Chapters Warmth coursed throughout your body as you suddenly realize that you were walking. You were walking in some sort of valley, though you weren’t exactly quite sure where you were. All you knew was that it was somewhat warm, but not burning hot.
Almost instinctively, you turn your gaze upwards to see a sun that was partially obscured by partly cloudy skies. The sky was a lovely sea of light blue, covered with patches of white-grayish hues that partially obstructed the glowing, yellow beacon of light. The sun didn’t make you feel hot like you were in a desert, but it felt like you were in comfy 70-degree weather. Still though, the clouds appeared to be a friendly white with occasional tints of light gray; they looked bubbly in appearance, casting mesmerizing shadows across the landscape. They seemed oh so soft and cushy and bouncy and comfy. You almost wish you could fly up to one and take a nap in comfy, serene bliss.
You turn your head back to the ground and look to your sides. You notice that there were hills to your right and to your left. They weren’t tall, but were more like grassy, hilly plains. It almost felt as though you were somewhere in the Great Plains of the United States, except there were hills. Not only that, but you noticed that they were unusually green. You even look down and realize that the grass beneath your feet is a nice, lively green. You also notice a soft breeze guiding the swaying of the grass. You could feel it brushing against you from behind.
You decide to keep walking in the direction that the breeze was flowing. It felt nice feeling it blow against the back of your neck. As you keep walking, however, you begin to notice that you were passing through some trees. There weren’t a lot of them to the point that it felt like a forest, but you could at least cover yourself partially under their canopy from the sun’s glowing rays. Similarly, you notice bushes beginning to appear alongside you as you keep walking. For one reason or another, everything here made you feel alive. It made you feel welcome. It made you feel love. It made you feel like you were home.
Yet you realize that you couldn’t hear or see any signs of wildlife. Aside from the low sounds of leaves from the trees and the bushes rustling in the breeze, it was pretty much quiet. It was warm and comforting, but it did make you feel a little lonely.
Suddenly, you start to hear what sounds like water gently splashing against something. You walk forward a little more and notice that there is a small river to your right. It was flowing in the direction you were walking in. You stop and walk right up to the edge of the river. You notice that the water was surprisingly clear and fresh. It looked like there were no chemicals or trash of any sort in it. As a result, you were able to clearly see all sorts of substrate at the bottom. The water was maybe two to three inches deep, yet you could see lots of tiny rocks, colorful pebbles, and sediment lying on the bottom. There was also some algae of some sort gently swaying with the current of the water.
The breeze, the grass, the trees, the bushes, the water, and now the algae were all swaying in one direction. Why?
You keep looking down at the water and decide to crouch down onto your knees. What is that? You can briefly see the outline of something reflecting on the water’s surface; it was something white. It wasn’t what you normally looked like, yet it looked so familiar.
“Huh?”
You felt something tapping on your left shoulder. You quickly turn around and see a girl about your age standing right behind you. She had long, light-brown wavy hair that flowed down to her hips. Her skin was a smooth white and her figure as a whole looked a little skinny, but was round and curvy in appearance. For some strange reason, she stood there barefoot and solely wore a white gown. She stood there smiling at you with her eyes closed, waving her left hand at you as if to say hi.
Her eyes slowly open to reveal hazel pearls staring back at you. It felt like she was staring straight into your soul. Yet for some reason, you like her. No, you LOVE her. Not like a romantic, sexual love, but more like she was a part of your personal family…like she had been a long-lost best friend or something.
You stand back up looking at her and return a smile back. Both of you start talking…talking about something. Was it exchanging pleasantries? Sharing experiences? Talking about random things? What were you two talking about?
You are now walking with her in the direction of the breeze once again. Her white gown and her lovely-wavy hair were flowing with the breeze in the direction you two are walking in. She is to your left and you are walking alongside the river to your right. You two walk…and walk…and walk for what must seem like hours. Both of you continued talking about things to one another, yet you still had no idea what was being said. If that wasn’t strange enough, you actually couldn’t make out what her voice sounded like. Her lips were moving and you were clearly having a conversation with her, but you also noticed too that no voice was coming out of your mouth. Yet it didn’t matter because you wanted to enjoy your precious time with her. All you knew was that you felt safe and happy that she was there with you, and you loved talking to her.
However, you eventually notice that the sun was starting to set behind the hills, and that the sky itself began to cast a beautiful luminescent orange glow over the hills. The clouds almost appeared violet in color and the whole sky itself appeared as though it was alive.
As the two of you continued walking, you also noticed that the water in the river appeared to get deeper and darker and foggier. It was getting harder and harder to see what was at the bottom. The bushes and trees were likewise becoming more and more scarce until the two of you come across a medium-sized lake. The bushes and trees could be seen in the distance from behind you, but all that was over here was the lake, this girl, and yourself. The hills that were on your right and left seem to finally join one another in a rounded curve behind the lake. There was no longer any breeze and the air felt cooler, yet something was starting to make you shiver. No, not the fact that night was fast approaching, but more like you could feel something ominous coming.
The girl you were with, you notice, has stopped talking and was standing a few feet away from the lake. She silently stood and looked over the large body of water. Something about the lake was puzzling you and out of curiosity, you decide to walk up to it.
Standing right at the edge of the lake, you kneel down onto your knees to gain a closer inspection of the water. It was a very dark blue. The water was thick with something in it and you had no idea how far deep it went down.
You briefly rub your eyes and allow them to focus and readjust. Upon doing so, however, you quickly notice a reflection of something over the water. It was not you, nor was it the girl. It was not human. It was something. You try to think what it could be and you realize that you can make out some vague, discernible features. It seemed to have long hair. The face appeared a lot rounder compared to a human’s face. There were perky ears springing from its head. It appeared to have a muzzle of some sort.
Was this some kind of animal? The eyes seemed much bigger than usual for an animal. You could tell its eyes were looking at you, yet you could not see the color of its eyes, nor could you make out the color of the reflection as a whole. The water was too dark. It appeared almost like a silhouette, yet it just continued to stare at you. You wave your right hand at it, but the creature does nothing. It just stares.
Chills begin coursing through you as you can’t help but feel a little spooked. You also noticed that it was dark outside now, and all that was in the sky were clouds. There were no stars. Yet despite the fact that this thing kept staring at you, you were too mesmerized to want to leave it. There was something about it that you couldn’t put two and two together.
Without warning, you feel a hand grasping onto your left shoulder. You quickly turn around and see that it was the girl gripping your shoulder. You stand up to face her, yet you could see that something was wrong. Tears were trickling down her face and she looked very sad…or scared. You couldn’t tell. What you did know, however, was that it was unnerving.
She then removes her hand from your left shoulder and raises it forward, pointing down at the water. You turn back to the lake and notice that thing was gone. The water was just a foggy, dark blue. There were no reflections. You turn your head to your left slightly and notice that the girl suddenly grabs onto your shoulders. You briefly see that she is still crying a little bit.
Suddenly, you felt yourself being pushed hard into the water. You fall right in flailing your arms, splashing the water around you. You were sinking…sinking into the abyss.
No! You didn’t want to die, you wanted to live! You wanted to live…
H…e…l…p m…e…
…
“Blargh…mmmph….hack….ppbthh…”
You begin coughing yourself awake as you realize that you’re chocking on your own spit. Your vision is mostly blurry, but you could tell that you were somehow in a very dark room. Through your hazy vision, you notice that there’s a small stream of light coming from a small window located in front of you. White light is shining through it. Everything is still fuzzy, but you can make out what appears to be a small glass window centered on the top part of a door.
You try to move your arm to slap yourself awake, but you notice that you cannot. It’s locked into place by something. You try moving your other arm, but you cannot. Same thing. Your legs are also locked into place by your ankles and you slowly become aware that you’re sitting in some kind of a chair.
You still can’t see much, but you start noticing some flashing red lights. There was one on both of your wrists. It felt like you were wearing wrist bands of some sort, only that they felt very tight and metallic. You were also wearing what felt like a helmet of some sort. There was some kind of leather strap around your cheeks and chin that was holding this helmet on your head.
Where are you? What happened? You try to remember how you got here, but everything seems really fuzzy. You should be panicking, yet you felt way too calm and relaxed. It was more so that you were simply trying to understand the reality of your situation.
You remember falling into water. Wait…no, not that. That was a dream. It was that stupid dream. For some reason, that dream, or memory, has been stuck in the back of your head for as long as you can remember. You didn’t know where it came from or why you had it, but it always bothered you. You knew it meant something, but you could never understand its purpose. It was haunting in a way, yet it wasn’t creeping you out now. That’s a first. But that still doesn’t explain how you got here.
Last thing you remember is that you were at your tiny shack of a house. You had a really horrible day at work. Tons of assholes everywhere. Drove home in that crappy, broken air-conditioner, shit car in unbearable heat. Dropped your briefcase and papers flew everywhere. You were cursing like you always do, and you decided to make yourself something to eat. You went on your computer, only to find out that you were royally screwed. You had enough of this bullshit. You went for a gun to blow your brains out. You were going to do that. You were really going to do that this time.
Did you do that? You remember aiming it into your mouth, and you were about to pull the trigger and…and…and…
Your whole body freezes. A horrible realization dawns on you. It’s enough to shake you from your lucid trance and make you wide awake. There was someone at your house. They cut your power. You went for your phone. Something struck your neck and you fell down. Before you passed out, you remember seeing someone in the doorway.
Oh…oh fuck. You begin feeling nauseated and dizzy. You wanted to vomit. Someone’s kidnapped you. They’re holding you against your will. They’re going to do something to you. What the fuck were these flashing red lights? Why the fuck were you wearing a helmet? You want to scream and you try your best to hold your silence, but you are truly terrified right now.
“HHHHHHEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPP MMMMMMMEEEEEEE!!!!! GET ME OUTTA HHEEEERRRREEE! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!”
You scream as loud as you possibly can. You didn’t even know you could actually yell that loud; it was louder than your usual daily curses. But you didn’t care. Despite wanting to die earlier, you were now in survival mode. You wanted to get out of wherever the fuck you were.
The lights in the room flicker on at once. You’re blinded by a sudden, bright white light. You close your eyes and stop screaming. A few seconds pass before you slowly open them once more, allowing them to adjust to the light. It is here that you begin to fully notice and take in your surroundings.
You were sitting in some kind of a dark, wooden oak-like chair. Your arms and legs were strapped to the chair with these dark Velcro straps. The blinking red lights on your wrists were coming from these oddly-shaped devices. Rectangular circuit boards sat on top of your so-called wrist-bands and ran parallel with your arms. There’s just a flashing red light on the corner of each band with computer chips all over them. Wires were connected from these circuit boards to your wrist-bands, and you notice these tiny, cylindrical-like tubes scattered throughout each board alongside the computer chips. They too are connected by these wires. What the fuck were these things?
You then face forward at the door in front of you. It’s a solid steel door with a single window peering from the top center. You turn your head sideways and quickly realize that aside from the door, the whole room had mirrors for walls. You could see yourself clearly.
The helmet you were wearing was connected by dozens of wires that flowed into some kind of metallic box. It was a machine of some sort and you could see a small green screen in the center of it. White lines appeared on the screen, going up and down at certain intervals. You were no scientist, but if you had to guess, this thing was measuring your brain activity or something.
Still, you didn’t know for sure what that machine did, but you at least knew that all you wanted was to get the hell out of here. Your reflections in the mirrors conveyed that desire perfectly. Expressions of fear and helplessness were displayed all over the mirrors. You didn’t want to look at them or anything in this room. Instead, you close your eyes, desperate that you will somehow wake up back in your tiny, shitty house.
But you don’t. Instead, you hear locks turning. The steel door in front of you cracks open and swings inward with the most god-awful screech. You quickly open your eyes and notice that someone is standing there.
It was a man. He had short, black hair that was neatly combed back against his head. He wore these square-like glasses that sat directly in front of his dark-brown eyes. He was dressed in what appeared to be a doctor’s outfit. Was he a doctor?
He was carrying a clipboard of some sort and was scribbling on it with a pen. After a few seconds pass, he places the clipboard into some kind of alcove that’s attached to the outside part of the door. He clicks on the pen for it to close and neatly situates it back onto his front shirt pocket. Then he turns to face you and smiles.
“Good to know my patient is alive and well!” he chuckles.
Yeah right, you’re anything but that. His smile was fucking creepy, if not downright unnerving. You say nothing and silently stare at him.
The man leans to his side from outside the room and grabs a gray folding chair. He clutches it from his side and patiently walks into the room and up to you. He opens the chair, only to set it down right in front of you. He then takes a seat and stares directly at you, still smiling.
“You gave me quite a scare back there. I was actually going to wait a little longer to get you, but when I saw that you were going to kill yourself, I had no choice but to intervene. There was no way I could let someone as rare as you slip out of my fingers. You’re far too worthy of a prize to simply die by suicide.”
What the fuck was he talking about? You glare at him in contemplative silence, wondering what the fuck he was going on about.
“Hm? Why the glare? I did save your life you know.”
“You saved my life?” You could feel the anger beginning to boil inside of you. “You fucking broke into my house, attacked me, kidnapped me against my will, and now you have me strapped to this chair hooked up to God knows what. Who the fuck are you and where the hell am I?”
He simply smiles and stares back at you. It was starting to get really unnerving.
“Ah, where are my manners? I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Doctor Money and I am very thrilled to have you here. You have been personally selected along with several other lucky individuals to participate in a research experiment with the hopes of bettering the world of science. If it proves to be successful, it can bring untold change to millions of lives. It can make people happy, it can improve lives, it can give the life everyone has always wanted, and it can make MILLIONS!”
Others? There were others that were trapped here like you? Shit. That’s not a good sign.
“Here at this facility, my staff and I want to personally ensure that all of our fortunate candidates are happy and that they have the exclusive opportunity to pursue their dreams and fantasies. We want them to experience it all and we strive for offering a chance of universal happiness. After all, happiness is what truly matters, right?”
What the hell was this psycho fucker babbling on about? The best you could understand was that in a nutshell, you were a fucking guinea pig. A literal fucking lab rat. Yep, you should have definitely blown your brains out earlier. Fuck.
You notice Dr. Money’s expression shifting a little to one of minor concern. It seemed as though he could sense your reluctance in being a participant in all of this, if you could even fucking call it that.
“Oh? What’s wrong? Isn’t that what you want? To be happy and to be free to live and pursue your dreams?”
He stops smiling and starts to frown as you continue staring at him with a look of confusion, fear, and malice.
“What’s wrong,” you say, “is that you’re going to experiment on me to conduct God knows what. Even if this so-called experiment really does bring any of that untold happiness crap you keep babbling on about, I’ll likely be tortured to death in the process. I should know. I’ve seen plenty of this human experimentation shit from the deep web. You people are fucking psychotic. I know that all that awaits me is a long and tortuous death. Fucking knew I should have just shot myself back then. Would have been so much quicker and easier, and probably far less painful. God fucking dammit.”
You notice his expression becoming deadly serious as the tone of his voice rapidly becomes dark.
“That can happen to you, but only if you actually want me to kill you in such a slow, painful process.”
That sentence strikes ice cold fear into your blood. You knew you were also just venting and that there was always a possibility that any of the stuff you had seen was fake. There was never a way to fully prove stuff like that was real. This, however, seems to be 100% legitimate. Shit.
“Notice those things strapped to your wrists? Think of them as miniature explosives. Should you try to resist, should you try to hurt me or anyone else here, or should you try to escape, they will detonate.”
“F-F-F-F-uuuuuccccckkkkk!”
Sweat starts dribbling down your forehead and you begin shaking uncontrollably. You notice indirectly from the mirrors in the room that the color from you face was rapidly draining away, leaving it ghostly pale. Did…Did you actually just piss yourself?
“They won’t kill you, but you will lose your hands and you will be horribly disfigured. Now tell me, do you want that?”
“N-N-N-uh…nuh…no…” you meekly respond.
“Do you want me to also strap those explosive devices to your ankles? Do you want to lose your feet and never walk again? Do you want me to electrocute you and burn away at your flesh? Do you want me to rip out your teeth piece by pathetic piece? Do you want me to gouge your eyes out? Do you want me to poison you? Do you want me to torture you in the most unimaginable ways possible? I assure you, I am very much capable of committing such acts against you, if you really wanted them to happen.”
You quickly shake your head back and forth, desperate to not vomit from the terrifying reality of the situation.
“All of that torture would destroy you in time and you would likely eventually die, but I’d personally ensure that you’d stay alive long enough. After all, you’re worth every penny. All I would really need is your mind. As long as that can function, your body doesn’t really matter.”
“P-P-PLEASE D-DON’T DO THIS! I WON’T TELL A SOUL! I PROMISE! LEMME GO!”
He simply sighs and looks down at the floor, then back to you.
“That can’t happen. Ever. Besides, what would you have to go back to? More likely than not, you’d still probably end up killing yourself. And if that’s the case, why on Earth would you be afraid of what I could do to you? Torture is torture and it has the potential of killing you. And I’d have what I would need by that point, so what are you so afraid of? Didn’t you want to die anyway?”
You can’t comprehend anything anymore. You shut your eyes and desperately pray that you’d be out of this hellish nightmare. You’d give anything to not be here. Anything.
“That’s not what you truly want, is it?”
You quickly open your eyes and look straight back at him. He starts to smile a little once again.
“Tell me, have you ever seen a corpse smile? Does anyone ever actually look happy when they die?”
You simply shake your head.
“No, right? They just desire for the pain to go away. No one ever truly wants to die. When pushed to that very edge, they will do everything in their power to fight for survival, no matter how dire their personal circumstances previously were. You did so just now when I told you all of the horrible things I could do to you. And believe me when I say that I could still do any of those terrible things to you, but only if you truly wanted me to.”
You just look at him with a dejected look as he starts to liven up with that freaky-looking smile again.
“Yet I know that you don’t want me to do any of those things. No, you want something far greater than that. You may not even be consciously aware of it, but you have desires locked deep within your subconscious. Know that you have a very fascinating and unusual mind. I should know. I like to think I know you better than you know yourself.”
“Whu-whu-what a..r..e y-you talking about?” you weakly stammer.
“Why, just look at the mirrors in this room.”
Your gaze shifts from Dr. Money’s creepy-looking expression and quickly searches what’s shown in the mirrors. You hated what you saw. Aside from the crap that was already hooked up to you, you hated the person that was looking at you. A disgusting meat bag that just wastes away resources that could be better used for other more deserving people.
You knew you were garbage and you so desperately wished that you didn’t have this body anymore. This sack of flash did not represent who you truly were. It was nothing but a lie. Your whole life was a lie. You wanted a do-over, a new life. Wait, what?
You felt a warm shiver as that weird thing starts creeping back into your head. You hated that feeling because it just always made you feel really freaking weird. It made you feel like you had a desperate, oh so desperate need for something, like an addict having the worst craving for heroin or something.
That little machine that was connected to your helmet-like thing starts making some weirdly annoying noise. From one of the mirrors, you could see that the white lines streaming across its screen were jumping up and down zig-zaggedly. They were moving very fast. In response, you immediately notice Dr. Money emitting a small chuckle to himself. You shift your gaze back to him.
“You know that odd sensation you just experienced? That was your subconscious speaking out to you. It’s trying to tell you your heart’s true desires. And I think we both know what it is saying.”
“We do?” you ask dumbfounded.
“At least I do, or rather, have a pretty good hunch. Here, I’ll give you just one hint. This should ring some bells: pony.”
How did…? Suddenly, your mind is overwhelmed by all of the colorful, cute, and loving cartoon horses. Thoughts of ponies smiling at one another, hugging one another, helping one another, being affectionate and oh so cute and cuddly with one another. You loved them terribly. You so desperately wished you could live in such a world with them. You wanted to be just like them. Their love was always so intoxicating and addictive. You could never get enough of ponies. They were the one thing that kept you going in this shithole of a life. If anything, they were like a warm, comfy security blanket from all of the darkness that you’ve seen in your crappy life.
“I can make that happen, just so you know.”
Wait a minute. What is Dr. Money hinting at exactly?
“I know you want that badly. I know that what you’re thinking right now is the true you. Everything else about you is all fake. You hide yourself day in and day out under a mask, doing the same daunting routines over and over again. You just want love and affection, right? I’m telling you, all of that can happen to you if you simply help me with my research. It doesn’t have to be so hard and dreary. Be happy. Be loved. Share happiness. Help others. Be who you truly are. Be a ma-”
“Fine. FINE! I give up, alright?” You look at him with an expression of sorrow. “Do with me what you will. I just don’t even know anymore. Whatever it is, if you decide to kill me, just fucking do it and put me out of my misery. I don’t want to live this life anymore. Just do it. J-ju-st do i..t…”
You actually start sniffling a little as tears begin welling up in your eyes. God you’re pathetic. You really need to be taken out back and be put to sleep, you know that?
“EXCELLENT! I’m so happy to hear that you want to participate in this. Trust me, you won’t regret this. You’ll be one of the happiest souls on this planet, and you’ll be one of the luckiest people to have had such a wonderful opportunity. Just think, if this is successful, you’ll bring so much happiness to this world. I assure you, you’re doing a great thing.”
Dr. Money leans forward and gently pats your shoulder. As if this creepy fucker knows a thing or two about love and happiness. He’s already admitted that he would have no problem slowly slaughtering you if you didn’t satisfy his strange desires. Just what kind of person was this guy?
“Now unfortunately, this room is not the room where we will conduct the experiment. We’re going to have to move you.”
He unstraps the helmet from your head and unstraps the Velcro binds that were holding your legs in place.
“Now before I unstrap your arms, please promise me you won’t do anything rash or irrational.”
He pulls out from one of the pockets on his pants what looks to be a car alarm key chain of some sort.
“Remember, you don’t want to lose your hands, right?”
He casually waves the small device back and forth in his right hand with his thumb resting on top of one of the buttons. Fucking Christ. Those blinking red lights were starting to make you feel sick again. Why of all things did this have to happen to you?
“Now, just as a safety precaution, we’re going to have some of my trusted employees come in here and help escort you to the appropriate room.”
Dr. Money makes a waving-like motion with his left hand and before you know it, several people start walking in. They all wore black suits, black shoes, white dress shirts, and red ties. You could also see that they were wearing some kind of green body mask as the skin on their hands looked to be green and velvety. Obscuring their faces, however, were these big happy face masks. Round and circular, they were orange with two big oval dots for eyes and just one black smile drawn across the face. They were far creepier than Dr. Money. They said nothing and you could feel fear rapidly coursing back into your veins. One of them walks right up to you with a black handkerchief.
“Nuh...nuh…nuh…NO! PLEASE, I’M BEGGING YOU! YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS!”
“It’s okay. Don’t be afraid,” Dr. Money says to you reassuringly. “They’re only putting on a blindfold over your eyes. We can’t have you seeing everything around here and rather than tranquilize you again and wait for several more hours before starting, this was deemed to be a far more convenient way of doing things. Remember, don’t do anything rash or you will lose your hands. Wouldn’t want that now, would we?”
You quietly whimper to yourself as whoever the fuck this guy is brings the handkerchief up to your eyes and tightly wraps it around your head, blinding you. You can feel someone undoing the Velcro straps that kept your hands glued to the arms of the chair and suddenly, you were no longer bounded down. In a split fraction of a second, you could feel a bunch of hands grabbing at you and pulling you out of the chair. They were helping to guide you out of the room.
Sounds of footsteps echoed through whatever environment you were in. Everyone was slowly walking with you so as to make sure that you wouldn’t stumble or fall over something. No one said anything and everything was eerily silent, save for everyone’s footsteps.
After about five minutes or so of walking like this, everyone stops, including you. You hear someone opening a door, and you are slowly guided through it. Once you have passed through it, everyone releases their hold on you. You could hear Dr. Money’s workers exiting the room from behind you.
“Wha…Where’d everybody go?” you stammer.
But instead of receiving a response, your handkerchief is suddenly pulled off of your face. The door behind you closes and locks. The blinding white light causes you to flinch your eyes until they are able to readjust and focus with respect to the brightness in this room.
Looking around, you see that you’re in a rather small room. It was smaller than the one you were previously in. There was white stucco paint all over the walls with lights shining across the ceiling. Directly in front of you, however, was a…a…pod of some sort. The fuck?
The pod was round and circular. It was violet-colored with white stripes flowing along the sides of it. A glass window that attached to this pod was propped open above it. The pod itself was leaning back against the wall in front of you, with some kind of a wide, shiny, metallic-like pipe connecting to it. The pipe was gripped against the wall and half-way up, it made a 90-degree turn to your left and into the adjacent wall. You can only assume that it connected to another room.
As you closely approach this pod to better inspect it, you notice that the inside of it had some kind of a red-velvety chair. Yet you also notice formations within the chair itself. There were clearly alcoves for your arms, your feet, and your head indented into the chair. Furthermore, you could see what appeared to be small sprinkler heads scattered throughout the inner walls of the pod. Just what the fuck was going to happen to you?
“Ahem. Is this thing on?”
The fuck? Was that Dr. Money? You turn around and see an intercom right above the door. Directly above the intercom was a black camera that was staring directly at you. It was blinking a small red light and you could make out that the lens was focusing in on you. Fuck blinking red lights. Fuck this pod in front of you. Fuck Dr. Money. Fuck this whole God damn place.
“What’s that, it is? Good.” You could hear a little bit of static coming from the speaker as Dr. Money spoke. “Ah. I see you staring right back at me. Strange, isn’t it? Rest assured, this camera is only being used to help guide you on what you are to do next, and to ensure that you don’t do something bold. Regrettably, neither I nor anyone else can be in the room with you for this next part, so I’ll speak to you through this intercom.”
Oh what you would do to not be here right now…
“Do you see that pod behind you?”
You turn back to look at the thing and you can feel your stomach beginning to churn. You really didn’t want to get into that thing. You look back at the camera and silently nod.
“Good. Now, simply walk up and climb into it. All you have to do is sit in there and relax. We’ll take care of the rest.”
Shit. You really didn’t want to do this.
“Please don’t do this to me,” you beg with your last pitiful plea.
“Now, now. You want to keep your hands, right?”
You look back down at the two blinking devices that were strapped to your wrists and start shaking hard. Fuck. You felt like you were going to be sick.
“Look, I know this seems scary, but trust me when I say that you’re going to be alright. I can guarantee that you won’t regret this.”
Reluctantly, you slowly climb into the pod and lay back against the chair. It strangely felt really comfortable.
“You’re doing a great job. Now just relax. Stay calm. We’ll take care of everything else from here.”
You gulp as the glass door slowly lowers down on you and locks. As you start feeling claustrophobia settling throughout your body, you notice these red-like metallic grips rising out of the chair from multiple areas. They start rolling in a curve over your feet and legs, then over your hands and arms, and finally, you felt another one rising over your forehead. It felt like some kind of helmet was connected to your head once again. You could still see, but these grips kept your limbs and head locked into place. Great. Now you couldn’t move at all. You were stuck from literally being glued into the chair.
Before you could further comprehend your thoughts and feelings, however, you quickly notice the sprinkler heads within the pod were beginning to spray some kind of pink gas.
Shit. Shit. Shit. FUCK!
You’re squirming uncontrollably now as your vision is clouded by this pink-like gas. Despite your sudden panic, it actually smelled kind of good…maybe something like tropical perfume or something. Yet, you could see nothing more in this pink haze and you realize in horror that you’re rapidly blacking out. The pink gas quickly diminishes to the center of your vision and vanishes, leaving you in complete darkness once again.
…
Mmm…so soft…so warm…so very cozy…so very fluffy…so cushy…you feel oh so cute and cuddly and happy. Good…it all…it all feels oh so good. So, so blissful…so…serene…so absolutely wonderful. It’s all perfect. You can feel it. It all feels oh so very amazing…
You don’t know where you are or what’s going on, but for the first time since…since…ever, you felt as though you were at peace. No conscious thoughts were flowing through your head other than it trying to process what you could feel.
Darkness still enveloped your field of vision, yet you could feel so many wonderful feelings. It felt like you were lying in something comfy. This something was super fuzzy soft and it was keeping you nice and warm. Whatever was on top of you was thick, yet nice and smooth. Whatever was beneath you felt a little bouncy, but was unbelievably soft. Something furry and cushy was resting underneath your head. Your head was free from whatever was covering you.
You could breathe just fine. The air felt so amazingly fresh as you peacefully inhaled and exhaled. You couldn’t hear anything. It was very quiet. So much so that it made you relax even more and more into whatever it was you were laying in. It almost felt like you were smiling, yet you had no power to move yourself. Instead, you just simply continue resting and enjoying whatever it was you were experiencing.
It feels like…this will…this will last…an eternity. You’re…so…lost. Lost in…these…heavenly feelings. So…lost…in…comfort…so…peaceful…
.. …. ……. …..
…
Birds are chirping in the distance. A light breeze is gently blowing against you. You can feel yourself lying on your right side and the sudden draft of cool, fresh air makes you take a long, drawn-out deep breath. The air is so unbelievably fresh and clean. Mmm…who would have thought that fresh air could smell so wonderful?
As the breeze continues to flow against you, you can feel something swaying with the draft of air. It was gently brushing against your nose. It tickles a little and almost makes you want to flinch. You shake your head a little and it briskly slides off of your face. You’re at peace and there’s a huge part of you that just wants to keep sleeping, but that action is enough to slowly make you stir.
You slowly open your left eye just a teeny bit to see what that thing that brushed against your face was. Your vision is a little fuzzy, but it looked to be some kind of very light fabric. It was a faint, light-bluish hue. It was blowing from a window on the wall facing you. It seemed to be attached to the top of the window. A curtain…it was a curtain.
You notice the window where the curtain was attached to partially opened outwards from its center. Light brown frames ran along the glass of the window. Yet as your eyes tried to focus what was beyond the window, you noticed all sorts of greenery outside. The sky looked like a majestic blue sea, with little bits of faint, white clouds scattered here and there. Your vision is still too blurry to make out all of the details outside, but it all made you feel even more peaceful and relaxed than you already were.
That is, until you notice something rather odd. There’s something in the center of your vision, something white. You briefly open your right eye and notice that it’s there too. You cross your eyes to your nose and it looks to be like a small white box, only it looked kinda fuzzy. That’s really strange. Was that some kind of computer charger or something?
Yet your eyes gravitate away from this object and the open window to the surrounding wall. It’s beige in color, and you also happen to notice a rather small pink nightstand right next to you. There’s a few cards standing on top of it and you can see two or three balloons lightly tied to a small white cup. One of them said, “Get well soon.”
Your eyes then shift upwards to try to discern what else was near you and from there, you notice from the outskirts of your field of vision that there was something pink directly above your head. You didn’t know what it was, but you weren’t all that concerned. Besides, you were still oh so very comfy and cozy, and still pretty sleepy, so you knew that you didn’t want to move from your position. But you did want to at least know what that white box was before you fell back to sleep.
Your eyes move back down to stare at it. Though the window and curtains were right next to you, your eyes were directly facing the wall. If this was a charger of some sort, it did seem pretty strange that it would be plugged into an outlet that was right next to a window. Weren’t outlets supposed to be closer to the ground?
You couldn’t see the floor and it dawned on you that as you tried to focus your eyes down to the floor, you were lying on a coral pink-colored bed. It was unbelievably comfortable, and you noticed too that you were snuggly wrapped in periwinkle-colored covers. You also turn your eyes back to the white box and you can see to the right side of your vision that there was a furry dark-red pillow of some sort resting beneath your head. This was certainly strange. Since when have you ever slept in a bed this comfy, let alone one that’s as pretty and lovely as this one?
Wait, lovely? Pretty? The fudge? Since when do you think like that? And hey, didn’t you have a bed that was much harder than this one? Wasn’t your bedroom much more bland and dull compared to the lively colors of this room? Not only that, but didn’t you live in a desert? Why is there so much greenery outside your window? There’s something really off here…
You roll onto your back, only to feel a sudden jolt of pain.
“OW!”
You immediately sit straight up and look down at the covers. Just what the heck was that? Must have been something that was super painful for you to yelp like that. Still though, who would have thought that you could raise the pitch of your voice that high. Normally you’d just grunt if you had a cramp or something, but whatever that was certainly didn’t feel right.
What was especially not right was the fact that your bangs were clearly flowing down the sides of your face. You could literally see your hair dangling right in front of you. It was a little frizzled from your deep sleep, but it was dark brown and for the most part, it looked pretty smooth. Yet your hair was nowhere near that long. Since when the heck did that happen? And why is it dark brown?
And then you notice it. That white box that was on the wall. Why is it still directly in front of your face? You pull your arms out from underneath the covers and slowly, you move your right arm up to it to feel what it is.
…
WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!? WHAT THE FUDGE IS WRONG WITH YOUR ARM?!? WHY IS THERE WHITE FUR ALL OVER IT?!? AND…AND…AND WHERE THE HECK IS YOUR H-H-HAND?!?!? Gotta k-keep it together, even though you’re s-s-shaking s-s-super huh-hard…juh-just keep it to-together…e-everyth-in-gs al-right...it’s alright…
You quickly lift your left arm up next to your right one to compare. They look exactly the same. You try mentally flexing your fingers, but nothing happens. Sweat is quickly trickling down your forehead and you’re shaking uncontrollably. Your mind is failing to make sense of what you’re seeing. How…? Wait, those blinking wristbands…
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”
Your hands! Your hands were blown up! THOSE WRIST-BAND THINGS BLEW THEM UP! YOUR HANDS WERE BLOWN UP!!! NNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
You proceed to completely lose your mind, jumping out of the left side of your bed. You inadvertently land right on top of your own face on the floor.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! OOOOOOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!”
It felt like someone went and threw a hard object at your face. You plop down on your tummy reeling in pain. But that wasn’t what was making you lose your sanity. It was the fact that you no longer had hands. That fact alone causes you to begin crying and sobbing in what was likely one of the worst mental breakdowns you’ve ever had.
“I…I du-duh-don’t understand. W-Why would they…they get bluh-blown off? Whu-What did I ever do to d-deserve t-this?”
Your voice! That’s not your voice! That’s a girl’s voice! No way could you ever make your voice sound like that.
“I-I d-d-d-don’t understand…wa-wa-why?”
Through your tears, you try to form words, only to break down in hysteria and cry your heart out. In return, you try to cover your mouth with the stumps of your arms from the voice that was coming out of it, only to discover in sheer horror that you were actually trying to cover this white box that’s been in front of your eyes since you’ve woken up.
I-Is that y-your mouth? I-Is that y-your nose?
Between your cries of terror, you slowly and shakily open your mouth to try to stick your tongue out to your left. It comes right out of the left side of this white box. It’s actually a little longer and bigger than what you remember. You move it to the center of your mouth and stick it out, trying to see if you can touch the tip of your nose. And you do; you see your tongue right in front of you, right on top of that white box.
And then you see it. In the distance from where you were laying, there stood a full-size standing mirror with a solid oak frame just a few feet in front of you. You saw some kind of white animal-like creature looking back at you in tears with their tongue sticking right up their nose. If you weren’t a total mess, you’d almost be laughing at what you’re seeing. Yet you stop your sniffling and slowly pull your tongue back into your mouth.
“Pbbbtthhhhhhhhh!”
You gag and spit out the snot that you just accidentally licked back in. Wow did that taste horrible. Your gaze, however, turns back to the mirror. You try your best to crawl up to it with your arms, desperately trying to ignore the fact that you had no hands. Yet you struggle and have no choice but to look down at the floor to guide your movement.
“O-one arm t-there, and t-the other o-one h-h-eere...T-there w-we go,” you shakily reassure yourself.
“OW!”
Before you knew it, you bang your head right into the mirror and fall back onto your rear. Your eyes instantly close as you try to rub your forehead with your left arm. Yet once the pain begins to subside a little, you open your eyes. Looking d-d-down…
…!
Y-y-your l-e-e-g-g-s…they...they almost look like your arms, b-but longer… They sat outstretched in front of you. Two white furry legs with shorter, but thickly-shaped thighs that…that made some kind of backwards indentation…what? Were those indentations supposed to be your knees or something? And why were the parts of your legs from what you thought were your knees down to your feet so elongated? And…and…w-w-why do you h-have nuh…nuh…no f-feet?
You can’t take much more of this. Bile rises to the tip of your throat as you desperately try not to vomit all over yourself.
Your gaze suddenly falls upon the mirror in front of you. You freeze instantly. A…A…horse, no PONY, was looking right back at you in shock. It sat there staring at you wide-eyed with dilated pupils. The irises looked to be a deep sapphire bluish color. That white box, err…muzzle, was actually a lot smaller than you thought. It was rounder in appearance and it almost looked to be a little cute. The face itself was a nice clean white, save for the tears and snot, and was complimented by a very fine dark brown mane. Two white perky ears stuck out from the top of your head, but they were halfway drooping from all of your fear and confusion.
Your mane also appeared to be a little more frizzled than before, yet it is here that you really start to notice how long it actually is. It drooped down to your legs. It seemed to have a tendency to want to curl at its ends. Curious, you decide to run your left arm through it. It felt oh so thick and soft. Actually, that felt really good. So much so that it’s enough to force a small smile through your occasional sniffling.
You try bringing your left arm back in front of your face in order to once again look at the stump that’s at the end of it. Wait a minute…that’s not a stump, that’s a hoof. You then quickly pull up your other arm next to your left one and look at their ends through the reflection. You even lift your legs up a little and notice that they too have hooves. Hooves…you have such pretty white hooves!
Your hoovsies…they’re just so cute and adorable!
“Wha-”
Your face actually starts to blush a little. It was a little embarrassing to be sure, but something inside of you was making you feel very warm and…cuddly? The heck?
And then something you didn’t expect happens. Two wings partially extend themselves outwards from behind you. Wings, you actually have a pair of wings. You’re a pegasus…So THAT must have been what caused the pain earlier in bed.
Yet a twinge of shock and embarrassment soars through your mind. Your wings made you feel a little embarrassed for admiring your cute widdle hoovsie-woovsies.
But how could you not admire them? They’re so smooth and pretty and you just wanna wiggle them a little and…daaaaawwwwwwww…they’re so precious! They would look so pretty with a little bit of hoof polish. What about pink, or violet?
“HUH?!?”
Your wings completely blossom outwards in excitement and you feel a sudden cold chill of pleasure run through you. Your wings, your fluffy white wings…they were a magnificent sight to behold. They even looked more beautiful than an angel’s wings. Yet why are they doing that? HOW are they doing that? And, most importantly, WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU BEING SO GIRLY WITH YOUR HOOVES? WHY?!?!?!?!?
You look back down at yourself and see something that you hadn’t notice before. Oh no. Oh no. Nonononononono…OH DEAR GOD NO! It’s missing. Your manhood…it’s gone. You’re trembling on the verge of losing your mind again and your wings quickly fall back onto your back as a result.
You’re…You’re a…a…girl? You can see small folds from where your shaft should have been. Just above it were two small mounds that slightly protruded outwards. Breasts…OH DEAR CHRIST IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS WRONG! YOU HAVE BOOBS!!!
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
You spring off of your butt and start running, or at least stumbling around in circles like a chicken with its head cut off. Your screaming was so high-pitched that you could have sworn you would have been able to break glass. It was even louder than the screams you shrieked back when Dr. Money was threatening to harm you. Wait, Dr. Money?
You try to stop yourself from running, but you instead stumble and roll right into the mirror.
“OW! Owie owie owie!”
Involuntarily, you scrunch in pain and try to use your hooves to gently rub your muzzle. You really got to stop stumbling into things, you know that? Yet you just can’t help the fact that you actually look really adorable scrunching in front of the mirror like that. Why is it that ponies were always so cute when they scrunched? At this rate, you’re only going to make yourself look more and more adorab-
WHY DO YOU KEEP THINKING LIKE THAT?!? You were a grown man, not some little girl! You were a depressed jerkoff that always cursed at everyone and everything. Actually, now that you think about it, WHY HAVEN’T YOU CURSED AT ALL?!?
“FUDGE! DR. MONEY, YOU GIANT FREAKING…”
Uh…
“Y-YOU MOTHERFUDGER!”
Err…
“No wait, that’s not right. Dr. Money, you…you fu-fu-fu…”
What was that word? It wasn’t fudge, but it was something very similar. And heck, wasn’t there a different word for heck? And on top of that, why can’t you curse? Why can’t you remember those bad words? Come to think of it, what did Dr. Money even do to you?
Though a bit challenging, you are able to gradually stand on all fours. You also take another look of yourself through the mirror’s reflection. A female pony…you’re a mare…a mare. You looked to be like you were a young adult mare with a white coat of fur all over, a dark-brown mane with sapphire-colored eyes, and to top it all off, you had a nice, long fluffy dark-brown tail.
A ta-ta-tail? You have a tail? This should be freaking you out, yet considering all of the other changes, your tail doesn’t seem to bother you all that much. As a result, you try wiggling it back and forth. A plum of hair bounces to the left and to the right of your…your…wife-wide hips. Your hips…they looked so thick and curvy. They were outright beautiful! And the hair brushing against them…it felt oh so soft and gentle. Wiggling your tail like that was starting to slowly calm and relax you.
Yet you eventually stop wagging your tail upon noticing something on your hips that you hadn’t seen before. Is that…wait…ACK! WHAT THE HECK IS ON YOUR HIPS?!? It looked like a tattoo or something. Hold on a sec, is that a cutie mark? From what you could see, it was a single pink heart encircled by what looked to be golden sun rays or something. You weren’t too sure what it meant exactly, yet for some reason, it made you feel nice and warm inside.
Still though, you wondered how Dr. Money could do something like this. There is no way you could have been transformed into a cute, pretty pony mare. That’s just not possible. That alone violates the laws of physics, even though you didn’t know anything about science. But changing from one species to another, especially a talking cartoon pony which doesn’t even exist in the real world…that’s just plain impossible. Even more impossible was the fact that pink gas couldn’t do that. Since when does breathing some kind of gas turn you into a pony?
Perhaps the bigger question of them all is, how did you even end up in this room? Wasn’t Dr. Money crystal clear that you were never allowed to leave his scary place? Where the heck were you?
You turn away from the mirror to look around the room you were in. It was a little spacious, though not that big. The mirror you were looking at sat at the diagonal left corner of the room. There was a closed door just a few feet down the left wall from where the mirror was. Despite the beige-colored walls, this door was a simple white color, like your fur, with a silver handle. You also noticed two other doors near one another on the wall that faced the bed. One of them was partially opened and you could see a bathroom of some sort through the open crack. The other was closed, but it was a folding door. If you had to guess, that was likely your closet.
Yet your head turns away from the doors and looking behind you, you see a light-violet dresser that sat next to your bed. You try trotting over to it, but you just keep stumbling all over the…uh…tan-colored carpet. Huh…never noticed that before. Regardless though, you stumble yourself to the dresser and try standing again. All the drawers were closed, yet you could see all kinds of pony plushies neatly aligned on the top. They were all colorful, though a little small. All they did was smile at you. They’re pretty cute, you have to admit, yet their smiles…for one reason or another, made you slightly uneasy.
You decide to turn away from them and face the bed that was next to you. Despite the fact that the covers were messed up, it was actually a nice queen-sized bed. You wanted to get on top of it again and as a result, you try climbing back on top of it. Yet you simply plop down on your tummy when you finally do get on top of the mattress.
Oooooohhhhhh….it felt so soft and comfy. It made you feel so very relaxed and cozy. You just wanted to wiggle yourself back into the covers and sleep again. Still, you did notice that there was a giant pink heart bedframe that stood behind your pillows. Come to think of it, what was the deal with the pink heart? Why was it on your bed frame and why did you have one as a cutie mark? These questions were tugging at your mind, but you just couldn’t make out an answer.
And then you remember the pink nightstand that was to the right of your bed near the window. You wiggle over to it and try to grab one of the cards, yet you only manage to knock them over.
Gah, things are going to be a lot harder without hands. You try leaning face-down from the bed to pick them up again, only to fall and drag your covers with you.
“OOF!”
The covers soften the fall with you being wrapped into a cushy soft bundle of cloth. Though as you slowly peer your head out of the covers, you try clutching one of the cards with your mouth. You even try to open it with your hooves.
Upon doing so, however, you notice that the inside is stained a little with some drops of water. That’s certainly strange. Yet you saw that someone wrote something in it. Fortunately, the stains didn’t forge any of the writing. This was what was on it:
Hi there Lil Sis. <3
Just wanted to let you know that I’ve been thinking about you lately. I know it’s only been a week since you had your little accident, yet it seems like it’s been forever. I just wanted to say that I love you with all of my heart and that you’re always on my mind. I wanna make sure that you’re super comfy while you rest and recover.
I’ve been making sure that your bed is nice and warm and comfy. You occasionally roll around in it, so I hope that’s a sign you’re doing alright. The nurse doesn’t know how long you’ll be asleep, but she comes here every day to check on you and to make sure that you’re okay. The best thing she recommends is for Big Sis to take care of her Lil Sis and to make sure that you’re never alone for too long.
I love staying by your side everyday…just looking out the window…keeping you company…talking about things to you. Like what we used to do together as little fillies, playing games, eating at our favorite restaurants, going for nice long walks, dreaming what it would be like to see all of Equestria…I know that’s your dream. To see all kinds of new sights and to make tons of cool pictures and to eat so many different yummy foods, and to…to…make new friends, right? I saw you smile a little earlier when I said that, so…we’re definitely gonna do that, alright Lil Sis?
And just in case you wake up when I’m not here, I got you some gifts. I really hope you love them. I won’t say what they are yet cuz I wanna be there with you when you open them. And I wanna see that nice big smile again when you’re opening them.
Don’t worry Lil Sis. Big Sis is here. She’s gonna make sure you get all the rest and peace you deserve. Hope you’re having sweet dreams about fluffy things.
<3 Love you Lil Sis <3
A tear drops down to the bottom of the card. No one has ever been that nice to you. A sister…you have a sister that loves you deeply. There’s actually someone out there that genuinely loves and cares about you. You close the card and hug it tightly, sniffling over all of the love and affection you were feeling.
Your heart…you never truly felt how bad you really hurt down there. All your life, people would make you feel horrible about yourself. You were always subjected to ridicule and harassment. People either outright despised you or ignored you and wanted absolutely nothing to do with you. If anyone did want anything to do with you, it was either to get something out of you or to use you for their own personal gains. People were manipulative and deceiving. Heck, there were also people out there that threatened to harm you. Some of them even urged you to take your own life. People always appeared so mean and dangerous and scary. The whole world in itself was a frightening place.
Yet there was at least one soul out there that loved being with you. One soul that legitimately cared about you. One soul that genuinely wanted you to feel love and happiness. Whoever Big Sis was, you wanted to hug her badly. You wanted to give her a hug. You so desperately needed to have a hug.
“BIG SIS! LIL SIS LOVES YOU TOO! LIL SIS WANTS HUGGIES TOO! *sniffle* WHERE ARE YOU BIG SIS? LIL SIS NEEDS A HUG!”
It all comes out like a big tidal wave. You start crying your aching heart out, desperate for any love you could get. For once in nearly your entire life, you desperately wanted Big Sis or anyone to come and hug you and love you.
You sit there for what must have felt like forever coughing and crying, turning your bundle of covers into a watery, snot-covered mess. In reality though, it was only a minute or two since you started wailing and crying before you hear a loud slam from below the floor. You can hear footsteps running around downstairs. Those steps become louder and closer and within seconds, you hear your bedroom door slam open.
You freeze and become dead silent. It’s suddenly very quiet. Yet you just as quickly hear footsteps getting closer to the bed. Something jumps up on it and slides to your side of the bed. A shadow falls over you.
“L-Lil Sis?”
Before you look up, you close your eyes and wipe the tears from your face in your snot-soaked covers, still sniffling as you did so.
“Huh?” you wearily reply, blowing your nose hard into the messy violet cloth.
“LIL SIS!”
Suddenly, you feel yourself being grabbed and hoisted up onto the bed. You can feel someone wrapping their arms around you and hugging you in a very tight embrace. You briefly open your watery eyes to see strands of curvy light-brown hair brushing against your face. It had a wonderful smell to it, almost like it had some kind of perfume with a citrus scent.
What felt even more wonderful, however, was simply being hugged. To have a warm, soft, living body hugging you…sharing heat and touch with you…it made you feel a hundred times better than what you were feeling before. This is what a real hug felt like. You so love this feeling and you never ever want it to go away.
Almost instinctively, you raise your arms up and start hugging them back. You hug as hard as you can and bury your head into their shoulder, shaking and rocking with them, still sniffling out a few more tears.
“There, there Lil Sis. Shh…shh. It’s okay. Big Sis is here. It’s okay. I’ve got you. Everything is gonna be alright.”
She starts cooing sweet reassurances and hugs you back harder, rocking with you and nuzzling her face into your shoulder. You can feel her gently rubbing her arms back and forth against your back, carefully avoiding your folded wings.
Ooooooooohhhhhhh…it felt so wonderful to have someone cuddling you like this. All of your anxieties and negative energies, you could feel, were draining from you, only to be replaced with love and peace. Whoever she was, she made you feel alive and loved. You don’t want her to let go of you. You don’t want to let go of her.
Yet as you both hug one another like this for what seems like an eternity, she starts to slowly release you from her grasp. You move back a little to give her some room. Then, as you turn to face her…as you turn to face her…wait…no…no way. T-That’s impossible. Is that…?
What sat before you was another pony. You could see wings resting against the sides of her back. She was a pegasus just like you. She had a white coat very similar to yours. She also had a long, light-brown mane that looked nearly identical to yours, with the only difference being her having a different hue of brown for her mane. Her eyes, you also noticed, were hazel.
That girl…that girl from your dream! She almost looks like her, but as a pony. Feelings of love and shock and peace and eeriness all flood through you. Yet here she was smiling at you with tears in her eyes, like she was so happy to see you. You desperately want her to cuddle you oh so badly again, but the thought that she could be the girl from that dream is enough for you to convey an expression of confusion and angst. Her expression suddenly turns to one of concern as you look at her wearily.
“L-Lil Sis, what’s wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“W-Who are you?” is all you can say.
She looks at you in shock and you can see her becoming more and more concerned.
“L-Lil Sis. D-Don’t be silly. Don’t you recognize me? I heard you calling for me when I was returning from a grocery run. I’m your Big Sis. You know that, don’t you?”
You stammer for a moment.
“Big Sis? You’re my sister? Were you the one that wrote that card to me?”
She looks down and starts to whimper a little. Your heart starts to sink as you see tears beginning to gently flow down her cheeks. You didn’t want to see her cry. Seeing another pony, let alone one that loved you, was too heartbreaking to witness. It’s almost enough to make you want to start crying again. But you do not. Instead, you scoot up close to her and give her the tightest hug you’ve ever given.
Though you don’t know how, your wings spread open and wrap around her as an extra layer of comfort. You snuggly wrap them around her and yourself, creating a feathery security blanket for the both of you. Your wings were so gorgeous and amazing that you couldn’t even believe you had them.
Yet despite their beauty, you were more concerned about…Big Sis. Who was she? Was Big Sis her real name, or was it something else? Come to think of it, what was your real name? And where were you? You want to ask these questions, but you instead try to comfort her with other words.
“Big Sis, I love you. I love you with all my heart. Please don’t be sad like me. I want my big sister to be happy too. I’m just a little confused. My mind’s just a little fuzzy. That’s all. I still love you just as much as you love me.”
She looks right into your eyes with tears in hers and starts puckering you with small kisses all over your cheeks. Your heart…it’s so soft and melty and mixed with so many raw emotions that you almost can’t handle her affection. It’s too much. Yet you love these mushy feelings. You absolutely love her affection and your heart flutters to be affectionate back with her.
You nuzzle her muzzle to muzzle and try to coo to her with how much you love having her for a sister, even though you didn’t know much about her or yourself. Still though, you notice her beginning to crack a small smile through your cuddling and as a result, you try smiling back to make her feel better.
“It’s okay my little Radiance. *sniffle* I know you love me and I know for sure that I will always love you. It’s just…”
Radiance? Wait, is that your name?
“It’s just that Nurse Reinhold warned me that you might have a little bit of amnesia when you woke. And I thought that you might have completely forgotten who I was and just the thought alone is enough to break my heart.”
Shoot. Okay, save the questions for another time.
“But it’s okay though. I’ll nurse my precious baby sister back to health. Everything’s gonna be alright Lil Sis. I’m here and I will always be here for you. I’ll never leave you again.”
She closes her eyes and hugs you back tightly. You notice that as she starts to do so, she begins to hum some kind of tune. You weren’t sure what it was, nor could you make out the words, but it sounded so heavenly and beautiful that you really felt at peace with her.
Yet your mind still cannot help but wonder who she really is. If she was that girl from your dream, then how are the two of you cartoon ponies from that MLP show? You remember that you were both human in that dream, yet there were no ponies in it.
Wait a minute. Were there ponies in it? You also remember seeing some kind of reflection in that lake. It wasn’t human, but the more you thought about it, it did kind of bare a resemblance to a pony. What the heck did that mean though? Why did that reflection disappear when she was crying and pointing at the water? And why were…you pushed…into the water? Did she do that to you?
You snap out of your thoughts when you feel a breeze brushing against you again from the open window. Though you were nice and warm, it did make your hairs stand up just a little bit. That dream, however, was always a little unnerving to you. There were many parts to it that did not make sense to you, but what made it feel especially eerie was the possibility that the girl from that dream could be your sister bundled right up next to you. That possibility made you feel slightly uneasy. Yet despite your uneasiness, you notice that Big Sis has now stopped humming and was only snuggling back against you.
“Mmm…I love you Lil Sis. Always and forever. I’ll make sure that you never ever get hurt again. I’ll always be here for you Lil Sis. Never ever forget that.”
That’s right. You were in some kind of…accident? That card said you were out cold for a week. Were you already living with Big Sis beforehand? That wouldn’t make any sense. You can’t even remember any of your childhood with Big Sis, or anything else about her or where you’re currently at.
“Lil Sis.”
“Hm?” you quietly respond.
“Nurse Reinhold will be here in a little bit to do her daily check-up on you. You’ve been in here all week. I wanna take you downstairs. She’ll be so happy to see you up and about. Plus, I’ve got some things I wanna show you my little Radiance.”
Big Sis gently kisses you on your forehead and starts to slowly wiggly out of your clutch as you also try to pull yourself away from her in order to give the two of you some room.
What was it about her that made you feel so amazing? It’s like every time something starts to bother you, she’s able to take away the pain and make you feel better about yourself. You absolutely loved any affection she gave you.
Yet as much as you wanted more snuggles and affection from her, you knew it was time to get moving. However, you couldn’t figure out how to operate your wings. They seemed to respond to your emotions, but you couldn’t get them to move around the way you wanted them to. As beautiful as they were, you just couldn’t figure out how to fold them back into place. They sat outstretched on the bed, moving around awkwardly up and down, side to side.
Big Sis starts to giggle a little at what you’re doing.
“You silly little filly.”
You scrunch at her for that and for the difficulty you were having with your wings. Yet she only continues to giggle more and more.
“I know you’re not a filly anymore Silly. But you’ll always be Big Sis’s silly little filly. Here, let me help you, you silly filly you.”
She crawls over to your side and coerces you to lay on your tummy. You proceed to do so with your arms and legs spread out, and with your wings laying side to side. You lie there for a few seconds wondering what she was doing, until…
“Whu-What?” you gasp in surprise.
With a minor yelp, you felt her beginning to nibble on your wings. Wait, was she preening your…your…
“Oh my ssssswwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeettttttttttttt Goddesssss…”
Your eyelids droop halfway and you instinctively roll your eyes upwards, savoring every little bit of pleasure from the sensations you were experiencing. She was preening your wings, your feathers, yet it felt like she was giving you the best massage in all of existence. It felt oh so wonderfully amazing that you begin closing your eyes, simply basking in the comfort of every little pleasurable sensation that you were experiencing.
Seconds feel like hours as Big Sis carefully preens the feathers on your left wing, going across it row by row, carefully tending to all of your beautiful feathers. Dopamine, you could feel, was rapidly coursing through your brain. You didn’t want her to stop.
Yet as she finishes preening the last bit of your left wing, you could feel her leaving your left wing and moving around behind you. You involuntarily let out a small whine, desperate to embark on more of this amazing pleasure. Fortunately, she just as quickly makes it around you to tend to your right wing.
“MMMMMMMMMmmmmmppppppppphhhhhhhhhhhh!”
Oh…Oh yeah. T-That’s the stuff right there. Pleasurable sensation after pleasurable sensation continued rippling throughout your body. Whelp. There’s definitely no doubt about it. Hands down, this was way better than anything you have ever felt before. Big Sis was a natural-born masseuse.
You could hear her beginning to hum that beautiful tune again as she continues to carefully and gently preen your feathers. You become so relaxed and at peace that it almost feels like you’re drifting on a fluffy, bubbly cloud. It’s enough to almost make you want to fall back to sleep. After all, if this was what heaven felt like, you never wanted it to stop. Who would have thought that preening could ever feel this wonderful?
Before you knew it, however, Big Sis finishes preening your right wing. You’re just about to emit another small whine until you suddenly feel her moving your wings in a certain way. You can feel them being gently folded back up against your back.
You can then feel Big Sis letting go of them as she trots around you on the bed. You can feel her stopping and sinking her weight down into the mattress right in front of your face. It’s enough to make you slowly open your eyes, only to see her laying on her tummy staring at you face to face with her beautiful hazel jewels accompanied by a warm and loving smile.
“Rise and shine Sleepyhead.”
She gently kisses you again on your forehead and makes a small giggle.
“Silly Billy. It’s not time for sleep. You’ve had plenty of that. But that did feel good, didn’t it?”
You dreamily smile back to her and slowly nod your head.
“Hehe. You always love it when I do that Silly Filly. But come downstairs with me. I wanna show you something.”
Big Sis stands up, turns around, and jumps off the bed, looking back at you.
“Come, come Lil Sis.”
You just wanna lay there and fall asleep, but even you yourself are a little curious to do some exploring. After all, didn’t you want to find out more about where you were?
You gently shake your head in an attempt to shake away the sleepiness you were feeling. You then attempt to carefully raise yourself and stand up on all fours. Taking a quick glance down to make sure you wouldn’t lose your balance, you notice your cute widdle…NO!
You quickly look forward and try to dismiss that train of thought out of your head. No way were you gonna start thinking like that again. Nonononononono.
You jump off the bed, only to land on your butt right next to where Big Sis was standing. She giggles at what you just did and you do blush a little, but hey, it was better than landing on your face and running into things.
Still, you try standing again and when you do, you notice Big Sis’s cutie mark. It was a pink outline of a heart with a dark-blue swirl around it, though the inside of the heart was the same white as her coat. Suffice it to say, that was a little odd. What does her cutie mark mean? Come to think of it, what does yours even mean?
“You enjoy staring at my butt Silly Filly?”
Your face blushes bright red in embarrassment. Wow. Okay. That’s uh…that’s not cool. That’s so totally not cool. You’re not supposed to stare at your sister’s butt like that. That’s just plain wrong. But you weren’t staring at it like you wanted it. It’s just that cutie mark…there’s something about it.
“I…no…that’s not what I was doing Big Sis. Your cutie mark…I was staring at that.”
“I’m just teasing you Sweetie. I know. Do you remember what our cutie marks are?”
You both turn to face one another and you think for a moment, trying to recall some kind of answer.
“Uh…it’s…something about…uh…um…erm…love?”
“That’s right!” she says with an emphasis. “My special talent is comforting and calming ponies by taking away any bad things they may feel. Yours is replacing those bad feelings with love and warmth. You and I are a team Lil Sis. We work together to bring love and happiness to everypony. We help ponies feel loved and good about themselves. That’s what we do.”
“But then what do we do for a living?”
“We do just that Silly. Ponies come to us with their troubles and we heal them. Of course, I’ve put that on hold since you’ve been under the weather, but yush, that’s what we do Silly Filly. Don’t you remember?”
“Uh…sorta.”
You try to smile reassuringly, yet you don’t remember ever doing any of that. The only thing you can remember was working in human resources at that one job, but everyone there always fought with one another. No matter how much you tried to help resolve any of their conflicts, they always just got worse.
Bleck. You never wanted to go back there. Still, at least here, did others actually pay you and Big Sis just to give them love and affection? Are the both of you able to financially support yourselves like that?
“Hmm…we should probably tell Nurse Reinhold that you’re having a little trouble remembering things,” Big Sis says to you with a touch of concern. “But that’s okay though Lil Sis.”
Big Sis wraps one of her wings around you and turns you towards the door with her.
“Come on Sweetheart. There’s some things I want to show you super-duper badly. C’mon. Let’s go.”
As the two of you begin to walk, you suddenly stumble and fall onto your tummy.
“LIL SIS! Are you okay?”
She leans down and helps you back onto your hoovsies…err…NO! Don’t. Just please don’t start that girly stuff right now.
“Y-Yeah, I’m fine Big Sis. It’s okay. I just tripped.”
Uh oh. This is not good. You don’t know how to walk as a pony. You only know how to crawl and stand. This could be a very big problem.
“There, there. Let me help you.”
She wraps her wing around you again, this time a little more firmly, in order to help keep you better balanced.
“Look down at my hooves Lil Sis. Watch. Left back leg.”
You see her raise her left hind leg up, then forward.
“Now you try.”
You repeat the move you just saw.
“There we go! Now, left front leg forward.”
You watch her do it, and then repeat what she just did.
“Very good! Okay, now right back leg forward, then your right front leg.”
This time, you do it with her. Both of you actually move forward a little.
“Now, rinse and repeat.”
You try it again with her and stop. Then you do it another time. Finally, you try repeating the cycle continuously with her until you’re both at the doorway.
“Good job Lil Sis! I knew you could do it! I’m so proud of you!”
She briefly nuzzles against the side of your cheeks to congratulate you. Your heart soars in ecstatic relief as you realize that you might be able to get around like this after all. You can walk. You can actually walk. YOU CAN WALK! You can do this.
Both of you begin to slowly walk out of your bedroom and into what appears to be a hallway. Looking around, you realize that the hallway is not too big or too long. A doorway was facing directly opposite of yours, but from the looks of it, it just looked like it could be another closet.
To your right, however, are two other doorways that also face opposite one another. The hallway ends just past them with a square window peering outwards. There’s a small light-oak stand resting just beneath the window with a turquoise vase filled with flowers resting on top of it. The sun’s rays from the window were shinning down on the floor just a few feet from where you two were standing. The shadow from the bundle of flowers laid peacefully across the sun-lit carpet.
Looking back up at the window, you could see that the skies outside just looked oh so beautiful. Shinning blue skies with patches of bubbly white clouds scattered here and there…you actually wanted to go outside and see where exactly you were at. Big Sis, however, guides you to turn to yourself to your left. Your gaze shifts from the window and turns to see the rest of the hallway.
Strangely, the rest of it looked pretty simple. There were a few knick-knacks hanging alongside the beige-colored walls. Some of them were just décor and artsy things, while others were small-framed mirrors. Still, you could also make out that some of those things were framed pictures. You didn’t closely examine them since Big Sis was guiding your direction, but you could see from some of them that you and her were doing things together. In some of them, you two were playing games. In others, you were both looking at Mother Nature in various types of landscapes. Yet in the remainder of them, you were both hugging one another and were smiling brightly at the camera.
In all honesty, the pictures looked really cute. Yet you’re still troubled by the fact that you cannot remember doing anything with her beyond that one dream and when you woke up just now. You still had all of your old memories from that dreary life as a human, but still, what happened to you? Big Sis said you were in an accident. Did Dr. Money kill you? Was this some kind of afterlife?
The two of you come to a stop upon arriving at the top of a set of stairs. There were white rails on both sides of the stairs. The stairs went down three-fourths of the way and then turned left into whatever room was downstairs. Stairs…yeah…how were you going to do this?
“It’s okay Lil Sis. Just one hoof at a time. I’ve got you. Watch me and repeat what you see.”
She slowly moves one hoof at a time in a pattern, and you try your best to follow her lead.
“Baby-steps. Just one step at a time. You’d doing so good Lil Sis. I’m so proud of you, my beautiful little Radiance.”
Step-by-step, you both eventually make it to the bottom of the stairs. Your gaze slowly shifts from her legs as you look upwards.
You freeze. What you see before you shocks you. Stretched across the top of the wall in front of you was a large pink banner hanging with violet lettering scribbled across it. It said “We Love You Radiance!” Beneath it was a table and a set of chairs holding a plethora of presents colorfully wrapped in all kinds of wrapping paper, some of which had pretty bows securing the packaging. Streamers hung from the ceiling and there were balloons that were floating right beneath the ceiling, while others were laying on the ground or were freely floating about.
Shifting your gaze a little, you notice a red-velvety couch that sat directly to your left, with a giant pink bean-bag that sat by its side. A pink heart-shaped rug sat in the center of the room, helping the room blossom with all kinds of additional furniture and décor.
A grandfather clock sat by the front door on the wall to your left, quietly ticking as the seconds passed. There was also a small coffee table that sat underneath a half-circle window located right next to the front door. Just like the window from the upstairs hallway, plants were peacefully resting on top of the coffee table.
Yet near that window on the wall in front of you was a doorway that led into what you can only guess was the kitchen. You could see hard-wood floors from where you standing. From the lighting alone, it looked like it was fairly bright in there. Still, there was another doorway that sat to the right of the table filled with presents and you could see that it was a bathroom.
You could also see a white stone cap fireplace built along the wall to your right. The fireplace had small figurines, picture frames, and other knick-knacks neatly aligned on top of it. In addition, there was an entrance to the right of the fireplace that appeared to lead into an enclosed porch. Overall, the room felt very feminine and welcoming.
You both slowly walk to the center of the room with your gaze excitedly absorbing everything that you were seeing. Yet once the two of you are in the center, you shift your gaze back to the presents that were sitting on the table just a few feet in front of you.
Look at all of those presents. There’s so many of them! There must be like two dozen of them or so. Were these all for you? Did Big Sis get all of these for you? No, that couldn’t be. There’s way too many of them. But who were they from?
“Surprise my little Radiance!”
Big Sis leans over you to give you a few small petty kisses on your forehead. She then gently lifts her wing off of you, folding it back onto her back.
“Everypony here has been so worried about you. When they learned what happened, they wanted to do anything they could to help. I told them that the best thing for you was to rest, but they still wanted to do something for you. So they got you some gifts. And I thought it would be wonderful to reorganize the room in such a way that it felt like a welcome-home party, except there’s nopony else here since we didn’t know when you would wake up. There’s so many ponies that love you Lil Sis. We, and by we I mean you, have helped so many ponies live happy lives and they’re all so grateful for everything you’ve done for them. Everypony loves you Lil Sis. And, don’t tell this to anypony, but I love you the most. Hehe.”
Big Sis hugs you hard and giver you another kiss on your forehead. Yet your heart…there were folks out there that actually loved you? They loved you enough that they actually got you gifts?
“Here, let me get one of your presents for you.”
She happily trots over to the table and grabs the bowtie of one of your presents with her mouth. She trots right back over to you and gently places the gift on the ground in front of you.
“Well? Are you gonna open it Silly Filly, or are you just gonna stare at it all day?”
“I…”
Before you even start that sentence, you sit down on the floor and begin trying to open your present with your hooves. Suffice it to say, it was quite a challenge trying to tear the wrapping paper off with hooves. So instead, you lean forward and bite down on the bow, trying to yank it off. Your hooves play with the present a little until you’re able to make a tear in the wrapping paper. You play with that tear a little until you’re finally able to rip the wrapping paper right off of the present.
Upon doing so, you discover a white box. Curious, you bite down on the lid to pop it open. What you see inside is…a necklace?
“Ooooooo! What’d ya get Lil Sis?”
You use your front hooves to pick up the box so that you could slowly turn it upside down. The necklace quickly slides out of it and onto the carpet.
“Awwwww…did somepony get you a necklace?”
You fumble with it a little so that it would lay neatly across the floor. The chain was silver with a crystal pink heart at the center, outlined in gold. Your heart…how much more can you take before you break down and start crying again?
“Ohohohohohohoh! I know! Wait just a moment. I’ll be right back.”
Big Sis trots into the bathroom for a few seconds and comes back with a hand-held mirror hanging from her mouth. She sits down on her rear right next to you and lays the mirror on the ground.
“Here, let me help you with that.”
She grabs the necklace with her front hooves and places it around your neck, working methodically to get it to latch behind your neck. You hear a slight click and just as that happens, Big Sis leans back and smiles back at you lovingly.
“You look so beautiful Sweetheart, you know that? Come see for yourself.”
Big Sis picks up the hand-held mirror with her hooves and positions it directly in front of you. You look at your reflection and notice the jewelry hanging from your neck. It was actually twinkling a little from the sunlight that was pouring in from the window to your left.
You try to start smiling at what you’re seeing, but you can see your eyes becoming watery. Gotta hold back the tears…gotta hold back the tears…
You can’t. You start to cry once again from everything that’s been happening. Your heart…it was almost too much. You’ve never in your entire life been treated like this. Feeling so much love when you were used to always feeling so cold and empty…it’s like when someone who’s barely had any food over several weeks is suddenly given a luxurious meal. It’s wonderful, but it just hurts way too much.
“Aw, Lil Sis. What’s wrong? You don’t like it?”
“Nuh-No,” you weakly stammer.
You’re shaking a little trying to voice the pain in your heart in so many words without sobbing.
“I luh-love it. I…I had some of the worst nuh-nuh-nightmares when I was asleep B-Big Sis. Everyone was always suh-so mean and cruel and…nuh-no one luh-loved me.”
And just like that, the floodgates open and you start crying like a baby. Big Sis drops the hand-held mirror and immediately rushes to your side. She grabs you and positions you so that you’re leaning over her shoulder while you keep on crying and sobbing from all the pain you’ve felt over the years. She wraps an arm around your back and starts to slowly rub the back of your head with her hoof. She cradles you and rocks back and forth, cooing calming reassurances to you.
“Shh…shh…It’s okay Lil Sis. Those were just bad dreams. It’s okay. Big Sis is here. She loves her little Radiance, and so do many other ponies my silly little filly. We all love you Sweetheart. It’s okay. Always, always remember that. Shh…shh…It’s okay.”
Your sobbing starts to slowly lessen as she begins humming that special tune again. You actually start to hiccup a little from crying so much. Big Sis gently starts patting your back like you were a baby who drank too much milk. You instinctively hug her as tight as you possibly can and sit there in her arms for several minutes listening to her hum.
All of the pain you had kept locked up in your heart was surfacing out of you and passing through her. You grasp her tightly as every bad memory and all of the horrible feelings associated with each and every one slip out of you. It hurt. It all hurt very badly, but as each negative thing disappeared, you could feel less and less darkness within you.
Her nurturing had a slow, but calming effect on you. Your hiccups were beginning to fade away into small sniffles as you kept on rocking with her.
“Pru-Pru-Promise you’ll always love me Big Sis. I nuh-need you. I luh-luh-love you.”
You bury your face into her shoulder and let the last of your tears stream into her fluffy soft fur.
“Of course my silly little filly. Shh…shh…There, there Lil Sis. I will always love you. Shh…shh…”
You slowly rise up from her grasp and look at her with tears in your eyes.
“Pru-Promise?”
“Promise.”
She smiles warmly and reassuringly back to you as she gives you one more tight hug.
“Now,” Big Sis says, “do you want to open some more presents, or do you want me to go make something yummy for you to eat first?”
Your tummy actually starts to rumble a little at the mention of food. Considering that you’ve been out cold for so long, you could probably go for a nice meal to eat. Yet you still want to stay right by Big Sis. You were too emotionally sensitive to be left alone. You needed her more than anything.
But before you can answer her question, you hear someone suddenly knocking on the front door. You both turn your heads to see who it was.
“Yoo hoo! Nullity? Are you there? It’s Nurse Reinhold.”
“Coming, coming! I’ll be right there!”
Big Sis turns to face you with a bright smile on her face.
“Wait till Nurse Reinhold sees you up and about. She’s gonna be sooooo happy!”
She quickly stands up on her hooves and quickly trots on over to the front door. You can see her open the door and when she does, Big Sis slowly trots outside and gently closes it. You could hear mumbling of some sort coming from outside, but you’re unable to completely make out what is being said.
With your heart still ripe with emotion, you start to whimper a little for Big Sis. You were really hopping that they would both just come right back in, but instead the two of them converse for what seems like forever on who knows what. You wanted to go right back outside and give Big Sis another giant hug, but you figured that whatever it was that they were discussing was very important. Maybe you should let them talk for a little while. You’ll be alright for a few minutes by yourself, right?
Still longing for snuggles and affection, you reluctantly turn your head away from the front door back to the unopened presents that were sitting on the table. Your eyes slowly scan them and the banner above them, as well as the whole room once more, just soaking in and absorbing the environment you were in.
This house, wherever you were, was so feminine and homely that you still couldn’t quite understand how you ended up here. Technically speaking, you don’t recall spending you whole life here and you knew you hadn’t lived your life as a pony, let alone as a mare. You were a human. You were a dude. You were a cynical jerk that hated everything.
Yet why was it that being a female pony in a girly home felt so much better than your old life? Was it because for once in your life, you had someone that actually cared about you? Was it because you had all of these friends that you don’t even remember having?
“We Love You Radiance!”
Looking at that banner and the presents underneath them once more, well…just how many knew about you? Did everyone around wherever you were really love you as much as Nullity did?
Wait. Nullity…that’s right. You just heard Big Sis’s name. Nullity…that’s an unusual name for someone. Then again, so is Radiance, so you figured there’s no argument in that either. Still, if you had to guess, your names were probably tied to your cutie marks. Supposedly, you provided love and comfort to others, so Radiance must be something like an abundance of love…like radiating love or something. Not like you were like that as a dude. Far from it.
You giggle a little at the thought of a depressed hairy slob trying to be all cuddly and affectionate with all of your old coworkers. Yeah, well guess that means you’ll never have to deal with them again, so at least that’s one good thing.
As for Nullity, however, she did say that she took pain away from others, so you guess her name would make sense. After all, she did make you feel a lot better about your current situation. As much as you now needed her for emotional support, there was still something about her that struck a cord with your mind. Was it her affection? Was it her humming? Was it…?
Your tummy suddenly rumbles hard. The craving for any kind of food quickly takes over your mind from whatever you were thinking about beforehand.
You can still hear Big Sis, or Nullity, talking with someone else outside. You didn’t know how long they would be outside and you knew you could really go for a nice bite to eat.
As you turn your head to scan the area around you for food, you notice a couple of apples neatly stacked in a basket just past the entrance to the enclosed porch. The doorway leading there had the same appearance as all of the other doors. It had a simple white color with a silver handle, yet there was a glass window in the shape of a heart that sat in the center of the door. The apples appeared just within the boundaries of the window itself.
Mmm…just the thought of apples is enough to make your mouth water. Wait a minute. Apples?
You close your eyes and lightly shake your head. Since when the heck does someone develop a bad craving for apples? Not that you didn’t dislike them, but you never really ate them, nor did you ever think about them as food to frequently get. That’s really strange. Yet just the thought of having a red, smooth, fresh, juicy, yummy apple is enough to make your hunger all the worse.
Your tummy rumbles even louder. Screw it. You wanted an apple and you wanted one right now!
You balance yourself back onto your hooves and try to carefully walk on over to the heart-shaped doorway. You still hadn’t completely mastered the art of walking like a pony, but recalling how Nullity taught you to walk, you look down at your hooves and try to mimic your walk from what you can remember.
…!
Oh…Oh no. D-Don’t! Please don’t!
But you can’t…help it…Just look at your precious widdle hoovsies! They’re so cute and pretty.
No…please brain…don’t…don’t think like that.
But how can you not admire your beautiful hoovsie woovsies?
Because I’m a dude that doesn’t care about girly junk like that.
But I’m just a cute little mare that only wants to be beautiful and happy with her looks.
But…But…I’m not supposed to think like that.
But…But…I’m not a guy. I’m a girl. I’m a mare. I just wanna be a cute widdle happy girly pony.
But I…don’t want…
But I want…I want…I want…
But…But…I’ve always been a guy, haven’t I?
That’s who I had to be, but I’m a girl. That’s who I want to be, and that’s who I really am.
*SMACK*
“OW!”
You reel back in pain as you walked right into the door. You fall back on your butt and rub your front hooves against your muzzle, gently trying to lessen the pain.
“Owowowow…gotta stop walking into things. That really hurt.”
You still wince in pain, yet upon hearing your own voice again, you notice once more just how beautiful and motherly it sounded. Your hoovsies too, looking at them while rubbing your muzzle, they just…they just…
They just would look so lovely if they had some kind of nail polish on them. Just the thought of beautifying yourself…painting your hooves, wearing eyeshadow, putting on a little bit of makeup, getting your hair done, putting on something lovely…just making yourself look so beautiful and feminine…doesn’t it all sound so absolutely wonderful?
You could feel some kind of odd tingling flowing throughout your body as your mind was becoming submerged with these thoughts. For some reason though, you didn’t feel all that alarmed as you should have been. It is strange, but just the thought of simply dressing as a girl…err…mare and behaving like one made you feel so calm and peaceful inside, if not a little happy. But that tingling feeling…it’s like having a headache that gradually transforms into feelings of pleasure. You loved feeling that, yet it also kind of made your poor little head hurt.
You gently shake your head as your vision quickly returns back to the door in front of you. You can feel your tummy rumbling for the millionth time and your mind instantly turns back to the apples.
You stand back up and attempt to open the door, only to realize that it won’t open.
Nonononono! You want those apples! You’re so hungry. They sound so yummy. You need them. You want them! YOU HAVE TO HAVE THEM!!!
You try pulling on the door handle with your hooves, but to no avail. Your face scrunches in frustration. You were going to get those apples. Even if you had to break the door down, you were going to get them. With another attempt at effort, you try pushing and pulling on the door, yet it just would not budge.
“Wait a minute…is that…?”
Just on top of the door handle was a silver lock. You push against the lock so that it turns to the opposite direction. It clicks upon doing so. You pull down on the handle again and try pushing on the door. It opens outward.
…
Well, it’s not the dumbest thing you’ve ever done. Everyone has a brain fart once in a while, right? At least no one saw you, you hope.
You trot through the open doorway and see to your right a small brown stand with a pile of apples sitting in a bowl on top it. Next to that, though, was a violet and white-striped hammock that connected to the opposite ends of the enclosed porch. The porch in itself had screen walls all around it, with a screen door sitting just a few feet in front of you.
You also noticed two wicker chairs, with pink cushions on one and blue on the other. Both chairs faced forward to the opposite end of the porch, with a small mosaic table sitting right in front of them. And just as you would guess, the table was also in the shape of a heart. A bouquet of flowers sat neatly on top of it.
Right now though, your thoughts were becoming completely overrun with the notion of being able to munch on those freaking yummy looking apples. Without a second more to spare, you plop on up onto the hammock, trying to position yourself carefully while it swings from your force. As soon as the hammock balances itself, you try reaching to your left for the bowl of apples. Fortunately, you’re able to grab them without falling out of the hammock.
You can feel your mouth watering as you placed the bowl of fruit right in front of you. Five red juicy apples sat neatly in the bowl. Oh…Oh…
…
You plow your head right into the bowl, eagerly taking a giant bite out of one of the apples.
“MMMMMMMPPPPPPPHHHHHH! Mmmmmmphphphph….”
Your taste buds go wild over this little piece of heaven you were chewing. You pull your head up and close your eyes, savoring every little taste of this amazing fruit. You chew for just a little longer and swallow, licking your lips clean.
The taste was akin to…to…what? You can’t even describe the taste. All you knew was that it was super duper yummy and that you sooooooooo wanted more oh so very badly.
Yet when you open your eyes and look back down into the bowl, you notice that there’s only four apples left. Wait, four apples? Did you just eat an entire apple in one bite? And you’re STILL hungry?
Still though, you don’t care. You gobble down another, and another until the bowl was completely empty.
“Ahhhh…”
You lick your lips clean one final time and lean back against the hammock, resting the bowl on the stand next to you.
“That was amazing.”
You gently pat your tummy, satisfied that you were able to quell your hunger. You then stretch out on the hammock and let your eyes wonder.
Despite the fact that the porch was enclosed, you could still see the wilderness in front of you. From what you saw, your backyard was really just an open landscape, filled with all sorts of lush greenery. You could hear water flowing somewhere in the distance. Trees and bushes lined themselves up neatly in the distant horizon. Patches of bubbly clouds were floating here and there with the sun shining brilliantly across the blue sky. You could also hear birds chirping and leaves rustling. It appeared as though you lived somewhere out in the wilderness. Not that that was a bad thing, but it’s just that…well…the landscape looks really familiar somehow. It’s almost like you’ve seen it before.
Suddenly, you feel yourself freeze as an unnerving realization begins to dawn on you. You felt a nice cool breeze flow through the screen walls, lightly brushing against you. It’s enough to make the hairs on your body stand up. Your eyes open wide and you sit straight up. Your gaze becomes frozen on the horizon like you had fallen into a form of hypnotic trance.
“Is that…? Nuh-No, can it be?”
The landscape in front of you, you realize, is nearly reminiscent of that dream. There was mostly just an open green field in front of you, but if you walked far enough to the horizon, you would clearly see bushes that would likely give way to trees. And you could see them too. Hills in the distance. Wait, the water. Was that the river?
“There you ARE Lil Sis! We’ve been looking all over for you.”
You quickly turn your head to see Nullity standing there with a warm smile. She looked so similar to that girl.
Without warning, your brain starts to subconsciously replay the humming she made when she was cuddling you. You…You can’t think. All you could feel was fear beginning to sink into you. What the heck is this? What’s going on here?
“Why are you looking at me like that Lil Sis? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost. What’s wrong?”
“Uh…” is all you can say.
Nullity turns her head to the doorway and calls out.
“Nurse Reinhold! She’s over here.”
You hear trotting sounds and soon, a tan-colored pony with a dark blonde mane comes out. She walks over to Nullity and turns her head to face you.
“Ah. There you are Radiance. So good to finally see that you’re out and about.”
Nurse Reinhold was dressed in a typical nurse’s outfit. Her mane was styled in a ponytail. Two brown bags hung on her back like saddlebags do on a regular horse. She had a very calm, if not reserved demeanor. She stared at you with blue eyes similar to yours, yet you also notice a small horn protruding from her forehead. Wait, was she a unicorn?
“Sorry about the wait Radiance. Nullity was just keeping me up-to-date on your progress. I’m so relieved to see that you’re awake again.”
Her complexion shifts as she tries to give you a reassuring smile. Still though, it didn’t do much of anything to calm you. The breeze was still rustling against your fur and for every additional second that you sat on that hammock, you became more and more unsettled.
You try to quickly climb out of the hammock, but in your sudden movements, it starts to bounce and swing. You yelp in surprise as you fall face-first to the ground.
…
Except, you don’t hit the ground. Instead, you find yourself floating just above in this…golden plasma thingy. The heck?
“LIL SIS! Are you okay?”
“Oh you know. Just floating on my own with magic…somehow.”
You hear both ponies giggle a little. Without warning, you’re turned right-side up by the golden plasma. Facing them, you see Nullity relieved to find that you’re unharmed, with Nurse Reinhold smirking a little at your clumsiness.
Yet her horn…you saw that it was glowing. You could see a little bit of that golden plasma radiating off of her horn. Wait a minute. Is she using magic to hold you up? How on Earth is that possible? MAGIC DOESN’T EXIST!!!
“H-How are you d-doing that?” you stammer.
“With magic, of course!” Nurse Reinhold starts chuckling. “You need to be a little more careful Radiance. You’ve got to pay attention to your surroundings. Don’t you know that’s how you got hurt?”
Nullity flashes her a quick glare upon mentioning that. Nurse Reinhold’s expression quickly becomes apologetic.
“Err…I’m sorry Radiance. We’ve all just been a bit concerned about you as of late. It’s a relief to see you up and about again, but you have to keep in mind that you’ve been asleep for a full week. Your body is still recovering. You’ve got to take good care of yourself.”
You’re gently lowered to the ground by the golden plasma. You see it fading off of you, as well as Nurse Reinhold’s horn. Honestly, that was absolutely surreal. How the heck is she able to do that?
“Here, why don’t we all go into the living room? There’s some things I’d like to talk to you about Radiance. And if you don’t mind, I’d like to have Nullity present during our conversation.”
“Uh…okay.”
Nurse Reinhold turns and walks through the doorway. Nullity comes up right next to you and wraps a wing around you.
“You okay Lil Sis?”
“Y-Yeah. It’s nothing. Let’s go.”
You and Nullity begin walking back into the house while your mind begins to wander. Ignoring the fact that unicorns and magic now somehow exist, you were still really creeped out about the backyard. You didn’t want to think about that. Still though, it did feel really good having someone comforting you the way Nullity did. Having someone hug you the way she did with her wing…it was enough to make you feel a little calmer. Guess that really is her special talent, huh? Being able to null your pain…
As you both return to the living room, you notice Nurse Reinhold sitting on the couch. You can see her bags floating in the air by that golden plasma thing. The bags themselves opened on their own and you could see a couple of medical apparatuses, as well as a clipboard and some paperwork, all moving on their own inside the plasma.
It was so weird to see actual magic with your own two eyes. That’s just not physically possible. But then again, ponies didn’t have wings, nor did they know English. None of this was making any sense.
Eventually, Nurse Reinhold rests all of the objects down on the couch with her magic. You then notice that plasma engulfing the pink bean bag next to the couch. The plasma raises it off the ground and moves it to face directly across from where Nurse Reinhold was sitting.
“If you would be so kind, please have a seat.”
“O-Okay.”
Nullity pulls her wing from you as you take a few steps towards the bean bag. You plop down on your tummy into the bean bag. It surprisingly felt very comfy, considering that you’ve never sat in a bean bag before. Nullity situated herself so that she was lying against you and the bean bag, again placing a wing over your back to comfort you.
“Good, good. Please make yourself comfortable. If you don’t mind, I’d like to do a quick check-up to see how you’re doing physically.”
“S-Sure,” you quietly murmur.
“It’ll be alright Lil Sis. I’m right here.”
Nurse Reinhold plops off the couch and walks right up to you. She uses her magic to grab some kind of medical apparatus from the couch. It looked like one of those things that doctors use to see into your ears, mouth, and nose.
“Now, open your mouth and say ‘Ahhh’ for me.”
“AHHH.”
She uses it to examine your mouth.
“Mmmhmm…good, good. Now, tilt your head up a little for me.”
You do so as she points the device up into your nostrils.
“Looking good there.”
She then moves it to each ear to examine them and after doing so, she places the device back onto the couch.
Next, she uses magic to reach a similar looking device to examine your eyes. Your eyes twitch a little as a small bright light pours into each eye. Shortly thereafter, however, Nurse Reinhold uses a thermometer to check your temperature, followed by another medical instrument to check your breathing. Finally, she wraps some kind of blood pressure monitor around one of your arms for a minute or two.
Once she has the readings, she pulls up a clipboard and begins jotting down all of your results from your physical examination.
“Very, very good Radiance. So far, everything looks perfectly normal. That’s a good sign. We should still get you in to have a more detailed examination just to make sure you’re alright. For now, though, I’d like to spend the rest of the time asking you some questions. Is that alright with you?”
“Sure, go ahead.”
Nurse Reinhold places all of the medical equipment back into her bags with her magic and situates herself back onto the couch. All she had out now was a clipboard with some paper and a pencil.
“What’s the first thing you remember Radiance?”
You pause for a moment. Should you tell her what happened to you before you woke up here? Or should you just talk about when you first woke up?
“Uh, well I remember waking up in my bed. I was a little confused on where I was, but I saw one of the ‘Get Well Soon’ cards lying next to my bed. I discovered it was written by Big Sis, by which point I started calling out for her. She immediately came to me and…well, we came down here to the living room. Then you showed up for my daily checkup according to Big Sis.”
“I see, I see.”
Nurse Reinhold was scribbling on her clipboard with her magic as you spoke.
“Do you happen to remember anything before that?”
You notice Nullity giving her a sudden look as she said that.
“I know, I know Nullity. But we need to make sure she’s doing alright mentally too. We want to make sure she’s healthy inside and out, right?”
You hear Nullity sigh and you can feel her snuggle a little closer to you.
“It’ll be okay Lil Sis. Just be honest. You’re safe. I’m right here with you.”
You felt nice and warm with Nullity being this close to you. Still, why was Nullity giving Nurse Reinhold those looks when she asked certain questions?
“Well, to be honest, my memory is really fuzzy. I don’t really remember a whole lot when I woke up. However, I did have a lot of dreams while I was asleep.”
“Mmhm…”
Nurse Reinhold was looking down at her clipboard as she scribbled notes of some sort.
“What did you dream about Radiance?”
“Uh…”
You stammer for a moment. Was your old life just a dream? Was any of it real? If magic and talking flying horses exist here, was your old life really just a bad dream?
“Well, I’ll be honest with you. All I really had were nightmares about living another life.”
Nurse Reinhold stops writing and looks up at you curiously.
“Uh…I dunno…it’s kinda embarrassing. But, if you really wanna know, I was someone else living a bad life. Uh…it wasn’t all that pleasant.”
“Hmm…interesting. How very interesting. Comatose patients normally don’t dream about anything.”
Nurse Reinhold looks back down and continues jotting down some more notes.
“Do you remember anything else besides that dream? Do you remember anything beyond when you just woke up and what you dreamt?”
“Umm…well, not a whole lot. I mean, I know who Big Sis is and what we do, but there are so many things where my mind is fuzzy.”
“Do you know where you live?”
Shoot. No, you didn’t.
“Well, I live here with my Big Sis.”
Nurse Reinhold and Nullity both chuckle.
“Of course you do you silly little filly,” says Nullity affectionately.
She wraps a hoof around your neck and hugs you tightly. Her physical comfort just felt so wonderful.
“But in all seriousness,” Nurse Reinhold says, “do you know where you’re at?”
“Uh…”
You didn’t. You might as well just say it now.
“No, I don’t.”
“Lil Sis?”
Nullity looks at you with concern. Her eyes…no…please don’t get sad. Please don’t get sad. Your heart’s already been through so much.
“Hrm…you at least know about Equestria, right?” Nurse Reinhold asks.
Equestria?!? Wait, like THE Equestria from that MLP show? Do you actually live in Equestria?
“Well, yeah. I’ve always wanted to see all of Equestria. I wanna see Manehatten, Canterlot, Applelossa, the Crystal Empire…there’s so many places I wanna visit.”
“And we will see them Lil Sis. Don’t you worry.”
You hear Nullity breathe a sigh of relief as Nurse Reinhold resumes speaking.
“Yet you don’t remember where exactly you are in Equestria?”
“No, I can’t remember.”
“Well, you and Nullity live in the outskirts of Vanhoover.”
Vanhoover? From what you can remember from watching the show, you didn’t recall all that much about Vanhoover. Was it ever really shown in any of the episodes?
“Do you remember anything near your home?”
You do remember what you saw when you were on the hammock. The backyard still creeped you out, but if it was any indication, you and Nullity probably lived in a relatively remote area.
“Well, Big Sis and I live in a quiet area. I think there’s other houses near here, but we kinda live more out in nature than we do in the city.”
“Good. Yes, you are correct.”
Phew. At least you were able to get that down. But do others live near you? They’d have to, right? After all, if you and Nullity help others, you gotta at least be close to civilization.
“Now, even though I have several other questions I would like to ask you, I am sad to say that I may have to get going soon. I have another patient that I need to go see in a little bit, and in the interest of time, I’d like to ask you one more question. Nullity, it may not be one you want to hear. That being said, is it okay if I still ask her?”
You turn to see Nullity looking at her in thought, then turning her head to look at you.
“Okay. But if my little Radiance doesn’t wanna answer it, she doesn’t have to.”
“I understand. Just remember, I only want Radiance to recover and be healthy and happy. And I know you want that too.”
Nurse Reinhold turns her gaze back to yours.
“Now Radiance. You don’t have to answer, but I would still like to ask you this: do you remember anything about your little accident?”
Although you can’t directly recall what happened since you can only remember anything about this life when you woke up, something in your brain clicks.
“Wait, did it have something to do with a lake?”
“Yes.”
You can see Nullity starting to become uneasy. Her breathing was becoming a little heavy.
“D-Did I fall in the water?”
“Yes.”
A small chill starts to creep through you. No…was that memory actually real?
“W-Was I drowning?”
Before Nurse Reinhold answers, you felt tears beginning to drip onto your fur. You turn to see Nullity furrowing her head against you. She was shaking as she clung onto you tightly.
“P-Please Nurse Reinhold, c-can we drop it?”
Upon hearing her sniffles, you quickly wrap your hooves around Nullity and give her a giant hug in an attempt to reassure her that everything was alright. Even though you wanted to inquire more, however, you decide that it’s better to stop for now. You didn’t want to see your big sister cry. You wanted her to be happy and loved, just like how she wanted you to be too.
“Uh…Nurse Reinhold? Maybe we should stop. I think I’m alright. Honest. My memory’s still a little fuzzy, but I think I’m recovering just fine.”
“Mm, we can stop.”
Nurse Reinhold shifts her gaze back to Nullity.
“Thank you for letting me ask those questions Nullity.”
Nullity turns her head up to look at her, then to you, and then back to her with a few tears sparkling in her eyes.
“You’re welcome Nurse Reinhold. *sniffle* At least we know our little Radiance is doing better, right?
“Of course she is.”
Nurse Reinhold then addresses both of you.
“Radiance, while I can’t find anything wrong with you at the moment in terms of your physical health, I will say that you seem to have a little bit of amnesia from the accident. Now, this is not to say this is permanent, but it might take some time for you to recover your memories.”
“O-Okay,” you reply.
“However, you have been asleep for a week and your body is still recovering, so it’s very important that you take things easy. Nullity, if you don’t mind, I’d like to schedule a follow-up appointment with Dr. Wilhelm. Would you be alright with scheduling it sometime soon?”
“Yeah,” says Nullity with a smile. “We can do that.”
“Would you be alright with scheduling it by the end of this week, at around this time?”
“Sure. We can definitely do that, right Lil Sis?”
“Of course we can,” you reassure her.
“Excellent. I’ll see the two of you again at Dr. Wilhelm’s office then. Remember, take things easy and if you two ever need anything from me, please don’t hesitate to contact me.”
Nullity stands up and folds her back wing onto her back. She then walks up to Nurse Reinhold and gives her a hug.
“Thank you again for coming here every day. I can’t even begin to thank you for everything you’ve done for my little Radiance. She means the world to me.”
“Of course. It’s no problem at all. Considering that everyone here loves you two, I can only imagine how much we all want our Radiance to fully recover. But for now though, I really must be going. I’ve got another appointment to get to in less than thirty minutes.”
Nurse Reinhold uses her magic to pack the rest of her things into her bags and places them back onto her back. Nullity then walks her to the front door and opens it, guiding her out of your home.
“Bye-bye Nurse Reinhold! See you soon!”
“See you soon!” you hear Nurse Reinhold say.
Nullity waves one of her hooves for a few seconds as Nurse Reinhold departs. And once she was officially gone, you see Nullity promptly closing the front door. She turns around slightly, casting her gaze once more onto you.
“Good job Lil Sis! I’m so proud of you.”
Nullity trots right up to you with a loving smile and gives you a quick hug around the neck, followed by a gentle kiss on the forehead. You try returning the same smile back to her as she steps back a little, yet you could feel deep down that there was something not quite right about Nullity. Though you loved her, the quick looks of anger she gave to Nurse Reinhold whenever she said something that could have sparked a memory concerning the lake, plus whatever you two were doing there, puts you a little on edge.
“Oh my goodness! That’s right!” Nullity exclaims with a look of remembrance. “You must be super hungry, huh Lil Sis?”
“Uh…” is all you can manage to voice.
“I know I was about to begin making something for you before Nurse Reinhold showed up. Hehe…does my baby sister want some applesauce pancakes?”
Even though you just chomped down on five apples, just the mention of pancakes is enough to make your tummy rumble again.
“I heard that Silly Filly.”
Nullity looks down at you with an almost motherly gaze.
“Why don’t I go whip up the batter so your poor widdle tummy doesn’t have to starve anymore. Wanna come Lil Sis?”
Despite the small bit of trepidation that was starting to take shape in the back of your mind about the whole reality of your situation, just the thought of cooking was enough to put you at ease just a little bit. Even though you didn’t really know how to cook, it was always something you wanted to develop as a hobby.
“I’d love to Big Sis.”
Besides, who could ever say no to food, especially when it’s free?
As Nullity begins to walk towards the kitchen, you stand up and follow her closely from behind.
“Applesauce pancakes…why does it feel like I’ve had those before? They sound REALLY good right now.”
“That’s cuz they’re your favorite food, and mine too Lil Sis. I always looooove cooking up breakfast for meals, even if it’s for lunch or dinner. And, since you’ve been out, I figured I’d make a special treat for my special widdle sister. I know it’s been like forever since I’ve cooked them for ya and I usually make them for special occasions. Hehe…don’t they sound super yummy Lil Sis?”
It’s true. They did sound really good. Still though, you couldn’t remember if ponies could eat something like pancakes, but considering the fact that ponies could speak English, that ponies can fly, that you’re somehow in Equestria, that magic exists, and that you’ve changed gender and species, ponies eating pancakes didn’t sound too outlandish. You even giggle a little at the thought as you remember all of those times on 4chan. Especially that time about that whole pancake fetish with Twilight…
“What’re you giggling about Silly Filly?”
Nullity’s interjection immediately snaps you out of your train of thought as you realize the two of you have entered the kitchen.
“I…”
Holy Guacamole! Your eyes go wide and you can almost feel your jaw drop. You’re nearly speechless with what you’re seeing.
What sat before you almost looked like a five-star kitchen. The kitchen itself was larger than the living room. You could see two kitchen islands sitting in the center of the room with space in-between them. They were both firmly attached to the ground and had solid oak for décor, which was very similar in appearance to the solid oak flooring. Three small orange light fixtures hung from the ceiling on the island closest to you, while the rest of the ceiling possessed built in light-fixtures all across the kitchen.
The island with the three orange light fixtures had four dark brown, cushioned chairs sitting in front of it. It supported a smooth black marble counter piece right on top of it. You could see four white plates on this island with red cloth napkins neatly folded on top of them. Silverware sat neatly situated next to the plates.
As for the other island, it had a simple wooden top with no marble finishing, although it did have a stainless steel stovetop situated in the center of it. There were also some cooking utensils on one side of the stove top, with a stainless steel oven fan hanging right above it.
Directly behind that island, however, was a wall filled with a bunch of wooden cabinets and pantries. Black marble stretched out all across the countertop, with a beautiful stainless steel sink sitting right in the middle. Hues of beige, tan, and dark red marble stretch across the wall behind the sink. The center of the wall likewise displayed a giant glass window that gave way to a panoramic view of the outside. The black marble countertop around the sink supported a few flowers and other cooking utensils, as well as some groceries that were still bundled up in shopping bags.
The wall to your right also had oak cabinets, as well as a giant stainless steel two-door refrigerator, with two stainless steel ovens and a microwave built into the wall. Similarly, you saw a stainless steel dishwasher at the far end of the wall, but not much else. And aside from a few knickknacks and photos that scattered across the left wall, there was not much else over on that side of that side of the kitchen.
Regardless though, this kitchen was absolutely amazing! If you were ever going to learn how to cook, this would have been the kitchen of your dreams. Who wouldn’t love to learn how to cook in a kitchen such as this?
And yet, how on Earth did you and Nullity manage to have a kitchen this luxurious? At least where you were from, anything that was stainless steel was super expensive, especially with having a kitchen designed to be this fancy. How could the two of you even afford something like this? The rest of the house was nowhere near as fancy as the kitchen, and the kitchen itself didn’t even match the designs of the rest of the house.
What was perhaps even more strange was the notion that if you were in Equestria, how could ponies have human-based technology in the form of cooking equipment that looked to be purchased from someplace like Lowe’s or Home Depot? Technically speaking, you did remember seeing kitchens in some episodes of the show, such as the Cake’s home, but never have you seen anything this fancy. Plus, how the heck were ponies supposed to use cooking utensils with their hooves if they weren’t unicorns? You hadn’t even seen a television set, let alone a computer in this house, so none of this was completely adding up.
“Yoo hoo! You okay there Silly Filly?”
You gently shake your head and shift your gaze back to Nullity’s. She was looking at you with what appeared to be playful curiosity.
“Uh…heh…heh. Sorry Big Sis. I’m just really surprised we have a kitchen like this. It’s absolutely beautiful.”
“Well of course we have this kitchen Silly. Don’t you remember?”
“Uh…sorta.”
Her look starts to shift to one of concern as you notice her staring intently at you.
“I mean, I’ve always wanted to cook in a kitchen like this. I’m just surprised we could even afford something like this. Do we really make that much money?”
You start fidgeting around on your hooves, becoming a little more uneasy with the look that Nullity was expressing, even if it was one out of concern.
“Mmm…you don’t ever remember cooking with me in this kitchen?”
Oh no. What do you say? Your eyes dart to your left, then to your right, and then finally back to her as if you were shrugging with uncertainty.
“I uh…I think I have. I just…”
You close your eyes and try to think as hard as you can, hoping some kind of memory will surface to your conscious mind. But as seconds pass, the only thing that does come to mind is that you’ve always wanted to learn how to cook in a kitchen such as this, but never have you actually done so. Try as you might, you just cannot remember doing anything with Nullity prior to waking up here, aside from that dream at the lake.
As you slowly open your eyes, you see Nullity waiting for a response while simultaneously looking at you with concern. Her look, and suddenly remembering that dream is enough to actually make you shiver a little.
“Aww…it’s okay Lil Sis.”
Nullity smiles again with motherly warmth and puts her left hoof up against your forehead.
“Big Sis is here for you.”
She pauses for a moment, putting a little bit of pressure here and there across your forehead.
“Oh you poor thing. You’re feeling a little warm.”
You knew you weren’t sick. If anything, you just had a small headache from trying to remember memories that didn’t exist; at least, to the best of your knowledge.
Nullity opens her arms around you and gives you a tight hug. You fidget a little, but hug her back and accept her loving embrace. Regardless of who she was, she still had a habit of making you feel a little better doing that, even if you were still unsure about her.
You two eventually let go of one another as Nullity begins to take a few steps back.
“Even if Nurse Reinhold said you were doing just fine from your physical examination, I still think it’s possible that you might be feeling a little unwell since you’ve woken up. I mean, you haven’t eaten a whole lot Lil Sis, so that might be what’s making you feel under the weather. Poor thing.”
There is some truth to what she’s saying. After all, not eating much of anything can make anyone feel dizzy and weak. But you knew that that wasn’t what was making you feel strange. It was the fact that Nullity might literally be that girl. And if she was, well…
“I dunno, but I might schedule that appointment sooner with Dr. Wilhelm just to make sure there’s nothing wrong. It’s probably nothing and you’re probably just malnourished, but I still wanna make sure there’s nothing wrong with my baby sister. Here…”
Nullity walks over to the kitchen island with the three orange light fixtures and scoots one of the chairs back, making a motion for you to come over.
“Why don’t you come and sit down for a little bit Lil Sis?”
You slowly walk over and sit on your rear like you always do when you sit in a chair.
“Huh? Hehe…why are you sitting like that Silly Filly? You look silly, you silly pony you.”
“Uh…”
You look down at your legs and realize that you actually kinda looked a little awkward sitting like that as a pony. Not only that, but you could see your…uh…female parts down there and that…uh…well…you didn’t really wanna look at them.
You look back at Nullity with a look of embarrassment and try to quickly shift around in your chair, hoping that you could imitate the sitting posture of ponies you would see sitting in the show. Nullity starts giggling at what you’re doing, but as soon as you’re satisfied with how you should sit, Nullity suddenly moves her right hoof up and boops you on your muzzle. You scrunch a quick, embarrassed glare at her, but doing so only makes her giggle harder.
“You really are Big Sis’s silly little filly, you know that Silly Filly?”
An awkward sigh escapes your mouth as Nullity turns and walks around the kitchen island to where the groceries and other cooking utensils were.
“Why don’t you go ahead and relax right there Lil Sis? You’ve already been through a lot. I can make this batch just fine. Let Big Sis take care of her Lil Sis.”
You try forcing a loving smile back to her.
“Sure thing Big Sis. I actually wanna watch you cook. There’s nothing more soothing than watching someone cook something that’s super yummy.”
“That’s the spirit! You just relax there and I’ll have this batch made in a jiffy!”
“Sure, no problem. Take your time Big Sis. I’m not going anywhere.”
You tried to sound normal and upbeat to her, yet internally, you just weren’t feeling it. Technically speaking, you were attached to her. No one had ever been as kind and loving to you as she was, yet after your meeting with Nurse Reinhold, you could tell that there was something more to Nullity. Whatever it was, it didn’t feel quite right. How does she interact with others when you’re not around? Is she as cheery and upbeat with others as she is with you, or does she show a different side of herself like when she displayed those quick glares to Nurse Reinhold?
“Alrighty. There we are! We’ve got all the ingredients and supplies, so let’s start making the batter!”
She’s smiling to you as she says this and turns to start measuring out the ingredients. You keep trying to give her that reassuring smile, yet your mind is elsewhere. Actually, come to think of it, how is she able to, or rather, how are you two able to cook as ponies when you’re both pegasi?
You watch Nullity with a bit of curiosity as she tries to measure out the flour and sugar with a measuring cup and with tablespoons. Somehow, she’s able to do so with careful coordination without spilling anything.
How can she do that though? Don’t you need hands to grip a measuring cup and a tablespoon? How the heck can she hold them with her hooves? She’s standing on her hind legs leaning forward on the island by supporting herself with one hoof and using her other hoof to grip the utensils. No seriously…they should fall right out of her hooves. Even if you lived in Equestria, you had to guess that gravity was at least still a thing. Then again, magic does exist here, but…no…that still doesn’t make sense.
You furrow your head into your arms in frustration for a few seconds and look back up, seeing Nullity lost in her cooking. You then look down and hold out the pink-hearted necklace in front of your face with your right hoof.
Truth be told, nothing about the entirety of this situation made any sense. There’s just no way. There is literally no way you could be transported to another world. There is no way you could change from male to female in an instant. There is no way that magic can physically exist and violate the laws of physics. There is no way that you could transfer out of one life and into another in just a quick flash like that.
You let go of the necklace and let it dangle from your neck. Looking back at Nullity, you see her adding in milk and vegetable oil into the batter while giving you occasional loving glances. It was really cozy and quiet inside the house, aside from the clamoring of cooking utensils. Regardless, Nullity’s cooking and her love for you, as well as the house itself, did help a little in easing your stresses. You figured that’s what Nullity was trying to do and yet, you still cannot help yourself from letting your mind wonder.
It's hard to comprehend it since you certainly don’t feel like it right now, but you knew you were horribly depressed and that you were literally going to kill yourself. No one ever actually loved you in your old life, that much is certain. Especially at your job, everyone hated you and you especially hated them. Harboring any form of hatred just seems so strange to you since it’s been a while that you’ve even felt such an emotion. And yet, while you may no longer being feeling hatred of any kind, you couldn’t deny the fact that you hated yourself and your old life to the point where you were actively feeling suicidal. You were always engaging in risky behavior, such as driving too fast, eating poorly, and even playing Russian Roulette one or two times. Yet the riskiest behavior you engaged in, which finally caught up with you, was foolishly and carelessly exploring the deep web. That led you getting caught by that one strange jerk-off. Dr. Money.
You almost want to shiver a little at just the thought of his name. Somehow, he was responsible for how you ended up here. That guy in himself made no sense to you. He threatened to harm you if you didn’t obey him, yet he wanted to make you happy. Why? Why would any kidnapping lunatic want to make their victims happy? What was the purpose in kidnapping you and sending you to this world? Ignoring how he was able to do it, what would be his motivation? He talked about wanting to improve people’s lives and to bring so-called untold happiness to everyone, but how would sending you to Equestria accomplish that? Was his goal to do that to everyone?
Well…no. Actually, that wouldn’t make any sense. As fun as it might be, not everyone would want to be a cute and colorful talking pony. That in itself just seems way too unrealistic. Besides, would you actually ever want all of humanity to be transported to Equestria? Just the thought alone almost makes you want to gag. Still, how could sending just you to Equestria bring happiness to everyone? Was it because no one would ever have to see you again? No, that doesn’t make sense either. After all, Dr. Money did say there were several other participants…Oh. Oh no.
You can feel the fur on your spine beginning to stand up, but you try your best to keep your cool and not disturb Nullity from her cooking.
Are there others like you in this world? She wouldn’t happen to be one of those people, would she? No, that seems even less of a possibility. If anything, she seemed to more than likely be that girl from that dream. But if she really is her, does that mean you’ve just been dreaming all along? This could all very well be a dream right now, but why does everything seem so realistic?
You press your right hoof against your left one, and then against your muzzle; your eyes going cross-eyed as you do so. You could feel the fluffy sensation of petting super soft fur, and you could also feel yourself being touched by your hoof. You then take a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds, after which point you exhale. The air was still very fresh and brought with it the smell of ingredients coming from the batter that Nullity was cooking with. Yep. No doubt about it. All of these sensations feel so very real.
It is at this moment that you begin to hear Nullity humming that special tune again as she is somehow able to stir the batter while gripping a mixing spoon with her hooves. Yet that tune…what the heck did it mean? And why did it make you feel somewhat strange every time you heard it? It was beautiful to listen to, but there was a feeling of eeriness to it.
Actually, now that you think about it, WHO THE HECK IS NULLITY?!? Is she that girl from your dream? Although it wasn’t directly stated beforehand when Nurse Reinhold was around, you can pretty much assume that your “accident” was drowning in a lake and going into a coma because of it. But how did your accident happen? In your dream, you were walking with that girl and socializing with her before you ended up at that lake. You saw that reflection in the water and she was pointing down at it while tears were starting to form in her eyes. And…And…you briefly saw her grab you and push you in… That girl…That girl pushed you into the lake. Did Nullity do that to you too?
Nullity’s humming was filling the room as you saw her place a frying pan on the countertop stove. She was adding a little bit of cooking oil to the pan. You then saw her turn on the stove and heard that all-too-familiar sparking sound as blue luminescent flames suddenly began shooting out from underneath the pan. She then went to grab a ladle so that she could pour out the first pancake onto the pan.
Despite the wonderful aroma of pancake batter that was rapidly feeling the kitchen, you were becoming more and more unsettled. Why…Why would that girl push you into the lake? Why would she do such a thing? You two were so close, yet she had the power to try to…to…kill you.
To kill you.
Those three words start playing in your head over and over again.
To kill you…To kill you…To kill you…
You see Nullity getting out a second frying pan from the cupboard and you notice her placing it on the stove. You see her turning a dial briefly until suddenly, you could hear that sparking sound rattling from underneath the frying pan.
To kill you.
Flames immediately shoot out from underneath the pan. Nullity begins adding some more oil to this pan before pouring out another pancake on top of it, while also flipping the other one with a black spatula.
The sizzling sounds coming from the pancake batter frying against the pans…the glowing blue flames shinning brilliantly…the beautifully eerie humming flowing throughout the kitchen and into your ears…the horrible sensation of suffocation as you are sucked down into the watery depths of the lake…
To kill you…To kill you…To kill you…
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
“STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT! STOP THAT GOD-AWFUL HUMMING. JUST FREAKING STOP IT! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!”
Nullity instantly drops the utensils she was holding and stares back at you in confused shock.
“JUST STOP IT! JUST PLEASE STOP IT! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE!”
You saw her ears droop to her sides as tears began forming in her eyes, but you didn’t care. You were terrified of her.
“L-Lil Sis, I…”
“WHY DID YOU PUSH ME INTO THAT LAKE? WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?”
You could have sworn that you saw her jump back in surprise, like your words her just struck a blow to her.
“I…I…”
You saw her eyes opening wide and her pupils dilating, like she was trying to stammer some kind of a response.
“ANSWER ME! WHY DID YOU PUSH ME INTO THAT WATER? WHY DID YOU DO SUCH A THING? HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING?”
“B-But I-I…”
“DO YOU KNOW THE AMOUNT OF SUFFERING AND PAIN I’VE DEALT WITH BECAUSE OF IT?!?”
You’re shouting hysterically, shaking both in fear and in anger you previously hadn’t felt towards her.
“ALL OF THE HARDSHIPS I’VE HAD TO FACE…ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO’VE TRIED TO HURT ME…ALL OF THE MENTAL ANGUISH I’VE HAD TO ENDURE…ALL OF THE…ALL OF THE…”
You break down into hysterics and once again start crying your eyes out.
“H-How c-could you do that to muh…muh…me Nullity? *sniff* You’re my sister.”
You cry even harder and through your bawling, you notice Nullity breaking down and crying her heart out too. She’s not saying anything save for crying, but she looks like someone who just had their heart shattered.
Yet even with the painful blow you just dealt her, she starts running around the island towards you.
Nonononononononono…
“STAY AWAY FROM ME!”
You tilt backwards and fall right out of your chair. The side of your head bangs hard against the wooden floor as your whole body falls on its side.
“LIL SIS!”
You could have sworn you saw stars and aside from a roaring headache that you just now gave yourself, you notice Nullity galloping right towards you. Even though she was still sniffling and tears were pouring from her eyes, she collapses on the floor and tries to hold your head up on her lap.
“L-Lil Sis…please…please be okay…please be okay…B-Big S-S-Sis is h-here for y-y-you…”
Yet she only cries harder and crouches down on your head, gently rubbing and kissing it as her tears soak your frizzled mane. She’s sobbing while holding you, trying to do whatever she can to help make the headache you just gave yourself go away.
This goes on for several minutes as you quietly lay against her. Her cries eventually go from powerful sobs to sniffling tears, yet during the entire time that she held you like this, you kept your eyes closed. It isn’t long before you become unconscious and drift off into a dreamless sleep.
…
You start to slowly stir from sleep as you hear the sounds of crickets chirping from afar. You’re still a bit groggy, but when you begin opening your eyes, you notice that it’s mostly dark inside. Still, you could see a little bit in the dark thanks in part to the few small lights shinning from various parts of the house. But from the looks of things, it looked as though it was nighttime.
As you become more and more awake, you realize that you’re now on the couch in the living room. You’re bundled up in blankets with your head gently resting against some kind of fluffy pillow. You can also feel a cool, damp washcloth neatly folded against your forehead. Your head was still pounding, but the cool dampness from the washcloth was helping to mitigate some of the pain.
To your side, however, was Nullity. Her head was leaning against your chest and you could see her arm wrapped over your tummy. Even though the couch wasn’t any bigger than a regular couch, you figured it could still support you two since you were both ponies. Still though, you’re not feeling any of the fear that you felt earlier. Rather, you just feel tired and exhausted. Heck, you actually felt a little calm, even though Nullity was snuggled up right against you.
You shift your gaze down and stare at her. She was sleeping, but you could see that her face was still a little stained from her tears. Her mane was just about as frizzled as yours was. She still felt so warm and loving, and despite everything, it still feels really, really good to have her snuggling you. What really surprised you, however, was the fact that she was clinging onto you while you were both sleeping. Why? You literally just yelled at her and accused her of trying to kill you, yet why is she still here taking care of you?
You could feel your ears droop as guilt starts coursing throughout your being. How…How could you ever accuse your sister, who only wants to love and take care of you, of attempted murder?
You try to shift and lean forward a little to give her a hug, but in doing so, you feel your washcloth slide right off of your head and land right onto hers.
*plop*
It’s enough to actually stir Nullity from her sleep.
“Mmmph…hmmmph…mmm…”
You see her slowly pulling herself up off of you as she starts to open her beautiful hazel eyes. Regardless of who Nullity is or what just happened, her eyes were still amazing to look at. Yet when she starts to wake a little more and sees you staring at her, her eyes go wide in excitement.
“LIL SIS! You’re okay!”
She jumps up from her position and swings forward, with the washcloth being flung off to the floor, to give you what was perhaps one of the tightest hugs you have ever felt.
“Oh thank goodness you’re okay!”
“H-How long have I been out?”
She slowly releases you and scoots back a little with tears in her eyes. Her lips quiver, sniffling as she tries to speak.
“I-It’s only been a c-couple of h-hours.”
A couple of hours? But that literally felt like the incident in the kitchen happened a second ago!
“I…I…” Nullity’s voice was shaking as she tried to speak. “I wuh…wanted to make sure that y-you weren’t hurt, s-so I placed you here and I’ve b-been here with you ever since.”
She looks down at the floor and sniffles once more.
“E-Ever since your…your a-accident, I wanted to make sure I c-could nurse you back to health…and…seeing y-you hurt yourself like that…I couldn’t bear the thought of y-you going into another coma.”
Oh God. What have you done?
“A-And…I didn’t want to l-lose y-you again.”
She starts whimpering and you could see her glistening tears falling to the floor.
“I…I nuh-need you Lil Sis. I l-love you with all my h-heart. *sniffle* I can’t l-lose you. You’re my everything.”
And just like that, she starts crying and wailing. You could feel your heart sinking into a bottomless pit of guilt. Of all the people who’ve made you feel horrible about yourself, this is probably the worst you’ve ever felt. How on Earth could you ever yell at your sister like that?
You lean forward and wrap your arms around her. You hold and rock with her, just like how she’d do with you whenever you’d have one of your crying fits. Her crying, however, is enough to begin making you cry a little on the count of how horrible you felt for making your sister feel just as bad.
“I-I’m…suh…suh…sorry Big Sis. I’m sorry.”
Saying those words nearly halts her crying to an abrupt stop.
“Whu-What’d you say?”
“I said that I’m sorry.”
She wiggles from your clutch and looks at you in tearful confusion. You turn to your side as you start to speak, too grief-stricken to look her in the eye.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you. I’m sorry for accusing you of hurting me. I’m sorry I…”
“Oh Sweetie…”
You almost yelp in surprise as Nullity swings forward to hug you for the millionth time. You look at her and see her staring back at you with a tearful smile. You’re tearful too, yet your expression is one of pitiful sorrow.
“Don’t you even start saying that Sweetie. You did nothing wrong.”
“But that’s just the thing. I yelled at you and treated you like you were out to harm me. How could I, of all people, do that to you?”
Nullity wipes her hoof across her face as you continue talking.
“I just…listen. I wasn’t comfortable mentioning it when Nurse Reinhold was around cuz I was afraid that might think that I was crazy.”
Nullity’s expression suddenly turns to thoughtful curiosity.
“Crazy? Why in Equestria would she think you’re crazy? Of course you’re not crazy Lil Sis.”
“Because…”
You take in a deep breath, and then exhale.
“Because I’ve been lying to you in terms of what I remember.”
“Wha…”
You raise your hoof in front of her to stop her from saying anything. She closes her mouth and watches you as you continue talking.
“Truthfully, I don’t remember doing anything here with you before I woke up from my coma. In my coma, I was dreaming that I was living a completely different life. I was someone entirely different. I lived in a completely different world. It was horrible. It was dark. I wanted out of it. You weren’t in any part of that world.”
Nullity’s expression slowly changes to one of concern as she stares at you intently, trying to process every word you say.
“Yet the only time I do remember you was in a dream, or maybe it was a memory. I dunno. When I was out on the back porch while you were talking to Nurse Reinhold, I saw the backyard. That backyard was very similar to what I saw in that memory. You and I were walking through that stretch of land, except this house we’re living in wasn’t there. There were no buildings. What’s more is that you weren’t a pony. You were a human.”
You pause to see if Nullity has anything to say, yet she doesn’t show any sign of a reaction. She just stares at you intently, never once questioning the logic of what you’re saying, even if she had never heard of humans. Still though, did she know what humans were?
“Anyways, we were just walking and talking about things, though I can’t remember what. As we kept walking, we came across this lake. You pointed at it and I walked over to it. I saw some kind of reflection in the water and I turned to see you grabbing me by the shoulders. You were crying and when I turned to look into the water, I was pushed in. And before I knew it, I was suddenly living another life as a kid with a different family in that other world…the world I thought was real until I woke up from my coma and ended up here. And here you are again with me, only this time we’re both ponies. What I don’t understand, and what was frightening to me…aside from living that horrible life…was that I was pushed into the lake. Why did that happen? Furthermore, if we’ve actually been living this life this whole time and if my accident…my drowning in a lake…caused me to dream that horrible life, why can’t I remember anything about you or the life I have with you up until the moments that led to me drowning? Not only that, but did you push me into the water, or was it someone else? I just don’t know. It was a girl that kinda looked like you, except she wasn’t a pony. Yet nearly everything about her is very similar to you. And that humming you sometimes do…there’s something about it that makes me feel strange. I don’t know why though. And for some reason, you’re like a long-lost relative I never thought I had, but so desperately wanted. That dream of getting pushed into the lake was and is the only thing I can remember about you before waking up from my coma. What’s even crazier is that dream continued to replay in my head throughout my old life…that I guess I somehow imagined while I was in a coma over and over again. And I can’t explain it, but just the thought that you might have pushed me into that lake, for reasons I can’t even begin to grasp, that just really freaked me out and that’s why I lashed out at you earlier.”
Nullity just silently stares at you the entire time you speak, her posture and gaze never once shifting.
“I’m so terribly sorry for yelling at you Big Sis. I’m so very sorry. I feel utterly horrible doing that to you and I just want you to know, even if I don’t completely understand what’s going on, I still love you. Even if I was pushed into that lake, I’ll still always love you no matter what.”
“And I’ll always love you too Lil Sis.”
She suddenly lunges forward and clings onto you, giving you the hundred millionth hug you’ve already received from her. You’re almost a little shocked that she’s doing that considering everything that’s happened today.
“So, you’re not mad at me?”
“Sweetie, how could I ever be mad at you? Even if you didn’t like me, even if you hated me, I’d still always love you.”
And just like that, your heart was already beginning to feel warm and mushy.
“And I’d always love you too Big Sis. Always and forever.”
Nullity squeeze you tighter upon hearing that, and you do the same to her. After several seconds of tight hugging pass, however, you both let go of one another as you begin to speak some more.
“So now that that’s settled and that we know we’ll always love one another, can you tell me your side of the story? Can you tell me what you saw happen?”
You see her sigh a little, but she looks at you reassuringly, as if to say that no matter how painful it would be to tell you what she saw happen, she would be able to do so.
“We were out in the backyard playing and having fun. It’s a place you and I love to explore. Since we both live out closer to nature, our backyard goes on for miles into the wilderness. In fact, when we don’t have ponies over and when we have our days off, we’d always hang out more back there than we would in here. We’d always do stuff in the backyard. We’d play games like hide and seek, tag, and even racing. Course, we’d race in the air cuz it’s just always so much more fun to fly than it is to run. You always loved flying up into the clouds and seeing the landscape below. I so loved doing that with you too. We fell in love with the scenery and started taking pictures. You wanted to start a collection of photos of Mother Nature to decorate the house with…and I loved having them in our house. It helped make the place feel even more scenic and welcoming to ponies who came to see us. One day, however…”
You notice her tone changing from one of calmness to one of sorrow.
“…you wanted to see how far back the backyard went. We never went too far away from the house cuz we didn’t want to trespass on private property, or to risk getting hurt and getting lost. Yet you wanted to travel and explore and I could never say no to you, especially with the look of excitement you gave me when I said ‘Let’s do it!’ And so we did it. We flew a few miles from the house into the backyard wilderness and landed near a bunch of trees and bushes. Even though we could see the sky just fine, it almost felt like we were about to walk in a forest. It was very beautiful and nothing about it seemed scary. Until…”
Nullity’s ears droop and she looks away from you. The hairs on your coat started to stand up as you could feel a sense of uneasiness radiating off of Nullity.
“Until we got lost.”
She suddenly looks back at you and you could’ve sworn you felt a chill brushing through your fur.
“Maybe you heard it while you were out on the porch, but there’s a stream or a river we can hear from here, yet it’s actually really far away from us. We never found it and even when we flew, we never did see it…but that’s also cuz we never flew too far in that direction. When we landed near that lovely vegetation, we heard that stream of water, but much closer. You wanted to go investigate and I had found some really beautiful flowers nearby that I wanted to snag some pictures of. I should have said no and stayed with you, but I let you do that. After about five or ten minutes, I called out for you, but I never heard a response. I panicked and flew up into the air, trying to see if I could spot your furry white fluff in all the greenery. But I couldn’t find you anywhere. Yet I saw the stream flowing out from somewhere near the trees and bushes and as soon as I saw it, I heard you screaming.”
Tears start to trickle out of Nullity’s eyes.
“I immediately flew in the direction of the water and saw that it led to a big lake. There was splashing in the water and I noticed right away that was you. You never learned how to swim and by the time I dove down to ground level to get you, you were…you were…”
Nullity starts to shake and tear some more as she says the next part of her sentence.
“You were floating on the surface of the water face-down. You were still. I pulled you out of there and did everything to get you to wake up. But you didn’t. Yet, I still felt a pulse and flew you as quickly as I could to the hospital here in Vanhoover.”
Nullity forces herself to stop shaking and wipes her arm across her teary eyes, sniffling as she does so.
“Dr. Wilhelm was the one that saw you and diagnosed you with being in a coma. He warned that it was possible you might have never woken up, and that if you did, you might have lost portions of your memory. I begged him to let you stay here at home, and he agreed to that under the condition that one of his nurses, Nurse Reinhold, could stop by once a day to come and check up on you until you woke up. And a week later, you woke up, and here we are now.”
She smiles at you again and gives you another long, drawn-out hug, which you also return back to her.
“I don’t know what happened to you or how exactly you ended up like that, but I’m just so happy that you’re okay and that you’re here with me right now. Even if you don’t remember everything, I’ll help ya get your memories back Lil Sis. It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay. I’m here for you.”
You two silently hug one another like this, gently rocking back and forth for several minutes. Your mind is completely lost in thought, desperately trying to process everything she’s just said.
So Nullity wasn’t that girl. She didn’t push you into the lake. It’s enough to almost make you want to breathe a sigh of relief. But who was the girl that did push you into the lake? If Nullity wasn’t present during the entirety of that dream, then who was that girl that was with you? Come to think of it, were you a pony in that dream? Although you remember walking with her, you never actually saw yourself. You could’ve been a human, but you could have also very well been a pony too. Argh…you couldn’t remember.
Regardless though, did Nullity’s side of the story verify that that dream was actually a memory that really happened? It seemed to flow chronologically with the events that happened in it. Yet, if all of that really happened, does that mean your old life on Earth was nothing more than a bad dream?
You still had so many questions you wanted to ask and get answers to. Your body, however, wanted to do something else. It wanted to sleep. And upon realizing that, you let out a quiet yawn. Nullity gently pulls herself from you as a response.
“Daaawww…is a certain baby sister feeling sleepy?”
Even after all that talking, Nullity’s still being affectionate towards you. She really does love you. Yeah, there’s no way she could have been that girl at the lake. There’s just no way.
“Maybe just a…”
You let out a yawn midway through your sentence.
“…little. What time is it anyway?”
“I think it’s about a quarter past ten.”
“You mean it’s bedtime?”
You didn’t even think you could be out that long when you bumped your head. How could that much time pass so quickly?
“Hehe…yes, it’s bedtime Sweetie. And…”
Nullity also starts to yawn.
“And I think it’s about time we get a little sleep. I mean, you’ve done a lot of sleeping, but with you having just bumped your head like that earlier, I think it’s still super duper important that you rest. While you were out, I also contacted Dr. Wilhelm to see if he’d have any sooner appointments available. He was unavailable for tomorrow, but he said he could get us in the day after around 4:00 PM. He said you should rest, but if you felt up to it tomorrow, some exercise might also do you some good. We’ll see. For now though, we should get some sleep. We’ve been through a lot don’t you think?”
You nod at her and yawn once more. Upon doing so, you notice Nullity yawning right after you.
“You Silly Filly you. If you keep doing that, you’re gonna have me out in no time. Now scoot over before I fall asleep on top of ya.”
You move back a little against the couch as Nullity moves to get herself underneath your blankets. She wiggles herself in right next to you and wraps an arm around you. You both turn to face and lock eyes with one another.
“I love you so very much Lil Sis. Oh so very much. Even though it was hard, thank you for being honest with me. I’m not mad. I still love you with all my heart. And I’m just happy you’re doing okay. I’m right here and I’m gonna protect you, you sweet thing you.”
“And I love you too Big Sis. I’m so happy I’m with you again. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. And I’m so sorry about earlier. I…”
“Hush you. I already said I’m not mad at you. It’s okay.”
She smiles at you lovingly and moves her hoof to boop you on your nose. This time though, you smile and giggle just a little.
“Hehe…you’re such a Silly Filly, you know that Lil Sis? But you’re Big Sis’s silly little filly. You’re my silly little filly. Now get some sleep you.”
You both snuggle up close against one another, feeling each other’s body heat radiating underneath the blankets. Despite everything, you could feel your heart glowing with love. It felt really good.
“Sweet dreams Silly Filly. See you in the morning. Nini.”
You wiggle closer to her and whisper back to her.
“Sleep tight Big Sis. I’ll always love you. Promise.”
You see Nullity smile with her eyes closed and she hugs you tighter.
“Sleep you. Go to sleep Lil Sis. Shh…shh…go to sleep.”
She’s gently rubbing her hoof around your back. Your eyes start to grow heavy as her rubbing starts to quickly put you to sleep. But just as you close your eyes, you smile back to her. You loved Nullity and despite it all, you were just really happy to be with her again. And with that, you soon fall into a peaceful slumber.
Somewhere in the distance, you can vaguely hear the sounds of dishes clattering. The sounds weren’t too loud, yet the longer they went on, the more you can feel yourself starting to slowly wake.
Yet, as your mind stirs from its peaceful slumber, you leave your eyes closed. You didn’t want to get up just quite yet. You still wanted to savor the coziness of sleep.
Instead, you gently shift a little in your sleep so that you can more comfortably lay on your side. You take in a slow, deep breath, further sinking into a comfortable state of relaxation. Upon doing so, however, you feel your tummy beginning to rumble. The scent of some kind of super yummy food begins to fill your nostrils. Whatever it was, it smelled really, really good. Even though you didn’t know for sure, the closest your semi-awake mind could ascribe the smell to would be the wonderful scent of breakfast being cooked. The sounds of something sizzling, coupled with the wonderful aroma of food almost reminds you of all the good times you used to have when you were very young.
Memories of your parents taking you out to eat, having food made for you at home, being able to eat all that you could ever eat…you can feel yourself beginning to smile at such thoughts. They would never let you go hungry, always checking to make sure you had enough food to eat.
Your father, for example, would frequently take you out to eat and would let you get anything on the menu. He was always more than happy to pay for your meals. You’d get appetizers, meals, sides, and desserts; whatever you wanted, he’d get it for you. Especially on weekends, he’d take you out to eat for breakfast. He’d always get his routine meal and you’d gorge yourself with French toast, hash browns, biscuits, cinnamon butter toast, pancakes, scrambled eggs…you name it. It was almost like a tradition that the two of you shared.
Your mom, too, would also make you all kinds of stuff at home. Be it from secret family recipes to simple dishes, it was something she loved to do for you. Your parents always loved making or getting food for you.
Not everything was as dark and gloomy as you remember, was it? Your parents did love you when you were young. They wanted to care for you and they did whatever they could to make you happy. And truthfully, you wanted to make them happy too.
You snuggle the covers you were sleeping in and take another long, drawn-out breath. The wonderful aroma of food cooking is rapidly filling your lungs. That plus what you remember from your childhood, you just can’t help but feel that maybe you were always loved.
Remember the first time you tried cooking something for your parents? That time you tried making applesauce pancakes for them from scratch; it was a recipe that you learned from cooking class way back from middle school. You wanted to make it for your parents to surprise them and boy did they love them. And you loved them too. They were absolutely amazing. Hands down, they were the best kind of pancakes in all of existence. No other pancakes could ever beat them in terms of yumminess.
Remember that one time your mom made them for you when you were really sick? You were sick as a dog at the time and somehow, you managed to sleep that one night. Then, when morning came, you remembered hearing her walking towards you. You were sorta awake, kinda like now, but you could still hear her walking towards you. When she got close enough to you, she’d pause for a second or two, and then say…
“Good morning Silly Filly!”
Your eyes shoot wide open, nearly jumping in shock as a result. Nullity was smiling at you face to face.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa there Lil Sis. It’s okay. It’s just me.”
You breathe a loud sigh of relief and roll onto your back, your wings spreading just a little so that you wouldn’t smash them. She smiles at you and moves her hoof over to your mane, gently brushing your tangled, messy mane.
Mmm…that…wow…it just…it just feels so very nice. You were feeling small waves of euphoria shooting through your mind as you smiled back to her. You emit another smaller, but relaxing, sigh as you bask in the warmth and pleasure you were feeling.
Even though Nullity was your sister, the look she gave you, coupled with the way she was slowly brushing your mane, you just couldn’t help but feel that she could have also been a mother…maybe even your own mother. Your mom used to scratch your head or rub your back when you were very young, and you can even remember all of the wonderful sensations that were accompanied by such actions. Nullity’s brushing felt so similar to that and even though she had only been doing it for a few seconds, you could already feel yourself starting to get sleepy again. As your eyelids start to lower, however, Nullity quickly removes her hoof from your messy mane.
“Hey there Silly Billy. It’s not time to go back to sleep. C’mon. I know you’re hungry. I even made ya some super yummy breakfast.”
“Mmm…breakfast?”
You shift on the couch a little and rub your eyes with one of your hoovsies. Small sensations of blissful pleasure flash through your silly little mind as you can’t but help but notice your pink-colored hoovsie woovsies.
WAIT. WHAT?!?
Eyes fully open, you sit right up and scoot back so that you could lean on the couch’s arm.
“Easy Lil Sis. Shh…shh…what’s wrong?”
“I…I…”
You try to stammer out some kind of response, but your eyes are glued to your girly pink hoovsies. Then a thought quickly crosses your mind. What about your legs?
You kick the covers off immediately and notice right away that the hoovsies on your hind legs were painted pink too.
“Lil Sis, what’s wrong? Tell me what’s wrong. You’re scaring me.”
You swap your gaze from your pretty widdle hoovsies to Nullity, who’s looking at you with a mixture of curiosity and concern. Her eyes dart around you and suddenly, her expression turns into a playful grin.
“Whu-Why are you looking at me like that Big Sis?”
She doesn’t respond and instead reaches out and pulls for your right arm, holding it out in front of you so that the two of you can see.
“Hee hee…surprise Lil Sis!”
“Whu-What are you talking about?”
“I was gonna wait until we opened presents, but guess what I did what I did when you were asleep Silly Filly.”
Wait. No, did she paint your hoovsies with that girly pink color?
Which, by the way, goes perfect with your white coat. Don’t you think so?
A twinge of embarrassed shock flows through you. Your ears lower as you feel your face beginning to blush.
“I can see that Sweetie.”
“Huh?”
You feel Nullity releasing your arm, grinning at you while doing so. You then shift your gaze from hers and hold your hoovsies out in front of your face, admiring the bright hue of pink painted over them.
Look at how pretty they are.
Brain? What…What are you doing?
What? You’re a beautiful mare. Don’t you want to look all pretty and cute?
Uh…uh…
Especially with your pink widdle hoovsie woovsies, don’t you just wanna squee in delight like a girly girl?
B-Brain…no…please no…don’t do this…not now…
But a gorgeous mare’s got to admire her own beauty and you are a beautiful thing.
You can feel your face blushing bright red in embarrassment as Nullity begins giggling at you.
“You look really adorable, you know that Silly Filly?”
“I…”
After all, don’t you want to look good for some lucky handsome stallion?
S-Stallion?
Well, like yeah. Don’t you want to be a good girl for him and get totally mounted by his hunky…
You gasp as your fluffy white wings fully spring out from behind you. Your ears instantly perk up as you feel sharp jolts of pleasure coursing through your body. You quickly pull your covers up against you as you felt some kind of tingling sensation from…down there. Oh God. Did you…Did you just feel a little bit of…of wetness?
Suddenly, Nullity begins howling with laughter.
“S-Shut up! What did you do to me Nullity?”
“Heeheehahahahahaha…okay…hehehehe…okay. I’ll…hehe…tell you.”
You could tell that she was trying hard to keep a straight face, but her giant fidgeting smile simply meant she was failing horrible at it.
“But…But only under the condition…heeheeheehee…that you tell me first what kind of…”
She’s giggling hard again and you could feel your face wanting to burn off in shame.
“…lewd thoughts you were thinking of Silly.”
“NULLITY!!!”
Rather than try to keep whatever poker face Nullity was trying to uphold, she simply bounces backwards and cries with laugher. You in turn suddenly reach for the pillow on the couch from where your head was originally resting and bury your face in shame. Between Nullity’s pauses from her bursts of laughter, you can’t help but feel yourself shrinking further and further into the pillow, desperate to die in shame over the urges you were feeling.
But why should you be embarrassed for having those urges?
Huh?
You’re a beautiful mare and there’s nothing wrong for wanting to find a stallion to be with. After all, don’t you find stallions to be kinda cute?
Nuh-No…brain…please…just…please stop doing this to me.
What? Stallions are handsome. And wouldn’t you want to have one holding you in his arms and telling you that he loves you? Can you imagine how magical that would be?
Duh…please…stop…stop thinking like this brain. I’m…I’m a dude. I’m a…
A mare? Well, of course you are. A beautiful mare who simply wants to have a handsome stallion to cuddle with. Taking care of you, tending to your needs…maybe even wanting to start a family with.
NO! That’s…That’s not me. I…I’m not into guys. Please brain. Whu-What are you doing to me?
There’s nothing wrong with you liking stallions. How could you not? They’re handsome, dominant, caring, and…haven’t you ever wanted to be a mommy?
Whu-What? A muh-mommy?
Isn’t that something you always wanted back in that nightmare? To be a beautiful mare raising a beautiful child? To be a mommy and mother a precious innocent thing with the stallion of your dreams? To start the kind of family you’ve always wanted, to be filled with nothing but loving warmth, to spread that loving warmth to your precious loved ones…don’t you wanna do that as a beautiful, loving mare? And don’t you wanna do that alongside the stallion of your dreams, raising your precious children as a loving mommy with a caring daddy by your side?
“Aww… Lil Sis? I’m sorry. Do you think you can take that pillow off of your head for me?”
In the midst of your mind talking to itself, you failed to notice that Nullity was no longer laughing. Instead, you could tell she almost sounded apologetic in her tone of voice.
“Please Lil Sis? I’m sorry if I may have embarrassed ya. I was just teasing you. I just can’t help it that you look so cute when you blush.”
Reluctantly, you pull the pillow down and let it fall over on the couch. But rather than look at her, you direct your eyes to your sides, embarrassed for having such feelings and desires.
“Aww…I’m really truly sorry Lil Sis. I didn’t mean to make ya feel bad. Here…”
Without warning, Nullity springs up onto the couch and surprises you with a sudden tight hug. You quickly turn to face her as she raises her head slightly to also look you in the eyes.
“It’s okay Lil Sis. Everypony gets like that sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with it. There’s nothing wrong with you for getting excited over that kind of thing. I think it’s kind of endearing that you want to love that much.”
“To…whu…want to love that much? There’s…There’s nothing wrong with me?”
“Of course not Silly!”
Nullity suddenly lowers down and kisses you on the cheek, gently nuzzling against your muzzle. It honestly felt really weird to be snuggled right this second like this. You’re still a little bit in shock for having these kinds of feelings and desires, but Nullity’s affection was helping to quell your apprehensions of having such feelings and desires.
“There’s never ever anything wrong for wanting to love somepony Lil Sis. It’s a beautiful thing to want to love others. And you have a beautiful heart Lil Sis. A heart that simply wants to love and be loved. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Love is love. It’s a beautiful thing, and there’s so many ways to love others. Love takes on so many forms Lil Sis, and wanting to express that love in any of those forms is perfectly alright. As long as you never mean to hurt anypony and just simply want to love them for who they are…stallion, mare, either or, it doesn’t matter. Love is love Sweet Thing. And it doesn’t always have to be romantic love either.”
She pauses for a moment and lets out a small, nurturing sigh as she snuggles a little closer with you. You could feel yourself still blushing in some embarrassment, yet the way she was spoke about love was actually starting to produce some small tears in your eyes.
“You’re such a beautiful pony Lil Sis, you know that? You’re one of the sweetest souls out there, and just know that no matter what, I’ll always love you. And I’m sure that everypony would more than love you too if you reached out and shared some of your love with them. As matter of fact, look at all of the presents everypony got you.”
Your tilt your head slightly as all of the presents sitting on the table in front of you two come into your field of vision. Oh…Oh…your heart. Please. No. Duh-Don’t start crying all over again. Gotta try to hold back the tears. You can do this. Just…
“Those are all presents that ponies got ya for all the kind and loving help and company you gave them. You share so much of your love with everypony and because of that, they all love you back for it. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to share love Lil Sis. Listen…”
You look away from the presents and back to Nullity’s eyes with tears in your eyes.
“There’s nothing wrong with you Lil Sis. You’re a beautiful mare, my little Radiance, with a beautiful heart. I’ll always love you no matter who you love, and I’ll always love you for who you are. Always.”
Almost like an innate instinct, you grip your big sister into a tight hug, burying you muzzle into her neck while your tears begin to drip onto her fur. She returns the favor and gently nuzzles against your neck. Both of you hug and squeeze one another as tight as possible for sisterly affection.
“Shh…shh…there, there baby sister. Shh…shh…it’s okay.”
Her words were so unusually comforting this time around. Something super warm and tingling and fuzzy was beginning to radiate from inside you. It felt…you could feel it…it actually felt comforting. In response, you sniffle just a teeny bit more before saying anything.
“I…I love you too Big Sis. I love you. Pru-Promise to never leave muh-me. I nuh-need you.”
“Aww!”
Nullity lifts her head off of you as you do the same with her. With both of you now facing one another, you notice her casting a nurturing smile towards you. Though there were still some tears in your eyes, you could feel yourself beginning to smile too.
“I love you times infinity and beyond Lil Sis! I’ll always love you till the end of time. I’ll never ever leave you. Don’t you worry Lil Sis. I’m here for you.”
“Pru-Promise?”
“I promise baby sister.”
You both instantly hug one another once more and snuggle. Your heart, you noticed, was melting with all kinds of lovey, happy, warm, mushy feelings. You could rapidly feel your embarrassment for having such feelings, such urges, flowing out of you through Nullity. It just felt so good to love and be loved like this.
You were feeling…You were feeling just so…so cuddly and affectionate…and…so very feminine! It just feels so very right! As a result, you give your big sister the tightest, most snuggly snuggles you can possibly muster.
“Hehe…snuggly baby sister is super snuggly today. You’re so cute, you know that?
“I…I…”
Your face blushing, you give Big Sis a kiss on her neck.
“I just love you Big Sis! I can’t help it. You’re the bestest, most super special awesomest big sister of all time!”
“Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…Lil Sis…I…I just love you oh so very much to the core of my being! My happy, fluffy bundle of joy who just makes me so very happy…my Lil Sis…my Baby Sis…my precious baby sister of mine…I just can’t help it. I’ll always love you forever and ever until the end of time Sweet Thing.”
Big Sis gives you a soft kiss on your precious widdle forehead and gently nuzzles you again against your muzzle. You just can’t help but instinctually nuzzle her back. Your heart was beating with so many warm fuzzies and flurries of affectionate and tender feelings. You could even feel faint traces of pleasure coursing through your mind the more you thought and acted like this.
Doesn’t it feel ever so wonderful to be who you are? To feel so loved and accepted…it’s okay. Love yourself. It’s okay. It’s okay to be who you are. It’s okay to be a girl. You’re a girl. You’re a mare, and you’re so allowed to act like one. It really is okay.
Suddenly, you feel your tummy rumbling to the point where even Nullity notices.
“Oh my goodness! That’s right. I almost forgot. Hehe…I was gonna surprise you Lil Sis, but you’re already up and judging by that loud tummy growl, I can tell you’re super hungry. Luckily, I made ya some breakfast while you were sleeping. Let’s just hope it hasn’t gotten too cold.”
Nullity lifts herself up off the couch and extends a hoof out for you to latch onto. You reach out and do so, once again seeing that gorgeous hue of pink on your hoovsies. They were just so absolutely beautiful and you couldn’t help but feel even more wonderful on the inside for admiring them. But before you become too mesmerized by them, Nullity helps pull you off of the couch and onto your hoovsie woovsies.
“Are you good to walk Lil Sis, or would you like some help?”
“I think…I think I’m alright. But thank you anyway.”
“Okay. Why don’t you go have a seat? I’ll be right back.”
As Nullity happily trots on off to the kitchen, your gaze turns to the stack of presents sitting on the table. There were so many and truth be told, you kinda wondered how valuable some of those gifts might be. Should you maybe take a sneak peak, or wait until after breakfast?
Yet out of the corner of your eye, you also notice your big comfy pink bean bag sitting on the floor near the couch. It looked so cozy and soft and…and…oh heck, why not? You can open the presents after you eat.
You slowly walk on over to the bean bag, careful to not stare down at your hoovsies, least you bump into something. As you approach the bean bag, however, you decide to scoot it with your hoovsies so that it lay just a few feet in front of the couch. Satisfied with where it’s at, you jump up and stand right on top of it. You then plop down on your tummy, only to be greeted by cozy softness.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…yeah…that…that feels sooooooooooo gooooooooooooood…oh yush it does…
You stretch your arms forward and your hind legs back to get into an even better position. In so doing, you just can’t help but notice your cutesy hoovsies. Why are you so in love with them?
Just look at them: look at how beautiful and feminine they are. Compared with your beautiful fluffy white coat, pink really does go good on you, you know that?
Moving your right hoof closer to you and placing it right on top of the bean bag, you notice that the hueish pink on it almost matched that of the bean bag. You then bring both of your hoovsies to your chest and fidget with them. Even though you heard Nullity moving dishes and other things in the kitchen, you became too engrossed with your hoovsie woovsies to really notice what she was doing. You just can’t help the fact that because they’re painted pink, you feel a lot more feminine and at home in your current body.
Something about them…they gave you courage to be yourself…to love yourself…to truly enjoy being yourself. It just feels so really good to be a girl, to be girly, even though you weren’t completely used to it.
Almost subconsciously, you start kicking your hind legs up and down in a swaying motion. Even though it’s a stereotype, it kinda reminds you of one of those girls who’s painting their nails or talking on the phone or something. It feels really weird ascribing something like that to yourself, but it only makes you feel even better about yourself on the inside.
You hold your hoovsies out in front of you again, turning them slightly here and there to fully admire their beauty. They were just so beautiful to look at and they made you feel oh so very feminine. You almost sorta wanna giggle in delight.
Doesn’t it just feel absolutely wonderful to be a girl? To be able to finally be one, to act like one, all without-
“Hehe…I see my baby sister loves the hoof polish I got her.”
Feeling yourself blush, you quickly turn your head to your left and see Nullity carefully walking towards you from the kitchen. Her wings were outstretched and half-expanded. Plates stacked with food were all carefully balanced on each wing.
How the heck is she able to balance all of that? That looks really incredibly challenging. You start to stand up, but just as soon as you are about to do so, Nullity speaks up.
“No no no, stay right where you are Silly Filly. I got this. Let me take care of you Sweet Thing.”
“Are you sure Big Sis?”
“Don’t worry Lil Sis. I got this.”
You slowly sit yourself back down as you watch her carefully walk towards you. Honestly, how on Earth is she able to do that with her wings? Just the sight of her trying to balance those dishes is enough to actually begin making your own wings ache a little. In response, your fluffy white wings shift slightly from such imagined muscle strain, yet Nullity simply giggles.
“What are you doing with your wings Silly Filly?”
“I…uh…”
As she walks right up to you, she bends down a little and carefully extends one wing out to deliver your food in front of you. As a plate of applesauce pancakes slides off her wing and onto the floor…wait a minute…APPLESAUCE PANCAKES?!? Four neatly stacked golden-brown pancakes sat on a plate dusted with powdered sugar. In the middle of the top pancake sat a small scoop of whip cream with a strawberry on top.
How…it…it looks exactly like how your mom used to make them when you were little. How does Nullity know how to make them exactly like that?
“And here you go my little Radiance. Just like how you always loved them. And, if you don’t mind…”
Nullity extends her other wing down to lay another plate of food next to yours. On it were scrambled eggs and hash browns, just like what Mom would make when she…
“…I’d like to sit next to ya and eat with ya, so scooch over Silly!”
She folds her wings back, walks up from behind, and plops herself right next to you. You feel yourself sliding to your side a little, yet strangely, the bean bag could fit both of you. Yet you’re still entranced by Nullity’s food.
That’s the food your mom would make whenever she ate with your during breakfast. She usually only ever made it when she made you applesauce pancakes, yet she was the only one who ever made your pancakes like this. How does Nullity know how to make them like that? After all, only your mom…your mom…
Except that wasn’t really your mom.
B-Brain? Whu-What?
Remember? That was all a bad nightmare. None of that was real.
Huh? Whu-
Look around you. You’re a girl. You’re a mare. You’re…
You lower your head and close your eyes, placing your hoovsies against your temples in an attempt to deal with the headache you were giving yourself.
“Lil Sis, are you okay?”
“Huh?”
You open your eyes to turn and look at her. She looks at you with a touch of concern, but upon seeing that look, you look back down at your own food. Suddenly, your tummy roars in hunger. Despite your confusion, you can feel your mouth beginning to water.
“Hehe…you know I heard that Lil Sis. Eat. Your tummy needs food. That’ll make you feel soooooooooooooo much better.”
That food did look really, REALLY yummy. The sight of it, coupled with the wonderful aroma of breakfast filling your nostrils, is enough to cause your hungry tummy to rumble once more. You can feel it begging for that super yummy in the tummy food.
Regardless of what you were previously thinking, you dig right in. Even though you had no utensils, you lean forward and bite down on your pancakes.
“Oh. My. God.”
This tasted like…like nothing you’ve ever tasted before. They taste the same as they’ve always tasted, but your taste buds were magnifying the wonderful pleasures that these pancakes from heaven were making. And then…ohohohohohohohoh…the whip cream…the strawberry on top…
You can’t take your time. You’re starving. You chomp down hard and feel yourself melting in ecstasy as that fruity sweetness mixed with godly pancake batter accentuate your pleasure senses to untold levels. Within literally a minute, you’ve gobbled down your first pancake.
“Wowzers. You sure are hungry, huh Lil Sis? Hehe…glad you love my cooking.”
You briefly turn to look at her, seeing her chewing on her own food. She starts giggling at you in response.
“Silly, you’re making a mess all over your face. Wait…oh that’s right! How could I forget? Lemme go get you some napkins and water. Don’t eat too fast or you may give yourself a tummy ache. Be right back.”
Nullity stands up and walks around you towards the kitchen, but you’re too busy gorging yourself with the best food in all of existence. You lean back down and bring the plate of pancakes to your face and chomp them down as fast as you possibly can.
Food has never tasted this amazing. It’s so yummy and delicious. After all, how could none of this be real?
You pause briefly at the sudden thought, but continue eating anyway. This was so real. There was no shadow of a doubt. The pleasures and food and love you were experiencing, there’s no way that old life was real. It really was all a bad dream. Your mom…that really was Nullity, wasn’t it? That wasn’t your mom; it was Nullity. Nullity is real; your mom isn’t. Nullity is the best! You love her. And you so absolutely love her wonderfully amazing cooking!
After a few moments, you notice Nullity walking right back to you. Yet you’re too busy finishing the last of your pancakes and savoring the pleasures of every last bite to look up.
“Sweet Celestia Lil Sis! Look at you go. Hehe…you must really be hungry. Here, why don’t you have some water?”
You briefly notice in the corner of your eye Nullity setting aside a very tall pink glass filled with water next to you. Despite doing so, however, you continue eating. And in literally just a few seconds, you finish your last bite.
“Ahhhhhhhh. Mmm…that was so amazing Big Sis! Thank you so very much. I love you.”
You raise your head and use your precious hoovsies to try to grip and tilt the glass of water to your lips, taking several big gulps. The cool refreshing liquid washing down your food…oh…oh this is heaven.
“Aww! I love you too Lil Sis. Here, why don’t you have the rest of my food?”
You stop drinking and turn to look at her in surprise.
“Wait, are you sure Big Sis?”
“Yush, I’m sure. I’m actually not all that hungry. You really need the food more than me. Plus, nothing warms my heart more than to feed and take care of my baby sister.”
She slides your empty plate to her side and scoots the remainder of her food in front of you. Hash browns and scrambled eggs…there was still so much left over! You can even feel the hunger pangs rumbling in your tummy.
It’s just like what your mom…no, wait. Not your mom Silly! It’s just like what Nullity has always done for you. Isn’t that just about the sweetest thing your big sister could do for you?
Wasting not a second more, you lunge forward and begin scarfing down another round of delicious breakfast. The scents that were emanating from your eggs and potatoes, even if they were just hash browns, is enough for you to gobble down your food like a hungry animal that hasn’t eaten in days.
Yet while you ate, you at some point felt Nullity wrapping a wing around you, as well as one of her hoovsies gently flowing through your mane. Oh. Oh yush. Pleasure after newfound pleasure was soaring through your mind. Everything is just so wonderfully amazing. Especially with Nullity right here next to you, how could you ever ask for more? She’s always loving and caring towards you.
Still, even though she’s your big sister, you so wouldn’t mind her mothering you. And though you loved the mother you had in that horrible nightmare, you easily loved Nullity a thousand times more. Sister or mother, she’s the absolute best! You love her more than you could have loved anyone ever. And the difference between the old mother you had in your nightmare compared to the sister you have right now is that Nullity is real; your old mom definitely isn’t. Yeah, this is all so totally real and you just absolutely love it!
After a few minutes pass, you finish the last of Nullity’s food and take one final big gulp of water until the glass was empty. Mmm…that was so good!
“Hehe…you nice and full baby sister?”
“Mhm. Thanks for making that Big Sis. That was really, really yummy. I kinda almost wanna eat it all over again.
But you knew you couldn’t. Your tummy was just way too full.
“I’m just happy you finally got yourself a nice meal to eat Lil Sis. It’s really wonderful to see you have such a big appetite. That’s gonna make Nurse Reinhold and Dr. Wilhelm so happy to know. Nursing my baby sister back to health…I really love doing that, just like I really love you.”
“Aww!”
Warm fuzzies flutter through your heart after hearing more words of affection. You turn your head to nuzzle against Nullity’s neck and she does the same, but suddenly notices something and leans off of you.
“Whoa there Silly Filly. You’ve made a little bit of a mess. Lemme clean that off your muzzle real quick.”
“Huh?”
From her side, Nullity pulls out a white napkin and uses it to wipe your muzzle clean, as well as her neck, from all the food you had smeared on your face while eating.
“Hehe…opsies. Sorry about that Big Sis.”
“Hush you. You don’t gotta be sorry. I just love taking care of ya Sweet Thing.”
Once she finishes with that, she wraps an arm around you and snuggles you hard. You try to do the same, but her wing over you makes it harder to maneuver your arm around her to hug her. So instead, you just lean onto her and nuzzle her.
Small feelings of sleepiness start to flow through you as you can feel your energy flowing towards your tummy to help digest all that food. You feel yourself gradually becoming a lot more relaxed and calm. Oh this felt way too good. It was so good that you just wanted to sit like this and snuggle and hug Big Sis for all of eternity. And yet, after a few minutes pass, Nullity unwraps herself from you and stands up.
“Here, lemme get these dishes out of your way Lil Sis.”
You see Big Sis halfway spreading her wings once more as she leaned down to snatch every dirty dish by the mouth, only to turn her head and rest each one on one of her wings. It looked very hard and strenuous, yet Nullity was able to do so without too much difficulty.
Once she finally gets all of the dishes on her wings, you see her walk into the kitchen. A few seconds later, you hear dishes clattering in what you suppose is the kitchen sink. But rather than wash them, she immediately heads back into the living room and smiles brightly at you.
“Know what time it is Lil Sis?”
“Uh…what time is it? I have no idea. Is it noon?”
“No Silly Filly. It’s time for presents!”
“PRESENTS?!?”
For some silly reason, even though you knew that’s what you two were gonna do, you still feel yourself getting excited and giddy like a child. It’s literally been forever since you got to open presents, and if you already got something as amazing as your heart-shaped necklace and your lovely girly pink hoof polish, then you knew you were so gonna love whatever else was in store for you.
“That’s right baby sister! It’s time to open presents! Here, lemme get them for ya.”
Nullity happily trots on over to all the presents that were neatly stacked on top of the table. You can feel yourself quickly becoming giddy and excited. After all, what were in all those presents? What did everyone get you? Oooooooo! Maybe you got a…
“Annnnnnnnnnnd here’s the first one!”
Nullity trots back to you holding a present in her mouth by the ribbon. She leans down and places the present in front of you and watches you with playful curiosity. It was a small to medium-sized present with pink wrapping paper and a red bow enclosing it. As far as you could tell, there was nothing on it in terms of who it was from.
“Who’s it from Big Sis?”
“Hehe…why me of course Silly.”
Your heart fluttering, you try to quickly open it with your pretty widdle hoovsie woovsies. Struggling, you try and bite down on the gift in an attempt to rip open the wrapping paper.
“Hrm…you having a little bit of trouble Lil Sis? Here, lemme help you.”
She gently takes it from you and somehow, she’s able to tear the wrapping paper off with her hoovsies. How the heck is she able to do that and so many other things? Big Sis is just soooooooooooooo talented, huh?
Just as quickly, however, she hands it back to you. Inside the wrapping paper, you saw, was a small brown box. However, the box was sealed shut and you could not for the life of you get it open. Having hoovsies is kinda challenging, isn’t it? Ooooo…but it’s so much fun!
“Hehe…uh…kinda a silly favor to ask Big Sis, but could open up my presents for me? I’m struggling just a little trying to open them.”
“Daww…are you sure Lil Sis?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. But it’s so totally okay. I’m just struggling a little is all. Might make it easier, at least until I’m all better.”
“Why of course I will Precious Thing. Nothing makes me happier than to nurture my baby sister back to health with all the love and care and affection she could ever ask for!”
You reach for her and she gets closer to you so that you can give your super special awesome big sister the biggest hug you can possibly muster. She feels so good and wonderful and loving and…you just really love Big Sis! It just feels so good to love and be loved. If you could, you’d hug her for all of eternity.
However, Nullity breaks free from your clutch and fidgets with the little brown box for it to open. Once she does so, she hands the box back to you. Almost immediately, you turn it upside down and pour the contents onto the floor. What came out was a hair clip of some kind with a small bottle containing a pink liquid of some sort.
You try to carefully pull the small bottle up to your face with your hoovsies, only to quickly realize it’s hoof polish. It’s the same polish that’s on your beautiful hoovsie woovsies…your cutesy hoovsies. The hair clip itself, you also noticed, was in the shape of a pink heart with small gold-like diamonds glittering all over it. Both were just so absolutely beautiful!
“Aww…thank you Big Sis! This is the bestest gift ever!”
“Daww…hehe…thank you Lil Sis. I mean, sorry about the hoof polish from earlier, but I just couldn’t wait to see the look on your face. I wanted to surprise ya with it before we started opening presents, but…well…hehe…can’t help it that I’m just as excited as you are.”
Nullity leans towards you to give you a quick hug. You give her a small kiss around her neck in response.
“Thank you Big Sis. You’re the best! I love you.”
“No, you’re the best Silly Filly, and I love you times infinity and beyond. Always remember that.”
She kisses you on your forehead and gives you a tight hug. Oh…hugs are so awesome! Especially from Big Sis! All these huggies and mushy feelings…it all feels so wonderfully amazing. More…you want more affectionate feelings! You can never have enough of them. You just love everything right now, but you love Big Sis the most!
“Hehe…you’re super snuggly, you know that Lil Sis? But we got so many more presents to unwrap and the day is getting away. C’mmon, let’s see what everypony else got ya.”
Excited, you actually started giggling a little. Even on your end, you sounded super sweet and cute. And you loved it! Feeling all girly and happy like this…it’s such a lovely, wonderful feeling, isn’t it?
“Oooo…I bet you can guess what’s inside this one.”
Nullity comes back the gift and with it, she also tries to scoot some of the presents up close to you, probably to save energy from having to walk back and forth.
“Hm? What’s that?”
“Why don’t you see who it’s from first?”
Nullity places the present in front of your face for you to see. This one was probably the largest present out of them all. It was wrapped in golden wrapping paper. There was no bow on it, but you could see something scribbled on it.
“To: Radiance. From: Clockwork.”
Just who could this be?
“Oh! I almost forgot. He left ya a small note. Here, read it first and I’ll open it for you.”
Nullity hands you the note. You take a quick look through it.
To Radiance:
I hope this gift finds you well and healthy. When I heard what happened to you, I was deftly worried. Fortunately, your sister Nullity said you’d be just fine in no time and knowing her, I know you’re in good company. If I wasn’t so busy myself, I’d be there doing everything I could to help you. So instead, when you’re up and about, please accept this gift as my eternal gratitude for everything you’ve done for me. You’ve given me renewed hope, vigor, love, and a brighter outlook on things. You’ve given me all the time in the world to appreciate every second and so, it’s only right that I give you that same amount of time to enjoy eternal love and happiness. You deserve nothing less Radiance.
P.S. When you wake, come visit the shop. I’d really love to catch up with you and Nullity sometime. It’s been ages since we last spoke and I’d love nothing more than to hear from the best sisters in all of Vanhoover again.
Just as you finish reading, you also notice that Nullity was reading alongside with you.
“Aww…isn’t that so sweet Lil Sis?”
“Clockwork…Clockwork…he sounds familiar, but I…”
Your head starts to ache a little. Wasn’t he Clockwork? That one guy from your nightmare. Wait, no…not Clockwork, but uh…uh…Clopwork? Or maybe…but…then again…there never was an Internet, was there? That was all just a bad dream.
“Hehe…why don’t I open up his present for you? Maybe that’ll jog some memories.”
Nullity fumbles with the present and tears it open. She carefully reaches inside and pulls out what was perhaps the most beautiful clock you’ve ever seen. She holds it out in front of you smiling. The best way you could describe it was a heart laying against one of those atom electron ring things that would sometimes see in science books. Small clear diamonds lay neatly aligned all around the rings and in the center of the heart itself were violet hands in the shape of fancy arrows. The big one pointed at twelve o’clock and the little one pointed at three o’clock. The clock wasn’t ticking, probably because it was off. Yet, you also notice a brilliant red garnet stone laying just above the six o’clock typography.
Your birthstone! This…This is absolutely gorgeous! Goodness, what did you ever do to deserve such a beautiful thing? It looks so incredibly expensive. Actually, now that you think about it, who was Clockwork?
“Big Sis…I…this…just…”
“Hehe…it’s pretty isn’t it? Considering everything you’ve done for Clockwork, it doesn’t surprise me he’d make something this nice for you.”
“But…Clockwork…gah…I’m sorry Big Sis. I’m having trouble remembering.”
“That’s okay Lil Sis. Clockwork is a pony here in Vanhoover who’s special talent is making clocks. We actually got that grandfather clock a couple years back when his store first opened.”
You turn to look at the towering grandfather clock ticking away as the pendulum swung back and forth. The sounds of the clock ticking…they were beginning to ring through your mind. Yet you turn back to look at the beautiful clock that Clockwork got you as Nullity continues what she’s saying.
“Anyways, he went through some hard times and started to suffer from depression and hopelessness. One day when we were walking through town, you saw him down and offered to help him. Well, suffice it to say, you invited him home and together, we helped him through his hard times with tons of love and support, and mostly importantly, with your super special secret talent, which is giving tons and tons of snuggies. Hehe…cuz of you, he’s living such a happier life now. And, that’s what all these gifts are Lil Sis. For everything you’ve done to improve the lives of all the ponies around you.”
Your heart…you can’t help but feel yourself tear a little. To be loved like that, and to love to the point where you could make a positive difference in others’ lives…could you really ask for anything more than that?
“Dawww…hehe…wipe away those tears Silly Filly. It’s time to be happy.”
You rub your arm gently across your eyes.
“Duh-Don’t worry Big Sis. *sniff* I’m not sad. I’m just really happy is all. They’re tears of joy.”
“Good. I’m glad. And there’s more joy to be had. We got tons more stuff to open too.”
Nullity moves off to your side and gently sets the clock, as well as your hoof polish and your hair clip, off to the side in one pile, with wrapping paper and empty boxes in another pile. She comes back to you and gives you another quick kiss on your forehead.
“Now, why don’t you tell me which present you want to open next?”
You look and see a small rectangular present in the pile with rainbow polka-dots all over it. You point to it and Nullity happily pulls it from the pile.
“Ooooo…this one’s from Brielle. She’s the fashionista of Vanhoover. How much you wanna bet she got ya something relating to what she does Silly?”
You giggle once again as Nullity tears open the present, revealing what looked to be a makeup kit of some sort. Nullity hands you the kit as you eagerly snatch it from her to take a closer look.
Through the plastic, you can see things like accessories, eyeliner, eyeshadow, and several other makeup utensils that you weren’t all too familiar with. Yet you can feel yourself getting excited over the thought of beautifying yourself. You really, really wanted to and just the thought of a complete makeover was making you giddy with excitement. You weren’t used to being like this, but remember, you’re a girl. It’s so totally alright to feel, look, and act like one.
“Hehe…that look in your eye Lil Sis…I can tell you really love that one. We’re so gonna have to give ya a makeover and show Brielle. I’m sure she’d love nothing more than to see you walking around, let alone seeing you wearing what she got you.”
“Totally. I really wanna do that today. Is that okay with you Big Sis?”
“Why of course baby sister. I’d love nothing more than to do that with you. But we still got several other presents to open. Let’s do that first.”
You put the makeup kit next to your other opened presents as Nullity hands you another gift. This one looked something similar to what Brielle got you, but instead, it was a bit bigger and flimsier. If you had to guess, it was probably clothes of some sort. Wait, clothes? Ooooooo…
“And this one’s from Epaulet. She loves designing armor for the Royal Guard, but she also makes all kinds of clothes for everypony in Equestria. She’s widely considered to be nationally famous. A lot of ponies praise her for her work around here, especially cuz she grew up right here in Vanhoover.”
Nullity opens the present and within seconds, she pulls out what looks to be a lovely violet dress with pinkish-purple frills flowing down towards the bottom. In the center of it near the collar, as you might have guessed, was yet another pink heart outlined in gold, just like your necklace. Did Epaulet get you this necklace too?
“Oh my goodness Big Sis! This looks…This looks absolutely amazing! Did she make this just for me?”
“Hehe…looks to be that way Lil Sis. She wanted to make you something you’d love to wear around town. It’s made with the fanciest and rarest fabric in all of Equestria. It’s one of a kind and it’s not too often she makes rare attire like this one. She wanted it to be special for everything you’ve done for her, and for everypony you’ve helped. So she talked with me for ideas and we both agreed this would look amazing on you. You so deserve it, my beautiful baby sister.”
You actually squee in delight and give your big sister yet another hug for the millionth time.
“Silly. You’re a happy silly girl, you know that?”
You giggle. Your girly giggle was making you smile and feel evermore increasingly wonderful on the inside.
“Just promise me you give her the biggest snuggles Epaulet could ever ask for, alright? Cuz I know she’d love nothing more than to know you’re okay. She’s been worried sick about you. Hehe…just wait until you see the look on her face when you give her the bestest huggies all dressed up in her outfit. Oh…she’s just gonna love it!”
“Hehe…don’t you worry Big Sis. I so totally will.”
Nullity gently folds the dress and places it near your growing pile of opened gifts. She then sorts through the pile of unopened presents and grabs yet another one for you. You two go through and open presents for the next hour or so, discovering all sorts of wonderfully amazing things. Be it from home décor to personal memorabilia, both you and your big sister happily open each gift, eager to discover what’s inside and to learn a little more about the ponies who loved you.
As your opened pile of gifts grew and your unopened pile shrunk, you eventually managed to get down to two more presents that had yet to be opened. One looked to be an envelope, while the other was a medium-sized box with a letter on top of it. Wanting to save the bigger gift for last, you decide that the envelope-looking gift should be opened next. You point to it and when Nullity sees it, she smiles and tears just a little.
“Dawww…I think you’re really gonna love this gift Lil Sis. Here.”
Nullity gently tears it open from the inside and carefully peaks inside, careful to not suddenly spoil the surprise for you. She pulls out a letter from the envelope and reads it first. You actually hear her sniffle a little, and when she looks back to you, you notice her looking at you with tears of joy. You were actually kinda curious to see what was written on it.
“What’s it say Big Sis?”
“Hehe…*sniffle*…uh…here.”
She hands you the piece of paper. You quickly look to see what’s on it.
Hi Mommy.
Wait. WHAT?!? HUH?!? But before you noticeably react, you scan through the rest of the letter thoroughly.
I really miss you mommy. Daddy says you had a little accident and needed lots of rest. But, I wanted to make sure Mommy knew that I loved her and I wanted to get you something so you always knew I was by your side. It’s not fancy or anything special, but I still wanted to do something for you. I wish I could hug you, but Aunt Nullity said you needed peace and rest, so I made you a drawing so that you could maybe feel me trying to hug you.
At this moment, Nullity hands you the envelope. You reach inside to pull out the other piece of paper. On it was a crudely drawn drawing of you, Nullity, a sky-blue pegasus, and what looked to be a colt with wings trying to hug you, with you hugging back. Nullity and the blue pegasus were standing from behind watching and smiling, with a pink heart shining in the center of the drawing. Your eyes getting watery, you turn to read the rest of the letter.
Did you feel that Mommy? I try to hug you every night before I go to bed to see if it will help you wake up. Maybe, the more hugs I try to give, just like all the snuggly hugs you tried to give me, the stronger you’ll become. Daddy says it’s worth a try and says that if I try super hard, you’ll be better and wake up in no time! But Mommy, can I ask you a favor though? I hate asking you favors because you’re always so nice and friendly to me, but when you wake up, can you give me a hug? Because…Because…I really wanna hug you again. You give the best hugs…and…I just want to really hug you Mommy. Pretty please? You’re the best mommy ever and no mommy’s ever gonna replace you Mommy. You’ll always be my mommy.
I love you Mommy.
Tears flowing from your eyes, you put no effort in trying to hold back the floodgates. You begin crying hard, and Nullity is quick to rush to your side to embrace you in a tight, loving hug. You let the drawing and letter fall to your side and you hug her tight, rocking with her as you cry tears of affection and heartache. You were a mommy. You are a mommy. You’re a mommy. You actually had a child that loved you and missed you. And a husband…and a family alongside Nullity…You…OH YOU JUST WANTED TO FIND THE POOR THING AND HUG HIM AS TIGHT AS YOU EVER POSSIBLY COULD! So instead, you hug Nullity as hard as you can possibly muster, hoping some of that loving energy would travel through her and back to him.
“Shh…shh…it’s okay Lil Sis. Little Beezle will just be so happy to see you again. He always really loved your hugs. Cuz of you, he’s super duper snuggly now, just like us Silly Filly. Can’t tell you enough how happy that’s made Blueberry.”
“Whu-Wait…*sniff*…Blueberry?”
You gently break away from Nullity just a little to wipe your eyes.
“Blueberry. Beezle’s father.”
“Muh-My huh-husband?”
“What?”
Nullity looks at you with what you can only guess was playful confusion.
“No Silly Filly. Well, do you…hehe… have a crush on him? After all, you two do get along really well together. Maybe you two should go on a date sometime.”
Nullity simply giggles as you smile with tears in your eyes, yet you were still confused.
“I…*sniff*…sorry Big Sis. I’m a little confused. My memories are a still a little fuzzy.”
“Opsies. Sorry Lil Sis. Well, you know of Beezle, right?”
Even though you couldn’t remember a whole lot, you heartily shake your head up and down.
“Well, Blueberry is his father. Except, shortly after Beezle was born, his mother ran off from home and disappeared. No pony knows why. It was something that was a great struggle for Blueberry and as much as he loves Beezle, to see his wife go away like that…it really messed with him. Course, you always did want to raise a child and truth be told, I’d so love to be an aunt. So, being the loving sisters that we were, we helped him by trying to be a part of their family. They don’t live with us, but they love to stop by a lot. We’ve sorta raised Beezle since he was an infant and he really does love you. And you’ve made Blueberry a lot happier being the mother Beezle never had. Course, I never knew of you having a thing with him, but…you know…hehe…”
Between all the ripe mixtures of emotions you were feeling, you also can’t help but feel yourself blush a little. Dating a stallion and raising a child…you just felt so many wonderful happy emotions inside of yourself. Being a mommy…you wanted to be a mommy. You’ve always wanted to be a mommy. You’re a mommy. In response to these feelings, you give your big sister another long, drawn-out hug. All of these feelings you were feeling…you just loved it all, especially being this emotional and this much of a softy. It felt really, really good.
“Big Sis?”
“Hm?”
“Can we see Beezle today? I really wanna hug him.”
“Hehe…I don’t see why not. I know he’d really love to hug and snuggle you too. Let’s do that. But first, you gotta get ready and before you get ready, you’ve still got one last present to open.”
You let go of Nullity and gently place the gifts Beezle got you next to all of your other opened presents. Only this time, however, you make sure they’re situated in such a way so as to not get damaged. Nullity then grabs the final present and places it in front of you. It was a medium-sized box wrapped in candy cane wrapping paper with a white bow resting neatly on top. Right next to the bow was yet another letter.
“Hehe…I know who this is from. You’re gonna love this Lil Sis.”
She winks and nudges at you. Mushy mommy feelings calmly receding, you curiously open up the envelope containing the letter. Hrm…that’s strange. You could see some scribbling in all caps.
HEY JACKASS!
Your heart stopping, you freeze by the sight of sudden foul language. Your eyes slowly and carefully scan the contents of the message.
I know it’s you, you fucking fucker. Yeah, you’re the son of a bitch that likes to keep pranking everyone, right? You’re the eggy farts asshole, aren’t you? Always screwing and fucking with people in the office. I’m fucking tired of your God-damned shit asshole. I know it’s you. I FUCKING KNOW IT’S YOU!
Let this be a warning. If you fuck with me or anyone else here one more time, I’ll make sure you pay. I’ll make sure you get fired. I’ll make sure you get your very own so-called “Blackbox” full of shit. I WILL FUCKING RUIN YOUR LIFE, MARK MY FUCKING WORDS!
Go rot in hell, you pathetic piece of shit.
Sincerely,
Go Fuck Yourself
The letter falls from your hooves as you stare forward in a zombified trance.
“Lil Sis? What’s wrong?”
You don’t answer, but instead stutter at trying to come up with some kind of a response.
“Answer me Lil Sis. You’re starting to scare me. What’s wrong?”
“I…I…”
You grab the letter and hand it right over to her. She takes it and quickly scans through its contents. She looks back up at you confused.
“I don’t understand Lil Sis. What’s wrong? That was just Times R. New. He’s a prankster. He loves pranking everypony. It’s his talent.”
“Wait…what?”
Nullity hands the letter back to you and you look at it again.
HEY RADIANCE!
Wuh-What? Huh? It…It didn’t say that. That’s not right. Yet this time, you more carefully and intricately read through the letter.
I know it’s you. Of course it’s you! The kindest and sweetest mare in all of Equestria. Now, I know you and Nullity are both the most loving and friendly of sisters, but I also know you two love pranks. Or at least Nullity does. And I thought to myself, what better way to put on some smiles than to offer you a little prank of mine? Trust me, I know you’ll love it.
Let this be a warning though. There is ~something~ inside this gift I got you and it might seem a little foul, but trust me, it’ll be good for you. After all, laughter is the best medicine. Come visit me sometime. I’ll be sure to give you all the pranks your heart could ever not ask for.
Hope you feel better expelling some of that radiating flatulence.
Sincerely,
Times R. New
“That’s…That’s nuh-not right. The letter didn’t say that Big Sis.”
“What are you talking about Lil Sis?”
Your head is suddenly pounding with a terrible headache. This wasn’t right. No…there’s something really wrong here. Fucker…jackass…asshole…those are words you’re not supposed to know. Those are bad words. Those are horrible words. No one ever hated you that much, did they? Doesn’t everyone here love you? You try relieving your blaring headache by dropping the letter and gently rubbing your hooves against your temples.
“Lil Sis. Are you okay?”
No…no…you’re not okay. This isn’t right. Ponies don’t talk like that. That was…wasn’t that from that horrible nightmare? You vaguely remember seeing somewhere on something…maybe it was on something like the Internet. Was it on a computer? Something somewhere, you remember seeing messages of this one guy trying to joke with others through his writing. The eggy farts guy. There was also…someone…err…that went by the nickname “Blackbox” that this guy continuously loved to joke with. His writing…it always had to do with whoever this “Blackbox” was and with eggy farts. Over time, you saw him doing his eggy fart jokes with other people there too and for some reason, you thought it was hilarious. So, you started mimicking him in real life and tried to prank others around you just like he did. People at work…you…that’s right…you…didn’t like them…and they didn’t like you…
You could feel your head roaring with pounding headaches as old memories start to slowly resurface. You…You would occasionally send small black boxes, nicknamed the infamous “Blackbox” to those you didn’t like, and when they opened them, a balloon filled with your own flatulence inside would pop as a mechanism from opening the box would cause the balloon to pop. You also added some other foul stuff into it to make it smell even worse and whenever someone was unfortunate enough to open a “Blackbox,” they would end up smelling horrible and reeking of bad odor for the rest of the day.
Ultimately, it was your way of you getting back at everyone. But…you’d never ever wanna have revenge and wish harm on others, would you? That’s not you. That was all a bad dream, right?
“Lil Sis.”
You open your eyes and turn to Nullity.
“Are you okay?”
“Heh…I’m fine Big Sis. Don’t worry. I just thought I saw something different. Never mind. Let’s see what Times R. New gave us.”
“Gave you Silly, not me.”
Nullity starts to smile a little, but you can tell that she was still carefully watching you out of concern. She tears off the wrapping paper and…and…you feel your heart stop again. There it is. It looked exactly like it. It was literally the Blackbox. If you opened that, then…
Almost in a trance-like state, you carefully push the lid up. It makes a small creaking sound as you slowly push it up. You know what? Screw it. Just open it.
You suddenly push the lid all the way open. Upon doing so, you could hear the sound of a loud popping sound rattling throughout your ears. Then…oh God…the smell…that horrible reeking God-awful smell. You notice Nullity starting to giggle, only to soon erupt into howling laughter.
“HEHEHEHE…HAHAHAHAHA…Oh my Sweet Celestia. Times R. New…oh…hehehehehe…AHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
For nearly the first time since waking up, you actually felt yourself frowning from being genuinely upset. Nullity only continues laughing harder as you start to subconsciously display an irritated expression.
“Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee yeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww! Smells like some low tide right there, doesn’t it Lil Sis?”
She’s still laughing and aside from you literally smelling like garbage, you didn’t feel right about any of this. There is something wrong here.
“Hehe…oh come on Silly. It’s just a little prank. It’s something Times R. New is infamous for. Don’t take it personally. He really does like ya.”
You grumble some kind of a reply, but Nullity doesn’t hear you. Instead, she says something else.
“Why don’t we go ahead and get you a shower Stinky? I think it’s about time you started getting ready for the day, don’t you?”
You grumble a little more, lost in thought over all of this, yet from Nullity’s perspective, all that seemed wrong was that you didn’t enjoy smelling bad…smelling like eggy farts.
“C’mmon Stinky. Time to get you a shower.”
You stand up along with Nullity and together, you both head upstairs, with her ahead of you and you close behind. You both walk up the stairs and down the hallway towards your room. As you enter it, you notice Nullity heading over to your bathroom. You’re about to head in there yourself until you notice something out of the corner of your eye.
All of the pony plushies on the dresser next to your bed were all smiling, except for one. Instead, you walk up to this plushy for a closer look. It wasn’t anything special. It looked like all the other colorful plushies, but instead of smiling, it was frowning. That’s certainly strange. You remembered that all of them were smiling when you saw them yesterday. Maybe there were some that weren’t and you didn’t really notice anything new. Except, as your eyes dart across all of the plushies, you notice that the only one that was frowning was this little plushy, and it was staring right back at you.
For some reason, you felt chills crawling across your back. You turn your head to the window and notice that it was still open from yesterday. There was a small breeze coming from it. More than likely, you figure that that was what was causing you to feel that cold chill. You decide to go walk around the bed and shut the window. It was a little challenging, but you manage to do so. For one reason or another, breezes made you feel uncomfortable. You didn’t know why they did, but they just did. And yet, it is at this moment that you suddenly hear a gush of water pouring out from inside the bathroom.
“LIL SIS! Come in here. The water’s nice and warm.”
You make your way towards the bathroom and walk inside. It was…oh wow. The bathroom wasn’t all that big, but it was still big enough to feel somewhat cozy. There was marbled tile on the floor with a pink rug sitting in front of the sink, which sat to your left. Marble similar to that of the kitchen countertops, only lighter in color, surrounded the sink. A medicine cabinet with a mirror sat to the left of the sink, with a medium-sized heart-shaped mirror sitting right above the sink itself. There was also an outlet and a light switch for lights and a fan, which you could hear humming loudly. Above the sink, however, were four light bulbs that were shining brightly in the bathroom. To the right of the sink was just a regular old white toilet, and to your right was what looked to be a really fancy shower.
There wasn’t a bathtub, but granite marble tile snaked along the walls in the shower, with a double-sliding glass door leading into it. There was also a giant showerhead with water pouring out of it. You also noticed several buttons on some kind of water-proof panel just below the showerhead. That was certainly strange.
Yet as your eyes dart around, Nullity suddenly heads out of the bathroom for a few seconds and returns with a pink towel. She walks past you and places it on a towel rack that was sitting right next to the shower.
“Here, let me get that off of you. Wouldn’t want this getting ruined.”
Nullity unhooks your necklace and sets it aside by the sink.
“Have a good shower Lil Sis. Make sure to wash yourself extra good Stinky.”
She giggles and heads out, closing the bathroom door behind you. With the water running and you wanting to still catch it while it was hot, you slide the glass door open and walk into the shower. As you stepped in, you felt the water beginning to splash against your coat. You immediately slide the glass door shut once you’re completely inside. You then slowly and cautiously walk under the shower head so as to avoid getting any water in your eyes. The warm water felt really nice and comforting, but despite that, you still felt really off.
While under the warm water, you try to replay everything that’s been happening here since you’ve woken up once more. Sadly, you’re at a loss for words. Technically, all of this that you were experiencing felt real. The stories that Nullity and Nurse Reinhold told you seemed to be entirely plausible. The breakfast you ate, the undying love from Nullity, all of the gifts you received from everyone, and the warm water that was trickling down your coat as steam filled your lungs…all of that felt real. You felt and still feel like you’re really alive. And yet…
Your eyes dart around the shower after your entire coat and mane are soaked in search of a bottle of shampoo. Unfortunately, you couldn’t find any. However, you did notice the panel that sat below the showerhead. There were several buttons that were the size of your hooves. There was a word next to each button written in all caps. ON. HOT. WARM. COLD. SHAMPOO. SOAP. OFF. There were two green lights, each next to ON and WARM.
You try pressing the SHAMPOO button. A green light blinks next to it and suddenly, you notice the water coming out of the showerhead changing. It was becoming foamier and bubbly.
Wow…oh wow. That’s…how…how the heck do you and Nullity have something that fancy in Equestria when there’s no such thing as the Internet here?
Regardless, you turn away from the showerhead and sit on your rear. You lean your head back a little so that your mane would be sprayed by the foamy shampoo-like water. You then move your hooves through your mane and try to wash it. It’s a little tricky, but it did feel relaxing somewhat.
Still though, how the heck did the two of you have something this fancy? Just like the kitchen, this shower was way over the top in terms of luxuries for a house like this. Yet what concerned you more than anything else was the letter. That and the fact that since reading it, for one reason or another, you felt your entire mood change. Technically, it still felt really wonderful to be a mare, but all of those girly feelings that you were feeling earlier…well, it’s like they just all suddenly disappeared. It felt so nice to think and act like that, but at the same token, you’ve never once acted like that. Or did you?
You still can’t remember all that much about your life here since waking up here, but that horrible nightmare where you were supposedly living that god-awful life just seemed so realistic. It was just as realistic as where you were right now. There’s certainly no denying it; you could sense everything with all five of your senses here, and it’d be crazy to think this was all a dream in and of itself. But that nightmare was a dream. This life right now was most certainly not, right?
After scrubbing your mane for several minutes, you stand back up and click the SHAMPOO button again. The light turns off and the showerhead returns to pouring out only warm water. You carefully put your head back under the showerhead, letting the soothing warm water rinse out your soapy mane.
Yeah…there’s no way this world isn’t real. This is all so totally real. And it feels really good washing yourself, doesn’t it? Oh it SO does.
Your head still hurts a little, yet you can feel yourself beginning to smile again. After a minute or so of rinsing your mane, you move your head away from the water pouring out of the showerhead. You click on the button labeled SOAP and see the green light associated with it coming on. Soapy water starts to pour through the showerhead again, only this time, you notice that its viscosity is a little different. As the soapy water splashes against your coat from where you were standing, it begins to rapidly foam up all around your body. Before you know it, you’re covered in a flurry of soapy bubbles. You begin giggling a little in delight over the sensations you were feeling.
Mmm…yeah, this is all so totally real. There’s no way a silly nightmare could ever be real. After all, you’re Radiance. You’re a mare. You’re the happiest mare in all of Equestria. You’ve got the best sister a girl could ever ask for. And, you’re a mommy. You’re a mommy.
Fuzzy mushy feelings were beginning to course through your heart again. However, you were rapidly turning into a giant, soapy, bubbly mess. Before the bubbles grow any larger, you quickly press the SOAP button again and see the light disappear. Luke-warm water begins pouring out of the showerhead once more. Within seconds, you feel all of the foaminess washing off of your body. You then proceed to stand and stretch yourself out underneath the flowing water. Your wonderful, gorgeous wings, you can feel, were spreading out from your sides. Your tail too is flickering back and forth against your…your…wife-wide gorgeous hips to wash away all of the bubbles. You continue standing and stretching as the water splashes against you to rinse you clean.
Oh…doesn’t it feel wonderful to be a mare, to be a pegasus? To feel these sensations, to enjoy cleansing yourself of all that grime, to showcase your beautiful body…oh…it just all feels so very right!
Once you finish thoroughly rinsing yourself off, you press the OFF button, noticing all of the green lights disappearing. The water from the showerhead quickly starts receding until all that is left are small drops of water dripping out of it.
You take a deep inhale of the steam, and then let out a long exhale. After a few seconds pass, you begin shaking yourself like how an animal normally would when they’re drying themselves off. You shake as much water off as you can so that your coat and mane would only be damp. You then slide open the glass door and reach for the towel. It was all warm and fuzzy and colored a wonderful pink. You use it to dry yourself off as best as you can.
As you rub the towel through your frizzled mane, you notice the damp strands of your mane hanging in your field of vision. Just seeing them is enough for you to enjoy the notion of having long hair. It feels nice.
Once you finish drying your mane off with your towel to the best of your ability, you try to use the towel to dry off the rest of your body. It’s somewhat tricky trying to do so with hooves, yet slowly but surely, you’re able to reach just about every nook and cranny…including down there. Before rubbing your towel there, you realize that you’ve never really messed with your marehood at all since waking up. It wasn’t something you ever really thought about examining as you mostly just ignored it. Yet, when you decide to rub the towel against it…
“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
You immediately drop the towel and place your hoovsies against your muzzle, blushing brightly in embarrassment for letting out a small moan. Your wings start to fluff up a little in excitement. There’s a huge part of you that immediately wants this to go away because of how strange that felt, yet you simply can’t help but be amazed at just how sensitive you were down there. It felt like a lightning bolt of pleasure suddenly flashed through there when you started to rub your towel there. Despite you wanting it to all stop, however, you were also curious to see what it was like to attain pleasure as a mare. If just that one brush there with the towel made you moan in ecstasy there, can you imagine what it would be like to go all the way?
Though a little nervous, but equally excited, you start to move your pink-colored hoovsie down there. But just as you’re about to explore yourself there, you suddenly hear knocking on the door.
“LIL SIS! You almost done?”
You almost fall over from Nullity’s sudden knocking. But you quickly stand back up and try to brush what you were feeling a moment ago out of your head. No way could you let Nullity see you like that.
“Just about Big Sis. Just drying myself off.”
Nullity then proceeds to open the door and calmly trots into the bathroom. You feel just a little embarrassed with Nullity suddenly coming into the bathroom when you were still drying off. Plus, no way did you want her to catch what you were going to do. Why wasn’t there a lock on the door? Wait…then again, you’re both ponies and you both normally walk around without clothes, so you guess it didn’t really matter. Still, it wasn’t something you were used to.
“Hehe…sorry about that Lil Sis. I didn’t mean to interrupt ya, but the day is starting to get away from us and I’d really love to go into town with ya. A lot of ponies would love to see you up and about.”
“Uh…s-sure thing Big Sis.”
“And judging by those wings, something tells me you also wanna fly.”
Fluh-Flying? Oh yeah, that’s right. You can fly. Just her mentioning that idea is enough to make you wanna go and try out your fluffy white wings. Still though, you somehow manage to lower them and fold them on your back. You weren’t quite sure how to do that, but somehow, they seemed to respond perfectly with your emotions.
“Here, let me help you get ready Lil Sis. My treat.”
Nullity opens the cupboard underneath the sink and pulls out what looks to be some kind of hair dryer. She sets it on the sink counter for a moment as she attempts to plug the cord into an outlet on the wall. She then picks the hair dryer up again and flips it on. You still weren’t quite sure how she was able to grip objects the way she was able to, but regardless, you let her do her thing with you.
After about five minutes or so of Nullity drying your mane, coat, and tail, she switches the hair dryer off, unplugs it from the wall, and places it back underneath the sink. She then steps outside of the bathroom for a brief moment and comes back with a stool and…and…the makeup kit from Brielle! She’s gonna give you a makeover!
You start giggling in delight as you gleefully sit down on the stool and stare at yourself in the mirror. On the other side of the mirror sat a happy pony girl who was staring right back at you. It’s you! You’re happy. You’re oh so very happy to be the happy pony girl of your dreams. You just can’t help but giggle in joy. You just can’t stop staring at yourself. For once in nearly all of existence, you truly loved yourself down to your core. The happy warm feelings that were flowing through your heart just feel so wonderfully amazing.
Your mind goes into an almost dream-like trance as you mindlessly and blissfully stare at your reflection while Nullity gives you a makeover. First, she combs your hair back. Using the beautiful hair clip she got you, Nullity then braids your mane into a ponytail and uses the clip to keep it in place. You turn your head slightly so that you can admire your beautiful mane. And what a beautiful mane it is! That hair clip…it just goes so perfectly with you. You can’t help but gently shake your head a little to see your ponytail bouncing around.
“Hehe…stay still Silly. I’m not quite done yet.”
You giggle up a response.
“Sorry Big Sis. It’s just that I really love what you’re doing with my mane.”
“I’m glad. Now just wait until I’m all done.”
Your heart pounding in excitement, you happily and eagerly watch her do the rest. From the makeup kit, you notice Nullity pulling out what looked to be some kind of tube. She begins squeezing it as you notice a kind of cream pouring out onto one of her hooves.
“Alright Lil Sis. I’m gonna apply some primer on your face now.”
With it, she gently starts rubbing white-like cream against your face. It doesn’t appear to do a whole lot in contrast to your white coat, but once Nullity finishes applying it, you notice that it’s actually helping your face appear just a touch more feminine. You then notice Nullity turning on the faucet to wash her hooves clean of the primer. Once she finishes doing so, she dries them off with the towel you used to dry yourself with, and subsequently places the primer tube back into the makeup box. From there, she reaches for some kind of makeup utensil.
“Okay Lil Sis. Close your eyes for me.”
You happily do so. Almost immediately, you feel something going against your eyelids. It feels a little funny, but you trust your big sister with whatever it is she’s doing. Actually, wait a minute…OOOOOOOOOOO! Is she putting on eyeshadow? It’s enough to get all giddy with excitement once again as Nullity carefully goes over each eyelid.
After what feels like several minutes, Nullity says that you can now open them. You proceed to do so and as you slowly open them, you…you…eeeeeee! You can see from your reflection a light shade of violet near the top of your eyelids. You close one eye to see that beautiful shade of violet on your face. You’re just about to giggle in joy when Nullity instructs you to hold still.
“I’m gonna apply a little bit of mascara Lil Sis. Try to hold still for just a little bit longer.”
You excitedly watch her in the mirror as she uses some kind of eyeliner tool to gently go over your eyelashes on each eye. It’s a little hard to not blink as frequently while Nullity’s doing what she’s doing. Truth be told, you’re still kind of amazed at how careful and accurate she is in doing your makeover, especially considering the fact that she’s able to grip everything with her hooves.
Yet when she finishes, you can’t help but close one eye at a time and open each one slowly. Your makeover didn’t make you look outlandishly overdone to the point where you feel like you look like a clown, but it did help to make you appear more feminine. And your eyes…just look at them! They’re so pretty! Your beautiful, sapphire blue eyes with that lovely lavender eye shadow against your beautiful white coat. But before you can admire yourself further, Nullity speaks up once more.
“Alrighty Lil Sis! Lemme just apply a little bit of powder on your face to help even out that primer.”
You see her reach for what looked to be some kind of powder puff, only to pat it against a container of some sort. She then uses it to gently powder your face with white powder. It almost makes you want to sneeze, but just as soon as she starts powdering you, she stops.
“There we are! Now before you go admiring yourself Silly, I just want you to try on one more thing.”
You quickly turn your face away from the mirror and see the dress Epaulet gave you lying on your bed. Nullity is already walking over there to get it, and comes back just as quickly with it.
“Hehe…go on Lil Sis. I wanna see you wear it.”
You jump off the stool and with Nullity’s help, you are able to carefully slip yourself through it. Fortunately, because of your ponytail, you didn’t have to worry about your mane becoming messy, but what is a little tricky is trying to get your wings through it. But with her help, you’re able to get your wings to go through two conveniently shaped holes on the back of the dress.
“Ta-da! Look at you Lil Sis!”
You turn back towards the mirror to look at yourself.
“Look at you. You’re so beautiful baby sister.”
You’re…You’re speechless. You look so wonderfully feminine. Not too feminine, but just perfect. You feel and literally look like a mare. You’re literally the mare of your dreams. You’re really you! Everything about your appearance is just right. You almost want to cry, but remembering the fact that you had mascara on you, you didn’t want to have black streaks running down your face. Not crying…yeah, that’s going to be an interesting challenge, huh?
Regardless though, you so really want to hug your reflection. You just look so beautiful and happy. Look at the pretty mare smiling at you. That’s you! That’s who you are! You’re so beautiful!
“Thu-Thank you Big Sis. You did an amazing job!”
“Dawww…hehe…well, you’re also gonna have to thank Brielle and Epaulet. Couldn’t have done it without their help.”
“Oh totally. I so wanna see them.”
“Well, the day is getting away from us Lil Sis.”
Nullity grabs the heart-shaped necklace by the sink and clicks it around your neck.
“I’m gonna go put something on real quick. I’ll meet ya outside. See you then, you pretty thing you.”
Nullity gently kisses you against your cheek. She heads out of the bathroom and closes the door behind you. You can hear her hoofsteps moving down the hallway and down the stairs, though they were becoming fainter, especially with the noise of the fan. Once you no longer hear her, you place one pink-colored hoovsie against the mirror and smile brightly at yourself.
“I love you.”
You watch as your reflection repeats those words. It’s official: you love yourself. You love being a girl. You so love being a mare. You so love being you. You love yourself. You really, truly love yourself. You’re so beautiful and cute and pretty and gorgeous and…
You feel your heart getting all mixed up with mush feelings. You take your hoovsie off of the mirror and start to slowly turn around so that you can see all of yourself in the mirror.
This dress…you really loved wearing a dress, especially this dress. It made you feel not only really pretty and feminine, but also a little motherly. Your heart jumps a little as you imagine yourself meeting Beezle and hugging him like this…taking care of him like this…nurturing him like this…
Oh…you’re just so very happy. You’re so very beautiful. But most importantly, you love yourself. You love seeing your reflection. Even turning back to face the mirror directly, you give off a bright smile. You can’t help but love staring at your own reflection. Even though you start to talk to yourself a little, you don’t care. You’re happy.
“You know, even though…”
You voice…it’s so feminine and cute…you can’t help but feel yourself wanting to giggle in delight.
“Hehe…even though I may not remember everything and some things may not seem completely right, you’re still beautiful Radiance. I love you. I’ll always love you. I’m so happy to be you. I’m so happy to be me. If I have to live the rest of my life like this, then so be it. Nothing would make me happier and nightmare or no, I’m SO done with that old life. I could live like this forever.”
Almost in an instant, the lighting in the bathroom begins to flicker. Your eyes dart to the lights, observing how they are dimming and then flashing. That’s certainly strange. Maybe the next thing you and Nullity need to do when you come back home is to check the electrical, even though you have absolutely no idea how to do that.
And upon that thought, the lights shut off and the bathroom goes black. What the heck? You try to fumble your hoovsies in the darkness for the light switch and after a few seconds pass, you can feel it against the wall. Wait a minute. That’s strange. You can feel the light switch pointing down. How the heck did it do that? Regardless, you flick it up and the lights suddenly flash on, albeit with a dimming glow.
“OH MY GOD!”
You freeze instantly. You can feel your heart stopping. Looking at the mirror, you see a silhouette near the shower. It looked like the silhouette of a human. But it was floating in midair. Your eyes look up and you see that it’s connected by something to the ceiling.
No. Oh no.
Trying your best to not have a heart attack, you come to the horrifying realization that it’s a noose. It’s a person that’s hanging. You can feel your hairs rapidly standing up all over you. You’re too terrified to move or speak or do anything. You don’t even want to turn around to see it yourself. You keep your eyes glued to the mirror at the silhouette of a person. You can’t make out any details. It’s all shadow, including the noose itself.
Suddenly, you notice its eyes opening. Two bright, glowing white eyes slowly opening across the shadowy face. It’s looking at you. OH DEAR GOD, IT’S LOOKING AT YOU!
And then, you see a smile forming. A bright, glowing white smile forming just underneath the eyes. These are the only features you can make out across the face. But it looks like it’s smiling menacingly at you. OH DEAR GOD! Whatdoyoudowhatdoyoudowhatdoyoudo? You stare at this thing for what feels like an eternity while it simply smiles back at your silently. And then…
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
It starts shaking violently. You can hear loud, animal-like screams emanating from it as it shakes and continues smiling at you.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Screams rapidly fill your lungs as you throw yourself against the bathroom door. It swings open and you barge out of there running as fast as you possibly can. You didn’t want to look behind you. Yet, not paying attention to where you’re going and being the clumsy self you’ve always been, you run right into your dresser full of pony plushies. You slam hard against it and they all fall all over you.
“OW!”
You shake your head and turn around, too frightened to let your pain subdue you. But as you turn to face the bathroom, you see no silhouette. It’s not there. The bathroom is still dim, but upon the immediate notice of that, you see the lights in there instantly shut off. Chills course through your skin as you’re just about ready to jump through the window and get the heck out of here.
Before you move, however, you look down at yourself and notice the plushies. They are all frowning. None of them are smiling.
“BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!”
You jump up out of the pile and run out of the room screaming as loud as you can for your big sister. You run down the hallway and then down the stairs, careful to not trip over yourself with your dress. You notice her in the corner of your eyes happily opening the front door. When she hears you and notices you running down the steps like a chicken with its head cut off, her expression changes to one of immediate worry. As you reach the bottom of the stairway, you sprint as fast as you can for the open door. Yet you quickly stop yourself before plowing right into Nullity.
“Lil Sis! Oh my goodness! What’s wrong? Talk to me. You’re really scaring me.”
You start coughing and wheezing while trying to catch your breath. It takes you a few seconds before you can speak.
“I…we…need…to…go…right…now. Let’s get out of here Big Sis. I want to get out of here right now.”
Your voice hoarse, you try to nudge her out the front door. She reluctantly starts moving forward and as soon as you’re both outside, you slam the door shut from behind you as the two of you begin to make the trek towards town.
Still panting and out of breath, you simply wheeze and try to take deep breaths as your heart’s pounding starts to gradually lessen.
“Lil Sis? What’s wrong? Talk to me. You’re scaring me.”
Your deep breathing quickly leads to you coughing as you begin to speak.
“I…*wheeze*…I…saw…*hack*…suh-something.”
Nullity was looking at you face to face and although you could tell she was worried, she was also conveying an expression of seriousness.
“You saw something?”
“Uh-huh. It…*cough*…it…*cough*…it wuh-was bad.”
“Tell me. I need to know Lil Sis. Please tell me. You’re scaring me.”
Why does she keep saying that? She must have said that over a dozen times today. Although you were still very much frightened over what had just happened, something about the way Nullity was saying “You’re scaring me” multiple times today just seemed off. Couldn’t she say something else, like “What’s wrong Lil Sis?” or “Why are you so riled up?” or something similar to that effect?
It’s like, this shouldn’t be at the forefront of your mind considering what just happened, but something about her repeating herself with the same words too often…something about that just really didn’t seem right. Not like everything that’s been happening has been really off, especially with what’s been happening today. It’s just…
“Lil Sis? Please answer me. What happened?”
Having stepped a few feet from the front door of your house, you turn to look back at it. It looked exactly like a stereotypical house you had seen watching MLP. Well, maybe not too stereotypical. It honestly looked like an older European-styled house. The walls were painted with a beige-like color, and you also saw pink-colored beams designed all across the house. Those beams looked like they were exterior frames circling the front door and the windows. You also notice that there weren’t a whole lot of designs on the exterior of the home, with the exception of the window on the second floor. It had a small balcony beneath it with a bunch of flowers sprouting out. You hadn’t noticed those flowers before back when you closed your bedroom…window…
…
You shiver a little and immediately look away from that part of the house. As far as you were concerned, you never wanted to go back to your bedroom. Never.
Yet your eyes scan the rest of the house once more. Looking at it one last time, it sorta looked like a Dutch or a German-styled home…maybe from like 1600s or 1700s Europe. Not that you were good at history or remembering dates exactly, but…wait a minute. Dutch? German? There’s no such thing as European or German or Dutch in Equestria. That’s from…that’s from that nightmare…or was it your old life?
You look to the ground and shake your head with your eyes closed. There’s something very, very wrong here, isn’t there? Just what the heck is going on?
“Lil Sis.”
You look back up and open your eyes to see Nullity moving to your side. She spreads one of her winds and wraps it around you.
“Please talk to me Lil Sis. I wanna help you, but I can’t if you don’t tell me what happened.”
You subconsciously dart your eyes back to your bedroom window. You didn’t see anything, but you were still very terrified of what happened in there. You needed to get away from here.
“Okay. But, Big Sis?”
“Mm?”
“Can we start walking to town? I think I need to get away from here for a little bit. I think I’ll feel better talking about it once we start moving.”
“Are you sure you’re up to going out? If you’re feeling ill, it might be better to go back in and rest.”
You feel yourself shake a little upon her mentioning that, and you could tell she felt that.
“Nuh-No. Let’s go. I’ll be alright. I just need some fresh air. Plus, exercise will do me some good.”
“Lil Sis. You don’t feel like you’re doing well.”
Darn. She definitely felt that.
“Seriously Lil Sis. Maybe we should rest some more today. We can always see everypony another time. One more day of resting won’t do you any harm, will it?”
No. There is absolutely no way you can go back to your room. No way.
“Please Big Sis? I’d really rather get away from here for a while. I saw something scary and the more I hang around here, the more uneasy I’m gonna get. Can we please just get going?”
“Okay, but only under the condition that you tell me what happened. Deal?”
“Deal.”
And just like that, you both turn away from the house and being walking. You notice that there was a trail that led from your front door towards what looked to be a main trail that ran perpendicular to it. Once crossing onto the main trail, both you and Nullity head towards your left. The main trail went straight a little bit, but then curved to your right. The two of you continue to walk along this path for as far as you can see, it seemed that the trail from this point onwards only went straight ahead of you.
As you both walk, you look here and there at your surrounding environment, admiring all of the trees that were around you. There was quite a bit of them, but not enough to the point that it felt like the two of you were in a forest. You even noticed the sun’s glistening rays shining through the canopy of the trees. You also saw a few houses here and there, but they were spread out far from one another. Every so often, a smaller path would connect from a house up to the main trail you two were walking on. The weather, too, felt like it was in the 70s. Nice and cool, but also a little warm. It felt like it could have been a breezy day today, yet oddly enough, you felt no breeze. Overall, the surrounding environment was very serene.
And yet, for some reason, Nullity wasn’t saying anything. Both of you were silent. She wasn’t prodding you for an immediate explanation. Maybe she was giving you a little bit of room to think and calm yourself. Yeah…maybe.
It was making you feel better with the way she was clinging her wing onto you, yet you knew that was just a special talent of hers. Truthfully, it still didn’t change the fact that things were still very off. For starters, why the heck were you so incredibly girly this morning?
You take a look down at your pink-colored hooves as you walk, noticing your dress from the peripherals of your eyesight as you look back up.
When you first woke up here, you were nowhere near that hyper-feminine. Technically, it still feels very right being a girl; in fact, it feels so much better than being a guy. And yet, why aren’t you feeling extremely girly right now? You’d always get excited by your hooves, but now, that’s doing nothing for you. It’s possible you’re still trying to recover from what just happened, but those thoughts you had and the way you acted this morning, well…that wasn’t normal. It felt really good, but that just wasn’t normal. That wasn’t right. It was right being a girl. But it wasn’t right being a super feminine girly-girl straight out of some anime show or something.
The way you were thinking…why were you thinking like that? That wasn’t you. Even before the scary stuff happened, you slept peacefully and woke up just fine. Was it because you were showered with gifts and affection from Nullity that caused you to act like that? No, that can’t be right. When you first woke up here and went downstairs for the first time, you were shocked to discover all of those gifts. Seeing them then, and Nullity giving you the same sort of affection she’s always given you…you didn’t go off behaving in that girly-girl persona. Even seeing your hooves back then, despite you getting a little excited by them, didn’t cause you to act like how you acted this morning. Why? What the heck caused you to act like that?
In addition to that, there was also the whole thing with memories. Every so often, there would be something that would spark a memory in your mind. What was so confusing was that you couldn’t tell if it had something to do with what happened here with Nullity before your accident, or if it had been from your nightmare. But was that nightmare real? Was it your old life, or was it all really just a dream? Even in that “nightmare,” you still dreamt of where you were now in this life and thought this too was just a dream. Just like you thought earlier, Europe doesn’t exist in Equestria, nor do computers or phones. And yet, how is it that you had such a fancy shower? Why did you and Nullity have a kitchen that looked like it came straight out of a showroom from a department store?
You stop and shake your head a little, gently rubbing one of your hooves across your forehead. You also notice Nullity stopping right next to you.
“Are you okay Lil Sis?”
You turn to Nullity and notice that she must have been quietly and carefully observing you. Not that it bothered you, but you were getting lost in thought and giving yourself a headache because of it.
“I’m fine Big Sis. Let’s keep going.”
“Okay.”
You both continue walking as you continue your train of thought. What was perhaps messing with you the most right now was determining what was real and what wasn’t real. That so-called “gift” from Times R. New and the letter he wrote to you…everything about that was wrong. Not that he had a bad sense of humor, but just the fact that you knew his letter said something else the first time you saw it. Just the sight of it was enough to snap you out of your girly mindset. Being covered in foul language, and just that black box…that’s something you definitely remember doing in that nightmare. You remember working with others you didn’t like and you also remember that the prank Times R. New pulled on you was the prank you would occasionally pull on them. And just the fact that the second time you saw his letter and noticed that it was written differently should be enough to signal that incident was not normal.
And come to think of it, magic’s not normal either. You do remember from your nightmare that magic didn’t exist. Although you knew that you didn’t know a whole lot of science, you at least knew in that nightmare that magic was an impossibility. Yet you saw it here yourself and experienced it firsthand when Nurse Reinhold was around. Magic shouldn’t exist simply on the principle that it violates the laws of physics, and yet here it does. Still, had you not had that accident and had you not had that nightmare, you would have accepted it as just a normal part of everyday life.
Well then again, the only reason you’re aware that Equestria exists, or at least have some understanding of how things work here, even if you don’t remember a whole lot, is simply because you learned of it through a show. A show made by artists who created this place based on their own imaginations. Equestria, and the whole concept of it, from what you remember, was nothing more than a fictitious world designed for a cartoon. And yet here you are in Equestria, where colorful talking horses can fly and do magic and live just like the people from your nightmare do, albeit with a much brighter outlook on life.
That’s just the thing though. If Equestria was merely a concept brought about by artists to make a cartoon, why does everything seem so real here? There’s no denying that the air you breathe, the food you eat, and the senses coming from your current female pegasus body are real. They all feel and seem very real. It’s just that there are things here that somehow correlate with the stuff from your nightmare. You’re not sure how, but both places seem real, and at the same time, a little fake. How is it that you’re seeing things though? How is it that these things bring some kind of validation that your nightmare may have very well been real? And yet, there were things in that nightmare that suggested this life you’re in right now might have also been real.
The biggest indicator that both worlds seem to somehow be real must have been with what happened at that lake. Based on what Nullity said yesterday, you and her had gone a few miles behind your house to explore. She was with you when you both approached the outer edge of the forest leading to that lake. Yet she stayed behind doing something and you wandered off for some reason. From what you can remember, you were walking by yourself into that forest, and when you finally found that stream of water that you and Nullity had supposedly never found before, that girl appeared.
Small chills course through you. You do your best to remain calm and keep a good poker face to keep Nullity from worrying. Not that she wasn’t already concerned about you, but you wanted to keep these thoughts private. You did feel a few hairs from your coat stand up, but fortunately, Nullity doesn’t seem to notice anything new. You shift your gaze slightly and see her looking around at the scenery. You then quickly dart your eyes away so as to not draw attention.
That girl though…that wasn’t Nullity. She wasn’t who you were with right this moment. According to Nullity, when you separated from her in that forest, she searched frantically for you. It wasn’t until after you fell into the lake that she was able to locate you. So she never saw the girl. No one but you even knows about her. But who the heck was she?
You can’t remember if she was a human or a pony or something else. But you remember being right by her side nearly the entire time once you came across that stream. Even though you can’t remember what the two of you said, you knew she felt very loving and caring…almost like she was a family member. Truthfully, Nullity’s personality almost resembles that of the girl’s. Even right before you were pushed into the lake, you saw her crying. She was remorseful and didn’t want to do that to you. But why would she? More importantly, what happened to her after you fell in? Nullity said that she just saw you by herself, so that girl must have gone somewhere.
Out of all the things that have happened in your nightmare and in this world, that whole incident with that girl and the lake is the one thing you know to be very real and very true. You just can’t understand what it means or why it happened or who she even was. She almost felt like she could have been Nullity, but according to Nullity’s part of the story, she was definitely someone else. But who?
As you both continued walking, you could rapidly see what looked to be a town coming into view. You were both on the outskirts and were almost there. But before heading into town, Nullity speaks up.
“How are you feeling Lil Sis? Any better?”
“Mm? Y-Yeah, I think I’m feeling a little better.”
It did feel nice getting away from the house for a while. And although walking side-by-side with Nullity did help in easing your anxieties with everything that’s happened, you were still somewhat uneasy.
“Are you feeling good enough now to tell me what happened?”
You both stop and look at each other eye-to-eye. Looking into her, you felt like you were in a sanctuary being protected by her. Yet with her looking into you, you could feel yourself struggling to hide your insecurities. Whelp. Might as well tell her what you saw. Or rather, maybe you could leave out the part about the silhouette. The thing with the pony plushies in itself definitely needed some clarification.
“I think so.”
You both resume walking, although a little more slowly. You take in a deep breath and slowly let it out with a sigh, feeling the fresh air flowing in and out of your lungs.
“I was uh…just about finished getting ready and I was super excited to head downstairs to go out with you. However, once I left the bathroom, I stumbled on my dress and rolled against something.”
You hear Nullity gasp and out of the corner of your eyes, you saw her looking at you as you both walked.
“Are you okay baby sister?”
“Y-Yeah. I mean, that wasn’t the part that freaked me out.”
“Oh? But then what did?”
You gulp before saying your next choice of words.
“Do you know that dresser full of pony plushies next to my bed?”
“Pony plushies? What are you talking about Lil Sis?”
Wait. What?
“You know, that dresser right next to my bed. There was like a bunch of pony plushies lying on it.”
You look back to Nullity, but she just keeps an eye on you while silently letting you finish your train of thought.
“Well anyways, I remember when I first woke up from my coma that they were all smiling. Then today, when we went to my bedroom and while you were turning on the shower, I noticed one of them was frowning. Then, after I was ready and stumbled into them, they were all frowning. I don’t know why, but that terrified me. Big Sis, I think I might be seeing things.”
Nullity stops walking and lifts her wing off of you. You stop walking too and look at her. But right as you do so, she turns and gives you a surprise hug, and a very tight one at that.
“Oh Lil Sis…”
You hug her back. Regardless of the moment, hugs with Nullity always felt really comforting. They always helped to make you feel a little better.
“I…it’s okay Big Sis. I just thought I saw something different, kind of like with that whole letter thing from Times R. New. I’ll be alright. It just scared me is all.”
She releases her grasp from you and upon doing so, you notice tears welling up in her eyes.
“Can you make me one more promise before we continue any further Lil Sis?”
Her tears…she was really worried about you. Now you wanted to make her feel better. You didn’t want to see your big sister cry.
“It’s okay Big Sis. I’d be more than happy to do whatever it is you’d like me to do. Tell me, what would you like me to do?”
“First thing tomorrow morning, I wanna take you and go with you to see Dr. Wilhelm. I wanna get you in as soon as possible. I wanna make sure you’re alright.”
“Yeah, that’s perfectly fine Big Sis. I can do that.”
“Good. I know Nurse Reinhold has done favors for me in the past and considering that everyone’s been worried sick about you, I know she’d be able to get you in when they first open tomorrow morning.”
“Alright. But still, can I ask you one question Big Sis?”
Nullity wipes her arm across her eyes and sniffles, but smiles back at you reassuringly. You reach forward to hug her once more as she clings onto you.
“Of course you can, my little Radiance.”
You let go of her and look her in the eye.
“I…I have pony plushies that normally lie next to my bed, don’t I?”
Nullity turns away from you and sniffles a little more before looking back at you. Why did that upset her? Well, seeing pony plushies change expressions would upset anyone, you included, but why did asking this particular question mess with her?
“Nuh…*sniff*…no, you don’t.”
You freeze. What?
“You…*sniff*…have all sorts of knick-knacks on that dresser.”
WHAT?!?
“Mostly arts-and-crafts you and I would do together, with some of them made by Beezle when he would come over. There were no pony plushies on that dresser. You don’t have any.”
You’re speechless.
“I…I…”
“A-Are you sure you’re still up to walking around Lil Sis?”
You don’t know what to say. You’re at a loss. Just that…that right there should be making the alarm bells go off. You almost wanna scream and freak out and run, but considering that Nullity is already really worried about you and that you didn’t want to scare her anymore, you try your best to keep your composure.
“Y-Yeah, I-I’m sure.”
Nullity swings to you to give you another super tight hug. You don’t hug back, too disturbed by what’s happened.
“It’s gonna be okay Lil Sis. I promise. I’ll be right here by your side.”
She lets go of you still teary-eyed, but she tries her best to cast a reassuring smile. You force yourself to smile back.
“O-Okay. I trust you Big Sis. Let’s just…Let’s just go. I wanna go explore Vanhoover with you.”
“Okay Lil Sis. Let’s go. Remember, I’m right here by your side.”
Nullity gives you a small kiss on your forehead and with that, you both continue walking into town. As you both enter the outer edges of the town, however, you notice that hardly anyone was around. There were maybe two or three ponies in the distance, but you could tell that they didn’t notice you or Nullity. That’s certainly strange. Actually, no. Screw it. Everything about everything is completely strange! It’s here that you almost wanna freak out about the whole pony plush ordeal, but somehow, you keep a hold of yourself.
“Big Sis?”
“Hm?”
“Where is everyone?”
“Oh! Duh. Hehe.”
Nullity actually chuckles a little. For some reason, that question helped ease her worries, which was good because you didn’t want her to worry.
“That’s right. I forgot. Today’s a holiday.”
“Holiday?”
“Yeah. The Equestrian Games are being held at the Crystal Empire today. Everypony across Equestria goes to see those games, except for those that don’t get the day off. We so would’ve gone too, but it was important to nurse you back to health. It’s okay Lil Sis. We can always go when they play again next time.”
Truthfully, you almost want to breathe a sigh of relief. You did want to see others, but considering all of the crazy stuff that’s been happening, you also didn’t want a bunch of ponies going all over you and asking about how you were doing. You were still very uneasy about everything else, and not having to explain yourself to everyone was a relief in and of itself.
Still, as you both strolled into town, you noticed that it seemed to be a very friendly community. There were still trees and the area around you was very green. You could see some houses nearby, but you also saw a lot of other buildings. Some seemed to be stores while others looked like they could have been offices or something. There were some buildings separated by themselves, while others attached to one another like a mini side-strip mall or something. A lot of their exterior designs resembled what your house looked like to a certain extent.
The best you could describe them, even though you knew Europe didn’t exist here, was that the architecture resembled that of an older European design. Yet the way the buildings were laid out seemed similar to what you’d see in an old Western movie. Honestly, if felt like combining a cowboy-rodeo environment with an older European environment. It’s strange to liken Vanhoover to that, but because you also didn’t know anything about architecture or the fact that you weren’t used to living in Equestria, it was the best you could describe the overall appearance of the town. It was still very pretty and welcoming, and despite the lack of ponies, it did help ease your anxieties a little. Yet as you and Nullity continued walking, you heard someone calling out.
“NULLITY!”
You turn to see a white unicorn eagerly waving towards you two near a building entrance. Above her, you notice a giant horseshoe logo with the name “Dazzling Designs” centered in the middle of the horseshoe with girly pink and purple typography. The unicorn herself is smiling vibrantly at you and Nullity. Upon closer inspection of her, you also notice that her mane is a dark brown similar to yours, except that bright navy blue stripes were flowing throughout it, all of which is accompanied by her gorgeous shade of blue eyes. Likewise, you notice a cutie mark in the shape of a blue star, with what looks to be green sparkles floating around it. Overall, you have to admit, she’s pretty beautiful.
“Hey Brielle!”
Nullity turns and happily trots over to her. You follow close behind.
“I haven’t seen you in forever Nullity! What brings you into town?”
“Weeeeeeeeeell…take a look at who I brought along with me.”
Nullity steps to her side so that she can get a look at you. She gasps in surprise.
“RADIANCE?!? Is that you?”
“Uh…” is all you can manage to say.
“Oh thank Sweet Celestia you’re alright! I’ve been worried sick about you!”
She runs right up to you and almost knocks you over with a surprise tackle hug. You hug her back, careful not to fall over and ruin your outfit. Yet as a few seconds pass, Brielle releases you from her grasp and looks you over in awe.
“And look at you! You’re so beautiful Radiance!”
Brielle’s compliment causes you to begin blushing a little. Even Nullity, you notice, is smiling at you two being next to one another. Her smiling, you can feel, is helping you feel better. It feels really good to see Nullity smiling despite the fact that you’re still dealing with some of your own worries over everything.
“Oooooo…that eyeshadow…hehe…I got you that, didn’t I?”
You stumble a little on your words, but you reply to her question.
“Oh yeah. Nullity helped me this morning with getting ready. Thank you so much for the makeup kit Brielle. I really love what Nullity’s done with my looks.”
“Oh hush you. I’d be more than happy to do anything for you. And that dress! Epaulet is going to be so happy to see you wearing her dress. She made that one just for you.”
Surprisingly, you giggle a little.
“Hehe…yeah, that’s what Nullity was telling me. I’m so happy with what you and Epaulet gave me. It’s really nice what you both got me. I already feel very beautiful and pretty cuz of you two. And I gotta say, I really do love this look.”
You reach forward and hug her once more. Brielle happily returns the favor.
“Well, why don’t you and Nullity come on in? I was just about to head inside myself. I know Epaulet will be super happy to see you.”
“Wait, this isn’t your store?”
Brielle suddenly looks at you in confusion. You can feel a little bit of uneasiness from her look, but Nullity quickly speaks up.
“Heh…sorry Brielle. Radiance is still recovering from what happened. She actually just woke up yesterday and she felt well enough and wanted to come to town. She has a little bit of amnesia, but fortunately…”
Nullity trots on over to you and squeezes you with another hug while smiling back at Brielle.
“…she’s on a steady path to recovery.”
“Oh you poor thing!”
Brielle comes over to your other side and also hugs you. It feels good, although a little strange to have two mares hugging you like this. Fortunately, their hugging was helping to make you feel a lot better.
“It really is alright Brielle. I’m doing a lot better.”
You step out of both of their hugs and smile back reassuringly.
“I just may have forgotten a few things, but I do remember a lot.”
“You remember who Epaulet is?”
“Of course I know who she is. She’s the one who gave me this dress. I can’t even begin to thank her enough for such a wonderful gift.”
“Well then Silly,” says Nullity, “this is Epaulet’s store.”
You blush a little in embarrassment, but try to laugh it off.
“Oh, right. Hehe…of course. Silly me.”
You notice Brielle breathe a sigh of relief.
“Phew! I’m glad your amnesia isn’t bad Radiance. It would’ve been so awful if you had forgotten everything and everypony.”
Oh if only she knew. But rather than stir up unnecessary drama, you simply play along. After all, you didn’t like upsetting anyone; at least, not anyone in this world. Everyone was just too nice and friendly.
You, Nullity, and Brielle then proceed to head into the store, with Brielle a few feet ahead of you and Nullity. Once you step inside, you gasp in awe with what laid before you. The inside of the store was huge! Row after row of clothes and apparel spread throughout the store. Dressers aligned themselves along the walls carrying all sorts of goods, be they antiques or other sorts of apparel. The back of the store also had a staircase leading to a second floor where you guess was more clothing. The walls and the staircase were all designed in solid-dark oak, and yet nearly everything else in the store appeared very feminine. The dressers, the clothing, and anything you could lay your eyes on were all in a beautiful array of rainbow colors.
Towards the center-right part of the store, however, was a very long glass counter with what appeared to be jewelry of some sort laying inside. There was a cash register by the end closest to where you were standing, and behind it, you noticed another pony. But before you and Nullity move forward anymore, Brielle trots right up to the pony behind the cash register.
“Hey Epaulet!”
“Oh hey Brielle! How are you?”
“I’m doing very well.”
“Really? I’m glad to hear that.”
“How about you?”
You see the pony behind the counter turn and walk out of it at the opposite end. You hear her sigh before she resumes speaking.
“I’ve been doing alright. It’s been kind of a quiet day, what with everypony going to see the Equestrian Games. I was going to go too, but my staff wanted to take the whole day off to go and see them. And, as you know, somepony needs to run this store.”
As she exits the counter and turns to face Brielle, you’re able to snag a better look of her overall appearance. She was a crystal pony. Or rather, a crystal unicorn pony with beautiful green eyes. Her coat looked to be aquamarine in color, with her mane flowing down from behind her. It was brilliantly blue. In addition, she also wore a dress. It actually looked very similar to the dress you were wearing in terms of design and the location of the frills, except it was light blue in color and had a slightly darker blue star at the center of the collar instead of a heart. If you weren’t a girl, you’d almost have a crush on her yourself. But before you continue your thoughts, you hear Epaulet speak up again.
“Guess I got the short end of the stick, huh?”
“Or you could always just close early and take the day off,” says Brielle. “Not like many other places are open.”
“I know, but…”
As Epaulet moves closer to Brielle, you notice her eyes shifting towards you and Nullity.
“…but…oh my goodness! Nullity! And…Radiance?”
She makes a beeline straight towards you. You simply try to keep a smile going.
“My goodness! It really is you two. I haven’t seen you both in ages!”
“Well, let’s just say I’ve kinda been busy taking care of a certain sweet sister of mine,” says Nullity.
Nullity nuzzles against your neck and wraps an arm around you for a quick hug. You blush shyly in response.
“Radiance!” Epaulet stammers. “You look absolutely beautiful!”
Epaulet giggles a little as her eyes scan your body.
“I see a certain somepony likes the dress I got her.”
Epaulet reaches forward to give you a tight hug, and you hug her back. You can smell a lovely scent of perfume radiating from her. It smells very nice, almost like a tropical scent or something.
“It’s so good to see you Radiance. And you too Nullity. I’ve really missed seeing you two.”
She lets go of you as Nullity begins to speak up.
“I know. It’s been like forever since we’ve been here. With everything that’s been going on, it’s a real treat to see some familiar faces again.”
“Oh no. It’s a real honor to see you two again. But Radiance…”
Epaulet then turns to face you.
“…how have you been? The whole town here has been worried sick about you.”
“Oh, um…you know…I’m recovering. Just getting some exercise and getting out of the house. Thought it’d be fun to walk and explore some.”
“Really? You’re doing alright? From what I know, you’ve been out of it for a whole week. You’re healing up that quickly?
“She is.”
Brielle sneaks up from behind and walks over to your side to swing an arm around you.
“But she’s just been having a little bit of amnesia. She thought going around town might help her to jog some memories. Right Nullity?”
You look over to see Nullity smile reassuringly, though you can’t help but feel Nullity might have been expressing a small look towards Brielle. Regardless, Brielle doesn’t seem to have noticed.
“Yush. My little Radiance is coming back to health. We thought it’d be good for her to get out today. She’s doing a lot better, but is slowly and steadily recovering.”
Nullity also extends a hoof out to give you another hug. Epaulet does the same and soon you’re engulfed in a three-way hug. It feels really strange being hugged like this, especially by three mares this time, but you didn’t reject it. You just weren’t always used to being hugged by everyone.
“Well, I’m glad,” says Epaulet.
All three mares let go of you. You actually feel yourself sounding a little affectionate.
“Aww…thanks you guys…or…uh…gals.”
Nullity giggles a little while Brielle begins smirking at you.
“Hehe…don’t worry. I really am alright. But I will say Epaulet, I really love your store. It’s so good to…”
“My, my! Nullity? Radiance?”
You and Nullity turn to see Nurse Reinhold coming into the store.
“It’s so nice to see you both in town and not all cooped up in a bedroom. I take it you’re feeling better Radiance?”
“Oh. I um…uh…”
Seeing Nurse Reinhold here did catch you off guard, but before you say anything else, Nullity speaks up.
“She’s doing much better, all thanks to your help.”
“It’s no problem at all. Glad to help a fellow pony in need.”
“And speaking of need, do you mind if I have a few private words with you Nurse Reinhold?”
“Why of course Nullity.”
Nullity turns to face everyone else.
“If nopony minds, I’m gonna step outside for a brief moment. Will you be alright Lil Sis?”
You blush a little as you notice Brielle and Epaulet giggling quietly. Even though you and Nullity loved calling each other Big Sis and Lil Sis, you guess it must have seemed strange to others. Oh well. To each their own.
“Don’t worry Big Sis. I’ll be alright.”
“Okay. Be right back!”
Nullity nuzzles against your neck one more time before her and Nurse Reinhold head outside to talk. Turning yourself back to face Brielle and Epaulet, you notice they’re both struggling not to laugh. But just as you are about to speak up, they burst into laughter.
“Hehehe…ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!”
Why are they laughing?
“He…heh…uh…what’s so funny?”
You look at them both in confusion, but Epaulet is the first to speak.
“Hahahaha…oh wow. That was so priceless!”
“I know, right?”
Brielle is also laughing, but after a few seconds pass, their laughter turns into giggles. You can’t help but feel embarrassed. What’d you do that was so funny?
“I…I don’t get it. What’s so funny?”
Brielle grins at you.
“Oh nothing, ‘Lil Sis.’”
She chuckles a little more after mentioning that, while Epaulet speaks up again.
“Hehe…we’re just teasing you ‘Lil Sis’…uh…I mean Radiance.”
Suddenly, you were feeling a little uncomfortable being around them. Although they were being harmless, you couldn’t help but feel that they were making fun of you. It didn’t make you feel too good.
“Oh stop it Epaulet. Radiance, it’s just something we’ve never seen you and Nullity do before. It’s kind of funny because we’ve never seen anypony talk like that before, but in all honesty, if those are the two nicknames you two call each other, I think it’s pretty cute.”
Both of them have stopped laughing and are now only looking at you with warm smiles. And yet, you felt just a little bit uncomfortable. Especially with Big…uh…Nullity not around, you felt vulnerable. Even though you knew they meant you no harm, you did feel a little hurt from their teasing. But rather than dwell on these feelings, you instead try to change the subject.
“Heh…yeah…so anyways, as I was saying earlier, it’s so good to get out and see things. Being stuck at home all day can sometimes feel a bit…”
“Boring?” questions Epaulet.
“Well, I dunno about that, but…”
“It’s okay Radiance. You can say it’s boring. I know I’d go nuts having to stay all cooped up in a house for a whole week!”
“Oh?” says Brielle. “Like you haven’t gone nuts having to run this shop when almost everypony’s out seeing the Equestrian games or taking the day off?”
Brielle nudges against Epaulet playfully.
“What? Why in Equestria would I go crazy running this shop? I mean, sure, it’s a bummer that I have to run it while the rest of the staff has the day off, but I AM a business owner, and as a business owner, you have to be fully committed to it. After all, this stuff is my passion!”
“Designing clothes?”
Epaulet gives Brielle a slightly annoyed look, but continues talking.
“It’s more than just designing clothes Brielle. It’s my life’s calling.”
“Then why were you sighing out of boredom when I came in?”
Epaulet gives her an irritated look.
“Because even if I may not feel up to doing work when I have to do it, I do it anyway because not only am I obligated to do so as a business owner, but I do it because it makes me happy. I don’t do it for the money or for the fame or for the attention or for anything else other than it’s what I enjoy, and not to sound like a narcissist, but I’m pretty darn good at it too. Isn’t that right Radiance?”
You stumble on your words from being called out on the spot, but you decide to instead nod your head.
“See? Look at the dress I made her! She’s quite beautiful, if I do say so myself. Besides Brielle, you too are the local fashionista around here and with your skills, you could make any mare beautiful. Don’t you take pride in what you do?”
“Well yeah, I do. But I don’t want my work to define who I am. It’s important to do what you enjoy and to work hard at it, but I don’t let my work define who I am as a pony. There’s more to life than simply working all the time. If work makes you happy, that’s perfectly fine. But I know I don’t always want to work every single day. It’s a holiday for crying out loud and since almost everypony has the day off, why shouldn’t I too?”
Meanwhile, you simply stand there and watch as both Brielle and Epaulet go on and on about the things that were going on between them. You were listening and were try to pay attention, but you’re a little relieved that they weren’t completely focusing on you. Actually, you were starting to wonder about what Nullity and Nurse Reinhold were discussing outside. You knew there were still a lot of things wrong and that you weren’t all that completely recovered from everything. It was nice interacting with others to help take your mind off of things, but truth be told, you didn’t want to stand here all day listening to two mares rambling about random things. So instead, you decide to slowly walk away from Brielle and Epaulet to explore some of the store. Fortunately, they were too busy talking about things to have noticed that you were walking away.
As you begin to walk around the store, you notice all sorts of skirts and dresses in a variety of different colors and apparel. You also notice lots of blouses, leggings, shirts, short shorts, pants, and other forms of apparel; all of which was either folded on stands and shelves or hung up on clothing racks. Looking over the entire store, you start to really take in just how many clothes were in this store. There were even signs and posters on the dresses aligned against the back walls of the store advertising all kinds of makeup, hoof polish, makeovers, and other things.
Overall, you’ve never really been in a big clothes store like this place. At least, you weren’t used to going into a clothes store that was almost completely dedicated to women’s apparel. You weren’t really seeing anything that was for guys…err…stallions either. It just felt a little weird to be walking around in a girl’s clothing store. And yet you are a girl, a mare, so it shouldn’t feel that way. You’ve even dressed like one, and considering all of the girly things you did earlier today, you shouldn’t be feeling odd browsing around and looking at feminine clothing. So why are you?
You stop for a moment and look down at the floor. You still weren’t feeling any of those girly-girl feelings you felt earlier. Yet you still, for whatever reason, felt out of place. Had none of that freaky stuff happened this morning, you’d probably be going out of your mind with pink, fluffy, girly thoughts. But no. You didn’t feel girly. You just felt…off. Was it because…
“…to get stronger…”
“HUH?!?”
You turn around and look to see who said that. There was no one around you. You were standing in an isle with clothing hanging on your left and right. You turn back the way you were facing and still see no one. You bend down to see if there was anyone else nearby in the neighboring clothing isles, but you don’t see anyone. You can still hear Brielle and Epaulet talking about something, but you can’t make out what it is they were saying. Even then, you were almost at the opposite end of the store from them, and whoever just said that sounded like they were right next to you. It was a female’s voice and it almost sounded like yours, but was slightly deeper, though still very much feminine. Weird. No, this isn’t just weird; it’s not good. You’ve been forgetting things, seeing things, and you may be starting to hear things too. This is really not good.
Just as you’re about to do anything else, however, you notice it. You see it just a few inches in front of you to your right. Walking up to it, you see it’s a white gown. It was hanging out in the open, with the other articles of clothing next to it spaced away from the gown itself. It simply hung there by its lonesome self, almost as if it was hanging there waiting for you.
It's…It’s…the dress. The dress worn by that…that girl. It looks just like it. A simple white gown. A simple white dress. Although you’re beginning to feel uneasy with it being here, you start to become entranced with it. You want to extend a hoof out to touch, but just as you start to do so, you hesitate.
Why is this here? What’s the point of it being here? What’s its purpose? How do you know that you’re not seeing things again?
As your hoof touches the fabric, you notice that it’s very much real. It feels maybe a little silky, but very smooth and soft as well. Actually, it feels a little warm. The heck? Trying the best that you can, you use your arm to try to unhook the dress from the hanger. It was impossible to grip the hanger so that you could release the dress. So instead, you lean up a little to bite down on the hanger so that you can pull it off with your hooves. It takes a little doing and truth be told, you imagine that you must look silly trying to grab at this dress. You’re just glad you don’t see anyone around you while you’re doing this. That’d be super embarrassing. Then again, how the heck are ponies supposed to grab objects and live somewhat like humans when they didn’t have hands? Only unicorns seemed to be able to do that with their magic.
Regardless of the logic of how this world is supposed to work, you finally pull the dress off of the hanger. The hanger swings a little on its clothing rack, and after a few seconds pass, it becomes still. You then sit down on your rear and hold the dress against you.
Oddly enough, the dress feels really, really warm. It feels as if someone had just been wearing it. Actually, it feels like it just came out of the dryer or something. Why though? Why is it so warm? This dress…it’s causing you to feel things on the inside. You’re feeling more than just a warm piece of cloth. You’re feeling love, like actual loving warmth. It’s beginning to make you feel funny. Like, it’s a kind of love where you’re feeling a strong longing for someone. You do feel love, but in some weird way, it’s digging a hole in your heart.
This dress, that girl…you…you wanted to call out to her. You wanted to find her, to hug her, and to tell her that you loved her. What was perhaps even stranger was that you were beginning to feel feelings of guilt. Why? It’s like, you deeply loved and cared about whoever this girl was. And yet, somehow, in some crazy, messed up way, you felt guilty for what had happened at the lake. Like it was your fault. You lost her. She needed you. You needed her. You both needed each other. You both loved each other. How could you let this happen to the two of you? You actually began to feel like you were mourning for this girl. You wanted to find her and tell her that you loved her. You wanted to find her and apologize to her for everything that’s happened. You…You were sorry, sorry that this had all happened in the name of…of…
“…getting stronger…”
“What about getting stronger?”
Heart stopping, you swear that it feels as though you could have jumped three feet into the air. Instead, you spring off your butt and turn around to see who said that. It was Nullity.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa there Lil Sis! Take it easy.”
You’re breathing hard from having been startled, but after you calm yourself just a little, you start to speak.
“Oh hey Big Sis. I uh…I didn’t see you there. Heh…guess you got me good, huh?”
You try lightly laughing it off, but Nullity’s not convinced by it.
“What were you doing Lil Sis? I heard you say something about getting stronger.”
Wait. Were you the one saying those words?
“I uh…uh…I was just looking at some dresses. Check out this white one that I found.”
You point to the ground where you dropped the dress. Only…wait…no…
“White dress? Lil Sis, that’s just a green skirt.”
No. Nononononononono!
“I…I…uh…”
What the heck is happening? Why are you seeing things? Why?
“Are you okay Lil Sis?”
“Uh…I…I saw something different again.”
“Oh Lil Sis.”
Nullity comes right up to you to give you a very tight hug.
“It’s gonna be okay baby sister. I promise. It’s okay.”
Rather than try to argue about it and throw a fit, you just simply let her hug you. It felt nice regardless, but you know you saw HER white dress. Even though you were still baffled by what you saw, you accept the fact that you’re seeing something different now. Maybe it really is possible to see things after waking up from a coma. Maybe. But why on Earth would you talk about getting stronger with a white gown? Yet after a minute or so passes, Nullity releases you from her grasp.
“Everything’s gonna be okay Lil Sis. I just finished up talking to Nurse Reinhold.”
“What did she say?”
“Dr. Wilhelm’s office is closed today because of the Equestrian Games, however she said they’d see us right away first thing in the morning.”
Nullity sniffles just a little.
“She told me that everything was going to be okay and that it’s just part of the recovery process, but both her and Dr. Wilhelm want to examine you to make sure you’re alright. Everything will be alright. I promise.”
Nullity runs a hoof through your mane and gives you a gentle kiss on your forehead. And although that also felt good, you really didn’t know what else to say. You can tell that this is kind of serious, and a part of you wants this to get addressed right away, but there’s nothing else you can really do except wonder around.
“Do you wanna go explore some more Lil Sis, or do you wanna go home?”
You’re still uneasy with everything that happened back at the house and truthfully, you wanted to go anywhere but there.
“Maybe we could just walk around a little more?”
“Okay. That’s fine with me. But please, if something starts happening, speak up. I wanna protect you and nurse you to health baby sister. I can’t tell you enough how much you mean to me.”
Those words start to actually tug at your heart a little. On one hand, you still had a whole bunch of personal stuff you were dealing with, yet on the other hand, you didn’t want to make Nullity or anyone else worry about you. It’s probably best to just go home and rest, but you’re not quite ready to do so just yet.
“Mind if we go explore the town some more Big Sis? I think I’m ready to leave.”
“Sure thing Lil Sis. Whatever you would like to do.”
Both you and Nullity head back to the front of the store and now see Nurse Reinhold having a conversation with Brielle and Epaulet. Epaulet notices both of you leaving and speaks up.
“Aww…are you two leaving already?”
“Don’t worry Epaulet. We’ll be back soon,” says Nullity. “We’re just exploring around town and Radiance wanted to see some more before it got too late.”
“Okay then. But thanks for stopping by! I hope you feel better Radiance!”
“Yeah, it was good seeing you two,” says Brielle. “I’ll SO have to pay you two a visit.”
Nurse Reinhold doesn’t say anything, but simply smiles at the two of you, and nods towards Nullity.
“Alright. See you all later!”
As you and Nullity walk out of the store, you look back to smile and wave. And yet, you notice out of the corner of your eye where you had dropped that dress on the ground. It was white again. You quickly turn around and try to put it out of your head.
“Did you have fun talking to Brielle and Epaulet Lil Sis?”
“Uh…yeah. You know, just the usual.”
“They really are such kind ponies. I know Brielle sometimes likes to mess with ponies, but she has a good heart. Epaulet too is such a hard worker. Sometimes I wish she would take a day off to herself though. She works too hard.”
“Y-Yeah.”
As you and Nullity begin walking through town once more, you can’t help but feel…what’s the word? Lost? Sort of like you knew things were actually very serious, and yet, the more you tried to make sense of everything, the more confusing it all got. It is very possible that the things you’ve been seeing could be aftereffects from having been in a coma, yet you felt that was not the case. Something unusual is going on around here, though you’re not quite sure what it is. All of this stuff had to be happening for a reason. Yet, you didn’t know why. What is the purpose behind all of this? What does it all mean? Why are you…just why are you so lost? What happened to cause all of this? When did everything become so…like this?
Even as your eyes dart around the landscape, Vanhoover is still pretty empty. Well, technically, everyone is either at home or at the Crystal Empire watching the games, but still…it felt weird. You can definitely sense something. But what is it?
“Well I can’t believe my eyes. Nullity and Radiance, it really is you two, isn’t it?”
You and Nullity both turn to your left to see a brown unicorn walking out of a building. He was smiling and looked somewhat cheerful. He had brilliantly green eyes with a blond mane drooping over his head. It was a little messy, but it didn’t look too bad. He wasn’t wearing anything, save for the cutie mark on his rear, which you noticed to be some kind of circular clock. In addition, you saw that there was a lot of furniture sitting outside the front door on display. Most of it, you noticed, also had a lot of antiques standing either next to or on the tables, with most of the antiques themselves being clocks.
“Oh hey there Clockwork!”
Wait, Clockwork? Nullity waves towards the brown unicorn and decides to walk up to him. You follow her from behind.
“It’s so good to see you.”
“Please, the pleasure is all mine. I haven’t seen you in forever!”
He moves to his side a little so as to see you following behind Nullity.
“Especially you Radiance. I’m so happy to see you awake again.”
You were feeling a little shy, but you decide to walk around Nullity and stand face-to-face with him.
“It’s uh…it’s good to see you again Clockwork. Oh! And thank you for your gift by the way. I absolutely love it!”
“Oh, that silly old clock? It’s no problem at all. My heart went out to you when I heard what happened, and I wanted to do so much more for you, but alas, I’m afraid that was all I could do. You forgive me?”
“Forgive you? You haven’t done anything wrong at all Clockwork!”
He looks down at the dirt and brushes a hoof against it, almost like he was feeling guilty.
“Well, you were always there with me when I needed it the most, but I was never once able to come to you when you were ill. Mainly because of keeping my silly store open, but I could have been a better friend to you.”
“Aww…you don’t have to be sorry,” says Nullity. “We understand. Life can get in the way sometimes and you just have to do what you have to do. It really is alright.”
Clockwork looks back up to face both of you with a small smile.
“Still, I would have loved to do more for you Radiance. Have you been feeling any better?”
Before you say anything, Nullity answers for you.
“She’s been doing pretty good. She actually just woke up yesterday.”
“Really?”
Clockwork looks at you in surprise.
“Yeah. She’s still recovering, but she wanted to get a little bit of fresh air. We’ve got an appointment with Dr. Wilhelm tomorrow, so we’re probably going to be heading home soon.”
You speak up next.
“But we haven’t seen all of Vanhoover yet Big Sis.”
“I know, but still, it’s important we don’t overdo it. After all, I want you to rest and we’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
“It isn’t that late, is it?”
“Why,” says Clockwork, “it’s only about…”
He stammers for a moment, looking back at his shop to see one of his clocks.
“…close to four o’clock. Plenty of time before it starts getting dark. Why don’t you two come in for a moment? I’d love to have a little chat with you two. It’s been kind of lonely today. Would be nice to have your company around.”
“Of course we’d be happy to join you for a little bit. You alright with hanging out with Clockwork for a little bit Lil Sis?”
You put out a smile to her and to Clockwork and gently nod your head. It is at this moment that Clockwork slowly turns away from you and Nullity and begins walking into his store. Nullity follows him from behind while you stay close to your big sister’s side.
As the three of you enter into his store, you felt…intrigued by what you were seeing. It looked to be like one of those “old” shops where you’d find something really unique and mysterious. The whole store, which actually wasn’t all that big, was filled with all kinds of clocks and other sorts of antique knick-knacks. All of the clocks were beating in synchrony; their ticking sounds echoing throughout the store. There were a lot of them.
Looking around the rest of the store, you can’t help but notice that it’s actually a lot smaller on the inside compared to the outside. It was definitely crammed with a bunch of stuff. Guess Clockwork was one of those ponies that was super obsessed with time, huh? Perhaps he was also a collector of some sort. Maybe. Yet as your eyes scan through the store, you notice a staircase that led to upstairs. Hrm…that’s strange. Where did that lead?
As Clockwork moves ahead of you and Nullity, you notice him going around what you can only guess is his front desk and situates himself on a chair. His desk appears to have been sitting just a few feet in front of you by the store entrance. There was a cash register on the center of the desk, along with a bunch of other smaller items sitting on top. They looked to be those kinds of cheap, one dollar things you’d sometimes see in a convenience store to try to grab your attention for a last-minute purchase. Here, though, they were mostly just cards, little toys, and snacks of some sort. You also notice a stack of books sitting on one end of the desk, with one opened by the cash register. Clockwork must have been reading something when he noticed you two walking by.
Regardless, you see Clockwork using his magic to close the book. You see that glowing plasma, this time with a green color, forming around his horn and around the book itself. The book shuts itself and begins to float midair. It then flies to the top of the book pile while engulfed in the plasma. Once there, the plasma disappears entirely. It’s still really weird to see magic like this, yet you were fascinated with having witnessed it. It just made no sense to you on how such a thing could exist.
“Sorry about this place appearing all dusty and messy. I was going to use today to help tidy everything up since the store is closed, but considering this is a time where I could catch up on my reading, it felt nice to just relax today.”
“Oh you don’t have to worry about that Clockwork!” says Nullity. “It’s important to take time out to enjoy yourself. Actually, I know Epaulet has her store open and she’s working all day today. We tried to get her to take a break, but she refused. I’m just glad that you of all ponies is taking time out to relax. You definitely deserve it.”
“Well thank you Nullity. Still, had I known you two would have been coming into town, I would have at least tried to spruce the place up a little bit.”
You decide to speak up next.
“So what have you been up to Clockwork?”
“Oh you know, business is the same old same old. Nothing new going on. Been making some good sales, but most ponies that come by usually just look around. Not that I mind that; I take pride in others admiring my work.”
“I see. Well, outta curiosity, why did you come to work today if the store’s closed Clockwork?”
He looks at you funny, and you suddenly felt embarrassed for asking him that.
“Sorry about that Clockwork,” says Nullity. “Radiance is still recovering and has been dealing with some amnesia.”
“Oh my!”
His look quickly changes to one of sympathy. Nullity briefly turns to you to speak.
“Lil Sis, this is Clockwork’s home.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah. Well, technically, he lives on the second floor and operates his store on the first.”
Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh…so that must have been where those stairs led.
“Well, don’t I feel silly for asking you that Clockwork. Hehe…sorry about that.”
“Don’t worry Radiance. It’s alright. I’m just sorry you’re having to go through with that. I can only imagine how horrible that must be to forget things.”
Nullity turns back to face Clockwork and speaks.
“But she is doing a lot better. It’s mostly just with locations that she’s been having a little trouble with. That’s why we came to town today. She wanted to see some familiar sights to see if it would help. And it looks like it’s starting to.”
Clockwork gives you both a warm smile. He seems like he could be a fairly nice pony. You were actually feeling a little more at home in his store. As crazy as it might sound, you almost wish you could spend the night here instead of your house. It felt safer.
“Well, I’m just glad you’re on the road to recovery Radiance,” says Clockwork. “Still though, I am a little surprised that you’re walking around when you only just woke up yesterday. Guess that means you really are improving. I’m happy for you.”
“Aww…thanks Clockwork. Yeah, I think I’m gonna be alright. Just been trying to get back in the swing of things.”
“I know how you feel Radiance. After my series of misfortunes, and after what you and Nullity did for me when I was at my lowest, it took me quite a while for everything to return to normal. It’s an arduous process, but the important thing is that you take baby steps. Just like you told me, everything will be alright in the end. Things might get rocky along the way, but the important thing is to hold out and keep going. And I have that to thank you two for, even though I’ve already thanked you both in the past. Had it not been for you two…”
You notice his expression becoming just a little grim. His eyes dart away from you and Nullity.
“Let’s just say things might have turned out a lot differently.”
He quickly shakes it off though and looks at both of you with a bright smile.
“It just goes to show that love and support can really go a long way in turning things around, and I’ll always be grateful for what you two have done for me.”
Nullity giggles and suddenly latches onto you with a tight hug.
“Weeeeeeeell…that’s our special talent Clockwork. Me and my baby sister go around sharing love and affection wherever we can. We just want to make ponies happy and to feel loved.”
You smile and gently nuzzle against Nullity, even though you weren’t used to nuzzling. It feels weird, but it feels right at the same time. It was more of like an instinctual response.
“Hehe…I love you Lil Sis.”
“I love you too Big Sis.”
You see Clockwork simply smile as you and Nullity hug one another tightly.
“Oh!”
Nullity speaks up and suddenly releases you from her clutch.
“By the way Clockwork, do you mind if I go use your restroom real quick?”
“Of course not Nullity. Just head on upstairs. Second door on your left.”
“Okay, thank you!”
Nullity begins walking towards the foot of the stairs, but before she goes up, she begins to speak some more to you.
“I’ll be right back Lil Sis. Will you be alright?”
“Yeah, you go on ahead Big Sis. I’ll be fine.”
“Okay. Be back soon.”
Nullity climbs up the stairs, disappearing from your view. It was just you and Clockwork now. You turn back to face him and notice that he was still giving you a friendly smile. You actually didn’t know what to say, other than let your eyes wonder around at all the clocks he had. Their ticking was starting to put you in a nice, relaxing trance.
Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.
“So…uh…how many clocks have you made since we were here last Clockwork?”
“Oh not many. Actually, most of what you see here on display has been here for a while. Like I said earlier, I get a lot of ponies passing through here, but only do a small handful actually buy one of my clocks. And that’s okay. I mostly just make them for fun. It’s a nice little hobby to have.”
Clockwork plops off his chair and begins walking around his desk. He heads over to one side of his store where three grandfather clocks sat next to one another. You too walk up to one of them and stand right next to Clockwork. He looks up at them, admiring his work.
“You know,” says Clockwork, “I’ve always kind of had a fascination with time.”
You giggle a little.
“Really? You don’t say. I wouldn’t suspect that from a pony who’s name is Clockwork.”
He chuckles and turns slightly to smile, then looks back at the grandfather clocks.
“Well, ever since I was young, I was intrigued by time. Observing the hands on the clocks move, hearing those lovely ticking sounds, simply observing time pass…how is it that no matter what happens in life, time keeps moving forward? You can’t destroy time. Technically, you can break one clock, and build it again, and break it again, and build another. Regardless of the clock itself, time always moves forward. Strange how nothing can ever affect it, huh?”
“Y-Yeah.”
Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.
Your eyes were becoming hypnotized by one of the grandfather clock’s pendulums swinging back and forth.
Back and forth…tick-tock…tick-tock…
“It’s almost like time itself doesn’t even need a medium to exist. Even if all the clocks in Equestria were to be destroyed, time would still soldier on. It’s fascinating to me. In all honesty, what is time? A unit of measurement? A point in history? A scientific term?”
You snap your gaze from one of the swinging pendulums and look back to him, seeing him looking at you curiously.
“Uh…I dunno.”
“Exactly. I don’t know either. Is there such a thing as a past and a future, or is it always the present? Can time ever be manipulated through a medium such as gravity, or can it be through magic? I don’t know, at least in terms of magic. Course, there’s rumors that time spells exist within Celestia’s castle, but I’ve never seen actual evidence of them. You can’t manipulate time and yet, is time always the same here as it is elsewhere? It’s always a different time in Applelossa, or Canterlot, or Ponyville, or the Crystal Empire, for example. They might be an hour or two ahead there and if we were to travel there, would we time travel an hour or two into the future? Or would ponies travel an hour or two back in time if they came here? If you have a pony born here and a pony born in Canterlot at the exact same time, as another example, do they age simultaneously, or do they do so differently because of the time zones that they’re in?”
“Uh…”
Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.
“That also got me wondering: if there can be different times here in Equestria, does that also mean other worlds may have different measurements of time? Are there twenty-four hours in a day, or are there less or more? Not only that, but does time exist if you’re in outer space? Is it only limited to the planet you’re on?”
Tick……………tock……………….tick…………………tock………..
Although you didn’t know exactly the point Clockwork was trying to get at, you notice ever so slightly that the ticking sounds were starting to get slower and slower.
“If a pony went to a different planet, or just to outer space, would they be affected by time the same way as we are here? I don’t know. And yet, I can’t help but feel that time flows regardless of what’s going on in any one location. It is unaffected by anything. It flows at its own pace. Time never stops. Even if a clock breaks, it keeps going.”
Tick…………………………………………………..tock……………………
“It’s the same for ponies.”
You notice him starting to widen his smile, like he was a scientist about to uncover a new discovery. It was actually beginning to make you uneasy.
“Regardless of where a pony is or what it’s doing, time continues flowing on its own. If a pony has yet to be born, time still exists. If a pony is simply living their life, time still exists. If a pony…”
You notice the glowing green plasma beginning to flow around his horn.
“…ceases to exist, time will still exist and flow on its own. Time…”
Tick…………………………………………………………………………..tooooooooooooooooooooooooccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk………..
“Wha-What are you doing?!?”
You’re very quickly beginning to panic. You notice Clockwork beginning to launch a spell of some kind, with his smile rapidly transforming to that of a madman. What the heck is going on? Why has he stopped talking? You wanna run, but you’re frozen with fear. Whatdoyoudowhatdoyoudowhatdoyoudo???
“Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggggggg Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssss!!!”
Then just as suddenly, the plasma flowing from his horn explodes and engulfs you. You close your eyes just as it hits you, bracing for impact. Yet as seconds pass, you never feel a thing. Although you’re freaked out at what just happened, you try to muster enough bravery to open your eyes. Things are a little blurry at first, until…until…
U-UH…where…WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU?!? As your eyes adjust, you realize everything around you was white. You saw no objects of any kind. There was no scenery or colors of any kind, save for the colors you could see on yourself. You saw no light, except for whiteness. No shadows; no anything. You didn’t hear anything. You’re…You’re nearly speechless with what you’re seeing.
“HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
Your voice echoes through the empty void. Just as quickly though, you begin to hear a voice.
“…time…therefore…is independent of everything.”
The voice was a lot deeper and raspier. You were terrified to turn around and look, but you slowly do. You gasp in horror.
“And if time is independent of everything, it cannot be manipulated. Yet you can still alter one’s perception of time. If one’s perception of time can be manipulated, couldn’t one argue that it’s also possible to view time as a belief?”
You wanted to run. You wanted to get the heck out of here. But your legs were frozen. You couldn’t move. You’re utterly terrified of what you saw before you: the silhouette. That horrible silhouette that you saw in your bathroom. Only this time, it was in the form of a pony. Actually, you could still make out the horn. Yet it was a shadowy silhouette of a unicorn, with those signature glowing eyes and that glowing smile. It was simply standing and smiling at you.
“If time…”
Its mouth was slightly moving as it pronounced its words.
“…can be argued to be a belief, can it also be argued that it does not exist?”
Oh God. It’s starting to walk towards you.
“Time is an illusion.”
You can’t move! You’re trying to get your legs to start moving, but you’re paralyzed in fear.
“And if time doesn’t exist, how can we exist?”
It stops in front of you about an inch away from your face, smiling at you. You felt a cold rush of energy flowing from it onto you. You didn’t know what to do. It just stared at you, silently smiling for several long, agonizing seconds. Then, it spoke.
“If time is a belief and not something that actually exists, isn’t the whole world like that too? What’s the point of continuing if nothing exists? Why bother if there’s no meaning to any of it?”
“Uh…uh…uh…”
You’re trembling trying to think of something to say, but you can’t. All you can do is listen and watch helplessly.
“Even if time exists and we were to believe that, it’ll run independently, regardless of whether or not you’re dead. You can break a clock and destroy it in every way possible. The same is with a pony. Time, if you believe it to exist, will still function all the same. It does not care what you are or who you are or what you’ve done or what you’ve been through.”
It pauses a moment before continuing to speak.
“I’ve been broken so many times. I’ve had my dreams smashed so many times. I’ve dealt with so much failure. And, I know you have too.”
Oh God. You’re starting to shake violently. You felt like you were going to pass out soon.
“The desire to end it all. The desire to be nothing. I, like a clock, make no difference to how time functions. I can do this, I can do that, I can work myself to be whatever I want to be. But what’s the point? No matter what, I will die. Why go on when it will all ultimately fall apart? After all, if time doesn’t exist, other than as a belief, then we also only exist on that same principle of belief. In other words, we only exist because we believe we exist. Truthfully, we don’t matter. I don’t matter. You don’t matter. Nothing will matter in the end. It is all pointless. Especially with being broken time and time again, isn’t it better to just accept and enjoy the belief of nonexistence? To erase oneself? To become one with…nothingness?”
You heart felt like it was beating a million miles a minute. Although you could hear this thing talking to you, its words were glossing over you. You were too terrified to fully process what this thing was saying.
“I wanted to erase myself. And most of the time, I still do. Why go on in suffering when it’s just so much easier to become nothing? I tried to do it. And, I know you have too.”
“Whu-Whu…”
You try saying something, but you can’t. You were on the verge of crying and losing it.
“I wanted to drown myself in that lake.”
“Whu-What?”
“As a matter of fact, I tried to too. To forget myself, to erase myself, to ease my suffering and my pain. You did that too, didn’t you?”
“H-Huh?!?”
“Your so-called accident was on purpose. I know it. You know it. We both wanted to end it. How could one not enjoy erasing themselves in order to ultimately become nothing? Such a fantasy is truly magical.”
“Hel-Help. Plu-Please…I…I wanna go home. Pluh-Please don’t hurt me.”
“And that is the beauty of belief. Time is a belief. All of this is a belief. You can be anywhere or anything you want to be. It’s all a belief; nothing is real.”
You see the silhouette beginning to touch you. Oh God. This is it. You close your eyes, fearing the worst.
“Just remember: we don’t exist.”
…
“Lil Sis?”
That voice…Nullity! You quickly open your eyes, only to be…to be…WHAT?!? You’re…You’re at home. You’re on the couch and Nullity was standing by the fireplace. You saw a fire going. No seriously, WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!? WHAT THE LITERAL FUDGE?!?
“Whu-What?”
“Mommy?”
You immediately turn to your left to see a small blue pegasus sitting next to you. He looked to be like a young colt, with a solid green mane. Wait a minute…Beezle? You look down to see that you had a book open in front of you. You noticed you were still wearing your necklace, but you weren’t wearing your dress. You also heard whistling in the kitchen.
“Yeah, Nullity. I will say, you and Radiance sure do make the best food.”
You see a sky-blue pegasus walking out of the kitchen and into the living room. He actually looked very similar to the colt, except his mane color and coat color were all lighter. He had light blue eyes, while the colt’s eyes were a darker shade of blue.
“Thank you ag-”
He stops midway and looks at you.
“Radiance? Is something wrong?”
All three were staring at you. The only sounds now were coming from the wood crackling in the fire. The remainder of the lights in the house were turned off. It was dim, though cozy. Yet you felt anything but cozy.
“Uh…Uh…”
You stammer, with your brain trying to make sense over what was going on.
“Bi-Big Sis?”
“Yeah?”
Nullity’s now looking at you seriously.
“Whu-Why are we at home? Weren’t we just at Clockwork’s place?”
“Huh? What are you talking about? That was hours ago.”
Although you couldn’t see yourself, you felt like your color was draining from your face. It’s too much. What just happened couldn’t have been you seeing things. That was definitely real, and was definitely something. There’s no way several hours could have just passed. Your mind can’t come to grips with what has just happened. You literally want to scream and have a mental breakdown, but then suddenly, the young colt who you assume was Beezle speaks.
“What’s wrong Mommy? You were just about to get to the good part of the story. C’mmon, I wanna know what happens next!”
He playfully tugs against your arm, and you look at him. He sees your look and quickly becomes worried.
“Mommy, are you okay? What’s wrong?”
Because you didn’t want to scare such a young child, you try your absolute best to keep your composure.
“Yuh-Yeah. I uh…just…do you mind if I have a quick talk with…uh…Aunt Nullity?”
“Okay!”
Nullity wastes no time in coming over to you.
“Are you okay Lil Sis?”
“Uh…do you mind if we talk in private for a moment?”
“Sure, we can do that.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?” questions the stallion.
“Don’t worry Blueberry,” says Nullity. “I have it taken care of. If you like though, why don’t you finish up the story with Beezle and get him ready for bed?”
“Sure, I can do that. No problem.”
“Okay. Thank you Blueberry. We’ll join you two again shortly.”
Nullity pulls you off the couch and together, you both walk into the kitchen. It was dark, though the glow from the fireplace did lighten the room a little. You could hear Blueberry happily talk to Beezle about whatever book you were supposedly reading, but your mind wasn’t there at all. Rather, you almost felt zombified. All of this was beyond your ability to make sense of anything. Just what the heck is going on?
“Lil Sis, can you tell me what’s wrong?”
Nullity was whispering to you, and you decided to do the same so as to not alarm Beezle or Blueberry.
“I…I…I’m telling you Big Sis. We…We were just at Clockwork’s place a few minutes ago.”
“But we weren’t Lil Sis. That happened hours ago.”
You start to shake. Nullity notices and quickly becomes more and more worried.
“Nuh-No. You…You had just gone upstairs to use Clockwork’s bathroom. He and I walked to one of his clocks and…”
Tick-tock.
You quickly turn your head into the living room and notice the grandfather clock. It looked just like one of the clocks you and Clockwork were standing by.
Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.
You shake your head and quickly grab onto Nullity for a tight hug.
“I’m…I’m so scared Big Sis. I…I don’t remember anything since we arrived at Clockwork’s place. I don’t understand. What’s happening?”
You start sniffling, trying to hold back the tears. Nullity simply hugs you tight and hushes calming reassurances to you.
“It’s gonna be okay Lil Sis. It’s gonna be okay. We’ll get it all taken care of tomorrow. Let’s just try to get some sleep. It’s been a long day and I want you to get some sleep.”
You actually start to make a low whine. You really felt like you were losing touch with reality. You didn’t want to go insane. But you didn’t understand what was going on.
“Shh…shh…it’s okay. It’s okay baby sister…shh…shh…”
Nullity hugs you and rocks with you, but this time, it wasn’t working as powerfully as it had worked before. You were just too terrified.
“Here.”
Nullity breaks away from you and heads to the opposite end of the kitchen. She comes back with a small glass of water and two purple pills resting on one of her wings, which was slightly stretching outwards. You sit down on your rear and reach for the glass of water with your hooves. The two pills accidentally roll down her wing and into your drink. They make a small splash.
“What…What is this?”
“It’s just some medicine to help you sleep. Drink it Lil Sis. You’ve been through a lot. I want you to get some good sleep.”
Using your hooves, you carefully hold the glass up to your lips and you quickly gulp down the cool, refreshing liquid. You felt the two pills riding down your esophagus along with the water. Nullity kisses you on your forehead and hugs you tightly. You hug her back hard and rock with her, desperate for any comfort you could get.
“It’s gonna be okay Lil Sis. I promise.”
After a few moments pass, you two let go of one another. Nullity grabs the drinking glass with her mouth and places it back on her wing. She walks it over to one of the counters and places it there. When she returns to you, she places a wing over you.
“Come on Lil Sis. Let’s go settle into bed.”
Bed? Wait…YOUR BEDROOM?!? Your eyes shoot wide. No way. Nononononononono. You’re not sleeping up there. Absolutely no way. Regardless, Nullity tries nudging you to get up. You reluctantly do so.
“Buh-Big Sis…I don’t wanna sleep in my bedroom.”
She looks at you funny.
“What are you talking about? We’re sleeping down here with Blueberry and Beezle.”
“Huh?”
“Beezle wanted to sleep by the fireplace tonight, so we’re all doing a little slumber party for him. Are you okay to head back to head back over to him and Blueberry.”
“I uh…yeah…I…am.”
As you both slowly walk back into the living room, you see a bunch of blankets and pillows being laid out by Blueberry in front of the fireplace. Beezle was trying to help too. When they see you, they both try to cast reassuring smiles.
“Everything all good?” Blueberry asks.
“Yeah. Radiance is just getting a teeny bit tired. It’s been a long day for her.”
You notice Beezle yawning, and his yawning actually makes you yawn a little.
“And speaking of tired,” says Blueberry, “it seems a certain somepony is ready to get some sleep.”
“Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…mmmhmmmm...maybe,” says Beezle wearily.
“But I wanna sleep next to Mommy tonight.”
“Can do kiddo.”
Together, you and Nullity walk right up to the radiating heat emitting from the fireplace. She gently tries to force you to lay down on your tummy, and as you do so, so does she. Although you don’t directly see it, you notice out of the corner of your eye Blueberry placing warm blankets on top of you and Nullity. They were unusually warm, and very, very comfy.
Suddenly, you felt a moving sensation on your right side. You turn your head to notice Beezle snuggling up next to you. He’s smiling. Despite everything you’ve been going through, you’re actually able to give a genuine smile back to him. It actually feels really good having a foal snuggling against you. That plus Nullity’s snuggling on your left side is rapidly reducing your fears. You yawn some more and rest your head on a pink pillow that laid in front of you. You also notice on your right Blueberry placing another blanket between you and Beezle before he finally situates himself so that he slept right next to Beezle; the only thing separating you and him.
Although you couldn’t remember arriving at your house and meeting him, he seemed very friendly. You wish you could remember more about him. It kind of would have been fun to go on a date with a stallion. Plus, having his little colt snuggling up against you and calling you his mommy did melt your heart. Yet, even though you felt a little better being bundled up in warm covers by the ponies that loved you, you were still too shattered mentally to feel a completely strong relationship with Blueberry and Beezle. Everything was beyond your comprehension, and the more you tried to keep yourself awake, the sleepier you got.
You begin yawning more and more as you feel the effects of the medicine you took rapidly pull you into the world of sleep. And just as you are about to drift off, you hear Beezle whisper.
“I love you Mommy. Good night.”
You felt him snuggle against you some more.
“Mmmmmm…mmph…mmm…*yawn*…nini my little Beezle. Mommy loves…*yawn*…you with all her heart. Mmm…”
Your eyes close and just as you black out, you whisper.
“Nini.”
…
Warmth coursed throughout your body as you suddenly realize that you were walking. You were walking in some sort of valley, though you weren’t exactly quite sure where you were. All you knew was that it was somewhat warm, but not burning hot.
Almost instinctively, you turn your gaze upwards to see a sun that was partially obscured by partly cloudy skies. The sky was a lovely sea of light blue, covered with patches of white-grayish hues that partially obstructed the glowing, yellow beacon of light. The sun didn’t make you feel hot like you were in a desert, but it felt like you were in comfy 70-degree weather. Still though, the clouds appeared to a friendly white with occasional tints of light gray; they looked bubbly in appearance, casting mesmerizing shadows across the landscape. They seemed oh so soft and cushy and bouncy and comfy. You almost wish you could fly up to one and take a nap in comfy, serene bliss.
You turn your head back to the ground and look to your sides. You notice that there were hills to your right and to your left. They weren’t tall, but were more like grassy, hilly plains. As you keep walking, however, you begin to notice that you were passing through some trees. There weren’t a lot of them to the point that it felt like a forest, but you could at least cover yourself partially under their canopy from the sun’s glowing rays.
Yet you realize that couldn’t hear or see any signs of wildlife. Aside from the low sounds of leaves from the trees and the bushes rustling in the breeze, it was pretty much quiet. It was warm and comforting, but it did make you feel a little lonely.
Suddenly, you start to hear what sounds like water gently splashing against something. You walk forward a little more and notice that there is a small river to your right. It was flowing in the direction you were walking in. You stop and walk right up to the edge of the river. You notice that the water was surprisingly clear and fresh. It looked like there were no chemicals or trash of any sort in it. As a result, you were able to clearly see all sorts of substrate at the bottom.
Without warning, you feel something tapping on your shoulder. You turn around to see her dress. The simple white gown. You see it, and you know it’s her, but she’s not visible. You know she’s there, but all that exists is a floating white gown. You can vaguely sense the outline of her body that the dress is attached too, but you can’t discern any visible physical features. You stand up and smile, waving at her. Yet, you also notice that you are invisible. You knew she saw that, and you could see that she was waving to you too, despite her being invisible. You just knew that she could see you.
You both begin walking along the stream talking. Even though you were both invisible, save for her white gown, you two were talking. You were both reminiscing about something. In some strange way, you two were bonding. You still don’t know what was being said, but you knew you were both talking. You could hear each other’s voices clearly, but you couldn’t make out the words.
Yet as the sun begins to rapidly set, you could tell you were becoming more and more serious. She, on the other hand, was becoming more and more uneasy. As the sun disappears over the growing night sky, you two approach the lake. She stops, while you walk up to it and bend over to examine the surface of the water. You see no reflection of any kind. It was empty, save for the fogginess of the dark blue water. You didn’t know how far down it went. Yet, after observing it, you can feel her gripping your shoulder. She begins speaking, and this time, you can understand what she is saying.
“…why I made all the things I did with you, so that we both could remember.”
You turn to see that she is crying. Even though she is nearly invisible save for her dress, you can tell that she’s crying.
“Get stronger for both of us Big Sis. I’ll watch everything from here and do what I can. I love you so very much.”
You turn to look back down in the water, and before you know it, you’re pushed in. You could hear screams as you fell in. You didn’t know if it was you or her or someone else that was screaming. But as you fell in…as you fell…into…the lake…into the nothingness…
Nothingness…nothingness…nothingness…nothingness…nothingness…nothingness…
Nothingness…nothingness…nothingness…
Nothingness…
…
You shift groggily in your sleep. Somewhere, you can hear crying of some sort, although it was very quiet. Although still pretty sleepy, you open your eyes a little, only to be greeted by sunlight. You immediately close your eyes from the brightness.
After a few seconds pass, you slowly open them again as they adjust to the sunlight. You raise your head a little, and turning to your left and right, you notice that Nullity and Blueberry are not around. However, you can hear their voices coming from the kitchen. They were talking quietly, probably so as to not wake you up. You can’t quite hear what it is they are discussing, but just as you are about to stand, you feel a tug at your right arm. You quickly see Beezle clinging onto you. His eyes are closed, but you can see that he’s whimpering. He is still asleep, though your heart goes out to him. Poor thing. You want to make him feel better…somehow.
You lean against him and nuzzle very gently against his neck. You try whispering calming reassurances to him like Nullity would do to you, but just as you start talking to him, he suddenly opens his eyes.
“HUH?!?”
He jerks and looks around in confusion.
“Where am I? What happened?”
“Shh…shh…it’s okay. It was just a bad dream.”
You feel Beezle shaking a little against your body, but once he realizes that you’re right next to him, he quickly relaxes.
“Mommy!”
He hugs your arm as tight as he can. You shift around a little in your covers so that you can pull him with both of your arms right up to you. You hug him as tight as you can and quietly coo.
“There, there Beezle. It was only a nightmare. You’re okay. You’re safe. Mommy’s right here.”
He sniffles a little, but just as quickly says “I love you Mommy” several times. You tell him that you love him too and hug him for just a little bit longer. After a few seconds pass, he begins to speak.
“That was the scariest nightmare I ever had! I never wanna have that dream again.”
“Shh…it’s okay Beezle. It was only a dream.”
“Yeah, but it felt very real.”
He starts to wiggle out of your grasp. You let go of him and he bounces out in front of you with energy.
“I dreamt that I was at home just playing games when an intruder broke in.”
“Oh?”
You observe him curiously.
“Yeah! I remember hearing something and I went to go investigate. Yet just as I started exploring, this shadowy thing crept up on me and before I knew it, he captured me.”
You start to feel a little uneasy with those words. Since when does a foal have a dream about being kidnapped?
“Then, when I woke up, I was in some kind of secret lair. Like, a made scientist’s lair or something.”
Beezle looks to the ground and thinks for a moment, before he realizes something.
“There was this kind of ‘doctor.’ He was super scary and tried to act like my friend, but threatened to hurt me if I didn’t do as he said.”
Wait a minute. What did Beezle just say?
“He wanted to run some kind of experiment on me and I remember going to this room and there was this bed thingy and he told me to sleep on it and I was scared and I didn’t know what was happening and then…I just woke up right next to you!”
Oh no. Oh please don’t let what Beezle just said be true. Is he…? No, wait. No…No…Just please no. You remember that one doctor from before…before you woke up from your coma. He said…He said something about there being “others.” Oh please. Just please in the name of everything. Just please no. Beezle is just a foal. He’s just a kid. Please don’t let him experience the things you’ve been experiencing. He doesn’t deserve that.
“I’m just happy it was only a bad dream though. Besides, I got Mommy to protect me!”
He smiles big and you try to smile back, but deep down, you felt like you were gonna be sick. You almost wanted to hurl. This is wrong. This is just so very, very wrong. Whatever crazy stuff is going on, just please don’t let Beezle suffer through it. Please.
Suddenly, you hear the sound of hooves clopping against the floor. You stand up and turn towards the kitchen to see Nullity and Blueberry coming out of there. They both notice you and Beezle standing and staring at them. Though they weren’t beforehand, you see them quickly putting on a smile.
“Good morning Lil Sis! Good morning Beezle!”
“Morning Radiance. Morning champ. Did you two sleep well?”
“Uh…”
Before you can say anything, Beezle speaks up excitedly.
“Yeah. Had some crazy dreams, but Mommy was there to protect me.”
Blueberry walks away from Nullity and leans down for Beezle. He quickly runs to Blueberry and climbs onto his back.
“Good. I’m glad. You know it’s because Mommy loves you very much, right?”
“Of course!”
Once Beezle is carefully situated on his father’s back, Blueberry stands back up and turns to you to smile.
“Well, we should probably be going.”
“Aww…what? But I thought we were going to do stuff today with Mommy!”
“I know kiddo, but remember, Mommy has a doctor’s appointment today.”
You shiver a little hearing the word “doctor.” His dream put you back on edge, but despite that, you simply try to smile back to him reassuringly.
“Don’t worry Sweetie,” says Nullity. “Mommy and I will be back soon. It’ll just be for a little bit. We can do more stuff together afterwards. Remember, you two are always welcome.”
“Ooooo…can we come back later Daddy?”
“Sure, I don’t see why not. But let’s wait to hear from Mommy and Aunt Nullity first. After all, we want to make sure Mommy’s okay, right?”
“Yup!”
“Radiance,” says Blueberry, “I hope everything goes alright with you today. Just know that we love you very much, and we’re grateful for everything you’ve done. Thank you for being there for us.”
“Uh…”
You were caught a little off guard there, partly because you still can’t remember doing much with them. Regardless, you smile.
“It’s no problem at all Blueberry. I love Beezle with all my heart and I love being his Mommy.”
They both keep smiling happily while you walk on over to them. You lean over and gently nuzzle against Beezle on his side.
“Yush I do! Mommy loves her little colt oh so very much!”
He giggles in delight.
“I love you too Mommy!”
He reaches forward to hug your muzzle.
“See you soon, my Precious Thing.”
You gently shift your head a little so as to be able to kiss him on the forehead. He was honestly very sweet and you felt yourself longing to want to stay with him. Yet, Blueberry simply smiles back and starts heading for the door.
“We’ll see you two soon. Good luck today, and know that we’re thinking about you.”
“Bye-bye,” says Beezle.
You and Nullity both wave and say goodbye to Beezle and Blueberry. As they open the door and walk outside, you see Blueberry spreading his wings. He then springs into the air and quickly begins flying out of view. You’re almost a little stunned to see a pegasus fly with your own two eyes. You actually almost want to try flying yourself. But you knew you were likely not well enough to do so.
Once gone, however, you notice Nullity’s bright smile quickly giving way to a soft smile. She actually looked pretty warn out.
“Are you okay Big Sis?”
She yawns.
“Yeah, I’m okay. I kinda stayed up the whole night to keep an eye on you. I’ve been so worried about you that I wanted to make sure you got a solid night’s sleep.”
“Aww…you didn’t have to do that.”
“I know, but I wanted to in order to make sure nothing new happened to you.”
You can’t help but feel a little bad for her doing that. You know she must be exhausted, and you know that she’s probably been worried sick about you with all the crazy stuff that’s happened yesterday. Even though you were still very much worried yourself, you did at least feel a little better after having had a deep sleep.
“It’s okay Big Sis. Really. I’m fine.”
“Yeah, you might be alright now, but something could happen. And I want to be there for you in case anything else happens. Speaking of which, it’s just about time to go see Dr. Wilhelm. You think you’re ready to go?”
“Okay. Yeah, let’s just go. I’m so done with having these random things happen.”
You notice Nullity smirk just a small bit, but she takes a deep breath and begins walking to the front door. You follow her from behind and once outside, Nullity steps around you and closes the front door. From there, you both begin the same path the two of you took yesterday towards town.
It was a very sunny day today without a cloud in sight. You heard birds singing and noticed the flowers blooming. It actually felt like it was spring or something. Yet as you and Nullity walk, neither of you speak. Both of you silently walk towards town without saying a word. You didn’t have a whole lot on your mind, besides all of the crazy stuff that happened yesterday. And yet, you didn’t want to become absorbed in those thoughts because thinking about them made you feel insane. You just wanted to enjoy the scenery around you.
As you both approach town, however, Nullity abruptly turns right and walks towards the first building that appears. It looked like all the other buildings in town did, except this one wasn’t as close to the other ones. It kinda stood on the outskirts of town. Still looked a little cozy though. If anything, it almost looked like it could have been a cabin of some sort due to its relatively smaller size. The building wasn’t that big, but you notice some kind of logo above the front doors. You didn’t know what exactly it was, but you see that that it is a white plus symbol engulfed by a red heart. You imagine it must have been some kind of medical symbol or something.
Once you’re both in front of the building, Nullity pushes the door open and both of you head inside. The inside was actually very small and lacked a lot of details. It sorta appeared to be just one big bland, empty room. Upon closer inspection though, you notice three sets of stair cases with one on each of the other three walls. They all appeared to lead down to a basement of some sort, but before you have time to wonder where they all lead, Nullity heads towards the staircase on your right. You follow behind her without saying a word.
You both go down two flights of stairs, only to reach a pair of swinging blue doors at the bottom. Nullity pushes one inwards and holds it open for you. She smiles reassuringly at you and you do the same to her. You head in and notice right away that you’re in a waiting room. There was a ceiling fan spinning in the center of the room, with two lamps sitting in the opposite corners of the room. Their lights were shining brightly. The wall you were facing also had a big glass window, which you guess for reception, except you didn’t see anyone there.
Your eyes scan the rest of the room for minor details. You also see solid oak waiting chairs with black cushions lining against your left and right. There were two small nightstand-looking desks with magazines on them. And to top it all off, you strangely didn’t see anyone else here. Yet as Nullity walks in from behind you, you hear the swinging door swaying back and forth until it finally closes to a standstill.
“Oh! Radiance, you’re here!”
You turn your head to the sound of the incoming voice and notice an open doorway to the left of the glass window. You see Nurse Reinhold step out from somewhere inside the doorway and almost immediately, she sees you looking through the doorway. She quickly comes out of the doorway and walks right up to you.
“I’m so glad you’re here. If you like, Dr. Wilhelm is ready to see you right now. I know we just opened, but he’s actually been really wanting to meet with you.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Are you ready to go in?”
“Uh…”
You turn to Nullity to see her smiling back at you reassuringly.
“It’s okay Lil Sis. Everything’s going to be okay.”
“Oh-Okay. Yuh-Yeah, I’m ready.”
“Alright, let’s go.”
As the three of you start to walk forward though, Nurse Reinhold stops and turns to face you and Nullity.
“I do apologize, but Dr. Wilhelm has requested to see Radiance alone.”
“What?” you both question in unison.
“Unfortunately, what Dr. Wilhelm will be doing requires that Radiance be by herself. I can assure you both that you, Radiance, are going to be alright. Don’t worry. Dr. Wilhelm cares about you and only has your best interests in mind.”
You turn to Nullity and look at her, unsure of what to do.
“It’s okay Lil Sis. You can go on ahead. I’ll be perfectly fine.”
“But…”
“Seriously, you’re going to be alright. Dr. Wilhelm is an excellent doctor. If anything is wrong, I’ll be right out here in the waiting area. Don’t you worry. Nothing’s gonna separate us.”
Nullity latches onto you and gives you one final big hug.
“I love you, my precious baby sister of mine.”
You hug her back tightly.
“I love you too, bestest big sister of all time.”
She actually starts to sniffle a little as you two let go of one another, but she still does her best to smile.
“Everything’s gonna be okay. I promise.”
Your heart is messing you because, more than anything else, you didn’t want to be away from your big sister for any period of time. However, you could tell that Nurse Reinhold was becoming insistent that you go see Dr. Wilhelm.
“Okay. I believe you Big Sis. I’ll be back soon. I promise. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
And just like that, you turn away from her and follow Nurse Reinhold through the doorway and down a hall. The hall was very bland in appearance, with ceiling lights lining all against the ceiling. You saw doors on your left and right, with a chair here and there. It looked like the stereotypical hospital, except that it was underground. It’s a little unsettling, but overall, the place seemed kinda dull.
Yet after a few seconds pass, you and Nurse Reinhold approach a door on your left. You notice that it was cracked open just a little bit. The door boar a placard near the top center of it with the name “Dr. Wilhelm” engraved on it. Nurse Reinhold knocks on the door.
“Come in!”
She pushes open the door and leads you both into the room. This room too looked like a stereotypical doctor’s room. There was a regular sitting chair in one corner of the room with a recliner medical bed of some sort sitting in the center of the room. A small silver cylindrical trash can sat to the left of the bed. The bed itself had a tan cushion on it, except you didn’t see any of that scratchy paper material you’d normally see on those things.
Opposite the bed, however, was a counter that had a sink and several containers resting next to it. There were several drawers underneath the counter, which you could only guess contained some form of medical equipment. You also notice a clipboard sitting on the counter with paper on it. A pen was floating in the air with what appeared to be that magical plasma stuff moving it. It was navy blue in color. Your eyes turn from there to see a brown unicorn dressed in a doctor’s outfit. He had a black mane, but you couldn’t get a complete look at him as he was facing away from you. He was completely engrossed in whatever it was he was writing.
“Dr. Wilhelm, I’ve brought Radiance in for you.”
“Ah, yes. Excellent. Radiance, if you would be so kind, please have a seat. Just give me one more moment and you’ll have my undivided attention.”
Nurse Reinhold smiles at you as you try to sit and position yourself on the bed-like chair.
“If you two need anything from me, I’ll be right down the hall.”
She turns around and heads out the door. You notice out of the corner of your eye Nurse Reinhold using her magic to close the door. Yet your gaze turns back to Dr. Wilhelm as he continues writing. You silently stare at him while he writes.
After what feels like several minutes having gone by, Dr. Wilhelm lowers his pen to the counter and stops using his magic. He turns around to face you with an enthusiastic smile. You notice that he had brown eyes and was wearing square glasses.
…
Wait a minute.
“So, tell me Anon, how are you doing?”
You freeze instantly.
“Whu-Whu-What duh-did you juh-just say?”
You felt yourself quickly becoming consumed with fear.
“I said…”
He grins and observes you in amusement before continuing.
“…how are you enjoying Dr. Money’s Virtual Dream Machine?”
Dr. Money? Is that him? The square-like glasses, those eager-looking eyes, that unmistakable smile…
No. Oh dear God no. Oh dear God please no. No. No. NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!”
Screaming as loud as your lungs allow you to, you spring off the chair and dash for the door.
“BIG SIS! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”
Your mind rapidly turning into one of instinctual animal survival, you run right into the doorway, hoping the door would smash open. Instead, you bang your head hard against it. Even though you could have almost passed out from the sudden onslaught of pain, you keep yourself balanced and determined. You had to get out of here. You had to get away from him, no matter the cost.
You try your best to grab at the door knob with your hooves, but you quickly realize it’s locked. C’mmon…open dang it! Open! Open! OPEN! You frantically try to twist and turn the knob, but to no avail. No matter how much you try, it won’t open.
You can hear who you supposed might be Dr. Money make an audible sigh from behind you. You turn to snag a quick glance at him. He simply shakes his head with his eyes closed. He then opens them and looks straight at you. You can feel him looking through you. He looked so serious. You were terrified. So terrified, that you turn your gaze back to the door and start frantically banging on it in hopes that it would somehow break down.
“NURSE REINHOLD! BIG SIS! SOMEONE! ANYONE! PLEASE HELP ME!!!”
Suddenly, you stop. An idea shines through your mind. You’re a pony. You can just buck down the door with your hind legs. You turn around and face the other pony behind you and notice that he’s now just curiously observing you. Is he Dr. Money, or does he just sorta look like him and Dr. Wilhelm somehow knows about him. Still, him mentioning Dr. Money’s name is enough to make your heart pound a million miles a second.
“I can assure you that’s not going to work.”
Terrified of even looking at him for a second longer, you close your eyes and focus all of your body and strength into your hind legs. You gotta do this. You gotta break this door down. You gotta get out of here. You can do this. You’re strong. You’re a pony. You’re Radiance.
Closing everything out of your mind, you can feel an overwhelming sense of strength flowing through you. Even though you knew you weren’t strong, you did remember from somewhere that when animals or people were in a life-or-death situation, they could become immensely strong for a short period of time. Just believe in yourself. Think of Big Sis. She’s right here with you.
Without warning, you can feel yourself arching forward a little with your butt raising in the air, and…
BANG!
You heard a loud crack, but you kick again.
BANG!
More cracking sounds, yet you could tell from the sounds that the door hadn’t fallen yet. C’mmon…just think of Big Sis. Think of how much you love her. Think of how much she loves you. She’s right down the hall in the waiting room. Just kick this freaking door down and run to her and you’ll both be out of here in no time.
BANG!
You could hear and feel the door starting to crumble. That’s it. Just one more kick. Think of Nullity. Think of Big Sis. Think of her love. Think of the sisterly love you two share. You’re both sisters and you both always will be. You whisper silently in your mind as if you were speaking to Nullity directly.
“I love you Big Sis. I’m not gonna let anything ever separate us again. I’ll always be by your side. Always.”
And just as suddenly, with a force of strength you never felt you had, you make one final hard kick right into the crumbling door.
BANG!
You can hear it smash and crumble to the ground. You turn your head away before opening your eyes so that you wouldn’t see his ominous gaze looking down upon you. Eyes opening as you turn your whole body around so that you were facing the doorway, you notice…yuh-you nuh-nuh-notice…
…
Whu-Where’s the hallway? Through the doorway, all you see was what appeared to be a white void. Nuh-No. It can’t be. Not again. There was no hallway or anything of any kind. You didn’t see the floor, the walls, or the ceiling; you saw absolutely nothing beyond the doorway. Whu-What the heck is this?
As much as you desperately want to flee, you carefully and gently put your hoof out in front of you. You reach for the floor outside the room, and surprisingly, you feel a solid floor. You slowly but steadily begin walking outside the room, eyes on your hooves, until you were completely out of the office.
When you look up, your jaw almost drops. There’s…There’s nothing around you. No objects of any kind, no furniture, no light fixtures, no sounds, no anything. It’s just like when Clockwork took you here in that freaky silhouette form. Oh God. You want to scream and feel as though you’re gonna hurl, but you try to stay focused to the best of your ability. You call out for your big sister.
“HELLO? NULLITY?!? WHERE ARE YOU? PLEASE HELP ME!”
Your voice echoes through the void, but no response of any kind is given, with the exception of the voice coming from the office you left. From behind you, you hear another loud sigh.
“Tsk, tsk. So I take it you’re not enjoying Dr. Money’s Virtual Dream Machine?”
You can feel chills coursing through you. You turn around and almost want to freak out again. The outside walls of the room you were in were white. They blended in with the white void around you. The only thing visible was the doorway and the contents of the office inside, with the pony who may be responsible for all of this staring straight at you. He was frowning.
“This is most unfortunate, but given your personal history and your psychological state, I had a feeling this was bound to happen.”
You make no movements, nor do you say anything. You simply stare and listen to him.
“Would you be so kind as to come back inside Anon? It would be easier to talk to you in here instead of you being all the way over there.”
A-Anon…that…what? Yuh-You’re not A-A-Anon, right? Thu-That’s not your name, right? Yuh-You’re Radiance, right? You can feel your voice shaking, both in terror and in anger for him not addressing you as Radiance.
“My…My name is RADIANCE!”
He simply shakes his head and sighs yet again.
“My sincerest apologies ‘Radiance.’ Please, do not be afraid. I have no intention to harm you. I simply want to have a talk with you.”
He motions with a hoof for you to come back in, with his frown slowly turning into a soft smile. What should you do? You could run away from him forever, but you would be trapped in this endless void. Regardless of whether or not you’re seeing things, if you wanted to see Nullity again and get out of here, the only real option would be to back inside. You try to reassure yourself however you can that you’re gonna be alright, but deep down, you were terrified. And yet, you had no other option.
Slowly but surely, you walk back into the room. You were noticeably shaking, fearful of what was going to happen to you. Apparently, he could sense your fear and tried to calm you.
“There, there. It really is going to be alright Radiance.”
He was speaking with a tone of calming reassurance. Even though you had no idea why all of this was happening and despite the fact that things were unfolding the way they were, his tone had somehow, in a weird, messed up way, helped to lower your anxiety just a little.
As you re-enter the room, you dart your eyes around the room. It was at least a little comforting to be in a room and see actual objects again. Though as you approach where you were sitting previously, your head turns back to the doorway. It was still a white void. Why though?
“Yes, yes. Please have a seat Radiance.”
He makes a motion for you to sit, and you reluctantly proceed to do so. Using the magic from his horn, he pulls a chair from the corner of the room and proceeds to situate himself on it. He uses his magic once more to pick up the pen and the clipboard he was writing on previously. You were breathing heavily, curious, though mostly afraid, of what he was going to do.
“So Radiance, where would you like to start.”
You’re at a loss of words. You have no idea what to say.
“Whu-What the heck is going on?”
“Well, you came in this morning for an early appointment. Initially, I was scheduled to meet with you towards the end of the week, with Nurse Reinhold making daily checkups with you to see how you’ve been recovering. However, considering what your sister has told my assistant and seeing as how you have been out of it for a while, I felt it was urgent to see you right away.”
“What-What did she say?”
You see him using the magic from his horn to flip through several pages on his clipboard as he tries to come up with a response. He stops when he finds what it is he was looking for. He scans it for a moment and then looks at you objectively, regurgitating what was written on paper.
“According to what Nurse Reinhold has relayed to me from Nullity’s observations, you appear to be experiencing amnesia, be it from forgetting places to forgetting names and faces. Not only that, but you also seem to be having hallucinations of some sort.”
You turn your gaze from him and look at the open doorway, noticing that the white void was still there.
“Uh…uh…am…am I hallucinating right now?”
“Hm?”
He looks at you inquisitively, and notices you looking back and forth between him and the doorway.
“Oh! No, you are not. I can see the white void outside of this room too.”
You try to stammer for a response, but words fail you. How is it that he can see it too? He didn’t launch a spell or anything to teleport you into this void-like world like Clockwork did, but the simple fact that he openly acknowledges the presence of the white void must surely mean you’re not hallucinating, right? At least, assuming this whole conversation with him isn’t a hallucination in and of itself.
“I…I don’t understand. How do you see it? How can I be hallucinating if you see it too? Did you teleport us or something?”
He looks up in a thoughtful gaze for a moment before responding.
“No, I did not. Actually, to be blunt, that is all of your doing.”
WHAT?!?
“I…I…but…but…I’m not even a unicorn. I can’t do magic! I don’t even know how to do magic!”
“Very true. You are right in the sense that you didn’t use some form of spell for that to happen, but your mind, whether you realize it or not, is responsible for that occurring.”
“My mind? HOW?!?”
“Well, quite simply, your mind is your gateway for interpreting what it is you sense with your senses. I know that might sound strange, but trust me when I say that everything is based purely on your perception of it.”
“My perception? What do you mean by that?”
“Well, what you perceive occurring can be very different with how I perceive things as they happen. For example, let’s say I believe magic exists and you do not. Now suppose we’re both sitting in front of a live stage performance watching the events transpire. You become lost in what you’re seeing because it is so utterly fascinating to you, yet I pull out a crossword puzzle and work on it to pass the time because I find the show to be rather dull. Let’s say the show lasts for three hours. To you, it may seem that only a half an hour has transpired because you were completely engrossed with whatever happened on stage. To me, it seems like the entire day has passed and was wasted doing something I did not want to do. For both of us, we know that the show only lasted three hours, yet our perception of…”
He pauses and smiles at you a little before continuing.
“…time, was vastly different. Now, I could argue that I used a type of time spell to create some form of time dilation between us, yet you might say that to be complete hogwash. You might try to retort with some kind of scientific theory or evidence to disprove my argument that magic is real. You might say that according to a certain scientific principle, there was no time dilation resulting from magic, and that it was simply the result of that scientific principle. We can both keep arguing back and forth to try and prove whether or not magic or science is real, but regardless, we both know that the show only lasted for three hours. Yet, we both somehow experienced an effect where time moved a lot faster for you, and a lot slower for me. Regardless of how exactly that may be, either through magic or through science, one thing is certain: it is our perception of time that altered what we experienced. We both know that three hours went by, and we were right next to one another when the events transpired, so we both witnessed the same thing. Yet it is our perception of those events, of that reality, that caused us to experience two entirely separate things. Do you understand what I am trying to get across?”
You think for a moment before responding to him. Or rather, you tried to, but what he was saying still didn’t completely make sense. Sure, two people…err ponies can interpret things differently, but even then, he’s openly acknowledged that he too can see the same white void you’re seeing right outside the doorway. Personal interpretation or no, that should be proof enough that the white void is not a hallucination, and that it is being caused by something. But how can you, or rather, your mind be what’s causing that white void to exist? That doesn’t make any sense. But before you say anything, he begins to speak again.
“So, as I can probably guess, you must be wondering how it is that I can see the white void you’re seeing too.”
Wait a minute. How did he know what you were thinking? You begin looking at him suspiciously.
“Because, according to the example I just described, we would normally both be in my office inside an underground hospital, with both Nurse Reinhold and Nullity waiting outside for our meeting to be over. I might perceive it as that way, yet you perceive that we’re really in that white void that Clockwork once brought you to.”
WHAT?!?! How the literal fudge does he know about your experience in the white void with Clockwork? You didn’t even talk about that to anyone…not even to Nullity. All she knew is that you had no memory of what happened between visiting Clockwork and being back at home with her, Beezle, and Blueberry.
“Yet we can both readily agree and acknowledge that we’re in that white void right now, right?”
He chuckles. His chuckling actually starts to induce a small bit of rage in you.
“This…This isn’t funny. How did you know what I was thinking? Why on freakin’ Earth is there nothing outside this room besides that white void? I came in here from outside, through the reception, and down a hallway into this room. And now, all of that stuff no longer exists and you’re openly acknowledging that we’re currently in that white void together. Not only that, but how the heck did you know what happened to me because of Clockwork? I told that to no one.”
You could feel the anger in your voice rising.
“And you’re saying that my mind alone is what transported us into this white void? How? HOW THE HECK CAN MY SO-CALLED MENTAL ‘PERCEPTIONS’ TELEPORT US TO THIS PLACE AND CAUSE YOU TO SEE THE SAME THING I’M SEEING? HOW CAN YOU SEE AND ACKNOWLEDGE THIS WHITE VOID WHEN NO ONE ELSE CAN BUT ME?!?!”
You felt your voice becoming a little hoarse from yelling, but you were angry, confused, and most of all, scared. You just wanted all of this to stop. You wanted to live a normal life with your sister and just be happy and enjoy peace without all of this crazy stuff happening. And you wanted to make this doctor you were talking to, whoever he was, be it Dr. Wilhelm or Dr. Money, to make it all stop. But instead of finding a solution to your problems, you notice his smile beginning to brighten a little.
“You know, a part of me was actually hoping you wouldn’t break down that door seeing as how you wouldn’t have to see that…emptiness. It might have been easier explaining things to you, but truthfully, I’m starting to doubt it.”
What does he mean by that?
“Be honest with me ‘Radiance.’ Do you want me to explain how your ‘accident’ and ‘amnesia’ is causing you to see things? Or, would you rather me not sugar-coat everything and just tell you what’s really going on?”
His tone was rapidly changing from one that was caring into one that almost felt predatory. Your anxiety was starting to rise again, but before you say anything, he speaks up again.
“I mean, I could invent a whole host of lies to make you feel better and to make the world you’re living in seem more real, but truthfully, I don’t think that’s going to work anymore. It would be better to come forward and reveal everything to you.”
Making the world seem more real…what?
“Seem more real…what the heck are you talking about?”
“Well, as I asked previously, I take it you’re not enjoying my Virtual Dream Machine?”
You freeze; every hair on your body was standing up. His Virtual Dream Machine… Whatever the heck that was, he did say it was Dr. Money’s. So if he is for sure saying it’s his, then that means he’s for sure gotta be Dr. Money! That realization alone is enough to almost make you want to freak out once more. But what’s a Virtual Dream Machine?
“I duh-don’t understand. Whu-What do you muh-mean by that?”
“What I mean is, you’re not enjoying being in the virtual world of your creation?”
Whu…Whu…What? A…A v-virtual world?
…
And just like that, it felt like your whole life shattered right before you
“Nuh…nuh…no. T-That can’t be ruh-real. T-That’s impossible.”
“I agree. None of this is real. It’s all just a figment of your imagination, your desires, and what you believe in.”
You can feel panic setting into you as you try to deny the reality of what he’s just said.
“Y-You’re not real. This…This isn’t happening.”
“I, too, agree with you. ‘I’ as in Dr. Wilhelm, am not real. Or maybe I am. Truthfully, I’m only real in the context that you perceive me to exist.”
He’s sitting there smiling while talking to you, while you simply start to shake and look at him in a zombified trance.
“Nuh-Nuh-No. I…I must be seeing things again. T-This’ll all disappear in a moment and everything I’m seeing and hearing will stop. I’m just hallucinating. Y-Yeah, that’s right.”
He just continues to grin at your response.
“Well technically, you are seeing things. I mean, if you haven’t figured it out already, it must be pretty obvious to you by now who I really am, huh? Why bother continuing to play the role of a unicorn pony trying to act as your primary care physician after everything you have seen? Why not go ahead and change things up a bit so that everything makes a little more sense?”
The moment he finishes that sentence, you notice him leaning forward, with the clipboard he was holding with his magic falling to the ground. His magical plasma was starting to radiate intensely around his horn. You were still in a shattered state trying to deny what he was saying, but before you have time to react, the magical plasma around his horn rapidly grows to the size of a soccer ball. Then, in a split fraction of a second…
BOOM!
…you’re immediately blinded by the bright array of energy resulting from the explosion. You just as quickly cover your face with your hooves and close your eyes to shield yourself, but regardless, the resulting force from the explosion of energy throws you back against the wall.
BANG!
The collision with the wall knocks the air out of you as you fall to the ground. You’re coughing trying to catch your breath, with one arm covering your muzzle and the other with your eyes. Your vision is a little hazy, but as you slowly oh-open…thu-them…you…yuh-you…nuh-no. No. Nonononononononononononono!
Panic setting through you once more, you completely open your eyes to see that the office and everything in it was gone. Whu-Where’d it go? You turn your head to the right and to the left and up and down and see that you are, in fact, completely alone in the white void. You didn’t see the entrance to the office anywhere in the void. There was literally nothing here, except you. You want to scream and you just want to completely lose it, when suddenly, you hear his voice.
“So I have a question to ask you.”
You turn around to the sound of his voice, only to jump back as far as you possibly could. A human male looked back at you while dressed in a black business suit, with a prominent red tie and a white dress shirt tucked underneath, complemented with brown dress shoes at his feet. You also noticed him sporting a shiny, silver watch of some kind that was secured tightly on his left wrist. His black hair was combed back like before, with his beady brown eyes looking straight into you through his square-like glasses. He wasn’t wearing any doctor’s regalia; as a matter of fact, he looked to be more like a businessman. Yet you knew it was him. He was giving a small smile to you, but it almost looked as though he was still grinning. He simply stood there with his arms folded, watching you…studying you…curious to see what you might do next.
Everything in your mind and body was screaming at you to run away from him, but you felt completely paralyzed by everything that was happening. All you could do was stare at him in terror and silently pray that he does nothing to you.
“If you feel you’re all alone in this void, then what do you think of me?”
“Whu-What?”
Though on edge, his question did catch you off guard.
“Well, in your opinion, am I a hallucination, or am I real?”
The heck kind of question is that? You don’t know how he’s here and how he, as a human and you, as a pony are both in this empty void talking to one another. But he is standing right in front of you. So that means he has to be real, right?
“Hrm…judging by what you’re thinking, I’d have to say you think I’m real. Am I correct?”
“How…?”
“Were you going to ask me how it is that I can read your thoughts?”
You’re baffled. Somehow, he knows what you’re thinking and can easily read your thoughts. That makes no sense. Mind-reading might be something that exists in Equestria with a spell, but a human being able to read a pony’s thoughts? That’s impossible. Humans can’t do magic.
“Or am I incorrect? I mean, as you’ve surely just wondered, it should be impossible for me to know what you’re thinking. No individual can do that, unless you believe they can.”
He chuckles once more.
“So tell me verbally, do you think I’m real or do you think I’m not?”
“I DON’T KNOW!”
You shake your head back and forth closing your eyes. You were confused. Almost nothing was making sense. He said you were in something called a Virtual Dream Machine, right? What exactly does that entail? That nothing’s real and it’s all just one big lie?
You stop shaking your head and look back at him. Dr. Money was looking at you now with a bit of seriousness and with no hint of a smile. You actually couldn’t tell if he was serious based on his…uh…neutral-looking expression.
Regardless though, he said that your whole life in Equestria wasn’t real. But even then, that claim simply can’t be true. Although you would experience certain moments of seeing things and questioning things, everything felt very real. You could see, touch, taste, feel, and smell everything in your pony body. You’ve been with Nullity, Nurse Reinhold, Beezle, Blueberry, Brielle, Epaulet, and Clockwork. All of them seemed like real ponies with their own minds. How could all of them be fake? How can another pony, or rather, an individual not be real if you’re right by them side-by-side and you’re engaging in conversation with them?
In addition to all of this, if none of your previous experiences as Radiance were real, how are you still her as a pony? Because, if none of this was real, you wouldn’t be a pony. Yet you are right now. And somehow, Dr. Money was right here with you as a human. So does that mean he’s real as well? You do remember him before you woke up as Radiance, but you haven’t seen him at all up until now. But how can he even exist as a human? You never came across a human in any of your hallucinations here, aside from that one silhouette in your bathroom, but even then, that thing didn’t exactly seem human. And you were also pretty sure humans didn’t exist in Equestria. Yet he was somehow here. Is he real, or is he not? You just couldn’t tell.
“You know, I realize a lot of this must be confusing to you. With everything you’ve been pondering and experiencing, I can only sympathize with you on what must be running through your head. If it brings you any solace, even I am unsure if I’m real.”
Wait. What?
“Huh? H-How can you even doubt your own existence? Aren’t you real if you know you exist? How can you not be real while being able to simultaneously think for yourself and have a chat with someone? Isn’t that a contradiction to that whole ‘I think, therefore I am’ thing?”
“Yes and no.”
A small smile starts forming across his face again.
“If I am able to hold independent thought for myself without any form of influence, then yes, I would agree with you. I would think I’d be real too. And yet, I have the uncanny ability to read your thoughts without you being able to understand how it is that I am able to do so. I think we’d both agree that can’t be possible, right? So by doing the impossible, does that mean I am not real?”
“Uh…”
You rub a hoof back and forth against your head as if you were scratching it as you tried to make sense of whatever it is he was saying.
“I mean, perhaps what’s giving me the most uncertainty is the guy standing behind you.”
He points behind you, and you quickly turn around to see…
“OH MY GOD NO!”
It felt like your pupils were shrinking into tiny dots when you saw Dr. Money again from behind you.
“Does his presence mean that I am fake?”
This figure that looked like Dr. Money did not speak as that previous form of dialogue was being spoken. And yet he wore the same exact outfit as the original Dr. Money and stood there with his arms crossed, giving the exact same smile as the other Dr. Money.
But just as suddenly, this Dr. Money speaks up.
“Actually, I’m the real Dr. Money. I don’t know who he is, but what about that other guy next to you who also looks like me?”
He sticks his left arm up and uses his thumb to point to his left, and you turn your head, only to see…
…
…a…a-nuh-another Dr. Money clone.
“Well, I’m Dr. Money too. Actually, so is that guy over there.”
He too points across to your right, and you see a fourth clone.
“Don’t believe any of them. I’m the only real Dr. Money.”
All four encircled you, standing there with the same voices and the same attires, all smiling at you.
“No! No! No! No! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DON’T HURT ME! PLEASE DON’T HURT ME!”
You curl up into a fetal position and bury your head into your hooves, whimpering as you did so.
Without a moment’s notice, however, you heard fingers snapping. You jerk your head up in an involuntarily reaction to simply witness Dr. Money observing you. You turn your head to look around you, only to see that the other clones were gone. He was the only Dr. Money standing there now, and was officially the only one besides you who was here.
“Isn’t it strange how our perceptions can distort reality? The fact that our perceptions can make us believe in something that does not actually exist, while also fooling us into thinking that something else which is real to not be real, fascinates me to no end. As a matter of fact, there’s one quote I’ve adopted into my life over the years and I feel it is appropriate to share with you. ‘Your beliefs determine your reality.’ After everything that you have experienced, wouldn’t you agree with that assertion?”
“Muh…Muh…My beliefs determine what’s real and not real?”
“Exactly.”
His features brighten as his smile goes from small to full-on grinning.
“Take me, for example. When you look at me, what do you see?”
“Uh…”
“Do you see a doctor? After all, you do know me by the name of Dr. Money. Does having the label “Doctor” in front of my name translate to me being an actual doctor? You did see me dressed up as a doctor when we first met, but now you clearly see me dressed in business professional attire. Do you therefore see me as a wealthy entrepreneur more than as an actual doctor? Does also having ‘Money’ in my name equate to me being a calm and calculated investor? Do you think all I care about is money?”
“Whu…I…I duh-don’t understand.”
“Look at me closely. Do you ever think I could be a family man? What about a close friend? Do you think I seek to help and save others with what I have been working towards? What if I was actually Machiavellian in nature? What if I was only seeking to become rich at the expense of others? What if I simply used others like pawns and ruined their lives to benefit others, as well as myself? Do you think I have it in me to be a pure sadist? Would you consider me to be a true-born psychopath? What do you think?”
Though ever-so slightly, you could tell from the tone of his voice that whatever he’s going to do to you, it was gonna be anything but good.
The thought alone begins to make you shake just a little.
“I could be any one of those things. I could be all of them. I could likewise be none of them. Maybe I’m only one of them. Or maybe, I simply don’t exist and I’m nothing more than a hallucination brought about by your own mind talking to itself. The point is, it doesn’t matter how I describe or view myself. It doesn’t matter what others think of me or believe about me. All that matters is what you see in me, and what you believe I am. Your perception of me is what will be real to you in your reality.”
“Muh-My reality?”
“Of course. Your reality is separate from my reality.”
“Huh-How? A-Aren’t we here together right nuh-now?”
“If that is what you believe to be the case, then yes, we are.”
Dr. Money actually raises one of his hands in a fist to cover his mouth as he attempts to cough just a little. He then rests it back into his folded arms and resumes speaking.
“When one hears the word ‘reality,’ you would normally assume that they’re referencing the physical world in which they reside in, yes?”
You slowly nod you head.
“But answer me this: is it possible for any one individual to truly know and understand what is actually happening in that physical reality?”
“Uh…Uh…Like…Like what? Seeing and feeling things? Eating and smelling food? Hearing things? Is-Is that what you’re asking me?”
“That is exactly what I’m asking. Is it possible for us to perceive our physical reality with our five senses?”
“Of…Of course! What we taste, feel, see, smell, and hear…that’s all real, right?”
Dr. Money simply shakes his head.
“If you believe that to all be true, then you are correct. But what if none of that is true? What if your five senses are fooling you into believing and perceiving something that is not real? What if your senses are distorting your perception of reality altogether?”
“Whu-Wait. Luh-Like thu-these hallucinations I keep h-having?”
“Why of course. Think about it. You just saw three other individuals who very much looked like me. How can that in any way be possible? You physically saw them and heard them speak with my voice, but how do you not know your eyes and ears were playing tricks on you? What if those other versions of myself were nothing more than reflections I made through mirrors and careful lighting to make them seem real? What if those guys were actors I hired just to mess with you? They could have also symbolized various personalities of your psyche, just like all of the other ponies you’ve met as Radiance.”
“Nuh...No. T-That’s not true. Thu-They’re real.”
He begins grinning once more as you try to again deny what he’s saying.
“Are you absolutely sure?”
Suddenly, you feel a sudden burst of rage flow through you.
“SHUT UP! I KNOW THEY ARE! I HAVE A BIG SISTER. SHE’S REAL! I’M A MOMMY! I’M RADIANCE! I HAVE FRIENDS! I HAVE PONIES WHO LOVE ME! I DO! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM IS REAL!”
You begin to cough a little from shouting. Through your coughing though, you notice that he’s actually chuckling.
“SHUT UP! IT’S TRUE! ALL OF THEM ARE REAL! DO YOU HEAR ME?!? THEY. ARE. ALL. REAL!!!!”
“My, my ‘Radiance.’ You really should calm yourself. You’re acting a bit out of character. Isn’t Radiance supposed to be a pony who loves everyone and everything? I must say, you’re acting an awful lot like Anon.”
Him mentioning that immediately silences your defensive hostility. Buh-But regardless though, you’re…you’re not Anon, right? You’re Radiance. You were, you are, and you always will be, right? You don’t wanna be mean. You just wanna love. You look down towards the invisible ground and indirectly notice a tear trickling down your muzzle.
“Plu-Please…stop. I need them to all be real. Please.”
“Then, if that is what you believe, they are real.”
“Hu-Huh?”
You look up at him and wipe your eyes with your arm before you start pouring buckets.
“What I am merely trying to point out is, how does an individual’s brain determine what is real and what is not real? After all, the brain can’t physically sense the physical world as an independent organ. Sure, it has a body attached to it, it has eyes attached to it, and it has a whole host of organs attached to it to help keep it alive. But the brain relies on the body and everything in it to understand and make sense of its environment. Whatever the body senses from its surroundings is relayed back to the brain in the form of what I call neuronal signals. The brain processes these signals and then sends more signals back to the body in order to make decisions and interact in certain ways based on its judgement over what the body’s five senses have relayed to the brain. In other words, we rely on our senses in order to make sense of the world we live in. And wouldn’t you agree that the experiences our senses pick up from the physical reality ultimately shape how we perceive it and thus shape our own reality based off of how our brains interpret those signals?”
You simply sniffle in response to him.
“Do you remember when I was talking to you about time?”
You weakly nod.
“Well, as I’ve just explained, it is our physical senses that experience the environment and relay what they’ve just experienced to the brain for it to process them. Now, wouldn’t you also agree that it takes some unit of time, albeit a split fraction of a second or so, for those neuronal signals to be processed by the brain?”
“I…I guh-guess so.”
“So even if it takes a small measurement of time for the brain to process its environment, we can both readily agree that it is impossible to know what happens in the physical reality as it actually happens, yes? That by the time our mind receives what has just happened, it has already happened, correct? That, in effect, there is no way to truly understand what is real and what is not real aside from what our brain believes and perceives to be true or false from those neuronal signals, right?”
“Pluh-Please. Juh-Just s-stop. I just wanna go home.”
You give him a pleading look, tears welling in your eyes.
“And yet, those signals our brain processes may not always be correct. Just like how other parts of the body can get ill and malfunction, so can our senses. When an event happens, sometimes we might mistake it for something else. Sometimes we may perceive an action and react differently than how others react and perceive it. Sometimes, our senses can give us misleading information to fool our brains into believing in something that most would say just isn’t real, such as having a tail, believing we’re the opposite gender, thinking we’re a pony, believing in magic, thinking we live in a world of dreams or in a world of nightmares, and so on and so forth. It is truly amazing how our brain can process our senses in so many different ways and perceive its environment, as well as perceiving its body, as being something entirely different than what it actually is.”
“Stu-Stop…”
“Ultimately though, as I’m sure you would readily agree, our perceptions and beliefs arising from whatever our senses relay to the brain are also greatly influenced by the brain’s environment, whether it imagines that environment to be real or fake. Place someone in an abusive environment, and they’re more likely to be mean and abusive to others, possibly even to themselves. They may hate everyone, including the whole world. Place them in a loving environment, however, and they’re more than likely going to develop positive traits and characteristics through self-love. Take two people who are nearly identical to one another and place each one in the opposite environments. Through hatred or through love, they will develop differently and come to their own sets of beliefs and perceptions of the world, because the environments they are living in fuel the beliefs they develop. Strange, isn’t it? That our environments can manipulate our perceptions. Speaking of which…”
He grabs the glasses from his face and uses his dress shirt to rub them. He then places them back on his face and folds his arms once more.
“Wouldn’t you likewise agree that by being in the void we’re in right now, it’s distorting your perception of reality? Don’t you think that it’s making it harder and harder for you to determine what’s real and what’s not real? Let’s be honest here. Most people would generally perceive a void as empty blackness, yet here you perceive it as white. What’s interesting to me is that in the realm of science, whiteness represents all colors of the visible spectrum and everything else, while blackness is nothingness and the absence of color and light. White light comprises the entire spectrum of visible colors, but without it, there is no light and hence, only blackness remains. Yet, in the realm of art, whiteness is considered to be the absence of color, but if you were to mix all of the colors on a work of art, you would get black. In this case, blackness would be everything and whiteness nothing. Isn’t that crazy? Whiteness and blackness can mean the exact opposites of one another depending on how you view them, just like this void. You’re either in a world of nothingness or in a world of everything depending on how you perceive the reality you’re in right now. Both perceptions are entirely valid and are very much real, even if they’re contradictory to one another. They can both describe this void-like world perfectly, but can lead into entirely different realities. This is because our brains ascribe different meanings to this world in order to determine what reality is and is not. After all, your perception of things is, in effect, what makes up the world you live in, right? I mean, the only thing that truly matters is what you believe in and how you perceive things, because that is what will ultimately be real to you. So, based on all of this, what do you think this white void is? A world of nothingness or a world of everything?”
“STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!!!”
You’re screaming at the top of your lungs, desperate for this insanity to stop.
“I DON’T CARE! I JUST WANNA GO HOME! I JUST WANT MY BIG SISTER! I JUST WANT SNUGGLES! I JUST WANT LOVE AND AFFECTION! THAT’S ALL I’VE EVER WANTED! I DON’T WANT ANY OF THIS! STOP TRYING TO MESS WITH ME! LEAVE ME ALONE! JUST STOP IT!!!”
You’re crying your eyes out now. Snot was quickly welling up in your nostrils as you began shaking violently. You needed to be hugged badly. You needed snuggles and warmth and love. You needed to get away from this loony nut job. Through your crying, however, you indirectly notice Dr. Money closing his eyes and shaking his head.
“Always wanting love and affection? I’m afraid that’s not entirely true.”
He opens his eyes and looks down at his waist as he unbuttons the coat to his suit. You notice that he wasn’t bearing a smile anymore. Instead, he moves his right arm to grab something from a pocket located somewhere inside the left side of his coat. He pulls it out and…you freeze. Oh no. Is that…?
“Surely you remember this thing, don’t you?”
In his hand, he clutched a gun. Your gun. Your Ruger GP100 six-shot revolver with a blue finish and its long, mean-looking six-inch barrel. Dr. Money was holding it by the grip, waving it casually in the air back and forth.
“You were going to use this thing to commit suicide, right?”
“I…I…”
Words fail you. Its appearance made your skin want to crawl. It was a symbol from your old life, an object from that horrible nightmare. How does he have it?
Dr. Money stops waving it in the air and holds it in front of him, with the barrel facing down. He fumbles with it a little and swings out the cylinder. Carefully, he pulls out a bullet with his left hand while using his right hand to keep a steady grip on the gun. He holds it up right in front of both of you. The shiny casing of the bullet and its tan tip immediately captures your gaze.
“Didn’t you once say that one bullet would end it all? One bullet through your brain and all of your problems would have been over. You would have no more fears, no more worries, no more cares, no more pain, no more senses…you’d have absolutely nothing. Forever lost in, well, who knows what? The only thing you would accomplish would have been your own death.”
You can feel your own heart beating as your mind reflects back to that old nightmare, back to that night you were going to do it before he kidnapped you. You were a completely different person at the time. You used to say a lot of mean things, you joked and messed with others, you experienced bullying and harassment on a daily basis, you had almost no family, you were stacked with crippling debt, you were doing a job you hated, and most of all, you held so much hatred within yourself. You hated that life and you hated yourself.
And yet, those feelings have never felt more foreign to you than ever before. Although a pony, you were finally a girl. You lived in a beautiful house with the most affectionate sister you could ever hope to ask for. You were a mommy to one of the sweetest foals you’ve ever met. You had a bunch of friends and support and all the love you could have ever dreamed of. What more could you have asked for?
Except…to not have all of those bad memories. To not have that one lake dream. To not have amnesia and hallucinate at random. To not be stuck here talking to this psychopath. But even with these few downsides, you were happy for the most part, right? No way would you even think twice about ending it now. You were in a much better, and far different, state of mind now than you were then. Ignoring the fact that Dr. Money and all of this madness is still scaring the living daylights out of you, you had no desire to kill yourself now.
“Even though this was something you ultimately did not want, it was something you did want, albeit for a brief moment in time. The environment you came from and the people you’ve had to interact with changed how you saw the world. You used to think the world you lived in held no purpose or meaning. Through your experiences, you perceived it as being a true nightmare. You viewed others as nasty and cruel. You even came so far as to hating yourself to the point of attempting suicide. But being put in a different body in a different life in a different world filled with love and support has significantly altered how you perceive things and undoubtedly, you view the world in a different, more positive light as a result, correct?”
You slowly nod your head with your eyes still fixated on the bullet in his hand.
“But even getting an opportunity to live in the world of your dreams still hasn’t proven to be entirely successful.”
Dr. Money gently places the bullet back into the cylinder and locks it into place with the frame of the gun. You hear that all-too-familiar click as he does so.
What’s he doing? What’s he gonna do? What’s he gonna do next? He then moves the gun upwards and…
…
You squeak in terror as he aims it right at you.
“Somewhere deep inside of you, that negativity from your past experiences still continues to persist. That darkness. You know what I’m talking about.”
“Buh-But, I…I…”
He cocks the hammer back and places his index finger on the trigger.
“NO! NO PLEASE DON’T! PLEASE!”
You curl up into a ball and duck your head into your hooves, praying that he doesn’t…
*CLICK*
“HUH?!?”
You carefully lift your head back up to see…
“OH MY GOD!”
“Does this look familiar to you?”
You jerk back a few inches with your mouth agape, petrified of saying or doing anything. In front of you stood the silhouette of who you presumed was Dr. Money. The entire outline of him was black, save for his white dress shirt tucked underneath his suit. His face was obscured in darkness with the exception of his square-like glasses. His glasses looked down upon you with that same old ominous, glowing whiteness. He was still aiming the gun at you, but the weapon itself hadn’t been engulfed in the blackness. It still retained its same color and appearance.
“You’ve seen something similar to this before, haven’t you?”
As he talked, glowing whiteness appeared right where his mouth should have been. That whiteness moved as he spoke, but as soon as he finished speaking, it disappeared right off of his face. His whole appearance as a silhouette, as well as the fact that he was still pointing that gun at you, made you feel like you were going to pass out. But instead, your mind races back to the times when you saw a human silhouette hanging in the bathroom and when you were with Clockwork in his silhouette form. What the heck was the significance of those things and why did they exist?
“Whu-Why…” is the only response you can muster.
He simply stares at you silently and says nothing. Instead, he kneels down, places the gun on the invisible floor, and slides it over to you. The gun spins across and as soon as it bounces against your hooves, it stops. It was pointing straight back at him. What is this?
Dr. Money stands back up and once again resumes speaking.
“The reason why that gun did not go off and kill you was due to the fact that I carefully placed the cylinder back into the frame of the gun. That bullet I pulled out was the only bullet in it, and it turns out that when I shot at you, the hammer struck an empty chamber. However, I can assure you that when the trigger is pulled again, the bullet will shoot out and hit its intended target. So here’s a little test I’d like to perform with you.”
What? No. Is he…?
“I would like you to focus on all of your hatred and negativity, including any and all ill feelings you may feel towards me. I want that hatred to fully overcome you when you make this decision. Think of everything wrong I have done to you, especially with the fact that I just tried to shoot you here. Once you have done so, you will have the option to kill me. If you would like to end my life right here, right now, you may do so. This is a decision that is entirely up to you to decide upon.”
Kill him? Kill Dr. Money? You’re still trying to process in your head what he just said.
You could get rid of this horrible monster for good. You could go back to your life with Nullity. You could prevent him from ever harming anyone else ever again.
…
No, you can’t do this. As much as you may not like him and as terrified as you are of him, there’s no way you could ever bring yourself to do such a horrible thing. You’re not a killer. You could never go to that low of a point and kill another living thing, especially a human being.
…
But he’s a psychopathic monster who is capable of hurting others. And considering what he’s done to you, who knows what else he might do to others.
…
No. You may not like him. Heck, you may even despise him, but you’re no killer. That’s not who you are.
“No.”
“Hm?”
“I SAID NO! I’M NOT GONNA DO THIS! I’m not someone who could ever do something like that. I don’t wanna kill. I don’t wanna hurt. I just want to be with my family and love everything. I don’t wanna do this.”
“Hrm…”
You notice him shifting his pose a little bit. Considering that most of him was a dark silhouette, it was hard to make out his arms, but it sorta seemed like he was trying to think about something.
“Being Radiance really has affected your decision-making and your perception of things, hasn’t it? Viewing yourself as loving and caring and only wanting love, as well as being sensitive to the well-being of others prevents you from becoming engulfed in whatever hatred you used to harbor. The old you wouldn’t have given it a second thought and would have just shot me right on the spot considering everything that I have done to you. Then again, you’re a pony, so you wouldn’t have been able to get a handle on that gun to shoot me even if you wanted to. But regardless, if those thoughts of yours were the best you had in terms of anger and hatred, then maybe we need to try something a little different.”
Different? What?
“What do you mean by that?”
“Wouldn’t you agree that having a loving sister, as well as being around those who legitimately cared about you, influenced your decision-making and your perceptions of others, including the world you lived in? That because of their love and concern over you, you find it more and more difficult to have an overtly negative outlook on the world and instead see the world as perhaps being a better place than what you used to think it was? Do you think…”
You notice a glowing white smile spreading across his face. It’s appearance, like the rest of him, kept you more and more on edge.
“Do you think I could change all of that completely by placing you right back into a hellish environment?”
“Whu-huh?”
You start to slowly back up away from him. The way he said that sentence with that glowing white smile was causing every cell, every fiber in your being to scream at you to run away. It’s clear that he’s gonna do something to you. If you were ever going to get away from him, now would be the time to do it. It’s now or never. But where could you even go?
“It’s clear to me this darkness you have been experiencing has prevented you from completely living the life of your dreams and has, in effect, prevented my Virtual Dream Machine from operating as efficiently as it might have been able to. Even with the love and support you have acquired living as Radiance, this darkness prevents you from truly living a life of happiness and bliss. So, I would like to perform one more test to see if it is possible to erase this darkness, this trauma, from your mind so that you can go back to living the life of your dreams.”
“Whu-What tuh-test?”
You notice Dr. Money moving his right arm forward. It seemed as though he was balling his fist, but it was hard to tell from the blackness of his silhouette. His smile was still shining brightly, and eerily, as he continued speaking.
“Sometimes, the only way to rid ourselves of our demons is to face them head on. Let’s see if you can confront them and show them the love and support you have gained living as Radiance. Let’s see if you can do all of this on your own and wipe them from your mind. If you ever want to have a shot at true happiness and to truly live the life you’ve always wanted, you must confront your inner demons and move on; otherwise, they will continue to interfere with your life, forever haunting you. So, I ask you, can you show them the same kind of mercy you have shown me?”
Almost immediately, you heard fingers snapping. The moment you heard that, a bright flash erupted from Dr. Money’s fist. Like before, you close your eyes and immediately use your arms as a shield for your face. But rather than expecting an explosion to knock you over, you never felt anything hit you. As a matter of fact, you didn’t even hear an explosion. All you heard were fingers snapping and all you saw was a brilliant light engulfing your field of vision. But everything’s quiet now.
Cautiously, you slowly open your eyes. You vision was actually a little blurry, but one thing that you did notice were shades of color. Things actually appeared to be a little dark; a strong contrast from being in that empty white void. But as your line of sight starts to sharpen, you become awe-stricken with what you see before yourself.
In front of you, you see a glistening sunset across a desert landscape. Hues of yellow, red, orange, and maybe even a hint of violet were painted across the evening sky. Small hills in the horizon, along with cacti and small, scrawny bushes coated the remainder of the landscape. It was all absolutely beautiful. It was just like when you used to go outback to stare at the sky. Remember when you used to do that whenever you had a bad day?
…
Wait a minute.
…
And then it hits you. You quickly turn around and see it. The backside of the small house you used to live in. The shack of a house you hated living in. It was so small, so dirty, so bland, so isolated, so…depressing. You were facing the back of it and from the looks of things, it still looked like an utter dump in this otherwise scenic landscape. Its appearance was strangely drawing you towards it.
Slowly but surely, you stand up and cautiously walk up to the backside of the house. Once you were just a few feet from it, you noticed the back door was missing. There was only an open doorway. That’s strange. Didn’t there used to be a glass screen door on the outside of it, along with a solid wooden door on the inside? Your eyes scan along the frame of the doorway and stranger still, you noticed that there were door hinges along the frame, but no doors. Your gaze shifts from the doorway to the contents inside. Although a little dark, you…you…
You gasp. Whu-What happened here? You very carefully walk inside this house, only to notice that the entire house looked as though it had been ransacked. The whole place was littered with garbage. Broken glass, trash, paper, and clothes laid everywhere. The sofa you used to have in front of the back door had been knocked back, with the worn-out cushions laying on the ground ripped open. You also saw the lamp that stood by it lying on the ground; its lampshade smashed with broken glass around it. Even then, you noticed broken glass scattered all around the floor.
As cautiously as you can, you try to navigate around the glass past the couch to try to get a better view of the rest of the house. The rest of it, like this part of the house, was all in ruin. If there was any other furniture, it was either destroyed completely, ruined in some manner, or was simply missing. Your front door, as well as the door to your bedroom, were missing just like the back door. You also noticed graffiti here and there on the walls. Some windows were smashed while others remained intact. Anything valuable that you might have once had here was long gone.
Overall though, the entire house was a wreck. It looked like it had been ransacked by looters. You’re not entirely sure why someone would do something like this since you used to mostly keep to yourself. Sure, you knew some of the people from your…old…job…
…
Wait a minute. Did they come over here and do this? You have been gone for so long and even though you had mostly forgotten about them, you do remember that they didn’t like you. But it didn’t matter at this point. You had moved on from this life. Truthfully, even with the few valuable things you had here, none of it really even mattered. It was still kinda unnerving to be here, but you really didn’t feel all that attached to this place. It felt like this place never even was your home.
Your home was with your sister. Your pony sister who loved you oh so very much and who you loved dearly. You both lived in a fairly nice home unlike this one in Vanhoover. You both lived on the outskirts of forestry; you two didn’t live anywhere near a desert. This place you were at now…there’s no way it could have been real. It was something from your nightmare as a human. You’re still a pony, you’re still a girl, and you’re still Radiance. Yet you could tell from your vision and through the sensations of your hooves as you walked along the ground that you were indeed somehow back here. But how? Was Dr. Money playing a trick on you or something?
While in the midst of your thoughts, the sounds of a motor outside immediately catch your attention. Its noise startles you. As quickly and carefully as you can without stepping on broken glass, you rush back to hiding behind the overturned couch by the back doorway. The noise from the motor seemed to be coming from the front side of the house.
Within the span of a minute or so though, you heard it shutting off. You heard doors opening and within a few seconds, you heard them closing. You also heard voices being exchanged back and forth. You couldn’t quite make out what was being said, but one thing you did realize was that there were several people coming towards the house. As they came closer, it became a little easier to make out their words. You remain absolutely still as you try to focus in on what they were saying.
“…the hell are we here for?”
“I told you…is gone…we have to…whatever that jackass has lying around.”
“This is a waste of time.”
Both voices were distinctly male and it sounded as though there were only two of them, until a third voice chimed in.
“But guys, hasn’t he been gone for a long time? No one’s seen him. What makes you think others haven’t come by here to steal some of his crap?”
“I don’t care. I still want to get back at that asshole, even if it’s just to trash his house. Son of a bitch fucking deserves it for everything he’s done.”
“Still would have been more fun going to a bar or something.”
“Shut up Grady. I don’t give a fuck what you think. Either help us or go smoke another cigarette. I don’t fucking care.”
Wait a minute, Grady? That name…it sounded very familiar. But before you think further, you can hear their footsteps enter through the front door. The footsteps stop as you hear them come into the living room.
“Looks like the place was already trashed. I’m with Grady on this. This is a giant waste of time.”
“Then why the fuck did you tag along Justin?”
“Because I thought we were going somewhere else to hang and not spend the entire evening at this dump.”
“But don’t you hate the stupid fucker for everything he’s done?”
“Of course I hate him Daniel. I’m pretty sure everyone does. But why the hell should I care about him or anything related to him? He just stopped coming to work and no one’s seen or heard from him since, pure and simple. He’s not worth remembering. There’s no point in dwelling on the past. I’ve got better things to do.”
“Whatever. We’re here now and I still want to do something to get back at that fucker.”
Daniel, Justin, Grady…you…you remembered them. They were some of your old co-workers you used to really not like. Compared to everyone else there, they bothered you the most. Before you started getting back at them, they always gave you the hardest time at your job. Daniel was their ringleader. He was the shortest of the three, but he was always manipulative and seemed to have a grudge with you ever since you met him. You never knew what his deal was, but for one reason or another, he always gave you the most trouble, harassing you as much as he could without going overboard to the point where his job would be put in jeopardy. When you started getting back at him, you knew he utterly hated it. Although you would prank anonymously, you had a feeling that him being here meant that he knew it was you.
As far as Justin and Grady were concerned though, it seemed as though they just hung around him for…well…you weren’t entirely sure why they did. Justin was the classic buff ‘Chad-like’ character you’d see in high school or something. Had a good body, worked out a lot, and seemed to be somewhat well-liked around the office. And yet, he was the serious silent-type. Unless you had some business relating to him, he would mostly just ignore you. However, he would sometimes join Daniel in making your life a living hell. Either through enjoyment, boredom, or a way to pass the time, it seemed like he just messed with you simply because he could.
Grady, ironically enough, was the tallest of the three, and was skinny to the bone. You remember he had some kind of eating disorder, but he was more of the type who’d join in on the crowd because everyone was doing it. You can’t remember if he specifically had anything directly against you, but whenever Daniel and sometimes Justin would do something to you, he would take part in it because they and everyone else in the office would laugh at you if something happened to you.
Really though, it was Daniel who probably hated you the most and judging by what you could hear from them, it was because of him that they were here. And his presence and the recollection of who they are alone already makes you want to leave. They weren’t good company and you loathed having to ever be around them. Sure, you’re not a human anymore and you’re Radiance, but if they found you, you know they would do something to you just out of spite. You had to get out of here.
Fortunately though, you were hiding from them behind the couch and the back doorway was just right across from you. With the couch as your cover, you could just make a quick beeline forward and get the heck out of here without them ever seeing you. But as soon as you finish that thought, you could hear their footsteps once more.
You heard broken glass crunch a few times as they walked about. Each crunch made you cringe.
“I’m going to go search through his bedroom and see if there’s anything valuable in there. Justin, you stay here and keep guard. If you see anything, holler.”
“Pretty sure we’ll be the only ones here, but do whatever. Just hurry it up. I’m bored enough as it is.”
There was a pause, but Daniel spoke up once more.
“Grady, you go back over there and search around. If you find anything, holler.”
You could hear their footsteps resuming as the three shuffled around the house. You were about to make a dash out the back door, until you heard who you assumed were Grady’s footsteps approach to where you were hiding
Ack!
You quickly move to the side of the couch away from the back door as he walked to where you were previously. He was not more than two or three feet away from you. You wouldn’t even dare turn your head to snag a quick glance at him. You remain as still and as silent as you possibly can.
Although you really didn’t like these guys, you weren’t terribly afraid of them. They just had a tendency of irking you like no other. But years of dealing with their taunting and harassment had taken its toll on you. If you wanted to have a scapegoat for all of your problems, you’d love them to be that. Yet now, you were a frail pony. There’s nothing you could even do to them to defend yourself from them except bite them or maybe buck them in surprise. Your best bet on getting out of here though would be to dash through the back door and run. But with Grady in the way here, you were trapped. You’d just have to wait it out. Just whatever you do, don’t…
…
Suddenly, you heard what sounded like a flame igniting. You begin to panic, thinking he just started a fire, until you smell nicotine. Relief courses through you once you realize that he was only lighting a cigarette.
…
No…No that’s really not good. You try your best to keep yourself from gagging. Because you had hooves and not hands, you couldn’t pinch your muzzle to keep the smoke from invading your nostrils. Although you never had anything personal against people who smoked, you always hated breathing in any form of smoke, especially cigarette smoke. The stuff always smelled toxic and made you dizzy. You never understood why people did it, or how one could get addicted to smoking considering how bad it smelled. It was just icky stuff you didn’t like to breathe in. But within seconds of smelling the nicotine-rich smoke, you struggle in holding your breath.
Oh God…this is gonna be torture. Please go away. Please go away. Please go away.
“Dang man, that’s one heck of a sunset. Makes ya just wanna stare up at the sky for hours on end.”
FUDGE! Of course he’s just gonna freaking stand there and do nothing. Your one way out is blocked by this loon. Fuuuuuuuuuuuudddddddddddddddddgggggggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Without notice, however, you accidentally begin to cough from breathing in the yucky smoke. Realizing what you just did, you immediately cover your mouth with your hooves.
“Huh?”
Oh no.
“What was that?”
You could hear his footsteps nearing ever closer towards you. Your heart beating to the point where it felt like it was gonna burst out of your chest, you try your absolute best to remain absolutely still and silent. You briefly close your eyes debating whether or not to make a dash for it. Now or never, now or never, now or…
“What the hell?”
RUN!
You sprint as fast as you possibly can towards the back doorway. Your eyes remain glued on the exit as you try to dash towards it. You didn’t want to see Grady or anyone else. You just wanted to get the heck out of here. And yet, almost immediately, you were stopped dead in your tracks as you felt your tail being pulled hard against the direction you were running. It’s enough to make you yelp and fall onto the ground.
“And where do you think you’re going Lil Missy?”
You turn your head back around you to see your tail being held in a firm grip by…buh…buh…by…
Your eyes widen in shock when all you see is a dark silhouette of a person holding your tail. Like the other silhouettes you had seen previously, the only things visible were the glowing white eyes and the whiteness coming from his mouth. You could see a cigarette sticking out of his mouth, with the smoke faintly floating around its glowing orange tip. As you had remembered, Grady was tall for his height, as was this silhouette.
He stood over you, looming overhead like a predator that was about to attack you. His mouth was in the shape of a faint smile. Fear was all you could feel at this point. He briefly turns his head away as he begins to call out to Daniel and Justin.
“Hey guys! I found something.”
Within seconds, you saw the other two walk into the room you and Grady were in. And just like Grady, both Daniel and Justin where silhouettes too, just with different heights and body sizes. Though since you remembered that Daniel was the shortest one of the other two facing you, you could tell who was who. Daniel was the first to speak up.
“What the literal fuck is that?”
“Shit man, I dunno. I was just out back here having me a smoke and I hear something cough. Then this little thing comes out of nowhere. I think it’s a pony.”
“Pony? Have you ever seen a real fucking pony before? That thing looks like some weird cartoon pony. What the fuck is this thing doing here of all places?”
“Hell if I know man.”
Your heart was beating so hard that you felt you were almost gonna have a panic attack.
“Wait a minute, did you say a cartoon pony?”
Justin, the silhouette you hadn’t seen speak before, walks right up to you and kneels down to get a closer look at you.
His glowing white eyes amidst the blackness of his silhouette unnerved you perhaps more than anything or anyone else you’ve seen as a silhouette. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking or what he was gonna do. All you knew is that you were quickly becoming more and more terrified every second he looked you over.
“What’s this?”
He leans his arm forward and grabs the heart-shaped necklace you were wearing. He turns it around and…
“Well I’ll be damned. Look at this.”
He holds the backside of the necklace up a little so that both Daniel and Grady could see it.
“No way.”
“Holy shit!”
“Whu-What’s it say?”
You actually spoke to them. In so doing, you could’ve sworn you saw them jump back a little in surprise.
“What the fuck? It can talk?”
“Well guys, I think we might have just found out what happened to Anon.”
You notice a low whistle coming from Grady.
“Dang man. Is that really him?”
“I-I don’t get it. Whu-What’s on the necklace?”
Justin turns it so that you can see it. Scribbled on the back of it was the name “Anon.”
What? There was never any writing on it beforehand. It was just a simple necklace in the shape of a heart. That…That doesn’t make sense.
“Buh-But I’m nuh-not Anon. I duh-don’t look anything like him. I’m a puh-pony. I’m Radiance.”
“Shut up you fucking freak of nature.”
Those words felt like daggers piercing through your heart. They hurt. You weren’t used to being talked to like that. To be in that presence of hatred being directed towards you…it made you feel horrible. Involuntarily, your ears begin to droop. And yet…
…
“H-Hey!”
You get pulled right off the ground, only to float in midair, with your tail being held firm by Grady’s hand.
“Owowowowowowowowowowowow! Stop it! That really hurts! Stop it!”
“Hurts? You think that fucking hurts? Wait until you get a fistful of THIS!”
Before you have time to look, you suddenly…
*SMACK*
Your vision temporarily goes black as what feels like a brick slams across the left side of your face. You feel yourself bounce from the force as you simultaneously feel Grady release your tail from his grip. Within a second or so, you feel yourself land on something sharp and yelp in pain.
Burning sensations quickly course through your body as your head begins to pound with one of the worst headaches ever imaginable. Vision briefly returning, albeit better in your right eye than your left, you notice blood dripping out of your muzzle onto your furry white coat. You briefly turn your body sideways as you begin to moan in pain. Turning your head and looking down, you see blood and scratches covering your side as you realize that you’ve fallen on broken glass.
“THAT’S for all the shit you pulled on me, you fucking piece of shit!”
“You know, I stand corrected Daniel. This actually looks like it could be more fun than going to a bar.”
“Whu…” is all you manage to say before you feel someone kick you as hard as possible from your other side. You feel your breath being knocked out of you as the resulting kick slams you hard against the wall.
You begin wheezing from having the air knocked out of you. As you wheeze and cough however, blood spits out of your mouth and further stains your white fur. You slowly try to lift yourself up, only to feel a searing burning sensation flash through your body. Your muscles were screaming in agony as you tried to move.
You, on the other hand, merely cough out a little more blood as your gaze weakly shifts up to face the trio of silhouettes. The one who kicked you, who appeared to be Justin, was grinning at you.
“Dang Justin. That sure was an awesome kick. Guess all of that time at the gym really paid off, huh?”
Justin briefly turns to look back towards Grady.
“Thanks man. Though, to be fair, I usually work out just to stay in shape. Also doesn’t hurt in being able to better impress the ladies. And yet, staying fit can also pretty useful for self-defense…and to beat up faggots like this degenerate piece of garbage.”
“Buh…Buh…*cough*…*hack*…I’m nuh-not…”
“Shut up you tranny faggot.”
Although you were in immense physical pain, Justin’s words were wounding your increasingly fragile state of mind. You start to cry and emit a low whine as pain sears through your entire being.
“Hey Justin. Mind if I take a stab in making him shut up?”
“Be my guest Grady. But that’s not a he, and that’s most certainly not a she. That’s an it.”
You close your eyes and whimper.
“I’m…I’m…*cough*…I’m…a…a…muh-mommy. I’m…I’m a guh-girl.”
“Shut up you degenerate horsefucker.”
Your eyes open as you see Daniel standing over you, holding Grady’s cigarette in his hand.
“Hey man, I was gonna do that.”
You look up into his eyes as teary-eyed as possible, hopping he would offer you some mercy.
“Burn faggot.”
You see the cigarette fall onto your tummy.
“The only good faggot is a dead one.”
You yelp in horror as the smoldering tip of the cigarette starts to ignite the fur surrounding your tummy.
“Come on faggot. Burn. I want to watch you die.”
You begin screaming as loud as you can. The heat of the small flames on your coat causes you to jump and land on your side. Even though your muscles were screaming in agony and you most likely had broken bones, you try your best in a frantic state to roll over on the ground to snuff out the small fire on your coat. Your screams turn into blood-curling screams as you begin accidentally rolling over the broken glass on the floor.
More and more pain permeated throughout your body. You were in a desperate struggle for survival, trying all you could to snuff out the flames, even though you were harming yourself further by doing so. In your desperate attempts, however, you could hear them laughing in hysteria.
“Look at it! Look at the faggot burning! Isn’t that beautiful?”
“If only more faggots could do the world a favor and just off themselves. It’d make it a heck of a lot easier for people like us.”
“But where’s the fun in that? I dunno about you two, but I’m having fun watching horsefucking tranny faggots like this one suffer. It’s more fun to beat the ever-living crap out of them than it is for them to kill themselves.”
You didn’t know who was saying what, but by the time that last sentence was spoken, you collapse on your back, wheezing and coughing and moaning in pain. You look down at your tummy and notice that you no longer had any flames on it. Instead, however, you noticed open wounds all across it, with charred fur in several patches and blood trickling down your sides.
“Whu…*hack*…*cough*…*hack*…Whu…Why are yuh-you d-doing this to…to me?”
“Isn’t it obvious Anon?”
You see Daniel walking up to you.
“You’re a piece of garbage that no one likes. All you do is take up air, food, water, and wasted space, further polluting the world with your disgusting degeneracy. I mean, look at yourself.”
You see him kneeling down, pointing down towards the lower half of your body.
“You’re some dead-beat loser who lives in a dump like this. I don’t know if you’ve ever picked up on it, you stupid dumbass, but no one here in this world likes you, let alone loves you. All you ever do is piss people like us off and waste our time with your fucking retarded pranks. Do you think we go to work to get screwed over by retarded fucktards like you? NO! We go to work so we can get our jobs done well, make raises, and earn a better living. Do you know why you’ll never make it big? All you ever do at work and at home is waste away your time sitting in front of a screen trying to piss others off. It’s no wonder you’re in the shithole you’re in right now. Do you think ANYONE would want to be with a loser such as yourself? Do you think ANYONE would want to date you? Do you think ANYONE would want to get laid by you? Hell, do you think ANYONE would want to even fucking love you? I mean, who the hell would want to go out with a scumbag like you, especially a degenerate horsefucking tranny faggot?”
You close your eyes and begin crying hard. His words felt like a million daggers piercing your heart.
“Aww…what’s the matter faggot? Did I hurt your precious little feelings? Was I a little too harsh?
You feel a sudden slap smack across your face. The slap goes across the side of your face that had been previously punched. More and more pain sears through your body as you begin screaming through your crying.
“Jesus fucking Christ…MAN THE FUCK UP!!!”
You can’t take it. The combination of physical and mental abuse you were enduring was causing you to lose it. All you can do is scream and cry like a helpless child, desperate for any form of mercy.
“Guess you really are a faggot then, huh? Was being a man so hard that you wanted to be a woman? Do you want to be treated like a woman, you tranny faggot?”
You felt another slap hit you hard across the opposite side of your face.
“STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!!!!”
You scream and cough and hack in agony, desperate for them to stop.
“What’s wrong slut? I thought you wanted to be a woman. Don’t you also want to be treated like one too? Even if you were a woman, I bet you’d be a filthy whore. A bitch. A pedophile. A pure freak of nature. Oh wait a minute. You already are one. You’re some kind of sick horsefucking tranny faggot.”
You weakly open your eyes to see Daniel’s silhouette face just a few inches over your own face. He was leaning over you while the other two stood behind him, both smiling at you. You quickly become silent with tears streaming down your face as they mixed with the blood trickling out of your mouth, further staining your blood-soaked fur.
“The best thing you could ever do for yourself and for the world is to follow your fellow faggots and kill yourself, you fucking faggot. Seriously, no one would miss you and I’m pretty sure anyone else who knew you would be glad you’re gone. Come on faggot. Wanna kill yourself? You should. You really should.”
Through the corner of your eyes, you notice Justin leaning down for something.
“Hey Daniel. I think I found something you might like.”
Daniel stands back up off of you as he turns back towards Justin.
“What?”
“Check it out. It’s a gun.”
You see from the distance that it’s your gun; the same gun you tried to kill yourself with and the same gun that Dr. Money used to scare you.
“Dang man. Who woulda thought it would have something like that?”
“I don’t know Grady. But what I do know is…”
You squeak in horror as Daniel turns around and immediately places the muzzle of the gun just a few inches from your face.
“…faggots like you should be burning in hell like the scum that you all are.”
You cough and wail and beg for Daniel to stop what he was doing.
“Nuh-No! PLEASE! I don’t wuh-wanna die. Pluh-Please…”
You notice Daniel cocking back the hammer. This…This is it. You’re really gonna die right here like this.
…
You start emitting a low-pitched whine once more as you weakly try to put your arms in front of your head as one last form of defense. You knew it wouldn’t help, but terrified of even comprehending death and dying like this, you try and shield yourself from seeing the weapon and close your eyes. No other thoughts ran through your head as you began to quietly accept your oncoming death.
“Rot in hell, you piece of degenerate garbage.”
This is it. He’s gonna do it. He’s really gonna do it. Trembling, you try to muster one final deep breath and…
*BANG*
…
You’re…You’re not dead? Buh…But…you’re ears…they’re ringing. You heard the gun go off. But you never felt anything hit you. Lowering your arms, you begin to open your eyes to see…
Whu…What? Y-Your fur…it’s…it’s…clean? You look down at yourself and see that your whole body was as clean as having come out of a bath. No dirt, no glass, no blood, no burned fur, no stains of any kind; you saw nothing on you.
Slowly but surely, you rise to your hooves and try stretching and bending and moving around a little, only to find that you didn’t suffer from any injuries. Although shell-shocked by what just happened, you can move with ease. There’s no cramps, no burning sensations, no blood, and there’s no…no…
…
Looking around you, you see you’re actually no longer at your old house. Instead, you’re in a room you do not recognize. You were in a windowless room with no doors of any kind. White walls encircled you with brown carpet resting beneath you. The only things you saw, for one reason or another, was a flat screen TV hanging against the wall in front of you, as well as a wooden table sitting in front of it. There was also a stool sitting in front of the table and from above, there was a mere lightbulb dangling on a wire attached to the ceiling. It cast a dim glow that illuminated the room around you. The TV itself was on, and yet, all that was displayed on the screen was static. But before you knew it, you heard a voice…an all too familiar voice coming from the TV.
“Strange, isn’t it?”
“Duh-Dr. Muh-Money?”
“How our senses can be fooled and manipulated into believing in things that never even happened in the physical reality, yet can seem so very real in our own personal reality. People, actions, experiences, reactions, sensations…all of it is only as real as we make them out to be.”
“Whu-Whu-What?”
“Everything you just experienced, being physically assaulted, beaten, berated, harassed, and nearly killed by three individuals you once knew who hated you for who you are…everything you just experienced there, all of that was fake. None of that was real.”
“WHAT?!?!”
Through the static flickering around on the TV screen, you could see a faint outline of yourself. Your eyes were wide, pupils dilated, heart beating more and more rapidly. A rush of uneasy energy was rapidly beginning to flow through you. You hated the feeling, but you could feel it.
Hatred. Pure hatred over what just happened to you. The beating, the derogatory language, the combination of verbal and physical assaults, the fact that they tortured you, that Daniel was really going to kill you, the pure hatred that was dealt to you…that same level of hatred and rage was on the verge of exploding out of you. How…How could none of that have happened?
“How…HOW WAS NONE OF THAT GODDAMN SICK SHIT REAL?!?! HOW THE FUCK COULD ALL OF THAT HAVE NEVER HAPPENED?!? I WAS BEATEN, TREATED HORRIBLY, YELLED AT LIKE I WAS GARBAGE, AND I THOUGHT I WAS ABOUT TO DIE! HOW?!? HOW THE LITERAL FUCK WAS ALL OF THAT FAKE?!?!?”
There was a small part of you that felt weird cursing for once as a pony, but considering the physical and mental abuse you just endured, you didn’t care. You were furious, absolutely furious, as well as shocked, horrified, and more confused than ever that all of that was fake and that physically, you were now fine despite experiencing all of the injuries that were inflicted upon you.
You SAW it all happen. You HEARD it all happen. You FELT it all happen. But now, in just a blink of an eye, it’s as if it was all just your imagination. How can that be though? How can you experience something so horrific that feels so utterly real, only to be told it’s just your mind messing with you? HOW THE FUCK IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?
“Would you like to know how all of this is really possible? Would you like to know what’s really going on?”
“GOD DAMMIT! HOW IN SAM HELL DO YOU KNOW WHAT I’M THINKING?!?”
You actually hear chuckling coming on Dr. Money’s end. His laughing only further fuels your rage.
“TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, OR I’LL…”
Right then and there, the static on the screen disappears, only to give way to what appeared to be three individuals gagged, bounded, and blindfolded in three steel chairs. They all sat in a metallic room that looked deteriorated with all sorts of stains coating the floor and the walls surrounding them. And although small, you also noticed holes in the ground that were near the three individuals. The sight of them alone stops you from saying another word.
It was them. Daniel, Justin, and Grady. Only this time, they weren’t silhouettes. You could see them dressed in what looked like orange prisoner clothing of some sort. All three of them were barefoot, and with their mouths gagged and their eyes blindfolded. The only other additional features you could make out from aside from their body sizes were Grady’s long, wavy brown hair, Justin’s short black hair, and Daniel’s bald head. They just sat there motionless. What is this?
“As I am sure you can already tell, the three individuals shown on screen are the same people who you perceived to have been harming you. What you just experienced was nothing more than my Virtual Dream Machine tapping into your subconscious so that it could bring out your worst demons; the same demons that have prevented you from living a happy life here. As I have been analyzing very carefully, each mental demon that you encounter seems to take on the form of a silhouette representative of something that has happened to you in your past. Each demon symbolically represents a form of trauma that has damaged your personal psyche and has hampered your ability to enjoy life. From the conclusions that I can draw, the silhouette hanging in the bathroom represents you trying to let go of your old self as Anon and in trying to begin your new life as Radiance. Yet considering the abuse you dealt with in your younger years, you have been unable to let go and move on. Wanting to live as a female and to be who you feel you should be while growing up in an environment that has greatly condemned such a desire has prevented you from adapting to living as a female, let alone as a female pony known as Radiance. That strongly negative environmental influence, also in the form of Daniel, Justin, and Grady as silhouettes, represents the trauma you feel you have endured from that upbringing; that people will always hate you for trying to be who you feel you are and that everyone would be better off with you dead. Clockwork in silhouette form likewise represents your attempt of suicide and how even attempting such an action has also mentally traumatized you. And seeing me as a silhouette…that, I assume, also represents the underlying hatred and anger nestled deep within you. The sorrow, the rage, the darkness…you’ve never really truly let any of that out, have you?”
All you could do was sit there and stare at the screen of the three figures being held captive as you felt your heart beating ripe with emotion.
“As long as you hang on to that darkness and never let it out, there is nothing I nor anyone or anything else can do to make you be happy, unless…”
Dr. Money briefly pauses his speech before resuming what he was going to say.
“…it was done by force. But before resorting to that option, I would like to see if you personally can expel this darkness from yourself and rid yourself of your mental demons, of your past traumas, so that you are able to live your life in peace. Therefore, I have assembled one last test for you. You see the three figures in front of you, yes?”
You slowly nod your head as your eyes remain glued to Daniel, Justin, and Grady.
“Excellent. Now, if you would be so kind, please hop up onto the stool so that you can see what lies on top of the table.”
Without hesitation, almost in a zombified trance, you climb onto the stool and position yourself. In front of you on top of the table, you saw a silver panel with a giant red button on the left and a giant green button on the right. You saw no words on the panel, and the only other thing you noticed was a black wire attached to it that ran to the TV. Your eyes scan the two buttons and your gaze quickly returns to the TV.
Suddenly, you hear what sounds like a speaker or a microphone trying to come on in the room shown on the TV.
“Ahem. Can you three hear me?”
Almost instantaneously, Daniel, Justin, and Grady sit straight up. You can hear them trying to muffle words, but you can’t make them out due to their gags.
“I’ll take that as a yes. Good. You’re all awake. Now, as I’m sure you three must be wondering, you’re here as part of an experiment I would like to conduct with a person you all may know of: Anon.”
You notice Justin and Grady becoming silent, yet Daniel starts to fumble and move around as much as he can in his chair; what you can only guess is him trying to break free of the binds that held him in place.
“I’m sure the three of you share some history with him, and as I am quite sure he can attest to, you weren’t necessarily fond of each other. Now, what exactly you may have done to him, I do not know, but I can assure you that he is here right now watching and listening to what I have to say. As a matter of fact, he is the one in control of this experiment and is the one who will ultimately decide your fate. And Anon?”
You simply remain silent and stare at the screen, watching and listening to the events unfolding.
“What you are seeing is real-time footage. Although you may choose to believe what you wish to believe, I can assure you that what you are seeing on this TV screen is very real and is not occurring inside the Virtual Dream Machine. Everything else you have been experiencing up to this point, including the room you are in now, is all a virtual generation that has been playing off of your mind. However, the room that Daniel, Justin, and Grady find themselves in is a real room located somewhere in my facility. Actually, to be more precise, the room they are in is a gas chamber.”
Upon mention of this, you notice all three of them beginning to struggle in their chairs.
“And this is where your test comes in. The red button on your left will cause a mechanism under the floor to release potassium cyanide pellets into a vat of sulfuric acid, which will dissolve and produce hydrogen cyanide gas through the holes in the floor beneath them. Hydrogen cyanide in particular is a very lethal gas that can cause death in under a minute by inhibiting cellular respiration from functioning properly in the body. This in effect prevents the body from absorbing oxygen and can very quickly lead to seizures, apnea, and cardiac arrest. However, there have been cases where the gas does not kill right away, and can leave a person to suffer in excruciating pain for several long, agonizing minutes. Although no one is quite sure what that pain is like, there was one individual who once ingested cyanide as a form of suicide and quickly wrote down what he experienced before he convulsed and died. According to him, it feels like having the inside of your body being lit on fire. Now, I can imagine that’s quite painful, huh?”
You notice Daniel, Justin, and Grady now beginning to try to scream through their gagged mouths, wiggling and moving as much as possible to try and escape from where they were, but to no avail.
“Should you press that button, the gas will release, and you will get to have the pleasure of hearing and watching them die. You can let out all of your rage, your anger…everything that has gone wrong in your life…you can let it all out on them. After all, they tortured you, beat you, harassed you, wanted you to kill yourself, and they even tried to take your life. Or did they? What you just previously experienced, at least from my perspective, did not happen. All of their actions might have seemed very real and felt really real to you, but all of that was a manifestation of the negative treatment you were dealt with in your whole life as Anon. And to have that darkness from within you be front and center, you now have the ability to expel it from your life for good. But how will you expel it? Will you let them die, or will you press the green button on your right? Pressing that button will spare them, and I can guarantee that I’ll do my best to give them a new life filled with love and happiness in an upcoming experiment that I have planned; one that you might also participate in based on your decision here.”
You could hear all of them screaming as loud as they could, desperately wailing muffled pleas.
“It’s almost ironic in a way. You having the ability to determine their fates by pressing one of the buttons in front of you. To me, it almost reminds me of being on the Internet while sitting in front of a computer. Say you come across someone who is suicidal on some anonymous message board. You have the option to talk them out of it and comfort them, or you can encourage them and provoke them to end it. Whatever action you take is based purely off of your beliefs and personal code of ethics. Regardless, no one knows what ultimately happens to that individual since that person, yourself, and everyone else are all anonymous. After all, how much of all of that is even real? There’s always the possibility that it’s all fake. Maybe that individual wasn’t suicidal and was just seeking attention. But what if it was all real? There is also the possibility that the individual was very much suicidal but would only do whatever it is you said to them. Just because all of this is happening in cyberspace, does that make it all seem any more or less real to you? Even in cyberspace, reality is simply how you perceive it to be. Either way, there’s no real way of knowing what happens to them, aside from what you perceive to be real and not real, and what you chose to do and say to them at the end of the day.”
You yourself start to shake, feeling tears beginning to well up in your eyes as your heart starts to ache with emotions you never felt or thought you had.
“And here, no one besides you or me would know what would happen to these guys. Regardless of which decision you make, they’ll never be seen or heard from again, at least not by the people they knew. And no one else will know of the decision you have made. Can you let out all of your darkness and forgive them by giving them the love and support you showed me when I tried to kill you, or will you expel your darkness by ending their lives for what you perceived wrongly happened to you? Perhaps the bigger question to ask, in my opinion, is are you Anon, or are you Radiance?”
Just as soon as Dr. Money finishes speaking, you hear a loud screeching noise coming from the speakers, signaling the end of his speech. It, however, does nothing additional to phase you. Your teary gaze is too transfixed on what you are witnessing on the screen in front of you. All you hear now are Daniel, Justin, and Grady frantically screaming and shaking in their chairs. All they can do is scream hopelessly for help. And you…you are the only form of help they can ever hope to receive.
But why would you even want to help them? They tried to kill you. They urged you to take your own life. They attacked you mercilessly and even tried to light you on fire. Not only that, they enjoyed hurting you. They took pleasure in your suffering. They. Wanted. You. Dead.
So why can’t you feel the same towards them? Just by pushing the big red button in front of you, you could give them their death sentence. You could watch them writhe in agony as they breathed in the noxious gas.
Just look at them. Look at how they are desperately trying to break free from their binds. Their screams too…can you imagine not even knowing if or when the hydrogen cyanide gas would be produced? To be in that state of panic…to wonder if the breath you’re taking will be your last breath…for them to be experiencing that fear…why not relish and savor it? You deserve every form of revenge imaginable against them.
After all, what kind of sick monster urges others to take their own lives? What kind of deranged lunatic tries to kill another living being for their own pleasure? They deserve to die. If anything, the same form of torture they threw on you should be thrown right back at them.
Laugh at them. Mock them. Scare them. Kill them for the sake of revenge. Kill them for the sake of pleasure. Kill them for…for…
…
…tries to kill another living being for their own pleasure…what kind of monster…you.
…
NO! YOU CAN’T! You can’t push the red button! This isn’t you! You’re not like this! You’re not a monster! You’re not a killer! Don’t you see?
You close your teary eyes and bury your head in your hooves.
Dr. Money has been playing tricks on you from the very beginning. He wants to see if he can turn you into just as much of a monster as them by subjugating you with your own demons. He even said so himself. If you’ve been in a virtual world all of this time, then what these guys just did to you was all fake! You might not have gotten along with Daniel, Justin, and Grady at work, but they never once urged you to kill yourself. They never even tried to physically harm you. It’s all in your head!
…
But if it’s all in your head, then how were you able to experience being physically punched, kicked, lit on fire, slapped, and shot at?
…
Then if all of that was real, how come you’re not injured right now? How were you able to teleport from a doctor’s room to a white void to your old house out in a desert to then be sealed up in the room you’re in right now? Don’t you understand? Dr. Money is playing on your perceptions!
PERCEPTION!
Everything is all based on your perception and how you interpret things. That’s the point he has been trying to make all this time! You’re perceiving Daniel, Justin, and Grady to be much worse than they actually are. They’re living beings just like you! Killing them will turn you into just as much of a monster as you perceive them to be!
…
You lift your head up and open your eyes. All three of them were desperately and frantically trying to get themselves out of their binds. They were screaming their loudest, wailing and pleading in any desperate way for mercy. They didn’t even look like the inhuman monsters you saw previously. Instead, they looked like sentient cattle who knew they were on the verge of being slaughtered. Their screams didn’t even sound like human screams. They sounded more like shrieks of inhuman terror. They were absolutely terrified of what you were going to do.
And considering what they have done to you in the past, they very well should be. You can kill them. You can really kill them. You have every right to do so. Daniel, Justin, Grady and everyone like them that you have encountered in the past…they’ve done nothing but help make your life a living hell.
You may not be able to get revenge on everyone, but at least you can do it to these guys. You can kill them. Just push the red button.
…
NO! NO! NO! YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT DO THAT!!! Whatever wrongs they may have enacted upon you prior to what you just experienced here, they never once tried to urge you to kill yourself. Don’t you remember? They never even tried to kill you. If anything, all they did was poke fun at you and called you nicknames. But did they ever call you things like “faggot,” “tranny,” or “horsefucker?”
NO!
They never once tried to actually berate you to the point of making you feel like you should die. All they did was tease you for things relating to work and that you weren’t like everyone else there. Everyone gets teased now and again. But does making fun of someone warrant them a death sentence?
NO!
You might have come across some really horrible people in the past, but Daniel, Justin, and Grady aren’t those kinds of people. They’re living beings just like you. You can’t do this to them. They deserve to live. Please. Please just press the green button!
…
Their screams were beginning to sink in and cloud your thinking. Tears were rapidly starting to flow from your eyes as you watched them scream and writhe in terror. A good part of you really did want to kill them and get back at them for everything they’ve done. And yet, to have the desire to kill, even if you viewed it as some form of righteous revenge for what happened to you, disturbed you greatly.
Never in your entire life have you ever actually wanted to harm someone to the point where they would die. Even when you were bullied for not being what everyone wanted you to be, you never wanted to actually torture or kill any of them. Instead, you just wanted to get out of that nightmare of a life and start a whole new one.
You wanted to be someone else. You wanted to bask in love and affection and share that same love and affection back to everyone you knew. You wanted to snuggle and protect those you loved dearly. You wanted to be feminine and cute and sweet and oh so affectionate and cuddly. You wanted to be a mommy and start a family and live a life of peace and happiness.
And yet your old life…the people you’d interact with…they’d make you feel like a monster. That you were a freak of nature. That you should be ashamed of who you are and be what everyone else wanted you to be: not you.
And if they didn’t want you to be you and wanted you to be something else, then why not become something terrifying? To have the ability to terrify…to be able to torture…to be able to kill…why not unleash that same form of monstrosity back at the same people who ridiculed you for being a “degenerate horsefucking tranny faggot?” Seems like they enjoy this side of you more. Hatred over love…well…it’s their call.
…
You begin sniffling as your eyes dash from the screen down to the two buttons that lay before you. Tears begin dripping on both of the buttons as your mind races back and forth over which one to press. Your eyes become glued to the giant red button, while the sounds of their screams permeate through the room.
DON’T!!! DON’T PUSH THAT BUTTON! You’re not a monster! You’re not a killer! YOU CAN’T DO THAT!
Don’t you remember? They never called you a “degenerate horsefucking tranny faggot.” That was just an illusion Dr. Money performed to mess with your perceptions! Do they look like they enjoy being scared into thinking that they’re gonna die? No! No one likes a killer, especially not you. Do you really wanna be one, or do you wanna be Radiance?
Your teary eyes shift from the red button to the green one.
Didn’t you want to be someone who shared love and affection with everyone they met? Doesn’t that also mean sharing love and affection to those who may not have them? Look at Daniel. Look at Justin. Look at Grady. Look at them.
You look up at the screen, now actively crying your eyes out as you saw them suffering in terror. Just like you, it’s also possible that they had some form of rough upbringing. Maybe they weren’t shown enough love and affection growing up. Maybe they needed it just as much as you do. Maybe if they were shown it, they could change into better people. But how can they do that if they’re never shown that kind of love in the first place? Enacting revenge against them will do nothing in changing them and will only make you hurt more on the inside. Even if they did stuff to you to hurt your heart, if you want to be a loving being, you’ve got to still show them love. Two hateful wrongs will never make a loving right. Look down at yourself.
You proceed to do so, looking at your hooves, your tear-stained white fur, and your fluffy dark brown tail.
Do you see that? You’re still in a pony body. You’re still a female pony. You’re still Radiance. And is Radiance who you really are? And is Radiance who you want to continue being? You can. You really can be her. You really can be you. You really can love and nurture and care about those you know. It may be hard to do that to those who may not share those same feelings towards you, but doesn’t it feel better to share love and affection as opposed to spreading more and more hatred?
“STOOOOOOOOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!!!!”
Between your mind arguing back and forth over what to do, watching and listening to the trio of people in the gas chamber scream and writhe, and reflecting over who you really are, you scream for all of this madness to end. You can’t take this anymore. You just can’t. You raise your right hoof in the air. Without any more thinking, you push your hoof down and…
…
…you press the green button.
Upon doing so, you see the screen instantly go black.
“THERE! *sniffle* I DID IT! I SPARED THEM. JUST LIKE YOU WANTED. *sniffle* I’M NOT A MONSTER! I’M NOT A KILLER!”
You begin rapidly sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.
“Duh-Don’t kill them! I…wuh-I want them to live. I want them to have love. I want them to buh-be happy. Duh-Don’t let them die!”
You’re wailing and crying like a helpless baby, desperate for any form of nurturing affection.
“Plu-Please! I don’t wuh-wanna do t-this anymore. I juh-just…wanna…hug someone…anyone. I…I need schnu…schnuggies. I just want wubs. I just wanna be loved. Please. I…just…want…a…huh…hug…”
You cry and sob for what feels like hours, yet after a few seconds pass, you hear someone speak.
“Good job Big Sis! I’m so proud of you!”
Whu-What? The sound of her voice causes you to lose your balance and fall out of the stool you were sitting on. Being the clumsy self you always have been, you fall face first onto the ground. Your vision briefly goes black as you yelp in pain.
“Big Sis! Are you okay?”
You can feel yourself being pulled upright as you simultaneously feel someone else’s hooves gently rubbing against your muzzle. You then feel a small flurry of kisses being pecked all across your muzzle. With tears still gently streaming out of you, you open your eyes to see…
…
Whu-What? Although you could have sworn you heard Nullity’s voice calling out to you, you saw a pony who looked nothing like her. Instead, you saw a unicorn warmly smiling back at you with the same solid blue eyes you possessed. You were both sitting on your rears and she was still hugging you with her arms, but she gave you a few inches of space so that you could breathe…and look her over.
Both her coat and her horn were light blue in color, complimented with a white-bluish mane and tail. Her mane was neatly organized at the top of her head, dipping ever-so slightly above her muzzle, while the rest of it past her ears was long and free-flowing. Her tail too was quite long and…fluffy in a sense, like you could wrap yourself up in it like a blanket. It was resting gently on the ground around her hind legs, but it would occasionally flicker up in the air. You saw no cutie mark of any kind on her, but something else was capturing your eyes. It was harder to see them since they appeared to be behind her neck, but you tried tilting your head around her to get a better look at them.
“What are you looking at Silly Big Sis?”
“Uh…” is all you managed to say.
With a slightly better view, you notice a series of long…well…it was hard to describe them, but you saw a series of spines, or quills, that were sapphire blue in color and were protruding out of the back of her neck through her mane.
They were raised slightly above her mane, but oddly enough, you noticed them shifting ever so slightly. What the heck are those things?
“Whu-What a-are those?”
She briefly turns her head to look behind her to see what you were staring at and then looks back at you with a small touch of concern, while still maintaining a loving smile.
“Don’t you remember Big Sis? Those are my spindles. They’re sensory organs. You know, to help with sensing the environment. Seeing if there’s anything out of the ordinary with electromagnetic fields or with fluctuations in surrounding energies. Don’t you remember? You have them too.”
“I…whu-what? I do? Buh-But I’m a pegasus…nuh…not a unicorn.”
“We’re neither of those.”
“We’re…We’re nuh-not? *sniffle* Buh…But…my nuh-name is Radiance. I’m…I’m a pegasus luh-living in Vanhoover. I’m…I’m…the little sister. Muh-My big sister is Nuh-Nullity.”
You notice her sigh softly, but she raises a hoof to gently wipe the tears away from your eyes.
“It’s okay Big Sis. I know you may not remember much, but I know you never truly forgot about me. And I know I could never forget about you too. Just like what you said before you fell in, we would never ever be able to forget about each other.”
“Before I fell in…?”
…
Cold chills suddenly course through you. Everything in you freezes. Is she…Is she the girl? She leans forward to peck a kiss on your muzzle and leans back, still giving you a loving smile. She then gently runs her hoof through your mane before speaking.
“It’s okay. I know you’ve been through an ordeal and that you’re still trying to remember. It may take a little more time, but I promise…I promise we’ll be reunited soon. There’s still some things you may need to take care of in your world, but you will be able to come home soon. I promise.”
She quickly snuggles up close to you and hugs you tightly while you try to hug her back too, but you’re frozen by the idea that she may really be that girl. Oddly enough, however, with her hugging you the way that she was, you could see better from behind her what appeared to be an old stone fireplace. It lacked a mantle and looked like it was constructed hundreds of years ago. A few charred branches laid in the center of the fireplace, while a stone chimney ran up the wall. The walls were wooden in appearance, and although you couldn’t quite tell, they looked like something you’d see from a log cabin.
…
And then it dawns on you that you were no longer in the sealed room with the TV. You were somewhere else. You were still a little haunted by whoever this girl might be, and yet the atmosphere did feel very inviting and cozy.
You turn your head to look at the other parts of the room, only to see that…thu-that…everything else was a blur. Everything else in the room was not clearly visible to the point where you could discern any other objects. It was almost like you were looking at a moving body of liquid…something…that was blurring everything else in the room around you. All you could see was her, the fireplace directly across from you, and the wooden wall surrounding the fireplace itself.
You suddenly hear her take a deep breath and she pulls back from you slightly. You can see tears in her eyes.
“I know you’re having trouble remembering things, but this is our home. This is where we’d snuggle up together, right in front of the fireplace. We’d snuggle, talk about things, keep each other warm, and bond together right here. This was your favorite place to snuggle and now, it’s my favorite place too.”
Her tears gently stream down her cheeks as they drip onto your fur.
“But…I promise Big Sis…I promise to stay by your side always and try my best to protect you from harm. We may be in different worlds right now and we may be far away from each other, but I’ll always be here for you. And…”
You notice her beginning to sniffle, but she is able to keep her composure.
“…well…it looks like you have gotten stronger, haven’t you?”
Getting…stronger…stronger…
…
What…does…that…mean?
“And truth be told, I think I have too. We’re both stronger. Maybe you really were right to go into that lake. No matter what you’ve experienced and continue to experience, nothing can change you to be something you’re not. That no matter what, deep down…even if you don’t quite remember everything, we’ll both always be connected to one another somehow. Even if you’ve forgotten most of yourself, we’ll still always know of the bond we share.”
She suddenly leans forward to hug you as tight as she possibly can.
“I’ll do my very best to protect you and guide you home. It’s possible. I can bring you back. It just might take a little more time. You can do this. You can get through this. You have a beautiful heart Big Sis, and just know that I will always, always love you for who you are.”
You instinctually hug her back as tight as you can, your own tears flowing back out of your eyes and onto her fur. You both rock and cuddle one another for what feels like several minutes until you start to hear her humming. The same exact humming that Nullity would do for you; this girl was humming the same tune back to you. It still sounded somewhat eerie to you, but it felt more inviting and sweet and warm altogether. Your heart was rapidly turning into affectionate mush.
And yet, you notice something that alarms you. She’s…She’s fading! No!
“Luh-Lil Sis!”
She slowly and gradually starts to fade away into what appears to be a bundle of blue energy.
“LIL SIS! NO! I NEED YOU!”
You begin whimpering and crying as this blue ball of energy begins to stretch outward like a small wave. It was piercing through the fireplace. But it, you noticed through your teary gaze, was also fading away. The whole room itself, including the parts that were blurry, were gradually fading away, until…uh-until…
The lake and the surrounding environment came into view. The all-too familiar hills, the grassy landscape, the trees and bushes from behind, and the stream of water that led straight into the lake itself. It was daytime with the sun casting beautiful blue skies. But that wasn’t what caught your attention. It was the fact that you could still hear her humming. And the blue stream of energy that she left behind…you could still see it flowing straight back into the lake. You also noticed a faint breeze flowing with the energy towards the lake. You could feel it gently rustling against your fur.
Instinctually, almost in a hypnotic trance with tears in your eyes, you walk right up to the edge of the water. You saw her stream of blue energy pouring into the surface of the water, her humming more apparent than ever before. But you saw no reflection in the water, aside from the sun’s brilliant gaze glimmering across its surface.
“Just…remember…”
You freeze as you hear her voice once more.
“You’re…strong. I…will…always be here…for you. Soon…I…promise. I…l…o…v…e…y…o…u.”
And just as those words were spoken, you see the last of her blue energy pass into the water. As soon as that happens, you’re immediately engulfed in a bright light. You close your teary eyes from the flash as you yell out to her.
“I LOVE YOU LIL SIS! PLEASE STAY WITH ME! I NEED YOU! I LOVE YOU!”
As soon as the bright flash of energy vanishes, you open your watery eyes to see…to see…that you were in the white void once more. You were actively crying and sniffling, your heart longing for the one being who perhaps loved you more than anyone else you knew. The one being who actually appeared to be more real than anyone else and who might hold the key to pulling you out of all of this madness. And you just wanted to simply hug and snuggle her for the rest of eternity. That’s all you wanted right now. Just to simply be with her. Instead, however, you hear someone else beginning to speak.
“Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating. In all of my years of research, never have I seen anything like this before.”
You turn your head slightly and sniffle, slowly coming back to the depressing realization that you were once again back with this madman. You notice him sitting in some kind of big red reading room chair, his legs crossed and his hands interconnected with one another right in front of his mouth. He was still in his business suit uniform, but his silhouette form was gone. He appeared as though he was lost in thought, trying to make sense and understand what just happened.
Actually, he didn’t look terrifying anymore; rather, he looked like he was some kind of normal human being, but you knew there was still something very wrong with him. But for some strange reason, you were not afraid of him.
Your heart and mind were still longing for who you believed was the girl at the lake and somehow, you felt stronger and better. You didn’t kill, you didn’t hurt anyone, you didn’t completely break, and you’re still you; you’re still Radiance. Regardless of the tests Dr. Money performed on you to try to turn you into a heartless killer, he was unsuccessful. And because of this, and the fact that you’re still Radiance, you feel like you can stand up to him better. Yet, all you really wanted to do was to be back with that girl and to never see this crazy lunatic again.
You sniffle once more as you turn to completely face him. When he sees you looking directly at him, he lowers his hands and places his arms across the armrests of the chair. Rather than smiling at you with the usual sinister expression, you notice him actually looking at you with what appeared to be a form of admiration, if not complete curiosity over what just happened. He looked serious, yet intrigued.
“You, Radiance, have won my complete respect. And in so doing, I feel it is safe to say that you really are Radiance; you are not Anon. Regardless of the illusions I throw at you, the things that I say, and the demons of your mind that I try to bring forth, you are still able to be you. No matter how much darkness and hatred I try to throw at you, you still have the heart of an angel. Although it is unknown if you would still have that kind of heart had I not kidnapped you and thrown you into a virtual world, I’d still like to think you would have such a heart.”
As odd as it is to have this lunatic try to give you what was perhaps the strangest compliment you have ever received, you still can’t help but feel a little proud of yourself, even though you were still sniffling here and there.
“And it is with great hope that you have been successful in extinguishing the demons from your mind for good. Still though…”
You notice him pausing, trying to think about how to word what he was going to say next.
“It appears that I have been mistaken in assuming those demons were completely responsible in making my Virtual Dream Machine falter.”
You sniffle for the millionth time and wipe your hoof across your eyes before speaking.
“Muh-Making your machine ‘falter?’ How can silhouettes do that?”
You hear him emit a very small sigh.
“Perhaps it is finally time I told you everything. Although I have told you that your beliefs and perceptions fundamentally determine your reality and although you may choose to believe what you wish, everything that I am about to tell you is very real, at least to me. Considering everything you have been through, I feel you finally deserve to know.”
Your tears finally stop flowing from your eyes as you wipe them with a hoof one last time before he speaks further.
“Please forgive me if I sound strange in talking to you like this, but you are the very first test subject I have ever explained any of my research to. As a matter of fact, you are also the very first test subject who has produced the kind of results that I have seen. I have never once had to explain any of this to them, at least not directly. As a result, I am unsure of where to begin exactly, but perhaps it’s best I started with explaining what the Virtual Dream Machine is.”
“Whu-What i-is it thu-though? I thought you said I had been living in a virtual world or something and that everything was fake.”
“Not exactly. While it is true you have been living in a virtual world all this time, it has all been nothing but a byproduct of your mind; or at least, that’s what I would like to think. All of the people you have encountered, or rather ponies, have been nothing more than subconscious generations that have been brought about by your mind. Your mind has been responsible for creating the environments you have found yourself in and aside from my occasional intrusions in trying to ever so slightly manipulate your world, it is you alone that has created this entire story as Radiance.”
“Muh-Me?”
He briefly nods his head.
“That is correct. Although I have tried to indirectly influence your mind a few times so that you would better enjoy being in the world of your creation, I am not responsible for creating everything that you have been seeing save for when you finally met me as Dr. Wilhelm. Everything before that point was all you. And yet…”
He pauses and thinks for a quick moment.
“After you pressed the green button to spare those three individuals, your mind somehow hijacked my ability to be able to control the virtual landscape you are in.”
“Whu-What?”
“After you pushed that button, I was going to play out something different to you, but instead ‘something’ took over and produced a different result.”
“Did-Did you see what I saw?”
“Why of course. I have been able to observe everything you have experienced since you wound up inside of my Virtual Dream Machine. And I have to say, you have one of the most fascinating minds I have been fortunate enough to have been able to study. What is so fascinating to me about you Radiance is that you are nothing like the other test subjects I have encountered.”
Other test subjects…like…like Beezle?!? The realization that he might have been an actual test subject immediately alarms you.
“Beezle…WHAT ABOUT BEEZLE?!?”
Dr. Money gives a brief sigh, followed by a soft smile.
“You really do have the heart of an angel, don’t you?”
He gives a small chuckle.
“Rest assured, he’s not a test subject. He is nothing more than a virtual generation brought about by your mind. In essence, he simply represents your desire for you wanting to have children and for wanting to be a mother. And although he might have seemed real to you, I am afraid to say that he is not. None of the ponies you met are as real as you or I. Then again, I could still be just as fake as any of them, but considering what you have experienced, I’d say it’s safe to say that I’m just as real as you are.”
You look down at the invisible white ground briefly and run one of your front hooves in a circling motion, saddened by the fact you never really were a mother. You hear Dr. Money sigh once more and you look up, surprised to see him giving you a sympathetic look.
“Still though, I don’t doubt that you could be a great mother and it is still possible.”
“Possible? How? How can I ever be a mommy if everyone around me is fake?”
“Like I have stated previously, reality is simply how we perceive it to be. Just because I said that everyone here is fake besides us, does that make them seem any less real? They all seem like they could have their own minds and be actual individuals. But you are choosing to believe what I say and as a result, they now all appear fake. But change that perception and suddenly, they all seem very real to you. You’re suddenly a real mother again raising what seems like a real child and you both can then spend the rest of your days in peaceful happiness. But with everything you have been through, I realize instantly changing your perceptions to believe that everything else here is real would be a very hard challenge.”
You notice him shifting in his chair ever so slightly.
“The fact of the matter is that you know more than any other test subject here.”
“I know more than any other test subject? What do you mean by that? You just said that I’m the only one in your machine thingy.”
“While that is very true, that doesn’t mean others can’t be in the same Virtual Dream Machine at the same time.”
At the same time…
“Whu…I…I don’t get it.”
“You, Radiance, have been living in the virtual world of your creation. But so have other people. You’re certainly not the first. Do you remember the pod I had you step into right before you woke up as Radiance?”
You pause for a moment, and then slowly nod your head as you faintly remember that happening.
“The pod you stepped into is one of several pods that connect to a central super computer within my laboratory. Each pod, although connected to the same super computer, is separate from one another, thus making it impossible for any one individual to be living in the same virtual world. The pod itself can physically connect to your ‘real’ body and provide it the nutrients it needs in order to stay alive until it eventually ages and succumbs to natural-born illnesses. In turn, the pod makes you unconscious through a form of gas so that you are able to have your conscious and subconscious transplanted into your own virtual world. You are still in your original body, but your conscious and your subconscious are both able to separate from it so that they can experience things much differently than what you are used to normally experiencing, such as being in a new body, living in a brand new world, experiencing a whole new life, and so on and so forth.”
“Then…Then if that’s the case, how are you here right now?”
“I am not.”
“Huh?”
You begin to look at him suspiciously.
“Technically, I am, but what you are seeing before you is just a holographic projection of myself. Currently, I am sitting in a chair just like this one, talking to you and observing you through a computer screen. I am not actually in this world with you, but from your point of view, it looks like I am. Your mind, in essence, is currently a part of this computer and thus, anything else that is in the computer can seem very physically real to you since you are also digital. As a result, I can therefore try to influence it or place suggestions into the machine on how to make you happier and to make things seem more realistic. As a matter of fact, I can do this to anyone who is in a pod living in their own virtual worlds.”
Ears drooping, you look down and emit a small whimper, saddened by what you were hearing. In other words, you were nothing more than a computer program at this point. You’re not even real. You’re nothing. The thought alone almost nearly makes you want to cry again.
“Again, that’s not necessarily true.”
You look back up at him pitifully.
“How…How can you read my mind?”
“Did you not understand what I just said? By being in a pod and having your mind connected to this super computer, I can learn about every nook and cranny that is in your mind, analyze what you’re thinking, who you are, what your interests are, what you’re afraid of, what makes you happy, what makes you tick, and just about anything else that exists in your mind. Because your mind is currently digital, my super computer can understand how it’s wired and is therefore able to decipher the entirety of an individual.”
You can’t help but feel even more saddened by his explanation.
“So what then? Am I dead? Am I now just nothing more than a software program running in a computer?”
“Again, no. You are connected to my computer, but you are still very much alive. Your old body as Anon still exists and is still connected to this computer. If your body were to die, you would simply cease to exist. Your conscious and subconscious are both still connected to your body as the Virtual Dream Machine needs your physical brain in order to process it and create the virtual world of your dreams. Think of your body as being an external hard drive connected to a computer. Your mind is all of the memory in that hard drive and the main computer can only process your mind, your data, if you are plugged in. But take that hard drive out and suddenly there is no data, no memory, no mind for the main computer to process. If I was to pull you up out of your pod and disconnect you from my super computer, you would wake back up in your old body in my laboratory.”
You do feel some small form of relief course through you in that you still exist in some sense, but the realization that your only existence as seen by others is really Anon and not Radiance depresses you.
“So will you ever unhook me from your ‘Virtual Dream Machine’ thing, or are you gonna make me stay in here for the rest of my life living in my own delusions?”
Dr. Money moves his right hand up by his jaw so as to lean his head for support and begins tapping the fingers on his left hand against the armrest of the chair, thinking about what to say next.
“This, I’m afraid, is where I am unsure. I obviously cannot allow you to go freely back into the real world as Anon where you can reveal your experiences and tell others the things that I have told you. You have been missing for a very long time and there is no way all of my work can go to waste because of that.”
He folds his arms into his lap and shakes his head.
“I am afraid you have been here for nearly a whole year.”
“A WHOLE YEAR?!?!”
You could feel your jaw wanting to drop down to your hooves. No…No way. There is absolutely no way you have been here that long.
“That’s…THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!”
“I am afraid that is very true. Again, it all boils down to your perception of everything, including time. All of us perceive things in certain ways, and time is no different. Do you recall the first example I used with you when you saw me as Dr. Wilhelm?”
You nod your head in silence.
“Well, that scenario can also apply here. It might have seemed like you’ve only been here for two or three days, but from my perception on Earth, nearly a whole year has elapsed since you stepped into one of my pods.”
“Buh-But HOW THE HECK IS THAT POSSIBLE?!? Sure, you could say that being in a three-hour play might seem to go fast for some and slow for others, but how can anyone perceive a whole year to seem like it was just two or three days?”
“Well, to be fair, not many people can. Granted, there are some people who may sometimes feel like a whole week has just passed them, but an entire year? I will admit, that is not a common thing. But what you do have to keep in mind is that your mind has been inside my super computer this whole time. How time flows there is vastly different than how time can flow back on Earth, even if you were to perceive yourself as living on a digital Earth.”
And now, you were getting more and more confused by what he was saying.
“In layman’s terms, because your mind is currently in a computer, I have the ability to slow down or increase its processing power. Likewise, I can also pause everything and closely analyze all of your thoughts and actions. Or, if I wish, I can put the computer on sleep mode. I can likewise shut it down for a period of time. And even then, I can also speed up the computer to such an extent that you could experience living an entire life as Radiance while only one day on Earth would have actually passed. The pod itself will continue to keep your ‘real’ body alive regardless of how I operate the Virtual Dream machine. As a result, I can continue to keep on altering the speed with which my computer operates, but from your perspective, you never experience or notice any of those changes in time. Isn’t it strange how time can be distorted like that?”
You notice your heart beginning to beat fast. To…To have the ability to do that to people while they’re inside his machine, everything about that seemed alarmingly dangerous and messed up in more ways than one. Just the thought alone that this one man could do such a thing disturbed you. And as you looked at him even more carefully, you begin to notice him grinning slightly; the same grin that signaled he still possessed malicious intention.
“Yes, yes. I can understand perfectly the fears running through your mind over the amount of harm that can happen to the test subjects who are in my Virtual Dream Machine. To live an entire life in a short amount of time, to live multiple lives over the course of one actual lifetime…I am aware that has significant potential to inflict serious mental damage to an individual’s psychological state. Though, as I have stated previously, you are the very first individual where I have ever proposed to offer any form of direct explanation. In every other circumstance, the others never learn of these…details. And what they don’t know won’t hurt them, right?”
He begins to chuckle once more, but you could very easily tell his tone was rapidly becoming dark. Although you knew there was something wrong with Dr. Money ever since you met him, you were becoming more and more unsettled the longer you had to be with him.
“Thu-Then what happens to them if yuh-you never tell them what’s really going on?”
“In nearly all other cases, they simply never wake up. They just end up living the rest of their lives living in their own fantasies, losing touch with reality, never really remembering what happened to them. They just simply…accept what they perceive to be undoubtedly real.”
You could feel chills running up and down your spine. The thought that you might have been stuck living in a world of delusions is enough to make you shudder in disgust.
“However, in nearly every case, I am able to ensure that they live happy lives and can enjoy the rest of their existence living in the dreams and fantasies they felt they could never achieve in the real world. And for the most part, as long as they’re happy, why question any of it? Because after all, isn’t the whole purpose of life to achieve happiness?”
“Uh…”
“Or is there something more we seek aside from being happy? Do we seek to make our marks on the world with some great achievement? Do we seek answers for why things are the way they are? Do we want other things besides happiness? Do we want new lives? Do we want money and power? Do we want revenge? Do we want to suffer? What do we want? What does it all mean? What does life mean? What’s the purpose to life? Is there a purpose? Is life nothing more than what we perceive it to be? What do you think?”
You try to stammer out a response, but you’re at a loss of what to say.
“Personally, I believe life to be nothing more than what we make it out to be. Even if we all live in the same plane of existence, the physical world, we all still individually live in our own worlds, even if those worlds are only in our heads. We all perceive the world, life, and ourselves differently, and we all have our own goals and desires. And yet, at least in the physical world here on Earth, not everyone is always able to achieve those goals or desires.”
He shakes his head and sighs.
“Unfortunately, even with our own beliefs and perceptions, the environment we find ourselves in can still largely dictate how we view the world and can hamper our ability to ever find true happiness, or to set out what it is we seek to do with our lives. And sadly, though debatable, this seems to be a significant source of suffering for mankind. To not be able to live the life you wish, to grow up in a harsh environment devoid of love, to have your dreams continuously smashed, to live in poverty, to worry about having a home or where your next meal is going to come from, to grow up in a society that restricts you from living your life the way you wish to live, to live through any of those sorts of situations…any of that can undoubtedly bring untold suffering. Sure, not everyone lives through all of those unfortunate circumstances and some are lucky enough to live a life of luxury and pleasure and happiness without experiencing any of that. But for nearly everyone else, these negative experiences can skew our perceptions of the world and they have the potential of transforming our lives into a living hell. And what happens when you live in such a state? You’re more likely to enact that suffering, that darkness, onto others, which can in turn cause them to experience similar things and lash out onto others. But on a global scale? Well…”
He pauses and frowns while looking at you seriously.
“Let’s just say it can help in making the world seem evermore bleaker than it actually is. And if you’ve ever experienced any hardships of any kind, how are you able to pull yourself out of them? How are you able to be happy enough to the point where you could have everything you’ve ever possibly wanted? How are you able to discard all of the negativity from your life so that it never interferes with you again and you can forever perceive life to be a wonderful experience worth living? How?”
You simply stare at him blankly, trying to digest what it is he was saying.
“Truthfully, I am unsure if anyone can definitively answer these types of questions. The only way I can see it possible to conquer this form of suffering it to determine the root of the cause and in nearly every case, it stems from an individual’s mind, their perceptions of the world, and what they believe in. And after what you have just experienced, I am pretty sure you would agree with me that flawed perceptions can have a very real danger of destroying one’s life if they are not corrected. And again, how do you ‘fix’ someone so that they will always be happy to the point where they never unleash further suffering and negativity unto the world? That, Radiance, is what I have been working towards with my research.”
“Fixing…people?”
“Of course. Unless you are one of those few rare individuals who’s never once experienced any form of hardships or negativity, how do you help those who have? Do you personally try to help them improve their current lives, or do you delude them with their own fantasies so that their perceptions change and allow them to appreciate life more? Or, ultimately, do you do a mixture of both? Then again, how can you get an individual to alter their perceptions? How can you even delude them and help them indulge in their own fantasies? How do you change them to be a better person…to be someone else?”
“Who-Who a-are you?”
You asking him that question actually catches him off guard and causes him to pause briefly. Yet just as suddenly, he smiles at you just as he resumes speaking.
“Who am I? That is a bit of a mystery, isn’t it? Although I have stated previously that I am only what you make me out to be, in retrospect, I am someone who seeks to answer all of these questions. I am someone who seeks to bring universal happiness to all. I am someone who…who…wants to change the face of this world.”
He casts you a sinister gaze, smiling at you with whatever it is he may be capable of doing.
“Life is strange, isn’t it? Life can be so many things and have so many meanings attached to it, and yet it can mean literally nothing and be nothing more than a cruel, nihilistic joke depending on whichever way you look at it. If I was to ever have a goal, it would be to simply strive towards making a happier, better, and much more…meaningful world, even if such meaning is only held in the eyes of its beholders, even if such meaning is actually nonexistent in the physical world. In short, I simply want to make people happy and for them to be able to live their dreams, their fantasies, even if it means changing them into someone else. If it means destroying who they previously were and turning them into someone else entirely different…to influence them so that they believe fantasies and delusions to be as real as our senses, then that is what I wish to set out to accomplish. Because, if you can satisfy everyone’s needs, wants, and desires, you could theoretically become one of the richest, if not one of the most powerful people in the world. But is money and power what I’m ultimately seeking, or am I seeking something else? Who knows? That’s up to you in terms of what you wish to believe.”
This…This nut job can’t be serious, can he? How can you even change someone to be someone they’re not? That’s impossible!
“Buh-But how…how can you even do such a thing?”
“How?”
He smiles at you in amusement.
“I already have been doing it. You’re probably the biggest example of what I have been striving towards with all of my work. You, my dear Radiance, are the key to helping me change the face of this world as we know it.”
You blink at him in confusion.
“How?”
He simply chuckles.
“Even after everything you have been through, you still don’t completely understand, do you? You’re a prime example of someone who’s grown up in a harsh environment and has been dealt with quite a bit of misfortune over the course of your life. With the experiences you’ve had to endure and the people you’ve had to deal with, you were very pessimistic and cynical of the world around you. You developed hatred within your heart, you despised who you were, you hated being alive, and you wanted to kill yourself. But not anymore. You no longer have any desire to die. You love who you are. You are more comfortable in your own skin. And aside from what I have been revealing to you in terms of the ‘true’ reality of things, I would say that you are for the most part happy. But not completely.”
Well, considering what you have been through, you doubt if anyone else could ever be completely happy. After all, how can being with a madman inside of a computer make anyone happy?
“And while I have not been completely successful in making you happy, I have learned a great deal from you. I have been able to further pinpoint flaws within my Virtual Dream Machine and you have given me the ability to learn more and more from my mistakes.”
“What, you mean kidnapping a stranger and subjecting them to all forms of psychological torture? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s a big mistake if your goal is to make them happy.”
His smile instantly drops and for the first time, you actually saw him looking at you in anger. You instantly regret saying that to him.
“Oh believe me. The mistakes I’ve made on you pale in comparison to some of the other mistakes I’ve made on others. Considering that I am trying to undertake something that has never been accomplished before, it’s readily apparent that I’m bound to come across several mistakes here and there through trial and error. The only real mistake I’ve made with you is that I have not been successful in completely making you happy. But what about the others? Do you want to know what’s happened to some of them due to some of my mistakes?”
You gulp and begin to shake a little in nervousness.
“Well, quite simply, they’re dead.”
And it is here that you once again start to feel fear flowing through you.
“H-How?”
“How? That’s an excellent question. With some of them, even I am unsure. However, in nearly every one of these unfortunate cases, their deaths were brought about by some form of mental insanity resulting from my experiments. The mind is a very powerful thing and just like how you can coerce it to be happy and peaceful, you can also influence it to go mad and destroy itself. I should personally know. Some of the people I’ve worked with, well…”
He looks down in his lap briefly as what appears to be a disgusted look forms across his face.
“…I was given no other option than to make them go mad to the point where they would beg for death. And in my opinion…”
He instantly looks back up at you with a psychotic smile.
“When dealing with such ‘people,’ what pleasure is there in simply killing them? After all, you can only do it once. Where’s the fun in that? Isn’t it more fun to destroy their minds and destroy who they are over and over and over to the point where all they want is to die?”
You could feel the color on your face draining as you realize that you’re face to face with a psychotic killer. Your heart starts to beat erratically to the point where you actually wanted to pass out. Instead, however, Dr. Money’s expression immediately changes back to a soft smile, apparently pleased in having scared you.
“Granted, from your perspective, it sounds as though I would wish such a horrible fate on everyone. That would be incorrect. Actually, that has only happened to people who…well…let’s just say they weren’t particularly good people in any sense. And ultimately, I do not wish such a thing on people as a whole, especially on the innocent. But for those who truly deserved to die? Oh how I wish I could make them suffer just one more time.”
You were visibly shaking, sweat trickling down your forehead.
“I-I’m suh-sorry fuh-for muh-making y-you mad.”
Truth be told, out of all of your experiences thus far, this was probably the most terrified you have felt up to this point. The fact that someone could say such a thing and have direct control over your life, and to be talking to such an individual face to face…such a realization terrified you like no other.
“Sorry? Why be sorry? I simply want you to be happy. I simply want to make everyone happy.”
You see Dr. Money raise his right hand up in the air and snap his fingers.
In a split fraction of a second, a bright light shines through your eyes and you instantly close them. But when you open them, you’re shocked at what you see. Right in front of you was a giant digital screen that seemed to float midair within the void-like world. And on the screen was Dr. Money himself, sitting on the same red chair you saw him in previously, smiling at you. But that wasn’t what unnerved you.
You saw several of his workers; the same workers who were in those suits wearing those happy face masks back when you were first kidnapped. They all appeared to be in a room of some kind with a bunch of equipment, but you couldn’t make out the details. Your gaze was too transfixed on them and Dr. Money to care about the minor details of the room. They all stood around Dr. Money, all of them watching you as Dr. Money spoke to you.
“As a matter of fact, we all want you to be happy. Don’t be scared. Don’t be upset. Just be happy. Just enjoy your life. That’s all we want from you.”
“Whu-What is all of this? Whu-Why a-are you duh-doing this to-to muh-me?”
Strangely, through no gesture or word of any kind from Dr. Money, you notice his workers beginning to leave the room. It is not until they are all gone before he resumes speaking.
“Like I said, the reason you are here is because you are such a critical component to the success of my plans. Who you are, what you’ve been through, and what it is you want…I want to do everything in my power to make all of this work and to genuinely make you happy without any hint of negativity remaining in your mind.”
“Buh-But…how c-can I do thu-that if you’re-you’re scaring me like this?”
He smirks at your question, but nevertheless answers.
“Rest assured, you won’t remember any of this. You might remember certain tidbits here and there from the experiences you’ve endured in the past, but at least in terms of anything negative or dark, you will forget all of that.”
You involuntarily gulp in terror.
“A-Are y-you gonna k-kill me?”
Dr. Money looks at you in sudden surprise.
“Kill you? Why on Earth would I ever want to kill you? Do you really think I’m a cold-blooded killer and that all I want is to enact psychological torture on people?”
Well yuh-yeah, you…you are a killer if you enjoyed killing someone. At least, that’s what you wanted to say to him, but you were way too scared at insulting or making him mad. You just simply shake and look at him as if you were begging for mercy.
“Have you not been listening to what I have been talking about this entire time? I simply want to make everyone happy. All of us here do. None of us truly enjoy suffering and sorrow. If we do, it is simply against those we believe truly deserve death. Do you think we enjoyed stumbling across someone who genuinely wanted to harm others in order to make themselves be happy? No. Such monsters, most of which went mad and became suicidal through our experiments, deserved to die. We truly despised them and had no desire in making them happy through their own convoluted fantasies. They deserved death. All of us here are disgusted by such things.”
“Uh…” is all you manage to say.
“As a matter of fact, a lot of my employees were very fascinated with you and had high hopes that you would live a utopian life. They wanted and still want to see you living as Radiance. They do want to see you live as a mare, to live as a mother and to have a family, and to spread love and affection to everyone. Compared to everyone else we’ve experimented on, you’re the first person we’ve encountered to have such pure and noble desires. While others might not have had the same desires as you, a good majority of them simply wanted to experience rather…boring things, such as having infinite money, infinite food, having a bunch of materialistic possessions, wanting to have this or that and so on and so forth. You, on the other hand, were and still are a rare gem because we knew we could fix you into becoming someone better. We knew and we still know we can give you the happy life you’ve always wanted.”
You still wanted to question him how that could even be possible at this point, but you were still too afraid of saying much of anything.
“However, most of my employees have lost interest in your story. It is not because of who you are, but the amount of darkness and negativity that existed within you. Even for me, I felt rather horrible for subjugating you with your own mental demons, and for all of us, darkness is not a thing we particularly enjoy. Some of your darkness was even off-putting to a couple of my employees. But regardless, we acknowledge that it is something that must be dealt with if we are to ever fix people and make them be happy. It’s just that most of them, including me, thought that with what you have accomplished in expelling the demons from your past, we all figured you would be happy and back to normal by now. But due to the fact that you now know too much, I personally feel there is no way to make you completely happy unless you forgot everything. If that was able to happen, while simultaneously being able to retain your identity as Radiance, you could be one of the happiest souls in existence. But even then…”
He pauses and looks carefully at you.
“There’s something inside of you that has prevented me and the Virtual Dream Machine in successfully erasing your memories. No matter what illusions are presented to you or whatever subconscious suggestions are generated to help you think differently, there is something that continues to interfere. And I think we both know what I am referring to.”
You suddenly look at him in surprise when you realize that he’s referring to the girl and the lake.
“Who-Who is she? What is the point of that lake? Why does all of that keep coming back over and over again?”
“That is something we’ve all been wondering too. Truth be told, none of us here are really sure either. From what my Virtual Dream Machine has been able to analyze off of you, the whole incident involving this girl and this lake appears to stem from a memory. But what is especially bizarre is that it is a memory you never actually experienced living as Anon. From the best conclusions that I can draw, it is simply a memory that has always been with you. Granted, there are ways where false memories can be implanted within an individual, but this memory has existed ever since you were born; at least, that is what my machine has been able to observe. And somehow, this girl, this memory has been able to shatter any attempt of mine into completely changing you. Because of this whole lake incident, you are the first person to realize the world you are in is isn’t necessarily real and that no matter how much I have tried to convince you otherwise, you are able to come to the realization that none of it is real. How this is so, I still do not know. But it still fascinates me. It fascinates all of us. And from your latest experience with her, you appear to be gaining new memories…memories that never seemed to have existed with you living as Anon or as Radiance. If I were to place a hypothetical guess, I would have to say this whole incident was from a past life.”
“A…A past luh-life?”
“It is quite possible. At least in mythology, lakes or big bodies of water were considered to be pathways, or portals, into other worlds. And going into that lake, well…I’d have to say that’s the last memory you have of that life before you came into existence as Anon. And considering that incident has been with you for your whole life, I’d have to also say…well…I know I almost sound absurd in proposing this, but with no other means of explanation, I would have to say it’s either something related to a past-life experience, or it’s simply paranormal in nature. A giant part of me wanted to erase this all from your head, but it’s so ingrained into the deepest recesses of your mind that the Virtual Dream Machine greatly drew upon that in forming your world as Radiance. And as I’ve said in comparison to other test subjects, you are just simply way too fascinating to me, even if some of my other employees have lost interest in you. But I promise you, that is only temporary. Once we gather what else it is we need, we can then focus all of our undivided attention in further bettering your life.”
You’re stunned by what he’s said, but the more you think about it, the more you realize that the girl and the whole lake incident probably was from a past life. It would make some sense. But still, you weren’t entirely sure. Then again, neither is Dr. Money or anyone else. It has always been haunting to you in a way, but somehow with this latest experience with her, you especially can’t help but long for her and be the heck away from this psychopath. Still though, you wanted to know just a little bit more from Dr. Money.
“Whu-What else do you need?”
He briefly looks at you inquisitively before answering.
“As I have said beforehand, you likely will not remember any of this once everything I have planned for you is completed. And even then, I probably wouldn’t be sharing this information if I was speaking to someone else unfamiliar with all of this. But because this will directly involve you, I feel that you probably deserve to know what is going to happen to you, even though you will likely forget all of it.”
You gulp once more, but keep your composure.
“As I am sure you have observed in your time living as Radiance, my Virtual Dream Machine is not perfect. As a matter of fact, it is far from perfect. There are flaws within it that can sometimes make the world a test subject finds themselves in seem more fake to them. Though not usually significant, nearly all of my test subjects have played such instances off as their minds just messing with them. I tend to call these experiences ‘glitches.’ These glitches usually tend to appear when something in the subject’s mind resurfaces and distorts the world they live in. These distortions might change the shape of an object, make certain people seem different, or change the narratives of the lives they’re living in. You’ve seen this yourself when you saw the plushies on your bedroom wall change expressions, only to eventually become a shelf full of knick-knacks, or when you saw a letter say something different than what it intended to say, or when you saw an article of clothing change into something completely different with different colors. You remember this happening, yes?”
You nod your head affirmatively.
“And likewise, you probably thought your ‘amnesia’ was causing you to see things. In retrospect, something from your mind was causing the Virtual Dream Machine to change certain aspects of your world so that it more closely matched with who you felt you are, and what it is you wanted. Usually, I am able to implant suggestions and change some things around in order to keep on helping the subject in perceiving the world they’re in to seem completely true. And although it can be quite confusing for the person experiencing it, I am almost always able to correct it and let them brush it off as nothing. But with you, these glitches have been much more significant than any other test subject. And a good part of me would like to believe it is because of that lake memory of yours, as well as the mental demons that lurked within you, but I still feel it is mostly due to that whole incident at the lake. No matter how much I try to make the whole story seem more and more believable, it continues to fall apart and it appears more and more fake to you and to me and to everyone else who has been watching you.”
Dr. Money continues speaking without giving you a chance to respond.
“You see, a major limitation to my Virtual Dream Machine is that once a world has been established for a test subject, it cannot change on their own accord. Even if they were able to finish a life and start another, or if they were to begin to experience negative situations, we cannot change any of it and pretend as though none of it ever happened. If we were to change their world into something else, it would take away the believability of it all and could seriously harm their mental health. They must live through the world they’re in and adapt to it. What we can do is try to help them through a negative experience and to try to help them forget certain things so that they become more accustomed to the world they find themselves in, but they can still choose to remember if they wish, and this also has the potential of ruining the believability of being in their own worlds. However, we do our best to make sure it never gets to that point. We always try to ensure that where they’re at now is just as believable as not being in the Virtual Dream Machine. You are the only one who has been able to prove us wrong and show us that this machine is not perfect, and that further work needs to be done if we are to ever bring true happiness to mankind.”
“Buh-But…h-how are you gonna do that?”
He briefly chuckles and then smiles brightly at you.
“Why, through you, my lovely Radiance.”
You can’t help but involuntarily cringe at the way he said that.
Dr. Money in turn chuckles at your reaction.
“I’ll be the first to admit that may not make a whole lot of sense right of this moment, but let me explain further. My Virtual Dream Machine is nothing more than a prototype; it is not an end product. I am well aware that it just simply wouldn’t be feasible to produce something like this on a mass scale. Such a feat would be quite expensive and there is no way any one individual would have the power to be able to monitor the lives of everyone as intensely as I have over you and some of the other subjects so as to ensure believability and genuine happiness. However, I certainly know of someone who can help me in taking the next step to making all of this truly happen.”
“Muh-Me?”
He stands up from his chair and holds his arms behind his back, smiling brightly, if not eerily at you.
“While you are certainly the key to helping make all of this work, you are not the person that can actually make it happen. Actually, the person who I am speaking of is the person who sparked my whole curiosity in people who held obsessions to the whole ‘My Little Pony’ fandom. As a matter of fact, we have both shared some history together, but it has been a very long time. And in some strange way, I have him to thank in helping me even get this far with my creations.”
“Who is he?”
Dr. Money closes his eyes and gently shakes his head back and forth.
“I am afraid I cannot say for he is someone who would probably appreciate being able to maintain his anonymity. However, what I can say is that he is someone I knew from my younger years. Although we may have never directly interacted with one another, we both attended the same university and worked for the same employer right after college. Granted, we both worked in different fields but there was one thing our employer did have in mind and that was to…”
He pauses and chuckles briefly, before continuing.
“I don’t suppose you’ve ever heard of something known as the Technological Singularity, have you?”
You shake your head and firmly say no.
“Well, to keep it brief, it is a theory that by some point in the future, man and machine will merge to usher in a whole new age of science and technology.”
“Whu…”
“I know it must sound a little ludicrous to someone who has never heard of it, but please bear with me. The central tenant of the theory is that it relies on something known as Moore’s Law, which in layman’s terms states that the number of transistors on an integrated circuit doubles every two years, which can further increase the capabilities of technology and its associated growth. However, the theory builds off of this law and further produces something additional, otherwise known as the Law of Accelerating Returns, which further proposes the rate at which technology, especially information technology, grows will increase at an exponential rate and will only further advance as time passes. At some point in the future, the theory proposes that technology will actually merge with mankind in ways that are unknown to most, including myself. However, the theory also proposes that a series of events will occur and will gradually lead up to that merger of man and machine. Whether or not that will happen any time soon or whether it is all complete nonsense is up for debate, but the point that directly concerns you is that currently, my Virtual Dream Machine is the closest I have gotten in achieving anything like what the Technological Singularity proposes. And this merger of man and machine is something that can greatly help me in accomplishing my goals in attempting to bring about universal happiness.”
“How thu-though?”
“Well, when I speak of the merger of man and machine, I am really referring to the point at which mankind completely merges with cyberspace through information technology. As I have just mentioned, the computational power of information technology has been growing and will likely continue to grow at amazing speeds. Even in this day and age, almost everyone has access to the Internet and has some form of computer. And the power of computers continues to grow as the hardware, the software, and the processing power all become ever more refined and enhanced to the point where they permeate through our lives on a nearly daily basis. What’s even more amazing to me is that they are becoming smaller and more powerful and more and more attached to us, making cyberspace seem more and more realistic and just as real as the physical world is. Can you imagine? Cyberspace seeming just as real as the physical environment…can you imagine when we’ve gotten to the point where we can no longer distinguish between what is real and what is not? I can.”
Dr. Money grins at you in excitement as he continues speaking to you.
“Even today, for example, virtual reality headsets are becoming more and more available at affordable prices where people can completely immerse themselves into cyberspace; playing video games and surfing through the Internet while actually being in cyberspace. It is getting more and more refined to the point where it feels like they really are in cyberspace and are not in the real world. And that kind of technology will only continue to advance until it is actually inside of us.”
“That is a very good question Radiance. Although certain forms of medical equipment have been transplanted into the body, the closest anyone has gotten to that point with respect to an actual computer is through VR headsets. Truth be told, however, my Virtual Dream Machine is the farthest anyone has truly gotten, but never have I made my creation public. Nor do I ever intend to. As I have said previously, it is not without its flaws and there is just simply no way it could be produced on a mass scale. It is simply a prototype I have been working on over the years that has helped to make virtual submersion into the world of your dreams seem ever more realistic. Still though, I have not quite reached that point yet, as you undoubtedly know.”
“Yeah…”
“And as I have also said, the Virtual Dream Machine is something that connects to your body, but it does not actually go inside of you and become a part of you. Your mind is still attached to your original physical body. The machine is not inside of you; you are inside of it.”
“Then…what point are you trying to get across?”
“The fact of the matter is that my original employer was seeking to achieve a way in which it could merge information technology with the human body, or rather, the human mind. In some ways, you could have considered it a futurist type of organization. It used to work with Massachusetts Institute of Technology, the university both me and my ‘friend’ used to attend, and the same school we were recruited from. As an organization, our employer sought to create a means by which it would be possible to intertwine the mind with information technology so that we could get ever closer to the supposed merger of man and machine. Granted, there were many fields of research in pulling off such an endeavor, but my field specifically was in computer science and engineering, and I was considered to be at the top of this branch of the company. As for my ‘friend,’ he was well-vested in quite a different field, but a field that could significantly advance our employer’s goals with respect to the Technological Singularity. That field, quite simply, was nanotechnology.”
“Nanotechnology?”
“Yes. He was, in my view, an absolute genius in that field. Although he had a few close friends and knew of some others who had some experience in nanotechnology, he was the true expert in further advancing that field of science. I absolutely admired him and sought to improve my information technology as quickly and as powerfully as he was able to do so with his nanotechnology until one day…”
Dr. Money’s smile shifts into a small frown as he looks at you.
“Until one day he stole that nanotechnology, that company property, to make himself look more youthful and charming in appearance. Such an incident quickly made the headlines and before I knew it, he was fired. What we were doing was very sensitive company information and because of his actions, the media quickly caught on and questioned what our employer was doing, as well as the ethics of our work and what we were setting out to achieve. Long story short, some of what we were doing looked questionable to various governmental agencies and eventually, the company was dissolved for illegal and unethical practices. He went into hiding and due to the public outcry he caused the company, I was soon out of work. I was also called out on what I was doing and unfortunately, I could not find anyone else who wanted to hire me in my field considering what I had done. I was forced to learn a whole new line of work in order to survive, but my interests in what we were doing had never really vanished. I wanted to further learn and advance what our former employer had sought out to do and as a result, the field I began my new line of work in was psychology.”
Dr. Money pauses briefly with his frown returning to a soft smile.
“As I have said, there were various fields that my former employer drew upon in researching on how to bring about the Technological Singularity. One of those other fields was in psychology. And while I may not have had the opportunity to work in this field with my former employer, it was something I wanted to learn and master. I soon became engrossed with how the mind operated, how it was formed, how it could be manipulated, how it could be pushed to its limits, how it could malfunction, how it could be destroyed…how it could operate with respect to how a computer operates. And in this new line of work, I began to quietly and carefully observe people. Be it on the job, out in public, or from the comfort of my own home on my computer, I studied immensely how people behaved. But what was surprising to me, especially when I further looked into the psychology of people on the Internet, was just how significant and diverse people could be in the realm of cyberspace. Their beliefs, their attitudes, their woes, their suffering, their wants, and what fundamentally made them who they were…all of that…I learned so much more online than I ever did with any individual in person.”
His expression goes back to full on grinning as he continues his speech.
“And there was one thing I was beginning to realize with the diversity of the psychology I was witnessing: it was that people had so many differing views and wants and needs that if they were to ever be happy and live how they truly wanted to live, they would have to each experience living in a world that catered specifically to them. Either that, or have their minds erased and molded into something that was entirely different. Seeing as how the second option would be much harder to perform on a global scale, I figured it would be better to give them the option of being able to live in a world of their creation. To be able to possibly live a whole other life in a brand new body in a completely different world than they were used to…to live in one of their own creation, what impact could that have on them in terms of making them happier? And what would happen in science and technology with respect to the Technological Singularity concerning all of this? I had to know.”
You do your best to appear that you understood completely what he was saying. But in all honesty, you were becoming lost in his ramblings. Where the heck was this guy going with all of this?
“And so, I set out to establish my own company. Granted, I did not possess the funds I used to once possess and so I knew it would take time to help build it up. Not only that, I knew I would need to save in order to establish the necessary funds in order to help purchase the equipment that would be necessary in constructing what is now the Virtual Dream Machine. So in the meantime, I focused on my current career in psychology and worked on all of this in secret, at least until I could build the company further and produce more money. But here is where things begin to get particularly interesting.”
“How so?”
Dr. Money suddenly looks at you with an irritated gaze and you realize how what you just said might have seemed offensive to him. Being fully aware of his ugly side, you profusely apologize to him. He eventually sighs and continues speaking.
“Well, if you recall my old ‘friend’ and his specialization in nanotechnology, I never truly forgot about him. As a matter of fact, I tried my best to keep a close eye on him. For the longest time following his termination, however, it was difficult to find much information about him. I had no way of contacting him to inquire more about him and his work, and due to the bad publicity our former employer experienced, I sincerely doubt he wanted to interact with anyone he didn’t closely know. As a result, I had to simply accept the fact that I may never come across someone like him again. But I never did forget about him and I knew if I ever found him again, I would personally ensure he would never drop off of my radar. It was not until a few years ago where he actually resurfaced once more. Of course, this was after my company was swinging in full motion and construction on the Virtual Dream Machine had already begun. Through anonymous sources online, and from a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy, I was able to learn to my astonishment that he was still working with nanotechnology; the same nanotechnology our former employer was utilizing. Only this time, he was working with it in secret. And he managed to accomplish something I nor anyone else could have possibly imagined to really happen: he was able to transform living beings into something else and alter their minds through the same process. To be more precise, he was able to transform people into ponies.”
Wait. Oh no. Does that mean…?
Dr. Money locks eyes with you right away as if to acknowledge that you were correct in what that might mean in relation to you. He smiles brightly and ominously at you.
“Sounds completely crazy, doesn’t it? That nanotechnology could physically change a human being into a pony, and a cartoon pony from a children’s television show I might add. A pony that could also have a horn and be considered a unicorn, or a pegasus that possessed wings and could fly in the air…creatures that do not even exist in the physical world. And what’s even more amazing is that these creatures were sentient. They still maintained the identities of their original minds, even though their physical brains were altered with respect to their bodies. But here’s the even crazier part: this ‘friend’ of mine was able to successfully force them to learn to love what happened to them and to accept their new lives. He was somehow able to alter their minds to the point where they could forget something as simple as their old names and still be able to retain parts of their memories, while also changing other aspects of their psyche and making them love it altogether, even if they didn’t seek such a transformation.”
Uh oh. Is he…does that…does that mean he seeks to do something similar to you?
“How…How does a person succeed in playing God like that? How can you do that with nanotechnology alone? At least in today’s modern realm of sciences, nanotechnology is still in its infancy. All it can mostly do is help in the reconstruction of bone marrow and other tissues, creating synthetic organs, and in making various physical objects stronger. But to outright change living matter, especially a human being, into something else completely both in mind and in body…that was and still is beyond my comprehension. Regardless though, I became fascinated and obsessed with this old ‘friend’ of mine and tried everything I could to learn more about him. And what more I learned about him fascinated me to no end. Apparently, the ponies he created were actually domesticated through nanotechnology to become sentient pet ponies. They learned to love being household pets, even if they initially protested to this happening to them. No matter their personal backgrounds or who they were with respect to their own individual psyches, they all eventually accepted it and learned to love every aspect of living as a pet. They would even whole-heartedly obey whoever took care of them without question; they simply did not care because that same nanotechnology altered their minds to such an extent so that they would always experience never-ending love and happiness in their lives. A whole underground network of buying and selling these ‘pet ponies’ was established by this individual and a couple of close friends of his. Although I have never personally purchased one of these pet ponies, I know a couple of my employees have had some experience with him. And although you may choose to believe what you wish to believe, I can assure you that all of this is very real.”
“Buh-But even if it is all…real, and even if you plan to use me as a guinea pig because I’m a pony, at least digitally, how does all of this relate to you with what you want to accomplish with your whole Technological Singularity theory thingy?”
“Do you remember when I spoke of the limitations of my Virtual Dream Machine?”
You nod your head.
“Do you also remember asking me how we could get a computer inside of a person?”
You slowly nod your head this time.
“With respect to the Technological Singularity, the biggest tool that can make the merger of man and machine happen is nanotechnology. In retrospect, such technology is small enough where it can permeate through nearly every orifice of the human body, including very sensitive areas, such as the heart and brain. It can be programmed to eliminate carcinogenic cells and viruses, for example, and further help to improve the functioning of the human body, including the brain itself. Now granted, current medical technology has not gotten quite that far with it, but in theory, nanotechnology could gradually begin replacing certain parts of the body so that it may be possible to breathe without lungs, or to live without a heart and pump blood throughout the body through other means. In effect, nanotechnology could enhance numerous parts of the body and merge with the body itself, including the brain. And if nanotechnology could gradually replace something like the heart and lungs, couldn’t it also gradually replace the biological brain too?”
“And if it were able to do that, would our conscious and subconscious still be tied down to our physical bodies or would it become digital?”
He looks at you with enthusiasm, possibly waiting for a response from you, but you say nothing.
“Well, if our minds are no longer tied down to our nanorobotic brains, isn’t it logical to assume that they could survive destruction of the body itself? Could our minds be transferred elsewhere into a new body? Could they also likewise transfer to somewhere else in cyberspace, assuming we could integrate information technology with nanotechnology? Would they have the power to live in the physical world if they choose to do so, or in a virtual world purely of their own creation? What about living in the physical world and the virtual world at the same time?”
“Whu…that…I…I don’t get it.”
“If our minds are able to survive the destruction of our physical bodies and can separate from them whenever they desired to do so, what would happen from our point of view? Would we have complete control over this enhanced form of nanotechnology? Could we transform from one physical form into another while still living in the same world? Would we be able to switch bodies with others? What if one day we wanted to be one gender and the next day the opposite? What about living as a different species? What about enhancing our looks? What about editing and correcting the way our minds operated so that no matter what, we could always be happy, regardless of the environment we found ourselves in and the people we interacted with? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be able to change your identity completely so that you could voluntarily choose to adopt new memories and forget old ones, to change your perception of the world on a whim, or to say ‘to hell’ with the physical world and immerse yourself with a world of your own creation? And if you got tired of such a world, why not create another one and a whole new life for yourself? You could forget old memories that might interfere with your new life. In retrospect, you could have the power to erase yourself completely and become absolutely nothing; you could be zero. And then, you could theoretically become anyone and be absolutely anything you wanted to be. You could become everything if you truly wanted to; you could be infinity. You could be both nothing and everything; you could, in hindsight, be zero and infinity! Can you imagine that kind of power?”
“You’re-You’re…”
You look at him as seriously as you can, trying to hide any fears of him that you might have.
“Yes? I’m what?”
“You’re crazy.”
Rather than become instantly angry towards you, he actually begins laughing at you as if you told some kind of comical joke.
“I know, I know. A lot of this does sound quite insane, doesn’t it? I will admit, a lot of this is open speculation and I am not completely sure how exactly things will turn out. And you don’t have to believe any of it. As I have stated time and time again, reality is purely how you perceive it to be and you can either believe me and take all of what I have said to be completely true, or you can disregard what I have said and think of me as some kind of deranged madman. Truthfully, I do not care. What I do care about, however, is you and finding this old ‘friend’ of mine.”
“Even if you found him and could get him to work for you, what makes you think all of this could work?”
Dr. Money pauses and sighs for a moment, and then looks at you seriously.
“Well, to be fair, I will admit that as advanced as his form of nanotechnology is, it can only currently transform humans into these pet pony creatures. I have yet to see him turn them back into humans, or into other creatures, and to achieve any sort of feat that I have been talking about would be quite…challenging. But, it is important to note that his nanotechnology is currently not information technology in the sense that it could connect to the Internet like an actual computer. It does not allow the minds of the ponies to transfer from one pony body to another, or to cyberspace as a whole. As a matter of fact, their minds are still in their pony bodies and cannot leave them. And I also know the entire world doesn’t necessarily have an interest in becoming a pet pony, and in terms of bringing universal happiness that way, I sincerely doubt it would work like that. No doubt, we would have to work on further enhancing his nanotechnology to the point where we could get it to operate the way I would like it to.”
“And how would you be able to do that?”
He smiles once more at you.
“Through you of course.”
You gulp.
“Rest assured though, I would only do that to you when I have felt it would be safe to do so and the technology is more up to par with what I want it to be. There is absolutely no way that I can let you die and we all want you to be genuinely happy. What I want to be able to do, if everything goes according to plan, is to integrate the power of my Virtual Dream Machine and all of my information technology that I have used with my test subjects with my ‘friend’s’ nanotechnology. If we could somehow get that to happen, we would be successful in having integrated a fully functioning computer the size of nanobots within an individual’s mind. Unlike my Virtual Dream Machine and its limitations with only being able to create one world centered around your mind, you would, in theory, be able to create as many worlds as you wanted, live any kind of life whenever you wanted, live in the physical world or the virtual world or both, and you could alter your psyche so that no matter what, you would always be happy and believe wherever you are to be completely real. Again, there could be a lot of flaws in the beginning and there is always the risk that something could go wrong. I’ll even be the first to admit that I am nowhere near as experienced as my ‘friend’ is in nanotechnology. But considering that we were both once working towards the same goal and through his help, I am hopeful the integration of both of our technologies will be successful in the end. And to play things safe, I feel it is best to first focus on his nanotechnology as it currently stands and to focus on those test subjects who desire to be a pony in some sense, such as yourself.”
You gulp once more as he simply smiles and continues talking.
“I do know it is possible to integrate my technology with his, and while I am unsure right now as to whether or not his nanotechnology would be able to do further transformations besides ponies, I know that he is at least able to do that. And if we could simply integrate my technology with his, then some of what I have just talked about might just be possible with you. Of course, I am also curious to witness and observe directly how both of our technologies would work on people who would desire none of this, and essentially force them to love it all and be happy. You remember Daniel, Justin, and Grady, yes?”
Your heart begins beating once more as you start to realize where he’s going with this.
“Well, as I have promised, they did not die and I will personally see to it that they live the happiest lives possible as…”
He pauses briefly, flashing you what appeared to be a malicious smile.
“…adorable, cuddly, and oh so cute and fluffy pet ponies.”
He chuckles sardonically.
“Mark my words, they WILL be happy when the transformation is all said and done, but as to whether or not they will have completely digital minds while maintaining any scrap of their old identities, or to be able to do any of the things I theorized might be possible is still open to speculation. But being able to take each individual one at a time to study the progress of this new form of nanotechnology will at least make it all the more possible for you to benefit from all of the research I have conducted. And once I am satisfied with where things are at, the same will happen to you. Except you, on the other hand, can choose to live as Radiance on Earth, or choose to live in cyberspace within your own world. Maybe you could leave all of this…madness behind you and just live a cozy, peaceful, and happy life being who you were meant to be. And I do promise you that you will have that freedom. I’ll make sure you won’t be an actual pet in any sense, unless you truly wanted to be one. Regardless, you will ultimately be able to have all of your dreams truly come true. Who knows? Maybe you’ll get to be reunited with that girl from that lake and live the rest of your life with her.”
“Buh-But…what…what will happen after me? I-I mean…you turn me into a physical pony on Earth, and say I did want to leave all of this, how can I transfer my muh-mind to truly go buh-back home?”
“What an excellent, yet tough, question to answer. If we are able to purely digitize your mind, while also physically transforming you into a pony with nanotechnology, your mind will not be limited to your pony body. It could function independently of any physical vessel. You could choose to leave it if you so desired. You could go onto elsewhere. Granted, at the same time, we may not have the means for you to be able to transform your pony body into something else just quite yet seeing as how this technology would be in its infancy, but as long as your mind is digital, it can transfer elsewhere…likely to anywhere that has any form of connection to the Internet and cyberspace. You would have complete control over your mind and your perceptions and theoretically, you could forever live in whatever world you pleased doing whatever you wanted to do. You would always be able to be happy. Never again would you have to experience the sorrows you once endured. Anything else that happens after you...well…does it truly matter to you? For as long as you’re happy, what does the rest of it all matter to you? You get what you’ve wanted your whole life: to be you, to be female, to be a mother, to be with whoever that girl might be, and you can live a life of peaceful, happy, prosperity filled with nothing but love. And in turn, I learn a significant amount of what I have been able to accomplish with you and can be all the more closer in changing the face of this Earth and making it possible to bring about universal happiness. Of course, by that point in time, I take it you would be far away from here. And if everything goes smoothly, this new form of nanotechnology will erase anything negative from your mind and likely just about everything I have told you. Once it’s all said and done, it will seem like you have always been living with that girl in your own world as Radiance.”
You hear a sudden beep coming from Dr. Money’s end. He brings his left arm up to him and examines his watch and then looks back to you.
“Well, I am afraid it might just be about time for me to go Radiance. There are some ‘things’ I need to go and tend to.”
“WAIT!”
He lowers his arm and places it back behind him, smiling at you while he does so.
“Yes?”
“In order to make any of this happen, you need to find this guy you keep talking about. I mean, how do you know if you’ll find him?”
He chuckles briefly and looks at you with a zeal of enthusiastic confidence.
“Oh trust me. We’ll find him. Like I have said before, once he resurfaced with this whole pet pony nanotechnology, I swore I would never let him off my radar. While I do admit that I do not know of his exact location, I know I’m getting close. This old ‘friend’ of mine, while his reasons for doing what he’s been doing may not make quite as much sense to me, is actually quite smart and can be quite dangerous. He’s been successful in tracking down people of interest to him, kidnapping them, and turning them into one of his beloved pet ponies; he’s even done this to people who have gotten on his bad side. And in so doing, he has been very clever in covering his tracks; at the very least, he’s been mostly clever.”
Dr. Money raises one of his hands up to readjust the position of his glasses, and then proceeds to place it behind his back.
“However, he has not covered all of his tracks and through careful observation over the years, we have uncovered the state in which he currently resides in. We even know of the city he may be living in, or rather, the city he may be living near. And I must say, I do miss living in Massachusetts. It is such a beautiful state to live in and it has been a very long time since I’ve been back there. Would be nice to revisit some familiar sites and do some catching up.”
“What makes you think he’ll even wanna work with you?”
“Want to work with me? Truthfully, I have a very good feeling that he won’t want to. Ever since the whole incident with our former employer, I know he’s grown weary of having to deal with anyone he does not have to deal with. And, while I may not completely understand why it is he started this whole thing with pet ponies, I would imagine that he is pretty happy with his life. He likely has no desire to further complicate his life. Because, if he has all the love and happiness with his pet pony creatures that he could ever ask for, why on Earth would he want to be bothered to do all of this additional work?”
“I dunno. You tell me.”
“Well, I do know the biggest thing he struggles with, even if he may not like to admit it, is money. Ever since he lost his job due to the public outcry he caused, he was left no choice but to go into hiding. And, just like me, who would want to hire anyone who has done what we have both done? In short, he began a business and was able to make money off of this whole underground network of pet ponies. One of his close friends even helped him financially in getting his underground business to take off. But even then, I know he could always use more money. And I could guarantee him all of the money he could ever ask for. But even if he were to refuse such a job offer, well…”
He briefly closes his eyes as he casts a sinister smile.
“Although I have you right where I want you, there is absolutely no way I can let him walk away from this. I NEED him!”
He opens his eyes and looks at you maliciously.
“And mark my words, if he so happens to turn down my job offer, there will be…ways where I can coerce him into doing what I want him to do.”
“A-And you duh-don’t think he’ll try to do something to you to break free?”
Dr. Money chuckles.
“I am well aware he is capable of doing something to me and I know he can be very dangerous, but I am not afraid of him. Because of what I can use to coerce him into doing what I want him to do…let’s just say if he were to do anything to me, he would deeply regret it.”
You once again hear Dr. Money’s watch beeping. He sighs once more.
“Well my dear Radiance, as much as I have enjoyed conversing with you, I’m afraid that this is where we must part. I’m afraid that I’m just about all out of time for now.”
Panic starts to consume you as you realize that if he leaves, you’ll be left stuck in this white void by yourself.
“W-WAIT! What about me? What am I supposed to do until you find him?”
“For the time being, I’m afraid I’ll have to keep you inside of my Virtual Dream Machine, at least until I’m able to make further progress with my plans. Although I am close in finding this old ‘friend’ of mine, it may take a little more time before I can let you out. But I won’t keep you in there too much longer. How about this: why don’t I place you back to when you just met Dr. Wilhelm? I can let things play out normally and you can spend the rest of your day living there. Now, I sincerely doubt I would be able to accomplish everything in a day, but as I have said previously, I can slow down my Virtual Dream Machine to such an extent that by the time a day has passed for you in there, it will finally be time for me to release you and begin the next phase of my experiments. And in the meantime, try to have some fun there. I know that world now likely seems very fake to you, but why not try to have fun and apply some of the things regarding perception I have talked about with you here to there?”
You sigh and look at him with a frown.
“I know. I do apologize and I realize that might not make you completely happy, but it’s the best alternative I have for you for right now. It’s better than wallowing in that white void you’re in right now, and it’s certainly better than taking you out of there and keeping you locked up in a cell here for several weeks, if not several months. At least if you are there, it will only feel like a day has passed. And either way, I promise that my plans going forward will happen soon. Once I find him…”
He pauses and chuckles softly. You see Dr. Money leaning forward for something off-screen. Once he has it, he comes back into view with what appeared to be some kind of black remote control. He aims it right at the center of the screen with his thumb resting on one of the buttons.
“Soon. I promise. Oh so very soon.”
He clicks the button and just as he does so, you’re immediately engulfed into a bright light. You close your eyes, but the second you open them, you immediately see that you’re no longer in that white void. Instead you are right back in a doctor’s office sitting on a tan, bed-like chair. And right in front of you was the pony who looked like Dr. Money: Dr. Wilhelm.
“So, tell me Radiance, how are you doing?”
“Whu-What?”
You look at him with an expression of shock over everything that has just happened to you.
“I said…”
He looks at you with a touch of sympathetic concern.
“…how have you been doing as of late?”
You were right back in your own world; this whole experience with Dr. Money seeming like it never even happened.
“Radiance?”
“I…I…uh…”
Despite everything that has transpired, you’re caught off guard by Dr. Money’s…err…Dr. Wilhelm’s question. He looked so similar to Dr. Money and sounded nearly like him, but spoke with a calmer, friendlier tone.
“How…How long have I been here?”
He looks at you slightly confused.
“How long? My dear, I’m afraid you just got here.”
You look at him with an almost zombified expression.
“But I’ve…I’ve been here for hours…”
He in turn begins to frown as his expression becomes riddled with concern.
“Hours? It’s only been about a minute or two since you came in. I apologize if I got a little caught up in my work. I was just going over the notes that Nurse Reinhold shared with me from the last time she paid you a visit. Sounds like you’ve been able to move about alright, but she wrote about you suffering from amnesia and that you were possibly experiencing some hallucinations. Would you mind telling me what has been going on with your end of things?”
You continue looking at him like a zombie as your mind races over what just happened. Of all the things you have experienced since waking up as Radiance, this latest experience with Dr. Money has shaken you to the core. If everything he said was true, and was in fact not a hallucination, then everything here is completely fake. Dr. Wilhelm, Nurse Reinhold, Beezle, Blueberry, Clockwork, Times R. New, and even your precious sister Nullity were nothing more than a part of your imagination. Vanhoover, the Equestria you were in, and even you being a female pegasus were all a lie. Your life here was a complete and utter lie. A lie that continually twists itself to make you more confused than ever; a lie designed to play on your emotions and your sense of identity; a lie meant to completely alter your perception of reality in its entirety.
“Radiance?”
“Uh…yuh-yeah?”
“Can you answer my question?”
Only by lying you thought to yourself. If you told him whatever was truly going on, he’d think you to be crazy. Everyone here would. Heck, if you told anyone back from your old life what happened here, they’d think you to be completely mad. Then again, what does it matter? According to Dr. Money, you were only going to be in this world for one more day, and when you woke up, he’d still have you imprisoned. He’d still experiment on you in truly terrifying ways. Everyone and everything here would disappear, and you’d be trapped in his horrible prison of a lab being continually experimented on until you likely died.
“No.”
You look down at the floor frowning.
“No? And why is that Radiance?”
“Because no matter what I say, it won’t make any difference. Whether I say the truth or lie, it’ll all still end the same.”
“Why do you say that?”
You sigh and feel a tear trickle down your cheek and drop to the floor.
“Because none of this is real, including you. You’re just some character in a story my mind’s imagining. Everyone I’ve met here is all fake. I’m not even really a pony. I don’t live here. It’s all a part of my imagination. Dreams of a life I wish I had, but don’t actually have. It doesn’t matter if you lock me up in a mental hospital, or let me go, or if you say this or that. Either way, when today ends and I go to sleep, I’ll wake back up in a true nightmare, and my life here as Radiance will completely disappear. So what would you prefer Doctor?”
You look straight back up into his eyes with a pained, teary-eyed expression.
“Should I make up a lie that would logically explain things in a way that would seem believable to you, or should I spend hours recalling to you everything that’s really been going on? Because no matter what, it all ends tonight. And after tonight, we all disappear forever.”
You’re just about to burst into tears when you see him beginning to form a smile. It’s a rather warm, inviting smile unlike the creepy expressions Dr. Money usually gave. His smile is enough to cause you to pause in confusion.
“Whu-Why are you smiling?”
“There, there Radiance. It is alright, I assure you. I’m terribly sorry if that’s how you feel, but know that everything is going to be alright. There’s a lot ponies who love and care about you. Hallucinations can be most troubling, but they can be overcome.”
“Whu-What are you talking about?”
“Perception my dear. Hallucinations can have a way of distorting one’s perceptions of the world. What a pony may hear, see, taste, smell, and touch can easily be distorted by hallucinations. Considering everything that you have been through, especially with the amnesia, it’s understandable that you might be struggling in discerning what’s real or not real. But like I said, it can all be overcome. I can help you.”
You blink a couple of times before saying anything. Some of your tears drop down your face while you blink, but you can strangely feel them beginning to dry up around your eyes. Stranger still, you chuckle a little from his offer.
“That’s…kind of you Doctor, but I don’t think you fully understand. I’m not sure if it’s possible for you to understand. You, Vanhoover, Equestria, my sister, and all of the ponies in this world are the hallucination. The ‘hallucinations’ that I have been having are what’s real. I wish it was the other way around, but it’s not. You’re not real Doctor. Nothing is real here. You and everyone and everything else here are all just a part of my imagination.”
“Is that so?”
His smile falls into a semi-serious expression. He walks right up to you and gently bumps your forearm with his hoof.
“Do you feel that?”
“Yes.”
He then uses his magic to bring over a small flashlight from the counter. Dr. Wilhelm briefly flickers it on and shines it in both of your eyes. You blink and look away, seeing some spots here and there in your vision. He then clicks it off and rests it back on the counter.
“What about that? You saw the light from my little flashlight shining in your eyes, right?”
“Yuh-Yeah.”
“So, if you do not mind explaining, how is that what you just felt and saw is fake? I know you can hear me too. You’re having a conversation with me, right? How can I, everypony else, and all of Equestria be fake?”
You look back at him and give a small smile yourself, chuckling pessimistically while doing so.
“Why, through ‘perception’ Doctor. You want me to tell you the truth?”
He nods and looks over you suspiciously and somewhat seriously.
“This whole world, all of Equestria, and everyone in it is all a byproduct of my mind. I’m not actually even a pony, as much as I love being one. I’m something that’s called a human. You’ve probably never heard of them.”
He shakes his head, but looks at you as if to ask you to continue.
“Anyways, I’m hooked up to virtual reality machine of some kind and am held prisoner by another doctor who actually looks very similar to you, but as a human. Goes by the name of Dr. Money. He’s kidnapped me and supposedly others with hopes of creating a newer form of technology that even I don’t quite understand. But he’s a sadistic psychopath who’s constantly been screwing with my mind for the good of his research. And, oh yeah. You know how it’s only been a few days since I woke up from my ‘coma,’ right? Well, a whole year’s passed back in the real world cuz of it. It wouldn’t surprise me either if another year or more has passed when I actually wake up after tonight. And when I wake up, you and this whole world will disappear into nothingness.”
You notice him pulling up a clipboard and pen with his magic as he begins writing down what you’re saying. You can’t help but chuckle pessimistically.
“Now that I think of it ‘Doctor,’ you were actually Dr. Money when I first came in. You spoke exactly like him, acted just like him, and transformed in a bright flash of light into him as a human. Who’s to say you’re not really Dr. Money trying to screw with my mind further?”
“I do not know of anypony by the name of Dr. Money. I am Dr. Wilhelm. Ask any of the ponies around here and they will tell you that I am Dr. Wilhelm.”
“Uh-huh. Either way, I know you’re watching Dr. Money. I know you’re trying to screw with my mind and that you’re wanting to do a bunch of horrible stuff. I remember the conversation we had, and everything you said and did to me. No matter what sort of mind games you throw at me in this world, they won’t work anymore. I know the truth. And mark my words, you’re not gonna get away with it. You’ll pay for all that you’ve done. And when I wake up, I’ll…I’ll…”
You suddenly lose your train of thought as you notice Dr. Money…or Wilhelm…what does it matter really? You notice him walking back over to the counter to rest his pen and clipboard before walking back to you with a very serious and a very stern expression.
“Radiance, that is enough. I am not Dr. Money. I do not know who that is. I’ve never heard of or seen anypony in my office or in this building with that name. I know nothing of what you are talking about.”
“Of course you don’t ‘Doctor.’ How could you? You’re not real. It’s impossible for you to know what’s really going on because you’re nothing more than a character in a story trying to make my world seem real, when all you’re doing is making it seem more and more fake.”
“What about your sister Nullity?”
You pause for a moment and look at him with a little bit of surprise from having been caught off by that question.
“Is your sister not real as well? Is the sister who loves you, is worried sick about you, and only wants you to be healthy and happy…is she fake? Could you say that to her face?”
You look down at the floor and sigh. No, you couldn’t. Out of all the ponies in this world, she was the friendliest, kindest, and most loving soul to you. No one had ever been that loving except her. You once yelled at her for having accused her of drowning you in that lake, and you felt horrible from having made her cry. She’s too affectionate and sweet and loving and good to you. How could you honestly go to her face and tell her that she’s not real? How could you deal with her crying and sobbing? Your heart’s already in pain after this encounter with Dr. Money, and breaking her heart would only break your heart further. You can’t do that to her.
“No. No, I don’t have it in me to say that to her.”
“So you love and care about her too then, yes?”
You look back up at him with a glare.
“Of course I love her. How dare you say that. I love her more than anything.”
“But how can you say that when you’re claiming none of us are real? How can you love something that does not exist?”
You silently glare at him for several seconds, but soon feel your glare giving way to a teary expression once more. As much as what he’s saying hurts, he’s right. Nullity, the sister you love more than anything and who loves you more than anything, isn’t real. You love a fictitious character that never even existed back on Earth. In truth, you have no one like her. You wish you did. You so desperately wish you did, but the truth is that you don’t. She’s not real. You love something that simply doesn’t exist. And facing up to that cold, harsh realization is just about to start the waterworks once more, but Dr. Wilhelm resumes speaking.
“Nullity is real to you, isn’t she Radiance?”
As much as your logical mind says no, your heart is tearfully saying yes. You shake your head up and down slowly, sniffling here and there.
“Of course she’s real to me. I want her to be real to me. I want to have a sister like her. She’s the only one who has ever shown me that much love. I love her. I need her. Even then though, she’s also just a part of this world, and is also just a part of my mind. As much as I would love to pretend that this whole world and my whole life here are all real, I can’t. After what I have been through, it’s impossible for me to see this life as real. Trust me, I would much rather this world be real and my sister to be real than my life back on Earth, but it just isn’t.”
Dr. Wilhelm continues looking at you seriously, not saying anything for a few seconds. You both look at each other for what feels like forever before he speaks again.
“You say that no matter what, you cannot see anypony in this life, let alone all of Equestria as real. Yet here you are looking at me as I look at you. You still continue to talk to me and look at me. And you still visually see yourself as a pony, yes?”
You silently nod.
“Neither Nullity nor Nurse Reinhold ever mentioned what you have been telling me this visit. Both spoke of you hallucinating at random intervals, but I was never informed of what took place in them. You never mentioned any of the details regarding these hallucinations to them, have you Radiance?”
“No, I haven’t. I never told them what happened because I knew they wouldn’t believe me, they would be more worried about me, and I knew they couldn’t help me. I also know that you can’t help either.”
“So you say. You are partially correct in that we cannot help you get better if you are not fully honest with us.”
You turn your eyes away from him and look back at the door to his office. It stood there closed and looked perfectly intact. There were no signs that you ever tried to buck down the door.
“So Radiance, tell me. What happened in these hallucinations of yours?”
“You see that door over there Doctor?”
You notice out of the corner of your eye Dr. Wilhelm turning to look at the door with you.
“Yes? What about it?”
“Let’s open that door.”
“Would you prefer to have it open? I can open it if you like.”
You nod once more and watch him walk right over to the door. Using his magic, he gently opens the door wide open. You quickly hop off the recliner medical bed and walk straight into the doorway, peering your head out.
Outside Dr. Wilhelm’s office was the hallway you previously walked through coming here. The ceiling lights illuminated the entire hallway. You saw other doors, tables, and chairs lining up against the hallway walls and at the very end of the hallway, you saw the open doorway that lead into the waiting room. And there Nullity was, calmly sitting there while looking at something that was out of your view. It’s clear that you were no longer trapped in the vastness of that white void.
“Radiance? What are you looking for?”
“You want me to be honest with you? A moment ago, which really lasted for hours, Dr. Money was in this room looking exactly like you. I tried to break free and buck down this door. And as soon as I did it and came out here, there was…”
“Lil Sis!”
You both immediately notice Nullity looking back at you two. She’s smiling happily and wastes no time eagerly trotting through the hallway right up to both of you. Without another word, she hugs you into a tight embrace. Regardless of everything, it still felt so very good to have hugs with Nullity.
“Did you two finish already? You feeling good my little Radiance? You ready to go home?”
You’re just about to speak up and say that you’re definitely ready to get out of here when Dr. Wilhelm beats you to it.
“Actually, we are still in the middle of the appointment Nullity. We are not quite finished yet.”
“Oops! Sorry about that Dr. Wilhelm. You know that my precious baby sister is super duper important to me, and I just can’t resist sharing our daily snuggles with her.”
She’s smiling affectionately back at you, and you try your best to force a convincing smile, even though you weren’t feeling it at all. Truthfully, you didn’t want to talk to Dr. Wilhelm anymore. You just wanted to get out of his office, to stop talking about all this insanity, to just bond with Nullity in peace, and to enjoy whatever time you had left with her. Even if Nullity isn’t real and this is all fake, you still wanted to soak up as much love as possible with her. You needed it, and you knew deep down that you’d never get it again.
“You know what? Actually, I think I’d like to stop here today Dr. Wilhelm.”
They both look at you a little surprised, but you knew you didn’t want to do this anymore. It just felt like you were wasting your time trying to convince your imaginary friend that he’s not real.
“Radiance,” says Dr. Wilhelm, “we are not done yet. There is still a good half an hour left. I would like to talk to you some more.”
“Maybe you should stay with him just a little longer Lil Sis. It’s okay. I promise I’ll give ya snuggies the rest of today once you’re done here.”
You didn’t want to do this. It’s a waste of time, it’s depressing, and you honestly just want to get away from Dr. Wilhelm and to never see him again. He reminded you so much of Dr. Money. You just wanted to get away from here. You let out a sigh before saying more.
“Dr. Wilhelm, please. I’m not feeling my best right now and I just wanna go home and lay down and be with Nullity. I don’t want to talk about this stuff anymore. Can we please just end it early?”
He in turn sighs too, but looks at both you and Nullity with a slightly agitated, serious expression.
“Alright then. We can continue this later Radiance. However, we will do so tomorrow, first thing in the morning.”
You can’t help but chuckle sardonically, knowing full well that there won’t be a tomorrow here in this world.
“What’s so funny Radiance?”
“Sorry Dr. Wilhelm. Nothing’s funny. I’ll be here right when you open first thing tomorrow.”
“Good. And if you don’t mind Radiance, I’d like to have a word with Nullity for a few minutes. Why don’t you go wait outside for a little bit?”
You can’t help but feel irked by his tone. You didn’t want to leave Nullity. At the same token, you also wanted to get out of here and see daylight again.
“Promise it won’t be long Lil Sis. I’ll be back out there with ya soon. Love you, my precious baby sister of mine.”
You blush just a little with her calling you that in front of Dr. Wilhelm, but a bigger part of you didn’t care. It felt nice to have that affection, and you could care less of what Dr. Wilhelm was thinking of you.
“Love you too. I’ll be outside.”
And with that, you turn away from both of them and walk down the hallway and into the waiting room. Nurse Reinhold was sitting in the reception area behind the glass reading a book. There were three other ponies there sitting in chairs. None of them were sitting next to each other. They all looked a little sick. Not that you had anything against them, but you didn’t like being around others who were sick. Even though it doesn’t really matter if you got sick, you still just wanted to get outside and see the sunshine.
“Radiance? Where are you going?”
You turn to see Nurse Reinhold staring at you in concern. The other three ponies also turn to look at you.
“I’m just going outside Nurse Reinhold. We ended early. Dr. Wilhelm just wanted to talk to my sister privately for a little bit. She knows I’ll be outside. Just want to get some fresh air.”
“Don’t wander too far Radiance. Please stay right outside until Nullity comes back.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t. I’ll just be right out here Nurse Reinhold. See you tomorrow.”
Without a moment more to spare, you turn away from her and the ponies looking at you and walk on through the swinging blue doors. You hear them swinging back and forth a little from behind you as you begin going up the staircase. A few moments later, you’re up at the top, staring out at the empty main room of the building. You notice the other two staircases leading to who knows where, but rather than go exploring, you turn to your left and walk right on through the entrance to the building.
A cool breeze brushes through your face as the warm, inviting sunlight shines itself all over your body. It feels so good to be outside again and to breathe in fresh air. Looking around your environment, you can tell that it’s still morning. The sun is shining brightly across the blue cloudless skies; its rays comforting you in mild warmth while the morning breeze kept you rather cool. To see daylight and to not be trapped underground, or in an endless white void feels so very refreshing. Granted, all of this is fake, and you know that you’re not really outside. You’re still trapped in a virtual machine. Still, it’s nice to at least get a taste of fresh air, even if it’s all simulated.
Sounds of commotion capture your attention as you turn to see dozens of ponies walking all throughout town. Vanhoover looked so lively as ponies interacted with one another and explored about the town. The city itself is much more alive compared to the ghost town of yesterday. So many ponies going about daily life. Laughing, smiling, talking…they all look so engaged with whatever it is they’re doing.
Yet what puzzles you most is that everyone and everything here is fake. Your five senses tell you this is all real, but you know deep down that none of it is. All of this is just a figment of your imagination, and a byproduct of Dr. Money trying to mess with you. Still, how could so many lives, a whole society, a whole world be brought into existence and then just suddenly vanish? Sure, it’s all simulated, but if you hadn’t had those so-called hallucinations, you would have believed this to have all been true.
You frown and look down at the ground briefly, sighing before you look back up at the town full of smiling ponies. And would that have been a bad thing? Living among those happy ponies, living a happy life with them and your sister, basking in love and warmth and affection…all of that would be infinitely better than living in that nightmare of a world known as Earth. Heck, you figure that you’d even be fine with forgetting about your old life and living the rest of your life in this virtual simulation. Being a happy, loving, affectionate pony with other loving ponies is infinitely better than being a wage slave struggling with poverty. It’s even better than being held captive by a lunatic.
Still, you didn’t choose to uncover the morbid truth behind all of this. You legitimately thought you had woken up in a newer and much better life when you first woke up here. Sure, things were confusing at first, but you took comfort knowing you were in a better place. All of those hallucinations were brought about beyond your control. They confused and terrified you, and made you question and wonder what had actually happened to you. Yet those hallucinations didn’t immediately happen the moment you woke up here. It wasn’t until you began questioning what was truly going on that they began appearing regularly. And what caused you to have those hallucinations and to lose touch with this world? The girl and the lake.
The lake memory as you once called it. Always present throughout your entire life with no explanation as to what it meant or where it came from. It’s just always been there. It’s been present your entire life on Earth ever since you were a little kid, and it has been continuously popping up in this world. Why though?
You sit on your rear and continue looking out at the town, zoning out and becoming lost in your thoughts. Yes, this whole world is just a virtual simulation based on your mind, but that lake memory is literally what kept you from becoming completely lost to this world. It still somehow kept your grip on reality and protected you from fully succumbing to Dr. Money’s mind games. The whole incident with the lake, meeting that girl, walking with her to the lake, and then falling into it…it just kept on replaying itself over and over in your mind.
Who was that girl though? In your memory, she was a human wearing a white gown with light-brown hair. Her demeanor and vibe was so similar to Nullity, but you know her and Nullity aren’t the same ponies. Even when you told Nullity about her, she never saw her when she found you unconscious in the lake. No one here knows anything about her, except Dr. Money.
Your mind flashes back to when Dr. Money was torturing you with your past demons. Right when you spared Daniel, Justin, and Grady, the girl appeared. Dr. Money himself said that her being there was nothing of his doing. She wasn’t human though like she was in your memory of her. She was a pony; a light blue pony with a white bluish mane and tail. She was a unicorn, but she had those spindle things sticking out of her neck. She even said we’re not unicorns, or pegasi for that matter. We were something else, but she never did say. She called you Big Sis and even treated you like her bigger sister. As much as you loved Nullity, you knew deep down that this girl…this mare…was your actual sister.
Dr. Money said he thought she could have been from a past life. Someone who you were so very close to, but was lost when you fell into the lake and drowned. Yet, why did you both go to the lake, and why did you want to have her around for when that happened? You know she didn’t do that to you to kill you. You could tell that she was riddled with guilt and remorse the moment right before you fell in. You knew it couldn’t have been a murder. Both during that experience with Dr. Money and what little you could remember of her, you knew she loved you and was super attached to you. You knew you loved her and that you were super attached to her too.
She’s the only one in this virtual world that you know is real and not a figment of your imagination. It’s like she has been guiding you and looking after you. The gentle humming you’d hear from Nullity every now and then, it was really that girl’s humming. The white gown you saw at Epaulet’s store, that was also a sign that she was still looking after you, watching over you like a guardian angel. And that latest visit from her when she was talking to you in your darkest hour, offering you comfort and love, she’s the one. She’s the only one who is real in this world. She may just be your ticket to getting out of all of this madness.
And then, just when you least expect it, you hear the humming. The gentle smooth humming. It sounds so peaceful and comforting. You don’t even move or turn your head. You just continue to stare out at the town full of happy ponies.
“Hey Nullity. How’d the talk with Dr. Wilhelm go?”
She doesn’t say anything, but simply continues to hum. Even if that hum was really from that girl, it still sounded nice to hear it coming from Nullity. Sure, it unnerved you when you heard it in the past, but now you knew it wasn’t anything to fear. It felt like medicine listening to the humming. You sit there for a few minutes silently, simply enjoying the humming flowing all around you.
“Look, I know you’re worried about me Nullity. I just…I’ve been through a lot lately, and I can only take so much. Whatever Dr. Wilhelm told you in there, I just want you to know that I’m alright. I just can’t deal with this stuff today. Would you be okay if we just went home and snuggled?”
Just as you ask that, the humming stops. You don’t hear anything aside from the commotion of ponies in the distance.
“Nullity? You alright?”
You turn to look at the entrance to the building, but there’s no one there. Your eyes dart around back to the town with the ponies. And just as your eyes dart a little more, you see it. That blue wave of energy floating in the air. It’s floating right above you with the breeze, blowing gently over your head. You become fixated on the blue energy floating in the air…floating with the breeze. Your gaze follows its flow as it moves from the opposite direction of the town, flowing straight into the forest, straight into the path that leads back to your house with Nullity. It flows with the breeze for several seconds before disappearing into the forest along that path.
Your eyes remain glued to where you last saw it in the trees. As they slowly lower to the entrance of the path, you see her. The girl as that blue pony creature. Sitting on her rear like you are. Smiling at you warmly with her blue eyes. You in turn silently stare at her like a zombie. She raises a forehoof up and waves it slowly back and forth at you as if to say hi, but she says nothing. Several long seconds pass before she stops waving. Placing her hoof on the ground, she stands up on all four hooves, still smiling warmly at you. Slowly, she turns around and begins to walk along that path into the forest. You watch her from a distance until she fades and disappears into the forest.
“There you are Lil Sis.”
“HUH?!?”
You jump, startled by Nullity’s voice. You turn away from the forest and look to see Nullity right beside you. You could tell that she looked worried, but she still was giving you a warm smile.
“Easy there Lil Sis. It’s okay. It’s just me.”
She proceeds to hug you tightly.
“You scared me for a moment there Silly. When you said you’d be outside, I thought you were gonna wait out in the waiting room; not all the way out over here.”
“Sorry Nullity. I just wanted to get outside and get some fresh air.”
“You doing alright Sweetie?”
“I’m okay.”
“Yeah?”
She releases you from the hug and looks at you with a small smile. As she does so, you two lock eyes with one another. You can tell she’s still trying to put on a happy face and be optimistic to you, but you can see past her front. She looks tired and drained. You know she’s been worried sick about you, and after that private talk with Dr. Wilhelm, she…
Your eyes briefly go wide. You turn away from her gaze. She must know then. Nullity spoke to Dr. Wilhelm after you forced yourself out of that appointment. He likely told her everything you told him. Oh fudge.
“You don’t look so okay Lil Sis. You mind telling me what’s wrong?”
You stumble for words, looking at the town full of happy ponies, and then looking back at the forest. You sigh and continue to look away from Nullity as you begin to speak.
“I...I don’t want to. Yesterday and today have been hard. I don’t want to focus on all the bad stuff. I really don’t. I just want to rest.”
You hear her softly sigh. She then suddenly embraces you with another hug, only tighter, for what seems like forever. You just sit there and stare off into space.
“You know I love you, don’t you Lil Sis?”
“I know you do.”
“And you know I only wanna help you, right?”
“Mhm.”
“Well, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong. Please Lil Sis. I’m worried about you. I can’t lose you. Not again.”
You feel small drops of water trickling onto your shoulder. You knew she was crying. And it hurt. It hurt bad that she was having to experience this all on the side. She only loves you and cares about you, but how can you feel the same about her now when you know that she…isn’t…real. You want her to be real and to love her unconditionally like she does with you, but you just can’t. The illusion is gone. Nullity doesn’t exist. Suddenly, Dr. Wilhelm’s words from earlier echo through your mind.
“How can you love something that does not exist?”
And how can nothing love you back when none of this is real? It’s all…fake, including Nullity. She…She isn’t your sister. Whoever that girl is from your memory, that blue pony creature, it seems she’s your real sister. And yet, even if Nullity and this world aren’t real, it still feels like Nullity is here in pain worried sick about you. And if Dr. Wilhelm told her the truth about what you said to him, then she already knows you see her as not real.
“You already know what’s wrong with me, don’t you Nullity?”
She sniffles a little and lets go of you, pausing a few seconds before responding.
“I…I…”
“You do, don’t you?”
You flash your eyes briefly to your side to catch a glimpse of Nullity’s expression. Her eyes are wide open with tears, appearing to have been caught off guard herself with the question. You in turn sigh and look towards the forest.
“What…What Dr. Wilhelm told me in there, that isn’t true, is it Lil Sis?”
This is going to be a painful conversation, huh? You knew it had to be had, but you didn’t want to have it. You were tired of this insanity, and of focusing on your doom that laid before you. It has all been too much. And the last thing you want to do is break Nullity’s heart after all this madness. You were just tired from it all. You just wanted to rest in peace and enjoy whatever time you had left.
“Can I ask you a favor Nullity?”
“Whu-What is it Lil Sis?”
“Can we just go home? I…I wanna rest and not think about things. I’m tired. I’ve been through a lot. If you really want to, can we talk more about this when we’re back home? I just need some time to think to myself.”
“Oh…okay Lil Sis. We should get you home. It’s not good to be out if you’re not feeling well.”
“You ready to go home then?”
“We can Lil Sis. But once we’re home and you’re all situated, can we please talk about this? I’m so worried about you. I’m scared. I can’t lose you. I need you Lil Sis. I love you.”
You choke up a little on those words and feel a tear drip down your cheek and onto the ground.
“I…luh-love you too…”
Fact of the matter is that you still somewhat love her as a sister, but you know the truth deep down. And being truly honest with Nullity, oh how you dreaded having that conversation with her. Yet you know it’s going to have to happen.
“Thank you for saying that Lil Sis.”
She hugs you tightly again for several seconds before releasing you.
“Let’s go then. You ready Lil Sis?”
“Yeah, I’m ready to go home.”
And with that, you stand up on all four hooves with Nullity. Like she has done in the past as a form of protection, she gently folds a wing over you as you two begin to walk into the entrance of the forest on the path home.
As you two begin the path, sounds of wildlife echo throughout the forest. The sun glistens through the forestry canopy overhead, painting an almost serene kind of landscape. The temperature isn’t too hot or too cold, and the continued breeze brushing with you as you walk brings a form of peace throughout your being. As down as you are, and as much as you dread waking back up in that nightmare, you strangely feel calm. It’s odd feeling like this, especially since you have been through so much, but the sounds of wildlife and the beauty of nature help to bring you some form of internal peace, even if it is all simulated.
What was that one saying? Stop and smell the roses? Something like that. There’s just something that is so inviting about finding joy in the little things in a life of turmoil. Regardless of everything, simply appreciating the beauty of the surrounding scenery, breathing in that fresh cool breeze, and feeling Nullity’s radiating body heat as she wing-hugged you while walking with you helped to relax your mind, even if it’s only temporary. There’s just something about nature that you can’t help but enjoy. It feels more natural and peaceful. It almost feels like living in a forest is where you belong. If only you could live in one…like you used to.
You can feel small tingles of your fur beginning to stand up along your back. Like you used to. Why did that thought suddenly cross your mind? Ever since the hallucinations with the silhouettes began occurring, you haven’t felt any desires or thoughts being placed in your head. That hyper feminine state you were in yesterday morning was nothing like how you normally are. Those urges and feelings almost developed into separate thoughts trying to influence you to give into this world. Not now though. You can only guess that Dr. Money was somehow influencing you with those past thoughts to make this world seem more believable. But this thought, and ever since those hallucinations began occurring, you haven’t experienced any of that. Whatever thoughts you have now are entirely yours; there’s no way Dr. Money is manipulating your mind like this. Like he said, he had no involvement with the events relating to that blue pony creature. Besides, you and that girl used to…live…together…out in…that one…forest…
…
“Lil Sis? Why are you stopping? Is something wrong?”
You blink and stand there for a few seconds in a daze before turning your gaze to Nullity.
“Uh…nothing’s wrong, I’m alright.”
“You sure? You aren’t seeing or hearing anything, are you?”
“Nuh-No. I’m not having any of those hallucinations Nullity. Just thinking to myself.”
“What are you thinking about Lil Sis?”
“Uh…nothing. Don’t worry, I’m fine. Just don’t want to talk about it right this moment.”
“Okay, but please, when we get home, tell me everything that’s been going on, okay my baby sister? For me?”
“Yeah, alright. I will.”
Nullity says no more, and you two continue walking along the path to home. And while you both continue to walk and look around the beautiful forest, you can’t help but wonder what your mind is doing. Living in a forest, like you used to. Living together with her in such a forest. It’s like, you feel like you’re onto something, but there’s things that are missing. If Dr. Money said that girl and the lake could have been from a past life, then what your mind is suggesting is supposedly remnants from that life.
Your mind once again flashes back to when you were with that girl in your darkest hour. You were both hugging in front of an old fireplace. The wall it was against was wooden like it came from a cabin, but the rest of the room was too blurry to make out. That place…was that your home with that girl? That’s…right. She said it was your home. Wherever that place was. It was in a forest; a similar forest to the one you’re in now. Your home.
And then, she just dissolved into that blue wave of energy, flowing all the way to the lake and disappearing into it. What did that mean? And why did you see that blue energy and her a few moments ago? What is she trying to do? Is she trying to guide you to…to…the lake?
Suddenly, Nullity begins humming that tune again; the same tune your sister…would hum…to you…when you felt…down. It was…to comfort you. It’s calming to you, listening to it, yet it still presents an air of eeriness hearing it.
“Uh, Nullity? Where did you learn that particular hum?”
She stops humming, and pauses for a moment before responding.
“It was a tune I picked up when I was a little filly, before you were born. I can’t remember who I got it from, but I loved humming it as a filly. And when you were born, I’d always hum it to you and you’d smile big. You were so sweet and cute whenever you heard that tune that I’d just hum it whenever you felt sad.”
She looks at you briefly from the corner of your eye and flashes you a warm smile before resuming her humming. You say nothing back while becoming lost in her humming.
Dr. Money also said that everything in this world was a byproduct of that lake memory, and that your life here centered around that lake. There’s no way Nullity would know that tune unless she was created by your mind to represent that girl, even though she’s not her. Despite Nullity feeling like she’s real and she’s your sister, you can see past it, as emotionally painful as it is.
Still, if everything in this world was simulated to center around your lake memory, then that means the lake has to be in this world. Nullity spoke of it that first night with her. It was a few miles behind your house here. She lost you and found you unconscious in the water. She never saw the girl. And yet, why is this all continuously replaying itself over and over? What was so special about the lake? What was the significance of it?
You had to find out. You could go to it today. You must go to it today before the day ends. This may be your only chance at truly uncovering why all of this has been happening to you. There was something about that lake that you know would continue to haunt you unless you went there. You had to come to terms with that memory before you wake back up in Dr. Money’s hell. Still, how were you going to get past Nullity and separate from her to go do this? There’s no way she’d allow you to do this alone. Maybe if you…
“And here we are Lil Sis. Home.”
She stops the humming. You shake your head and blink a few times, taking a moment to realize that you both are just a few feet in front of the house. It still looks the same as you left it. Your eyes scan over it for several seconds as Nullity goes ahead of you to open the front door. She then looks back at you.
“You coming Lil Sis?”
“Yeah, I’m coming.”
Without a moment to spare, you walk up to the doorway as Nullity disappears inside. The house was a little dark inside, but light was still pouring in plentifully throughout the house. Everything still looks to be exactly where it was, with the blankets and pillows from this morning still spread out in front of the…fireplace…
“This is where we’d snuggle up together, right in front of the fireplace.”
Her speech from earlier echoes through your mind. A fireplace just like this, but older and more worn down than this one. And there’d be wooden walls here too instead of the solid colored walls surrounding the fireplace.
“We’d snuggle, talk about things, keep each other warm, and bond together right here. This was your favorite place to snuggle and now, it’s my favorite place too.”
You can’t help but feel a tear trickle down your cheek as a form of longing for the girl begins to well up inside you. You missed her. You missed being with her. She was your sister who looked up to you. And she misses you so very much. She needs you. She needs you to go back to the lake .
A soft sigh from behind you startles you from your thoughts. It was from Nullity, who comes right up next to you and gives you a soft wing snuggle. It did feel good, but it’d feel even better if it was with her. She’s the one that needs it most. She needs you.
“Can I get you anything Lil Sis? You hungry?”
“Uh…nuh-no. I’m fine. I just…”
“You just what?”
She lifts back her wing and moves a little behind you to close the front door. It closes with a soft clicking sound. She then walks a little in front of you and looks back to you with a semi-serious expression. You gulp a little nervously, realizing that you were going to have to have this talk with her.
“Nothing. I just…I just have a lot on my mind. I’m sorry Nullity, but I’m lost in my thoughts. I don’t know what to say.”
“If you don’t know what to say, can we start by talking about your thoughts?”
Although you didn’t want to give her the impression that you were frustrated, you sigh deeply and walk forward past her, stopping right in front of the fireplace. You stood on top of the pillows and blankets that were laid out in front of it, and despite the warm comfortable softness of them beneath your hooves, you didn’t quite feel the same on the inside.
“Lil Sis? Can we please talk? You promised you would when we got back home.”
Your eyes scan the fireplace over and over, lost in that brief memory of seeing the old fireplace with that girl in your memory. The whole rest of that room was blurry and unrecognizable, save for the fireplace. Sure, this fireplace looked more modern than the old one did from your memory, but…this was a special place with you and her. A safe place for warm sisterly snuggles. Whenever you two needed each other…it was…it was here. A warm, comfy cozy area with your precious little sister looking up to you for comfort and warmth and love. You…You always loved this spot. It was where you and her would snuggle and care for one another. Like when she would feel scared or upset, you would snuggle away her anxieties over an open flame that crackled with the wood…feeling so warm and safe and…
A sudden tight hug from Nullity shakes you from your thoughts. She gently pushes you with her hug down so that both you and her lay on top of the pillows and blankets. You don’t resist and let her do so.
“Plu-Please Lil Sis. Tell me what’s going on. I’m so worried about you. I’m so scared, and you’re not telling me anything. I want to protect you and help you, but I can’t do that if you don’t tell me anything. Please Lil Sis. I need you.”
Still keeping your gaze on the fireplace itself, you notice the emptiness right in the center. Rather than a warm, open flame full of love, all that was in the fireplace was cold, dark barren ashes. It looked so empty.
Nullity hugs onto you even tighter, crying softly into your fur. You can feel tears welling up in you again; your own heart reeling in pain from both Nullity and your true sister.
“I duh…I don’t know what to say Nullity, or where to even begin.”
Tears drip down from your eyes, but you try your best to not give into the waterworks. You silently cry while Nullity’s sniffling becomes all the more noticeable.
“Whu-Why you do keep calling me Nullity Lil Sis? You…You always call me Big Sis. Ever…Ever since we got back from Dr. Wilhelm’s office, you haven’t called me Big Sis any. Why?”
You keep your stare focused completely on the center of the fireplace; its ash mirroring the same amount of pain you felt in your heart.
“Did Dr. Wilhelm tell you what I told him today?”
There’s a noticeable pause in Nullity’s crying, and for about a minute or so, she says nothing.
“Please Lil Sis…Please tell me what he said wasn’t true. It wasn’t it, was it?”
You choke on your words, the tears flowing more steadily down your face. You can already feel the tear-stained wetness of the pillows and blankets touching your front hooves.
“I just…I…miss her Nullity. I miss her so bad. She looked up to me. I brought her happiness and love, and for some dumb reason, I…I think I wanted to go to the lake and bring her with me. And the pain in her eyes just as I was about to fall in…losing her…I lost her. I…I…”
Your lip quivering, you bury your head into your hooves and begin bawling for several long minutes. Nullity says nothing while you cry out in pain, though after a little bit of time, she starts patting your back with her hoof and begins to speak up in a little bit of a softer, but sniffling tone.
“Who…Who are you talking about?”
“The…The girl…who walked with me to…the lake. The girl who…I thought…was you. Buh-But, y-you’re nuh-not her Nullity.”
Without warning, you feel yourself being pulled and turned, facing straight at Nullity while she looks directly at you in tears.
“Luh-Lil Sis? Do you see my face here?”
You nod up and down, tearing and sniffling yourself.
“Do you see how worried and scared I am about you? What you’re saying hurts and scares me, and I don’t know what you’re going through. It hurts me so much. I love you, my baby sister, and…I need you to be safe. I want to bring you back to health. I wanna help you so very badly. I can’t though if you’re not honest with me. Please, I’m begging you Lil Sis. Tell me what’s truly going on. Please tell me. Who’s this girl you keep talking about?”
Looking at her teary eyes makes you feel more and more saddened. You…You can’t do this to Nullity. You…You love that girl, and…even though Nullity was just a figment of your imagination, you still…you still loved her. And you knew that if you told the truth, you would destroy her. Oh God…can you really do this to her?
“Do…Do you remember that first night of waking up, when I told you what I experienced at the lake before falling into it?”
She slowly nods, looking intently at you. You dart your eyes away from her gaze, frequently looking to the ground and occasionally to your side.
“There was someone with me. A girl. I…I originally thought that girl was you. Yet, you told me that you stayed behind at the entrance of that forest while I went in by myself. When…When I found the river that would eventually lead to the lake, I saw someone else appear from behind. She was a human as far as I can remember, and yet, I kind of think that she’s actually some kind of unique pony. She doesn’t look anything like you.”
Nullity says nothing, and as you briefly flash a glance towards Nullity’s gaze, you see her looking at you seriously, albeit with a look of concern, worry, and tears.
“She…She looks something similar to a unicorn, but…she said she wasn’t one. She told me she has these things called spindles on the back of her neck for sensing things. They kinda look like quills to me. Aside from that though, she looks like any other unicorn. She’s got light blue fur, a white-bluish mane and tail, and…she’s…she’s loving and kind to me. Kinda like how you are. Though I think she was a little bit smaller than me, but not by much.”
“What’s her name?”
“I…I don’t know Nullity. She never told me. I know she has a name, but I can’t remember it. There’s so much about her I just don’t know. She calls me her Big Sis though. I…I think she might have been a sister to me in a previous life.”
You shakily sigh and look back up to Nullity face to face. You can see her tears have stopped for the moment, but she is still casting a worrying, concerned look to you.
“Ever since I woke up from my coma here, I thought…I thought that you might have been her. I thought we might have been reunited in a new life together. You remind me so much of her Nullity, but you aren’t her. The story you told me that first night proves you weren’t with me when I fell into the lake. You were out looking for me, and you said you never did see her, right?”
Nullity shakes her head, but speaks up.
“You and I were the only ones who went out to go explore that area Lil Sis. And when I found you, you…you were unconscious in the lake. I…I never saw anypony else with you. You were all by yourself.”
You sigh, taking a moment to respond.
“I know it sounds crazy, but those moments leading up to falling in the lake were the last moments of my previous life. After I fell in, I woke up in a new life as a human. And all throughout my life as a human, that lake memory, as I called it, kept replaying itself over and over. Usually in my dreams, but every time it played itself out, it always disturbed me. I could never figure out what that memory meant, or who that girl I was with was. And then, something bad happened where I…”
You pause, suddenly realizing that you were going to tell her how you got kidnapped by Dr. Money, and how much of a monster he truly is. Even though Nullity isn’t truly real, you still don’t have the heart in you to tell her about that madness. She doesn’t need to know about any of that.
“You what, Lil Sis? What happened?”
“Something bad happened in that life. I got put to sleep, and then suddenly, I woke up here in my bedroom. I was so confused by what happened, and I didn’t entirely understand it at first. Yet the longer I was here, the more it felt like I had entered a new life. And yet, when I learned about the coma incident of me falling into the lake, I immediately thought of that lake memory. I thought…I thought I was back home with that girl; I thought I was back home with you. But, you aren’t her Nullity. I’m not back in that old life with her. I’m somewhere else. I don’t remember you or this house or anything about Vanhoover or Equestria. I don’t…I don’t think any of that existed back when I was with that girl. I…I know it really hurts to say it, but…truthfully…I duh-don’t remember anything about our lives together prior to me waking up from my coma here. Anything that might have happened here in this world prior to my accident, I can’t remember any of it.”
She sniffles and backs up just a little, hurt by what you just said. It feels bad hurting her, but keeping the truth from her hurts her even more. Even unbeknownst to Nullity, you knew deep down that she would be forever gone after today. You hated having to break her heart, and you didn’t think you’d have it in you to tell her that you both will never see each other again after today. At the same time, you also wanted to go to the lake today without her. You had to. You had to find your true sister.
“Buh-But you said you remembered some things we did when we were fillies, ruh-right? I know that…that you forgot a lot of things, but…you at least remember some of the stuff we did together, right?”
You bite your lip, hesitant to answer.
“Please, my little Radiance, please. Please tell me the truth. I need to know.”
You sigh and close your eyes, slowly opening them back up as you respond.
“I’m sorry. I duh-don’t. I don’t remember anything we did together before the accident at the lake. And, although I remember you writing me that ‘Get Well Soon’ card by my bed, I still didn’t really know who you were, or even what your name was. Again, I thought…I thought you were her. I thought you were my true sister, but you’re not.”
She flinches and backs up a little more, readily taken aback by what you just said. You can already feel the heartache growing within you as your choice of words pierced through Nullity’s increasingly fragile heart.
“Buh-But…I…I…am your sister Lil Sis. I’m Big Sis. I…we…you…”
She stumbles on her words; her whole body beginning to shake. She looks at you with big, teary eyes, and as she struggles to voice a coherent sentence, she collapses and falls on the blankets and pillows. She buries her head in them, bawling.
The one soul who has shown you nothing but unconditional comforting love just had their heart shattered to a million pieces. The one soul, who promised to love you no matter what, was slapped in the face with words of emptiness and abandonment. The one soul, who might not have ever been a real soul in the first place, was crushed being told she wasn’t your true sister despite always seeing you as her little sister.
You feel a sharp, emotional jab of pain go right through your heart. It hurt more than any form of pain anyone may have inflicted on you in the past. Despite all the madness Dr. Money threw at you with those mind games of his, this…this was probably the most emotionally painful. Sure, it might not be as intense as when you spared Daniel, Justin, and Grady their lives, but to outright go and break the heart of one of the few souls who has ever actually loved you hurts more than anything else.
“Nullity, I…”
You start to say something, but stop as her wailing becomes louder and louder. It’s readily obvious you’ve broken her heart irreparably. As much as you and her are a softy, you’ve never seen Nullity bawl and cry this hard. She even grabs another pillow and quickly plants her face into it, looking away from you.
“I’m sorry.”
She says nothing and continues crying nonstop. You let her cry her heart out in pain as you silently watch her with remorse for what feels like forever. As much as it hurts to say what you said to her, it’s the truth. Nullity isn’t real. You love her, and you’re eternally grateful for everything that she has done for you, but she’s also just a character created by your own imagination. She isn’t real. Truthfully, it doesn’t matter if you were to leave right this moment, or if you were to spend the next several hours trying to comfort her. It’s all going to end soon, and once it does so, the story is over. She’ll be gone forever.
And yet, even if Nullity is just a fictional character in this virtual world, she has done everything that she can to try to help you. She has tried to change you into a better person. She has shown you the beauty and the magic of love. She has shown you what it’s like to have a family. She has shown you what it’s like to experience true happiness. No one, with the possible exception of your true sister, has ever done something like that for you. In more ways than one, Nullity is still special, even if she is just a fictional character.
“I’m sorry Nullity. What I said to you…”
It is only now that she lifts her head out of the pillow and faces you, her face stained with countless tears. She looks at you, tearing in pain.
“What I said to you was wrong. In a way, you’re still a sister to me. You may not be that girl, and you might not have been my sister from my old life, but still…you treated me like family. You loved me unconditionally. No one has ever treated me like that. No one. I just…what I have been through has been so hard on me, and…I just…I have just been lost for so long, not quite understanding what is real and not real. Even if you aren’t my true sister, you’re still like a sister to me. You always will be.”
Nullity sniffles a little more before wiping one of her forehooves across her face. Her expression slowly turns into a small, shaky smile.
“Lil Sis…I mean, Radiance, thu-thank you for telling me the truth. As…As much as it hurts what you just said to me, you…you whu-were honest with me. I knu-know it’s only because of the coma that you’re feeling like this, but…but…I know you’ll get your memories back, and…and soon, you’ll remember everything! You’ll remember all the good times we shared with each other, the sisterly bonding, the…the…love we both shared with each other. Yuh-You still luh-love me, don’t you Radiance?”
She sits there looking at you, her whole body shaking with an equally shaking small smile. Your heart aches by what you’re seeing, and by how much you had hurt her. Of course you loved her, and you only wanted her to be happy and to live in peace.
“I…do Nullity, I do.”
She quickly latches onto you with a tight hug, squeezing you as much as she possibly can. You slowly raise one of your forehooves up to gently pat her back.
“Aside from that girl, that pony, at the lake, you’re the very first pony to ever show me the kind of love I thought was never possible. Nullity, like I just said, you’ve given me more love than anyone else I know of, with the exception being that girl. Although bad things have happened here with my hallucinations, you’ve still been able to bring me comfort and joy. I’ll always be grateful for your love, and I will always love you.”
Nullity says nothing at first, hugging onto you tighter and tighter, while also crying into your fur. You hold onto her and give her an even tighter hug.
“I…I nuh-need you Luh-Lil Sis. I love you so very much with all of my everything. Even if you can’t remember me and the things we used to do, just…thu-thank you for still loving me. Thank you for letting me hug you. Thank you for hugging me.”
Her words screw with your heart further. On one hand, you did very much love her. You cared about her, wanted to make her happy and to feel good, and you loved sharing snuggles with her. On the other hand though, you also knew deep down that she’s not real, and after today, neither of you will see each other again. As much as you loved her, you needed to leave her and to go to the lake alone.
“Pluh-Please Lil Sis. I can’t stand to ever lose you again. I love you, I love you, I love you! I know Dr. Wilhelm can help ya in time with getting your memories back, and before you know it, you’ll be back to normal! You’ll remember everything, and we can go back to doing all of the loving things we did together as a family! And…And…”
She looks up at you with giant tearing puppy-dog eyes. You know she’s super fragile right now, and that she needs you more than ever, but you have to leave. You have to find your true sister. You have to break from Nullity and find her. How can you leave Nullity though? How can you tell that to her face in her most vulnerable state? You softly sigh before interrupting her.
“Nullity, I love you. Nothing in a million years is ever going to change that. You’re the one pony who I love and care about, and the fact that you have done so much taking care of me and taking care of others shows how much of a wonderful mare you are. I’m probably one of the luckiest ponies around to have your love and care. I’ll always be grateful for your love, and I will always love you.”
You produce a small smile as she sniffles a little more back at you, her shaky smile getting bigger.
“To be honest with you, you inspire me to want to love and bring kindness to others. I’m not as strong as you, but you’ve changed me. Even if I don’t remember anything before the accident, I’ll always remember your love and everything you’ve done for me. You’ve helped to nurture and heal me, you’ve looked after me, and regardless of whatever happens or whatever it is I say to you, you continue to shower me with endless affection. Before the lake, before all of this, I remember in my nightmare being a really depressed person with a bleak outlook on life. Love to me felt like a completely alien emotion. Having experienced its beauty with you, and having love in my heart, I…I want to make things better for others. I want to help and better others. Overall, I wanna be a better pony. There’s so many ponies out there who need help. So many ponies who need the kind of love and affection you’ve shared with me.”
She sniffles and smiles even brighter, the tears around her eyes beginning to dry up.
“I love you Lil Sis. Thank you so very much! I…I know what you said earlier about not remember things really hurt me, but that means so much to me what you just said. Even if you can’t remember any of the things we did for others around Vanhoover, the fact that you still wanna help ponies heal and find love and peace makes me so very happy. Most of all though, you’re being honest with me. You truly do love me, and I will always love you baby sister of mine, even if you can’t remember for now.”
She again buries her muzzle into your chest, hugging onto you tighter and tighter. You can’t help but smile more from her love and affection. You let her snuggle with you for several more minutes in silence before you respond.
“You may not be that one girl Nullity, but I promise you I still love you, and that will never change. Like I said, I’ll always remember you and our time together, and the things we did. But now, I…I have to go and do something.”
Nullity releases you from her grasp and backs up a little, looking at you with confusion.
“Huh? What are you talking about Lil Sis?”
“There’s one pony out there who needs my help more than anyone else I know of. I have to go find her and be with her one more time. I need to show her the love you’ve given me. The pony at the lake, I have to find her.”
Nullity freezes, looking at you with a rapidly evolving expression of worry and fear.
“Whu-What are you saying Lil Sis?”
You pause for a moment and sigh, looking towards the back door that lead out to the enclosed porch.
“I have to find her. I have to…I have to go back to the lake and find her.”
You turn back to face her. She blinks a few times, unable to coin up a response, but you can tell she’s now becoming unnerved. You absolutely had to get over there before the day gets away from you.
“Nuh-No. No Lil Sis. You can’t go there. Nonononononono! I’m never letting you get anywhere near there again. Absolutely not!”
You sigh once more, realizing that there’s no way Nullity’s gonna let you go there. You figured that would be the case, but still…there’s no way to get over there without gravely upsetting Nullity. You know you have to get over there soon, but you also have to get away from Nullity. How can you do so while also leaving her on a positive happy note?
You look back at the door longingly to find your true sister. Nullity can readily observe what you’re wanting to do, and she just as quickly latches back onto you.
“No Lil Sis. No. I can’t let you ever go back there. That lake is a dangerous place, and I can’t stand the thought of ever losing you again. Please Lil Sis. Stay here. Stay with me and all the other happy ponies here, and we can all live a happy, peaceful, loving life with family. Don’t you want that Lil Sis? Don’t you?”
You do. You want that more than anything. If anything, you figure you’d actually be content living out the rest of your life in this world, a virtual world generated by your mind. It’s certainly so much better than the real world, and you knew you had no desire to return to Dr. Money’s madness. But you had to; you had to find your true sister and finally uncover the true meaning to this whole lake memory stuff. You had to have closure. Most of all, if you ever wanted a family, you wanted that girl, that blue pony creature, to be a part of your family too. She’s your real sister, and there’s no way you’re ever gonna have a family without her.
In addition, as much as you loathed Dr. Money and the atrocities he was committing, you had to wake back up in the real world and stop him before he harmed anyone else. There’s others out there in the real world who so desperately need your help, and you have to help them. Much as you would be content staying here for the rest of your life living a life of fantasy-generated ignorant bliss, you had to go back. You had to go back to the lake.
“I do Nullity, I do. I want that more than anything else. I just want a family who loves me for who I am, and a family for me to love unconditionally. I so yearn to be happy. At this point, all I want is love and happiness. I want peace. I want to end all of the madness and darkness spawned by that nightmare. I have to end it all so that I can save her. You’ll always be family to me Nullity, but so will that girl at the lake. I’ll always love her too, and she needs me more than anything right now. Today’s the only day where I can finally see her again and try to fix everything. Please Nullity, I have to go there. I have to save her. I…I need closure. I need her. I need…I need all of my family back. And, as much as you don’t want me to, I have to do this…alone.”
Nullity lessens her grasp on you and slowly steps back again. She looks at you, but also darts her eyes to somewhere else. She appears like she’s going to say a response to you, but she looks as though she’s awestricken. As seconds pass, her gaze shifts from you and looks up.
“Lil Sis…look at that up there. What is that?”
“What’s what?”
You turn around to see where she’s looking at. Just as soon as you see it though, you feel your heart beat in nervous excitement. It’s the blue wave of energy floating in the air! It’s floating just in front of you, right above you…flowing through the back door. It’s her. It’s…It’s time. You have to. You have to go and see her. It’s now or never!
“It’s her Nullity! It’s her!”
“Who Lil Sis?”
“That’s the girl at the lake! She’s wanting me to go back! It’s a sign. I absolutely have to!”
Nullity immediately grabs you from behind and hangs onto you as tightly as is physically possible.
“NO! NO Lil Sis! You can’t go back there. Stay…Stay here! Please! Our family is right here! It’s too dangerous to go out there. Stay here with me and everypony here. I promise ya, I’ll give ya the happiest life you could ever imagine! I love you, I need you, and I promise I’ll always care for ya Lil Sis. Just please; please don’t leave.”
The blue wave of energy flows in the air for a few seconds longer before becoming more and more faint. Upon immediately realizing it, it fades and disappears straight through the back door. NO! You have to go! NOW!
You jerk and shake as much as you can, trying your best to slide out of Nullity’s grasp and to get her hooves off of you. Soon you two find yourselves physically struggling with one another as you try to break free while she holds onto you as best as she can.
“I gotta go Nullity! I gotta go now! Lemme go!”
“NO! I’m not losing you ever again! You’re my precious baby sister, and I need you Lil Sis. Please don’t leave. I need you. I love you!”
“I love you too Nullity, but I have to go. NOW!”
Suddenly, you find a slip in Nullity’s grasp on you. You wiggle a little, and once you have enough room, you bounce out of her grasp and off of her. She stumbles backwards confused, but just as quickly rebalances herself. You immediately dash for the back door and fidget with the door knob. Once you hear that distinct audible click, you pull the door wide open and dash onto the porch, slamming against the screen door that blocks your way to freedom. You just as quickly unlock it.
“NO! NO! NO! Come back Lil Sis! NOOOOOO!!!”
You turn your head slightly to see out of the corner of your eye Nullity sprinting after you. You immediately slam against the screen door and open it wide open. In just a matter of seconds, you sprint and run as fast as you can forward without looking back.
Somewhere behind you, you can hear Nullity screaming and yelling for you, but you don’t stop to look. You continue to run and run and run as fast as you can forward. You had to get away from her. As much as you loved her, you had to break free from her. She knows you love her and care about her. You may have hurt her earlier and just now, but at least…at least you made your peace as best you could. As much as you’d love to be there for Nullity, you also want to be there for that girl. She especially needed you the most.
After five minutes or so running, you begin coughing as your lungs start to ache as though they were on fire. Your running begins to slow, and after another two or three minutes, you finally stop to catch your breath. You’re coughing uncontrollably, taking in deep breaths from the sprint you just endured. You look back to see if Nullity was following you, but you don’t see her in sight, nor do you see the house the two of you shared. You must have run pretty far for a pony. Course, you never could run as fast as a human, but maybe pony bodies are just built for running faster. You didn’t know for sure, especially since you’re in a virtual world, but it sure as heck feels good to be free. Granted, your heart actually still yearns for Nullity, and it does hurt to realize that you just abandoned her. Nullity’s probably freaking out and worried sick about you after what you just did, but…you…you have to remember; as much as you and her love one another, Nullity’s not real. She’s just a figment of your imagination. You’ll always remember her, but…you…you have to find your true sister. She may be the only one who’s actually real in this virtual world.
You sit there for a few minutes trying to rest and recover from your sprint, and when you don’t hear or see Nullity coming after you, you begin walking forward once more. Looking around, you see that you are still in an open stretch of land. Actually, that isn’t entirely true. Although most of the surrounding environment are green plains, you still see hills to your left and right. And sure enough, you also see them; the trees and bushes in the distance. You are getting close to the forest.
Hesitant, but excited over the prospect of seeing the girl again, you continue walking along the grass. Strangely, warmth coursed throughout your body as the warmth from the sunshine above spread across the landscape. You can’t help but look back up at the sky. Although the sun is still shining brilliantly, you also see the clouds slowly moving across the sky underneath the sun’s beacon of heat. The shadows of the clouds, you soon notice, blanket themselves across the grassy landscape. They look so bubbly and poofy and soft that a part of you actually feels a little at home. Course, you’re not sure where your real home is, but something about this landscape strangely feels like home.
A soft, cool breeze blows with you in the direction that you’re walking. It feels nice feeling it blow against the back of your neck, blowing your mane out in front of you. Sure, your mane is periodically getting in the way of your eyesight, but you don’t care. A part of you feels free. In a way, you feel welcome here. You feel more alive here. This landscape, this is the home you grew up in with your true sister, isn’t it?
Walking with the breeze, you soon find yourself entering into the forest you saw in the distance a few minutes ago. The same forest that has always shown itself in your replay of this memory. Not too many trees like you were in a thick rainforest, but enough to the point where you can at least partially cover yourself under the trees’ canopy from the sun’s glowing rays. The bushes too are similarly becoming more and more plentiful the more you traverse into the forest. Although no actual pathway exists in this forest, you simply use the breeze as your guide.
As minutes pass, you soon notice sounds of water splashing and running. It’s the river; the river that runs to the lake. The breeze is flowing with you towards the river, and without hesitation, you walk for about another five minutes before finally stumbling onto it. It sits on your right; small and slim, but graceful and peaceful. Curious, you step right up to the edge of it and look down. Like in your memory, the water here is so abundantly clear. You can see all the little details in the water, from the plethora of sediment and tiny rocks, to small plants laying in the water, you can clear as day see the river move with the breeze.
Still, you also faintly notice your reflection hovering over the surface of the water. You can faintly see yourself. You look like you for the most part, but something about the reflection seems peculiar. You’re not sure why exactly. You still see you as Radiance, as a pony, but you look slightly different. Same eyes, same coat of fur, same mane, but there’s something pointing slightly above your head. You can’t quite make it out, though you do find yourself fascinated with it. Reflections aren’t supposed to appear differently from your own actual appearance, right?
“Hi Big Sis.”
You jump what feels like five feet in the air. You can feel your heart beating rapidly from having been startled. Immediately, you turn around and see…her.
…
She smiles at you while sitting next to you. You look back at her in a daze, with neither of you saying anything to each other for several long moments. You look her over while she simply casts you a warm smile. Her beautiful blue eyes look straight through yours as if to cast a warmth of reassurance through you. Her similarly light blue fur covers most of her body, appearing almost freshly and beautifully groomed. Her white-blueish mane is styled the same as you saw it last time; neatly organized at the top of her head, dipping ever-so slightly above her muzzle, while the rest of it past her ears flows freely. Her mane is just about as long as yours, and like you, she too has a big fluffy tail, only it’s white-blueish in color like her mane. And from her side, you can see those sapphire blue quills sticking out of her mane from behind her neck. Her spindles…
“You…I…but…are you…are you really here? Are you…Are you real?”
She actually giggles a little at your response, but still continues to sit there next to you.
“Of course I’m real Big Sis. I always have been. Why would you think I’m not?”
“Uh…”
You can’t find yourself to bring forth words of your own. You knew you would encounter her the moment you began heading for the lake, but you’re still surprised to actually be here with her, talking to her right this moment.
“It’s okay Big Sis. I know you’re confused, and I know of everything you have endured. It’s okay.”
She hugs you tightly for what feels like forever in the tightest hug you can imagine. You in turn hug her back, still dumbstruck that you’re actually hugging the girl from your lake memory for real.
“You…You know everything?”
She separates from you and looks straight into your eyes, casting you a warm, reassuring smile.
“I do. I know of all of the trials and tribulations you have been through as Anon on Earth, as well as what you have been through here as Radiance in this virtual world. I know it all.”
You stammer a little, surprised by what she has just said. She knows everything. She even knows this is just a virtual world. No other pony in this world has ever said such a thing. Is she…Is she actually real?
“Are…yuh-you real? You’re…You’re not a fictional character generated from somewhere in my mind, are you?”
She shakes her head and embraces you in another warm, tight hug.
“I’m real Big Sis, I’m real. I always have been. Ever since you fell in the lake, I have watched you progress throughout your life on Earth and through your life here. I know that bad man you call Dr. Money. I know you’re in a Virtual Dream Machine. I know everything. I promise you this though Big Sis, I’m real. I’m really real, and I’m really here with you right now.”
She releases you and looks at you happily with tears in her eyes.
“I know you don’t remember why you jumped into the lake, and why you keep having this memory over and over. It’s the last thing you can remember from our lives together. But, I know you’re starting to gain back your memories Big Sis. And before long, you’ll finally be back home again.”
If you weren’t stunned before, you most certainly are now. She…She knows about Dr. Money and all of his crazy junk. She…She has to be real. Of course, she could just be a mental projection of that girl right now, relaying what you already think of this virtual world and how you view it all as fake. She could still be a fictional character your mind is creating, but somewhere deep inside of you, she seems like she really is real.
“I…I…I can’t remember. What is the whole point of this lake memory? Why did I jump inside of it? Why did you and I go to it together? What even is the purpose behind this lake? And most importantly, what do you mean I’m gonna be back home again? I don’t understand. Why is all of this happening?”
She gently kisses you on your cheek, nuzzling against your side.
“I know you have so many questions Big Sis, and I am so sorry for everything you have been through. The whole point of all of this happening was so you could become stronger; to be a stronger being all around. You wanted to face these trials and tribulations on Earth. Even though we both didn’t expect you to stumble into a virtual world such as this, it has caused you to face the biggest challenge you sought to achieve. And you did it Big Sis. You really did it.”
“Whu-What is that big challenge? I…I don’t understand.”
She softly sighs against you, gently squeezing you for warmth.
“You stayed true to your heart. In a dark world that has caused you to forget nearly everything, in a world that is unforgiving and has pushed you to your very limits, in a world that nearly transformed you into the polar opposite of who you are, you never truly lost yourself. You didn’t succumb to your inner darkness. You’re not evil. You have a loving heart, and even if you can’t remember everything from our lives together, you’re still you Big Sis. You’ve managed to survive hatred and darkness like no other, and with it, you are still able to shine with light and love. You’ve proven that no amount of evil can break you. You really have gotten stronger Big Sis, and I’m so proud of you.”
Suddenly, she begins to hum a tune; the same tune Nullity has hummed to you; the same tune you heard from her back outside Dr. Wilhelm’s office. You can’t help but hug onto her tightly for comfort. You still don’t understand what the heck is going on, but a part of you feels like you’re really home with her. You’re actually talking to her, and you…you can finally get closure on all of this.
“Luh-Lil Suh-Sis?
“Hm?”
She continues humming while waiting for your question.
“Please, I have to know. Why did we go to the lake? Why did I jump into it ‘to get stronger’ and face all of these trials and tribulations? Why did I do all of this? And…And…where did you get that hum? It’s been haunting me every time I hear it, and even though it makes me feel good, I don’t understand where it really came from. And…And…where are we from? Who are we? What was with that whole setting in front of that old fireplace? What happened to you? Why and how have you been looking after me? I have so many questions to ask you. Please, I need to know all of these answers. I’ve been searching for them all my life, but never really got any answers. Please, I want to remember. I want to remember.”
You sniffle a little while hugging onto her. She continues to simply hum.
“And please, please don’t disappear. I need you more than anything right now. You said you’ve been looking after me, ruh-right? Please, I need you here. I need answers. I…I need to be with you. Please.”
She stops humming, reaching out a hoof to pat you gently on your back.
“Big Sis, you’ve done so much. You’ve passed the trials and tribulations you set out for yourself in your life on Earth, and with it, you can finally come back. You can come back home Big Sis.”
“I…wuh-what?”
Go…back home? You going back home to your old life with her? How the heck is that even possible?
“You’ve been gone for so long. I know it may be hard for you to understand, but when you jumped into that lake so long ago, you never died. That lake…it’s no ordinary lake. It’s a portal; a gateway between worlds. Your old body still exists. You’re still alive. Just unconscious. And I have been by your side every day taking care of you, watching over you, transferring energy signals to you with my spindles. Sometimes you get them, sometimes you don’t. But when you sense them, you’re sensing me. You’ve been gone for so long, and now, it’s time to come back and wake up.”
“Huh-How?”
“You may not like this, but we have to go back. We have to go back to the lake so that you can wake back up.”
You stammer and let go of her, looking at her as she looks at you. Her smile is small, but for once she actually looked a little serious. You can’t help but feel unnerved over where this is going.
“I know you might be scared Big Sis, but it’s the only way. The world we’re both in right now is a virtual memory in itself. None of this is real, except you and me. Once you go to the lake, you’ll wake back up on Earth. From there, I will guide you. There is still one more thing there you have to face, but once it is dealt with, you will truly be free to return back home. I’ll help you as much as I can, and do everything I can. For now though, we need to go to the lake. You need to wake back up on Earth. It’s time.”
You can’t even conjure up a response. This memory really is going to replay itself out. You’re gonna go to the lake, fall in, and then wake back up in Dr. Money’s hell. Is he the thing you’re gonna have to deal with? Even if he’s defeated, how would you be able to go back to a previous life that you thought was over?
“Come, come Big Sis. We must go before the day ends. I’m going to bring you home, I promise, but we must do this. I’ll answer the questions you want me to, but you must come with me. It’s going to be okay.”
She stands up on all four hooves and turns slightly away from you. She then begins to walk with the direction the water and the breeze were flowing. Afraid of losing her once again, you spring off your butt and rush to her side, slowly walking with her. She is to your left, and you are walking alongside the river to your right. You both walk for a while without exchanging words with one another. Finally, you break the silence.
“I…uh…Lil Sis…can you…can you tell me the answers to the questions I asked you earlier? I…please, I need to know. Before we reach the lake, I need to know. Please.”
She doesn’t say anything for a few moments, seemingly contemplating on what to say.
“You know Big Sis, the very first time we walked down this path, we reminisced over everything we did together. We’d talk and talk, remembering and reminiscing. They were memories you knew you’d forget once you entered your new life on Earth, but you wanted to share them with me one more time before you left.”
“Please tell me Lil Sis, please. What did we reminisce about? What did we talk about exactly?”
She gently sighs once more, flashing you a soft smile while you two continue to walk.
“One of the things you loved doing was to snuggle with me out in front of our special fireplace. To just snuggle and be next to one another for love, for warmth, for reassurance, or just for fun. You were and are the snuggliest and sweetest being I’ve ever known. I always looked up to you, and I still do. You taught me love, showed me kindness, and always went out of your way to help me whenever I needed you. Not only me, but you’ve done that with countless others too. That hum you keep hearing? That was the tune you taught me. You’d hum it to me every day, and it’d make us both smile. Once I learned it myself, I’d hum it to you whenever you felt down or sad. I know you can’t remember it now, but that’s what we’d do together. Enjoying nature, enjoying peace, enjoying love, enjoying life, and enjoying helping others.”
She inhales and exhales a long, drawn-out deep breath. You notice some tears streaming down from her eyes. You too start to tear up.
“Everything about this virtual world in some way mirrors shards of your old life. What your mind conjured up here with Nullity, going out and helping others, being there for others, enjoying nature, and simply bonding and snuggling all somewhat reflect what you and I did together back home. Forgotten memories can be hard to recall, and even harder to accept. But, you never really lost them. They’re all still within you, and they will all come back to you in time. I can’t state it enough Big Sis; you’re a beautiful soul with a beautiful heart. You’ve been more like your true self here in this virtual world than you have on Earth. So much of this virtual world reminds you of home, and because of that, your memories are already starting to come back to you. You’re going to be free soon, and before you know it, you’ll be back home, and I promise to snuggle you for all of eternity.”
You stop for a moment and brush your tears off your face with your forehoof. She stops and does the same, with both of you tearfully smiling at each other.
“And, for any doubt you might be having Big Sis, I promise I’m not a figment of your imagination, or a virtual character in a story. I’m real, and while this virtual world is not, you and I both are. Both on Earth and here, I’ve watched over you to protect you from the truest of evils. And I promise you, I will guide you and bring you back home. I’ll always be by your side, even when you do not sense me. I’ll always be here with you. I love you Big Sis.”
Both of you quickly grab onto one another and snuggle onto each other as tightly as possible. You hug and hug and hug for what feels like forever, each of you happily and silently crying with one another.
She’s real. She’s really real. She knows the truth behind everything, and knows things that you do not. Sure, you might have fragments of past memories with her, but she knows more about them than you do. She can’t be a virtual fictitious character. She’s your long-lost sister, and here you are finally with her, hugging her. And it feels so very good. She feels so warm and soft and comfy, almost like Nullity, but even better. Your true sister, right here with you. It feels so right.
“I love you Lil Sis.”
“I love you too Big Sis. We need to keep going though. We are running out of time. We must get to the lake. We must.”
She releases you, kissing you on your cheek once more. From behind her, you can see the sun beginning to set behind the hills. The shades of the sky were changing into a beautiful luminescent orange glow over the hills. The clouds too appear to shift from bubbly white to that of a magenta-like violet hue. The sky is looking more and more alive than ever before.
She then turns and begins walking forward once more, with you following closely next to her. From the peripherals of your vision, you notice the water in the river getting deeper and darker and foggier. You two are getting closer to the lake.
“Lil Sis, I…I know we’re getting close to the lake, and…I…well…can you answer some of my other questions?”
“Sure, I can Big Sis.”
You pause and try to think of what to ask her exactly, knowing full well that your time is almost over.
“You said that I’m gonna gain my memories back in time, right? How long will that take? And, how are you gonna guide me back home? I mean, I know I’m gonna wake back up on Earth soon, but once I do, how the heck am I gonna be able to leave that world and come back home?”
“You are already starting to recall additional memories Big Sis. The process is already taking place. Once you faced your inner darkness and expunged it, you freed yourself from the grip others on Earth had on you. The shadows, the darkness, the fogginess, that all is already fading. And within it, your true self will shine and become more and more apparent. You’ve awoken Big Sis. You’re gonna become your true self back on Earth, and when you finally do and gain back all of your memories, you can come back home with me. And until you reach that point, I’ll be looking out over you, protecting you from the evils of that world.”
Becoming your true self, awakening, remembering…who…who are you? Who is she? What are you both?
“Buh-But…Lil Sis, who are we? You and me, we…we were both humans when we went to the lake the first time. Neither of us were ponies, yet here we are now as them. What are we? What are you?”
She giggles and stops for a brief moment, gently moving a forehoof up to boop you on your muzzle.
“I’m your little sister Silly Big Sis, and you’re my big sister. We’re neither human, nor pony. I know your memory of the lake was distorted when you entered into a new life on Earth, but remembering us as human was the result of you being a human on Earth. Likewise, us being here, we both appear like we’re ponies. And, technically, we are ponies, but not regular ponies. You will remember more, but you see the spindles on the back of my neck?”
You silently nod, dashing your gaze briefly to the blue quills that stuck out of her neck.
“We’re a hybridized species of unicorn. We’re Kuberends, or as you used to call them, Kubies. I always giggled whenever you said that word, but that’s what we are. We don’t live in an Equestria like you experienced here in this world, but it’s a world seemingly reminiscent of it. Even though we both appear as ponies here, how you’re seeing me now is how I really look. And you look so similar to how you used to look Big Sis.”
Just as you are about to think and respond to that, you notice that you both have exited the forest. Just a few feet in front of you, the lake stood out before you, connecting from the river that leads up to it. The hills that are on your right and left join and circle around the lake. The sun too is now slipping completely behind the hills, the sky itself becoming dark. It’s night, just like in the memory. The breeze has stopped, and the overall atmosphere is beginning to feel cooler and cooler. You pause for a moment, looking at the lake that has haunted you for most of your life. However, you notice your little sister has stopped just a foot or two away from the lake, looking intently at it. Hesitantly and cautiously, you walk right up next to her.
“Big Sis, look down at the lake. What do you see?”
You look over at the murky dark water. You can’t see the bottom of the lake, but one thing that does surprise you is the reflection that stares back out at you. Unlike in your past experiences with this memory, you don’t see a silhouette. Instead, you actually see a full-color reflection of yourself. You look similar to how you do now, only…you actually see a horn on you. Turning your head to get a better look, you also see white quills sticking out from your neck. Spindles…just like hers, only white. A…Kuberend. A…Kuby.
“You see that reflection Big Sis? That’s what you truly look like. So similar to how you look now, but that’s who you truly are. When we first came here, that reflection appeared as a silhouette. It was at that time that I had begun using magic to wipe away your memories. I felt so horrible, and I was so sad to see you losing yourself as you entered into a new life on Earth. But, you wanted to do this. You wanted to become stronger so that you could face any threat, any danger without ever truly losing yourself. You became a silhouette, a shadow of your former self. But you’re not a silhouette anymore. You’ve broken free from that darkness, and now, you’re gonna become more and more like the true you.”
You stand back up and look to her, noticing that she’s crying, but still holding together a loving smile. She gently places a hoof on your upper back.
“I promise you Big Sis, I’ll bring you back. You’re free, and so very soon, I’ll release you from Earth and bring you back home with me. I’ll guide you. You’re almost there.”
A part of you starts to internally panic, realizing that you’re gonna separate from her shortly.
“WAIT! Lil Sis!”
“What Big Sis?”
“What’s…What’s your real name? Please, I need to know.”
She actually giggles a little through her tears, and instead hugs onto you extremely tightly.
“I’m Farra Big Sis. I’m Farra, you’re little sister. And I love you so very much, always and forever.”
You hug back onto her tightly and clingily, savoring every single second with her. Farra…that’s her name…her true name. Farra…she’s…she’s the girl. She’s…She’s your true sister.
“And, wuh-what’s my real name Farra? Am I…Am I Radiance?”
“You are who you’ve always been Silly Big Sis. You have a radiant heart, a radiant soul, filled with an overabundance of glowing, radiant love. That’s your gift Big Sis; you love and help others. You radiate with an endless supply of love. And the more you awaken, the more you’ll soon realize that. And the sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll find the way back home. You just need to use that ability of yours one more time on the people who need it most on Earth.”
You feel her squeezing on you even tighter, attempting to lean with you a little more forward.
“In a way, Radiance is a good name for you. Radiating love, that’s who you truly are. Radiance, I like that as a nickname, but it’s not your true name Big Sis.”
“Whu-What is it then Farra?”
She pauses for a moment and kisses you one last time on your cheek.
“Marra.”
Without warning, you suddenly feel yourself being pushed forward. You immediately fall straight into the water, flailing your hooves and splashing water all around you. You are sinking, sinking back into the abyss.
No! Lil Sis! Farra! Nooooooooo! You don’t want to leave her! You want to be with her! You want to...go…home…
Home…
Nothingness…nothingness…nothingness…nothingness…nothingness…nothingness…
Nothingness…nothingness…nothingness…
…
Somethingness…somethingness…somethingness…
Somethingness…somethingness…somethingness…somethingness…somethingness…somethingness…
Somethingness…
You!
BZZZZRRRRRRRTTTTTT!
A loud machine-like screech blasts through your ears, echoing throughout your head. You immediately open your eyes, only to be greeted by a seemingly infinite pink haze. You can’t make anything out as even the haze appears blurry, but you involuntarily start to cough. Motors and other machine-like sounds ring through your head, seemingly drowning you in unending noise. You try to run away from wherever the heck you are, but you find that you can’t move anywhere. You’re bound into place by…something.
“HELLO! ANYONE OUT THERE? GIMME OUTTA HERE!”
You pause for a moment, realizing your voice sounds nothing like what you’re used to. It’s far deeper and more serious in tone than what you remember your true voice sounding like. Still, it’s only enough to make you ponder briefly. Your bigger concern is figuring out why you’re bounded in a pink gassy void, as well as finding a way out of here.
You fidget and squirm as the machine-like sounds continue to screech all around you. As seconds fall into minutes, you squint and look around yourself, noticing ever so slightly that the pink haze is starting to lighten. Scanning your surroundings carefully, you try to peer through the pink veil. All you can really see is what looks to be a glass lid of some kind resting in front of you, apparently stained by the pink mist itself. You try to reach out to touch it, but you find that you can’t move your hoof. You try looking down at yourself to see where your hooves are, only to find that…that…
…
You gulp, sweat already beginning to precipitate across your forehead. Your forehooves were covered by red-like metallic grips, as were your rear hooves. Much as you try wiggling them, you cannot do so. You also notice your head is held in place by what feels like a helmet strapped on top of it.
“HEY! CAN SOMEONE GET ME OUTTA HERE?!?”
Panic is nestling into you over the notion that you’re being held against your will in a kind of contraption, and yet the deepness of your voice also signaled to you that many things were wrong. It takes another minute or so of wiggling and trying to break free of whatever it is you’re in before the pink-stained glass door in front of you makes a clinking noise. Then, without hesitation, it props itself open and raises up into the air. You’re immediately blinded by bright white light.
Closing your eyes briefly to shield them from the sudden brightness, you slowly begin to reopen them. Things are still somewhat blurry, though as your vision begins to sharpen, you see the pink mist fading away into nothingness. Clear air flows straight into your nostrils, and while it does feel good to breathe in some fresh air, you immediately realize where you are.
Facing directly across from you is an open doorway that leads out into a hallway. Right above the doorway is an intercom with a black camera sitting at the top, except it’s staring down at the ground. You can’t tell for sure, but it looks like it’s off. The surrounding room you’re in is completely white, with the only other notable thing being the bright lights shining all across the ceiling. Still, regardless of the minor details, those are not what immediately take your breath away; it’s the sight of none other than Dr. Money himself standing to your left, dressed in a black suit with a gray tie, casting you a small smile.
“Hello there.”
He pauses for a few seconds, grinning at you.
“How does it feel to wake back up to reality? Or rather, the real world?”
You blink, your heart beating in nervous irregularity.
“YOU!”
He chuckles for a moment, and then turns towards the open doorway, making an inviting gesture. Breathing slowly, you see a figure walk into the room wearing a smiley face mask. Instead of being dressed in a business suit like the other workers here were, this individual is dressed in what looks to be an orange t-shirt and orange pants with black tennis shoes. He didn’t wear a green body mask like the other workers did. He looks to be a bit more muscular than anyone else you’ve seen before, but he slowly walks into the room and stops at your side on the right.
Suddenly, another machine-like noise catches your attention. Looking down, you see the metallic grips unlocking and rolling across your…your…huh-hands and…fuh-feet, disappearing into the contraption you’re sitting in. You soon feel the helmet releasing itself from your head.
“I…but…I’m…I’m a pony. I’m…I’m not a human. This…This isn’t right. This is all so very wrong!”
Despite the growing fear of being right next to Dr. Money and one of his lackeys, you’re appalled to find yourself in your old human body. The clothes you’re wearing look all dingy and dirty, with pink stains all across them, and partly across your skin as well. Looking to your arms and hands, you immediately see those rectangular explosive contraptions around your wrists. There’s no blinking red lights, though seeing them again is enough to make you gulp. In a shaky tone, you speak out.
“Plu-Please don’t hurt me. I…I don’t wanna die. I want to live! Please! Please don’t kill me!”
You try moving your arms now that they’re free, but you notice that you actually cannot. They’re incredibly stiff and nearly impossible to move. You can’t even flex your fingers, let alone move your legs. Oh God; what did Dr. Money do to you?
“Now then, there’s no need to panic. None of us here have any intention on killing you or harming you in any way. It’s going to be alright.”
You turn to face Dr. Money and lock eyes with him. You silently plead through your expression, and in return, he strangely casts you a sympathetic look.
“You have been through quite a lot, have you not? You’re the very first person to have woken up from my Virtual Dream Machine. I know this may all be quite jarring and confusing, but rest assured, you are no longer in cyberspace. You’re here in the real world with us back in your original body.”
You stare at him silently while he glances to the man at the right and makes a small nod. The man in turn kneels down and grabs for the contraptions to your wrists. Carefully, he unhooks the one on your right wrist, and then the one on your left. He eventually slides both of them off of your wrists, but while doing so, Dr. Money continues to talk with you.
“During your entire time in your virtual world, no one, including myself, has ever opened up the pod you’re in. We have done nothing to your physical body aside from keeping it alive with the nutrients the pod provided you through the gas. That having been said, you are incredibly weak, and have likely lost most of your muscle mass. Being in the condition you have been in for so long, it’s understandable that your body would have grown weak. You cannot move most of your body simply because you hardly have any muscle. Not to worry though, I have just the trick to fix that.”
You blink, looking at Dr. Money, and then to the figure on the right. The man in question places the explosive wrist contraptions off to the side. He then pulls out from one of the pockets in his pants an empty syringe, along with a small glass vial containing a clear liquid. He carefully sticks the syringe into the vial, pushing the plunger all the way down, and then slowly pulls it back up, sucking up the clear fluid.
“Whu-What is that? What are you doing?!?”
The man to your right pauses and appears as though he is sternly looking at you eye to eye through his smiley face mask. He begins to speak in a rather deep, gruff voice.
“Stay still. Don’t move at all. This should take just a few moments, but this will help improve your motor coordination and help to improve your strength moderately. Once you can move, do not suddenly thrash around. You will need to take it easy for the next several hours.”
He then places his hand halfway down your right arm, feeling for what you guess is a vein, and just as suddenly sticks the needle into your skin. You yelp a little from the prickly pain just as he pushes the plunger down on the syringe, dispensing the fluid into your blood stream. He quickly takes it out with a finger on the shot location, using his other hand to put the syringe down on his side out of your view. From there, he grabs for a cotton swab in one of his pockets and presses it down on where he gave you the shot, leaving his hand right on top to apply pressure.
“What the heck did you just inject me with?”
You can feel a warm numbing sensation all throughout your right arm. Within a matter of seconds, the sensation soon spreads to other parts of your body, numbing most of it. All you feel is warmth, and what seems like a little bit of shifting going on in various parts of your body. However, you notice out of the corner of your eye Dr. Money smiling brightly, apparently pleased by what this guy just did to you.
“My good friend here just gave you a new form of experimental medicine. My colleagues and I are still going over how exactly this medicine works, but it appears to have miraculous applications. Isn’t nanotechnology just the most fascinating thing you have ever come across?”
You blink and take a moment to process that, realizing your body is now swarming with tons of little machines that are quickly making changes all over. There’s a part of you that wants to scream in fear, and yet another part of you strangely feels calm. It’s like you want to panic and sprint and run away, but you also just want to observe what it is these…nanobots can do to you.
The figure to your right reaches for a brown bandage in another of his pockets, and firmly wraps it around your arm right where he injected you with the needle, leaving the cotton swab underneath the bandage. Instinctually, you try to quickly pull your right arm in front of you. You’re a little slow at doing it, but you soon find that you can bend it, move it around in circles, and even flex your fingers. You then slowly do so with your left arm, observing them both in front of you.
“My, my, I have to say, I’m quite impressed. It appears you can move just fine. Tell me, how do you feel?”
You glance at Dr. Money, hesitant to respond to him.
“I feel…kinda stiff, but it’s becoming easier and easier to move my arms and hands and fingers around. I feel all warm and prickly with numbing sensations, but I think I can move around. Still, it feels so very weird and wrong to be a human again. This isn’t right. I’m supposed to be a pony. I am a pony. And I’m not even a guy; I’m a girl!”
Dr. Money whistles, apparently very impressed over how successful this little injection was. The man to your right stands back up, carrying those wristband devices and other little medical trinkets out of the room. He is only gone for a moment or so, soon returning with a black wheelchair. He parks it right in front of you.
“Well, it certainly appears my Virtual Dream Machine did have some success with changing you. You’re a completely different individual now than you were before I brought you here. Funny how that experience can fundamentally change you to your core. It’s all about altering perceptions, isn’t it?”
He chuckles, making another gesture for the other employee to do something. This figure soon reaches over you and tries to grab you, pulling you up out of your contraption and onto the wheelchair. He grunts a little while doing so, yet for some reason, you don’t resist him or fight him. You let him place you in the wheelchair. He then turns you so that you are facing Dr. Money.
“I have to ask you Anon, or…it’s Radiance, right?”
You pause for a moment, reflecting on your last moments with that blue creature…with Farra. Last thing she told you before you woke up was your true name. You’re Marra. It feels weird thinking of that name, yet it also feels right for some reason.
“Actually, I’m Marra. That’s my true name, and that’s who I am.”
“Alright then, Marra, tell me; are you happier now than when you first came here?”
“I…I uhm…”
You’re not sure how to respond to him. On one hand, you certainly never ever wanna try to hurt or kill yourself. You want to live. Not only that, but it feels like a hole that’s been missing your whole life has suddenly been filled. Sure, Nullity and all the others back in that virtual world weren’t real, but Farra…you just can’t but help get the sneaking suspicion that she’s still with you, that she is real, and that she’ll help guide you, whatever that means. You felt comfort from her, and her love.
On the other hand, you still hated being here, and you were still very much afraid of what Dr. Money could do to you. If being injected with that nanotechnology-laced medicine was any indication of what he and this other guy intend to do, you knew things could potentially get a whole lot worse. Dr. Money is dangerous, and he can still inflict quite a lot of harm. Recalling that saying the wrong thing could send him into a sadistic rage, you’re hesitant about revealing how you truly feel.
“I…I don’t know. I feel better, but…I’m not exactly completely happy. You still have me trapped here against my will, and I’m in the wrong body. I just…I just want to go home, to be in the right body, and to…to be with…her.”
He casts you a sympathetic look, bending down so that he’s facing you eye to eye.
“I promise you, you will be happy. It is the whole purpose behind all of this. You will get to be who you are Marra, and you will be able to go home with your sister. Mark my words, your dreams will come true. As I have said multiple times now, I do not wish to hurt you. You are safe, and I will personally ensure that you are able to achieve true happiness with your new identity. You have my word.”
You look at him a little strangely, realizing this is probably the most sympathetic and empathetic this psychopath has ever been with you. It’s weird watching a monster promising good when he creates so much bad along the journey. You still remember all of the horrible things he’s done to you, and you’ve seen him when he gets nasty. And yet, you strangely feel comfortable talking to him face to face, even though you’d normally be panicking every time you saw his creepy smile.
“Can I ask you something Dr. Money?”
“Of course, Marra.”
“Why am I not freaking out over all of this? If I can suddenly move, why am I not trying to fight you or this other guy and run away? Cuz, I wanna get the heck out of here, but I’m feeling more and more calm and peaceful. Like, it feels like the fear is draining away from me. I dunno why that is.”
He laughs a little while placing a hand on your shoulder, gently patting you.
“I have to say, that medicine is working better than I expected. That injection was only meant to help you move again and gain back a little bit of strength, but just for kicks, I had my friend here try an extra experimental tactic. Seems nanomachines really can affect your mind, huh?”
That last sentence stops your breath. Now you can feel the panic wanting to come back, but it’s nowhere near as strong as it used to be.
“Whu-WHAT?!?”
“Stay still.”
The guy behind you speaks. He moves to your side, and stares down at you and Dr. Money.
“You still are not back to your full strength, and sudden thrashing and hysteria could end with you getting hurt. The shot I injected you with was designed to improve your physical strength. However, I was requested to make a small tweak to the medicine so that it would also calm you down and keep you calm in the process. Dr. Money spoke of you being highly resistant at times, and in order to prevent potential injuries, we both decided this would be the best for you. The effects will wear off in time though. The nanomachines do nothing else, so relax.”
You let out a deep sigh of relief. It’s just medicine to make you a little stronger. That’s all it is. There’s nothing else in you. You’re okay.
“I also,” says Dr. Money, “wanted to ensure that you wouldn’t lose your mind in this transition process. I realize living a previous life and going back to a body you’re not at all accustomed to could produce a wide array of unpleasant psychological reactions. It is quite jarring, but it seems our little medicine is keeping you nice and calm. Fortunately, this is all temporary. You will only have to live in your old body like this for a short while. You’ll still be able to have your true body and live the rest of your life with your sister, but there is still a little more…experimentation that needs to take place. And at the very least, this little injection provides me some insight on how my friend’s nanomachines affect the mind and body. Just a little more time, and then you will have true happiness.”
Dr. Money stands back up and tries to shake the other guy’s hand. He’s reluctant to do so, but he does so briefly, quickly letting go of Dr. Money’s hand. Dr. Money simply chuckles, looking at him straight through his mask.
“Go and take care of Marra now. We have a little more work to do before we can begin the next round of experiments. And make sure Marra is as comfortable as can be. If anything happens to Marra, or becomes unhappy with you, well…we wouldn’t want that now, would we?”
The man silently stares at Dr. Money. You can see him balling one of his hands into a fist at his side. Without a word, he immediately grabs your wheelchair from behind and begins to roll you out of the room.
“Also, go and put Marra with her. I’m sure they’d make very good friends. Maybe Marra can help her…get better.”
Dr. Money laughs sardonically from behind as this man slowly wheels you out of the room. You can hear the man behind you mumbling underneath his mask, but you decide to not say anything. Instead, your eyes gaze around your new surroundings.
You find that you are being led through a white hallway with older ceiling lights hanging sporadically throughout the hallway. The walls are a bland white while the floor is coated in gray tile. There isn’t much décor or anything else all that noteworthy in the hallway, aside from doors occasionally appearing along the walls. Still, you also notice small circular black cameras resting atop each doorway. They look newer and more modern, and unlike the one that was in the room you woke up in, they don’t seem to move at all except blink green lights.
There’s a small part of you that wants to ask this man questions, like who he is exactly, where he’s taking you, and what he’s intending to do to you. Stranger still, you can’t help but feel a little sympathetic towards this guy, but you were somewhat unsure of him. Probably best to not question him or bother him. If he’s the one that made that nanotechnology medicine, then you knew he wasn’t someone to mess with.
Still, your mind involuntarily flashes back to that long conversation with Dr. Money back when you were in that white void. He told you of his plans, and what he ultimately intended on doing to you. It still didn’t completely make sense to you, but you at least remember him mentioning someone he used to work with when he was younger. A man specializing in nanotechnology that Dr. Money, for one reason or another, was infatuated with. The man who injected himself with nanotechnology to make himself stronger, the man who brought down Dr. Money’s work all those years ago, the man who, according to Dr. Money, could transform people through his nanotechnology. What did Dr. Money say that was again? Ponies? He could supposedly turn them into ponies and make them be happy. Dr. Money wanted to reverse-engineer that technology, right? Something about expanding its capabilities to fulfill his crazy plan of making everyone happy? Something like that. So chances are, this guy is gonna try something like that on you. You’re their guinea pig. But, if it means being able to be in the right body again and be who you are, how could you complain? Still, what happens after that? Dr. Money said that you’d be back with Farra, and yet, what will ultimately happen to you?
It isn’t long until this man pauses in front of a door. It’s white like the walls, but it only has a keylock by where a doorknob should be. You hear him reaching for a key in one of his pockets, and slowly but surely, he places the key into the lock. He turns it, producing an audible clicking sound. You hear someone whimpering on the other side. He quickly pushes open the door and wheels you in.
What you see honestly surprises you. Right in front of you on your right is a rather lavish queen-sized bed with a lot of covers and pillows. An empty brown nightstand sits next to it with a desk lamp stationed on top of it. In front of the bed is what looks like a prisoner’s toilet, along with a sink and mirror. This side of the room is carpeted in dark brown, but looking to the left…well, that is what really draws your attention.
The left side of the room has no carpet or tile; there is only stone concrete. A small window close to the ceiling with bars shines moonlight, indicating that it was either evening or nighttime. And yet, what sat in the center of the room, much to your surprise, is a pony. This pony looks to be a mare. She’s white in color with a jade-colored mane and tail, though you can also notice lighter highlights of the color on the edges of her mane and tail. A small blue cloud sits on both sides of her body near her rear. She’s lying on her tummy burying her face in her forehooves, whimpering.
“It’s okay Zephyr. It’s me. I’m here.”
She immediately looks up with tears in her…sky blue eyes.
“Master!”
You watch from your wheelchair as he immediately rushes up to her. He quickly bends down over her and hugs onto her tightly for several long seconds.
“What’s going on Master? Why am I still chained up like this? Where’s Autumn? I wanna go home!”
She’s whimpering and beginning to whine, much like when you used to when you thought you were going crazy in your virtual world. You also notice what looks like a steel chain nailed to the floor, attaching itself in the form of a steel collar around her neck.
“Shh…it’s okay Zephyr. I promise you’re safe, and so is Autumn. It’s only going to be a little while longer like this, and we’ll all be able to go back home.”
The man stands up from her and slowly turns to walk towards your direction. The pony, or rather, Zephyr starts to flail and desperately reach for this guy, but is only able to go so far before being yanked by the chain. She can’t reach him, and the realization of that causes her to break down into a crying fit. He pauses and turns back to look at her.
“Zephyr, I’m so sorry this all happened. This is all my fault, not yours. I promise you I will fix this all. We will be able to go home, and soon. I have to stay with Autumn tonight, but know that nothing bad is going to happen. We’ll go home Zephyr. We will. I’ll personally make sure of it.”
She wipes a forehoof across her teary eyes, and then points it at you.
“Who…Who’s he?”
The man pauses for a moment, apparently caught off guard by the question. He turns slightly to give you a quick glance, then faces back to her.
“He is someone that is going to participate in something that I have planned. I am so incredibly sorry to say this Zephyr, but he has to stay with you here tonight. I have to keep him here. It’s only for tonight. He just needs a place to sleep, and I promise he won’t do anything to you.”
This figure then turns and walks right up to you, looking down on you. He then reaches for his smiley face mask and unstraps it, dropping it to the floor. He has brown hair, though it looks a little messy and unkept. He’s also growing a faint beard, but something tells you that’s only because he likely hasn’t had an opportunity to shower. Still, he stares down directly into your eyes with his dark blue eyes. He speaks in a low, dead-pan tone.
“And you won’t do anything to her. You’re only here because I have to keep you here. Let me lay down some ground rules. Your side of the room with the bed is yours. That is where you will sleep tonight. You are not to cross the line that divides the room between yours and hers. If you walk on that concrete floor, if you so much as touch her, let alone harass her, I’ll make sure you regret it. Dr. Money might be in charge for the time being, but I know all there is to know with my nanomachines. And regardless of what Dr. Money says, I’ll see to it that the rest of your life turns into a living hell if you cause any harm to her. You stay on your side of the room and leave her alone. Understood?”
BZZZZRRRRRRRTTTTTT!
Before you can even respond, Zephyr screams a blood-curling howl. The man immediately turns to face her.
“ZEPHYR!!!”
You see her shaking violently as what sounds like a loud buzzing sound roars through the room. He immediately runs over to her, and just as quickly as it started, it stops. He grabs her and holds onto her as she whines and cries.
“Now, what did I tell you Colin? You are to not threaten or harm Marra in any way.”
You quickly turn to the sound of Dr. Money’s voice, noticing a camera with a blinking red light sitting on Zephyr’s side of the room, much like the one that was in your Virtual Dream Machine room, staring at the man. It too had an intercom next to it.
“And, you are to not make Marra unhappy for any reason. After all, Marra deserves to be happy, not unhappy. You and your two little ponies want to be happy too, right? Then don’t go around making others unhappy.”
The man suddenly spins around and punches a hole straight into the wall just underneath the camera and speaker. The surrounding wall cracks and crumbles a little, producing a little bit of dust.
“Tsk, tsk. This is most unfortunate, but you are not behaving how I would like you to Colin. You forget, while you may know all about your nanomachines, you are not the one in control here. I am. And if you go against my wishes, then it is you and all of your loved ones who will pay. I know all about you, the people you’ve worked with, and the souls you love and cherish. And if you further refuse to cooperate, I’ll bring Eli and his pets over here. I know where he and your other friends are too. So, if you want them spared, as well as your two little precious pets, you will do as I say. Do you understand me?”
He looks up at the camera in rage, biting his lower lip. He pulls his hand out of the wall and turns away, going back over to Zephyr to hug her for comfort.
“I need an audible yes Colin. Do you understand me?”
“Yes.”
You can hear Dr. Money chuckling in the background from the intercom.
“Good, I’m glad to hear that. Now apologize to Marra and come back to me. We have a deadline, and we must be ready by tomorrow.”
He holds onto Zephyr just a little while longer, quietly cooing to her. He then releases her as she curls into a ball, sniffling. He walks straight over to you with a tear in his increasingly reddening eyes.
“I’m sorry. Whatever you do though, don’t you dare hurt her. She means everything to me.”
He grabs his happy face mask and puts it over his face. He quickly walks out of the room and closes the door shut. You hear another clicking sound, indicating that the door had just been locked. His footsteps echo from outside until they become fainter and fainter to the point of silence, save for Zephyr’s sniffling.
“I sincerely apologize for Colin’s behavior Marra.”
You look back up at the camera, which was now focusing straight on you.
“I have had to go to extraordinary lengths to make him compliant, as well as to bring him here. He will not hurt you, nor will I. All you have to do tonight is simply relax and rest. Take it easy and do what you like in there. And should Colin try to harm you or threaten you or make you unhappy in any way the next time he comes in, please press the red button next to the door. From there, I’ll rectify the situation by any means necessary.”
You look down and notice a distinct red button on the wall sitting next to the door. There was no writing on it or anything. Just a red button on a silver panel.
“I hope you have a pleasant evening Marra. Rest well. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.”
And with that, the intercom goes silent, and along with it, the camera scrolls down and stops blinking, indicating that it is no longer on.
Your gaze shifts back to this pony who supposedly goes by Zephyr. Much as that guy unnerved you, you actually felt sorry for him, and for this pony. It’s apparent they’re both being kept here against their will, and that they despise Dr. Money just as much as you do, but still…you don’t know who this Zephyr is. It is a little strange seeing a pony right before you in the real world, but considering all of your experiences in the virtual world, it doesn’t disturb you all that much. Whether that’s the effects of the nanomedicine or you growing numb by all of the insanity you’ve experienced with Dr. Money, you didn’t fully know. One thing that you did know is that you were feeling sorry for Zephyr. She looked so scared and helpless, and her crying makes you remember how you were when you first woke up in your virtual world. There’s a growing part of you that wants to go on over to her and hug her tightly, but that guy said to leave her alone and to stay on this side of this room. But silently watching a crying pony and ignoring her felt so wrong. She needs a hug and some love, and you want to help her feel better.
Carefully, you try to pull yourself out of the wheelchair and stand up. Much to your surprise, you don’t struggle all that much. You feel you can move your body around a little more easily. Still, now standing up, it feels weird to be standing on two legs when you were used to being on all fours. You try to walk forward, and…
“ACK!”
…you tumble and fall to the ground, your head slamming to the floor. Fortunately, your side of the room was heavily carpeted, so your fall was cushioned, though you can already begin to feel a headache forming. You try to sit yourself back up, placing a hand against your head where you were feeling the pain. Guess you kinda forgot how to walk on two legs, huh?
“Hey…uh…are you…okay?”
You look forward to see Zephyr staring straight at you with tears still streaming down her face. Concern, fear, sadness, and uncertainty were written all over her expression.
“Yeah. I think…I think I’m okay. Just slipped and fell. You okay yourself?”
“Who are you?”
You pause and think for a moment. Should you tell her the truth, or should you lie to her? Seems like she doesn’t have any idea of what’s going on around here.
“I’m…I’m Marra. I uh…well…I don’t even know where to start. I was actually gonna ask you that same question. Who are you?”
She looks down at her hooves, sniffling for several moments before responding.
“I don’t even know why all of this is happening. One day out of the blue, bad men broke into Master’s house and got him, and me, and Autumn. They gave me something and I passed out. Woke up here chained up like this, and it’s been like that since. And…now…now this chain can shock me too. I…I just wanna go home. Please, whoever you are, don’t hurt me or Master. I don’t know what happened, but he’s a good guy. I need him.”
She looks back up at you in pain, and the sight of her expression only makes you feel even more sorry for her. Apparently, she and this guy, and someone else named Autumn, were kidnapped by Dr. Money just like you were at home. No explanation. Just woke up here restrained, just like you. You didn’t know what Dr. Money was ultimately going to do to her, but just from observation alone, it seems Dr. Money uses her as leverage over that guy to obey him. And if he didn’t, she’d keep getting electrocuted. Monster. Just another reason to add to the list of how much you really despise Dr. Money.
“I’m a prisoner like you. I…I don’t even know who that guy really is, though Dr. Money did tell me some of his background.”
“What’d he tell you?”
Should you say the truth, or lie?
“Dr. Money, he uh…well, all he really said is that he used to be friends with that guy so many years ago. He’s borderline obsessed with that guy’s nanomedicine for some reason, and…I guess I’m gonna be experimented on. I…I really don’t know what’s gonna happen to me.”
Her ears droop, and she whimpers. A good part of you wants to go right up and hug her tightly, but what that guy said to you still keeps ringing in the back of your head.
“This is bad, real bad. Master’s a good person. He only uses his nanomachines to help people get better. Usually, he either injects them with nanobots or gives them a pony plushy laced with nanobots designed to turn them into pet ponies. He tries to give them a new life and a new home with a new family. He wants to make all of us safe and happy and loved. That’s all he does. But, he is strong and protective of all of us. He…”
She pauses for a moment and tears some more, taking a deep breath, looking back at the floor.
“...he’s dealt with bad people in the past. I even remember another guy once trying to kidnap me and take me away from Master. But, no one has ever been able to overcome him. In the end, he’s always able to stop the bad men and protect us all. This is the first time ever someone’s done something like this to him, and to me. I can’t even imagine what Autumn’s going through. Have…Have you seen her?”
You solemnly shake your head no.
“She’s…she’s another pet pony like me. What’s going on right now, she needs a lot more help and love than me, but…I wanna be with Master too, and with her. I’m so scared. I don’t know what’s gonna happen or why this is all happening. I just wanna go home. I…just…wanna…go…home…”
She breaks down and sobs, rocking herself into a ball. The temptation of giving her a hug is compelling you more and more to want to do so. Actually, you know what? Screw it. This pony needs a hug, and you were gonna give her one.
Still unfamiliar with walking on two legs, you decide to slide and crawl across the floor to where Zephyr was. It’s a little awkward doing so, but rather than risk falling again, you figured it would just be the easier route. She immediately notices you coming to her though, and it is at that moment she starts to panic.
“What are you doing?!? M-MASTER!”
“Shhh…it’s okay.”
You wrap your arms around her and hug her, patting her a little gently on her back. You can feel her tenseness, but it starts to lessen a little the longer you hug her. She feels so soft, but also a little cold. You just hug her and close your eyes briefly, silently trying to bring her comfort. She in turn starts to ease a little. You feel her trying to cling onto you tightly with her hooves.
“I’m so cold, so scared. I…I don’t know how much more I can take being apart from Master and Autumn. It’s so hard. I wanna go home.”
You hug onto her tighter and try to coo softly to her, even though it didn’t sound quite right in a deep male’s voice. Whatever. You still knew who you were, and you wanted to share affection. There’s nothing wrong with trying to help another feel better when they needed it.
“I know you do. I want to go home too. I’ve been here for so long and been through so much. I’ve seen so much stuff. I know that whatever Dr. Money is planning, his goal isn’t to kill any of us. He…only does that to those who threaten or try to bring harm to others. I know we will be free. And the fact that I’m awake means he’s closer to being done with whatever it is he’s planning. He wants us to go free, and…I know he will let us.”
In truth, you didn’t. Even though he shared with you a lot of his plans, it was still ambiguous as to what would ultimately happen to you. You didn’t know if you’d just die, fade back into cyberspace losing your mind, or if he was going to do more to you beyond that. You didn’t even know what was going to happen to Zephyr and her family. Chances are, Dr. Money is gonna keep using them as long as possible to achieve his end goals. And yet, you can’t bring yourself to tell Zephyr that truth. She’s in a fragile state, and you didn’t want to alarm her any more than she already was.
“How do you know all of that?”
You blink and scoot a little to give her some room. She looks at you puzzled, and slightly suspicious.
“I uh…well…uhmm….I uh…”
Crud. Okay, maybe you would have to share some of that truth with her. You don’t have to tell her the whole truth, but just don’t lie. Whatever friends you can get in this crazy place may be paramount to surviving and escaping later on down the road.
“Well, you shared with me some of your stuff, so…it’s only fair I share some of mine too.”
You look away from her and randomly stare at one of the walls while you talk.
“Kind of like you and your family, I was suddenly kidnapped by Dr. Money. My memory is somewhat blurry, but he captured and sedated me in the middle of the night and brought me here. He was very infatuated with who I was and my psychology, which never made sense to me. I used to be…really sad and depressed, and for whatever reason, he wanted to specifically make me happy. He wanted to try something on me that’d attempt to make me happy, and he did.”
“What’d he do to you?”
You pause for a moment, feeling a little unnerved reflecting on everything that went down in your virtual world.
“He put me in a contraption that he called a ‘pod.’ Dr. Money turned it on, I was enveloped by pink gas, and…I woke up in a whole new life. I was a pegasus mare living with several other ponies. I didn’t understand what was going on and was so confused. It seemed like I had always been living that life. The love and affection I got from those other ponies stripped me of my depression. For the first time ever, I experienced love and happiness. It felt really good and comforting. I came to the realization that I’d love my new life, and being a mare felt so right. To be honest, I believe it’s who I am. I wanna be one again.”
You can feel Zephyr’s hoof trying to reach you. You slide over a little as she tries to hug onto you tightly. You return the hug and continue talking, feeling a tear trickle down your face.
“I’m a mare, I’m a pony, and I know that’s who I’m supposed to be. Never realized it before I woke up in that life, but when I did, I was truly happy. I had so much love and support, and in a way, I miss them. But, for some strange reason, I started to see through it all. It all felt realistic, but my own personal demons from my past depression were re-surfacing, breaking the illusion of that world. And it was then that Dr. Money appeared and told me what was really going on.”
“What’d he say?”
“Well, in a nutshell, I had been in a cyber world generated by my own mind. The thing he had me climb into was connected to something he called a Virtual Dream Machine. He told me the purpose of it was to help make people happy and to give folks the lives they’ve always wanted to live. But, we both realized that there were issues with it, and despite that new life, I was still unhappy and scared. He realized he couldn’t fully make me happy, and it was there he told me of his plans, which involve that guy’s nanomedicine or whatever. Something about wanting to hybridize his Virtual Dream Machine with that nanomedicine. I don’t completely understand it, but Dr. Money and that guy apparently shared a history with each other many years ago. Dr. Money has some grandiose plan to bring happiness to others, and it involves that guy, but…it…truthfully, I don’t know. Dr. Money woke me up from cyberspace a little while ago, and here I am.”
You and Zephyr lock eyes with one another. She doesn’t say anything for a few moments, but stares at you as if trying to process what you just said.
“Master never told me any of that. I think he once told me of his old work where he used his nanomachines to get stronger, and he got fired because of it. Then, his friend Eli asked him if he could make ponies through his nanomachines and offered him money to do so. And that’s how the whole thing happened with us. It’s hard to remember my old life, but I’d trade it in a heartbeat to be with Master. He’s made me and Autumn and so many others happy and loved.”
Her response makes you freeze a little, though you try your best to not show her any sign. This guy…made others happy through his nanomachines. He turned them into ponies, but he made them happy nonetheless, just like what Dr. Money tried to do with you in cyberspace.
“Uh…Zephyr, did you and the others want to be ponies, or did he do that to you against your will?”
She wipes a forehoof across her eyes before responding.
“I know I used to be depressed and didn’t like life. I know it sounds wrong, but he kidnapped me and got nanotechnology into me through a pony plushy version of me. It took a while to accept what he did to me, but…I’m happy he did it. My life is so much better; or at least was before we were abducted and brought to here. Countless other ponies were like that too. Most didn’t originally have good lives, and Master gave them all a second chance. I don’t know where I’d be now if it wasn’t for Master. He saved me.”
“It’s just…”
You stammer for a response, unnerved by what she just shared with you.
“…Dr. Money tried to do the same thing with me, except it was through advanced virtual reality technology instead of nanomachines. What makes me uneasy is that both individuals wanted to bring happiness to depressed folks, and most of these folks seemed to have had a desire to want to start a new life, and to be a pony. I…can I be honest with you Zephyr?”
She nods without a word.
“Unlike you and that guy, I’m terrified of Dr. Money. I don’t know if he can hear us, or if he even cares, but I don’t even like him. There were times in that virtual world where I was happy, but…it just didn’t work out. I wanna be a pony; I wanna be a mare; I wanna be me, but not through Dr. Money. I don’t want to scare you, but he’s dangerous. I want to get out of here just as much as you do. But, I don’t know how to.”
“I don’t know how to get out of here either. I just woke up here and have been stuck in this room since like this. I hate being chained like this. Left here all alone, it’s one of my worst fears. I know Master knows a way out of this though. He always does! He’s smart, strong, brave, and…he’ll do what’s best for all of us. And, if you want to be like one of us, I’m sure he’d be happy to do that for you.”
She squeezes onto you tighter for warmth and comfort. She’s shaking a little, but whether that’s out of fear or being genuinely cold, you weren’t entirely sure. Still, it’s not fair for her to be chained all the way over here in the cold when you’ve got a bed full of blankets and pillows. Maybe you could share some of that with her, yeah?
“Hang on a moment. I’m gonna go get something.”
You wiggle out of her hug and awkwardly crawl over to the bed. Zephyr watches on in curiosity as you try to grab for the pillows and blankets. It takes a bit of effort, especially with being in a human body again, but you’re able to pull them off the bed and toss them over to Zephyr’s side of the room. You try your best not to accidentally hit her, and once all the blankets and pillows are over there, you awkwardly crawl back to her.
“What are you doing?”
“You don’t deserve to be over here on the cold floor. I don’t know how to take that chained collar off of you, but the least I can do is bring you some comfort and warmth.”
You reach for some blankets and toss them over to Zephyr. You then place a pillow right in front of her, and another one in front of you. She’s shaking a little from what you guess is the cold, which is enough to make you cover the blankets snuggly around her. You scooch her on top of the pillow and hug her for several long minutes, trying to keep her warm, comfortable, and calm. Neither of you say anything for a while until she speaks up again.
“Thank you. I’ve been so lonely and scared and cold, and…it feels really good to have someone to talk to, and to have warmth. You’re really nice. You sure you don’t want a blanket though?”
“I’m fine. You need it a lot more than I do.”
The room returns to silence, leaving you in your thoughts. You were getting more and more curious as to who this guy was. Zephyr keeps calling him Master for whatever reason, but Dr. Money calls him Colin. You guess that’s his real name, but still…there’s a lot to him that still doesn’t make sense. He was colleagues with Dr. Money. Both of them tried to achieve something resembling what they’re currently going after. Both want to make people happy, and both appear to do so by turning them into ponies. They target people who wanna be ponies, are depressed, and want a do-over in life. Why though?
Colin, for the most part according to Zephyr, does this to create families. He just wants to make others happy purely for the sake of it. What he did in hiding with this whole pony stuff seems to have just been for pleasure and comfort. Yeah, it’s still messed up getting kidnapped and all that, but unlike Dr. Money, Zephyr and these other ponies love him. Course, you didn’t know what he did to them in private, but if all he wants is for them to be happy and to have love and happiness, then why is Dr. Money trying to do the same thing at a much more terrifying level?
It likely has something to do with what they were both doing back when they used to work together. Something about merging man and machine. Your memory is a little rusty, but whatever it is they were doing then was likely something revolutionary. Colin took it all away, leaving Dr. Money bitter having lost all of that. Course, it seems Colin just wanted to have a peaceful life with folks he turned into ponies, but Dr. Money wanted a whole lot more. It’s blatantly obvious Dr. Money doesn’t truly care about you. He’s just using you to achieve his end goals that he sought all those years ago. It has to be. The question that keeps coming back to you though is, once you have fulfilled your purpose in helping him to achieve his end goals, what will he do with you? Should you try to break free and escape? If you did so, what would happen to Zephyr and Colin? What about the others who were trapped here? Would you be putting them in jeopardy if you tried to escape?
No, you can’t leave. You have nothing to return to in this world. Anyone that may have known of you probably figures you’re either dead or long gone. Plus, you hated that old life. It’s not something you’d want to return to. Truthfully, you just want to be with Farra, but you have no idea how to even get to her. Wherever she is, you didn’t know when that would happen, or how it would happen. All you can do then is to try to bring comfort to Zephyr and the others here and ensure their safety. You weren’t sure what more you could really do, but if nothing else, it might also lead to a future way out of here.
“What did you say your name was again?”
You blink; Zephyr’s question pulling you completely from your thoughts.
“I uhm…well…I know my true name is Marra, and I prefer being called that. Still, I know that’s a girl’s name and here I am my old human guy self. Ugh…just feels so wrong being human and being male. But, as weird as it is, let’s just go with that name for now. My old guy name doesn’t really mean anything to me anymore.”
She looks up at you with a small smile.
“Okay Marra. That’s a really nice name. And it’s okay, I just prefer Zephyr myself. I actually can’t remember my old name because Master’s nanomachines made me forget, but I know how you’re feeling. I’d never want to go back to my old life either. It feels so much more right being like this. Well, being a pet pony that is; it’s horrible and scary being trapped here.”
You instinctively start petting her back slowly and gently.
“Zephyr’s a nice name too. Still, I have another question to ask ya. Why do you keep calling Colin ‘Master?’ You keep mentioning this whole ‘pet pony’ stuff. What’s that mean exactly? You’re his pet?”
“Mhm!”
She hugs you tightly for a few seconds before continuing.
“Me and Autumn and all the other ponies Master created are pet ponies. We obey our Masters without question. Whoever adopts one of Master’s pet ponies becomes the new Master or Mistress of that pet pony. Course, we all have to obey whoever our Master is, but there is so much love and security and happiness that comes with that. I know that can sound weird to you, but I’m glad I have Master. He made me into a happier and better pony because of it.”
“So wait; you didn’t choose to become his pet? He made you?”
“Nonononono! Well, originally he did it without asking me, but later down the road he asked me if I wanted to go back to my old life. He said he could use his nanomachines to turn me back into a human, but I didn’t want to. Honestly, life is so much better as a pet. So much less to worry about. All you have to do is love, obey, and make Master and others happy. That’s it.”
So Colin can use his nanomachines to turn folks back into humans. That’s something Dr. Money was unsure of in the past, but if Colin can do that to others, who knows what else these nanomachines can do. And yet, having your free will stripped away like that…something about that is unnerving. On one hand, you completely understood wanting to live a life of peaceful bliss with nothing but love and happiness, but having to forcibly obey someone…that…well…it just didn’t sound right to you. What if the person was abusive? That could end in many horrible ways.
“Do you want to be a pet pony too Marra?”
“I…I uh…well…I don’t know. I want to be a pony again for sure, but the whole pet stuff is a little unsettling.”
“I know it is. I freaked out when it first happened to me, and so did Autumn. But we came to learn and love it.”
“And why is that? Did the nanomachines make you want it to the point of altering your mind, or was Colin just really good at sharing love and happiness with others?”
Her ears flatten a little; her smile starting to slowly turn into a frown.
“Dr. Money tried something like that on me. He tried to make me love living that new life in cyberspace, but it failed. Of course, I still very much want to live as a pony and be one, but what Dr. Money did didn’t necessarily make me happy.”
“But it’s different! Master’s nanomachines didn’t work on me or Autumn the right way when we first turned into ponies. They failed in implanting mental suggestions. Master even gave me a choice to go back to my old life, and I chose to stay like this with him and Autumn. He gave me free will. He’s a good guy, and I love him! Please, he’d never do anything to hurt one of his pet ponies. He loves us all!”
Fresh tears are already forming around her eyes. You quickly realize that what you just said to her might have hurt her. You hug her as tightly and as softly as you can for comfort.
“I’m sorry Zephyr. It’s just…I’ve been through so much and seen so much. Dr. Money is nothing like Colin, even though both seem to do the same thing. Dr. Money has killed, and he tortures others. I know he cares more about other things than just making others happy; I know he has an ulterior motive, an end goal. And once I’ve served my purpose with him, I really don’t know what will happen to me. And I won’t lie, it scares me. I just don’t know what to do. All I want is to be my true self and to have family and love. At this point, it’s all I want.”
“I’m sure Master could give you that Marra. I know he might have seemed scary to you at first, but he really does care about others. He’s made all of his ponies into pet ponies, but…I’m sure he would do something for you that doesn’t involve being a pet. I can put out a good word to him for you.”
“Thank you Zephyr, but right now I’m more worried about how we’re all gonna get out of here.”
“Do you know the way out?”
You try to remember what Dr. Money’s facility looks like, but in truth, you didn’t even know where you were. Just woke up in one of these rooms, went to another room, woke up again, went down a hallway, and now here you are. Still, there is another room that seemed to be Dr. Money’s office back when he was projecting himself out to you in cyberspace. Really though, you have no idea how to get out of here, and even if you did, you don’t even have the strength to do so. Best you could do was comfort Zephyr and wait until the moment was right.
“I don’t Zephyr. One way or another though, we will get out. I’m going to go ahead and trust that Colin knows how to get out of here. If anything, I’d rather trust him over Dr. Money any day.”
Zephyr shifts a little in her blankets, settling down right next to you. She emits a small, drawn-out yawn that you honestly found to be kind of cute.
“Thank you Marra. Master’s a good guy. He won’t hurt you, and he’ll save us. He can also make you into the pony you’ve always wanted to be. He’s really good at that. And you know, I think this is the first time ever since being trapped here that I actually feel a little better. I think for once the sleep is starting to catch up with me. It’s getting kind of hard to stay awake. Would you be okay if I went to sleep?”
“Of course Zephyr. I should probably get some sleep too. We’ve both been through a lot.”
You scoot your pillow next to her and lay down on your back right beside her. The concrete floor didn’t feel all that comfortable but some of Zephyr’s blankets helped to cushion you. You carefully wrap an arm around her, feeling exhaustion beginning to overcome you.
“It’s gonna be okay Zephyr. I don’t know what I’ll be able to do, but just know I side with you and Colin over Dr. Money in all of this. You’re not alone, and I’m here for you. Get some good sleep Zephyr.”
“Mmmm…night Marra. Thank you so…much. Thank…”
She quickly dozes off, peacefully snoozing in her blankets. Much as it warms your heart to bring comfort to this pony, you yourself are finding it harder and harder to stay awake. Your mind was racing, but perhaps it’d be best to get some sleep too. Whatever happens tomorrow, you’ll need all the sleep you can get beforehand.
You close your eyes and soon doze off into a deep slumber.
…
You feel so warm and comfortable being right beside her. Snuggled up in the covers, feeling her radiating body heat; just feels so calm and peaceful. However, the crackling sound of fire is enough to stir you to open your eyes.
You slowly open them and see your stone fireplace emitting a lovely warm glow. Always so peaceful to snuggle with her right in front of it. Careful as to not wake her, you slowly slide out of your covers and stand up, yawning a little. You watch your little sister with a smile as she peacefully shifts in her sleep. Her white mane and tail always did blend in easily with those white covers of hers. You even see a smile on her face despite her being asleep.
It’s moments like these that you’ve come to cherish. You always wanted to remember them, and to remember her. You both were family to each other, and this lovely little cabin was your home. Looking around, it wasn’t anything too special, but it was perfect nonetheless. A cabin filled with nothing but innocent love. You could see all of the pictures you two drew on one of the walls. Mostly of you and her together, but also of places you visited. Drawing and capturing moments like these in the form of pictures was something you and your little sister loved to do. Neither of you were great artists, but you both were able to capture the beauty of a particular place. If only you could take a moment to draw what you’re seeing before you. The stone fireplace, the sunlight shining in through the windows, and seeing your precious little sister snuggled up into a ball in her covers. This is a memory you wanted to remember for a lifetime.
Still, as much as you want to soak in and enjoy the lovely peace, today is the day. You and your little sister were gonna explore some place new. They called this place the Aeepos. It was a supposedly beautiful location out in the forest not far from here, and few had ever been over there. It was mostly unchartered territory. The thought of finding something new to capture through art fills you with excitement.
Using your magic, you lift up some paper and quills, as well as a jar of ink into your knapsack. The noise of the objects sliding into the knapsack, however, causes your little sister to wake from her slumber.
“Mmm…Big Sis, it’s so early. Are we leaving already?”
“Soon Lil Sis, soon. I’m just gathering up some supplies.”
She yawns a small cute yawn and stretches in her covers. You watch her as she slowly stands up and moves over to you, wrapping a forehoof around you.
“I love you Big Sis. I love you so very much, and I hope you never, ever forget that.”
You giggle and kiss her on her forehead right below her horn.
“And I love you so very much too Lil Sis. You mean everything to me. Never ever wanna live without ya. But we should go soon Silly. I wanna get there and have the whole day to draw and explore.”
She yawns again and nuzzles against your neck.
“Okay Big Sis. Just give me a small moment to get ready.”
Your little sister turns and walks over to the other side of the room, disappearing into another room. You can hear a few noises in the background as she does her thing. You wait by the front door, thinking about how much fun today was going to be.
For the most part, you and your sister always loved staying together and doing everything with each other. Generally, you two stayed at home or fairly close to home in your everyday lives because there was something so serene about it all. You didn’t ask for much in life aside from basking in endless love and affection with her, as well as enjoying the simple things. It was always about the simple things. She loved to cook, she loved to play, she loved to create, but most of all, she loved to snuggle. You weren’t always as creative as her, but you sure did love snuggling with her too. You had a few of your own hobbies as well, the biggest of which was traveling. It wasn’t something you two often did, but when you did, you made sure to savor each moment. It was always fun to see someplace new, to explore its beauty, to capture it through art, and to treasure the endless memories shared with your precious sister.
Memories…that’s something you never wanted to lose. Each memory was a blessing; each memory was what fundamentally made you, you. You wanted to make sure you recorded each and every single memory through art. Life was so beautiful, and capturing every enjoyable moment of it was totally worth it, even if it meant having to travel some. If your collection of drawings and art was evidence to just how important it was to remember, then this trip was definitely worth it.
“Alright Big Sis. I’m ready.”
You look to find your little sister right back next to you, smiling with a gentle wave of her forehoof. She raises it to briefly wrap a hug around you, and then releases you. She wore her favorite white dress, which honestly went really well with the colors of her mane, tail, and coat of fur. It was a pretty white dress that she’s always had for who knows how long. Kuberends never really needed to wear clothes, but it was generally custom whenever one was to go out and do something special. Still, wearing a dress while going out to somewhere largely unexplored and possibly dirty didn’t seem like the best idea. It could get dirty or ripped or ruined in some manner. You weren’t going to tell her no, however. That white dress was hers, and it was a classic icon, a continual reminder of how beautiful your little sister was, and of just how much you loved her.
You gently kiss her on her forehead with a loving smile.
“Okay Lil Sis, let’s go. Promise it won’t be too much of a walk.”
You push open the door with a forehoof, only to be greeted by beautiful sunlight. In front of you is an open patch of land with hills in the distance. Sitting just a few feet from your home was a river that you have always been able to see from the front door. That river came from the forests behind you, and led somewhere in the distance to where the hills were. The Aeepos as everyone called them. Even from here, you could see them. You never went over there, nor did your sister. Actually, most Kuberends tended to stay away from there, refusing to explore. You never knew why, but it sparked your curiosity even more. You sister was originally somewhat reluctant about doing this, but she agreed to come along with you simply because she loved being by your side. And you loved having her with you too.
She walks out in front of you, while you turn around to close the door shut. You quickly move up to her, and when both of you are side by side once more, you both walk over to the river. She pauses for a moment and looks down, noticing a white feather right by the water. She takes a moment to study it quickly, and using her magic, she carefully floats it up to right above her mane, next to her left ear. Her light aural glow of magic fades once the feather is nestled gently with her mane. Playfully, you gently boop her on her nuzzle.
“Oh you silly Kuby you. You look really cute, you know that?”
“Mhm!”
She nuzzles a little against your side, but starts to walk along the river towards the Aeepos with you leading the way. Your sister always loved collecting the most random things out in nature, be they feathers, stones, wood, or any other random thing. It was one of the things she always loved to do exploring. She’d always build the most peculiar things, though it was mainly for decoration. Not that you ever complained; some of the stuff she made was really quite nice. You would mostly just find the perfect spot and attempt to draw out the landscape before you, and that is exactly what you intended to do this trip.
Your little sister, for the most part, smiles and gazes around your surroundings while you start to gently hum a soft tune. It wasn’t anything special, but it was like a lullaby tune that you always hummed with her whenever you and her traveled. It was a little bit of a motherly tune, mixed with love and warmth, but it always had this effect of producing a small echo, which made it sound and feel a little more powerful. You weren’t sure how you were able to hum it, nor can you remember where you got it, but one thing for sure was that whenever you hummed it, it made Farra happy and brought the two of you closer to each other. An echoing, nurturing tune meant to never be forgotten; a tune meant to signify the close bond you two shared as sisters.
This continues for a while, with both of you walking along the river, admiring the bright blue skies, the life of the surrounding greenery, and the time spent with your precious sister. She doesn’t say much, but instead stays close to you while you peacefully hummed her favorite tune. There wasn’t a whole lot on your mind besides just wanting to get to the Aeepos and draw. You’ve never really been up close to mountains before, despite always seeing them from the distance in your own home. They got bigger and bigger the closer you two approached them. This was going to be a special place to draw and capture its unique beauty. All of nature, all of life, all of…well…everything had its beauty, and all of it had to be captured one way or another. This was a place that was mostly left untouched by many, giving it an even more unique feel.
The energy from the approaching Aeepos, there was something about it that just seemed so intriguing, like you were involuntarily drawn to it. Your spindles, you could sense, picked up on an especially unusual energy you’ve never really come across elsewhere. The place seemed alive, but in a different way. You couldn’t really describe it, but something was drawing you towards this location, and you had to find out what.
After a fair bit of time passes, you suddenly notice Farra stopping once more. You pause and look back to her.
“Something wrong Lil Sis?”
“There’s a message here Big Sis. I think we’re about to enter the Aeepos, but something’s not right. Can you come over here and take a look?”
Curious, you walk back a little to where she was. She was facing a rather large emerald stone. It looked like a perfectly cut giant cube, like someone had carved it and placed it here. You weren’t sure what it was, but you did notice writing on it.
“What’s it say Big Sis?”
It wasn’t written in your native language, but oddly enough, you could make out what the words said. They were written in a rare language you once studied, otherwise known as Siwen. It was an ancient language that originated from…well…no one really knew. There were theories, yes, but it was a mostly lost language. You weren’t exactly fluent in it such that you didn’t know how to pronounce it, but you could read and translate it in your native tongue. Just even seeing Siwen here is enough to make you more curious to want to read it.
“Alright, hold on a sec. Errrmmm….hmmmmmm…let’s see…”
Before you fully read it out to her, you scan and read it over multiple times.
The Aeepos
To all who enter here, a test will begin. A test of willpower, a test of strength, and a test of the soul will be required in order to leave. Beyond this point marks a journey of unlikely return. If you wish to face the trials of the Aeepos, heed these words with care:
Absolute pleasure leads to absolute corruption.
Accepting a different reality in place of your own leads to destruction.
Learning to forget are the keys to finding inner strength, as well as inner ruin.
Learning to remember and to stay true to oneself will lead to salvation.
Remember to remember.
“Well, what’s it say Big Sis?”
“Huh?!?”
Her question quickly captures your attention from the stone. You look at her for a moment, feeling somewhat uncertain on sharing the contents of the message.
“Uh, well…I’m not really sure. Something about a test and remembering, but I don’t know.”
Her smile fades as she carefully scans your expression. You try to sound upbeat and cheery like you normally are around her, but it’s quickly evident she can see past it.
“Big Sis, we shouldn’t be here. There’s something wrong here, and while I don’t know what that stone says, I think we should go back.”
A part of you agrees with her. You could definitely pick up on something coming from beyond here, and in all honesty, you never wanted to make your sister uncomfortable. You wanted to give her endless love, affection, and comfort. And yet, the other part of you was more intrigued than afraid. You’ve never seen Siwen in real life before aside from books discussing the language. Not much was known about its origins, and the fact that the Aeepos was largely unexplored intrigued you all the more.
“Gah…well…I mean if I can be honest with you Lil Sis, I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. It’s just a sign etched in stone saying this is the entrance to the Aeepos. It’s just a general description of this place, encouraging you to be careful on where you go. Considering that we’re really close to the mountains, it makes sense. Don’t wanna fall off or anything.”
She stares intently into your eyes, and while you try to cast her a reassuring look, you can tell that she knows you’re lying.
“That’s not what it says, huh Big Sis? There’s something dangerous beyond here, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to go looking for that danger.”
You quickly hug her for comfort so that she could no longer lock eyes with you. Of course, you never wanted to scare her or make her uncomfortable, but at the same token, this was something you REALLY wanted to do.
“There’s no danger Lil Sis. It’s okay! It was just saying to not stand at the edge of the mountains or to do reckless stuff. I mean, it’s unexplored territory, so it’s only fair some notice be put up. I promise you Lil Sis. Everything is okay. We don’t have to be here all day. I just wanna explore a little, do some drawings, and then we can head back home, okay?”
She scoots a little away from you and looks you once more in the eye. You can tell that she wasn’t liking this, and you knew it deep in your heart that you shouldn’t do this if it means upsetting her.
“O-Okay. We can for a little bit Big Sis, but I’m staying right with you. I won’t let you explore this place alone, and the moment something happens or if we both see something, we leave right away, okay? I don’t want to be here anymore than we have to be.”
Her response surprises you a little, but it does make you breathe a small sigh of relief.
“Okay Lil Sis. I promise. It’ll only be for a little bit, and then we’ll head back home. I’ll stay right by your side the whole time, don’t you worry. You ready?”
She reluctantly nods, and casting her a loving sympathetic smile, you two continue moving forward. Within a matter of minutes, you both approach the base of the mountains, with a large entrance to an open valley of forestry. The mountains curved around this entrance, but did not connect, leaving it as the only entrance and exit out of this majestic valley. It looks so utterly serene and beautiful; even your home is nowhere near as beautiful as this. A small cool breeze was beginning to pick up against you. It was flowing from behind to somewhere in front of you. It feels a little chilly, but it’s especially soothing.
“Isn’t it beautiful Lil Sis? I’ve never seen anything like it before!”
She looks at you with a small smile and then back to the valley.
“Yeah, it is. Still, I don’t wanna stay too long. You think this is a good enough spot to draw?”
It’s certainly a beautiful location. Truth be told, this was probably going to be as good as a spot as you’d ever get to drawing such a beautiful landscape. Still, you wanted to move forward in search of an even better location. You felt drawn, and you had to keep going.
“Ummm…well, it’s a really good spot, but I think we’ll find an even better spot if we keep going. You up for a little bit of exploring?”
You can see in the corner of your eye a small frown, but she quickly hides it and puts up a smile to you.
“Just a little bit Big Sis. I dunno if I wanna be here all day.”
“That’s totally fine Lil Sis. It’s all good. I just wanna walk some and see if we can find anything. If not, we can turn around and leave.”
She nods, and with that, the two of you move forward. The river the two of you are traveling along still flows through the entrance of the Aeepos to who knows where in the valley. Considering that it’d be a safe guide to getting back, you both stay next to it. Looking around, you notice the mountains of the Aeepos to your left and right. There’s a lot of grass around you, though you both can see the valley’s forest in front of you. You wanted to explore and go through this forest. There’s something on the other side of it that’s guiding you, and you can just feel that the other side is the perfect spot to draw the landscape.
“Ooooooo…wow…isn’t it such a pretty forest Lil Sis? It looks so exotic and pretty. Can you see all the sunlight poking through the trees’ canopy?”
“Mhm. It’s really pretty.”
The glowing rows of sunlight beaming through the canopy of the trees is a sight to behold in itself. You too notice the spots of sunlight all along the forest floor. You’re not sure how to describe it, but something about this forest had a divine feeling to it, like you wouldn’t see this kind of thing in any other forest. It’s enough to leave your mouth slightly agape, aweing in the beauty of the greenery.
You two walk and walk throughout the forest for some time, following the river as it guides both of you. Every so often you wonder if this spot or that spot would be a good area for drawing the surrounding landscape, but you’re convinced that there will be a spectacular place like no other to really capture through your artwork.
“We’re almost there Lil Sis, I can feel it. You still holding up alright?”
You turn to your left and stop, startled to find your precious baby sister is no longer with you.
“Luh-LIL SIS?!? Where’d you go?”
Panic starts to build inside of you over the realization that she might have gotten lost while you were entranced by the forest. This is really bad. She could be hurt, or trapped, or lost, or…
“FARRA! WHERE ARE YOU?!?”
You pause for a moment to listen for a response, but nothing. You slowly spin in a full circle to see where it is she might be. No sign of her. No other sounds besides the breeze of the wind and the water from the river occasionally splashing on some rocks.
Oh no. Nononononono…this is really bad. Screw the artwork, screw this place. You had to find her, and you had to find her now!
Before you turn around to go search for her, you notice something peculiar. One of the trees in front of you had a black mist glowing around it to the point where it began to flow off the tree. It looks as though it could be a gas, but you’re not sure what the heck it is. Realizing that it could be danger, you immediately turn around to dash away from it.
“Wuh-W-What is this?!?”
Your words get caught up in your throat as all of the trees are now radiating with this black mist. The trees start to slowly dissolve and disappear in it, and soon the bushes, the rocks, and the surrounding grass itself. You yelp in fear, frozen in place, too scared to move a muscle.
You watch on as the mist eats away everything around you until it completely surrounds you. You turn and turn and realize everything is now a black mist, with the grassy ground beneath your hooves still present. However, the mist quickly covers it, entrapping you.
“H-HELP ME! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! FARRA! WHERE ARE YOU?!?”
You try to move, but you can’t. You’re trapped. You start crying, realizing that you were likely going to die. Just as quickly though, the black mist pulls away from you and all around you. It disburses and reappears out in front of you into a growing black misty ball. Your gaze is hooked on it, but you turn briefly to find…to…find…
“Nuh-no. Where…Where’s everything? Where…Where am I?”
There was no ground, no sky, no forest, no river, nothing. You stood in an empty white void with only you and this black mist present. You’re still too terrified to move, but you instead look at the black ball of mist and call out to it.
“Who…Who are you? What are you? Where am I?
Once the floating black ball of mist has all of the mist within it, it quickly molds and reshapes itself. Within less than a minute, it transforms into a Kuberend…into you. And yet, there was no color on it. Just glowing white eyes and a glowing white mouth. You could only see the outline of its mane and tail, its horn, and its spindles. It stood there smiling at you.
“I said, WHO ARE YOU AND WHERE AM I AND WHERE’S MY LITTLE SISTER?!?!”
You realize that yelling at it is probably not the best thing to be doing here, but you can’t help that you’re scared and worried sick about your sister.
“Welcome to the trials of the Aeepos. I am a part of the Siwen. I am Darkness, your inner Darkness. You have chosen to enter here, and if you wish to leave, you must first lose everything. You must forget. You must lose your memories. You must lose everything. You must become one with nothingness. Nothingness.”
You back away a little, feeling threatened by what this thing is saying. Before you can even respond, however, it begins repeating itself.
“Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness.”
It continues saying nothingness over and over, and soon you hear multiple voices echoing the word repeatedly. You scream and start to run in the opposite direction, but your black misty reflection explodes into a cloud of hazy blackness, soon enveloping everything around you once more. The invisible ground quickly gives way beneath you as you scream in terror.
“Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness. Nothingness.”
Falling…Falling into the black pit of nothingness. Nothingness…
…
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“MARRA?!?”
You feel yourself being shaken violently in someone’s arms. You immediately sit right up and burst your eyes open. You’re in your cell…your cell…with…
“MARRA! Are you okay?”
You turn to see the white pegasus with a jade-colored mane holding onto you, looking at you with concern.
“I…I…I uhm…y-yeah. Just…Just a bad dream is all.”
You’re panting, and despite trying to play it off as nothing, you can’t help but feel shaky from that nightmare. That was too real. It was…It was…real. It…It had to be. That wasn’t a regular dream. What…the heck…was that?
“Okay. You scared the living daylights out of me. You sure you’re alright?”
Even though you knew you weren’t (Heck, when have you ever been alright in all of this madness?), you didn’t want to make her any more worried than she already was. Being trapped as a hostage in Dr. Money’s madhouse was more than plenty to worry about. She…She doesn’t need to know about any of this.
“Y-Yeah. It was nothing Zephyr. Just some crazy nightmare. You okay yourself?”
She lets go of you and scoots back a little to give you some space.
“Mhm. Been up for a while. Mostly just been worried about Master and Autumn. Haven’t heard of anything since he was in here last night.”
Your eyes scan upwards to the small window with bars. You see sunlight pouring in. It was obviously daytime, though you had no idea what time of day it was. Part of you wants to ask Zephyr for the time, but chances are she doesn’t know either. There weren’t any clocks in here.
“I…I see. Ugh…so…when does Dr. Money or Colin usually come in here? It’s weird, but I haven’t had anything to eat in a long time. I kinda wonder how I have such little appetite. Guess being trapped in a virtual reality world for who knows how long can rob you of an appetite, huh?”
Your stomach growls a little bit, and the pangs of hunger start to slowly build. Still, you had no idea how long you had been in that Virtual Dream Machine. Sure, it kept you alive, but it makes you wonder how you’ve been able to function without needing to eat for so long. Surely your body would have died by this point, but…it hasn’t. You were a lot skinnier than you remember, but looking over yourself, you see you still have a bit of muscle. You didn’t look completely gaunt, but you also didn’t look completely healthy either.
“Yeah, I guess. I’m kind of hungry too. I don’t know when Master or that bad guy come in here. I know they do so at least once a day, but I never know when either of them do. Most of the time it’s just sitting here alone and staring at the walls. It’s…hard being isolated by yourself without anyone.”
Zephyr for her part, just settles back down in her covers and stares off at some random spot in the room. You feel for her for a moment, realizing just how awful it is to have no one. Course, you have Farra…somewhere…out there, but as far as the real world is concerned, you really didn’t have anyone here.
“You know Marra, this was my biggest fear; being locked up in a room chained to the floor for hours on end. It’s where I started when I first turned into a pony. When Master first transformed me, I was so scared. Locked in a room in a basement. Seconds seemed like minutes, and then hours, and then days. After a while, you start to lose track of time. It’s awful.”
“Wait, why were you locked in a basement?”
“It was for my own protection. When Master brought me to his home, he discovered his nanomachines didn’t affect me mentally; well, aside from me being unable to remember my original name. But I was a danger to him and to myself. Once I started getting better, he took me out of that dark hole. Never wanted to go back there. It was one of my worst nightmares. Though, I guess I’m in one again, but at least I get to see the sunlight and the moonlight, so that helps. Plus having you here helps me not feel too alone.”
“Colin did that to you after transforming you into a pony and kidnapping you to bring to his home? Zephyr, you do realize how messed up that sounds, right?”
She looks at you with a slightly sad look, but turns her head a little and stares at the barred window.
“I know it sounds like he was punishing me, but really he was just protecting me for my own safety. If someone woke up as a pony randomly one day, I’m sure they’d have a pretty big freak out. He didn’t know what to do with me at the time, and he was afraid of me trying to break out and run away, which could have gotten him arrested and me captured. Looking back, I understand where he was coming from. I know he might sound like a bad guy, but he’s not. Please trust me on that Marra. He really cares for all of his pet ponies. He wants them to be safe and happy with a loving family, and for them to live the rest of their lives in peace. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone.”
You say nothing for several moments. Part of you didn’t know what to say to that, and yet the other part of you was still shaken from that nightmare. Dr. Money’s theory on your history with Farra, it being a past life, suddenly doesn’t sound so crazy anymore. Course, to any normal person, you’re already long gone with everything you’ve been through. But at this point, you have to wonder what really happened with you and Farra going to the lake. The pieces of the puzzle are starting to slowly come together, and yet, it still didn’t completely make any sense. That black figure…just…what the heck was that? You don’t ever remember seeing it in any memory with Farra. Could it have been a byproduct of your experiences with those silhouettes in that virtual world, or is it just your mind playing tricks on you?
It…very well could be. If you do ever manage to escape this crazy place, chances are you’re going to need therapy for a long time. The most logical answer is that you’re recovering from the mental trauma of being in that virtual world, as well as being held captive by Dr. Money. Your logical half says yes, that’s exactly what it is, but with everything you’ve been through, chances are it was a part of your past life with Farra prior to going into the lake. Actually, you had a deep feeling that that was likely to be the case. You weren’t sure about the dark figure, but at least for going to the lake, maybe some things were starting to make sense. Maybe.
Still, there were a lot of unknowns, and after spending so much time in that virtual nightmare, you’re also just not sure anymore. That world felt very real for a good while, but then it was fake. For the longest time in your life here on Earth, it all felt like a bad joke, and felt so very fake. Yeah, you could physically perceive everything in both the real world and the virtual world, but both worlds just felt so incredibly fake. The only thing that even feels remotely real to you anymore is the stuff with Farra, and the history you two shared. And yet, you only knew shards of the history both of you shared. Honestly, when you first entered this life, all you remembered was the lake memory; nothing else. Seemed like you had always been living on Earth. It was the same with the virtual world. As soon as you were there, it felt like you had always been living there. It felt just as real as being on Earth, but both just feel so fake. There’s more to this; so much more to this. What if this world, and the virtual world, really aren’t real? What if the real world is really with Farra? Would that mean…?
You and Zephyr both immediately turn towards the door as what sounds like keys are turning inside a lock. It takes a few seconds, but the door suddenly opens up. Dr. Money’s co-worker, Colin, comes through with a tray of simple food. A few fruits and vegetables, along with what looks to be oatmeal, sit on the tray. He turns to both of you and suddenly stops.
“ZEPHYR!?!”
The tray of food from his hands falls, with some of the food spilling onto the floor. He immediately rips off his smiley face mask and looks directly at you with a big look of anger you’ve never seen.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!?”
He immediately rushes over to you before you have time to react and pulls you away from Zephyr, suddenly pinning you against the wall with his hands around your throat. You quickly begin wheezing and coughing for air. He speaks in a low tone, staring deeply into your eyes with absolute coldness.
“I thought I made myself very clear. You were to stay on your side of the room. You were to never be near Zephyr, let alone have your hands on her. You understand how much she means to me, don’t you? Trust me, you do not want to push me. Remember…”
He whispers quietly into your ear.
“…I can do anything to you. And you are going to be front and center with the experiments we have planned today. If you want to make this easier on yourself, it would be in your best interest to do what I say.”
“MASTER NO!”
He immediately turns and lessens his grip on you, while you simultaneously try to grasp for as much air as possible.
“Marra’s not a bad person! She kept me company and took care of me last night. All she did was share her pillows and blankets with me, and spoke with me. She never did anything bad to me. She’s actually really friendly. Please don’t hurt her Master. She only means well. She’s a prisoner like we are. She even said she’d rather trust you than Dr. Money. She likes you a lot more!”
Colin releases you from his hands entirely and looks back and forth at both of you, apparently perplexed. He then eyes you a little more calmly, but still seriously.
“Is that true? Is what she’s saying true?”
You cough and cover your mouth, trying to catch your breath for a few seconds.
“Y-Yeah. I…I would never hurt her. Don’t wanna hurt her. She’s a wonderful pony…Mr. uh…Colin Sir. Please, I mean no harm.”
You look at him pleadingly, but his expression doesn’t budge. He makes no response, apparently waiting for you to say more.
“Pluh-Please…I could never hurt her, or anyone. I’ve been trapped here for…I don’t know how long. What…What year is it?”
“2018.”
You can feel your heart nearly stop. You’ve been trapped in this nightmare for a good three years. Dr. Money kidnapped you in 2015. You’ve been stuck here for that long. The thought of that almost makes you want to throw up.
“I…I…okay, that’s a lot for me to process right there. I’ve…been trapped here for nearly three years as Dr. Money’s prisoner. That Virtual Dream Machine thing you saw me in? I’ve been stuck in that thing nearly the entire time. Dr. Money scares me. I want to get out of here. He’s harmed numerous individuals in the past, used so many forms of psychological torture, and has tried to continually mess with me. I just wanna be free from this nightmare.”
His expression still doesn’t budge, though you see Zephyr looking on from behind with sorrow.
“Zephyr…it pained me to see her chained up like that. I know what you told me, but I couldn’t just ignore her and stay away from her. She needed a hug, and some blankets, and pillows, and just a little love, that’s all.”
His look suddenly becomes angry, and you realize he may have misunderstood by what you said with her needing a little love.
“NO! NO! Of course not! I just wanted to provide her a little bit of emotional comfort, that’s all! I swear on my life!”
“Do you?”
Colin stands over you with you slumped on the floor against the wall. You were quickly beginning to feel threatened by him, but you have to truly convince him that you’re harmless. You have to, or he’s gonna do who knows what on you!
“Please…I beg you, I never ever wanna hurt her or anyone. I…I was once kidnapped in the middle of the night by Dr. Money when I was about to try to kill myself. He knocked me out with some kind of chemical, brought me here without much explanation other than wanting to make me happy, and then forced me into that Virtual Dream Machine, which at the time I didn’t even know what that was.”
You pause for a moment and sigh, guilt overcoming you with abandoning Nullity by leaving that world. A huge part of you still feels absolutely horrible about that, but you have to keep telling yourself she was never real. None of that virtual world was real. All of it was fake; except Farra…who was in it…but if she was real, then…isn’t it also fair to say Nullity was too?
That thought alone is enough to make you start tearing, and then the memories of Dr. Money trying to completely screw up and mess with your mind.
“I…I entered a whole new life. I thought…I thought I had died. I thought I entered a new life. I was a pony. I was finally who I always wanted to be. I…I had a loving sister, a whole bunch of friends, and a beautiful place to live. But, things didn’t seem completely believable there, and once Dr. Money realized he couldn’t completely change me, he completely shattered that world. He…performed what I’d argue to be psychological torture. He wants to make me happy for whatever reason, that reason involving you, Colin, and…I guess, now that you’re here and have planned for whatever for me, Dr. Money decided to take me out of that virtual nightmare.”
You notice his look gradually becoming more and more sympathetic. You can see the tension in his muscles beginning to fade.
“That happened yesterday. To be completely honest with you, I’m not sure what is even real any more. All I want is to love and be loved, that’s all.”
You sniffle, the tears already beginning to well up in your eyes.
“That’s…all. And Zephyr, I felt so sorry for her. I wanted to give her any little comfort I could give her. She’s scared too, and lonely, and in desperate need of affection. I…kinda am too. I wanted her to stay warm and comfortable. Better she sleeps on pillows and blankets than cold concrete floor, huh?”
You look straight up at him. He almost looks taken aback. Somewhere deep in his eyes, you can see…he’s in pain too. He begins to speak slowly, appearing to choose his words carefully.
“If I could free her from that chain, I would in a heartbeat. I hate having her like this. However, there is nothing I can do for the time being. If I tried to free her, or made her more comfortable, Dr. Money would harm her and someone else I love dearly. I hate this too.”
He looks back at her with a pained expression as you can’t help but notice her tearing up too.
“I’ve done everything to protect those I love, to give them happy lives with loving, happy families. No one has ever been able to pull something like this on me. I hate admitting it, but I’m prisoner here too. We all are. I’m only doing this to protect Zephyr and one other close loved one. This won’t last forever, mark my words.”
“Whu-What are you intending to do?”
He turns back to you with a small smile.
“Something I cannot yet say. I’ll get us out of here. I just need some time.”
His smile, however, turns back into a frown.
“I also hate saying this, but you are going to have to go through what we have planned for you. To protect Zephyr and my family, I have no choice. I’m sorry Marra.”
You gulp and start to shake as he begins to pick up the smiley face mask from the floor, placing it back on his face.
“If it’s any consolation, thank you for looking after Zephyr last night. I…appreciate it. I’ll try to make this as painless as possible for you. In the end, you will get what you want Marra.”
Your shaking becomes readily noticeable by him and Zephyr. If…If he’s going to experiment on you, what’s he going to do to you? Turn you into a pony, or what else? Oh God…the thought of those little machines altering everything about you, your body, your mind, your memories…everything. Oh dear God…as much as you want to be a pony, you also don’t want to lose yourself. You just want to be you and be back with Farra. Please…Please…no more madness. You can’t handle that anymore. Everything going on in Dr. Money’s madhouse is…you don’t even know how to describe it anymore. You just want to go home, and be with Farra, and be out of this crazy nightmare.
Colin walks back over to the tray of food and scoops some of it back up, placing it all on the wheelchair, and rolling it over to you.
“Here, you need to eat. Take it slow. Your body is not used to eating large quantities of food. If you eat too much, it could hurt you.”
He picks up the bowl of oatmeal, which surprisingly did not shatter when it fell, and passes you a spoon. You shakily take it, hesitant to take a bite. Does this thing have nanomachines in it too?
“It’s not poisoned if that’s what you’re wondering. It’s just regular oatmeal. I can’t do anything to you without Dr. Money’s approval, least he harm my Zephyr.”
You notice him picking up the tray with the rest of the veggies and walking over to Zephyr, handing them to her. She slowly takes small bites of them, crying a little. He coos to her and whispers, words not loud enough for you to be able to hear. You look back down at the oatmeal for a moment more, reluctantly deciding it was safe to eat.
Dipping your spoon in it, you pull back up a small spoonful of oatmeal into your mouth. It was kind of cold, and very bland. A part of you almost wants to gag from the taste. You never liked oatmeal to begin with, but you could feel your tummy suddenly rumbling hard. Better to have some food than none at all, huh?
You take small bites and force yourself to swallow most of it down. It felt good having some form of food in you, though it also strangely hurt for some reason. Your tummy…was aching. Maybe because it’s not used to digesting food? Possibly. Regardless, you watch as Zephyr slowly eats her food; Colin petting her back and forth for comfort. When she finishes her food, he hugs her tightly for several long moments. You don’t say anything.
A good part of you felt sorry for them. They’re victims in all of this, just like you. All they want is to get out of here and to go back to their old lives as family. Colin just really loves Zephyr. He’s overly protective of her, almost like a protective parent. You guess you could understand where he was coming from. Despite appearing a little threatening at certain points, you could understand how Zephyr felt about him. He really does have a loving heart; something Dr. Money lacks. For Dr. Money to be so obsessed with bringing others true happiness, that seemed to be the one key thing he was missing in his search. Love. All he does is terrorize, torture, and mess with others. He has no love. And given everything he’s done, he doesn’t deserve any of it.
Still, what does Colin have in mind with stopping Dr. Money? Does he know of a way out of here, and a way to make him pay for his crimes? Considering what Dr. Money knows about him, and using Zephyr and whoever Autumn was as leverage against him, if Zephyr and Autumn could be free, Colin would stop at nothing from tearing down Dr. Money. Would that be the secret to getting out of here? Freeing Zephyr and Autumn? Maybe there’s a way to do that. You don’t know where Autumn is, but if you could have just one more night, maybe you could somehow free Zephyr from her chain. You’d need to have a private chat with Colin first, but when were you ever going to get another chance like this with him, let alone another night? Because from the sounds of things, today is the day that-
“Colin? Is Marra ready to come upstairs?”
Everyone immediately turns up to the camera with the speaker crackling static. The camera flickers on with the blinking red light, and turns to face all of you. Colin releases Zephyr from the embrace and stands back up.
“What is Marra doing slumped up against the wall on this side of the room Colin? I hope you’re not mistreating her or making her unhappy in any way. That could lead to some unfortunate consequences.”
Colin silently walks over to you and attempts to help you up onto the wheelchair, taking the bowl and spoon from you, and then grabbing the tray from Zephyr. He goes to place them on the bed and returns, grabbing onto your wheelchair. The camera, you can faintly tell, zooms in specifically on you.
“Then why does she look uneasy? What exactly were you doing with her Colin?”
“Marra is fine. I have done nothing to her but give her the food as you requested. We are heading up to you now.”
“I may just have to have a few private words with her once the two of you are up here. You better hope she says nothing negative of you Colin.”
A loud screech is heard as the speaker shuts off. The camera then zooms back down, with the red light on it flickering off. You almost want to jump out of the wheelchair and run out of here when Colin grips you on your shoulder and turns you so that you are facing him.
“Marra, I know you may be scared, but you have to remain calm. There is more at stake here than you realize. While I am not at liberty to reveal everything, I have no choice but to put you through this. Once it is over, I will try to get all of us out of here. However, we will have to work together, and nothing can be done until after your experiment. I’ll try to make this as painless as possible for you when it is your turn. I kindly ask you to share nothing of what has gone down in this room with Dr. Money. If he finds out what is going on, or if you say bad things of me, everything will turn out bad for all of us, and none of us may end up getting out of here. Do you understand me?”
You can’t help but begin to shake a little, realizing that no matter what happens, you’re going to be his and Dr. Money’s medical experiment. And if there’s anything that you know about Dr. Money, he’s going to go all out with messing you up; possibly torturing you in the process despite what he says to you. You close your eyes and shudder, sweat beginning to drip down your forehead. A part of you almost wants to have an anxiety attack when you feel Colin releasing his hand from your shoulder. You open your eyes to look at him. He simply sighs, staring down at you through his smiley face mask.
“I don’t want to do this either. I am sorry for everything you have been through, but once this is all over, I’ll try my best to get you out of here. I’ll get you a new home with a new family and a new life. I’m sorry if I came across as harsh earlier. I just want to save my two pets and protect them. If you go through this, you’ll essentially save Zephyr. And once your experiment is over, we’ll be able to personally stop Dr. Money in his tracks. For now, however, it’s time.”
You start to involuntarily yelp when you notice Zephyr looking up at you with a small smile.
“You’re in good hands Marra. Master won’t hurt you. I asked him not to when he was quietly whispering to me. It might seem scary, but you’ll really be happy afterwards Marra. You’ll get to be just like me and Autumn; being the pony you’ve always wanted to be! Master will make sure you adjust, and we’ll be there to help you through with starting your new life!”
You can’t bring yourself to muster a response, but Zephyr’s smile is at least able to make you stop shaking. As scared as you were to go through whatever you were about to go through, the thought that you’d be able to get her out of that terrible chain helped you to feel just a tiny bit better. If nothing else, for her.
“R-Right. Thu-Thank y-you Zephyr, and Cuh-Colin. I just…please, whatever happens, don’t put me back in a virtual nightmare. I can’t handle any more mind games. I just want…”
You trail off, not sure what it is exactly that you want. Sure, you wanna be you in your true body, but knowing Dr. Money and all of this, there’ll be a catch. Ultimately, all you wanted was to just be with Farra. You had to get back to her…somehow.
“It’s time Marra. Zephyr, we’ll be back in several hours. Everything will be okay, I promise.”
Almost instantaneously, Colin turns you away from Zephyr and begins pushing you out of the room. Once you both are outside the doorway, he stops. Although you couldn’t see him, you hear him closing the door, with keys turning in the lock. He then grabs your wheelchair once more and pushes you to your right. Neither of you say anything as Colin silently pushes you down the hallway.
The hallway looks as bland as ever, with the occasional camera appearing along the walls. There were several more doors to your left and right, but once you and Colin reach the end, you notice an elevator sitting directly in front you; its silvery doors reflecting a blurry reflection of you. You can’t quite make out your reflection’s details, but somewhere in there, you see fear. Colin reaches forward to push a sole up arrow button, and with a loud ding, the doors open soon after. He wheels you into an otherwise bland metallic elevator. You notice four floors on the elevator panel. You were apparently on the lowest floor, B. Colin pushes for floor 3, the highest floor. With the button lit up, the door soon closes. The elevator makes a mechanical noise and begins going up.
Colin, for his part, continues to remain silent. You sit there staring at the door, curious and afraid of what may lay beyond it. Time itself seems to have slowed, with each loud ding echoing through your ears as you passed by a floor. As you got closer and closer to the third floor, you could feel your heart beating more and more. Either Dr. Money would try to kill you, do something horrific to you, or do nothing to you. As much as you pleaded for that third option, you knew that wasn’t gonna happen. Whatever’s planned for you, you know it’s going to involve Colin’s nanotechnology being injected into you. Whether you survive that or die in excruciating agony, you didn’t know. The only thing keeping you together was knowing this would help Zephyr, and that Dr. Money might somehow help you get reunited with Farra.
The elevator abruptly stops and makes a loud ding, with the light on the third-floor button disappearing. You’re here. The doors soon open, revealing a much more crowded open area than what was in the basement. What lay before you wasn’t necessarily a hallway, but a big open circular space that lead into smaller individual hallways. There were some doors open and closed in this big, open area. Strangely enough, you didn’t really see any windows, despite being on the top floor. You also immediately notice many workers going to and from various rooms. Some were socializing, others looked to be hard at work. Others simply stood or sat down in nearby chairs. It almost looked like a lounge for Dr. Money’s workers. The creepiest thing about all of this, you observe, is that every single worker present wore one of those smiley face masks. You couldn’t make out who was who. Some wore suits, others wore casual clothes, and some even wore the same orange outfit that Colin was wearing. When Colin wheels you out of the elevator with the doors from behind closing, everyone immediately stops what they are doing. They all turn to stare at you silently.
You gulp, sweat overtaking you as you can’t help but feel like everyone is judging you; observing you as the newest guinea pig in whatever work they’re doing. No one says anything as Colin slowly wheels you through the center of the room, and then turns down a hallway to your left.
This hallway is incredibly short, with a single beige door spread out along the wall on your right. It looks like it could have been a double door, but only the right side of the door had a metallic elongated door handle down the center of both doors. To the left of this supposed double door, you also notice, is a silvery white sign. In black font, it said it was room 3060, “Nanoscience and Nanomedicine Lab.” You take another deep gulp, soon realizing there were a multitude of signs on the door. One was an orange piece of paper labeled “BSL-1 Facility BIOHAZARD.” Then there was a red sign right above the door handle on the right side labeled “Regulated Medical Waste,” as well as a danger sign on the left side warning of liquid nitrogen. Yet right above the liquid nitrogen sign was a small rectangular piece of paper taped to the door. It made you shudder hard. “Caution Nano-materials present.”
Colin quickly grips your shoulder as if to keep you from shaking. You look up to him with one last plea as he silently stares back at you with his smiley face mask. He doesn’t say anything, but holds this locked stare with you until you stop noticeably shaking. Once you have done so, he releases his grasp on you and gently pats your shoulder. You then see him turn and walk up to the door. He knocks on the door two times, waits for several seconds, and then knocks again. The door unlocks and slowly opens outwards with another worker in a smiley face mask, observing you and Colin. This worker says nothing, and then gestures for both of you to come inside. Colin soon walks back behind you and pushes you into the room with the wheelchair.
The room, which really shouldn’t have surprised you all that much, looked entirely like a chemical laboratory. You saw numerous desks scattered throughout the room; some had wheels while others were built into the floor. Directly to the right of you was a fume hood. You were no scientist, you remember, but you do remember fume hoods from your high school chemistry class. There were several scales and glassware on said scales with what looked to be clear liquid inside the fume hood. On many of the other desks too, there were lamps, some of which hung all along the ceiling, standard lab equipment, papers, writing utensils, cords, test tubes, and so on. Several colored wastebaskets were also scattered around the room, as well as numerous cylindrical gas tanks. There was even an emergency decontamination shower in front of you to your far left. Looking farther though, you notice several other rooms that look like offices that had windows with blinds covering them. The only ones present were you, Colin, and whoever the worker was that let both of you into the room. He makes a gesture and guides both of you to a gray door by the decontamination shower on the far left side of the room.
Once in front of it, you see your guide pull out a red key to unlock the door. He turns the knob and pushes it inward as Colin leads you in. You don’t see your guide close the door behind you, hearing him locking both you and Colin inside. There’s not much in this room aside from a ticking circular clock located in the top center part of the room. A glass window sat through much of the center wall, though the other side was black. You notice this room itself is very dim. There’s a solid oak table perched in front of the glass window, just below where it ends. A padded folding chair sits just underneath the desk. You also notice a microphone with a yellow and red button sitting atop the desk, with a wire connected to somewhere in the wall in front of you. To the left of the glass window is a solid, bulky door that looks as though it was a bank vault. A bright red light hung over it, shining solidly throughout the room. Colin moves forward to move the padded folding chair to the left a little, and then wheels you right up to the desk. He pats your shoulder one more time, and as you turn to him, he walks up to the vault-like door.
He knocks on it twice, waits for a few seconds more, and then knocks again. Locks can be heard turning, and then, with the most horrendous screeching ever, the door slowly opens outwards. Dr. Money is seen on the receiving end of the door, and once he notices both of you, he smiles.
“Welcome, both of you. I must say, I have been looking forward to this moment for some time now. It has taken a lot longer than I had initially planned for it to, but the end results will be well worth it. Colin, are you ready?”
He silently nods and walks into the darkened room. Dr. Money grins and steps into your room, shutting the vault door from your side.
“I have to ask, but are you ready too Marra?”
You shudder once more, trying to keep a grip. In your mind, a hundred million thoughts are screaming at you to run, but you’re sealed in this room. There’s no way out, and if you tried anything, chances are things would only get a whole lot worse. Remember what Colin said: keep your junk together and you’ll be able to get out of this nightmare. Think of Farra…Farra…
“Marra? Did you hear me? Are you ready?”
All you can muster is a gentle shake of your head back and forth.
“No? I figured that might be the case. Suffice it to say, you can breathe a sigh of relief. You will not be experimented on today.”
You nearly faint from dizzying relief, realizing that you were going to be okay, and that nothing was actually going to happen to you.
“That experiment will be either tomorrow or the following day. I’m not sure yet. It all depends on how everything goes today.”
You still gulp, but at the very least, this would buy you some more time to come up with an alternate escape strategy. If you can get another night with some alone time with Zephyr and Colin, maybe you could get out of this experimentation junk altogether.
“Which is also why you must be at the center of attention for today’s experiment. This will give you and all of us a sneak preview of what’s to come. I need to know how successful this is, and to ensure the procedure we have set up for you will indeed work. You deserve to know what is going to happen to you, especially since you won’t remember any of this. Whatever fear or terror you may be experiencing prior to your procedure, rest assured, I will make it my absolute duty to remove that from you, and fill you with nothing but pure happiness Marra. So don’t be scared. Be happy.”
And with that, he snaps his fingers loudly, turning to face the glass window. The darkness immediately fades as lights brightly shine throughout the room beyond the glass window in front of you. What you see immediately puts a knot in your stomach.
In the far right corner in the room in front of you were Daniel, Justin, and Grady bound and gagged in gray folding chairs. They had blindfolds on them, but you could tell that they immediately realized something was about to go down. They began shaking and making muffled screams in their gags. They still wore their same orange prisoner attires, though you noticed that all three of them looked a lot more gaunt and skinnier since the last time you saw them. You could even see several cuts and bruises on some parts of their exposed arms and faces. Although you couldn’t see their eyes, they looked like they were in complete and utter terror. As much as you hated them in the past, you felt sorry for them, as well as fearful for them. Today was their hell; a taste of what lay in store for you if you can’t find a way out of here soon.
Directly across from you to the far side of the other room, you saw a bunch of cabinets, a sink, a stool, and a variety of other medical equipment. The room was otherwise empty with a large open space between the glass window and where the medical stuff was. Colin, who was the only one in the room, sat on his stool overlooking all of the apparatuses that laid on the counter, carefully inspecting each and every one of them. You also notice multiple syringes on the counter; each a different size and color. He pulls out a pencil and clipboard from a drawer and begins taking notes on it. He carefully picks up each syringe, examines each of them closely, and scribbles more onto his clipboard.
Several minutes pass while he does this. You hear nothing aside from the shivering yelping from the three prisoners beyond the glass window. You’re not sure what to do aside from wait, though you perform a subtle side-ways glance to look at Dr. Money’s expression. You notice him casting a sadistic grin at his test subjects, eager to do whatever it was he had planned for them. He stares at them for several moments, studying, calculating, strategizing in cold seriousness. All you saw was evil in him. Nothing about him even seemed human. Then, he notices you glancing at him. He darts his eyes right at you; his smile returning to a gentle smile.
“Are you excited as I am Marra? What we will be achieving here today will be written down in history books. I hope you can appreciate all of the efforts I have put forth in making this day finally happen.”
You say nothing, too uneasy to even elicit a response.
“I am terribly sorry with how long this has taken. It would have happened far sooner had I not encountered numerous obstacles along the way. Colin was not easy to find, let alone with bringing him here. That, along with studying and working day after day, night after night, methodically planning each and every step to bringing us ever closer to the future of mankind; it has been truly challenging.”
“And what kind of future is that?” you ask wearily.
“A future in which everyone is happy, and can do what it is they truly wish to achieve.”
You see him grab for the padded folding chair, sitting himself in it, scooting up next to you to get a front row’s seat of his work. He crosses his legs and folds his arms, looking on in abject fascination. You turn away from him and return your gaze back to Colin.
Colin, you now notice, is standing alongside Daniel with a clipboard in one hand. He pulls off Daniel’s blindfold off with a hard tug. Daniel immediately recoils from the bright light, but is soon frantically darting his eyes all over the room. When they cross over you, you immediately see a look of pure, unadulterated hatred. He freezes and stares intently at you with the look of someone who wished you harm.
“Subject name is Daniel Cohen.”
Colin begins reading off the clipboard over Daniel’s general biographical information.
“Age 25. Male. Stands at five feet, eight inches. Previously weighed approximately 180 pounds, but is now down to 145 pounds. Previously employed as a hedge fund manager at a branch of Fidelity Investments. Has no known siblings, but was engaged with his local secretary, Briana Smethwick. No children. Born in Los Angeles, California. Possesses an MBA in finance and was actively pursuing to earn his CFA. Subject has repeatedly been hostile when questioned, and routinely threatens others.”
Colin then undoes his gag and pulls it out of his mouth. Daniel immediately begins shouting while Colin moves to undo Justin’s and Grady’s blindfolds.
“ANON YOU SICK FUCK! I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU FOR THIS FUCKING SHIT YOU DEGENERATE SUBHUMAN PIECE OF GARBAGE!!!”
As soon as their eyes adjust, Justin and Grady immediately eye you as well with looks of pure hatred; however, Colin does not undo their gags. They cannot speak.
“Oh-ho, when I get out of here, I swear I’m going to torture you and make you wish you could fucking die Anon. Don’t worry, I’ll kill you…slowly. I’ll make you scream, I’ll make you writhe in agony, I’ll watch you suffer, I’ll laugh at your pain, and I’ll savor every single fucking second of it. Just you fucking wait!”
Without warning, Colin immediately grabs hold of Daniel’s right arm and pulls up his sleeve, dropping the clipboard in his lap. Colin reaches for a small orange syringe sitting at the edge of the counter and quickly injects it into the upper right side of his arm. Daniel’s pupils quickly shrink as his look transforms from murderous hatred into absolute terror. Colin picks up the clipboard and looks at both of you through his smiley face mask.
“Subject has been injected with a solution of pancuronium bromide, which is designed to inhibit motor coordination as a muscle relaxant, but is not a general anesthetic. Subject will be unable to move or communicate, but will be consciously aware of everything that is occurring. Per Dr. Money’s orders, the subject will be able to feel everything.”
Much as you disliked Daniel, you turn to look at Dr. Money in horror. You see him cast his malicious grin again.
“Excellent. Wonderful news Colin. You may begin with the experiment.”
Colin nods, placing the empty orange syringe and clipboard on the counter, then moving towards Daniel. Daniel quickly stutters as if he’s ready to fight back in defense.
“D-Don’t yuhou putshes your hanshes onn meeee!”
His speech quickly becomes slurred as you see the tension in his muscles relax. Colin undoes the binds from his wrists and legs until he’s completely free. As soon as he’s free, Daniel tries to swing forward, but simply stumbles and falls to the ground. You can hear him speaking in a rushed frenzy, but his speech becomes so slurred that you can’t make out anything he’s saying. Colin simply grabs him across the floor and rests him in the center of the room, with his face facing both you and Dr. Money. He’s soon unable to make any form of noise aside from a gurgle or a faint whine, becoming motionless. His eyes, however, are still able to move around. He blinks repeatedly and looks directly at you, both in fear and hatred. You turn away and look back to Dr. Money, who seems to be thoroughly enjoying what he’s witnessing.
“Why the heck are you doing this to him?!? This is sick! This is so utterly wrong!”
Dr. Money looks at you with glee, excitement building up in him as he turns his gaze from the glass window to you.
“Is it now? You saw just as I did that he was threatening to torture and kill you physically. He was very honest. He wants to murder you and he wants to enjoy your suffering. How ironic that the tables have turned. Of course, we’re not going to kill him or the other two. Oh no. You had that option back then, and I’m keeping true to my word. All three will live, and by the time everything is all finished, they’ll be happy souls living their lives with brand new identities!”
“Whu-What?”
You can’t help but feel a chill cross down your spine by those last few words.
“What do you mean by brand new identities?”
He points back at the glass window for you to look. You see Colin pulling out a very large clear syringe from a drawer; probably the largest syringe he had in that room. He walks back up from behind Daniel and turns him so that he’s laying on his back. Colin carefully pulls off all of Daniel’s clothes and tosses them in a corner of the room. Part of you nearly gags seeing him naked, but that gag quickly disappears as he sticks the needle to that huge syringe half-way across his right arm. He presses down on it until all of the fluid flows into Daniel, and then slowly removes the syringe from his arm. He walks back over to the counter to place the empty syringe on it.
You see Daniel’s eyes frantically dart around in a panic, though you can’t tell if he’s in pain yet. All he makes are low gurgling sounds. Justin and Grady, who sit at the corner of the room, look on in morbid fascination. They begin trying to mumble inaudible words through their gags. Colin wheels his stool in front of you and Dr. Money, but a few feet away from Daniel. He grabs for his clipboard and pencil, passively sitting down onto the stool. Pencil in hand, he patiently watches for whatever is to come.
“New identities you ask?”
You turn back to Dr. Money, observing how focused he is on both you and the events occurring in the other room.
“Do you remember our conversation back when you were in my Virtual Dream Machine Marra? Do you also remember feeling urges and compulsions to act more and more like Radiance? Like something was indirectly suggesting you to behave a certain way?”
You try to think back, recalling how affectionate and feminine you were around Nullity before you encountered those silhouettes. You remember being in that shower, wondering why you were acting so very effeminate and affectionate. You then remember everything Dr. Money spoke of with trying to influence you to make you believe that virtual world was real. Before you can even respond to him, he continues.
“That is essentially what our friend Colin is doing here, but on a much more direct and powerful scale. You see, Daniel isn’t Colin’s first experiment. He’s done this with countless others. As a matter of fact, it turns out Colin is quite the professional with this. I’m sure Zephyr herself has told you about some of his work.”
You and Dr. Money immediately turn back to the glass window as animal-like screaming echoes along the walls of both rooms. It’s loud enough to make you want to put both of your hands over your ears. Dr. Money immediately presses both buttons on the microphone, instantly silencing the room you and he were in.
“That’s better. Apologies for that Marra. From here on out, we can watch on without all of the distracting sounds coming from that room.”
Though you could no longer hear anything in the other room, you could see Daniel’s eyes staring wide-eyed straight at the ceiling as he was trying to violently jerk his body around. He’s able to shift around a little bit, though not much. You wince at the display, turning back to Dr. Money instead.
“Not a fan of the show I take it? That’s certainly alright Marra. I promise what you’ll go through will be far less painful, and will be far more pleasurable than what Daniel is going through. Now, where was I?”
He pauses for a moment, scratching his chin trying to remember, though you can also tell that he’s distracted by what was going on in the other room.
“Oh yes! Of course, we were talking about Colin’s work and crafting new identities. You see, Colin’s work on all of the people he’s turned into ponies has in some way or another also given them new personalities and identities. Yes, he can physically turn them into ponies, but he also alters their minds to a significant extent. Not only do they forget their old names, but they can also forget portions of their memories, especially if they experienced something traumatic. They also adopt new mannerisms and behaviors in order to help them transition into new lives. Colin’s creations are neurologically programmed to love what happens to them, and to love and embrace their new identities. What you are seeing with Daniel is exactly what he’s done on others.”
You briefly turn back towards Daniel and notice something mystifying transpiring. What looks like a mist or a steam of some sort begins rising from Daniel and into the air. It’s a clear mist, but readily visible. It grows and starts to cover some portion of the room inside, with parts of the glass window beginning to fog up. However, you’re still able to see what’s going on in the other room.
“Whu-What’s going on?”
“That, my dear Marra? That’s Colin’s invention. That’s his nanotechnology fast at work in transforming Daniel into an adorable little filly who’s expected to be loving, kind, obedient, affectionate, and every other bubbly term you can think of. As we speak, Colin’s nanobots are beginning to eat away at his flesh, pouring through his bloodstream and central nervous system, and straight into his brain. They’re small enough to penetrate through his blood-brain barrier and directly rewire his mind. In a matter of time, he’ll no longer look or be Daniel mentally. He’ll have an entirely new identity and body altogether!”
You freeze in both absolute disgust and horror. You watch as Colin calmly takes notes on his clipboard. Justin and Grady’s eyes are huge. Both are shaking frantically, like they’re about to completely lose it. Daniel, you can’t even read his expression anymore. The skin on some parts of his body begins to contort and bulge, as well as shrink. It’s so horrifyingly sickening, yet you struggle in bringing your eyes off of Daniel.
“Don’t be so surprised Marra. Daniel is certainly not the first. Zephyr went through this, as did Autumn, as did countless others too. However, unlike Daniel, the vast majority of them had some form of anesthetic that rendered them unconscious through the transformation. While it might seem cruel to you that I’m making Daniel be awake to experience all of this, I have to have him awake in order to ensure the experiments with the others will work. This is the first time that I am witnessing this myself, and based off of all of my research, data, work, and experience, I needed to run the first experiment exactly how Colin normally transforms others into ponies.”
“Whu-What do you mean?”
Your gaze once more shifts away from the glass window and back to him.
“Remember, I’m wanting to integrate my virtual reality technology with Colin’s transformational nanotechnology. It’s all about the Technological Singularity and bringing about a new world of happiness…where machine and man merge…and where man can live and pursue any dream he so desires. That was what Colin and I were originally working on. You remember that, don’t you Marra?”
You slowly and silently nod.
“Nanotechnology is the key ingredient to merging man and machine. I cannot separate one’s consciousness through my Virtual Dream Machine. If the body dies, so too does the consciousness that is within cyberspace. My inventions are not enough, and as was seen through your own experiences in the Virtual Dream Machine, they also failed in completely changing you and making you happy. Colin is the only one who possesses the ability to integrate nanotechnology within one’s mind. The biological brain, the nervous system, the skeletal structure, and all of the other vital organs are completely altered by his nanotechnology into one of these obedient pet ponies of his. Now, mix some of my virtual reality technology into his nanotechnology, and what do we get? Do we get purely biologically reconstructed bodies, or are they mechanical bodies that simulate biological functions and appearances? Is consciousness still attached to this mechanical or biological body, or can it be free of it and become an artificial consciousness itself? Does said consciousness also have the ability to alter its physical body on a whim? That’s what we’ll find out with Justin and Grady. And after that, trust me when I say you’ll be in for a real treat Marra.”
You shudder and gulp, refusing to look back into the other room. Your eyes dart around Dr. Money, and then back down into your lap. You’re not even sure what to say to that other than that you hoped deep down you could find some way out of here before the day was over.
“Still not willing to look, are you? That is alright, if it makes you feel any better. Nothing special will happen to Daniel other than becoming another one of Colin’s brainwashed pet ponies. However, like I have said, it is necessary for the first experiment to go like this so I can personally observe how all of this takes place, and study through Colin’s notes on how exactly he is able to alter and affect the conscious mind of an individual. Consciousness is such a fascinating subject.”
He pauses for a few moments watching on at whatever was going on in the other room before returning his gaze back to you. Although curious, you didn’t want to see whatever deformities Daniel was going through. It was sick, disgusting, and wrong on so many levels. Much as you hated staring at Dr. Money, it was better than looking at the nightmare fuel in the other room.
“Speaking of consciousness and how it can be manipulated, would you like to hear a story on how I was able to find Colin again Marra? You remember there was a time where he dropped off the face of the Earth, right?”
Despite not wanting to be here talking with this monster while horrific things occur in the other room, if it could help past the time faster, you figure it’d be best to just go ahead and play along. Any distraction besides the horror going on in the other room would be gladly welcomed. You nodded for Dr. Money to continue.
“You also remember my fascination in psychology in watching people go about their everyday lives, right? I too had that same fascination with watching how individuals socialized online. I must say, things are quite different in the cyber world than in the real world. Far wilder, and a lot more dangerous. Several years back, around 2012 or 2013, I stumbled across a story online that very quickly captured my interest. It would be one of my first direct exposures into the community that was increasingly becoming obsessed with the My Little Pony fandom. Although never originally given a title, many called it Zephyr’s Tale , written by none other than Zephyr herself.”
He stops and eyes you carefully, curious of your reaction. A part of you is unsure of what to say, though some part of you is confused. How the heck can Zephyr write and post a story online?
“How’s that possible? She can’t type on a keyboard with hooves! That doesn’t make sense.”
“That was what I thought too Marra. And while it could arguably have just been any old story posted in the giant sea that is the internet, something about it was special. The man she called her Master in that story, while his name was never directly mentioned, he sounded far too similar to Colin. And then, when she wrote about some of his professional background, it matched exactly with what I had remembered Colin doing with our old employer. There was simply no way it could have been coincidence. No, there was much more to this story. Zephyr began writing it in 2012, and finished it by the end of 2014. Since then, almost no word from her or her Master has been heard from either of them. Silence.”
You say nothing in response as he continues.
“When Zephyr finished her story, it was revealed she had been using a voice-to-text software program that Colin would later edit. This was confirmed by my workers when we brought that computer, Colin, Zephyr, and Autumn here. That story was very real; in many ways I could have never begun to have imagined. That story, Marra, has had many far-reaching effects on others. Not just on Colin’s transformees, but on many other individuals outside of his transformational targets.”
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean is that whether intentional or not, that story was written in such a manner as to induce strong desires to be a pet pony like one of his transformees. Some have argued there was hypnotic subtext within that story, while others have said there’s something more to it than meets the eye. I choose to look towards both being equally viable possibilities. I became obsessed and fascinated with this story, closely following the community that was born out of it.”
Dr. Money pauses once more, trying to carefully decide on his next choice of words.
“While I could not get in contact with Zephyr or Colin at the time, I was able to indirectly observe many individuals who were affected by that story. Many such individuals developed strong cravings to want to be a pet pony, while others experienced notable personality drifts in their desires. Simply reading that story alone has influenced people to radically change their lives into something else. Of course, no one was transformed into a pet pony physically by reading that story, but mentally, it induced some form of change in them. I’m not entirely sure if Colin or Zephyr ever realized the effect this story was having on so many others, but it eventually brought out two other communities; the pet pony community and the pony hypnosis community.”
Suddenly, something within your memory dawns on you like a ton of bricks. You remember back in the virtual world with that whole incident with Times R. New. Something about an eggy farts guy and a black box…that was…that was from another community. Pony Transformation General. Blackbox was a writer who sometimes spoke on there with some random person making terrible jokes about that writer. And Zephyr’s Tale , that was…that was considered a historically famous story for that community. That’s right! You heard so many rumors about that story. Warned to stay away from it because it could make you want to be the pet pony. You never read it for whatever reason, but you remember how famous and infamous it was. Whatever happened in that story, all of this is a direct byproduct of that with Dr. Money. It has to be. A huge part of you wishes you could read it right now, but maybe you could ask Zephyr more about it tonight.
“Although I had hoped to find more within the pet pony community, I managed to uncover so much more in the pony hypnosis community; oh so much more. Zephyr’s Tale was long known to many within the community. Crazy as it might sound, this was when I began actively studying hypnosis so much more in depth; carefully observing every little thing in the shadows. One of my key goals was to find and observe those who were affected by that story, and to study their psychological states over time. I also learned so much more about the mind and consciousness in general. You know what hypnosis is, right Marra?”
Although you weren’t an expert at it, you knew what it meant in general. You never really believed in that sort of thing, thinking it to be nonsense. You say yes to Dr. Money, gesturing for him to continue.
“The manipulation of the mind through suggestions to change an individual’s set of behaviors. Sometimes such suggestions can be minor, while others are much more powerful. Some can be helpful, while others can be malicious. What I saw fascinated me on a profound scale. Hypnotists, through audible files you could listen to or through words that could be read on a digital screen, could hypnotize others into wanting to be ponies. As years passed, I observed individuals write journals of their experiences; noticing how their writing patterns gradually changed. I researched more and more into the history of this pony hypnosis community, which would later branch out into separate pony hypnosis communities. ‘Where am I going with this?’ you might be wondering. It’s simple really. Zephyr’s Tale was at the center of a myriad of issues these communities were experiencing.”
You again say nothing, waiting for him to continue.
“In the early days of the original pony hypnosis community, a hypnosis file was created to pay tribute to Zephyr’s Tale to help individuals truly experience what it would be like to be a pet pony without Colin’s nanotechnology. Many initially reported great success with the file, but they also got far more than what they bargained for. Long rumored to be the infamous pet pony file, it has resulted in many lives and minds being ruined. Some truly believed that Zephyr or Colin utilized some form of text-based hypnosis within that story, and others were hoping to get that same form of hypnotic emulation through that now-regarded forbidden hypnosis file. That file, quite frankly, changed others on a much more powerful scale than Zephyr’s Tale ever did. And with that, all sorts of corruption and malicious individuals began entering the scene.”
You almost blurt out “Like you?” to Dr. Money, but you manage to continue remaining silent.
“Cults of personality, slave trades, sexual exploitation, predatory behaviors, and many other horrendous actions took place. People from these communities began regularly spying on each other, threatening one another, and performing all sorts of atrocious unethical acts. More still, individuals were continually desperate to want to be a pony, especially a pet pony. They wanted to achieve what Zephyr got through Colin. That forbidden hypnosis file, and the continual development to try to produce something more potent with turning one into a pet pony mentally only received further condemnation from many. Individuals in these pony hypnosis communities who sought to achieve what Zephyr got, only through hypnosis instead of nanotechnology, often times experienced very strong personality drift. In fact, I would go so far as to say that these individuals had the most success with becoming permanently altered through hypnosis. They erased their own memories, created new ones, developed new identities, as well as destroyed old identities. Some sadly became suicidal and ended their own lives from going mad or being filled with utter depression with not getting to have something like Zephyr had. While some had joy in mentally perceiving themselves as a pony or a pet pony, very few could get the mental success, let alone the physical success, that Zephyr had obtained. No one could perfectly mimic the kinds of mental changes that Colin has enacted on so many of his transformees.”
“Why?” is all you can manage to say.
“Because Marra, while hypnosis can alter your mental states, it cannot completely rewire your neurological wiring. No one within these pony hypnosis communities has ever actually become a physical pet pony like Zephyr or the other transformees. Hypnosis can only go so far, though I will say it is incredible with how far it can go. I’m always watching and observing those communities from the shadows, noting every little thing that transpires in them. I would personally regard those communities as dangerous, as there have been many malicious individuals who have inflicted great harm on so many others with wanting to be a pony or a pet pony. In fact, I could probably write a whole book on all of the corruptions and shadowy politics that go on behind closed-doors within these communities, though perhaps that’s better reserved for another time. All told, I have learned so much from these communities, and with those observations, a better understanding into the psychology of Colin’s transformees and how it is he is able to alter them on a mental level with their new physical bodies. And you of course remember my whole spiel on how our perceptions dictate our realities, right Marra?”
You nod, remembering all of his rambling while in the virtual world.
“Despite altering personalities and memories, nearly all hypnosis subjects could still perceive their human bodies at one point or another, as well as the world around them. That desperation for a life of happiness, the possibility of living a happy loving life like Zephyr had with simply being an obedient pet pony, continually haunted and forever changed those seeking that form of pet pony hypnosis. Truthfully, that hypnosis file has brought far more harm than it has good. These pony hypnosis communities sought to bring people happiness in allowing them to become themselves, but as I have said, that could only have gone so far. I tried to do the same thing, only with virtual reality technology. As a matter of fact, I tried to incorporate some of what I had learned through those suggestive voices that were implanted into your mind, Marra, to be more feminine and bubbly, back when I was trying to turn you into Radiance. That was a taste of what happened in those pony hypnosis communities, and yet that still did not work.”
You look at him both with fear and with anger. He tried to hypnotize you and alter you like those malicious hypnotists did. He…He tried to convince you to be someone else!
“You…You tried to change me into something I wasn’t! How…How dare you!”
He looks at you taken aback in surprise, and then quickly casts a malicious grin at you.
“I wasn’t entirely successful with you, sure; however, you would also not be here right now speaking with me if I had been completely successful. Still, it seems I was partially successful, right?”
He chuckles at you, waiting for you to respond.
“You…You tried to mess me up like one of those poor souls.”
“Not really. Truthfully, I was trying to give you something like Colin was able to give to Zephyr. You should actually feel very honored that I chose you instead of someone else for this. I know hundreds of other individuals who would gladly take your place right now.”
You look at him incredulously, not sure of how to respond to that. You…You remember your old life before all of this, sure…but, you never were Anon in the first place. That may have been you beforehand, though you knew deep down you wanted to be a mare. You still want to be a mare, right? Of course! That’s who you are! You’re a girl, a mare. You were never Anon. Your name is Marra. That’s right. That…That…
The color drains from your face as you realize that he may have already changed you to a significant extent. Before all of this, you remember…you used to be so depressed and suicidal. You hated everything. The desire to live a life like the other ponies in that show, living a utopian lifestyle, was just wishful imagination. Yeah, the lake memory was always with you, but you can’t even tell if this world is real any more than the virtual world, or that other world with Farra. You identify as a mare, as one of those Kuby creatures that Farra is. You’re Marra, even though you used to go by Anon. You’re a lot more loving, and so much easier to scare, than you were before coming across Dr. Money. He’s changed you. Somehow, some way, he’s caused some form of personality drift in you. You aren’t who you used to be.
“Why the long face Marra? You look as though you came to a disturbing realization. I can almost read your thoughts simply by your expression. If I had to guess, I’d say you’re correct. While not as successful as Colin, I have been able to change you too. I can assure you, you are far different than when I first brought you here. What makes you unique compared to the rest of my test subjects is that you can see through my illusions; the rest of them have been unable to successfully do so. Like I said, you are the only one to have been brought out of my Virtual Dream Machine. While I can alter your identity to some extent, I cannot completely alter your perceptions. That’s something Colin can do, and I know he's much more qualified than I am to give you the shot at life you always wished you could have had.”
He taps his chin in thought for a few moments before continuing.
“I have to say, it makes me wonder if I had written a story about your experiences through your eyes. If I had, would I have created a story like Colin and Zephyr have with altering the reader’s sense of perception? Would I alter someone else’s identity into wanting to be Radiance, or to be a happy affectionate mare? If I could affect you Marra, I have a feeling I could pull something similar through writing a story alone. Though, no offense, your story so far has not been as bubbly and happy as I had hoped it would have been. It was a lot happier and positive before you started seeing through my virtual illusions, but alas, the original life I tried to give you simply did not work out. If I ever write something like that, maybe I’ll need to rewrite some of it to make it more convincing and believable. After all, people crave happy loving stories with happy loving endings. And to all of those individuals out there that so desperately crave to be a pony, I know they’d love to see your story end with you happily becoming one entirely. Speaking of which, Daniel is coming along quite nicely.”
He points to the other room with a giant smile, admiring Colin’s work. You reluctantly turn back to look. Your jaw nearly drops. Where Daniel was in the room is now nothing more than an ever-shrinking blob of flesh and fur. The glass window was still steamy to some extent, but you could still see clearly what was happening to Daniel, or rather, whatever’s left of him.
You still heard no sound from your side of the room, but from what you can see, portions of him were already appearing more and more like a pony. You notice hooves nearly in their final stages of development, along with a small tan tail at his rear. The blob of his half-formed body is so much smaller than what it was at the start of this experiment. Actually, maybe it’s better to not call his body a blob. It looked increasingly more like a small pony than a blob of flesh. His coat was coming in nicely as a beautiful golden yellow hue. You saw the markings of a sun appear near his rear. He also had a small tan mane that had already grown out. Though, his face is still in the process of changing. It looks so deformed, with one eye huge and the other small. A muzzle is beginning to extend from his face as more and more of that golden fur begins creeping up around his face.
You quickly turn back to Dr. Money at the sound of him chuckling.
“Look at that. His transformation is almost complete. It’s even going a lot faster than in Colin’s previous experiments. From my research and what I have learned of through my associates, such a transformation would take hours on end. This has progressed much faster, and I have to say, Colin has gotten even better at what he’s done. When Daniel wakes, if there is any fragment of his old personality, it will soon be erased as Colin’s nanomachines make Daniel love being Sunshine; an adorable little filly who’s positive and as happy as can be.”
You again turn back towards Daniel, both horrified and fascinated yourself. As Daniel’s new little muzzle finally settles into place, you now notice both eyes possessing a beautiful greenish hue, also in correct proportion to Daniel’s new body size. Even more fascinating is watching a new pair of golden eyelids slowly forming themselves across those green eyes. It’s not instant, though you notice them gradually appearing into existence over the eyes.
“Ah, the magic of nanotechnology. So small to the naked eye, but so very powerful in completely altering life and reality as we know it. Being able to erase things and rebuild them, being able to manipulate matter and consciousness, being able to bring about a whole new scientific revolution to science and mankind…I admit, I’m very eager for the future.”
Dr. Money begins laughing with a malicious tone in his voice. You slightly turn your gaze to him and notice frenzied excitement on his face. Through Colin, he wielded a very dangerous power that could seriously harm so many innocent souls. He shouldn’t have this power. In the wrong hands, nanotechnology could become a very terrifying weapon.
“Look Marra! It appears Sunshine is now awake!”
He nearly jumps up out of his chair in excited joy. Looking back to the glass window, you see Colin carefully picking up this new pony, holding her gently in his lap while he lightly pets her fur. You notice her slowly wake, casting her beautiful green eyes towards you and Dr. Money. Her expression is confused at first, though she soon greets both of you with a warm smile and begins moving her mouth. You can’t hear her, though Colin immediately makes a gesture that you assume means it’s safe to go inside the other room.
“Now Marra, before we go in, I must advise you to remain calm around Sunshine. If there’s traces of Daniel’s old identity within her, it might surface out and create a particularly unpleasant experience for Sunshine. Though Colin’s nanomachines will soon fully erase everything that was once Daniel, I want her to be happy as can be. She deserves nothing less. I have been told by Colin that you should never mention Daniel’s name again for it could trigger whatever’s left of Daniel to come out. Do not ask Sunshine if she remembers you or anything of her past. Treat Sunshine as you would a young child. Watch what you say, and most importantly, watch what you do.”
Dr. Money stands up, pushing his chair underneath the table. He walks over to the vault door and opens it with the most awful ear-piercing screech. He then walks behind you to wheel you into the other room.
As soon as you enter it, you’re hit with a repugnant odor you can’t even begin to describe. It smells like burned flesh, though it’s something far stronger. Regardless, you are wheeled in and stationed at an angle towards Colin and Sunshine, with Justin and Grady watching on in the background in silent fear.
“Hi! I’m Sunshine! What’s your name?”
You hesitate to reply, dumbstruck with how different Sunshine’s voice is compared to Daniel’s voice. It sounded like a happy little five-year-old girl greeting a friendly stranger.
“Uh…I’m Marra.”
“Marra? That’s a girl’s name! You’re a guy!”
You flinch a little from her words, looking down at your human male body. It looks and feels so utterly wrong. It didn’t match who you were at all on the inside.
“Sunshine,” says Colin, “Marra is someone special who will one day be someone like you.”
“Oooooh! Is Marra gonna be my mommy? Eeeeeeeee! Marra’s gonna be my mommy!”
You lock up instantly. You’re going to be a mother to what was once Daniel? Even if Sunshine is someone else, there’s no way in heck you could be in a familial relationship with that murderous sociopath. Before you even respond, however, Dr. Money speaks.
“Actually Sunshine, Marra will not be your new mother.”
You can faintly pick up on Dr. Money’s growing predatory tone, though can also tell that he’s trying his best to mask his excited intentions. He points directly towards Justin and Grady. Colin carefully stands up, delicately holding Sunshine in his arms as he turns towards the two future transformees.
“It will be one of them! They will soon be your new parents. One will be your mother, and the other your father. I haven’t decided yet, but which one would you like to be your mother and your father? I’ll let you decide!”
At this point, Justin and Grady begin shaking violently, desperately trying to scream through their gags. The only thing you can see in their eyes is pure terror. Despite what they did to you in your past, you truly feel sorry for them.
“Aww…they look so scared! Don’t be sad Mommy and Daddy! I just wanna make ya both happy. I uhm…lessee…”
Sunshine ponders for a moment before continuing.
“Will you be able to make them happy Mister?”
She turns to Dr. Money, who casts her a small, loving smile. He looks so weird trying to appear friendly and good-hearted. Part of you is more bewildered by that than everything else going on in the room.
“Of course, Sunshine. It is my number one goal to make everyone happy. They might be sad now, but I promise I’ll be able to give them true happiness as a happy family with you.”
Sunshine happily smiles and quickly points her small right forehoof right at Justin.
“That’s my mommy, and…”
She then points towards Grady.
“…that’s my daddy!”
You can see Dr. Money just barely able to contain his predatory excitement over his next victims.
“Excellent. So it shall be! Shall we get them ready Colin?”
As Colin begins to nod, you suddenly notice Justin successfully spitting his gag out of his mouth.
“WHAT IN EVER LOVING FUCK HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU DANIEL?!?”
Dr. Money immediately looks at him with a furious glare. Colin quickly sets Sunshine on the ground, by which point you can see her taken aback by Justin’s yelling. Tears almost start to well up in her as Dr. Money immediately rushes to Justin with a hidden syringe in his coat pocket. He instantly slams it into Justin’s upper thigh and presses down on the plunger. He speaks in a dark, low tone.
“You damned idiot! Look at what you’re doing to Sunshine, and my work!”
You stay frozen in fear as Justin’s terror soon washes away into a deep slumber within a matter of seconds. Grady, for his part, looks at him in silent horror, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead.
Dr. Money loudly sighs, soon reattaching the blindfold and gag to Justin, and then the blindfold onto Grady. He pulls out the syringe from Justin and sets it on the counter, then faces you.
“It is with great regret that I am afraid to say we must stop for today. I was hoping to continue this experiment with both of them, but it must wait for now.”
All you can muster out is a weak “Why?”
Dr. Money dourly points to Sunshine, who’s looking back and forth between each of you. Her gaze then settles directly on you. Fear, and what you can only guess is anger, begin to form over her face.
“Whu-What did you do to me?!?”
Although Sunshine’s voice, you can tell it’s Daniel speaking.
“I…I can’t remember my name or anyone else’s. I don’t know who anyone is. Who am I? Where am I? You though…wait…Anon…YOU!”
Sunshine tries to stumble over to you, but Colin quickly scoops her up back up and starts patting her.
“You did this to me you bastard! You killed me! I’m forgetting everything. I can’t remember what I used to do, or who I was, but…I can still remember you, you piece of shit!”
Colin quickly escorts Sunshine out of the room in his arms, but before they completely leave the room, you can hear Daniel shouting in Sunshine’s voice.
“I hope you remember what you did to me you sick fuck! I hope this moment haunts you for the rest of your life Anon! And when I see you in hell, I’ll…”
You hear another door opening in the other room as Colin and Sunshine disappear from audible range. You look at Justin and Grady like a zombie. Justin is unconscious, while Grady quietly mumbles to himself; sweat soaking into his shirt.
“I am terribly sorry about that Marra. You didn’t deserve to see that.”
“Whu-What the hell was…was that?”
Dr. Money slowly paces around the room in front of you.
“You remember when I told you not to mention Daniel’s name? Justin shouting it in the air like the dirt bag that he is caused portions of Daniel’s identity to resurface. It takes a little more time for the nanomachines to completely alter a transformee’s mental state. Currently, they are eating up all of Daniel’s memories, his core identity, and his personalities. By the end of the day, he will be wiped away from existence. Sunshine will be the only identity in that new body.”
You’re taken aback by those words. Although not physically dead, they…they murdered Daniel!
“I know, I know. Judging from that expression of yours, I can tell you’re thoroughly upset. I am too. As much as I hate to say it, we may have to wait even longer for you to get what you want Marra.”
“You and Colin killed him.”
You look at him with a fearful glare, with fear quickly turning into rage.
“Not quite. Daniel will live on happily in a loving new life as Sunshine. However, what you are referring to is something individuals within the hypnosis communities call egocide. In layman’s terms, egocide is the death of a person’s core identity, or personality. The body doesn’t die, but the person inside the body does. Individuals in the past have gone through various forms of egocide within the hypnosis communities, though I’d go so far as to say that egocide is mental suicide, not physical murder.”
You say nothing as rage quickly boils all throughout your body. You find yourself biting your lip, trying hard to contain it.
“Don’t look at me like that Marra. I did not kill Daniel, I simply induced a form of egocide into him through Colin’s nanotechnology. Keep in mind, Colin has done this to nearly all of his transformees. In effect, I’ve partially succeeding in doing that to you, what with changing who you are and everything else, though you are able to retain all of your memories.”
He looks at you with a frown, though he slowly begins casting a small grin.
“Sometimes, to truly make a person happy, you have to remove everything negative from them. And for those who are depressed, who are suicidal, or who wish harm on others, sometimes the only way to change them is to forcibly erase everything wrong with them. And sometimes, that calls for erasing their original identities so that a healthier and happier identity can emerge.”
Dr. Money pauses and stands right over you, looking down on you, curious to see what you might do.
“Besides, Daniel wanted to murder you. He tormented you throughout much of your life. I’d say giving him a new happy life as Sunshine is far less than what he truly deserves. We’re showing him mercy. In my opinion, he deserves death. And while I promised that I would not murder him, I’m at least erasing his mental existence into oblivion. It’s what those nanomachines are doing to him. Don’t worry Marra, he’ll be nothing but a bad memory that you will soon forget too.”
Suddenly, you furiously jump out of your wheelchair and lunge at Dr. Money. He yelps in surprise as you raise a fist and punch him as hard as you can across the face. You both fall over, with him repeatedly cursing.
You quickly hear footsteps rushing in from outside. Frantically, you try to search for a key or something similar on Dr. Money that can help aide you in your escape. However, he’s still awake, and he soon forcibly grabs you by your wrists. He looks at you enraged, blood beginning to drip out of his mouth and down his chin.
Soon after, you feel arms grabbing at you. You desperately try to resist, shouting at the top of your lungs. A needle soon punctures into your neck, with a warm-like fluid quickly coursing through your body. You quickly grow weak and lose control of your muscles, sleep fast approaching.
The last thing you see before dipping down into unconsciousness is Dr. Money slowly standing himself back up. Blood and a discolored bruise readily evident on his face, he looks down at you in rage.
“You will thoroughly regret that Marra. If you thought today was bad, wait until you wake up. I guarantee things will be much worse when you do.”
Blackness soon flashes before your vision; your mind fading out into a never-ending sea of darkness.
“Great! That’s just FUCKING great! Can this day get any shittier?”
Sweat trickling down your forehead, you curse several obscenities and slam a fist right onto your car dashboard. You were driving home from another long, pointless day of work in triple digit heat underneath the scorching desert sun. The windows were rolled down and you were desperately trying to get any breeze that you could, yet all that blew in your face was what felt like hot air blowing straight out from an oven.
“Stupid broken air conditioner. Stupid broken crappy car.”
Fortunately, though, you could see your shack of a house in the distance and considering that you lived out in the middle of a desert with hardly anyone else around, you pound the accelerator for home. It doesn’t take long before you’re nearing your house and as you begin pulling up into the dirt driveway, you push on your brakes and park your car.
Turning the ignition off, you hear the car make a series of cluttering noises, with the awful smell of exhaust leaking through your open windows. You begin coughing in response, but you decide to leave the windows down so that heat wouldn’t build up in the car. And besides, if anyone was dumb enough to rob you, all they’d get is an old, crappy car, along with a bunch of stupid junk. Not like you had anything valuable. All you had was crap.
You quickly jump out of the car and grab your briefcase full of crap from work, slamming the car door shut as you do so. You quickly rush inside your home and immediately shut your front door, sighing in relief as you are greeted by a nice, icy cold breeze. At least you had central air in your home. Fucking heat.
You waste no time in loosening your tie and unbuttoning your dress shirt in order to cool yourself off. In doing so, however, you accidentally drop your briefcase. It bounces on the floor and opens, spewing a bunch of papers all over the floor.
“Fuck! Fuck! FUCK! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!”
Obscenities pour from your mouth as you begin trying to pick up what were perhaps several dozen papers that were now all out of order. There was paper after paper of employees arguing and treating one another like garbage. Also included were memos from your boss threatening to fire you if you couldn’t resolve their problems and help improve the company. You were in danger of being fired, yet the longer you spent trying to gather and reorganize the papers, the more you realized how pointless all of this was. You begin to laugh at the absurdity of the situation, yet all you could say to yourself was “Fuck this shit.”
You drop the pile of black and white documents and proceed to your kitchen to grab a nice cold one. You also grab a slice of frozen pizza and heat it up in the microwave. After a minute or so passes, you grab your food and drink and head off into your bedroom, silently nibbling on your meal as you booted up your computer.
A few clicks and logins later, you instinctively sign into your business email account, only to see more and more complaints coming from your job. Yeah, no. This was your free time and you wanted to at least enjoy it. Besides, you knew you didn’t have a whole lot of time left. Considering the way things were going right now, you were figuring that tonight was finally going to be the night. So why not enjoy every minute of it until it was all over?
With that in mind, you sign out of your business email and open up TOR to begin exploring the “fun” side of the Internet. There was always so much crazy shit on the dark side of the Internet, and for one reason or another, you were just fascinated with it. Stories of hitmen, illegal gun and drug markets, human experiments, kidnapping, government conspiracies…all sorts of crazy things. Granted, you mainly just read for the enjoyment of being spooked, but never had you attempted to actually interact with any of these “people.” The only time that ever happened was when you went on 4chan, but even then, you rarely talked to those guys either. Then again, you never really considered 4chan to be a part of the deep web, but rather saw it as a way to waste time and amuse yourself with the stuff you’d see.
After spending about an hour or so mindlessly surfing the web, you remember that you had forgotten to check your personal email. Not that it really mattered, but you were drained and had nothing better to do, so why not?
Signing into your account, you briefly scroll through your list of emails. Mortgage payment overdue, power is being cut off on Monday, insurance has expired, government wants its money back for the student loans you took out…yep, there’s no doubt about it. You’re fucked. Wonderful! Finally, the last nail in the coffin has been laid and you now have enough motivation to end it all.
You began fantasizing about how you were going to off yourself, how everything would disappear, and how you could enjoy sweet nothingness. No more emotions, no more senses, no more thought…just nothing. You wanted that more than anything else. Yes, all that mattered was death. And that was exactly what you intended to do tonight.
While you continue your suicidal ideation fantasy, your attention gradually comes back to reality as you had been mindlessly staring at your computer screen all this time. You noticed that you had missed an email. It had no subject, yet the sender’s address was very unusual. Looking closely, you see it is: BBBOSK34286dkwz@mail.com .
The hell kind of email address is that? This might be a virus, should you open it? Oh why not. You knew you were going to be dead by the time night fell. Nothing mattered anymore, so you went ahead and clicked it open.
Suffice it to say, the message was very strange. Unnerving almost. You read through it several times to try to comprehend its contents, but this was what you saw:
Greetings.
You have been selected by us to participate in an exclusive program. According to our findings, we have determined that you would be an excellent candidate for our research. Based on your personal background and what we have uncovered from close observation, you appear to exhibit traits we feel could better advance our field of study. There is nothing you need to do on your part; just simply be yourself. We will take care of all the rest.
For now though, we hope you enjoy your evening tonight. We will be in contact with you very shortly. Please try to relax and treat yourself to something nice. We need you to be in a calm state of mind for when we start.
And with that, we very much look forward to working with you.
Warm regards,
BBBOSK34286dkwz
What the literal fuck did you just read? I-Is someone watching you? The fuck? Wait a minute…A lightbulb clicks in your head and you suddenly realize that your computer must have been wiretapped. More likely than not, it must have come from wasting all that time surfing on the deep web. You knew that there could be dangerous viruses from many of the files you downloaded from that psycho part of the web, and you were also aware that there was always a risk that someone could have started following your online behavior as a result. But you just didn’t care anymore because you knew you would be dead soon.
Fuck it. Let’s do it now. If this isn’t further proof that you’re really fucked, you don’t know what is.
You hop out of your chair and stroll over to your dark-wooden nightstand and open up the drawer, revealing a Ruger GP100 six-shot revolver. You pick it up and walk to your tiny dining room area, plopping yourself on your worn-out discolored sofa.
You were facing the back doorway, with the main door open and a glass screen door in front of it locked shut. Through it, you could see the sun setting in the horizon, casting a beautiful, luminescent glow across the desert landscape. One thing you did love about living in a desert was the spectacular sunrises and sunsets. You always loved coming over here this time of day and you would just zone out as you’d stare aimlessly across the southwestern desert.
Yet your thoughts begin to run wild as you stare at the horizon, silently reflecting over everything that has happened in your life. Where did it all go so wrong? You wanted so much more. You wanted to do something amazing with your life, yet here you were doing human resources for a company that you despised. Why the flying fuck did you major in business? Let alone human resources? All you ever did day in and day out was take crap from people and work to help resolve their differences. Yeah, like that ever worked. Everyone hated you there and you hated everyone at that job. But you needed it to barely make ends meet or you would be homeless. And even then, it looked more and more like that was going to be the case if you stuck around.
To add further to this train wreck, you actually went into debt going to college; tens of thousands of dollars doing something you didn’t want to do. Why? WHY? WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?!? Peer pressure? Dropping out three times because you couldn’t afford it? Parents promising to help you, only to bail on that promise due to them declaring bankruptcy and divorcing one another? Desperate to get that piece of paper that would allow you to get a shitty job? So desperate that you were willing to take out any loans you could just so you could afford it?
“Wh-h-y…j-just why…”
Tears start streaming down your cheeks as you realize how big of a loser you really are. You would have killed yourself years ago had it not been for that crazy pony show. You just had to go on that stupid thread on 4chan’s /co/ board to check out what all the fuss was about. That show…it gave you hope to keep going…to not give up…to find pleasure in anything that you could. It was what started to crack the mask that was hiding who you truly were: a failed, pathetic-excuse of a human being that never realized their full potential…someone who has lived their entire life as a lie because of that thing, that thing which continues to haunt you to this very day.
In short, you were a broken, sad, lonely individual that only wanted to be loved and to love others back. You hadn’t felt any love in years and that one show made you feel it again. It actually made you feel like your real self. What was it about those colorful ponies that did that to you? Did they give you hope that you could one day live in a utopian world just like they did? To love and care for one another, to have real friends, to love what you do, to have a real family, to raise a child, to mot-
That thought quickly snapped you out of trance as that damn thing started creeping up into your head again. Boy were you getting tired of that. Whatever, it doesn’t matter anymore. No more thinking. You were going to end it. You were going to end it right now.
You return back to reality and notice that the sun has disappeared over the horizon. It was dark outside now and you could see the stars glistening across the night sky.
You turn on the lamp that was standing next to you and you look down at your revolver. It was a blue finish revolver with a long six-inch barrel. It was very smooth and had no scratches on it. You never once used it, yet the thing felt cold to the touch. Its weight made you start to shake as you pulled the gun up in front of you. It felt and looked menacing. Were you really going to do this?
You push on the crane latch and the cylinder pops open to its left, revealing six loaded bullets inside. You push on the ejector rod just a little bit to pull out one of the bullets so that you can hold it out in front of your eyes. 125 grain .357 Magnum ammunition. The casing of the bullet was shiny and the tip was a rock-hard tannish color. You carefully examine it as a thought crosses your mind.
“One bullet will end it all,” you say to yourself.
You slide the bullet back into the barrel and spin it back into the frame just because you loved doing that with wheel guns. There is an audible click when you do this. Just as quickly, however, you turn the gun around so that the muzzle is facing your face. You stick it into your mouth with the grip facing upwards so that you could aim at a 45-degree angle and ensure a greater chance of the bullet hitting the vital parts of your brain. There was still a chance that you might survive this shit, but no more thinking. It’s now or never.
You grip the gun hard and despite your heavy breathing and sweat pouring all over your body, you become very still and quiet. Time seems to have nearly stopped.
Your finger starts to push against the trigger and…
BANG!
“What?”
You involuntarily drop the gun on the couch and open your eyes. Were you dead? Did the gun go off? What was that?
Just because why not, you quickly pick the gun back up and aim at the floor. You pull the trigger and BANG! Your ears begin ringing from the sound of that round being shot and you can feel your hand wearily shaking from the recoil effect of the firearm. Yeah, maybe blowing your brains out with a gun wouldn’t be the best way to go out.
You pop open the cylinder again and push hard against the ejector rod. The bullets fall onto your lap, yet you notice only one empty bullet casing. Thus, the only shot that went off was the shot you fired into the floor. So you’re not dead. But then what the hell was that loud bang?
Suddenly, the lamp next to you goes out. All of the lights in the house immediately shut off at once, leaving you in total darkness save for the moonlight eerily shining on you through the back door.
Shit, did the utility company just shut off your power? No, that wouldn’t explain the loud bang. Where did it come from? Was it outside? It sounded like it came from somewhere very close to you.
You quickly place the five remaining bullets into the cylinder and close it into the frame. You stand up carrying the gun in your right hand and walk on up to the glass door, slowly opening it. As you quietly step outside, you see absolutely nothing around you for miles.
What the hell was that? No seriously, what the fuck was that?
You walk to the side of your house and quickly notice that the door to the power box was lying on the ground. You quickly run up to the power box and notice that it looked like it had been completely wrecked. Wires were cut all over and you could see that somehow, the on/off switches to the circuit breakers were also missing.
This wasn’t the power company. Someone was here.
A chill creeps through your body and you clutch hard on your revolver for safety, even though you were going to use it to kill yourself. It’s still not too late to do that, but you at least wanted to know what the fuck was going on.
You dig through your pants for a cell phone, but you quickly realize that it was missing. Where did you put it? Was it…? Oh…Oh shit. FUCK! You remembered that you left your phone sitting on the desk by your computer in your bedroom, which meant that you had to go back into your house to get it.
Silently cursing to yourself, you quickly and quietly trek into the back entrance of your home. It was very dark and eerie inside, yet you noticed that there was some kind of light coming from the front side of the house. You quickly crouch in front of your discolored sofa and slowly peer upwards. Your front door was wide open. Shit. Someone really is here. But you need your cell phone. And you had a loaded gun.
Silently and quickly, you dash into your bedroom to your left. Your eyes start to adjust to the darkness and you can see your cell phone sitting right next to your computer monitor. YES! Wait a minute. Oh…no…NO! FUCK! Your phone was dead. Wait, it wasn’t dead, it was smashed. Someone smashed it. That means…
Before you could finish your thought, your bedroom door slams shut. You quickly turn around and aim your revolver at the doorway and just as you do so, you feel a needle-like object strike the side of your neck. You rapidly lose control of your hand and the gun falls to the floor.
Five seconds later, you notice you’re falling to the floor, landing on it with a loud thud. You could feel yourself becoming very dizzy and warm, like a warm fluid was swishing through your body. Your limbs weren’t working the way you wanted them to move. Straining to do anything, you realize that this may finally be it. You were going to die.
You struggle to look up and in your confused gaze, you can see the silhouette of a person, yet you could not make out any discernable features in the darkness. As this person starts to slowly walk towards you, your whole body rapidly becomes numb and tired. Your eyes soon close and you feel yourself quickly becoming lost into a comforting sea of darkness and nothingness.
Nothingness…
