The Roast of Princess Celestia

Dash strutted up to the podium, a huge grin plastered on her face. She waited for the loud applause to die down, then leaned toward the microphone. She cleared her throat, a small moment to compose herself, though she was sure that her jokes would be the best of the night.

“Pinkie Pie, everyone, the living embodiment of a sugar high.” Pinkie simply leaned back in her chair and blew a raspberry at Dash. “What can you say about Sunbutt. Other than that her butt is the size of the sun. Really Princess, your rump is so big that stallions have to coat it in flour and look for the wet spot.”

Several ponies went silent in shock. Then Celestia burst into laughter, a warm crackle that eventually eased other ponies nerves enough for them to start chuckling themselves.

“And seriously, how long has it been since any stallion has scaled that massive mountainous plot? What kind of equipment do you need to conquer and mount Celestia?”

Celestia simply replied, “Not as long as it’s been for my sister.”

Luna blushed before making a rude gesture at her sister.

“So what? About a thousand years? Where would you even find one that could mount you? I mean, you're the tallest pony, mare or stallion, anywhere in Equestria. Even Big Mac couldn’t get up that high.”

“Your father had no problem,” Celestia retorted with a smirk.

“I wonder how he stayed up there with his wings stiff? But as fat as your rump is, I’m also wondering how she managed to find the cake batter with all that frosting.”

The crowd was roar with laughter as the banter bounced back and forth. Now that could see that none of the ponies, even the royal sisters, were taking any real offense at the jokes, all the tension seeped from the room, replaced with goofy grins and watering eyes.

“My time is almost up, so let me close with this. Princess, you are the best ruler anypony could hope for. You’re kind, fair, and can take a few jokes at your expense. I mean even vote for you when Luna establishes the Lunar Republic in a few years!”

Celestia cracked a wide grin, chuckled a bit, and then gave a nod. She had been looking for ways to make herself more approachable to the masses, and it looked like this was the perfect way to do it.

Dash turned away from the podium, and Pinkie bounced up to take her place once more. “Let’s hear it for Rainbow Dash.”

The applause almost shook the building. “Next up, the Princess of friendship, the former student of Celestia, Twilight Sparkle!” With that, Pinkie went back to her seat. Twilight got up and walked to the podium, a small set of saddlebags on her back.