Letters From Octavia

by Ponies in Sox

Rating: everyone
Tags: Octavia, Slice of Life, DJ P0N-3, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Romance
Length: 12371

Vinyl leaves Octavia in Canterlot as she tries to start her career. Octavia struggles with depression and childhood trauma as she learns to live alone. Vinyl must comfort her and learn to be a good girlfriend with a hundred miles between them.

Vinyl Scratch leaves to seek her fortunes in Manehattan, leaving her marefriend Octavia behind in Canterlot. She promises to return when she can support them both but the emotionally damaged Octavia can't cope with being alone. She tries to find solace in writing Vinyl, but struggles to be honest about her ever worsening depression and alcoholism. Meanwhile Vinyl begins to realize her own shortcomings and must try to become the ideal marefriend through letter correspondents.

Published 2017-02-28 19:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-06 20:08:59 UTC

Chapter 1

“Dear Vinyl,
It’s only been a month and I’m already struggling. I thought writing you a letter might help make it easier. I’m not sure if it will but I feel closer to you already. I suppose by now you’ve started performing at parties again. I hope so. I think about how happy you look behind the mixing table every day. I’m sure you think about how sad I feel behind the bar every night. Don’t worry, I’m safe, like you always tell me to be. I carry the pepper spray you gave me whenever I’m out at night. I know how you worry about me and I hope that, that will set your mind at ease. I can’t stand the thought of you worrying about me each night. You only said once that you had trouble sleeping when I wasn’t with you, but now it haunts me. I worry every evening that you aren’t resting enough. Ironically, the thought keeps me awake.

Not that I can sleep well anyway. The bed is so large and empty without you there. I always complained about having less room because you’d hog the bed… But now it’s so empty. Now there’s too much room. It’s cold too. I never really thought about how cold it was when I first got in bed, because you were always there to warm me up instantly. I still hold onto those sweet nights that you’d warm me up the “fun way”. Those were the most wonderful moments of my life… Your arms around me… I always feel safe in your arms. I miss you, my sweet. Please hurry back to me and you be safe as well, because I worry about you too.

And… please don’t forget me. I know I’m clingy and you always call me desperate when you are mad, but still l must say it. I am so afraid that you’ll fall out of love with me. There are so many wonderful mares in Manehattan and I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I hope it doesn’t make you mad when you read this. I hope you understand how much I’ve missed you and how hard it’s been for me. My heart says you’d never stop loving me, but my brain keeps telling me that I’m not good enough for you, and that you’ll find someone so much better.

I’m sorry, Vinyl. I should be supportive. I want to tell you how proud I am, because it’s true. I want to tell you how amazing you’ll be and that you’ll be famous because no one could ever be better than you, and that’s true as well. But I have this gaping hole in me and it hurts every instant that I am not distracting myself. Sometimes in the morning I am hurting so deeply that I’ll just sit on the shower floor, sometimes raising my hooves to wash my mane is too exhausting, and sometimes I’ll see the most mundane thing and think of you, and burst into tears. Yesterday at the market I started crying over a pineapple of all things! Then this old mare started crying next to me because she thought I was going to buy the last pineapple. I won’t lie, that cheered me up somewhat.

Please forgive me. Maybe with time I will be the supportive mare you need. Perhaps with time I will love you properly and not be so selfish, but I had to tell you all of this at least once. I had to let know how I miss you and how every day seems longer than the last. I can’t lie to you. I want to be mean and tell you to come home. I want to be so cruel and keep you to myself… But I can’t do it. I can’t say that. I need you happy. Your happiness is what keeps me going. Without seeing that sweet smile every day, I don’t think I could keep going. I stare at your photograph all the time. That’s my little Vinyl fix for the day. You just moved to a different city, you didn’t die or leave me forever; so why do I feel so shattered? Why is my whole life a raw open wound and everything around me is salt, irritating it more and more?

I’m sorry, love. I told you I’d stop feeling sorry for myself. I said I’d be supportive; and I will. I can always write you. So, this is the last letter I’ll write like this. I just had to say it once. Please don’t hate me. Please don’t let my low spirits bring you down. I’m certain you are on the top of the world and I can’t hurt you by….”

Octavia stopped writing. She crumpled up the paper and threw it in the trash alongside a dozen other failed drafts. Her tears had stained the paper anyway so she couldn’t send that one. She looked at the tear-stained parchment in the bin. Vinyl couldn’t know how she was hurting. What kind of marefriend could do that? She had to be strong for Vinyl. Octavia sniffed a little and dried her eyes one more time. She lifted her pencil in her mouth again and carefully began writing.

“Dear Vinyl….” She paused a moment and sighed, then began again.

“My Dear Vinyl,
I know it’s been a month and I am just now writing. I hope you aren’t mad. I’ve been so depressed lately that I have barely been able to get out of bed. But I don’t want this letter to be about that….”

“BUT THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I’M DOING!!” Octavia screamed and pounded her hooves on the desk. She grabbed the paper and tore it to shreds, throwing her pencil. Veins pulses in her neck and forelegs as every muscle tensed and her fury at herself blinded her. She tore apart the room, throwing the desk over and ripping her sheets off the bed. The fury depleted itself rapidly and was instantly filled torrents of agonizing sorrow. She sank slowly onto the overturned desk, crying into her ripped sheets; sheets Vinyl had bought when they first moved in together. “Oh Celestia… forgive me...” She sobbed the words quietly, but they echoed through the bare apartment. The lonely cello in the corner still reverberated with the sound of Octavia’s scream, causing the low, ominous droning of cello strings to fill the room. Octavia had very little in the apartment. She was a pony of very few needs, and so when Vinyl had moved and taken all her belongings, she left a lonely, empty apartment behind. Most things Octavia had, were now ruined by were nightly rages. Barely anything was left to damage but the desk and the bed. Most of the kitchen appliances hadn't survived the first week of Vinyl's absence. Octavia cried harder into the sheets that suddenly meant so much to her now that she ruined them. Her heart throbbed more with every breath. Every second of her day was spent with the white mare for the past four years. She worshiped the ground the party pony walked on. Vinyl would get angry at her and would be impatient, but that’s just the sort behavior you expect from geniuses and Vinyl was a genius, there was no doubt about that to Octavia. Octavia herself was a great cellist, but Vinyl, in her eyes, could do no wrong. If Vinyl needed a certain level of patience herself that she couldn’t give, that was okay. Octavia was more patient than most and she could take it. After all, she was short tempered, but not abusive. The DJ gave Octavia everything she desired, right when she wished for it. She lived well because of her. Vinyl Scratch knew how desperate the cellist was and she knew the emotional damage that had caused her to be that way. Although she could reach the end of her fuse because she had a lot of baggage to handle, she took care Octavia. She sympathized with the little foal inside Octavia who had been so abused. Even when she snapped, Vinyl knew how to heal those old wounds and make the world seem brighter… Perhaps that was her true special talent.

The needy grey mare was happy with her DJ, and whatever tradeoffs were required of her were well worth it. She thought on how Vinyl would be so hurt, how Vinyl must surely think she had been moved on, and that not writing was a sign that Octavia didn’t truly love her. She imagined how hurt Vinyl would be to know that the mare she held above all else, had become a violent, bitter, alcoholic in just four short weeks. Octavia’s heart began to spasm with each gasp. She thought of Vinyl coming back, famous and wealthy, and blowing Octavia off. She imagined the white unicorn hating her for never writing, never understanding the agony that the Earth pony had felt, never knowing the weight of the depression that had seized her marefriend. Octavia breathed steadily and raised herself up. She slowly flipped the table into its proper orientation and sat on her bed. She wrapped herself in the two halves of the blanket and picked up another sheet of parchment and, after recovering her pencil from the floor, began to slowly write.

“My Dear Vinyl,
I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud of what you are doing and how dedicated you are to our future. Please write to me and tell me about how wonderful our life will be. I’ve missed hearing you talk about our life and how happy our children will be. I miss it more each day. I know you are probably worried because you haven't heard from me, and I need you to know that I’ve been faithful to you. I’ve not even thought about anyone else. I want you to know that. But…”

She paused and closed her eyes, trying to stay calm.

“I’ve been unable to write you because…”

She smiled through the tears and started writing slowly, deliberately thinking through every word choice.

“I have been offered first chair in a very prestigious string ensemble. So, you are building your career to make our dreams come true and so am I. I have been so excited to tell you but I had to confirm it was definite beforehand, so I wouldn’t get your hopes up.”

Octavia sniffed and smiled, exhausted. She would tell Vinyl she was replaced in a few weeks and all would be well. No doubt to Vinyl it would be because those hacks wouldn’t know talent if it hit them in the face. Sure, Vinyl would be upset at the imaginary ensemble, but this way she wouldn’t think that Octavia was simply not writing to her. She would chalk it up to Octavia wanting to surprise her and although she would think that it was a poor excuse, it did seem like the sort of thoughtlessness that Octavia regularly showed. The cellist’s smile faded again and her little joy at possibly saving her relationship was gone. Even if Vinyl wasn't upset, she would have to live with lying to the mare she loved, the mare she hoped to marry. Octavia breathed deeply and put it out of her mind for now. She had done this several times; fixing an issue and then getting herself worked up in regret for something she had done to fix it. She had to press forward and she could be punished later. This was too important to put off any longer.

“I picture you, happy behind the mixing table every night as I…” She paused, thought a moment, then continued. “as I fall asleep. I hope life is amazing for you right now, my angel. I just know you are already on your way to a great career in what you love. All I’ve ever wanted are your dreams to come true. Just don’t forget….”

Octavia stopped herself, becoming angry again. She punched her back leg with her foreleg hard. The pain helped her regain some self-control. Sighing with relief from the throbbing in her leg, she concluded the letter.

“about all the little ponies back home, cheering for you. Write to me soon, my gorgeous girl. I will be waiting so impatiently. I miss you. I love you so much.
All my love,
Octavia.”

The cellist closed her eyes as she imagined the days when Vinyl would be her only audience; the days when Vinyl would be the only one who would cherish her beautiful music. Now feeling a little lighter, she sealed the letter, leaning it against the candelabra on her shelf which was currently holding the only light source in the room. She looked at the letter a moment and then nodded. Yes, Vinyl would get the note by the weekend and everything would be all right. She blew out the candles and carefully walked to the doorway in the dark. Grabbing her keys and stuffing them roughly in her mane, she opened the apartment door. Then she glanced back at the letter, which glowed white in the sliver of light streaming into the room. She stared at it for a minute, then closed the door. The apartment safely locked up, and her salvation guaranteed, Octavia went to the nearest bar and got blackout drunk.

Chapter 2

Vinyl Scratch stood outside Filly Foolin’ Around, the club where she has recently begun work. It was a bitterly cold night as winter had started to set in. She read the letter again and again, a broad smile on her face.
“That’s my girl…” Her eyes gleamed with tears, but even she wasn’t sure if it was from the wind blowing in her face or from the pride that swelled inside her. Neon Lights, a stallion with a blue-gray coat and a dark gray mane, exited the club and saw her standing there, reading the letter. He trotted up to her.
“Vinyl, what are you still doing here?” He asked, seeming genuinely glad to see her.
“Oh hey, Neon!” Vinyl floated the letter into her bag and buttoned it closed. “I was just about to head home.”
“Well I was just about to head to a bar. Wanna come?” He asked, cheerfully. Vinyl thought a moment, considering the letter. Back home in Canterlot, she wouldn’t have hesitated to go out with friends and drink all night because Octavia would always come with her and walk her back. But now….
“Nah, sorry, I have to get home. I got some things I need to do.”
“Come on, it can’t wait till tomorrow?” He asked, bouncing his eyebrows up and down as if that would shake the DJ’s resolve. She couldn’t send a reply till tomorrow anyway, even if she wrote it tonight. She would have time to get it sent before the mailmare would pass her apartment.
“Only if you’re buying!” Vinyl grinned and walked with Neon through the windy clubbing district.

Vinyl sat on the edge of her seat, swaying slighting and causing her drink to stream down the sides of her glass. At this point in the night and on her fourth drink, even unicorn magic began to get shaky. She laughed hoarsely at Neon’s jokes which were barely registering at this point. Her mind was growing fuzzier by the second. Neon said a stream of words that must have been the beginning of a story or maybe just drunken gibberish, but Vinyl caught one word in it; classical. Her mind was working slow at this point, but she could focus on one thing; her mare back home. Slowly, Vinyl’s face fell and she slouched into the corner of the booth.
“Hey… Hey dude… what’s wrong?” Neon stuttered out, leaning across the table.
“I think I’m done…” Her reason wasn’t all gone yet. She slid the glass across the table.
“Come on, what’s up?” Neon slurred.
“I used to live in Canterlot before I moved here to… ya know… get the DJ career going and stuff. They’re snobby and they don’t like my kind of music, ya know? But I had to leave my little filly there cause she does classic... stuff…” Vinyl’s head was swimming now and although she could think of the concepts she was discussing, phrasing them was becoming hard. “She wouldn’t have a chance here. So I left her there to… do her thing…”
“You miss her?”
“Yeah… I think about her... Like, every little.... But this is kind of the better… Yeah.” Vinyl rubbed her head and slowly stood. All four of her legs shook and wobbled. For a moment she didn’t think she could walk but then, after a few seconds, she steadied herself. “Thanks Neon. Gotta get home.”
“Want me to take you home? It’s not safe to be out on the street alone?” Neon asked, stumbling up next to Vinyl. She thought about the weakness in her legs and considered it. But she lived nearby and thought she could make it. “Nah, thanks buddy boo. I got this…” She giggled at her own words, which seemed funnier than they actually were, then stumbled out into the cold night. There was nopony around for miles by the looks of things. It would be alright, she told herself, it’s just a little walk. But her eyelids were already growing incredibly heavy and her legs felt twice weaker than they had before. The world began to dissolve around her as she took a few steps and fell to ground hard, her face smacking right into the cold, cobblestone street.

Vinyl awoke the next morning with a throbbing head and a very sore nose. It wasn’t remotely the worst hangover she’d ever had, but it was enough of an excuse not to open her eyes. She lay silently for a long time, trying to get back to sleep, but then it suddenly hit her; she was in her bed. Her eyes shot open.
“No! Buck me! No!” She raised up and looked around, her eyes adjusting to the blinding light which streamed through the window. Her panic began to subside. There was nopony else in her bed and nopony in the bedroom. She relaxed and sank back into bed. She laughed with relief, now a little shaky. It hadn’t happened yet but there was always a panic when she had not had Octavia to bring her home, that she may go home with somepony else. She lay snug in the bed and rolled over with a sigh. Everything was okay…. Then the microwave went off in the kitchen and Vinyl sat up again. She felt frozen, like she’d been dropped ice water. She couldn’t have…. Not after all these years. Vinyl slowly, soundlessly got out of bed and walked into the adjoined kitchen/living room. There in the kitchen stood Neon Lights. Vinyl’s legs shook and her eyes filled with tears that she hurriedly blinked back.
“Morning dude, I hope you don’t mind but I raided your fridge.” Neon poured ketchup on a tray of microwavable hayfries and began munching them.
“W-what are you doing here, Neon?” Vinyl asked, and despite her best efforts, her voice betrayed how close she was to tears.
“I brought you back here cause you passed out on the sidewalk and I was pretty drunk too so I just slept on your couch. I figured you wouldn’t mind.” Vinyl felt the warmth return to her face and the weakness in her legs doubled. She sat down on the sofa and buried her face in her hooves. So she hadn’t done anything. It was all okay. Neon put a hoof on Vinyl’s back and she looked up at him.
“You okay, Scratch?” Vinyl nodded with a smile.
“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks for bringing me back here, Neon.” She said. He grinned and went back to the kitchen.
“Hey, what are friends for?” He asked. He finished his hayfries and grabbed his sunglasses. “Well, I got to get back. See ya later, dude.” Vinyl waved to him as he left, and as soon as he had shut the door, she pulled out her letter from Octavia. She read it through once more, then got out a piece of paper and a pen.

“Hey babe,
I miss you too. I’m so happy you got a new gig. You’re gonna be awesome. I’m working at a nightclub now, called…”

Vinyl stopped and thought about what Tavi would say. Knowing her, she was probably already scared that Vinyl would become interested in somepony else. She crossed out the word “called” and put a period.

“I’m already saving for us. So, you want me to tell you about the future again? Geez, you're gonna be sick of it before we even get there. We’re gonna have a big, beautiful house, not just a crappy apartment. Our own house. And we’ll have our own space to play and we'll keep our home filled with music. And we’re gonna blow this world away, babe. We’ll do things with music that Equestria has never seen before.

Babe, listen. I know how out of nowhere this is gonna seem, but... I'm sorry. I wasted so much time of our time together. It’s not your fault that you need a little extra attention sometimes. I used to get so mad at you, for little things…. Nothing, sometimes…. We had so much time together and I feel like I wasted most of it getting mad all the time. Babe, I hope you know how much you mean to me. How much I love you. I thought…” But she couldn’t keep writing.

She wanted to say that she always thought there would be more time to say all the important things, that she thought there would be more time before opportunity called on her, that she had wasted all the precious time they had by arguing about things that were ultimately unimportant. She wanted to beg Octavia’s forgiveness. She wanted to confess all the times she kept arguments going just because she was too proud to admit when she was wrong, she wanted admit that she realized when she was just being an ass but kept hurting Octavia’s feeling just because she was too proud to apologize, and most of all, Vinyl wanted to tell Octavia that she was going to be better. That she would be more patient, that she would never fuss at her again for being jealous, that she would never call her stupid again; Oh that awful day she had called her stupid. Octavia had never acted the same after that. It crushed the little mare. It was then that Vinyl realized how thoughtless she was, it was then that she began to think that she was abusing her little filly. She had held her and apologized so many times since then, but it couldn’t erase it. Octavia had been scared because Vinyl had to stay hours after her gigs were scheduled to end. She didn’t understand that it took a long time to clear up after and pack the equipment. Octavia had been in tears, yelling that if she wasn't enough that Vinyl should just leave her. Then Vinyl impulsively shouted that she was stupid to think something so ridiculous . The argument ended abruptly after that.

What had happened to them? They were so happy at one point. They did romantic, spontaneous things once upon a time and they were close. They cuddled more back then, kissed more, made love more… The two mares were still young, so why did they both feel so old? Why did they argue like this when they were sharing the prime of their lives? Why did Vinyl abuse their time by never giving? Why was it she just took and took and took from the little gray mare? She slowly began to write.

“I thought it was best to do it now though. Octavia, you have to leave. You have to find somepony else or I’m going to make you miserable for the rest of your life. Please babe, I just want you happy. I know it’ll hurt for a long time, but eventually you will find somepony so much better. It won’t be hard and it won’t take long. You deserve somepony worthy of you, and I will never be that pony. You’ll always have all my love, my little pony. But this is the best way I know how to love you.
Yours, always.
Vinyl.”

Vinyl’s eyes glistened as she sealed the letter and stood up. Her hooves trembled. Somewhere in her brain she knew she would never send it, but how else was her Tavi ever going to be happy? Vinyl felt that she had ruined the little mare's own self-worth. But the truth is, Tavi never had any. How could she ever fix it when she'd been broke so long? She couldn’t, was the simple answer. It was best to leave, let her recover and then heal. Eventually she would… Find someone else to abuse her. Probably somepony worse. Vinyl suddenly felt trapped, absolutely trapped. If she left with her only relationship experience being one like this, why would she seek out anything better? If she left Octavia, she was condemning her to more abuse; worse abuse. Her horn lit up with magical aura and ignited the letter which burned in her hooves. Vinyl sat down, feeling like a wild animal trapped in a cage. She closed her eyes and sighed. What could she do?

After a moment, Vinyl began to think…. Could I be different? Could I stop being so impatient? Could I just take all the times she freaks out about nothing? Could I take it every time she accuses me of cheating without arguing or just reassure her every time she says that I deserve better? It was easy to say yes to those things, but not so easy to remain committed to doing them when she needed reassurance dozens of times a day. Octavia’s mother had abused her constantly when she was a foal. She never felt good enough, she never felt needed, she never felt like Vinyl was actually there to stay. It always felt like she was fighting Octavia’s mother whenever she would argue with her, and sometimes it caused Vinyl to forget who her anger was affecting. She hated the pain Octavia had went through, and so sometimes the anger at her pain, caused her to hurt Octavia herself. It was complicated though Vinyl didn’t think for a minute that it justified her actions. Octavia's suspicious nature and overly emotional response to basically everything drove Vinyl to distraction at some points. Even so, Vinyl couldn't say either of them truly abused the other. It was too complex to simply say their relationship was abusive or that it was mutually harmful. Vinyl’s heart ached to think that it could indeed be harmful to her cellist. Dealing with somepony like Octavia took so much patience, but then, so did dealing with Vinyl. Could she be that kind of pony? Like the Faustian Order of monks who were unnaturally serene and never raised their voices? There was blame that they had to share, and Vinyl imagined that Octavia knew that too. She thought a long minute.
"I can't leave her or that will end up hurting her worse... so I have to be better." Vinyl nodded, resolutely. That was all there was to it. She wasn't good enough to deserve her marefriend, she never could be; but no one else was either. "I guess I'll have to do." She said to herself, determinedly. She had no choice but to be the mare that Octavia needed. Whether or not she could didn't matter, for there was no choice. If it took the rest of her life, that was a good way to spend it. Octavia was worth it. She grabbed her bag and put on her shades, and left to go somewhere that she had rarely ever been before; the library.

Chapter 3

Octavia lay in the middle of her apartment, stirring slightly. She had passed out as soon as she got inside. The door was not even shut properly but it couldn’t be opened either, because of the mare that lay blocking it. There was a knock, before letters dropped on top of the pony from the mail slot. Twitching and groaning slightly, she opened her eyes. She reached down, without really looking, and felt for the mail. She pulled the three envelopes up onto her belly and then, turning over a little, she looked at the clock. It was three in the afternoon. Octavia groaned and laid the mail on the ground so she could look through the letters without moving again. Almost immediately however, she jumped a foot in the air as she saw the name Vinyl Scratch. Ripping the letter open, she began hungrily reading it.

“My Tavi,
Your letter made me so happy. I’ve missed you so much. I'm always thinking about how beautiful your sweet little face is, and those sexy flanks. And how everything you do is so adorable. Guess that's why I adore you. I cherish every moment we have together, my love.”

Octavia stopped reading. The hangover was keeping her from fully processing it. Vinyl Scratch had written her an honest-to-Celestia love letter. Vinyl was never a hopeless romantic. She just didn’t do things like this. That was alright, of course, Octavia loved her just as she was, but this was so unexpected that it made her groggy mind reel.

“I can’t wait to see you, to hold you close and kiss every inch of you. I’m so proud of you for making it into a new ensemble. I’ll come back home just to see you play if you’ll tell me when. You are so talented and so special and you deserve the world. I am working so hard to give you just a little bit of what you deserve. My heart will be aching for you until you write again. I love you and I adore you. And honey, you never have to tell me you’ve been faithful. I know you are as true as can be. Be good for me. :)
Love,
Vinyl.”

Stunned, she looked down to see that inside the envelope was a check, written out in the sum of a hundred bits. Octavia lay back on the floor and stared at the ceiling. Why the change? Why the sudden tenderness? She wanted to cling to the letter and cry with joy, but she couldn’t help it. There was something off about the whole thing. Vinyl was not that type of pony. She would never be that open. She would never be so gentle. Something was wrong. Octavia rolled slowly onto her stomach and with all her strength, she lifted herself onto all fours. As she stood, swaying back and forth, she thought about it as reasonably as her brain would allow through the haze of alcohol. Vinyl was being overly romantic, which must mean she felt guilty. Why would she feel guilty? Could she have found somepony else? Was this her way of letting her down easy? Octavia’s eyes burned but she had cried enough. She shook her head.
“I’m not crying again…” She whispered to herself. “This is for the best. She has found somepony better than me. It was always a matter of time.” She sat down and pulled out her pencil and paper again.

“Dear Vinyl,
I don’t understand what's going on. I don't know why you are being so different but I'm scared. I wasn't going to tell you anything about what I've been going through, but I'm terrified now. I can't lose you, Vinyl. You're all I have.”

Her eyes gushed with tears and her head was practically screaming in agony. If her head hadn’t been aching from the worst hangover of her life, perhaps she would have stopped to think about the huge leaps in logic she was making. Perhaps if she didn’t still have so much alcohol clouding her judgement, she would have realized that the kind words were exactly what they seemed, a very genuine love letter. But Octavia’s mind wasn’t thinking logically, and considering this kind of romantic language was not something she'd ever experienced, she couldn't entirely be blamed for assuming them to be antagonistic. Her tears dropped freely on the paper but she didn’t care this time.

“Please, if you've found somepony else, don't let me down easy. Don't sing and dance around it to make it hurt less. Especially don't say things like that and make me feel...” She scratched out the last sentence, not even bothering to erase it. "Please just tell me what's going on and what I'm missing. You've never said you adored me... Please don't hurt me like this, Vinyl. Just leave if you are going to but don't ruin me like this."

She sealed the letter as her heart ached within her tiny body, and she held onto it like a lifeline. She couldn't move; she felt shattered, even more so than when she had been unable to write for a full month. Every muscle in her core was throbbing and forcing her to double over in agony as she cried. After a long hour of fixedly watching the letter, Octavia sat slowly up and stumbled out of bed. Her legs felt weak and stiff, but she didn’t care enough to stretch them. She picked up Vinyl’s envelope, pulled out the check and stared at it. She considered it intently, trying to fool herself for a brief moment. She pondered buying substantive food and new sheets, maybe even coffee. She thought about staying sober and trying to get her life together in case Vinyl did want her back. But after a few minutes, she stopped the charade and admitted that she knew exactly what it would go toward.

After sliding the letter into the mailbox outside the apartment and cashing the check Vinyl had sent her, Octavia made her way to the bar. She sat at the counter and laid her head down.
“Hello Miss Octavia.” Said Single Shot, the barmare. “The usual?” Octavia raised her tear-stained face and nodded.
“Thank you, Shotty.” She slurred the words as if she’d already been drinking. Single Shot nodded sadly and poured a glass of Applejack Daniels into a glass with a few ice cubes. She started to put the bottle away. “Why do you even bother?” Octavia asked. Shot sighed and set the bottle on the counter top.
“I guess it’s habit, Miss.”
“Well leave it and get a few more bottles for me.” Octavia slammed the glass back and gasped as the burning liquid hit her throat. Her eyes crossed slightly. Octavia thought that this must be pretty close to what a suffocating fish felt like when they were put back into water. It was like a breath of life. “I just got a check from my marefriend and I’m going to spend it all here.” She choked out. "She'll probably be my ex by tomorrow... I've never had an ex, you know? I've never even kissed anypony else..." She began to cry openly. Single Shot looked around at the crowded bar and then back to Octavia before leaning in to talk quietly.
“You come here every night, please Miss. Don’t keep doing this to yourself.”
“If you don’t want my business then there are other places I can go!” Octavia yelled and everypony got quieter, although no one turned around or acknowledge her. Single Shot raised up and poured the glass full to brim. Octavia smiled and drained half the glass in one gulp. An orange unicorn, who had been seated nearby, began making his way over as the cellist calmed back down. Sitting next to her, he looked nonchalantly at Shot and then to Octavia.
“Hey.” The stallion said.
“Buck off.” Octavia snorted.
“I just wanted to talk.”
“I don’t care. Leave me alone.” She replied, draining another glass.
“Look, I couldn’t help hearing you got dumped…. I did too. It helps to have a friend.” He said, softly. Octavia gestured for more and her glistening eyes seemed to grow less focused.
“I’m gay.” She slurred. The stallion grinned, good-naturedly.
“I told you I just want to talk.” He said. Octavia was now on her fifth - or was it sixth - drink and she was beginning to have trouble seeing clearly. She slammed it back and some of the whiskey splashed over her lips and down her neck. She closed her eyes. It was beginning to catch up to her. She swayed on her stool, and reached over to support herself on the stallion’s shoulder.
“Shot, I need a cab….” She said, slowly. The bartender scowled.
“I keep one on standby for you, Miss.” She replied, coldly. Octavia stumbled to her feet.
“I can take you home?” The stallion offered, innocently. Octavia stepped away from him, toward Shot. “L-let me buy a bottle to take home too, alright?”
“No, that’s it for tonight…” Octavia reached across the bar and grabbed one of the full bottles and slammed a hoofful of bits on the counter. Single Shot looked outraged. “Hey!”
“Keep the bucking change.” Octavia mumbled, and stumbled backward with her bottle and out the door. She cradled the bottle like a child as she passed the cab that was waiting for her, and started to swagger her way down the street. She didn't feel the cold as she walked, in fact the world felt obscenely warm and stuffy to her. Luckily, Octavia was still just sober enough to manage finding her street. Between the corner where she saw the street sign and the lobby however, she lost a lot of her stamina, and she was almost unconscious when she climbed into the elevator. The drunken mare slumped in the corner. The fact that she’d made it to the building at all was a miracle, but she wasn’t getting all the way to the tenth floor. Without pressing a button, she slid down the wall and passed out as the elevator slid closed.

The next morning, Octavia awoke to find her landlord staring down at her. Despite the judgmental eye she was being given, the drunken mare could not muster up the will to move quickly. She wasn't even sure where she was. Looking around, she realized that she was still in the elevator floor.
“What are you doing?” He asked.
“Give me a second...” She crawled, dragging her back legs, out of the elevator. Octavia had to squint because the light streaming through the windows were so bright. The landlord got in the elevator himself, shaking his head with exasperation as he pressed the button and began the journey back down to the lobby. Octavia unlocked her door and slid inside, and into the floor. Who needed beds? The floor was perfectly fine. The splitting agony in her head almost distracted her from the terrible hole in her heart. She opened the full bottle she had brought home and leaned against the wall. Octavia had always loved her whiskey, it was a guilty pleasure that she'd never denied, but she had never been drunk before the night Vinyl left. She took care of herself back then because Vinyl wanted her; she had to be perfect for her gorgeous marefriend. But now Vinyl would never return, not as far as the poor little mare’s drunken mind was concerned. She unscrewed the bottle and started sucking it in like a foal drinking milk. Vinyl would never stroke her face with the ends of her mane again, she would never flip Octavia's butt with her tail and make her blush because they were in public, she would never force Octavia to sleep on top of her by hogging the bed. Octavia was crying again but she hadn't even noticed. Vinyl would never surprise her in the shower again or take her out to breakfast and talk about the previous night's performances. Her head ached worse with every drink but she didn’t care. Consciousness was the true agony. If only she could keep herself unconscious... Just until Vinyl replied and broke up with her.... If only she could just keep the pain away... Everything could be alright. She drained the bottle and fell over, barely able to breathe. She was straining for breath and her eyes were closing without her permission. Breath stopped coming at all, as Octavia felt herself falling into blissful nothingness. She hoped this was death.

"Celestia... kill me..." She thought, desperately, right before throwing up every ounce she had just drank.

Chapter 4

Vinyl ran her hoof against the record on the turntable, causing it to screech sharply, warping the sustained note that played over the deep, pounding bass. Her eyes were closed behind her purple shades, and she bobbed her head in rhythm with the beat. The music controlled the mares dancing through the club. They grinded against each other, some of them drinking and others locking lips, some just laughing and having fun with friends. Vinyl's mind wondered as she played; she imagined running her hooves through Octavia’s mane. Each revolution of the records against her hooves was like the gentle brushing of Octavia’s fur when she would stroke her flanks. Vinyl felt great about her current situation. She felt like she had a chance to improve their lives and improve herself. The selfish, only child who couldn’t deal with Octavia’s easily triggered trauma was gone. A new mare had been born from the ashes. She could have flown from the excitement, from the happiness, and even from the welcome nervousness that she could fail. It was all she could think about and though she rocked the house to its knees with her performance, it was probably the first show in her life in which she had been genuinely distracted the entire time.

As the club closed up and she packed her cords and cables neatly into the cases beneath her turntable and locked all of it up, Vinyl was excited to get home and finish reading. It was a first for her, not that she didn’t read at all, but she didn’t usually set aside time for it. She passed Neon who waved her over, but she ignored him, pretending not to notice. Her manager briefly stopped her but Vinyl could not talk long, she had important things to tend to after all. The manager himself was rather surprised by Vinyl’s uncharacteristic purposefulness to leave and by the genuine happiness that radiated off of her. Vinyl could not let anything distract her, not now she had a chance to fix her entire life. She rushed back to her apartment and as soon as the door was shut, she grabbed the book that lay on top a stack of novels, then ran through the small living room and into the bedroom. The DJ slumped into bed and opened the book, entitled "From Self Harm to Self Care; Healing A Trauma Survivor with Love.” Vinyl was reading ferociously and consuming every word. The issue was that Octavia had only said she was abused but never gave any explanation about what specifically had happened to her. That was only a challenge to the unicorn; she would just have to try everything until she could keep Octavia steady and keep herself calm. If the cellist never shared the full experience, then that was okay as far as Vinyl was concerned, as long as they could live with it.

Unhealed trauma can be a major obstacle to achieving intellectual intimacy. It often highly charges emotions, quickly escalates common issues and causes the ‘survivor’ to respond with heightened and sometimes violent behavior. Arguments with the pony are often emotionally fueled, and they can become distant and unresponsive for long periods of time.

Vinyl mumbled, reading aloud. She wrote a few notes in a notebook that lay next to her. “That’s definitely her….” She turned back to the book and continued.

Ponies with trauma will often assume their partner is against them even when this is not the case and will usually maintain a constant, lingering doubt about their partner’s faithfulness. This will usually lead to severe difficulty in accepting love, despite repeated reassurance.

Vinyl sighed and laid her head back. It wasn’t just her. The constant need for attention and reassurance to feel loved was normal for this kind of thing. She rubbed her eyes and smiled a little. She still knew there was work to do, but the previous night’s chapter had only been about reaching out, which she felt she had done okay at in her letter. Tonight’s lesson reassured her. She stretched a little and pulled the book closer.

Having a good support system is the most critical step. Having friends and family that respect you and speak positively of your relationship is very important. Another important step is find a therapist to guide you as a couple or on your own.

Vinyl quickly scribbled, ‘send money for therapy’. Then she quickly added up what she remembered being in her bank account and nodded, deciding it would probably be enough.

Take time to learn self-care and healing. A typical technique is the couple bubble.

Vinyl snorted and giggled at the words. After a second of thinking “you are kidding me….”, she wrote down the ridiculous phrase. She carried on in this way for some time into the night; reading and taking the most detailed of notes, until the mare fell asleep on her book, having written over ten pages herself.

The next day, around four in the evening, a clinking sound awoke Vinyl. She snapped awake in alarm and jumped out of the bed and face-planted. She ran to the living room and looked around frantically. Slowly she realized that she hadn’t brought anyone home and then remembered after a second that she hadn’t even gone out the night before. Her heart calmed and she saw that the clinking sound had been the mail slot closing as a few letters had been dropped in. She picked them up and saw Octavia’s neat handwriting and smiled, broadly. She opened it carefully and read it. The DJ’s smile faded and she sat down on the coffee table.
“’I don’t understand what's going on.’” Vinyl read. “I don't know why you are being so different but I'm scared. I wasn't going to tell you anything about what I've been going through, but I'm terrified now. I can't lose you, Vinyl. You're all I have. Please, if you've found somepony else, don't let me down easy. Don't sing and dance around it to make it hurt less. Please just tell me what's going on and what I'm missing. You've never said you adored me... Please don't hurt me like this, Vinyl. Just leave if you are going to but don't ruin me like this." Octavia hadn’t even signed it. Vinyl felt all the hope drain from her and leave her cold and tense. She hadn’t even liked it. Her cellist had simply found it suspicious because Vinyl reaching out was so unusual. Her first plan had backfired. But, and this caused Vinyl to perk back up, the book said that her immediate reaction would be to push away the loving gesture. Besides, she was used to Octavia’s trust issues. It was okay. It just meant she had to try harder! Vinyl smiled again with new determination and began to pen her reply.

“My sweet love,
'What’s going on?' I just wanted my amazing lover to know how much I adore her!”

She thought about the exclamation points and considered if Octavia might take it as anger. So, she added a little smiley face, and continued.

“Babe, I want you to feel like you can tell me anything. Please, if anything bad is going on right now, I want to hear it. You don’t have to keep anything from me. And come on, I could never want anyone but you. You are perfect. You are my mare. The mare of my dreams. I’m so sorry I’ve never said it before, babe. That was stupid. I should’ve said it a long time ago. I will never leave. I know it’ll be hard for you to understand it, but I just could never want anyone else. If it takes every day of the rest of my life, I’ll prove it. I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Tavi.

Love,
Your Vinyl.”

Immediately, she stood to mail it. Vinyl was still feeling good but then remembered something. She quickly wrote another check to Octavia, this one wasn’t just to keep her going though. She pulled her pen back out and quickly wrote,

“P.S. this is so important to me, babe. Please, take this cash and find a therapist and get them to help you with all the crap you went through as a child. I can afford to help you get passed it now and it would mean so much to me. Please babe? I love you so much.”

The unicorn sealed the check inside the letter and skipped out the door and down to the apartment mailboxes. She deposited the letter and stood there, motionless, but grinning like an idiot. She felt so good right now, like she could run laps or climb a mountain. In fact… Vinyl rubbed her stomach. She must’ve gained like ten pounds since moving to Manehattan and furthermore, she was definitely heavier than when she first met Octavia. What if Octavia stopped finding her attractive? Vinyl shook her head and stretched a little.
“Well, I’m fixing everything else about myself for her, why not!?” She happily thought and after another second of stretching her back legs, which cracked and popped as she did so, she took off running. She ran the full block, at least ten times. On lap one she was still high from being able to help her mare. By lap ten she was aching and gasping. The run turned slowly into a hobble.
“Okay… Baby steps…” She gasped. “Baby steps…”

Over the next few days, Vinyl began to wake up at nine, early for her considering that she usually got home at two in the morning. She began walking for an hour every morning and cut out beer altogether. Vinyl was happy. For the first time in two years, she was truly happy. In the back of her mind as she walked a mile each day, she considered the idea that she was only happy because she wasn’t with Octavia. But she shut the idea out. Of course, that wasn’t it. She was happy because she was ready to try again and felt she could succeed. Her marefriend’s absence was just a tool to achieve it, an unavoidable difficulty that could bring a greater good into their life. After nearly a week, on the first day she had begun to inject a few minutes of jogging into her walk, Vinyl was growing worried that Octavia hadn’t received her letter. Once she exhausted herself, she decided that it was a good time to go home and check the mail again. Sweaty and well-stretched out, Vinyl walked into her apartment. There was the mail, laying in the floor. Her stomach lurched uneasily and she felt sickened somewhat. Suddenly nerves had gripped the unicorn for seemingly no reason. It could wait. She levitated the letters with her magic up onto the kitchen counter. Vinyl did need a shower first and there was no rush. So, she sat in the floor of the shower for over an hour, letting the water run over her mane and horn. Vinyl was nervous. She didn’t know why but she felt sick, like something was dreadfully off. She sat there until the water ran cold. Then she dried off and walked back into the living room. The letters, one of which was sealed with tape, seemed threatening. Vinyl picked up the letters and turned them over. One was a notice from her landlord about some new policy, but the other was her own letter. She was confused for a moment but then saw, in Octavia’s neat hoofwriting, “return to sender”. She gawked at it and turned the letter over. It was the one that had been re-sealed with tape. Realizing that Octavia had read it, Vinyl ripped it open. The check that had been inside was gone, and the letter was stained with tears. Beneath her post script, which was circled, Octavia had written something else. The simple phrase, “I understand.” Vinyl read the circled portion again. It was the pleas for Octavia to seek therapy.
“What did I do wrong?” She asked herself, stunned.

Chapter 5

Octavia lay on the roof of her apartment, her forehooves dangling over the edge. It was ten stories up and the ponies below looked like fleas. She drained another bottle and dropped it off the rooftop and into the empty alley at the foot of the building. She was slow moving from the several bottles she had consumed, but despite this, she was angrier and more bitter than she had ever been.
“Find a therapist….” She popped open the next bottle. “I’m not crazy, Vinyl.” She gulped down a good portion of the wine. Laying her head back over the ledge and watching the city skyline against Luna’s bright moon. She sighed, heavily.
“I’m not crazy. I’m fine…” Octavia lugged herself over and stood, wobbling back and forth. “Who needs bucking marefriends, I’m fine! If she doesn’t want me anymore, that’s great! I’m happier alone anyway!” Her words echoed in the silent, sleepy street. Slowly they sank in. She was alone. She could never go back to her mother, not now. She had no other friends, none that were close enough to help her. And now, she had no Vinyl. The city around her seemed even bigger, even more imposing, and she felt smaller than she ever had. The cold winter air was oppressive and made her feel as cold physically as she did emotionally. The young mare looked down at the shattered bottles below and stepped closer to the edge of the building, her forehooves hanging slightly over the edge. She gazed down and imagined the cobblestones smashing into her face and her head bursting open. Quietly, Octavia breathed in deeply and leaned forward a little. Vinyl wouldn’t miss her. Vinyl thought she was crazy. Her hooves began to slide a little bit and she felt the gravity baring down on her. She closed her eyes. There really was no reason to continue. She had no purpose. Sure, she had her music, but what was music when you had no one to share it with? What did the cellist have left to look forward to, anyway? Alcohol poisoning? Eventually being kicked out because Vinyl would no longer be sending rent money back home? Living on the street? Never finding love and spending the rest of her days alone? What kind of life would she have without her DJ? Octavia thought of the mare she loved and the happy times they'd shared. She could still see the unicorn happily spinning a record between her hooves on Hearth's Warming Eve and giggling at the cellist in her new bow tie. She thought of the nervous look in her eyes during high school when she'd asked Octavia out, not knowing for sure if she even liked girls. She thought of her DJ saying goodbye and leaning out the window of the train, waving and blowing her kisses until she was too small to see, as she journeyed toward her rightful place in Manehattan. They were such happy, distant memories now, and they answered the question for her; What kind of life would she have? None. For there was no life without Vinyl Scratch. Her whole mind fixated on the image of her marefriend, the mare who used to love her, and Octavia let her hooves slip over the edge.

Vinyl Scratch sat at home, gnawing on the edge of her hoof, and thinking to herself.
“I can’t believe it…” It had been several days since the letter had been sent back and she had sent several letters since with no reply. But now she read a different piece of mail, a bank statement. It said that the check she sent Octavia had been used… at a liquor store. She shook her head at it; ninety-nine bits on wine, whiskey, and vodka. She felt ill, like she could be sick. What had become of the cellist? Was she turning into a drunkard? And why was she not replying anymore? Vinyl knew that leaving would mean her job, her career, and a life she’d been working hard to establish. The DJ had started being recognized. Her name was in the society section. The club offered her a raise just yesterday because of the increased turn outs each night. But then there was the precious cellist who was obviously losing control… Vinyl sighed and stacked her books neatly in the corner, ready to return them to the library, and then went to the bedroom. She packed her few clothes and then her trinkets, little figurines that Tavi had bought her and several stuffed animals into her suitcase. There was a fridge full of food but really nothing else. Vinyl didn’t have that much, although Octavia had commented on the day she left that the house looked terribly empty without the DJ’s few toys and valuables. Vinyl had laughed at the time, thinking she was being sarcastic because they had so little, but now she wondered if it had bothered her mare more than she had let on. She folded her covers neatly and put them in the case too. Finally, on top of everything else, she placed the letters from Octavia, and closed the case. The apartment came fully furnished and so with that small suitcase prepared, everything else in the little home was as she had found it. Vinyl looked around and then headed out the door, running headlong into the mail mare.
“Oh! Mail for you!” The mare said, happily and held out the letters for Vinyl, who took them with a smile.
“Thanks.” She saw a few advertisements, a magazine subscription and finally, an envelope with Octavia’s return address. Vinyl froze, dropping the suitcase, and opened the note that she’d been waiting for, for almost a week.

“Dear Vinyl.
I should have been honest with you before, my sweet girl. I am so sorry. I hope you will come and see me soon. I want to be honest with you. I want to tell you everything and I want to seek out therapy as you asked. Please don’t panic. It is already breaking my heart to know how badly I’ve hurt you, and it would kill me to know I have caused you any more grief. Vinyl, I am in the hospital.”

Vinyl fell into the doorway, sliding to the ground as her heart stopped. She was very dizzy. Breathing heavily, she continued, feeling weaker with every line she read.

“I have been drinking myself to death, Vinyl. There has not been a day since you left that I haven’t been fully or partially drunk. They say I’ve already damaged my liver, almost irreparably. Eventually I will need some intensive magical therapy but they said that since you were a unicorn, you could do the therapy with me at home. That is, if you still want me after I tell you everything. But I must be fully honest. The drinking isn’t why I am here, Vinyl. I have broken both of my back legs and fractured most of my ribs. Granted, that is really, quite lucky given the circumstances… My love, please don’t hate me. I was drunk… and I’ve been so alone. And I tried to commit suicide.”

Vinyl was openly crying, and retching hard, straining her back in the process. The DJ’s heart was in agonizing pain with a grief she had never experienced. Every muscle in her body ached and her horn and neck throbbed from the severe tension that seized her. Deep in her core, it felt like every organ in her body was being crushed flat. Her baby girl, the love of her life, had tried to kill herself… And Vinyl hadn’t been there. The letter crumpled in her magical grasp and she howled in anguish, sobbing loud and hard. She was a failure. The poor, broken unicorn had tried too late. Her worst nightmare had come true… Tavi was suicidal. The tears grew more uncontrollable as she finished the now soaked, wrinkled letter.

“I know you are busy and I want you to put your career first. But when you get the day off, please come see me. If only for a few hours. I’m so sorry for everything, my angel. I hope to see you soon. I love you so much.
Love,
Octavia

Vinyl was still in hysterics when she stood and grabbed her suitcase. Hyperventilating for few minutes, she tried desperately calm down but to no avail. Then, defeated and still shaking with tears that had not ceased, she made her way down the hall. There was no point in hurrying, no point in trying… She had failed.

Octavia lay in her hospital bed, with both of her hind legs elevated above her in full casts. Her torso was also heavily bandaged. She was tired and looked it. The past week had been spent in agony and an extremely difficult detoxing process. She was finally adjusting however, and the pain killers had finally allowed her to begin healing with relative peace. The hospital room was sterile and empty, but the knowledge of doctors being nearby made the small room more inviting than her own apartment. She shifted slightly, trying make herself more comfortable, but to no avail. Laying her head back, Octavia stared at the ceiling, thinking of her mare. She wondered if Vinyl would ever respond, if she would even care about her injuries now that she realized how desperate and disturbed she was. The sad, broken little cellist sighed, sadly. Just then, there was a knock at the door. Octavia didn’t move, assuming it was the nurse, coming to check on her and take her vital readings for the fifteenth time that day. As expected, the little pink mare poked her head inside.
“Miss Melody, are you awake?” She asked. Octavia did her best to smile at the nurse, although she didn’t feel very much like smiling.
“Yes. Time again?” She asked. To Tavi’s surprise, the nurse shook her head.
“You have a visitor. Would you like to see them?” The nurse asked, politely. “You don’t have to, of course, if you don’t feel like it.”
“Who is it?” Octavia asked, not daring to hope.
“Babe…” Said a very familiar, gruff voice. The nurse stepped aside and a very shabby, exhausted looking Vinyl Scratch entered the room.
“Oh Vinyl….” The words barely left the cellist’s lips before the tears started streaking her face. Vinyl looked weary and unkempt, as if she hadn’t slept for days. Suitcase in hoof, she seemed to have come straight to the hospital from Manehattan. The nurse grinned as Octavia smiled a big, watery, genuine smile for the first time. She let the two lovers be alone, shutting the door behind her. Vinyl sat her suitcase down and walked shakily to the side of the bed, and leaned over to hug Octavia tight. She held the embrace for several minutes and to Octavia it felt like she had finally returned home. But it ended too soon as Vinyl pulled away and looked down at her marefriend.
“Okay babe. You said you had some things to tell me and you would not believe how ready I am to hear it…” She said. Octavia smiled, sadly.
“Not even an I love you first?” She asked, trying to put off a genuine response.
“You know I do… Please…. I have to know what I did wrong, honey.” Vinyl gasped, mid-sentence, as if trying to hold back her emotions. It did no good, for Octavia could see by the matted fur on her DJ's face that she'd been crying the whole day. Octavia blinked back her own tears.
“Right. No delaying it. I’ll tell you everything.” The gray mare looked away from Vinyl, toward the floor. “Vinyl, when I was a small foal… My father sexually abused me and both of my parents… would beat me when I didn’t obey… or submit…” She gasped a few times, but steadied herself. She had been practicing the words she would use, trying to desensitize herself enough to get through it. There was no backing out now. She had to tell Vinyl the whole truth this time.
“Until I was ten, when mother left and took me with her…” She continued, wiping her eyes. “father kept abusing me. But then with mother, all I had to deal with was the beatings and the being called names… until I met you. When I moved in with you, I thought everything would be better, that it was all over. But it wasn’t. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him… Sometimes, when you would touch me, when you'd drive me crazy wanting you or making love to me... it felt so right and so pure… But then I'd think of him…. And I could just die.” She sobbed hard for a just a moment. Vinyl sat on the bed, and held her marefriend close, and began to cry silently with her cellist. She wouldn’t permit herself to let go completely. It was Octavia who needed the support right now. She rubbed Tavi's back, who seemed more like a small foal at this moment, and helped her sit up a little straighter.
“Hey, I love you…” Vinyl whispered. “I’m going to help you through this.”
“Even now you know… You still love me?” The scared little filly asked. "I lied to you... I said you were the first... And you never..."
“Octavia Melody, I love you more now than I ever have.” The DJ smiled a little. “None of it was your fault, babe. We are going to get you to see that too. But you are going to need some therapy, you know that?” Octavia nodded, and sighed, feeling a little bit better. "I was your first. None of that counts, none of it has to count. There's just you and me, okay?" The cellist smiled and nodded.
"Thank you.... So much... Just you and me." She sighed, then dropped the small smile to look serious and strained again. "I always knew in the aftermath of our arguments that I’d been unreasonable. I always knew that I was demanding too much, or that I made a mountain out of nothing… But I live in fear, Vinyl, every moment… Most of the time, I’m not even sure what I am afraid of besides you leaving.” She nuzzles into Vinyl's shoulder. "I know you are here, that you love me, that I'm not alone. I know I have a future and I'm talented. But most of the time it's like puzzle pieces that I can't make fit. I can't see any of it. I love you so much and sometimes, even though I know you love me, I feel like you are my enemy and that it's all one sided and I am here trying so hard, and it means nothing to you... But I know it's not true. I realize now that I do need help and maybe some sort of medication. I want our life, the life you always talk about so happily. I want our house, and our children, and to play music together.... And if I don't get help now, none of it will ever happen." Vinyl ran her hoof through Tavi's mane and nuzzled her gently.
“We're going to get you everything you need. I promise. And we're going to be even happier than you've ever imagined. I won’t lie and say I know what you are feeling, but I feel awful too, babe. I don’t feel like I can ever be enough…”
“Oh Vinyl…” She interrupted, trying to comfort her DJ, but Vinyl shook her head.
“Please… I have to say this…” She whispered, holding her marefriend’s hooves. “I have been reading and working on making myself better so I could come back to you, and treat you like you deserve. You need reassurance and security, and I haven’t given you that like I should have. But that changes now, Tavi. I am going to love you right and if it takes us years to get you passed all this, then I’ll be here for you.” Octavia’s eyes filled with tears again. “Because babe, through everything, I’ve never even thought of leaving you once. I’m here to stay. Alright? If you can believe anything in this world without doubt, believe that.”
“If you haven’t left after all this, then I do believe it.” She said, and then nervously added. “Though you might still have to remind me occasionally.” Vinyl gave a hoarse laugh and hugged Tavi again, this time not letting go.
“I’ll remind you a hundred times a day if that's what it takes.”

Octavia fully healed after two months of potions and various herbs prescribed by the best unicorn physicians in Canterlot. During the recovery, Vinyl only left her side at night to perform. Though the work wasn’t as glamorous, she saw the opportunity to advance in other ways and build a career in Canterlot among smaller club circuits, and of course, it allowed her to pay for Octavia’s therapy, which she attended bi-weekly, for two years. At first, Vinyl was as good as her word, and until Octavia left therapy, she remained patient and kind through the worst of the struggle. As with everything that requires daily work to maintain, Vinyl’s good mood and patience dwindled, but always reignited. She finally became the pony she had the potential to be, and Octavia finally felt truly, completely alive for the first time. The two mares grew successful. Vinyl was invited back for gigs in Manehattan in larger events as a result of her short time there, but this time Octavia went with her everywhere and they always returned home together each night. It took longer and more travel expenses, but they weren't willing to part again. Octavia regained the strength in her legs and eventually began playing her cello once more. The cellist also gained great popularity and in decidedly less time than it took her partner. The first time Octavia was offered the chance to play The Grand Galloping Gala was perhaps the proudest Vinyl had ever been, and she let her marefriend know it. Eventually they became two of the most famous and successful musicians in Equestria and started playing shows together, which caused a greater spike in their popularity. After all the trials, physical and mental, they had pulled through and made the life they wanted; the life they deserved.

Chapter 6 (epilogue)

Vinyl sat at her turntable, looking over the old, wrinkled letters that Octavia had sent her so many years ago. Every day Vinyl would look at them and remember the strife they had overcome, and every day it reminded her to keep working to be all she could be. She looked up from the letters at the beautiful, sunlit cottage where the couple now lived. They had divided it down the middle, one side as Vinyl’s practice space and the other as Octavia’s. The two sides matched their personalities, down to the color scheme, and allowed the maximum amount of comfortable, creative space to work in for both. Vinyl stood, stowing the letters inside an empty record sleeve and dusted off the white suit she was wearing, which made her look rather dapper and adjusted her usual purple sunglasses. She looked at the clock and then to the bedroom door.
“Tavi, babe, we’re going to be late.” Vinyl called out, straightening her tie. Octavia came out of the bedroom, wearing a long black dress and a large, pink bow in her hair.
“How do I look?” Octavia asked, cocking her head confidently to the side and smiling. Vinyl grinned and trotted up to her and, putting her forehooves around her neck, said;
“Babe, you’ve never looked more stunning than today…” And kissed her deeply. Octavia blushed and moved in a little closer.
“You say that every single day, Vinyl. How am I supposed to believe that?” She teased.
“That’s just cause you grow more beautiful with every day, babe.” Vinyl kissed her blushing marefriend again, and opened the front door. “Ready to go?” Tavi nodded.
“My cello and your equipment are already on board the train, right?” She asked.
“Yes ma’am.” Vinyl nodded. The two mares walked out the door of the house and Octavia stopped.
“You know, dear, you look very good in that suit. You should wear suits more often.” She said. Vinyl giggled.
“Well I can afford them now. And I do look pretty sexy, don’t I?” She joked. Octavia batted her eyelashes.
“Oh definitely.” She said. Vinyl’s eyes widened.
“You really think so?”
“I’ll show you how much I think so when we get home tonight…” Vinyl grinned.
“Oh I will definitely wear them more.” She said, cunningly.
“As long as you know you won’t be wearing it long.” Tavi winked. Vinyl kissed her cheek.
“I love you, baby.” Octavia shut the front door and wrapped her tail around Vinyl’s.
“I know you do. I love you more.” Tavi said, without any doubt in her voice. The two mares walked toward Ponyville Train Station, and in turn toward another sold out performance. Their future had more sorrows in store, but much more joys. Whatever they may confront, they knew their love would see them through it, as it always had.