Haven't Told You

by TheMareWhoSaysNi

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Slice of Life, Sad, Romance, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Soarin
Length: 1779

Sometimes, all it takes is just one smile.

During a party in her honor, Rainbow Dash reflects on how it really feels to be a Wonderbolt... Are dreams that satisfying? Is there a pony to save her from herself and her (well-hidden) insecurities?

Can be read as a sequel to Bound To You and If Stupid Like Us

Published 2017-02-14 15:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-02-14 15:50:01 UTC

One

The room was crowded. Outside, the sky was blue with a slight breeze to cool off the air. Rainbow Dash would have given anything to be allowed to take off this snitchy dress and fly, fly... High, and fast. The fastest she could. Yet she was trapped here, with ponies she didn't know and ponies who weren't her close friends, who were only shadows passing by her life.

It was the life she had always dreamed of. As a little filly, when asked what she wanted to do once a grown-up mare, she always answered the same thing - to become a Wonderbolt. So they would be proud of her. So, she would be proud of herself and prove to all those who had mocked her that she wasn't weak. She was strong, tough and cool. She was the best, and she was going to have the greatest life of all.

Funny how dreams could be deceiving. What she had imagined during all her fillyhood and what it really felt like were different. Of course, there was the fame. Of course, there was the pleasure of being acclaimed, idolized, idealized, even... Of course, there was the thrill of the races, of the new stunts, of the derbys. She had always thought that if she had it all, she would be happy. More than happy. But is there anypony who's even been more than happy? Sometimes, she had doubts.

Being a Wonderbolt was an incredible chance. She had it, what she always wanted. The former speedster camp mates had stopped laughing at her, calling her Rainbow Crash.

"Your parents must be proud", they told her once.

But she was the one who wasn't that proud of herself. She had it, what she always wanted. And what the others didn't know, was that she was still Rainbow Crash. Nothing had really changed. They could say she was the greatest flyer they ever had, they could say she's getting better and better with the trainings. They could say all the compliments in all Equestria. In the end, she still felt like the little filly she was, with the desire to prove her worth. To prove she really deserved to be where she was.

It was too much. She felt as if choking. She needed air, she needed to breath. But how could she escape? They all were here for her, the new Wonderbolt, Rainbow Dash. They all wanted to see her, to greet her, to have a picture with her. She smiled, but her heart was beating in a choatic rhythm. Like broken.

Maybe that was only because she had been away from her friends for weeks, if not months. What were they doing? How was the weather in Ponyville? Were there a lot of apples to buck in Sweet Apple Acres? Were the animals happy or scared? How were going Twilight's duties? Hadn't Pinkie Pie thrown a party to celebrate her birthday?

Often, Rainbow Dash had heard about ponies feeling lonely in a crowd, and she had thought it was sounding so sappy it hurt her teeth. Now only did she understand. Among a crowd of strangers, a soul could be very lost, very puzzled... So lonely. It was painful, and harder and harder to breath. All the ponies were here for her, the new Wonderbolt, but not for her, Rainbow Dash.

And suddenly appeared a light. Like a radiance through the thickest of darkness. A pair of green eyes, piercing through her soul, along with a smile. The sweetest smile she'd ever seen. So beautiful it soothed her heart immediately.

That's how she knew. She wasn't alone. There was somepony here who deeply cared about her. Many times, he had shown it to her. Many times, she had witnessed his concerns about her, his kindness, his tenderness. It wasn't with words, they were so shallow. All he needed to do to make her feel good was to be himself. Stupid, sometimes, clumsy, also, but always upstanding, always understanding.

The air in her lungs suddenly seemed to circulate easily. As long as he was here, smiling at her, there was hope. The future would be brighter, and one day, she would be proud of herself. For real, not just because that was expected from her oversized ego - not so oversized. One day, she was going to be proud of herself, the way he was proud of her.

But it wasn't only about pride. There was something else in his smile. Something she had tried to resist, turning her eyes away everytime. In the secret of her soul only, did she admit what his smile and his eyes said about him, what it said about how he felt, and that she felt the same way too. It was easy when buried deep inside her heart - nothing to be ashamed of.

She knew one day she had to tell him. Obviously, that was what he was waiting, her to do the first step. Not because he was shy. He wasn't shy. He even had been the first one to flirt with her. He had made his part of the road in her direction, now she had to make the rest. But was it the right moment, in this crowd full of others?

If only she could get some fresh air...

Once again, Rainbow Dash felt trapped. If she didn't do it now, she would think things through and postpone her confessions. Fears of hers would get her back one more time, fears of showing her weakness, fears of never being herself again... As if she was feeling herself, right now, in this gala dress, smiling and bowing like some stupid princess. Not that all princesses were stupid, she knew that, but it was just not like her.

And then he came to her "rescue", gently coming her way like a feather floating in the wind.

"Alright, no more pictures, Rainbow Dash is tired."

She wasn't tired. Or maybe she was, emotionally. Although there was truth in the lie uttered by Soarin, the others didn't have to know. Rainbow Dash saw Spitfire at the corner of the room, glaring at him as if she had knives instead of her golden eyes. No pony could dismiss their Introductory Party. It was a tradition, and Wonderbolts had to stick to traditions without further ado. It had always been this way. Until today.

Gently, as always, he brought her out of the crowd in the direction of the garden, where no one could see them. She usually would have fought yet she didn't. Sometimes, it felt good to be the one who was guided... Sometimes it felt good to let go, even if for just a couple of seconds.

The sun was high in the clear sky, with only a few white fluffly shapes hanging at the blue. This day was perfect for flying, not to be locked up in a room stuffed in a dress, unable to move freely. Not to be observed, watched, ogled in every details by posh ponies whom she'd never speak to again.

Rainbow Dash didn't hesitate a lot. She didn't either wait for him to say anything. She simply pressed her hooves against the ground, and took off. She flew high, fast, aware of the fact that he was behind. He could catch her in the blink of an eye, but he stayed behind for a little while...

And then he caught her back, wrapping his hooves around her waist, and taking her with him. The rhythm never slowed down, and she screamed from excitement as if she was on some roller-coaster. Yes, romanticism still felt sappy for her. She needed speed and radicalness, especially when in the air.

He let her go, and this time, she was the one to catch him back, laughing out loud that he could try his best, he would never be able to beat her.

"I don't want to beat you. I like to see you win", he told her as they fell and rolled on a large cloud.

"Well, I like to see myself win as well", she answered with her breath short.

"I doubt it is for the same reason."

They were on their back, looking at the same time at the distant star they called the sun. Although they were very high in the sky, now Rainbow Dash felt she could breath... She was herself again. A deep sigh escaped her lips.

"I wish every day could be like this."

"Me too. Because I'm alone with you."

She turned her head, and saw he was now staring at her, with the same tender eyes as earlier today, the same tender eyes as last year, at this Hearth Warming Night far from her friend, when she had felt so desperate and discouraged. It was the kind of eyes that lit a sweet fire insider her stomach, the one that made her understand loneliness was something she could overcome.

At the same time, they rolled on their side, like connected by a red thread and she stretched out one hoof to touch his face. Something she would never have even dared to do before today. Now was the time. This could be the only way if she wanted to feel free, liberated from the weight of unsatisfying dreams. At least, to assure her of that one precious support.

Her eyes seemed to close on their own. She felt his breath against her neck, light and thrilling...

*Now stop thinking, Rainbow Dash. Just let yourself go. It won't make you less cool, or less awesome!*

His lips pressed her lips, for just a few seconds, nothing but the flap of a butterfly's wings.

First thing she saw when she opened her eyes again was this smile. It wasn't weird or different because they had kissed. The pony in front of her still was the same good old Soarin, who was goofy everytime he saw an apple pie, and who was there for her through anything, even when she was abused, wrongly accused, disillusioned or defeated... Not even in the best manner, but it wasn't what was important.

They would have to face storms, they would have to fly above mountains, obstacles of all kind. It wouldn't be easy like in a bad novel, all fun and joy. However, the strongest they would fight, the stronger they would be. She had faith in them both.

Dreams weren't always satisfying, now she knew. But sometimes, reality was best.

Author's Note

Had another idea but I changed my mind. This one was completely improvised! :twilightblush:

Hope you will like it anyway :twilightsmile: