facehoof. I was pretty happy about this, because I was the main driver of getting this system installed.

Quick backstory…

This sprinkler system wasn’t originally here when I arrived in Equestria about a year ago. The engineers of this world had played around with something similar, but couldn’t really get it to work. Now, despite the princesses being extremely cautious while they slowly learned about the inventions of my world, Celestia had come across this sprinkler system back on Earth and grew curious.

One day a few months back, at Twi’s castle, I caught her and Twi having a conversation about possibly bringing this sprinkler system here. Of course, I decided to barge into this conversation. Both of them were on the fence about whether or not it was worth it, but I was one million percent for it.

Why?

Well, because I had actually experienced a pretty bad fire once before, at my ghetto ass middle school back on Earth. If it weren’t for the sprinkler system installed throughout the school, me and my ratchet classmates might not have made it out in one piece. Therefore, I vehemently argued with them to bring the sprinkler systems here.

Neither of them cared about my story, though, so I ended up snitching on myself by revealing I had a lighter and threatening to burn Twi’s castle down. They weren’t that upset, because at the time we thought it couldn’t get set on fire anyway. After Twi smacked me upside the head and Celestia spanked me and took my lighter away, they ended up agreeing to bring the sprinklers in. They both agreed it was probably worth it.

And it was! Fuck to the yeah! As I continued dry-humping the air in celebration, Celestia walked in the room and carefully observed the sprinkler as well.

“Hell yeah!” I exclaimed, pointing at Twi and letting my finger drift to point at Celestia too. “Told you bitches!”

My humping celebration morphed into a… I don’t know what you’d call it, but I started moving my hips around in a circle as if I had a hula-hoop around my waist. I was distracted looking down at my hips, imagining this invisible hula-hoop flying around my waist, totally unaware of Celestia’s hoof being rai-

Smack!

She smacked me upside the head, once again causing me to stumble. Surprisingly enough, I managed to keep on my feet again. I snapped to a stand and looked back at them, annoyed.

“What if I told y’all that I’m into that? Like, if I’m getting turned on by y’all smacking me?”

Both of them exchanged a glance with one another before looking back at me. Once again, Celestia raised her hoo-

Smack!!

This time, the smack sent me stumbling until I lost my balance. I collided with the floor, realizing it was damp as well. I heard a groaning sound beneath me, so despite my discomfort, I laid still on my side. I met eyes with Celestia, who carefully glanced at the floor beneath me.

“See what you did?” I asked, “Damn. I coulda fallen through the floor again. This is why you assholes should quit smackin’ me around.”

Celestia stepped forward and reached her long foreleg out toward me. She stopped only inches away, menacingly hovering her front hoof just above the floor. She eyed me with that full-of-power princess stare of hers.

“Don’t make me do it,” she threatened.

"I'd like to sincerely apologize for my previous statements."

She huffed, continuing to gaze down at me with that princess stare of hers. “You’ve been pretty disrespectful lately, D'mitry. Am I gonna have to set you up with respect training again?”

“Now?”

“Yes. We can find the time.”

“No! I’m sorry. I’ll stop, promise.”

For reference, respect training was a program set up by Celestia for anybody the princesses deemed disrespectful enough. For ponies she didn’t like, this meant a mixture of dungeon time, spankings, community service, and a weird, mandatory ‘respect class’ to attend daily until the program ended. For ponies she did like, and me apparently, this just meant going to that respect class and serving her as some kinda butler/maid servant.

“Good,” she replied, easing her foreleg away from the floor beside me.

I sighed relievingly before rolling to my chest and pushing my-

CRACK!

God damn it!

The damp floor split open, graciously accepting my already laid-out body as it fell through the first-floor ceiling.

THUD!

My body smacked the floor again, this time on my side. This meant my backpack and chainsaw didn’t contribute to the pain of my back falling on them. So, thankfully, this fall didn’t really hurt that bad. I rolled to my stomach and slowly pushed myself up to a stand, not realizing I had again fallen into a room Luna and Jen were checking out.

Jen walked up to my side, a smirk slowly filling her face. “You’re having a pretty rough time, aren’t you?”

“Whatever, bitch.”

I didn’t even wait for Celestia and Twi to speak to me through the hole as I turned and started heading for the door to get away from Jen. She mockingly called after me, “Try not to fall through the floor again!”

I threw her the finger as she giggled maniacally. Annoying bitch. I reluctantly made my way back upstairs and rejoined Celestia and Twi. After a bit more debate about whether the sprinkler system had extinguished the fire, we left to check the next room.

One of its walls had slightly crumbled into the hallway, and inside, it was more prevalent that fire had started making its way up through the floor. The floor of this room looked pretty damp, even from here. What caught my eye, though, was the hospital bed, which was still mostly intact…

Besides being ripped apart. Like… not burnt or shot up. It was ripped, the fluff inside scattered around the base of it.

“Bruh, why is the bed ripped up? Can fire rip furniture?”

“What kinda moronic ass question is that?” Twi scoffed.

I shrugged. We inspected the room from the doorway, because honestly, I didn’t feel like falling through the floor again. Twi deemed that room too dangerous, so we shut the door for now and made a little X mark on it with a knife she had on her. We then moved on to the next room. This room’s door was closed, so I turned the handle and slowly opened it. As I did, I heard a grumble from behind. At first, I wasn’t sure if Twi or Celestia had made this weird ass noise. When I turned around, I realized they hadn’t.

Oh SHI-

Before I could even let the doorknob go, a brightly-colored yet pale zombie mare rushed out of the room across the hall and lunged at me. I hadn’t expected this at all, so I froze up for a second as she collided with me, sending my ass to the floor.

CRACK!

Of course. As I was shoved down into the room, the floor broke open again. The zombie mare’s weight helped me crash down really easily.

THUD!

THUD!!!

AGHHHH!! FUCKING SHIT!

This time, the pain was worse than my previous falls. I’d fallen on my back again. Not only did my backpack push against my spine, causing me back pain, but the zombie mare fell right on top of me, causing me chest pain. I felt the breath get knocked out of me when I got sandwiched on the floor.

I grew mad for a split second as I started fighting back, attempting to shove her off. But as I pushed her head back, even through her zombie appearance… I realized who she was.

…

Fluttershy.

…

Shit!!

The shock of realizing who it was caused me to quit fighting back momentarily, until I realized she was about to sink her teeth into my neck. Unfortunately for me, you know, besides being trapped on the floor between my saw and a hungry undead friend, Fluttershy was a bit weightier than the average mare.

I was learning this now, at least. I’d always noticed Fluttershy to be a bit thicker than the others, only beat out by AJ. Now I felt it. The average mare was somethin’ like 230 pounds, as a reminder, so she must be… what, 260? Whatever the weight, she was absolutely WEIGHING me down right now.

I fought back the best I could, but I felt weaker than usual. It’s almost like I needed blood or something. Again, I started getting light-headed. I swear, if I pass out again, I’m gonna murder someone randomly. Hear that, Author?

No you won’t, moron.

I will!

...

Maybe…

As I fought against Fluttershy’s drooling mouth, I couldn’t help but still see the old her. Her pretty blue eyes were glazed over, her bright yellow fur a darker pale. That same, cute pink swoop of her mane fell below her, a bit messier than it usually was. It brushed against my chest, distracting me for a second as I watched it sway.

“D’mitry.”

Huh?

I looked back up to see that my vision was getting bad. It wasn’t really swooning or multiplying this time, though. It was fuzzy. Fluttershy’s face was above me, glimmering bright, as if someone had put a bright filter in my eyesight that caused regular light to shine like little stars. The edges of her head twinkled with this weird light as I looked up at her face.

It was… normal now…

“Fluttershy?”

“D’mitry.”

“Wha-” I started, still shocked by seeing her change so quickly.

Like, she was fully normal again, besides this strange ass filter. I couldn’t feel her weighing me down anymore. She stood on top of me now. Her pretty blue eyes were dancing with mine. Her color was back. She smiled down at me, but she stayed quiet for a second before continuing.

“D’mitry.”

“What?”

“D’mitry.”

“What the fuck do you want? I hear you bitch.”

“D’mitry.”

My hands hovered above my chest now, as I wasn’t fighting back, so I raised them to her shoulders and shook her. Her smile faded a bit.

“D’mitry, stop.”

I stopped shaking her, but I kept my hands on her shoulders.

“Fluttershy, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

“D’mitry.”

“OH MY GOD!”

“D’mitry.”

I started violently shaking her again. This time, though, the bright light from the filter flashed in my eyes for a moment. I shut my eyes briefly, continuing to shake her, before reopening them. When I did, she…

…

She was gone? Not only that, but I was holding Jen’s shoulders like I was Fluttershy’s. She was hovering over my left side, a look of worry on her face. I quit shaking her when I realized. I started wondering if what I saw even fucking happened. Was this all a dream? Was the dream still going??

“Cut it out, twerp,” she requested.

I immediately disconnected my hands from her shoulders. I could hear fast hoofsteps clicking behind her.

“What the fuck happened?” I asked.

Before she could start explaining, I caught sight of a pony on my right side. When I looked over, I saw Fluttershy’s body lying next to me. Her still face rested against the floor as it faced me. Her eyes were closed, and…

...there was a knife sticking out of the side of her head.

I froze, just for a second. Once the rest of my body caught up to what my eyes were seeing, I shuffled away in a panic, my backpack still weighing me down. It and my back squished up against a bed behind me, so I frantically picked myself to a stand. This is when Jen quickly shot to a stand as well and rushed toward me, setting her hands on my shoulders to hold me still.

“D’mitry! Relax… please. It’s alright.”

She looked genuinely worried, and I was still in a bit of shock, so I stayed still. I saw Luna rush in, taking a moment to look at the scene.

“Jen! Are you two okay? What happened??”

Jen looked into my eyes for a second longer before letting me go, turning around to explain to Luna what had happened. Apparently, I’d ‘fallen asleep’? mid-way through my struggle with Fluttershy.

Fucks sake. Was I that fucking weak? I’m getting tired of this shit.

Since Jen was in the room I had fallen in, AGAIN, she had immediately sprung into action once she realized what happened. Luckily, she had gotten to Fluttershy right as I ‘fell asleep’, so I hadn’t even gotten bitten from her surprise attack. After she killed her, she rolled her off of me.

Twi and Celestia came rushing into the room not long after. Jen continued explaining to them what happened as Twi looked me over, making sure I was alright. I’d walked to another corner of the room to get away from Fluttershy, but seeing her dead face was weighing on my mind. Twi had only separated from me to hear from Jen for maybe a minute before returning to me.

“D’mitry, are you sure you’re okay? I know that wasn’t something we were expecting.”

I sighed. “I think so. I just need some fresh air.”

“Same.”

Twi joined me outside, keeping within shouting distance from the hospital. We both enjoyed the calm autumn breeze, watching Celestia’s afternoon sun falling into an evening one.

I don’t know why I said it like that—we weren’t out there that long. After enjoying the calmness outside for maybe twenty minutes, we went back inside to finish checking the hospital. This gave the others time to pull Fluttershy outside.

We still had a sizable section of the hospital to go, so hopefully we wouldn’t encounter anything like that again. That encounter lost us Trix and Abby too, as the princesses asked them to go outside and dig a grave for her. Bout time we started actually doing something with the corpses besides just leaving them to rot.

Unfortunately, we also lost Discord, who was sitting outside mourning Fluttershy still. I get it, but damn… he hadn’t even stayed here long enough to see her turn into a zombie. Apparently, after the hospital staff did an unsuccessful job securing Fluttershy to her bed, and after she ‘died’, he said fuck it and left to come help us.

Should he have stayed, you think?

Mmm… no… I still remember him helping Trix save our asses at the royal castle. I’m just sayin’.

Unfortunately for me, the others were almost done checking out the first floor. This meant I had to, once again, make my way upstairs to finish checking rooms with Celestia and Twi. We’d seen Luna in the lobby, who offered to trade places with me, but I would rather keep falling through the floor than be forced to work with Jen.

It was alright… Twi promised to lead the charge again. So, for the next few minutes, we very carefully inspected room after room. Interestingly, the end of the hall ahead of us looked completely unscathed. The floor and walls down there looked untouched by the fire, so maybe the rooms would be the same. I hoped so. We needed a comfortable place to rest.

In the meantime, though, Twi opened the door to one of the meh-looking rooms. The door only opened partially before stopping. She put her shoulder into trying to push it open, but it wouldn’t budge. Although she couldn’t fit her body through the slot provided, she was able to poke her neck in to see. After looking around, she pulled out and scoffed.

“Fallen dresser.”

“Huh?” I asked.

“A fallen dresser is blocking the doorway.”

“A dresser? Damn. This some kinda VIP room? I wish mine had a damn dresser in it. Y’all don’t even wear enough clothes to warrant a fucking dr-”

smack!

Celestia whacked me in the back of the head. This smack was only hard enough to send my head forward a tad. I shook it off.

“That dresser was holding most of our clothes, fyi,” Twi stated.

“Well, damn. How are we gonna get it to move then?”

She eyed me and the opening.

“Can you fit through?” she asked.

I shrugged and stepped forward, carefully slipping through the doorway. I had to suck in my breath, but I eventually squeezed through. Once I did, I took a second to look at the room. It was a typical room with two hospital beds in it, separated by a curtain. The only fire marks were on the floor, and interestingly enough, there was a hole I hadn’t made myself on the other side of the room.

That alone told me to be careful as I shifted my attention back to the dresser. It was pretty big, standing about as tall as me. Well… laying? about as tall as me. Lol. Anyway, it was also wide enough to fit two of me inside, probably.

Interesting unit of measure.

Yeah. Fuck Imperial and Metric. D’mitry sizes for the win!

And how tall are you again?

6 fee… damn it.

Hahaha

After observing the dresser for a brief period of time, Celestia yapped at me to get a move on and try picking it up. So I did. I squatted down so I could use not my legs, but my back to li-

No wait, use my chest instead of my leg-

No. My back, idiot. Wait, NO! MY LEGS. Fucks sake. I knew this, since I spent literal months working at Sweet Apple Acres. Takes a minute for my brain-to-… uh…-brain connection to work, though.

Thankfully, the dresser was shaped in a way where the top half I was squatting next to had a section slightly raised off the ground for me to grab the edges. Yay… decoration? I tensed my muscles as I started lifti-

Gawd damn this is fucking heavy!

How many fucking clothes were in here?! Jesus. I lifted the dresser up slow as hell, straining the whole time. After what felt like a century, I was able to finally push the dresser upright. Damn. Either this dresser was built with some heavy ass wood, or this thing was packed with clothes. Good thing the fire didn’t seem to get to it.

Despite standing up now, the dresser was still partially blocking the doorway. The opening was wide enough for Twi to get through, but Celestia opted to stick outside for now, seeing as her wider rump would probably cause issues.

Surprised you finally brought that up. Even more surprised you haven’t called her a fatass yet.

I mean… she’s not really a fatass. She has a fat ass, but we won’t go into that. This chapter is long enough as it is.

Fair.

I eyed Twi for a second, who was looking across the room at the hole in the floor. I was more curious as to why the dresser was so fucking heavy. So, I walked up to it and undid the latch, opening the doo-

“No, please!”

…

…

…

Holy. Shit.

A timid Nurse Redheart squeezed against one of the corners inside the dresser, using her front hooves to shield her face. I stared blankly at her in a state of shock. She nervously gazed through her shielding hooves, her eyes widening once she realized it was me. She slowly dropped her hooves as we locked eyes. It only took her a second for her shock to morph into a big, relieved open smile.

“D’mitry!”

Before I could react, she leaped out of the dresser with open hooves and pounced, wrapping her forelegs around me. This caused me to lose my balance and fall backward to the floor.

CRACK!

Fuuuuuuuuck!!!