Applejack and Rarity (Definitely Don't) Go Dress Shopping
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Applejack and Rarity (Definitely Don't) Go Dress Shopping

Author's Note

Well, here's part two of my Valentine's Day treat. This one isn't particularly romantic, though. It's a story that I wrote a while back for a friend; I only posted it today because I wanted to post three stories on Valentine's Day. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it despite its shortness. If you downvote, please leave a reason why.

Applejack and Rarity (Definitely Don't) Go Dress Shopping

"Now, Applebloom, ya stay safe, ya hear? Don' wander too far outta town, make sure ya help Granny with the apple-buckin', an' definitely don' go over t' Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie Pie's been holed up in there fer two days straight 'n Ah'm worried she's cookin' up somethin' crazy. Best stay away from that gal - ya know somethin's wrong when she hasn't thrown ya a surprise party in an entire two days!"

Applebloom rolled her eyes. "Applejack! Ya know Ah'll be fahne!"

Her big sister crushed her in a hug. "Well, Ah'm sorry Ah care so much 'bout mah lil' sis," she answered sarcastically. "Next time Ah'll leave without warnin' ya an' we'll see how yore doin' when Ah get back!" She pretended to smile evilly, her jade eyes twinkling with mischief, and Applebloom squealed in mock horror.

Applejack winked at her sister and moved on to Big Mac, pressing her cowboy hat more firmly down on her blonde bangs. "Now Big Mac, take care o' things 'round here. Ah don' wanna find th' farm a shambles when Ah get back. An' don' let Granny do all th' work."

"Nope." The big red stallion shook his head solemnly.

"An' make sure ya feed th' chickens ev'ry mornin'."

"Yup."

"An' -"

"Oh, come on, sis!" Applebloom whined. "Ya got work t' do! We'll feed th' chickens an' th' pigs an' buck th' apples an' clean th' windows an' even stay away from Sugarcube Corner! It'll all be fine!"

Applejack held up her hooves in surrender. "Alraght. Ah'm goin'. See y'all later. Love ya." She shot Big Mac and Applebloom a final grin before turning around and galloping out of the farm grounds.

There was a small covered wagon waiting outside the farm. Applejack hitched herself to it (which took a little more effort than she'd been expecting - her hooves got tangled in the spokes of the wheels more than once), blew her already-sweaty bangs out of her eyes, and began trotting at a brisk pace. Another pony probably wouldn't have been able to move the wagon an inch, but fortunately, Applejack was incredibly strong after all her years of grueling farm work.

This trip had been completely unexpected. Some posh Manehatten pony was hosting an equally posh event this weekend, and he had asked several vendors of exotic foods from all over to Equestria to come and sell their products. Apparently, apples counted as 'exotic'. Applejack was proud that all the fancy, snobby ponies considered her simple farm fare good enough to eat at an important event. The covered wagon contained all of Sweet Apple Acres' most-loved specialties: apple cider, apple pie, apple fritters, and even a barrel of apple soup!

Applejack's smile grew even wider as she thought about the upcoming few days. Rarity was supposed to meet her at the town square in ten minutes - she wanted to come to Manehatten to check on her boutique. The two of them would spend the whole weekend there and return home late Sunday night after an afternoon of sightseeing.

Applejack could hardly wait. She began to hum a cheerful country tune under her breath and broke into an even faster trot, eager to get to to Town Square before Rarity did.

Well, she certainly achieved her wish. Five minutes after she reached the center of town, Rarity was still nowhere to be seen. Applejack began to feel a bit silly, standing around with a plain wooden wagon and doing absolutely nothing. "What in th' hay is takin' that pony so long?" she murmured to herself. "Another fashion incident, no doubt."

Of course, as soon as she thought this, Rarity came into view in the distance, a huge mound of suitcases levitating above her head. The orange Earth pony breathed a sigh of relief. "There ya are, Rarity!" she called out cheerfully. "Ah thought ya weren't comin'!"

But as Rarity came closer, Applejack realized that something was wrong. The unicorn's huge eyes were shining with tears and mascara was dripping down her cheeks. "Uh... Rarity? Everythin' okay?"

"No, Applejack," Rarity hissed, allowing her floating suitcases to settle on the ground. "Everything is not, as you so crudely put it, 'okay'." Her eyes began to water again. "I brought a collection of my finest couture with me to introduce to my boutique... and one of my absolutely stunning dresses had a large red jewel as its centerpiece..." She began to sniffle. "And it's GONE!" she wailed, stamping her hoof melodramatically. "I'm doomed! DOOMED! Doooooooooomed..." Rarity's voice trailed off and her horn began to glow with magic - probably to summon a couch for her to collapse on and cry her eyes out.

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Ya mean th' large red jewel that's stuck t' yore hoof?"

Rarity paused mid-wail and glanced down. There was a glittering ruby poking out from the underside of her front left hoof. She giggled uneasily. "Ah, yes, thank you, darling. That would be the one."

"Ah thought so," Applejack snorted dryly, shaking her head affectionately. "Goshdarnit, Rarity, how'd ya not notice that plum enormous stone o' yores stickin' t' yore hoof? Too busy thinkin' about where else it might be, Ah suppose?"

Rarity sniffed and extracted the jewel from beneath her hoof with magic. "I shall not deign to answer that question. What matters is that the jewel is safe now. And you," she declared sternly, addressing the jewel, "are never leaving my side again!"

Applejack was tempted to pretend to be the jewel and say "Ah won't!", but she figured her accent would give her away. Instead she draped an affectionate hoof around Rarity's back. "It's good t' see ya, Rare."

Rarity beamed. "And you, of course, Applejack. Ooh! I'm positively delighted to be going on this trip with you! We shall have so much fun!"

Her enthusiasm was infectious. Applejack chuckled and began to plod onwards in the direction of the train station. "Sure thang, Rarity."

The unicorn levitated her suitcases once more (and her precious jewel) and trotted after the Earth pony. "What a lovely transport, Applejack," she said dubiously, referring to the rickety wagon. "So... quaint."

Applejack's laugh sounded like warm apple pie. "Ah'm the Element of Honesty, Rarity. Ah can tell when yore lyin'. An' that's the biggest darned lie Ah ever did hear."

Rarity flushed. "Maybe it is a little... run-down, as it were. And it could certainly use a new coat of paint. Are you sure you won't let me help you redecorate?"

"Quite shore," Applejack replied firmly. "If Ah let ya near this here wagon it'll be all pink n' frou-frou n' fancy-lahk in no time. Brrrr! Even th' idea o' changin' it up makes me shiver. Ah like mah wagon jus' th' way it is, thanks very much."

"Suit yourself." Rarity sniffed, pretending to be affronted.

Applejack smiled indulgently. "Don't mind if'n Ah do."

Just then, a rainbow-colored blur whizzed by no more than a foot above them, blowing the hat clean off Applejack's head and causing Rarity to shriek as her carefully styled mane was ruffled.

"Whoops, sorry!" a raspy voice called. "Didn't see you guys there."

"Course ya did, Rainbow," Applejack sighed.

Rainbow Dash let loose an evil chuckle. "Yeah, I totally did." She swooped down, grabbed Applejack's hat, and placed it carefully back on the Earth pony's head. "There you go."

"Thanks, darlin'," Applejack replied, smiling up at the blue pegasus and giving her a saucy grin.

"You're totally welcome!" Hovering in the air, Rainbow crossed her legs and glanced down at the pair of ponies. "So where are you two headed? You better not be going somewhere awesome without me!"

"Actually, darling, we're going to Manehatten," Rarity responded, in a good mood now that she had been able to fix her mane. "We both have rather urgent business there."

Rainbow's eyes bugged out as she stared at Applejack. Then, without warning, she burst into laughter. Her lithe frame shook with giggles as she wiped tears of mirth from her eyes. Just as she seemed about to recover, she was racked with another fit of the giggles. This time she was laughing so hard that her wings weren't able to support her body weight anymore and she fell out of the sky, directly onto Applejack's back.

"Oof!" Applejack's knees buckled under the unexpected weight and she collapsed, Rainbow still on top of her. "What in tarnation's gotten into ya, ya cloud-head?" she demanded. "Get a grip on yoreself, RD! What's so funny?"

Rainbow continued to wheeze with laughter, her hooves draped over Applejack's head. "Sorry... it's just - haha... you're going to Manehatten... I bet you're going dress-shopping!" The idea sent her off into fresh peals of laughter.

Applejack flushed tomato red and heaved Rainbow Dash off of her back, standing up to her full and imposing height. "Ah am not," she stated with dignity.

"Yeah you are," Rainbow giggled.

"Ah'm not!"

"You are too!"

"Dagnabbit, RD, Ah ain't goin' t' Manehatten t' buy dresses!"

Rainbow's little body heaved with laughter. "You soooooo are!" she teased again.

Applejack's temper suddenly flared and she stamped her hoof. "Ya know what ya are, Rainbow Dash?" Applejack seethed. "Yore jus' 'n overgrown blue barrel with a bad attitude!"

"Oh yeah?" Rainbow demanded, her voice cracking. "Well, you're just a stupid country bumpkin with the silliest accent Ah ever dang heard!" she fired back, purposely allowing her voice to slip into Applejack's southern drawl.

They stared daggers at each other for a few seconds and then burst out laughing. Applejack took off her hat and used it to wipe her face. "Gee, Ah'm sorry, Dash. Ah got a little carried away there."

Rainbow hugged her friend tightly. "Yeah, me too. You're not stupid at all. You're awesome - even if I'm more awesome! And your accent isn't bad, either."

Rarity cleared her throat. "Dashie? I'm here too, dear."

Rainbow gave her a quick hug too. "Hey, Rares. Love the twenty billion suitcases you got there. How many pieces of clothing do you have in there? Two hundred?"

"Don't be silly, Rainbow Dash," Rarity scolded her. "Only a hundred and eighty-three. If you count the fifteen hats, that is."

Applejack and Rainbow Dash shared a knowing smile. "So I'm guessing you're going to check on your boutique," Rainbow continued, shooting up into the air and doing some casual somersaults at lightning speed. "But why are you going, AJ?"

The farm pony shrugged. "Business proposition. Ah got some stuff t' sell, that's all. No biggie."

Rainbow smirked. "Okay. And you're not going to make even one teeny-tiny stop at the dress store? I hear Hoofprints' Harlequin Boutique has some great deals," she sang teasingly.

Applejack groaned loudly and rolled her eyes, her bangs flopping over her forehead as she tossed her head in disgust. "Oh, fer the love of apples!" She swung around and began trotting towards the train station. "Fer th' last time, Rainbow Dash, Ah am not interested in buyin' dresses! Not even if ya paid me t' buy 'em! Wait, what?" She paused, realizing her last sentence was a bit nonsensical.

"Suuuure," Rainbow drawled, flying lazily above the two ponies. "Riiiight."

"Our dear friend Dashie does have a point, dear," Rarity put in soothingly, looking quite odd with all twenty of her suitcases hovering around her head. "There's some lovely fashion to be had in Manehattan. I could take you to Princely Fashions. It just opened last week. They have a lovely red robe that would go just perfectly with your mane! I saw it in their fashion catalogue."

"Mah mane looks jus' fine without any highfalutin', fancy-pants robe," Applejack answered without turning around.

Rarity gasped melodramatically and placed a hoof over her chest, wheezing heavily. "Well!" she exclaimed, her eyes huge and reproachful. "The nerve!"

Rainbow snickered. "Nah, I think a nice white would look good. It would really set off your skin tone, AJ!"

The annoyed Earth pony mumbled something impolite under her breath and increased her pace.

Rarity trotted next to Applejack, her eyes slightly unfocused as she mentally pictured all of the glorious clothing that Manehatten had to offer. "You know, darling, you could really use a scarf! I'm sure it gets cold while you're out there apple-bucking. Or what about some boots to protect your hooves?"

"Protect mah hooves from what? Th' dirt?" Applejack said sarcastically.

"Well, yes. Dirt is ever so... dirty. What about a new hat?" Applejack frowned and placed a protective hoof over her cowboy hat. Completely oblivious, Rarity kept talking. "Your current one is so... worn. What about a bonnet? I'm sure we could find you a lovely one."

"Yeah, what about a bonnet?" Rainbow Dash chuckled. "And while you're at it, how about a nice purse? Or a pile of jewelry? Or an - ah!"

Applejack had just swatted the pegasus across the face with her tail. "I ain't buyin' no dresses, or purses, or jewelry, an' that's final," she announced firmly.

Rainbow winced. "Geez, is your tail made of metal or something?" She stuck her tongue out at Applejack's back.

Applejack's sharp eyes caught the gesture, and she stuck her tongue out right back. "Let's go with 'or somethin'." She trotted up the steps to the train station, with Rarity levitating the back end of the wagon with magic so that none of the contents fell out.

The train had already pulled into the station, and smoke rose into the air as it prepared to leave. Applejack slipped the wagon's harness off her back and used her powerful hind legs to buck the wagon into one of the train cars. Rarity hummed daintily under her breath as she used magic to float all twenty of her suitcases inside the train. "Now, Dashie, be good," she told the pegasus, who was hovering a few feet above the platform. "I'll be back in a few days. And I do not want to find any enormous trick cakes inside my boutique this time, do you hear me?"

"We'll see," Rainbow grinned. "Bye, Rares."

Rarity cast her a final smile and headed inside the train, talking to herself. "I wonder what color scarf would match best with my gray gown... blue or white?..."

Applejack looked up at Rainbow Dash and narrowed her eyes. "No prankin' while Ah'm gone, RD. Believe me, Ah'll know if ya so much as set hoof over th' threshold of Sweet Apple Acres. Ya got that?"

Rainbow scoffed. "Puh-lease! What do you take me for? An evil prankster who does exactly what everypony tells her not to?"

"Pretty much." Applejack reached up and fondly hugged Rainbow's neck. "Ah'll see ya in a couple o' days, darlin'. Tell Twi 'n the gals Ah'll bring 'em back somethin' nice from Manehatten."

"Will do. Bye, AJ."

"Bye, sugarcube." Applejack tipped her hat to the pegasus in a friendly farewell gesture and then trotted inside the train, just as it started to pull out of the station.

She took a seat next to Rarity, smiling slyly. "Ya know what, Rarity, Ah reckon Ah could do with a new pair o' boots."

Rarity squealed and clapped her hooves to her face. "Oh my! I know just the place! I'm so excited!! We'll have so much fun!"

"But I ain't goin' dress-shoppin'!" Applejack warned her. "Only shoe-shoppin'. And not fer fashion. Jus' 'cause boots'd be good on th' farm. So no dress-shoppin', ya hear?"

Rarity smiled evilly, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Oh, we'll see about that, darling. We'll see."

Applejack groaned and buried her head in her hooves. "Ah'm gonna come back with a dress, aren't Ah."

"You certainly are," Rarity promised, still smiling.

"WHOO-HOO! YES!" Outside the window, Rainbow Dash shot up into the air from where she'd been eavesdropping. "I knew it!! AJ's going dress-shopping!" Whooping with glee, she zoomed back to Ponyville, probably to tell everyone what she'd heard.

"RAINBOW DASH!" Applejack bellowed. "Get back here!" But it was too late. She moaned and slumped down in her seat, pulling her hat low over her face. "Aw, shucks. Ah'm never gonna live this one down."

Rarity draped an arm around her shoulders. "My dear, your dress will be so glorious that even Dashie's jaw will hit the floor. No need to fret. Nopony will tease you when they see how wonderful you look."

Applejack pouted. "That ain't no consolation at all," she said grumpily.

"Well, would it help if I told you that Rainbow Dash herself has four dresses in her very own closet? I saw them last time she invited me to her house."

A slow smile spread across the Earth pony's face. "Ya know, that does help. Boy howdy, am Ah gonna tease her when Ah get back! The hypocrite! Teasin' me when she's got more dresses than Ah ever did. Say, Rarity - don'tcha think we should get Rainbow a dress, too? Jus' t' be nice, o' course," she added mischievously.

Rarity's eyes gleamed. "What a lovely idea. Yes, we most certainly shall. And we could buy her a matching purse, as well."

"O' course, no sense in buyin' a matchin' handbag unless ya got a matchin' scarf too," Applejack giggled.

And so, as the train continued onwards to Manehatten, the two friends huddled together, planning the prank of a lifetime...