Logs of a Radio Co-Host Special: Uncle Kiba

by Kiba Kush

Rating: mature
Tags: Thriller, Comedy, Tragedy, Adventure, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 2167

Kiba Kush must watch the Crystal Empire and Baby Flurry Heart

Princess Cadence and Shining Armor are going on there second Honeymoon and are taking Sunburst with them
They ask Princess Molestia if she'd like to watch Flurry and the Empire but she decides Kiba Kush is better fit to go.

Needless to say he hates the idea and now you get to learn about the events that happend that faithful month in the empire.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-13 17:56:10 UTC

Uncle Kiba pt 2: He leaves

So I am currently on a train heading to the Equestrian North for the Empire.

I'd wait until I got there to write this but it will be nightfall by then and the couple leaves tomorrow for the honeymoon. So nothing really interesting happened while I was on my way to the station.

Lucker walked with me to the station while I made a few stops to stock up on things they don't have at the Empire like cola and root beer mainly.

As we arrived at the station we heard the conductor yell

"Train for the Equestrian North arriving in approximately 9 minutes"

And thus Lucker and I sat down and waited for the train. We argued the whole time, he told me I needed to calm down and not be so violent about the whole "taking care of an empire" thing. But lets get real here, I am a weed dealing goof with no ability to even comprehend taking care of a child let alone an entire kingdom....AND I HAVE TO DO BOTH....FOR A MONTH!

Oh well the train arrived, and Lucker threw me onto it and now i'm here.....

This is gonna be a long month

Uncle Kiba pt 3: He Arrives

Last night I arrived at the empire.

Woke up to Flurry crying about missing her Mommy and Daddy so I tried to calm her down. Then she blasted me with her magic and sent me against the wall. Wish they told me before they left that her unstable abilities came back!

I tried to calm her down, I felt terrible but angry that I couldn't calm her down. I picked her up and tried singing to her but she still wouldn't stop crying. I hated it....

"OH MY GOD WHY WON'T THIS NIGHTMARE END!"

"Cause that's not how you hold a baby."

"Wha?"

I turned around to see a tall pale pink unicorn with a darker pink mane and tail ending with a shade of purple. She walked over to me and used her magic to pick up Flurry Heart and rock her slowly in the air. Shortly there after Flurry started to calm down and begin to fall asleep.

"Like that, if you are loud it's only gonna make things worse and she'll never calm down."

"I...I....Thank you...I'm Kiba Kush, who are you? "

"I'm a friend. I'm always around even though I may not seem like it. Remember to be gentle with children Mr.Kush."

"Yes mam."

The unicorn walked out the door leaving me with Flurry sleeping in my hoof. This was strange but i'm glad she was here. But this is gonna be a loooooong month........

Uncle Kiba pt 4: Royal Duties

So something I wasn't expecting was LITERALLY BEING KING OF THE EMPIRE!!!!

I was expecting someone almost directly under Cadence and Shining to take over while I essentially was house sitting but nope I am the temporary ruler of the empire.

Sounds amazing right? Well it's really not. I have to attend different events, sign documents, give orders and try to keep the public happy. Now need I remind them I am a dispensary owner with my only form of command at all was telling my employees what to do back when I wasn't working there by myself. This was something out of my league as a unicorn and a commoner turn ruler, but if Shining Armor can fail and look amazing to the subjects then I should be fine right?

Update:

Nope I suck major ass at this job! Over the course of today I was either taking care of Flurry Heart or doing paper work or talking to some diplomat. It's hell, how the fuck does Cadence and Shining handle this? I think my only saving grace was that tall mare came by and helped me handle all the craziness that ruling had to offer. Seriously who is she? I need to repay her for all of this help she's given me. Granted her helping me isn't making talking to royals any easier.

I will admit though the ones that are douchy are the ones I hate the most, today a few of them had to stay at the empire for the weekend and we had to accommodate them. They insulted the staff at the castle and called me "an uncouth peon that should have stayed a rat on the street" which really ticked me off.  The even called Flurry Heart an imp and that was all I needed to justify what I did to them.

To make it simple I threw fire crackers into there bedroom in the middle of the night and that scared them to near death. They claimed they were gonna "reprimand" me but they were only diplomats of a small settlement to the wast of the empire so any fear I would have had was minimal at best.

Uncle Kiba pt 6: Coming out of the closet...covered in cocoon

So i'll start this log off by saying that I am by no means the strongest pony or the most magically adept so it's expected that i'd most likely get my ass kicked if I fought a changeling. and suffice to say I did. I'll also point out that the empire was on severe edge at the time due to finding a blueish residue near the crystal heart and traces of changeling shell in the sewers so they we're really frightened and I don't blame them.

It happened on Friday, it was 10:03 pm and I was in the middle of a Radio Molly broadcast. I was making my wisecracks and usual jabs at my friends when I hear an alarm go off.  Next thing I hear is a bang on my door and a guard yelling for me to open the door. I open the door and as soon as I opened the door I was col'cocked right in the left side of my face and forced to the ground. As I recovered from the hit I heard Flurry Heart crying and tried my best to get back up.

I look to where I hear the baby and I see a black and blue fanged creature with massive holes in it's legs and horn looking down and Flurry. I ran at him and knocked him down then I jumped on him and started hitting him and was doing some pretty good damage on him.....until he used his magic to fling me around the room. I had completely lost control of the fight if I had any at all. After a few blows to my chest and head I began to lose consciousness. While slipping in and out of consciousness I witnessed the changeling begin to change himself to appear as me and then he started dragging me to the closet.

Now I can't remember much about what happened after that, all I know is what the guards told me after they found me in the closet inside a big green cocoon. They told me that the changeling tried to copy me so it could feed off of Flurry without getting noticed but according to the guards it was discovered when it said it didn't smoke when The Captain asked him if he would when he got back to Canterlot.

Hell only reason they found me in the closet at all was that a "Tall, white unicorn mare" called for the guards to check the room.

I'm glad she's looking out for me....I really am and hopefully I see her again so I can properly thank her for everything she's done for me and Flurry.

I hope nothing else happens while i'm here.....I need to keep Flurry safe..

Uncle Kiba pt 7: Time with Flurry Heart

I have been spending a lot of time with Flurry Heart. Ever since the first time the changeling showed up i've been more and more protective of Flurry Heart. Well can ya blame me?

But over the month i've been taking care of her mainly, ignoring some of the royal duties to watch her. Granted even Cadence did that when she was watching the child alone for that long period of time. And people wonder why I hate her husband. But anyway I will admit I did mess up some things while being here like....now this is something I don't like to admit but.....I accidentally taught Flurry how to swear....

Now I did NOT mean to do this hell I didn't even know she was listening to me but one unfortunate day it happened...

"Daddy's a cuck!"

"Wha? Wait Flurry what did you say?"

"Daddy's a cuck unca Kiba!"

"Flurry I admire your enthusiasm but please don't say that word."

"Unca Kiba is a Scwub!"

"....."

She has said other things but i've been trying to not say them as much around her and hopefully she gets the idea not to say them.

I also have been finding things Flurry and I have in common. Flurry loves mint chocolate ice cream and rocky road. Like she goes crazy over getting it. I told her every time she was a good girl I would get her ice cream and it actually worked throughout the month. I think I can say that after all the event that have transpired over the course of the month have been better then I was hoping.....except for the changeling, that could have been avoided.

Uncle Kiba pt 1: Day before he leaves

FUCK YOU MOLLY! UGH!

So....I have to go watch the Crystal Empire and Baby Flurry Heart.

Allow me to explain, so recently Princess Cadence and Shining Armor got back together and are about to leave on their honeymoon and from what I heard they're taking Starlight Glimmer and Sunburst as well so the Empire will be left unattended for about a month.

Now I also need to point out they asked Molly or Luna to watch both the Empire and Flurry Heart while they are gone........but lets get real here having Molly doing something she doesn't want to is rare so she'll look for an easy way out of a situation. I just happen to be walking by while Molly was on the phone with Cadence when she told them I'D watch take her place.

That's right Molly suggested to Princess Cadence that I should watch the Empire and baby Flurry Heart......I begged and pleaded for Molly to change her mind and not send me to the Empire but every time I did she'd say the same thing to me over and over.

"Oh shut it and be an Uncle Kiba!"

So yeah.....I leave for the Empire tomorrow and i'm taking along the Dire Fat cause Lucker refuses to watch him while i'm gone.....

Why me....

Uncle Kiba pt 5: The Monster

THE KINGDOM IS UNDER LOCKDOWN, CHANGELING SPOTTED!

Ok now that i'm calmer I can write this a lil better.

Alright so I was in my room, mic stand up and on Discord doing Radio Molly from the empire. Throughout the night Flurry would call for me telling me about a "monster" in her room and she would point at different objects in her room. Now we all know children come up with monsters in there rooms. Seems like kids have different ideas of what a monster truly is. But not many people expect these "monsters" to be real.

I'll explain Flurry's room a bit. Her bed room is a square room with a side table, a lamp on said table with all sorts of different bright colored objects scattered around with pink wall paper. Her room is as basic a kids room as you can be.

Flurry Heart called me into her room again for the 4th time that night, I got up to check on her and of course there she was pointing at one of her lamps this time. I picked her up and started rocking her back and forth hoping she'll go to sleep. As she pointed at the lamp again I started to notice something odd about it. As I explained there was only one lamp in her room and yet there were two that I saw. I think you can put the pieces together and figure out what I realized. I bolted out of the room with Flurry and made my way to my room to tell Molly what I saw and that she should send either Vlad or the Captain.

When the guards reached the room they saw a broken window and a lack there of the second lamp, thus confirming that a changeling was in the empire and that it was feeding off the baby. Honestly I don't know whats more fucked up, thew fact this thing was in her room or the fact that she saw it no matter what form it took and we didn't notice.

Now I need to be extra careful around here with Flurry.....joy.....