Monsters!

by Doctor Disco

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sweetie Belle, Princess Luna, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Scootaloo, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life
Length: 4322

It looks like the Cutie Mark Crusaders have nothing else to do on their list, so they decide to go monster hunting! With Celestia and Luna in tow, what can possibly go wrong?

The Cutie Mark Crusaders have run out of ideas, so they go monster hunting!

With Princess Celestia and Princess Luna happily accompanying them into the Everfree Forest, what could possibly go wrong?

Well, it's surprising.

Written for the Everfree North West Scribblefest 2017 contest. Hope you enjoy!

Published 2017-03-04 04:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-04 04:30:02 UTC

With a great big hug...

All throughout Sweet Apple Acres, a peaceful wind blew.

In a clearing set within the trees was a clubhouse. Not just any old clubhouse, no, that wouldn’t make any sense at all. It was the one and only CutiE mArk CrusaDers cLubhOuse! And within this clubhouse were the three legends themselves…

Sweetie Belle, little sister of the Element of Generosity, and squeaker extraordinaire!

Apple Bloom, little sister to the Element of Honesty and, uh… apples!

Scootaloo… flightless scooter chicken and… biggest Rainbow Dash fan? Yeah!

Planning for another one of their crusades, they were sitting around calmly relating ideas to each other as-

“What do you mean you’ll just ‘send a letter to the princesses’?!” Apple Bloom shouted more than asked. “You can’t just ‘send a letter to the princesses’ whenever you want!”

Okay, so maybe I lied.

“I don’t know, Bloom,” Sweetie Belle said with an about face, “Twilight always sends letters to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.”

“That’s because she’s a princess, Sweetie!” Apple Bloom sighed, facehoofing.

“Yeah? Well, she’s been doing it since before she was a princess!” Scootaloo argued.

“She was also the Princess’ personal student or whatever,” Apple Bloom pointed out as she dragged her hooves down her face.

“Maybe Bloom’s right, Scootaloo,” Sweetie Belle voiced, “I mean, I don’t know if the Princesses would take the time out of their schedules to do what we’re going to ask them.”

Scootaloo and Apple Bloom glared at Sweetie. “Would you please choose a side!?” they yelled in unison, and Sweetie Belle backed away a bit.

“I’m just saying!” Sweetie shrugged, bringing her hooves up.

“Well, even if she did read it, how would we send the letter in the first place?” Apple Bloom huffed, getting tired of arguing.

“We could always ask Spike,” Scootaloo grinned, “His letters always go right to the Princess!”

“We can’t just ask Spike to send a letter!” Apple Bloom remarked.

“Why not?”

“Can we just all agree on something, please?” Sweetie Belle asked.

Both pegasus and earth pony smacked their heads in frustration. “You’re the one can’t decide which side you’re on!” Apple Bloom groaned.

“Seriously, Sweetie, if you’re going to be a part of this, you need to pick a side,” Scootaloo sighed.

“But what if I don’t wanna?”

“You know what? Send the letter already!” Apple Bloom shouted, covering her ears. “CAN WE PLEASE STOP ARGUING?!”

“WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?!”

“CAN YOU NOT!?”

“JUST SEND THE BUCKING LETTER!!”

A flash of magical fire surprised Celestia as she was having her morning snack.

“A letter from Twilight?” Celestia asked herself.

“Sister? Is that a letter?” Luna inquired, having noticed the flash of light just as she entered the room.

“Yes it is, Lulu. I’m just wondering why Twilight is sending me something at this hour.”

Luna tilted her head to the side and blinked owlishly. “Twilight’s always sending you letters, especially at unwelcome hours of the night.”

“That’s why I’m wondering why now.” Celestia quickly broke the seal and opened it up.

dEar prInceSS SunbUtt CelesTiA

“Oh dear,” Princess Celestia giggled, putting a hoof to her mouth, “It seems the Crusaders have taken hold of Spike again.”

“The Cutie Mark Crusaders?” Luna clarified, a slight fear entering her eyes.

“That would be them,” Celestia smiled. Reading the letter through (a mere two sentences really), she looked to Luna with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

“Sister, I know that look of yours,” Luna whispered, “What is it?”

“It is nothing, Luna,” Celestia grinned as she rolled the scroll up, poofing it away. “They have just asked if we could go monster hunting with them!”

Luna gasped. “Monster hunting? But…” Luna glanced around her suspiciously. “We still have our daily errands to run and the Crusaders are known for spiralling things out of control…”

“T’will be fine, Luna,” Celestia said, already getting ready for a long range teleport, “Nothing we can’t handle.”

“We?” Luna questioned fearfully. Celestia didn’t answer as she replaced her regalia with a hardened version of them, each one only slightly scuffed and worn.

“It has been ages since I’ve seen you, my friends,” Celestia murmured, slipping on the new regalia. “Those were good times.”

“Celestia!” Luna cried, but her woes fell on deaf ears. “You will not rope me into this! After what happened last time, I vowed never to go-!”

“Too late!” Celestia shouted with a toothy grin. With a glow of her horn, Luna’s protests were cut off as she was teleported in a flash of golden light. One last muffled cry from her sister could be heard as the magic faded…

“CELESTIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!”

Humming to herself, Celestia called in her scribe. “Quick Quill! How do you do?”

“I’m doing very good, thank you,” Quick Quill greeted before hardening her features, “Princess, you have several appointments that you need to attend to in the next-”

“Postpone all meetings for the foreseeable future, if you would,” Princess Celestia said gently, “I have some things I need to attend to for the time being.”

Quick Quill did a double take before readjusting her grip on her clipboard. “Y-yes, Princess. I’ll, um… I’ll reschedule your meetings for the day…”

“Thank you, Quick Quill, I appreciate everything you do for me on a day to day basis,” Princess Celestia thanked. With a flourishing glow, Princess Celestia teleported away. A few seconds more did Quick Quill stand there, before her head drooped and a shadow fell over her head.

“And now I’ll have to deal with a bunch of snobbish nobles,” she sighed. “At least I get paid enough for this… Celestia knows just how stubborn they can be…”

The Crusaders were restlessly waiting outside the Everfree when they were startled by the sudden appearance of Princess Luna!

“-AAAAAA!” Princess Luna continued to shout before plopping on to her muzzle, imbalanced.from the sudden displacement. Picking herself up from off the ground, she rubbed her nose with a hoof.

“Princess Luna!” The Crusaders cried, glomping onto Luna’s legs. Luna, not expecting to be attacked in this fashion, cried in alarm. Fluttering her wings as she lifted from the ground, she crashed into a nearby tree.

“Off, foul demons!” Luna cried, dancing on her hooves. She tried to shake them off, not really knowing what or who had attached to her legs. “I say thee nay!”

Another flash of light heralded the arrival of Princess Celestia. To say she was surprised when she saw Luna trying to buck the Crusaders off of her would have been an understatement and a downright lie. Bursting out in laughter, Celestia quickly suppressed it with a hoof, her body shaking from her mirth.

“Luna!” Celestia called, having had a healthy dose of watching Luna panic. Luna, only a little out of breath from her struggle with the CMC, stopped, and noticed what she was actually trying to do.

“Oh dear…” Luna whispered as the three Crusaders fell of of Luna’s legs, breathing hard. “I fear I may have done something terrible…” As she watched the three fillies wheeze from the exhileration, they plopped onto their bellies. Each of them continued to breathe heavily, before one of them finally spoke.

“That…” Apple Bloom began.

“Was…” Sweetie Belle continued.

“AWESOME!” Scootaloo finished explosively, and they all latched onto Luna’s legs once more.

“Again!” they cried, and Luna shot a pleading look to Celestia for help.

“Let us be on our way, little ponies,” Celestia smiled, walking past Luna’s weighed down form. “You’ll be fine, Lulu, just let them have their fun.”

“I didn’t sign up for this, Tia,” Luna grumbled, reluctantly following Celestia into the Everfree. Being weighed down and put off balance by the three fillies stuck to her legs didn’t help any.

“Thank you kindly for coming to get our Monster Hunting Cutie Marks with us!” Apple Bloom beamed up at Luna. “We didn’t think either of you would show up!”

“Bloom didn’t even think sending a letter would have done us any good,” Scootaloo muttered under her breath. “But yeah, thanks for coming!”

“This is gonna be so much fun!” Sweetie Belle squeaked.

“Do not ever fear to send us a letter, my little ponies,” Celestia said, “We are always happy to accept an offer to take our minds off of our royal duties.”

“For you, maybe,” Luna grumbled under her breath, before looking down at Apple Bloom on her right foreleg. She couldn’t help but smile at Apple Bloom’s grateful expression. “You are welcome Apple Bloom. Though I may not have favoured the idea of having to leave the castle, I’m sure I’ll enjoy my time.”

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MONSTER HUNTERS YAY!” the Crusaders shouted, causing both Princesses to jump.

“Must you deafen our senses?” Luna moaned, her ears folded back. For want of trying, she would’ve covered her ears, but her legs were currently occupied.

“We always yell that when we go crusadin’ for something,” Apple Bloom remarked.

“Not always,” Scootaloo said, “Remember that one time when we-”

“We agreed never to speak of that again!” Sweetie Belle shouted.

“It wasn’t that bad, Sweetie Belle,” Apple Bloom tried, “We didn’t even-”

Sweetie Belle used her magic to silence Apple Bloom. However weak it was, it was still effective. With a stare that could kill, Sweetie hissed. “Never. Again.”

“When are we going to see some monsters?” Scootaloo whined, “I want to see some action!”

“Do not fret, Scootaloo, creatures will come soon enough…” Celestia turned around to face the Crusaders still stuck to Luna. “Do your sisters know you’ve ventured into the Everfree with us?”

“Uhhh…” Scootaloo stuttered, and the three fillies detached from Luna’s legs.

“Er, y-yeah?” Sweetie Belle said.

“Uh, definitely, yep! Honest as an apple!” Apple Bloom lied.

Luna eyed Celestia, terrified. “Oh no… Sister, we must rectify our mistake! Applejack is going to castrate us!”

“I’d be more worried about Rarity, my dear Luna,” Celestia whispered. “We have already entered the fray, Sister. We might as well follow through.”

With a smile, Celestia looked at the three scared fillies looking up at the two princesses. “Let’s go find some monsters,” Celestia grinned and she began to trot away. Luna soon followed as well, making sure the three fillies were with her. Just as the Crusaders thought they had gotten away scot-free, Celestia called back. “We will be having words later!”

“Oh no,” Apple Bloom groaned, pausing in her tracks. “I’ll be dead as a doornail when Applejack finds out!”

“You? Dead!?” Sweetie Belle shouted, wide-eyed. Her hooves gripped her hair and she pulled. “Rarity will obliterate me where I stand!”

“Talk about over-reacting.” Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “My parents don’t care where I go, as long as I come back in one piece.”

“You keep telling yourself that, Scoots.” Apple Bloom began to trot away briskly. “Tomorrow, you can say goodbye to our Crusades!”

“And the Princesses themselves are going to tell our sisters,” Sweetie Belle whimpered, putting her hooves into her face. “Apple Bloom, wait!”

“Sheesh,” Scootaloo said, nudging at you, “Uptight, am I right?” She quickly made her way to follow her friends. “At least we’re out here having fun and not reading some dusty old tome in a library.”

In her castle, Twilight sneezed.

As the Crusaders had been arguing, the sisters were having a dilemma of their own.

“What will we do?!” Luna questioned feverishly, Luna’s eyes wide with fear. “I have heard stories of what Applejack does to those that threaten her family… What will become of us!?”

Celestia remained calm throughout the whole ordeal as the older sister she was, but her eyes betrayed her. “It is doubtful the Elements would think of us incapable of taking care of their siblings, Luna,” she related, “But I must agree that we may be in deeper pranked! than we may realize.”

Luna widened her eyes further at Celestia’s use of profanity, but did not mention it. “Yes, quite. Especially with the Crusaders, anything can go wrong.”

You really shouldn’t have said that, Luna.

Realizing they hadn’t heard the constant bickering of the Cutie Mark Crusaders for a few short moments, they glanced around them. They turned around to see the vanishing tails of Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo. Luna fearfully began to hyperventilate, before she closed her eyes and calmed her breath. With a somewhat shaky voice, Luna turned to Celestia.

“Sister?”

“Yes, Luna?”

“I think we can confirm your ‘deep muffins!’ theory.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Why are we running away again?” Scootaloo inquired, not seeing what all the fuss was about.

“Because we can go monster hunting on our own and then we don’t have to get in trouble!” Sweetie Belle said.

“But…” Apple Bloom paused as they continued to run. “Wouldn’t that just get us in more trouble, because now the Princesses might go and tell our sisters that we abandoned them!”

Sweetie Belle slowly came to a stop as she thought this over. “Oh no…”

“Sweetie Bell, you dum dum!” Scootaloo cried, smacking Sweetie on the head. “Now we’ll get in more trouble!”

“I thought you didn’t care?” Apple Bloom snarked.

“Yeah, but that was before! Now we might not get out of here in one piece!”

Flashes of light appeared around them, they huddled together, scared out of their minds. Closing their eyes, they awaited their doom, until they were all crushed in a big hug. “Oh sweet heavens above! We found you!” Luna cheered, forelegs fully encircling and suffocating the Crusaders. She nuzzled the fillies gratefully wth her eyes closed.

“Prin… cess… L-Luna! A-air!” Sweetie Belle managed to choke out. Celestia’s magic gently tore them away from Luna’s grasp, and Luna rubbed her head with embarrassment.

“What? Oh! I wasn’t celebrating the fact that we might not get murdered by your family tonight or anything…”

“Now, sister,” Celestia rolled her eyes. Smiling internally herself that they were able to find the Crusaders (no small feat as they had disappeared from all sense remarkably quickly for a group of rowdy fillies), she composed herself. “Crusaders, I want you to know one thing. If you are in a dangerous setting such as this, you should never split up from the group. You never know what dangers lie at the edge of your vision, and trust my sister and I, we know. We lived here.”

Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom nodded nervously. “Yes, Princess Celestia,” they chanted in unison.

“Won’t happen again!” Sweetie Belle was quick to say.

“Maybe if we hadn’t listened to your stupid idea to run away,” Apple Bloom said under her breath. She received a well deserved punch from Sweetie Belle.

“Can we just stop fighting for one moment?” Scootaloo groaned.

“Now, girls,” Celestia started, a bead of sweat running down her head. “If we can just calm down…” Mentally, Celestia was banging her head against a wall, just as she would do when a noble came to her with more of their complaints. How did this get so out of hoof?

“So you came out here to hunt for monsters… hm?” a voice whispered through the trees, coming from everywhere and nowhere. Celestia was struck with a sense of knowledge as to who the voice belonged to, but she narrowed her eyes all the same.

“Who goes there?” Luna called, joining Celestia and the Crusaders in a small huddle.

The voice chuckled. “Oh, now that would just spoil all the fun!” Just then, a breeze kicked up, causing their manes to start waving in the wind… not like Celestia and Luna’s hair weren’t doing that already. Leaves and grass, twigs and branches flew in a gale that tugged at the very ground they walked on.

“Monsters, you should know, can come in all sorts of different shapes and sizes…”

The storm of magic began to coalesce into five shadowy figures, each of which brought a chill to all those present. Three small and two large bodied creatures, each one shaped like a pony. Ponies that were all too familiar.

“You should know this best Luna…”

The wind died down, and a deathly silence filled the air.

“After all, you became your very own monster.”

“Stay behind us, children!” Luna cried, Celestia stepping up beside her. “My sister and I shall handle this!”

“Tsk tsk, that’s not fair…” And all of a sudden, the three small figures that were hidden in the shadows bounded outward and skidded to a halt.

“Sweet apple cider…” Apple Bloom murmured, wide-eyed.

It was the Cutie Mark Crusaders… but they seemed wrong. Twisted, greyed, and hollow. The two large figures behind them stepped into the light as well, showing a sinister twisted Celestia and Luna’s own darkness, Nightmare Moon.

“How will you defend against the very monsters you’ve tried so hard to hide?”

Luna blasted a spell at her counterpart but she easily dodged it. Casting another spell in succession, it harmlessly bounced off of Nightmare Moon’s body, regardless of armour.

“They’re so ugly…” Sweetie Belle whispered, “Are those supposed to be us? It’s like you didn’t even try!”

“These are the best quality of work, thank you very much.”

“Discord, we know it’s you, come out of hiding,” Celestia sighed.

“Oh phooey, Celestia, must you take the fun out of everything?” Discord asked, popping into existence. “I was enjoying a rather nice chocolate milk of cup while I was watching your little escapade into the Everfree. Is it bad that I just had to make it more interesting?”

“I’d rather ask you why you’re doing this,” stated Celestia.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Discord smiled, “I’m helping the ever-lovable Cutie Mark Crusaders learn a lesson!”

“You are?” Apple Bloom asked. “Is this going to like that time we time travelled to the past and met those giant butterflies?”

“Butterdragons, Apple Bloom.” Discord rolled his eyes. “Issue 24, if any of you are wondering.”

Everypony stood confused for a second, before Luna took an attack stance. “How nice,” Luna growled, her eyes flickering between Nightmare Moon and Discord. “Now if you’ll excuse us, we’ll be going.”

“Not so fast, Luna!” Discord snapped his claws and a wall vines reaching to the top of the canopy emerged. “You’ll have to defeat the darker versions of yourself to escape!” And with that, Discord vanished in a pop.

“DISCORD!” Luna boomed.

“Sister! There is no way out of this! If this is what Discord wants us to do, we’ll have to play his game. If we fly our way out, we may not make it out of the Everfree alive, and Discord’s chaos magic has tainted these vines so that only he can control them.”

“Does that mean I’ll have to face my ugly doppleganger?” Sweetie Belle asked. A whine from the Sweetie Belle look-a-like on the other side could then be heard.

“Oh come on!”

“Sorry evil me!” Sweetie Belle called out.

“Come on then, chicken!” Dark Scootaloo began to prance around. “Show me whatcha got!”

“I’m rarin’ to go, Bloom!” Dark Bloom shouted, “Who’s best pony? I am!”

“Oh shut up, me!” Apple Bloom groaned, facehoofing. “Why does my double have to be annoying?”

“Hey!”

Luna glared daggers at her shadowy counterpart. “The night will last-!” Nightmare Moon began to shout, but Luna was quick to shut her up.

“Nay!” Luna shouted, her magic zipping Nightmare Moon’s lips shut, “None of that! I have made peace with my demons! Begone, foul creature! I know I’ve made mistakes, I know what I’ve done wrong, and other ponies helped me realize it! So I say to thee, begone!” Nightmare Moon vanished in a puff of smoke. Surprised by the lackluster exit, Luna dropped her jaw.

Everypony else blinked.

“It’s that simple?” Scootaloo asked, “Just fess up to myself? That’s just bucking stupid!”

Sweetie Bell punched Scootaloo in the foreleg. “Scootaloo, the Princesses are right there!”

Celestia sighed. “Don’t worry, I was deaf for a just a few seconds there. What were you talking about?”

The three Crusaders dared to look up in confusion at the Princess. “W-what?” Celestia winked in response. Celestia then quietly closed her eyes as she faced her own counterpart.

“I’m already gone, aren’t I?” Evil!Celestia asked the Crusaders.

“Probably,” Apple Bloom said.

“It was nice knowing you!” Sweetie Belle complimented, “I really like your mane!”

“Yeah yeah, whatever,” Scootaloo waved, looking over her own doppelganger.

“Even with an evil me, I’m polite as buck,” Evil!Celestia sighed before she puffed away in a cloud of leaves and branches. Princess Celestia opened her eyes and tried to hide a guilty smile as she looked on sadly where her other self had stood.

“Princess?” Sweetie Belle asked, “What did you do to make your evil self disappear?

Must not think about cakes… Celestia thought. “It would be best for me to keep it a secret, Sweetie Belle,” Celestia said with a wry smile. “Now, you know what you must do.”

“But what if I want to fight my evil self?” Scootaloo whined. “It would be so much fun!”

“As much fun as it would be, it is still you,” Celestia sagely offered, “You would only be hurting yourself.”

Scootaloo tried to process that. “B-but… whoa, that is really weird. That’s like, literal and metalforal!”

“Metaphorical,” Sweetie Belle corrected. “And yeah, that is weird!”

“So let me get this straight,” Apple Bloom began, “These dark versions of ourselves are us, and we’re basically fighting ourselves, but we should do it so we don’t actually hurt ourselves?”

Princess Celestia tried to process Apple Bloom’s thought processes. “I think you’re making this more complicated than it truly is, my little pony.”

“Alright, alright, filly huddle!” Scootaloo facehoofed. “Let’s ‘make peace’ with ourselves or whatever cheesy stuff this is.”

The three Crusaders then embraced each other as they began to whisper to themselves, occasionally glancing to their evil selves.

Alternatively, the Dark Crusaders grew restless. “Can’t I just pummel chicken feathers over there?” Dark Scoots moaned.

“As evil as we are, we aren’t so evil that we would break playground rules, Scoots,” Dark Bloom sighed. Rolling her eyes, she continued. “Besides, we’re really only constructs that Discord conjured up to annoy the Princesses and help teach ourselves a lesson.”

“That’s kinda depressing,” Dark Sweetie pouted, “Depressing for us.”

The Dark Crusaders collectively released a dark sigh. “Cutie Mark Crusaders Depressing Thought Processes yay?” Dark Bloom tried.

“It’s okay, Bloom,” Dark Belle whispered, “It’ll be over soon.”

The Dark Crusaders then turned to see that the Cutie Mark Crusaders were looking at them funny. “Wow, not only are you girls supposed to be dark twisted versions of us, you’re also the complete opposite of us; depressing and sad.”

“Yeah, we were created by Discord,” Dark Scoots murmured.

“In any case,” Sweetie Belle said softly, “I think you girls are great! You seem like amazing Crusaders, we’d hate to kill you.”

Dark Belle smiled. “You seem like amazing Crusaders, we’d hate to die.”

“You guys are making me feel bad for them- er- us- whatever!” Scootaloo teared up.

“Me too!” Dark Scoots sniffled.

“Let’s get it over with girls,” Apple Bloom whispered, and they stood together. “I admit to my own rudeness, to my stubbornness, and my past…”

Dark Bloom closed her eyes and smiled as she disappeared.

“I admit to me not being as kind as my older sister Rarity, to my own selfishness, and the bad thoughts I had for Diamond Tiara that one time she painted the town red and blamed us…”

Dark Belle sighed as she slowly blew away into the wind she had come from.

“Do I really have to do this?” Scootaloo asked, “My other self is awesome…”

“If you don’t, you might be stuck here forever,” Dark Scoots said, and Scootaloo breathed heavily.

“O-okay, uhm… I admit to my laziness, my uh… the word that starts with a ‘p’ for me thinking I’m awesome (Sweetie Belle whispers ‘pride’), and… and for all the things we’ve done as the Crusaders that annoyed other ponies…”

“We haven’t been that bad, have we?” Dark Scoots asked as she began to disappear the slowest of them all.

“I think we’ve been pretty darn rowdy, actually,” Apple Bloom remarked, and Dark Scoots sighed.

“Oh well. We’ll always be with you! After all, we are you!” And with that, Dark Scoots dissipated the same as the other doppelgangers.

For a while, the Crusaders stared at the spots where their other selves had been, before they burst into tears and hugged each other. “I love you guys!” Scootaloo was the first to say.

“I’m with y’all to the end of the line!” Apple Bloom wailed.

“This is so cliche but whatever!” Sweetie Belle cried, and they remained that way for a bit. You know, not too long to be weird, but long enough that it was meaningful. Am I being intrusive as a narrator to the plot? If so, I am truly sorry-

“Do you think they’ve learned their lessons?” Discord whispered to the Princesses. The three immortals watched the display of sisterly love and bonding.

“If you mean ‘to accept their own failings and fallacies’, then yes, I think they did,” Princess Luna smiled softly.

“But if you do anything like this again, I’m going to kill you!” Princess Celestia smacked Discord upside.

“As long as it’s not as bad as the last time you killed me,” Discord whimpered falsely, a grin plastered on his face.

“Oh no, it will be much worse,” Celestia grinned evilly, and Discord gulped. He broke into a nervous sweat, but didn't show it.

Turning to me, Discord chuckled nervously. “A little help here?”

Sorry, buddy, I have my own problems to deal with.

Author's Note

Aw, I wanted to be in this fic too! How come Scootaloo get's to break the fourth wall and Discord gets to show up, but I don't? Where am I?!

Pinkie, stop doing that!

You know, sometimes, I hate my life.