Report on the Occult Energies of Equine Commradery

by SaltyVampireHorse

Rating: everyone
Tags: Science Fiction, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Slice of Life, Crossover, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 5712

Peridot is stuck in Equestria, good thing shes got her handy-dandy tape recorder!

After a warp pad malfunction, Peridot (Facet 2F5L Cut 5XG) is teleported to Equestria. With nothing but her tape recorder to chronicle her descent into madness, she begins to document her findings of Equestria, Ponies and the Magic of Friendship

* Edited by Cyanhyde, https://www.fimfiction.net/user/Cyanhyde (Love you Bestie <3)

Published 2017-02-28 00:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-06 04:47:01 UTC

Log Dates: 7 19 3 - 7 23 3, Prologue Entries I-III

Log Date: 7 19 3

Prologue Entry (I)

Audio Recorded by: Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG

“Clods Clods Clods Clods Clods! You insufferable pebble-brained Clods! I understand the Gem technology on this former colony is severely outdated but such miscalculations are absolutely unacceptable! Even the most simple-minded of Rubies could operate these warp pads with greater effectiveness! *sigh* My current predicament is such that I am now currently stranded in an unknown dimension after a malfunction with the Temple’s warp pad, most likely due to the humorous but still inappropriately timed mischief of Amethyst. I have no means of returning back to Earth and my attempts to contact the Gems have proven fruitless. In spite of all this, I am a certified Kindergartner, and as such I refuse to let my current situation hinder my progress on the completion of the drill. If anything, this merely a minor hindrance to our progress at best. Once I devise a solution to return home to Earth, we shall promptly resume our progress towards completing the drill and saving the world from the horrific and cataclysmic emergence of the Cluster.”

End of Transmission

Log Date: 7 21 3

Prologue Entry (II)

Audio Recorded by: Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG

“*panicked laughter* I’m going to die here. This infernal forest will be my final resting place, I’ll be shattered!

*transmission cuts out*

…

*transmission resumes*

“Many of the life forms of this dimension are similar to the organisms found on Earth; the Avian and Mammalian genuses in particular exhibit near identical behaviours and biology to their counterparts on Earth, and then there are other horrific abominations of this dimension... like the three-headed serpentine corrupted Gem that made its attempt at devouring me! I am a Homeworld technician, I’m no Quartz warrior! I’m not trained to deal with this madness!”

*distressed wailing in the background*

*transmission cuts out*

…

*transmission resumes*

“I have made the discovery of a peculiar structure. Similarly shaped to the large plant like organisms that Steven once referred to as ‘Trees’, it appears to be composed entirely of a crystalline substance. After several miserable attempts to establish contact with Steven and the rest of the Crystal Gems, I have concluded that this structure is not of Homeworld origin, nor a communication beacon as was my original hypothesis. Whatever this structure is, it is of no use to me. I press on in my search for intelligent life in this clod of a dimension”

End of Transmission

Log Date: 7 23 3

Prologue Entry (III)

Audio Recorded by: Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG

“Finally, after a number of days stranded in this boreal death trap, I seem to have found civilization, no doubt due to my superior Kindergarten certification. Granted, my salvation from the forest must also be accredited to a localized faction of enforcers who refer to themselves as ‘the Cutie Mark Crusaders’. However, the intelligent life forms of this dimension are, shall I say, irregular in comparison to Humans or Gems. I initially thought the intelligent life forms on Earth were bizarre (and biologically inferior to Gem kind) but oh my stars! The intelligent lifeforms in this dimension are laughably inferior to Gem kind and even appear to make humans seem advanced. These species refer to themselves as ‘Ponies’ which, according to my research from Earth, is a name given to the lesser Equine genus of Earth. While they appeared to be advanced enough to have developed speech, organized society and structurally sound architecture, I highly doubt that they will be able to assist me effectively in returning to Earth, but remaining in the settlement of ‘Ponyville’ is much more favorable than the alternative. I will continue to document my findings of this dimension for future reference. Peridot out.”

End of Transmission

Log Date: 7 24 3, Subject: The "Cutie Mark Crusaders"

Log Date: 7 24 3

Subject: “The Cutie Mark Crusaders”

Audio Recorded by: Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG

“A slight correction from my previous report, it appears that the “Cutie Mark Crusaders” are not Quartz warriors or Amethyst guards. In fact, I deduce that their combat prowess is below elementary level. The “Cutie Mark Crusaders” as I understand are some sort of inquisition group. Similar to the functionality enforcement squads on Homeworld, the Crusaders oversee that all beings of this dimension are appropriately fulfilling their assigned task, they report any dissidence to their leaders and the defective citizens are quickly stamped out.”

“That’s not what we do at all!”

“... just a moment…”

*transmission cuts out*

…

*transmission resumes*

“It appears that I must redact my previous statement, as the Crusaders have corrected me. Their purpose is not to inquire and root out functionality dissidence, but instead their purpose is to, and I quote: “help fillies all over Equestria to find the special talent that represents their cutie mark” end quote. This brings to light two things, first this dimension is known to as “Equestria”. Secondly, the social structures of this dimension’s society completely elude me. According to the Crusader’s leader, the “Apple Bloom”, the goal of each “pony” in “Equestria” is to discover a functional purpose in which they excel. I initially hypothesized that this was a function that was imprinted on them upon their creation, similar to how each Gem is assigned a particular role from the moment of their emergence. While I still thoroughly believe this hypothesis is legitimate, I have been told otherwise by the “Apple Bloom’s” followers, the “Sweetie Belle” and the “Scootaloo”. They propose that one’s “Cutie Mark”—the appearance modifier that insinuates a pony’s purpose—is something that must be discovered and searched for, and that it is not merely assigned to them upon creation. The crusaders explain that they assist others who are deficient in their function or have yet to even discover it. I cannot help but recall Steven’s idealisms of being free to choose your own function in life; the resemblance is shockingly similar.”

“On another note, I am intrigued the biology of “Ponies”. According to the Crusaders, there exist three distinct sub-species of ponies: the Earth Pony, the Pegasus, and the Unicorn. The Apple Bloom is of the Earth pony species, exhibiting incredible physical strength and endurance in addition to an expansive knowledge of agriculture and cultivation. The Sweetie Belle is a Unicorn, their physical forms feature a hardened Keratin appendage on their cranial structure that houses cosmic powers similar to a Gem’s extra physical capabilities. According to the Sweetie Belle, this appendage can summon arcane abilities such as: energy attacks, telekinesis, teleportation, and substance transmutation, to name a few. Further research is needed to determine the full extent of the capabilities of this appendage. The Scootaloo is of the Pegasus species, and I find them to be the superior pony species, from a biological standpoint. Having wing-like extremities on their back and an overall lighter mass with aerodynamic bodies, these types of ponies are capable of flying at high altitudes with extreme speed and velocity while still exhibiting a great amount of strength and endurance. Sadly however, the Scootaloo is apparently born defective and thus incapable of flight… I can’t help but sympathize with her. Being a generation 2 Peridot myself...I lack certain abilities inherent to most Gems, thus my dependency on limb enhancers. While this dimension’s lax procedures with each individual’s specific function continue to perplex me, I hope that continued interaction with the Crusaders will assist me in my understanding and research on Equestria, and perhaps even help me find a way to return to Earth. Peridot out.”

-End of Transmission

Log Date: 7 26 3, Subject: The "Twilight Sparkle"

Log Date: 7 26 3

Subject: “Princess Twilight Sparkle”

Audio Recorded by: Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG

“It has been three Equestria days since I have taken up refuge in the settlement known as Ponyville: a quaint and rather dull place. My attempts to contact Steven and the other Gems has been proving exceedingly difficult, if not impossible. I can’t tell if these ponies have inferior technology or are just clods. Still, this development has a silver lining; I have made an acquaintance with a pony of supposedly great importance, known as the Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship. According to my research, the title of “Princess” is an insinuation of royalty. This dimension appears to be governed by a monarchy of royals, a horrifically outdated form of governance if you compare it to the highly effective and efficient system of government that the Diamonds have instituted on Homeworld and the colonies. Still, credit where it is due, the Twilight Sparkle Princess seems to be presiding over her kingdom well enough, I suppose. Apparently, the Twilight Sparkle is of a rare subspecies of pony known as an “Alicorn”, a mutation of both a Pegasus and a Unicorn—and presumably bears the physical gifts of the Earth Pony species as well. My observations also confirm that the Alicorn species are indeed highly capable of making full use of Pegasus and Unicorn unique abilities—these being flight and cosmic powers. Further observation is required to determine if they can make use of Earth pony abilities as well. This species are truly a marvel of evolution. If we were on Homeworld, I would see to the preservation and display of the Twilight Sparkle’s skeletal structure in the most prestigious study halls on Homeworld, upon her expiration.”

“HaHa, you wanna put Twilight in a museum! I tell ya Peri, She’d feel right at home! HaHa!”

“Spike, try not to interrupt Peridot while she is recording”

*transmission cuts out*

...

*transmission resumes*

*growls and irritated babbling* “Of all the things in this dimension that could possibly irritate me, it’s the Twilight Sparkle’s Pearl she calls the “Spike”. Clearly, an inferiorly grown Pearl that is severely lacking in restraint and discipline. This atrocious excuse for a Pearl has even attempted to assault me on multiple occasions in an attempt to devour my gemstone in my forehead! My conclusion: this Pearl is an undeniable clod and is in-fact a threat to all gems in its vicinity and should be promptly terminated.”

*clears throat* “On another note, the Twilight Sparkle mentions that she was once a Unicorn and had undergone a mutation and evolved into an Alicorn. She states that her transformation resulted from completing a monumental task, after which she was granted her wings by her superior. Though I still believe that such a method of evolution is improbable. The Twilight Sparkle further states that as a Unicorn, she served as an apprentice and a researcher to her superior. Her task was to research cosmic energy she calls the “Magic of Friendship”. According to her research, this energy is inherent to all sentient beings. This energy is composed of six basic substances: Honesty, Laughter, Kindness, Loyalty, Generosity, and Magic. I hope to be able to quantifiably measure these substances; perhaps they could be of use to Homeworld. The Twilight Sparkle, while a member of the royal caste of Equestria society, has also proven to be a most competent—and dare I say, proficient—researcher, debater, and scientist. Though still meek in comparison to myself, of course. The Twilight Sparkle’s organizational skills alone are something Homeworld would find highly valuable… I must admit, I admire her academic and technical skills as well as her competence as a Diamond. In the meantime, I will ask her to assist me in returning to Earth, hopefully sooner rather than later. Peridot out.”

-End of transmission

Log Date: 7 28 3, Subject: The "Pinkie Pie"

Log Date: 7 28 3

Subject: “Pinkie Pie”

Audio Recorded by: Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG

“Oh Hiya Peridot! Whatchya doing?”

“Oh… hello Pinkie, I am currently recording one of my reports on my research of your dimension”

“Oh! Do me do me!”

“Very well.” *clears throat*

“Another of the “Twilight Sparkle’s” compatriots is the Earth pony known as the “Pinkie Pie”. Perhaps of all the organic life forms i have discovered on this planet, she is one of the most bizarre both in terms of her biology and her cognitive state.”

*Pinkie bursts out laughing*

“...”

“Oh, sorry, I’ll hush up”

“Like I was saying, the “Pinkie Pie” appears to possess powers that could theoretically rival that of most gems, even the hydrokinetic abilities of Lapis Lazulis. She appears to be able to summon objects and weapons from absolutely nowhere. Strangely, despite such potential, she usually conjures rather trivial items such as confectioneries and celebratory party tokens. I myself have only witnessed her summoning her weapon—a large ballistic artillery device she refers to as her “Party Cannon”— on certain occasions. But, again, she chooses to use it for pointless endeavors such as gatherings and congregations she labels as “parties”. Although her weapon likely possesses inferior combat capabilities anyway.”

*Pinkie laughter* “Silly Peri! My party cannon is super useful for fighting off nasty changelings. But it’s also super-duper useful for decorating parties! I mean, Duh! That’s why it’s called a Party Cannon!” *chuckles*

“... What is most intriguing about the “Pinkie Pie” is that she is capable of these Gem-like capabilities even though she is an Earth Pony, a species of Pony that is incapable of using arcane abilities. This led me to conduct further research on her abilities, cognitive capabilities, and mannerisms. One of my preliminary conclusions proposed she may actually be a mutation of Pony and Gem, similar to how Steven is a gem-human Hybrid. On a side note; the “Pinkie Pie’s” behaviours, as well as aspects of her physical biology, bear a resemblance to Steven, these aspects mostly being her rather expanded shape and her hair. This hypothesis was subsequently disproven as the “Pinkie Pie” has no gemstone anywhere on her body—that I am aware of, at least. Further observation and biological examinations may be required. My observations also uncovered additional abilities that the “Pinkie Pie” possesses, namely: a body with elastic and rubber-like properties, extreme speed, future vision reminiscent of a Sapphire, apparent teleportation—although further observation is needed—and a completely improbable ability to defy all known laws of physics and gravity (possibly a glitch in her genetic composition). My conclusion: the “Pinkie Pie” is some higher cosmic being that has manifested into a physical form, that appears to resemble a pink Earth Pony. This conclusion is further supported by one of the “Pinkie Pie’s” most puzzling abilities. She appears to possess some type of sixth sense that enables her to see things that many others cannot see, she refers to this ability as “4th Wall Breaking”. Initially I misunderstood the meaning of this as the “Pinkie Pie” explained to me that it is not destroying the fourth wall of a structure in the literal sense. An interview I conducted with her reveals that this ability supposedly allows her to open time-space rifts and temporarily communicate with beings across distant plains of existence that observe her though a unique trans-dimensional surveillance system, she calls these observers “Bronies”. It is possible that the “Pinkie Pie” may be entirely insane, however it is also just as likely that these “Bronies” may be her worshipers who use their surveillance system as a means of connecting and worshiping their higher being. This is both a concerning and also quite interesting turn of events, one one hand; The Diamonds may be able to use this being’s power to finally conquer the remainder of the known universe. On the other hand, it may simply destroy all of us and cause the cataclysmic heat-death of the entire universe. However, as stated before, the being known as the “Pinkie Pie” seems to be highly passive, preferring to use its her abilities to entertain and bring positive sentiments to all those who she engages with. While entirely pointless, frivolous and a complete waste of one’s true potential… I cannot help but be reminded of Steven and Amethyst...who I miss terribly. ”

“Hey, don’t be sad Peri, I promise we’ll help you get back to your friends or my name isn’t Pinkemena Diane Pie. And that’s a Pinkie Pie promise! Cross my heart and hope to fly! Stick a cupcake in my eye!”

“... Redaction: perhaps it’s for the best her powers are used in this way, and perhaps they aren’t as infantile as they seem. Peridot out”

“So Peri, you wanna help me with some baking in the meantime?”

“That would be...nice Pinkie”

-End of Transmission

Log Date: 7 30 3, Subject: The "Fluttershy"

Log Date: 7 30 3

Subject: The “Fluttershy”

Audio Recorded by: Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG

“This report is to serve as a sincere apology to the “Fluttershy”, one of the “Twilight’s” compatriots. To recap my previous encounters with her; the “Fluttershy” is a Pegasus, who is exceedingly gifted with taming the wild and savage beasts of Equestria. Using the power of her “Glare” ability, she is able to terrify beasts into submission and then take control of their minds… at least that was my initial belief. I mistook the “Fluttershy” as a pony of malicious intent, what with her being so kind and compassionate. I recall the times I took up residence in Steven’s bathroom. The paranoia of being within enemy territory was overwhelming, and being protected by nothing more than a thin slab of wood was… frightening. I believed the “The Fluttershy” wished to lure me into a false sense of security, which would end in her betrayal and my ultimate demise. Her army of savage beasts was concerning, but her excessively kind and gentle demeanor was more than enough to induce a healthy level of skepticism. The “Twilight Sparkle” as well as the “Cutie Mark Crusaders” made accusations that I was overreacting to the situation. I disregarded the “Twilight Sparkle’s” advice to merely confront her and explain the matter. Instead, I decided to observe her and my observations revealed interesting data.

While indeed the “Fluttershy” is a Pegasus, she prefers to spend her time on the ground. While she is not incapable of flight, it is clear via observation that her wing anatomy is rather weak, particularly when compared to most other members of the Pegasus species. Furthermore, I stand corrected on one key matter: the “Fluttershy” is not amassing an army to lay siege to Equestria. She is, in fact, a humble caretaker of the wild life. Using her unique ability to communicate with the feral creatures of this dimension, she is able to assist them and tend to their injuries. I asked her why she bothers to waste her time on lesser lifeforms, to which she replied that it made her happy. Clearly, spending a majority of her time has stunted her social development, as she appears to have tremendous difficulty maintaining a conversation and misunderstands most social etiquette on the basest of levels. Observations also reveal that she expresses high degrees of fear and anxiety for very, very trivial phobias. However, one thing about the “Fluttershy” eluded me for quite a while: if she is so appallingly weak, timid and fearful, why is she so keen to express her demeanor with utmost altruism? I had no choice but to confront her and discuss the issue with her in person. It was at this time that I learned how similar she and I truly are… *Inhales deeply*... we are both weak and frightened! Frightened of what others expect of us! how they perceive us! How they all think that you’re just a clod because you’re not as good those lumpy… clumpy… generation 1 Clods!!!”

*Faint sobbing*

“... My apologies… over the course of our discussion, she explained to me something so profound that I doubt even the most knowledgeable thinkers on Homeworld could express it. She said, and I quote ‘It’s true both of us are looked down on because of our flaws, but who cares about flaws when our own strengths shine right through them.’ end quote. For the first time, I have nothing to argue against such a statement. Peridot out… and Fluttershy… thank you, and I...apologize for misjudging you.”

-Transmission ends

Log Date: 7 33 3, Subject: The "AppleJack"

Log Date: 7 33 3

Subject: The “AppleJack”

Audio Recorded by: Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG

“The “AppleJack” portrays a much more expected image of an Earth pony than the “Pinkie Pie” does. Biologically speaking, the “AppleJack” is a very impressive specimen, my hypothesis was that the “AppleJack” might have perhaps been a Jasper locked in a shapeshifted state: her coloration matches that of most well-bred Jaspers and her physical strength is nearly unmatched especially among other Earth ponies of her size and mass. I chose to take the “Twilight Sparkle’s” advice and merely ask her beforehand as opposed to making distant primary observations. Upon asking her if she was actually a Jasper, the “AppleJack” merely laughed and claimed that my accusation was preposterous. She explained that she is just a regular Earth pony and member of the “Apple Family”, hence her name. I was intrigued by this “Apple Family” and decided to investigate further.”

“My research on the “AppleJack” and her family has revealed some shocking discoveries. The “AppleJack” and her family are one of the largest crime syndicates in Equestria! Their network is expansive, organized and meticulous. While on the surface they may seem like dull, one dimensional and rather ignorant agriculturalists, this facade is the perfect cover for their conspiracy. They grow the addictive “Apple” fruit and convert its nutritional contents into various foodstuffs such as confectioneries and fermented beverages which they sell at exorbitant prices to profit off of their victim’s newfound addiction to their wares. They have been able to successfully root out almost all other “Apple” based competition in Equestria due to the brutal efficiency of their network. The legal bodies have done nothing to halt the spread of their influence, my guess is that the officials have been silenced and bribed. The “Apple Family” could very well conquer all of Equestria if their malicious plans are not stopped.

“What in tarnation are you talkin’ about Peridot?! Don’t you go spreadin’ rumors about me and ma family ya hear? Here allow me to give you the honest and true history about the Apple Family… uh Peri?”

*running footsteps and panting*

“They found me! They know I am conspiring against them! They’re going to wipe my precious grin off the face of this planet!”

“Now hold on there sugarcube, I just wanna clear some things up with yall. C’mon Winona!”

“Aaaaaaaaaahhhh! They’re going to wipe my memory! She’s sicked her beast on me! Steven! I want a traditional Gem burial!”

-Transmission cuts out

…

-Transmission resumes

“Apples… Apples… Apples and more Apples! That’s all this family of clods is capable of understanding! *deep breath* Resuming my report with some major redactions. Firstly, the “Apple Family” is not a metaphorical name, they are a legitimate, genetically related family. Secondly, they are not a crime syndicate but merely agriculturalists who make due by preparing and selling their harvest. Third, their business is not illicite. While initially I took the “AppleJack’s” demeanor for hostility, she merely seeks to preserve the integrity of her family. Her two and a half hour lecture on her apples, her family history, business, apples, work ethic, core values, and more apples, revealed that she performs her duties with utmost honesty, truthfulness and integrity. She has also made her adoration for her family abundantly apparent. I wish to apologize to the “AppleJack” for nearly defaming her and her family’s reputation. I will say though, her interrogation skills would terrify even the most aggressive Agates on Homeworld. Peridot out”

-Transmission ends

Log Date: 7 35 3, Subject: The "Rarity"

Log Date: 7 35 3

Subject: The “Rarity”

Audio Recorded by: Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG

“This is Peridot, Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG, Transmitting from unknown coordinates in dimension “Equestria”. To whoever finds this report, if you are listening to this recording then the worst has happened. The “Rarity” invited me to her manufacturing facility… I have observed the most horrific, disgusting scene I’ve ever laid eyes on. I’ve seen what punishments the Diamonds ordered for the Earth rebellion traitors, but this... this is sick! This hardly compares to the Enforced Fusion experiments put forward by Yellow and White Diamond. The Unicorn known as the “Rarity” is a completely insane, monstrous, a sickening master of torture! I’ve seen what she does to other Gems! She has entire storerooms of Gems that she uses as decorations for her interchangeable appearance modifiers! Its disgusting! Sickening! Cruel even by White Diamond’s standards.”

*Sound of door creaking open*

“Oh no! Here she comes. I have to hide!”

*rummaging*

“Peridot, are you here? May I have a word with you?”

*whispering* “ Perhaps I may have exaggerated the danger with the “Fluttershy” and the “AppleJack”, but I’m not fabricating this at all. I am in serious danger! Stay far away from this savage pony; she may look elegant and graceful but it’s all lies! All of it! This may very well be… my last log entry. This is Peridot… signing- ”

*closet creaks open*

“Ah there you are... Darling are you alright?”

*Screaming and clattering*

“Peridot! Whatever is the matter Dear?”

“Stand back you psychotic shatterer I’m a certified Kindergartener! Is this a weapon?”

“That’s a pin cushion Darling. And why in Equestria would I ever shatter such a marvelous gem as yours?”

“I’ll Have you know I am a certified Kinder-! Wait, what?”

“Peridot Darling, I have a most keen and discerning eye for gemstones and yours is quite impressive”

“It is?”

“Why yes of course! The facets, the cut, the luster and color! Its simply divine! Why go fixing something that’s already magnificent without compare? ”

“I ...I...”

“Oh yes! I remember what I needed your help with! You see Peridot, you have a certain charm about you, a certain... je-ne-sais-quoi about you that has inspired a new Fall line of garments. Would you care to see them? I could use a second opinion.”

“Ummm I suppose so”

“Excellent! Come along!”

“I’ll put this report on hold momentarily, I think I need to make some… updated observations.”

*Transmission cuts off*

…

*Transmission resumes*

*throat clearing* “It appears that have I once again overestimated the danger. Rarity is not a Gem hunter, nor is she a member of White Diamond’s court, though I must note her saying, and I quote; ‘Yes, I suppose you could say I am a Diamond, how very considerate of you to notice’ end quote. Second, while she does have a massive collection of gems for her “clothing” production, I am certain that these formations are indigenous to Equestria and are not the remains of former Gem species: of this I am at least 79 percent sure. Thirdly, I suppose this experience has taught me something profound; sometimes a generous gift may come from one you least expect, like Steven or the Garnet, or in this case; the “Rarity”. The “Twilight Sparkle” informed me that the construction and linkage of a primitive, makeshift warp pad will be nearing completion. And I’ll have these comfortable “shorts” to remember them all once I am gone. Peridot out.”

Transmission ends

Log Date: 7 37 3, Subject: The "Rainbow Dash"

Log Date: 7 37 3

Subject: The “Rainbow Dash”

Audio Recorded by: Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG

“As my days here in Equestria draw to a close, it appears that I have saved the most impressive subject for last. The “Rainbow Dash” is a Pegasus with a highly distinct coloration, similar to a Bismuth. Her mane perfectly mimics a “Rainbow” weather formation, perhaps that is how she received her name. The “Rainbow Dash” is by far the most biologically perfect equine specimen I have seen. Her maximum airspeed and velocity has been measured at mach 2, approximately 1534 miles per hour. This speed and velocity should be physically impossible for a creature of her size and mass but somehow, she is able to pull it off with relative ease. Further study and research is required to identify the exact causes of this phenomenon. At her speeds she is capable of generating enough acceleration, to break the sound barrier, resulting in a “Sonic Rainboom”. "

"For my research, I asked her to recreate one of these “Sonic Rainbooms”, which she agreed to with a rather obnoxious degree of enthusiasm. I think there is no other way to word it: it was the most aesthetically pleasing spectacle I have ever witnessed! It was without compare! The sky exploded with a wave of multicolored light and then what followed was the most perfect rainbow formation I’ve ever seen! Emanating from her very mane! I can only assume that the “Rainbow Dash” was performing at her maximum! *fangirlish giggling*. As I was consorting with her colleagues, I would always hear the “Rainbow Dash” going on constantly about how superior she is compared to the others. While she is superior from a biological standpoint, I initially remarked her arrogance as a symptom of being a clod. However, upon seeing her Sonic Rainboom, I feel that her bragging is perhaps justified, but of course arrogance breeds overconfidence and overconfidence breeds certain death.

"The “Twilight Sparkle” mentions that the “Rainbow Dash” is the quantification of loyalty, by far the most useful of traits I’ve seen among her colleagues. I can always appreciate a Gem’s, or in this case, a Pony’s, strength, fortitude and intellect, but all of that is useless unless they swear undying loyalty to you, furthermore cementing her position as the objectively superior pony in Equestria. I showed her my reports on Equestria and her compatriots thus far, she said they were very good but their “coolness” needed to be increased by an approximate percentage of 20 or so. And then! She grabbed me by my arms, flung me on her back and soared into the sky. I measured her to break mach speed, but to actually experience it without equipment or an orbit capable vessel, it's glorious! Exhilarating! We saw all the landscapes that constitute the vast environments of Equestria. Equestria has incredibly bio diverse ecosystems and environments such as the Appaloosa deserts, Frozen Wastelands of the Crystal Empire, The EverFree Forest, and all the architecturally impressive metropolises like Canterlot, Manehattan, Vanhoover and Hoofington! Never before have I felt so...happy and free...huh...yes, yes that must be it...I think I finally understand what Steven meant by Earth’s beauty. Everything on Earth is just like here in Equestria; free and wonderful and still somewhat frightening in an exciting way, or nervousciting as the “Pinkie Pie” would say. It’s all so perfect through its imperfections...just like me. And I think that I’ve come to understand that, that’s ok. Equestria isn’t perfect, neither is the Earth or—dare I say—Homeworld, and I doubt I could picture it any other way. That’s why the Gems fight for Earth! That’s why Steven is so excessively optimistic! That’s why Equestria revels relentlessly in friendship! And that’s why I need to return to Earth and stop the Cluster from emerging! The makeshift Warp pad will be ready by tomorrow. I just hope I make it in time. Hold on Steven: I’ll be there in 10 seconds flat. Peridot out.

-Transmission Ends

Log Date: 7 38 3, Epilogue Entry

Log Date: 7 38 3, Epilogue Entry

Log Date: 7 38 3

Subject: Epilogue Report

Audio Recorded by: Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG

“So, this is it… this has been, something...yes, indeed I would call this experience “something”. When I first arrived here in Equestria, I despised it. No access to my technology, even less access to Homeworld, and no way to keep in contact with the Crystal Gems. I suppose I had similar feelings when I met Steven and the Crystal Gems for the first time; I regarded them as Diamond-forsaken clods who kept breaking my things. Steven tried, for whatever conceivable reason, to show me the beauty of the Earth. I didn’t completely understand. The Garnet, The Amethyst and The Pearl tried to show me how Earth liberated them, but still it felt incomplete. After I thoroughly watched all 6 seasons of Camp Pining Hearts 12 times, I understood more but there was still one piece that I was missing. Here in Equestria, I now finally understand it all! I now fully grasp the organic beauty of Earth and Equestria, the liberty of making your own purpose in life, the joy of fun and laughter, the kindness of Earthlings and Equines, the trust and honesty that should be the foundation of relationships, Generosity beyond material substances, and the giving and receiving nature of loyalty. However, above all, I finally understand the Magic of Friendship! And I owe it to these ponies I have met here these past days, I owe it to the Crystal Gems for giving me a chance to prove my worth and I owe it to my best friend of all: Steven, for opening my heart. I know what I have to do now...Goodbye Equestria, I will never for-”

“Wait! Peridot!”

“Oh umm, Hello...Spike...”

“We know you have to go but, we wanted to give you this.”

“Um thank you… what is it exactly?”

“Twilight says you can plant it in the ground back on Earth, and it will construct a warp pad that will bring you back to Equestria whenever you want”

“...oh my stars...Thank you Per- … Spike...Thank you Spike”

“Ahy, no problem Peri, and of course...”

*Distant clamouring that grows increasingly louder*

“You didn’t think we’d let you leave without a Ponyville send off?”

*The Mane 6 and CMC give a mixed cheer of farewells*

*voice breaking* “Goodbye… you lovable, quadruped clods...”

*Sounds of energy surging from the warp pad, the recording begins to cut out*

“This concludes my reports on the Occult Energies of Equine Comradery. Or as Twilight calls it...the Magic of Friendship. This is Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG...singing off, Farewell Equestria.”

-Transmission ends

Author's Note

Thank you all so much for reading and enjoying this experimental fanfic, I'm glad you enjoyed it and I look forward to writing a second volume of reports. Very special thanks to Cyanhyde, my editor and best friend, for not only his keen eye but for giving me the urge to write again.

see you clods soon XP