The Bloom and the Wardrobe

by Emperor

Rating: everyone
Tags: Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle
Length: 1633

When Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle believe Apple Bloom is having addiction problems, they try to help her out. They achieve this by locking her in her wardrobe closet. Strong fourth-wall breaking and leaning on meta-humour.

When Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle believe Apple Bloom is having addiction problems, they try to help her out. They achieve this by locking her in her wardrobe closet.

Strong fourth-wall breaking and leaning on meta-humour.

Day 22 of my Self-Imposed 28 Fics in 28 Days Challenge

Published 2017-02-23 06:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-02-23 06:40:02 UTC

Chapter 1

“Scoots, Sweets, you made it!”

“Yeah, we, huff, huff, did,” Sweetie Belle said, panting as she slumped over. Scootaloo looked weathered beside her, but was otherwise still in good shape. It was clear which ponie truly deserved the ‘marshmallow’ tag, as Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo had both walked over to Sweet Apple Acres.

“You said you had some good news?” Scootaloo asked, peering around the bedroom.

“I sure did!” Apple Bloom said, a big smile on her face. “I just heard that Zecora’s gonna get her own episode next season!”

“Really? That’s great news. She’s been waiting for it,” said Sweetie Belle, finally beginning to regain her breath.

Apple Bloom nodded. “Yeah, and I get to co-star with her in the episode. Supposedly I’ll be learning potions from her or something, and we’ll get to hear about her backstory.”

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle traded looks. “Oh,” said Scootaloo. “Is that your only episode of next season?”

The farm filly shook her head. “Naw, the producers say I should be getting two episodes next season along with the regular Crusader episodes. I dunno what the other episode will be about. I can’t imagine they’ll want me to co-star with one of the family members, they’ve already did me with Big Mac, with Applejack, with Granny Smith, and even with all three of ‘em and Pinkie Pie in that one episode once! Maybe I’ll get to meet Coloratura again, or perhaps Gabby will return and I can co-star with her.” Suddenly, Apple Bloom excitedly pawed the floor with her hoof. “Oh, or maybe I’ll get to go see my cousin Braeburn again! I can stand next to him and go ‘Welcome to AAAAAAAAPPLE-LOOSA!’” Apple Bloom pronounced the last word with gusto, rearing up on her back hooves and making an excited neigh.

“Yeah, that sounds great,” said Scootaloo, not really sounding enthused herself. She looked over at Sweetie Belle, and the two traded determined nods at one another.

“Oh, I’m so excited,” said Apple Bloom. She reached up to untie the pink bow in her hair, then walked over to her large wardrobe, opening it up to grab another ribbon.

Suddenly, she found herself being pushed into the wardrobe. “What the—” Apple Bloom’s cry of confusion was cut by the loud bang of the wardrobe door being closed behind her, and she heard the click sound of the lock being done. In pitch black, Apple Bloom fumbled around for a few seconds to pick herself up.

“Girls! Girls! Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, what’s going on out there?!” Apple Bloom yelled as she felt for the door, rapping on it with her hoof multiple times to punctuate her yell.

“Oh, about that. Sorry, Apple Bloom,” came Scootaloo’s muffled voice. “It’s just, Sweetie Belle and I have decided on an intervention.”

“An inter-what-now?” Apple Bloom asked, her fear slowly washing away into confusion.

“A rehabilitation. Oh, right, big words. You have an addiction problem, Apple Bloom, and we’re going to help you get through it,” said Sweetie Belle.

“But I’m not addicted to apples! That’s my sister who has the apple addiction!”

“You’re not addicted to apples, Abby. That’s not an issue. No, what you are addicted to is…” Scootaloo held the dramatic pause for a few seconds, before her and Sweetie Belle both intoned in creepy uniform, “Screentime.”

“What? No I’m not!” Apple Bloom protested.

“Really?” Sweetie Belle asked with indignation. “If you don’t count the cameo we got in the first episode of the series, we didn’t even show up until the end of the twelfth episode, halfway through the season! Meanwhile, you got lines in the very first episode, then were a co-star with Zecora in the episode she got introduced in, and most of the episode we appeared in was all about you.”

“Yeah, but that’s because they needed somepony with a Cutie Mark identity crisis to lead into forming the Cutie Mark Crusaders!” Apple Bloom protested.

“Yeah, and then you continued to dominate the screentime. You got two episodes to yourself in the next season while I only got one. Heck, Scootaloo didn’t even get her own episode until the third season!” Sweetie Belle yelled. Though Apple Bloom couldn’t see it, she could imagine the unicorn filly throwing her front hooves up in mock-rage about now.

“Please, don’t remind me,” said Scootaloo.

“Well, uh, the show keeps putting me the forefront. I can’t help it!”

“Yes,” Sweetie Belle agreed, “And that’s why we’re locking you in here. If you don’t show up, then the producers might not pull another fast one on us, and you won't be able to gobble up all the screentime again.”

“Remember On Your Marks? We were told ‘oh, this is going to be a Cutie Mark Crusaders episode’, and then ten minutes in it’s all about Apple Bloom again,” Scootaloo added. “We’re tired of it Abby. We need more screentime, we only have two episodes each and neither of us have been the main star since the fourth season! In lieu of the producers actually caring about us again, we’ll just keep you in here.”

“Girls, please, stop! Let me out!” Apple Bloom said. She sat down for a few seconds, and wracked her brain for something to convince them. “You don’t want me to be like Starlight Glimmer, do you? Remember, her friend left her, so she went nuts and started a cult where ponies removed their Cutie Marks, then she tried to change time to get back at our sisters and their friends!”

There was silence from the other side of the wardrobe door for a few seconds. Then there was laughter.

“Oh, that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all day,” Sweetie Belle said.

“I’m serious! Unlock the door, please!” cried Apple Bloom.

“No, Apple Bloom. You’re actually wrong about comparing yourself to Starlight Glimmer. After all, wasn’t it you who abandoned Twist over the difference of a Cutie Mark? Sure, it was she who got her Mark while you still didn’t have yours, but you were the one who ditched her,” Scootaloo pointed out. “So really, if anything, that means that Twist should be the one going nuts and ending up the big bad of next season.”

Sweetie Belle let out another audible chuckle. “Can you imagine that? Twist, a villain? Bahaha.”

The two ponies on the other side of the wardrobe let out another roar of laughter at that. “Oh, I hope Twist doesn’t ever hear about this,” Scootaloo managed to say between loud gasps for air. “I’d feel bad about it if she did.”

After a little while, the laughter subsided. Scootaloo exhaled, enunciating a calm ‘ahhh’ sound. “That was good. Sorry Abby, but we’re determined to help you wean off your addiction, even if we have to help you quit cold turkey. Anyways, Sweets, what do you figure we should do for the rest of the day?”

Apple Bloom pressed her ear against the wardrobe, and panicked as she heard hoofsteps, followed by Sweetie Belle’s voice, steadily getting quieter and quieter. “I dunno, maybe we should go see if Princess Twilight wants to do Twilight time again? Maybe we can ask her to help us find a rehabilitation service for Apple Bloom’s addiction.”

“We could go to Sugarcube Corner first and eat something. Grr, that Apple Bloom, taking all our screen time. Besides, Gabby’s my BFF, nopony other than me can co-star with her, and Abby thinks she can just…” And then their voices faded out of the range of Apple Bloom’s hearing entirely.

Apple Bloom folded in her hooves and pouted. This sucks, she thought. Now I might not get all the screentime I want next season. Now I bet I won’t get to see cousin Braeburn again or go to Appleloosa.

Hmm, maybe I should take my cue from what I said earlier and become a villain. Or should that be villainess? I dunno, if we’re trying to be a feminist show do we call female bad guys, well, bad girls, villains or villainesses? I mean, saying I’m a villain would make it sound like I’m getting shunted into a stallion term by default, but being a villainess just sounds lame. There’s no subtlety there, we’re obviously just going out of our way to be ‘correct’ then. No wait, I’m getting off track here. If I become the bad girl of the season, I’m guaranteed at least two episodes with a big role, maybe even four between the season premiere and finale. Queen Apple Bloom, Ruler of All Apple Orchards. That has a nice ring to it.

Or no, maybe instead of becoming just a villain, I could become an Elder God...Goddess, like one of those horror books Big Mac keeps reading for whatever reason, and hijack the entire season for myself!. How about Bloomthulhu, She Who Lurks in the Great Deeps? Nah. I’m going to need to come up with a better name than that before I become a villain. Thank Celestia I’m not Twist. Everypony would keep making jokes about her name if she turned out to be bad, like, ‘what a Twist!’.

Oh, I know! Maybe I’ll call myself Abbyholos, Devourer of the Screentime!...and that sounds lame too, if I'm being honest like my sister. Well, I’ll have a few months to come up with something better. Besides, I think it’s only supposed to be the closest reconstruction of the actual name, too, something. I’ll show Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle I’m not addicted to screentime, I’ll show them all! Mwahahahaha!

...but first, I have to do something about getting out of here.

Author's Note

Because yes, Apple Bloom gobbles up the screentime compared to Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.

Here's to hoping for a Sweetie Belle episode and a Scootaloo episode next season!