The great nation of Equestria can be thought of as a microcosm for the entire world upon which it lies. Majestic, arctic peaks to the north roll into flowing foothills at median latitudes, where the tips of city skyscrapers touch the sky. Each hoofmade structure is a testament to pony engineering - they preside over a daily grind that never ends, and cosmopolitan nightlife suited to every taste. In the south, where tumbleweeds sweep across the prairie, diligent ponies great and small trot to a beat all their own, working hard and playing hard in equal measure.
Somewhere in between, in the unassuming, sleepy hamlet of Ponyville - a tiny town with a curious penchant for producing ponies destined to save the world - a brisk June afternoon sees the light of Celestia’s grace shine down upon a day much like any other.
But not every day can be a climactic one.
* * * * *
Her eyes closed by the sun, Twilight Sparkle turned her thoughts to the sights and sounds of the nation of her birth. Despite her education, she had never quite realized just how many of them had been unknown to her before her royal ascension and subsequent ability to see it all from above. Truly there was a blessing to being an alicorn, in that she could now experience life from the perspective of every tribe.
She exchanged pleasantries with a number of well-wishing passersby, as she trotted amicably down a familiar street beside her trusty, draconic assistant. Spike, his arms filled with a stack of heavy, folded bath towels in myriad colors, sought an explanation for his curious burden.
“Hey Twilight,” He complained, “When are you gonna tell me why we’re carrying a bunch of bath towels through town? The swimming hole is in the other direction and I swear-” He paused long enough to waggle his foot for dramatic effect, “My bunions are getting bunions!”
Twilight held a small stack of towels as well. Her smile, blossoming in time with the quaint afternoon, was unfettered by weight - her bundle was floating beside her head in the raspberry hue of her magic.
“Oh Spike,” She chuckled, “You can’t get bunions. You have scales all over your feet!”
“Tch, yeah,” Spike rolled his eyes, his pitch dropping to a droll level, “you tell that to my feet. Do I at least get to know where we’re going before I pass out from heat exhaustion?”
It was Twilight’s turn to glance dramatically heavenward. “You’re cold-blooded and you breathe fire. Trust me, you’re not going to get heat exhaustion in seventy-eight degrees. And didn’t I tell you? Rarity asked for these, so we’re taking them to the Carousel Boutique. The message she sent said it was urgent.”
“We’re going to see Rarity?” Spike brightened, “Wait...doesn’t she have clean towels of her own?”
Twilight shrugged, “You’d think so. I guess she assumed we’d have extras, since there are at least ten bathrooms in the palace than nopony ever even uses.” She giggled slightly, “I don’t even remember where they all are!”
“I do,” Spike mumbled, “I clean them whether they get used or not, because spiders like to hang out where there aren’t any ponies.” He shivered, “...ergh, spiders...”
Inconsequential banter saw the pair to the stately, chic business and home of Rarity, the most fashionable pony in town. A rap from Twilight’s hoof upon Rarity’s divided door elicited a muffled reply from the pony within-
“Twilight, is that you dear?” Rarity called, “It’s open, please be my guest!”
Spike, despite his burden, did the honors, and the pair soon found themselves amidst the many mirrors, canvas mannequins, and haute couture of Rarity’s abode. Within stood the mistress of the house in full work mode, with a measuring tape around her neck and her red cheaters resting on her muzzle.
“Oh Twilight, thank you so much for coming by so promptly!” Rarity exclaimed, relieving Spike of his burden via a cerulean flash of her own unicorn magic. “And on such short notice, too!”
“W-who’s busy!?” Spike interjected. “I’m not busy, no sir-ee! We’ve never busy when Rarity needs us, right Twilight?”
Twilight raised a brow, but allowed Spike the expected show of syrupy affection for the target of his infatuation. “It’s no problem at all Rarity,” She said simply, “But what did you need towels for?”
“Yeah,” Spike added, glancing around, “Don’t you have any of your own?”
“Spike, hush,” Twilight scolded gently.
“No no, it’s quite alright darling,” Rarity waved a hoof dismissively. “It’s a valid question. I do, but they’re all in the wash. You see, my pussy is wet again, and it’s been happening so often lately that I just cannot seem to keep a nice posh, absorbent surface around to rub her up against.”
Twilight and Spike glanced at one another. Spike spoke first, scratching his crest with a talon.
“...come again?”
“My pussy, sweetie,” Rarity sat the towels down on the floor and repeated, “My pussy has been getting wet a lot lately, and it’s starting to interfere with my schedule. I mean honestly,” She waved her foreleg dramatically at a sewing table filled with swatches and half-completed outfits, “how can anypony be expected to produce fabulous specimens of high fashion when they have a wet, dripping pussy constantly staining the carpet?”
Spike gaped. Twilight put a hoof on his shoulder and addressed her friend. “Rarity...why...um...” She could barely bring herself to say it, “...why exactly is your...ahem...’pussy’ wet?”
Rarity was sifting through a collection of fabric bolts, passing them by in an assembly line while nodding or shaking her head at each. She chuckled lightly, “Twilight, really, do I need to explain that? Occasional wetness is only natural when you have a pussy, wouldn’t you say?” She shrugged, “But if you really must know, it’s because of my cock.”
Twilight’s hooves were now on Spike’s ears. “...your...your cock?”
“That’s right dear,” Rarity replied easily, “You did know that I have a cock, didn’t you? I’m really quite fond of him, which is unexpected because I was expecting him to just be a bother.”
Twilight could tell her attempts at censorship were not working. Spike’s neck craned with every absent swish of Rarity’s tail, as he tried desperately to confirm what he was hearing.
“You...could have fooled me?” Twilight replied.
“Oh?” Rarity queried, “Come now Twilight, we’ve spent enough time together. Surely you’ve seen my pussy wet before, and you must have met my cock by now. You can’t possibly not have seen him.”
Twilight shook her head in disbelief, “Wait...just wait a minute here, let me get this straight. You’re telling us that you needed towels, even though you have towels already, but all of your towels are in the wash, because your pussy is getting wet so often that you’ve been rubbing it up against them and getting them all dirty too quickly?”
“Mmhm,” Rarity hummed absently.
“And your pussy is getting wet because of your cock?”
“Yes.”
“And you actually have a cock, which is unprecedented enough, which you also happen to like having?”
“That’s right dear!” Rarity sang.
“...you hide it well,” Twilight observed, her gaze now also absorbed by Rarity’s curly tail. Rarity noticed the glancing and ultimately added her own.
“What?” She peered, “Am I still a little dirty back there? Such a bother,” She sighed, “You see, my cock was awake with the sun this morning, as you might expect him to be, but he wouldn’t give me a moment’s peace, so I had to do something to bring him under control. I’m afraid I...fell on my rump in the dirt outside while I was at it.”
“You...were doing something about your cock,” Twilight repeated. “Outside. In broad daylight.”
Rarity sighed, “Yes yes, I know, having to take care of him that way is just so embarrassing. But Fluttershy told me it might happen, so I cannot say I wasn’t warned.” She chuckled, “But I could hardly control him very well indoors, now could I?”
“R-Rarity has a...” Spike muttered nonsensically, “...but...I thought she was a...you’re telling me she’s a...!!”
Twilight checked Spike’s nose for blood and tried to derail the conversation, “What’s Fluttershy got to do with any of this?”
“What indeed!” Rarity replied as she ensorcelled a pair of scissors and began to cut from a bolt of velvet, “She gave me my cock, of course.”
“...gave you a cock.”
“Yes dear,” Rarity sighed, “Are you certain you’re feeling alright? Where else would I get a cock except from Fluttershy?”
Twilight felt heat rising in her cheeks, “...did she use magic? Like a potion or something?”
“Magic?” Rarity pondered the question, touching a hoof to her chin in thought. “Well, I don’t really know. My cock was quite tame when I first got him. I wouldn’t expect that from her, but I guess it’s possible. A magic potion would be the most efficient way to give me a cock, now that you mention it. Otherwise he might have been agitated all the way home, and then I would have had to just stop by the side of the road to calm him down!”
A light, almost inaudible knock sounded from the door. Spike lit up like a sparkler.
“I-I’ll get it!!” He cried, and was off like a bullet before anypony could get a word in edgewise. He threw back the door to find a pair of familiar ponies at the threshold, one of whom nearly kicked him in the head while preparing to knock again.
“Oh, Spike!” Fluttershy reared, pulling her hoof back just in time. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t expecting you to be here!”
Spike said nothing. The cloudy incomprehension on his face made him look like a mouse asking for a way out of a maze. Applejack, who stood at the entrance by Fluttershy’s side, eyed the little dragon.
“You alright, Spike?” She offered. “Can’t say I know much about how dragons work, but you ain’t been so pale since...well every time y’see Rarity, I suppose...”
“Rarity...” Spike meeped, “...I thought she was a...but she’s a...i-is that...I don’t understand...”
“What’re you on about?” Applejack made a face. “You’re sputterin’ more than Pinkie Pie after a trot through a poison joke patch.”
“Ah, Fluttershy, Applejack!” Rarity waved, “You’re just in time. Please, come in, come in.”
The two newcomers circumvented the stationary dragon and complied. Fluttershy favored Spike with a worried glance in passing, and then addressed. Twilight-
“Is he okay?”
“Gee, I don’t know,” Twilight said sarcastically, “I think maybe the conversation we’re having might just be a little much for him, don’t you think Rarity?” She eyed Rarity, who started back without comprehension.
“Why, whatever do you mean dear? We’re just talking about my cock.”
“Oh, how’s your cock doing, Rarity?” Fluttershy spoke up, “I was a little worried. I know how a cock can be in the morning when you’re not used to having one. Very distracting.”
“I’ll say!” Applejack chipped in. “Mine never skips a beat, every morning like clockwork!”
“You...” Twilight gulped, “...you have a cock too, Applejack?”
“Sure do,” Applejack perked. “I appreciate him a lot, but I tell ya, once he gets going sometimes I gotta take matters into my own hooves to get him to stop!”
“Oh my,” Fluttershy’s eyes were on the towels, “Is your cock getting your pussy wet, Rarity?”
Rarity sighed, “It would seem so. I really should have expected that to happen once they started interacting. They chafe a bit you see, and the one is always getting the other soaking wet if they bump together much.”
“Have you tried some entertainment?” Applejack inquired. “Sometimes tirin’ your cock out can be the answer when he’s overactive. Just the other day Apple Bloom brought some of her filly friends over to take care of mine.”
“What!?” Twilight choked.
“What?” Applejack repeated. “The three of them played with him for hours.”
“I-is that legal?” Twilight huffed.
“Uhhh...I can’t see why it wouldn’t be,” Applejack blinked, “They all had a great time. They were so full of him by the time they finished that they were plumb tuckered out, too.”
“D-does Miss Cherliee know that fillies play with your cock!?” Twilight insisted.
Applejack pushed up the brim of her cap to scratch her forehead. “I think so, sure. They took him in for show an’ tell once. I had to go too of course, since he’s kinda wild and I didn’t want him gettin’ anypony in trouble. But she said the fillies could come by the farm anytime they wanted to, to play with him.”
“You...can’t be serious.” Twilight stared
Applejack made a face, “Since when am I ever not serious, Twi? The colts are welcome too! The way they all like to chase my cock around, wearin’ him down? It’s a regular cocktease, and that’s the truth!”
Three of the four ponies present shared a laugh.
“A-are you sure he’s really yours though, Applejack?” Fluttershy said between giggles, “Technically that’s Granny Smith’s cock, isn’t it?”
“Eh, Granny don’t have so much giddy in her up these days,” Applejack admitted. “And Big Mac has his own troubles. I guess he used to be Granny’s cock, but she gave him to me one night after we shared a couple mugs of the high-quality cider we keep for special occasions. It was important to her, I guess. But if the young ones want to play with Granny’s cock, I can’t see the harm in-”
“Okay!” Twilight cut in, “J-just stop already!” She turned to Fluttershy sharply, “Do you have a pussy!?”
“...Twilight...” Fluttershy blushed, “...of course I have a pussy...”
Twilight continued to grill her companion, “Does your pussy get soaked whenever you rub it against your cock?” She began to laugh neurotically, “Because at this point I just have to assume that you have a cock, like every other mare in the room!”
Fluttershy scrunched her muzzle in confusion, and then glanced behind herself at the door. “I don’t know if I would call it ‘rubbing up against each other’. They play together sometimes, and I guess it gets sort of, I don’t know...spirited? But I haven’t seen my pussy in awhile. Sometimes I look back there for her and I just sort of forget where she is.”
“You forget where your pussy is?” Twilight stammered.
Fluttershy looked sheepish, “S-sometimes? That sounds pretty silly, doesn’t it. One time I went to play with my pussy but I couldn’t find her. It was three days before I figured out where she was, but I don’t worry too much about that. She sort of has a mind of her own and she likes to prowl around town on her own sometimes.”
Twilight held a hoof to her temple and took a long, deep breath. She glanced at Applejack. “And how about your pussy? Is your cock also some magically prehensile thing-” Twilight waved her hooves around, “-that can just make your own pussy wet whenever it happens to rub against it all by itself!?”
“Oh,” Applejack chuckled, “I don’t have a pussy, Twi.”
“...you WHAT?”
“No pussy for me!” Applejack explained, “It’s just my cock! But I do have a bitch, as you well know. Sometimes I git that bitch chasin’ my cock, and hoo-wee, what a humdinger that turns out to be!”
Fluttershy piped up, “You know, because I don’t always know where my pussy is, sometimes my cock gets overactive with nothing to do. When that happens, he usually just plays with my plot instead.”
“...I just...” Twilight twitched, “...I don’t even...”
“Oh yes Darling, that totally happens with my cock too,” Rarity added. “Outside like that, he’s always near my plot, so sometimes he plays around with it.”
Applejack smirked, “I should hope your cock is playin’ on your plot! You should keep your cock near your plot all the time, or else he might get lost.”
“Oh, but just the other day,” Fluttershy replied, “I was going to bring my cock to play with Rarity’s cock, on her plot. You know, because I gave her that cock, and I thought they might miss each other. Plots are a wonderful way for cocks to play together.”
“Oh my, that’s so thoughtful of you!” Rarity said as she continued to go about the business of fabric preparation, “But I’m not sure if that’s the best idea where my pussy is concerned. With two cocks around, she’d end up soaked so badly I wouldn’t know what to do with her!”
“Why am I the only pony here without a cock!?” Twilight cut in sharply. “Up until about ten minutes ago I spent my entire life thinking it was normal for a pony like me to not have a cock, but now I’m not so sure!”
“Twilight dear, do you even have a pussy?” Rarity asked obliviously.
“YES! I have a pussy!” Twilight declared to the room.
“Ya do?” Applejack tilted her head inquisitively, “I ain’t never seen her.”
“Gee, really?” Twilight huffed, “Maybe if I walk around town with my tail hiked up around my back, you could tell a little better? I didn’t think I had to provide proof!”
“Hold on now, just hold on,” Applejack raised a calming hoof, “Don’t get your dander up, Twi. If you say you got a pussy, I believe you.”
“Of course we do,” Fluttershy added.
Rarity looked thoughtful. “You know Twilight, you actually do have a cock, when you think about it.”
Twilight actually glanced back at herself. “...I do?”
Spike was still standing at the door. He had done an about face, but his stupefied, gaping maw made it clear that he had no idea what to do with this conversation. Rarity indicated him with a wag of her chin.
“Well, a cock is always there to wake you up in the morning, yes?”
“I’m sure I have no idea,” Twilight replied.
“Yes, well,” Rarity went on, “Spike is essentially the cock of your household then, is he not?”
Spike’s eyes were looking in every direction except at the ponies in the room, “...cocks...uh...yeah well, they...do wake you up...sometimes...I guess...”
“Exactly!” Rarity chimed. “So that makes you Twilight’s cock!”
“Spike is my assistant!” Twilight whined, “NOT my cock!”
“Ain’t that sorta the same thing?” Applejack observed. “Bein’ your cock is part of his job, yanno?”
Spike summoned up nerve enough to speak, “I...my cock, um...Rarity...s-since we’re talking about them, um...my cock...would kinda like to...uh...make your pussy wet...”
“Oh Spikey-wikey,” Rarity cooed, “Don’t be silly. You don’t have a cock.”
Spike nearly swooned, “I...I do so have a cock! Look, it’s right he--”
“Spike!” Twilight galloped over and interposed herself between her assistant and her friends. “There are mares present!”
“B-but I do have a cock!” Spike complained.
“Naw, Spike,” Applejack quipped, “Rarity’s sayin’ you are a cock. Not that you got one.”
“And that’s something to be proud of!” Fluttershy smiled. “Cocks are very diligent, and a lot of fun to play with!”
“Oh yes,” Rarity agreed, “I might have to calm my cock down sometimes, and he might get his jollies making my pussy wet all the time such that I have to rub her against something soft to dry her off, but now that I have a cock, I can’t even imagine how I ever got by without one.”
“C-can...can I be your cock, Rarity...?” Spike muttered in a daze.
Rarity pondered that, and eventually shrugged. “Well, I don’t see why not every now and then, if you really want to come and wake me up in the morning the way a cock does, Spike.” Her eyes slid to Twilight, “But I’d think Twilight would want to keep you to herself. We all have a special relationship with our cocks, you know.”
“If it weren’t for my cock,” Applejack agreed, “Big Mac would probably be in my room every morning, wakin’ me up. I dunno how he wakes up without my cock. Maybe he’s got one of his own that I don’t know about, heh.”
“...you don’t know whether or not your brother has a cock?” Twilight irked.
“If he does, he keeps him a good secret!” Applejack chuckled. “I bet if mine weren’t around, he’d use his on me every morning!”
“Stop, just STOP already!” Twilight flailed. “How can the three of you just stand here and talk about something like this!?”
Rarity grinned, “Oh wait...I see what’s going on here...” She sauntered over to Twilight and came up beside her. “Twilight darling, are you having just a tiny bit of cock envy?”
“What? No!”
“Does your brother have a cock?” Rarity asked blatantly.
“Of course he does!!”
“Ah, there, you see? And I bet you never had one?”
“No Rarity,” Twilight hacked, “I have never had a cock, but I’m starting to think I’m the odd pony out because of that!”
Rarity perked her eyebrows and put on a sympathetic expression as she reached out to pat Twilight’s withers. “Darling, we understand. You don’t have to be upset about it. If Shining Armor has a cock, he was probably waking you up with him every day when you were both together back in Canterlot. The Big Mac comment wasn’t intended to make you feel homesick for your brother’s cock.”
“Aw, heck no,” Applejack looked apologetic, “I was just kiddin’, Twi. Sorry about that.”
“But isn’t Spike your cock now?” Fluttershy mused. “I guess that isn’t the same as your brother having a cock to wake up the whole house in the morning, but Spike’s still important to you, right?”
Twilight gave Fluttershy an evil eye. “You’re not about to tell me your brother woke you up with his cock every morning growing up, are you?”
“Oh dear me, no,” Fluttershy laughed. “Zephyr doesn’t have a cock. He’d never be responsible enough to handle one.”
“Thank you...I think...” Twilight said somberly.
“But I had one growing up,” Fluttershy continued. “So I woke him up with him. And mom and dad, too.”
“That does it!” Twilight exclaimed, “Rarity, keep the towels, Spike and I have...princess stuff to go do!”
“Certainly dear, and thank you so much for bringing them,” Rarity smiled. “I’ll pass them on to Sweetie Belle in just a moment. She’s out back making sure my cock doesn’t get my pussy any wetter than she already is.”
“Just...fine, whatever!” Twilight made for the door, yanking Spike along with her magic, “I’ll see you all lat-OOF!”
A firm object in the doorway sent Twilight toppling back on her rump. She turned to see what it was she had just trotted into, and found herself looking up into the grinning visage of Pinkie Pie.
“Hey Twilight!” Pinkie smiled. “Hi girls! I just came by for those super awesome party hats I had on special order Rarity, are they ready yet?”
“Ah, of course dear!” Rarity replied. “Wait just one moment and I’ll get them for you. Why, you’ll be having the most stylish party this side of Manehatten when you use these!”
Pinkie looked a little crestfallen, “I sure hope so. Some birthday ponies can be a little...particular? I’m pretty sure showing up to Spoiled Rich’s surprise party with regular old paper hats probably won’t work out too well. Even if it was all her husband’s idea. He’s awfully sweet when you get right down to it. Like a rock candy cherry on top of a big butterscotch and whipped cream, fourteen layer surprise cake!”
Still on her knees, Twilight reached up to place her hooves on Pinkie’s chest. “Pinkie Pie, please tell me you don’t have a cock!”
“What? Of course not silly!” Pinkie replied. “I don’t think that would be such a good idea at Sugarcube Corner. There’s lots of neighbors nearby. If I had a cock, I’d probably be waking up half the town with it! Which I guess would actually be kinda fun, but-”
“And you do have a pussy, right?” Twilight asked hopefully. Pinkie just shook her head merrily.
“Nope! I don’t have either one! Maud has a cock though.” Pinkie pondered, “Well, hers is made of solid rock!”
“Well, that sure explains a lot,” Applejack said.
Twilight pulled herself to her hooves, “...fine just...as long as one of my friends doesn’t have a cock...I feel somewhat normal again...”
Pinkie blinked, completely oblivious, and brightened. “Oh, Twilight! Next week Mister Cake is going to mix up a special batch of his baby batter! And I get to lick the bowl! You should come by before Pound and Pumpkin get it all inside them and there’s none left! Missus Cake just loves it too - you should see how big her tummy gets when she gets filled with too much of it!”
“Nope! J-just...just nope!!”
Twilight Sparkle fled the Carousel Boutique as fast as her legs could carry her. Spike, riding in reverse upon her back, gazed at the retreating Eden behind him, wondering if he might truly be allowed to come back tomorrow morning to be a cock for his unrequited paramour.
Pinkie watched Twilight leave, and blinked at the other ponies in the room. “What did I say? We’re having a birthday party for the foals. They sure do love extra-sugary cupcakes!”
“I dunno,” Fluttershy mused, “I think she misses her brother’s cock. I guess Princess Cadance gets the benefit of it now. Poor thing.”
“Oh, my pussy simply adores cupcakes,” Rarity commented. “I’m sure she’d love being filled with some of those.”
“Oh! So does my cock!” Fluttershy added, “A cock looks funny when you stick a cupcake in him, but it’s all in good fun!”
“Sure!” Pinkie grinned, “The more the merrier!”
“I’ll bring my cock too,” Applejack said. “I bet all the colts and fillies at Apple Bloom’s school would love to come by and get filled up with some baby batter, if you can handle that many at once.”
“You bet!” Pinkie smiled. “Do you have any extra cocks, Fluttershy? I bet we could use ‘em!”
“Mmhm,” Fluttershy smiled back, “I’ll make a point of it. I bet they’d just love to play with Rarity’s pussy.”
Rarity rolled her eyes and laughed sardonically, “Oh, my pussy will just love that. She’ll end up wet again for sure!”
Fluttershy looked concerned. She glanced out the door, “Hey, everypony...I think maybe we upset Twilight.”
Applejack scratched her forehead again, “Sure can’t figure out what got her hooves in a tangle this mornin’, but I didn’t mean nothin’ by it.”
Rarity perked up, “Oh! Why don’t we all bring our cocks to the palace tomorrow morning and let them play with her pussy? She did say she has a pussy, did she not? Maybe that would make her pine a little less for a touch of her youth.”
“What a super idea!” Pinkie added. “I don’t have a cock, but I’ll get Mister Cake to mix up some extra-special baby batter! We’ll fill her so full of it that she’ll have her fill of cocks for weeks!”
“Here here!” They all shouted.
* * * * *
In the sleepy hamlet of Ponyville, at a certain boutique, four ponies shared in a merry afternoon. On the other side of town, a fifth spent the day staring at herself in the mirror and pouring over anatomy textbooks.
