“Today is going to be a good day,” Sunset said to the empty garden with a happy little sigh. “And by Celestia, I need a good day.”
Jets of water shot from the fountains nestled between the stone seats lining the walkway. The glittering light wove through the streams and cast tiny rainbows down on the alternating black and white benches. The water flitted back and forth in great arcs above her, though a single drop never fell to the grass. The West Garden Walkway was another wonder wrought by Earth pony ingenuity and a bit of unicorn spellwork.
With another sigh, she levitated the saddlebags off her back and placed them beside one of the white benches. She stared at the bench for a moment, laughed, threw caution to the wind and plopped down onto the grass between two of the fountains.
Today was not a day for sitting on benches. Today was a day to enjoy the feel of cool grass on her coat.
“Feels like I haven’t had a break in months,” Sunset groaned as she opened one of her saddlebags and levitated over a stack of books. “But now that the Princess’s latest test is finally behind me, I can finally find some sanity again.”
Sunset paused and chuckled, the sound carrying among the splashes of water and the calls of the animals throughout the West Gardens.
“And maybe I can stop talking to myself.”
Not likely,a voice muttered inside her head. But Sunset was in too good of a mood to even acknowledge that thing’s existence. She felt it go off in a corner and sulk. Sunset snickered at that.
Sunset pulled the first book from her pile and opened it before realizing what it was.
“How did Habits of the Equestrian Phoenix get into my saddlebags?” Sunset asked nopony in particular.
To her surprise, somepony answered. Well, someone answered.
A loud musical cry floated down to her from above. She glanced up to see Philomena trailing flickering sparks as she swooped down upon Sunset and landed with a little hop on the closest bench.
Sunset just blinked at the phoenix.
“Did you put this in my bag?” Sunset’s eyes narrowed.
The bird hid her face behind a wing of fire, but there was no mistaking the look on Philomena’s face.
“You’re up to something, aren’t you?”
Philomena let out a little cooing noise and flapped her wings in a surprisingly good impression of a shrug.
“Oh, leave me alone, you fire-feathered pest,” Sunset said, shooing Philomena away with a hoof. “I’m not in the mood for any of your games today.”
She turned to pull another book from the pile, but Philomena suddenly leapt up into the air and spread her wings. Before Sunset could react, the phoenix blazed with light. Sunset yelped and covered her eyes from the blinding brilliance of the phoenix’s magic.
While the flash lasted less than a second, it still took almost a full minute for Sunset’s eyes to readjust from Philomena’s little stunt.
And when the afterimages finally cleared…
Her books were gone. As were her saddlebags.
As was Philomena.
In fact, the only thing left was Habits of the Equestrian Phoenix and a single phoenix feather sticking out of the ground.
Sunset jumped to her hooves and scanned the garden, but Philomena was nowhere in sight.
“Oh, so that’s how you want to play it, huh?” Sunset shouted as she levitated the book and the feather up. “Well, let’s just see how good you are at hide-and-seek, you dumb bird!”
The bird didn’t respond, but that was fine. Philomena had already done the next best thing.
Less than a minute later, Sunset trotted through the gardens back toward the castle, the phoenix feather in a field of teal magic as her seeking spell did its work. The feather twisted a bit as Sunset turned a corner, acting like a makeshift compass with the feathered tip always pointing in the direction of her quarry. She took a detour through the Moon Lantern tunnel, and snuck two of her favorite flowers in revenge for Celestia letting that feathered menace out to harass her on her day off.
As soon as she left the tunnel of faintly glowing flowers, she caught sight of a flash of red and gold.
“Seriously?” Sunset demanded. “That is so not fair.”
Philomena sat on the balcony to Princess Celestia’s private quarters, four stories above the garden. Sunset’s saddlebags hung on the railing, making it blatantly obvious that the dam—darn phoenix was baiting her.
“You know I can teleport through the castle’s wards, right?” Sunset called to the phoenix as she approached the ivy-covered wall beneath Celestia’s rooms.
The bird let out a sound that could have only been a laugh.
Dammit, I’m not about to be mocked by some magical overgrown parakeet!
Sunset glared at Philomena and focused. If anything, Philomena’s expression grew even more amused.
A flash of light later, and Sunset was standing next to the phoenix. She blinked a few times, trying to get her bearings. Despite her comment to the dumb bird, teleporting through the castle wards wasn’t simple.
The phoenix turned and cocked her head at Sunset. Before Sunset managed to react, Philomena leapt into the air. With a blur of speed, she snatched Sunset’s saddlebags…
…and darted straight through the half-open doors to Celestia’s chambers.
Sunset froze as Philomena hovered on the other side of the room, near the doors to what was probably the hallway. The phoenix flapped her wings lazily, taunting Sunset with her mere existence.
Sunset hesitated. It was one thing to teleport onto Celestia’s balcony. That area used the same wards as Celestia’s study—a place she’d spent much of the last several years in—but Celestia’s quarters were an entirely different matter. She’d been there only a hoofful of times since becoming Celestia’s student.
“You bring those back right now!” Sunset shouted at the phoenix. She didn’t expect the words to do anything. She wasn’t disappointed.
She was, however, pushed past her limit when Philomena stuck out her tongue at Sunset.
“Oh it is on,” Sunset growled. She pawed the stonework of the balcony, prayed she wasn’t about to trip some teleportation ward that would send her straight to the dungeon and threw herself into a full gallop through the doors.
Philomena squawked in alarm. Apparently she hadn’t been ready for Sunset to actually come in after her. In a flash of phoenix magic, the bird disappeared.
Despite the strange feeling that washed over her upon crossing the threshold of Celestia’s private chambers, Sunset wasn’t immediately teleported to a dungeon, banished, or banished and then teleported to a dungeon in the place she was banished to. A small relief, since her ‘phoenix compass’ was still pointing directly at the doors, where she heard a commotion outside.
“Hey, isn’t that the Princess’s—”
Without even pausing to look around Celestia’s rooms, Sunset flung open the doors with her magic, hoping to surprise her prey. She indeed did surprise somepony… namely the two royal guards who had been standing watch outside the room when the doors slammed into their faces.
Both of them went sprawling to the floor with yelps of pain.
“Sorry!” Sunset called back as she galloped after the phoenix, who was already halfway down the corridor. Philomena dove around a corner and Sunset almost skidded into a portrait of a regal-looking gray unicorn stallion with a red cape.
“Hey! Stop!” came the call from behind her.
“Oh, you are so going to get it when I get my hooves on you!” Sunset shouted as she galloped down the next hallway, following the feathered trickster.
Philomena turned in midair, still clutching Sunset’s saddlebags in her talons and smirked like only a phoenix could.
The message was clear: “Catch me if you can.”
“Attention, all guards, we have an intruder on the fourth floor near the Royal Quarters!” came a shout from behind her. Sunset could feel the tingle of the magical communication intensifying throughout the castle. “Snowhoof and Gallop in pursuit!”
“This is not what I had in mind for today!” Sunset grumbled to herself as she rounded another corner.
Philomena wove through the long corridors of the castle, always staying just far enough away so Sunset couldn’t snatch her bags back with her magic. They skirted startled servants, dodged dapper doorwardens, charged around careful chamberponies, and galloped past grumpy guards. At this point, Sunset didn’t have much to lose. She was going to get that damn bird even if it killed her.
Philomena has had this coming for years. It’s time to put that bird in her place! Sunset thought as she leapt over a tea trolley, never breaking pace. Granted, I have no idea how I’m going to do that… but still!
“Stop!” a guard called from a small squad who’d appeared at an intersection Philomena had just soared through.
Sunset reacted instinctively. A flash of magic later, and she was on the other side.
“Wasn’t that Sunset Shimmer?” said one of the guards behind her, sounding utterly bewildered.
“Doesn’t matter, she’s violated the Princess’s chambers! Get her!”
I didn’t ‘violate’anything! I was chasing the damn bird all of you seem to be ignoring!
From the sound of hooves behind her, that little fact apparently didn’t matter. Now, the chase was really on.
That’s when Sunset realized she’d been doing this all wrong. She shouldn’t be chasing the little thief.
She should be outsmarting her.
After all, she was still Sunset Shimmer. Granted, that might not mean what it had once meant—namely before a particular unicorn filly had saved her flank back at GU—it still meant something.
She waited until they were scampering down the long hallway that overlooked the west ramparts. It was a lovely hallway, filled with enormous clear windows offering a breathtaking view of the city.
And the afternoon sun.
Sunset drew upon her magic as the sun blazed through the glass. Every second, she could feel the power building within her. It filled her, making her hooves tingle and her coat shimmer. No matter how many times she did this, she never tired of the sense of life that burned within her whenever she drew upon the sun.
She did some rapid-fire trigonometry with minor variances for speed and height.
Her horn flared with power and quickly expanded into a layer of overglow. She glanced at the window and saw the teal magic tinged with white. The magic bucked and strained to escape her control, but she kept it. Like always.
She grinned, focused and unleashed the spell.
A flash later, she was airborne… directly above Philomena.
“Gotcha!” Sunset crowed.
Philomena whirled in midair, startled by Sunset’s sudden appearance above her. She squawked and, to Sunset’s shock, spat a small gout of flame. Since Sunset’s spell had given her the same velocity as Philomena, she was lucky enough not to be hit directly.
Instead, the flame merely lit her tail on fire.
Sunset yowled and lost her concentration. She flailed about, managing to grab the bird as the spell controlling her flight vector sputtered, died and sent them crashing several feet to the floor.
Sunset tried to beat out the flames licking at her tail as she clutched at the bird. But Philomena was far too agile to be contained by anypony, even a pony as annoyed as Sunset Shimmer. The phoenix squawked and writhed as she managed to get free, though Philomena had left Sunset’s saddlebags behind.
However, this affront was far past mere petty theft.
As the pounding hoofsteps of what sounded like an entire contingent of the Royal Guard came down the corridor behind her, Sunset spied exactly what she needed: one of Philomena’s water dishes.
Sunset grinned. The phoenix turned one last time to taunt her…
…and Sunset dumped an entire bowl of freezing water on the bird’s head.
Instantly, the phoenix dropped to the ground, every flicker of flame doused. Philomena glared daggers at her as she tried to take flight once more. However, with her flames out, the phoenix’s natural magic wouldn’t function. It wouldn’t last more than a minute, but it was enough to snatch the bird in her magic and drag her back to Sunset.
“Now, let’s have a little chat about your little pranks,” Sunset growled at the shivering phoenix. “For starters—”
A pink bubble of energy winked into existence above Sunset’s head. Before she could respond, it dropped like a net right on top of her, sealing itself to the floor with an audible pop, trapping both Sunset and Philomena inside.
Both of them turned to look back down the hallway. Even Philomena twitched at the sight.
No less than fifty Royal Guards stood just a few feet away. A young second lieutenant with a white coat and a blue mane was pouring magic into the shield spell, while the Captain of the Royal Guard, Stalwart Rook, marched up to her with Raven—Celestia’s aide—at his side.
“Captain Rook,” Raven said, her eyes hidden behind her black-rimmed glasses, “Please escort both of Celestia’s guests to her private study. The Princess will want to have… words with both of them. Have Second Lieutenant Armor shield the room and assign two members of the aerial division to stand guard on the balcony.”
“Are you sure, ma’am?” Stalwart Rook asked, running a tan hoof over his close-cropped coal-black mane. “Standard procedure is to throw trespassers into the dungeon.”
Philomena let out a protesting cry at that. Sunset couldn’t think of anything worthwhile to add.
Raven’s eyes glittered behind her glasses as she smiled at her two captives. A flash of her magic and her trademark clipboard appeared as she scribbled a few notes down with a quill.
“Oh, there are worse things in this castle than the dungeons, Rook.”
Stalwart Rook’s smile turned wicked, the old stallion chuckling as he nodded to a few of the Guards to follow Raven’s instructions.
“Indeed there are, ma’am,” the Captain of the Guard said. “Indeed there are.”
Oh, ponyfeathers.
Author's Note
When Raven gets a gleam in her eye... run. 
If you come across any errors, please let me know by PM!
Felonious Felicitous Fellowships
“This is all your fault,” Sunset growled at Philomena.
The phoenix huffed and turned her back on Sunset, which suited Sunset just fine.
They’d been sitting in Celestia’s study for little over an hour now. Normally, Sunset would have been reading in a situation such as this. After all, Celestia’s private study was probably one of her favorite places in all of Equestria. But, at the moment, the idea of going through any of Celestia’s books didn’t seem all that appealing.
“Moon Dancer is never going to let me live this down,” Sunset groaned as she buried her face in a pillow on the floor. “And it’ll take about fifteen seconds for her to tell everypony else and I’ll be hearing about this for months.”
She was exhausted. Her body ached from the workout she’d given it by galloping through half the castle. Even her magic hurt a little to use, showing that once again, she’d overcharged her spell and drawn too much power from the sun.
I really need to get better at that, Sunset thought. One of these days, I’ll probably need the precision.
Oh yeah, and half of her tail was gone. Every time she looked at her tail, she was tempted to dump the bowl of water in the corner onto that damn bird.
But she was pretty sure starting a water fight in Celestia’s study was a bad call.
“Why do you pick on me so much, anyway?” Sunset demanded, not for the first time.
Philomena, as she had every other time, ignored her.
Sunset growled again, but didn’t pursue the issue any further. Not much point. Philomena wasn’t the best of conversationalists even on a good day.
She stared at the hourglass on the table as the grains of sand hissed steadily, dropping into the lower bulb. She wasn’t about to complain on how long the Princess was taking. Today, the Princess was mediating a session between Diamond Dogs and the Buffalo tribes about a recent border skirmish between the two races.
Of all the days that bird decides to be a terrible little… ugh... troll… she picks a day when the Princess is in sensitive diplomatic talks.
Philomena perked up. Sunset immediately craned her ears, listening carefully to the hoofsteps that could only belong to one pony. Her suspicions were confirmed a few moments later when golden magic wrapped around the doors.
When they swung open, Celestia was there.
Her face was completely impassive. It could have been carved from stone. She took a few steps inside, turned, nodded to the exhausted-looking stallion who had held the shield and closed the doors behind her.
Sunset opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She shared a glance with Philomena. Philomena didn’t look much better than Sunset felt at the moment.
“I believe I informed you about my itinerary for the day, Sunset Shimmer,” Princess Celestia said, not moving from her spot by the door. “Did you forget that I was to be in the middle of negotiations between two races with a rather unfriendly history?”
“No, Princess,” Sunset squeaked, hating her voice and her inability to do anything about it. “I didn’t forget.”
“And yet, I receive a message from Raven shortly after negotiations are concluded that there has been a… shall we say… fracas throughout the castle involving my pet phoenix and my prized pupil. I find this most interesting.”
Sunset stared at her hooves, but forced herself not to slump to the floor, even though she could still feel the cool gaze of Celestia upon her.
“I must say… I’m quite disappointed in you.”
Those words were like a buck to the chest and Sunset felt a claw of ice wrap around her heart. She’d heard it in plays and read it in stories before… but disappointment really was so much worse than anger.
“After all, young lady, I asked you to befriend Sunset, not antagonize her.”
Sunset blinked and her head shot up.
Celestia wasn’t looking at her.
She was looking at the bird.
And the bird was practically hiding behind her wing, looking for all the world like a filly who had gotten caught with her hoof in the cookie jar. How a phoenix pulled off this particular look, Sunset had no idea, but it was the best analogy she could come up with.
Celestia sighed, trotted over to the largest pillow in the study and settled herself down.
“I must apologize, Sunset,” Celestia said, her eyes never leaving her pet. “I know you and Philomena have never truly gotten along. So, as I was occupied for most of the day, I asked Philomena to spend some time with you. The goal was to help the two of you form a bond. After all, you have quite a lot in common.”
“Princess?” Sunset asked, a dozen questions contained within one word.
“Oh stop it, Sunset.” Celestia rolled her eyes. “You’re not about to be flogged. Come over here and sit beside me.”
Sunset slowly and carefully crept toward the Princess, but now a small smile graced Celestia’s lips instead of that horrifyingly stoney expression she’d worn before. Celestia nodded toward the pillow closest to her. It still took some effort, but Sunset managed to get herself to sit down beside the Princess. To Sunset’s surprise, the Princess wrapped one of her great white wings around her.
It’s been a while since she’s done that…
“Settle yourself,” the Princess said gently. “While it would have been nice if you hadn’t decided to go racing through the hallways of the castle, no harm was done, despite what Blueblood claims.”
“Blueblood?” Sunset sputtered. “What does he have to do with this?”
Celestia’s smile grew. “You didn’t even notice him, did you?”
Sunset shook her head.
“When you passed through the hallway on the south side overlooking the castle foyer, you apparently upset one of the servants returning with a refilled water dish for Philomena. The servant spilled the water over the edge. It just so happened my ‘nephew’ was, shall we say, ‘in the line of fire?’”
Sunset couldn’t help herself. She dissolved into giggles, hating the fact that she hadn’t been able to see that stuck-up mule get doused with freezing water. Celestia joined in with a chuckle.
Sunset opened her mouth to ask a question, but Celestia cut her off.
“No, I still won’t explain ‘The Blueblood Mystery,’ as you call it.”
“Aww,” Sunset pouted.
They both chuckled just a little bit more.
Sunset forgot how much she enjoyed spending time just being with the Princess. There was such comfort and strength in her wings. It was almost more relaxing than a good book in the garden.
Almost.
“I’m sorry about today, Sunset. I know the last few weeks have been very long for you,” Celestia admitted after a long silence. “And while I can’t give you the relaxing day you wanted… tell me… did you have fun?”
Sunset turned her eyes toward Philomena, who was still cowering behind a wing. For a second, Sunset saw the phoenix peeking over the wing, her expression unreadable.
She surprised herself with her answer.
“Yeah. Actually, I did,” Sunset admitted. “Even if Philomena was being a little brat.”
“Mischievous little Philomena has learned some bad habits from me over the years,” Celestia confessed. “Though in truth I may have also learned a few things from her. She is not entirely to blame. Only mostly.”
Philomena’s head ducked back behind her wing once more.
“Stop pouting, Philomena. Come over here and say you’re sorry.”
Philomena didn’t move.
“Philomena?” Celestia said in a voice that would have sent courtiers and servants scattering. “Come here.”
The bird still didn’t move.
Celestia let out something that sounded like a long-suffering sigh. Finally, she leaned down and whispered something in Sunset’s ear. Something that Sunset couldn’t quite believe.
“Are you sure, Princess?”
Celestia nodded.
“Well, I can’t refuse a royal order, can I?” Sunset said in her best attempt at a serious tone. She managed to stifle the giggle as she cast the spell.
“Last chance, Philomena. Apologize.”
The bird huffed.
“It’s on your head then,” Celestia said with a shrug.
The bird caught sight of it a second too late as the water dish Sunset held in her magic suddenly upended itself atop Philomena’s head. The phoenix sputtered and squawked indignantly as once again, her magic fire vanished under the deluge. The Princess provided another spell to prevent even a single drop of water from hitting the floor, the books, or anything else of importance in the study.
Both Sunset and Celestia watched the soaked bird as it glowered at the two of them for a good minute before her fire magic once again ignited. The phoenix instantly took flight. For a moment, Sunset was worried about some sort of retaliation. Instead, Philomena just landed in front of Sunset and bowed her head.
Sunset couldn’t help herself. She laughed.
“Okay,” Sunset sighed. “I forgive you. Though I’m still not happy with you setting my tail on fire.”
Philomena squawked in protest, putting her wings on her sides.
“She said next time, you shouldn’t startle a phoenix in flight,” Celestia commented dryly.
Sunset rolled her eyes and met the phoenix’s gaze, wondering just what to do about the bird. In the end though… there was only one thing she could do.
“Why don’t we call it even?” Sunset offered.
To Sunset’s surprise, Philomena nodded emphatically.
“Well, I’m glad that’s taken care of!” Celestia declared. “Because that brings us to your punishments.”
Sunset blinked and glanced up at the Princess. “Punishments? Plural?”
“Oh yes,” Celestia said with a nod. “Since both of you seemed to enjoy taking on the entire Royal Guard, who spent the better part of fifteen minutes chasing you, I’ve decided that both of you will be training with them three times a week to help improve castle security.”
Sunset stared at the Princess.
“You’re serious aren’t you?”
“Quite.”
Sunset looked at Philomena.
Philomena looked at Sunset.
“Fine,” Sunset said, knowing she was speaking for the both of them. “You win.”
“Wonderful! You start an hour before dawn tomorrow.”
Sunset knew better than to protest that little detail.
“And there’s one more thing,”Celestia said as her horn burned with golden magic and she lifted something out of one of Sunset’s saddlebags by the balcony doors. “I would like you to start a new research project. It has come to my attention there’s an area of study that seems to have a few holes in its knowledge base.”
“And what’s that, Princess?” Sunset asked warily.
Celestia’s levitation field dropped and a book fell between Philomena and Sunset.
Sunset glanced at it and barely stopped herself from facehoofing.
“I’d like your thoughts on an appendix or perhaps even a new version of Habits of the Equestrian Phoenix by the end of the month. Philomena here will be your direct source and assistant. So, as the two of you will be working closely on this project, I expect you two to play nice.”
Once again, Sunset exchanged gazes with the bird. For once, she knew exactly what Philomena was thinking.
After all, it wasn’t like they had many options.
“I think we might be able to do that.”
“I’m delighted to hear that,” Celestia said. “Though I admit if I had gotten this notice during the negotiations, I would have been rather more annoyed.”
“You would have?” Sunset asked, forcing her voice not to squeak this time.
“Indeed. In fact, I likely would not have done this, if that had been the case.”
There was a flare of magic behind Sunset and when Celestia retracted her wing, Sunset was thrilled to see her tail whole once more. She smiled at the Princess, who just winked at her in return.
“So, I’d like to propose new rules of engagement between the two of you,” Celestia declared. “Philomena, no more burning off my student’s tail.”
The bird saluted and Sunset couldn’t help but giggle.
“Sunset, no more dropping bowls of water on my phoenix.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Until further notice, only I’m allowed to do that.”
Sunset blinked and looked up at the same time as Philomena.
Two globes of water hung above their heads.
Sunset sighed.
Philomena sighed.
And the icy water doused the both of them.
Author's Note
Well, I do hope you've enjoyed my latest short story starring Sunset Shimmer. This little piece was written in the course of two days as part of a challenge to myself to try doing more short stories. I wanted to have a little bit of fun with Sunny and Philomena, because my next story with Philomena is a very, very different tale.
For those wondering, yes, this is indeed part of the Wavelengths Timeline. It's set a little over two years after the events of Grading on a Bell Curve, though it was expressly written so that you didn't need to have any knowledge of the rest of the Wavelengths Timeline to enjoy it. Indeed, there's only one reference to any of the other stories and that's of Sunset bemoaning Moon Dancer's discovery of this fiasco. Because Sunny's right. Moon Dancer would never let her live it down. 
Since this is such a short piece, I'm going to skip my normal Retrospective. There's not a lot to say, though I'm going to be very interested to see what you think when The Cycle of Flame comes out in a month or so, because Philomena plays a major role in both.
And yes, this is the explanation for two of the Noodle Incidents that are mentioned in Princess Celestia: A Brief History. Namely how Sunset became friends with Philomena only after the phoenix burned her tail off and the time when Sunset dumped a bowl of water on Philomena's head.
Let's be honest. She had it coming.
Oh, and for the record, Celestia hasn't explained "the Blueblood mystery" to me either. And I wrote the line for pony's sake!
If you enjoyed this, it's a great way to enter the Wavelengths Timeline, the ongoing series of stories set in a timeline where the Sonic Rainboom never happened. Below, you'll find a full chronology of the story. I usually recommend starting with the first, The The Alchemy of Chemistry and proceeding from there. Alternatively, you could start with the "original trilogy" with The Application of Unified Harmony Magics if you're looking for something a bit lighter.
Don't worry, after my entry to Scribblefest 2017, The Cycle of Flame, is complete, we're finally going to get cracking on editing How Not To Use Your Royal Prerogative. And that's while I continue to pound away at A Study on Chaos Theory and we begin to wrap up SunLight Sliders!
As usual, a special thanks to the Wavelengths Editing Team. Namely, Ebon Quill, Little Tinker, and Beltorn. Without them, these stories would be a pale shadow of what they are now.
Until next time, this has been Amber Spark! Enjoy!
Stories set in the Wavelengths Timeline in chronological order:
Origins Arc
The Alchemy of Chemistry
Bards of the Badlands
Grading on a Bell Curve
Habits of the Equestrian Phoenix
How Not To Use Your Royal Prerogative
Applications Arc
The Application of Unified Harmony Magics
Princess Celestia: A Brief History
The Cloudsdale Report
Dreamers Arc
Tactics of Snowbound Unicorns
A Study in Chaos Theory
Teahouses of Saddle Arabia
As the Raven Flies
If you come across any errors, please let me know by PM!
