Dear Aunt Edna,
Everything in Ponyville has been strange since that Twilight Sparkle has shown up. Before she came along I didn’t have to worry about random monsters attacking me on a daily basis. I hope that it all cools down soon, but for now I’m surviving. On a brighter not I got the job that I was hoping for! You are now talking to Ponyville's brand new assistant mayor! I now help Mayor Mare do her duties throughout the day, but mostly I just get her coffee. I’m starting to think this job is just a glorified secretary. Oh well one can’t complain. If I was going to complain about something, it would be about the amount of sleep I lost during the Summer Sun Celebration. I’m still trying to get back on my sleeping schedule. Oh and then there was that dragon that nearly woke up and ate all of our heads off. I swear that Twilight has brought nothing but trouble here. But enough of that. How are you doing? Hows joey? Oh the Mayors calling me, talk to you later auntie! Love you!
-Assistant Mayor Alder
Dear Aunt Edna
The mayor has made slight changes to my wardrobe to make me look more like Celestia’s assistant. She says it makes me look smarter. I think it makes me look more like a copycat, but mayor's orders. I’ve yet to meet Raven. She seems nice from what I’ve heard though, so it’s not that bad. I’m slightly tempted to move away from this town! First we get attacked by parasprites (There are still holes in my house!), then Winter Wrap-Up is screwed up, than not screwed up, and then Pinkie Pie goes completely insane, and finally Twilight and her friends completely destroy the Grand Galloping Gala! I don’t know how much more of this I can take! I need a vacation… I heard there was a wedding in Canterlot soon. I might go to that to unwind. Its supposed to be between the captain of the Royal Guard and some princess that I haven’t heard about before, so it's bound to be interesting in the least. Being Assistant Mayor of Ponyville is harder than I thought it would be. Right not I’m supposed to be writing a report about all the other reports I’ve done, and I should probably get to that. I love you!
-Slightly Sleep Deprived Alder
Dear Aunt Edna
Why did I go to the wedding again? Oh yeah, relaxation. Well that didn’t work out now did it. I go to ONE PLACE hoping to be able to calm down and its invaded by a race of oversized hostile beetles! I swear that the next time I see Twilight Sparkle I am going to give her a piece of my mind! I’m writing this on the train heading back to Ponyville, and all I want right now is my bed. Imagine my surprise when I step out of a dressing stall and I see a giant pony like bug looking back at me. And imagine what it felt like when it hissed at me and started to approach me. Naturally I reached for the nearest object and bashed it over the accursed things head. It actually knocked the thing out, but when I went out on the street I was swarmed by about 40 more Changelings, and knocked out on the pavement and put into a tube!!! I swear that I am going to explode if I ever have to deal with anything like this ever again! Not to mention Discord! There’s still cotton candy in my mane!
-Extremely Annoyed Alder
Dear Aunt Edna,
This month had been strangely uneventful. Not that much has happened here (Yet.) except for a few things. Apparently somepony *cough* Pinkiepie *cough* Found the mirror pool, yes the mirror pool, and duplicated themselves. The town was absolutely overrun by the little pests. Eventually, the queen of screwups herself, Twilight Sparkle came in and fixed up the problem (Which she started!). Oh yeah, and not to mention the fact that A CRAZY MEGALOMANIAC TOOK OVER THE TOWN!!! Ugg. So apparently ‘the great and powerful Trixie.’ found a powerful amulet and used it to completely destroy, enslave, and capture the entire town at the same time! Oh, and then Twilight came in and stopped her. Yay? I tried to stop Trixie, but noooo! Twilight gets all the glory! Ugg. And then Celestia has the amazingly bright idea to bring back the LORD OF CHAOS, so on the slimmest of chances Fluttershy could swoop in and save the day. FLUTTERSHY. The shyest, most timid person in ponyville?!? And she thought it would work?!?! Well… it did… BUT STILL! Urg. This triarchy confuses me.
-Slightly confused Alder.
Dear Aunt Edna,
I give up. I don’t even care anymore. HEY GUESS WHAT? Twilight sparkle… BECAME A FREAKIN ALICORN!!!!! What even? Why? How? When? Where? Why?!?!? How does that even work? And if it could even be done on purpose? Why Twilight? The pony, who before she moved here, there were NEVER any problems, but now? There is a monster attack EVERY DAY! I don’t even know anymore. IT DOESN’T MAKE SCIENTIFIC SENSE! Ugg. I give up. Just WHY!?!?
-EXTREMELY confused Alder.
Dear Aunt Edna,
If it wasn’t for my job, I wouldn’t be here. I’m slightly reconsidering moving as I’m penning this. Imagine my surprise, when one day I wake up, and outside my door, it is Night… But it’s also DAY?! Oh the princesses were captured? Great! Nightmarish thorny vines are growing out of the ground? Wonderful! It’s all Discord’s fault? Called it! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! They should put that on a postcard; Come to Ponyville! Where the thrills NEVER end! Work has been really busy lately because of Twilight becoming a princessand all, and then this happens? URG! Kill me now!
-Tired and Cranky Alder.
Dear Aunt Edna,
THAT’S IT. I AM QUITTING. I AM MOVING. I AM GOING BACK TO FREAKING CANTERLOT! First, Rarity goes insane, makes everything “pretty” and just generally screws everything up! And then. And. Then. Lord Tirek decides, ‘Oh! Everyone else is attacking Ponyville! Why the heck not?’ Well I’ll tell you! I’ll tell you why the heck not! Because normal ponies like me are TIRED of dealing with all of this! I was just minding my own business, when suddenly something comes up behind me, and ZAP! I can no longer feel my legs, and my cutie mark has disappeared! My lovely pen and quill, GONE! And then I am shambling back to my house, and I am knocked over by an EXPLOSION as the Library is blown up, and who comes out of the wreckage? Why good ol’ Twilight Sparkle of course! And then at the end of it all… at the edge of town? My windows are suddenly blacked out by A CASTLE! A FREAKING CASTLE! I’m not doing it anymore! I am moving to canterlot, no questions asked. I am heading to quit my job right now. I swear to Celestia that I am NEVER coming here again!
-Ex-Assistant Mayor Alder.
Author's Note
Hey look!
I'm not dead!
Yes the author has made her grand return with a story from one slightly annoyed Assistant Mayor! Hope you likie!
