FillyQuest!

by Stegtorn

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack, Anon, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Adventure
Length: 3869

Three fillies, one human, and one greathammer. What is the worst that could happen?

Penniless, desperate for gold, starved for adventure! You are Anonymous, and you've found your way to Ponyville in your struggle for gold and glory. Instead of riches and fame you find three annoying fillies, perfect!

Originally written in late 2013, and converted into prose now. I've tried my best to weed out mistakes but there were many and I don't think I got them all.

Cover art by docwario. If you want your art back you can pry it from my warm, understanding hands!

Published 2017-03-12 21:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-12 21:20:01 UTC

The Necromancer

Ponyville! Your next stop on the road to legend. You should clarify for your own record, that there is no actual road to legend. It's metaphorical, or something. You stand just on the edge of town with your hands on your hips, resting on the small spot covered by cloth instead of metal plate. It's a bit of a chilly this morning, but your leather gloves keep your fingers nice and warm. Not to mention the gloves provide protection from stabby things.

"A traveler I see," a deep, but calming voice says.

A pony in a yellow cloak and a helmet, which covers his face completely, walks over.

"I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I realized I just wasn't cut out for it. I'm a family stallion at heart and I wanted to settle down. So I came to here, where I met my wife and became a guard of the town."

I didn't ask, you think to yourself.

"Wow that's nice," you say with an awkward smile.

"You look like you could use some rest, friend. Why not try Mac's Tavern just off the main square? Warm beds and cider for a good price."

Wow something actually useful.

"I'll be sure to, thanks. Goodbye."

You pick up the pace to get as far away from the guard as possible, your large warhammer bumping against your back in its bindings. By the time you get to the town square, you're unsure of what to do. The streets are pretty empty and the skies are still a little dark. But the quiet is nice. Quiet is one of the biggest reasons you travel alone. That and becoming a great warrior of legend.

You walk over to the fountain, watching the water flow for a moment. The tavern probably is open right now but you aren’t that tired, you've got some time to burn—

"Whoa."

"Wow."

"Gasp!" three small voices coo in unison. [Sounds of Wonderment]

You turn quickly around. Three little fillies stand awfully close to you, one's wings flap happily.

"You're so big!" the leftmost one says. She's a unicorn with a white coat and an interesting mane consisting of light pink and purple curls.

"H-hey! I've been trying to lose weight. There's no need for that," you stammer, shifting a foot backward.

"Are you an adventurer?"

"Do you go on adventures?"

"Why are you all dressed up in metal?"

"Yes, yes whatever. Please stop talking all at once," your gloved hand rubbing your temple as you try to calm them.

The three shut up and sit down. Six big innocent eyes are now locked onto you.

"Okay. Run along now. Nothing to see."

You stand there for a moment with your arms crossed, hoping they will just leave. Children are morally obligated to comply to the demands of their elders. . .right? They don't move; they just sit there, all huddled up together with blank faces for what seems like twenty minutes. You’ve become increasingly uneasy and fidgety. You'd run away, but the trio has you boxed in against the fountain.

"Wow! What's this?"

You turn around just as the little filly on the right zips away from her friends toward you. She taps at the head of your war-hammer, knocking it around.

"Easy!" you blurt, backing away toward the fountain.

"Don't you three have anything better to do than bother me? Go play hide and seek or something."

"Hide and seek? Why didn't we think of this sooner?" The unicorn says with a widening grin.

"Wait, what?"

"Cutie Mark Crusaders Seekers!" The pegasus replies.

"Okay big guy, you hide and we'll try and find you," the yellow one says in a budding southern accent.

They cover their eyes and line up against the fountain.

"I'll count to thirty," the pegasus announces, her eyes still closed.

"1...2...3..."

Mouth agape and confusion taking over, you look around, gauging your options.

"5...7...Uh, I mean 6!"

You could play along and then just hide somewhere until they leave. But where would you go?

The tavern! Young ones aren't allowed in taverns! You start off in search of a sign or something to lead you to the place and you find one eventually. Before rounding the corner and getting inside you see the three fillies bounce up, their counting complete. You push open the door, noticing a little note on the door but not bothering to read, and close it behind you quickly.

"Uh, we're not open right now, sir," a young mare in a stetson says grimly, she's setting up the chairs for a few tables in the dim bar.

"Yeah sorry, I'm hiding from a couple fillies. You don't mind if hide out here a moment?"

She lightens up a bit, smiling.

"Sure. I know how those fillies can get. I got a little sister at home."

You don't respond. Why are horses always telling you about their families? You didn't even ask. It gets quiet as you stand idly by, watching as she cleans up.

"I-I'm Anonymous, you are?"

"Applejack," she says with a nod, wiping down a table.

Hmm that reminds you, you haven't had breakfast.

"I know it's a bit much to ask for-"

"You want some food, don't ya?"

"Err.."

You rub the back of your head and flinch away. In a second you hear the dropping of a tin dish on wood and look up. Apple danishes, apple pies, apple juice, apples and other fruity orb shaped things are set up on the table closest to you.

"Dig in."

"Thanks, but I'm gonna have to pay you..."

"As soon as you're done?"

"R-right."

Feels bad when you have about two gold pieces to your name. You unstrap your war-hammer and rest it on the side of the chair, digging into the pie with your bare hands.

"Hey! Whoa, use a fork or somethin' partner! Yer getting pie everywhere."

You give her a skeptical look, raising an eyebrow.

"Do you use a fork?"

"Well, er, no."

"Okay then. I bet you get pie all over when you eat."

"D-do not! I'm a very tidy eater. I think..."

You slide her one of the danishes, claiming the other for yourself as you push the half finished pie to the side.

"How about a little game? You can’t drop any crumbs or you lose. And if I win..."

You ponder this for a second. It's your competition, you can ask for anything to be the prize. Although you don't think some prizes will go down as well as others.

"I don't pay for this and a room for tonight."

She considers this for a moment.

"Seems fair enough."

Stretching out her hoof, you shake it and she nods. She takes a good look at her pastry and lets out a thoughtful "hmmph". In one quick motion she picks up the treat and stuffs it in her mouth. After a few seconds of chewing she swallows and nods. Oh, well then.

A bead of sweat trickles down your forehead as you inspect your opponent, your hands tremble. God this is more intense than that time that spider had you tied up and she. . . Okay, let's not get into that. Methodically, you strip apart the treat, breaking it up into small pieces without shedding any crumbs. You devour line after line of apple pastry goodness. It works, and you're still in the game.

Without warning the door bursts open, sunlight blinding you as you turn around to look at who's entered. A little hoof hits you swiftly in the back, causing you to spit out a bit of danish.

"Gotcha! You're it," that squeaky and familiar voice says.

You look down at all the bits of food now on the table.

"Looks like yer paying for breakfast AND a room."

"Sumofabtch," you say through a stuffed mouth.

You sit at the bar, head on the wood, wondering how you’re going to pay for all that. The three fillies around you toy with your hammer, talking and giggling loudly. Whodathunk one of them was Applejack's sister and that they'd come here asking for her help to find you. Perfect, just perfect.

"Hey could you stop poking my back with that? It's uncomfortable."

Looking back, you see the three fillies lifting up your hammer, mid-thrust with the bottom of it pointed toward you.

"Sorry!" Scootaloo says falsely.

With very little gold and now a huge debt because of these little horses, you're in some deep trouble. You suppose you could work on Applejack's farm, but apple picking doesn't sound very "legendary".

"Hey, do you know about any bounties in the area or something?"

She looks up at you from cleaning, squinting in thought for a second.

"Oh yeah, couple guys came in here sayin' something about a evil, spooky, necromancer in the Everfree Forest!"

She seems both interested and frightened by the evil, spooky death-wizard in the forest. Hmm, all powerful wizard versus you, a knight with unmatched skill? Okay, maybe not unmatched, but pretty good. O-or at least average skill.

"Do you know how much it pays?"

"Nah, didn't really ask."

Looks like you have your first quest. Without notice you stand up and claim your weapon, heading for the door. Halfway down the road you actually think you've managed to get away from those fillies. It's better this way: no annoying little horses to take care of in the dangerous forest. A few steps out of town now and nearing the forest, you hear the sound of clippty-cloppity hooves on the cobble road. Spinning around you spot the CMC bounding up merrily, Applebloom in the lead and Scootaloo fluttering her wings with each hop in the back.

"Oh no ya don't, head back to your sister little one."

"Aw, but we want to go on an adventure with you!"

That's not going to work, you tell yourself, thinking of how you can dissuade them.

"Really? Fine, let's go into the dark, scary unknown forest filled with monsters of great proportion and trees that are...weird looking."

Sweetie, Scootaloo and Bloom's expressions have changed from joyful to concerned. Just as planned! Proudly you walk on ahead, figuring that would be enough. But a few seconds pass and still you hear the hoof falls behind you, they're just slower and quieter.

"Cutie Mark Crusaders adventurers," one of them whispers.

You slap yourself in the face and grunt, trudging forward.

"I wonder if we'll see any Timber wolves."

"That'd be awesome!"

"I'm sure we will, I've heard they have huge teeth and claws that could tear into a little pony like you easily."

"Wow! That's so cool."

Does nothing faze these ponies?

The road ends and you come upon the entrance to the forest; the twisted wicked roots of the trees poking out from the ground, appearing to snarl at you. There seems to be a fairly well tread path leading deeper in. Now that you think about it, you never asked where this Necromancer was standing. Good job, idiot. You turn around and face the three "companions" of yours.

"Are you sure you want to go into there?" you point behind you for emphasis.

"Yep!" they reply in unison, all with determined faces.

You let out a long sigh before delving into the forest. It's colder in here than on the road and far darker. Plus the spookiness is up 100%. Aside from some howling and the occasional rough breeze nothing exciting happens as you and your party follow the road into the forest. Looking for the tell-tale signs of a necromancer hideout nets you little, as you don't know what to look for.

The whole walk, the fillies are silent, but now you can hear some shivering and the chattering of teeth. Taking a glance over your shoulder you see the trio huddled together, looking around with fear. A big grin spreads across your face. Good! Good!

"AHHROOOOOOOO," a light howl breaks the silence.

Three screams from the fillies behind you follow and you're assaulted by soft fur and little hooves as they all scramble to get on top of you.

"Run!" Bloom orders.

"Run!?" you ask, caught up in the action.

"RUN!" the three of them yelp.

You kick into action, not even realizing what's going on and just roll with it. In fact, you hardly notice that you're holding three fillies in your arms as you barge down the "road". Everyone settles down and you find yourself in some clearing off the path, huffing and puffing to get your breath back. Meanwhile your companions begin to look around.

"Hey Anon! I think we found it."

"Huh?"

"We found a tower! Don't those kinds of ponies like towers?"

Bloom waves you over. You and the other two follow her in the bushes and out into an adjacent clear. A great crumbling tower hails to the night sky, a large stone staircase headed to a rotting wooden door.

"Whoa."

A few dark slits serve as windows into the great structure, but you can't spot anything.

"C'mon, let's go in!"

"No, wait. You have to go slow or else you'll be torn up."

"Torn up?"

You push past them, ignoring their questions and readying your hammer. With a deep breath you put a armored boot on the first step, looking around for an assailants.

"Get close," you whisper harshly.

The door shutters and you back off, feeling one of the fillies brush against your leg. It creaks open slowly. Out pokes the skull of an equine, one hollow eye socket looking toward you. Next comes its long spiny neck, and then its torso, which is merely a rib cage. The CMC gasp and Sweetie Belle hops up and clings to the back of straps of your plate-armor, hiding under your cape. It lets out a low moan that sounds like wind blowing through bones.

"Hello there."

"Helllllloooooooo," it replies, whispering in a frightening voice.

It exposes itself completely, causing you to take another step back.

"I did not expect that."

"Aaand I did not expect a sssstrange man and three ssssmall horsssesss."

Its jaw gnashs together as it speaks.

"Hey! You're suppose to be scary then that!"

"As you wissshh."

It stands up on its hind legs and roars, eyes turning to black swirling pits and jaw chattering. You almost flinch at the display. As he brings his hooves back down on the stone he returns to "normal".

"Oh."

Checking up on your partners you see they didn't fair as well, all of them peeking their heads out from behind you; whether it be from your back or behind your legs.

"Why have you come here, mortalsss?"

You stand there a moment, still getting over the whole talking pony skeleton thing.

"We wanted a 'word' with the guy who's controlling you."

"Oh...Him? Are you sure you? You didn't, I don't know, perhaps come to say hello to me?"

He hangs his head and tosses it up a few times, as if to take peeks up at you.

"N-no. We came for the necromancer."

"Oh," he becomes uniform and stiff again.

"Right thisss way then."

With the girls in tow, you follow the skeleton inside the dark tower. It's not what you assumed it would look like. Rather than low burning candles on the skulls of ponies, a fancy chandelier hangs on the ceiling, albeit is unlit and the lobby remains dim. To the left of another staircase is a not too shabby bookshelf, all with clean well kept books lined up. On the stone floor is a fitting, thick red carpet made of some sort of fur.

"Hey bones, what's this made from?" you ask, tapping the rug with your foot.

"Alllpaaaccaaaaa."

"Hmm, nice."

"And that's Misssterr Bones to you," he adds almost too low to hear, not bothering to look back.

Bloom speaks up, "this place seems so boring. What do you do for fun?"

The skeleton stops dead in his tracks. Heh, dead in his tracks. You're a genius!

"I am fond of the game of tag. However, with only me and Master in the tower, I have few opportunities to play."

"Oh, we love tag!" Scootaloo answers.

"Wanna play?" Sweetie Belle offers.

"No, we're busy right now. We got to find that Necromancer."

The skeleton stands up right again. His eyes going black and jaw dismantling from skull. His upright stance, combined with the fact that he was a few steps higher on the stairs than you, causes him to stand a full head over you.

"DO AS THE GIRL SAYSSSS."

"R-right. Sorry, sire!"

Uh, wait.

"I'll be it, everyone hide!" Apple Bloom announces, leaning against the wall and covering her eyes.

Bones and the other two dart downstairs while you stand idly by, grinding your teeth together at the ruined moment. This tower is suppose to be more. . .deadly. Bloom catches you immediately and, thoroughly annoyed, you follow her back down into the first room. She looks around the room, easily finding Scoots under the carpet and Sweetie up in chandler. Finding Bones however takes a few minutes.

With no help from you, she spots him tucked tight behind the bookcase. In her joy she jumps up and boops him on the nose, causing him to split apart into individual parts, all the while he's cackling madly in happiness. His skull rattles on the cold stone floor.

"Funnnnn."

Over the commotion, you catch on to the sound of hooves on stone. Whipping around you're greeted with a darkly robed pony standing in the corner. The only feature of his not covered is his white mouth, which appears to be covered in black soot styled like the lower jaw of a skeleton. He grins widely, followed by a great crack of thunder. Now all notice him. You hear Bones rattle back together, his embarrassment practically radiating off him.

"So, it is you whom has entered my tower," his deep menacing and commanding voice says.

Once more you draw your weapon, pointing the hammer at your foe, trying to look menacing. He tosses off his hood, revealing a grey mane and a horn and a wide smile.

"Welcome! How's it going? I see you met Bones. Hey, you guys up for some tea or something?"

He becomes jovial and upbeat, hopping merrily down the stairs. The magician readies a table on the uppermost floor; his servant prepared some tea, which wasn't so bad. Cup in hand, you and the CMC sit in comfy chairs crafted from bones and furs while the mage tells you a story of some grave digging.

"So I got the coffin open finally and, get this, it's empty!" he shrugs for emphasis and takes a sip of his warm drink.

"All that digging for nothing! Of all the graves in the graveyard I get an empty one. Crazy, huh?"

"Yeah...that's real unusual. Uh. There is something else we came here for."

"And what's that?"

Mr. Bones looks nervous.

"We're going to have to take you in. There's a bounty on you and I really need the gold."

He frowns and reaches under the table.

You grasp your hammer, sitting up straight.

”Well here.”

He brings up a small leather sack that jingles with coins.

”I need you to deliver a letter.This is pay for keeping quiet about me and my location and for your trip here.”

“Okay, that doesn’t seem so bad. Who am I delivering this too?”

His face lights up again.

”There’s this mare in town, Twilight Sparkle. She lives in a large tree like house, just ask around you'll find it."

"Wait a sec, where's those fillies?"

It's just you and the necromancer, Bones is gone too.

"Uh I have no clue really."

He gauges the room, and heads off toward the door at the left.

"What?"

"I hear some talking."

He trots slowly over to the door, you in tow.

With one hoof he pushes it open, revealing Bones, and the CMC sat down on a rug around what appears to be a little model roller coaster.

"So when are you going to finish it?" Sweetie questions.

"Finish? This ride?" Bones answers with a serious tone, giving her a deadpan stare.

"Never," his eyes glow with a determined red.

"Hey c'mon, we should head out before it gets too dark."

"Aw, but we're enjoying the ride!"

"Yesss, mortal, we're enjoying the ride."

"Oh dear, not your silly roller coaster again. I'm sure we'll see these fillies again."

"Wait, I don't think I caught your name, necromancer."

"Happy Graves the name, and raising dead is my game."

He nods cheerfully.

"Uh, you joking?"

"No! What you don't like my name?"

"Of course not, it's a fine name," you say, hardly convincing yourself.

"Well thanks," Graves blushes and looks down, "You're too kind."

You say your goodbyes and depart, weaving your way through the forest and back to town with a little difficulty. By the time you get to that cobble road leading to Ponyville your companions are nodding off and trailing behind. They stop in the road and simply stand there, head hanging and eyes closed. How could you sleep standing up? Crazy!

You fetch an empty a sack from your convenient utility belt (it's the one with the gold buckle, the bat was too expensive), stuffying them in and gently slinging it over your back. It's probably uncomfortable and hot for them, but they're not complaining and snoring in a few seconds. A faint smile comes across your face as you carry on to the library. You knock on the oak door and after a lengthy wait a drowsy looking purple unicorn in a nightcap comes to greet you.

"Can I help you?" she inquires lazily.

"I have a letter for you, it's from a friend."

She lights up and waits impatiently while you set down the sack of fillies to fetch the envelope.

"Who is it from exactly?"

"Er. . .Happy Graves."

Her mouth makes an O shape and she tears into the parchment, apparently very happy. Her cheeks grow red as she reads the note through, her eyes flicking from line to line rapidly.

"Oh, this is the most—" she huffs.

"Thank you, here is some payment."

She tosses a bag of coins your way, bumping against your chestplate and falling into your hands.

"Now if you'll excuse me."

She doesn't bother closing the door, rather heading straight for a chest across the room. You furrow your brow in confusion before turning away, catching a glimpse of what she pulls from the box. Looks like a short pink dagger—wait oh god no.

You scoop up the sack o' fillies and run to AJ's tavern before things got worse. The moans and groans haunt you three blocks down, you bet the door isn't even closed but you're not daring enough to check.

Author's Note

UNSPEAKABLE EVIL!

There are about three other parts to this including a christmas adventure, one about vampire ponies and one about something I forgot. Might convert them, might not. I remember people liked this one so I prose'd this one. Let me know what you think!