Pinkie Pie Eats Everypony
It was a sunny afternoon, and Pinkie Pie was rushing about the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner. The Cakes were away, participating in some kind of cooking competition in Canterlot. It was fancy stuff, Pinkie had been given to understand. However, there was a very large order of donuts that had come in just as the Cakes were about to leave, so they'd left Pinkie to fulfill it.
Pinkie was a pink tornado as she drove dozens of donuts through the stages in parallel—mixing, shaping, decorating. It was enjoyable work, but she was really stung that she couldn't get away with sampling any of them. The order was huge and she wasn't a hundred percent sure she had enough ingredients for everything. Several times she had to wipe her enormous tongue about her mouth to keep her drool from leaking onto the hot donuts.
There was a jingle from the front door. Reluctantly, Pinkie tore herself away from all the tantalizing pastries and trotted out of the kitchen.
It was Rainbow Dash, looking somewhat impatient, as usual. "Hey, Pinkie, where've you been all day?" she said.
"Oh, Dashie!" Pinkie squeaked. "I've been so busy dashing up delicious, delightful donuts."
"Well, that explains why you're covered in icing." said Rainbow. "How long have you been at this?"
"Hours!" said Pinkie, squeezing her face together with her hooves.
Now that she was looking at Rainbow, Pinkie couldn't help but notice how colorful her mane was. Not unlike that icing. Man, she was hungry. She shook her head. Bits of icing went flying.
"Ugh!" said Pinkie. "I need that!" She zipped into the kitchen and came back with a tube of icing, then began stuffing the stray bits back in.
Rainbow guffawed. "What are you doing? Don't you usually just clean this place with your tongue?"
"Don't remind me." said Pinkie, wiping some drool off her lips with her pink apron. "I need every drop! There's nothing in the whole place to eat and I could eat a horse right now!"
Rainbow laughed again. "So why don't we get something to eat? C'mon."
"But I'm so busy!" said Pinkie, her mane seeming to get even frizzier. "I can't walk away for a minute and there's nothing in the house but…"
She blinked. Rainbow looked very… Hmm, if she hadn't been mistaken, Rainbow had just been temporarily replaced by a giant box of donuts. It was probably just an animation sight gag. Nothing more. Still, she wondered what that mane tasted like.
"Heeey, Dashie…" said Pinkie, with a mischievous smirk, "isn't that Spitfire over there? I think she needs you to go become the Queen of the Wonderbolts or something."
Rainbow crossed her forelegs across her chest. "Nice try, Pinkie. There's no such thing as the Queen of the Wonderbolts."
"Then who's that capturing Daring Do?" said Pinkie.
"Whaaat?" said Rainbow, and whipped her head around.
Licking her lips, Pinkie took a huge bite out of Rainbow's mane. It tasted like Skittles covered with peach fuzz. It was a real treat for a candy connoisseur.
Rainbow turned back to see a last bit of green hair disappear into Pinkie's mouth. "Pinkie, are you… did you… what?" she sputtered. "Did you just eat my mane?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." said Pinkie, looking away innocuously and whistling. She coughed and some red hairs came out.
"What's the big idea?" Rainbow growled, her wings beating. "Do you know how hard it is to style this?"
Hmm, well, there were certainly many other parts of Rainbow that looked interesting. All that blue fur. What flavor could that be? And those hooves. They must be crunchy. And the eyes. Would they be like chewy candy with a creamy center?
"I'm sorry, Dashie." said Pinkie. "I'll fix you riiight up." Her mouth opened wide. And wider. And wider.
Rainbow cringed and shrank away. "What are you—"
An enormous tongue popped out and wrapped around Rainbow like a boa constrictor. Rainbow took advantage of being muffled in tongue to say a lot of swear words even though it was a kids' show. Soon she was being led into Pinkie's cavernous mouth. She struggled mightily, but she was like a puppy trying to free itself from a coil of steel cable. Slowly she was slipping into an expanse of pink blackness as the mouth closed behind her. Pinkie closed her eyes and savored the rich texture her tongue was wrapped about. Dashie's well-developed muscles and fluffy wings gave her a delightful feeling of fullness. She gulped, and the hapless pegasus began her trip into the center of Pinkie. She rubbed her neck as her esophagus gradually pumped Rainbow down. She hummed to herself cheerfully as Rainbow made it into her belly and began sloshing about in her digestive juices.
"The breakfast of champions!" she declared. "I should've done this a looong time ago. Still, that's all I've had all day," she said, with a small burp, "and there's a lot of work to do. I should probably get a little something extra." She thought for a moment, nodded to herself, briefly ran back into the kitchen to cycle more of the donuts, and then pronked out of Sugarcube Corner.
Meanwhile, somepony else was also having a busy day. Carousel Boutique was whirling about (like a carousel! get it?) with Rarity's sewing, measuring, stitching, cutting, tut-tutting. She had just been invited to create costumes for Equestria's Next Top Clotheshorse.
When she heard somepony enter, she said briskly "Not open for business right now, big order, sorry darling!", but then bothered to look up and saw it was Pinkie. "Oh, it's just you, darling. Come in."
"Hi, Rarity!" said Pinkie. "How's my Pinkie Pie costume coming along?"
"Well… er… it's been delayed a bit, I'm afraid." Rarity adjusted her glasses. She had been afraid to ask why Pinkie wanted a costume of herself. She then caught sight of Pinkie's prodigious abdominal bulge, and said "Congratulations! On… er… the lunch?" She furrowed her brow and said in a low voice "You aren't pregnant, are you?"
"Well," said Pinkie, rubbing her belly lovingly, "I am carrying a pony."
Rarity's expression suggested she was no less confused, but very hesitant to probe. "Anyway, if you don't mind," she said, "I have quite a lot of work to do." She gestured at the now only nominally organized chaos. "So, if you just wanted to say hello…"
"Aaactually", said Pinkie, "I just had something I wanted to show you. It's a real doozy!"
"Is that so?" said Rarity, trying to guess if this one would involve a hydra. "Well, I really can't leave—"
"You can stay right where you are!" said Pinkie. "It's right back here." She opened her jaws wide as a church door. "Duh yuh hee aa hing aa uh ack uh I roah?"
Rarity gritted her teeth and leaned forward as much as she dared. Pinkie's breath smelled even weirder than usual, and there were strange colored fibers—some kind of exotic root vegetable?—strewn about in there. "Did you ask about the 'thing at the back of your throat'? The dangling bit of skin, you mean?"
"Yuh."
"That's called the 'uvula'. Twilight told me just last week. It comes from the word for—Oh Celestia!"
While Rarity had been talking, Pinkie had slowly advanced, and already Rarity was more in Pinkie's mouth than out. Her best damsel-in-distress "Eeek!"s proved unable to save her. Pinkie inhaled, Kirby-like, and with the force of a tornado, the fashionista was sucked into Pinkie's gaping maw.
The texture was soft—not unlike marshmallow, Pinkie thought to herself. She crammed Rarity into her throat with her tongue and swallowed. Rarity was squeezed down like an undersized cork into the neck of a bottle.
"Mmm." said Pinkie. She looked at her belly. Multicolor athlete horse had been mostly processed by now, leaving plenty of room for marshmallow fashion horse. "A 'uvula'!" she said to herself. "I was wondering about that. Well, you learn new things every day. Now what?" She grinned in one of the boutique's many full-length mirrors and fluffed her mane, enjoying the sight of being crammed with prey. "Hmm, I'm getting good at this." She poked her stomach and shifted the remainder of Rainbow around down there. There was a sloshing, bubbly sound. She amused herself for a minute swinging her belly around and listening to the gurgling of stomach acid. But she licked her lips thinking of who she hadn't eaten yet.
She felt ready to take on a challenge. If she could snag quite a few at once… Oh, yes. She knew where her friends would be gathered if they would be gathered anywhere. She pronked away, the partly digested pony bits swinging up and down along with her stomach.
Meanwhile at the Castle of Friendship™…
"And you're sure it was Pinkie who did this?" said Twilight. She leaned forward at the Cutie Mark table.
"Oh, yes." said Fluttershy in a frightened whisper. "Changelings aren't anatomically capable of things like that."
A cardinal flew in through the window, and began twittering at Fluttershy rapidly and anxiously.
"Oh, what a terrible thing for you to see, you poor little birdie!" said Fluttershy. She turned to Twilight. "Pinkie just ate Rarity, too!"
"She got Rarity?" Spike squeaked. "All right!" he cried. "That's it! Enough's enough!"
Twilight looked grim. "I hoped I'd never have to do this. But desperate times call for desperate measures."
Suddenly, the three friends froze. They could hear a sinister bouncing sound, and it was coming nearer and nearer.
"Hold her off!" said Twilight, galloping away and down the corridor in the opposite direction.
Spike and Fluttershy looked at each other.
"Maybe we weren't the best choices for this." said Fluttershy.
"We know what we must do." said Spike. He took a helmet and a lance off a suit of armor standing in the corner. Then, he leaped astride Fluttershy.
With a great, foreboding creak, the doors opened. And there, with a sudden and meteorologically implausible clap of thunder and strike of lightning… was a smiling pink pony.
Her stomach was rumbling loudly enough that our heroes could hear it from across the room. Was it the sound of the gradual, goopy disintegration of the two brave ponies she had already struck down? Or was it a rumble of anticipation at the new meal that approached? Both Spike and his loyal steed were quaking.
"Hey, um…" said Fluttershy "I was wondering if maybe you could possibly not eat us, if that's okay with you."
"S-surrender, f-foul beast!" Spike stammered.
Pinkie's smile seemed fixed in place. She didn't blink. But she did lick her lips. Slowly, deliberately, she pronked towards them.
"You leave us n-no choice, then." said Spike. "Charge!"
Fluttershy uttered a very quiet battle-cry.
Inevitably, they charged right into Pinkie's gaping mouth.
"We… uh… we've got you right where we want you!" said Spike without conviction. "Take that!" He thrust with his lance, but only succeeded at removing Rarity's glasses, which had been stuck between Pinkie's teeth.
Pinkie snapped her jaws shut, and threw her head back. She had to strain a bit this time. There was a pony, a baby dragon, and a heavy piece of armor to cram down. With a mighty slurp, she sucked them down.
Pinkie spit out the lance, then picked it up and used it to pick at her teeth. She pressed on her stomach, sending big chunks of pony bouncing around her stomach fluid. This was turning out to be the most satisfying meal she'd had in a long time. She got on her throne at the table, kicked up her hind legs, and allowed herself to digest for a while. The dragon chaser only improved things. She closed her eyes and listened to the little rumblings and bubblings of her system.
But soon her reverie was disturbed by hoofbeats. Lots of them. She belched loudly and fluttered open her eyelids. Was that Rainbow she saw? Yes, that was definitely Rainbow Dash, galloping into the room. And she didn't look happy. Right after her came Rarity and Fluttershy.
Pinkie looked at her stomach, which was fuller than ever—well, maybe a little less full now—and back at the angry ponies. "Hey, who told you you could talk to the storyboarders?" said Pinkie.
"The what?" said Rainbow.
Finally, a huffing and puffing Twilight arrived. "That's right, Pinkie!" said Twilight. "You're not the only one who knows about the mirror pool! I have clones stashed all over Ponyville in case of clone emergency." she added, with a smug smile.
Pinkie scratched her chin. "What about Spike?"
Twilight sighed. "Nopony cares about Spike."
"That's fair." said Pinkie. "But do you really think I don't have room for four more?"
"I said," said Twilight, "all over Equestria."
There were more hoofbeats. Soon there was an enormous crowd of pony clones, coming in through both doors. There were dozens of them: featherfuls of Fluttershies, rowdy gangs of Rainbows, rampages of Rarities, and teeming teams of Twilights.
"Maaaybe I'll just take the check." said Pinkie.
"No, ma'am," said one of the Twilights, which may or may not have been the original—Pinkie had lost track—"I insist."
Pinkie shrugged. "Okay. I guess I'll just invite some friends." She made a loud whistle and waited expectantly.
Nothing happened.
"Did you really think I was so dumb I didn't send your clones back?" said Twilight.
Pinkie pouted. "You're a big meanie. I didn't want to use this, but you've forced my hoof!" She fluffed her mane dramatically. Out came a single parasprite.
There was screaming and a mad rush, but it was no use. The parasprite multiplied in a twinkling, and soon the horde of hungry humming horseflies was horfing up handfuls of horses. Soon they got out of control and ate the animators. The end.