Why me, god damn it?

by NeverMIND

Rating: mature
Tags: Profanity, Slice of Life, Sex, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 42847

A male human of 21 is suddenly thrust into the world of Equis. He thought he would wake up and keep his sanity intact. However he'll have to make sure he adjusts to his new life as a Unicorn hermaphrodite.

21 year old male is now a 21 year old Hermaphrodite living in the high society of Canterlot and she's fed up with the place and decides to move.

I don't see many story based hermaphrodite on this website. This is my first ever story so please be honest if I'm doing a bad job and I hope you enjoy it. .Also warning there will be CLOP in this but it wont be critical to the story, just side stuff so you can skip it you wish. Also SWEARING will be included.

If anyone is curious as to why the Prologue is a different date then the others, I edited the content as it was a poor excuse for an intro. Anyway, enjoy the fic. :scootangel:

Published 2017-02-28 00:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-06-21 13:29:30 UTC

Prologue: Meet the Void? (Edited x 2)

Beep……beep…….beep……beep…….beep.

‘Sigh I truly hate that noise’

Everyone has an attire when sleeping, whether it be PJ’s or even naked. Me? I sleep in my boxers. Not too much that you can feel the covers literally rubbing on your privates when you turn when naked and you’re not hot due to you wearing a full set of pyjamas under a thick duvet. I understand if you’re in a cold climate but here in the UK, it’s a mixed batch, besides I prefer to be cold then hot. At least when you are cold you can put another layer of clothing on, when your hot there’s only so many small things to help cool you off that it becomes a bother. Sadly though I felt like ice. “God damn, I’m in my bed covers and its freezing in here”

Rolling over and still half asleep I slapping the alarm clock for it to shut up on the bedside table, sadly I knocked over my phone on the floor.

I was hoping that glaring at it would just make it appear in my hand but that just wishful thinking, didn’t stop me from trying. Yawning I got out of bed and rubbed my eyes but when I opened them, I knew something was off with the place.

What I saw in front of me or more like around me was not something I was expecting to wake up to.

“What the….?”

I had no walls. I’m not even kidding, the solid brick wall that had an opaque wallpaper was just black.

So black that it felt like I was just looking into a void.

Looking around I was so startled that none of my stuff was around me. My ps4 with my laptop and tv. Gone. All my various posters of games and bands. Gone. All my damn clothes in my draws and wardrobe gone. You get the picture I’m sure. The only thing around me was the bed I was on. Looking to where my alarm clock was supposed to be on the bedside table. That was gone too. Dunno how, as it was right in front of me not even a second ago.

I stared at the ‘void’ for a few minutes as I hoped that I was just dreaming a very lucid dream. No. More like a fucking nightmare.

I shook my head to clear it up a bit.

I started to check myself to see if anything was out of the ordinary. Nope pretty normal on my person. Pale skin, skinny as fuck. Honestly I’m eat but can’t put the weight on so I get cold pretty quickely because of it.

“This can’t be happening, fuck is goin on?” Panic took over as thoughts I rarely ever thought of surfaced.

I started to hyperventilate and quickly sat down on the bed to stop myself from fainting on the floor.

‘What did I do last night that resulted in this? I did the usual thing right? Played on my ps4 till the early morning whilst blasting some heavy metal down my ears’

“Sigh this ain’t cool man”

Sometime had past. How much I’ve no idea as my clock was now missing. Something better bloody happen. Don’t fancy spending an eternity in a fucking void. Sadly my wish came true.

“Well, well. What do we have here?”

A very seductive voice spoke out in my room to me, it was not helping me calm down in the slightest. It sounded like a woman’s. Soft and a slightly high pitch but I couldn’t see them so I assumed. Yeah I assumed someone’s gender, Fucking sue me tumblr.

“The fuck’s there!!?” Shouting down just trying to level my head with this complete mess.

“Ooh, feisty one aren’t you?” That voice came right to my ear then, I whipped my head around but again I didn’t see anyone but I swear I felt their breath on my neck.

“I’m getting real sick of this shit. Show yehself!”

“Dear If I could I would do, alas I cannot physically manifest myself. However I am very curious as to what you are and how you came to be in my domain”.

‘Should I trust this voice? Well I’ve got nothing to lose, I’m practically stuck in limbo at this point’

“Erm, my Name is Lewis, I’m a human and yeh I’ve no, ‘sigh’ fuckin idea how I got here, I was just sleeping in my bed. Next thing I know I’m in some black abyss chattin to a voice”

It took a while for the voice to reply back, probably just had to process that information I dropped on it, or her in this case. The silence wasn’t helping me calm my nerves so I was still on edge at this point.

“Oh. I see. Please I do, I really do apologise Lewis, it would seem that for reasons beyond your control that, fate has decided to place you here, why this is the case I do not know but I can rectify that if may be”

“…….what? You sayin you can’t get me back to England and fucking FATE!?” ‘I bloody hope that’s not the case and all I can do is just wake up and chalk this experience up as a crazy dream’

“Oh dear, I am truly sorry. I cannot send you back to your previous destination. England was it?”

My emotions just flipped a whole 180 at that point

“You better be chattin shit I swear to god if this is some fuckin joke I’ll”

“Please Lewis. I do not wish this upon anyone but you must understand. I cannot return you to where you resided as I do not know where this England is” There was genuine pity in her voice but I didn’t care.

“England, it’s in Europe for fucks sake”

“I don’t know a Europe. Do you know which parsec that is?”

“Parsec? Look it’s on Earth, big blue planet in the Sol system. In Milky Way galaxy. Must have heard that”

“Hmm, I’m sorry but it doesn’t ring a bell to me”

I took a few deep breathes to try and keep calm, no point in throwin a fit if there’s nothing to do bout it. Just roll with it. She doesn’t know where I lived. It’s a big universe.

“Right, so I can’t go back to my home where my friends and family are, oh fuck no, no ,no”

It hit me. Sod the whole it felt like a ‘ton of bricks’ metaphor. My whole life is over. I didn’t even finish my diploma for fucks sake. What kind of sick joke is this?!

I didn’t even have a last pint with my mates, getting smashed and waking either on the couch passed out or waking up to someone I don’t know and having a hangover for the day. Saying goodbye to my family. I felt a single tear rolled down my right cheek and then closed my hands as I let the floodgates open. I’m not one for expressing my emotions but this moment I had an excuse. My fucking life. What I worked for was, over.

Time passed again. I dunno how long I cried on my bed half naked, in some dark void with a presence watching me.

I felt drained, tired but I refuse to go out like this. One key thing about me. I never fucking give up.

“What options are there for me? I won’t accept bein stuck here for eternity with just a bed and a voice”.

“Well, this is the least I can do, I haven’t felt such sadness before. I can’t help but feel responsible for putting you through such an endeavour, so as such I shall take you to a new life. A new world where you will become an inhabitant of the planet and live your life there if you so choose to”.

That perked my head up a little, ‘a second chance huh. Wait, that’s sounds too good to be true’

“sigh what, what’s the catch?”

“You will revert to a young one yet again as you did on your world, however If you choose you may keep your memories with you”

‘Christ, I’ll have to go through puberty again, well I do like new environments. Sigh seriously this is fucked up’

I nod “sure why not, and yeh I’m keepin my memories. They’ll help me out a fair few”

“Very well then Lewis, if that is the choice you wish then I shall send you to my mother’s creation, the world of Equis”

Suddenly without any warning my head felt like it was splitting apart, a surge of heat erupted in the head.the pain was intense I ended up on my bed screaming out

“ARRRGGGH WHAT THE FUCK? QUIT THIS SHIT NOW!!” I shouted to the void to hopefully make the voice stop the pain

“Oh no I’m sorry, I did not know this would do such a thing, I’m causing you more pain.”

I didn’t even get half of that as I passed out. I swear to all fucking holy I’m gonna break something when I wake up.

Meanwhile in a distant location of time and space, maybe even dimension I dunno exactly:

“Out of my way, my wife is having our baby!” A stallion rushed past the busy streets of the capital of Equestria, Canterlot. The place was filled to the brim of luxury and wondrous locations high atop the mountain side. The white walls protecting the inhabitants of any would be invader that would dare try to take the throne for themselves. White marble paved the way the stallion was running on.

The recently promoted Commander Ash Lance decorated in his golden armour held tightly to his masculine body.His helmet was of a roman design with a hole at the front for him to slide his horn through without discomfort .The cress atop containing the colours of blue and white striped, out showing who he was to his peers. As he galloped down the streets many other ponies quickly avoided his path as they didn’t wish to be trampled on by a fully grown Commander of the day guard.

He quickly skidded around the corner as sweat started to form on his brow. He saw the hospital that his wife was currently in. He rushed to and sprinted through the doors without any hesitation. He ran to the counter that the receptionist was busy with paperwork hearing his hoofsteps from the entrance.

“My wife, where’s Pearl Light?” He quickly asked with heavy breaths.

“Commander Lance, she’s in room 314. Take the stairs to the third floor then go down the corridor and it’s the room on the left two doors down”

He didn’t waste any time getting there and not 20 seconds later he could hear his wife screaming in pain from outside the door. He quickly opened the door to see his beautiful wife already caked in sweat to her pink coat of fur in the position they were told of. Her pale creamy mane was everywhere and as soon as she heard him come in her pale blue eyes locked on to his green ones.

“Oh thank Celestia you’re here, she’s coming out. I don’t care at this point Lance, ahh It hurts” Pearl said as the Doctor came in through the door right behind the Commander. Lance stood beside his wife and held her hoof in his.

“Mrs Light my name is Doctor Strain. I’ll be your doctor for this procedure so you do not have to worry about anything, just listen to the maternity nurse and she’ll keep everything going smooth for you and the baby”

A mare came up to the couple to other side of the bed

“Are you two ready?”

Pearl turned to her husband and smiled. Lance looked into her eyes and knew this magical moment is about to take place. He wouldn’t trade it for anything else. He nodded to her and held her hoof tightly.

Pearl then gave out a final breath of air psyching herself up

‘Come on Pearl, you can do this. Just like Mother said breathe in breathe out’

“Ok now push”

Pearl did as instructed but felt a full force of pain

“ARRGGH SWEET CELESTIA THIS BUCKING HURTS. YOU BETTER BE GRATEFUL IM DOING THIS FOR YOU BUCKING FOAL ARRGGGHHH”

As I could hear a womans voice, I heard a few others as well. Two males by the sound of it. I could feel some kind of pressure pushing through a tight hole.

“I can see the horn dear, you got this”

“AARRGHH, BUCKING HELL. GET OUT OF ME YOU FILLY”

Another big push and I felt my head pop out of the hole.

‘Wait where am I? I can’t open my eyes for some reason’.

A few more minutes of more pushing and I felt my entire body out of that hole. I felt blankets wrapped around me. For some reason my hearing went mute for some reason so I could only hear those two voices before.

Some time had passed and I opened my eyes……bloody wish I fucking didn’t. By the time I did this my hearing was coming back to me.

It would see I was in a hospital surrounded by 2 horses. One in some gold armour and the other wearing a doctor’s outfit. Fuck kind of drugs was I taking. I felt a pink muzzle? Something turning over to see a very sweaty mare who looked like she just went through hell and back……..wait a fucking minute. I’m in a hospital. ‘That voice before said a new life on a new planet or something. Don’t you fucking dare tell me I was just?’

“Well Spark Shine, born on the 3rd of Frostfall at 12:34am. Congratulations you two. She is a perfectly healthy hermaphrodite.” The doctor saying.

‘…..I was just birthed!!! And I’m a fucking hermaphrodite!! WHY ME GOD DAMN IT?!’

Author's Note

To those new, I welcome you on this journey. To those rereading this chapter due to the changes I've made i do apologise. This chapter as an intro was shockingly bad, hopefully it's readable now :derpytongue2:

First story I've written so should be good, anyway see ya and have a good one :twilightsmile:

Meet the family

Hey everyone. Just to let you guys know beforehand I've changed the structure a fair bit from the prologue. I hope it is much easier and better to read. If there is anything wrong with what I'm doing or iv'e done all critics welcome. I wish to improve my writing and i could do with some pointers. other then that I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 1:

Two decades and a bit later:

The royal castle of Canterlot. A sight to behold and a wonder to walk its decorated halls. High class paintings, tapestries and other assortments placed in every nook and cranny. Not a speck of dust on any surface of the items that were collected over the centuries as the castle staff cleaned each one with precision and pride.

A mare walked towards a set of doors, upon each side was a guard wearing similar armour to hers. A dark set of blue made of the finest metals and a helmet similar to the day guards only corresponding to the colours of the night. The night guards were tasked with keeping the peace and security in Canterlot when dusk started to settle and the day guards had turned in for the night.

Many ponies worked during the day and slept at night but what made the night guards special is they were bred for the night. Bat ponies they were called. Where their wings were was a pair of leathery bat wings to complete their ‘dark’ look. Their eyes had a cat’s slit look to it and had small tuffs of extended fur atop their ears. They had better vision in the dark and much clearer hearing compared to their counterparts.
The two guards on either side turned their heads to meet her gaze.

“I’m here to speak to Commander Echo, I have a message from the southern border”

The mare retrieved the scroll from her armour. The scroll held a dark blue seal indicating it for the night guard.
Both guards nodded and pushed on the doors.
Inside the mare saw both the Commanders talking to one another seated at the Commanders desk .

“Oh, we had company. Looks like one of yours Sight”

The stallion spoke to the other and grinned already knowing what the other Commander will say.

“Sigh, for Celestia’s sake. How many times I have to drill into your numskull heads. Knock first then I’ll send you in.” Commander Echo arched his brow
The mare blushed on the spot a fair bit embarrassed at the ordeal.

“Erm.”

“Wait, you’re the new recruit aren’t you?” The Commander got up and approached the mare still holding the scroll.

“Y-yes Sir. Private M-midnight Star sir” She replied nervously.

They both heard snickering from the other side of the door.
“It’s alright Private. I was hoping both guards out there would have told you but I guess they want to do Laundry for the next week!” Shouting through the door hearing a duo of moans in response.

“Oh, right erm. I was told to bring this message to you sir. It’s from the Southern border” The Private handed the scroll over to the Commander and he held it with his magic.

“Thank you Private. Dismissed” He saluted and she returned the gesture before leaving the room.

“Update from South huh? Hated south, far too hot and barren for my tastes” Lance responded to his comrade.

“Aye, why do you think we send the ones that need discipline over there? Sorts them out” Echo sat down and unravelled the scroll.

“Ha like you can talk. You were there 2 more seasons then me just for, what was it again?” Lance smirked waiting for the answer.

“Sigh because I lost a dare and painted the Captain’s sword bright pink” Echo replied.

“Ha ha, aww he was not happy.” Lance remembering echo washing each and every weapon and piece of armour until he could see ‘his face and his dead grandmother’s face’ as the captain once put it.

“This isn’t good”

“Mmm what is?” Lance concerned about Echo’s voice dipping in volume almost whispering.

“According to our scouts the Redcliffe village inhabitants are nowhere to be found”
Echo looked at Lance.

“Wait, all of them? How?”

“Not sure. We’ll have to alert the Princesses bout this. I’ll send Bravo squad to go through the town and have some more Intel. But there has been no evidence to suggest an attack of some kind. Like they’ve just disappeared. There’s still food lying around. Hmm”

“Sweet Celestia. Ill notify all our outposts and send some Pegasus scouts to scan the border.”

Lance was about to write using the inkwell when Echo put his hoof on the scroll.
“You’ve just finished today Lance. I’ll get it done. You just go home to your family”

Lance looked up at Echo
“You sure?”

Echo nodded but then smiled “Besides your wife would kill you again if you missed dinner like last time”

Lance winced at that rubbing the back of his head. “Yeah I don’t really fancy sleeping on the sofa again and getting Pearl upset, especially since I promised to stop doing that.”

“Send my love” Echo gave Lance a salute and smirked.

“Hey, less of that. Just cause I got with her and had a daughter to boot” Lance returning the salute and same expression.

“Can’t believe you got with the hottest piece of flank in Canterlot high”

Lance rolled his eyes. “I know”

Lance was about to open the door to leave but Echo called out “And if rumours are true. Your daughter takes right after her mother. I’d keep a close eye on her bud”

“Sigh. Yep she’s a handful but she’s my daughter” Lance then closed the door leaving Echo by himself.

“Ha, takes after both of them that kid does” Echo grabbing a quill and beginning his very dull paperwork.

Lance stood beside a stone archway covered in vines close to the castle gates. The sun had made the sky a deep orange which reflected upon the stone pathway leading up to his home.

Looking down the path on either side was grass which had been recently cut making it look tidy and fresh. Water droplets littered the ground and the flora which each had their unique place. A fountain with a sea pony sat on a pedestal sprouting water continuously. With the sun rays shone upon the marble workings truly gave this place more atmosphere. Looking on was the house itself.
Standing 3 stories tall with vines that started up each corner of the house was a marble crafted masterpiece. A balcony was positioned on the second floor overlooking the front with a porcelain table and cosy seats.
Lance was told his Great grandfather had expensive tastes and he wanted ‘a place to boast about to his neighbours’.
He was about to open the door but standing in the open manor doorway was his butler.

“Good evening sir. I do hope we sleep a silent night that you’re not in your office like previous nights. I take it you will be joining us for dinner this time?” The stallion was getting on in his years. A horn was present as well as his grey mane tied into a tail adorned his head. His curled moustache was grown just to add that touch of class. A bowtie and a black waist coat helm on his darkened white fur.
Upon his flank was a silver serving tray with a bowling kettle.

“Sigh, you’ve been talking to Spark again haven’t you Silver?” Lance already guessing the answer.

“Madame Shine has just been giving me useful erudition holding a conversation with the young generation today sir” Silver stepping back so Lance could walk through the door. Silver using his magic to help undo the commander’s armour straps and levitated them.
Once no armour was on Lance he shook like that of a wet dog to get rid of any kinks in his body.

“And I take it this ‘erudition’ came with the lip I’m receiving?” Lance questioned

“I believe the correct term she would use to describe that response would be to ‘lighten up’ ”. Silver looking at Lance.

“Swear that little misses will have a talk to at some point, no doubt Pearl is encouraging her?”
They both walked down the carpeted hallway. Family photos and trinkets held on the walls.

“I cannot speak for Mistress Light, sir.” Silver plate holding his tongue

“Just as bad as each other” Lance walking through to the study. “Where are they now?”

“Mistress Light is visiting a friend in hospital and will arrive within the hour back home. Madame Shine is in her room working on something sir”
He turned to Silver who stood at the doorway. “I hope she put up the fire resistance spell again. I don’t fancy having another incident like last time. That filly is destructive as she is creative”.

“She did sir”

Lance sitting down in his red chair. His horn lit up and a single beam shot straight to the fireplace instantly igniting it setting the room in a warm yellow glow.

“I shall leave you to it sir, I will notify you if Mistress Light has arrived or that tea is ready”

“Thank you Silver.” The butler closing the door and walking off with Lance’s armour to be placed in the armoury.

Lance sighed in relief, glad to be home. He looked to his right on the table beside him which rested in a black cover a book titles ‘The trials and errors of the 3rd war’. He was half way reading the devastating war between the Griffon Empire and the Minotaur Clans which happened 500 years ago.
Using his magic he opened where he was last at, removing the thin marker and getting comfy. However just before was about to finish not even the first sentence the entire house shook.

He closed his eyes and with a deep breath spoke “Nope, not my problem this time”

1st P.O.V

The floor right above the study was where the shock wave took place at.

“Cough cough, oh for fucks sake cough”

Black smoke filled the entire room in a second. I couldn’t see a foot in front of me. I tried to scan the room for the window using my magic. It’s weird using magic. It’s like the front of your head has pressure and you release it? I dunno its ‘natural’ so don’t question it. Finally finding the latch and pushing the window open the smoke started to dissipate. After 5 minutes the smoke had gone from the room.

“Piece of crap rock”

I started to glare at the once magical stone rune, now a pile of broken shards as the resulting overload of magic cause the small explosion. Looking around at the mess on my workshop table (thanking to god I installed a magic resistance enchantment beforehand) was undamaged. But when I turned to see what else was damaged my face flipped to a ‘are you kidding me?’
Torn paper was tossed about, shards of the rune embedded in the walls and furniture. Glass shattered on the floor. I turned to look back again at the shards of rune giving it a stink eye.

“Can’t believe you’ve done this” I sighed then had a look at my once pure white hoof and following what I could see of my body now covered in soot. I walked towards the now half shattered mirror on the wall wiping away the soot to see my black mane with bright yellow highlights looking like I went through a twister.

“Sigh. Hate my life”

My horn began to glow a ghostly white and opening a cupboard on the far side pulling out a mop, bucket, dust pan and brush.
Looking at the clock showed it to be 6:15 on the dot.
“I’ll do a bit now then come back to it tomorrow”

An hour had passed by and I came out of my ‘little lab’ as I dubbed it.
Opening the heavy duty steel door I saw Silver to the side dusting a painting of the family.
The butler held no expression as he walked right up to me and going up and down on my head with the duster using his magic in a sweeping motion.

“……Funny” I said in a flat tone

“I learn from others Madame Shine”. Smug bastard, guess who’s having the last laugh though?

“Yeh missed a spot Silver”

“Oh?”

I bopped him on the nose resulting on doing a soot transfer technique I call the ‘should have stayed out of it’.
He went crossed eyed at the offending soot on his person. Won’t lie, I giggled at the look he made.

“Sigh, I suppose I should have foreseen that hmm?”

Looking on the carpet though was another story as I was leaving soot prints.
He arched his eyebrow at him and I gave him a sheepish smile. ‘Forgot bout that. Whoops’
I started to back pedal towards my room.

“I take it I’m cleaning this mess up Madame?”
I won’t lie, he made me feel guilty about this. Thinking of making it up to him I knew how to make him happy.

“Oh but, I can make it up to you Silvee” I started saying seductively. Instantly he blushed.
‘Oh god I love messing with this guy’

He coughed into his hoof. “Madame I don’t think its quick necessary”.

“Ooh, but It’s only fair. Don’t you want just a taste?” I paused and in an arched position waited for him to respond. He was just speechless after that and started to mumble.
‘I love using my assets, but Silver is a cool guy. Imma have to spill the beans as it were’

“Like we sneak into daddies little study”
At this point he was beetroot red. I saddled up to him and put my hoof around his neck forgetting I was still filthy.

“Go behind his desk and…..” He was sweating at this point I was having a blast.

“Open his safe to the bourbon for yeh”
As the realisation hit him he let out a deep breath that he was holding. I laughed my head off. Ohh too good.

“Madame please, you scared me” wiping his brow.

“You made it so easy though Silver” I stood back on all fours and backed away.

“Sigh. I suppose I did. Won’t Sir ask though about the bottle missing?”

I shrugged. “I’ll deal with it later. Right now I need a bath. Looks like you could do with a wipe too".
Silver rubbed his neck looking at the amount I left him.

“Never a dull moment Madame Shine”

“Well you could join me you know?” winking at him
He gave me his neutral expression and at that point I could tell he was fed up with my antics.
Downstairs the front door opened and a voice followed with.

“I’m home. Silver are you there dear?” A mature mare’s voice echoed through the halls.
‘Looks like mom’s home’

“I believe you’re quite capable of washing yourself Madame. Now if you’ll excuse me Mistress Light needs me”. Walking towards the stairs he still had soot round his neck and muzzle.

“Hehe nice make up Silver. Speaking of makeup” I started to walk towards my room which was 2 doors down my lab.
Pushing the wooden oak door with my magic I looked at the home I had called mine for 21 years.
Pure white carpets with marbled walls decorated the interior. Several ornaments hung on the wall neatly. Some being of pictures framed of her friends and family. A degree from when she attended Celestia’s gifted for her work in Runes and enchantments framed.
The bed itself held white covers with an overhang. Made from the best and sturdiest wood money could buy with carvings of swirls lined the sides. Thin draped curtains hung from the sides of the kings size bed separating those from the rest of the room fitting for a mare of high class.
Next to the bed was a small wooden table with an alarm clock of fancy design. Across on a small stage was her wardrobe containing several dresses and a set of draws. Next to the pony sized oval mirror was a box containing all her makeup she wore to formal events as she never wore make-up unless she was prompted to by her mother.
A glass chandelier hung from the centre of the ceiling. The candles prelit by Silver giving a warm glow to the place.
Looking around the place made me feel a sense of unease. I’ve been living this life for 21 years now, trying not to make the same mistakes I did in my past life as a human. I do wonder what both sets my parents would think of me now? A hermaphrodite mare with the mind of a human being. I have never told anyone, well in this case anypony, my true origin. I’ve been born twice for gods sake. I was surprised nobody has found out. Not even when I met Princess Celestia all those years ago outside her school just thought that I was a very talented little filly.
When you’ve been a straight white male most of your life to a herm pony in a flash, it can take a while to get used to. Especially when you were a different species altogether.
Having both ahem ‘parts’ does have its weighs though. Like if I become submerged in water my male parts show. I dunno why they do that but it’s so annoying to deal with. That’s why I never go swimming or if I go to the spa I ask for a private session. It’s embarrassing to explain that I’m a mare with a ‘5th leg’ to ponies. Or when I start to become aroused I can’t hid it. It just does its thing.
Buuut there are advantages like having 2 orgasms simultaneously. That you cannot beat. If I could say 1 awesome thing about being a herm then just a male is you cum twice. As a male and as a female. Oh and that the vagina has so many nerves that you feel everything. Defo can’t argue with that.
Also and I don’t know why but in this world many ponies are accepting of herms. The chances of having a hermaphrodite birth is like 0.2% so I’d have thought ponies would be disgusted that they tried it on with a mare and it turns out she’s packing something else as well. Don’t get me wrong I have had it where a mare called me names and try to belittle me once we tried it on. Yeah not great really but I dealt with it.
Anyway moving on in life I turned to my own private bathroom. Complete with white décor with a bubble bath that can hold 4 ponies (I know it does, I tried it with some ‘friends’ I know of) A sink and a toilet was to the side. It’s weird that the toilet was pretty much a hole in the ground with a lever hanging from the ceiling to signal the flush but ponies eh?
Turning on the taps of the bath with my magic I started to look through which bubble bath to pick from.
“Ohh Raspberry eh?” I paused and thought why not. I ended up using about 3 times as much as I was supposed to resulting in the entire bath just clouded in bubbles.
Climbing into the bath made and submerging most of my body in the warm water made me feel relaxed as I leaned onto the side of the tub.
“Sigh. I love my life”

Author's Note

Welp I do hope this chapter was a much better format and structure then the other one. I will be going over that terrible excuse of an intro. I'll be keeping on with this story and see how it does as i am kinda boarding into some touchy subjects and i really don't want to offend anyone.

Anyway that me out. Have a good day.

Meet the Crew

1st P.O.V

Bliss.

That is what I felt now. Utter beautiful bliss. Water up to my chest submerged in a warm bubbley state. I finally got that filth out of my fur and mane. There are perks to having a coat of fur, however like most things there are limitations as well. One is that it’s a fucking pain to get stuff out of it. No matter what it substance it is, it will stick to you and gets clunked up in knots. I so miss the feeling of having just a few hairs and just getting a cloth to wipe away the mess. At least magic is a concept in this world thank god.

Seriously it’s an awesome thing to have. Using a hidden force to bend to your will like telekinesis to grab some soap and just your mind. Obviously it’s a bit more then just thinking and it will happen. Wish it did though. Still though I do miss having hands and fingers to hold things. I don’t get how ponies can just open door handles designed for a human with just their sodden hoof. You’ll never guess how though. Seriously this world RUNS on magic. Science can’t explain it? Magic can, cause why the fuck not. I still don’t understand it half the time and I’m a unicorn that graduated from uni recently. Got a graduation certificate with my name written all over it. Won’t lie University life in Equestria is awesome.
Getting fucked up on alcohol every weekend, meeting new ponies and stressing out on assessments. Well scratch that last part actually, hate work. No one likes work, but I guess yeh gotta do it at some point. Now that I think about it. It’s pretty much like Uni on Earth, just with more magic and softness.
What I mean by softness is there’s barely any crime in Equestria, sure it exists but damn this country hasn’t had a war in 1000 years or so. That is some achievement there. Guess it’s got something to do with an alicorn that can move the fuckin sun and moon in that time, riot please nerf the sod. Too O.P.

I got out of the tub and levitated over a towel to start drying myself off. Wrapping my mane with another towel I pulled the plug letting all the water flow down the drain. I opened the bathroom door to look at the time on the wall in my room. Having a suite bathroom is pretty neat.
‘Couple hours to kill till I bail with the guys at that new club. Better be jammy. Who knows, I might get some company later’ I started to climb the small stage which held the large mirror and my various assortments that a fine young lady would need to prepare for a delightful evening. As in get smashed off my head on booze and getting sweaty in the club. Everyone has their ways to unwind, whether it is a hobby, family and friends or certain chemicals that help us to chill. No not drugs, drugs are a no no area.

Anyway it took me about 30 minutes to get myself sorted for tonight. Finally standing in front of the mirror was what I call perfection. A slim unicorn mare stood looking at me with her amber eyes. My black mane fell from my left side reaching just past my neck and covered my left eye with yellow streaks dotting about. The edges of my mane were sharp and to the point. Looking down at my white body I made sure to keep myself in shape. A slim contrast and curves in the right places cupped with a fair bit of muscle made me look like a goddess. Christ I forgot my ego was massive but there isn’t any other way to describe me without saying it. I get a lot of looks. Some of it is genetics but mostly you can change how you look. Lucky for me in pony world I tick all the right boxes. Even if the gender one is all ticked but never mind that.
A knock come from my door which I’m guessing is Silver.

“It’s open Silver!” shouting from across the room still looking and doing poses in front of the mirror.

“Madame, Dinner is Red….” I saw Silver aching an eyebrow whilst looking at me in a striking pose with my right hind leg stretched out and my left hoof on my chest.

Looking through the mirror at him “What? Just doing some posing”

“Never a dull moment Madame. But I’m afraid I must cancel Equestria’s next top model and inform her that dinner is ready”

Rolling my eyes as now he won’t let it go. “Silver I told mum and dad, and now I’m telling you. I ain’t modelling. Don’t want that paparazzi crap following me.” ‘I’ve had so many offers from ponies. I think I know how that shit works and no one uses me for political gain. Besides hate being in the spotlight.’

“A bit of harmless talk. Madame, your favourite dish is becoming cold however” He stood holding the door.

“Wild Flower Roast. Sign me up” Making my way through the door with Silver towards the dining hall. ‘Wild Flower Roast, various sorts of flowers, roast potatoes with peas and carrots dipped with a mint sauce. It’s weird that flowers have hold so much flavour. I won’t lie, when I first tried a flower it tastes like meat to me, a former human who’s now a herm pony, flowers taste like certain types of meat and no one doesn’t know. Daffodils taste like chicken for fucks sake. What twisted but beautiful world is this place?’

It would seem I was the first to arrive and sit at the dining table. The room was fairly big, a few chairs and sofas placed in the far corner, book shelves with the occasional family photo. Red seemed to be the theme in this room. Red carpets, red covers on the table cloth, basically red everywhere but whatever I didn’t design it. I can still see the slight hole in the corner I made as a filly where I was like 5 I think, I used to much magic and my horn was glowing so I ran to mum crying and panicking, mum trying to comfort me but at the time I wasn’t thinking straight so I speared the poor wall to death resulting in a small hole with burnt edges. It was by that time that I got my cutie mark, looking now was a supernova of various colours surrounded by an electric blue ring. I’ve heard from other ponies that it was somewhat difficult to find your talent. Erm, no it wasn’t. It was just something your good at and you love doing. For some reason ponies couldn’t get it into their heads, guess me being former human helps. But yeah I have a knack for enchanting it would seem. Using complex shapes and ley lines etched with magic into objects was just second nature to me. Not many ponies can do this so it’s sorted after highly so it works for me on the business side.

“Aww there’s my little Spark”. I turned to see the pony I have called mum for the 21 years of my pony life. I will never forget the woman who birthed me on Earth but I have long accepted this is like a second chance in life.

The pony in front of me was now in her middle age but you couldn’t tell from looking at her. Her bright pink coat shined as she always kept herself clean, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her dirty now I think about it. Her cream coloured mane was held up in a tight bun with some hair curling from her left side as to not obscure her blue eyes or as dad puts it her ‘endless ocean pearls’ which is just cringey really.

She came from behind and wrapped her front hooves round me which I gave a nuzzle to her. I dunno why nuzzling in pony culture is a thing, you really only do it to close ones and family. I chalk it up as instincts since we’re herd animals, well sentient now. “Hey mom, how was your visit to the hospital?”

She sighed as she sat across from me “Velvets doing ok, they just might have to operate on her leg from the accident” Velvet Sparkle and my mom Pearl Light go way back ever since my uncle Night Light married Velvet.

“She’ll pull through mom, heck she got turned into a cactus once by Twilight” Still finding the thought of suddenly becoming a plant in a pot terrifying. I hope Celestia has a close eye on my cousin since she moved to Ponyville 2 years ago. How many unicorns can alter your DNA structure with magic? Yeah not many I can tell you.

“That Twilight is something, and now that your cousin Shining Armor is getting a promotion to lieutenant soon. Speaking of doing something with their life, Spark”

I sighed. I knew she would bring this up. “Mom I told you I’m getting stuff sorted first, I’ve already had a few commissions in and done with”

“Yeah from your dad about enchanting armour with the castles blacksmith, what was his name again?”

“You mean Iron Forge?”

She nodded at me then a smirk had developed, I don’t like that look. “Didn’t you too like get it on?”

…..Subtle mom, really smooth. Yep that’s my pony mother for yeh. Use to her antics to try to ruffle me up I rolled my eyes at her “Guy is like 20 years older than me and it was business anyway when he offered me drinks at the bar.”

“Sooo not pleasure?” mom winking at me afterwards.

“Nope, you can’t talk anyway with how you met dad” My turn now.

Mom lit up like a red light and coughed into her hoof whilst trying not to look at me. “I can’t believe I told you that story”

“Told me? How’d yeh think I felt when I was fast asleep and yeh came in drunk as, bounced on my bed then told me how dad was so hulking and used other ‘ahem’ colourful words, from every single detail nailed down how you two met in an alley getting busy after a night club”

“Alright alright, you win can we change the subject please?”
Ha, me 1 – 0 mom.

“Sure, dunno what to though”

“Well how about that mess you’ve made in your workshop Missy, you are going to clean that up right?”

“Course I will, can’t now though I’m going out tonight with some friends”

“Oh? Who you going with hmm? Better not leave poor Silver to clean up again” she said it in a very sassy way.

“I’ll do it when I’m sober, can’t let Silver have all the fun. But no I’m going with Cloud, Stripe, Lemon and Lime tonight”

“Where are you going?”

“We’re checking out that new nightclub near the theatre, a few of my mates told me about it. Cloud has already been so we’re seeing it out”

“Oh, fair enough just, be safe dear.”

“Will do”

“Ahh there’s my beautiful girls” We turned to see the Commander of the Day Guard, Ash Lance. My dad in other words just smiling there, with Silver behind him.

“Hey honey” Mom spoke as Ash kissed her on her cheek and sat beside her on her right

“So what’s new then?”

“Well this stallion gets to keep his missus tonight and not sleep on the sofa” mom brushing his mane with her hoof.

“Thank god I'm out tonight” I mumbled under my breath
When your parents do the horizontal monster mash, that's when you know to bail.

.”What was that Spark?” Dad thinking I just insulted him with a sketchy tone

“Didn’t say anything dad” I smiled innocently. Seemed to work as Silver came back in with our dinner and placed in front of us.

The aroma filled the room in a pleasant sweet smell as the dish of wild flowers, glazed in honey with roast potatoes and cooked carrots with a pinch of rosemary did wonders to my senses.
Life is good.

I set off from an amazing dinner into the lit roads of Canterlot, the moon was bright with the stars and it was a fair bit chilly. I was supposed to meet my friends at the junction a couple blocks down the hill. It would seem that Canterlot had a structure of the richest at the top near the castle working your way down from the income. Apparently having your dad as the commander of the Day Guard meant we were very close to the gates of the castle meaning out of all my friends, I was apparently living in the highest of style, well besides the princesses. Now you’re probably thinking that holy shit, this girl got some dough. And yes I do but it comes with a price. This fucking society, is crazy. The nobles see me as a prize and I have had so many ‘advances’ on me from trying to set me up to marry their son or some other bullshit reason. ‘Preserve the noble bloodline, never taint it with common blood’. Some ponies are so fucking ignorant I just wanna knock em out with a right hook. It’s barbaric at times, thank Christ that it’s only some of the nobles. Most are decent folk but there’s always some to spoil it for others. The worst I’ve come across is Prince Blueblood, the creep won’t leave me alone ever since he set eyes on me like 11 years ago.

But anyway enough ramble I was about a block away and I could see them waiting for me on the bench.

Stripe was the only one not on the bench as she stood talking. Stripe as you have probably guessed it was a zebra. She had her mane in a sort of dreads ponytail as with her tail. She always wore her ivy banded necklace as she was pretty much the level headed of the group.

Cloud was a pale blue Pegasus talking to Stripe. She had a dark blue mane that was cut bare on the sides and hung down her back and face, think of what a Mohawk would look like if it wasn’t gelled up. She is always full of energy.

Now for the twins Lemon and Lime they had reverse colours in that Lemon had green mane and yellow fur and Lime was the complete opposite. Yellow mane and green fur. Both had the same hair style of parting except it was reversed for the other twin. Speaking of opposite their personality was different to each other in that Lemon was the shy timid one and Lime was brash and always spoke her mind. She got into trouble a fair few times due to it. Both the twins were in their own conversation too.

As I got a little closer I could hear Lime's voice
“I can’t believe you let that creep do that Lemon, if I wasn’t there to stop him”

“I’m, I’m sorry Lime. I didn’t mean for it to happen”

“Sigh, I know just be careful ok sis”

“Ok, I will do”

They both held hugged each other but Lime saw me approaching as she opened her eyes.

“Bout time yeh got here Spark”

The others turned to look at me.

“Sparkie!!” Cloud rushed to me and gave a brief hug.

“Glad you can join us” Stripe adding in.

“Hey guys, aint late am I?” I returned the hug to Cloud.

Lemon spoke in her quiet voice “Not really, you’re here now so that’s what matters”

“Well then, let’s get moving then” I’d started smirking at the thought of a great night out with my friends.
A little fact for all you out there in the known universe. I love a good drink wherever the location is I’m drinking at, I don’t give a damn. Gimme some of gods’ glorious chemical and ill nab it.

Speaking of nabbing I can see Cloud checking my flank out again. Out of the friends I’m with currently I’ve only slept with Cloud and that was because we were both horny and drunk as. I was so happy that she wasn’t looking for a relationship afterwards. I’m not exactly that material and I am crap when comforting someone because you rejected their feelings for yeh. Especially after a one night stand. Basically me and Cloud have an understanding in each other, we’re friends with benefits.

Cloud saw me looking at her and smiled back with a slight blush.

“See something yeh like Cloud?” I can tell she’s checking out the goods.
She walked right up to me and bumped her hip into mine.

“Wellll, it has been a while since we …. you know?” Cloud pausing whilst rubbing me with her left wing on my back. By god Pegasus feather are so soft and dexterous. Just think if fingers were more fluff but can be used for flight.

Unlucky for Cloud, Lime turned her head to answer in public “You mean buck right?”
We got some looks from passer-by’s and Cloud using her wing to hide her face in embarrassment.
Sigh, trust Lime to keep a lid on it.

“Lime please, we are in a public place. You really need to think before you say something” Stripe tutting at her. Lemon was just keeping quiet at this point.

“Oh come on, it doesn’t hurt anypony, right Cloud? And I know Spark doesn’t care about subtlety” Seeing Lime grinning at me, it made me giggle.
“Well I mind” Cloud pouting.

“Just tone it down for now Lime, we aint even drunk yet” I said whilst rolling my eyes.

Lime responded with her tongue pointing at me.

I leaned my head up to Cloud’s ear and whispered “Don’t worry. Next moment I see, that filly is getting a hook”

Me being that amazing making Cloud’s emotion do a complete 180 from a pout to a giggle. “Oh Sparkie. Your use of words is so funny. I never hear anypony speak like you do. Are you sure you grew up in Canterlot?”

That question threw me off a bit. “What…. Eh yeh, course I did” God if others knew of my actual life I had before this one. I shivered in thought. Apparently me doing that has caused Cloud to once again wrap her wing around me.

“Don’t worry Spark. I’ll keep you warm” Cloud doing her trademark smile causing me to return the gesture. Bless this filly.

“Cheers Cloud”

It took us about 10 more minutes to finally see what the place looked like from the outside. The grand theatre were many plays and operas were performed was just to the right of us. Looking up at the design I gotta say, ponies know how to do architecture. Guess their cutie marks help along with magic but still. If you have to say one negative thing though is that ponies have like a fetish for gold. Gold plated this and gold trimmed that. Guys there are other fucking materials you know. Gold is nice but don’t overuse it. Looking towards the end of the street was the new club.
Mostly a simple black glossy paint covered the entirety of the building with exceptions of flickering neon lights decorating the entrance. We could already hear the heavy waves of the house music emanating from the location. The sign in a bright white spelling out ‘Three Beats’ in fancy joined up font. The place looked OK but all of us sighed when we saw the line to get in. It started from the edge of the door to what looks like the street. By the time it took us to get in, it’ll take 40 minutes.

“Celestia damn it, I hate waiting” Lime stomping her hoof to the poor cobblestone street. Lemon jumping from her sister’s outburst. “Lime please calm down, we have to wait like everypony else” Lemon who I swear was an angel in a past life responded.

“Yeah but, ponyfeathers”. Lime took the lead heading towards the end of the line when I took a look at the bouncer.
Wait, is that? Holy shit, we might be able to go in VIP way
I scooted up to the earth pony. Now this pony was built to take on hits as it’s his job. A simple brown coat of fur with a short Mohawk for a mane. Green eyes looking at the clipboard. Presumably one with names on to let through. However he didn’t notice me. Better rectify that so I cleared my throat to get his attention.

“Sigh, no you cannot skip the line and no you can’t do any favours for me now move on” Not even looking up.

“Well fuck you yeh shit stain”

“What did you? …..Holy Celestia, Spark!” Him finally looking at me with his mouth open.

“You call?” My friends stood to the side looking at me from the side-lines.
I could tell he has been standing here for some time now as sweat had formatted on his brow.

Guess I should explain how I knew this sod. Years ago when I was about 14, I was walking back from visiting a friend so it was fairly late. The moon was high in the sky and it was fairly quiet, well I thought it was until someone shouted at me. When I was a teenager my magic was decent but no way near the level that I could defend myself against more than 2 opponents at the same time. I turned to see 4 ponies grinning at me, what they looked like specifically I don’t remember, but I could tell they were after one thing so I ran, and they chased me. If you have ever been chased maybe you have done a dumb and took a wrong turn without thinking as I did. I ended up down an alleyway which was cut off and I turned to see them closing in on me slowly. By that point I was crying but I stood my ground. I managed to knock out one with an empty bottle over the head but the Pegasus of the group charged me and held me down and smacked my horn, causing so much pain in my head which resulted in me not being able to focus to cast spells. I saw the others come up to me. I closed my eyes at that point as tears were streaming down my face. I’ve forgotten what they said over time, it was a blur and that point I had given up. But I waited and waited for something to happen until the weight on my chest that was being held down by the Pegasus stallion was no more. I got curios and saw a one of kind sights. A brown stallion had just appeared and started to beat the shit out of the remaining ones. I was over in a matter of seconds.
Without Brick Brown, I shudder to think what would have happened. After the scene we became great friends after that. We even went on a date afterwards and I insisted I pay for it. Well when I say a date I didn’t tell him until after we got our meal and he explained that he was gay. That bit shocked me until I told him that I was a herm then it was his turn to be shocked. After that we both decided to be good friends.
We hoofed bumped as he let me and my friends past him, the line was whining about this so I gave him a peck on the cheek and followed my friends.
As soon as I got in, holy shit this place was jumping. Ponies of various colours was mix mashed everywhere, with the occasional griffon, and was that a minotaur wearing UV paint?
Yep it was in the style of tribal tattoos over him, looks pretty awesome actually. I could see the others had gotten a booth at the back, I’m guessing Lime is getting drinks since she’s not sat down.
Gotta say though the music really is pumping, it’s very familiar though like I’ve heard it before. The only problem with this place was probably the smell, it stank of sweat.

Sigh I need a strong drink.

Author's Note

I have left this very long and i do apologise for the lack of updates. Just trying to balance this as well as my uni exams and my dissertation set up for next year is a little time consuming. Oh and drinking. That has had a factor in this but anyway, I do hope you get some enjoyment from this excuse of a chapter. Also for all you beautiful people out there, the next chapter will contain some juicy clop. Now it is optional, if its not your thing then fair play it will not have anything to do with the story just some sexual stuff.

If you dislike anything to do with the story or parts of this chapter, do let me know please as there is always room for improvement and i wish to be fairly decent in writing.
Until next time :twilightsmile:

Meet the Beat (Clop H/F)

Fuzzy, blurry. Pain. I don’t like feeling like this. Feeling one at a time, I can deal with. Feeling all of them is horrible. I’ve had hangovers before but they are never a good feeling. Especially waking up and your drunk hours later, some people say that they call that a good night out. Well I do not. As much as I like a good drink every now and then.

I sighed but I could feel a weight on my chest, someponies head was resting and judging by how sticky the bed was we got frisky the other night. Why can’t I remember what happened? It’s probably Cloud next to me. Well only one way to find out.

I opened my left eye to see the culprit that took advantage poor innocent me.The colours of the room mixed with each other in a very badly painting. Christ this blur is bugging me, looking at my chest however confirmed that it was not Cloud. This pony has electric blue hair, white unicorn. Must be a mare, or a very cute pretty stallion.

Looking around the room showed whoever this pony is digs music, must be their job as my vision was getting more clear when looking around the room there was DJ equipment and posters of this DJ Pon-3. Wait, that rings a bell. Looking at the electric blue mess of a mane and back to the poster.

Yep this is a mad fan of this DJ. Fuck I just had to score with a stalker, the DJ stuff was probably thrown out by the DJ and this ‘imposter’ collects the rubbish the DJ throws out. Stalkers are so weird, I need to get out of here before she or he wakes up.

Fuck I can’t concentrate in this state, my mouth is dry as and it smells of sex and sweat in this room.

Judging by the light outside the window I’d say it was about 2ish or something like that, it’s hard to tell at this angle.

Feeling how tightly this pony is hugging me, how am I still breathing? Be feeling like she crushing my lungs here.

Moan…….

Oh god no. The pony just did a noise. That’s not a good sign. I need to get the fuck out of here. I don’t know if I should wiggle my way out or use something. Looking around didn’t prove to show any merit.

‘AAAAAHHHHHH!!! IT MOVED, KILL IT BEFORE IT BREEDS!!!!!!’

I’m just sweating at this point, which does not help when you just had a rumble tumble and slept through the charming liquids produced in ponies’ bodies. (Sexual fluids if yeh can’t fuckin guess)

Other Pony P.O.V:

‘Sweet Celestia. How much did I drink last night?’

Blinking out the dust in my eyes didn’t get rid of it, so I rubbed them using my left hoof as my right one was under that sexy piece of flank I met last night. Damn how last night turned out awesome. Did my opening at the new Three Beats club, went pretty well. Did my usual line up followed by a new EP. The crowd ate me up, got payed a decent amount to last me a few weeks too. Jees we both need a shower but holy shoot that was the best sex I’ve ever had. The way she bucking pounded me, I’m sore everywhere. So worth it.

Remembering seeing her after I came off shift leaning at the bar. The flash of the changing colours created by the rays of light bouncing off her slick white body. Her curves in the right places, damn she was hot. Her mane, a dark black with bright yellow streaks running across in into a twirl. She was waiting to be served but it looked like she had been waiting a while. Guess I could take her up to the VIP suite for a bit of fun.

‘Come on now Vinyl, be smooth. Just Celestia forbid that she is single. Wait Celestia? Yeah I could work with that. Ok think of something Funny.’

“Unless you’re Princess Celestia in disguise, you can shine my light any day”

“HAHAHAHA Holy shit what?!”

‘Oh well done V. Blew that chance up. She’s even crying with laughter and trying hold it in. Sigh may as well bail before I embarrass myself more’.

“Oh no you phfff. Better get your ass here. Fuck that was too funny not to pass up, hehe. Oh god.”

I turned to see her face and by the heavens. How have I never seen this mare? In fact how is she not a model or something?

“God damn that was funny. But seriously though, you fancy keeping me company? Winking at me afterwards”

‘She didn’t mind the bad pick up line? I can’t say no to a mare like this. I better not be blushing’.

“Glad you thought it was funny. I’m not use to first chatting to somepony. It’s usually the opposite way round”

“Huh, can’t blame them” The barpony waited for the mare to turn her head.

“Sorry for the wait sweetheart, what can I get yeah?”

“Shot of rum, a razorback and what you having notes?” She turned looking at me.

“Oh well you don’t have to, I can get mine” ‘Did she call me Notes’?

She rolled her eyes at mine, “Your lucky you’re attractive, make that two razors please”

The barpony nodding in acknowledgement then setting off to make the drinks.

“Well free drink I guess, you keep this up and it might go somewhere, also Notes?”

She smirked at me then peered her head towards my flank.

“Well you never said a name so I gave you one, and what do you mean it ‘might go somewhere. You chatted me up remember, Celestia?” Doing a little jiggle afterwards.

‘Damn, she’s a tease’.

“Sparkie!” A blue Pegasus mare shouted right behind me making me jump a bit, turning to see her run towards her and hug her.

‘Guess their friends then? Never mind there ‘very good friends’ if that peck was anything to go by. They a couple? Oh buck please don’t be, don’t like rejection’.

“Say she’s cute, you two gonna do the monster mash tonight. Gasp. Can I join?” She hopped on the spot saying.

‘This girl is very hyperactive. Remind me of a pink mare in Ponyville. Also threesome what’?

“Ask her Cloud, I’m not fussed.”

Been a long time since I had some action, now two mares are offering a threesome with me. Vinyl what did you do to deserve this?

“Gasp, I know that pony Spark” The blue Pegasus dashed off into the crowd dancing on the floor.

“And she’s gone, looks like it’s just you and me then Notes, and our drinks” She took the shot of rum with a scowl. “Weak shit. Forget pony rum is low compared to Minotaur”

“Minotaur rum, there’s some at the VIP suite last I saw”.

That peaked her interest. “Sweet, now I need to know someone in this new swig to get it”.

‘Oh she doesn’t know who I am, this is gonna be good’

“Well lucky that you do, follow me” I levitated my Razorback cocktail, taking a swig and walking towards the back. Whiskey with cranberry and lime. Very sharp, hence the name. I look behind me to see her smirking at me. ‘Think she’s impressed’.

As we arrive we saw another bouncer who nodded as we approached. I nodded in return and he held the rope for us. The white mare went first into the private booth and the bouncer was checking her out then give me a wink and a smile.

“Nice catch DJ”

“I know right”

As I opened the door I saw her on the red velvet couch that stood in the middle, next to a small mini bar, she held a bottle of the Minotaur rum and took a swig out the bottle. ‘Classy right there’.

“Fuck that’s the stuff. Seriously though, who are you or you just gonna throw the mystery mare at me?” Her head swaying a bit. Think she’s getting there.

“I might have laid down the beats to this place earlier” I responded taking a sip of my drink then sitting on the other side of the couch.

“DJ then Notes, bet you have seen some things” Her taking another gulp from the bottle. She isn’t fazed by the taste. ‘She really like that stuff’.

“I guess you could say that. Don’t think I’ve seen you around yourself. You should model or something?”

“‘Gag’, what have people sniffing after me? Following everywhere I go, sod that. I get way too much eyes on me thanks to my looks”

“I can’t blame them for that”

“You using my line girl?” She got up straight to me, I leaned back a bit as she came very close. I could feel her breath on my muzzle. Her eyes shined with the room as a single strand of mane tipped out of its original shape.

“What you gonna do about it?” She wants a tease war, bring it girl

I could feel the magic on my drink disappear as she took hold of it and placed it on the table without looking at it. She with her half hidden eyes came closer and closer until our lips touched. She tasted like that rum but there was something else, something dare I say shocking?

Our tongues each explored one another’s mouth. We both moaned as we both started to get pretty excited but then I felt something poke me underneath like a….. Wait what? I broke the kiss as we both breathed heavily. A trail of saliva connected so I wiped it away and moved a bit away to see in between the mares legs at least 12 inches of black and white splotched horsemeat. Jees how is she bigger than a males? Did she use a spell or something? Behind was a set of testicles, looking very full and very juicy.

‘Argh what the hell?’ Shaking my head as the musk was getting to me just to taste it. A small amount of pre cum dripped from the tip and was slowly trailing down. I looked at the mare. ‘She is a mare righ’t?

Her face was confusion and lust but then realised as she saw my gaze to her cock just twitching at full mast.

“Wait, did I not mention I was a herm? Oh for fucks sake Spark. I’m real sorry, I guess it slipped my mind”. She sighed as she held up her hoof to her head.

‘Ooh. She was born with both. Even more fun’. I grinned at her and pounced her so I was on top. A cute yelp came from her but it turned to a moan as I nipped her neck. I could feel her cock pulsing between us.

“Wait so you don’t mind?” She asked. I sat up using my front hooves on her chest. Looking at that cock just mere centimetres away I made my move. Using my left hoof I curled it around her cock and slowly went up and down. Sweat had already slathered it with the pre cum from earlier as she squirmed under me. I could feel as she did that, as are bottom lips touched which made me shiver.

‘This girl is lucky. I am so gonna have fun with her’.

More pre cum came from her tip and I just had to have a taste. My tongue flicked off taking the taste of salt with me. What’s weird though was the more it stayed in my mouth, the more I felt alive, like a new high or something.

I started to lick the side going down all the way. Keeping an eye on her expressions of pleasure, she was putty in my hooves already. I started licking and sucking the throbbing cock held between my hooves, pumping it occasionally as more of her juices produces out the tip, only to be swallowed by yours truly.

‘I want more. No. I NEED MORE’

I felt some kind of spark every time I swallowed and before even I knew what I was doing, I had her entire head of her cock into my mouth.

“Oh fuck yes”

Moaning myself as my mouth was assaulted by the desire to have more of her seed, her taste filled me. I couldn’t even breathe through my mouth so I relied on my nose alone. The musk of both sexes and sweat was all I could smell.

Looking at her I could she her panting with a lustful look in her eyes.

‘She is so beautiful. Even with her cock in my mouth. Speaking of cock’

I went lower down the shaft as more of her entered me. My tongue trapped between my teeth and her meat just poking out of my mouth as even my saliva was pouring out of my mouth. It was hard to contain the flavour of her as it dripped down towards the bottom soaking her balls.

I positioned myself more down on the sofa so I could take the full length into my throat. My chest resting on a pillow to help give me more height.

I was only halfway down as I felt her touch the back of my throat making me cough, causing another moan from the mare beneath me.

‘No, I’m getting all of it’

Before I carried on though I felt my vagina being touched which puzzled me as no one else besides us was in the room. But upon looking at her horn glowing a pale white confirmed what was touching me as she was pleasuring me with her magic.

“I can’t have all the fun you know” As her magic worked my vagina, I went to town on her cock. Carrying on I relaxed my throat as it became a little bit harder to push down my throat.

The way she used her magic, I felt myself winking as she slowly massaged my outer lips before moving inside, making me more excited.

“Aw fuck, your mouth is so warm……..I cannot wait to fill you”

My only response was a moan as she began to circle my clitoris. I pushed on, finally bottoming out as my muzzle reached her heavy sack. I could swear I can feel her sperm flowing, begging for realise.

‘Oh don’t worry, I intend to do just that’

“Ooh good girl taking the whole thing. I hope you’re hungry”

That was the pushing point for me as I lifted my head up. My saliva coating her cock as I took her out of my mouth to breathe only for me to carry on sucking. My throat muscles and my tongue flicking back and forth as I bobbed my head up and down her shaft.

I think it was about 5 minutes of constant sucking and magic prodding that I felt pressure as she produced more and more pre that she gave me the heads up of her orgasm.

“Oh fuck I’m close, if you so much as stop I will…. AHHH”

Using her magic to hold my head, I felt every squirt of pure cum fill my mouth. I had to swallow as she filled me even to the point where so much came out it leaked down her shaft. The taste was divine. I thought her pre cum was making me want more but I just felt like I consumed a full litre of caffeine.I must have swallowed 5 times before she finally stopped cumming. Feeling full I popped her cock out of my mouth to breathe as her cock was still hard from the experience. My eyes wide just from the sight.

‘How is she still hard? Most stallions go limp’.

Looking up at her I saw she wasn’t done with me yet.

“I think it’s time I treated my cocksucker don’t you?” she spoke in a devilish manner as she flipped me over and turned me around so I was facing away from her as she mounted me. I felt her cock poking me and then rubbing me.

“Hah quick teasing me” ‘God I need it in me’

She stopped as she came up and whispered into my ear “No”

“What, why not?” I was too horny to realise my voice was quivering for it.

“I want some manners before I make you moan”

I tried to rub my nethers to entice her. To change her mind but she back up before I could properly do it.

Damn it, she wants me to play. I guess I have no choice

“Please, please buck me” Looking back she didn’t wait as she slowly parted my lips with her cock.

Oh this felt bucking amazing. The more she pushed in the more I felt full as my vagina was being used to cover her entire cock.

‘Oh sweet celestia! She is hitting my back wall’

I screamed into the cushion beneath me to muffle my voice as I have never felt a cock fill me completely.

“Ah fuck yes. That feel good Notes?”

Lifting my head was hard but I had to respond.

“Bucking plow me you sexy piece of flank and my name is Vinyl”

She grinning at my words did just that. She pulled out slowly but only half way, I could feel each vein on her cock rub against me in pure ecstasy. My fluids helping cover her hard meat to help slide in and out as she began rocking back and forth.

“Names Shine Spark, and I’m going to make sure you can’t walk for a week”

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sometime later

After I felt like she filled me with so much semen, she walked me to my apartment. Well more like carried me as my legs started to ache. When she laid me on the bed we made out more. This girl’s endurance is unreal. After this I’m definitely not walking for a week.

End Flashback.

Shine’s POV

“Buck girl, I’m sore cause of you”. The pony beside me trying to get up on one hoof. “Augh I need a shower”

‘Crimson eyes, nice colour iris girl. Oh wait, I kind of remember what happened. She chatted me up badly and we ended up at the VIP suite. Then……blank. Fuck I don’t remember. What was she called again? Was it Notes or something’?

I had to cough a bit, damn my throat is fucked. “Glad you liked it Notes, but yeah I need some water or something”

“Forgot you gave me that nickname. I’ll get yeah a glass, then you and I are in the shower.” As she got up and stretch like a cat would. Damn she hot. Minus the stains on her flank.

I started to sit up when I noticed I was pitching the tent on the sheets. Following my gaze was the pony and she just sighed. “Are all herms that hard to get down?” She smirked as she left the room.

“Fucking dick, sigh least she was accepting of it. Also I don’t think Notes is her actual name, fuck what is it then?” I looked around the room more now that I was sitting up and had a better view of the place.

I peeled myself from the covers. Yeah I needed a shower badly. Bit sore but I’ll live. Looking at the papers on the side was some music jargon sheets. Never understood it, not my thing. Started to look at the walls next and right beside the window was a birth certificate.

‘Well you defo won’t lose that. Now to see who this stalker really is………..Oh, she is Vinyl Scratch aka DJ PON3. Oh wait she did say she did the set up last night at that nightclub, and that explains the equipment. I’m a fucking idiot’.

About a minute of looking around I heard a knock at the door and turned to see her with two towels draped over her back levitating a glass of water.

“Now let’s say we take care of your 5th leg there in the shower eh? Causing me to smirk.

‘This girl is fun’.

Author's Note

IT'S NOT DEAD WOOOOOOO!!!!!

I'm so sorry guys for not updating this fic, things haven't been too great last year but its all sorted, nearly finished my degree so I will have more time to write stuff down. I should have stayed on top but life gets in the way but anyway enjoy this first piece of clop. Please comment and let me know how to improve this or if somethings annoy you how to change them. Open for criticism. Hope you all have a awesome day and stay you :twilightsmile:

Meet the Captain

Shine P.O.V

“Shine! You better have finally cleaned that ‘room’ of yours or I swear to Celestia!!” Pearl Light shouting at the bottom of the staircase. She had enough once she saw poor Silver cleaning the carpets due to somepony treading ash hoof prints everywhere.

Hearing mum from round the corner when I was getting a snack from the kitchen

‘She thinks I’m upstairs huh. Time for a spook.’

I creeped by right behind her making sure the rug muffed my hoofsteps. Then inches from her right ear shouting “WHAT?!”

“AAAAHHH” Pearl jumping in shock as her daughter just appeared behind her. Her mane becoming a bit loose in the process. Pearl looking at an innocent unicorn beside her.

“Oooh, do that again young mare. I dare you.” Pearl scowling at her.

‘Oh she has that look, best not to. You know that if you do something again, your mum would hand you a new one’.

“Nah you’re alright mum, I’m all out. Also I finished cleaning about an hour ago. I came down for a snack.”

The elderly mare shaking her head in response. “What am I going to do with you huh?” She approached me, wrapping her forelegs around me, can’t say no to a hug.

“Continue to support the most beautiful mare you ever did see……..also giving me 100 bits”

She give me that look. You know the one. “What did you break?”

“Woah I haven’t broken anything…… besides what’s out back in the skip because of the rune exploding in my room. That’s covered by the insurance”

I have to explain the ‘insurance’ we have etched in this house. Enchanting is tricky and very confusing if you aren’t a whizz kid at it. Ley linesfor example. Make sure it’s correct for the magic to flow through. That they are not weak enough to break cause that will explode depending on how much magic is inside the lines. Also making sure the material you’re enchanting can hold the stress of magic inside, otherwise it’ll explode. Making sure that when you overlap the ley lines, they too can hold themselves, otherwise….explosion. I think you get the picture. Every month from my allowance I give bits to cover the cost of things breaking in the house due to explosions. We have a big skip outside for the things, rumours and jokes aside of our household being a ‘scrap shed’. Mum wasn’t happy with that when they showed up and dad thought it was funny but hey ho. Let’s just say not many ponies have a cutie mark in enchanting due to how tricky and hard it is so it’s a very profitable career if you know the ponies. Like the military. But yeah enough about that.

“Hmm yes I saw the mess you made, honestly girl you need to be careful. But you are making less mess. Still you haven’t said why?”

“SPARK SHINE!!”

‘Well dad’s pissed. I wonder why?’

“WHERE IS THAT 30 YEAR BOURBON I KEEP IN THE DESK?!!”

Mum let go of me and arched an eyebrow.

“No idea what he’s chatting about mum”

“Spark sweetheart, you’re a bad lair. I know right now because your left ear flicked”

“Shit, alright I had to bribe Silver with that, didn’t know until after I gave it to him it was the 100 bit one”

“Sigh you owe me for this one girl”

She started her way up the stairs but not before giving me a quick wink.

“Love you mum” Honestly I do, both my parents for all the crap and affection they give me. I long accepted both my parents from Earth to be happy for me no matter the circumstances, so I decided to stop thinking of all the times I’ve missed them. Don’t get me wrong I still do, I hope they aren’t mad at me but after 21 years living a life of a mare on a different planet. Dimension, I dunno which.If they are looking at me, I hope I made them proud………..went on a tangent again, fucks sake.

“Hope mum convinces dad it’s all square, don’t fancy giving 100 bits away” ‘Even know dad earns 45 bits an hour the sod’

‘……..I’m bored now’ Just then, the almighty Lucky Luke came down and generated a sound like a knock, right upon the door.

‘Guess that something to do, open the door’

Another knock not giving me a chance to open it before.

“Alright yeah impatient fuck, jees” I opened it via magic and generic guard number 23 appeared with a satchel. Seriously bloody enchantment was a pain to stick on their helmets and armour to ‘blend them in’. Making them all the same colour, grey for unicorn, white for earth and pegasi. It deactivates once they take it off. Yeah guess you didn’t guess who commissioned that ballache of an order. This dude be unicorn.

“Evening ma’am, is this the residence of Commander Lance and Miss Shine?”

I could tell he was blushing slightly as his eyes wondered all over me.

“Since it says on the post box who lives ‘ere, and since we’re at said house which belongs on said property, I’ll let you think that one”

The guard didn’t realise and gave a sorry look towards me.

“Sigh, sorry. I’m annoyed and I took it out on you when you’re just doing yeah job. But yeah I’m Spark Shine, Ash Lance is my dad”

“Oh that’s perfectly fine ma’am, it can be stressful at times so no need to apologise”

‘Whatever mate’

He levitated me a scroll and I took it in my magic. “This is for the Commander, please give it to him. I have a verbal message from Captain Shining Armour for you ma’am”.

“Shining hey, what’s he want? Come to give the bits he owes me”

“Hehe, he did mention you say that but no, he wishes to see you at the palace as soon as possible”

“Well I guess I could see him now, not got anything else going on”

I heard hoofsteps behind me and saw Silver with his eyebrow arched.

“Madame Shine, are you letting this old brittle stallion retire by taking over for me?”

“Pfff, fuck off Silver. You enjoy my antics, also do me a solid and give this to dad please, came from the palace for him”

He took hold of the scroll and nodded to me then looked past me towards the guard.

“I do hope Madame Shine here has greeted you in manner befitting one of her status sir”

“In a way sir, I have been ‘ahem’ told of her ways”

‘Does he want a scrap or what?’

“Whatever, oh I’m heading to the palace Silver. Shining wants me for some reason”

He nodded. “I will notify the master and mistress of this event, please try to keep your antics in check”

I leaned in towards his muzzle and he leaned away from me a bit but kept his position.

Sniff, ‘Bourbon you fuck’.

“Someponies getting bold”

I was about to leave but I shouted at Silver “You smell of booze Silver!!!”

‘I hope mum and dad heard that’

“If you would like an escort ma’am Shine, I’d be happy to. I’m heading back that way” Number 23 spoke.

“Yeah I could use the company cheers, also call me Spark. Hate that formal crap”

He nodded in acknowledgement and we both set off.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

So Generic Guard 23 has a name, a Private Morning Sun. his talent is light. I wish I was joking but I’m not, dude is born to be a fucking lighthouse or something I dunno. Turns out he doesn’t get tired from lighting his horn and can provide a mass amount of light, hence the name. You notice that the names for some reason tells you what their talent is going to be. It’s fucking weird. I blame magic because as I found out, if science can’t explain it, magic is somehow involved.

But yeah the guy is a greenie, only been a guard for like 2 weeks so he was assigned the mail job to get use to the area. Fair enough, wasn’t expecting him to say his next set of words though.

We stopped right outside the office of Captain Shining Armour, my shield obsessed cousin. How did we know, two guards stood on either side of the door. That and his name is on the door.

We stood about 3 feet away from the right guard. “Well, here we are. Say I know I’m new here so I was hoping that, well maybe we could go for a drink, maybe show me around town?”

A slight blush had spread on him and he was nervous. ‘Bless him, but I gotta tell him’

“Sun, your sweet and I don’t mind hanging out with yeah, you seem fun. But I don’t know what you look like under that enchanted armour. Besides erm, fuck how do I put it?”

I leaned in to whisper to his ear “I have both”.

A confused face formed on him, “Sigh, I’m a hermaphrodite, I have a dick and a vagina”

“Oooh, I am so sorry Spark. Is that common knowledge?”

“To the ones I’ve slept with yeah, and my mates”

“Wait you have a herd?” His eyes widening.

“What? No. Mates as in friends”

Him understanding for the second time in a row. “Fair enough then, I’m straight so again, I am sorry”

“Don’t be, yeah didn’t know. Besides doesn’t stop us from hanging out”

“True if it’s ok with you”

“Ha, cause it is. I need to see what my cousin wants but yeah hit me up sometime”
He nodded. “Will do, and thanks Spark”

He walked off and I was about to put my hoof on the door until two swords were drawn in a cross right in front of me.

“Halt, state your business with the Captain”

“…….If you two don’t get these pieces of metal out of my face, I will shove them so far up your flankholes that the next time you brush your teeth, you’ll be polishing the fucking sword!”

Both flinched due to my outburst and a voice came from the door “Just let her in!”

‘Did they just gulp in fear? Better have done’

“Y yes sir” The guards, opening the door and sheathing their swords. Each giving a salute.

I walk in to see Shining at his desk, papers everywhere looking at me smiling.

“Really have to be that violent with them Sparks?”

I kicked the door shut and sat in the chair opposite to him. “Fucking nerve, better have been new recruits”

“Yes they are, about 50 new this year. Only been on for about 2 weeks now so there not use to having you around yet”.

“Hmph, should make it part of the training then. Look out for this sexy white unicorn who is related to the Captain, piss her off and you’ll see why 3 dropped out of the guards last year due to ‘outside’ interference” Me holding my hoofs in the air trying to imitate the air quotes.

“Got a point, you were always ‘forceful’ cousin.”

“Not my fault your crap at fighting, you just hid in your bubble”

“Hey now, less of that. I’m still older then you, so respect your elders”.

I scrunched up a piece of paper and threw it at his head, resulting in a bop and the paper rolling on the floor.

“Grow a pair”

“Sigh, anyway I call you here for a reason”

“Damn Shining, you need to lighten up. You aren’t this uptight usually”

“I’m worried, reports of missing civilians in villages near the Badlands have been cropping up…….Probably shouldn’t have told you that.”

“Heh, mouths shut Shining. You know me”

“Thank you, you’re good at keeping secrets. If word gets out then panic will run through Equestria.”

“Whole villages though? That is weird. No clue where they went?”

He shook his head. “None, that’s why I’m so ‘uptight’ as it were. Security is mental at the moment. But the reason you’re here is I need a favour from you”.

“Anything for family”. ‘Probably gonna ask me to make a set of enchantments to locate the missing ponies. Would defo give me a fair few bits to spend’

“I need you to go to Ponyville and stay with Twilight for a while. Just until this blows over”

“Ooh, was not expecting that response but, right. Ponyville, that little village near that forest right?”

“Everfree forest yeah, since its more South towards the Badlands I’m worried for Twily and Spike’s safety”

“Well, can’t blame you but why me though?”

“Well since she and her friends have become the elements of harmony now for about 2 years now she is a target for those who wish to see Equestria harmed, and by Celestia if anypony lays a hoof on Twily I’ll….”

“Woah Shining I get man chill.”

He stopped his little rant and breathed deeply. “Thank you, but will you go?”

“I don’t have much going for me here. Been a while since I saw the bookworm and the lizard so yeah why not, take it you don’t want me to mention the wedding to her?”

“Nope, do not say anything. I’d like it to be a surprise for her. She’s gonna be so happy to know I’m marrying her babysitter”

“Aye, well what time you want me down there with them?”

“I was hoping you could go tomorrow, I might have put a letter through explaining you’re staying there for a few months plus”

“You fucking with me? Now I gotta pack and its 5 you fuck.”

“I am sorry for the short notice.” He sheepishly smiled at me. ‘Wait something off, oh he better not have?”

“My parents fucking know don’t they?”

“Erm I might have asked them first, and then told your friends what time the train is leaving in the morning”

“FUCK HAVE I SAID ABOUT MAKING PLANS WITHOUT TELLING ME, YOU WANKER!!!” I jumped over the desk and tackled him to the ground. He wasn’t ready so he didn’t put up his shield in time.

I held him in a lock which made sure he could use his front hooves to grab me.

The door flew open with the same two retards drawing their swords near.

“Captain, Release him!”

I turned to look at them, both backing away from me. “Fuck did I say about them swords you dickheads”

“Argh, I'll make it up to you!” Shining’s face mushed into the floor.

“........I’m waiting”

“I’ll, gah. I’ll send you a supply of rum and projects”.

I let go of him and stood up.

He gasping for air and rubbing his neck. “Guess I deserved that.” He looked at the guards how stood their trying to make sense of the situation. “Stand down you two, family squabble”

Both saluted and returned back to their posts trying very hard not to make eye contact with me.

“Better give me that shit you said boi”

“I will do” He threw his front hoof around me and I returned the favour. “Thank you Spark, I can sleep peacefully”

“Why is Cadence that needy in bed?” I grinned at him.

I quickly ran outside the door before a ton of papers were thrown from where I was, smacking a poor maid and throwing her teapot to the side, spilling tea everywhere.

“Haha, take that as a yes then”

The two guards were stunned as to what just happened, turning to see Shining Armour quickly apologising for hitting the poor mare then giving me a scowl.

Haha, fucking Shining man.

Author's Note

Oh yes, another chapter so soon. Tis a joyful moment in telling the tales of Shine Spark the Hermaphrodite. That and seeing all the wonderful comments does make it worthwhile so i thank you guys. Very happy people are enjoying this story, was worried i was doing bad. :applejackunsure: But anyway i hope you all have a great weekend that's coming up. Adios

Meet the Other Half

Twilight Sparkle. Personal student of Princess Celestia. Loves to read and has a mass amount of knowledge in her noggin. Young adult who is too innocent in the terms of love and romance (In my words ‘animal urges’), sister to the Captain of the guard and whose mother married my uncle and then had the two kids. So yeah they are both my cousins. One commands the guard, while the other one is perusing the research of friendship……I wish I was joking with that. Christ is that what happens to a nation of 1000 years of peace? They look for the meaning of friendship and love…….Sigh well anyway after the whole fiasco with my beautiful crate of gorgeous liqueur being too ‘dangerous’ and a bad ‘influence’ on me, Twilight teleported the entire crate somewhere in a blink of an eye, thank god I put a tracking spell on it just before she opened the door before and found me taking a swig. Now she thinks I don’t know it’s in the basement. Ha, jokes on you I’m totally getting smashed at some point.

But yeah with that little rant out the way we can carry on with my current situation, in that I was fast asleep in the spare bedroom, key word there being was, when said Twilight Sparkle burst open my door screaming GOOD MORNING MY COUSIN!!! Well alright she didn’t scream that part but she did scream WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?! Turns out that I couldn’t bare the thought of leaving my poor and defenceless rum by itself, so I did a little ninja and took a bottle, and may have had half of it throughout the night, then I cuddled with it since I was slightly tipsy and needed a cuddle buddy. Me and the pillow had an argument last night so he was on the floor.

So right now in the grasp of the fowl demon wench was my bottle of elixir with a face to match the colourful words. Sadly for me I felt like cowering under the covers in the presence.

“A wishful fairy granted me my wish last night” Me saying, muffled under the quilt. Gotta say though it smells nice, probably because I slept in them and the slight whiff of rum.

“Sigh, Spark seriously. I do not want you drunk unless it’s planned otherwise. I’ve been warned about your antics and I will make sure you do your job here missy”

“What?”

I pushed my head out the covers to see her at the doorway.

“What job?”

“Wait did Shining not tell you why your down here?”

I gave her a questioning look. “Why did he say to you?”

“Well, he said that you will be staying here for a few months or longer, working on the shipment of scanners and barriers to stop the wildlife coming into Ponyville from the Everfree”

‘What da fuck you on about? I didn’t agree to this! I agreed to keep an eye on you cause of the whole disappearance thing, unless Shining is keeping that info from her. He did say a matter of security I guess but what’s this to do with scanner and barriers?’

“I’m guessing by the look on your face you don’t know why you’re here then?”

“I thought it was a holiday” Of course I had to lie to her, and unconsciously my left ear flicked due to said lie.

“Sigh no, well kind of but you are being employed by Princess Celestia and the guard to help build scanners and barriers around the border of the Everfree forest. Hopefully that will stop any unwanted monsters from turning up in our town. Be nice to have some quiet in this town for a change.”

“Right scanner and barriers, couldn’t be fucking anything simple could it? Fuck my liiiiife”

Me leaning back on the bed and putting the covers back on me.

“Quit whining. Honestly your 21 years old and sometimes you act like a foal. Mmhph”

This resulting in my pillow randomly (not by magic) fly into her face.

“Bite me”

Just then a heavenly scent had appeared from the doorway into the room.

Sniff. “That pancakes I smell?”

“Yes. Spike is cooking them for breakfast and I was”

Not giving her a chance to finish I sped past her and ran towards the kitchen table to see stack of pancakes and syrup on the side of the table. Spike wearing a pink apron with a love heart on it? Whatever, his choice. Him putting on the last pancake on top of the pile. Then noticing me in the corner by the doorway.

“Oh hey Spark, sleep well?”

“Very well thank you. Did have a bit of help with it, take it Twilight still burns stuff when she cooks?”

Spike jumping onto a chair and getting his share of the breakfast. “Yeah, hence why I do the cooking around here. I don’t trust her to make a cup of coffee. She and Sweetie Belle are the same are culinary skills”

“I met this Sweetie Belle?”

“Oh yeah you haven’t yet. She’s Rarity’s little sister, give it time and you’ll probably run into the trio. Or they’ll target you in getting their cutiemarks in something”

“Riight, I’ll keep an eye out then” ‘Not bad pancakes lizard. Not use to this much sugar though’

“Thanks for waiting guys, also Spark that was rude to ignore me like that”

I turn to see Twilight come into the kitchen and grab a hooful of pancakes diving a fork into them with her magic.

“Love you too Purple”

I winked at her while she rolled her eyes at me, Spike giggling a little. “Anyway what’s the plan today?” ‘Gonna need to know if I’m doing anything, otherwise I might as well get started on that Everfree book again’

“Well the supplies for the scanners and barriers won’t arrive for another week so I thought I could show you around a bit more, perhaps meet the rest of my friends if there not too busy”

“Go for it” ‘Least she dropped the whole rum thing’

“Oh also, we are having a talk about your alcohol problem”

“Shit”

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Yeah after the whole breakfast and the ‘talk’ about my ‘alcohol problem’ which is complete bullshit, I do not have a problem with ethanol. I like the stuff. You Twilight are the one who has the problem…….but yeah moving on.

We (by we I mean the purple prick and me) found ourselves outside a cottage with a small bridge built over a stream. Tons and I mean tons of animals were out and about. Birds, rabbits, badgers and a….bear. Alright then.

“Well here we are Spark. This is Fluttershy’s cottage”

I looked round a bit more and it just felt way too girly. This coming from a 21 year old who is half fucking female. Guess I am a bit of a tomboy in mind but girly in appearance.

“Yeah, I ain’t digging this place Twi”

“Why not? It’s so peaceful here. All the animals are cared for by Fluttershy and all are healthy.”

“Girl look at this place. I feel like I’ve dived into a fuckin fairy tale. I mean come on, there’s a bear chilling with a bunch of fish….and it ain’t eating them. Don’t mess with my nature” ‘I know my mind is still attached to how Earth’s nature worked, and ive accepted how nature works here but now? You’re taking the piss’

“Sigh, come on Spark give her a chance”

“Oi. I didn’t say I wasn’t, but place she lives I’m fucking burning it when I have a chance”

We made our way to the front door but on the way I felt something land on me. Turning my head to see a small robin land on my back giving me a tweet.

“Since your cute I’ll let yeah stay on me” Giving me a small tweet and then nestling in my mane near my right ear, Twilight giggling into her hoof.

“I didn’t know you were good with animals Spark”.

If they don’t piss me off, speaking of you better not shit in my mane Red”. Another tweet emanating from the little KFC snack

Twilight knocked on the door and about 10 seconds later a little white rabbit opened the door.

“Oh hi Angel. Is Fluttershy free for a bit? I’ve brought my cousin Spark to meet her”

The rabbit giving a good look before he noticed the Robin in my mane. The bird doing a noise and the rabbit nodding before opening the door for us so we can enter.

‘Christ, need any more birdhouses?’

Looking around proved to be a typical cottage, with way too many animals about. The rabbit holding his paw to us and hopped into the kitchen, probably to get this Fluttershy.

“Well Spark, pretty cosy right?”

“My point still stands”

“What’s that then?”

“…..I need a match for that and a lot of petrol”

“Spark, be nice. Besides don’t forget most ponies aren’t use to your ‘jokes’ so be gentle with her ok”

“Fiiine. I won’t bite hard……unless she asks me”

This caused Twilight to facehoof. “This was a mistake”

“Oh hi Twilight and erm……”

Looking behind Twilight proved to see why she was called FlutterSHY. Yellow pegasus with a long pink mane that she tried to hid her face and look anywhere else besides me and she’s blushing? Alright then.

“Hey Fluttershy, I wanted you to meet my cousin Spark Shine. Spark this is Fluttershy, she takes care of the animals here in Ponyville and is the element of kindness”

I walked up to her however each step she tried to become smaller by going into a ball, kind of.

“Hey girl, gotta say the animals be happy here. Must be doing something right”

“Oh erm, er thank you erm Spark eeep”

I couldn’t hear I thing she said so I turned to Twilight hoping she caught that, judging on her face though proved otherwise.

“Right well, I can tell I’m making you nervous soooo I’ll get out of your mane” As I was about to move the Robin did his signature noise…….the tweet making Fluttershy jolt up to look in my mane to see a little bird face near my right ear.

“Oh Mr Robin you can’t just nestle in other ponies manes like this, oh I’m so sorry for his behaviour”

‘……Da fuck, she just did a 180 on me on her behaviour. Right well I guess if she chats bout animals, she free from her shell?’

“Errr, its cool Fluttershy. Red hasn’t dropped one on my head yet so he’s alright up there.”

“Oh well if you say so Spark, eer ep” She looks to the side again once we made contact with our eyes as she started to move her front hoof on the floor a bit.

“Well, why don’t you” A crash of wood had stopped me in my sentence just out the back of the cottage.

“Oh my, what was that?”

“Dunno but it stopped me from saying my sentence, bloody rude”

“We best check what it was. Somepony might be hurt” Twilight walking towards the noise causing Fluttershy to gasp in thought and rush as well.

“The adventure continues I guess” Me shrugging and then walking right behind Fluttershy.

‘Gotta say girl, curves in the right places. Noice’

As I made my way through the kitchen and outside, I saw what was once a small wooden shed, or what’s left of it and a bunch of light blue feathers about.

“Fuck happened here?”

“Gasp Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy gasping and flying towards the rubble trying to pick up the rubble and struggling. Twilight started to use her magic to grab the pieces and saw me just stood there with an arched eyebrow.

“Spark help me shift these planks off of Rainbow, she could be hurt”

“Sigh yes mom” I felt my grasp on a broken piece and moved it to the side via telekinesis. About 5 pieces of wood were moved before we heard a moan under the pile and a hoof shooting up.

“Rainbow, it’s alright Twilight and Spark are moving the rubble”

“Argh, Twilight and who?”A muffled voice from said shed.

Another 10 pieces and I saw this Rainbow pegasus start to shake off the remainder of the shed. She had a few scratches and cuts on her with a couple open wounds causing blood to drip down.

“Ow, that hurt.”

“Rainbow, come inside and I’ll patch you up” Fluttershy dragging a blue pegasus out the rubble.

Never would have fucking guessed her name was Rainbow. Is it to do with her mane being a B&Q Colour palette. I wonder if she smells of Skittles? Oh, now I miss them’

“Argh, thanks Shy. Sorry I kinda of busted up your shed there. I was doing a trick and I didn’t time the wind pick up on my primary feathers properly”

Both the pegasi went inside and me and Twilight looked at once was a shed.

I had to ask though “She do this a lot Twi?”

“Sigh yep, gimme a hoof sorting what’s salvageable in this pile”

‘Fucking more work, starting to regret waking up today’

Took about 20 minutes to sort out the contents of the shed. A few animal food bags, a bucket various other crap. About 20 yards was the stuff deemed 'traaaash'. All the wood and a few broken wooden containers.

“Thanks for patching me up Shy, you’re the best. I’ll pay you back for your shed”

“Rainbow I’m more concerned about you, and it is only a shed. No need to worry”

‘Took yeah damn time, considering it was your mess and I cleaned it up……I really need to chill.’

“Fluttershy, we moved the stuff that was salvageable, I’ve made a list of what’s in this pile here’

“Oh my, thank you girls for sorting it out”

I’m assuming Fluttershy went to look at the list as I heard a small ‘mmmm’ behind me. Guessing that is Rainbow. Once I turned my head I saw her in a few bandages covering her cuts, one on her muzzle and she was staring at my flank.

“Ahem”

She looked at me and sheepishly smiled with tinge of red on her cheeks.

“Buy me dinner first Skittles” I responded in a dull tone.

“Aheheh, sorry about that”

I smiled at her. “I’ll take it as a compliment. Now go find me a match”

“Wait a match, why?”

I pointed at the pile in front of me surrounded by rocks on each side. “Imma light this sucker up”

She nodded and walked back inside to for them.

About five minutes in she found them and I had found two lawn chairs and set them near the fire to lay on.

She handed me the box and I struck the match and set it into the pile resulting in a nice fire to spring up. Rainbow got into a chair and leaned back. Sadly when I was about to get comfortable in the other chair, a purple sod had to shout.

“Spark what are you doing lighting a fire?!”

“I need this Bookworm, don’t you dare take this from me”

Twilight and Fluttershy running towards us.

“You, just you. WHY!” Twilight shouting in my left ear causing a shuffle in my mane.

“Pile of wood was useless, plus I need to watch this. It calms me down”

“But ,but sigh. Are you ok with this Fluttershy?”

“Oh, yes its ok. It’s far away from the animals and my home, if Spark wanted this who am I to deny her”

“Shit, should have asked you before though. Sorry Fluttershy, it is your place after all”

“Oh erm, that’s ok Spark” Cringing at the swear word. ‘Best be careful round this one with my words then’

“Ha, you’re funny Spark. We should chill once you’re free.” Rainbow saying to my left holding her hoof out at me.

“Promise not smash anything else and deal” I resulted in bumping her hoof.

“Hey, it’s not all the time I crash. I’m still training for the wonderbolts and I have to be in tip top form” She says as she tries to flex which only resulted in her hurting herself more.

‘Smooth one girl’

“Wonderbolts heh? Gonna need to be quick with them. Especially that Fleetfoot, bloody sod owes me 20 bits now that I think about it”

Second I finished that I felt a notion as the left side of my chair was baring more weight, turning to see Rainbow with starry eyes and very close to my face. Like inches away.

“You knew one of the wonderbolts?” Rainbow in an excited response.

“Knew one? More like the whole team, Fleetfoot is one of my friend’s sister. That’s how I got introduced to them like 5 years ago I think”

“But you met them, like in pony, right in front of you”

“Skittles, I banged one of them. Let’s just say Soarin was 'Sore' afterwards heh”

“You….and Soarin…..did…stuff?” Rainbow muttering to herself a bit.

“Yeah, 2 years ago I think. He keeps asking me for another round. Dude likes it up there yeh know”

“Soarin is a…oh wow” Rainbow’s wings sprang up erect like a throbbing….like I don’t need to tell you really. I heard another thump as Fluttershy’s did the same while Twilight had a confused expression.

“I don’t get it, what does Soarin like up where? Also what is it exactly?”

“Sigh, Twilight. I’ll tell you when you’re older”

“What? I’m older then you by 3 months, 6 days and 3 hours”

“Aaand yet you know nothing about ‘animal urges’ Twi. Fucking astounding”

“Oh my” Fluttershy turning as red as possible.

“Erm, probably shouldn’t tell you guys that Soarin likes a bit of cucumber. I’d appreciate it if you girls didn’t say out”

“Now Soarin likes Cucumber? How is that a personal thing?” Twilight being as virgin as possible.

“Twilight”

“Yes Spark”

“…..Do me a favour and shut it, also Rainbow. Could of told me you brought a bag of marshmallows with yeh?”

“Huh, I didn’t bring a bag of, oh hey there is one with some sticks. Hey we could roast these” Her holding out the bag, looking at the bag there was a note attached to it.

“Fuck is this?” I levitated the note. On it was the words

‘You are invited to the best party you ever will have.

Come to the library at 6pm

Signed your new best friend

‘……What?’

The others looking over my shoulder and each acknowledging it, leading me to believe they know who this was.

“You three gonna tell me who sent this?”

“Sorry Spark, that’s a secret. You’ll have to wait till 6 for that answer.” Twilight smirking at me.

Rainbow doing the same and Fluttershy smiling at me. ‘Won’t lie, she is adorable’

Rainbow opening the bag and putting the marshmallows on the sticks while Twilight got 2 more chairs from the kitchen.
"By the way Sparks quick question" Rainbow asking me

"What is it?"

"When you mean Soarin, erm likes it up there, like how? Your a mare right?"

"Oh, yeah i guess you and Fluttershy don't know, i have both male and female parts"

Silence as they processed that, earning yet again 2 pairs of wings popping a boner.
"Oh my"

"Whoa, that's awesome"

"Really Spark, couldn't have told them a different way?" Twilight being a prick again.

"Best tell them now before I get drunk tonight and forget"

"Sigh, at least I made that 200 possible outcome list of how to deal with you" Twilight munching on a slightly toasted marshmallow.

"Should have made 201 outcomes bookworm" Causing Rainbow to laugh in her chair.

About 4 hours later ( sadly had to say goodbye to Red the robin, something about being on the prowl for a mate, his words not mine according to Fluttershy) we found ourselves walking towards the library through the town. Speaking of town, it’s a bit quiet for nearly 6pm.

“Erm, where is everypony? This place feels like a friggin ghost town”

Twilight was in front of me with Fluttershy by her side while rainbow was beside me behind them.

“I don’t know Spark, it is nearly dinner time after all”

‘Alright Twilight I know your bullshitting. Your voice is different, but I'll let it pass’

“Uh huh sure”

Took about 10 more minutes to get to what Twilight calls home, I call kindling. For some reason though, they each just stood there smiling at me several yards from the entrance.

“Doors right there yeh sods, or we just standing here?”

“I was hoping you would open it Spark, I’m starting to get a headache with the amount of magic I’ve used today” Twilight’s excuse

“Er, yeah I’m hurt anyway so yeah, I can’t open the door” Rainbows excuse

I looked at Fluttershy waiting for her excuse but all she did was eep into a ball.

“Fuck sake, fine I’ll open the damn door. Too thirsty at this point”

As I did though, I stepped inside to utter darkness.

“Fucks the switch in this place?”

“SURPRISE!!!”

“AHHHHHH”

Clutching my heart I saw as the lights flicked on, various ponies with party streamers everywhere, food placed on the table and a punch bowl to the side. A music desk was set up in the corner for the DJ and then my vision was just the colour Pink.

“Hi Spark Shine, I’m pinkie pie. I am so happy I finally get to meet you, I was supposed to meet you yesterday but I had a massive order at the sugaercube corner, which is where I work at as a baker making delicious pasties and sweets most of which was for this party that is in your honour, I hope we become best friends as I made sure to get all the townsfolk or those that were able to come so you could become friends with them as well as I loooove to make people smile and mmpphh” Rainbow jamming a hoof into the girl’s mouth. Girl speaking like she is on drugs on something as she was quick to speak.

“Sigh, bloody warning next time yeh pink menace”

Rainbow removed her hoof to look at me with an arched eyebrow “Wait you understood her every word?”

I nodded to this “Remember that friend who is the sister of Fleetfoot? She talks like that when she meets new ponies, ain’t no different really”

“Huh, well that’s neat” Pinkie rushing towards me with her hoof round my neck.

“Well my sexy new friend, what do yeah think of this awesome super dupey party?” She said cheerfully.

“Tis snazzy, thanks Pinkie”

“Awww, anything for you girl. Now let’s PAAARRTYYYYY!”

Music popping into the ears of the ponies and mingling around

Looking up I recognised the DJ straight away.
‘Da fuck is Notes doing here?’

Author's Note

Welp that chapters done, hope you guys liked the two chapters put out bout Ponyville so far. Next one will be another CLOP chapter, just a fair warning to yeah. Enjoy the rest of your day guys and hope you got a giggle out of this :pinkiesmile:

Meet the Locals

I’ve been to parties, gatherings, balls, basically events where ponies have a good time doing various activities. Never, and I mean never had I been to a party where somepony put hot sauce on all the muffins. Found out that they were labelled on the tray but me being hungry I didn’t bother to read them. So there I was with my tongue on fire and my eyes slightly watering.

“Spark yeh alright there? Yeah burning up somethin fierce” I turn to see Applejack there looking concerned.

“Muffins….fucking hot sauce….need drink cough” It bloody hurts to talk.

Applejack nodded and then walked off, hopefully bringing back a drink. ‘Christ I haven’t had anything this hot in ages. Who da fuck likes hot sauce with fucking muffins?’

“Hey Spark, How did…..why are you all red?” I turn to see Twilight behind me with Fluttershy gasping at me then running towards me in a blink of an eye. Before I had a chance to speak she ran a hoof on my forehead.

“Spark you have a fever, what did you do? You were fine before you came in not 5 minutes ago”

“Cough, hot sauce in ‘cough’ muffins” I grasped my throat with my hoof as it burned to talk. Luckily I saw my cowgirl saviour with a cup of purple liquid.

“Ere Spark, this’ll cool yeh throat” She handed me the cup and without stopping for a breath I drank every last drop causing me to breath a deep breath. It stopped the burning but wasn’t completely gone.

“Cough, I’m all for curry and that but fuckin hell that was hot. Who does that with muffins?”

“Sigh that would be Pinkie for you Spark. I did the same thing back when I first had a surprise party from her. Even though mine wasn’t labelled with hot sauce muffins on a card next to them” Twilight smirking at me.

“Argh Bite me bookworm, thank you Applejack for the save.” The mare nodding.

“Sigh, I need some rum for my throat”

“Spark, not now. Later, there are foals about and we can’t have them have any alcohol. They are far too young to see the effects” Bloody Twilight ruining the fun.

“What! Sod off I’m thirsty, besides I don’t share my rum. Why? Cause it’s MY rum.”

“Alright Spark, I will let you, later on though. Just not when there is foals and other ponies about that won’t like seeing you drunk. Not like I can stop you to begin with”

I smirked at her, making sure she got the message and she smiled back.

‘Jokes on her, I have a hidden flask of the stuff in a specific book on a shelf somewhere’

I looked around the room to see if I could remember where I put it.

“Shit, forgot where I put it”

“Put what Spark?” The purple menace asking.

“Oh er nothing, just erm. Gonna mingle” I left the left ear twitch again, so happy Twilight wasn’t told about my ‘sure’ sign of lying.

And so began my epic quest to mingle/find my bloody stash as I was getting bored quickly. For a party it felt, I don’t wanna be mean but, it was designed for a little girl’s party. Like the kind of shit you had when you was 8. Party games like pin the tail on the pony, non-alcoholic punch. Sigh, I hope things change……fuck I’m selfish, these ponies came to say hey and I’m thinking about me here. Bloody feelings. Speaking of feelings that involve 2 ADULT ponies that have had a connection on a physical level….I’m chatting about lust here, I see Vinyl Scratch at the other end on a small stage with her mixing board and decide to make my way to her, well tried to before 3 fillies came up to me In my way. Each had that look in their eyes, the one that makes them look like these 3 get into trouble a lot.

“Erm, hey. You kids need out?” Did I ever tell you, I’m fucking shit with kids.

“Your pretty Miss Shine” A unicorn filly spoke softly, her mane was swirled at the ends with a light purple/pink colouration. A smile adored her face as she complimented me. ‘This kid is alright, very sweet of her to say that.’

“Heh, thank you little filly. You seem to know me but I don’t know you”

“Oh, I’m Sweetie Belle” The unicorn pointing to herself. ‘Fuckin pony names, still though. This one is good in my books’

“I’m Applebloom” The earth filly spoke. She had the same accent as Applejack, guessing with the name their sisters or something. She had a reddish mane with a brink pink bow at the back with a yellow coat.

“I’m Scootaloo” The pegasus Her mane was that of a purple magenta with a small quiff with a light orange coat. Although looking at her wings they were a bit smaller for her age then they should be. ‘She must have a birth defect or lack of magic in her wings for them to grow properly. Poor kid’ couldn’t see a cutie mark on either of the 3 fillies in front of me.

“and together we’re the CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!” they each shouted in unison causing me and those around me to pin their ears to the side of the head.

“Did yeh have to shout though? Ma ears are ringin now” I learned a technique that involves you to flap your ears to get rid of the ringing sensation. Most of the time it works.

Each sheepishly smiled at me. ‘Sigh, guess I cant be mad at them. Their just kids. Christ I was pretty much like that when I was their age’.

“Are you really Twilight’s Cousin?” Scootaloo asking me.

“Yeah Scoots, didn’t yeh ere what AJ said?” The Applebloom speaking.

“I don’t remember”

“Well yeah, me and bookworm are cousins. Her dad Night Light is my uncle” Scootaloo and Applebloom snickering at my comment on Twilight.

“Wow, cool cutie mark” Looking behind me to see Sweetie pointing at my ass. Ok?

“Hey let me see” The other two making their way and admiring the tramp stamp that appeared those years ago.

“What is it Miss Shine?”

“It’s a supernova surrounded by electricity, in other words my talent is enchanting” I couldn’t be arsed going into the finer details of what a supernova was as I was more bothered to be on my way of being smashed but guess I’ve gotta wait.

Scootaloo looking at me with sparkles in her eyes “Woah, so you can say make something that can give us cutie marks?”

“Wait what, that’s not”

“Yeah aw please Miss Spark, we’re the only three in our class without ours” The unicorn giving me puppy eyes followed shortly by the other 2.

“Yeah, that crap doesn’t work on me so quit it, also that’s not how enchanting works.”

“Hummm you said a naughty word” The typical noise a child would make if caught saying something they heard.

“Many fuuu”

“AHEM” Turning to see Rarity with a not very amused look on her face.

“…What?”

“I would like it Spark, if you didn’t say such vulgar words in front of the little ones, especially to my little sister”

“Hey, I didn’t know yeh sister was one of them. Although now I can see the resemblance. Also, freedom of speech” me sticking my tongue out at her.

I saw Vinyl at her station bobbing her head to the beat, don’t think she has seen me so me smirking and getting an idea I ‘casually’ walk towards her but going along the edge of the party. I was right behind the stage and stepping on it put me about 2 feet away from her. Halfway through her song I grabbed her tail with my magic and pulled her towards me roughly causing her to yelp and fall onto the floor as she turned over onto her back, I was inches away from her muzzle with my own supporting a grin as I was standing over her.

“Notes”

She was blushing and then with her own grin linked our lips together, causing me to moan and her to blush more. A few seconds into the kiss I heard somepony clearing their throat, looking up to see Applejack with an arched eyebrow while Rainbow behind her supporting a wing boner.

“Just saying hello to Notes here” Me helping Vinyl up and her adjusting her glasses onto her mane.

“I’d appreciate it if yeh didn’t do that sort ta thing in public. I swear if ma sister saw this”

“Woah, like gonna stop yeh right there. 1 we were behind a high mixing desk so nopony could see us up here, 2 my fault but I don’t care. 3 I ain’t the one sporting a wing boner right now” Me pointing to Rainbow causing AJ to turn around and see Rainbow trying to put her wings down with her hooves with no result as they sprang back up.

“Confound it dash, there be foals about”

“Hey don’t blame me. That was hot, now gimme a hoof will yeh”

AJ turned to slightly frown at me. “We’re havin a chat later Spark” As she was pushing Rainbow to the side as some ponies noticed the arousal state of the Spectrum pegasus.

I felt a nibble on my left ear causing me to blush and pant slightly as Vinyl grinned and gave me a small peck on my cheek. “Next time Spark, gimme a warning”

“Why, you never done it on the job?” This gave Vinyl her muzzle to become redder in colour as she shook her head side to side.

“Maybe after Spark, now go mingle”

“Maybe huh? Suuure. Besides I take it you know that Pinkie Pie then?”

Vinyl changed her track on the mix board. “Yeah, she throws some bangin parties. That and I owe her a few. Somehow she knew that we’ve met. You haven’t told anypony about what we’ve done right?”

“Nah I ain’t. Figured a famous Dj would want that shit kept private”

“Then it’s just Pinkie being Pinkie” As she fully turned and bobbed her head to the side I left her to it, just before getting off stage I saw a book on the shelves behind slightly sticking out.

‘That book looks familiar’ I levitated it and opened it to reveal my flask causing to smile and look around to make sure no pony was looking. I grabbed it out of the book and had a small gulp, feeling the strong taste of the spirit travel down my throat giving me a warm feeling. I quickly stashed the book back and causally got off stage only to be greeted by a pair of pegasus. Christ, everypony wants a piece of me today. Hmm must be twins looking at them. Kinda guessing that as they both have the same colouration of fur and mane. Light grey and a very light blue. One on the left had her mane in a one piece shape that slicked down with a pink bow in the back while the one on the right had a wild look rocking on with most of it held back with a fringe and tipped in white. Gotta say though, not bad at all on the whole attractive apartment. If you’d have told me that I would find talking small ponies attractive on Earth as a human I’d have called you a weirdo and phoned the police, but now living as one of them. I’m excused.

“Wow Rainbow wasn’t kidding was she Sis”

“Nah Flitter, better in pony”

This made me arch an eyebrow at them. “Well I hope I tick all the right boxes girls”

“Don’t worry Sweetheart, you do. I’m Flitter and this is my twin sister Cloudchaser” The one dubbed Flitter to my left (one with Pink bow) pointing to her sister to her side.

“Pleasure to meet yeh.”

“Pleasures all ours. So, I take it you know our DJ over there? Judging by the reaction of you sneaking around behind her and suddenly her disappearing behind the desk” Cloudchaser speaking up. There voices are quite similar.

“We might have met somewhere. Thought I was sneakier then that, damn” ‘Really do have to be more careful around here’

“I think we’re the only ones to know, kinda saw what happened to the Captain with her wings out”

Both twins giggling at the thought. “But yeah something must have happened”

“Sorry girls but I’m not the telling type” As I walked past them I stopped beside them and with a low whisper only they could hear. “I prefer to show” Giving them a wink and seeing their faces change from a curious look to a shock/sultry I excused myself from them. Little tip I’ve learned on this world. If ponies are perusing yeh, make em work for it. After all it is your body, only those you chose get a taste. Speaking of taste I do I slight glare at a Pink pony that gives me a sheepish smile right back. Guess she’s been told about that bloody hot sauce muffin take. Guess I’ll mingle since I’m gonna be staying in this little village for several months. Sigh, can’t believe I have to set up a bloody perimeter around the edge of that forest. Shining is defo getting a backhoof when I see him, so many things to set up. I’m gonna have to build a small metal shed to store the pylons and fences, also a small ditch in case I overload it and it blows up. Least Twi said she’d chip in, guess I can behave…..Nah fuck that.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

About 3 hours later it was beginning to get late for some ponies, some of the kids were getting tired and other ponies had work in the morning, which meant I could fucking drink and be merry, WOOOOOOOO. This is how you party. Get the hard stuff out, have a few drinking games. After a few games with Twilights friends, seeing which ones can hold their own is funny. Looks like Rarity, Twilight and Fluttershy are the lightweights of the group. Bless Shy though, girl does try at least. Twilight is slurring and trying to say facts about how alcohol is bad in too much quantity, and Rarity keeps spacing out and muttering to herself about colours. Applejack and Rainbow are having a fun time either competing in games or picking the other to drink or popping jokes but the real question is Pinkie. I have personally seen with my own eyes her drinking a full bottle of Griffin vodka and not even feeling slightly tipsy or her face becoming a scowl in the taste. She must be the best at hiding it as she just acts like she has done since the start of this party, all bubbly and cheerful. Or her tolerance is god like, could be that. I think I’d like to see her and Celestia in a drinking contest, then I could decide who to nerf in the next patch.

Other ponies stuck around for the after-party. Vinyl put her music desk on a playlist so she could enjoy herself a bit, me and her made a few flirty comments about each other. Think others might have heard some judging the faces their making but it didn’t stop us. Mostly Applejack. Think the girl has a problem with me. Whatever, I’m enjoying myself.

The twins Cloudchaser and Flitter were still here, Cloud really going through the booze and Flitter keeping her pace, although her sister seemed more wasted. Lyra and Bonbon had a few themselves but judging by their ‘quick bathroom session’ together I think their doing something frisky if both their blushes and panting mean anything, pretty sure I’m the only one who has noticed so far.

“Alright everypony, gather in a circle if you wanna play spin the bottle. Who doesn’t wanna have fun?!” Pinkie announcing with an empty bottle placed on the floor.

Most of the ponies made their way and sat down in a circle with their drinks. By this point I was half way through a bottle of my rum. ‘I might need to get more at some point. Wait what’s twilight doing?’

“Oh no you don’t bookworm. You ain’t sitting this one out” Twilight let out a yelp as my magic grasped her from the side-lines and made her sit next to me.

“Spark hic, I do not need any more alcohol. 2 ciders is enough for me and…I do not want to be apart of hic, this”. Twilight swaying a bit whilst looking at me with a frown.

“Twilight I don’t ask for much”

She looked at me like I just grew a second head.

“Ok maybe a bit, but come on. I’ve never seen you buzzed before. Last time was like 2 years ago when I saw yeh and even then you were more arsed with yeh books then actually enjoying life”

“Sigh, you have a point. Alright Spark, I’ll do this. But on one condition”

She lend to me her to whisper “No love life questions from you” Well whisper is a strong word, more like talked normally for the entire circle to hear but I just played it off like she was the only one who told me, making me wink at the others when she wasn’t looking.

“Hey Spark, have I ever said you smell good?” Turning to see on my right that Cloudchaser was quite close to me again, this girl is bolder on the booze.

“You mentioned it a few times we was playing some card games”

“Alright everypony, we’ll do a truth or dare but by spinning it. Whichever pony it lands on will spin it and so on. Are we ready?” Pinkie bubbling with joy. With a unison of either drunk yeahs or a nod she span the bottle.

First up was Fluttershy as she hid behind her mane a bit. “Ohh dear, I’m first”

“Ok, Fluttershy, truth or dare” Pinkie asking.

“Oh erm, I’ll go for truth” Saying as she took a sip of her drink.

“Right, erm. Anypony got a question for her?”

“Ou, I got one” Flitter putting her hoof up. “Who was your first crush and when was it?”

“F first crush? Oh dear. W well it was, erm back in F flight school and I erm, was 17. His name was Street Flight” Fluttershy’s blush becoming clearer and her trying to look elsewhere.

“Now Flitter dear, we do not ask a lady her first crush in a social environment” Rarity speaking out.

Flitter rolling her eyes at Rarity. “That’s the whole point of truth Rarity, anyway Fluttershy your turn to spin”

Fluttershy giving her hoof a flick resulting in the bottle stopping on Twilight.

“I think I’ll take a truth hic” I had to make sure Twilight didn’t fall over as she started to sway a bit. ‘Bloody Lightweight’

“I got one, so Twilight. Whats your deepest fetish?” ‘Woah Rainbow, coming in with a big one there’ Judging by the groups reaction, they weren’t expecting that kind of question as some were shocked while others were waiting on Twilight to get over the shock and horror of having to tell everypony present.

Twilight spending a good half a minute until I nudged her and she turned to me and looked round the group with a sigh.

“My, deepest fetish if you must know is…..to be ravaged by a strong stallion” Most was disappointed in the response her gave out.

“That’s it?”

“Yeah Cousin. Usually the quiet ones are the biggest pervs.”

“What? Spark I am not a pervert. Besides I am not quiet” Twilight kinda raising her voice at me, even though she was like less than 30 centimetres away from me.

“I meant quiet as in, little to no sex life”

“Oh for the love of, I’m just going to spin this and hopefully move on” Using her magic it landed on Lyra who was nibbling on Bon bon’s left ear before she looked around and sheepishly smiled.

“Sigh, Lyra truth or Dare” I could tell Twilight was still a little flustered with her answer before. Seriously though I could think of way more embarrassing fetishes to be into. At least she ain’t a creep, so long as it doesn’t hurt anypony you be you, yeh know.

“Hmm, I’ll take a dare”

“Right well I dare you to, erm go outside and shout erm” Twilight trying to think of something, shame I took over.

“I wanna put my face in between Celestia’s legs”

“Oh Celestia damn it”

“SPARK WHAT IN TARTARUS!?” Twilight again shouting right in my fucking ear.

“Twilight, you need to learn how to chill. Seriously I have to get you laid girl.”

This causing the twins to giggle as well as Rainbow.

We saw Lyra shouting at the top of her voice the sentence she was dared to and came back in more redder by embarrassment while silently sitting down and spinning the bottle causing half the group to laugh in hysterics. As some calmed down it landed on Rainbow.

“Ill go with Truth Lyra hehe”

“Fine, why was you sporting a wing boner at the start of the party hmm?” Lyra grinning at her.

“Oh, right well erm.” Rainbow going a full Fluttershy on us.

“Oh shit” I turned to see Vinyl giving me the same look as we both knew the answer.

“What did you do Spark?” Twilight judging me.

I turned to answer her. “Woah don’t jump the gun girl I ?”

“Spark and Vinyl were making out behind the desk on the stage”

“Oh my”

“Dang it Spark”

“I heard a pomf noice and turn to see not Cloudchaser but Flitter sporting a wing boner now. “Sorry”

“Oh for love of, I was told of your antics but this is starting to take the cake Spark” Twilight ruining the mojo a bit.

“Taking cake, whose stealing cake?” Pinkie more concerned with a cake thief apparently. Rarity trying to explain to Pinkie about the situation, even though she’s drunk.

“Well erm” Turning to look at Vinyl she pulled up her glasses and gave me a nod.

“I was saying hi to her is all. That and we was behind a mixing desk no nopony saw us, besides the ones muzzling in on it” Me smirking at Rainbow and Applejack who both turned to look elsewhere.

“Anyway, blame me if it’ll make yeh sleep at night. It was my idea, not Notes there”

“Sigh, we are having a talk at some point. What if some foals saw what you were doing?”

Applejack nodding in response.

“Don’t look then” me shrugging and Twilight facehoofing.

“You are difficult Spark”

“Love you too, now Rainbow, spin” As ordered she span it and landed on Cloudchaser.

“Gimme a dare Captain”

Rainbow smirking and responded with “I dare you to kiss with tongue a pony in this room”

Not even giving a second I felt a pair of hooves around my face and a pair of lips touching mine causing her to moan and me to be a little bit shock but then leaning in and accept her tongue. Damn girl she wanted to dominate my mouth, however I had to pull away from about 10 seconds of tongue warfare to breath and to stop the rise of my 5th leg showing to everypony watching. By that I saw all pegasi showing of their wings, most ponies looking away, Applejack hiding her face behind her hoof, Rainbow drooling? Alright then, Vinyl biting her lip and Flitter looking a bit jealous. Looking back at Cloudchaser and her giving me a sultry look.

“Somepony’s interested” Me smirking back and giving her a wink, looking back towards Flitter then back to her sister I whispered to Cloud “Think your sister is a bit left out though, hoping to share tonight?” I look to see Cloud smirking and then nodding towards me. She turned to whisper to Flitter and her face changed to another sultry look.

“I think I can share you with her Spark”

“Hey, not that I don’t mind a bit of eye candy every now and then, we carrying on?” Bon Bon asking.

“Oh yeah, sorry” Cloud turning the bottle.

The game lasted well into the night as ponies started to either call it one or kept on drinking and getting more daring with the questions and well dares. This type of game though does give you a more in-depth idea of who a pony really is. What they like, how they respond to certain questions, whether Twilight would ever find somepony to help her relax. Seriously we all teased her throughout the night about her sex life. Fuckin hilarious but anyway as some ponies were leaving I felt a nibble on my ear making me moan a bit and turned to see Flitter.

“You wanna go back to ours then?” As soon as she said that I felt a tongue on my cheek and saw Cloudchaser grinning.

“Now how could I saw no?” Both twins were outside but as I was about to Twilight shouted my name, asking me where I was going. “I’m about to rustle some feathers, see ya tomorrow Twi”

Author's Note

Yeah, i lied. No clop I'm afraid...in this chapter. Next one will be though, sorry for the tease but hey ho it'll be juicy for those who wish to read it. Finally though I'm free from Uni so i have more free time to dish out some more chapters. I am far from done with this fic, Thank you for being patience guys and have a mint day :derpytongue2:

Rustle them feathers (Clop H/F/F)

Out of the two sisters that were accompanying me to their home, Cloudchaser was bolder then Flitter. Not sure if that was due to how much drink she had or she was more daring but it was a nice welcome. Quite a few times if I was interested in somepony, I was the one who had to make the first move so to speak. Talking though is a lot easier then acting out to them, I was the one getting ‘chatted up’ most of the time but they were either too shy to make the move or they were ‘unexperienced’. Thank god that with these two it was a lot easy to get it on.

We were following Flitter while she glanced back and giving me a nice view of her behind every now and then while her sister stuck to my side, her left wing wrapped tightly as to not let me go and was whispering the things she wanted to do to me, nipping my neck and ear. Sometimes she would flick her wing under my more private area as to entice me but Flitter soon stopped her as she mentioned that the viewing of my more sensitive leg was for them only and no pony else. Basically it was bloody hard not to pop one out while walking back in a slight tipsy state while a pair of very attractive pegasi twins, one shaking her rump at me while the other one was enticing me out.

This went on for about 5 minutes until Flitter stopped and opened a simple gate to a pretty much nice cottage with a small tower at the top with a balcony overlooking the front porch.

“Well Spark, welcome to our little home. Erm Cloud can I have a word before we get a taste of Canterlot’s finest piece of flank”

‘Finest? Damn Flitter, you really know your words don’t you. Am I blushing?’

“Aww, fine. You better not move Spark, I want you” Cloud slightly wobbling to the side to meet up with her sister and then both whispering. Couldn’t really make out the words but I think they were arguing a bit then both nodding. Cloud opening the door and walking through while Flitter trotting to me with a smirk.

“Me and my sister have come to a compromise about you Spark. Don’t worry I think you’ll enjoy it”

As she said that she locked lips with me and probed my mouth with her tongue, the only response was my natural one and I opened my mouth more to allow our tongues to touch causing each of us to moan. As I started to lean in a bit more she pulled back which broke our little make out and as she turned back she flicked her tail at me face softly giving me a sign of her arousal if her smell was anything to guess. Every time I can smell this unique scent of a mare it makes me crazy for them, I could feel myself becoming more aroused myself so I quickly followed her into her home and closed the door with my magic. Looking around I was in a simple living room with the kitchen attached at the back with some stairs leading up, I saw Flitter waiting for me at the bottom so I made my way up, granted I had to hold the banister as the booze want helping my state at concentrating. Hey you try walking as a quadruped while drunk and horny as hell.

Looking down the slightly lit hallway, Flitter was leaning to the side of an open door and motioned her head towards the room. Guess they want me in their then.Looking at Flitter with a sultry look and then turning my head the room was slightly lit by candlelight, a huge deep red cover for the bed and pillows and several dressers with a desk and a book shelf to the side, I couldn’t see Cloud though which gave me a curious feel. Hearing the door behind me close and turning around to have Flitter roughly push me onto the bed and jump on me pinning me to the soft velvet duvet. Once again she linked her muzzle with mine while wrapping her forelegs around my head. Each of us exploring one another’s mouths again. She moved to the side a little off me and leaned up a bit.

“I hope your ready Spark as me and my sister are.”

I was panting from the lust inside me “You have no idea girl, but I don’t Ouuuu” I suddenly felt a wet sensation on the side of my penis, it wasn’t fully erect but it didn’t take a genius that somepony was running her tongue up from the base and all the way down. This tonguemenship was amazing. I couldn’t truly see Cloud giving me oral as Flitter covered my eyesight and continued our make out session. Cloud’s tongue went from giving me figure of 8s on the tip and slightly sucking on the top to deep long strokes on the side. While this was happening I could hear both twins sprouting their wings out as the lust kept building up between the three of us.

“Hmm, you taste so good Spark, she’s ready Sis. I think with what she was packing we won’t be able to fly tomorrow” Cloud speaking softly, this caused Flitter to look at her and my ‘package’. All 10 inches of veiny throbbing meat standing like a tent pole, covering half of Cloud’s face as saliva dripped down.

“Sweet Celestia Spark, you are a catch. I want a taste” Flitter leaning towards me and breathing in my scent. As she touched her tongue upon my urethra and started flicking in motion, Cloud slowly cupped my testicles in her mouth and slightly sucked on them, moving between the two as they were too big to both fit in her maw. This caused me gasp in response which only egged the twins in their pursuit of making me squirm.

‘Fuck, these two are amazing. But I won’t be the only ones getting it on’I levitated Flitters behind over my head to see her vagina inches from my own mouth. I pushed her body down which brought her nethers onto my maw and returned the oral. This making Flitter gasp and stop as she started to moan and grind on my face telling me that my actions are making her happy which pushed me to find her clitoris and flick it on my tongue.

“Ohhh, Spark. Mmmmm, yes buck yes. Keep doing that girl. Oh yes” She continued to push more of my penis down her throat as the head was past her lips and she ran her tongue in circles causing me to moan into her which again made her moan as well. While doing this Cloud was still sucking.

“Hmm, she’s so full. I could feel them swimming sis” This comment made me pre cum a little as Flitter quickly moaned and suck up any that I poured out.

“Mmmm, she ‘groan’ tastes amazing. I can’t wait to hmph, see what her cum is like. I feel more awake now. Ohh feathers. Spark, your tongue ooh” Flitter tasted very sweet on my tongue as I eat her out. Both she and her sister might be able to give me amazing head but i make it a goal, if im eating someone out and I don’t make them cum. Then keep doing it until they do, even if it feels your tongue will fall off. Ponies and I suppose people as well, they will applicate you more and go the extra mile for yeh.

I felt Flitter moan more and started to really grind on my face as this was a clear indication that she was going to cum.

About half a minute later she did just that, not a single drop escaped me as i swallowed it all.

‘Hmm, tastes like fresh water. Odd’

“Sigh, damn Spark. You really don’t let up huh?” Flitter finally giving me some much needed fresh air into my lungs. Don’t get me wrong. Being sat on and then a mare grinding on your face is a great feeling but like all living things. Fucking need oxygen.

“Gasp, no sweat Flits. Damn Cloud, you really know how to not have a gag hmmm, reflex” This comment causing Cloud to go down just stopping shy of my prepuce putting most me down her throat and by fuck did it fell wet. She gave me eye contact and wink, slowly pulling up to the head and suckling a little before pulling out with a pop. Drool smeared down my length and a fairly wet patch upon Cloud’s muzzle.

Flitter started to get off the bed and open a door, thinking she was going toilet or something but I couldn’t get too far as Cloud shared her muzzle’s fluids onto mine which I greeted with open tongue. As we were making out she pulled me to shift positions so she was on the bottom.

Both of us panted and as we looked into each other’s eyes and broke apart the kiss with a trail of saliva hanging. The tip of my head rubbed slightly at the entrance to her lips. She moaned and grinded on me causing my penis to be coated in her fluids and saliva, as I was about to enter she asked to stop for 1 second.She shifted her postion again as her flank was facing me and her belly on the bed.

“Natural way Cloud, I warn you now” I got into position but whispered before she took most of my length inside her “I bite”

She moaned loudly whilst I bit slighty on her right ear. Sometimes doing it the old fashioned way is a nice pace. As I waited for her to get used to my length I heard the door finally open, Flitter coming back, however I couldn’t see her due to my head not being able to turn.

“Ohh buck, ahh. You’re so big. Sweet Celesita. Ohh” Cloud making beautiful music to my ears. I felt a weight on the bed and heard Flitter climb back on. She gave my testicles a lick which made me shiver causing Cloud to moan once more but as she stopped I felt her hooves on my flank.

“Ithink it’s about time you feel the pleasure more Spark. After all, your our guest” Flitter speaking softly.

‘What is she planning? Hope it’s not oooh fuck’ I knew exactly what she was doing after that littler pock and prod at my own entrance. Turning I could see and feel that Flitter donned a black strap on and was planning to mount me as I was mounting her sister.

“Hope you don’t mind Spark?” Flitter whispering.

“Girl, this is fucking hot. I am so ready for this” I spread my rear legs out a little and waited for Flitter to slowly push the rubberized penis into me.

As she did this the motion caused me to put more of my length into Cloud as her flank slapped mine.

“Fuck, getting fucked and fucking feels way too good.” Poor Cloud couldn’t say anything as she moan yet again.

“What about you Flitter? Can’t leave you out”

“I’m a bit sore down there so I’ll have to wait, besides. My sister is more use to being used as a cocksleeve so you best buck her brains out” She licked my neck making me turn my head and lock lips. As she did this she thrusted into me, filling me up while my own entered her sister in a nice pendulum motion. This carried on for a good 20 minutes until I could feel myself getting close. Telling the sister those Flitter grinded on my faster and Cloud in time slid up and down me. This made me cu really hard as I could feel the nerves on both my genitals scream at me in pure ecstasy. Cum was beginning to enter Cloud as she cummed at the same time. Probably waking the neighbours up with our synchronised shouts of bliss.

Thanks to Notes from before I didn’t drown Cloud in my sperm so most stayed in her, only a small trickle come out as I pulled out. I felt the strap on leave me, making me shiver as the feeling of the nerves in my pussy be exposed to nothing. I collapsed as did the twins, Cloud taking a pounding and Flitter from using her fake cock like a champ. I landed on my back just to see Cloud lazily take my right side and give me a quick peck on the cheek. “

“You are defo coming round more Spark” As she finished she curled up, taking my right hoof ad wrapping around herself.

Another pair of lips pecked the other side of me, turning to see Flitter taking off the strap on and dropping it on the floor before she snuggled into the empty side of me

“I do hope things were to your high standard Spark”

I leaned in and linked our muzzles and closed my eyes.

She broke the kiss and as she was about to get back up I stopped her.

“I’ll get the lights Flits. Great thing bout having magic. Also that little surprise at the end there. So fucking hot”

She nuzzled the side of my face as she helped get all three of us into the bed covers, I used what was left of my energy to snuff the candles in the room one by one.

‘Sigh, these ponies are too good I swear’

Author's Note

Welp, smutty chapter 2 is now out. Hope you guys get some sort of enjoyment from this short and sweet chapter. Next will be more of Spark getting used to Ponyville. :twilightsmile:

Shipping company can go **** Themselves!!

Shipping company can go **** Themselves!!

One night stands are a glorious thing in Equestria compared to Earth. There’s no such thing as STIs in this world. How amazing is that? Don’t have to use contraception unless you don’t want a foal, and even then it’s only when a mare goes through her heat cycle which happens 1 specific week in the year. It’s always the week after the birthday too. Dunno why, magic I’m guessing. Like I said before, don’t know the answer? Blame magic. Anyway besides not having horrible diseases that could be life threatening, every pony is super nice. Like for example, the twins cooked me up a big breakfast. Mostly pancakes but there was a fuck ton of them. There’s no awkward moments that sometimes happen in one night stands. The ones where, oh no I don’t want him/her here, this was a mistake or they better not expect more. No here the ponies know what they are getting and that’s it. Before and after. If feeling develop, then kudos, good for you and fair play. If not, move on. As my mum so graciously said once, there’s plenty of tail around. Stay classy Mum, Christ. She’s a fucking noble as well, well least she ain’t boring. Anyway what I’m trying to say was that I had a jolly good send off from the Twin’s cottage, minus the hangover I was sporting with the glare of the damn sun in my eyes. Looking at the clock in the living room before leaving, it was about 12ish so I had best get back to Twilight’s ‘accident waiting to happen’ home.Ponies I recognised greeted me, some I could remember their names but they knew me so I must have met them at the party at some point. There were a lot of ponies there, anyway.

Coming up to the tree that my cousin was living in. I could hear a commotion inside, putting my ear to the door to listen in. Yeah I’m earwigging. Sue me.

“She needs to be back soon, I cannot believe I forgot to tell her. Ohh this is bad. You sure you didn’t see her early this morning?” That was Twilight’s voice.

“No I already said, now calm down Twilight. Besides you know she doesn’t get up before at least 10am each day. Spark likes to sleep” And that’s Spike. Nice to know there chattin bout me. Should I go in and calm Twilights nerves by showing I’m here?.....Nah I’ll wait for a bit and see where this picks up.

“I know but this is from the Princess herself, I can’t fail her Spike. Why did I not tell her before she went out?”

“Where did she go?”

“She went with those pegasi twins, I don’t know them personally. I hope she’s hear soon” I got bored of listening and opened the door causing both to look at me. Twilight gasping and then rushing to me.

“Spark, you’re here thank goodness. This is crucial and timing is of the essence!.” Twilight literally standing mere inches from me causing me to cringe from the loud noise.

“Argh, yeh have to shout? Got a fuckin handover yeh sod”

“Oh, sorry but ill cure it with a spell in a second but well. The parts for the pylons arrived today but a letter was attached with it signed by the Princess.”

“Oh well what it say?”

“She wants the barricade up and running in a months’ time.”

“Erm what?”

“A month, like 30 days Spark. You have to get a move on and start it like now”

“Where’s the letter?”

Spike handed me the culprit that was pretty much asking the impossible. “Here it is Spark, you want a coffee or something?”

“Aye, thank Spike. Coffee sounds grand. Now then, let’s read this bullshit then” Judging by Twilight’s cringe she wasn’t too happy with my choice of words. Yeah well suck it, you ain’t being asked to complete a very complex set of numerous designs with enchantments in under a month.

About 5 minutes into reading it twice Spike handed me my cuppa, thanking him and took a sip.

‘Hmm, little drake is a mint maker of coffee. Oh yeah, best tell Twilight bout this letter’

“Twilight, you said you have read this letter right?”

“Yes, time is ticking away and we haven’t even started yet”

“Girl calm yehself. Now yeh see this symbol? This little anchor with the wings on it?”

“Erm yes but what does that have to do with the project”

“Christ Twilight. For a bookworm yeh do miss some key info out. Plus yeh from fuckin Canterlot. This symbol is the shipping firm, owned by a certain Prince Blueblood. Now I’ll let you figure out why you can just ignore this complete bullshit of a letter” I scrunched up the paper and threw it near the bin.

“Wait Blueblood? Less time for making the? Wait did he forge the letter to less time to complete the barrier just so he could bother you again into marrying him?!”

“Argh, Twilight. I’m fuckin right next to yeh. Indoor voice missy.” I sat down on the sofa and leaned back, trying to get rid of this bangin headache.

“But he can’t do that. He’s abusing his power. I’m telling the Princess about this. Spike take a letter!” She spoke as she went into the kitchen to find her little slave/ assistant.

“I swear Twilight. One word raised voice out of you and I will jam a book in yeh gob”

As if on cue though the library’s main door slammed open accompanied by a certain pink pony.

“Oh my god, this fuckin noise” I slumped more into the sofa.

“Hiya Sparkie. Take it you had super duper fun last night?” Pinkie speaking her normal volume. As in fuckin loud.

“Pinkie put a sock in it. I have a handover and you shoutin ain’t helping” As I spoke she did her typical bounce towards me.

“Sock in where? I mean I do like a bit of sexy sockies in bed time but now Spark? Best wait for later on” As she did this she winked at me.

“Sigh, not what I meant but whatever. You hear to chill or you got business here?”

“Oh, my pinkie sense went loco and I felt that a certain somepony needed my special hangover cure so ta-da!” Suddenly I felt a cupcake being shoved into my mouth. I’m all for things in my mouth but only with my consent. I frowned at her and was about to spit it out but she stopped me.

“Swallow it. Trust me. It’ll help” Pinkie doing a cheeky grin.

‘Fucks this girl up to. Also yeah not heard that line before’ I rolled my eyes and did as I was told, texture was nice with a bit of buttercream in the middle. All of a sudden my headache disappeared, no pain, no feeling groggy. I grinned at her and gave her a hug.

“Awww, like being close to Pinkie Sparkie hehe”

“I owe yeh one Pinks. Thanks” I winked at her before Twilight and Spike came in. Spike finishing of the letter before blowing fire on it sending via magic to the Princess. Seriously though. Who thought that dragon fire was magical and can be used like a fax machine. Probably the same sod who though building a library in a tree was a good idea. Fuckin ponies man. Wonderful but bloody stupid at times.

“Oh hey Pinkie. I’ve sent that letter explaining the whole situation to the Princess Spark. Hopefully she can sort this mess out”

“Hopefully neuter the bastard for stalking me again” I whispered to myself. “Sound, by the way yeah said the parts arrived?”

“Oh yes, there in the basement. Would you like to go over them?”

“Yeah I need to know a full inventory and know how dense these parts are, also gives me an idea how much magic they can hold” Saying this Twilights eyes lit up.

“Gasp, ive never had a prodject partner before. Ohh this is going to be so much fun. I’ll get my parchment and ink.” As she did this she had a spring in her step.

“Fuckin nerd. You in Pinkie?”

“Nopey lopey. Got a big order at Sugarcube Corner”

“See yeh round then, and thanks again for the clear up” Touching my head with my hoof as she bounced out the door.

“Right lets have a gander as to what they gave me to work with”

Making my way down to the basement I flicked the light on and saw various machines down here with a small chemistry set up in the corner. I large metal desk lay beside the wall next to a large wooden crate with several smaller ones. Bout 5 in total.

“Yo Twi, you got a crowbar or something?”

Spike came to the rescue carrying one.

“Yeah you go Spark. If you need anything else just give me a shout. Ill be upstairs reading the new power ponies”

“Cheers Scales”

I jammed the crowbar at the top and grabbed it with my magic. By pushing down the big crate opened up containing several blocks of onyx crystals. Each was about the size of a pony in length and about 4 inches in diameter. Basically a black long block. Well at least they gave me something that can hold a decent amount of ley lines. Onyx is I think the 5th highest in storing magic so it is fairly pricey. If a pony found this they’d be sorted for a fair bit.

“If I set these up though, won’t someone nick em. Sigh. Am I gonna have to put an illusion on it or something? Fuck. Might have to give Trixie a bell then. Hopefully she’s at her home in Neigh York. I ain’t going around looking for in if she’s traveling.”

I heard hoofsteps and saw a various amount of scrolls, ink pots, quills and a very chirpy Twilight.

“Wow is that onyx? That should hold a high amount of magic correct?”

I nodded at her. “Yep, im gonna open the rest and spread them out around the place. I need you to make a list of everything we have been given. Then if anything is missing ill tell yeh. Also need to get hold of a certain somepony to put an illusion on these pillars.”

“I can do just that. May I ask which pony you have in mind for the illusion work?”

“Trixie Lulumoon. Friend from Uni, mint with this type of work and no doubt she’ll know the right spell to make these pillars bend in more. Don’t fancy ponies nicking them for a quick bit after all the effort ill be putting into them.”

“Wait, Trixie? Like 3rd pony speaking with a starry cape and wizard hat Trixie?”

“Oh yeh met her? Yeah shes a bit odd but shes cool. How did you met her then?”

“Cough, well she did a show in Ponyville last year and erm, thanks to a certain 2 colts brought an Ursa Minor thinking that Trixie could vanquish it but it destroyed her cart and I ended up putting it to sleep. She lied and was very boastful about the whole thing beforehoof then galloped away from Ponyville.”

“No shit she was boastful. She’s a showmare yeh fuck. That’s her job. Who wants to watch a pony not tell you that there like the best at blah blah blah. No pony would go and pay for that, its entertainment.”

“Oh, I never really thought about it like that”

“Argh, swear to god. Ponies just don’t think of the big picture at times.”

“I think I should tell the town about this, at least my friends should know about it”

“Well if we’re to convince Trixie yeh, best make amends. Now list girl, worry about the illusion later on”

This took about 2 hours to fully complete. Mainly because of all the different types of screws and bolts they gave us to help support the beams with a type of stand that would be stuck in to the ground and then a list of the parts needed afterwards. To be honest most was hear but I needed something crucial that they cocked up with.

“Fucking can’t believe they forgot the focus crystals, it needs to have one otherwise the amount of enchantments it’ll require would need to be replaced every month. I’ve got shit I want to do with my life, not dedicate it to some poles”.

“Spark its ok. We’ll get the parts from the Princess and explain what’s happened”

“Dunno about you but I am not looking forward to making this. Also I’m gonna need like a safe place away from everyone in case shit goes boom, like a bunker or something”

“Ok then, I’ll talk to the mayor and see what I can do. Should we make a list for that as well?”

“Yeah, but we’ll do it in a bit. For now let’s call it quits. I feel a bit annoyed and I wanna chill. Sigh, might go for a walk”

“Ok then, don’t get into trouble though. Oh Applejack wants to have a word with you at some point”

“what does that cowgirl want?”

She gave me a deadpan look.

“What?”

“You know the whole ‘cough’ kissing on stage?” A slight blush formed on her muzzle.

“Oh for fucks sake, I told her to keep her muzzle out but whatever. May as well listen to her side of this”

“Be nice Spark. I would like it if all my friends got along with you”

“Get along with me? Twilight, half of them are lusting for me, the other two don’t know it yet. Or there straight, but then again I do have both sexes so”

“Nope, get out and go for your walk” Twilight coming down with a fierce burn and shoved me out the door of the basement then closing it.

“You’re missing out Twi!”

“What’s she missing?” Spike sitting on the sofa with his comic.

“Too young Scales, I’ll tell you when you’re older”

“Take it you mean sex right?” He said grinning at me.

“Keep forgetting you ain’t a baby mentally. Fuckin sass me boi” I quickly gave him a nuggie before belting through the front door and started to walk towards the Apple farm.

“Think it’s this way” I headed what I think was east.

‘Been here like what? Couple days now. Place is starting to grow one me. Even if some ponies are bloody nuts, but then again that’s what makes em interesting.’

“Excuse me miss?”

I turned to see an earth stallion with a crop top wearing a simple straw hat behind me pulling a cart. Next to him was a mare with a small satchel carrying a foal.

“Yeah?”

“I was just wondering if you know where the town hall is? Me and my family you see are moving here. We come from Cropton and are hoping for a much more simple life for our foal Butterbean”

Him pointing to the asleep foal, both parents smiling.

“Quiet huh? Sure, anyway it’s the building that looks like a turret from a castle with support beams made of wood. Only been here for like 2 days now I’m afraid.”

“That no trouble at all ma’am, thank you though for your time. Alright Sugar Pulp, let’s see if we can’t find the mayor.”

“It was very nice to meet you miss, thank you once again” The mare dubbed Sugar Pulp spoke before the family headed into the town a bit more.

‘Should I warn them about Pinkie Pie?....Nah, everypony must learn at some point. I’ll just be delaying the inevitable’

About 10 minutes it took me to start seeing the edge of the farm, if the apple trees were any indication.

I started to walk but I could hear a distance thunk sound, like somepony was chopping wood or kicking something so I followed the sound deeper into the farm.

As I came closer I saw what had to be the biggest red stallion I have ever set my eyes on, like I swear he was at least a meter taller than me, as he was wiping sweat from his brow with his hoof. I saw several baskets littered around the tree, and him taking a step back and bucking the tree, causing all of the apples attached to fall down and land in them.

“Well, never seen that before” I think I spooked him as he quickly turned his head in my direction and his body was a little bit tense. I stepped out of the foliage for him to see me, and judging by the expression I think he likes me.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to spook yeah there. Looking for Applejack. Wants me to have a chat with here about something”

“Er, ye..yep. She’s erm, at the barn, you er. Want me to ‘cough’ , show you?” The poor stallion was acting like Fluttershy was first time I met her. Blushing like a tomato and looking anywhere else but me. Ok Fluttershy wasn’t blushing but you get the picture with Big red here.

“I’d like that big boy, so I take it you’re a family member of Applejacks then?”

As it turns out. Yes, Clifford the big red stallion here is the oldest brother of the Apple siblings. I wish his name was Clifford but its Big Mackintosh, or Big Mac for short. Nice guy, quiet but I dunno if that because I’m here and looking back everyone and then I could tell he was checking me out when he thought I wasn’t looking. His favourite word though was Yeeahp. Loved using 1 word answers when I was asking him questions.

He pointed to a simple red barn next to a two story house, I thanked him, he nodded and quickly trotted back to the fields.

I walked in and saw the cowgirl that I was looking for hurling bales of hay with a pitchfork and just lugging them up on the second floor.

“Hey cowgirl. Twilight said yeah wanted a chat?”

She stopped and turn to see me. She smiled. “Thank ya for takin the time Spark. It won’t take long. Are we alone?”

“Alone, er yeah I guess. Yeah brother did show me the way but his bailed back now, why what’s up?”

She came a bit closer to me and took off her hat, she held it in her hooves and was fiddling with it a bit.

“I erm, wanted to apologise for ma words last night. When you and er that mare went behind the desk and did yeh know, that stuff. It was out of everyponies view, I just yeh know” She blushed and started acting like what Big Mac was doing. Is this behaviour normal for this family? Hang on, of all ponies why is she acting like this way?

“Wait, Applejack. Look at me”

She did that, well for a few seconds then went back to being shy.

“You’ve never kissed another pony have you?” I asked nicely at the mare, the way she could hurl bales of hay like it was nothing? Didn’t really fancy getting my head caved in.

“What in tarnation? Cause I have, I’ve kissed my family loads of times on the cheek n that”

“Sigh, that’s not what I mean and you know it girl”

“Yeh, well course I have, I ain’t lying”

“Applejack….” I was starting to get a bit annoyed.

“Alright already fine. I ain’t kissed a pony or done anythin with another pony. Yeah happy now? I was never told what to do and that”

‘Oh right, that was a bit of heavy info there. So she’s in the same boat as twilight then. Fair play then, have to do this delicately though’

“Well, we all start somewhere Applejack. Nothing wrong with that”

“Yeah but, I’m the only pony I know that hasn’t…yeah know” She makes a motion with her hooves.

“Applejack, I can tell you for a fact you are not the only pony YOU know that hasn’t had sex, besides yeh don’t want to rush this kind of shit. Ponies get hurt, first time it’s gotta be special yeh know?”

“You must know a fair bit of the stuff then?” Applejack finally relaxing a bit. This is good progress.

“Eh, I’ve done my fair share. If somepony is inexperienced yeh ease em into it. Like I said, rush it and you’ll get hurt. Done a few things I was new in and yeah, let’s just say it’s best to take yeh time.”

“I see, well. I gotta lot ta think bout. Thanks Spark, I haven’t told anypony else bout this sorta thing so I’d preciate it if we kept it just between us”

“Lips be sealed on the matter, seriously though you ain’t told anypony else? Why me then?”

“Twilight mentioned yeah a few times, one thing that stood out above da rest was your good at keeping secrets. Also sometimes yeah can trust a stranger more than friends with certain things”

“Damn, wasn’t expecting that answer. Warn yeh though Applejack, no pony is perfect. We all have our flaws. Me for example I have like a good drink but sometimes when I have too much I do some, really stupid things”

“Haha, sounds like a story or two there sugarcube”

“Remind me to tell yeah a few, anyway best get a crack on with going around Ponyville for a decent open field away from everypony. Gotta set up the bunker/shed of when I’m making the barrier”

“Hmm, best place be the west side near the forest, in between whitetail woods.”

I nodded as my thanks and started to walk out the door, just before the cowgirl shout me a quick thanks and jumped at me for a hug. Won’t lie, this girl is full of surprises but hugs a hug, no harm in one and I responded with my own.

“Don’t be a stranger, yeh hear?”

“Haha, wouldn’t dream of it Applejack” We broke the hug and she tilted her hat at me, slightly blushing once again.

“Call me AJ, Sugarcube”

Author's Note

Quite happy with this chapter, setting stuff up for later ones down the line. Hope you guys are doing great and are enjoying this fic. Till next time :derpytongue2:

Trouble in Paradise

As a nation with the main populace consisting of ponies, governed by 2 near immortal super ponies named Celestia the Sun bearer who has been pretty much the main one of the two who the ponies adore and look up to while her recently cleansed younger sister who grew jealous from the amount of love and attention the populace was giving her older sister gained the attention of a dark entity that took control of the youngest sister causing her to become Nightmare Moon. Well that was over 1000 years ago and now little Luna is adjusting to the time. Well adjusting is a strong word.

“Thou shall feel my wrath you foul demon!!” Many ponies are fickle. They shy away from shouting and violence much more than the ponies of old. This became apparent to the younger Princess. Then again, she is from another era. Time and patience is needed. Luna isn’t one for patience though.

“We shall consume thy concoction before thy day is done!!” She shouting at the remains of what was once the Coffee Machine, littered on the floor of the kitchen in pieces. Pieces of metal and glass shards scattering the ground, becoming a hazard to those not careful. Sadly the ponies who was making the dinner for the various guards, the princesses and the servants were mostly pissing themselves in fear and forgot about the food that was already being cooked. Many ponies that afternoon had to wait for their food. A certain prince was not happy about this event.

“Do you know who I am peasant?! Why must I wait longer than average to dine on my cuisine? I do have plans tonight to get my betrothed to me”

The poor butler who was used to dealing with the Prince’s attitude towards others. Hense why Princess Celestia assigned Polished Blunt to be Prince Blueblood’s personal butler whenever the Prince decided to stay at the palace and required anything. Polished Blunt was, well Blunt. He had to be the most level headed pony to tackle the whims of Bluebloods orders.

“As I have mentioned your highness. The chefs were in shock from Princess Luna destroying the coffee machine in the kitchens due to her not grasping the extraction method. This in turn caused the lilac parm you requested to burn and had to be remade” Blunt adjusting his black bow tie as he stood next to the seated Prince who nursed a glass of red.

“Grr, I swear my Auntie Celestia does this on purpose. Only 2 years ago this…beast broke out of her prison and was just given an equal position all because she is her ‘sister’ tut.”

“I’d advise you not to continue your highness. You never know who is around to listen in. I am sure the wrath of Princess Celestia is vast if she heard the words spoken”

“Hmm, I suppose you are correct. In the meantime I require parchment and a quill with ink. Make it snappy” Blueblood taking a sip from his glass not even looking at Polished Blunt.

“As you command” Blunt bowing slightly and exiting the door, nodding at the personal guards loyal to Blueblood as he pays them well to keep their mouth shut and to protect him at all costs.

“Hmm, it would seem I need to up the stakes with my little endeavour. If I am to marry Miss Spark to ensure our bloodline is pure and not tainted with peasant filth. Perhaps I need to have a talk with Commander Lance again”

As he pondered on his current situation, a knock came from the door. The Prince asked who it was and Blunt came walking in with a silver platter upon his back.

“Your food has arrived your highness”

“About time, did you retrieve parchment as instructed?”

He placed the Silver platter before the Prince and then nodded towards the door. A mare carrying what was asked placed them upon the table then bowed to the Prince before leaving, no words were spoken.

“Good, that will be all for now Blunt. Return in an hours’ time. I should have written up my letter which will be delivered to the Shipping Company afterwards” The Prince holding a fork to the food presented before him.

Blunt bowing and then leaving the room. But not before the Prince shouting for him did he get 2 steps from the door.

“Those incompetent fools gave me the wrong sauce!!!”

‘Never a dull moment round here’ Blunt thought as he saw Prince Blueblood glaring at the food before him.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

At the castle, another heated argument was happening. This time it wasn’t about the ‘food crisis’, no it was about missing ponies along the south near the Badlands.

Commander Lance held a meeting with Commander Echo, Captain Shining Armour and several other high rank officials. Each sat at a long wooden table with various pieces of parchment about the current problem.

“Ponies don’t just disappear. Redcliffe and now Crophoof. At least 80 individuals have disappeared, and yet none of our scouts have reported anything suspicious.” Lance pacing around the room raising his voice to match his current mood.

“If not physical evidence then perhaps magic is involved in some way” Captain Shining spoke up. This getting a few agreements from the officers.

“That’s plausible, alright send an attachment of unicorns to the locations. Hopefully they can scan something that we missed. How many of our guards are in the surrounding towns and villages?” Lance coming closer to the map detailing the exact numbers.

“What do we do in the meantime?” An earth pony by the name of Drill Sargent Hard Case spoke up. He was in charge of the recruits, many rumours and stories of how hard he can be to the new guards to be spread like wildfire. A short buzzcut at toped his dark brown coat of fur. He was a big stallion.

“Not much we can do. I’ve sent half of the night guards to fan out and so far not much. Although there has been a key part of information I was told last night.” Commander Echo speaking. “Not much to go on but ponies have reported that friends and sometimes family have been acting odd. Unusual behaviour or simply missing memories”

This bit of info caused a stir in the room. “Magic must be involved then. High levels as well due to the missing memories. We need to go through the list of Unicorns that have high amounts of mana” Commander Lance addressing the officers. Each nodding in unison.

“Very well. Commander Echo and I will position squads as designated. Sargent Hard Case I want you to continue for the recruits as normal. However if any suspicious behaviour rises from anypony then I trust you to tackle how you see fit. Captain Shining Armour and Arch mage Light Blizz will go through the list and send them to whichever Commander is on the job at the time. We’ll sort through this mess and find them ponies.”

“Commander Lance, a question if I may?” The Arch mage Light Blizz raised her hoof. Her grey mane braided back going down the side of her head. Her coat an off white due to her elderly age. She is highly respected as she calls the shots to do anything magical in the country.

Lance nodded to her prompting her to speak. “Who is in charge of the barrier for the Ponyville? Im assuming you sent an attachment of unicorns”

“Actually no I haven’t. You remember my daughter Shine Spark?” Lance smirking.

“Well yes but what….wait, you haven’t. Commander I know she is highly skilled in enchanting but, her maturity is sorely lacking. Even after she got her honours from Canterlot High, she still got into trouble. Are you this is the best course of action?” The Arch mage leaning back slightly on her chair.

“I am. I and Captain Armour thought it was best. Also since she is creating the barrier with help from Princess Celestia student, Miss Twilight Sparkle. Miss Sparkle may be talented in magic so her being close to the project is a must have. That and I asked if my daughter could keep an eye on the other elements of harmony and report anything odd to us directly. Even if somepony slipped up about the disappearances”. Lance glaring at the Captain. “I’m just grateful that I raised a daughter that’s good at keeping secrets”

“Hmm, very well. Your daughter does produce results, in her way at least. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some exam entries to oversee. Good day gentlecolts” Arch mage bowing slightly before leaving the room.

Rest of the ponies each giving their reason and all that was left was the two Commanders.

“Sigh, this is a mess Echo” Lance putting his head on the table and groaning causing Echo to laugh.

“Aye, by the way I’ve heard from some of the guards that Blueblood is at it again with your daughter. Something about messing up the order for the parts on the barrier”

“Grrr, some day I will throw him in the dungeon and let him rot in there. He will never touch a hoof on my daughter. Disgusting piece of manure” Lance frowning.

“He is a piece of work alright. However I think he might get serious at some point with his advances so best keep an eye on him”

“Sigh. Right, thanks for the heads up Echo”

“No worries, now if you’ll excuse me its tea time and I’m famished. You coming?” Echo getting up from his seat.

“I will in a sec, gotta go through the maps first, meet you there” Lance saluting to Echo who returned it with a smirk then leaving the room.

Lance moved the map that detailed the surrounding area of Ponyville closer to him. The only thing that wasn’t in detail was the Everfree forest. Nopony had been able to map it out. Only the surrounding area was mapped so the area was a haze.

“I hope you’re having fun in Ponyville sweetheart. Stay safe”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

P.O.V Spark

You ever looked at a place and thought ‘that doesn’t look dangerous. A bit spooky yeah but dangerous?’. Well, three little shits known as Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo thought be the best idea to go into the fucking forest by themselves to get a cutiemark in something stupid. I get that their kids, heck I did some things that I’m not proud of. Even when I was giving a second life I still make same mistakes as on Earth but I didn’t live near a forest that had a multitude of creatures that could tear apart an adult pony in seconds, never mind a small filly. So me and the other elements set out to find the trio and give em a good backhand. We each split up in 3 groups, Fluttershy, Applejack and Rarity were a group, Pinkie Pie and Twilight was a second and me and Rainbow. Rainbow had to walk beside me since the cover of the canopy forced her to be grounded which she kept bringing up.

“Rainbow, I get yeh pissed off you can’t fly in here but can you put a lid on it. Doing ma head in” I said as I stepped over a fallen tree. If it wasn’t for the dangerous animals and some flora (Yep even in a pretty pony magical paradise they have fly trap that can munch yeh like a kit kat in here) it would be nice. I’ve been told to watch out for blue flowers called Poison Joke from the girls who have had a run in with it. Led to funny results according to Spike.

“Fiiiine” Rainbow spoke behind me. We walked in silence for about 2 minutes so I turned my head to ask if Rainbow was pissed off with me but found out why she was quiet for so long, she was staring at my flank.

“Ahem”

She gave me eye contact then turned her head to the side with a slight blush on her cheeks. She had been caught out.

“Rainbow I don’t mind you checking me out, but in here its business first yeh? We gotta find them fillies. Then pleasure afterwards” I didn’t wait for her to respond as I continued walking. I did hear her quickly trot up to me as she must have stopped.

Another 5 minutes of silence between us before she spotted something. “Spark come here!” I quickly trotted over to see several small hoofprints in the mud. “Nice find, we follow these and we’ll find them”

We both matched our speed and not too long we heard a scream. Afterwards we sprinted and came to a clearing and we both stopped at the scene. Several timber wolves were clawing at a small entrance in the Cliffside where the scream of help emanated. Rainbow didn’t waste any time and shot straight for the closest timber wolf knocking it against the wall and causing to fall to pieces. The other wolves saw this and charged her but she flew into the air and gained their attention. I looked of anything I could use and saw several small rocks which gave me an idea.

“Hey Spark, whenever you’re ready to help” Rainbow quickly flapping to the side to avoid a wolf.

“Keep em distracted I’ve got an idea” The stones each glowed as I etched on several small ley lines to command them to circle me and attack the wolves that would come close.

“Anytime now!” Rainbow being inpatient as ever. Well can’t blame her really.

I stood up and faced the wolves. “Oi, twiggy” This got their attention and all looked at me

“You fancy a smash?” I grinned as the stones flew around me creating a small projectile barrier.

The first wolf wasn’t amused and pounced only to get knocked aside by one of the rocks colliding with his head. The others didn’t favour any better as I causally walked into the fray only for the timber wolves to get pelted by the enchanted rocks. Rainbow with her mouth open hovering in the air above me.

It was all over in a matter of seconds. Each of the wolves were just a pile of sticks with me just smirking. My horn glowed and the rocks orbiting me fell to the floor, cutting the enchantment off.

“Girls, its safe now. Me and Rainbow are here” I spoke to the opening and saw each of the fillies pop out. There manes and tails were a mess but frankly none had any injuries. Scoolaloo run towards Rainbow and hugged her tightly.

“Im glad you three are alright, but seriously though. You know how dangerous this place is?”

They each looked down and in unison apologised. Rainbow was about to tell them off but I stopped her. “Not the place for a lecture Dash, ill signal the others where we are. Rarity and Twilight will come to us”

I stood in the opening and using a simple locater spell sent a wave of magic outwards. This was picked up by the groups and made our way towards us.

“Be about 5 minutes, best stick here for ARRRGH FUCK!!” I felt a searing pain on my right back hoof and was pulled to the ground causing more pain. I looked behind me to see a lone Timber wolf with its jaw on the leg. Wooden teeth sinking into me drawing blood. It twisted its head which caused me to scream more but was met with a cyan hoof to the face as Rainbow flew over me and hit it. It hit the ground and got up but not before I found a decent sided boulder half the size of me. I stood up and turned to face it, flicking my horn over and making the boulder fly right past Rainbow and just obliterated the wolf. Nothing stood there beside some sticks.

The pain on my leg became too much and I collapsed onto the ground. The fillies and Rainbow quickly came to my side.

“Sweet Celesita Spark, you ok?” Rainbow seeing my fucked up leg. Fuck this pain man.

I was breathing heavily as the adrenaline was slowly wearing off. “All peachy Dash, ill go for another round sure”

Sweetie Belle had tears in her eyes as Apple Bloom comforted her. Scootaloo came up to me.

“Your, your gonna be alright yeh?” Poor girl also was teary.

“I’ll live Scoots, just a scratch. I’ve had worse” ‘On Earth as a human yeah but on Equis as a mare. Nah this is the worst I’ve had’

The bleeding showed no sign of stopping and several wooden teeth were still embedded in me. It took about 2 minutes before the other got here and yeah I don’t blame them for their reactions. Fluttershy being the sweetheart was over in an instant doing the best she could. Pinkie Pie I had never known she could straighten her mane like that in a heart beat. Rarity and Apple Jack were off to the side with their sisters, same with Rainbow and Scootaloo. Twilight was beside me with her own tears.

“Twi, seriously. No tears, I’ll live. Ow, fuck my life” Fluttershy so delicately touching the leg.

“Twilight, she needs medical attention. Is there any chance you can teleport her to the hospital” Fluttershy speaking softly. Won’t lie I was starting to get light headed, probs from the loss of blood.

“Yeah, yeah I can do. Ill teleport Spark and myself out of here. Hand in there Spark”

“Twi, ow. I ain’t dying, though I’m gonna need a drink after this shit” I smirked at her as her horn glowed making me close my eyes as to not be blinded by the light.

Being teleported is…odd. It’s like a thick wave of invisible sludge runs down your entire body and then you open your eyes and you’re in a different place. Magic is weird. But yeah we appeared on the floor at the reception in the same position as before. Me on my stomach while Twilight was lent down beside me, stoking my mane. The receptionist gasp and called for a gurney which 2 nurses came through and helped me onto it. A bit painful to move. Twilight was beside me the whole time during the procedure with Doctor Stiches and the two nurses. Nurse Red Heart and Kind Hooves. Lovely girls and the doctors knew his stitching. Well he should since it’s his bloody name but whatever. After 30 minutes of quite painful removing and closing the wounds then wrapping them up, I was left with Twilight still stroking my mane with my right leg still sore but feeling much better on a hospital bed.

“Twilight seriously. Quit it.” This made her stop but not before giving me a bone crushing hug with her tears coating my stomach. Ponies’ man.

“Sorry Twi, I know blood ain’t nice but I’m all good now. Thanks bookworm” This caused her to look at me and wipe her tears away with her hoof.

“Sigh, I’m just glad you’re alright now.” She spoke softly with a small smile on her muzzle.

“You know me, the only thing that is keeping me down is an excessive amount of booze” I grinned at her as she rolled her eyes at me.

“Now, I dunno bout you but I’m knackered. Think I’m gonna kip for a bit” I spoke after a yawn.

Twilight nodding at me. “Alright Spark, I’m going to wait for the others at the entrance and see if they got back” She gave me a quick squeeze and then left but not before turning at the entrance of the door.

“I’m happy you came Spark.” And like that she left.

“Heh, same Twilight. Ow…fucking hell, this leg can sod off ow. Do they have morphine here?”

Author's Note

Another chapter sorted, bit of a random perspective but hey ho, hope yeah get some enjoyment from this. Till next time and thank you for reading this mess of a fic :twilightblush:

Hello Nurse

Author's Note

Wut? It's not dead. That's right you beautiful people. It isn't. It just took a whole lot long to finish when balancing life, work and relationships around. But as promised it is here and shall continue to breathe, just as a precaution though I wont be able to put updates out regularly due to well life. Thank you once again for being so patient with me and hopefully this chapter gives you a taste as to what is to come. :heart:

Hello Nurse

The mind is a complex system of neurons sending down electrical currents to tell the body what to do. A wonderful piece of biological hardware that nature has created, be proud evolution, that at this point in time, you have made a 21 year old herm lying in a hospital bed with her right leg bandaged up from an attack 12 hours ago and is forced by the doctor to stay inside for a couple of days. Fuck you nature, I am fucking bored now. Even the books they have are goddamn dull. All romance or foal books. Fuck me sideways, least then I’d be entertained and not sat on my flank doing jack shit.

Sigh as you can tell I’m a bit pissy with my current situation. Just looking around the room was bland. Sadly I was the only patient at the moment in the room so motivational posters were my only comfort in this bland world. Each bone in the pony skeleton in detail, how to look after yourself in health, how to care for ones hooves properly and… alright a bloody poster on genitals. Like yeah do, you know with fuckin foals about just put some private shit on the wall. Fucking hell Ponyville Hospital, no shame there. As I sat there watching ponies enjoying the day, might becoming jealous a tad. Alright a lot then, I heard voices outside the room before I could continue my spying.

“Well let’s see if she’s up. Oh and she is. How are you feeling Miss Shine?” A doctor known as Doctor Scalpel asked. He had the typical stethoscope draped round his neck. A short black mane neatly trimmed clashed with his bright tanned coloured fur. He was followed by a very attractive nurse. Damn, her eyes though. She smiled at me which for some reason she ended up blushing slightly while looking away from me. Her white fur mixed so well with her light pink mane which was held in a bun.

“Erm, Miss Shine, are you alright? Your drooling” The doctor speaking up.

“Huh what?” I closed my mouth and wiped my face with a tissue. “Hehe, erm.” Fucking hell, I feel so embarrassed by that. At least the nurse is gigging in her hoof. Oh good, thought I’d weird her out or something.

“Well, anyway Miss Shine. How are you feeling besides being in, pleasant company” I saw him motion his head to the nurse as he cleared his throat. I won’t lie, I felt like I was a teen again. I started sweating and tried to keep my cool.

“Cool, yeah amazing. Er, yeah” I kept looking back at her, I think I was making things awkward with my constant looks. Wasn’t even subtle as the doctor is having a kick out of it with that smug grin.

“Well, I leave everything in your hooves then Nurse. Make sure the patient is comfortable as best you can.” The doctor giving her wink making the Nurse roll her eyes at him, still sporting a red hue on her cheeks.

As he closed the door he gave a grin each of us, then silence between the two of us.

This went about for 20 seconds, although it felt a lot longer before she spoke, and if her looks were heavenly, her voice to match was of an angel.

“Sigh, I do apologise for my college’s behaviour Miss Shine. Let’s have a look at your leg then shall we?”

“Oh, er sure, yeah.” ‘Christ why can’t I stop acting like this!!’ The nurse casually trotted up to me and used a stool to get a more in depth look. Expertly she undid the knot on the bandage and she held my leg with her over as she unravelled. Oh god her hooves were like silk…… I need to fuckin stop.

“Well, that is healing rather nicely. I am afraid you will have some small scars but your fur would cover most of it.” She paused and under her breath she spoke “Hmm, your hind leg is rather soft.”

‘Wait, she coming onto me?! Oh damn, I might have a chance!”

The nurse quickly looked at me and blushed a lot more, without saying anything she quickly wrapped my leg in a fresh new bandage all without eye contact.

“If, you erm. Need anything else Miss Shine, let me know” She spoke so quickly and looked at the floor before she fled from the room, leaving me alone with me and my thoughts as company again.

“………..fuck. Should have said something.” I quickly saw the bedsheets rise from my crotch area indicating one thing. “And I’m sporting a hard on, stupid bloody sexy nurse. Wait, I don’t know her name either……Shit”.

“I can’t believe I got grounded for a whole month! What are we supposed to do for our cutie marks now?” A small pegasus filly who belonged to the Cutie mark crusaders spoke to her two friends beside her. Each one was walking to the hospital to apologise to the unicorn mare that had got her leg bitten due to them being in a very dangerous place that maybe they shouldn’t have been in the first place. Tut tut.

“Lucky yeh Scoots, I got 2 months, plus extra chores round da farm. AJ weren’t happy with me that for sure” The small earth pony named Applebloom replied, frowning.

“I do hope Miss Shine is alright, I mean there was so much b-blood” Sweetie Belle feeling green as she remembered the memory in her mind.

Both Scoots and Applebloom felt the same image flash into their minds and both felt the same as their friend. Guilt, shame and sick.

“I hope she ain’t mad at us, she seems cool. Not as cool as Rainbow Dash but still” Scootaloo making it apparent who her idol is.

Both Sweetie and Applebloom rolling their eyes, already knowing how they feel about their friends’ fandom in the element of loyalty.

They finally arrive at the entrance, as two of them enter the other filly just stood there, shaking a little.

“Wait, where’s Scootaloo?” Sweetie Belle asking, both fillies coming back out of the entrance to see her sweating a little.

“Come on Scoots, we can’t apologise out ere” Applebloom stating.

Scootaloo making a large gulp and slowly but surely entering the hospital. They came up to the reception area but no pony was behind the desk. They looked around and saw a nurse with a clipboard near the water dispenser. As they got closer they could hear her muttering words sporting a red hue on her muzzle, blankly staring at the clipboard.

“Soft…..Mare…..no…..herm, I see.” The CMC giving each other looks of confusion before Applebloom cleared her throat loudly which startled the nurse as she dropped her clipboard.

“Oh, sorry there little ones. In my own erm, world there. How can I help you three?” The nurse speaking as she picked up her board, trying her best to get past the little slip.

“We were hoping to see Miss Shine if that’s ok Miss Nurse?” Sweetie Belle asking politely.

“Oh, the erm…mare with the teeth wounds in her hind leg…..so soft it was.” She muttering the last part to herself. She shook her head to clear it more as three ‘oh so innocent’ fillies waited for her answer.

“Erm, yes sorry. She is located in room 103, just down the hall there but girls, you can only stay there for 20 minutes. She needs her rest, and I have to look after her…make sure she’s comfortable….yes, that.”

“Thank yah, Miss Nurse. Come on girls” Applebloom shouting to her friends and quickly trotted down the hall followed closely by them, the nurse watching them then shaking her head to get rid of inappropriate thoughts about the herm that is resting in room 103.

“Sigh, I need a break”

Fate is a bit of a weird one, if the trio of fillies had come in to my room 2 minutes earlier, then I would have had to get my extra appendage down quickly. I would hate to have that chat with them and their sisters. So Spark, you mind telling me why my sister is asking how you made a tent near your crotch? Yeah fuck that.

“Girls, seriously it’s cool. I’m just glad yeah safe and nothing happened to yeh” Bless them though, but by god. Kids are difficult at the best of times.

“But we feel so bad Miss Spark” Sweetie Belle looking at the floor with her friends. Not once have they given me eye contact since they entered.

“It’ll take time, just promise me this girls”. Each finally giving a look into their eyes, sadness and guilt was present.

“What’s that?” Scootaloo speaking out.

“Don’t, do that again. If you have to go into a very dangerous forest. Have an adult with you, kk?”

I smiled at them to show that I meant what I said. You can say whatever about me, but with foals, well yeh have to give them a lean a bit. I remember doing a few stupid things back on Earth, but then again there wasn’t any death roaming monsters in a thick ass forest.

“We can do that, right girls?” Scootaloo with a smile on her face. The other two nodding with equal looks.

“Good, now. Mind doing me a favour?” ‘Should I be asking this of them? Dunno if I should or not.’

“Anything for you Miss Spark, what is it?” Sweetie belle, being well sweet really.

“Well, first off call me either Spark or Shine. Not too keen on formal stuff and second, you’ll have to be sneaky about this as this is crucial that the doctors and Twilight doesn’t find out.”

“This ain’t a bad thing is it?” Scootaloo giving me a weary look.

“Depends on perspective, but anyway. I need my special medicine that I keep under my pillow in my room. It’ll help me…feel better yeah.” ‘Stupid that there is no booze in this place’

“Gasp, girls! We could get our cutiemarks doing this” Sweetie announcing.

“CUTIEMARK SPIES!!”

I had to quickly put my hooves over my delicate ears. Oh joy, I can hear ringing now. Fuck have I done?

“Girls! This is a hospital, I think Miss Spark has had enough for today. Come on now. You can see her tomorrow” The doctor from before speaking from the doorway.

“But we”

“No buts, no come on.” ‘Shit, how are they gonna pass me the goods now? Fuck, fuck oh wait. That’ll do’

“One second doctor, mind if I quickly speak to Sweetie belle?”

“Oh yes that’s no problem, come on you two”. Applebloom and Scootaloo looking puzzled at me until I gave them a wink and motioned for Sweetie to come closer so I could whisper in her ear.

“I’ll leave the window open, should be able to pass me it as we’re on the ground floor, it’s all up to you three now little spy” Yeah, I’m a bad influence, sue me.

Sweetie doing a cute salute and quickly joining her friends on their mission but not before closing the door.

So there I was, a slightly chewed up leg, alone…….in a hospital bed……alone…..bored now. Should have asked for a book or something as well.

The cutie mark crusaders were leaving the hospital with each spring in their steps as they set off on their mission. To retrieve Spark’s special medicine from her room. As they got to the end of the road Scootaloo turned to her fellow companions.

“You girls ready for our cutiemarks?”

Both of them nodding in unison.

“You betcha ya”

“Of course”

Scootaloo nodding as well. “Alright, since we’re spies now. We need to be discreet. Nopony can know our mission to retrieve the medicine.”

“Spies? OOOUUU CAN I JOIN?!”

Out of the blue the one known as the pink menace appeared from behind Scootaloo startling the trio of fillies.

“Pinkie! Why did yeh scare us?”

“Oopsie, sorry but my pinkie sense was going off and it was a bit of a doozy so I’ve been whizzing around town and I might have been listening in a bit. So can I can I?”
Pinkie speaking a millions miles per hours a second as per, the cutie mark crusaders knowing full well how to speak Pinkie. Granted it took time but well for the party pony she doesn’t mean any harm in her antics.

“I dunno, it is supposed to be a secret mission, and telling ponies isn’t exactly spy stuff” Scootaloo with a questioning expression.

“Aww pleeeease. I’ll be good, besides for some reason my pinkie sense has stopped so there’s that”

Sweetie Belle nodded at Pinkie. “I say let her, I mean it’s Pinkie Pie. She can like stick to walls and stuff. She can help us get the medicine”

“Hey, that’s a good point Sweetie, ok then you have my vote. Applebloom?” Scoots looking at her farm friend.

“No argument ere, this’ll be easy with Pinkie ‘round”

“Yaaay, so what’s the mission you guys?” Pinkie shouting out in the open giving nearby ponies an excuse to look at who shouted, then realising it’s Pinkie and continuing with what they were doing prior.

“”Shh Pinkie, We’ll tell yeh but yeh gotta be quiet” Applebloom looking around.

“Everypony huddle up, now heres what we’re doing….”

“Ok so everypony knows the plan yeah?” Scootaloo who pretty much dedicated herself as leader of the mission spoke just outside the library now wearing a fully black ninja suit, as did her two friends and Pinkie as they were hiding in the nearby bush. Pinkie wore nothing as this would ruin the plan.

“Pinkie you ok?” Sweetie belle speaking up whilst she looked at her pink friend. Pinkie held a questioning glare at the trio.

“This sounds like stealing?” Pinkie said with a flat tone. This sent chills up the fillies spines.

“N No its not. It’s for Spark, we told you why” Scootaloo sweating a little. Nopony likes this side of the jolly mare. She be scary.

“Hmmm, ok then if you say so. I’ll go in first and distract who’s there” Pinkie quickly zipped into the building at blinking speed.

“Pinkie is scary at times.”

“Yeh I know what yeh mean Sweetie”

“Ditto, now we watch and wait for the signal.” As the trio looked into the room to see Pinkie pie talking up a storm in front of Spike and Twilight who was reading a book while Spike had his comic in his head. Pinkie now seeing the fillies watching did a cartwheel which prompted the signal as the trio nodded to each other and set off to the back door, being careful not to make a sound.

“Pinkie, while that was a good cartwheel, I am busy here. I want to learn more about healing spells so I can help whoever is hurt straight away, and not rely on others from a distance” Twilight somewhat annoyed at the distraction.

This in turn caused Pinkie’s hair to deflate like a balloon and stick to her face in a straightened manner. No longer was it poofy, it was long and straight.

“Ooh, I see. I’m sorry Twilight. I didn’t know” Pinkie remembering the state of when they found Spark and the trio of fillies in the Everfree.

Twilight sighing at the 180 degree turn that Pinkie took. She closed the book via magic and walked over to her sulken friend, wrapping her forelegs around her as Pinkie returned the gesture.

“It’s fine Pinkie. I’m not mad at you or anything. I’m mad at myself for not knowing any healing magic” Twilight holding her friend close.

“It’s not your fault Twilight. It’s those meanie wolves” Pinkie trying to smile.

“Hey I know, wanna help me Pinkie. Two ponies are better than one after all”.

And just like that Pinkie defied all physics by grabbing her mane in her mouth and inflating it like a balloon. “Yepper rooney. I’ll find that info in no time Twilight” Pinkie bouncing to the bookstand and somehow sticking to the wall.

Unaware of them being watched the trio outside saw this as the signal and sneaking into the back door of the library, being very cautious with their movements and looking for anypony.

They made it into Spark’s bedroom, just avoiding Twilight’s gaze as they closed the door.

“Alright, she said it was under her pillow” Sweetie Belle whispered.

Scootaloo jumped with the aid of her wings to the bed and lifted the pillow to find a crystal clear bottle of dark liquid inside. The bottle with minotaur horns over a keg on the front.

“Found it, this smells awful though. Medicine tastes bad” Scootaloo passing it to Applebloom.

“I hope Ms Spark feels better once we give her this” Applebloom looking curiously at the contents. “Kinda reminds me of the family cider a bit, nah Ms Spark wouldn’t send us to get alcohol would she?”

“Nah she’s too cool for that” Scootaloo dismissing the idea straight away.

“Anyway let’s get out of here guys” Sweetie belle opening the bedroom door for them.

“Bored, so fucking bored…………………..FUCK THIS SUCKS!!!” Yeah I don’t do well in situations where I’m forced to be patient, that’s one of my flaws.

“Miss Spark” A small whisper caused my head to turn towards the window to see a small beautiful bottle of ‘medicine’ being on the outside of the window.

“Ohh hell yes”. Carefully I swung my leg out of the sling and landed on the floor.

I sucked air through my teeth in pain. “Bloody wolf chewing my god damn leg” I made my way to the window and opened it to see all three fillies on top of each other with sweetie belle at the top like a ladder.

“You fillies are the best. Quest cleared girls.” I spoke as I held the bottle to my chest. A little smile was given out.

The trio got off each other and smiled to turn around and a collective sad sigh to escape from their muzzles.

“Maybe next time girls, didn’t get into any trouble on my part?” I had to ask, call me what you want but I ain’t a monster………kinda.

“Nuh huh. Although Pinkie helped us out, then she got all sad when Twilight said something top her. I don’t know what it was but they hugged then we took that as our que” Scootaloo speaking up.

“Yeah I wonder what was going on with her, you think she’s ok Miss Shine?” Sweetie asking me.

“Shit, there gonna start asking questions.” I mumbled to myself, making sure the fillies didn’t hear me.

“Huh?” Scoots asking all confused.

“Oh, don’t worry bout it. I’ll sort it out. Seriously though girls, yeh helped me a bunch. Best you get out of here before somepony…”

“Well Miss Shine I hope, MISS SHINE GET INTO BED THIS ONCE!!” A voice screamed at me, I quickly levitated the bottle behind my back as I turned to see the same sexy nurse as before.

“Oh, hi nurse, great weather huh?” I spoke as I quickly closed the window, winking at the crusaders and prepared for a beating from this nurse. ‘Actually I wouldn’t mind that’

“Into bed now, you are injured. Is there somepony you’re talking to?” A look that can rival when your mom suspects something is up.

“Er no why? Chattin to myself tis all” A fake smile, I could feel my physical trademark of ‘I’m lying’ flopping down. Stupid fucking ear.

“Hmm, so you wouldn’t mind if I looked out this window then?” She spoke in a tone of ‘if I find something I don’t like, your dead missy’. She walked towards the window as I quickly stashed my medicine under my pillow and quickly got back into bed.

“Oh, there’s no pony here?” The nurse looking left to right out the window.

‘That was a close one.’ Hot damn though she has a nice flank. “Clears throat” Oh shit, think the nurse knew I was staring at her. Quick, gotta think something classy and safe.

“Ain’t my fault your attractive” ‘THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!!’

“Oh, I’m attractive huh?” The nurse looking to the side blushing up a storm with a smile. “Well, even flattery won’t get you that far Miss Shine. Not while you’re in my care. Now I don’t want you leaving your bed from now on understand?”

She had an aura of authority, don’t really wanna piss her off more. So a simple nod from me was what I gave her.

“Sorry Nurse, won’t happen again”…… and once again left ear down.

“Well good, I suppose it’s nearly lunch time. I’ll bring you some Miss Shine.”

“Oh, yeh sounds good. Also can yeh drop the Miss part? Call me Spark.”

“I’ll do just that Spark” A small smirk was on her muzzle as she turned around and set off out the door.

“Did she just wink at me?” I shrugged and gave it a few minutes before reaching via magic to grab the bottle under my pillow and pop the cork off giving its sweet aroma a few sniffs.

“Oh fuck yes, mommy missed you sweetheart.” A few big gulps as it burned my throat then soothed it suddenly with its honey aftertaste. “Hmm, that’s the stuff. Oh fuck I drank a quarter already? Need to chill…..maybe 1 more”

As I was about to put the bottle to my lips the door swung straight open.

“Spark, I have……where did you get that?” The nurse spoke with a dead tone………oh shit.

“Erm, hehehe. Would you believe it was under my pillow?” A very ‘convincing’ smile I gave her.

“Miss Shine.” She closed the door as you pushed the cart to the side. “Do you know what we do to those who do not cooperate for their health?” She said this leaning over me.

“Damn you smell good” ‘….Me and my fucking mouth’

“Oh, flirting again are we to get out of this hmm?” She gave me bedroom eyes.

‘Wait. She into me?’ “Erm, sorry. I I didn’t” Suddenly she put a hoof to my lips.

“Shhhh, that’s even Miss Shine. I still have to report this to the doctor though and I will be taking that bottle.”

Giving a small pout I past her the bottle. “Hmm, Minotaur rum. Very heavy stuff. Some girl can hold their drink” As she was about to leave she spoke “I’ll be back to collect your plate later on ……Spark”

…………”Fuckin stupid girl. Shoulda waited till dark. Fuuck, Twilight is gonna get told.”

As I shifted towards the food on the cart I felt something.

“Oh fuck right off.” I look to see me sporting yet another tent. “How long were you fucking there?”

As the right course of action to take was to scream into my pillow.

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKK……..MMMMEEEEEEEEE”

After my little venting a different nurse came in to take the now empty cart away, and apologising that Nurse Redheart had to take an extended break to deal with something personal. Huh wonder what that means, she mentioned she would come back later tonight to make sure I was ‘comfortable’. Oook then. Least I know her name now. I thanked the nurse and sat there thinking of what she meant by personal. Hope she’s alright.

Meanwhile in a small cottage in the middle of town:

“Hmm, I shouldn’t be doing this but that mare. She’s a patient, she’s been hurt. I shouldn’t take advantage of her.” The mare spoke to herself in her mirror. “No, Red. You could tell she was interested in you and I can’t lie, I’m kind of curious. “If what Flitter and Cloudchaser is true.” A moan had escaped my lips as a bit the bottom one.

“Oh I’lltake good care of you Spark Shine.”

Meet the First Half

Author's Note

Here you go guys, another chapter out and about. Was happy about this one so hope you all enjoy this. :yay:

Meet the First Half

Chapter 5

Meet the First Half

Weekends are sacred to me, they are the time of the week where no work was to be involved and you enjoy your 2 days to yourself before going back to ‘slave time’ and being payed minimum wage…….if that was Earth as a human, but nope. This girl is a 21 year old unicorn with a knack for enchanting which pays handsomely back by a very rich family who love and adore her, surrounded by many friends who want to hang out 24/7 in the magical land of Equestria. Where love and friendship is highly regarded and supported by the leaders of the country, an O.P God named Princess Celestia who controlled the movement of the sun AND moon for 1000 years, until her sister returned from said moon for being a naughty girl and having a tantrum all those years ago. She learned her lesson and was given back the control of the moon. So now 2 O.P gods sat on the throne and were leading their country from achieving 1000years + of peace.

That is reality. That is the past, present and future for me here in this little girl’s fantasy. Fuck my life, call me ungrateful all you want but nobody makes me wake up at 8:30am just to go to the train station and realise that the ticket says 12:30 instead. How can I get 8 and 12 mixed up? Sigh, I need a coffee or something.

Luckily my good friend Cloud knew I came here 4 hours early (Still don’t know how she knew, when asked she said she ‘felt the wind change and she knew then somepony was too early’.) I was too tired to question so we ended up at a café where I ordered a big cup of black, Cloud had a strawberry milkshake. So yeah that’s what happened for like 3 hours. No I lie, she wanted to give me a ‘farewell present’ in the bathroom since I would be leaving for a few months. That involved a very private part of me (my 5th leg) being worshipped like a Rowntree ice lolly for a good half an hour.

So by the time it was 12 I was, not knackered but slightly drained, leaning next to Cloud for support while she just had a smile on her face. Coming to the train station I saw my parents, my friends Stripe, the twins and even Silver all waiting to send me off.

First up was mom rushing towards me and giving me a hug and a peck on the cheek.

“Now be good Spark, I don’t you giving Twilight a headache with your antics”

“Much faith mum, thanks for that”

“Oh shut it, my baby girl is finally hitting off for a few months. Now if it wasn’t for Silver picking up your luggage, that you missed when walking out the front door this morning. I’d try to warn you it was at 12:30 but you just flat out ignored me”

I gave her a sheepish smile and started to rub the back of my head. “Haha, oops. But thank you mom”

Just then dad came up and gave me a lookin. The one where that parent makes sure you’re ‘presentable’.

“Hmm, you’ll do. I’m with your mum though on the whole antics, I dunno what you’ll do but behave yourself”

“Love you too dad” We each smiled, him loving and my shit eating grin.

“I hope your cousin keeps an eye on you”

I rolled my eyes at him in response. Next I saw Stripe and the twins come up.

Stripe giving me a nod “Bit sudden you bailing on us but if the Captain for the guard wants you down there. Got to follow orders I guess” shrugging in the process.

“Orders my flank, I’m doing him a favour. Besides I ain’t see them a good few years so its catch up” Stripe holding out her hoof and me returning the bump.

The twins each came up to me and hugged my sides. Lemon on my left with Lime on the right.

“Hope you have fun Spark, we’ll miss you” Lemon saying softly. This mare man, so sweet.

“Yeah Spark, show the village who has the biggest dick, and who is the biggest dick”

“LIME!” Stripe shouting at her, Lemon just sighing in my ear.

“Smooth one Lime, next time maybe not say that shit at the public train station out loud. Especially my parents being less than 5 feet away where they could hear you” Looking at dad face palming and mom shaking her head. “Scratch that they heard yeah.”

Lime looking back “Hehe, oops. Sorry”

Everyone rolling their eyes at her. Both the twins backing off so Cloud have her turn at saying farewell.

“Well I hope you keep well Sparkie, I’ll miss you”

“Same here Cloud, I mean it’s not like this is the end. Don’t see why anypony can’t come down for a bit to visit” Me hugging Cloud.

Upon then the train was pulling up to the station and several ponies getting on and off.

“All aboard, first stop Ponyville continuing east towards Manehatten as the last stop” A conductor shouting to the public.

“Well guess that me then.” I walked up to Silver and booped him on the nose again with my hoof.

“Thank you Silver, dunno what I’d do without yeah” Me levitating the suitcase next to me.

“It shall be a miserable time without you Madame, I wish you safe travels and health”

“Heh you know it” me giving him a wink and quickly making my way to the train. The conductor nodding at the ticket that I got out my suitcase and quickly made it to the window.

All of them were waving at me as I sat down, I smiled and waved back. Mom looking like she was about to cry but weirdly enough it was dad as he held a hoof in front of his eyes.

‘Damn dad, I’m only going for a bit.’

The train urched forwards as it started to pull away from the station. Everypony was watching me and I them as they became a speck and then the train turning a corner down the mountainside blocking my view of them.

‘Sigh, I’m going to miss them deeply. First time I’m not staying in Canterlot as well. Hope Twilight is doing alright. Guess I got time for some shut eye before I hit Ponyville. I swear if there’s isn’t a pub, I’m off’

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

So there I was, sound asleep on a bench. My head resting on the window, I think my mouth was open as I could feel somepony shake me from my side. Looking I saw the same conductor pony giving me a smile.

“As cute as you are sleeping ma’am we’re approaching ponyville in 5 minutes”

“Yaaawwn, thanks mate. Fuck my neck” I felt a kink on the right side and adjusted my head until I heard it click.

“N no problem. Fast approaching Ponyville everypony” I watched him going down the carriages and towards the end door and stepping out. Looking around I saw a family of 4 in the corner and a mare I think? In a hat and overcoat, the typical cartoon I’m in disguise feel.‘Who you hiding from? Blue mane and a white coat I think, why is that familiar?’

I turned to see the grass fields of what I’m assuming is Ponyville as houses, a town hall and I think there was an apple orchard on the far side. The green forest was up north near the orchard. About 5 minutes and I saw the train station fast approaching, and a familiar purple unicorn with a baby dragon holding a sign with my name on.

‘Typical, guess I’m a tourist’

As I stretched the train had fully stopped and started to let ponies disembark, I was the last to arrive and made my way towards them. They were looking at all the others trying to find me.

“Twilight, I can’t see her anywhere. Was the sign too small maybe?”

“No Spike, the sign is perfect. Maybe she’s coming tomorrow? No impossible I triple checked the letter Shiny sent me”

Spike scratching his head “Maybe it is the sign then” saying in a sad tone.

‘I’m right behind them standing two feet to the left’

“Look left a bit” I replied, making them look at me and Twilight gasping.

“Spark!” Twilight rushing towards me for a hug. “Bookworm”

She gave me a pout face for that. “I am not a bookworm”

“How many books you read when you told I was chilling for a bit?”

“Well, I read family connections and proper greetings, my cousin and me, How to pronoun a herm..”

I shoved my hoof in her mouth and slighty glared at her.

“Hehe, sorry Spark” We broke off a bit and I saw Spike smiling at me.

“Come ere yeh Gecko” me levitating him as I got me for a nuggy.

“Ow, hey I’m a dragon. Not a ow, Gecko” I let go of him afterwards. “Still nice to see you again Spark” him rubbing his head.

“Likewise”

“Still, I will get you for that so you best watch yourself” He pointed his claw at me.

“Whatever you say Scales”.

Just then I felt something was wrong. I started looking around to see if anything was out of the ordinary but couldn’t find anything.

“Spark, you ok?” Twilight asking me with a concerned voice.

I waited a bit to reply as I was still searching around. “Something doesn’t feel right, you know that gut feeling that something bad will happen? I felt that for a sec”

Spike waving his claw around. “Probably just homesick Spark”. I gave him a deadpan look. “What?”

“It’s not even been a day yeh little sod, besides I don’t think it’s that”

I saw twilight gave a cringe expression. “Spark, do you mind maybe not swearing. There are foals about, and since Ponyville is small in population, everypony knows everypony so if you can try to hold back on the ‘banter’ was it called?”

I nodded, “Yeah banter, and I guess I can. Sigh so use to doing it though. Fucks sake”

“Well I believe in you, right my number one assistant”

“Right”

I rolled my eyes. “Flattered” My stomach rumbled in response. “Body needs food, show me where I can acquire sustenance”

Twilight smiling with Spike jumping on her back. ‘Lazy little shit, you got legs ain’t yeah?’

“It’s precisely 2pm so if we follow my plan of going to the local café, we can have food there and I’ll show you around. Might bump into a few friends later”

“Wait what, you friends? Fuck have you done to Twilight?”

“Oh har har. Also language Spark”

We started to walk away from the station at this point. “Make me Bookworm”

Spike laughing in response and Twilight giving him a slight glare to shut him up.

“But yeah friends huh? Take it these friends the other elements then?”

“Yep, like I said you’ll meet them later, or we might bump into them. They would be here but they each had their reasons.”

“Uh huh sure”

As we started to enter the village, you could tell the ponies were a lot chirpier then up in the capital on the mountain. Twilight showing me the place, pointing out shop locations and where the market is. Won’t lie the general vibe I’m getting is very friendly. I got a fair few looks from the locals. Some waving, which I either returned or nodded, some staring at me (checking me out I think), some whispering to others close to them and one pony just simply drooling.

‘Alright girl, calm down’

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When we arrived at the café, which had tables with hays for seats outside. That was weird but ok, new place, new customs I guess. We each ordered some grub, me a coffee with a lettuce and mayo sandwich while Twilight having a daisy one with a glass of apple juice. Spike had to bail to ‘set things up’ for me and do a few chores. Think he meant my room but whatever.

“So Spark, what you think of Ponyville then?”

I swallowed my food before responding. “Friendly, livelier than Canterlot. Thank fuck there’s no nobles down here trying to marry me to their sons”

“Ponies still doing that huh, well not round here. Also language”

“Good, also get stuffed. Tis my body I shall speak how I wish” Bit of sass from me there.

Twilight sighing and levitating her sandwich.

“So Twilight, you been laid yet?”

This caused said unicorn to choke on her food before coughing her food beside her and several ponies turning their heads towards us.

“Fucks sake Twilight, you forget yeh table manners?”

“Spark, that is a very private topic that I will not discuss with you. Especially out in public”

‘Awww, she blushing like a tomato’

“Take that as a no then” I sipped my coffee. ‘Good coffee this’

“My studies with Princess Celestia are more important than me erm, you know?”

“Sigh, do I have to be your wingmare or something?”

“What? No. I am quite happy with my current lifestyle, thank you very much.” Twilight more focusing on the food.

I looked around to see various eyes watching us, others listening more closely.

“You guys wanna get in on this conversation?!”

Each pony just stopped and continued with their day.

“Nosey little fucks” I grumbled into my coffee.

I saw a purple aura on my coffee forcing me to put it down and look up at Twilight glaring at me.

“I was drinking that”

She rolled her eyes then smiled. “Sigh, forgot how forceful you can be sometimes, but that part of my life I’d rather keep quiet about”

“Fine, I won’t speak of it in public” I stared at her until her eyes widened. “But yeah, we is having a chat at your place about it”

Twilight blushing.

“Howdy Twilight” I turned to see an orange mare with a blond mane and tail wearing a cowboy Stetson walking towards us. She looks at me and gave me a smile and a nod.

“Hey Applejack, come meet my cousin. Spark Shine, this is Applejack. She owns the Sweet Apple Acres”

“Mighty fine ta meet cha Miss Shine, finally get ta meet part of Twilight’s family” She held her hoof out and I shook it.

“Call me Spark please, I left that formal crap in Canterlot”

She arched her eyebrow at me. “Well I can’t agree with ta talk there but yeah do have a strong hoof on her. Specially for a Unicorn”

“I work out when I can. Also nice hat” Applejack smiled at this.

“Well thank yeah kindly Spark, I hope yeah enjoy our ittle town. I can’t stop sadly as I gotta go to ma stand.”

“Fair enough, see yeah around”

“Bye ya two”

“Bye Applejack” Twilight waving at her

I took a look at her cutiemark, that being 3 red apples in a triangle formation. Turned to look at Twilight with a deadpan face.

“What?”

“You were staring at her flank Spark”

I nodded. “Yeah I was seeing her cutiemark yeh judgemental fuck” me frowning at her.

“Oh, sorry Spark. I thought you were checking her out” Twilight apologising for just assuming that.

“Oh no I was. Bet that mare would be able to tie me down and ride me into the sunset” I grinned as Twilight gain a blush.

“Sweet Celestia Spark, be quiet!”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

After our little lunch and me finding out that Applejack was one of Twilight’s friend as well as being an element of honesty. We continued our little tour and was heading towards the town hall.

“Twilight, would you shut up about it already. I said sorry jees.” Banging on and on about me trying to get it on with her friend

“Sigh, your right you did. Well here we are, the town hall.” She says pointing towards what looks like a turret of a castle with weird flat bases held by wooden supports.

‘It’s different. I’ll give them that’

Seeing Twilight holding the door for me but not before me turning my head to her.

“Totally gonna fuck that farm mare”

I think I heard what sounded like steam from a teapot right behind me when I turned my head then a sigh and deep breathing.

“Twilight, what are you doing?”

“Sigh, just getting used to, how you talk and tease me” She smiled forcefully then it became genuine once she saw me smirking. “It’s impossible to stay mad at you”

I shrugged. “What can I say? Everypony wants a piece of me” I stuck my tongue out at her but not before coming to a desk with a mare behind it looking at me funny.

“Ms Sparkle, to what….what do I owe the pleasure?”

‘This mare keeps looking at me like that ill flip the desk on her head’.

“I’m here with my cousin here Spark Shine to see the mayor”

“Hmmm, very well then. Nopony is seeing the mare so she is available in her office at the moment”

“Thank you Paper Pusher, come on Spark”

Just as I was about to walk towards I felt the mare behind the desk lean into my ear.

“You best behave yourself in there missy. I know that look and I’ll mhhhph” I ended up shoving a bunch of papers into her mouth with magic. Twilight didn’t see this thank god.

“Try me girl” I spoke softly.

The mare widening her eyes at me and not able to say a word as I close the door behind me.

“What were you doing back there Spark?” Twilight questioning me.

“Getting to know the locals is all” I smiled an innocent smile that the gods themselves couldn’t tell was bullshit.

I looked behind Twilight to see an elderly mare with a beige coat and a white mane smiling at me behind her desk. Having a quick look just resulted in your typical office. Filing cabinets with folders dotting about, pictures of what I’m assuming is the mayors family and a few chairs with a water dispenser to the side.

“Well I’m very happy to see that you are getting accustomed to our little village Miss Shine, my name is Mayor Mare and well I’m the mayor of Ponyville. Also I do hope Mrs Pusher out there wasn’t too harsh with you. I have been told of her ‘judgemental attitude’ towards new ponies” The mare asking me nicely.

‘Mayor Mare? Oh come on! You’re not even trying with that name. I thought Paper Pusher was bad as a receptionist but Mayor Mare, who is a Mayor and a mare. I’m fucking done’

I must have made a weird face as I felt my eye twitch a bit. “Spark you ok, your eye is twitching?”

I shook my head rapidly. “Having an eternal crisis, I’ll live” ‘That’s a lie’ “It’s nice to meet you……Mayor…Mare. Hopefully this will be a nice break from the capital”

The Mayor nodding then getting out a folder from her desk with a ink pot and quill. “I’m hoping you would read and sign this then Spark, it’s just to let us know where you’ll be staying and how long for, we like to keep tabs you see.”

I levitated the folder and as soon as I saw it held more than 2 papers I just levitated to Twilight. “You like to read Twi, just tell me if it’s ok to sign”

“Erm, well sure ok then”

“Oh, you have a different way to approach things Spark” The mayor striking a conversation with me about my action just then causing me to shrug.

“I like shortcuts, also if you have the resources and contacts it makes life easier”

This causing the mayor to laugh. “That is an interesting look on things, I think I might use that advice”

“Glad to help” This causing Twilight to look at me from her reading like I’m saying bullshit.

‘Guess she has a point with that’.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Twilight, ain’t you supposed to be like smart or something?”

Twilight gasping. “That is so mean Spark, why would you say that to me?”

“I’m outside your ‘house’. Which is a library, with books. Built into a tree, with a fire breathing gecko……That is the biggest fire hazard I have ever heard of...You hurt me by saying you fucking live here”

“Oh, quit being a big baby. I put up fire wards all over the house. And yes, I triple checked them so no need to worry”

“If I’m a burnt crisp by the end of the week, I’m haunting you afterwards”

Don’t think see heard me as we went inside, and yeah I jinxed it didn’t I? What a surprise that the kitchen to our left is smoking and spreading throughout the tree.

“What the buck happened?” Twilight using a curse word? That can’t be good. Twilight opening all the windows so let the spoke out and running towards the kitchen to sort out the culprit, between her doing that I lay on the cough on my back and chose a book at random to levitate in front of me.

‘Everfree and its life, guess I might as well have a peek since It’s pretty much 50 feet away from the town.’

“Spike! What did you do?”

“I was cooking and I think I put too much oil in!”

I heard a few pots and pans clash on the floor then a gush of water afterwards. Turning to see Spike covered in black soot and Twilight with a mess for a mane just stood there, probably waiting for the smoke to clear.

I smirked at them both, Spike more bothered about him looking like he’d blend with the shadows easy and Twilight having a slight twitch in her left eye.

“Tut tut, swearing Twilight? Shame on you” This causing her to twitch more.

“I’m going for a shower, sorry about the kitchen”

Twilight sighing. “At least you’re not hurt, and don’t worry about that”

Spike departing for his much needed scrub, Twilight waiting for the smoke to clear to get busy cleaning and me learning a bit more bout the local wildlife. Give me chance to chill for a bit.

Knock knock.

‘Or fucking not’

A white unicorn with a mane of purple, both mane and tail curled in a fancy style and wearing blue eyeshadow came through and gasp at the sight of Twilight.

“Darling, what on Equestria happened in here, and your mane dear? Are not supposed to see your cousin from Canterlot dear, what would see think of your state?”

“Probably say it’s an improvement” The mare turning towards me and gasping at the sight once again.

“I am so so sorry for not seeing you dear, I was far too distracted from what had occurred here. My name is Rarity and I must say it is a privilege to meet another Canterlot resident, especially the daughter of the Commander. The rumours were true also”

“Erm, it’s cool and …er thanks, also what rumours?” ‘Fucking serious right now? I was hoping there was no stuck up sods down here but alright then for fucks sake.’

“Oh that she is a divine as Celestia herself, her coat is pearl white and her mane as silk itself. You must tell me how which products you use dear?”

‘This mare is a nutter’

“Well, thank you for the compliments. Not sure anypony has ever said those kinds of words to me unless there trying to get it on with me or are drunk……or both”

“Oh my, well you may have to tell me your secrets dear to woo a stallion over. I wouldn’t be surprised if half of Canterlot wasn’t panting after you”

“You’ve no idea girl”

Looking around the room with no smoke was a better welcome, and now I can say……I’m not surprised that there is a fuck ton of books with Twilight living next to them. Speak of the devil.

“Twilight were you just standing there listening to our conversation? Bit rude” Rarity nodding in approval.

“Yes, I must agree with Spark here, a lady should never stick her muzzle where it doesn’t belong dear. Unless it’s gossip”

“Oh, sorry I was thinking of something. Was there a reason for your visit Rarity or was it to socialise?”

“Ah yes I nearly forgot. I came looking for a book on styles of fashion from the old era. I was hoping you had a copy. I have a very unique order you see to for fill.”

“I’ll have a look for you”

Whilst Twilight was looking for said book, got me wondering what rarity did for a living.

“Rarity, what is it that you do then? Judging by your cutiemark I’m guessing it has something to do with clothes”

“Spark my dear, I run a boutique here in Ponyville, recently I visited Canterlot to hopefully get my designs across to the right ponies as I was hoping to branch off up there. Sadly that was 2 months ago and I haven’t heard from anypony since”.

“Wait, did you meet Fancy Pants by any chance?”

“You know him?! I mean yes, he was the one who commissioned this order as he saw one of my dresses in the window of a shop and asked for my details”

“Probably the only noble I can stand, nice guy, and knows how to throw a party, or ball. If you want I do know a few other ponies that can get your dresses more out there. Photo Finish owes me a few favours after stalking me a few times, crazy mare”

“Now that you must tell me dear, but ah thank you Twilight”

‘She got the book in the end, crisis over. Can I go back to my book now?’

“Well I would love to stay and chat but this order will not do itself sadly. Spark, you should come down to my boutique soon. I have a few ideas for you.”

“Yeah, sure rarity. I’ll see you around”

“Bye all” Rarity finally leaving. Don’t get me wrong she seems ok but I’m just fed up with prissy this up in the capital so Imma wait before I chill with that one.

Hearing the sound of tiny footpads going down the stairs, Spike finally not looking like a ninja.

“Was Rarity just here?” Spike scratching his head.

Twilight nodding “You just missed her Spike. You mind showing where Spark will be staying please. I’m going to fix as much of the kitchen as I can.”

“Aww, I was hoping spend time with her. But yeah ok then. Come on Spark I’ll show yeh to the room”

As I got off the cough and gave my neck a twist for that satisfying click we made our way upstairs.

“Spike, you fancy Rarity?”

“You’re not going to tease me like Rainbow does are you?”

“I’m guessing this is yeah first crush so no, I know the feeling bra, also who’s Rainbow?”

“Oh yeah you’ve not met her yet. She’s the captain of the weather team here in Ponyville and one of the elements of harmony, blue pegasus that loves to stroke her ego when she can so I’m warning you now. Don’t get me wrong, she can pull some sweet moves in the air.”

“Noted”

‘This Rainbow, where have I heard that name before? Was it Cloud mentioning something maybe. Eh whatever. I’m more assed about my room right now’.

“Well here we are, sorry it’s a bit bare. Oh a crate arrived for you before so Twilight put it in your room as it was heavy for me. What’s in it?”

“Dunno, ain’t opened it have i?”

Opening the door and yeah he ain’t wrong, double sized bed in the centre, desk and small bookshelf to the side, wardrobe next to that then a small bedside table. The crate resting on the bed baring the mark of the Minotaur Rum industry. A bottle with bull horns on each side.

“Ha, that’ll do me”

“You know what’s in it?”

Using my magic to pry open the crate by bending the top a bit for it to break in half then me peering inside.

‘Haha, The captain delivers. I won’t have to tell Celestia the captain sucks a bunch of dicks. Anomalously of course’

“Spike, this crate contains my ‘medicine’ courtesy of a captain of the guard”

“Shining Armour, and medicine, you ill?”

I levitated a bottle out of the gorgeous black liquid and opened to take a sniff.

“You could say that” me taking a swig.

“Well the kitchen is as much….SPARK ARE YOU DRINKING?!”

Turning to see Twilight right at the door then her snatching the bottle of me.

“Hey you fucker, I need that”

“Who gave you this missy?”

“Erm, Spike back me up here.” I nudged the dragon forward a bit towards the slightly anger Twilight.

“Well Spark does need her medicine Twilight, not nice just taking it off her”

“Medicine! Spike, this is rum. Very high amount of alcohol, like 45% much. Seriously where did you get this Spark?”

I inspected my hoof to see a flick of dust and scratching off on the floor. “Mayhap your brother supplied me my shipment of goods”

“SHINING! Oh no, I am not having you drunk off your flank around here Spark”

I responded by levitating another bottle and taking a few gulps, Twilight and Spike slapped jawed.

“I’ll take that challenge”