Not The First

by Flash Notion

Rating: mature
Tags: Death, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other, Suicide / Self Harm, Tragedy, Horror, Profanity, Violence
Length: 19983

Who was the Twilight before the Twilight of Blink?

This story is a prequel to Blink.

Warnings: cannibalism and depression, since those aren't tags yet

Apparently, was featured very briefly around the time of 10:45 EST, May 7, 2017. I have no idea how that managed to happen.

Now has the beginnings of a reading by Ghastly Spark: Click Me!

One day, a version of Twilight will teleport. And she will wind up trapped inside of a sphere in inter-dimensional space, surrounded by death. And she won't be alone.

But what of the one who was already there? The version of Twilight who lived inside that sphere- who was she? What was the story of the one who came before?

"Other" character tag is to avoid spoilers for later chapters.
I took ocalhoun's advice and listened to this while writing.

How I describe this after finishing it:

A series of mentally-composed vignettes from a powerless, trapped alicorn, teetering on the edge of insanity until she ultimately dives head-first over that edge into the sea of madness, surfacing just long enough to see how far she's fallen before she's dragged down by the cold embrace of everlasting darkness.

Published 2017-02-25 14:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-08 02:17:35 UTC

Not That Thirsty

I was alone in a giant sphere with nothing but a stack of dead mes.

Maybe Discord would enjoy that, but not me.

Just in case, I tried calling out to Discord. Maybe he'd hear me and come save me.

He didn't.

I was left alone with a pile of death.

After emptying the contents of my stomach earlier, my digestive track was crying out. I ignored it.

What was harder to ignore was the parched feeling in my mouth.

I knew the math.

The average pony could survive three minutes without air, three days without water, and three weeks without food. As an alicorn, I was sure I would last longer. I wished I'd asked Princess Celestia more about alicorn physiology, because I didn't know how long.

I knew that without magic, I was not immortal. I would die. I'd have known that anyway; younger alicorn versions of me were dead on the ground.

How would I die?

Some of the corpses were bitten. Some of me had eaten others of me. They had lasted the longest, I supposed. Would I do that? Or would I starve?

Or maybe I'd dehydrate first.

There wasn't any water around. I found a couple empty water bottles; the versions of me that teleported with them probably drank the water themselves.

There was plenty of fluid though.

A river of blood, pus, and other things seeped out of the pile. The foul substance flowed across the slight decline, pooling some ways away at the lowest part of the sphere.

I crawled to the edge over and over again. Once or twice, I even put my muzzle to its surface. But I didn't pull any of it into my mouth. I'd rather drink my own urine. Of course, that would just make things worse.

I searched the corpse pile.

I didn't pay any attention before, but a lot of the mes were carrying things when they teleported. Bags full of books, food that was now rotten, all kinds of random objects. I found rocks, novels I hadn't read in years, sticks and strings, enough quills to start a supply store, and even a few powerless copies of my Element of Harmony.

I started using the blank pages at the end of the books to write on, using the blood as ink. I wrote my observations of this place. I had no facts, so I wrote my feelings. For a couple seconds, I wished Spike were with me to send the pages to Celestia. Maybe she could've found a way to get me out.

Then I realized what I was wishing for.

Then I remembered that I had teleported with Spike before.

There was nothing left in my stomach to throw up, but I dry heaved for what felt like hours after that. I took my hoardings and moved to the other side of the pond.

I tore out another page and began tallying. I estimated that it had already been about six days. I had slept five times since my arrival, and my body was fairly good about its schedule. I decided to make a better means of keeping time; using the water bottles, some sticks, and the body fluids, I created a series of increasingly long timers.

The first was only a minute. I counted sixty seconds of fluid drain. I did that sixty times, to find out how much liquid could flow in an hour.

The hour timer was nice, but I needed more. I took a couple days and drained twenty four hours worth of liquid.

My tally now said that I had been in this sphere for two weeks. I decided to add a rather complex mechanism to the timer, which would ring an alarm and wake me up once it reached a certain point. I created a second timer that I could trigger just as soon as the first one ran out, and then I could reset the first timer.

My days now became more accurate.

But now that I was done inventing... I had only done all that to distract myself from my thirst. And now I had no distraction.

My headache was subtle, just enough to make me want to lie down. Strangely, I wasn't hungry. My stomach clenched, but I wanted nothing in it. I just wanted to sleep, all the time.

Finally, I gave up. I pulled myself to the pond.

And I began to drink.

Not a Bright Idea

Day 23.

I realized almost right away that drinking raw blood, ICF, and corpse urine was a bad idea. Long term, anyway; I needed to get rid of the impurities.

Creating a still was not easy. I was almost out of water bottles; I'd only teleported with a potion flask a few times, and the ones I'd found already were broken.

Far easier was building a fire. Even without magic, it was simple. Creating a spark between two flint-rocks, lighting sticks; I kept it fed with certain... other waste products. Technically all my own, if previous clones are counted as being you. I could never allow it to go out. Worst came to worst, I could burn bones.

My first attempt at distilling water didn't quite work out; I almost swamped the fire.

The second try wasn't much better.

But the third time seemed to be the charm. I checked every seal, every container. Slowly, I added the liquid.

It took a long time. Don't ask me to explain, but that old saying about a watched pot never boiling works with stills, too. Every drop that came out seemed to take an hour. Though I suppose, the mixture had a higher boiling point than regular water... It probably didn't help that it was boiling multiple times to make it more pure.

Finally, though, there was enough. I took the bottle off the end and corked the tube.

It was almost clear.

I took the liquid into my mouth and swished it around, feeling every drop seep into my parched flesh. Finally, I swallowed. I sighed.

Only enough for one mouthful.

I reset the still. Maybe in four hours, I could have another sip...

Not That Crazy

Today I created a list of all possible uses for bones. There's more to them than I ever imagined. Isn't that strange?

...

I like lists. They make me feel saner.

Firstly, bones can be placed in a fire as rudimentary fuel. Not the best fuel, but they will keep a flame going.

They can also be ground up and used as carbon to form steel. Bone Steel tends to be stronger- physically and magically- than normal steel.

They can also be gnawed on. When they crack, the marrow can be sucked out. Mixed with water and meat in a hollowed skull, it makes a decent stew. Using water that hasn't been completely distilled will add more flavor.

Speaking of distilled water, the bi-products can be mixed with ground up bones to form a paste, which is rather like clay in consistency. Well, if the right concentrations are used. A decent sculptor can turn that paste into almost anything: bowls, bricks, small statues, ceramic knives...

Bones can also be carved up and turned into tools and stuff. I have several rib-shiv's, a hatchet made out of a scapula (it makes hacking up the less-rotted bodies easier), and my skull-bowls of course.

Alternatively, they make great instruments. Long bones especially; flutes, recorders, pretty much any reed instrument. You'll need a second, small bone for the reed though. Skulls make decent drums. Pelvises and scapulae too. A complete ribcage (hard to get) makes an amazing xylophone. With some bone fragments and homemade glue (hey, plenty of raw materials), I even made a complete trombone. Not that I can play it, but hearing different sounds- at least, I think I'm hearing them. Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe this is all in my head. Maybe I'm tied to a bed in a mental hospital. Maybe.

Nah, I don't think so.

What was I thinking about?

Oh, right.

Hearing different sounds besides my own voice, or my hooves on the ground, or the crackle of the fire, is nice.

Another use for bones? Toys! Foals have those toys made of sticks and little connectors. Bones can be split apart and shaved down in just the right way to do the exact same thing. I built a working trebuchet using fresh intestines as rope. My current best distance is about 100 femurs. About a hundred feet.

Ooh, I think tomorrow I'll measure how many femurs across the sphere is. I hope I have enough of them.

I really hope so. I need something to keep me busy.

I have been here for two months, one week, and 17 hours. I'm running out of ideas.

Not The Only One

I was humming a short ditty- something about a pony who drank too much cider, and the punishments she got. I was humming it while laying out femurs across the sphere. The one hundredth bone had just joined its fellows when it happened.

A flash. A burst of light and magic that was oh so familiar.

I turned around just in time to see her appear- another me, in all her purple-winged glory. Opposite her, a new body formed out of thin air, before disappearing. The other me dropped out of the sky with a scream, slamming down in the pile of bodies.

I abandoned my femurs- Drat! Now I'll have to restart the count!- and ran towards the pile.

The other me was screaming. Like, really screaming. It was loud. I listened for about a minute before I got fed up.

"Shut it!"

She jerked around, obviously surprised. When she saw me, she grew pale. "Wh- where are we? What is this place?"

I shrugged. "Not sure. Why don't we talk about it over a meal. You hungry?"

She nodded eagerly. "I was on my way to get some lunch when-"

I held up a hoof. "That's good. That's the best way to get it down."

Her face fell, and I saw the panic return to her eyes. Good, I decided. The sooner she accepted things, the better.

She stared at the lump in front of her. I understood her hesitation. Even cooked perfectly, meat is not ponies' usual diet. She was undoubtedly hoping for a nice daisy sandwich. Maybe an oat flurry.

Instead, she got a few mouthfuls of slightly dirty water and a chunk of smoking pony flesh.

Maybe it was the fact that it was from a pony that was putting her off. I mean, we were each other. I know I'd thought about trying some of the bacon that Spike got from Applejack that one time. He said it was good, and he was usually right. Except that one time with the baked bads-

I realized she was talking.

"What was that?"

She glared at me.

"Sorry," I apologized. "I haven't had anypony to talk to for a while. I'm sure you can imagine..." The look on her face told me she could imagine all too well. I cleared my throat. "What'd you say?"

The other me rolled her eyes. "I asked how long you've been here."

"When was the last time you remember teleporting?" She opened her mouth, and I quickly interjected, "Before you ended up here."

She tapped her muzzle. "I think... I think it was about a month ago."

"A MONTH?!"

She scooted backwards.

I bit my lip and tried again. "A- a month? I've been here a lot longer than that. How is that possible?"

She thought about it. "There must be some sort of temporal distortion in this place. After all, teleportation is almost instant. But I hung up there for a while, watching the- the new one form."

"Good point." I looked up towards the top of the sphere. "That might explain why all the others were dead before I got here. I've never gone more than a couple months without teleporting- that is to say, a version of me hasn't. Ugh, this is confusing."

"Agreed. I have... I have memories of teleporting. But obviously that isn't the case. I've only been alive for the past month. Ever since you teleported."

Both of us sat still for a while, considering our lives and our memories. Finally, I said, "I don't know how this all works. But I still feel like me. And yet we're two very different ponies."

She nodded. "For starters, I'm not that hungry yet." She shoved her meat chunk over to me. "Go ahead."

I shrugged and popped it in my mouth. The flesh was difficult to chew, but soon enough my teeth ground it down. They seemed to be getting sharper; I noticed whenever I bit my lip. Like earlier- I'm surprised I didn't draw blood.

Other me shuddered and took a drink of water. "I don't know how anypony can do that."

I raised an eyebrow. "You realize that water you're drinking started out in that pool over there?"

She looked where my hoof was pointing. Even in the dim light, I could see her pale.

"So..." I got up and stretched. "What's been going on in the outside?"

"Hmm? Oh!" She brightened. "Well, Starlight celebrated with us, if that's what you're worried about." I nodded. That was indeed a good thing. She continued, "The girls and I helped Rarity open her Manehattan boutique, and then I helped Applejack figure out a better way to do her chores."

"That's nice."

"Most recently, Starlight and I were working on a way to get the map working again."

I bolted upright. "Really? I never actually considered it was broken. Do you know what happened?"

"Just that Harmony Magic and Temporal Magic don't mix well. Starswirl's spell re-wrote the rules of fate. That was bound to make things difficult."

"Huh."

I took a longer swig of water than I usually did. Doing so, I studied the other me. We had the same coat. Mine was a bit more faded and stained, perhaps. We had the same mane. The same cutie mark. It was so strange. So different from looking at a dead version of me. When I moved, she moved. We locked eyes for a moment, and I felt my face shift, trying to match our expressions.

"We need a way to tell us apart," I decided.

"Oh!" She looked around and spied the waste products from my distillery. They were still liquid enough to be used as ink.

She picked up the foul gunk and used her hoof to draw an "X" over her cutie mark. "How's that?"

I shook my head. "I meant like name-wise. What should I call you?"

"Twilight."

"But I'm Twilight."

"So am I."

We stared again. The problem was rather obvious.

Finally, she said, "You were here first. I suppose you have slightly more claim to the name of Twilight than I do."

"How about..." I cocked my head. "How about I'm Twilight-" I pointed at myself, "-And you're Sparkle?" I pointed at her.

She shrugged. "I guess that could work."

"Great!"

And that's how I became my own best friend.

Celestia, that's depressing sentence.

Author's Note

The ditty that inspired the start: Drunken Sailor

I used to work at the Sterling Renaissance Festival, and there was a group that sang this song. It was probably my favorite tune.

Not Much Time

Day 1 with my new roommate. Day 70 exactly since I arrived.

Since Sparkle arrived on day 69, we estimated it had been 23 days in the outside world since she teleported. A distortion factor of three in the temporal field seemed appropriate.

For every minute Sparkle had been alive, I suffered triply as much.

I tried not to be too upset about that. Technically it was my own fault for teleporting. And she was now stuck here, too.

But that just made a new problem.

"How long can we live here?" she asked me.

I looked up from my scribblings in the journal I'd been keeping. "Hmm?"

Sparkle waved a hoof at the bodies and pool. "There are limited resources. How long can we live?"

"Um." I hadn't given it much thought. I'd been on my own. When I died, I died. I only intended to stay alive as long as possible. "We should probably figure out."

Five hours and a number of very rough estimates later, we'd calculated my average consumption rate. If I kept at it, I could survive on my own for approximately fifteen more months.

But I wasn't on my own.

Seven and a half months.

We were both a little put off by that number. It seemed so short.

"Well..." I said hesitantly, "I suppose we could eat less. I've been trying to stay full, but I could survive on less. It wouldn't be comfortable..."

She shook her head. "The real killer will be water. That pool will eventually run dry. Even in a closed system like this sphere, our wastes won't replenish it."

"Seven and one half months." I looked Sparkle in the eye. "That's how much time we have."

"To do what?"

"To... live."

Chills traveled down my spine as I thought about it. Once our water ran out, we would dry up like fallen leaves. I'd already suffered through not drinking once; I didn't relish the thought of dying that way. Sparkle shuddered, too. Instinctively I grabbed her in a hug. I still thought of myself as the Princess of Friendship.

"I don't want to die," she whispered.

"I don't, either." But as I looked around, it occurred to me that it was inevitable. We would both die. In less than 300 days.

Or... would we?

Perhaps only one of us would.

One dies. One lives longer.

Sparkle stiffened against me. I separated us so I could see her face- my face. On it was a familiar look. One of cold determination. We had the same thought.

The only question was who would act first.

Not Going Down

I felt her eyes on me.

Sparkle watched my every move. She hardly blinked. She hardly moved herself. Like a cat stalking a mouse.

I tried to ignore it.

Instead, I focused on tamping down my own homicidal instincts. I wanted to live, and she was taking valuable time from me. She drank my water. She never complained about the impurity of the source.

She wasn't eating yet, but I could hear her stomach churning. It was only a matter of time before she was after that, too.

One day, she wasn't watching me. I found her on the other side of the corpse pile, throwing rib shivs into a makeshift target. She'd skinned one of our selves and painted circles on its skin.

"Soooo..." I ventured. "What are you doing?"

"Practicing," she said.

"Yes, but practicing for what?"

"I began thinking about all the different uses for teleportation." She paused to throw another spike of bone. "As I'm sure you remember, each of us used it quite a bit."

"Books, food, random stones in our path," I recalled. "We abused that spell. Your point?"

"Well, what if the next time Princess- that's what I'm calling the current version," she explained. "What if next time Princess is facing some powerfully dangerous creature, she decides to teleport it instead of herself?"

I thought about it. That would be a clever use of the spell, now that I thought about it. Useless against a foe like Tirek. But against, say, a manticore? Or a cockatrice? Potentially easier than facing them in combat. Of course, the teleportation spell worked the same regardless of target, so-

"Oh," I realized. "Carry on."

Only later did it occur to me that I didn't remember showing her the shivs.

"You should keep up your strength," she told me later. Sparkle dragged me off a ways, where she'd been working the past few days. I was rather surprised at what she'd made.

"A gym?"

"Mmm-hmm." She seemed proud. "You had all that distillation waste lying around. So I followed your bone-ceramics recipe-"

"You've been reading my journal entries?"

"-And I turned it into weights. We don't have magic anymore, which means we don't have Earth Pony strength anymore. I thought we could take some time to exercise. What do you think?"

"Those are private!"

Sparkle ignored me and trotted over to one of the weights. She demonstrated a bicep curl and looked at me expectantly. I angrily picked up the dumbbell and shoved it into the air above my head.

"Wow." She looked me over. "Maybe we didn't lose all our magic. That looks kinda heavy."

It was. Too heavy, actually.

I toppled sideways, and the weight smashed onto the ground. Half of it exploded into shards of blood-clay. That was the name I'd given that particular substance, though I'd only written that in a later entry. She probably hadn't read it yet.

Speaking of...

"Stop reading my journal!"

"Oh. Sorry," she said. "I just thought, since we're the same-"

"We are not the same!" I shoved my muzzle against her nose. "We are different ponies! Got that?"

She deflated. "I- I'm sorry..."

I didn't stick around to listen to her excuses and lies. I galloped back to my camp as fast as I could, and gathered up my journal. From now on, I'd keep it close.

Today she tried the meat. I was nice, in a way. I gave her a piece of spleen.

Spleen is the most disgusting organ. Imagine the tissues you throw away after a bloody nose. Imagine dropping those into a deep fryer filled with more blood. That's about the best way to describe spleen.

Gross.

It is, undeniably, the worst of the worst when it comes to pony meat. So I figured, if she could eat that, she could eat anything. I watched carefully as she prodded it.

"Are you sure it's cooked?" she asked.

I glanced down. A small trickle of blood oozed out. "As much as it can be," I replied cheerily.

She gulped and placed her muzzle against the chunk. She pulled back with a moustache of blood. "Maybe I could try again la-" Her stomach rumbled loud enough for me to feel the vibration through the floor. Sparkle stiffened and dived forward, scooping the spleen into her mouth and swallowing. She didn't even chew.

I was impressed.

I was less impressed when she started to gag afterwards. She managed not to puke, but still. If you're gonna do it, do it. Me, I popped it in and chewed thoroughly. My gag reflex had been suitably cowed.

Once I swallowed, I patted my belly and got up. "Want some more?" I asked. I picked up my hatchet and pointed it at the carcass I was currently eating my way through. That we were eating our way through, I reminded myself.

Sparkle placed a hoof over her mouth and shook her head.

"Good." I sat back down and picked up my whetstone. "Cause by weight, that's all we're allowed today." I drew the stone across the hatchet's "blade", shaving it thinner. "Tomorrow I think I'll take out something special- how do you feel about ovaries?"

"I think I'm going to bed." Sparkle shot up and away. I snickered a bit after that. Rainbow Dash was right- pranks were fun. Though come to think of it, ovaries weren't half bad. They required a bit more finesse than other parts, but if cooked right they were like scrambled eggs. Well, in a way, I guess they would be scrambled eggs.

I stayed up a while longer, watching Sparkle shudder and shiver across the way. I sat by the fire and sharpened my hatchet, thinking about tomorrow's meal. And the next day's. And the next.

Less than 300 days.

One of us was bound to crack soon.

Not Without a Fight

It isn't easy taking care of hygiene in a giant empty sphere.

I'm not talking about showers, of course. Arriving by falling into a pile of dead bodies, then living with that pile for months... you stop caring about smell pretty quick. But you don't want to go to the bathroom where you eat, you know?

Solid waste- when it was solid- was fuel for the fire. Good fuel. Like I said. You stop caring about the smell. Just get it out some ways away, use tools to push "it" over to the fire, you're done.

Wait, who are you? Who am I talking to?

Oh, right. Myself.

Heh heh.

You're losing it Twilight. You. Are. Losing it!

Like I was saying. Bathroom.

But liquid waste went into the pool. Why not? That's what it was made of. The other donors were dead, is all.

I bring it up because I was squatting over said pool when Sparkle came over.

She called out to me. It surprised me. I fell in.

It was gross, of course.

I splashed around for a moment before crawling out. I had to drag myself from the pool with my hooves. Even with all I've had to do, that was by far the most disgusting experience yet. Not the most horrifying. But definitely the grossest.

"And what," I gasped, "Was that about?"

"Well..." she hesitated, eyeing the corpse fluid dripping off my muzzle, my twitching eye. "I just wanted to ask, you know, if we could maybe- er, that is to say- I just-"

I facehoofed. "Spit it out already!

She took a deep breath and then let it out. "Ithinkweshouldtryescaping," she said.

"What?"

"I think we should try escaping," she repeated. After a moment, she noted, "You're staring at me like I grew a second head."

I was. I was staring. Because I hadn't heard something so dumb for a long time. "Look around," I said dejectedly. "Hundreds of us have come. None have ever escaped."

"Doesn't mean we can't."

I snorted. "You want to waste time and energy trying? Fine. Just remember: we have no magic."

"We have our minds," Sparkle insisted. "We were Princess Celestia's brightest pupil!"

I got an idea then. Not a nice one. But it would help prove my point.

"Lemme show you something," I wave Sparkle closer.

She trotted over until she was right next to me.

Then I grabbed her leg and pushed her into the pool.

"We're not bright," I hissed at her. "If we were that smart, we'd have stopped ourselves from teleporting long ago. If we were smart, neither of us would be here. If we were smart, we wouldn't be dying in a hole in interdimensional space!"

"Okay, okay!" Sparkle crawled out of the pool. "I get it. We've made mistakes. Let's just... get cleaned up, and talk some more, okay? There's no harm in talking."

"I- okay." The fur on my back didn't lie down again; it was spiked up from the corpse fluid. But I relaxed.

We headed back to camp.

But when we got there, Sparkle went over to the skulls full of water.

The distillery was producing steadily now. Slowly, but steadily. Limiting our rations, we'd built up a stockpile of water.

But it was for emergencies.

Not for cleaning.

Not for what she was trying to do.

"Hey!" I stepped in her path. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I was going to wash off."

I glared at her. "Do you not remember what we talked about? You were the one who pointed it out; water is precious! We can't be wasting it on 'washing off'."

"I'm sorry; are you saying you want to keep that stuff in your fur?" Sparkle glared back.

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter if I want to or not. If we want to live, we can't waste water."

For a long moment, Sparkle and I stood in a contest of wills. Then she put down the skull full of water. I expected her to attack.

Instead, she asked, "Why do you want to live?"

It took me by surprise. What did she mean by that? I asked as much.

"Why do you want to live?" she repeated. "You just 'explained' to me that escape won't be happening. So if we're stuck here- why would you want to stay?"

"I-" my mouth opened and closed and opened and closed. I sat down, hard. I couldn't think of a response.

"Wouldn't it be better to just live what time we have left to its fullest?"

"I..."

"Drink, eat, laugh, act out every crazy desire of the flesh while we still can; doesn't that sound better?"

"I- I..."

"Here," she picked up the bowl again and shoved it at me. "When our bellies are full, and we've drank all the water, and we've run out of carnal ideas, we can take up the knives and end it quick. Whaddya say?"

I stared into the bowl. This place- it wasn't well lit. The air seemed to have photons in it, that gave the whole sphere a sort of dim glow, so that no matter where I was I could always see my hoof in front of my face. In that light, water became dark as ink. But next to the fire, it shimmered just enough. I could see my reflection in it. I looked terrible. Covered in every fluid and juice that could be squeezed out of a pony. My mane was starting to fall out in spots. My eyes were puffy and bloodshot, like I'd been crying. Only I hadn't been.

What did I say?

What was the point of prolonging my suffering? Maybe it would be better, or at least easier, to go out in a blaze of debauchery. I couldn't deny that, biologically speaking, I felt a little lonely. I could finally feel full, and quenched, and satisfied. And then a quick swipe of a blade, a single deep cut. And I was gone. Maybe that would be better. After all, what's one more dead Twilight?

Except...

Except I could feel it. The urge to keep going.

It defied logic. More than Pinkie Sense. More than Discord's powers. More than any of the crazy, messed up stuff I'd seen in my life.

But I wasn't ready to give up.

And if she was...

I set the bowl down. Gently. I pushed it over with its fellows. Sparkle looked at me expectantly.

"I'm sorry, Sparkle," I said quietly.

And then I jumped her.

Not How I Thought

"Hey!" Sparkle tried shoving me away, but I was an animal. I pinned her down, intending to end it fast. After all, she wasn't some villain who deserved to suffer.

But I didn't have a weapon. I wasn't wearing my bags, which held my weapons. And if I went to get a weapon, she'd get the upper hoof.

As I debated, she spasmed, then relaxed. I tensed. "Sparkle?" I leaned down to check for a pulse.

Wham!

She slammed her forehead into my muzzle, knocking me senseless. She was stunned, too, but I stumbled away and took longer to recover.

Sparkle got up and immediately went for her shivs. "What the hay!" she shouted. "Why are you attacking me?"

I shook off my dazed-ness and picked up the hatchet. "Because," I growled, "I want to live. And you won't let me!"

We circled each other. "I'm not stopping you from living," she said slowly.

"You want to take away my food. My water."

"I'd leave you half!"

"Not good enough," I countered. "You want to die? Go ahead and die. Don't take away my time before you do."

Sparkle cocked her head. "I never said I wanted to die."

"You said we'd eat all the food, drink all the water, then slit our throats."

"I meant it as an option!" She threw her hooves into the air. "Gods, I know I can be literal minded, but- Look, I don't want to die."

I hesitated. Probably a deadly mistake, but I did. "Then what do you want?"

"I just want us to enjoy the time we have left."

I waited.

"That's it?"

"Yes." She seemed confused. "Why? What were you expecting?"

"I don't know, I just... I just..." I sighed and dropped the hatchet. "I don't know anything anymore. You're right; I don't know why I want to keep fighting. I don't know why I wasn't to stay alive."

Sparkle looked at me warily, as if making sure it wasn't a trap. "Why did you attack me? For real?"

"I thought you were going to," I confessed. "I thought that, if I didn't agree with you, you'd kill me."

Her face fell, and I understood that idiom for the first time. It's different, seeing your own expression collapse like an old building. It just... fell. Her mouth turned into a frown, the skin sagged, her eyes drooped and the corners of her brows dropped. I could see the disappointment and sorrow.

"Twilight," she whispered. "I would never do that."

I could tell she meant it. At least, I thought I could tell that. But I was so sure I could read her expression before... How could I say for certain?

"You wouldn't?"

"No," she affirmed. Sparkle came over and pressed a hoof against my chest. "We're good ponies, you and I. Or rather, we were. I still remember. Don't you?"

Her hoof felt warm on my thin fur.

Quite suddenly I felt tired. Just so, very tired. I'd been so worried... I hadn't been sleeping as well. I was stressed. I was weak.

I collapsed against her.

Sparkle gave me a hug. "Shh," she murmured. "It's okay, Twilight." I realized I was sobbing. Big, fat tears that rolled off my muzzle and down her back. It felt... good. "It'll be okay."

"I'm sorry," I cried.

She patted my back. "I know. I know."

We stayed that way a while. I enjoyed every second of it. Since moving to Ponyville, I don't think I went more than three days without a hug. I hadn't realized how much I missed it.

Then Sparkle tensed. My ears detected a familiar, Pop!

"Get down!" Sparkle yelled, and she twisted, tackling me to the ground, placing herself over me.

And then everything exploded.

Not Twilight's Perspective

"I know," I said. "I know."

I held Twilight close; the other mare needed it. I simply kept her wrapped in my forelegs, gently rubbing and patting her back. After a few minutes, the gut-wrenching sobs became something softer. Something relieved. I was about to separate us, so we could talk.

Until I saw the flash.

The burst of purple light that was oh-so-familiar. There was a Pop! as the copy disappeared.

I saw the glass vial, bubbling and shaking. I remembered.

"Get down!"

I shoved Twilight to the ground and twisted, putting myself between her and the teleportation.

Then my ears imploded. There was no sound, no warning. One moment there was nothing. The next, stabbing pain that went deep into my skull. A horrifying wetness that seeped out my ruptured eardrums.

The first wave passed over, shredding my ears and my mind, but it wasn't over. There was a terrible suction; even the air had been pushed away. Now the vacuum refilled with the roar of a thousand hurricanes, which sounded to me like the cough of a mouse. I could feel us lift off the ground and scoot backward.

And then the second wave hit, the rebound of the rebound. The vacuum had pulled up body parts from the pile, and now they sprayed out with unnatural force. I didn't see it. But I felt it.

I felt dozens of sharp pains all down my back. I felt my flesh come undone and my life-juices ooze out. I felt it all.

It took only seconds.

Seconds felt like hours of agony.

I couldn't move after.

I tried. I couldn't. Something... many somethings... had been cut. I couldn't move.

"Twilight," I whispered. She stirred under me. "Are you okay?"

She whimpered and moved. Cautiously, she pulled herself out from under me. I saw she was holding her ears, which didn't bode well, but she seemed otherwise unharmed.

She said something, but I couldn't make it out. I wasn't the best lip-reader, and anyway, she wasn't looking at me. I tried to move my legs again.

Still nothing.

Twilight finally seemed to realize that not all was right. She stumbled over to me, and she reached for my shoulder. For some reason, she hesitated to touch me.

"How- how bad?" I asked.

She simply shook her head.

Twilight rolled me onto my side so she could see my back. I hissed as fresh air hit the wounds again.

After a moment, she gently put me back down.

She stepped back in front of me. I did my best to implore her with my eyes. She shook her head. Her expression... it was grim.

"Twilight?"

I tried very hard to decipher what she was saying. She said Sparkle. And hurt. Something about bones. And... a spine. "How bad?" I asked again.

She shook her head. Again.

"It was a potion," I explained. "I was working on it before- volatile. Meant for crowd control. Princess... must've overdid it..." I was overdoing it. I was using energy I didn't have.

Twilight knew it, too. She said something. Probably, 'You should save your strength'.

I ignored her. "Probably added too much hexogen. Brisance off the charts... had to get it out of the lab. Teleports work the same way, no matter what. It's her magic that brought it here..."

Twilight nodded to show she understood, but her eyes watered. "You're dying," she said. I could make out that much.

"I don't want to," I whispered. I felt my breath catch, and I coughed. It came out bloody. "Oh- my lungs."

She leaned in close, and spoke into my ear. "I don't want you to, either," she said. She could've been shouting, for all I knew. It was a whisper to me. "I was just getting to like you again."

That made me laugh. Pink mist sprayed out of my muzzle. "I'm scared," I told her, "And I won't be here for you. I- I'm..."

I couldn't breathe anymore. The pain was now in my chest; I could feel it. Twilight looked at me in horror as I choked on my own airway. Black spots swam across my vision.

I was aware of everything. I could feel the bone shards digging into my back, my severed muscles and tendons, my collapsed lungs. I could feel my blood spreading over the ground, sticking in my fur. I could feel the air, never too warm or too cold, but somehow heavy and uncomfortable.

I could see Twilight, leaning over me. So this was it. This was how I'd go.

I realized I was wrong. No, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave her alone.

But I wasn't afraid. What came next... It was beautiful.

Goodbye, I mouthed.

My vision faded.

The last I saw was Twilight's eyes.

Not Much Left

She was gone.

Sparkle was gone. Just like that.

I was alone again.

I sat with her for a long time. I don't know how long. I know that, when I moved, she was starting to cool. And I was stiff.

The potion, when it exploded, it did a number on our little home. Bodies were everywhere. Parts of bodies, too. After so long, I wasn't grossed out. Much.

Fluids were everywhere, too. The pool had been blown away. Slowly, they were trickling back into the center. Forming again. Like nothing happened. Like it didn't matter.

Maybe it didn't.

I found my saddle bags, better late than never. They'd been shredded. But still, useful fabric. And the tools were still there. Some of them.

The fire was gone.

All my books and journals, scattered. The ink was gone. The quills.

My still.

Amazingly, I found one bowl. One skull of water that hadn't tipped over or broke, that had just been pushed back, and still had its life-saving content.

But everything else. Everything I'd worked so hard to build, the things that would keep me going for months-

Gone.

I was tempted to lie down in the center of the sphere and wait for the pool to rise back up and drown me. I was tempted to slice my forelegs open with a shiv. I was tempted to bash my brain under a rock.

I didn't.

I don't know why.

My timers are gone. Broken. I have no idea how long I've been here.

I slept a little. I didn't eat. Didn't drink.

I tried finding parts to rebuild. Water first. Always water.

But I could only manage to find one bottle.

One bottle.

I needed a fire.

I had no wood. Not even sticks. The most flammable thing I had was hair, and most of the hair on most of the bodies was covered in dampness; from rot, or from being showered by the explosion.

So no fire.

No fire, no still. No water.

No life.

Enjoy the time we have left, Sparkle said. I should've listened. We should've done what she wanted. Now she was gone.

And I was here. Alone.

With no water.

No hope.

Not The Right One

I needed order.

Some semblance of normalcy and purpose. I had to do something.

I put the bodies back. Littlest ones first. I didn't barf this time. Not that I had anything to throw up.

All those dead mes stacked pretty high. Not a mountain, but the way I threw them on the pile made it's own terrain. I pushed some of the bodies aside and made a cave. It was cozy enough. I dragged what was left of Sparkle in with me.

I also carved bone spears and put them on top of the pile.

The way I figured, it was only a matter of time until Princess teleported. When she did, she'd fall on the pointy bones. She'd be injured but probably not dead, if only because I couldn't secure the spears well enough. If she did die... well, I dunno. Maybe I'd throw her corpse across the sphere so no other me would have to be near her.

But she wouldn't die. I was sure of it. She'd hit the spears and they'd be moved by her fat haunches, probably break off in her. Then she'd be injured and helpless. I could... I could...

Huh. I thought I'd have more plans. Oh well. I can make it up as I go along. Torture by someone with no experience would be bad enough, no doubt.

Until then, just keep watching and waiting. Take small sips from the skull. Try and nibble on a bone or two.

Be ready.

I failed to considerate what would happen if Princess used the spell on somepony else. Somepony smaller, more fragile. Somepony who couldn't fly under the best of circumstances.

I heard the Pop! and got excited. I picked up the hatchet and ran out, ready to face my greatest enemy: myself.

I wasn't ready for it.

He had fallen back-first. He might not have even seen the spears. But he felt one of them. He felt it when it went through his spine, through his guts, through his plump belly and out the other side, a tangled string of intestines pulled out and up. Blood smeared over the bleached bone. His little limbs kicked and spasmed.

No- they reached for the spear. Trying to get free.

He was still alive. He was still alive.

He saw me, and recognized me. He reached for me. He even tried to talk, but nothing came out of his mouth but a small trickle of blood.

Spike gasped for another breath; his pupils turned to slits, before his eyes closed for the last time. His head flopped. His arms dropped. His claws relaxed.

I sat down, rather numb. It seemed surreal. My Number One Assistant... he couldn't be gone. Not like that. "Spike?" I prodded his head. My brain refused to acknowledge the giant stabbing death trap coming out of his lower body. The one that I had put there. No, no. He wasn't dead. Right?

I mean, I'd just watched Sparkle die. I couldn't have watched Spike die, too. The universe could not be that cruel.

"Come on, Spike." I stubbornly began pushing his body up and off the spear. I ignored the fact that the spear was even there. No, I was... lifting him out of a pen, that was it. He'd fallen into a pen, or a cage, and I was lifting him out. Yeah. I also ignored the slimy guts that trailed out through the gaping hole I did not see. They scraped along the ground behind us as I carried Spike into the cave.

"Spike, this is my friend Sparkle," I introduced him. He said nothing. "She's dead, I know. But I can't bear the thought of just leaving her on the pile." I thought I saw the hint of a smile on Spike's muzzle- a slight turning of his lip. "That's the spirit! Now you two get acquainted, I'm going to go get rid of the... I'm gonna go do a thing."

I ducked out of the cave, confident that Spike would be fine. It wasn't like he could go anywhere. I'd always be able to find him in this sphere.

Moving those ill-advised spears of bone took no time at all, and yielded unexpected fruit. Well, not fruit. But a bounty. "Look Spike!" I said cheerfully when I got back to the cave. "Your bindle!" His head shifted, which I interpreted as a nod. "So good of you to bring me new supplies. That's why you're my Number One Assistant!"

Silence.

"Let's see; we've got the cloth wrapping, very useful. We'll just set that down-" I tossed it aside. Cloth was useless here.

Then I realized that if I carefully pulled out some threads, I could use it as a sieve. I quickly picked it up. "Heh heh, whoopsie! Missed where I wanted it to go! Why don't you hold onto it for me, Spike?" I carefully draped the cloth over his body, hiding the truth. "Now, where was I? Ooh, the stick! I can get the fire going again! Could you give me some help?"

Silence.

"Oh, that's right. Magic doesn't work here. We'll just have to do it the old-fashioned way! Later," I amended. "For now, what was the real prize?" I unwrapped the second cloth layer. Inside were a number of jewels- dragon snacks- and much more. Some bits, a picture of Rarity, a scroll and quill, and-

My stomach growled.

Food. Real food. A thick stack of sandwiches, all kinds of 'em. And also a bottle of water, thank goodness, but sandwiches. I had eaten nothing but flesh for months! Just single bite of something that didn't have to be charred...

I tore the wrapper off the first sandwich and bit into it.

"Bleah!"

I scraped at my tongue. What the hay?

Oh no, I realized. I had eaten nothing but flesh for months. My taste buds weren't used to hay and flowers and bread and dressing. My stomach probably wouldn't be, either.

"Okay," I said out loud, "We can save those for later. We can share them! Right, Spike?"

Silence.

"I knew I could count on you!" I gave him a quick hug. He didn't move, but I was used to awkward hugs from him. Half the time he had to look cool around other ponies. He couldn't be seen giving his 'big sister' a hug.

"So where was she sending you, anyway, Spike?" The dragon didn't answer. "Hmmm. I bet... I'll bet she was sending you to the Crystal Empire, to deliver an important message to Cadance and Shining Armor!" Still no response. "Or was it the Dragon Lands? A visit with Princess Ember, perhaps?"

Spike said nothing.

"Oh, okay, I get it. You don't feel like talking. That's fine, really. I'm- I'm feeling a bit tired. I'll just curl up and-" I yawned. Climbing that hill, three times, it took a lot out of me. But that was okay. I had my Number One Assistant! And he'd never let anything bad happen to me.

Right?

Not Not Alive

I woke up and stretched. "Good morning, Spike!"

As always, he said nothing. He'd become quite quiet since dropping in on my little campsite. Of course, that was only natural, what with having to know you were a dying remnant cast aside by a malevolent universe. But I digress.

I could tell what he was thinking. We were like brother and sister, best friends, two peas in the same... whatever that thing is that peas grow in.

"You're right, Spike. I should do something today. But what?"

I looked around at the various attempts I'd made at survival. A slowly diminishing stack of sandwiches, courtesy of my Number One Assistant. A brand new water purifier, that was barely holding together over a tiny flame. Said flame fed by splinters of wood from the bindle stick plus a few hairs and bone bits and dried organs. A waste pile, for- well, waste. Oh, and Sparkle. She was there too. She was different from the other mes because I'd used bone splinters to pin a smile on her face. Pinkie would be proud!

What was there left to do?

"I know!" I plucked up Spike and hugged him. He was a little cold, but he was a reptile. Right? Dragons are reptiles? Right? "I need to remake my weapons! Stronger, sharper. C'mon, Spike; let's hop to it!"

I couldn't move very fast anymore. My legs were getting weaker. My stomach was bulging out, like I was retaining water. Or pregnant. Both were impossible of course. I kept thinking there was something I was forgetting, something important about the way my body was changing, but I couldn't figure it out. And Spike wouldn't tell me.

I wondered if he was doing okay. Between the non-speaking and the fact that I never saw him eat or drink, I was a tad worried. I figured that he was eating flesh while I was asleep, so that way I wouldn't be uncomfortable with him eating, well, me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I'd been eating me, too.

Heh. That sounds kind of wrong.

But I was still worried, because Spike wasn't looking too good. He was kind of pale, and some of his scales were falling out. He seemed kind of thin. I even saw a tooth drop out, though his foot quickly covered it.

Anyway. What was I doing?

Oh right.

I still had my hammer. Though it had a big crack in it. I decided to make another one.

I also still had plenty of knives, but I thought I could use a couple more. One can never have too many knives.

Ooh, a me with a complete spine! I could make a whip...

The axe. Hatchet. Whatever. That was the most important thing. Once the sandwiches ran out, it'd be back to flesh rations. I'd have to tell Spike eventually, I guess. However it went down, I'd need the hatchet. I needed a way to chop apart the bodies.

A few hours of sweaty work later, I had some passable new tools. Spike had stayed by my side the whole time, like a good dragon. I'd told him some stories I was sure he'd never heard before. Mostly because I was making them up as I went along. Like the story about time breaking and this ugly bipedal creature with a wrinkly head and no eyes helping the hero to fix it. Or a story about Fluttershy taming a manticore in the Everfree Forest. What a silly idea!

Wait, no, that one actually happened. I think. Did it happen? I feel like it did. It was getting hard to remember my old life.

One thing I remembered: my tools weren't just for meat-food. I had a target. A goal. A victim.

Princess was coming. I could feel the truth of that in my bones. And when she got here, I'd be waiting.

I smiled. "Won't this be fun, Spike?"

The smile on his face never moved a muscle.

Not The Same Anymore

"Spike!" I was getting a little angry now. Okay, a lot angry. "This has gone on long enough. You need to eat!"

He said nothing.

"Just try a piece, okay? Would I hurt you?"

His claw dropped down over his stomach, which I did not look at. For just a moment, something told me I should, but it was pushed aside.

"Look: I'll eat some, too. Aaaah." I took the chunk of meat into my mouth and chewed. "Ss-shea? 'S good!"

The little dragon stubbornly sat on the corpse pile, ignoring me.

I swallowed. "Why won't you eat it?"

Nothing.

"Rrrr. Spike!"

I reached out without thinking, and slapped him. Spike rolled across the ground, quite limp. It took a moment for me to realize what I'd just done.

"OhmyCelestia, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Spike." I cradled him as gently as I could. "I didn't mean it. Twilight didn't mean it." He stayed still. "You're asleep again, aren't you?" I realized.

Just like that, I dropped him back on the ground. "Hrumph. I suppose I can't blame you. Nothing to do in here anymore except sleep and wait for-"

Pop!

I felt my pupils constrict. "Did you-"

Pop!

Thump.

Shuut-shuut-shuut.

"Gaah!"

Sh-sh-sh-sh-shuut!

"Whoa!"

A moment later, a me slid down the side of the hill of mes, along with another couple of mes that had dislodged. The difference between the firs me that fell and the others was that the first one was alive.

I watch her flail around, and for just a moment I froze. I knew what I wanted to do. I knew what I had planned. But I froze.

And then I slapped myself. "Okay, Twilight. It's time."

I found her near the base, struggling to dig herself out from under a pile of bodies. She looked scared and helpless.

Good.

She stopped when she saw me. "Sweet Celestia," she whispered.

I probably looked pretty frightening. My mouth caked with dried blood- and a little fresh; my thin limbs and swollen stomach; my stringy mane and wide eyes. I stared at her for a second, my face flat.

Then I forced a smile and held out a hoof. "Welcome, Princess."

After a moment, she took my hoof and I helped her out from under the pile. "Th-thank you," she said. "What is this place?"

I led her up the hill. "This is a sub-dimension. A space between spaces. Every time Twilight Sparkle has teleported- filly, unicorn, alicorn, princess- we've ended up here. And we stay here. Until we die."

"But that's impossible!" she cried. "Surely, if teleportation worked that way, it would've been outlawed centuries ago."

"Oh, naturally," I agreed. "If anypony knew about it. See, the new pony that shows up back in Equestria? She's got all our memories. Except of this place. She doesn't know. She'll never know."

"Well- maybe we can tell her! Maybe we can find a way to get a message out, to stop all this from-"

I cut her off. "I'm afraid that's going to be impossible, Princess."

We'd reached the mouth of my cave, and I waved her inside. After a moment's hesitation, she went in. "Firstly," I told her, "We have no magic. Getting a message out is about as likely to happen as Pinkie Pie flying."

"It's Pinkie Pie," she deadpanned.

"Applejack, then." I rolled my eyes, which hurt. "My point is, it's not happening. And secondly-" We rounded the last curve of the cave, entering my living area."-You're not going to have time to try."

"What?" She looked around, eyes widening in horror. She took in the sight of Sparkle with her pinned smile, and Spike sleeping on the ground. She looked at the bodies that made up the walls. "Oh no- no no no no no..."

I stepped closer. "You killed my friend, Princess. Now you're going to pay!"

She jumped away just as my axe slashed towards her. I cursed under my breath and charged again, determined to hobble her at the very least. She dodged again.

"I never killed anypony!" she gasped. "I'm the Princess of Friendship!"

"You were," I corrected. "Now you'll be a corpse!"

She ducked my axe- very annoying.

"I'm serious! I never hurt your friend!"

"You did!" I pointed at Sparkle. "Look at her, Princess! Your potion did that. You killed her!"

She looked and winced. "Oh, ponyfeathers. I didn't mean to! I was just trying to get the potion away!"

"Congratulations. Here's your reward!" While she was distracted, I slammed the axe blade down on her shoulder. Princess screeched in agony and collapsed. I smiled. The pitch of her scream rose as I slammed the blade down again, and again, and again. I hacked her foreleg off, then hit her with it, then started on the other leg. Blood sprayed across the other bodies that made the ground.

But before I could get in more than two strikes on the second leg, she rolled to the side. My axe hit the wrong Twilight and stuck. Princess struggled up on three legs, powered by adrenaline.

"I'm sorry!" she yelled. "Please, just stop!"

"No!"

I took out a knife and threw it at her, knocking her off her hooves.

"What do you think, Spike?" I called over to the sleeping dragon. "Should I finish the leg, or go for the eyes?"

She writhed around until she was able to push herself up again, though she was more sitting than standing. "Wh-who are you talking to?"

"Spike!" I said. "My Number One Assistant. He's been waiting patiently for you to get here. Just like me."

She looked over at Spike, who had slept through all the noise. Her eyes widened. "What have you done to him," she murmured.

"Nothing," I lied. I couldn't tell her I'd just hit him. I already felt terrible enough. I promised I'd make it up to him later.

In fact... "You're the one who did something to him. You sent him here! You doomed him to this life. And since he's a dragon, he'll live here a lot longer than I will."

She paled. "Live? He's dead!"

She might as well have slapped me.

"Dead?" I repeated. My voice was silky. "What do you mean, dead?"

Princess glanced back and forth between me and Spike. "Please tell me you're joking," she said.

"No, please. Explain."

"Oh, sweet Celestia, you're not." She started trying to push herself backwards. With only one foreleg, and a lot of blood loss, she didn't have an easy time of it. "Get away!"

I gently picked up Spike and brought him closer. "You're going to make me wake him up, but go ahead. Tell me! Does he look dead to you?" I pushed Spike into her face.

She gagged. "Yes! Stars' sakes, get away!"

"Take it back!" I placed Spike on the cave floor in front of her and pulled the axe out again. "Apologize to him."

She pressed herself into the wall, shaking. Blood oozed out of what used to be her shoulder. She moved her head to the side. And the other side.

"Apologize!"

"N- nuh..."

I glared at her. "Tell. Spike. You're. Sorry!"

"NO!" she shouted. Then she threw herself forward. Her hoof slammed into Spike's head. And it collapsed. Brain and bone popped from gaps in his scales; gore splattered everywhere. Princess reared up and stomped down again. "No!" Again. "No!" Again. "No! No no no no no no no!" Every time she said it, she stomped again, until there was nothing left of my faithful assistant but a bloody smear on the floor.

I stared in shock. "You- you just..."

She was breathing hard; the flow of blood from her wounds was thick and unstopping. But she looked horribly satisfied. "He's dead!" she said.

I looked from the mess to her face and back, scarcely able to believe it. "I already knew you were a murderer," I whispered. "But now I see... you're a monster."

"Call me whatever you want," she scowled. "I'm not the crazy one here."

"Crazy?" My eye twitched. "Crazy?" I reared up, raising my axe as high as I could. "I'll show you CRAZY!"

I brought the axe down on her other foreleg, cleaving it off in one blow. "You're worse than Sombra." I pushed her onto her back and brought the axe down on her hind leg. "Worse than Chrysalis!" I chopped off her third leg and went to the fourth. "Worse than Tirek!"

She lay there, a limbless, bleeding body. Her lungs heaved; I could hear every breath. "You're the most evil, uncaring, horrible monster in the history of Equestria," I told her. "So die!" I raised up my axe again, ready to deliver the final blow.

"I... forgive you..."

I paused. "What?"

She coughed up blood. "I forgive you. This place... I get it. It's not Tartarus. But it's close enough. Do it," she whispered. "Just get it over with."

I stared. "Okay."

Her eyes snapped open. "Wait what! I was-"

I brought the axe down. Not on her neck, no. I swiped the blade across her truck, from chest to crotch. And then I pushed her over on her side.

Her guts spilled outward, a steaming and pulsing mass of red. She gurgled and gasped, but seemed unable to speak.

Good.

I leaned in close and smiled at her. "Goodbye, Princess. I wish you'd been more cooperative. You deserve much worse."

She made a small noise, but I ignored it. "I know!" I realized. "You'll be back! You're only the remainder, after all. So guess what!" Princess burbled blood. "I'm going to kill her, too! I'm going to kill her, and the next one, and the next one. Every time she comes back. I'll kill her."

Princess rolled her head, and her eyes drooped. The glint of pain faded away. She was gone.

I was glad. I finished my vow, standing over her corpse. "I will kill Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship. Or I'll die trying."

Not Going To Stop

"Die!"

I slashed the throat of the latest terrified alicorn, then shoved her body down the slope. She bounced ever so slightly and then came to rest against the similarly decapitated nest at the base.

I waited a few to be sure she wasn't going to appear again- annoying how often she seemed to be teleporting lately. But at least now I was getting a steady supply of new materials. I'd lost a lot when I had to collapse my original cave. Spike deserved a proper burial, and I couldn't stand being so close to Princess' corpse. Especially after what she-

I shook my head. No use dwelling on it. Sparkle, Spike; they were both gone. Besides, I didn't want to be in a cave anymore. It was too difficult to climb from the cave to the top of the hill. I moved myself into a little tent closer to the top. I made it out of bones and skin, and it was honestly quite cozy. Close enough that I could rush over and slaughter the incoming me. Yet far enough away that she had no chance of dropping through my roof. I made that mistake the first time I built it- she crashed through and ripped the skin apart. Thankfully, the crash also left her dazed and injured. I was able to finish her off. And I put her to good use- her body formed most of my new living space.

Also thankfully, she didn't destroy my fire. That almost happened twice before; when I was killing Princess, between our struggle and her blood spraying everywhere, the flames were in danger. The second time, well, I had to take the flame from the cave to my tent. Moving fire is not easy. I won't go into detail- because it was super boring- but I got a couple burns and set some bodies on fire that weren't meant to be. Plus side, I had dinner for a couple days.

Overall, things are pretty good. The new supply rate was helping me keep my strength up. And they'd been teleporting in with some interesting stuff. I found lesson plans for Starlight, maps of Equestria's allies. Something about a Griffonstone Summit- that sounded fun, but mostly I was wondering what would happen if she teleported with a griffon. Would I have to kill the griffon? Could I kill a griffon? They're tough. If I did kill a griffon, what would it taste like?

Now I kind of wanted me to teleport with a griffon.

I also put the bone spikes back up. I don't know why I ever took them down- they're quite effective. By carving up femurs, tibias, and the like with notches and hooks, I made even larger and more stable pikes of bone. A number of mes had met their end on the pointed... ends. Wow. That was a bad one. Glad Pinkie wasn't here.

In any case, the mes who didn't die from impalement were either weak enough for me to finish off or they came down elsewhere. And the ones who came down elsewhere I used for practice. Throwing knives, chopping limbs. I'd gotten much better since that mess in the cave. My strength was almost equal to when I first teleported. My skill was far higher.

And I would need every bit of it.

Pop!

My head jerked up; I was perusing the scrolls that the last me had been carrying. Another one already?

I wasted no time and picked up my weapons. I'd fashioned the remains of my old saddlebags into a belt to carry them. By now I had a whole collection of saddlebags, but I liked my original best. Makes no sense? Who cares! I was trapped in a sphere where I ate myself and drank my own urine to stay alive. What is sense?

Huh. Discord might have been right.

Well, I scrambled up over the hill and saw that the latest me had gotten a spike through her chin. Cool. I didn't even need to do anything.

I started pushing her up and- ooof! What had she been eating, rocks? Nah, she wasn't Maud. Probably a Pound Cake brought over by Pinkie. Er, pound cake, not Pound Cake. Carrot Cake and Cupcake would likely not let her eat their baby. Of course, if she'd teleported with the baby...

I didn't have time to complete that line of thinking, as I heard another Pop!

"That was fast," I croaked. I hadn't had much to drink today. Too busy reading.

The second me managed to tumble off to the side, avoiding the spikes. Since I was right there, I just slashed upward with the axe and cleaved her skull open from the bottom. I doubt she had time to register me.

Pop!

"Another one?"

Third me spread her wings and glided a bit further away. I didn't let her reach the ground. I lined up a knife with her throat and tossed. With a gurgle, third me dropped. She flopped for a moment, then stilled. Cool. I hadn't been sure I'd make the shot.

Pop!

"Okay, this is getting ridiculous."

I killed the fourth one. And the fifth. But by the sixth one, I was curious.

Six fell a little bit, glided a little bit, then tumbled into the side of the flesh-hill. Before she could freak out too much, she found my axe at her throat.

"Hi," I told her. "You're going to die now. But before I kill you, do you mind answering a question or two?"

"Um... I guess not?"

"Great!" I pressed the axe-head against Six's throat. "Let's start with an easy one. How was Griffonstone?"

"What?" She looked confused for a moment. "Oh- the summit. It was fine. Gilda is turning into quite the leader. Celestia adored the griffon-scones and wanted to take them all. Luna got a bit testy with this one owl-headed griffon, who wanted to keep the moon up so he could hunt longer-"

"Yeah, yeah, that sounds great. Moving on. How's Sp-" I swallowed. "H-how's Spike?"

"Great, actually. He met this changeling..."

"What! Did it hurt him?"

"No, no," she had the nerve to laugh. "He made friends with it. The changeling's name is Thorax, and he's living-"

"Bored now," I interrupted again. "Tell me what else has been going on."

"Well, we all got together to prank Rainbow Dash by..."

I noticed her hoof moving, and quickly hurled a knife. Six found her leg pinned to another dead me, blood oozing around the bone weapon. She screamed, of course. I slapped her across the face and she shut up. Mostly. There was crying, and sniffling. I ignored it.

"I'm going to kill you," I said slowly and quietly. "There's nothing you can do to stop that. You could run, but there is nowhere for you to go. Nowhere that I cannot follow. So answer my questions. And don't try anything else."

She nodded.

"Continue."

"W-well, Spike m-made friends with Discord. And the CMC, they... they have a new member. A griffon named Gabby. Sh-she's nice." Six swallowed. "Ouch. Erm- the map sent Fluttershy and Applejack to Las Pegasus. That's all, I think. There's been other stuff happening, but nothing too important. I think." Six winced. "Could you, maybe, remove the knife please?"

I shook my head. "Just one more thing. Why all the teleports today?"

"W-we were training. Starlight and me. She's been coming along excellent."

"Oh, good. Well, say hi to the other pieces of our soul."

"Wait, what-"

I took another knife and gutted her, feeling the satisfying splash of blood down my hoof. It had been a while since I had a me at my mercy. Princess, and then a couple of the early ones. But I had gotten a bit more play out of Six than the others. It was nice.

Well, I had other things to do with my day. Whatever Starlight and Twilight Sparkle were up to, their teleporting seemed to be finished. I went to the spikes just to be sure- yes, Six had been the last.

I gathered up the bodies and body parts, and thought about what I'd do with the next visitor I got.

She'd been making Starlight teleport train... Assuming that all teleportation worked the same, for unicorns and alicorns at least, that meant at least six Starlights had been trapped in a sub-dimension today. All because Twilight Sparkle wanted her to know how to use a horrible spell that should have been outlawed.

Yeah, she deserved to die. Preferably slow and painful.

I could arrange that.

Author's Note

I put this in a blog post, but I don't know if everyone has/will read that. So I'm putting it here, too.

I did not expect the last chapter to be so violent and gory. I begin writing these chapters with a vague idea and let it evolve based on the characters. Last chapter, I knew I wanted Princess to stomp Spike's body, which would make Twilight snap completely, and I wanted Twilight to kill Princess. I had no idea how bloody it would get. But honestly, I'm impressed. I really fucked Twilight up here. It's perfect!

I just have to make sure she doesn't become completely unsympathetic.

Not My Voice

Rrrrrrrbhhh-buh!

I rolled onto my side and winced. The gurgling in my guts was getting worse. So was the bulge.

After I killed Six, the teleports just kind of stopped. I don't know why. Maybe something bad had happened to Twilight Sparkle. Maybe I was the last one.

Well.

If I was going to be the last, I was going to survive as long as possible.

I lost track of the days long ago. It could've been months since I killed Six. It could've been less than a week. I didn't bother even trying to count it out.

Without more teleport remains, I was running out of supplies. There was one sandwich I was saving. A few wood and cloth scraps. Several corpses worth of flesh and bone. But that was about it.

"What about all the bodies in the pile?"

"Shut up!"

Oh, yeah. The voice. It's been here a while. Or maybe it's always been here. With me.

In my head.

"It's not so bad in here, now. Kind of roomy, actually. Didn't used to be."

"Ugh."

Its hard. I feel... dry. That's how I feel.

And hollow. I couldn't- I can't-

I dunno.

"Uuuurgh," I groaned. Struggled to stand. Failed.

"Is that all you know how to say?"

"I can say shut up!"

"Wow. Such an intricate vocabulary. Tell me. Were you always this pathetic, or is this a recent development?"

"You tell me. I don't even know how long you've been around."

"Oh, poor Twilight. Maybe I need to walk you through it. Where should we start? With you failures as a princess? As a teacher? As a friend? Or just your failure at being a pony. Maybe the day you teleported?"

"Nngh. Just... leave me alone."

"Not yet." The voice paused. "I have an idea. Let's just go over your most recent mistakes. Your first kill."

"That wasn't a mistake." It was my awakening. My moment of triumph.

"The moment your fate was sealed."

"What fate? I get to kill myself a hundred times over. There are ponies who would give anything to have that chance."

"What have you given?

I rolled over and let my bulge jut towards the roof. "If you're trying to make me give up, it won't work."

"Oh, of course not. So why don't you want to talk about it?"

"I'm thirsty. Talking makes it worse." My throat was already hurting.

"Go get some of your piss-blood-water."

"Watch your language!"

"Why? You're the only one who can hear me."

That... I couldn't think of a retort. "Whatever." I sighed. "I can't go get water, because there is no water."

"And why's that?" I detected more than a hint of sarcasm.

I bit my cheek.

"Maybe it's because you made a mistake? Because you failed? Because you didn't think ahead and shoved all your dead bodies into the center of this hell-hole, where all the fluids are supposed to drain?"

"FUCK YOU!"

"Ho-ho, now who needs to watch her language? Face it, Twilight. You suck. You are a terrible excuse for a pony, and your life has amounted to nothing. Your purpose is to slowly whither in this place, murdering yourself over and over again until you run out of food and water and you die." The voice sneered. "What would your friends think, if they saw you now? Loser," it spat.

I choked back a sob. This was no time for self pity. No time to be breaking down. I knew my purpose and my goal, same as ever. And I would fulfill that goal with my whole heart.

"Even though that goal is pointless? Ha!" the voice laughed. "Just go back to sleep. It's about the only thing you're still good at."

"Sleep," I muttered. Good idea. Asleep, I wouldn't be hungry or thirsty. I could leave this place in my dreams. And best of all, I wouldn't have to listen to the voice. "Goodnight," I said. I closed my eyes and burrowed my face into the rotting ground, the fumes reaching for my brain to drag it into darkness. My limbs shuddered weakly, instinctively, but they couldn't push me away.

Just before I drifted off, I heard it.

"I'll be here, Twilight. Waiting. When you wake up, I'll be here. Remembering everything you won't. All you're failures. All your screw-ups. You can never escape me, Twilight. Never."

Author's Note

So yeah, embracing the M rating. Hope you enjoyed the latest chapter of, as one comment put it, 'depression pony'!

I actually googled auditory hallucinations. apparently, hearing insults to your person is the most common form of hearing voices. who knew?

Not Worth It

"Oh, good, you're awake."

I rolled over and groaned. How long had it been this time? A day? Two days? I couldn't stand listening to the voice. Every time. I wake up. I eat, drink, piss, shit. Sometimes without ever actually moving. Then back to sleep. Before it can get to me.

"Get up. Get off your lazy ass and do what you said you would."

"And why the fuck would I do that?" I muttered. After all, I didn't actually have to move.

The voice just laughed. "Because this spot's already used up. Because your other choices are going back to sleep and starving, or staying here and waiting to die while I whisper in your ear."

"Fair enough." I dragged myself out from the pile of my own shit and towards the nearest puddle of body fluids. I stopped bothering with the fire and the still. I couldn't get enough liquid around to use it, so I let the flames die out. Puddles would seep out of the bodies and I drank out of those. I just didn't care.

There was a slight dip; a ledge of bodies. By dragging my front half off, I was able to get myself semi-standing. I could actually walk. It was hard, though. I hadn't walked in a while.

"Look at you, wobbling around. Your like that shit-blob-thing Discord used to hang out with. Only grosser."

I ignored the voice and made it to the puddle. Bending over to drink hurt my neck. Still, I did it.

After, I was hungry. Not really. I had no appetite. But my guts felt like a rock tumbler. Mostly empty, with a few sharp bits being banged around inside. I needed to pad it.

There was a fresh-ish body stuck on the spikes. I clambered over and bit off her face. No real reason why, except I hated looking at it. I sucked out an eyeball next, 'cause it was easiest to get to. Then an ear. I considered flossing out my teeth with her mane-hairs, but what was the point. My teeth were already aching with rot. Colgate would pass out if she saw all the cavities.

"Who the fuck is Colgate?"

"Uh, duh. Ponyville's dentist?"

"Ponyville never had a dentist. Not officially. I think you got her from some book you read. That's all you used to do, remember? Read. Because you're a book-loving egghead.

I grunted. "So you're Rainbow Dash now?"

"I'm whoever the fuck you want me to be. I could be Rainbow I'm-better-than-you Dash or I could be bow-down-and-worship-my-fat-ass Celestia. It wouldn't change what a piece of shit you are."

"Okay, I don't have to take this."

"And how are you gonna stop me?"

"Like this." I closed my eyes and let my mind go blank. Not as hard as it should've been. I drifted off, into the familiar mist.

Pop!

I woke up, a bit startled. What was that?

Oh. Right.

I fell asleep standing next to the bone spikes. I looked over just as the latest Twilight fell face-first into one. Her eyes locked onto mine, and I could tell she wasn't quite dead yet. Before the light faded from them, I leaned over and sucked up an eyeball. It squished between my teeth, spraying juices over what was left of her muzzle.

I chuckled as I swallowed and bit another chunk from her body. Then I dropped a couple apples, and watered them because, hey, why not. I walked back over to the puddle and drank some more; this puddle was getting kind of low. But walking was a bit easier this time.

I should sleep standing up more.

"Nah. You should just lie down. That's what shit does. It just lays there."

"Time to come up with a different insult. You can only call me 'shit' so many times before I stop caring," I pointed out. I started back over to the spikes, simply because I was still feeling empty.

The voice was uncharacteristically silent for a while. "You're right," it admitted after a few minutes.

"I am?"

"Yeah. I need to call you something else. I could call you... bitch."

"Lame."

"Cunt?"

"Filthy and derogatory, but I don't particularly care."

"Soul-killer?"

I snorted. "That one actually sounds badass. So it would be a compliment."

It was quiet again. I reached the spikes. Or, what was left of them. Some had broken. Some toppled by the number of bodies impaled on them, or on their neighbors. A few were simply buried.

The latest me was leaking still. Blood oozed down the spike, but I wasn't interested in that. I stuck my face up between her legs and lapped at the liquid draining there. It was more pure than what was in the puddles. Then I bit off the soft flesh in there. There was a fair amount of blood; I wondered what she'd been doing before teleporting. My brain conjured up a fantasy of the Princess of Friendship in an illicit affair, desperately teleporting from her lover's- or lovers'- house before being caught.

As if. Princess Twilight Sparkle was way too... well, she wouldn't do that. I should know. I was her.

Then again, I hadn't been her for a long time.

"Yes, but you still used to be. Which means that you suck every bit as much as she does."

"Seriously? Just shut up."

"Ooh! I could call you Princess. After all, there's no pony you hate more."

"Not true. I hate you more."

The voice laughed. "It's all the same; you, me, Princess, Six, Twilight Sparkle. All the same. You hate me, you hate them. You know who you really hate? You. And you're right to."

"Well, if you're me, then I guess it must be true."

"Finally. The light turns on!"

"Sarcasm," I sighed. "Whatever."

"Oh, come on Princess. You know it's true. You were Twilight Sparkle. You lived in her castle, you talked to her friends, you did her job. And just like her, you're a murderer!"

"The real Twilight killed somepony now?"

"Let me rephrase: all Twilights, Sparkles, Princesses, whatever new name your fuck-brain comes up with, they've all killed. Because they've all teleported. Except the latest one, but fuck her. She'll do it eventually."

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense." As much as anything could. I took another bite of me and chewed thoughtfully. Though I thought of nothing.

"You all teleport. You all kill. You're a murderer! The Princess of Murder. Murder Princess. There we go! the voice suddenly became excited. "I'll call you Murder Princess from now on."

"And all call you my Ass-Pain. Seems simple enough." I yawned. "I'm going to sleep now. Why don't you make yourself useful and sing a lullaby?"

"Sure. Let me just set the right mood..." I suddenly heard music, low and soft. I sighed. Too late now. I asked for it. "Ahem- Go to sleep... Go to sleep... Go to sleep fucking stupid..."

The words skated over my brain, but the tone flowed through. I let my head droop, and drifted away.

"Good morning, Murder Princess!"

"Yo. Murder Princess. Are you done eating yet?"

"Murder Princess, stop licking yourself."

"Murder Princess."

" Murder Princess."

"Murder."

"Princess."

"Murder."

"Princess."

"Murder."

"Murder."

"Murder."

"Murder Princess!"

"SHUT UP!"

I grabbed my head. My hooves felt so wrong; overgrown, broken, chipped and brittle. About the same as the rest of me, really. Even my mind.

"I can't take it anymore. Congratulations! You got under my skin!"

"Oh, I don't care about that in particular. I'm just here to make you suffer, the way you deserve."

I felt my eye twitch. My puffy, swollen, puss-oozing eye.

And then I screamed. "Arrr-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

"I can't take it anymore!" I kicked at the mes that were my ground. "I won't! Get out of my head, go away, leave me alone, I don't care where you go just GO!"

"Eh... no."

"Then I'll make you!"

Voice snorted. "How? You can't touch me. You can't force me to do shit."

"You wanna annoy me? Well good luck- if there's no me to annoy!" I scrambled over the hill, searching. "Ah-ha!"

I picked my way over to the toolbelt, discarded long ago. I pulled out a knife.

"Like you'd do it. You're too weak to-"

I stabbed the knife into my foreleg, ramming it through paper skin and blood vessels thinner than my stringy hair. I didn't even feel it at first. But once I did, I smiled. It was the first thing I'd actually felt in a while.

I pulled the knife out; amazingly, I seemed to have missed every major vein and artery. So I tried again. I stuck the bone-blade into my leg, and it stuck about halfway. Rather than keep pushing, I pulled. I pulled the knife up my leg, carving myself like a turkey.

I got that one from the human world.

My leg started to go numb. Blood was flowing now; quite well. It dripped down and pooled in a hollow of flesh-ground. Good.

"You see?" I muttered. "No more me. No more Twilight. And without me, no more you."

"I'll always be here, Twilight," it said. But it sounded less sure. "You can't... escape."

My vision was starting to fade. Good. Good.

Pass out. Die. No more. No more Voice.

Eyes closing. Can't see. Smell. Smell blood.

Smell... sprinkles?

Black.

Not A Purple Pony

I stirred. No, wait- huh?

How...

I remembered darkness. Drifting away. Blood and sweet, sweet pain.

Shouldn't be here anymore.

Shouldn't- what?

Hey. Hey.

"Hey!"

I felt the poke and forced my eyes to open. Still confused. How were my eyes working? How was I seeing? How was I... how was I alive?

Maybe that purple blob over there had answers.

My eyes focused. It wasn't a blob. It was a pony. It was me.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

I frowned. How was I feeling? I hurt. My leg was throbbing and burning. My head felt like a baked potato. My throat and mouth were dry.

"That's okay," she said gently. "You don't have to talk. It's just lucky I got here when I did; you were in bad shape. You lost a lot of blood."

I shuffled, and the pain in my leg worsened. I looked down and saw bandages, wrapped tightly, soaked red so dark it was black. Every time I moved, a patch of lighter red spread. Not too far. But it was there.

"You shouldn't move," the other me suggested.

I ignored her and pushed myself upright. That baked feeling get worse. Reminded me of meeting Fluttershy's friend Treehugger, for some reason. I wobbled on my hooves. Jabbing waves rippled up and down my leg.

"Now, hold on," she started.

I shot her a glare that would've done a dragon proud. She shut up.

I took a step. Another step. I stumbled.

She smiled. "I warned you..." She proffered a shoulder.

I lunged upward, driving my horn into her throat. Hot life-sustaining liquid poured down its length and across my face. I opened my mouth and guzzled as much as I could. It started pinching off, so I pushed up harder. My horn sliced through flesh. She gagged, and more blood drizzled out.

The other me thrashed around, pushing. Flailing her legs. Hitting me. It did no good. I drank her, her life pouring into me. I smiled. Delicious.

Finally, she stopped. There was no more blood to drink. I leaned over, letting her dead weight fall. What was left of her neck slid off my horn with a plop! For good measure, I bit into the ragged flesh and ripped; her head flopped unnaturally.

"Nicely done."

I blinked. Oh, shit.

"I'll admit, I didn't actually think you'd do it. I was afraid it would work. But I'm still here."

"Not my choice," I growled.

"Perhaps. But you have a choice now. Or did you cut your balls off when you tried cutting your leg?"

"She's kind of right."

I blinked. What-

The smell. I smelled it before. Before the blackness. It smelled... good? There were no good smells here. But I smelled it.

Sprinkles.

"Yep." The voice was familiar. But strangely sullen. "Probably gonna be the last good thing you smell."

I turned around, and saw a different pony. It was jarring. Outside of dreams, I hadn't seen another pony in... How long had it been?

"A long time, Twilight."

Oh.

Wait. Was she-

"Reading what your thinking? Yeah. The writing's a bit odd in places, but I can read it."

Oh-kay. I suppose it wasn't too surprising. First a voice, then... this.

I studied the pink mass that had appeared in my vision. "Hello, Pinkie Pie."

"Hey, Twilight."

Her mane was perfectly flat. Her fur looked quite dull. Otherwise, she looked exactly as I remembered. The same pudgy pink ponkers who could bring a smile to the face of any pony.

Though she wasn't smiling herself.

"No. I... don't really want to."

"Too bad. I could use some cheering up."

"I don't say this often, Twilight, but... I can't."

I tottered a little. "That's... fine. You're not really Pinkie, after all."

"You could call me Pinkamena if you want."

"I don't give a fuck what I call you."

"Wow." She backed up. "You um. Huh. You really have hit the bottom."

I snorted. "I hit bottom a while ago. I started tunneling."

"Please. As if you have the motivation to dig a tunnel."

"She doesn't need motivation. The universe just hates her so much it gets out of her way."

"Hey!" I glared at the Pinkie illusion. "Are you agreeing with her?"

"Well, yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because she's rude and a total bitch?"

"At least I'm not the Princess of Murder."

"I. Am not. A Murderer!"

"You kind of are."

"No!" I protested. "I've never killed another pony. Only-"

"Only Twilight clones," Pinkie finished.

"Exactly."

There was a long silence. Then-

"Are you Twilight Sparkle?"

"The heck kind of question is that?"

"Do you think of yourself as Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship?"

"Well- no."

Pinkie was dubious. "So you killed Twilight Sparkle. Loads of times."

"Yes, but- but I am Twilight Sparkle!"

"You just admitted that isn't true."

"I- I..." Something shorted out behind my eyes. I looked at Pinkie. I glanced around the landscape of death. My face twitched.

"Nope," I said. "Nope. I don't care. I do not give a fuck. Nope. Fuck this. Fuck you. Fuck you Pinkie. Fuck you voice. Fuck me, too. I do not care."

"That's a lot of fucks you don't give," Pinkie noted.

"I don't give any fucks, Pinkie!" I turned and slammed my face against a cliff of mes. "It's about time you both went away. I'm going to take a nap. When I get up, both of you will be gone. Right?"

"Don't count on it."

"Even if I am, I'll be back," Pinkie promised.

"Whatever." I lay down and shut my eyes. And tuned out my own small world.

I woke up and saw no pony but myself. I sighed in relief.

One bowel movement later, I bit a chunk from the nearest fresh body and pulled a long drink from a puddle. I stood up- or tried to. My leg gave out halfway through, and I fell forward into the puddle.

"Poop."

"I thought that was pee?"

I looked up and saw Pinkie. I groaned; I knew it was too good to be true.

"You don't know anything."

"That one was just petty."

"She's right this time," Pinkie shrugged.

"Thanks. I think."

I managed to push myself up and out of the puddle. I shook the liquid away. "So I don't know anything, huh? Why don't you enlighten me."

"About what?"

I shrugged. "I'm always interested in knowing what's been going on in Equestria."

"How would that help you?"

"I'm just curious."

Pinkie stroked her chin. "Well... there's been a lot of stuff. Starlight casting her spells, me Rarity and Applejack going on a boat trip that ended terribly, and there was a Changeling invasion."

"Liar."

"I'm not lying."

"You just made all that up."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because, you..."

I walked away, listening to the sounds of the argument fade out behind me. When I couldn't hear either of the voices, I settled down. Time for another nap.

It seemed like that was all I could do.

"Ouch," I muttered. It was much later. No idea how long it'd actually been. A couple naps. I woke up, could barely get up, decided it was time to do something about my cut. My leg throbbed. I almost dropped the knife, but continued hacking through the me's own leg. If I had magic, I probably could've replaced my leg with hers. As it was, I just hoped I could turn her into a crutch.

In the days since I opened up my leg, it got worse. A lot worse. The cut was raw, and the edges were green. I'd wrapped it and rewrapped it in cloth strips, but it wasn't getting better. It could hardly keep me upright.

"Ouch," I said again. The carving of the bones was gonna be hard. I sat down so I could get better leverage, or whatever. Also, my legs were tired.

"Think it's infected?"

"Oh, definitely," Pinkie replied.

I rolled my eyes and ignored them.

"Ten bits says she cuts it off."

"I didn't bring any bits. And you don't have any."

"Whatever. I bet she cuts it off. You?"

"Meh. You said it best- she hasn't got the balls."

"You know I can hear you, right?"

"Of course. That's why we said it."

"Hrrmph."

I finished up the crutch and strapped it to my leg; maneuvering around my ball of a gut was the hardest part. Then it was on. I was able to get up far easier, though it made me a bit lopsided. I toddled around a little until I was used to it.

"Wow. That looks... stupid."

"Oh yeah? Well you- you sound stupid."

"Lame," Pinkie muttered.

"Shut up." I hobbled my way to the top of the next hill. "Why are you here anyway, Pinkie?"

Suddenly she looked anxious. "I'm not sure you could handle knowing."

"Well, I know you're not actually here," I frowned. "It's kind of obvious. You don't seem quite yourself, and there's no way for you to go from here to Equestria and back. You're in my head, right?"

"Sure."

"I'm just wondering why I'm seeing you, of all ponies. No offense but you're not helping or hurting too much."

"Maybe you just wanted to see a friend?"

"You're not acting much like a friend."

"Well... I- er, Pinkie Pie- is friends with Princess Twilight Sparkle. And you're not her. So you might think of me- er, Pinkie Pie- as your friend, but I- er, Pinkie Pie- wouldn't see you as one."

"I guess... that makes sense."

"Plus, you really are a murder-pony. I can't be friends with a murder-pony."

"Oh, for the love of- I am not a murderer!" I flopped onto the ground. "It's not me. It's her! The real Twilight Sparkle. She's the one who keeps teleporting here. She's the one who never realizes something's wrong, and that she shouldn't use that spell. I'm doing them a favor- they're the ones who keep sending themselves to hell, without a thought to what happens once they do! What I do is a mercy."

My breath snorted hotly; my legs were trembling. Pinkie stared at me with wide eyes. For almost a full minute, all I could hear was the settling of the corpse mass and my own breathing.

"She's lost it."

"Uh huh," Pinkie agreed.

"Could we make it worse?"

"Doubtful. She already cut her leg open."

"True. She could torture herself though."

"She's in constant pain. Physical torture hurts less than psychological, anyway. And she's got plenty of that going on."

"I'm right here!" I yelled. They ignored me.

"I suppose I can sit around and insult her some more. That'll always be fun."

"Good luck with that. I've got smiles to spread! I can't stay around."

"Well. Back to the depths of imagination with you."

I blinked, and Pinkie disappeared. "Huh? What-"

"Don't bother trying to understand. Your tiny brain couldn't hope to understand."

"I'm getting tired of these insults. I know I'm a smart pony."

"Do you now? Are you now? Well, I'm not about to stop. And what are you going to do. Cut your other leg? The universe hates you so much it won't even let you die."

"I'm surprised I survived," I admitted. "But it won't be for much longer. Sooner or later, I will be rid of you. And I can't wait for that to happen. In the mean time, I'm going back to sleep. Maybe I'll even have a nightmare. Can't be worse than this place."

"It could always be worse. Murderer."

"Nope. I'm not the murderer. The next Twilight Sparkle to teleport. She's the murderer."

"You sure about that?"

I grit my teeth. "I'm more sure of that than I am of anything."

I curled up on the dead mes and tried not to jostle my leg around. It wasn't as comfortable as it used to be. The taste of flesh and blood- gritty, metallic- seemed heavier than usual. My tongue was itching. My eyes ached. I rolled over, my belly bulge heavier than ever. It actually hurt.

Soon.

Soon, it would all be over.

Not The Last

Dead.

So dead. Should be dead.

"I wish you were dead- not. You're too fun to fuck with."

"Discord?"

"Nah."

"Oh."

Everything... wrong. Itches. Stabbing. Ow.

How long?

Too long. Days, feels like. Can't... move.

Move.

Roll over. Sticky. Back. In my hair. Whatever.

On side. Not enough. Roll again.

Get up.

Nope.

Legs... nope. Ouch. Cut. Belly in the way. Gut round. Ball. I swallowed a ball? No. Just... bad.

"Oh my goddess! Your own fucking body hates you now!"

Laughter.

In my head. Hate it. Fucking ass-bitch.

Eyes hurt. No light. Little light. Can't see much. Dry. Open. Shut. Hurts. No tears. Can't cry. Want to cry.

Hair in my eyes. White. Bleached. Thin, stringy. Greasy. Blood stained. Not my hair. Is it?

Urgh.

Yuck. Tongue. Fat. Also dry. Metal and pineapple. No, coconut. No, shit. Tastes like shit. Lips cracked. Coated. From what?

Lick.

Yuck.

More metal. Blood. Blood and more. Charcoal. Fire. Tastes bad. But good. Food. Lips coated with old food.

"Holy crap. That was almost a complete thought. I'd be impressed if you weren't supposed to be thinking complete thoughts all the time. Sheesh."

Really hate voice.

Try again. Roll over.

Roll over.

Hurts!

Ow ow ow ow ow.

Bleau-huleau-huleau!

Gross.

Stinks. Putrid. Rotten. Vomit. I vomited. My muzzle... still in it.

Gross.

Belly hurts. Still. More. Pain.

Get up.

Push, legs. Push!

Up.

Ignore cut pain, up!

Wobbling, but up.

Stagger forward.

Nope.

Oof!

Something jabbing- bone. In side. Long. Something on the end.

Oh. My axe.

And around waist. Belt. With knives.

Yay.

Sky. Red sky. Black sky. Sky sky sky.

"The fuck?"

Go away voice. Don't like you. Don't want you.

Want look at sky.

Look up. Roll over again. Belly in air. Doesn't hurt.

Sky.

Sky is large and empty. No clouds. No sun. No moon. No stars.

Sun. Moon.

Butt.

Moon butt.

I miss moon butt.

Mooooooon butt.

Moon butt.

Mooooooooo-

Pop!

Strange.

Sound.

Haven't heard... anything. Long time.

So strange.

Look. See.

See fading purple sky.

See movement.

See-

Me.

Me.

Another me. Not dead.

Not yet.

Get up. Get up.

Purpose. Remember-

"Don't be stupid. Stupider, I should say."

Voice. Right. Safer just to stay-

No.

No. Can't stay. Get up. Get done. Duty. Purpose. Vow.

Do it!

I got up.

I took one step. Another. Pain. Ignoring.

I took another step. My gut clenched. Pain. Agony.

No. I- I kept going.

I climbed the hill, dragged myself up it.

I made it to the top.

There.

The other me.

Standing in the valley, wings out. Eyes wide. Staring. Not understanding.

Weak.

I hadn't been that shocked.

"No. But you're still weaker."

"Get out of my head," I breathed. My voice. My throat was scratchy. Swallow. Not working

Fine. Do it anyway.

Tired though.

Need- I need motive.

Remember.

Sparkle. Dead.

Yes.

Spike. Crushed.

More.

My life. Lives. How many times?

How many senseless sacrifices?

Every time I thought she learned, every time I thought the new me would be better. She came back. A day. A month. A year. She always came back.

Good.

Fire spread into my legs. Pain faded. Muscles little more than strings pulled flesh little more than paper. Bones brittle as sticks ground against each other.

Grab the axe.

I pushed down the hill, gaining speed. I raised the hatchet. "Murderer!" I bellowed. "I'll kill you!"

Her face was a sight. The beauty of the surprise. The dawning horror. The sweet look of fear and betrayal as I swooped in for a killing blow, just as had so many times before.

"Weak."

I stumbled last moment, leg cut screaming; she dodged; I missed. The axe hit a body and stuck. She stopped- leaned over, closed her eyes. She grunted.

Mistake. The mistake of one too used to magic.

I ripped the axe out. Swing. Swing hard.

She cried out as the blade hit her shoulder. It hit sideways, dug deep. Stuck again. Blood sprayed. Hit my muzzle. I licked it up. Salty. But sweet.

Then she twisted, and the axe flew out of my hooves.

I snarled.

She took a step back, and I tackled her. We rolled down the slope of bodies, and I sank my teeth into her foreleg. She howled; her hoof smashed into my face. My muzzle deformed, teeth rattled. More blood in my mouth. Less sweet. Bitter.

Crunch!

We hit the bottom and my shoulder hit first. Bones snapped. Stabbing. Pain. More pain. Same leg.

Smack!

My head hit different head. Corpse head.

Other me groaned. She was hurt, too.

Ignore the pain. Kill her.

Get up. Grab knife. On my belt; take one. Throw.

She yelped as it sliced across her cheek. I threw another, but she charged.

"Missed!"

She tackled me. She was heavy; she pushed me down. Could feel her blood. Life giving. Energizing. Reach up; felt the shiv in her side. I didn't miss.

I pulled it out, tried to stab again. She smacked my hoof. The knife tumbled further downhill.

I gnashed my teeth, animal rage.

She didn't flinch again. She smashed her head into my face. I saw stars and pink ponies pronking and birds and-

She head-butted me again, in the torso now. I fell backward. Slid a bit.

Get up again.

Pain.

Surprised. I looked down.

Oh. Hole in my side.

Her horn. Pierced me. Oh. Shit.

See how you like it.

Pulled out another shiv. She was on me- I was in her. Shiv. In the side. Again. Again. Again again again-

She shrieked, but grabbed my neck. Her hooves tightened. We fell more. Crushing. No air.

Larynx closing up. Carotid- blood- no blood. No brain.

"What brain."

More stars. Bad stars.

Kick. Punch. Anything. Everything. All legs, beat her. I beat her. I hit hard as I can. Does nothing. No avail.

Something else.

Grab anything- grab something heavy.

I grabbed something heavy. Something dead. The nearest corpse. I pulled.

A bloated sack of putridness smacked against her. She shrieked, surprised. She was covered in bone and rotten brains.

Up again. Not over yet. One more weapon. "Raaaaargh!" I screamed. War cry.

She screamed, too, when I smashed my bone hammer into her leg. Oh, wonderful sound. Bliss.

Another hit. Winding up-

She yanked the hammer away. She did something. Too fast to see. She-

Thwak!

I felt impossible pressure and pain. In my head. In the side of my head. Side? Side on the ground. Fallen. What?

Eyes blurry. See less. Roll. Try to. Shift.

There. See her. Vision faded on right.

Why?

Something wrong.

She touched me. She was touching me- touching my head. Ouch.

Why so painful?

Everything hurt.

Belly hurt. Legs hurt. Head hurt.

Heart... hurt.

What happening?

Move. Try to move.

Can't.

Much.

Reach up. One leg. Stop her touch.

See her mouth moving. See her talking. Can't hear.

Doesn't matter.

Stop touching.

Reach up. Nudge her. She stops. Looks- afraid.

Feel something. Something wet. Large. Squishy. Near my head.

Oh.

That's the brain.

Waited for voice.

No voice.

Huh.

Sky. Red sky. With purple.

No. Purple is me. Other me. Not-dead me.

Other me looked scared. I felt... bad.

Why?

I dunno. Something about other mes. Dead other mes. Feel... bad...

Oh. Oh.

Oh gods and goddesses.

I fucked up.

Dead.

Dying.

Almost dead.

Seconds. Hours.

Doesn't matter.

She matters.

Blackness. Haze.

Smile. One last smile.

"Bye."

One last word. A croak.

Then close eyes.

No sound.

So sight.

No smells.

No taste.

Nothing.

Forever.

Do better than me, Twilight. Do better.

Fin

Bonus: Not A Dream

I woke up and opened my eyes and jerked around, throwing my sheets off. Sweat soaked the bed under me and made me feel itchy and freezing at the same time. Slowly, the sheet settled down. Slowly, I sat up and hugged myself.

It wasn't the first time I'd dreamed of that place. The darkness. The emptiness. Every time, the dream ended with the same feeling of falling away, unable to move or breathe.

Of dying.

I shuddered, listening to my breathing echo off the castle walls. Only a few feet away, Spike snoozed in his own bed. He rolled over and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "Rarity..."

I sighed. Partly exasperation, but far more in relief. I was fine. Equestria was fine. I was home, with my friends close by and my faithful assistant even closer. In the morning, Celestia and Luna would move the heavens; Pinkie would make all of Ponyville smile; Rainbow would still be an amazing flyer, Rarity would design fabulous dresses, Fluttershy would care for critters, and Applejack would run Sweet Apple Acres, the same way they all had every single day for years now. Spike and Rarity would still be dancing around the issue of their mutual, if unequal, affection for one another.

I lay back down and looked out the window. Seeing the glowing orb in the sky, I remembered Nightmare Moon, and everything that had happened since then. All the things that my friends and I had done, together.

I smiled and closed my eyes.

I lay on the ground staring at the red sky, my broken life pooling on the ground. The other me rose up. Her eyes dripped salt that stung my wounds, even as she tried to pull me back together. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry!" The world fell away in shattering fragments-

My eyes snapped back open.

That dream.

It had been haunting me long as I could remember. The same empty space, tormenting me, until it was too much. My stomach, pulling itself apart. My throat closed up and dry. My neck, snapped from a great fall.

The end was always the same: the end. My end.

But this was different.

It had never been this violent. This vivid. I looked- yes, my hooves were shaking.

I wasn't going back to sleep, I realized.

I got up, careful not to wake Spike. Tip-toeing down the hallway, I slipped into the library and lit a lamp. I pulled out a scroll, quill, and ink. I would write to Princess Luna, I decided. I would tell her everything about the dreams, everything I could remember. This wasn't natural, and if anypony could help me figure out what was wrong, it was Luna.

Rrrr-rr-rrrrngh!

I stopped and grimaced. That empty feeling in my gut hadn't been just the dream after all. I tried to recall the last time I ate, and decided on yesterday's breakfast. Starlight had to drag me out of my lab. Spike had made waffles.

Well, if I wasn't going to sleep, I might as well eat. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the kitchen.

In a flash, I disappeared.

I opened my eyes and saw a red sky, dark and oppressing. This was wrong. This was... familiar.

I tried to look around and realized I couldn't. I could only stare straight ahead.

As I watched, I saw something... grotesque. The air bent and shimmered, dust collecting into bones; red gel bubbled outward into muscles. Skin flaked into existence. Fine purple hairs and feathers grew.

It was me. Another me. And just as I realized it, she disappeared into thin air.

And I fell.

Into a pile of death that swallowed me in a rotten fog...

I reappeared in the kitchen and turned on another lamp. I shook off the wooziness of the teleportation spell. I was here for... for...

Food. Of course.

I made myself a bowl of sugar-oat cereal and practically inhaled the mountain of grains. Then I poured another, and decided to walk back up to the library, taking small bites along the way.

By the time I got there, the bowl was half empty and I couldn't for the life of me remember why I was going to the library. I frowned at the paper on the table. Did I leave that there? I must've, but I couldn't remember why. I remembered having a nightmare, coming to the library, and teleporting to the kitchen. Other than that...

Huh.

I put the writing tools away and pulled down my favorite Daring Do novel. I'd read while I ate the rest of my cereal.

Minutes later, I put my bookmark between the pages and slurped the milk from the bottom of the bowl. I yawned. I was tired and the sugar wasn't kicking in yet. I put out the lamp and stumbled up the hallway, back into my bedroom. I slipped under the covers- Spike rolled over again- and closed my eyes. Everything was fine.

It was just a silly nightmare, after all.

Author's Note

The fuck it was. :pinkiecrazy:

Not My Destination

I didn't think.

How could I have known? How could anypony?

I watched her form not five feet away; I watched her marrow, her bones, her muscles and skin and fur. I watched her become... me.

And then she was gone. And I fell.

I tried to fly, but something was wrong. I felt heavier. My wings would not lift.

I landed on something soft, and at first I was grateful. Until I looked down.

"Gaah!"

It was another me. Dozens of other mes. All piled up like child's bricks, like discarded toys. Toys of an uncaring universe.

I scrambled back, back, as far and fast as I could, desperate to make contact with something other than my own decomposing corpse. My hoof made contact with air. I fell.

Not far. The pile of rotting bodies was spread out enough that I slid to the bottom, instead of cracking my head on the ground. Though that would've been more merciful.

I lay there a minute. I didn't want to move. My heart beat against my ribs. My lungs squeezed and squeezed. I could feel slime seeping into my coat and mane.

Slowly, I got to my hooves. I could feel the bile and pus cling to my back as I did. My fur stood so much on end it hurt.

I forced myself to breathe. I could figure this out. I was smart. I was strong. I was a freaking alicorn princess, a physical god, for ponies sakes.

I needed more light.

I tried to light my horn. A simple spell, one I had done almost every night at least once.

It didn't work.

My magic wouldn't work. I was stuck in this place, with a pile of my own dead bodies. And I didn't even have magic.

I began to hyperventilate, and no amount of Cadence's breathing technique would stop it.

I tried to remember what I was doing before.

Ah, yes. Starlight refusing to celebrate Hearthswarming. I had teleported... I only wanted to go a few feet... to cut her off. And then I had ended up... here.

Sweet Celestia.

Did this happen every time I teleported?

How many times had I teleported? It had to be hundreds... maybe more than a thousand times in my life. From the time I was a filly, practicing magic, to just now, for something so trivial I barely thought about it.

When I was a filly.

I forced myself to look at the pile of corpses. The sheer size of it was nauseating, to say nothing of the smell. Graveyards and crematoriums and mortuaries and autopsy rooms... It was all of that, and more, all stacked into one undeniable stench that crawled into my nostrils and punched my brain cells to death. I gagged as I took just one step closer.

It was purple.

A mountain of purple. With bits of pink fur here and there. Red organs in a bloody sea. Some white bones poking through. A lot of rotting blackness.

But mostly purple.

I didn't want to touch them. But I had to know. I had to see.

I started scrambling at the pile, pulling on legs that came off, on skin that peeled away. My own fur was caked in gore soon enough; tears were dripping down my muzzle. I kept going.

I don't know how long it took. Minutes. Hours. A day.

When I was done, almost the entire pile was moved. But I had found one.

A skeleton.

A tiny collection of bleached bones, only the skull larger than my horn. It had its own horn; a tiny stump of ivory jutting from the forehead. I counted keratin layers. She couldn't have been more than eleven years old.

That's when I vomited.

My stomach turned itself over and I puked, chunks of hay and candy scratching their way up my throat along with pints of stinging bile. The stinking gunk splattered over what was left of my filly self, and I vomited again. I kept at it until there was nothing left in my stomach and my muscles ached from dry heaving.

I collapsed after that. My legs were too weak. I didn't care anymore that my face was pressed against puke-soaked bones and rotting flesh. I didn't care.

It was a while before I moved.

I didn't sleep, but I think I dreamed. I dreamed I was home, with my friends, unaware that this place existed. A fantasy.

But every dream ends.

I pushed myself up, still weak. But I moved. Because I was not going to die laying down.

The first thing I did was to move every one of my selves back to the pile. I didn't want to look at that skeleton anymore. The reminder.

That in all the times I'd teleported, all the years I'd lived...

Not one of me ever made it out.

And neither would I.

Not That Big

My new prison was quiet.

This I found to disturb me the most. The lack of light I could deal with. The lack of sound...

My ears rang constantly. They tried to hear but there was nothing to hear.

I tried talking out loud. I sang. I clapped my hooves together.

It all was lost to the vast space around me.

Eventually I stopped. Or maybe I didn't. Maybe my inside-my-head voice became my outside voice. Or the other way around?

Oh, ponyfeathers. I hadn't even been in this place long enough to get hungry, and I was already losing it.

After I moved the corpses- (shudder)- I walked away. I walked and I walked and I walked. The ground was strange; it was smooth, like glass, but I never slipped. I could feel nothing from it. No texture, no temperature. Only an unyielding pressure that assured me it was solid.

After a while I noticed the ground slanted up. I imagined I was climbing a gigantic hill, and when I reached the crest, I would look down and see a hellscape that would make Tartarus look like a relaxing vacation.

Instead, after what felt to be an eternity, the slope became too steep to continue. I didn't slip or slide. I simple could not gain the leverage to pull myself further up.

I looked back.

I couldn't see forever. I couldn't see much. In the distance, I could barely make out the hazy spot that was the corpse pile. To my left and right, the wall-slash-ground stretched until it was lost to sight.

I looked up.

The wall kept curving above me. It curved up and back until it was actually above me. My heart sank as I recognized the truth.

I'm inside a giant fishbowl, I realized.

Disheartened, I began my long trek back across the bottom of the sphere.

I was halfway there when my stomach rumbled for the first time.

Not That Bad

Do insane ponies know they're insane?

I pondered this every night. I lay down in permanent darkness and stared 'up', wondering if I was crazy or not. I spent my days watching water drip out of my still, drawing mandalas of death in blood-ink, or daydreaming about Ponyville. I wondered if Starlight ever even learned to appreciate Hearthswarming. If my... my eventual death would have any point, or was I cast aside as another meaningless sacrifice.

Every 'night' I fell asleep with these thoughts.

My only consolation was that my body was no longer being tortured as much as my mind. I was no longer thirsty.

I was no longer hungry.

Call me a cannibal. Call me whatever you like. I've chastised myself as worse.

That first bite of pony flesh was the worst; mostly because I didn't think to cook it. It was like gelatin made of blood and coffee grounds. Only somehow worse. I quickly remembered that griffons and dragons tended to place their meat over fires before eating it. I tried that with a small piece of flesh and found that it worked. I was able to choke it down.

That was weeks ago.

Since then, I'd discovered the optimal way of cooking pony meat for consumption. It required precise timing, flipping the chunks so that no side burned. Burning flesh smelled horrible and tasted worse than the last time Pinkie shoved her hoof in my mouth. Well, the last time I remembered. She may have done it again, to the other me.

Different parts of a pony tasted different. Easily the worst tasting parts were the internal organs. I tended to hang those out to drain and dry, and then they could serve as fuel for the fire. I found that strips from the thighs and chest were thicker and drier; chunks from my- er... breasts... were juicier and somehow tasted better. I tried not to think about that too much. It seemed weird. Then again, I was eating meat. It was all weird.