Unpolished Gems: A Concept Collection

Never has anyone attempted this feat two years in a row. Mostly because it's the most idiotic thing in the world to try, but that's beside the point. Sir Newtoff is going to try and swallow four thousand and thirty four apples as the fall from orbit. The previous record was four thousand nine hundred and sixty nine, astonishingly.

Everyone expects him to smash the record, and set the new bar so high, no one will ever surpass it. There are a few critic who bring up some very valid points, namely that an object falling from orbit would rip right through anything it hit, also, eating that many apples is physically impossible. How did this even become something people are trying? How did it make it past one apple eaten from orbit fall. This is the stupidest this in the history of bad ideas.

Really! This is stupider than attacking the emu's, and losing. Than playing Russian Roulette with a lazer gun. Even base jumping is safer than this!

Don't go crying when Newt dies from a literal meteor to the face. Do we have any proof the previous attempt were legit? Like video evidence, not just people saying they saw it happen.

Interesting. There is absolutely no proof this has ever been done successfully. The people interviewed had contradictory details about even last year's attempt. There isn't even any reliable data about this Sir Newtoff even existing.

Great. They've announced that two other stuntmen will join Newt on stage. A triple record break? And of course ticket sales went through the roof. This is almost certainly a scam at this point.

Oh my word. They actually have the president's support. She's tweeting about the even constantly. Saying how this will bring pride to the country, and make its enemies cower in fear. This is nuts.

Today's the day. The stadium is packed, and vendors are selling everything from penuts to porcupines. Why would you buy animals here? Has everyone gone crazy?

Yesterday they held a raffle for a forth person to join them in the attempt. A completely untrained idiot trying to swallow terminal velocity apples. There's almost definitely doing to be four dead bodies on stage shortly, and thousands of pancakes as people panic and stampede.

Outstanding! They managed to catch more than a million apples between themselves! Even the newbie did amazing! More than a hundred thousand! People can't believe their eyes! This is history in the making!

Unbelievable. And things don't end here. Read the first letter of each paragraph, to find out how they did it.