PSSSD Cubed

by Brass Polish

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Nurse Redheart, Comedy, Limestone Pie, Random, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Marble Pie, Mrs. Cake
Length: 4216

Limestone is insistent that Pinkie stays away from her and Marble as they spend their PSSSD in Ponyville this year. It’s not easy when it’s where she lives.

Limestone is insistent that Pinkie stays away from her and Marble as they spend their PSSSD in Ponyville this year. It’s not easy when it’s where she lives.

Published 2017-02-18 15:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-02-18 15:10:01 UTC

1 Vetoed

Pinkie Pie had spent a whole day in a flour bag playing with a cup and ball in preparation for an upcoming Pie Sister Surprise Swap Day; it was not her own. Limestone wanted to spend her PSSSD with Marble this year in Ponyville, and she wanted Pinkie Pie to stay away from them during their visit. Mrs Cake found this difficult to take in when Pinkie explained this to her.

“Why should you have to make yourself scarce in your own hometown?” she inquired.

“Each Pie Sister Surprise Swap Day is only with two of us,” said Pinkie. “It’s tradition. Pie Sister Surprise Swap Day With Rarity doesn’t count because she’s not a Pie sister. That’s the only reason Limestone’s okay with it.”

“Why do you need Limestone’s approval?” asked Mrs Cake.

“She’s a huge stickler for tradition,” Pinkie Pie’s eyes went wide.

“I thought you told me she’d relaxed that time the Apples spent Hearth’s Warming Eve with your family.”

“To a point,” said Pinkie. “She vetoed knocking Holder’s Boulder into the pit and rolling it back up the hill every year. She said it’ll crack the more we do it and then eventually it’ll shatter like an egg.”

“That still doesn’t answer why she’s trying to shove you into a closet,” frowned Mrs Cake. “If she wants to visit Ponyville, she ought to spend a PSSSD here with you.”

“That’d break tradition, too,” said Pinkie Pie. “Each pair of Pie sisters travels to a different city in Equestria for PSSSD. I can’t spend a PSSSD here in Ponyville. This is where I live.”

“That’s exactly my point, Pinkie Pie,” said Mrs Cake. “This is your home. You have friends here. You have a job here. Your sister can’t make you sweep yourself under a rug.”

“You don’t know Limestone like I do,” Pinkie grimaced. “She can get really tetchy. She does run the rock farm we grew up on now. Between Mom and Dad getting old, Maud away getting her rocktorate, and me living here, Marble’s the only real support she gets working in the quarry and the mine. It’s turned her into one great big tension knot. I don’t wanna ruin one of the few days off she gets.”

“Pinkie, you can’t ruin someone’s day just by being around,” insisted Mrs Cake. “She does love you, doesn’t she?”

Pinkie Pie paused, then said “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. There’s no need to make any special arrangements. Forget I said anything, Mrs Cake.”

And she bounced away to go about her work.

“I often do,” Mrs Cake said quietly to herself.

Ponyville wasn’t exactly a tourist trap, although it had gained notoriety for being to home of the Friendship Council and the site of a brand new castle. Limestone knew she and Marble weren’t in for an extravagant PSSSD, but they were both excited on the train ride to Ponyville.

“You know, every time you and me go on a PSSSD,” Limestone said to Marble, “we always come back and find everything’s fine. I used to worry Ma and Pa wouldn’t be able to do all the work without us, but it always ends up looking like we never left.”

“M-hm,” nodded Marble. “If you ask me, they’re acting old and feeble just so they won’t have to work as much.”

“I don’t know about acting old,” said Limestone. “But it wouldn’t surprise me at all to find out they’ve been using their age as an excuse to sit back. Maybe I shouldn’t let them getting away with only doing the lighter work so much.”

“Don’t forget, Limestone. They still own the farm,” warned Marble. “Besides, maybe one day a year doing all the work is all they can stand.”

The guard entered the coach they were sitting in.

“Next stop, Ponyville!” he called.

“Great,” smiled Limestone as the guard carried on down the train. “So I thought we could start with a tour of Ponyville Castle.”

“M-hm,” nodded Marble.

“I don’t know how long it’s supposed to take,” Limestone wet on, “but it’ll probably be lunchtime by the time it’s over.”

“M-hm,” said Marble as the train slowed down at Ponyville Station’s platform.

“They’ve got a lotta burger joints there, so we could just have lunch at the first one we see,” Limestone suggested.

“M-hm.”

“Is that all you have to say?” asked Limestone. “You’re usually only this quiet when…”

“Hi, Limestone! Hi, Marble!”

The sight of Pinkie’s face pressed against the coach window made Limestone scowl and Marble jump.

“Welcome to my hometown!” squeaked Pinkie.

Limestone opened the window. “What are you doing here, Pinkie?”

“I live here,” smiled Pinkie innocently.

“You live at the station now?” Limestone raised an eyebrow. “What happened? Did Mr and Mrs Cake kick you outta Sugarcube Corner?”

“No, no. I mean I live in this town. And you can’t get rid of me,” said Pinkie, face and voice smarmy to the hilt. “So if you see me while you two are enjoying your PSSSD, it can’t be helped.”

The guard blew his whistle. Limestone quickly shut the coach window.

“Ow!” cried Pinkie.

Limestone had closed it on her mane.

“Come on, Marble!” urged Limestone, jumping from her seat with her luggage and lunging for the door.

“M-hm,” replied Marble, doing likewise.

After they got off, the train began to move. Marble watched nervously as Pinkie Pie struggled to remove her mane from the closed window. The train left the station with Pinkie dangling on the side of one of the coaches yelling and flailing.

“Come on. Let’s enjoy our PSSSD together,” said Limestone calmly, stepping off the platform.

Marble nodded and followed on, with one more nervous glance towards the train, from which Pinkie’s shouts were still audible.

Eventually, somepony on board noticed a puff of pink hair in the window and opened it. Pinkie dropped onto the lineside and tumbled into a ditch as the train carried on up the line.

“Nice try, Limestone,” she grunted, bouncing along the ballast back towards her hometown.

When she arrived back at the station, she caught the attention of Octavia, who was standing on the platform waiting for the train to Canterlot to arrive.

“Hello, Pinkie Pie,” she waved. “Has somepony let go of a balloon again?”

“Hi, Octy,” replied Pinkie. “No. My sister just tried to run me outta town.”

“I’m sorry?”

Pinkie Pie explained to Octavia about PSSSD and how it was supposed to work according to her oldest sister.

“Mrs Cake told me Limestone can’t just expect me to disappear from the town I live in,” she finished. “So I met her and Marble here and told her that it’s not my fault if I’m around during their visit.”

“Well, it is, really,” said Octavia, rolling her eyes.

“Huh?”

“I quite agree that you can’t be blamed if you’re going about your business and you’re around while they’re here,” said Octavia. “But deliberately bumping into them just to tell them they can’t get rid of you sounds awfully forced.”

Pinkie considered. “Huh. You think I went overboard? Ponies always tell me I do that.”

“If you have deliveries to make, or ingredients to collect, that’s not your fault,” said Octavia.

“Well, I do have both of those things to do today,” said Pinkie. “But I’ll try not to be so blunt about it if they see…”

A green balloon floating towards town caught her attention. Octavia sighed as Pinkie ran to catch up to it.

“You are giving them a tour of the castle?” laughed Spike. “You can’t even find your own bedroom.”

“I can so,” protested Starlight. “Now if you don’t mind…”

Spike went about his business, chuckling, as Starlight carried on showing Marble and Limestone along the castle corridor.

“As I was saying, this castle came with a few tapestries when it was given to Princess Twilight by the Tree of Harmony,” said Starlight. “But they all have vague designs and patterns, and nopony knows if they mean anything at present. There’s one over here that sort of resembles a pair of dragons, and this one looks a bit like a windigo, this one here looks like it has a breezy on it, and that looks like a swarm of parasprites on that one over there, and this could be another dragon… like I said before, we don’t know if there’s any meaning to these…”

“I think I can guess what that one up there means,” Limestone interrupted, pointing up. “It means somepony can’t keep her nose clean.”

Starlight looked at the tapestry Limestone and Marble were staring at; it looked like it had a pink pony hugging a green ball on it.

“Pinkie?”

Pinkie Pie let go of the balloon and landed on all fours on the floor.

“Unless your cutie mark’s glowing, I’ll bet my very first Hearth’s Warming Doll that you have no good reason to be here,” frowned Limestone.

“Look, maybe I was a bit snarky back at the station there,” admitted Pinkie. “Why don’t you tell me what you’re planning to do today and I can make sure I don’t get in the way.”

Limestone pulled a sceptical look, but Marble tossed a paper airplane to Pinkie, which turned out the have their repertoire written on it.

“What the heck, Marble!” groaned Limestone as Pinkie unfolded the paper and scanned it. “You know Pinkie’s got the self-control of an orthros.”

Pinkie crushed the paper in her hoof, dropped it, jumped up, grabbed the balloon, and floated out of the nearest window.

“No self-control, huh?” she grumbled to herself as she stomped into town. “That’s just what Nurse Redheart thought when I whispered that birthday song to the Cake Twins in the maternity ward. We’ll see if she still thinks that when she doesn’t see me for the rest of hers and Marble’s PSSSD together.”

She managed to improve her mood when she returned to Sugarcube Corner to collect her delivery wagon. It was always a joyful experience dropping off chocolates and pastries to her Ponyville friends. She’d completely forgot about her tiff with Limestone until she’d finished her rounds. It was nearly lunchtime, and Pinkie tried to remember what was on the list Marble had shown her. She soon recalled that they planned to have lunch at the first burger joint they came across upon leaving Twilight’s castle.

Her stomach rumbled. “A burger does sound good.”

She absentmindedly sauntered to her favourite burger restaurant, but when she realised Ponyville Castle was visible from there, she backtracked.

“Limestone and Marble are bound to stop here when they leave the castle,” she muttered. “I’ll have to go someplace else.”

Before long, she was scoffing down sliders, gobbling onion rings, and sucking down soda in another fast food establishment. She was just sipping the last few drops of her drink when she spotted something in the window that made her spit out her straw.

“Why are they coming here?!” she cried. “They walked right by the first one from Twilight’s!”

She saw they were heading for the door, and hastily dove into the nearest trash bin.

“Huh. Looks like this place is full,” said Limestone when she and Marble entered.

“M-hm,” said Marble, looking around. “Oh. There’s a free table. All we gotta do is clean all that stuff off it.”

Pinkie was watching from beneath the bin’s lid. She began to sweat; she knew what was about to happen. Limestone reached the table first, and went to grab the soft drink cup, but stopped and picked up the straw sitting in it.

“Fernando?”

She turned and scanned the restaurant.

“Pinkie’s here,” she muttered.

Marble raised an eyebrow.

“I gave her that straw for our PSSSD in San Palomino four years ago,” Limestone grunted. “Pinkie! I know you’re in here!”

“Well, I’m sorry you missed the first burger place from Twilight’s castle!” spluttered Pinkie, leaping from the bin and talking from behind a cup of mustard. “Maybe if you weren’t such a stick in the mud and would let me hang around you two, I could’ve shown you around town! And another thing. Did you not see my wagon parked outside?”

Pinkie quickly realised she was being vindictive again, and promptly grabbed Fernando from Limestone’s rough hoof and left the building.

Author's Note

This one pretty much came to me shortly after I first saw Gift Of The Maud Pie.

2 Derpy's Parcel

“There’s only one bowling alley in town,” Pinkie said to herself as she made her way back home, “so unless Limestone accidentally guides Marble to Barnyard Bargains, there’ll be nothing to stop me picking up that order of sugar, butter, and flour. I better do that now while they’re busy having lunch. Then I’m staying home for the rest of the day.”

But she was a little early. Barnyard Bargains always gets their sugar deliveries every Saturday at 5PM, as the clerk explained to Pinkie shortly after she arrived. She got the butter and flour, but there was no sugar to be had; no white, to brown, and no powdered.

Pinkie had a thought. “Limestone and Marble won’t go anywhere near the station until after sunset. I could wait at there for the sugar delivery.”

So that’s just what she did. For five hours, she lounged about on the platform watching the trains, passengers, and porters. A stopping passenger train parked there for several minutes to take on water, then an express passenger train for Manehattan passed through, followed by an express goods that smelled of peat; and before the slow goods that would be carrying Bargaining Barnyard’s sugar for the week arrived, another stopping train pulled in. Pinkie had been starting to get bored before spotting somepony she recognised stepped off the train.

“Hi, Nurse Redheart!” she waved.

“Oh. Hi, Pinkie Pie,” smiled Redheart. “Did you come to welcome me home? That was nice of you.”

“Uh, not exactly,” admitted Pinkie Pie. “I would like to know, though, how was your holiday in the Crystal Empire?”

“It went well,” said Redheart. “I met Princess Flurry Heart’s crystaller, Sunburst. He introduced me to Impulsoria, the crystal dragon. Sunburst told me a lot about magical medicine theory.”

“Cool,” grinned Pinkie. “What about Impulsoria?”

“Mm… she seemed a bit stilted,” said Redheart.

“Really? I always remembered her being pretty fun,” said Pinkie. “She showed me how to play gem pong last time I hung out with her in her cave.”

The porters had finished unloaded the Ponyville passengers’ luggage and the guard had blown his whistle.

“Need help getting your bags home?” Pinkie offered.

“Oh, that’d be great. Thanks, Pinkie,” said Redheart gratefully.

They gathered Redheart’s luggage and left the station after the passenger train had gone… and the slow goods train arrived.

“It’s kinda funny. I had you on my mind today,” said Pinkie as they headed to Redheart’s house. “I, uh, guess you remember when I held a grudge against you.”

Redheart nodded.

“It was kinda stupid, really,” Pinkie admitted. “Just the simple act of you standing around completely ruined my day since Pound and Pumpkin were born. I’m so glad I got past that. Anyway, I think it might run in the family.”

“What does?” asked Redheart.

“Getting mad at just the thought of somepony you don’t want to be there.”

“Oh? Who else in your family does that?”

“My big sister, Limestone,” Pinkie answered.

“And who can’t she seem to bare the sight of?” pressed Redheart.

Pinkie frowned. “Me.”

She told Redheart about hers and her sisters’ tradition.

“You’re right. She’s being just as unreasonable as you used to be,” agreed Redheart.

“At least she has an excuse for being such a crab,” said Pinkie glumly. “She does the most work at home on the rock farm. I’m supposed to be friends with everypony in town.”

“Don’t worry about that, Pinkie,” insisted Redheart. “We’re friends now, that’s what matters.”

They were nearly at Redheart’s house when somepony flew into the bags they were carrying. Bags and ponies were scattered all over the walkway to Redheart’s front door.

“Hi, Derpy,” grunted Pinkie Pie, picking herself up.

“Hey, you two,” waved Derpy merrily. “I’ve got some mail for you, Nurse.”

She took some letters from her mail sack and passed them to Redheart.

“Thanks,” Redheart said. “Makes a nice welcome home present.”

“Speaking of presents,” said Derpy, reaching into her sack again, “I’ve got a parcel for Pinkie Pie.”

She gave Pinkie a package wrapped in brown paper, and then took off, leaving the dropped luggage behind.

“Maybe I should’ve asked Impulsoria if she can get mail like Spike does when I had the chance,” grunted Redheart as she got to her hooves. “Who’s the parcel from, Pinkie?”

Pinkie didn’t answer at first.

“Pinkie?”

“It’s from Marble.”

“Your other sister?”

“Marble had her PSSSD present for Limestone sent to me,” said Pinkie uneasily. “She must have wanted to find a way to not have to carry it around with her all day while she and Limestone had their fun.”

“You mean she wanted you to drop it off at sundown?” suggested Redheart. “Did she say anything?”

“She hardly ever says anything,” said Pinkie Pie, “but I can usually read her. She did seem nervous today, but I thought maybe that was because of Limestone’s attitude.”

“Well, it’s almost sunset,” said Redheart.

“Haven’t you been listening?” groaned Pinkie. “Limestone’ll throw a tantrum if I show up right in front of her and Marble. Even if I’ve got her gift from Marble.”

She gasped.

“She might get so mad at the sight of me that she’ll knock the parcel out of my hooves! Then Marble’s gift for her will be destroyed! And their PSSSD will be ruined!”

“Don’t panic, Pinkie,” said Redheart. “If you’re worried, I could drop it off instead.”

“Oh, that’d be great,” Pinkie Pie cheered up at once. “That way I don’t have to make Limestone angry just by existing, and I can get the sugar for the Cakes. Thanks, Redheart.”

As Pinkie passed her the parcel and bounced away, Redheart remembered how much cleaning up she had to do on her walkway.

Another realisation came to her after she got her luggage into her house.

“I don’t know where Pinkie’s sisters are! Or what they look like!”

She knew she didn’t have much time, as the sky was already red, so she ran to the park with Marble’s package. There were a number of pairs of picnickers when she arrived. The place wasn’t crowded, but since Redheart never knew Marble and Limestone, she had no idea if any of the ponies there were them. Even when she ruled out the ponies she knew, like Lyra and Bon Bon, Gilt Eyes and Silver Spoon, and Thunderlane and Rumble, there were still a number of out-of-towners in Ponyville’s park. The nearest pair of ponies she didn’t know couldn’t have been Pinkie’s sisters; one was a stallion, and they were both pegasi. She spotted a pink pony and started to walk towards her, but then noticed she had a horn, and her companion was a pegasus. Then she spotted two unfamiliar pink ponies, neither of whom had wings or horns, and one of whom looked worried.

“That has to be them,” she said, walking in their direction.

Quite soon, she began to have doubts as her ears caught some of their conversation.

“You keep looking towards the east. Are you sure you’re not nervous?”

“I keep telling you, Luckette. I’m not worried. I told you I left my friends the seamstress and the mane stylist in charge of my theatre.”

Redheart turned tail and carried on canning the park.

“♪It’s the Pie Sister Swap Day Song!”

“♪Hey.”

If Redheart hadn’t spotted the two grey earth pony mares singing that, she might not have believe they were related to Pinkie. She shrugged and galloped towards them, realising that one of these mares did look rather uneasy.

“Special delivery for Limestone Pie,” she said, holding the parcel aloft.

Limestone was surprised. Marble breathed a sigh of relief.

“Is that your present for me, Marble?” asked Limestone.

“M-hm,” nodded Marble. “But… I don’t know who this pony is.”

“I’m Nurse Redheart.”

She didn’t mention she was a friend of Pinkie’s.

“I was asked to deliver this parcel that was mailed to this town,” she finished.

“Pretty clever, Marble,” grinned Limestone. “Thanks, Nurse.”

She reached out to take her PSSSD present, but Redheart grabbed her hoof.

“What in Tartarus happened to your hoof!” she exclaimed.

“What? Nothing.”

She took her parcel with her left hoof, but Redheart refused to let go of her right.

“It’s so dry and cracked,” she said with wide eyes. “And look at these red rashes!”

“It’s just from quarrying rock,” insisted Limestone, yanking her hoof away.

“We work on a rock farm, you see,” put in Marble. “Handling rocks does tend to dry out our hooves.”

Redheart boldly made a grab for one of Marble’s hooves and examined it.

“Yours looks alright,” she said. “You treat it regularly, I take it?”

“M-hm,” nodded Marble. “I use plenty of moisturizer. How often do you, Limestone?”

Limestone scoffed. “I can live with dry hooves.”

“I wouldn’t recommend it,” said Redheart gravely. “You’ve plainly got eczema.”

“But I don’t smoke,” protested Limestone.

“Not emphysema. Eczema. It’s dermatitis,” explained Nurse Redheart. “And it goes beyond dryness and itchiness. It leads to blisters and rashes and scabs.”

Marble gasped. “That’s bad, Limestone. If you haven’t been moisturizing your hooves in all the years you’ve been working on the rock farm…”

Limestone gulped.

“No need to panic,” assured Redheart. “It’s not too severe. Come with me. I’ll have you checked into Ponyville Hospital. You two can carry on with your PSSSD gift exchange in the waiting room.”

Mrs Cake was glad to see Pinkie Pie arrive with the baking ingredients.

“Thank you, Pinkie Pie,” she said. “Mind if I ask if Limestone gave you any trouble?”

Pinkie grunted. “Well, I mighta made things worse between us.”

She told Mrs Cake about deliberately meeting her sisters at the station. Mrs Cake said nothing.

“Actually,” Pinkie went on, “I spent most of my day at the station. Barnyard Bargains was outta sugar so I wanted to wait for their delivery by rail.”

“Don’t tell me you took the sugar right off the train,” chuckled Mrs Cake.

“No, I never ended up meeting the good train. I met up with Nurse Redheart there,” Pinkie told her. “She’s back from her holiday.”

“Oh, before I forget,” said Mrs Cake, “Derpy was here earlier looking for you. She might have a…”

“She found me already,” interrupted Pinkie and she deposited the groceries. “It turned out Marble intended for me to deliver Limestone’s PSSSD gift. But I knew that’d just end in disaster, so Redheart offered to do it for me.”

Derpy came bursting in.

“Oh, good. You’re here,” she said breathlessly.

“Derpy, you already gave me Marble’s parcel,” said Pinkie with a raised eyebrow.

“No, no. I’ve got a message for you,” said Derpy. “Your sister Limestone had to go to the hospital.

Pinkie gasped.

“Oh, my,” said Mrs Cake. “She must’ve gotten on the wrong side of Nurse Redheart as well.”

Despite her concern, Pinkie Pie managed to not make a scene when she arrived at the hospital and asked around for Limestone and Marble. When she was shown to their room, she entered to find Nurse Redheart administering some occlusive dressing to Limestone’s hooves.

“Oh. Hi Pinkie,” said Limestone calmly. “I thought you might have come here… Marble’s stopped talking again.”

“What’s wrong with Limestone, Nurse?” asked Pinkie.

“Years and untreated eczema,” answered Redheart. “It’ll be a long time before your sister’s fit for work again.”

Pinkie and Marble expected Limestone to protest, but Limestone didn’t seem too fussed about not being able to run the rock farm for a while. She did still give Pinkie a dispirited look.

“You know, Limestone,” Nurse Redheart went on, “I used to annoy Pinkie here just by turning up and talking. Just think what might’ve happened if she’d never gotten over our disagreement and make an effort to be my friend. I wouldn’t have noticed you were in a bad state of health, and you would have carried on in your same stubborn way until you couldn’t even stand up anymore.”

“Yeah,” nodded Limestone. “I, uh… I was just thinking that. Sorry, Pinkie. You and I both know I don’t want you out of my life. I’ll never shoo you away again.”

“Aw. Thanks, Limestone,” beamed Pinkie.

She hugged Limestone, who was unable to hug back due to her hooves being covered in goo.

“Say, what did Marble get you for PSSSD, anyway?” asked Pinkie.

Limestone chuckled. “It’s a case of moisturizing cream.”

Marble twiddled her hooves, which were holding Limestone’s PSSSD gift for her; a miniature statue of a stallion made of keystone thrust.

“Oh. You thought she need a new and better brand, so you got her the kind you use, and now you’ve found out that she never moisturized at all?” guessed Pinkie.

“M-hm,” Marble nodded.

Author's Note

DeviantArt won't let you use the cubed function in the titles, and this site doesn't seem to have one at all.