I decided that today would be the day.
I won’t keep it in anymore. I can’t keep it in anymore. Every second I waited was another second for Twilight to find out on her own, and that just wouldn't do. I had to get out in front of this thing.
There was the perfect opportunity, first thing in the morning. Twilight was right there, a few feet away. We were all alone. There, my perfect opportunity served itself on a silver platter. All I had to do was say the four stupid words and be done with it.
But how could I possibly say it?
At first, I just thought Twilight was cute and, to her credit, she is. Very, very cute. But how could it be just that simple? I’ve seen plenty of cute girls in my life, but they’ve never kept me up at night. This wasn't a crush. It wasn't simple infatuation. It was so much more than that.
Despite my best efforts against it, I found myself in love. Hopelessly, sickly, painfully, dangerously in love. I couldn’t get Twilight out of my head. Her smile, the slightly nervous way she speaks, the genius that she tries to keep under wraps. I love pretty much everything about Twilight.
And I hate that so much
That’s just my luck. As soon as I finally gets myself some friends, I make the mistake of falling in love with one of them. Even I knew what a bad idea that was. For the longest time, I tried to hide it, even from myself. But then that one day of the year came around that forced me to confront myself.
I never really noticed Valentine's Day until this year. Before, it was just something that went on in the background. Now, though, I see it for what it really is. It was cruel and mean-spirited. All it did was make single people feel excluded than before. As if we needed to be reminded that nobody wanted us. It really made me miss Hearts and Hooves Day. In Equestria, your special somepony was more often a close friend or sibling than a romantic partner. It was more inclusive. Anyone, could make good friends, even me. Not everyone had found love. And even if you did, there’s no guarantee that you know what to do about it. Like me.
Well, I knew what to do. I just didn’t know how to do it. It should’ve been simple. Just four little words, and I’d be fine. I was more than capable of saying it, but my body refused to allow me.. What if Twilight didn’t feel the same? What if she hated me for it? Our friendship would never be the same, regardless of what Twilight felt.I’d be jeopardizing their relationship, and I didn't want to do that, not at all. But I had to, and it had to be today.
Today was February 13th, and I had the perfect opportunity to tell Twilight the truth.
We were at breakfast and she was talking. Rambling, even. That didn't even remotely bother me. I loved the sound of Twilight’s voice, and it didn't matter what she was actually saying. Twilight had this strange flow and energy to her voice that could make even the dullest subjects seem at least vaguely interesting.
“So, it was at that point that I realized that I just couldn't beat her,” explained Twilight. “Starlight wasn't simple like the Dazzlings or you.” Twilight didn't hear what she said until after she said it. “Not to say that you're not complex or intelligent, I just meant that defeating you was simple.” She slapped her forehead, slipping lower into her seat. “Not because you weren't clever or cunning or anything, I just meant there wasn't a lot to think about, we sort of just overpowered you.” Twilight dropped her head to the cafeteria table in defeat. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean…”
“Sparks, I was Canterlot’s She-Demon for a month and a half,” I said, smirking slightly. “I've heard people say ‘no offense’ so much in the last few weeks that I considered getting a tattoo that said ‘none taken’.” I tapped the center of my forehead. “Right there. That's where it was going. You couldn't offend me if you tried.”
“It still feels wrong. I don't want you taking that some sort of way.” Twilight twirled a lock of her hair nervously. “I shouldn’t have even brought it up. You’ve worked so hard to leave that behind, and it was rude of me to just bring it back up like that.”
“I don’t leave anything behind, Sparky. I just try to live with it.” I locked eyes with Twilight, unable to resist flirting at least a little. “Besides, if I didn’t have my little run as a villain, I may not have ever met you. I think a couple of years of horrible evil and loneliness are made up for when I get to hang out with you.” Twilight chuckled almost nervously, blushing slightly. The one little chuckle made me smile widely. God, she was so damn cute!
Now. I could say it right now, and it would be perfect. All of the pieces were coming together, and all it would take was four little words to change my life forever. Four simple little words. Five syllables. Sixteen letters. All I had to do was get them out.
I froze, losing myself in Twilight’s eyes. With a single, unassuming glance, Twilight had turned me to solid stone. I opened my mouth and tried to speak, but nothing came out. Twilight didn’t seem to notice the effect she was having on me, which was good for me. She looked past me, craning her neck in search.
“Oh, hey, I think I see Rainbow,” said Twilight. She stood up and cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted, “Hey! Rainbow Dash! Over here!”
“Sparky, there’s something I wanna say,” I said, my guts knotting up. Twilight let out a questioning sort of hum, and lowered herself back into her seat.
“What’s up, Sunny?” asked Twilight. I felt the contents of my chest melt into goo. The way she said “Sunny” just made me gush. She stared at me, concern pouring from her face, and I knew that the time for action was now.
Four words. Five syllables. Sixteen letters. That’s all it would take for my life to change forever.
“I—...” I heard Rainbow Dash return Twilight’s shout. She’d be over here soon.
“Is everything okay?” Twilight didn’t notice how I looked at her, or else she wouldn’t have asked that. I was clearly a mess. I opened my mouth again to say those four words.
Five syllables. Sixteen letters.
“It’s nothing,” I lied. “It was a dumb question, forget about it.”
Twilight wouldn’t normally be content to drop it there, but Rainbow Dash jumped onto the table almost immediately after I spoke. Then, only a short time later, the rest of the girls started trickling in. I had blown my chance. But that was okay. There was always tomorrow. In fact, tomorrow was probably better. Valentine’s Day was kind of the day for this sort of thing.
I decided that tomorrow would be the day. I'll tell her tomorrow.
My fist hovered just an inch from the door, unable to bring myself to knock. Twilight had invited me to the apartment she was renting so we could hang out. Apparently, her attempts to escape Hearts and Hooves Day affections was a bust, because she was drowning in love notes almost as soon as she crossed the portal. So, I said I’d grab some chocolate, we could order a romantic comedy, and complain together. It sounded like fun, except for the fact that I was spending Valentine’s Day alone with my best friend, who I’ve hopelessly fallen for. Then, it sounded absolutely terrifying.
I gripped the heart-shaped box of chocolates, and the note beneath it, trying my hardest not to talk myself out of this. I swallowed most of my fear, then knocked on the door. A short second later, it opened, and Twilight was letting me in.
“Since I’ve called you, I’ve gotten six more!” exclaimed Twilight. “I don’t know what to do with them!”
“Burn em,” I said, only half-joking. “Or frame them. I bet they could really brighten up the place.” I followed Twilight to her bedroom, absolutely baffled by all of the notes stacked on Twilight’s bed. Twilight pushed them onto the floor, then collapsed where the notes used to be.
“Why are boys so interested in me? I’m not that pretty, am I?” asked Twilight. “I’m just average, I guess. Why do so many of them feel the need to confess their love to me?”
“C’mon, there’s nothing average about you, Sparks,” I said with a small smile. “You’re exceptional, at worst. And, besides, it could be worse. Think about if you were still in Equestria. It’d be twice as bad, and those notes would be magical.”
“Ugh. Don’t remind me. I’m still going to have to deal with them when I get home,” Twilight groaned. “I just want to hang out with my friends. Is that too much to ask?”
“Well, I’m here, so I guess not.”
Twilight pouted slightly, drawing a smile to my face. I offered her the chocolates, shaking them slightly. The princess looked at them for a moment, then accepted them, letting the note drop to the floor.
“Hm? What’s this?” asked Twilight, scooping up the sealed envelope.
“Er… I…” I panicked. How could I have been clumsy enough to drop the note?! I snatched up the card and slipped it into my pocket. “I didn’t mean for that to… It’s for my Valentine…”
“Oooh! I didn’t know you had a Valentine!” squealed Twilight. “Who is it?! Why didn’t you tell me?! Why aren’t you with him?!”
“Who it is doesn’t matter, I didn’t tell you cause it didn’t matter, and it’s her, not him,” I said, feeling my cheeks warm. “Don’t worry, I’ll make time to talk to her later. Right now, I want to hang out with my best friend.” I picked up one of the fallen Valentines and read through it quickly. “Besides, you seem to have a much bigger problem than I thought. I mean, have you read these things?”
“Not all of them. Who’s that one from?”
“Uh… Oh my god!” I laughed loudly. “This is from Snails!” Twilight looked as if she would fall ill. “Look, it’s a cheesy poem filled with puns, and then he asks if you’d go out with him.” I read a little further down, barely able to contain my amusement. “He says that if dating is a no-go, he’ll settle for a make-out sesh behind the bleachers.” If this was my competition, maybe I really shouldn’t have been worried.
“Please stop,” groaned Twilight. She grabbed a piece of chocolate from the box and tossed it in her mouth. “Who else is in there?”
“The hippie kid, Snips, Snails, that punk rock chick.” I hadn’t even scratched the surface of the notes. “Two from Lemon Zest, but I think she meant for one to go to the other Twilight.”
“Is there one from Flash?” Twilight asked. I smirked, trying to hide how much that hurt. Seeing her swoon over someone else, my ex, no less… I know I shouldn’t have taken it personally, and I shouldn’t hold it against either of them, but I couldn’t help myself. It hurt. It really, really hurt.
“I dunno, let me see… Uh, yeah, I got one from Flash,” I said, waving the pink letter. Twilight took it, ripped it open, and read through it quickly. She chuckled slightly, then discreetly slipped it under her pillow.
“He’s so hopeless,” said Twilight, though she couldn’t stop smiling. “Anyway, what’re your plans for Valentine’s Day? I mean, you do have plans for this special lady, right?”
“Well…” I chuckled. Maybe I should focus on getting my special lady before I started making plans for Valentine’s Day. “I figured I’d just… Wing it, I guess.”
“Oh, come on, you mean you don’t have anything planned?” Twilight gently tossed a chocolate at my face. It bounced off of my nose, landed in my hand and then made its way to my mouth. The chocolate helped calm my nerves, but not by enough to make this any easier on me. “Take her out to dinner, serenade her, or something. Even I would have something planned.”
“Problem is… She doesn’t know that she’s my Valentine. I’ve been too scared to say anything,” I wasn’t ashamed to admit what a massive coward I was. Maybe she’d find that cute. “I see her and I just sorta… Freeze.”
“Oh, Sunny, there’s nothing for you to be afraid of. I mean, look at you. You’re smart, fun, confident,” said Twilight reassuringly. “You’re interesting and magical, not to mention drop-dead gorgeous. I can’t think of any reason for her to not return your feelings.”
“So what? Just go out and tell her?”
“I can’t see why you shouldn’t. I think any girl would be lucky to have you.” Twilight smiled brightly at me. “If you have the courage to jump, the parachute will open.”
I stared at Twilight, my knees going weak. Now. I could say it now. We were all alone, and we were sharing a moment. I could get it out right now. Four little words. Five syllables. Sixteen letters.
I slowly pulled out my Valentine, laying the little red letter on the bed and sliding it over to Twilight. I didn’t say anything at first. I just sat and waited for Twilight to pick it up and get this over with. Twilight curiously grabbed the letter, opened it, and read it.
Twilight stared at the letter, her mouth slightly agape. She read over the short message several times, not saying anything for a few minutes. I watched nervously, waiting for some sort of reaction that seemed to never come. Dear Goddess, her silence was so much worse than rejection. I would have rathered if she spat in my face and kicked me out over this thick, heavy, dull silence. I stared at Twilight, begging her silently to speak or yell or use sign language, anything.
Then, very slowly, Twilight began to laugh.
“Good one, Sunny,” she giggled. “I get it, I get it, you’re just messing with me. Rainbow Dash from Equestria used to do things like that all the time.” I felt my eyes well up with tears. She thought I was joking. I didn’t much enjoy being laughed at, not after I spilled my guts to the one person I truly loved. “Um… Sunset?”
Four little words. Five syllables. Sixteen letters. Now was the time. Today was the day.
“I… I love you, Twilight.” It was barely a whisper, but it had a sort of echo just the same as if I had shouted it. Neither of us could quite believe that I said it. We stood at a stalemate, each of us trying to figure out what to do next.
“You’re… You’re serious?” asked Twilight. I wasn’t ready for words, so I just nodded weakly. “Oh, Sunny… I… I don’t know what to say… I’m flattered, honestly, but…”
The “but” was like a knife in the chest. It confirmed everything I had ever feared about this entire ordeal. Nothing good could follow that. It was all downhill.
“Oh no…” I was horrified. How could I be so damn stupid?! “I shouldn’t have said anything…”
“I’m sorry. I just don’t feel the same. I’m not into girls.” I felt as though I had swallowed my own heart. Of course she wasn’t, why would she be? Why had I made the assumption? Why did I have to go and open my big mouth and ruin everything?
“I shouldn’t have said anything. I should’ve just kept it in.” I stood up, failing to fight back the tears.
“Sunny, wait!” shouted Twilight, but it was too late. I was out of the room, slamming the door behind me.
This was a mistake. I regretted it saying it the moment the words left my mouth. That was so stupid of me. It was over now. I'd never be able to face Twilight again. Nothing would ever be the same ever again, and all because I had gotten greedy.
I should've left things the way they were. There I was with an amazing friendship, and I went and ruined it. Maybe that was appropriate. Maybe, after the things I’ve done, maybe I don’t deserve a fairy tale ending. Maybe I haven’t earned the right to get the girl yet.
I ran and ran with no real destination in mind. I just wanted to put as much distance between me and that royal screw-up as possible. I ran and ran until I couldn’t run anymore, and I dropped to the concrete. My heart was shattered, the fragments collecting somewhere in my chest. I couldn’t have messed this up worse if I tried.
My phone rang, stopping my heart in its place. With trembling hands, I answered the call, too afraid to even look at the number. I knew it could only be one person, but a part of me thought that, maybe I’d get lucky.
“Sunset.” Nope. No luck for me. Twilight’s voice was flat and even, not an ounce of warmth in that one word she spoke.
“I’m sorry for that, Twilight,” I said softly. “I didn’t mean to… I just couldn’t keep on living like that. I had to tell you. I was poisoning myself.”
“No, I understand. Don’t worry about that. I just wanted to make sure you’re not about to do anything… drastic.”
“Drastic how?”
“Well… Last time I stood in between you and something you wanted, you turned into a demon.”
“Fair enough. No, I’m not planning to do anything like that. I just… I had to get out,” I said. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to worry you.”
“Sunset… I really didn’t mean to hurt your feelings like that,” promised Twilight. “It’s not your fault. I’m just not the girl for you.”
“I was afraid of that. But… I had to try, you know?”
“Absolutely.”
“So… We cool?” I asked. “Still friends?”
My stomach constricted at the silence. She should’ve answered back immediately. That should’ve been a simple “yes”. So why was she thinking so damn hard?
“Sunset… Maybe it’d be best if we… If we didn’t hang out quite as much for a bit,” said Twilight.
“W-what?”
“Just… I don’t want things to be weird between us. I really think we should take a break from each other. Just until this all starts making sense.”
“So… You what? You just don’t think we should be friends anymore?” I asked.
“Not for a while. I think that might be best for both of us.”
“But…” I clenched tightly on my phone, threatening to crush it in my grasp. “You’re my best friend.”
“And I’m sorry. You’ll see, though, this is really for both of our sakes. It’ll be better this way.” Another pregnant pause descended onto us, which let me stew in the awfulness of it all. Everything I’d ever feared, every horrible nightmare I’d ever had about confessing to Twilight, they all came true.
“I’ll miss you, Twilight,” I said, my voice cracking alongside my heart.
“I’ll miss you, too. Goodbye, Sunset.” The line disconnected, but I was unable to drop my phone.
This was terrible. Awful. My best friend… Gone in an instant, and it was all my fault. Because I couldn’t leave things be. Because I couldn’t keep my stupid emotions in check. My life was over. My best friend, gone. Since she was always with the other girls, I’d never be able to see them again, either. Everything was over. Finally, my phone dropped out of my hand, cracking against the concrete.
“Goodbye, Twilight,” I whispered to myself. “Goodbye.”
“Sunny? Sunny!”
I shook my head firmly, snapping back to reality. Twilight stood there, clutching the box of chocolates and the note. It was unopened. Twilight looked at me, apparently very concerned.
“Sorry, I must’ve zoned out,” I said.
“Who’s this for?” she asked, waving the note through the air. I considered telling her the truth. I always tended to envision the worst possible scenario in any given situation. Maybe I’d be okay. Maybe I should just come on out and tell her how I felt.
“It’s… It doesn’t matter who it’s for,” I said, swiping the letter from her grasp. “She’ll get it, and that’s what matters.”
“Okay. If you ever want to tell me about this special lady of yours, you know I’m all ears,” said Twilight, giving me a warm, caring, friendly smile. I tried my best to return the smile despite the pit growing in my chest.
“You’d be the first to hear about it,” I promised. I slipped the note in my pocket, trying to push it all out of my mind so that I could enjoy the day with my friend. Today was a bad day to do it, anyway. She was showered in love letters. She didn’t need another one from me to add onto the stress pile.
I decided that tomorrow would be the day. I'll tell her tomorrow.
Author's Note
I hate Valentine's Day.
Hope you didn't hate the story. Thanks for reading.
