Journal Of The Jersey Devil

by Napalm monster

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Adventure, Dragons, Random, Steven Magnet, Babs Seed, Alternate Universe, Main 6
Length: 4336

The Demon of New Jersey, the Leeds Devil finds himself far away from his habitat, with the ability to speak and is now smart enough to document his thoughts on a journal. He now ventures across Equestria, trying to adapt, and have fun on the way,

"Hello all you monkeys! Or humans, if ya wanna get technical r'whatevah, names J.D. or da Jersey Devil. So apparently I'm no longa in Jersey and am now stuck in some pink 'n pretty woild wit ponies who think I'm'a monster and want'a eat'em, and let me clarify dis ain't a diary 'r nothin', is'a journal, I ain't no Sissy Mary. Anyways, if yer readin' it, I'm either dead or yer snoopin', and FYI, I eat snoopers fer breakfast bro. On the off chance I am dead, then feel free to read my trials and my awesome adventures bro."

Warning: contains strong written, thick Jersey accent, strong language, and Jersey stereotyping.

Picture does not belong to me, nor does the Jersey Devil or the lore behind it. Story and concept belong entirely to me though.

Published 2017-03-08 05:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-06-30 00:51:56 UTC

Day 1: Dis' ain't Jersey no mo'

"Okay, so dere's no polluted air in da sky, no littah 'r trash, dere ain't no monkeys in dheir cars honkin' or swearin' ta one anotha. Dis is definitely not New Jersey.

An hour ago I was sniffin' around my normal habitat, mindin' my own business till some flashy light appears and now I can talk and I'm more....ugh, what's the word? Aware 'r somethin', whatevah, anyways I'm suddenly smartah and I'm suddenly writtin' in dis book I found. Which I'm still tryin' ta figure out where it came from and da pen I'm writin' wit. Dhis is like my first time writin', like evah, but from years of pickin' up monkey talk, I know a few woids here and dere.

I got wings, I don't really use dem much since it's easier fer da monkeys ta spot me, especially wit dheir metal burds in da sky nowadays, though every now and then I use dhem whenever I get lost, my wings ain't what dey use ta be 170 years ago. Though, I still have aged phenomenally.

Anyway I do most of my travelin' on hoof now, last time I flew fer too long, I got shot wit a goddamn cannonball! I still got da bruises ta prove it. Damn monkeys.

But whatevah, I ain't complain', good ta get dat cardio! Anyway it's been two hours, and I've been walkin' through dhese woods, and if I wasn't sure before, I am now, I definitely ain't in Jersey. I know Jersey's woods like da back of my hoof, and dis ain't my territory or any territory I recognize. Everythings cleaner, no graffiti on da trees, no carvings wit dicks on da bark, it's like no monkey ever touched dhem, it's almost nice."

•••

"Okay so maybe dis place ain't so nice! I ran into some doggies wit bark fer fur. Luckily I spent years avoidin' monkeys so losin' 'em wasn't too hard. I mean normal dawgs are hard ta lose, but uuuhhh, nevahmind. So I've sniffin' around dhis place, and accordin' ta my nose, I can't pick up a trace of any monkey fer miles, a few othah animals sure, but no humies, at all. I ain't sure if dats good 'r bad, on one hoof no more hidin', maybe it's like a whole world wit no hummies, on another hoof, wat does dat all mean? no humans? Am I like in anotha dimension 'r planet? Gah! Thinkin' ain't fer no monstah, I haven't eaten in god knows how long. '

•••

J.D. put the pen between the pages of the pink and glittery notebook before closing it and putting it behind him which mysteriously disappeared. It's true though, he was both hungry and thirsty, he needed to hunt, but at the same time keep his presence low key. He stretched his wings and made a satisfying pop, making him moan in pleasure before rising up above the treeline. Around him was a thick forest of trees, on the west was a small village and a farm with lots of appletrees, but that was still miles away, there was a huge river between him and the town. Satisfied with this new information he settled back to the ground quickly before the chance of being spotted was high.

"Okay," J.D. crossed his arms, "I ain't in near Jersey or Manhattan, some weird village like way back in 1870's, furst things furst though. I'm starvin'."

Thanks to years in the wilderness. J.D. has sharpened tracking skills and nose that would make any bloodhound envy him. Since he was dehydrated though, water was definitely the first thing on his list of what to do next. And since he knew where was a river, there was no problem.

After a little walking J.D. arrived at the river and he quickly kneeled infront of the water and began licking it like a dog with his forked tongue. He could say this though, the water was cleaner and more tastier than the rivers he drank from home. He relished the non polluted water as he swallowed more from the clear, clean river, so much so he didn't really notice the giant serpent rise a few feet away to his right, stretching his arms, and turning his hips around, stretching, at first the sea serpent didn't notice the cryptid either, sipping from his river.

"Ahh!" The river serpent known as Steven Magnet said in relief, "There's nothing like a midnight swim to relax my aching muscles and letting all my worries just melt away."

The flamboyant sea serpent continued his little exercise until he was soon aware of the sound of water slurping near him. He turned his gaze around and was quickly stricken curious by the creature drinking from his home. It wasn't a pony, but it had ears and a muzzle similar to one, and it walked upright like a diamond dog, it had horns and wings too, sure pegasi had wings too, but he didn't remember them being tacky or leathery like bat wings. But, regardless, Steven was a kind, welcoming, sea serpent, despite that hideous shade of auburn and chestnut color on J.D. he still decided to do a little meet and greet, hoping he too was friendly.

"Well hello traveler, enjoying my home?" He said flamboyant as usual.

J.D. was quickly startled by the voice from nowhere until he looked and gasped in utter disbelief after seeing Steven Magnet. Afterall, he maybe a demon looking monster from South Jersey, but a purple sea serpent with mustache is just plain weird. He quickly overcame his shock, "Holy hell, dhere really is such a thing as a Loch-ness monstah!"

"Monster?" Steven raised an eyebrow, "Why would you say something like that to someone with a mustache as fabulous as mine, and would a monster keep his facial hair as perfect and groomed as mine?"

"Eh, I don't know, never met any anothah monstah, and I know myself is fah from normal." J.D. commented.

"Indeed, I lived in this forest for decades and I've never seen a creature like you. I've seen Manticores, Timberwolves, a Cockatrice who needed an attitude adjustment, a passing Chimera, maybe a Hydra, and etc. etc., but I simply never seen you, who and what are you?"

"Me? I don't know, I nevah asked anyone, fact of da mattah dis is da longest I've EVAH talked with somebody." J.D. admitted.

"Ooo!" Steven squealed before pulling J.D. to his side, "Well allow me to introduce myself, of course! Where are my manners, my name is Steven Magnet, the most fabulous sea serpent in this side of the Everfree forest."

"Steven? Evah free? Man dere is so many questions I got with dat one sentence you just said."

"Well it would be my pleasure to fill you in," Steven smiled, "We non-ponies have to stick together like brothers, bro." Steven winked.

J.D. paused, non-ponies?, but wait, "Bro? huh, I like da sound of that, bro."

"Okay so, I met dis sea serpent, says his name is Steven Magnet, pretty humie name fer a sea monstah. Da guy was real friendly tho. He filled me on the details, said I was in da Evahfree forest, cute name. Next he says, I'm in Equestria, land of talkin' ponies, flyin' ponies, magic ponies, etc. So I guess I really am on anotha planet wit no humies. Tho I am gonna miss one thing, rummaging through garbage and findin' hot dawgs and pizzah. Still dat means I'm no longer hunted by humies, at least I can use my wing more freely now. Hell dis could be da greatest thing fer me, I've been alone my whole life till I met Steven Magnet, atleast I can blend in bettah now, I mean, I'm no pink 'n pretty tiny horse, but I'm pretty close, and Steven says dere's ponies wit wings, and I got wings! call it instinct, but I got a good feelin' 'bout dis.

Steven said I can sleep near his rivah fer now, in da mornin' Ill figure out wat ta do. Goodbye Jersey, Hello Equestria bro!"

Author's Note

Hi guys, I'm taking a brake from my other stories and wanted to work on something more "new." Anyway this is an idea that just came to me while practicing my Jersey accent, any misspellings, my bad. And this story is to more or less help me practice with my writing so I don't get rusty, hope you enjoyed and feel free to comment.

Day 2: Apples are good fer ya cardio Bro

"Well aftah my furst rocky night in Equestria, I spent the night sleeping next to Steven Magnet. UGH! Not that way! Gawd! I don't swing that way bro. But sleepin' next to a friend's river was a nice change, well the friend part was new anyway, I-"

•••

"Uh, what are you doing?"

JD quickly closed his journal with Steven's head over his shoulder peering down at his journal with a raised brow. JD seemed a bit embarrassed.

"Gawd! Bro! You need ta wear a freakin' bell 'r somethin'!" JD exclaimed.

"Oops!" Steven piped up, "Pardon, I couldn't help notice you writing in that diary of yours."

JD brow shifted erratically at the mention of the word "diary", he quickly felt a wave of annoyance wash over him, "Hey dis ain't a diary pal, I'm no sissy Mary, dis is a journal! and a manly one too!"

"Then why does it have glitter on the front?" Steven pointed, and true to his word, there was a noticeable amount of glitter.

"I don't know, bro!" JD angrily replied, "I didn't buy it at a freakin' shop, I jus' found it next ta me when I landed in dis deathtrap of a forest!"

"Well it is very pretty." Steven commented.

JD felt his annoyance slowly transition into anger, "You mean: MANLY! Bro!"

"Oh well, whatever makes you feel better." Steven waved his hands flamboyantly.

"Thank you." JD nodded, in slight appreciation.

"So what are you writing?" Steven asked curiously.

"Just my thoughts, I think it's supposed ta be healthy 'r somthin' ta write what yer thinkin'," JD told, "Let me tell ya though, if tha old me had somethin' like dis I would definitely be eatin' da pages. Like literally chew and swallow! I wasn't exactly the scholah type before arrivin' 'ere."

"That's not too hard for me to believe."

"Anyways," JD continued, "If ya don't mind, a little privacy please?"

"Okay," Steven said cheerfully and slithered back into the river, "Have fun with your "manly" diary."

JD's eyes perked open, his ear made an involuntary twitch, "Damnit you mean journal!"

JD turned his head around and pouted as he opened his ~~diary~~, journal.

'Anyway the dude can be nosy as hell. But whatevah, so next thing I should probably do is get breakfast, by this time I'm either goin' through tha garbage and eatin' left over pizza, burgers, 'r huntin' deers, raccoons, 'r squirrels. That last squirrel I ate before was a fightah fer sure, didn't go down either, hehe. But that's a story fer anotha time. Gotta find some breakfast. '

•••

'So Steven offered me some fish fer breakfast. No thanks bro, nevah liked sea food, I may eat anotha squirrel who tries choking me ta death all over again, but I cannot fer tha life of me digest that crap. I'm more in'ta tha average land mammal, on occasion I eat tha local humie food. Now that I'm smatah, I realized, no wondah I'm so outta shape, too much pizzah, hot dawg, burgers, and I use to eat that shit outta dumpstahs, eww, I was so gross before, if ignorance was bliss then I sure had it made bro. I need somthin' fer my cardio, like protein and all that healthy crap. Wait a minute! Trees around here look different, and my sniffah's pickin' up....apples?

It was a peaceful day at the Sweet Apple Acres farm. Beautiful sunshine, with the only sound of birds cawing in the distance. The orange earth mare gazed around at her immense apple orchard. Rarity had invited her and the other girls to the spa, so she decided to get up extra early to get a head start on her chores, without making her friends wait too long for her arrival. For now, she could enjoy the calm sunrise in the far east while bucking in apples, she grabbed her basket and proceeded. An hour had passed and she was basically doing her standard routine, but still she found it peaceful during the morning hours. She wiped off some beads of sweat off her forehead and smiled, until she heard her dog, Winona scamper toawards her, barking alarmingly.

"Winona? What's wrong girl?" She asked, she knew when ever she barked this erratically, it either meant trespassers or somepony was in danger, "Come on girl where's the trouble?"

Winona let out a single yip, ran back towards the trouble. Applejack galloped behind her, as she followed her dog, she then began noticing a very large quantity of eaten apple cores littered on the ground, clearly indicated somepony was having free breakfast in her orchard, and they were gonna be sorry, whoever they were.

"When I find the fiends eatin' mah apples, they better have a good excuse fer trespassin' and eatin' from mah property." Applejack glowered, "Oh what am I sayin'! since when in the history of Apples and Equestria has there ever been a good excuse fer that. They'll be sorry though!"

After a minute or three, the duo was getting closer as more apple cores appeared on the ground, the more Applejack felt her anger and tension rise. Winona paused infront of a large bush, she sniffed the air, turned around to her master and let out a small yip.

"Is the trespasser over there girl?" AJ asked, whispering as to be more stealthily. WInona replied with a small nod, "Alright then."

Applejack removed her hat and pulled out her trusty lasso, ready to hogtie the intruder if necessary. She bended down and pounced through the bushes.

"Alright ya no good thieves, ya better put yer hooves in the air if ya know what's good fer-" Applejack paused, she looked perturbed at exactly what she was looking at.

"Gawd I'm full. Anyways, aftah wanderin' those woods I found myself near some sorta farm, there must'a been like a thousand apple trees 'r somethin'. I've eaten, like what, 79 'r 78, I don't know bro, I lost count after 60. Aftah rememberin' Steven's words about ponies, my next plan is ta do some normal scoutin' like I do when I was in Jersey, ya know, scope around and spy on tha local community, I don't know what I'm gonna do, but if these are tiny horse who speak English, then I like my chance now. I speak english, I'm part horse, I think, I got a muzzle like one, then again it might be a deer muzzle. You grow up alone and mostly confused when ya got no one ta ask what the hell you are."

JD put his book and pen down before picking up an apple from a nearby heap and taking a big bite out of it. JD himself was leaning against an apple tree surrounded by heaps of apples and already eaten apple cores. He had a noticeable bulge in his belly from overconsumption of apples. JD crossed his arms behind his head and really began to relax, stirring in his own gluttony. He was satisfied and filled with content, until he heard a rustling in nearby a bush, quicker than his mind or senses could process this, something leaped out, surprising the Leeds Devil.

"Alright ya no good thieves, ya better put yer hooves in the air if ya know what's good-" it paused.

JD sat there motionless, as an orange pony which he assumed was female due to her noticeably long eyelashes, gawking at him with a mixed look of surprise and confusion. He wasn't too surprised since Steven briefed him already on the strange inhabitants of this word, and she was indeed strange. Especially while wearing a Stetson and the ass tattoos of three apples on each side. There was a moment of silence and just before a shrill scream could penetrate the silence across the whole orchard, JD grabbed an apple, took a bite out of it and offered the remains to her.

"Want some?" He asked politely, as Appejack's jaw dropped, "It's good fer yer cardio bro."

Author's Note

First impressions are always important just ask AJ and JD. anyways I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter I would've done it sooner but the computer was having Internet troubles so hope you enjoy and will see you next time :P

Day 2: Where's da monstah? Oh right, it's me.

After her initial shock Applejack scream pierced through the sky itself, echoing across the entire Orchard. Startling the Apple family and waking them up from their slumber.

"Granny!" Applebloom opened the door to Granny Smiths room with Big Mac behind her. Surprisingly Granny was still asleep even through after Applejacks scream, snoring even.

"Granny wake up, I think me and Big Mac heard Applejack screamin' in the Orchard!" Applebloom told her.

"Eeyup." Big Mac nodded.

Granny muttered incoherently, obviously not happy to be disturbed so early, "Oh I'm sure she probably j's stepped in Winona droppin's. When Winona was a pup, ah once stepped on some chocolate logs, ah screamed so loud ah nearly bursted mah eardrums. Not tha best Sunday ah ever had." Granny cringed slightly.

"Ooo chocolate logs? Sound yummy." Applebloom replied, being young she didn't get the innuendo.

Granny frowned, and shook her head, "Not the ones Winona made."

"Uh Granny, what about Applejack?" Big Mac asked.

"Oh I'm sure it's nothin', girl is old and strong enough to handle it." Granny said, looking for an excuse to return to her sleep.

"Should we go check on her atleast?" Applebloom asked.

"You go ahead," Granny replied sleepily, not making any eye contact as she tried sleeping, "I'm too old t'worry about that girl."

AppleJack galloped in a frenzy home, the loud echo of her hooves stomping through the ground and her frantic breathing was all she could hear at the moment. Her mind was going wild, asking questions like,

'What in apples name was that thing!? Where'd it come from!?'

Applejack had seen a many things, deemed unusual by any ponies perspective. Though that thing wasn't the oddest, it was definitely on her top 5. The only thing that mattered was reaching her house, grabbing as many planks and nails, and putting up a sign that read: "Do not open until next Winter."

As the country mare reached the front door she spotted her siblings exiting the house. In one quick blur she rushed them inside without giving them a chance to blink. The apple siblings eyes were widened in confusion, they blinked a few times before hearing the sound of a hammer banging against a nail resonate across the whole house. They looked to see Applejack hectically sealing the door with several planks, and nails collected in her mouth, acting as if Equestria was headed towards some great calamity.

Big Mac spoke, "Uh, sis-"

"No time Big Mac, quick grab all the planks and nails ya can carry and board up all the doors an' windows in the house!" Applejack commanded, "Applebloom quick grab any trap y'all can find, from mousetraps ta bear traps!"

"Sis what's goin' on?" Applebloom inquired, curious to what has her brave and strong sister so spooked.

"There's a demon out there!" Applejack answered, "Some weird demon eatin' all our apples and I'm sure it's got the cravin's fer pony flesh next."

"Sis y'all can't be serious." Big Mac replied, worried for her sisters well being and possibly her sanity.

"More serious than a bug bear attack!" Applejack then continued barricading onto the back door, where her sibling followed her, "Ah never seen anything like it. It was big an' walked on two feet, had horns, an' dragon wings. Actually it kinda reminded me of Discord a little bit."

The other two did not seem convinced, sure Equestria had a number of strange creatures, but a demon with that type of description sounded just preposterous. It all just sounded like nonsensical ramblings of a delusional mare whose been working in the sun way too long.

"Now sis," Big Mac replied, with a worried expression, "I know you've been workin' mighty hard, an' I think y'all are deservin' of a vacation. Why don't ya go hangout with Rarity and go to one of them spas she's mighty fond of?"

Applejack had a look of disbelief, but then it shifted to one of annoyance, "No! Ah know what ah saw, I ain't off my rocker ya hear!"

"But sis there ain't no such thing as demons, even ah know that." Applebloom replied, with a weak smile.

Applejack groaned, rubbing her forehead, "Ah don't know if it was a demon, but ah know it was some kind of monster."

Dat was screwy, atleast dat Loch Ness monstah was tellin' da truth. Dhere really is such a thing as Planet of the Ponies, wouldn't dat be a weird movie. Anyway aftah recoverin' from dat orange pastel donkey screamin' my ears off, I thought it was high time ta get the hell outta here.

But I guess I was too fat from eatin' my own weight in apples. Totally worth it doe.

Gotta burn some calories now bro, joggin' my way through these apple trees wasn't so bad. Until I feel bettah, I'll fly again. Don't know where, but this journal will keep me distracted until I'm airborne again.

Question doe. If these ponies 'r anythin' like humans, they'll either experiment on me or kill me of da spot aftah scarin' one o'them. Probably in town screamin' "I found the Jersey Devil!" R' somethin' pretty close ta dat. Don't know what I'm gonna do now-

OH HEY A BARN! Haven't seen one in a while. Neat bro!

"I don't know Applejack, even I know demons don't exist." Spike told her.

After leaving her family in the house barricaded Applejack rushed over to the Crystal Castle, hoping to get Twilights help. After discovering she and Pinkie Pie were on a friendship mission given by the map, she told Spike and Starlight Glimmer her dilemma in hopes they would help her. Needless to say they both nearly mimicked her siblings reaction, much to her annoyance.

"Look," Applejack began, facehoofing, "Ah know how it sounds but I'm the element of honesty fer lands sake! Y'all really believe I'd start fibbin' bout a demon in mah orchard?"

"We're not saying that," Starlight replied, with a slight worried look adorning her features, "Its just we know Applebucking is a lot of hard work and with the heat in Equestria currently, you might have imagined you saw something."

"Dang it Glimmer!" Applejack snapped at the unicorn, "I ain't crazy either!"

Spike and Starlight looked at each other worried and unsure, Applejack sighed and rubbed her forehead, "Fine, be that way!"

Applejack spun around and snorted angrily before stomping off, only mere seconds to be halted by Spikes voice, "Wait Applejack! I want to believe you, but maybe if you showed where you last saw it we could I don't know, talk to the others about it."

With eyes half lidded, Applejack sighed, "No, it's probably long gone, but maybe...." Applejack paused a moment, "Wionna! She can track the fly of a varmint a mile away!"

JD rested his against a bale of hay, using it as a pillow for his tired head. Gathering a heap of hay as a blanket to cover most of his lower body, he pulled out an apple he saved from earlier and began munching on it, he began humming a tune before he broke out into a soft singing.

"Apples~ I like apples~ but I love Doughnuts~I love doughnuts~Doughnuts~I love doughnuts~" he sang, getting into a comfortable position in the hay, he then used his leathery wings to swaddle himself like a baby, "I wonder if there's a doughnut shop with a trash can I can scavenge latah?"

JD self conversation was interrupted by the sounds of scratching on the door. JD arched a brow and soon heard multiple voices approaching the barn.

"Right here." He heard female voice.

"What is it girl? Somethin' in there?" He heard a familiar southern voice followed by a dog yipping.

JD swallowed the lump in his throat and panicked, "Aw crap baskets."

JD snapped his neck back and forth frantically looking for a place to hide, he dove into the biggest pile of hay he could find just in time as the barn doors swung open. JD peeked through the hay and saw the orange mare he met before that gave him an ear-ache earlier, and there was also the dog he remembered followed by two newcomers, a pink unicorn with a purple mane and aqua green stripe, and a baby purple dragon.

'Jus' when I thought this place couldn't get freakier.' JD thought.

The collie stuck her nose in the air and soon began picking up a new smell, she barked once and sauntered toward where he was hiding. The mares and baby dragon followed her, the unicorn lit her horn to shine some light in the dark barn. JD could only watch with suspense as they grew near.

Author's Note

I am sorry for the long wait I've been busy. And to be honest I'm not sure when the next chapter is. But hopefully this chapter will satisfy you guys. I am sorry a hundred times, I will try I to get the next one out sooner than this one