Dischordant

by mercva

Rating: everyone
Tags:
Length: 827

A pony who tried. And failed, but at least he tried.

Shortfic about a Canterlot musician who thought he'd thought of a way to… well, slow down Discord, at the least.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-05 09:48:34 UTC

Chapter 1

"Hmmm, no, this won't do at all," a cultured voice said.

The pony looked up from where he was studying a sheet of music. "Who -- DISCORD?!"

"Yes, and this really is far, far too... orderly," the dracoequus said, sneering as he looked around the music room.

"Wait, wait!" the unicorn cried as he got to his hooves in a hurry. "What... if I played really chaotic music? I mean, that's like using order to instead create chaos, right?"

Discord thought it over for awhile, then flipped a gold coin to the unicorn, who caught it with his magic. "Here, tell me when this runs out."

"Alright," the unicorn said, not looking terribly surprised when the gold coin turned into dishwashing liquid.

Music echoed over Ponyville. The stringed instruments were distorted, the singing was hoarse and barely understandable even if one stopped and listened, and the drumming laid bare the essential problem with the whole of the music.

No two instruments were playing the same song, it seemed. The black guitar was playing one rhythm and meter, the blue one was playing a completely different rhythm to wildly varying time, and the unicorn was singing to yet another beat. Sweat could be seen to be rolling down his neck and his flanks, as he kept the differing polyrhythms and polymeters in his head, co-ordinated the magic driving the guitar strings and remembered the lyrics at the same time.

The drums... the kick-drums, played by the hoofpedals, were playing one time meter. The cymbals, and the snare were playing a different meter again. And the bass seemed to be on a sixth.

Taken as a whole, it was dischordant. The newly self-crowned king of Equestria was enjoying it immensely.

"This is excellent," Discord said happily, drinking a bowl of popcorn and picking up chunks of cola from the glass as if it were semi-solid, or at least a good deal more viscous than it had been when he had poured it from nothing.

It must have been a terrible shock when a cymbal launched itself from the drumkit and tried to sever Discord's neck.

Discord laughed as he pulled it out. The laughter stuttered and died as he looked at it. Blood. His blood. His lion-paw hand rose to feel his neck, and was red when he pulled it away and looked at it.

"How... you don't have the magic to do that!" Discord yelled, an absent thought healing the wound. He'd have had to to get wind through his throat to speak. "You don't have the Elements of Harmony either, I've hidden those!"

The unicorn stallion glared at Discord. The remaining cymbals from the kit launched themselves at Discord. "I've been weakening you with pure order, monster, hopefully enough to kill you."

"With what?" Discord asked, seeming to ignore the metal discs buried in his body.

"This music isn't chaotic," the stallion said with a maniacal stare. "It's a set of complex polymeters that play in perfect order -- they drift back into sync at a set mathematical time, and can be mapped on a graph if you want. It only seems chaotic at first listen."

With a snap of his fingers, Discord froze the stallion, who kept glaring at him. "Well done. In recognition of being the second... pony to ever hurt me, I'll let you live.

"Sort of."

After the awards were handed out when the six Elements of Harmony re-petrified Discord, Princess Celestia and the Element of Magic came to where Discord had had his thankfully temporary throne of chaos.

"Hmmm," Twilight Sparkle said, studying the statue. "It looks like just a unicorn."

"Except that Discord didn't petrify anyone else," Princess Celestia said. "I wonder why he bothered to petrify this pony."

"Well, we aren't going to find out just standing around, I suppose," Twilight said doubtfully. "Do you think we should? Un-petrify him, I mean. I mean, what if he was on Discord's side?"

"Why would Discord turn his own servant to stone?" Princess Celestia asked chidingly. ('Because it was chaotic?' Twilight muttered.) "Besides, even if he was, everypony deserves a fair hearing."

"Alright, but I'll stand by to hold him with my magic if we need to," Twilight said doubtfully, but trusting in her mentor.

With a brilliant flash of light, the grey stone statute turned into a blue unicorn stallion with a black mane, who opened his eyes. The stone seemed to have cleaned off the sweat, but his flesh seemed slack.

"Y'r majesty," the stallion said, promptly collapsing.

His small shop wound up being the first non-orchestral music store in Equestria to receive a Royal Warrant. Prince Blueblood went light blue when he heard that 'Aunt Celestia' had invited the stallion to perform at the Gala.

Authors Note: I got the idea while listening to Chaosphere by Meshuggah. If you have it, throw on track 2 while reading this to get the general idea.