Three Ponies Walk into a Bar

by Epic Fable

Rating: teen
Tags: Trixie, Cheese Sandwich, Daring Do, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3152

Cheese walks into a bar. Meets two mares in said bar who may be different then him but also hav a lot of things in common with him. Especially when meeting some important mares in life.

Proofreed and edited by https://www.fimfiction.net/user/Dreams+of+Ponies

Cheese Sandwich while coming back from a party he had planned goes to the local tavern for a drink. He later finds that he is not the only pony who travels across the country and has been affected by the mane 6. Though we know doesnt mean he does.

Published 2017-03-08 04:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-08 04:50:01 UTC

And there's the punchline

“Ooohoo! That was fun! I’m sweating more than a block of Yakyakistan gouda!”

Cheese Sandwich, Equestria’s premiere party planner, traveled all over the realm of Equestria, planning parties for those who needed it. It was his calling, a primal urge that ran deep within him, so much so that it was tattooed right upon his flanks. His cheesy sense, his party compass of the universe, helped direct him to said future ponies in need of a good time. With a twitch of his barrel, it lead him back to Appleloosa, where he then planned a party for a earth pony mare whose mother just came out of the hospital. The party had streamers, cakes, drinks, cheesy confections for all who can stomach. Pictures of the old mare looking happy on a banner to celebrate her recovery. All in all it was a success..

“I can’t thank you enough. My mother has been so down due to her treatment and I tried my best to help cheer her up, but she was so tired, so done, but then you came along and just...thank you,” said the mare.

Cheese Sandwich tipped his large hat towards her in acknowledgement. “Oh it’s just what I do, little filly. Nothing says welcome back home and cheer up like a ‘glad you're better and let's cheer up party.’”

“I can see that,” she said followed by a giggle.

“Now, my job is done and I should be heading out on my way.” Cheese smiled, adjusted his hat and then strode out. While the party went on, he had lost track of time. Celestia's sun was going down and he figured it best to head out in the morning, instead of continuing on into the night. He licked his dry lips, now rather parched from the Appleloosan heat. After a hard day's work, there was no better way to relax than with a cool drink. As he walked through town, he saw a building that could help his latter problem.

“The Salt Block? Alright, I’ll bite.”

As Cheese pushed open the swinging doors of the tavern, the mellow light of the lanterns filled every corner with a warm cheer, which helped Cheese start to relax for the night. He looked around to see all sorts of ponies drinking, hoof wrestling or just chatting to one another. He spots the bar at the back of the tavern, whose only occupants were the bartender and some pony in a purple cape and hat. He couldn't tell if it was a stallion or mare from where he stood, not that he ever had an issue making friends with either. The bartender, a light-blue earth pony stallion with a trim dark mustache and old, seasoned blue eyes waved at Cheese as he approached.

“What will it be, partner?”

“Cider. Hard.”

“You got it.”

The bartender prepared his drink and set it in front of the Cheese Sandwich. He took a sip and smacked his lips in appreciation. Cheese stifled a yawn, giving an apologetic smile to the bartender and the pony beside him, who he could know see was a mare wearing thick red-rimmed glasses. He was tired, but in a way that filled his chest with well-deserved pride. He brought another smile to a pony who needed it. Now he could enjoy some down time, cider in hoof, before he would make his way to bed.

A great way to spend one's evening.

He looked around the tavern and pony watched for a bit. Most ponies were drinking, some played games, and some even danced, however clumsily, with much bravado. He noticed one incident where a stallion smacked a mare's flank and was rewarded by a swift buck to the face. Cheese grimaced but couldn't help but chuckle. He returned to his own drink, taking another sip. Cheese heard the door to the tavern swing open, at which he spun around, just in time to see a blue mare with a purple cape covered in stars. She wore a magician's hat, covered in the same pattern, adorning her silky mane. She trotted inside, paying no mind to the rabble and sat her hat down on the bar. A light-pink aura faded from her horn as she took one of the bar seats for herself.

“Oh, barkeep! Please provide Trixie with a drink.”

“What will it be, ma’am?”

“Surprise Trixie.”

“Coming right up.”

“Apparently her name is Trixie,” Cheese thought.

The Bartender slide a small glass of clear liquid, topped with bits of yellow petals, across the wooden bar counter. Trixie caught it in her magic and gave a nod of thanks to the stallion. As she took a sip, her eyes widened in alarm, right before her face twisted, her nose scrunched, and her eyes watered in protest. While the faces Trixie made might have been comedic in another situation, Cheese didn’t feel any urge to laugh at her reaction.

“Hey, barkeep, what did you give her?” Cheese asked the bartender.

“I gave her some daffodil vodka, guess she don’t like the strong stuff.”

“Hmm, I guess not. Oh, can I order another cider?” He tapped his hoof and pointed to his side, a smile edging across his face.

Trixie glared at her drink, her hooves crossed in firm refusal, before the bartender passed her a mug of amber liquid, a warm foam threatening to flow over the top.

“Excuse me, but Trixie did not order this.”

“Compliments from the stallion at the end over there,” the bartender replied, his hoof pointed at the yellow earth pony stallion who sat at the end of the bar.

Trixie squinted her eyes towards the stranger. Surely this must be some attempt to woo her? Trixie was not a mare of loose virtue though and wouldn’t be won so easily. However, she was trying to be a better pony, so she should at least thank the stranger. She got up from her seat and sat next to the pony.

“Trixie thanks you for the drink.”

“Tis no problem, little filly. I just noticed you didn't care for that daffodil vodka.”

“That explains it. Trixie never cared for vodka herself.”

“That's why I got you cider. Can’t go wrong with cider.“

“Oh, Trixie completely agrees. Just know this is not an invitation to a late date with me.”

“Ha-ha,” Cheese chuckled. “I wouldn’t dream of it, little filly. Just thought you can use a drink that didn’t try to pick a fight with your taste buds.”

“That's what they all say,” said a nearby voice.

Both Trixie and Cheese Sandwich turned their heads to the origin of the voice. Their eyes fall on the one other pony at the bar with the purple cape and hat, her big red framed glasses halfway down her muzzle, who was enjoying what appeared to be a martini. She took a sip and stared back at them.

“You have a problem?”

“No, but what makes you think I would take advantage of the situation?” replied Cheese Sandwich.

“I been around the block, boy and it happens more than you’d think,” replied the mare in the hat.

“Well thank you all the same,” Trixie said as she looked back at Cheese.

The sound of sipping cider was the only noise between them for a moment, the warm, frothy liquid filling their insides.

“The name is Sandwich. Cheese Sandwich.”

“Trixie Lulamoon,” she said as she gestured to herself with a hoof. “I can't tell if you are trying to woo me or if you’re just clowning around.”

“A little of both,” Cheese chuckled. “Makes you feel better, don’t it?”

“I guess it does,” Trixie giggled.

“So you do admit you’re trying to woo her?” said the mare in the hat.

“Hmm, I guess in a way I am, but nothing wrong with making somepony happy, am I right?”

The mare sat in silence for a bit. She sipped her drink and squinted at Cheese Sandwich.

“No, I suppose not. You kinda reminded me of a friend of mine.” The mare’s frown lifted into a small smile. “I’m A.K. Yearling, sorry for being rude,” she said as got up and sat closer to the two ponies.

“Wait…” Trixie’s eyed widened. “Yearling? The A.K. Yearling? The author of the Daring Do series?” Trixie questioned, her mouth agape.

“Heh-heh. I see my reputation proceeds me.”

“I can’t blame Trixie here for being excited to meet you. Even if somepony didn't like your books, it be hard for them to not have heard about you.”

“I suppose so. It does get tiring after a while though.”

“What do you mean?” both Trixie and Cheese Sandwich said in unison.

“When you acquire a certain degree of fame and popularity it gets to the point where ponies demand more from you that eventually it seems you’re not even expected to not have a life. I guess that's why I always kept to myself.”

“So what brings you here to Appleloosa?” Cheese asked Yearling.

“Let’s just say I heard there was something out here in the desert that might just give me some inspiration for my newest novel.”

“Like what?” Trixie asked.

Yearling shook her head, a soft smile on her lips. “Sorry, Trixie, that’d essentially be a spoiler, and I would hate to ruin the next book for you.”

“Trixie for one does not see what could inspire you in this celestia forsaken land of sand,” she said as her eyes drifted to the windows of the saloon. The barren desert wind picked up, as if in response to Trixie’s comment, a large tumbleweed flowing past her view.

“You don't like it here?” Cheese asked Trixie.

“Like it?” Trixie put a hoof to her chin. “The town is...fine, but the walk here in the desert was dreadful! I can't think of any other time I wanted to just keel over!”

“Why didn't you just take the train?” Cheese asked.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie trots where she goes! She brings the show to all the good fillies and gentlecolts! If Trixie takes the train she would miss potential show spots and the ponies that would shower her with adoration! As if I could ever do such a thing!”

“Ha! You said I instead of your name!” Cheese pointed out.

“Trixie is not perfect after all,” Trixie turned her head in a huff. “That’s what makes her the most humble pony.” she replied with a sip of her cider. That was followed by laughter from Cheese and Yearling.

“Hah! You guys aren’t so bad. I guess it’s nice to chat sometimes,” A.K said.

“You really were the loner huh?” Cheese asked with a warm smile.

“Yea you could say that, or at least it was that way, until I met her.”

“Her?”

“She’s a fan of mine. I was on a...trip to research for the novel I was writing at the time. Anyway, she found me and wouldn’t stop bugging me. At first, I didn't want her to get in my way and thought she just was idol worshipping. That seemed to be the way of things, but then I got into a...situation with some things.”

“Trixie completely understands how fans can get overbearing.”

“So then what happened?” Cheese asked.

“She helped me out. It was a good thing she had friends with her, but she showed me that sometimes you just can't do everything on your own. Really opened my eyes. Some time later, I was at a Daring Do convention, dealing with some… stalkers. She came to my aid and proved that she was far more than a fan, but a true friend.

“I can drink to that!” Cheese said, then chugged the rest of his drink. He frowned at the empty mug, but blinked in surprise as it was refilled. He turned to Yearling with a smile.

“As a sign of me being sorry for being rude. No law that says a mare can't buy a stallion a drink, right?”

“Amen sister.”

“Trixie also thinks there is no law against a mare buying another mare a drink.”

“Don’t push it kid.”

Trixie huffed while the others chuckled at her. They enjoyed their cider in peace, save for the occasional yell from ponies across the bar. Apparently, some drunk mare had just beaten a stallion in a hoof-wrestling contest. The group chuckled at the commotion, and slowly, Yearling’s focus wandered back to Cheese Sandwich, his cheerful face drawing a question from her.

“So I overheard you like to make ponies happy?”

“That I do!”

“In what sense?”

“Oh, well, I’m a party planner! I travel all over Equestria and search for anypony who needs a good smile and give the the greatest party ever! It’s what I been doing ever since I was a little colt!”

“I imagine it gets stressful at times?”

Cheese sandwich shrugged and gave a soft smile. “Sometimes, but I get to make ponies happy, which makes me happy. Before this, I didn’t seem to fit in anywhere, I had no friends, and eventually, became so miserable that I ran away from home.”

“Trixie believes that is rather extreme.”

“Hey, we were all young once,” Cheese chuckled. “Anyway, I happened across a party. All the ponies were so… happy. When they saw me, they treated me like if I was an invited guest and then I met this filly. She inspired me to make other ponies happy just as she did. She planned that party, which made all those ponies smile. From that moment, I knew what I wanted to do with my life, and from there, sought out to make all of Equestria happy with my parties!”

“Wait, so you planned that big party in town?” Trixie frowned. “My wagon almost got destroyed by your party tank! No wonder Trixie couldn't get anypony to see her magnificence. They were too distracted by the cheesiest party in Equestria! ” Trixie said, a bit of steam escaping from her ears.

“How about another drink?” Cheese said as he purposely avoided eye-contact.

“So what is it you do Trixie?” A.K asked before taking another sip.

“Trixie also travels the realm of Equestria making ponies happy. The Great and Powerful Trixie is traveling performer, with magic galore that can make anypony envious!” Trixie coughed a bit as she looked at the ground. “Though recently, I been working on my apology tour.”

“Wait, why is it called that?” Cheese asked her. A.K raised an eyebrow as she stared at Trixie.

“Well, Trixie has been performing for as long as she can recall. However, that changed one evening when I pulled into a small town. At times, I would claim I have vanquished an Ursa Major! Then it all went terribly wrong.”
Trixie’s eyes moved to the ceiling as she recalled the terrible day, her bottom lip quivering. “Some… devoted fans were so enamored by Trixie that they brought an actual ursa to town, just so I could vanquish it.”

“Wow.” Cheese replied.

“Let me guess,” Daring replied with a raised eyebrow. “You were lying.”

“Trixie admits it wasn’t her best moment.” Trixie looked away from the pair of ponies beside her. “To Trixie’s everlasting shame, she was rescued by an upstart of a unicorn. She lulled the bear to sleep, and then humiliated Trixie further when she revealed it was only an ursa minor! To think that Trixie got shown up by that little… no, that's in the past.” Trixie took another sip. Her ears laid back as memories flooded over her. Her eyes glistened and a tear actually dares to fall from her eye. She sniffled and blinked, then continued.

“Trixie held onto that bitter emotion. She tried to one up that unicorn who got the better of her. It even worked… at first. But in the end, the unicorn bested Trixie again, and with Trixie’s own magic! Despite all that had happened and how bitter I was, she still forgave me. A year or two later, I returned to town to show I was a different mare. I met a pony with a similar past, somepony to whom Trixie could relate. She honestly became my first friend.

Trixie smiled as she recalled the past moment.

“Turns out, she was also friends with the same pony that had bestest Trixie. She, of course, got jealous of Trixie. Trixie used that, and her friend, to prove Trixie could beat her, in at least one way.” Trixie slumped, then gave a sad smile. “But all I accomplished was to hurt my friend’s feelings.”

Cheese was quiet while Yearling took a long drink.

“Sounds like to me you deserved what you got,” Yearling said. “Being such a bitter-”

“But I apologized!” Trixie said. Her speech pattern slipped as desperation seeped into her voice. “And despite my scheming, I did mean it. She was-no-is my friend. She told me I am really gifted with illusion magic, even better than most ponies she’d seen. It could have been a lie, yes, but Trixie felt… good to hear recognition of her talents.” Trixie ordered a new drink and took a long sip. Her ears laid back once again as she stared at the ponies around the bar, then back at Cheese and Yearling.

“Even Trixie makes mistakes, we all do.” she murmured.

The three ponies sat quietly pondering what she said. Despite the drunken banter in the building silenced filled the bartop for what seemed like hours.

“Well, based on how you sound, Trixie, you’re well on your way to being a better pony!” Cheese said.

“We all make mistakes, Trixie, but as long as we learn from them, as you have, we can become better ponies. If it wasn’t for my friend, I might still be doing things by myself. I wonder if I’d even be here if it wasn’t for her,” Yearling said as she closed her eyes.

“Heck, without my friend, I probably wouldn't be traveling all over Equestria giving ponies smiles!” Cheese replied.

“Trixie is glad to befriend ponies who can tolerate her great and powerfulness!” she said as she stood on her hind legs, everypony turning to watch the spectacle before them.

“And her overabundance of humbleness,” Yearling said as Trixie’s blue coat took on a red tinge. “The land of Equestria...where friendships can bloom.” Yearling said as she raised her mug.

“Amen to that sister!” Cheese cried as he mirrored her action.

Cheese Sandwich looked at them, a huge grin spread across his face.

“To new friends!”

“To new friends.”

“To great and powerful friends!”

The ponies clinked their drinks together and drank. The night would surely contain more conversation, and more drinks along with it. For there is no better end to an evening than a warm drink in one hoof, and great friends in the other.

Author's Note

First story. Hopefully I live up to my name