Ponies Explaining Poniesby Sleipnirs FoalChaptersFluttershy and WingbonersApplejack and Farm AnimalsRainbow Dash and Social PoliticsRarity and Fashion (What Else Did You Expect?)Twilight and Princess StuffFluttershy and WingbonersFluttershy and Wingboners Two mares stood in the kitchen of Sugar Cube Corner, one an excited earth pony, and the other a confused pegasus. “Uh Pinkie, what are we doing again?” “I told you Fluttershy, I wanted you to come explain to our fans all about pegasususus.” Answered the pink mare, eagerly bouncing up and down. “But there's nopony else here. And I never heard about us having any fans.” It was true, the kitchen was empty, and the bakery was closed. It was also true that, despite saving the world several times, the ponies didn't have any admirers. “Oh, they're not ponies. But don't you worry your pretty little head about that. Just sit here, look straight ahead, and answer the questions I ask you.” Pinkie placed Fluttershy on a cushion and faced her towards a wall. “So... you want me to sit here and explain to a kitchen wall, which is our fans who aren't ponies, about pegasi?” “Yup!” “Pinkie, are you still seeing that psychiatrist the court ordered you to?” “Nah, she quit and moved back to Canterlot.” “Okay...” “Now, how's about we start this seminar?” Fluttershy sighed, she had been friends with Pinkie for a long time and knew when to just go along with the party mare's eccentricities. “Okay then.” Pinkie Pie pulled an index card from who-knows-where and, clearing her throat, read, “Well, the first thing everyone wants to know is: Do pegasi's wings really stiffen when they're aroused?” “Eep!” Fluttershy's cheeks were bright red, but no one could tell because the pegasus had hidden her head under her cushion. “It's okay Fluttershy! You don't need to be embarrassed.” Pinkie reassured. The cushion did not respond. “It's just you and me here. You and me and our millions of fans.” “Who live in the wall?” Fluttershy peeped. “Who live in the wall.” Pinkie answered. “D-don't you think somepony else would be better at answering this type of question? Like Twilight, she knows all sorts of things. Or Rainbow Dash, she's less embarrassed with this... type of question.” “No, no. You're the perfect pony to answer! Twilight is a smarty smart smart-pants, but she's not a pegasus. And you work with animals, so you know all about biology and stuff.” “Umm... okay, I'll try.” Fluttershy came out from under the pillow and sat back down. “Thanks Fluttershy! Now face the audience-” “Wall?” “Wall, and let the people know about wingboners!” “Eep!” The pegasus shrunk down again. “To explicit?” “Uh-huh.” “Sorry. Continue.” Fluttershy tried to sit up straight and take a professional air. She had seen Twilight give lectures before, so she tried to imitate her friend. She didn't do a very good job of it, “Um, okay. Uh, hello kitchen wall. Today I'm here to tell you about pegasus wings, and uh, what it means when they flare out.” Pinkie clopped her hooves together and said, “Great job Fluttershy! Keep going!” “Okay, so um, a pegasus' wings may become erect for many different reasons. The three most common reasons are if they're: Startled, angry, or eep aroused. Modern equipologists believe that early pegasi used their wings very much like birds do. When a bird feels threatened, whether by a predator or a rival, it will spread its wings out to try to look as big a possible, hopefully scaring away its enemy without having to fight. They also believe that, like peacocks, early pegasi would use their feathers to uh, display, while um, courting. These early pegasus instincts have passed all the way down to modern ponies. Despite having no real advantage in modern society, the wing flare is still an unconscious response to situations of stress or mmmrrm mrr. If a pegasus is angry, and their adrenaline starts pumping, their wings might open out as a natural response. Likewise, if the pegasus is scared or surprise, the poor pony might open her wings for the same reason. Then there is the action that some ponies call the 'wingboner,' unaware of how uncomfortable the term might make others feel. This happens when a pegasus becomes aroused. However, it's not the same as when they're mmph mrrmr mem. This can all be very embarrassing, because there is really no control over when or why it happens.” Pinkie clopped her hooves again. She knew Fluttershy would be the best pony to explain pegasus anatomy. “Thanks Flutters! That was very-” Apparently Fluttershy had more to say. Her lecturing tone had disappeared, and a small scowl was tracing its way across her lips. “And what's worse is it can happen for no reason at all! Especially during puberty when a filly is already awkward and nervous about her body!” Things seemed to be getting a little heated. Pinkie didn't want Fluttershy to embarrass herself in front of their fans so she tried to cut in. “Okay Flutters, that's all we really-” “It might happen at any time at all! And she wouldn't have any control over it! She could be sitting in class, quietly taking notes on the history of Cloudsdale's trade system, when suddenly her wings stand up for no reason! And then all the other ponies in class laugh! Do you have any idea how damaging that can be to a fillies self-esteem? Of course the teacher yells at the other children and makes them apologize, but you know they don't really mean it, and are just gonna talk about it in the lunch room.” “Thanks Fluttershy, but-” “And the worst part is that the very next week they call an assembly on wingboners! They do songs and sketches about how it's completely natural, but by that point everypony knows what happened to you, and that you're the one they're talking about on stage! And it's even worse when it happens in the locker room! All of a sudden everypony is calling you a fillyfooler, as if they never got stiff wings in the shower! And who cares if she was or not, huh? Everypony gets a little curious at one point or another, don't they?! And so what if she's friends with Rainbow Dash? Just because they're friends automatically means they're dating? Rainbow is friends with a lot of ponies! She isn't dating all of them!” “Okay, Shy! I think we're getting a little off-” “Yeah, no wonder she has trouble meeting new ponies! The poor filly had self-esteem issues to begin with, and then you start making fun of her for getting hard wings? No wonder she moved out of her parents house as soon as she graduated! No wonder she lives on the edge of town surrounded by woodland creatures!” “WellIthinkthat'sallthetimewehavetoday!” “And another thing!” “OKAYSEEYABYE!” Pinkie shouted to the wall, dragging the fuming yellow pegasus away. Fluttershy was still screaming out the list of grievances of an awkward teenager, venting years of pent-up frustration. Things hadn't quite gone as planned. Next time Pinkie would have to research what kind of emotional baggage these questions might drag up. Applejack and Farm AnimalsApplejack and Farm Animals Sugar Cube Corner was empty. It was past closing time and the Cakes were away visiting family. The only occupants were two earth ponies sitting in the kitchen, one pink, one orange. The orange one was not happy. “Durn'it Pinkie! Y'all said you wanted me to lead a discussion on farmin'!” Shouted Applejack. “I do!” Pinkie Pie said. “But there ain't nopony else here. How am Ah supposed to talk about the farm if it's jus' the two of us?” “That's what I've been trying to tell you!” The pink pony explained. “We're not alone, and the people I want you to talk to aren't ponies.” Pinkie was being more confusing than usual, so Applejack simply asked. “Beg pardon?” “Yeah! I wanted you to explain some stuff about farming to our fans.” “Ah'm afraid Ah still don't follow.” AJ should have known better than to rely on Pinkie's ability to clarify things. “Our fans silly!” The party mare just rolled her eyes as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I just need you to sit here, look straight at our fans, and answer the questions I give you.” Pinkie adjusted the farmer to face one of the kitchen's walls. Each answer just brought up more questions. “Yer tellin' me that this here wall is our 'fans?'” “Yup!” At least that answer only left one more question to ask. “Are you still seein' that new psychiatrist the court sent out here sugar cube?” “No.” Pinkie's smile faded for a moment. “He's been committed to the mental ward in Ponyville hospital. I tried to bring him some get-well balloons and cake, but the doctors wouldn't let me in.” “Oh, uh, sorry sugar cube.” Pinkie's grin returned almost immediately however. “That's okay! Everypony at the hospital is super nice, I'm sure he'll make lots of new friends!” “Alright then.” “So anyway, are you ready to answer some farming questions for our fans?” Applejack sighed. This was just another case of 'Pinkie being Pinkie.' The hyper mare was probably just curious about some of the work the farmer did, and wanted to make a game out of finding out. “Sure Pinks, shoot.” “Okie Dokie Loki!” Pinkie pulled an index card from somewhere comical and read. “Cows produce milk, chickens produce eggs, and sheep produce wool, all of which ponies use. The question is: why do ponies keep pigs along with all these other creatures?” “That's a good question Pinkie, the reason we-” “Look at the audience.” The pink mare interrupted. “Oh, right.” Applejack turned towards the wall. “The pigs at our farm will eat just about any waste we make. Then they, uh, produce manure which we use as fertilizer. Basically the pigs act as a fast paced composter.” Satisfied with her answer AJ gave a nod, to which Pinkie replied. “But I'm confused. All the sheep I know love to eat trash, and cows are great at making manure. I remember one time Daisy Jo came in and asked to use the bathroom, I must have gone through five plungers that day it-” Pinkie was interrupted by an orange hoof in her mouth. Applejack said. “Ah think Ah get the picture. Might not be too appropriate for our 'fans' don't'ya think?” The party pony nodded and tried to agree around the hoof, once it was removed she said. “I just think it's weird that ponies keep pigs when other farm animals do their job, and give something extra too.” “When ya put it that way, it does seem a bit odd.” The orange pony pushed her hat back. “All's Ah can tell ya is that farm ponies have always kept pigs. It's just one of those things that's done. Pigs have been part of a farm for as long as ponies've been farmin'. Twilight could probably show ya a book of old pantin's and artifacts goin' back thousands and thousands of years, and on any one of them showin' a farm there'll be a pig on it.” “So you don't think it's weird?” Pinkie asked. “You haven't wondered why ponies started keeping pigs in the first place?” “Not 'till now Ah haven't. Like Ah said, it's just one of those things that's done. It's like wearin' a saddle, or usin' a shovel or axe. They're designed kinda silly, but that's the way they were always made so ponies don't bother to change 'em.” “Well thank you Applejack, that was very informative.” Pinkie put out her hoof to shake AJ's. “Uh, any time Pinkie.” “Unfortunately that's all the time we have for today, so we'll have to say goodbye to our audience.” “Yeah, right, uh, bye wall non-ponies.” Applejack walked out of the Corner wondering what that was all about. That night she couldn't sleep, she kept thinking of different areas of pony life that just didn't make sense. What was worse was that there were so many things that could be improved on that it was a wonder that nopony had done it before. It was almost as if their technology and way of life was designed by someone else, someone who wasn't a pony. The farmer chuckled to herself. She was starting to sound like Rainbow Dash after she'd read the last Daring Do novel. Ancient space ponies constructing equine civilization my hoof. Rainbow Dash and Social PoliticsRainbow Dash and Social Politics “I have to say Pinkie Pie, I'm disappointed.” Rainbow Dash said, crossing her forelimbs over her chest. The two ponies were alone in the kitchen of Sugar Cube Corner. “What do you mean Dashie?” A genuinely confused Pinkie asked. “This prank.” The pegasus explained. “It's way below your standards.” “This isn't a prank silly!” “Yeah, right.” Dash's tone was even, not willing to let the party mare get the better of her. “You invited me here to talk to my fans, and nopony's here. I mean, this barely even qualifies as a prank!” “But our fans are here. They're just not here here.” “Alright, then where are they?” Pinkie turned Dash's head and pointed at a blank wall with her hoof. “They live there, but they're not ponies.” The be-rainbowed pegasus quirked an eyebrow. “Alright, the prank is getting a little better, but it's still pretty lame.” Pinkie let out an exasperated sight. “No silly, just 'cause you can't see them doesn't mean they're not there, and they want to learn about ponies and stuff.” Rainbow Dash never gave up (or admitted being wrong, or obeyed the speed limit), but arguing with Pinkie Pie was impossible. So, the blue mare decided to play along for now, it wasn't losing if you chose to go along with it. She just needed one question answered first. “Are you still seeing that shrink Pinks?” “No, he got arrested. Turns out he wasn't a real psychiatrist.” “Huh.” “So are you ready to answer a question for the fans?” Dash just rolled her eyes. “Sure Pinkie, let me hear it.” The pink mare pulled a folded napkin from her mane (she had run out of index cards earlier that week while making that full-scale Papier-mâché replica of Ponyville). With a flourish she read allowed, “What is Equestria's status on same sex partners?” “That's the question? Come on, everypony already knows this stuff.” “Yeah, but our fans might not know about it.” Pinkie explained. “And face the audience when you talk.” “Right. The 'fans.'” Rainbow turned toward the indicated kitchen wall with as much annoyance as she could muster. Beginning her speech she said, “Same sex couples have all the rights and freedoms as heterosexuals.” When it became apparent that no more information was coming, the earth pony prompted. “Um, could you maybe give some more detail?” “What else is there to say? They have the same rights as everypony else. It's not that complicated, I don't understand why some ponies make a big deal out of it.” “Well, maybe you could explain some history around it? Or talk about the ponies who do make a big deal about it?” “Ugh, you're killing me here Pinkie! Why don't you get Twilight to explain that egghead stuff to you?” “But you're the perfect pony to explain this stuff! And I already know all this info, we're doing this for the benefit of the fans!” She wouldn't let up about these 'fans.' Dash placed a weary hoof to her face. Despite popular opinion, Rainbow wasn't a lazy pony, but half an hour talking with Pinkie felt like a full day flight marathon. Knowing this wouldn't end until she either finished, or Pinkie got bored, she pressed on. “For as long a Princess Celestia has ruled, ponies have not been persecuted for who they fall in love with, as long as it's between consenting, non-related adults.” The pegasus spoke in a monotonous drone, as though she were giving a report in high school. “Despite being backed by the princess, some ponies don't like this and think only a mare and stallion should be together. I don't know why they think this, it's 'cause they're stupid or something.” Dash turned to Pinkie, her look saying, Am I done yet? Pinkie turned to Dash, her mouth saying, “That was better Dashie. Now, Ponyville is very accepting of 'non-traditional' couples. Are there places that aren't like that?” Having gained some momentum, Dash's response came more naturally. “Yeah. Most big cities and their suburbs are pretty accepting. But a lot of the smaller, out-of-the-way towns are still really old fashioned. The one big exception is Cloudsdale, the pegasi there are really 'traditional' in their views, and are pretty open about discouraging same sex relationships.” “That's very interesting, especially since they used to be all for that paiderastia stuff.” “Gesundheit.” “So...” Pinkie paused, and a smile grew across her face. “Is that why you moved to Ponyville?” “Huh? No, I moved to Ponyville 'cause a weather job opened up. And since Fluttershy lived down here, it meant I already knew someone in town.” “Oh.” Pinkies smile deflated a little, but soon sprang back. “But it must have been nice finding out you moved to a town that was so much more understanding about this type of thing.” “I don'know, I guess. I never really thought about it before.” Pinkie had to force her grin to stay in place, the conversation wasn't going like she had planned. Maybe she should be less subtle. “So uh, next question, uh: are you attracted to other mares?” “Nah, I'm not really attracted to anybody.” “Huh?” Pinkie's mouth hung wide open. Considering the amount of cake she was able to fit in there, this was an impressive sight. “Yeah, I've never found myself physically or romantically attracted to anyone.” Dash explained, oblivious to her friend's shocked expression. “Twilight called it 'asexuality' or something.” “But... but...Wait, you talked to Twilight about this?” “Yeah, it came up in conversation. That was a really weird day though. She invited me over, and we went up to her room. She must've been eating in bed, 'cause there were rose petals all over her sheets. And she was wearing this really frilly saddle she must've gotten from Rarity, even though we weren't going out anywhere and it was warm that day. So we just talked for a while, and she asked if I liked fillies, and I said I didn't like anybody, and she said I was asexual. I don't know if I am or not, but whatever. For some reason she only cleaned up the rose petals and took off the saddle after we finished talking.” “Oh, uh, well thanks for talking to our fans about this.” Pinkie's earlier enthusiasm seemed to have disappeared, but this change was lost on Dash who just wanted to go home and sleep. “I'll see ya latter Pinks.” The pegasus waved as she flew out the door. “And try to work on your pranks, you've gotten rusty.” Pinkie got off her seat and walked slowly towards the icebox. After a moment of rummaging she pulled out a large sheet cake and a bouquet of flowers. Setting them both on a table, Pinkie looked down at the decorations on the desert. There were two ponies, one pink and one blue, above them in frosting letters was written Hey Dashie, I Think You're Cute! Let's Make Out! The pink pony sighed and started eating, maybe she'd visit Twilight tomorrow. Rarity and Fashion (What Else Did You Expect?)Rarity and Fashion What Else Did You Expect? “Really darling, are you sure?” “Yeah, she said so herself!” “My goodness. That's disappointing.” “I know, right?” “There go my plans for next Hearts and Hooves Day.” “Mine too.” “Anyway darling, why did you ask me here again?” Rarity and Pinkie Pie sat at a table in Sugar Cube Corner's kitchen, sipping tea and sharing the latest gossip. “Oh, right!” Pinkie bounced from her seat. “I wanted you to answer some questions for our fans.” “I see.” Rarity raised an immaculate eyebrow. “Are these the same 'fans' that Fluttershy was telling me about at the spa?” “I dunno. Probably.” “Hmm.” The alabaster unicorn set her teacup down. “Yeah, she was way into it too!” Pinkie hopped excitedly. “We had a great time!” “I'm afraid Fluttershy remembers it slightly differently.” Pinkie Pie either didn't hear, or chose to ignore this last statement. “I'm introducing all of our friends to the fans, and having all y'alls answer questions for them!” “I'm going to have to answer a question aren't I?” “Yup!” “And you're not going to take 'no' for an answer, are you?” “Nope!” “Very well.” Rarity sighed. She really did enjoy spending time with her pink friend, but sometimes Pinkie Pie could just be so... Pinkie Pie. “So, is it true that the Guild of Psychiatrists has barred you from their services?” “Yeah. Talk about a spank to your self-esteem!” The earth pony said with a frown. “Oh, I'm sorry dear.” “It's okay! The only problem is I'm not allowed to leave the Corner till the judge figures out what to do.” Pinkie lifted a rear leg to show an anklet with a flashing red gem in the center. “Oh... Um, uh.” Rarity was at a loss for words, fortunately this was an affliction Pinkie was immune to. “So, are you ready to answer a question?” “Um, yes, ask away!” The unicorn was eager to change the subject. The party pony looked at some writing scrawled on her hoof. “Okie dokie! Since you're a fashion designer, you're the perfect pony to explain saddles!” “What exactly do you mean by explain saddles?” “You know. Why do ponies wear them, why are they designed the way they are?” “Oh, I see. Well, it-” “Face the audience!” Pinkie interrupted. “Ah, yes. Of course.” Rarity rolled her eyes and turned towards the wall Pinkie indicated. Clearing her throat, the white unicorn continued. “The saddle is actually a very interesting topic in fashion history. It is possibly the oldest article of clothing worn by ponies. Archeologists have found remains of what appear to be saddles buried with early ponies and their primitive ancestors. Even the oldest known rock carvings show ponies in saddles. “Archeologists, equipologists*, and hippologists** still argue as to why saddles appeared even before widespread tool-use. The most common theory, and the one I think is most likely, is that it was a means for the nomadic tribesponies to carry items without their mouths or hooves. Like any article of clothing, its roots were strictly utilitarian. With this draping over their back, a pony could carry more, do more, own more. They weren't limited by what they could hold in their mouth. “The other major theory as to why saddles were invented is that they had some sort of spiritual significance. This is based off of one old rock carving that depicts a strange creature ridding a pony with a saddle. Followers of this theory think that wearing a saddle originated as a sign of devotion to this being. I for one think it's unlikely. If this creature was important it would be on more than one pictograph, wouldn't it?” Pinkie smiled, “Makes sense to me! So what about bridles?” Rarity blushed slightly, “I beg your pardon?” “Bridles, y'know. Why do some ponies wear them? And why do some ponies get really embarrassed when other ponies are wearing them? That sort of thing.” “Well, bridles have a very, er, colorful history.” Rarity gave an nervous chuckle before clearing her throat again. “They were originally a garment slaves were forced to wear, but after the abolition of slavery and the migration to Equestia they fell almost completely out of use. "They didn't appear again until the time of the Marquis de Saddle, who made his, uh, acquaintances wear them. Since that point they have gone in and out of style, mostly as intimate apparel.” Pinkie gave her friend a blank look. “Um, bedroom attire.” Rarity offered. “Like pajamas?” The unicorn brought a hoof to her face. “No. Not quite. Anyway, over the years they became popular among various subcultures and ponies began wearing them in public. Now it is common enough to see ponies sporting a bridle in their daily ensemble, though some still consider them to be inappropriate to wear in the open.” “Okie dokie!” Pinkie said, bouncing in place. “I still don't get it, but that's okay. All I know is that Mrs. Cake got really blushy and stuttery when I asked her why she never wore hers outside, then she told me to go take a time out, which was weird 'cause I'm not a foal, but I did it anyway.” Once again Rarity's hoof covered her face. “Was it a black lacy affair with onyx studs?” “Yup!” “And it was in a box with my logo on it.” “Yup!” “It is probable best not to talk about the things you find in Mr. and Mrs. Cake's bedroom.” “Okay!” * The study of Equestria and Pre-Equestria societies ** The study of Ponykind Twilight and Princess StuffTwilight and Princess Stuff “So how are you holding up Pinkie?” “Oh, I'm good.” The earth pony smiled. “Except for being under house arrest. And even that wouldn't be too bad, but the Cakes are on vacation, and I've kinda run out of food, so I've just been eating bags of sugar for the past week. Normally I wouldn't mind that, but I think my teeth are starting to melt. Seriously, they've gotten all mushy, kinda like gumdrops, but tooth-flavored gumdrops. Do they even make tooth-flavored gumdrops? I don't think they'd taste very good, I'd still eat them though-” Twilight shoved a hoof in Pinkie's mouth to stop the mare's rambling (something she instantly regretted considering pony's statement). “That's what I wanted to talk to you about.” The unicorn removed her hoof, allowing Pinkie to say, “You wanted to talk about tooth-flavored gumdrops? That's really weird Twi.” “No Pinkie.” The purple mare rolled here eyes. “I wanted to discuss your house arrest. I talked to Princess Celestia, and because of your past services to Equestria she's agreed to overturn the courts ruling. As long as you Pinkie promise to never point your party cannon, or any other party-based artillery, at any living thing (except during combat situations) you're free to go.” Pinkie wrapped her friend in a crushing hug. “Oh, thank you! Thank you!” After regaining her breath Twilight said, “How about we celebrate by getting some lunch. We can go to the dentist's office afterwards.” “Okay, that sounds like fun! But can you do me another favor first?” Twilight smiled and answered, “Sure Pinkie.” “Can you answer a question for the fans before we go?” The unicorn's smile faded slightly. Her friends had told her about the confectioner's odd request, and wasn't particularly surprised that it was her turn now. Realizing that it was pointless to argue, she nodded her assent. Besides, she'd never turn down an opportunity to give a good lecture. Pinkie's ever present smile grew wider as she vibrated with excitement. “Yay! Okay, you sit here and face the audience.” Taking a chair and facing the indicated wall, Twilight arched her back and struck her best academician pose. Once she was ready, Pinkie continued, “Okay, so do you have wings? Are you a princess?” “Uh, yeah.” Twilight ruffled her new appendages and gave the pink pony a curious look. “You were there when it happened remember? You all though you'd killed me with your friendship beam. You girls were trying to destroy any evidence of the crime when I got back. The library still smells like kerosene you know.” The earth pony chuckled apologetically while here eyes darted back and forth. “It's what our cutie marks were telling us?” Twilight just sighed and shook her head, she'd be a hypocrite to judge ponies for what they did in a panic. Pinkie speedily recovered form her embarrassment and continued the interview. “Well, now that you're a princess, and an alicorn, you can tell us all about alicorn princesses!” “Okay, I'll try.” “First question! Are you immortal now? Are you gonna continue on unchanged while you're friends slowly wither and die, ravaged by the cruel hand of time?” Twilight's lip quivered as her eyes misted up slightly, something crossed between a squeak and a sob escaped her lips. After taking a moment to compose herself, she answered, “Um, I don't know. There isn't enough information to answer that yet.” Pinkie tilted her head in a questioning manner. “I asked Princess Celestia the same thing, and even she's not sure what my full powers will bring. She said all she knows for sure is that I'm destined for great things, but what those things are are beyond her sight.” “Hmm, neat.” The party mare replied. “Next question: Is Princess Cadence immortal?” “No. Well, I don't think so. She's the same age as my brother, and grew up the same way a normal pony does. Celestia and Luna like to be mysterious about their past, but I'd assume ponies with such a long lifespan would mature differently than regular ponies. Kinda like how Spike is still a baby, despite being a teenager in pony years.” “Was she turned into an alicorn like you were?” “As far as I know she was born as a trans-tribal unicorn.” Pinkie gave her friend a blank stare. “Trans-tribalism is when a pony is born with the qualities of more than one tribe. Most cases involve a foal born with a vestigial horn or wings, which the doctors tend to remove because they are non-functioning. Cadence is a rare case in which both the horn and wings were fully developed. Unfortunately, this means her inherent magic is spread thin between two different appendages. Then again, that's just my assumption, I don't have enough information to give a concrete answer.” Nodding, the earth pony asked another question, “So, as princess, do you get to have a harem?” Twilight jolted in shock. “W-what?” “A harem. Isn't that something royalty gets? Ooh! If you do get one, can I be the eunuch?!” “Huh-wuh?” “That's the pony in charge of the harem right? I want that job!” “Pinkie, do you even know what a harem or eunuchs are?” “It's like a hoofball team, right?” Twilight brought her hoof to her face. Motioning for the pink pony to come closer she whispered something into her ear. Pinkie's eyes grew wider, when Twilight was finished speaking she let out an, “Oooh... “I don't think I want to be a eunuch anymore.” “I didn't think you would.” “I'll totally still be part of your harem though!” Author's Note Officially the end of the story, though you may end up seeing some bonus chapters later on.
Fluttershy and WingbonersFluttershy and Wingboners Two mares stood in the kitchen of Sugar Cube Corner, one an excited earth pony, and the other a confused pegasus. “Uh Pinkie, what are we doing again?” “I told you Fluttershy, I wanted you to come explain to our fans all about pegasususus.” Answered the pink mare, eagerly bouncing up and down. “But there's nopony else here. And I never heard about us having any fans.” It was true, the kitchen was empty, and the bakery was closed. It was also true that, despite saving the world several times, the ponies didn't have any admirers. “Oh, they're not ponies. But don't you worry your pretty little head about that. Just sit here, look straight ahead, and answer the questions I ask you.” Pinkie placed Fluttershy on a cushion and faced her towards a wall. “So... you want me to sit here and explain to a kitchen wall, which is our fans who aren't ponies, about pegasi?” “Yup!” “Pinkie, are you still seeing that psychiatrist the court ordered you to?” “Nah, she quit and moved back to Canterlot.” “Okay...” “Now, how's about we start this seminar?” Fluttershy sighed, she had been friends with Pinkie for a long time and knew when to just go along with the party mare's eccentricities. “Okay then.” Pinkie Pie pulled an index card from who-knows-where and, clearing her throat, read, “Well, the first thing everyone wants to know is: Do pegasi's wings really stiffen when they're aroused?” “Eep!” Fluttershy's cheeks were bright red, but no one could tell because the pegasus had hidden her head under her cushion. “It's okay Fluttershy! You don't need to be embarrassed.” Pinkie reassured. The cushion did not respond. “It's just you and me here. You and me and our millions of fans.” “Who live in the wall?” Fluttershy peeped. “Who live in the wall.” Pinkie answered. “D-don't you think somepony else would be better at answering this type of question? Like Twilight, she knows all sorts of things. Or Rainbow Dash, she's less embarrassed with this... type of question.” “No, no. You're the perfect pony to answer! Twilight is a smarty smart smart-pants, but she's not a pegasus. And you work with animals, so you know all about biology and stuff.” “Umm... okay, I'll try.” Fluttershy came out from under the pillow and sat back down. “Thanks Fluttershy! Now face the audience-” “Wall?” “Wall, and let the people know about wingboners!” “Eep!” The pegasus shrunk down again. “To explicit?” “Uh-huh.” “Sorry. Continue.” Fluttershy tried to sit up straight and take a professional air. She had seen Twilight give lectures before, so she tried to imitate her friend. She didn't do a very good job of it, “Um, okay. Uh, hello kitchen wall. Today I'm here to tell you about pegasus wings, and uh, what it means when they flare out.” Pinkie clopped her hooves together and said, “Great job Fluttershy! Keep going!” “Okay, so um, a pegasus' wings may become erect for many different reasons. The three most common reasons are if they're: Startled, angry, or eep aroused. Modern equipologists believe that early pegasi used their wings very much like birds do. When a bird feels threatened, whether by a predator or a rival, it will spread its wings out to try to look as big a possible, hopefully scaring away its enemy without having to fight. They also believe that, like peacocks, early pegasi would use their feathers to uh, display, while um, courting. These early pegasus instincts have passed all the way down to modern ponies. Despite having no real advantage in modern society, the wing flare is still an unconscious response to situations of stress or mmmrrm mrr. If a pegasus is angry, and their adrenaline starts pumping, their wings might open out as a natural response. Likewise, if the pegasus is scared or surprise, the poor pony might open her wings for the same reason. Then there is the action that some ponies call the 'wingboner,' unaware of how uncomfortable the term might make others feel. This happens when a pegasus becomes aroused. However, it's not the same as when they're mmph mrrmr mem. This can all be very embarrassing, because there is really no control over when or why it happens.” Pinkie clopped her hooves again. She knew Fluttershy would be the best pony to explain pegasus anatomy. “Thanks Flutters! That was very-” Apparently Fluttershy had more to say. Her lecturing tone had disappeared, and a small scowl was tracing its way across her lips. “And what's worse is it can happen for no reason at all! Especially during puberty when a filly is already awkward and nervous about her body!” Things seemed to be getting a little heated. Pinkie didn't want Fluttershy to embarrass herself in front of their fans so she tried to cut in. “Okay Flutters, that's all we really-” “It might happen at any time at all! And she wouldn't have any control over it! She could be sitting in class, quietly taking notes on the history of Cloudsdale's trade system, when suddenly her wings stand up for no reason! And then all the other ponies in class laugh! Do you have any idea how damaging that can be to a fillies self-esteem? Of course the teacher yells at the other children and makes them apologize, but you know they don't really mean it, and are just gonna talk about it in the lunch room.” “Thanks Fluttershy, but-” “And the worst part is that the very next week they call an assembly on wingboners! They do songs and sketches about how it's completely natural, but by that point everypony knows what happened to you, and that you're the one they're talking about on stage! And it's even worse when it happens in the locker room! All of a sudden everypony is calling you a fillyfooler, as if they never got stiff wings in the shower! And who cares if she was or not, huh? Everypony gets a little curious at one point or another, don't they?! And so what if she's friends with Rainbow Dash? Just because they're friends automatically means they're dating? Rainbow is friends with a lot of ponies! She isn't dating all of them!” “Okay, Shy! I think we're getting a little off-” “Yeah, no wonder she has trouble meeting new ponies! The poor filly had self-esteem issues to begin with, and then you start making fun of her for getting hard wings? No wonder she moved out of her parents house as soon as she graduated! No wonder she lives on the edge of town surrounded by woodland creatures!” “WellIthinkthat'sallthetimewehavetoday!” “And another thing!” “OKAYSEEYABYE!” Pinkie shouted to the wall, dragging the fuming yellow pegasus away. Fluttershy was still screaming out the list of grievances of an awkward teenager, venting years of pent-up frustration. Things hadn't quite gone as planned. Next time Pinkie would have to research what kind of emotional baggage these questions might drag up.
Applejack and Farm AnimalsApplejack and Farm Animals Sugar Cube Corner was empty. It was past closing time and the Cakes were away visiting family. The only occupants were two earth ponies sitting in the kitchen, one pink, one orange. The orange one was not happy. “Durn'it Pinkie! Y'all said you wanted me to lead a discussion on farmin'!” Shouted Applejack. “I do!” Pinkie Pie said. “But there ain't nopony else here. How am Ah supposed to talk about the farm if it's jus' the two of us?” “That's what I've been trying to tell you!” The pink pony explained. “We're not alone, and the people I want you to talk to aren't ponies.” Pinkie was being more confusing than usual, so Applejack simply asked. “Beg pardon?” “Yeah! I wanted you to explain some stuff about farming to our fans.” “Ah'm afraid Ah still don't follow.” AJ should have known better than to rely on Pinkie's ability to clarify things. “Our fans silly!” The party mare just rolled her eyes as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I just need you to sit here, look straight at our fans, and answer the questions I give you.” Pinkie adjusted the farmer to face one of the kitchen's walls. Each answer just brought up more questions. “Yer tellin' me that this here wall is our 'fans?'” “Yup!” At least that answer only left one more question to ask. “Are you still seein' that new psychiatrist the court sent out here sugar cube?” “No.” Pinkie's smile faded for a moment. “He's been committed to the mental ward in Ponyville hospital. I tried to bring him some get-well balloons and cake, but the doctors wouldn't let me in.” “Oh, uh, sorry sugar cube.” Pinkie's grin returned almost immediately however. “That's okay! Everypony at the hospital is super nice, I'm sure he'll make lots of new friends!” “Alright then.” “So anyway, are you ready to answer some farming questions for our fans?” Applejack sighed. This was just another case of 'Pinkie being Pinkie.' The hyper mare was probably just curious about some of the work the farmer did, and wanted to make a game out of finding out. “Sure Pinks, shoot.” “Okie Dokie Loki!” Pinkie pulled an index card from somewhere comical and read. “Cows produce milk, chickens produce eggs, and sheep produce wool, all of which ponies use. The question is: why do ponies keep pigs along with all these other creatures?” “That's a good question Pinkie, the reason we-” “Look at the audience.” The pink mare interrupted. “Oh, right.” Applejack turned towards the wall. “The pigs at our farm will eat just about any waste we make. Then they, uh, produce manure which we use as fertilizer. Basically the pigs act as a fast paced composter.” Satisfied with her answer AJ gave a nod, to which Pinkie replied. “But I'm confused. All the sheep I know love to eat trash, and cows are great at making manure. I remember one time Daisy Jo came in and asked to use the bathroom, I must have gone through five plungers that day it-” Pinkie was interrupted by an orange hoof in her mouth. Applejack said. “Ah think Ah get the picture. Might not be too appropriate for our 'fans' don't'ya think?” The party pony nodded and tried to agree around the hoof, once it was removed she said. “I just think it's weird that ponies keep pigs when other farm animals do their job, and give something extra too.” “When ya put it that way, it does seem a bit odd.” The orange pony pushed her hat back. “All's Ah can tell ya is that farm ponies have always kept pigs. It's just one of those things that's done. Pigs have been part of a farm for as long as ponies've been farmin'. Twilight could probably show ya a book of old pantin's and artifacts goin' back thousands and thousands of years, and on any one of them showin' a farm there'll be a pig on it.” “So you don't think it's weird?” Pinkie asked. “You haven't wondered why ponies started keeping pigs in the first place?” “Not 'till now Ah haven't. Like Ah said, it's just one of those things that's done. It's like wearin' a saddle, or usin' a shovel or axe. They're designed kinda silly, but that's the way they were always made so ponies don't bother to change 'em.” “Well thank you Applejack, that was very informative.” Pinkie put out her hoof to shake AJ's. “Uh, any time Pinkie.” “Unfortunately that's all the time we have for today, so we'll have to say goodbye to our audience.” “Yeah, right, uh, bye wall non-ponies.” Applejack walked out of the Corner wondering what that was all about. That night she couldn't sleep, she kept thinking of different areas of pony life that just didn't make sense. What was worse was that there were so many things that could be improved on that it was a wonder that nopony had done it before. It was almost as if their technology and way of life was designed by someone else, someone who wasn't a pony. The farmer chuckled to herself. She was starting to sound like Rainbow Dash after she'd read the last Daring Do novel. Ancient space ponies constructing equine civilization my hoof.
Rainbow Dash and Social PoliticsRainbow Dash and Social Politics “I have to say Pinkie Pie, I'm disappointed.” Rainbow Dash said, crossing her forelimbs over her chest. The two ponies were alone in the kitchen of Sugar Cube Corner. “What do you mean Dashie?” A genuinely confused Pinkie asked. “This prank.” The pegasus explained. “It's way below your standards.” “This isn't a prank silly!” “Yeah, right.” Dash's tone was even, not willing to let the party mare get the better of her. “You invited me here to talk to my fans, and nopony's here. I mean, this barely even qualifies as a prank!” “But our fans are here. They're just not here here.” “Alright, then where are they?” Pinkie turned Dash's head and pointed at a blank wall with her hoof. “They live there, but they're not ponies.” The be-rainbowed pegasus quirked an eyebrow. “Alright, the prank is getting a little better, but it's still pretty lame.” Pinkie let out an exasperated sight. “No silly, just 'cause you can't see them doesn't mean they're not there, and they want to learn about ponies and stuff.” Rainbow Dash never gave up (or admitted being wrong, or obeyed the speed limit), but arguing with Pinkie Pie was impossible. So, the blue mare decided to play along for now, it wasn't losing if you chose to go along with it. She just needed one question answered first. “Are you still seeing that shrink Pinks?” “No, he got arrested. Turns out he wasn't a real psychiatrist.” “Huh.” “So are you ready to answer a question for the fans?” Dash just rolled her eyes. “Sure Pinkie, let me hear it.” The pink mare pulled a folded napkin from her mane (she had run out of index cards earlier that week while making that full-scale Papier-mâché replica of Ponyville). With a flourish she read allowed, “What is Equestria's status on same sex partners?” “That's the question? Come on, everypony already knows this stuff.” “Yeah, but our fans might not know about it.” Pinkie explained. “And face the audience when you talk.” “Right. The 'fans.'” Rainbow turned toward the indicated kitchen wall with as much annoyance as she could muster. Beginning her speech she said, “Same sex couples have all the rights and freedoms as heterosexuals.” When it became apparent that no more information was coming, the earth pony prompted. “Um, could you maybe give some more detail?” “What else is there to say? They have the same rights as everypony else. It's not that complicated, I don't understand why some ponies make a big deal out of it.” “Well, maybe you could explain some history around it? Or talk about the ponies who do make a big deal about it?” “Ugh, you're killing me here Pinkie! Why don't you get Twilight to explain that egghead stuff to you?” “But you're the perfect pony to explain this stuff! And I already know all this info, we're doing this for the benefit of the fans!” She wouldn't let up about these 'fans.' Dash placed a weary hoof to her face. Despite popular opinion, Rainbow wasn't a lazy pony, but half an hour talking with Pinkie felt like a full day flight marathon. Knowing this wouldn't end until she either finished, or Pinkie got bored, she pressed on. “For as long a Princess Celestia has ruled, ponies have not been persecuted for who they fall in love with, as long as it's between consenting, non-related adults.” The pegasus spoke in a monotonous drone, as though she were giving a report in high school. “Despite being backed by the princess, some ponies don't like this and think only a mare and stallion should be together. I don't know why they think this, it's 'cause they're stupid or something.” Dash turned to Pinkie, her look saying, Am I done yet? Pinkie turned to Dash, her mouth saying, “That was better Dashie. Now, Ponyville is very accepting of 'non-traditional' couples. Are there places that aren't like that?” Having gained some momentum, Dash's response came more naturally. “Yeah. Most big cities and their suburbs are pretty accepting. But a lot of the smaller, out-of-the-way towns are still really old fashioned. The one big exception is Cloudsdale, the pegasi there are really 'traditional' in their views, and are pretty open about discouraging same sex relationships.” “That's very interesting, especially since they used to be all for that paiderastia stuff.” “Gesundheit.” “So...” Pinkie paused, and a smile grew across her face. “Is that why you moved to Ponyville?” “Huh? No, I moved to Ponyville 'cause a weather job opened up. And since Fluttershy lived down here, it meant I already knew someone in town.” “Oh.” Pinkies smile deflated a little, but soon sprang back. “But it must have been nice finding out you moved to a town that was so much more understanding about this type of thing.” “I don'know, I guess. I never really thought about it before.” Pinkie had to force her grin to stay in place, the conversation wasn't going like she had planned. Maybe she should be less subtle. “So uh, next question, uh: are you attracted to other mares?” “Nah, I'm not really attracted to anybody.” “Huh?” Pinkie's mouth hung wide open. Considering the amount of cake she was able to fit in there, this was an impressive sight. “Yeah, I've never found myself physically or romantically attracted to anyone.” Dash explained, oblivious to her friend's shocked expression. “Twilight called it 'asexuality' or something.” “But... but...Wait, you talked to Twilight about this?” “Yeah, it came up in conversation. That was a really weird day though. She invited me over, and we went up to her room. She must've been eating in bed, 'cause there were rose petals all over her sheets. And she was wearing this really frilly saddle she must've gotten from Rarity, even though we weren't going out anywhere and it was warm that day. So we just talked for a while, and she asked if I liked fillies, and I said I didn't like anybody, and she said I was asexual. I don't know if I am or not, but whatever. For some reason she only cleaned up the rose petals and took off the saddle after we finished talking.” “Oh, uh, well thanks for talking to our fans about this.” Pinkie's earlier enthusiasm seemed to have disappeared, but this change was lost on Dash who just wanted to go home and sleep. “I'll see ya latter Pinks.” The pegasus waved as she flew out the door. “And try to work on your pranks, you've gotten rusty.” Pinkie got off her seat and walked slowly towards the icebox. After a moment of rummaging she pulled out a large sheet cake and a bouquet of flowers. Setting them both on a table, Pinkie looked down at the decorations on the desert. There were two ponies, one pink and one blue, above them in frosting letters was written Hey Dashie, I Think You're Cute! Let's Make Out! The pink pony sighed and started eating, maybe she'd visit Twilight tomorrow.
Rarity and Fashion (What Else Did You Expect?)Rarity and Fashion What Else Did You Expect? “Really darling, are you sure?” “Yeah, she said so herself!” “My goodness. That's disappointing.” “I know, right?” “There go my plans for next Hearts and Hooves Day.” “Mine too.” “Anyway darling, why did you ask me here again?” Rarity and Pinkie Pie sat at a table in Sugar Cube Corner's kitchen, sipping tea and sharing the latest gossip. “Oh, right!” Pinkie bounced from her seat. “I wanted you to answer some questions for our fans.” “I see.” Rarity raised an immaculate eyebrow. “Are these the same 'fans' that Fluttershy was telling me about at the spa?” “I dunno. Probably.” “Hmm.” The alabaster unicorn set her teacup down. “Yeah, she was way into it too!” Pinkie hopped excitedly. “We had a great time!” “I'm afraid Fluttershy remembers it slightly differently.” Pinkie Pie either didn't hear, or chose to ignore this last statement. “I'm introducing all of our friends to the fans, and having all y'alls answer questions for them!” “I'm going to have to answer a question aren't I?” “Yup!” “And you're not going to take 'no' for an answer, are you?” “Nope!” “Very well.” Rarity sighed. She really did enjoy spending time with her pink friend, but sometimes Pinkie Pie could just be so... Pinkie Pie. “So, is it true that the Guild of Psychiatrists has barred you from their services?” “Yeah. Talk about a spank to your self-esteem!” The earth pony said with a frown. “Oh, I'm sorry dear.” “It's okay! The only problem is I'm not allowed to leave the Corner till the judge figures out what to do.” Pinkie lifted a rear leg to show an anklet with a flashing red gem in the center. “Oh... Um, uh.” Rarity was at a loss for words, fortunately this was an affliction Pinkie was immune to. “So, are you ready to answer a question?” “Um, yes, ask away!” The unicorn was eager to change the subject. The party pony looked at some writing scrawled on her hoof. “Okie dokie! Since you're a fashion designer, you're the perfect pony to explain saddles!” “What exactly do you mean by explain saddles?” “You know. Why do ponies wear them, why are they designed the way they are?” “Oh, I see. Well, it-” “Face the audience!” Pinkie interrupted. “Ah, yes. Of course.” Rarity rolled her eyes and turned towards the wall Pinkie indicated. Clearing her throat, the white unicorn continued. “The saddle is actually a very interesting topic in fashion history. It is possibly the oldest article of clothing worn by ponies. Archeologists have found remains of what appear to be saddles buried with early ponies and their primitive ancestors. Even the oldest known rock carvings show ponies in saddles. “Archeologists, equipologists*, and hippologists** still argue as to why saddles appeared even before widespread tool-use. The most common theory, and the one I think is most likely, is that it was a means for the nomadic tribesponies to carry items without their mouths or hooves. Like any article of clothing, its roots were strictly utilitarian. With this draping over their back, a pony could carry more, do more, own more. They weren't limited by what they could hold in their mouth. “The other major theory as to why saddles were invented is that they had some sort of spiritual significance. This is based off of one old rock carving that depicts a strange creature ridding a pony with a saddle. Followers of this theory think that wearing a saddle originated as a sign of devotion to this being. I for one think it's unlikely. If this creature was important it would be on more than one pictograph, wouldn't it?” Pinkie smiled, “Makes sense to me! So what about bridles?” Rarity blushed slightly, “I beg your pardon?” “Bridles, y'know. Why do some ponies wear them? And why do some ponies get really embarrassed when other ponies are wearing them? That sort of thing.” “Well, bridles have a very, er, colorful history.” Rarity gave an nervous chuckle before clearing her throat again. “They were originally a garment slaves were forced to wear, but after the abolition of slavery and the migration to Equestia they fell almost completely out of use. "They didn't appear again until the time of the Marquis de Saddle, who made his, uh, acquaintances wear them. Since that point they have gone in and out of style, mostly as intimate apparel.” Pinkie gave her friend a blank look. “Um, bedroom attire.” Rarity offered. “Like pajamas?” The unicorn brought a hoof to her face. “No. Not quite. Anyway, over the years they became popular among various subcultures and ponies began wearing them in public. Now it is common enough to see ponies sporting a bridle in their daily ensemble, though some still consider them to be inappropriate to wear in the open.” “Okie dokie!” Pinkie said, bouncing in place. “I still don't get it, but that's okay. All I know is that Mrs. Cake got really blushy and stuttery when I asked her why she never wore hers outside, then she told me to go take a time out, which was weird 'cause I'm not a foal, but I did it anyway.” Once again Rarity's hoof covered her face. “Was it a black lacy affair with onyx studs?” “Yup!” “And it was in a box with my logo on it.” “Yup!” “It is probable best not to talk about the things you find in Mr. and Mrs. Cake's bedroom.” “Okay!” * The study of Equestria and Pre-Equestria societies ** The study of Ponykind
Twilight and Princess StuffTwilight and Princess Stuff “So how are you holding up Pinkie?” “Oh, I'm good.” The earth pony smiled. “Except for being under house arrest. And even that wouldn't be too bad, but the Cakes are on vacation, and I've kinda run out of food, so I've just been eating bags of sugar for the past week. Normally I wouldn't mind that, but I think my teeth are starting to melt. Seriously, they've gotten all mushy, kinda like gumdrops, but tooth-flavored gumdrops. Do they even make tooth-flavored gumdrops? I don't think they'd taste very good, I'd still eat them though-” Twilight shoved a hoof in Pinkie's mouth to stop the mare's rambling (something she instantly regretted considering pony's statement). “That's what I wanted to talk to you about.” The unicorn removed her hoof, allowing Pinkie to say, “You wanted to talk about tooth-flavored gumdrops? That's really weird Twi.” “No Pinkie.” The purple mare rolled here eyes. “I wanted to discuss your house arrest. I talked to Princess Celestia, and because of your past services to Equestria she's agreed to overturn the courts ruling. As long as you Pinkie promise to never point your party cannon, or any other party-based artillery, at any living thing (except during combat situations) you're free to go.” Pinkie wrapped her friend in a crushing hug. “Oh, thank you! Thank you!” After regaining her breath Twilight said, “How about we celebrate by getting some lunch. We can go to the dentist's office afterwards.” “Okay, that sounds like fun! But can you do me another favor first?” Twilight smiled and answered, “Sure Pinkie.” “Can you answer a question for the fans before we go?” The unicorn's smile faded slightly. Her friends had told her about the confectioner's odd request, and wasn't particularly surprised that it was her turn now. Realizing that it was pointless to argue, she nodded her assent. Besides, she'd never turn down an opportunity to give a good lecture. Pinkie's ever present smile grew wider as she vibrated with excitement. “Yay! Okay, you sit here and face the audience.” Taking a chair and facing the indicated wall, Twilight arched her back and struck her best academician pose. Once she was ready, Pinkie continued, “Okay, so do you have wings? Are you a princess?” “Uh, yeah.” Twilight ruffled her new appendages and gave the pink pony a curious look. “You were there when it happened remember? You all though you'd killed me with your friendship beam. You girls were trying to destroy any evidence of the crime when I got back. The library still smells like kerosene you know.” The earth pony chuckled apologetically while here eyes darted back and forth. “It's what our cutie marks were telling us?” Twilight just sighed and shook her head, she'd be a hypocrite to judge ponies for what they did in a panic. Pinkie speedily recovered form her embarrassment and continued the interview. “Well, now that you're a princess, and an alicorn, you can tell us all about alicorn princesses!” “Okay, I'll try.” “First question! Are you immortal now? Are you gonna continue on unchanged while you're friends slowly wither and die, ravaged by the cruel hand of time?” Twilight's lip quivered as her eyes misted up slightly, something crossed between a squeak and a sob escaped her lips. After taking a moment to compose herself, she answered, “Um, I don't know. There isn't enough information to answer that yet.” Pinkie tilted her head in a questioning manner. “I asked Princess Celestia the same thing, and even she's not sure what my full powers will bring. She said all she knows for sure is that I'm destined for great things, but what those things are are beyond her sight.” “Hmm, neat.” The party mare replied. “Next question: Is Princess Cadence immortal?” “No. Well, I don't think so. She's the same age as my brother, and grew up the same way a normal pony does. Celestia and Luna like to be mysterious about their past, but I'd assume ponies with such a long lifespan would mature differently than regular ponies. Kinda like how Spike is still a baby, despite being a teenager in pony years.” “Was she turned into an alicorn like you were?” “As far as I know she was born as a trans-tribal unicorn.” Pinkie gave her friend a blank stare. “Trans-tribalism is when a pony is born with the qualities of more than one tribe. Most cases involve a foal born with a vestigial horn or wings, which the doctors tend to remove because they are non-functioning. Cadence is a rare case in which both the horn and wings were fully developed. Unfortunately, this means her inherent magic is spread thin between two different appendages. Then again, that's just my assumption, I don't have enough information to give a concrete answer.” Nodding, the earth pony asked another question, “So, as princess, do you get to have a harem?” Twilight jolted in shock. “W-what?” “A harem. Isn't that something royalty gets? Ooh! If you do get one, can I be the eunuch?!” “Huh-wuh?” “That's the pony in charge of the harem right? I want that job!” “Pinkie, do you even know what a harem or eunuchs are?” “It's like a hoofball team, right?” Twilight brought her hoof to her face. Motioning for the pink pony to come closer she whispered something into her ear. Pinkie's eyes grew wider, when Twilight was finished speaking she let out an, “Oooh... “I don't think I want to be a eunuch anymore.” “I didn't think you would.” “I'll totally still be part of your harem though!” Author's Note Officially the end of the story, though you may end up seeing some bonus chapters later on.
