Chapters 101 More Interesting Facts About Draconequi
Prologue
“Uh, Twilight? You have a gift that's for you,” Spike said.
“It’s from Discord…”
“Nope, not opening it, definitely not, you remember what happened last time, right?”
“Yeah, sure thing, but if it’s anything like last time shouldn’t you open it?”
“No way, not interested, besides my friends aren’t even here to,”- suddenly her friends appeared in the room before she could even complete her sentence, “-talk,” she said finishing it up. “Twilight? Why are we here exactly? One moment I was bucking apples on the farm and then poof, I’m here in this castle.”
“I don’t know for sure Applejack, but I’m pretty sure that it has something to do with this book given to me by Discord,” she said holding it up for them to see.
“Oh no, what’s it this time?” Fluttershy said very nervously.
“101 More Interesting Facts About Draconequi ,” she said, “And it’s apparently written by Yaltolt Rocsidd A.K.A. Lord Altto Disc and Mister Allan,”
“That’s weird, he changed his name this time, why?”
“I don’t know Rainbow Dash, but I’m sure that if we read we’ll find out.”
“Are you kidding me? After what happened last time you still want to read that?”
“Well yes, sort of, not really, look I don’t know what I want to do, okay?”
“Well I do!!!” Pinkie Pie said, “I want to eat marshmallows and stuff chocolate pie cake in my face and then take a nap and then eat even more marshmallows!!!”
“Pinkie Pie! There will be no marshmallows!!!”
“Ah,” she said sinking down on the ground slightly disappointed.
“Well what do you think will happen if we don’t read it?” Rarity said.
“Honestly I don’t really know what to expect…”
Spike suddenly gasped.
“What is it spike?”
“Well, I really can’t say,” he said.
“Just tell us!!!”
“Well my answer to your question was this: How about you losing all of your wings and horns? And now it looks like you don’t have them anymore.”
“WAIT, WHAT?” Rarity shouted going over to look herself in the mirror.
“Yeah, weird, right?” Spike said.
“Yeah, but what I find disturbing is that Discord or the book could somehow read your mind, but we’re still not opening this book, losing wings and horns, that’s nothing, he’s already done that before to all of us.”
“Yeah, but it’s starting to rain cats and dogs outside, literally,” Spike said opening the windows.
“Seen it.”
“There’s chocolate cotton candy clouds in the sky…”
“Seen it.”
“The day Monday has been eliminated from the calendar…”
“That’s a new one…”
“Houses are starting to turn upside down…”
“Seen it.”
“There’s ponies doing a random various musical number…”
“Seriously? That happens almost weekly here already.”
“Oh get on and read me already!!!” the book shouted.
“And apparently the book has a voice now…” Spike said.
“Don’t forget us!!!” the furniture shouted.
“Or me!!!” the windows said.
“No mail today!!!” the mailbox said.
“Okay!!! Fine!!! I’ll read it,” Twilight said sitting down and opening up to the first page where there was yet another photo of Discord as the author, yet this time instead of a fake cheesy mustache and a monocle he wore a sailor’s uniform instead.
She sighed, glanced down, and then started to read.
101 More Interesting Facts About Draconequi
102. Draconequi and their respective co-working authors rarely if ever will make a sequel unless they’re really bored, or if they just don’t care.
And I really honestly don’t, so please do enjoy.
103. Draconequi simply LOVE to break the fourth wall and pull out MANY various random references, they’re so good at this that they even have a fan site online that tries to spot every hidden reference and Easter egg ever made.
But what’s a fourth wall you ask?
Well if I told you then that would be starting to break it.
Anyhow enjoy going crazy and insane by never knowing what it is.
104. A draconequis will never use the same name twice if they do decide to do a sequel, this makes them very hard to track especially considering their powers.
However, they are always so self-centered that they always do put their own photo in their own book no matter what happens, this makes ponies very easy to remember that particular draconequis’s face should they ever meet again.
But they take great care to make sure that will never happen, mostly.
105. It was a Draconequis who cancelled the very popular Television Show known only as “Firefly”, he wishes to apologize for it by offering all of you free cookies instead, and chocolate milk, and cotton candy too as well.
106. When a draconequis can’t decide something they will generally flip a coin, but there’s a twist, they sometimes do the opposite of what they say, for example if a draconequis flipped a coin and it landed on tails, and tails meant that he would have a grilled cheese sandwich and not a pickle sandwich for lunch they would sometimes do the opposite and have the pickle sandwich and not the grilled cheese one instead.
107. Draconequi have been known to randomly and spontaneously burst into flames, no pony knows why but they claim that it’s very useful in removing any and all unwanted gusts, visitors, and crowds from the room.
108. Draconequi can’t hiccup, they can only hic down. But they already found a permanent cure for that so they can’t even do that anymore, but sometimes they can still pretend to do either.
109. Draconequi hate Mondays, and no pony knows why.
In fact they hate all days of the week because they say that they weren’t named randomly enough, and when I studied their calendar I could make no sense of it at all sadly enough.
But suffice it to say nothing makes sense of course.
110. Draconequi have on occasion been known to remove a day from the week because they
claim it’s fun to watch ponies get confused about what day of the week it was, and that’s why we have February 29th and April 1st as April Foal’s day, because they decided to add days rather than remove them instead.
111. Draconequi hate politicians and leaders because they’re not silly enough and they’re always too serious, children they hate because they’re always annoying of course.
112. Oddly enough the draconequi do have a government with on king and two presidents, two vice presidents, a queen, and a closest of socks too as well.
113. And that’s another thing, that sock that you thought that you lost in the dryer last week? It was probably a draconequis who stole it, after all, they do need it for their cabinet.
114. No pony knows why draconequi love collecting socks, but they always do seem to have a very strange habit of collecting very odd, strange, and also mysterious and unusual things, although sometimes something dangerous can get in there too as well, and that’s how we got guns in the first place.
115. Draconequi love playing games and have been known to be notorious cheaters since they will do almost anything to win no matter what the cost is.
However, a draconequi will stop playing a game if they lose interest and don’t feel like it’s a challenge, and one of the only people hat can ever make them feel challenged at all is the Norse god Loki of course, but don’t ask them why that is.
They probably wouldn’t answer you anyways and ignore you instead.
116. Draconequi love challenges and have been known to accept them and also game invitations quite frequently, however this urge can get them into trouble quite a lot depending upon the challenge since they want to win no matter what the cost might be. For example one pony challenged it to make a completely new animal, and that’s why we have the platypus.
117. Another very famous prime example of a challenge is when one was challenged to fight Chuck Norris in a fist fight or wrestling contest instead.
The draconequis refused of course because they knew that would mean almost certain death, after all, they aren’t very fond of dying since it’s their only known weakness. When asked why he refused though the draconequis instantly turned the pony into a squirrel.
118. A draconequis was once challenged to a chess match, they accepted and won in only one move. When asked why and accused of cheating they turned the pony into a rock and chucked them into a lake.
119. Draconequi love turning ponies into other various random objects for some reason, and sometimes if they don’t forget they’ll turn them back, eventually.
120. Never ask a draconequis to do a trick either because they will cheat at it just like games and challenges, one very famous example includes when one was asked to stand on its head, it did so, literally too as well.
Many ponies had to go seek professional help after that particular event.
121. A draconequi doesn’t like to be laughed at and they have been known to get very angry when they are laughed at and act very rashly too as well.
One very famous example includes when a mime pony made a whole entire audience laugh at one, the draconequis then promptly trapped the mine pony into an actual literal invisible box and turned the audience into animals.
122. Draconequi simply LOVE word games, and whenever you ask them for a new word they will always respond very quickly, speaking of random words I wonder where I left my scrumptilicious? I swear I left it on the kanterheathingsupnow.”
123. Draconequi love sandwiches, don’t ask them why.
124. Draconequi can divide by zero.
125. Draconequi invented the number pi.
126. When asked what the time is a draconequis will always respond with a silly response or a very complicated mathematical equation, or they’ll just either rile or tell you the truth instead.
101 More Interesting Facts About Draconequi
“None of this helps us,” Rainbow Dash said very angrily.
“Hold on, we still have like 76 facts to go,” Twilight said, “And I know that there just has to be something that can help us in this book, we just have to be smart and clever enough to find, spot, and catch it, come on, let’s continue.”
127. Draconequi love all social media websites and online chat groups and news too as well.
128. Draconequi know and can also produce the most annoying sound in the whole entire world, however it has been known to cause these side effects.
Temporary or Permanent Insanity, uncontrollable urges to act like a fish, a desire to eat only pink cotton candy and drink chocolate milk, and in some cases death.
If you have heard this sound please contact your nearest local authorities and medical doctors, nurses, staff, and hospital at once. Chaos will certainly come if you don’t.
129. Never say the phrase ‘I Wish’ in front of a draconequis, why?
Well it’s quite simply really, where do you think the tales of mischievous genies, creatures, fairies, and imps (as well too) came from?
130. A draconequis was once challenged to create a maze or puzzle from which you could never escape or solve, sadly the pony is still trapped in there.
131. Deedni os hcum, ginyonna etiuq s’ti, noisacco no srever ni secnetnes od ot nwonk neeb evah iuqenocarD.
132. Read the last sentence in reverse, good, moving on….
133. The reason why there are no more Nicolas Cage and Adam Sandler movies that are good is because a draconequis keeps ruining them, he says that he’s sorry though and offers the same reward as mentioned back in Fact 105.
134. Memes were invented by draconequi, they say that you’re welcome.
(Or rather that you should be instead.)
135. Have you ever had that day where you’re being pranked but nothing can ever be really explained? Congratulations, you’ve just been pranked by a draconequis.
136. The myth of the legendary sword Excalibur is actually based on a real true story, you see a draconequis decided to use it as a toothpick, and then he tossed it away, however it did manage to absorb some of the creature’s powers naturally enough of course.
137. Draconequi are very unique special creatures because there can only ever be one of them in any universe, this makes them incredibly rare to ever find or see or catch either instead as well too.
138. A draconequis was once sent to a psychologist to get help, by the end it was the pony who consulted the draconequis that needed help after going both crazy and insane, it’s why we have the ‘I’m a little teapot’ song.
139. SOMETIMES DRACONEQUI LIKE USING ALL CAPS FOR NO REASON AT ALL WHATSOEVER, IT’S VERY ANNOYING, QUITE SO INDEED.
140. The ‘Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road’ joke was made by a draconequis.
141. Draconequi are great excellent masters at comedy, and once one told a joke so funny that the whole entire crowd died before the universe suddenly ended/
142. When a draconequis was asked what the meaning of life, the universe, love, and everything was he responded by throwing a dictionary at the stupid silly pony.
143. When pressed further into the question the draconequis eventually responded with just one word, the number 42.
144. Discord writes Fanfiction. Why? The better question here is why not?
145. Draconequi like eating books because it’s just so much faster than reading a story, after all, who has time for that?
146. If a Draconequis should ever smile at you while rubbing its hands/claws together then run far away, very, very far away.
147. Never bet against a draconequis, you’ll lose.
Refer to earlier/later facts about cheating, games, puzzles, and challenges if you’re confused as to why this is so.
148. Never expect a draconequis to pay off a debt that they owe to you since they are also notoriously known for getting out of all (or rather many) deals, bargains and contracts with a simple small tiny little loophole.
149. While you can’t ever expect them to pay off a debt draconequi can be wonderful tippers… if you want anything else but money.
150. Don’t ever expect a straight answer from a draconequis, they might be gay instead.
151. Discord the draconequis doesn’t celebrate Hearth’s Warming because he would rather have seven days of gifts and presents instead of one, go figure.
101 More Interesting Facts About Draconequi
“There’s still nothing that can help us in here yet,” Rainbow Dash said.
“Well there might be, come on girls, only 51 more facts to go.”
And with that they all groaned very loudly as they continued to read.
152. The number 101 is the first palindromic three-digit number, it’s also the number of facts in this book.
153. Never ask a draconequis if they’re a chicken because they WILL turn themselves into a chicken… and then promptly punish and destroy you.
154. Look up at the ceiling and see what’s there.
“Oh no, I’m not falling for this one again,” she said as a pineapple suddenly fell on her face and then she slowly wiped it away and continued to read.
155. Told you that you should have looked up, now you have pineapple on your face, guess that I really fooled you twice by now.
156. Breaking the fourth wall is a very easy way to start bending matter and the very laws of nature, science, physics, reality, and the whole entire universe.
157. Or wait, is it the other way around instead?
158. You cannot find the word gullible in the draconequis dictionary, true story.
159. Snipes are a fictional product of the draconequis’s imagination.
160. On the subject matter of snipes a draconequis did make one up one day, and guess what, it looked exactly like itself.
161. In Soviet Russia a draconequis is still pretty much itself, so is the chaos it causes, but then again, it’s Russia, who would even care or notice?
162. A draconequis once set out to conquer earth and it did so, five minutes it relinquished control since it got bored and really didn’t care anymore.
163. Draconequi are the Illuminati, The Matrix, and The Force, and also the whole entire internet too as well.
164. Draconequi have infiltrated every known government in the whole entire multiverse, why do you think there’s so much chaos in the world after all?
165. The most common and popular question that draconequi receive is if they can poop and pee, but whenever they are asked this they politely smile at you and then turn you into a piece of crap, needless to say it’s not a very pleasant experience whenever they change or transform you into something else completely different.
166. If you have ever heard any jokes before it was probably first said by a draconequis, after all, they practically DID actually literally invent jokes.
(And they also say that you’re welcome, or rather that you should be instead.)
167. A draconequis invented the lightbulb, afterwards he said this very famous quote. “I’m feeling rather illuminated right now.”
168. Draconequi are very good at Cinema and Reading Sins, call them.
169. Draconequi are actually gremlins, or rather they were at one point.
170. A draconequis scientist named Schrödinger once put a cat in a box with some poison in it, to this very day scholars still debate if the cat is alive or dead or both.
This debate has come to be known as one of the world’s most famous paradoxes.
171. Secretly draconequi actually hold the world records for everything, the names that you see in books are just those of ponies who got the closest performance.
172. Everything that you know is a lie… what you feel, touch, smell, taste, hear, it is all part of
the Matrix. Wait, who put this reference in here?
173. Draconequi have been known to randomly and spontaneously put references and fourth wall break throughs in their own stories that they write, like a lot.
174. It is futile to attempt to resist the power of a draconequis.
175. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is actually based on a true real story, a draconequis sneezed on them once and they suddenly turned into teenage mutant turtles, the ninja part came later of course.
176. Discord politely requests that YOU stop shipping him with Celestia, like right now, and if you don’t, he will look for you, he will come, he will find you, and then he will tickle you until you give into his demands.
101 More Interesting Facts About Draconequi
"Oh my gosh, this still isn’t making any sense at all whatsoever.”
“That’s sort of the whole entire point of this thing, Rainbow Dash.”
“Well I hope that we find something soon because we’re running out of facts.”
“I know, only 26 more to go!!!” she said going back to where she left off.
177. Draconequi like big huge wide vast musical production numbers being thrown randomly into a story for no reason whatsoever, speaking of musical performances I do believe that’s my cue, see all of you girls after the last fact.
Oh, and by the way, check outside, I’m sure that you’re going to be both very surprised and shocked at what you see out there exactly.
They did so and saw a great big huge wide vast grand number of ponies dressed in stage costumes as they were singing.
“Let me guess, the musical number is here now?”
“Yes, of course it is, duh!!! Come on girls, maybe there’s something inside the book that can still help us out,” she said going back and started to read again.
178. Whenever a musical number happens in a story it’s a very sure sign that a draconequis will show up very soon.
179. It has been theorized by some that Pinkie Pie is actually a draconequis in disguise, or at the very least a product or result of one’s imagination.
To this very day this theory is still untested and unconfirmed.
Suddenly every pony turned to Pinkie Pie.
“What?” she said, “I’m totally not a draconequis.
Twilight slowly turned the book to her.
180. Pinkie Pie will naturally say that she isn’t a draconequis of course, well just don’t believe her, after all, who are you going to believe? Your best friend or what you read in a random various book instead?
“Okay, we seriously need to burn this book after we’re done.”
181. Please don’t burn me otherwise I’ll turn into a Michael Bay bomb explosion.
182. Speaking of bombs and explosions did you now that every gift and/or present that a draconequis gives you has the potential to suddenly explode at any given moment? And guess what? The best part is that no pony will know what type of explosion it is and whether or not it’s safe and harmless or not instead!!!
183. There’s no such thing as the boogeyman, don’t be so silly or ridiculous.
The boogeyman is actually the shadow of a draconequis on the loose.
They always do tend to be a bit scary at first, but they’re quite harmless for the most part if you let them run wild and free.
184. The slender man/slender pony is actually a very distant relative/cousin to the draconequis family. But slender won’t say how exactly, he just can’t.
185. Throw a stick for a dog and he’ll retrieve it, throw it for a cat and they’ll ignore you, do it for your fish or tree and they’ll do nothing at all.
But do it for a draconequis and he’ll give you a very funny look and then pull out a television remote and say that it still technically counts as retrieving a stick.
186. If you try to argue against the previous fact (185) they will turn you into a TV and randomly switch the channels on you forever.
187. There is only one day of the whole entire year that a draconequis may be 100% honest with you, and that day would be April Fools of course, true story.
188. At the very end of each and every book in the smallest text possible that can’t even be detected by the naked eyes are written these words.
‘Discord was here’.
189. Sometimes there will be a fact completely not related to draconequi because the author is running out of ideas, sort of just like this one…
190. There’s no such thing as an ‘evil’ draconequis, except for Anarchy of course.
191. I’m not really a fan of puppeteers, but I have a nagging fear that someone else is pulling on the strings, I can’t move at all and I curse the name of the one behind it all, DISCORD!!! I’m howling at the moon and sleeping in the middle of a summer afternoon…
192. Discord ships ponies…
193. ...strange mysterious unusual boxes every Thursday afternoon.
194. Discord will eat your BABY…
195. …carrots if you don’t want them anymore.
196. Discord considers anything that’s not a draconequis a pet, so does the rest of his kind/race too as well.
197. Draconequi are the only other creatures that can count to infinity if you include Chuck Norris in this category as well too.
198. Sometimes a draconequis will change the text color of a story for no reason at all whatsoever, just like this.
199. Can Draconequi have sex? Yes, yes they can oddly and interestingly enough.
I found this fact very strange at first before one displayed that it could right in front of my face. I threw up afterwards.
200. Speaking of puke did you know that draconequi can throw up or down or sideways or any way possible at all, but that they can only also ever do it once every so randomly often enough?
201. Finally, second to last fact, uh let’s see here, oh, here’s a really good one, draconequi have been known to cosplay on many, MANY numerous occasions, if you don’t believe me just ask Discord.
101 More Interesting Facts About Draconequi
“Okay girls, here’s the last one, and yep, the page is ripped out of the book again, just like usual,” she said as the last page floated gently down to her.
202. Draconequi will always make a pointless grand entrance full of needless references, cameos, fourth wall break throughs and singing too of course.
So turn on the lights because it’s the Discord Show Tonight, LIVE!!!
Suddenly Discord appeared as the ponies started to sing again.
“He’s Discord! This spirit and lord of chaos and ain’t no other pony got the crazy like he because he’s D to the I to the S to the C to the O to the R to the D again, he’s Discord!
Ain’t no other pony got the raps like he does or the power, the dramatic flair, it’s useless to resist so just give in and let the chaos control your whole entire life.”
“That’s enough every pony, thank you very much but I think I got the reference from here on out, after all, you can’t just help falling in love with me.”
“Discord, what do you want here exactly?” Twilight said very angrily.
“Oh, well I just want your socks,” he said smiling now then.
“Wait, what? Really? Why exactly?” she said very shocked and surprised.
“Didn’t you read facts 112 and 113? Never mind, just give me all of your socks and I’ll leave you in peace,” he said.
“Fine then, just give me a moment,” Twilight said going upstairs and gathering all of her socks, “Here, this is all I have.”
“Well that’s just perfect, thanks a lot.”
“Wait, before you go can you tell me why at least? I mean last time it was fridges and now this time your acronym name is ‘Totally Discord’ and now it’s socks instead, and I’m just very curious as to why you need any of these things.”
“Oh Twilight, silly you, I don’t need a reason, I’m chaos itself.”
And with that said he suddenly vanished as their wings and horns returned, and so did Monday too as well, and everything fixed itself.
“Well at least that’s over with.”
“Unless of course the author makes a quick cameo!!!” the author says.
“Wait, who are you exactly?”
“The obligatory needless cameo, you know, from fact 177 and 202?”
“Yeah, right, and you’re supposed to be what exactly?”
“Something totally pointless and not needed, but very fun to include in the story especially if I don’t offer any reasonable explanation to the readers as to why I’m here, and speaking of the readers,” the author said turning to the screen and waving at the whole entire audience, “Well hello there everyone!!! It’s me!!!”
“Wait, you can see them too?” Pinkie Pie said very surprised and shocked.
“Yes, now then I want you to end this story on an open note, okay?”
“Okie dokie lokie!!!” she said literally pushing the sides of the screen closer together until the text started to get less and less.
“Sorry,” she said, as the screen slowly started to close and fade to black.
“That’s all folk!!!” the author said as they finally shut out both the screen and story too as well thus leaving the audience in a very open ending.
101 More Interesting Facts About Draconequi
It was all just a dream... Or was it?
Suddenly Twilight gasped as she woke up.
She breathed in very deeply, it was all just a terrible horrible dream.
But her outburst didn’t go unnoticed of course.
“Twilight?” Spike said groaning and mumbling.
“It’s perfectly alright and fine Spike, you can go back to sleep.”
“Yeah, sure thing, but there was a gift for you at the front door for you…”
He handed her over a book, the same one that she saw in her… dream?
No, this wasn’t possible, but she wasn’t going to be taking any chances either, flaring up her horn she used her magic to burn the book into dust.
“What was that for exactly?”
“Oh, nothing at all really, just go back to sleep,” she said smiling now finally satisfied that the problem had finally been taken care of at long last.
“Alright, fine then, very well,” Spike said.
And with that said all was silent in the house as Discord giggled to himself from a very far away point where he could see everything that she thought of and said too as well of course. He quickly put away his video camera.
“Time to edit this and put it online, I’m sure YouTube will love it!!!”
And with that said he suddenly vanished very far away.